1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,260 Today's a bit of a break from the update episodes, which have been quite heavy on the touchy-feely 2 00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:08,880 side of things. 3 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:14,260 I want to talk about some of the variables that are worth considering when hitting the 4 00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:17,340 road to travel on a long-term basis. 5 00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:22,420 It's not to say that I didn't consider these things to begin with, but having them 6 00:00:22,420 --> 00:00:28,060 in words as statements is a completely different experience to actually living it, and when 7 00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:33,740 the reality becomes very apparent in a way that is not something you can ignore. 8 00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:40,420 I want to preface this by saying this is not intended to be worded or formatted in a way 9 00:00:40,420 --> 00:00:42,620 that is being negative. 10 00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:49,700 It's more so to have a discussion about things I found less glamorous, and yeah, I guess 11 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:52,140 it isn't the positive side of things. 12 00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:56,260 I like to look on the bright side most of the time, but these are definitely factors 13 00:00:56,260 --> 00:00:58,420 that are important to consider. 14 00:00:58,420 --> 00:01:04,820 If this is something you're hoping to do or try out on a longer-term basis, it's definitely 15 00:01:04,820 --> 00:01:09,820 great, but as we know, we only see the positive, fun side of things. 16 00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,980 The good, the happy moments. 17 00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:17,300 It's not pleasant, and people don't enjoy sharing messy parts of it, but you know that 18 00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:18,300 I do. 19 00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:20,020 I like to be completely honest. 20 00:01:20,020 --> 00:01:24,900 I think we're all struggling through the not-so-pretty side of lives on a regular basis, and that's 21 00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:26,500 just reality. 22 00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:27,940 There's no point denying it. 23 00:01:27,940 --> 00:01:33,220 I didn't know how these things would impact me and my experience as a person, and these 24 00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:37,660 are just the downsides of always being gone, always being on the road. 25 00:01:37,660 --> 00:01:39,940 It's fascinating when you think about it. 26 00:01:39,940 --> 00:01:46,700 We all want to live a life where we feel free, as though we can freely do whatever it is that 27 00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:49,020 we want at any time. 28 00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:53,940 No timeline but our own, only our expectations to live by. 29 00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:58,580 The thing is, when we're dreaming out loud like this, do we really think that this is 30 00:01:58,580 --> 00:02:02,100 something we would aim for on a consistent basis? 31 00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:08,300 A life that's filled with crazy excitement, invoking thoughtful moments, the big picture 32 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:11,580 bucket list items on a non-stop basis? 33 00:02:11,580 --> 00:02:13,140 Let's relate this to me. 34 00:02:13,140 --> 00:02:19,260 You see me on this adventure, a road trip, living full-time in a trailer, where I frequent 35 00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:25,540 all these parks, share all these amazing hikes that I'm very fortunate to get to go and complete. 36 00:02:25,540 --> 00:02:31,100 If I'm being honest, there's way more that I could be doing, but I don't have the capacity 37 00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:32,100 for it. 38 00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:38,380 I used to dream and wish that I could do all of these things all of the time. 39 00:02:38,380 --> 00:02:43,100 Wake up every day, try something different every single day. 40 00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:48,740 A whole list of wonderful things that sound great, that look fantastic, especially when 41 00:02:48,740 --> 00:02:50,660 you put them down on paper. 42 00:02:50,660 --> 00:02:55,940 At first, it feels so liberating for the soul, and it is. 43 00:02:55,940 --> 00:03:00,820 Especially when coming from a mentality of feeling trapped within the clutches of society 44 00:03:00,820 --> 00:03:02,480 and its structure. 45 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:07,380 Where you feel as though you want and need to harness control over your life, rather 46 00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:13,180 than surrounding control to a space that dictates much of how your time is spent, where your 47 00:03:13,180 --> 00:03:15,220 attention should be directed. 48 00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:20,740 This looks like a job with a set schedule that is decided for you, that only allows 49 00:03:20,740 --> 00:03:26,260 for small pockets of time for yourself, where you likely fill those in quickly, with as 50 00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:30,820 much as you can, hungrily, or maybe you allow yourself to rest. 51 00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:35,740 The goal, though, the ideal scenario would be to go and do all of the things that you 52 00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:37,580 want whenever you want. 53 00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:40,980 Non-stop, no bars, no limitations. 54 00:03:40,980 --> 00:03:41,980 So I did that. 55 00:03:41,980 --> 00:03:46,660 I honestly thought it would be the greatest thing to ever happen to me. 56 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:51,780 Of course, this would not be a good story or one worth telling if there wasn't a perfect 57 00:03:51,780 --> 00:03:59,020 opportunity such as this to add in a but, which comes next as realization sets in, as 58 00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:02,020 realization occurs. 59 00:04:02,020 --> 00:04:07,140 But I realized it is exhausting. 60 00:04:07,140 --> 00:04:11,620 Even in living for me, doing the things that I want. 61 00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:19,780 Even if I wasn't requiring validation and the sharing of my journey, it's truly exhausting. 62 00:04:19,780 --> 00:04:23,420 It's exhausting to constantly be on the go. 63 00:04:23,420 --> 00:04:28,420 It sadly reminds me of the trap of being stuck in hustle culture. 64 00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:34,340 But this time, I'm desperate to feel free, as though there's only one chance to live. 65 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:40,980 So the behavior results in piling on all of the things into my to-do lists that are 66 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,940 fun for sure. 67 00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:45,060 But how exhausting. 68 00:04:45,060 --> 00:04:49,140 It's a lot, not only physically, the hiking, the traveling. 69 00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:51,980 It emotionally takes a toll as well. 70 00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:57,380 It's hard to fully sit with and take in the places that you visit if you're constantly 71 00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:02,300 worried about maximizing fun and gaining experience. 72 00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:09,500 What a conflict as I put this out there, because I acknowledge openly that in some ways, I continue 73 00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:15,340 to hustle mentality and culture that has caused me burnout in the first place. 74 00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:24,140 Though I preach that I have changed, so I'm finding myself questioning, scratching my head. 75 00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:26,660 I had goals, I said them aloud. 76 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:30,860 You know, I would like to be more present, more in the moment. 77 00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:36,660 A part of that would involve bringing a journal or a notepad with me to the peaks of mountains 78 00:05:36,660 --> 00:05:39,460 I'd hike or to stop at the lakeside. 79 00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:44,940 I'd bring a tasty snack and I would pause, I would exist, I would journal while I enjoyed 80 00:05:44,940 --> 00:05:49,740 the snack, I would soak in the silence, the moment of hand. 81 00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:54,220 But I'd get there and I'd feel pressured to continue to keep going. 82 00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:55,500 Why is that? 83 00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:56,700 What's the rush? 84 00:05:56,700 --> 00:06:02,220 Why do I feel restless and like I won't be able to settle until I finish the hike in 85 00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:04,620 an official documented manner? 86 00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:10,340 I made excuses, it's too hot, I didn't bring enough to eat, I didn't prep properly. 87 00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:14,900 Maybe I was uncomfortable in a physical sense, maybe I was tired that day and just wanted 88 00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:16,540 to get it over with. 89 00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:18,780 My mindset, it needs an overhaul. 90 00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:24,900 I need to find a way to look at it as an opportunity to go out and enjoy the present moments, not 91 00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:28,500 a check mark on a list, to enjoy the weather, the hike. 92 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:31,700 But the hike would not be the primary purpose though. 93 00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:37,460 I felt fail at the beginning of each day I set out, I told myself, I am doing this hike 94 00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,700 and I couldn't switch off that mindset. 95 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:43,100 I couldn't sit, I couldn't relax. 96 00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:48,180 A thought occurred to me that perhaps it's been challenging to get comfortable or used 97 00:06:48,180 --> 00:06:52,660 to the way in which I've regained energy in resting my soul. 98 00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:58,140 I'm so used to existing in a depleted state that once I got the engine warmed up and started 99 00:06:58,140 --> 00:07:03,260 the hike, I had a feeling I had to keep going or I feared I would lose the momentum that 100 00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:05,260 was propelling me forward. 101 00:07:05,260 --> 00:07:10,380 Subconsciously, I was worried I wouldn't be able to finish the hike if I stopped, that 102 00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:15,460 once I was ready to go, I would not be able to regain the energy levels required to finish 103 00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:17,980 it and to get back to the trailhead. 104 00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:21,860 I'm not a professional hiker, I don't train for this. 105 00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:26,420 I go hard at most things I do, which is another bad habit of mine. 106 00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:31,900 I might consider that I need to learn to do things in a more leisurely fashion, to learn 107 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:37,300 to adapt to a new pace, that I am now able to provide for myself, that I am privileged 108 00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:42,380 to be presented with the ability to do so, or to learn to grow into this. 109 00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:47,180 I have some energy, some capacity, I didn't in the past. 110 00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,580 On to the next. 111 00:07:48,580 --> 00:07:54,700 It is tiring to be constantly stimulated by new events, scenarios, and even beautiful 112 00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:55,700 things. 113 00:07:55,700 --> 00:08:02,180 I still find I require a lot of downtime from even the beautiful things in life, even the 114 00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:04,580 things that make me happiest. 115 00:08:04,580 --> 00:08:10,140 I reflect and I note I would have been just as content to sit in a state park in my camp 116 00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:13,200 chair and read for days on end. 117 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:17,500 It would have been justified as an excellent use of my downtime. 118 00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:23,780 On the other hand, the reality of this venture is I just desperately wanted to experience 119 00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:27,700 the complete opposite of what it is that I had felt before. 120 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:29,940 The despair, the stuckness. 121 00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:35,180 I craved complete freedom at the other end of the spectrum, all the good, all the happy, 122 00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:38,660 the rush of positive emotions all the time. 123 00:08:38,660 --> 00:08:43,300 The good things that this opportunity has provided me with, that I wanted to feel ever 124 00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:45,020 so deeply. 125 00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:49,740 The deprivation had been too long from these exact things. 126 00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:55,900 In doing it this way, I ended up depleting myself in a different way for different reasons. 127 00:08:55,900 --> 00:09:01,540 I find myself being tired, but not in an energy way, in a mental being sort of way. 128 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:07,860 The same sense as the phase of healing that require you to cocoon, to wrap up in yourself, 129 00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:12,180 into your nest, to love yourself through difficult times of growth. 130 00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:17,180 In this adventure though, it seems as though I would also need a recovery phase, a cocoon 131 00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:23,460 phase from all of the goodness, the joy, the happiness I've seen in the world. 132 00:09:23,460 --> 00:09:29,340 It seems I may be discovering that there is too much of a good thing after all. 133 00:09:29,340 --> 00:09:35,580 I am painfully aware and reinforced in the fact that I truly do not have a solid grasp 134 00:09:35,580 --> 00:09:38,300 on what balance is in the first place. 135 00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:43,340 I don't even know how to have boundaries in place for balance to exist. 136 00:09:43,340 --> 00:09:48,420 It's a black and white scenario, one extreme to the other, whether it's good, whether 137 00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:49,420 it's bad. 138 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:55,780 It's never just a nice melding of shades along a spectrum, evening out in tone. 139 00:09:55,780 --> 00:09:57,700 How interesting. 140 00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:03,140 For once, I find no shame or embarrassment in admitting this, because it's the truth. 141 00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:08,660 I'm not afraid of judgment, but I never would have believed this to be fact. 142 00:10:08,660 --> 00:10:14,380 If someone had told me before I went away that this is how I would feel, that this is 143 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:17,060 what would happen, I would have laughed. 144 00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:18,500 What the fuck, seriously? 145 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:22,940 You get to go live your life in the way you want, what are you even complaining about? 146 00:10:22,940 --> 00:10:28,580 With my goal, having been healing, finding balance, restoring my life in a homeostatic 147 00:10:28,580 --> 00:10:33,420 way both physically and mentally, now that I'm in the thick of it, I recognize the way 148 00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:37,940 I'm doing it, followed by the pace at which it's occurring, it is just not where I'm 149 00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:40,740 going to find any of that. 150 00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:45,820 Don't get me wrong, it's been great, 100%, I do not regret this at all. 151 00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:51,380 I believe everything had to happen leading up to now, in this exact way, for a reason. 152 00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:57,940 I can also see this isn't a sustainable way of life, it's not a sustainable way of achieving 153 00:10:57,940 --> 00:11:01,380 balance that I'm looking for in the long term. 154 00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:05,260 Great in the now, but not something that can be maintained forever. 155 00:11:05,260 --> 00:11:10,860 I would honestly dare to question out loud if it were possible for anybody to sustain 156 00:11:10,860 --> 00:11:14,460 this lifestyle at this pace long term. 157 00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:19,620 I'm sure a few people exist to prove me wrong, but maybe this would be a situation where 158 00:11:19,620 --> 00:11:24,740 you only get to see the part of the story they want you to see, in not knowing it would 159 00:11:24,740 --> 00:11:29,420 be easy to assume when you're a failure because you can't keep up. 160 00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:35,180 Maybe it could be different, maybe if it was my whole life, I could find balance in seeking 161 00:11:35,180 --> 00:11:40,700 a more stationary approach, sitting in places longer and taking my time. 162 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:47,500 True internal understanding within myself that there is no limit, I guess it's not impossible. 163 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:55,380 I wonder if maybe every aspect of my life is consumed by the notion that I have to take, 164 00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:57,980 take, and take, because of FOMO. 165 00:11:57,980 --> 00:12:03,340 The mentality that it will not be readily available or accessible to me forever, I gotta 166 00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:05,740 get it while it's getting good so to speak. 167 00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:07,420 If it's there, take it. 168 00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:12,660 In reality, unless I die or become disabled in a severely physical way, these things 169 00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:14,180 are always going to exist. 170 00:12:14,180 --> 00:12:15,820 They'll always be here. 171 00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:20,220 I think of Oregon, somewhere I've badly wanted to visit for so long. 172 00:12:20,220 --> 00:12:22,380 It's always going to be there, isn't it? 173 00:12:22,380 --> 00:12:27,540 I can always come back to it later, even though life sometimes brings you unexpected surprises 174 00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:31,860 that can act as a barrier to accessibility at any given point in time. 175 00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:33,980 It doesn't change the fact that I can go back. 176 00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:35,540 I will go back. 177 00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:39,060 So how do I translate this into my feelings? 178 00:12:39,060 --> 00:12:41,540 Because I don't feel that this is the case. 179 00:12:41,540 --> 00:12:47,980 I do not trust that that is the truth, but my logical side knows that it absolutely is. 180 00:12:47,980 --> 00:12:49,540 I have learning to do. 181 00:12:49,540 --> 00:12:54,420 I have to learn that everything doesn't need to happen, or be done all at once. 182 00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:58,020 I don't need to consume everything all at once. 183 00:12:58,020 --> 00:13:02,460 This is really interesting to learn, and I hope I can come to terms with it. 184 00:13:02,460 --> 00:13:07,260 I'm certainly opening up to acknowledging it within this venture, as I'm reflecting 185 00:13:07,260 --> 00:13:10,060 and recording it here today. 186 00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:14,460 Not all of it is bad, no, but it's the things you don't think will affect you until they 187 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,540 do that hit you the hardest. 188 00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:23,060 There are countless things requiring constant consideration that live in the back of your 189 00:13:23,060 --> 00:13:26,180 mind at all times when you're on the road. 190 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:30,620 Sometimes I don't necessarily always hold enough mental capacity for, but you don't 191 00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:33,020 have a choice when you're alone. 192 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:37,660 What would make this a more reasonable, sustainable practice then? 193 00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:41,660 Well, something that is out of reach for me, at least for now. 194 00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:47,980 I don't have the ability or the capacity to boondock, which means essentially camping 195 00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:49,100 off-grid. 196 00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:50,980 I don't have a solar system. 197 00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,820 I don't have a generator. 198 00:13:52,820 --> 00:13:57,260 These are things that would be required depending on the time of year I'd be traveling. 199 00:13:57,260 --> 00:14:02,980 It certainly ensures I can't be off-grid for a significant period of time, as I require 200 00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:05,620 some form of electricity. 201 00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:11,620 The alternative to that could be a more permanent rental space, full hookups preferably, as 202 00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:15,500 it's a hassle to constantly need to haul to sewer sites. 203 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:19,260 And I don't have the money for a $300 honey wagon. 204 00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:26,300 The prices of these spaces are often in line with Airbnb and hotels, which isn't what you 205 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:30,020 can afford when you're going for long-term sustainability. 206 00:14:30,020 --> 00:14:35,860 It also means you're much closer to your neighbors, which imposes a sort of social community pressure, 207 00:14:35,860 --> 00:14:38,500 even if you're someone who keeps to themselves. 208 00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:43,740 In hopping from park to park, as I have done, I have been blessed with the ability to enjoy 209 00:14:43,740 --> 00:14:47,580 a more quiet camping experience in nature. 210 00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:52,180 Most of the sites have luckily been spread out nicely to offer a decent enough amount 211 00:14:52,180 --> 00:14:56,100 of privacy, but the downside is you need to plan ahead. 212 00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:59,620 For some reason, that is far beyond my comprehension. 213 00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:04,660 It's somehow never occurred to me that others would be living their best lives out camping 214 00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:10,540 on such an active basis or doing what I'm doing, avoiding the snow, the cold weather, 215 00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:13,320 and maybe taking an extended vacation. 216 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:19,980 This resulted in struggles at times to secure spots on long-term basis, which resulted in 217 00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:25,540 me having to move spots or find other parks nearby more than I would have liked. 218 00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:30,660 I guess maybe I was hoping for an average of 5 nights per site if I really enjoyed the 219 00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:36,620 area, but that becomes out of your control in these situations, and I just found myself 220 00:15:36,620 --> 00:15:41,100 crossing my fingers hoping for more availability when I was searching. 221 00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:43,700 The moving is annoying. 222 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:48,300 I have to hook up electric, water, sewer, if those are available. 223 00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:51,420 I have to unhook my lines when it's time to leave. 224 00:15:51,420 --> 00:15:57,180 Ideally, I could uncouple the truck from the trailer at each site, but in staying 1-2 nights 225 00:15:57,180 --> 00:15:59,820 at a time, it's more of a headache. 226 00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:04,180 Which means, if the park is large, I don't get to explore much. 227 00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:07,260 You can't haul your trailer around to trail heads. 228 00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:09,540 There's no parking to accommodate that. 229 00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:15,100 When I could, I would use my bike, but some parks are just too large, and the exertionary 230 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:19,980 effort of biking to then complete a strenuous hike would leave me depleted for the rest 231 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:20,980 of the day. 232 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,700 And what if I needed to fill up on some groceries? 233 00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:25,820 All things to consider. 234 00:16:25,820 --> 00:16:26,820 It's a lot. 235 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,300 It's a lot to do long-term. 236 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:34,060 At this point, I've been at it over 50 days, and it's getting to be a bit much. 237 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:38,900 To be constantly thinking, to be constantly worrying about all these variables and all 238 00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:40,780 of these factors. 239 00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:43,780 In looking ahead, how far am I going to drive today? 240 00:16:43,780 --> 00:16:45,780 How far do I want to drive? 241 00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:47,220 Where am I staying? 242 00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:51,900 Okay, where am I going to be able to find somewhere to stay? 243 00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:56,620 Especially in driving more south as the weather cools down, the snowbirds are arriving for 244 00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:57,980 the season. 245 00:16:57,980 --> 00:17:02,340 If I wasn't so worried about the fridge, which I've been running on electric, it may 246 00:17:02,340 --> 00:17:04,140 have been a bit easier. 247 00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:09,420 Sure, I could opt for travel centers with full RV hookups, but that's not an ideal 248 00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:10,420 experience. 249 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:15,980 I'm not above roughing it, but living in a Walmart parking lot isn't my go-to either. 250 00:17:15,980 --> 00:17:17,780 More considerations crop up. 251 00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:22,660 In hot locations, in hot weather, air conditioning is a necessity. 252 00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:28,140 I couldn't imagine being somewhere where the outside temperature reads 36 degrees while 253 00:17:28,140 --> 00:17:31,660 I roast like a chicken in the equator in the trailer. 254 00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:36,540 In reflecting, I would have surely died of heat stroke in San Antonio if I had not had 255 00:17:36,540 --> 00:17:40,900 electricity to run the air conditioning unit within the trailer. 256 00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:45,260 RV specific generators are quite expensive, and I cannot afford one right now. 257 00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:48,820 And there's no other way to run this component. 258 00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:51,820 It doesn't run on solar, it doesn't run on battery. 259 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:57,620 You need a high voltage outlet, one that is powerful enough to sustain RV electrical demands. 260 00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,660 A regular house outlet struggles. 261 00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:04,140 We blew the breaker at Tanners on repeat, attempting to use it for more than a few minutes 262 00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:07,900 at a time when we were testing it prior to departure. 263 00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:12,860 These are not necessarily things that I realized or recognized, we're even things to be aware 264 00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:15,300 of prior to all of this. 265 00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:20,100 You think it's fun, not realizing how much work is truly involved, how much thinking needs 266 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:24,220 to be done and executed, and alone, way more work. 267 00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:28,980 With a partner or a friend, where someone can help you with some of the tasks, it could 268 00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:32,860 be more manageable, but I could still see it getting tiring. 269 00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:35,380 During Tanners visit, we had a good system. 270 00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:40,220 We grabbed a task, did what needed to be done, and things got done in half the time. 271 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:45,420 Sure, over time, you gain a level of comfort with the tasks, and you become quite efficient 272 00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:46,500 at doing them. 273 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,520 But it's tasks that need to be completed all the same. 274 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:53,400 You develop an internal checklist to ensure safety and readiness. 275 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:57,300 You wouldn't want to damage the trailer, or lose anything because you missed a step that 276 00:18:57,300 --> 00:19:01,100 was simple enough to be completed, but absolutely crucial. 277 00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:02,860 Then there's trailer checklists. 278 00:19:02,860 --> 00:19:07,140 You have to check your tires before leaving, circle checks, checking your lights, your 279 00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:08,140 brakes. 280 00:19:08,140 --> 00:19:12,580 It can, and it does become second nature, but as an overthinker, it compounds as you 281 00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:16,700 are constantly thinking of that which you need to be mindful of. 282 00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:21,600 In heading back north, though it is possible to do winter and cold camping, which kudos 283 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,900 to those people, it's not what I'm about at this time. 284 00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:29,300 It requires that I be consistently checking weather to ensure that I'm not going to be 285 00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:33,780 in a situation where freezing temperatures will hit and compromise the plumbing of my 286 00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:34,780 unit. 287 00:19:34,780 --> 00:19:39,300 That would be a substantial bill to contend with, and I wouldn't want to risk leaks, 288 00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:43,660 further risking mold or other issues within the housing of my unit. 289 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:49,300 I've also really loved using my indoor plumbing, and traveling further north, day by day, I'm 290 00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:52,780 encountering state parks with very limited services. 291 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:57,900 Some have no public showers open at this time of the year, no water lines, and are limited 292 00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:59,940 to only electric. 293 00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:05,380 Other small considerations involve endorsing proper setup and securement of items in the 294 00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:06,380 unit itself. 295 00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:11,580 There's panels and latches that I already need to replace as they don't hold shut like 296 00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:13,980 they did when I first left home. 297 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,020 Normal wear and tear. 298 00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:20,020 But this means I need to further secure things to prevent them from bouncing around damaging 299 00:20:20,020 --> 00:20:22,460 the internal fixings of my trailer. 300 00:20:22,460 --> 00:20:25,340 It isn't a solid foundation like a house would be. 301 00:20:25,340 --> 00:20:30,060 They're designed cheaper, not intended for full time residency even if you do get a high 302 00:20:30,060 --> 00:20:31,380 quality rig. 303 00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:36,340 I can't keep everything in the trailer as is and as I need it, so you have to build 304 00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:41,640 a system on how you put things away neatly and where they go while in transit. 305 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:46,940 Because of this, it leads to other inconveniences that I really didn't anticipate. 306 00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:51,660 The amount of time and effort required for me to go into my storage unit to grab my 307 00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:56,860 painting supplies to put them out in a way that doesn't impede on my space limitations 308 00:20:56,860 --> 00:20:58,900 is quite challenging. 309 00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:02,320 It means I need to put them away after each and every use. 310 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:07,260 This makes for more work, which makes it challenging to build up the energy or desire to bother 311 00:21:07,260 --> 00:21:08,740 in the first place. 312 00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:12,020 It tempts me into doing simpler things that are easily accessible. 313 00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:13,380 That's really sad. 314 00:21:13,380 --> 00:21:16,620 I wanted to spend time indulging in my painting. 315 00:21:16,620 --> 00:21:20,900 Maybe if I had planned ahead somewhere I could park longer term, it could have worked out 316 00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:21,900 differently. 317 00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:25,460 It's just another factor increasing the exhaustion. 318 00:21:25,460 --> 00:21:30,700 On the tail end of things, I found myself waking up knowing I had to move from where 319 00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:35,700 I was and just saying out loud, I'm getting really tired of this. 320 00:21:35,700 --> 00:21:38,260 The moving, it's getting old. 321 00:21:38,260 --> 00:21:42,820 At that point, I started to consider that maybe this isn't the part I'm supposed to 322 00:21:42,820 --> 00:21:45,640 be at in my journey anymore. 323 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,060 Maybe this is telling me something. 324 00:21:48,060 --> 00:21:51,100 Similar alert, it absolutely was. 325 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:55,940 It just took a few extra things to fall into place to allow me to fully realize it. 326 00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:58,660 I just didn't want to keep going anymore. 327 00:21:58,660 --> 00:22:03,540 The night before my anticipated departure to California, without a plan in sight for 328 00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:08,700 the future, I found myself laying in bed, feeling a sense of dread. 329 00:22:08,700 --> 00:22:10,540 I don't want to keep going. 330 00:22:10,540 --> 00:22:11,900 I don't want to. 331 00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:16,420 Even though the pictures promise beautiful scenery and the hikes look amazing, I just 332 00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:17,940 don't want to. 333 00:22:17,940 --> 00:22:20,540 So, I didn't. 334 00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:24,840 Instead of forcing myself to do something that I didn't want to, a boundary I'm trying 335 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:29,420 to reinforce, I told myself, okay, we won't do it. 336 00:22:29,420 --> 00:22:31,340 What if we think about heading home? 337 00:22:31,340 --> 00:22:36,260 I found myself feeling really good in my body when those thoughts arrived in my head and 338 00:22:36,260 --> 00:22:39,220 I decided, yeah, that's it. 339 00:22:39,220 --> 00:22:40,220 Then it settled. 340 00:22:40,220 --> 00:22:44,780 I canceled my booking at the site I had reserved and I got most of my money back. 341 00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:47,420 I then started the trek back home. 342 00:22:47,420 --> 00:22:53,140 Things I realized I hadn't previously thought of included the weather and how it would impact 343 00:22:53,140 --> 00:22:54,140 me. 344 00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:57,940 I've always been someone who struggled to stay warm. 345 00:22:57,940 --> 00:23:03,300 It's not uncommon for me to complain about how cold it is, even in the summer. 346 00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:08,420 Unless it's 26 degrees or warmer, you can bet that the seat warmer and heated wheel 347 00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:09,860 are on. 348 00:23:09,860 --> 00:23:12,700 My limbs are perpetually cold. 349 00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:16,940 So the temperatures of 32 plus were a bit much. 350 00:23:16,940 --> 00:23:22,060 I figured I should enjoy it rather than complaining for this reason alone. 351 00:23:22,060 --> 00:23:27,380 As time passed, I found the temperatures in the southern states started to drop significantly, 352 00:23:27,380 --> 00:23:31,460 where the locals could be heard being excited to get cooler weather. 353 00:23:31,460 --> 00:23:34,180 I was less than impressed. 354 00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:39,100 It wasn't often above 26 anymore and I was wearing sweaters and sweatpants. 355 00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:42,180 I was surprised, but I'm not really sure why. 356 00:23:42,180 --> 00:23:44,500 It's just not as warm as I hoped it would be. 357 00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:49,260 There's frost at night, the temperature drops drastically to near freezing despite it being 358 00:23:49,260 --> 00:23:51,220 in the low 20s during the day. 359 00:23:51,220 --> 00:23:56,220 That drastic shift in temperature from night to day is not a pleasant experience in my 360 00:23:56,220 --> 00:23:57,220 body. 361 00:23:57,220 --> 00:24:00,460 My body would like to say, what the fuck is going on here? 362 00:24:00,460 --> 00:24:05,180 The cooler weather presented a challenge, colder than I would consider being an enjoyable 363 00:24:05,180 --> 00:24:10,220 level, rendering it more unpleasant and made the thoughts of enduring winter back home 364 00:24:10,220 --> 00:24:12,580 much more bearable to contend with. 365 00:24:12,580 --> 00:24:18,020 I know winter, I know what to expect, I know it will be cold, and I've done it for so 366 00:24:18,020 --> 00:24:20,860 many years now, I'm well prepared. 367 00:24:20,860 --> 00:24:24,980 Though it will be cold, I will no longer have to worry about aspects of maintenance and 368 00:24:24,980 --> 00:24:28,420 moving and all that is associated. 369 00:24:28,420 --> 00:24:29,940 What about the cost? 370 00:24:29,940 --> 00:24:33,540 It is not cheap to do van life or RV life. 371 00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:38,260 It's actually really expensive, probably more expensive than living in a house if I 372 00:24:38,260 --> 00:24:39,940 had to guess. 373 00:24:39,940 --> 00:24:44,020 Maybe if you're boondocking it might not be so bad, but even gathering the supplies 374 00:24:44,020 --> 00:24:46,580 for that, it's costly. 375 00:24:46,580 --> 00:24:49,380 State parks run around $20-$30 a night. 376 00:24:49,380 --> 00:24:55,420 The fuel on my truck, oh man, she's made to haul, yeah, but the gas mileage is awful. 377 00:24:55,420 --> 00:24:58,680 And it's been way more expensive than I thought. 378 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:05,460 For perspective, it took $600 to haul from Tanners to my parents, a 3 day drive, 2100 379 00:25:05,460 --> 00:25:06,540 kilometers. 380 00:25:06,540 --> 00:25:11,460 A normal drive between these destinations without the trailer would cost around maybe 381 00:25:11,460 --> 00:25:12,460 $200. 382 00:25:12,460 --> 00:25:17,700 Yes, the cost of diesel is more expensive than gas, but I don't know if I'll admit 383 00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:21,820 out loud or to myself what the total cost of being on the road was. 384 00:25:21,820 --> 00:25:24,420 It certainly was not what I thought it would be. 385 00:25:24,420 --> 00:25:27,500 It's amazing how quickly things add up over time. 386 00:25:27,500 --> 00:25:32,780 I had just decided I needed to hit the road so badly that I thought I'll just figure 387 00:25:32,780 --> 00:25:34,580 it out later. 388 00:25:34,580 --> 00:25:39,580 While this isn't what resulted in my departure back home, it's something I underestimated 389 00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:40,860 to be sure. 390 00:25:40,860 --> 00:25:43,020 Of course you've got other nuances. 391 00:25:43,020 --> 00:25:47,580 The prices of food, the Canadian dollar being virtually worthless compared to the American 392 00:25:47,580 --> 00:25:53,220 dollar, there's also vehicle maintenance, oil changes, any unexpected breakdowns, the 393 00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:58,860 tanks and toilet in the trailer require additives and special toilet paper to ensure it continues 394 00:25:58,860 --> 00:26:02,500 to work optimally, which of course adds to the cost. 395 00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:03,860 People can do it cheaper. 396 00:26:03,860 --> 00:26:07,700 Yeah, warmer locations can allow you to stay in your vehicle. 397 00:26:07,700 --> 00:26:08,700 All possible. 398 00:26:08,700 --> 00:26:13,060 I've just accepted that I'm someone who has certain standards and expectations and 399 00:26:13,060 --> 00:26:17,340 I need to attain a level of comfort that I need for myself and that doesn't involve 400 00:26:17,340 --> 00:26:18,340 tenting it. 401 00:26:18,340 --> 00:26:23,660 I needed to know I would enjoy my journey to the fullest and have the non-negotiables 402 00:26:23,660 --> 00:26:24,660 present. 403 00:26:24,660 --> 00:26:28,340 A good bed for great sleep, a shower, a toilet. 404 00:26:28,340 --> 00:26:31,660 These were comforts I determined were worth the investment. 405 00:26:31,660 --> 00:26:38,660 I found I became hyper aware of the implications of traveling alone independently and how daunting 406 00:26:38,660 --> 00:26:43,580 of a task this entire venture was when I got sick. 407 00:26:43,580 --> 00:26:49,300 It made me realize I would be screwed if I had needed to be admitted to the hospital. 408 00:26:49,300 --> 00:26:54,340 I was thankful things worked out when I did get seen, but there were moments that I was 409 00:26:54,340 --> 00:26:55,340 scared. 410 00:26:55,340 --> 00:26:56,460 I wasn't feeling well. 411 00:26:56,460 --> 00:26:58,140 I was all by myself. 412 00:26:58,140 --> 00:27:00,380 I couldn't just go to the hospital. 413 00:27:00,380 --> 00:27:03,260 I had to check out of the campsite by a certain time. 414 00:27:03,260 --> 00:27:05,460 There was no grace or leeway. 415 00:27:05,460 --> 00:27:09,540 Someone else had booked and paid for the site in advance for that day. 416 00:27:09,540 --> 00:27:13,940 I felt real sick, real unwell, and I needed medical attention. 417 00:27:13,940 --> 00:27:15,500 So it was eye-opening. 418 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:20,380 I realized that maybe being super independent and going at it solo wasn't the smartest 419 00:27:20,380 --> 00:27:21,380 idea. 420 00:27:21,380 --> 00:27:25,420 It can be great to go it alone, so you don't miss out on the things you truly want to do 421 00:27:25,420 --> 00:27:29,900 in life and there's a lot to be proud of if you're able to do these things alone. 422 00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:34,860 But this was a time when it became very real, all the considerations that needed to take 423 00:27:34,860 --> 00:27:38,160 place and the possible consequences. 424 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,740 It was scary in the moment to try to figure out. 425 00:27:40,740 --> 00:27:43,920 I could have been way sicker and thankfully I wasn't. 426 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:49,340 It doesn't mean I won't brave the road solo in the future, but it was a moment in time 427 00:27:49,340 --> 00:27:53,580 that hit me in a certain way and made me think, huh, this is something that definitely needs 428 00:27:53,580 --> 00:27:56,980 to be well thought out and considered in the future. 429 00:27:56,980 --> 00:28:01,020 I had secured health insurance prior to leaving, thank goodness. 430 00:28:01,020 --> 00:28:04,180 It's just a shitty experience to be sick when you're alone. 431 00:28:04,180 --> 00:28:06,460 You only have you to take care of you. 432 00:28:06,460 --> 00:28:11,540 No one can comfort you with chicken noodle soup or helping with chores or obligations. 433 00:28:11,540 --> 00:28:14,820 If something needs to get done, it's gotta be by you. 434 00:28:14,820 --> 00:28:17,940 It's the reality of it and yeah, it's shitty. 435 00:28:17,940 --> 00:28:24,100 A later adventure for me would likely be traveling on Canadian soil, mapping out an idea of what 436 00:28:24,100 --> 00:28:26,060 I'm looking to accomplish. 437 00:28:26,060 --> 00:28:31,780 Where I want to go and to have some idea of how long I want to stay in each place I plan 438 00:28:31,780 --> 00:28:33,100 to check out. 439 00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:38,060 As much as I tell myself I like to wing it in life, I know I can't. 440 00:28:38,060 --> 00:28:42,420 Knowing where you're going and what's around to see, that type of planning is actually very 441 00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:45,740 helpful and it helps save time and energy. 442 00:28:45,740 --> 00:28:52,100 I suppose then it would be a trip with a purposeful intent to be outdoorsy to explore. 443 00:28:52,100 --> 00:28:57,260 I'd certainly plan to incorporate more rest days than I did here because the goal going 444 00:28:57,260 --> 00:28:59,180 forward is balance. 445 00:28:59,180 --> 00:29:05,060 My mindset at the time was focused on lifestyle, not simply a vacation, and I found it hard 446 00:29:05,060 --> 00:29:07,300 to meld the two together. 447 00:29:07,300 --> 00:29:13,060 As I think about it for the future, realistically looking at what my life looks like now versus 448 00:29:13,060 --> 00:29:18,020 what I want it to look like in the next few months, this would affect my plan and how 449 00:29:18,020 --> 00:29:19,340 it would look. 450 00:29:19,340 --> 00:29:24,860 Right now I'm blessed and happy to have an incredibly supportive partner who wants to 451 00:29:24,860 --> 00:29:28,380 build a life together, who I want to do life with. 452 00:29:28,380 --> 00:29:33,420 He's not at a point in his life where full time road travel is doable and I don't even 453 00:29:33,420 --> 00:29:36,380 know if that's something I would want for the both of us. 454 00:29:36,380 --> 00:29:41,580 I'm at a point where I hope I get to start building this life together with my person, 455 00:29:41,580 --> 00:29:45,580 while knowing I still have the freedom to do things like this. 456 00:29:45,580 --> 00:29:50,860 But I will aim to do them more consciously and allow for our life to be where I rest 457 00:29:50,860 --> 00:29:53,220 and reside in the moment. 458 00:29:53,220 --> 00:29:57,500 Maybe it would have looked differently had I started out full time as a traveler in a 459 00:29:57,500 --> 00:30:01,780 trailer, but where I'm at now, it's not a direction that looks like where I want to 460 00:30:01,780 --> 00:30:02,780 be. 461 00:30:02,780 --> 00:30:07,660 I don't know what the next few years will look like, but the future is ripe with possibilities, 462 00:30:07,660 --> 00:30:11,340 even when I can't imagine or dare to dream. 463 00:30:11,340 --> 00:30:18,260 I want to focus on my projects, writing, podcasting, content creation, painting. 464 00:30:18,260 --> 00:30:24,020 These are things I'm recognizing would work more optimally in a stable home environment. 465 00:30:24,020 --> 00:30:27,580 It would allow me to be in a home space with my partner. 466 00:30:27,580 --> 00:30:32,300 His job will offer me the balance I need due to his schedule, where I can power through 467 00:30:32,300 --> 00:30:37,700 my projects, get work done, and also enjoy quality time when he is home. 468 00:30:37,700 --> 00:30:39,820 So for now, I leave you with this. 469 00:30:39,820 --> 00:30:41,580 I had a great run. 470 00:30:41,580 --> 00:30:45,300 I learned so much in such a short amount of time. 471 00:30:45,300 --> 00:30:50,220 I hope that in sharing the realities that I had been previously under considering will 472 00:30:50,220 --> 00:30:55,500 allow you to understand a bit more about the realities of the lifestyle I embarked upon. 473 00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:59,620 I don't discourage you from trying, from going out and seeing for yourself if it's 474 00:30:59,620 --> 00:31:00,620 for you. 475 00:31:00,620 --> 00:31:05,460 I just hope that you can get some good takeaways, and maybe it can help serve as reminders for 476 00:31:05,460 --> 00:31:10,420 your own physical travel journey, should this be the one of your dreams. 477 00:31:10,420 --> 00:31:14,620 May you be better prepared as a result of my imparting wisdom. 478 00:31:14,620 --> 00:31:35,420 Talk soon.