1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,000 This is more of a mini update that I've decided to sprinkle in just to keep tabs on my current thoughts and feelings. 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:12,000 Transparency on this journey. That's so important to me. 3 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:20,000 This might sound weird, but I feel like I'm experiencing a sense of FOMO, or fear of missing out. 4 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:26,000 There's a list of things to do, and things I wanted to do while here in Phoenix. 5 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:30,000 They aren't crazy or bucket list type items. 6 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:35,000 They aren't even hikes that I knew existed before arriving here in the first place. 7 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:39,000 There's still things that I would have liked to get done before heading out. 8 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:47,000 I'm feeling FOMO about the fact that I know they exist and I don't get to do them. It's kind of depressing. 9 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:52,000 Then I ask myself, what do you even have to feel depressed about? 10 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:57,000 There's so many beautiful places left to explore where you're headed that you've yet to see. 11 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:02,000 They might even end up being more exciting than the ones you aren't going to get to do here. 12 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,000 I know that, but I dispute it by mentally arguing. 13 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:14,000 I wanted to challenge myself to complete these seemingly wild hikes that everyone talks about when they refer to these places to visit in Phoenix. 14 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,000 Does that even matter at the end of the day? 15 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:22,000 Hmm. In the grand scheme of things, probably not. 16 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:27,000 But FOMO is what it is. A fear of missing out. 17 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:32,000 The urge to knock things off a list place a check mark in the box. 18 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:38,000 Even if they aren't my true goal or the whole point of this scenario to begin with, the urge remains. 19 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:44,000 It's been about a week since I was able to find the time to work on the podcast, 20 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:49,000 which I know needs to be priority so I don't fall behind. 21 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:52,000 I just feel like I'm continuously running out of time. 22 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:59,000 Again, it's a feeling I don't understand. I don't like it. I don't know how to stop it though. 23 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:08,000 And while my finances are slowly trickling in a depleted direction, it only fuels this motivation to hustle harder. 24 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:17,000 I do at times consider going home and the possibility of work, though I do not dare to imagine it being where I left. 25 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:25,000 There's much to consider. It would be a race against the snow to get the trailer home in time for storage, for winterizing, 26 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:33,000 or if I decide to continue to store it, which brings another maraud of variables that I need to consider. 27 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:39,000 I realize that I am still coming down from all of the emotions that popped up when I got to see Tanner, 28 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:42,000 and having to send him off but a few days later. 29 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:47,000 I don't feel like I have my head back on properly yet at this time. 30 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:54,000 It's kind of shitty. I also developed a cold of some sort, so that really has been putting a damper on things. 31 00:02:54,000 --> 00:03:01,000 I find myself surprised. I did not expect to feel this way after seeing him. It's hard. 32 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:07,000 I felt solid, regulated, as though I had my shit together prior to his arrival. 33 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:15,000 Now, what the fuck am I doing? I was so happy to see him, to be reunited. It's so hard to be apart. 34 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:20,000 Sure, I'll see him again at Christmas, but again, things to consider. 35 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:24,000 Am I flying? Am I driving? Does it involve the trailer? 36 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:31,000 If I were to drop it off at my parents, that would add three weeks of time to consider an account for travel, and yikes. 37 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:37,000 That sounds like such an ordeal. It exhausts me just talking about it, never mind thinking about it. 38 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:45,000 When I don't think about it, it still lives in the smallest, darkest corners of my mind, and exists nonetheless. 39 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:50,000 It's a task added to my to-do list that I simply just don't want to do. 40 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:58,000 I left to get rid of stress, and yet I still somehow find things to stress about. Always. Why? 41 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:02,000 Why can't I just be at peace? Why can't I just not? 42 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:06,000 It's very annoying, very frustrating, and I just don't want to. 43 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:11,000 I guess I'll just run away, but to where? I don't want to run away from Tanner. I love him. 44 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:16,000 So, what the fuck? Who designed these things to be this way? 45 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:22,000 All these inconveniences. I'm not working, but I'm still finding stress. How? Why? 46 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:26,000 Do I need to go completely off-grid and become a full-fledged hermit? 47 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:32,000 Today will be a cozy, cuddled day, but I highly suspect I won't be able to do that. 48 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:37,000 I know how I am, and as a person, this seems to be an impossible feat. 49 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:43,000 That's not too much in the way of an update, except that I am full of sad sacri, missing my guy, 50 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:48,000 and reminding myself that he's busy. Running home won't mean I get to see him. 51 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:55,000 He'll be busy with work, with hunting. This is what I need to remind myself, so that I don't rush home. 52 00:04:55,000 --> 00:05:01,000 He also reminds me of this as a means of convincing me to stay the intended course. 53 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:05,000 It's really sweet, actually, how he's so supportive in his approach. 54 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:09,000 I guess I should continue pushing forward. It is what it is. 55 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:17,000 I slept a lot, though I want to keep sleeping. I have this cough that causes me to expectorate phlegm, always fun. 56 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:22,000 Hopefully this is the tail end of it, and I'm thankful it hasn't been that bad so far. 57 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:28,000 Also, in a surprising twist of events, I'm starting to find it exhausting, 58 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:33,000 and I'm kind of getting tired of moving sights in the way I have been. 59 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:39,000 When Tanner was here, we had to move three times due to sight availability. It's irritating. 60 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:46,000 I'm trying to focus on finding spaces that I can rent longer term, so my next go is going to be five nights. 61 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:51,000 I don't know what comes after that. I hope the parks are nice, that they have good hikes. 62 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:58,000 If not, I know it'll give me the opportunity to get some work done, to get caught up, and then hopefully stay on top of things. 63 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:06,000 I'm hoping to make my way to California after that, and I'm really excited to check out Joshua Tree National Park. 64 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:10,000 I've hit a point in this journey where I can't really go any further north. 65 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:19,000 At night, it's starting to reach freezing temperatures, and I'm not ready to cold camp or winterize the trailer while using my plumbing. 66 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:24,000 It's been so nice to have my own personal bathroom, and when I find spots with full hookups, 67 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:29,000 it's so nice to not have to use public spaces unless I absolutely have to. 68 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:35,000 It feels like I might be dealing with what I would refer to as an emotional hangover. 69 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:40,000 Getting this cold is also complicating it, further making it a challenge. 70 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:55,000 Otherwise, I'm hanging in there, and I'll get you guys another update soon.