1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,120 I am someone who experiences dysregulation on a fairly regular basis. 2 00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:13,120 It's something I've dealt with or didn't deal with in my younger years and I struggled 3 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,800 as a result. 4 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:20,720 The tough times were extremely tough and translated into feelings living within me that caused 5 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,160 me physical pain. 6 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:29,260 When you're not taught at a young age how to manage these things to set them free, well 7 00:00:29,260 --> 00:00:34,080 it wears you down, it wreaks havoc, and it keeps you feeling like your feet are never 8 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,520 quite touching solid ground. 9 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:43,400 These are things that I had to learn about myself well into adulthood, and though I could 10 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:47,680 feel shame about this, I simply choose not to. 11 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:53,680 This is one of the few times where it seems that I am able to make the decision and stick 12 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:54,680 to it. 13 00:00:54,680 --> 00:01:00,680 I find it hard to remember what I need in the thick of it, but I do get there eventually. 14 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:05,520 Gentle reminders that I am still learning how to do this in the best ways possible for 15 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:06,520 me. 16 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:11,680 To get started at any time is better than never starting at all. 17 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:18,120 I often tell myself, oh yeah, I didn't do this today, and then it makes sense why I haven't 18 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,680 been feeling well emotionally. 19 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:25,800 These little things that sound silly, but really do make the world of a difference. 20 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,840 Hard to believe that one could forget them, hey? 21 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:34,840 If you know anything about the experience of being dysregulated though, you'll understand 22 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,000 completely. 23 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,320 It can be debilitating. 24 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:44,960 The first thing that I do when I feel overwhelmed with a restless mind that can't seem to sit 25 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:50,760 still due to internal discomfort is to take inventory of my surroundings. 26 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:56,160 I have learned that I do not feel safe in my space if things are not as they should 27 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,160 be. 28 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:03,600 For me, that means disheveled environments, messy, disorganized items and spaces, sends 29 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,080 me for a loop. 30 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:11,560 The first step then is to ensure that my space feels safe for me to exist within. 31 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:16,520 If I want my mind clutter to clear up, I just can't be among physical clutter. 32 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,400 This looks a lot like cleaning and organizing. 33 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:26,720 I know that I am someone that if I do not stay on top of regular cleaning, regular organization, 34 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:33,120 it can quickly fall into disarray, and that alone sometimes causes me to feel itchy, yucky, 35 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,120 dirty. 36 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:39,600 That may be a strange way to describe how I feel, but it's a pretty accurate description. 37 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:45,280 I started implementing a routine or rule for myself when I started trying to better take 38 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:51,360 care of myself, which includes regularly picking up after things before I sit down, before 39 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,000 I get comfortable to do the next thing. 40 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:59,600 By the time things are in disarray, because of my routine, it means that it isn't likely 41 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:06,800 that every item I own needs to be categorized or restocked, but even the slightest disorganization 42 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:11,600 can cause it to feel like such a daunting task all the same. 43 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,240 In those moments, I don't let myself think about it or argue. 44 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,600 I don't give myself a second to resist. 45 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,600 It's almost as though I go into a sort of robot mode. 46 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:28,200 There are times where I do need to talk myself into it, but it's usually task by task. 47 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,360 Okay, pick this item up, put it back where it belongs. 48 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:37,280 Once I get started, I get distracted by the next item nearby that isn't where it belongs, 49 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,720 that also needs attention, and it just goes from there. 50 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,720 It's always the getting started that gets to me. 51 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,640 I start wherever I feel like it. 52 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,960 I don't force myself to start in any specific order. 53 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,480 I just do. 54 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,560 I look at something, and I think, this ain't it, and I tend to it. 55 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:58,680 I'll wash the floor, then I'll do the dishes, clean the sink. 56 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:03,560 If I happen to notice I've forgotten something along the way, I will just keep going or I 57 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,160 come back to it. 58 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:11,120 Dry the dishes, put them where they belong, tuck things away into their designated spaces, 59 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:15,000 so I don't have to see them, so I feel less overwhelmed. 60 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,240 What a significant difference it makes. 61 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:20,720 Once it's done, I take a look around. 62 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,400 What is it that I see, and how do I feel about my space now? 63 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,720 And then I go from there. 64 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:32,360 Often times, I feel like the chaos of my mind, the constant chatter, seems to slow down a 65 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:37,400 bit or decreases in how loud it seemed to sound at the start. 66 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:41,440 It doesn't fix everything, but it's a great starting point. 67 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:46,480 It enables me to think a bit more clearly about what else I need to remember, to remind 68 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,800 myself of. 69 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:53,040 Where else can I implement seemingly simple tasks to improve my current mental state? 70 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,120 This might sound weird and maybe a little gross. 71 00:04:56,120 --> 00:05:01,560 If you're not somebody who suffers in this way, but I find I need to check in with myself 72 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:07,240 about my hygiene, showering regularly can be a struggle when things aren't looking 73 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:11,520 well, when the mental stores of energy are depleted depending on what's happening in 74 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,520 my life. 75 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:18,040 It's not to say that I don't have hygiene at all, but there are times where I know that 76 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:23,960 I am struggling because I am aware it's been a few days since I last washed up. 77 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,240 Sometimes it isn't even that it's been more than just a day. 78 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:32,680 I may not even need one per society's standards, and whatever those are, I don't actually 79 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:33,680 know. 80 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:39,800 I just know that for me, showering is a task that for some reason takes up a lot of mental 81 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,680 and physical energy. 82 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:46,200 Don't ask me why, I don't know the mechanisms or the reasons behind it, but it's just how 83 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,200 it is. 84 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:53,760 I also know that once I am in there, I love the feeling of hot water running all over 85 00:05:53,760 --> 00:06:00,600 my body, and I almost always find myself doing grounding exercises as a natural part of just 86 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,400 being in the shower. 87 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:07,240 This is something I did even before I learned about grounding and breathing. 88 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:13,240 I stand, I feel the hot water envelop me as though it were a loving embrace. 89 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:17,720 I breathe in the humid air, which feels like it opens up my lungs. 90 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:22,800 I admire the way drops form and stay on the shower walls. 91 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,840 This keeps me in the present moment. 92 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:30,000 My mind is blank, free of whatever was troubling me prior to showering. 93 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:36,000 I know that showering absolutely makes me feel better, but I hate having to get prepared 94 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,240 to do it, to convince myself to go there. 95 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:45,120 So when I'm in the thick of it, I remind myself gently that showering does make a difference. 96 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:50,880 I think about how good it feels, the benefits I get from it, and then I agree with myself. 97 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:56,200 It might take a while, I might be slow to move, but once I'm in the shower, oh man 98 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:57,520 does it feel good. 99 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:02,000 I tell myself, you were right, I did need this. 100 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:06,680 Something else that can make a difference in a night or day way is movement. 101 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,480 I'm sure that sounds typical. 102 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:13,440 Oh yeah, of course it does, but for me, it's so vast. 103 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,800 It has to be something that I genuinely enjoy. 104 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:21,480 It's important to note, this is something I am inclined towards. 105 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:25,880 When I'm restless, my body itches for me to move it. 106 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,840 I find myself struggling to sit still. 107 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,040 This is how I know movement is beneficial. 108 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:37,360 I know in this mental state it isn't a form of punishment or an obligation. 109 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:43,080 This must be something that I thoroughly enjoy, and it must be something that feels indulgent. 110 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:49,000 No surprise, hiking is a top choice for me, but that's not always feasible due to weather 111 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,560 or your location. 112 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,720 It can sometimes be cumbersome, and it takes a lot of breath. 113 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:58,480 You have to gather supplies, map out your route, and simply leaving the house. 114 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,920 Sometimes it isn't the easiest when you're feeling some kind of way. 115 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,880 So my remedy of choice is spin. 116 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,200 When I'm home and when I can use my own bike. 117 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:12,160 But if I'm not near it, I look for classes nearby, or find a gym that has a bike that 118 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:16,080 I can use for a quick ride using my workout app. 119 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:21,040 Earlier this week, I'd been feeling really down, as though there was a heavy, dark grey 120 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:26,840 cloud just sitting above me, covering the sunshine, weighing me down. 121 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:31,920 It sounds like a metaphor, but my body, my shoulders actually felt as though they were 122 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,600 carrying a weight. 123 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:38,960 I felt sure that what I was struggling with would pass, but it's not great to sit and 124 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,400 feel yucky as a body sensation. 125 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:49,080 I feel slow, sluggish, unmotivated, questioning if I'll ever see a sunny day again. 126 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:53,120 Of course I know I will, but in the moment, I still question it. 127 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:57,920 I went to a spur of the moment spin class, a simple 30 minute session. 128 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:02,760 I was still getting over this weird cold that's been plaguing me for a few days short of a 129 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:08,840 month now, so I figured it might be best to not overdo it, to start with a shorter session. 130 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:13,920 As anticipated, the halfway mark hit and I felt invincible. 131 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,920 I was on top of the world. 132 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,720 My lungs burned, but not because of the cold. 133 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:24,720 They burned due to the increased demand I placed on myself as I pushed against the heavy, thick, 134 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:28,040 mud-like resistance of the pedals below my feet. 135 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:31,800 I was dialed in, focused, thriving. 136 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,480 What a feeling. 137 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:37,120 Honestly, I'm not exaggerating when I say it's night and day. 138 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:42,520 I laughed, pouring sweat, walked out into the cold air, and found a piece had washed 139 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,480 over my entire body. 140 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,120 Finally, I thought. 141 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:51,840 I felt as though I had taken a seat back within myself, back within my body for the first 142 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,880 time in over a week. 143 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,920 When I got home, I was motivated. 144 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:57,880 I put together this podcast. 145 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:03,720 I felt productive, calm, the emotional baggage had significantly lessened. 146 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:08,720 Another obvious variable that severely impacts me is sleep. 147 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,040 Time to do a check-in. 148 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,240 Have you slept well? 149 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:12,720 Are you feeling rested? 150 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:18,840 If the answer is no, well, I tend to have a short fuse, a low tolerance, and I'm extremely 151 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,520 sensitive, absolutely emotional. 152 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,480 I don't tend to go nap when I recognize this. 153 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:28,360 My medications prevent me from fully winding down in this way. 154 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:33,440 So instead, I try to remove tasks from my day that can absolutely wait. 155 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:38,200 The ones that are heavier and likely to drain whatever capacity I have left. 156 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:43,760 I view this as a self-compassionate move, so whatever can reasonably be rescheduled, 157 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:44,760 I do it. 158 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:49,600 Instead, I include more restful activities, laying down in silence if it's what I need, 159 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:55,160 but it also can include low-key activities such as reading or whatever things feel restful 160 00:10:55,160 --> 00:11:00,080 and will contribute to an eventual winding down for hopefully a night of restful sleep. 161 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:05,240 I don't do anything specific for a night routine, I don't take any medications. 162 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:11,120 I usually just plan these days to allow a calming of the mind so I can go to bed earlier 163 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,120 in a more natural way. 164 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:17,840 If I'm at a point where my lack of sleep is affecting my mood, it's usually around 165 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:21,240 this point that I will have a great night's sleep. 166 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:26,800 I know that I get like this and I tend to prioritize enough hours for sleep and a restful 167 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:27,880 sleep routine. 168 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:33,440 It's not always possible, but even when I forget other aspects of care, I know that 169 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,240 fatigue has devastating effects on me. 170 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:40,200 I've spent too much time being tired, exhausted. 171 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:45,360 It's no wonder I'm afraid to allow myself to deplete in the most basic of ways. 172 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:52,000 I think that the problem for me is I became so used to the hustle culture, the grind, 173 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:57,280 all of which involved putting myself and my needs on the back burner, where it required 174 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:03,800 me to neglect my basic needs to ensure that I could keep up even if it was at my own expense. 175 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:08,520 In doing so, the basic concepts have escaped me for so long. 176 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:13,200 Caring for myself in these ways ensures that I remember that I am absolutely worthy of 177 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,760 compassion, that I need to be gentle with myself. 178 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:22,160 This is also how I can show up for myself, to show myself that I do love me. 179 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:27,240 It's another way I am learning to love myself in ways that I have always needed, but hadn't 180 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,080 known how until now.