1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,660 So far in this podcast, it's really just been an everyday word. Burnout. 2 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:11,980 It's the root of this entire journey, this experience, the inspiration, if you will, 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,600 though morbid in some sense. 4 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:19,980 It's more than likely something each and every one of you listening has experienced. 5 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:27,920 Perhaps you haven't recognized it though, or you've mistaken it as fatigue attributed to a busy period in your life. 6 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:35,920 I really hope you're lucky and it hasn't impacted you how it has me, where it's pulled me down into the pits of darkness, of despair. 7 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:41,560 If it has though, well, I do remain hopeful there's a chance to crawl out. 8 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,280 So for this episode, I'm gonna be talking about burnout. 9 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:52,120 We're gonna explore its definition, and I'm gonna share my personal experience with it. If there's one thing I've learned, 10 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:58,200 it's that reading bullet point definitions of diagnostic criteria does not accurately define experience. 11 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:03,640 Personally, I would gaslight myself into believing it didn't fit, but she does. 12 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:09,600 Let's start with technical definitions. This is cited in the description if you're wanting to know more. 13 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:16,560 Back in the 70s, a psychologist named Herbert Freudenberger came up with the term, and interestingly, 14 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,000 it was specifically aimed towards those in the helping profession. 15 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:31,000 That's what we know as doctors, nurses, healthcare aides, the ones who are known to sacrifice themselves as individuals to provide for others in the most vulnerable situations, 16 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,000 also known as healthcare. 17 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:45,000 Over time, the affliction has expanded to include other disciplines, anything that requires self-sacrifice, which includes but is not limited to caregiving and mothering roles, motherhood. 18 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:57,000 Interestingly, there isn't such a clearly defined criteria that it's often confused or misdiagnosed as other things, or just mistled together, which is extremely frustrating. 19 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:05,000 It makes it hard to verbalize how you feel, to truly get an understanding of what people are experiencing, and it's extremely invalidating. 20 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:14,000 For some reason, it mentions it's not clear what even causes burnout, at the root of it all, which I had to laugh, because when I read this, 21 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:18,000 I feel pretty clear on what causes burnout. 22 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:23,000 They term it as feeling fatigued, empty, burned out, and not able to cope. 23 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:37,000 It involves physical and mental symptoms, usually resulting in sick leaves with work, decreased ability to care for yourself, for others and conflicts with others in various areas of your life, specifically the workplace. 24 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:46,000 While what I read seemed to focus on work-related burnout, I think that the helping professions tend to attract a certain type of person, or individual. 25 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:51,000 I'm thinking the people-pleasing type, which is something I heavily identify with. 26 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:58,000 And that means we're more at risk due to how we live our lives all the time, not just in the workplace. 27 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:07,000 It's impacted by our relationship with others, but most importantly, our relationship with ourselves, or perhaps the lack thereof. 28 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:16,000 Symptoms are defined as extreme exhaustion, feeling down, reduced performance in work and in general life. 29 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:23,000 These definitions also in line with the World Health Organization's synopsis of the International Classification of Disease. 30 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:30,000 They clearly remark that it is an occupational-related issue and is not an illness within the individual. 31 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:41,000 Okay, so now that I've read this, I feel real sad about the information that is reputable and out there for consumption on the state of burnout. 32 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:46,000 It's so vague, and I feel so invalidated reading that. 33 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,000 It's not valuable. 34 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,000 It's way too broad and general. 35 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:55,000 Not a true encapsulation of the experience whatsoever. 36 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,000 So let's talk about me. 37 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,000 What does burnout look like for me? 38 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:07,000 First of all, I have an extremely limited capacity to function at any level. 39 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:14,000 The energy demands of simply existing within my body often take up every ounce of energy I have on any given day. 40 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:18,000 On the worst days, my body doesn't respond like it should. 41 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,000 My mind commands it to move. 42 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,000 Just grab the toilet paper off the shelf. 43 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,000 Picture this. 44 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,000 I'm in the desert. 45 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,000 I've been there for days, crawling towards any hope of salvation. 46 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,000 I'm dehydrated. 47 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,000 I'm weak. 48 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:35,000 Each movement feels like it might be my last. 49 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:40,000 But then I see a water bottle, condensation lining it, indicating it's cool and refreshing. 50 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,000 I so badly want to reach it, but it just takes forever. 51 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:48,000 My body is struggling to move forward any further than it needs to. 52 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:53,000 In real time, my body is slow to move and do anything unnecessary. 53 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,000 Do I really need to refill the toilet paper? 54 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,000 I have a couple squares left. 55 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,000 I'll just do it tomorrow. 56 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,000 If I do reach it and replace it, I need to go lay down. 57 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:06,000 It sounds dramatic, but this is my reality. 58 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:09,000 On those days, I would just lay there and read. 59 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:21,000 NAP. I knew I'd need to somehow muster more energy for upcoming slews of shifts, so I would be unable to indulge in activities I enjoy or do anything at all because I just needed to save up energy just to get by. 60 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:26,000 When I do make it to work or have a better day, by 3pm, I'm utterly exhausted. 61 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,000 I'm spent. 62 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:31,000 I'm back in that desert, reaching endlessly for that water bottle. 63 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,000 My brain feels sluggish and foggy. 64 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:41,000 Imagine trudging through thick mud, but I'm at work and people and my colleagues depend on me. 65 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,000 So where is this energy coming from? 66 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:53,000 There's the conflict, the real problem, and the incoming labels of laziness and competence that I don't care. 67 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,000 Inside, I'm just screaming. 68 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,000 You don't understand. 69 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,000 I need help. 70 00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:02,000 Due to this limited energy, conversations in my daily life don't go as they should. 71 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,000 Someone can be talking about anything at all, and I feel a delay. 72 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:11,000 It's like it takes 30 seconds to a minute for me to process and register what was said to me. 73 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:18,000 I imagine I feel like I look dead inside, dead eyes, like I'm uncaring and ignorant. 74 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:25,000 I have absolutely no ability to smile at this point, to attempt to mask, to attempt to understand and interpret social cues. 75 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,000 I'm not mentally there. 76 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,000 It feels like working 3 night shifts in a row on no sleep. 77 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:36,000 I could probably sit anywhere quiet and fall asleep upright within minutes if I'm left unattended. 78 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,000 Understandably, this hurts friendships and relationships. 79 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,000 It hurts me inside. 80 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:45,000 But not having the capacity or energy, I just can't do anything about it. 81 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:48,000 I can just sit there and watch their disappointment. 82 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:52,000 When I get confronted and tell them I have no capacity, they don't understand. 83 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:56,000 They get mad, further explaining their point of view, attempting to get empathy, 84 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:02,000 attempting to get me to show any emotion that I care, that there's any ounce of love for them in my life. 85 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,000 It makes me so sad. 86 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:09,000 I just keep saying to myself, they don't get it. I wish they understood. 87 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:16,000 I can't even explain it to them, because when I try, it's met with, yeah, but this is how you make me feel. 88 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,000 I get that, but you don't. 89 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:24,000 Messages go unread for days, weeks, sometimes even to the point where it falls off notifications, 90 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,000 and I never get back to them. 91 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,000 In those times, it's that I have nothing left. 92 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:33,000 It hurts so bad when it's not understood or received by others. 93 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,000 It's also not fair to me. 94 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,000 I'm expected to understand their perspective. They're hurt. 95 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,000 But I can't. 96 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,000 I'm in fight or flight survival mode. 97 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:47,000 My phone gets put on do not disturb at this point, and I just take space. 98 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,000 I don't care anymore. 99 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,000 Leave if you want. I can't do this. 100 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,000 This isn't who I am. 101 00:07:55,000 --> 00:08:00,000 I could have a list of important chores and things to do, but I can't bring myself to do them. 102 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:06,000 It gets to the point where I ask myself, will I or anyone die if I do not do this today? 103 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,000 If the answer is no, I don't do it. 104 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:15,000 Later, I'm so behind that when I do get even the slightest energy reserve, I'm scrambling to get it done. 105 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,000 And then I drag myself back down into that pit. 106 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:24,000 Journaling and writing, which is an extremely important outlet to me, I can barely engage in. 107 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:28,000 It requires so much mental energy. It's intense. 108 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:32,000 To sit and get started seems like the steepest hill climb. 109 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:37,000 To lay in bed where it's quiet, dark, and I have no obligation standing in front of me. 110 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,000 What a dream. 111 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,000 In those times, I dream of running away. 112 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:47,000 Of being alone, completely alone, with no one to answer to. 113 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,000 No one but myself. 114 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:57,000 I've often found myself saying, I wish I could just pause, pause the world, even for just five minutes so I could breathe and clear my mind. 115 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:02,000 The darker side of it, if you can believe, is the shame and guilt that I feel. 116 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,000 I feel like something is wrong with me. 117 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:11,000 I look around and sure, people look tired sometimes, but not like this. 118 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:19,000 Where I see everybody surviving, even thriving, and though I know we only see what others allow us to see, 119 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:25,000 these people have full-time jobs, lives, families with kids sometimes. 120 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:30,000 They go out on weekends, on their days off, they do things they love, things that I love. 121 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:38,000 They camp, they hike, they travel, adding numbers of books read to their yearly total, baking, making time to paint, 122 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:44,000 going out for food with friends and family, socializing, making memories. 123 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:51,000 What am I doing wrong in my life that I can't have the same enjoyable experience as everybody else? 124 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:57,000 Why is it that yet again, everything is ten times harder for me to attain? 125 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,000 Never mind, keep up with. 126 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:04,000 When I was in nursing school, I struggled. I struggled, I struggled, I struggled. 127 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:10,000 I needed to record the lectures, I would go home, re-listen to them after class, and make notes. 128 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:17,000 Then I would restructure the material of each lecture in a way I could understand, in order to re-teach it to myself, 129 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,000 and make new notes that made sense to me. 130 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:24,000 So, while everybody was having the time of their lives in college, going out between assignments, 131 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:30,000 getting good grades with what seemed like minimal effort, I was slaving away to make ends meet. 132 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,000 I often wondered, why the hell is this so fucking difficult for me? 133 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:37,000 This is how I feel now, but about keeping up with life. 134 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:41,000 I can't even do the stay alive and go to work full time part. 135 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:46,000 Never mind anything else, quite literally I'm unable to do anything else. 136 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:51,000 So it's easy to sit with this and truly believe something is inherently wrong with me, 137 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:55,000 and not to mention the judgment of others, though unintentional, 138 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,000 compounds to confirm what I already feel deep within. 139 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:05,000 When people haven't been there and don't understand, any advice being given is not helpful whatsoever, 140 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,000 and sometimes you can even see it in their eyes. 141 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:13,000 They think something's wrong with you, and they pity you, because they're functioning, despite their difficulties, 142 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:18,000 and being hard on yourself like this is certainly not what you need at all. 143 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:24,000 For anyone who resonates with any of this, who understands, I want you to know I feel you. 144 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,000 I understand. 145 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,000 You're not alone. 146 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:31,000 I'm sorry for any time anyone's made you feel worse about something you're not actually in control of, 147 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,000 or capable of handling. 148 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:38,000 You absolutely deserve a safe space in which to exist within this experience, 149 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:45,000 and I hope that if nothing else, this episode at least allows you to feel seen and valued and understood. 150 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:50,000 Going forward, my goals for recovery for this are just going back to basics, plain and simple. 151 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:54,000 I want to get back to a place where I can maintain my important relationships 152 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,000 without draining the rest of my battery for the day. 153 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:03,000 I don't want to be completely gassed by 3pm, unable to make use of the rest of a beautiful day. 154 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:07,000 I want to be able to enjoy my favorite activities on a regular basis, 155 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,000 and really feel like I get enjoyment and pleasure from life, 156 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,000 which is what all of us humans deserve. 157 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,000 Otherwise, what's the point of being alive? 158 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,000 I'm also hoping to discover a bit more about myself, 159 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:24,000 what boundaries are needed to prevent this from happening again, and how to keep myself safe, 160 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:31,000 so that I can grow my self-confidence and verbalize what I need, when I need it, and then take exactly that. 161 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:38,000 To truly feel at peace, balanced, and not part of the hustle and bustle, the rat race of a life that everybody chases, 162 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:43,000 the life I'm not meant for and don't align with, a life I don't even want. 163 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:48,000 I want to find my space in the world, exactly as I'm meant to, and my purpose. 164 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,000 So I'm going to break it down. 165 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:54,000 How I plan to accomplish this. 166 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:59,000 The pause. Taking all the time in the world that I need. 167 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,000 While I do have a financial cushion that will allow me to do this, 168 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:10,000 I know I will not be a functional member of society and provide for myself financially if I am not functional at baseline. 169 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:14,000 I acknowledge I am very blessed to be in this position. 170 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:18,000 I know some people would end up on the streets if they stopped working completely. 171 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:26,000 I don't know what the answer is for you, but for me, I am taking a huge pause with work and any work-related things. 172 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:34,000 Right now, I largely blame work and society for this breakdown, so I'm nipping that in the bud, and then I'll reassess later. 173 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:40,000 You've listened to other episodes so you know what my plan is, and it really doesn't involve returning to that realm, 174 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:44,000 but for brevity's sake, this is what it is right now. 175 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:48,000 Rest. Glorious. Restful sleep. 176 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:54,000 Ugh, all of it. Whenever I need it. Whenever I want it. Rest. 177 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,000 Anytime I need a nap, I'm going to lay down. 178 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,000 If it's 6pm and I want to go to bed, I'm going to bed. 179 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:04,000 If my body hurts and I'm dragging my feet, exercise can wait. 180 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,000 Nothing strenuous on my body. 181 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:13,000 Sleep, sleep, sleep. As much of it as I need. As much of it as I can. 182 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,000 Listen to myself. To my body. 183 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:22,000 When I feel myself reaching near depletion, I'm going to stop what I'm doing, and I'm going to rest. 184 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:29,000 Whether it be a vegetable on the couch with a book, looking up at a blank ceiling for 3 hours, or sleep, it's happening. 185 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:34,000 I absolutely cannot let myself reach that point ever again. 186 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,000 I need to rest. I need to heal. 187 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:41,000 It won't happen if I keep pushing myself to the brink or past it. 188 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:45,000 If I am sore, I will gently stretch and not push beyond my means. 189 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:53,000 One thing I've learned is that my body tells me when I've had enough, and now I'm all ears. I'm listening. 190 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:59,000 Self-love and self-care. I don't mean bubble baths, unless of course that's what I want to do. 191 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:03,000 I'm highly emotionally intelligent, creative, and adventurous. 192 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:10,000 The things that light my soul on fire and make me feel inspired are things I desperately need to carve space for in my life. 193 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:16,000 To read. To write. To create. To simply exist and be in awe of what's around me. 194 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:25,000 Making sure I take time to spend in nature, to smell the delicious smell of the fall leaves fresh on the ground, yellow and orange, just lighting up the forest. 195 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:31,000 To feel the urge to put paint to paper and allow it to happen and flow out of me without judgment. 196 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:39,000 To hear words come to mind and stop what I'm doing to put them to paper. To explore them, to feel them. The things I love. 197 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:47,000 Everything I've deprived myself of because I was too busy, didn't have the time, didn't have the energy, and because work and that part of life came first. 198 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:54,000 Not anymore. No. This. This is where I know I will find most healing on my journey. 199 00:15:54,000 --> 00:16:00,000 Life is about living it, not just existing. This is where living exists for me. 200 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,000 The creating. 201 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,000 Movement and spiritual expression. 202 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:15,000 This isn't for everybody, but of course we all know by now moving our bodies and being in tune with our physical self in the present space we're existing is so powerful. 203 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:20,000 For me, that means taking time to move my body purposely. Actively planned exercise. 204 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:27,000 It helps keep my routine, keeps me grounded, and it allows me to feel like I'm taking care of myself physically. 205 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:31,000 Staying healthy in my body so I can do the active things I love. 206 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:37,000 Sometimes I can't find that energy or my body hurts and I'm not able to do strenuous things. 207 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:44,000 On those days, I'm going to go for a light walk while I indulge in a podcast or an audiobook, just to simply have movement. 208 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:48,000 I always find I feel more mental clarity after these moments. 209 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:56,000 I've been practicing a deeper level of activity though, and what's really helped me keep going on the worst days is meditation and yoga. 210 00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:03,000 Stretching the body that is so sore, it feels so delicious, like a hug when you're feeling sad. 211 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,000 This is truly how it feels for me. 212 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,000 Yoga isn't some difficult exercise I do. 213 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:14,000 I do a more breath-focused style that incorporates light stretching and focuses on being present. 214 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:23,000 Breathing really helps ground you to the present moment and clears your mind, which is why I also participate daily if I can in meditation. 215 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,000 It's guided and it's difficult. 216 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:31,000 It's gotten easier over time and with practice, but it's still at times uncomfortable. 217 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:38,000 Even on the worst days, I still find I open my eyes and I'm more calm, connected. 218 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:42,000 It's honestly been the saving grace of the last two months of this contract. 219 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:47,000 I probably didn't yell angrily at anyone or tell anyone to fuck off because of the meditation, 220 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:57,000 so I usually do it first thing in the morning after stretch or workout, and it's something I'm extremely committed to continuing because I can feel that it's beneficial for me. 221 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,000 Therapy. 222 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:04,000 Something I did for two years or more in the past for similar aspects of this. 223 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:10,000 Going back to therapy really won't have added benefits for me at this point, except to review what I've already learned. 224 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:16,000 I do plan to deep dive into the material and notes I've kept through my therapy sessions 225 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,000 to remind myself of things that I can implement to help further. 226 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,000 Most of it is what's in the game plan for now. 227 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:30,000 If you haven't had therapy from a reputable therapist that's the right fit for you, this is extremely beneficial on so many levels. 228 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:41,000 I know it's not something everyone can afford, but I gently remind you to think about how you're impeding your own progress of healing by not getting the help you need or help yourself, however that looks. 229 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:48,000 I spent a lot of money on therapy and psychologists to get to the bottom of things, and my life has improved drastically. 230 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:58,000 Otherwise, I'd be in a worse position right now, and I would have stayed at baseline barely functioning, and there would have been a crash and burn scenario, or I just would never have gotten ahead. 231 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,000 I'd be stuck in the past forever. 232 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:05,000 I felt that was way worse than the money needed to spend to help myself. 233 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:10,000 Without being functional, you're not able to keep that job that pays your bills anyways. 234 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:14,000 A temporary setback for future gain is absolutely worth considering. 235 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:18,000 It's amazing where you can find the funds when you truly need it. 236 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:42,000 That's just a gentle reminder.