WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.980 Welcome back, me. Welcome back, Internet Frenzy. 00:00:05.320 --> 00:00:09.500 Welcome back to Internet Frenzy. He's a little 00:00:09.500 --> 00:00:11.839 rusty. He's been gone for a few weeks, you guys. 00:00:12.480 --> 00:00:14.740 I've been gone, but it feels good to be back. 00:00:15.460 --> 00:00:17.559 I mean, you got to let me be natural. Let me 00:00:17.559 --> 00:00:19.859 ease back in foot a little bit. You can't just 00:00:19.859 --> 00:00:23.359 be expecting perfection. No, I do not expect 00:00:23.359 --> 00:00:27.039 perfection. Good. I apologize. Well, I'm excited 00:00:27.039 --> 00:00:30.420 to be back. I'm excited to have you back. It's 00:00:30.420 --> 00:00:32.600 rough holding down the fort without you, but 00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:35.340 we're back. Happy New Year, everyone. I hope 00:00:35.340 --> 00:00:38.219 you guys had a great Christmas, a great New Year's. 00:00:38.640 --> 00:00:41.500 Let's get after it. Cheers to 2026. It's going 00:00:41.500 --> 00:00:45.859 to be a good year. That's crazy. 2026. It's insane. 00:00:46.219 --> 00:00:48.840 This week's episode is I didn't mean to start 00:00:48.840 --> 00:00:53.060 the year like this. Yeah, let's go. So everyone 00:00:53.060 --> 00:00:55.359 talks about fresh starts, clean slates and new 00:00:55.359 --> 00:00:57.920 year, new me. But for some people, the year didn't 00:00:57.920 --> 00:01:00.280 begin with champagne resolutions. It started 00:01:00.280 --> 00:01:02.780 with secrets, bad decisions, and moments they 00:01:02.780 --> 00:01:06.620 can't take back, Joe. In this episode, we're 00:01:06.620 --> 00:01:08.560 reading wild Reddit stories from people who thought 00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:10.739 the clock striking midnight would change everything, 00:01:11.180 --> 00:01:13.599 quickly realized it didn't. From confessions 00:01:13.599 --> 00:01:15.640 that came out too soon to relationships that 00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:18.180 cracked the moment the new year began, these 00:01:18.180 --> 00:01:20.140 stories prove that sometimes the mess follows 00:01:20.140 --> 00:01:24.829 you straight into January. Here we are. So grab 00:01:24.829 --> 00:01:26.769 a drink settle in and let's talk about the things 00:01:26.769 --> 00:01:29.069 people never meant to carry into the new year 00:01:29.069 --> 00:01:33.250 But did anyway Cheers Before we get into the 00:01:33.250 --> 00:01:34.909 stories quick reminder that we have discount 00:01:34.909 --> 00:01:37.650 codes for a few brands We generally use and love 00:01:37.650 --> 00:01:40.469 you can get 20 % off bucked up with code frenzy 00:01:40.469 --> 00:01:43.670 20 and all caps Better Days is 10 % off with 00:01:43.670 --> 00:01:46.670 code in all caps internet frenzy 10 chomps is 00:01:46.670 --> 00:01:49.790 15 % off with code and all caps internet frenzy 00:01:49.950 --> 00:01:52.129 And they have way more flavors online than in 00:01:52.129 --> 00:01:54.930 stores, plus almost always free shipping. Just 00:01:54.930 --> 00:01:57.650 ingredients is 10 % off with code in all caps 00:01:57.650 --> 00:02:00.129 Internet frenzy 10. All the links and codes are 00:02:00.129 --> 00:02:02.269 in the description. Using them is one of the 00:02:02.269 --> 00:02:04.689 easiest ways to support our podcast. And we really, 00:02:04.689 --> 00:02:08.229 really appreciate it. All right. Whoa. We both 00:02:08.229 --> 00:02:10.069 did this at the same time. That was crazy. What 00:02:10.069 --> 00:02:12.909 the heck? I was just copying you. Yeah, I like 00:02:12.909 --> 00:02:14.610 that. Before we get into this week's episode, 00:02:14.669 --> 00:02:20.960 let's do a quick recap. Recrap. Wow. Recap of 00:02:20.960 --> 00:02:23.960 last week's episode. Ho, ho, holy shit. And finally 00:02:23.960 --> 00:02:26.659 reveal which story was fake. We had a lot of 00:02:26.659 --> 00:02:28.919 strong reactions to this one. So here's a quick 00:02:28.919 --> 00:02:31.740 refresher on each story. First story, I read 00:02:31.740 --> 00:02:33.740 Am I the asshole post about the dad refusing 00:02:33.740 --> 00:02:35.780 to let their son take his gifts to the other 00:02:35.780 --> 00:02:38.159 mom's house because of complicated boundaries 00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:42.460 and family dynamics. Second story was I covered 00:02:42.460 --> 00:02:44.759 the Am I the asshole where someone told their 00:02:44.759 --> 00:02:46.939 mother -in -law she sucked at hosting after a 00:02:46.939 --> 00:02:49.099 Christmas gathering went completely off the rails. 00:02:49.319 --> 00:02:51.500 And she told the mother -in -law she sucked at 00:02:51.500 --> 00:02:54.199 cooking. Could you imagine having a mother -in 00:02:54.199 --> 00:02:56.759 -law that sucked at cooking? I can't. That would 00:02:56.759 --> 00:02:59.120 suck. My mother -in -law is literally the best 00:02:59.120 --> 00:03:03.699 cook. I am so lucky. Her food is unbelievable. 00:03:04.180 --> 00:03:06.300 That's why she's trying to get me to cook. You 00:03:06.300 --> 00:03:08.639 guys follow the socials. You've seen my cooking 00:03:08.639 --> 00:03:13.000 videos. It's because she is Chef Boy RG. If you 00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:16.219 could learn... Give me your hand for this. If 00:03:16.219 --> 00:03:19.240 you could cook like Dusty, I... I was going to 00:03:19.240 --> 00:03:22.620 say I would stay married, but. My kick a little 00:03:22.620 --> 00:03:25.740 more than that. I would. If you could cook like 00:03:25.740 --> 00:03:29.439 Destiny, I would give you a million bad scratches 00:03:29.439 --> 00:03:32.439 a night. You guys hear that? Yeah. OK, third 00:03:32.439 --> 00:03:34.740 story, am I the asshole for making my daughter's 00:03:34.740 --> 00:03:36.840 boyfriend buying me shirt at Christmas dinner? 00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:39.199 He was wearing a super inappropriate shirt and 00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:41.460 the dad stopped him from coming inside and gave 00:03:41.460 --> 00:03:43.740 him money to go to the store and buy a more appropriate 00:03:43.740 --> 00:03:45.599 shirt and then come back. What did the shirt 00:03:45.599 --> 00:03:49.270 say? It was literally like my like. she sucks 00:03:49.270 --> 00:03:51.990 my, you know what, really good or something crazy 00:03:51.990 --> 00:03:54.810 about sucking, you know what? Like it was very 00:03:54.810 --> 00:03:57.550 provocative. It blew my mind that he would wear 00:03:57.550 --> 00:04:00.550 that to a Christmas dinner. Daughter's boyfriend 00:04:00.550 --> 00:04:02.849 wore the shirt to Christmas dinner with the whole 00:04:02.849 --> 00:04:05.270 family. Yes. And when the dad opened the door, 00:04:05.509 --> 00:04:07.490 he looked at the shirt and immediately the daughter 00:04:07.490 --> 00:04:12.129 walked in. He stopped the boyfriend handed him 00:04:12.129 --> 00:04:15.020 $40 and said, Go to the nearest Walmart and buy 00:04:15.020 --> 00:04:17.100 a different, a more appropriate shirt and then 00:04:17.100 --> 00:04:20.319 you can come back. I like that. Yeah. And he 00:04:20.319 --> 00:04:22.980 was, but then the next day the boyfriend threw 00:04:22.980 --> 00:04:24.819 a fit and told the daughter and the daughter 00:04:24.819 --> 00:04:27.019 got really mad at the dad and the mom got mad 00:04:27.019 --> 00:04:30.360 at the dad too. And so he was asking, you know, 00:04:30.459 --> 00:04:33.379 am I the a -hole? It makes me wonder what was 00:04:33.379 --> 00:04:35.220 actually on the shirt. If it was literally - 00:04:35.220 --> 00:04:39.879 No, it was that. If it wasn't just a pun. It 00:04:39.879 --> 00:04:44.110 was literally like suck my, yeah. Well, that's 00:04:44.110 --> 00:04:46.449 that's pretty bad. And I don't know how how if 00:04:46.449 --> 00:04:48.449 the boyfriend's getting me support. That's crazy. 00:04:48.490 --> 00:04:50.949 I know literally insane. Wait, can I tell you 00:04:50.949 --> 00:04:53.089 a story really fast? Yeah. All right. No, I love 00:04:53.089 --> 00:04:55.410 it. I've been loading up one time. I got dress 00:04:55.410 --> 00:04:58.990 coded. Oh, you bad boy in junior high. There's 00:04:58.990 --> 00:05:01.949 an eighth grade photo class because I had one 00:05:01.949 --> 00:05:04.569 of these shirts that had like a saying on it. 00:05:04.589 --> 00:05:07.509 But mine wasn't even that bad. It was from I 00:05:07.509 --> 00:05:09.810 still remember the shirt is from Aeropostale. 00:05:10.129 --> 00:05:15.279 OK, and it was pink. and it says, you've been 00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:23.519 a bad girl, now go to my room. Oh. Like, I can't. 00:05:24.079 --> 00:05:27.560 You guys, like, you'd have to know me to really 00:05:27.560 --> 00:05:29.899 understand the humor looking back on that now. 00:05:30.339 --> 00:05:33.180 That's like not me at all. I don't know why that 00:05:33.180 --> 00:05:35.740 just like kind of makes me angry though. Oh, 00:05:35.759 --> 00:05:38.120 well, you're welcome to be angry about something 00:05:38.120 --> 00:05:42.560 that was like 20 years ago. Okay. There's one 00:05:42.560 --> 00:05:45.139 more story. And then there's the fourth story 00:05:45.139 --> 00:05:47.699 that am I the asshole about asking a husband's 00:05:47.699 --> 00:05:51.319 friend to leave on Christmas night? So Joe, you 00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:53.180 weren't here last week. Which one of those do 00:05:53.180 --> 00:05:56.120 you feel like is the fake? Last one. Oh, really? 00:05:56.420 --> 00:06:01.540 Okay. Well, you're right. The last one was the 00:06:01.540 --> 00:06:03.740 fake. Thank goodness, because I was going to 00:06:03.740 --> 00:06:06.379 literally punch the husband and the friend in 00:06:06.379 --> 00:06:08.620 the face. So I'm very grateful that that was 00:06:08.620 --> 00:06:11.680 the fake. That's crazy. I wonder how I picked 00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:13.399 that one out. Because you haven't even listened 00:06:13.399 --> 00:06:16.740 to the episode. Yeah, I know you should. OK, 00:06:17.420 --> 00:06:19.680 let's get started with this week's episode. Again, 00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:22.740 the title is I didn't mean to start the year 00:06:22.740 --> 00:06:26.339 like this. All right, Joe, kick us off with the 00:06:26.339 --> 00:06:29.459 really good, maybe fake, maybe real story. It 00:06:29.459 --> 00:06:32.180 would be my pleasure. And this one comes from 00:06:32.180 --> 00:06:54.220 best of Redditor updates. it says one big lie 00:06:54.220 --> 00:06:56.160 may ruin my marriage and i don't know how to 00:06:56.160 --> 00:07:00.600 stop it oh no don't you hate it when that happens 00:07:00.600 --> 00:07:03.680 this is a throwaway account because people i 00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:05.560 know follow my regular account and i'd like to 00:07:05.560 --> 00:07:07.680 keep the audience of people i know as small as 00:07:07.680 --> 00:07:11.180 possible to start off with in this story i 45m 00:07:11.180 --> 00:07:15.439 am the asshole i'm completely 100 to blame my 00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:18.939 wife 44f is completely innocent of any wrongdoing 00:07:18.939 --> 00:07:22.439 at all I am the asshole. There's no question 00:07:22.439 --> 00:07:24.959 in my mind about this. I'm just wondering how 00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:28.100 or if I can save our relationship. I didn't pick 00:07:28.100 --> 00:07:32.899 this story. I don't agree with this story. Long 00:07:32.899 --> 00:07:35.199 story ahead, there's no infidelity, no cheating 00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:37.759 in every single way, but one huge one. I've tried 00:07:37.759 --> 00:07:40.160 to be the best husband, lover, friend I can be, 00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:43.060 except this one lie is so invasive in our lives 00:07:43.060 --> 00:07:45.500 that I've probably effed everything up. When 00:07:45.500 --> 00:07:47.740 we started dating 10 plus years ago, I had been 00:07:47.740 --> 00:07:49.839 renting a house for some time. She was also in 00:07:49.839 --> 00:07:52.579 a long term rental. Both of us had great relationships 00:07:52.579 --> 00:07:54.420 with our landlords, but her place was almost 00:07:54.420 --> 00:07:58.019 as expensive as mine and not nearly as nice either 00:07:58.019 --> 00:08:01.379 in size or area. Very early on, I told her I 00:08:01.379 --> 00:08:03.839 owned and didn't rent. I honestly don't know 00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:06.399 why, and this is the big lie. I've maintained 00:08:06.399 --> 00:08:08.740 that now through seven years of dating and three 00:08:08.740 --> 00:08:11.120 years of marriage. She moved in with me and gave 00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:13.420 up her lease, obviously. I don't know why I told 00:08:13.420 --> 00:08:15.220 her that and she's never been interested enough 00:08:15.220 --> 00:08:17.779 in my finances. I make about 50 percent again 00:08:17.779 --> 00:08:20.480 of what she makes. Also, I have for longer than 00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:22.560 we've been together managed the house and its 00:08:22.560 --> 00:08:24.839 repairs with very minimal interaction from the 00:08:24.839 --> 00:08:26.939 landlord. Generally, if it costs less than a 00:08:26.939 --> 00:08:29.319 thousand dollars, I just paid to fix it myself, 00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:31.439 partly because I didn't mind and partly to keep 00:08:31.439 --> 00:08:33.980 the landlord out of my life. If the repairs or 00:08:33.980 --> 00:08:35.899 problem were greater than that, I'd still pay 00:08:35.899 --> 00:08:38.320 for it. But then I'd invoice the landlord. He 00:08:38.320 --> 00:08:40.700 was absolutely fine with this state of affairs. 00:08:41.110 --> 00:08:43.210 still live in the same house, and we talk about 00:08:43.210 --> 00:08:45.509 how much we love this house all the time. My 00:08:45.509 --> 00:08:47.509 landlord wants to retire from landlording and 00:08:47.509 --> 00:08:50.009 is selling his houses. He has about a dozen to 00:08:50.009 --> 00:08:52.450 the tenants at a greatly reduced rate, like twenty 00:08:52.450 --> 00:08:55.490 five thousand below appraisal. I can afford the 00:08:55.490 --> 00:08:57.269 mortgage and in fact have been approved for it, 00:08:57.269 --> 00:08:58.950 but I still haven't told my wife that we don't 00:08:58.950 --> 00:09:01.179 own this house. I have the money in my personal 00:09:01.179 --> 00:09:03.399 savings, not our joint accounts, to pay the down 00:09:03.399 --> 00:09:05.899 payment and I can fully absorb the increase in 00:09:05.899 --> 00:09:08.059 costs from the monthly rent to the monthly mortgage 00:09:08.059 --> 00:09:10.759 without her having to help at all additionally 00:09:10.759 --> 00:09:13.340 with bills. The problem is that when we close 00:09:13.340 --> 00:09:15.240 in a few weeks, apparently she needs to be at 00:09:15.240 --> 00:09:17.759 the closing as well to sign things. The mortgage 00:09:17.759 --> 00:09:20.320 is only in my name. She's not on the hook for 00:09:20.320 --> 00:09:22.740 it at all, except I suppose by virtue that she's 00:09:22.740 --> 00:09:25.460 my spouse. But apparently the title company wants 00:09:25.460 --> 00:09:28.019 her to sign some things as well. Obviously, I'm 00:09:28.019 --> 00:09:29.740 gonna have to tell her the truth about all this 00:09:29.740 --> 00:09:32.460 and she will be furious and hurt by my lies and 00:09:32.460 --> 00:09:34.419 gaslighting and she will absolutely be in the 00:09:34.419 --> 00:09:37.279 right to be so. Other than telling her the whole 00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:39.080 truth and hoping she doesn't hate me forever 00:09:39.080 --> 00:09:41.320 and absolutely admitting to her that I've been 00:09:41.320 --> 00:09:44.159 a liar and a jerk this whole time, what can I 00:09:44.159 --> 00:09:47.580 do? How do I tell her this and not expect her 00:09:47.580 --> 00:09:50.100 to just hate me? Should I even expect to be able 00:09:50.100 --> 00:09:53.590 to tell her this and have her not hate me? TLDR, 00:09:53.649 --> 00:09:55.750 I lied to my girlfriend now wife about our house 00:09:55.750 --> 00:09:58.210 situation. Now that I have an amazing opportunity 00:09:58.210 --> 00:10:00.129 to fix it, I have to come clean, but I'm worried 00:10:00.129 --> 00:10:02.710 that coming clean now will only make things worse. 00:10:03.009 --> 00:10:05.409 The way he's like taking ownership of the fact 00:10:05.409 --> 00:10:08.750 that he's like effed up, I think softens the 00:10:08.750 --> 00:10:10.690 blow a little bit. I think if he was more of 00:10:10.690 --> 00:10:12.909 a D bag about it, I'd be a lot more angry at 00:10:12.909 --> 00:10:16.549 him. I think it is such a dumb lie that he gave 00:10:16.549 --> 00:10:19.730 her from the beginning. And I think it's really 00:10:19.730 --> 00:10:22.519 weird he didn't just like tell her like. Aren't 00:10:22.519 --> 00:10:25.000 they married? They're married now. They've been 00:10:25.000 --> 00:10:26.159 married for three years. They've been together 00:10:26.159 --> 00:10:29.059 for 10. They're married. Like, how do you not 00:10:29.059 --> 00:10:31.200 tell your spouse at that point before getting 00:10:31.200 --> 00:10:33.879 married? Like, hey, like, I don't know in this 00:10:33.879 --> 00:10:37.559 house. Yeah. But what do you think? That's my 00:10:37.559 --> 00:10:39.340 thought was exactly that. Like, when she goes 00:10:39.340 --> 00:10:41.179 to move in with you, it would be really easy 00:10:41.179 --> 00:10:43.840 to just be like, hey, we were dating. I really 00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:45.480 wanted you to think I was cool. And I told you 00:10:45.480 --> 00:10:48.960 I own the place, but I don't. I'm renting. Like, 00:10:49.399 --> 00:10:53.799 if that's a deal breaker. Sorry, obviously doesn't 00:10:53.799 --> 00:10:55.820 want to be a deal breaker and he's not that non 00:10:55.820 --> 00:10:58.659 -swan like he's like freaking out No, he's freaking 00:10:58.659 --> 00:11:00.480 out about it, but he's ten years down the road 00:11:00.480 --> 00:11:02.720 I'm saying you do it when she moves in and she 00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:05.039 moved in before they were married. Yeah, she 00:11:05.039 --> 00:11:08.720 moved in like early on yeah Saying just come 00:11:08.720 --> 00:11:11.039 clean about it in the scheme of things like when 00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:13.759 you if you look at a situation like this Being 00:11:13.759 --> 00:11:17.480 lied to for that long as the person being lied 00:11:17.480 --> 00:11:19.679 to you'd be like, what the hell is wrong with 00:11:19.679 --> 00:11:22.299 you? Why would you lie to me? Over something 00:11:22.299 --> 00:11:25.600 so stupid for all this time and I can't help 00:11:25.600 --> 00:11:28.759 but think like there's important things And then 00:11:28.759 --> 00:11:32.059 there's like less important things that with 00:11:32.059 --> 00:11:34.179 him like covering the finances them never even 00:11:34.179 --> 00:11:38.039 having to have Like their finances combined it 00:11:38.039 --> 00:11:41.340 feels Like something that shouldn't be that big 00:11:41.340 --> 00:11:43.779 of a deal So I don't really understand why he's 00:11:43.779 --> 00:11:46.559 so panicked like it's like just tell her I feel 00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:49.470 like One thing that bothered me was when he said 00:11:49.470 --> 00:11:51.929 like unfortunately she has to be there like sign 00:11:51.929 --> 00:11:53.789 and like her name is not going to be on the house. 00:11:54.250 --> 00:11:56.950 I'd be pissed. We're married 10 years and we're 00:11:56.950 --> 00:11:59.070 together 10 years on the road. You're finally 00:11:59.070 --> 00:12:00.870 going to buy this house that I thought you already 00:12:00.870 --> 00:12:03.370 owned and you're just going to keep it in your 00:12:03.370 --> 00:12:05.629 name though at that point when I could have been 00:12:05.629 --> 00:12:08.009 in it with you like I would have been pissed. 00:12:08.070 --> 00:12:11.389 So hypothetically let's just say there's no situation 00:12:11.389 --> 00:12:13.929 where it's where it's correct to lie for that 00:12:13.929 --> 00:12:17.990 long. So I'm not saying that but If he did own 00:12:17.990 --> 00:12:20.309 the house initially, she's not on the house. 00:12:20.649 --> 00:12:23.129 It becomes community property with them being 00:12:23.129 --> 00:12:26.669 married and they live together. So for the sake 00:12:26.669 --> 00:12:28.610 of that, she wouldn't have to worry about that. 00:12:28.710 --> 00:12:30.690 I can understand why he wouldn't have been planning 00:12:30.690 --> 00:12:35.350 on putting her on the thing. I don't know. One 00:12:35.350 --> 00:12:39.090 choice like that is going to destroy years of 00:12:39.090 --> 00:12:42.730 trust when she finds out. It could, possibly, 00:12:43.629 --> 00:12:47.659 from that. It's not worth it. Well, of course 00:12:47.659 --> 00:12:50.419 it's not worth it. Yeah. So I get why he's panicking 00:12:50.419 --> 00:12:52.259 because a lie is a lie and you don't want to 00:12:52.259 --> 00:12:54.639 lie to your spouse. But there is an update on 00:12:54.639 --> 00:12:57.759 that. There is an update on this. Yeah. I'll 00:12:57.759 --> 00:13:01.299 tell you. For context, this was two days later. 00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:03.659 As soon as my wife got home Friday night, I had 00:13:03.659 --> 00:13:06.059 her sit down with me and I came clean about everything. 00:13:06.379 --> 00:13:08.279 Told her I lied about owning the house. Told 00:13:08.279 --> 00:13:10.440 her we'd been renting this entire time. Told 00:13:10.440 --> 00:13:12.320 her about getting the mortgage in place and using 00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:14.419 money from my personal accounts to pay for the 00:13:14.419 --> 00:13:16.759 down payment and everything. And she reacted 00:13:16.759 --> 00:13:18.860 in a completely opposite way than I expected. 00:13:19.419 --> 00:13:21.179 She was of course heard about the lie, but she 00:13:21.179 --> 00:13:22.960 was thrilled to learn that we were buying the 00:13:22.960 --> 00:13:24.820 house and that we were getting a great deal for 00:13:24.820 --> 00:13:27.080 it. We talked about the boundaries and we talked 00:13:27.080 --> 00:13:29.419 about keeping secrets, but truly this is the 00:13:29.419 --> 00:13:31.639 only thing I've ever lied to her about. She knows 00:13:31.639 --> 00:13:33.980 all my passwords. I gave them to her years ago, 00:13:34.179 --> 00:13:36.240 unprompted. She has access to all our shared 00:13:36.240 --> 00:13:38.179 bank account information and I'd show her my 00:13:38.179 --> 00:13:40.759 personal bank accounts if she asked. I had this 00:13:40.759 --> 00:13:43.019 one big lie and I held onto this for a decade 00:13:43.019 --> 00:13:46.019 and it ate me up. But now that the air is cleared, 00:13:46.019 --> 00:13:48.159 we're working on a path moving forward stronger 00:13:48.159 --> 00:13:50.799 together. I'm truly a lucky guy to have such 00:13:50.799 --> 00:13:52.940 a wonderful woman in my life. She's the best 00:13:52.940 --> 00:13:55.580 partner that I could ever hope for. We have a 00:13:55.580 --> 00:13:57.240 plan to move forward and I think we're going 00:13:57.240 --> 00:13:59.179 to work together to even knock out this debt 00:13:59.179 --> 00:14:01.679 faster than most people do. She's also now planning 00:14:01.679 --> 00:14:03.759 to do the house I wouldn't previously let her 00:14:03.759 --> 00:14:05.720 do like ripping up the carpet and refinishing 00:14:05.720 --> 00:14:08.340 the hardwood floors and everything else. I cried 00:14:08.340 --> 00:14:10.460 with relief, y 'all. This whole conversation 00:14:10.460 --> 00:14:12.519 was a weight off my mind and I was so relieved 00:14:12.519 --> 00:14:15.620 to have it done. She forgave me, though I maintained 00:14:15.620 --> 00:14:17.840 she has the right to decide she's mad at me still. 00:14:18.759 --> 00:14:22.720 What does she have on this guy? Babe, she lied 00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:25.860 or he lied to her. for all those years that's 00:14:25.860 --> 00:14:28.159 weird you don't lie that you own a house when 00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:32.240 you don't like i i i feel like her response was 00:14:32.240 --> 00:14:37.659 perfect and was what it should be um no i think 00:14:37.659 --> 00:14:39.659 plenty of she's probably cheating on him so she's 00:14:39.659 --> 00:14:42.399 like oh that's that's all you got oh okay cool 00:14:42.399 --> 00:14:45.840 oh really yeah she probably wasn't that upset 00:14:45.840 --> 00:14:49.960 about it i just think it's in terms of significance 00:14:49.960 --> 00:14:52.679 it's like Okay, we don't have ten years worth 00:14:52.679 --> 00:14:55.500 of equity in this house. That's a bummer, but 00:14:55.500 --> 00:15:01.379 That's like that's it Wow We are way on up polar 00:15:01.379 --> 00:15:05.460 opposites here. That's that's Never happens shocker. 00:15:05.539 --> 00:15:09.200 Yeah, I love this someone says big props to post 00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:11.899 where the OOP preface with oh my gosh I'm such 00:15:11.899 --> 00:15:14.600 an asshole when in this case. No, he wasn't was 00:15:14.600 --> 00:15:17.500 he an absolute Homer Simpson. Yes, but he's with 00:15:17.500 --> 00:15:19.620 the March He'll be fine. This was a charming 00:15:19.620 --> 00:15:22.590 story I'm referencing the quickie divorce episode 00:15:22.590 --> 00:15:24.029 of the Simpsons, by the way. I don't know that 00:15:24.029 --> 00:15:27.049 episode, but I love that he called him a Homer 00:15:27.049 --> 00:15:31.070 Simpson. It's like a oof. Like that was a dumb 00:15:31.070 --> 00:15:33.070 freaking lie that you held onto all that time. 00:15:33.149 --> 00:15:36.289 Like it's a stupid thing. In exchange, all he 00:15:36.289 --> 00:15:38.610 has to do is accept his position as dumbass for 00:15:38.610 --> 00:15:40.789 the rest of his life, which I mean, honestly, 00:15:40.990 --> 00:15:44.090 fair enough. And I guess we're ready for the 00:15:44.090 --> 00:15:46.649 next story, y 'all. So this is from the subreddit 00:15:46.649 --> 00:15:49.769 Confessions. I ruined my close friend group in 00:15:49.769 --> 00:15:53.029 under a minute. I always felt lucky to have something 00:15:53.029 --> 00:15:55.509 like a lot of people don't. Friendships that 00:15:55.509 --> 00:15:58.049 feel like family. We were a tight little group, 00:15:58.210 --> 00:16:00.669 especially me and my best friend. He's been there 00:16:00.669 --> 00:16:02.629 for eight years and I honestly thought we'd be 00:16:02.629 --> 00:16:05.610 friends for life. Then I went and betrayed him. 00:16:05.990 --> 00:16:08.409 A few days ago, we were all hanging out drinking 00:16:08.409 --> 00:16:10.509 and laughing at a friend's place. After a while, 00:16:10.789 --> 00:16:12.929 some of us were pretty drunk and others had already 00:16:12.929 --> 00:16:15.460 crushed, including my best friend. I still don't 00:16:15.460 --> 00:16:17.539 get what came over me, but at one point, I was 00:16:17.539 --> 00:16:20.000 talking to his girlfriend. For some reason, I 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:22.759 asked her if we could kiss. I even asked her 00:16:22.759 --> 00:16:24.919 more than once. She turned me down right away 00:16:24.919 --> 00:16:27.179 and couldn't believe I'd even asked that. Nothing 00:16:27.179 --> 00:16:29.399 happened, but a few minutes later, I felt this 00:16:29.399 --> 00:16:32.279 huge wave of shame and disgust at myself. I couldn't 00:16:32.279 --> 00:16:34.860 believe I'd actually tried to do that. They've 00:16:34.860 --> 00:16:37.000 been together for years, and I acted like a total 00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:39.379 jerk trying something with her. I don't even 00:16:39.379 --> 00:16:41.759 blame the alcohol. I was totally aware of what 00:16:41.759 --> 00:16:44.539 I was doing. I used to feel proud of myself for 00:16:44.539 --> 00:16:46.919 never doing anything really stupid, like I was 00:16:46.919 --> 00:16:48.960 somehow better than people who betray their friends 00:16:48.960 --> 00:16:51.860 or partners for some quick thrill. And now I 00:16:51.860 --> 00:16:54.000 was the one who'd done it. In less than a minute 00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:56.440 I destroyed eight years of friendship with one 00:16:56.440 --> 00:16:58.659 of the only people who truly cares about me. 00:16:59.019 --> 00:17:00.740 I wrecked my friendship with the whole group 00:17:00.740 --> 00:17:03.019 too, all the people who traveled with shared 00:17:03.019 --> 00:17:04.680 memories with moments that I'll remember for 00:17:04.680 --> 00:17:06.960 the rest of my life. I'll carry this mistake 00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:09.460 with me forever. I don't want his forgiveness. 00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:12.109 I don't deserve it. And I know if I were him, 00:17:12.170 --> 00:17:14.750 I'd cut me off without a second thought. I'm 00:17:14.750 --> 00:17:16.670 just writing this as a letter to anyone out there 00:17:16.670 --> 00:17:18.990 to share the stupidest mistake I've made in my 00:17:18.990 --> 00:17:22.930 life. I'm sorry, Daniel. I hate those kids. Oh 00:17:22.930 --> 00:17:25.789 my gosh. So you hate the friend group or you 00:17:25.789 --> 00:17:28.210 hate him for being like we should kiss? No, I 00:17:28.210 --> 00:17:31.329 hate him. 100 % him. Yeah. Have you had a friend 00:17:31.329 --> 00:17:34.410 like that before? Yeah. Really? Can you share 00:17:34.410 --> 00:17:38.589 an experience? Yeah, I there was just this girl 00:17:38.589 --> 00:17:42.250 and this was in that period before Mission after 00:17:42.250 --> 00:17:44.369 high school this girl that I started to have 00:17:44.369 --> 00:17:46.369 a crush on and we hung out with a lot of different 00:17:46.369 --> 00:17:49.029 like groups And I did not like that didn't come 00:17:49.029 --> 00:17:52.349 easy I would be the one that was like just Homies 00:17:52.349 --> 00:17:54.890 and like my two guy friends or three guy friends 00:17:54.890 --> 00:17:57.230 would always be like it starts with like one 00:17:57.230 --> 00:18:00.049 and then change groups and whatever so this was 00:18:00.049 --> 00:18:02.210 the one time that like I thought I was clicking 00:18:02.210 --> 00:18:05.599 with this girl and I was I can't even really 00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:07.119 remember the details other than we were hanging 00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:10.079 out at my friend's house one night and I'd never 00:18:10.079 --> 00:18:13.240 like done anything like never obviously never 00:18:13.240 --> 00:18:16.240 kissed like never even really like I didn't do 00:18:16.240 --> 00:18:18.779 anything to show that I was super interested 00:18:18.779 --> 00:18:21.140 other than just like being more flirty than normal. 00:18:21.140 --> 00:18:24.119 Yeah. But my my friends knew that I was interested. 00:18:24.180 --> 00:18:26.500 Yeah. So this is like second time third time 00:18:26.500 --> 00:18:29.480 hanging out. Well, whatever the day was, I end 00:18:29.480 --> 00:18:33.089 up going home. some of the girls in the group 00:18:33.089 --> 00:18:36.309 stayed there with my friend and then other ones 00:18:36.309 --> 00:18:38.769 went home and this girl ended up being alone 00:18:38.769 --> 00:18:43.069 with my friend and my friend knew explicitly 00:18:43.069 --> 00:18:48.750 like that I was into this girl and he totally 00:18:48.750 --> 00:18:51.930 like sped game on her like got her into his room 00:18:51.930 --> 00:18:55.569 and they were like snuggling and she was a she 00:18:55.569 --> 00:18:57.549 was a pretty flirty girl so I was like whatever 00:18:57.549 --> 00:19:01.200 but he He kissed her. He made a move on her and 00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:04.000 he kissed her. Yeah. And like that whole thing. 00:19:04.259 --> 00:19:06.579 And then the next day he hit me up and he was 00:19:06.579 --> 00:19:12.500 like, dude, I'm so sorry. It took me a while. 00:19:12.660 --> 00:19:16.380 I was like, wow, bro. For real. Yeah. Did you 00:19:16.380 --> 00:19:17.940 ever talk to that girl again? Or is it kind of 00:19:17.940 --> 00:19:20.400 just over at that point? It was over for me at 00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:23.039 that point. And then I just like. We still hung 00:19:23.039 --> 00:19:24.660 out with the group and I was friendly, but I 00:19:24.660 --> 00:19:28.240 was not like interested in more. That stings. 00:19:28.279 --> 00:19:31.660 That's no fun. So sorry that happened. You know, 00:19:31.920 --> 00:19:34.960 and that was like. The other thing is the same 00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:37.700 friend anytime that I would like maybe start 00:19:37.700 --> 00:19:40.880 to like, there's always those friends. Anytime 00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:42.900 that I would like start to show interest, you 00:19:42.900 --> 00:19:47.279 would just relax and just swoop in. I hate that. 00:19:48.339 --> 00:19:51.319 Happens. Oh, I'm sorry. I hate that. I was always 00:19:51.319 --> 00:19:54.200 so competitive So we're like my I had certain 00:19:54.200 --> 00:19:56.500 friends that would do that as well and I would 00:19:56.500 --> 00:19:59.619 always win Yeah, you you are my friend in this 00:19:59.619 --> 00:20:02.500 story. No, that's not true Like you're the you're 00:20:02.500 --> 00:20:04.400 the one that would win the battle. I'm the one 00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:07.720 that would be like deuces on the battle No, no, 00:20:07.720 --> 00:20:09.720 no. No, I'm not that like if my friends is they're 00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:11.579 interested in someone I'm not going after them 00:20:11.579 --> 00:20:14.119 at that point It's when I would say I'm interested 00:20:14.119 --> 00:20:16.539 and then the girl would be like, oh And then 00:20:16.539 --> 00:20:19.099 I would see them trying I'd be like, oh hell 00:20:19.099 --> 00:20:23.660 no, I would be like absolutely not but there 00:20:23.660 --> 00:20:27.480 was one that he chose the other girl and that 00:20:27.480 --> 00:20:31.099 was cool, but Other than that I did. Okay. Yeah 00:20:31.099 --> 00:20:34.960 your records like probably like 45 and one Yes, 00:20:35.819 --> 00:20:39.000 yeah, maybe 69. I can't be you can't be six seven 00:20:39.000 --> 00:20:43.019 undefeated, right? That wouldn't be fair. But 00:20:43.019 --> 00:20:45.119 and I do feel like it's different for guys and 00:20:45.119 --> 00:20:49.619 maybe like Me trying to be a cool guy like I 00:20:49.619 --> 00:20:52.900 never got jealous. I can never got like Outwardly 00:20:52.900 --> 00:20:55.240 jealous for the most part. It was kind of like 00:20:55.240 --> 00:20:58.880 an open Like who is she interested in? Well, 00:20:58.880 --> 00:21:00.920 I think like whatever I know I feel like you 00:21:00.920 --> 00:21:02.640 would have been probably so frustrating in high 00:21:02.640 --> 00:21:04.420 school because you probably would have been like 00:21:04.420 --> 00:21:08.299 Slow game like oh the slow you were not I was 00:21:08.299 --> 00:21:12.059 more just like boom if I like you let's like 00:21:12.059 --> 00:21:15.079 probably I probably Don't want to say had missed 00:21:15.079 --> 00:21:16.799 opportunities, but like there was definitely 00:21:16.799 --> 00:21:19.180 relationships that may have happened if I wasn't 00:21:19.180 --> 00:21:22.279 so slow Yeah, I do doubt for myself which you 00:21:22.279 --> 00:21:24.539 were with me too and now that I think about it 00:21:24.539 --> 00:21:27.079 Yeah, yeah except for when we first met you you 00:21:27.079 --> 00:21:30.799 hopped on pretty fast Hopped on yeah, I took 00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:37.500 you for a ride. Oh my hell I rode you Good shit 00:21:37.500 --> 00:21:42.880 get this out of here No, I took you around town 00:21:43.069 --> 00:21:46.609 That didn't happen. Pound down. That didn't happen. 00:21:47.710 --> 00:21:53.210 There was a... That took a full year. I'm dead. 00:21:53.410 --> 00:21:55.809 No, just that one. You asked for my number the 00:21:55.809 --> 00:21:57.849 day you met me. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, 00:21:57.849 --> 00:22:00.990 I had to. Yeah, of course. Don left and he texted 00:22:00.990 --> 00:22:03.769 me. He said I had to. So the reason why you bought 00:22:03.769 --> 00:22:06.269 it is because of Don. Like, I wanted to. Obviously, 00:22:06.569 --> 00:22:10.430 I wanted to, but like, I was scared. I was like 00:22:10.430 --> 00:22:12.930 not... in that place where I was like pursuing. 00:22:13.630 --> 00:22:17.109 Wow. Tell Don I said thank you. You have. You 00:22:17.109 --> 00:22:19.430 told him thank you like early on. Oh, perfect. 00:22:19.650 --> 00:22:22.509 OK, great. OK, well, that's my story. Yeah, I 00:22:22.509 --> 00:22:25.150 like it. I hate the guy. Someone said like, I 00:22:25.150 --> 00:22:26.970 don't think this came out of nowhere. I think 00:22:26.970 --> 00:22:29.269 this moment had been building for a long time. 00:22:29.670 --> 00:22:31.710 Like, there's got to be something there where 00:22:31.710 --> 00:22:33.569 he either had feelings towards the girl for a 00:22:33.569 --> 00:22:36.670 long time or he was jealous of the friend Loki 00:22:36.670 --> 00:22:39.269 and it was like this like weird dynamic where 00:22:39.579 --> 00:22:42.079 He wanted to see if he was, like, as good or 00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:44.039 better than him to where he could get the girl. 00:22:44.599 --> 00:22:46.299 Could be something like that, and it also could 00:22:46.299 --> 00:22:48.880 just be the girl. Like, it could be like, Brenda 00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:51.900 really just had a crush on this specific girl. 00:22:52.299 --> 00:22:54.640 Cool one. Good one. Thank you. Fun. Stirring 00:22:54.640 --> 00:22:58.680 up some great feelings. All right. This one comes 00:22:58.680 --> 00:23:01.720 from A .I .T .A .H. Am I the asshole for telling 00:23:01.720 --> 00:23:03.579 my daughter, of course she could move in with 00:23:03.579 --> 00:23:08.599 me without talking to my wife first. That's crazy. 00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:11.160 I've been married to Nora for about five years 00:23:11.160 --> 00:23:13.019 together for seven and she has a daughter who 00:23:13.019 --> 00:23:16.359 is 10. I have a 16 year old daughter, Ria, from 00:23:16.359 --> 00:23:18.180 my first marriage who lives in another state 00:23:18.180 --> 00:23:20.980 with her mom and has for the last eight years. 00:23:21.279 --> 00:23:23.180 It was kind of a complicated situation where 00:23:23.180 --> 00:23:25.599 both of us were being transferred for work. We 00:23:25.599 --> 00:23:27.779 were already divorced and we agreed my ex would 00:23:27.779 --> 00:23:29.900 take Ria and I would fly her out once a month 00:23:29.900 --> 00:23:32.319 for a weekend and have her every summer and every 00:23:32.319 --> 00:23:34.460 other holiday. It was a hard decision, but the 00:23:34.460 --> 00:23:36.500 three of us made it work and are very happy. 00:23:36.700 --> 00:23:40.200 Nora also has always said she loves Ria like 00:23:40.200 --> 00:23:42.180 she's her own and I've never thought she was 00:23:42.180 --> 00:23:45.720 lying until recently. Oh Without getting into 00:23:45.720 --> 00:23:48.819 too much detail Ria has been experiencing extreme 00:23:48.819 --> 00:23:51.579 bullying from boys at her school and the school's 00:23:51.579 --> 00:23:53.900 response has been abysmal for the level of harassment 00:23:53.900 --> 00:23:57.119 My ex and I have been in constant contact the 00:23:57.119 --> 00:23:59.299 school and the situation has only gotten worse 00:23:59.299 --> 00:24:01.900 all semester Nora knows about all of this and 00:24:01.900 --> 00:24:04.019 has been very sympathetic when Ria was talking 00:24:04.019 --> 00:24:06.890 about it here over Thanksgiving My ex and I have 00:24:06.890 --> 00:24:08.849 been planning on sending Ria to a private school 00:24:08.849 --> 00:24:11.630 in the area next semester. There's only the one 00:24:11.630 --> 00:24:14.650 public and one private one in the area. Things 00:24:14.650 --> 00:24:16.589 have apparently gotten worse since winter break 00:24:16.589 --> 00:24:19.130 started and the boys have ramped up the bullying. 00:24:19.809 --> 00:24:21.970 Ria called me the other day completely devastated. 00:24:22.170 --> 00:24:24.849 My ex was around, but basically she doesn't see 00:24:24.849 --> 00:24:27.730 an end in sight even with going to the new school. 00:24:28.170 --> 00:24:29.849 The parents and school have been useless and 00:24:29.849 --> 00:24:32.369 she doesn't want to keep living like this. She 00:24:32.369 --> 00:24:34.190 asked if it would be possible to come and live 00:24:34.190 --> 00:24:36.809 here, basically switching the schedule. I told 00:24:36.809 --> 00:24:39.130 her of course we could, that we would do everything 00:24:39.130 --> 00:24:41.549 in our power to help her with this. I talked 00:24:41.549 --> 00:24:43.750 to my ex a little after speaking to Ria, and 00:24:43.750 --> 00:24:45.910 while she's completely devastated about everything, 00:24:46.089 --> 00:24:48.549 she sadly agreed. She has said she's working 00:24:48.549 --> 00:24:51.029 on seeing about transferring to my area or even 00:24:51.029 --> 00:24:53.829 getting a new job, but agrees with me that Ria 00:24:53.829 --> 00:24:55.869 needs to get out of this situation before the 00:24:55.869 --> 00:24:58.650 new semester begins. After that call, I immediately 00:24:58.650 --> 00:25:01.059 called Nora to discuss with her. Even though 00:25:01.059 --> 00:25:03.319 she's been sympathetic to everything, she completely 00:25:03.319 --> 00:25:05.059 lost it at me, telling me that I should have 00:25:05.059 --> 00:25:07.240 said no until I talked to her. She said this 00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:09.079 was too much of a change for her daughter and 00:25:09.079 --> 00:25:11.839 would disrupt our home too much, and as my wife, 00:25:12.039 --> 00:25:14.799 she should have a veto on it. I was shocked and 00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:16.759 honestly appalled and told her she was being 00:25:16.759 --> 00:25:19.619 unreasonable. I wasn't going to tell my traumatized 00:25:19.619 --> 00:25:21.180 daughter she couldn't live with me because I 00:25:21.180 --> 00:25:23.619 needed my wife's permission. She hung up on me. 00:25:23.720 --> 00:25:25.859 That night I came home and she had sent her daughter 00:25:25.859 --> 00:25:28.799 to her mom's, okay, to her grandma's, and she 00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:31.380 tried basically laying down. She didn't sign 00:25:31.380 --> 00:25:33.440 up to be a full -time stepmom. She was saying 00:25:33.440 --> 00:25:36.839 no to Rhea moving in. And if I insisted on still 00:25:36.839 --> 00:25:39.240 going through with it, then she would have no 00:25:39.240 --> 00:25:41.640 responsibility towards Rhea. And if I asked her 00:25:41.640 --> 00:25:47.039 for help, she'd say no. Bro. Bro. I basically 00:25:47.039 --> 00:25:49.240 told her this was ridiculous, goes against everything 00:25:49.240 --> 00:25:51.759 she agreed to when we got together. And if that's 00:25:51.759 --> 00:25:54.019 how she wanted to be, I would reconsider many 00:25:54.019 --> 00:25:56.059 things I had agreed to, such as her being a stay 00:25:56.059 --> 00:25:58.259 -at -home mom starting next year. She kind of 00:25:58.259 --> 00:26:04.039 gave up, calmed down after that. Especially because 00:26:04.039 --> 00:26:06.160 when her mom dropped her daughter off, she told 00:26:06.160 --> 00:26:08.440 us without her daughter there that Nora was being 00:26:08.440 --> 00:26:11.420 ridiculous and she was ashamed of her. Yes, go 00:26:11.420 --> 00:26:13.769 mother -in -law. Thank you. I thought that would 00:26:13.769 --> 00:26:15.509 be the end of it, but she's been bringing it 00:26:15.509 --> 00:26:17.509 up to some of our friends, and a few of them 00:26:17.509 --> 00:26:19.210 have agreed with her. Although it seems like 00:26:19.210 --> 00:26:20.970 she's stopped fighting it, she still insists 00:26:20.970 --> 00:26:23.269 that she wants no responsibilities towards Ria. 00:26:23.450 --> 00:26:25.890 Who drives, does her own laundry, is an independent 00:26:25.890 --> 00:26:28.809 young lady anyways. And that any and all decisions 00:26:28.809 --> 00:26:30.970 regarding Ria, especially financial ones, need 00:26:30.970 --> 00:26:33.809 to go through her before I say anything to Ria 00:26:33.809 --> 00:26:37.869 or my ex. I hate this person. Yeah, like think 00:26:37.869 --> 00:26:41.109 about the husband. On the other end, he's taken 00:26:41.109 --> 00:26:44.789 in her daughter. Like his own like that is so 00:26:44.789 --> 00:26:48.210 unfair. It's it's literally it's hold on. Let's 00:26:48.210 --> 00:26:52.670 we'll finish. I will go all bad Especially financial 00:26:52.670 --> 00:26:55.529 I haven't even asked her for help and have been 00:26:55.529 --> 00:26:57.549 working on registering Ria for school and finding 00:26:57.549 --> 00:26:59.990 her a therapist in the area myself I'm starting 00:26:59.990 --> 00:27:01.869 to think this marriage is doomed But I'm wondering 00:27:01.869 --> 00:27:04.289 if I'm in the wrong about what I did and then 00:27:04.289 --> 00:27:06.430 it says edit because this is a little overwhelming 00:27:06.430 --> 00:27:08.309 now So a couple of facts will and then we'll 00:27:08.309 --> 00:27:11.059 dive in Our daughters get along amazingly despite 00:27:11.059 --> 00:27:13.440 their age differences. We also get along with 00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:15.599 our respective exes great to the point that last 00:27:15.599 --> 00:27:18.299 summer when Nora's dad was going through chemo, 00:27:18.400 --> 00:27:20.619 my ex let both girls go back to stay with her 00:27:20.619 --> 00:27:23.019 for a week because we were so overwhelmed. He's 00:27:23.019 --> 00:27:24.819 in remission now, but it was bad for a while. 00:27:24.980 --> 00:27:27.039 Both our exes were at our wedding. Shout out 00:27:27.039 --> 00:27:29.859 to them. Yeah, I love it. Her ex also lives far 00:27:29.859 --> 00:27:32.339 away and only has visitation and pays quite a 00:27:32.339 --> 00:27:34.859 bit in child support, which is how she'd be a 00:27:34.859 --> 00:27:37.000 stay at home mom. And he is also on board with 00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:39.880 it. There's a hundred zillion million comments 00:27:39.880 --> 00:27:42.099 that are great. This isn't a best redditor update. 00:27:42.160 --> 00:27:44.980 So these are direct comments with OP responding 00:27:44.980 --> 00:27:48.019 to them, but let's get your response first. I'm 00:27:48.019 --> 00:27:51.920 definitely a team dad here. 100%. But I do think 00:27:51.920 --> 00:27:53.859 maybe it would have gone a little bit smoother 00:27:53.859 --> 00:27:56.059 where there really was going to be no like, am 00:27:56.059 --> 00:27:58.960 I the asshole? If he would have just talked to 00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:02.490 her first about it too. or at least just been 00:28:02.490 --> 00:28:04.869 like, oh my gosh, I would love to, let me talk 00:28:04.869 --> 00:28:07.950 to whatever, my girl, whatever her name is, and 00:28:07.950 --> 00:28:10.170 then let me call you back tomorrow and let's 00:28:10.170 --> 00:28:12.549 see if we can get something going. I don't know, 00:28:12.849 --> 00:28:15.430 I don't know, but I think her response is crazy 00:28:15.430 --> 00:28:20.109 evil. This is the hill that I will die on, okay? 00:28:20.509 --> 00:28:23.789 Legitimately, if two roles were reversed, okay, 00:28:23.789 --> 00:28:27.609 let's say it's wife's daughter, lives with dad 00:28:27.609 --> 00:28:31.460 full time, is getting bullied. to that extent, 00:28:32.559 --> 00:28:34.539 like bullied so bad that the daughter is like, 00:28:34.579 --> 00:28:37.779 I need to get out of here. And is like panicking, 00:28:37.980 --> 00:28:41.119 calls mom in a panic. If it was exactly the mirror 00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:44.400 image, the mom's not like, oh, sweetie, I'm so 00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:47.940 sorry. I'm so sorry. Let me talk to my husband 00:28:47.940 --> 00:28:50.359 and then I'll let you know. Some people would. 00:28:51.079 --> 00:28:54.619 I just feel like it's not, it's a matter of like 00:28:54.619 --> 00:28:57.539 that emotional support is necessary. You have 00:28:57.539 --> 00:29:00.000 to be like, We will do whatever we have to do 00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:02.240 for you, sweetie, because you're 16, and you 00:29:02.240 --> 00:29:04.940 can't control where you live. You can't control 00:29:04.940 --> 00:29:08.559 the circumstances of your life. Financially, 00:29:08.900 --> 00:29:11.119 they can take it on. They didn't mention anything 00:29:11.119 --> 00:29:15.319 about space. There was nothing mentioned that's 00:29:15.319 --> 00:29:18.559 a significant reason why he's not able to just 00:29:18.559 --> 00:29:21.200 be like, whatever is needed for my offspring 00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:23.500 that came before you, lady. I know. That's why 00:29:23.500 --> 00:29:27.640 it makes me think in question, is the stepmother 00:29:27.789 --> 00:29:29.930 Does she really just not like the daughter? Like 00:29:29.930 --> 00:29:32.069 what is the daughter a brat? Is the daughter 00:29:32.069 --> 00:29:36.130 spoiled? Like maybe she'll be jealous of seeing 00:29:36.130 --> 00:29:39.730 their relationship 24 -7 and he's not paying 00:29:39.730 --> 00:29:42.650 attention to her and her daughter. Like there 00:29:42.650 --> 00:29:44.890 could be like a crazy dynamic switch that the 00:29:44.890 --> 00:29:47.569 girl like the mom wasn't ready for and she's 00:29:47.569 --> 00:29:49.410 the asshole like a hundred percent but there's 00:29:49.410 --> 00:29:51.849 all these things that I'm thinking like it's 00:29:51.849 --> 00:29:56.170 not just a simple yes to the stepmom because 00:29:56.170 --> 00:29:59.279 she's not. She's obviously not connected really 00:29:59.279 --> 00:30:01.700 to the daughter. No, and that's to me. That's 00:30:01.700 --> 00:30:04.680 I would care a lot less about like, well, wait, 00:30:05.079 --> 00:30:07.920 why like pinning it down? Because I would be 00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:10.640 like, wait, that's your reason. Figure it out. 00:30:10.700 --> 00:30:12.980 That's my daughter. Right. And plus, it's like 00:30:12.980 --> 00:30:15.279 you agreed to this when we got married. You married 00:30:15.279 --> 00:30:17.759 me and I already had a child. I married you and 00:30:17.759 --> 00:30:20.319 you had a child and I took her in. So and it's 00:30:20.319 --> 00:30:23.539 just it's family. It's yeah. He mentioned in 00:30:23.539 --> 00:30:26.859 there that she is. like she's fine, she has a 00:30:26.859 --> 00:30:28.779 great relationship with his daughter, like when 00:30:28.779 --> 00:30:31.440 she visits, like it's always good. And I mean, 00:30:31.519 --> 00:30:33.299 yeah, like you're shaking your head. She's 16, 00:30:33.480 --> 00:30:35.519 so like if she's just a typical teenage girl, 00:30:35.519 --> 00:30:37.599 you could imagine mood swings and all that kind 00:30:37.599 --> 00:30:39.740 of stuff. Yeah, I'm terrified for that. They're 00:30:39.740 --> 00:30:42.299 probably not always like the most fun to have 00:30:42.299 --> 00:30:44.359 around, which is fine, all that stuff's fine, 00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:48.559 but the stepmom, there's not a reasonable reason 00:30:48.559 --> 00:30:51.480 in the world that she could be like, no, it's 00:30:51.480 --> 00:30:53.920 not gonna happen. No, it's crazy. She's just 00:30:53.920 --> 00:30:57.319 flexing on him. I'm not gonna be at all part 00:30:57.319 --> 00:30:59.839 of helping in any shape or like shape or form 00:30:59.839 --> 00:31:03.079 or whatever. That's crazy. Yeah, like oh Okay, 00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:05.460 then you're out of here. I'm not gonna do any 00:31:05.460 --> 00:31:08.500 of her laundry I'm not gonna help her set up 00:31:08.500 --> 00:31:10.640 for school. I'm not dropping her off. I'm not 00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:13.799 she's your kid like you have to do I guarantee 00:31:13.799 --> 00:31:16.980 he has been so awesome of a dad to her daughter 00:31:16.980 --> 00:31:19.630 to That's what really bothers me. He's a good 00:31:19.630 --> 00:31:23.230 guy. He just sounds solid. He does sound like 00:31:23.230 --> 00:31:27.829 a fine young lad. I don't know, just a fine dude, 00:31:28.349 --> 00:31:31.630 but she is a nightmare. Now we go on to the last 00:31:31.630 --> 00:31:35.470 story. This is, am I the asshole for being upset 00:31:35.470 --> 00:31:39.529 about an email my partner never sent? I'm 36F, 00:31:39.589 --> 00:31:42.569 my partner 37M. We've been married for almost 00:31:42.569 --> 00:31:45.410 11 years. Overall, I genuinely thought we were 00:31:45.410 --> 00:31:47.900 solid. Over the holidays, we decided to do a 00:31:47.900 --> 00:31:50.960 deep clean. While organizing, I used his laptop 00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:53.500 to sort some shared documents and clear out old 00:31:53.500 --> 00:31:56.000 files. He's never been worried about me using 00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:58.119 his computer, so I didn't think it was a big 00:31:58.119 --> 00:32:01.440 deal. That's when I saw a draft email. It wasn't 00:32:01.440 --> 00:32:03.599 open, it was just saved in his drafts folder. 00:32:04.119 --> 00:32:05.940 The subject line caught my eye because it was 00:32:05.940 --> 00:32:08.599 a first name I recognized. Someone he's mentioned 00:32:08.599 --> 00:32:11.200 before, an old friend. Someone he's almost dated 00:32:11.200 --> 00:32:14.079 years before we met. I wish I hadn't opened it, 00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:16.640 but I did. The email wasn't recent, but it also 00:32:16.640 --> 00:32:18.740 wasn't old. It had been written about two years 00:32:18.740 --> 00:32:21.259 into our relationship and then edited again just 00:32:21.259 --> 00:32:24.180 a few days ago, January 2nd. The email wasn't 00:32:24.180 --> 00:32:26.480 explicit. There was no cheating, no plans to 00:32:26.480 --> 00:32:28.940 meet, nothing like that. But it was emotional 00:32:28.940 --> 00:32:30.940 in a way that honestly knocked the air out of 00:32:30.940 --> 00:32:33.420 me. He wrote about how he sometimes wonders what 00:32:33.420 --> 00:32:35.240 their life would have looked like if timing had 00:32:35.240 --> 00:32:37.519 been different, about how he hoped she's happy. 00:32:37.789 --> 00:32:40.130 about how part of him still carries that chapter 00:32:40.130 --> 00:32:42.349 with him, even though he loves me and chose this 00:32:42.349 --> 00:32:45.029 life. The last line said something like, I don't 00:32:45.029 --> 00:32:47.069 know why I'm writing this. I probably never will 00:32:47.069 --> 00:32:49.910 send it. I just needed to say it somewhere. I 00:32:49.910 --> 00:32:52.809 felt sick. When I asked him about it, he was 00:32:52.809 --> 00:32:55.730 immediately apologetic. He said he'd never intended 00:32:55.730 --> 00:32:57.589 to send it, that it was just something he wrote 00:32:57.589 --> 00:33:00.430 for closure. He said he had edits old drafts 00:33:00.430 --> 00:33:02.509 when he's emotional and that it didn't mean anything 00:33:02.509 --> 00:33:05.390 about how he feels about me. He kept saying I 00:33:05.390 --> 00:33:08.759 didn't do anything. And technically, he didn't. 00:33:08.980 --> 00:33:10.759 But I can't stop thinking about the fact that 00:33:10.759 --> 00:33:12.940 on January 2nd, while we were talking about goals 00:33:12.940 --> 00:33:15.500 for the year, our family, our future, he was 00:33:15.500 --> 00:33:17.880 editing a letter to someone else about what could 00:33:17.880 --> 00:33:20.859 have been. Now he says they invaded his privacy 00:33:20.859 --> 00:33:22.579 and that everyone has thoughts they don't act 00:33:22.579 --> 00:33:25.220 on. He insists that choosing me every day should 00:33:25.220 --> 00:33:27.500 matter more than a draft that never even left 00:33:27.500 --> 00:33:30.359 his computer. I don't know if I'm overreacting 00:33:30.359 --> 00:33:32.220 or if this is something I should be taking more 00:33:32.220 --> 00:33:35.079 seriously. Am I the asshole for being upset over 00:33:35.079 --> 00:33:39.359 something he never even said? Wow. Do you think 00:33:39.359 --> 00:33:41.819 they're the asshole? I can make space for both. 00:33:41.880 --> 00:33:44.640 I think obviously the husband is definitely more 00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:46.900 of the asshole for having those types of thoughts 00:33:46.900 --> 00:33:50.480 or feelings that linger. I also empathize or 00:33:50.480 --> 00:33:53.339 sympathize with the fact that he didn't technically 00:33:53.339 --> 00:33:56.859 do anything and people have different ways of 00:33:56.859 --> 00:33:59.420 trying to like go through, sort through what 00:33:59.420 --> 00:34:02.339 they feel on the inside. So she has every right 00:34:02.339 --> 00:34:04.799 to be mad with what she found. Like, obviously, 00:34:05.079 --> 00:34:07.000 even though he didn't do anything, it's still 00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:08.639 going to make her feel things. It's still going 00:34:08.639 --> 00:34:11.139 to make her doubt. And for good reason, like 00:34:11.139 --> 00:34:14.480 what's going on in his mind, she will never know. 00:34:14.940 --> 00:34:18.659 So you don't think an unset message to a significant 00:34:18.659 --> 00:34:21.559 other, like to someone that was like in his past, 00:34:21.559 --> 00:34:26.119 isn't a betrayal. The fact that it's not sent. 00:34:26.380 --> 00:34:28.960 Yeah, like that message. But he wrote it two 00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:31.900 years ago. and then January 2nd went back in 00:34:31.900 --> 00:34:35.340 and edited it. It's, I mean, that's, I feel like 00:34:35.340 --> 00:34:37.920 this is kind of a loaded thing because on the 00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:41.619 one hand, like I want to make space for just 00:34:41.619 --> 00:34:44.739 factually what it is. Like where my mind went 00:34:44.739 --> 00:34:47.119 was like, would this be as wrong if he's writing 00:34:47.119 --> 00:34:49.300 this in a personal journal? Like if it's something 00:34:49.300 --> 00:34:51.019 he's just doing, because he said, I'm just doing 00:34:51.019 --> 00:34:53.079 it for closure. Because people do that and then 00:34:53.079 --> 00:34:55.260 they burn it, like that type of stuff, like get 00:34:55.260 --> 00:34:57.300 their thoughts out and burn it. It doesn't even, 00:34:57.300 --> 00:35:02.510 I mean, maybe not even burn it, but like, privately 00:35:02.510 --> 00:35:07.030 having feelings and processing them, we're human 00:35:07.030 --> 00:35:10.030 beings, all of us are human beings. And what 00:35:10.030 --> 00:35:13.070 he said, I actually agree with, that you have 00:35:13.070 --> 00:35:15.269 thoughts, you have feelings that you don't always 00:35:15.269 --> 00:35:18.190 express or you don't always act on. And I think 00:35:18.190 --> 00:35:20.829 everybody has that. You ever had impulsive thoughts? 00:35:21.269 --> 00:35:23.690 Not necessarily that you're gonna step out on 00:35:23.690 --> 00:35:26.269 your marriage or something like that. Which is 00:35:26.269 --> 00:35:28.769 essentially what he's... Intrusive, essentially 00:35:28.769 --> 00:35:34.980 what... I know I'm saying he's not having intrusive 00:35:34.980 --> 00:35:37.780 thoughts or impulsive thoughts. It's he's like 00:35:37.780 --> 00:35:40.420 directing this emotional energy into another 00:35:40.420 --> 00:35:43.880 woman of what could have been. Right. So it's 00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:46.840 not just like this, like impulsive intrusive 00:35:46.840 --> 00:35:50.059 thought of like, I'm going to go jump and see 00:35:50.059 --> 00:35:52.420 if I can touch the ceiling right now. It's I'm 00:35:52.420 --> 00:35:55.820 going to go write my heart out to another person, 00:35:55.820 --> 00:35:58.159 whether he's going to send it or not. I do think 00:35:58.159 --> 00:36:00.079 there would come a day where he would send the 00:36:00.079 --> 00:36:03.380 button because if you're going each year or every 00:36:03.380 --> 00:36:06.719 couple years or whatever it is going back towards 00:36:06.719 --> 00:36:09.260 that eventually you are going to click it because 00:36:09.260 --> 00:36:12.000 you're clearly not directing that emotional energy 00:36:12.000 --> 00:36:13.719 of those thoughts and feelings that are like 00:36:13.800 --> 00:36:16.920 stirring up inside you, whatever it is, healing 00:36:16.920 --> 00:36:19.059 from anything. It's just gonna get worse and 00:36:19.059 --> 00:36:21.199 worse and that energy that you're going towards 00:36:21.199 --> 00:36:23.639 is gonna be towards sending the message. Like 00:36:23.639 --> 00:36:26.900 even if it's not cheating, just the fact that 00:36:26.900 --> 00:36:29.699 there's like emotional processing being done 00:36:29.699 --> 00:36:33.539 that doesn't involve or include the wife is I 00:36:33.539 --> 00:36:36.219 feel like a recipe for disaster. I agree with 00:36:36.219 --> 00:36:37.960 everything you said except for the last part. 00:36:38.860 --> 00:36:42.000 Really? Yeah, because everybody has to regulate 00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:44.840 their nervous system constantly. Yeah, but what 00:36:44.840 --> 00:36:46.900 we've learned with EFT therapy is that we have 00:36:46.900 --> 00:36:48.800 each other. We're supposed to do it together, 00:36:48.800 --> 00:36:52.079 right? That's for the sake of relationships. 00:36:53.179 --> 00:36:56.380 The way that you bind to someone once you create 00:36:56.380 --> 00:36:58.519 the threshold where you can be in those deep 00:36:58.519 --> 00:37:02.159 emotional spaces for roughly 12 to 15 minutes. 00:37:02.159 --> 00:37:05.380 If you could stay there, you reprogram your system. 00:37:05.519 --> 00:37:07.940 And then when something comes up, something triggering, 00:37:08.170 --> 00:37:11.190 comes up, then all you have to do is take a moment 00:37:11.190 --> 00:37:13.289 to slow down and then you feel that closeness 00:37:13.289 --> 00:37:15.230 and safety with your spouse. And that's what 00:37:15.230 --> 00:37:17.269 we're working for in therapy. That's the point 00:37:17.269 --> 00:37:20.429 of EFT therapy. But you feel emotions all throughout 00:37:20.429 --> 00:37:22.969 every single day. So it's not realistic that 00:37:22.969 --> 00:37:24.909 you get to just go to your spouse to process 00:37:24.909 --> 00:37:27.489 things. And that's not to say that you have to 00:37:27.489 --> 00:37:29.829 go to an email draft and process them that way. 00:37:29.889 --> 00:37:33.289 I'm saying that like there is both processing 00:37:33.289 --> 00:37:35.829 emotions in your relationship and then how do 00:37:35.829 --> 00:37:39.150 you cope with your emotions? the time and both 00:37:39.150 --> 00:37:41.909 things need to be cohesive. Yeah, but also like 00:37:41.909 --> 00:37:45.429 as a man or a grown adult That was definitely 00:37:45.429 --> 00:37:47.750 the wrong choice to put your feelings towards 00:37:47.750 --> 00:37:50.409 something like that. We're in agreement there. 00:37:50.409 --> 00:37:53.349 Yeah. Yeah, I know I'm just saying I just feel 00:37:53.349 --> 00:37:56.389 like if you needed to process something emotional 00:37:56.389 --> 00:37:59.309 Like obviously the most appropriate place would 00:37:59.309 --> 00:38:02.269 be his wife or therapy, right? It would be his 00:38:02.269 --> 00:38:05.269 wife if he's done deep emotional work and is 00:38:05.269 --> 00:38:08.380 capable of Sharing those types of things. Yeah, 00:38:08.380 --> 00:38:10.699 and it could be anything good bad and ugly Just 00:38:10.699 --> 00:38:13.320 like I had such a crappy day at work today or 00:38:13.320 --> 00:38:15.760 dude I don't feel seen by anyone all the kids 00:38:15.760 --> 00:38:17.800 are just like all over you and I'm just like 00:38:17.800 --> 00:38:21.739 I don't know but Most people I would venture 00:38:21.739 --> 00:38:24.579 guess you guys listening you could confirm this 00:38:24.579 --> 00:38:27.760 or not. I feel like most people That's not a 00:38:27.760 --> 00:38:30.179 natural byproduct of a relationship. That's something 00:38:30.179 --> 00:38:33.219 that really has to be developed and honed Unless 00:38:33.219 --> 00:38:35.340 you're lucky unless you won the spouse lottery 00:38:35.340 --> 00:38:40.389 and your comma your trauma coincides and you're 00:38:40.389 --> 00:38:43.909 able to just talk about those things. That's 00:38:43.909 --> 00:38:47.070 a really hard thing to do to just get right to 00:38:47.070 --> 00:38:50.230 it. And that's not saying that what he did was 00:38:50.230 --> 00:38:52.550 right. It's just making space for the humanity 00:38:52.550 --> 00:38:57.230 of it. What she found is a heck of a lot better 00:38:57.230 --> 00:39:00.510 than him having sent it, but him doing it in 00:39:00.510 --> 00:39:02.969 an email form is not the right thing to do. It's 00:39:02.969 --> 00:39:04.610 not the right thing to do anyway, but if he has 00:39:04.610 --> 00:39:07.050 those feelings, and he can't take them to her, 00:39:07.050 --> 00:39:08.829 he's got to process them in a way that doesn't 00:39:08.829 --> 00:39:11.570 mean he's stepping out on his wife. Yeah, it's 00:39:11.570 --> 00:39:13.570 just weird that these feelings are him talking 00:39:13.570 --> 00:39:16.570 about how he wishes like he would have known 00:39:16.570 --> 00:39:18.150 what could have been like that type of stuff. 00:39:18.150 --> 00:39:19.989 Like it's not just like I had such a bad day. 00:39:20.110 --> 00:39:22.829 No, it's not. But it's talking about them together. 00:39:23.050 --> 00:39:25.070 But I have an update. So we got to kind of move 00:39:25.070 --> 00:39:27.730 on. We talked again. He admitted that the New 00:39:27.730 --> 00:39:30.130 Year made him reflective and that he edited the 00:39:30.130 --> 00:39:32.289 giraffe recently because he realized he never 00:39:32.289 --> 00:39:35.559 fully closed that chapter emotionally. He says 00:39:35.559 --> 00:39:38.639 it doesn't mean he wants her, just that he never 00:39:38.639 --> 00:39:41.840 said goodbye to the idea of who he was back then. 00:39:41.940 --> 00:39:44.860 That honestly hurt more than the email. He apologized 00:39:44.860 --> 00:39:46.960 for not being more transparent about his past 00:39:46.960 --> 00:39:48.699 and agreed that keeping something like that, 00:39:48.699 --> 00:39:52.079 even unsent, crossed an emotional boundary. We're 00:39:52.079 --> 00:39:53.659 trying to work through it but I'm struggling 00:39:53.659 --> 00:39:55.900 to move past the fact that I found it at all. 00:39:56.280 --> 00:39:59.559 I keep wondering if this is normal long -term 00:39:59.559 --> 00:40:01.300 marriage stuff or if I just learned something 00:40:01.300 --> 00:40:03.800 I wasn't supposed to. That's the end of it? That's 00:40:03.800 --> 00:40:06.849 the end of it. Okay. Nobody nobody has the skills 00:40:06.849 --> 00:40:10.070 its skill to be able to just let your spouse 00:40:10.070 --> 00:40:14.030 in and then Your your spouse has to also respond 00:40:14.030 --> 00:40:16.489 to you letting them in they have to respond properly 00:40:16.489 --> 00:40:19.210 Yeah, and I think all the work that we've done 00:40:19.210 --> 00:40:20.809 in therapy all the training that we've done and 00:40:20.809 --> 00:40:23.909 we're still not there and there's so many Relationships 00:40:23.909 --> 00:40:25.510 that don't even have a clue what's going on. 00:40:25.510 --> 00:40:28.150 They're just always raised together. It's a crazy 00:40:28.150 --> 00:40:30.150 point that's why I feel like I make space for 00:40:30.150 --> 00:40:33.420 humanity of all of it because It is so challenging 00:40:33.420 --> 00:40:36.659 and most people with the best of intentions Still 00:40:36.659 --> 00:40:39.280 have stuff stirred up inside that they they don't 00:40:39.280 --> 00:40:42.079 they didn't learn how to deal with properly That's 00:40:42.079 --> 00:40:44.619 probably harder for somebody on your side of 00:40:44.619 --> 00:40:47.940 things to empathize with but the fact of the 00:40:47.940 --> 00:40:52.300 matter is Everyone everyone has coping mechanisms. 00:40:52.300 --> 00:40:55.880 It's just what do they do to cope some have worse 00:40:55.880 --> 00:40:59.119 ones than others That's right. But it's in that 00:40:59.119 --> 00:41:01.639 like the point is if you can just objectively 00:41:01.949 --> 00:41:05.690 Look at it. It's it makes sense. It's like yeah, 00:41:05.690 --> 00:41:08.210 I get why that's like that and if you scroll 00:41:08.210 --> 00:41:10.590 through reddit Half of the stories are gonna 00:41:10.590 --> 00:41:13.030 be about a guy doing something like this. The 00:41:13.030 --> 00:41:14.510 other half of the stories are gonna be about 00:41:14.510 --> 00:41:22.070 a girl Doing way worse. Oh I'm just kidding. 00:41:22.130 --> 00:41:24.889 But a guy not on our side buddy guys. I'm sure 00:41:24.889 --> 00:41:27.230 there's guys out there this to me. I don't it 00:41:27.230 --> 00:41:31.630 doesn't like work for me, but I doubt that a 00:41:31.630 --> 00:41:35.889 guy is going in and finding an email from a girl, 00:41:36.250 --> 00:41:38.929 like the wife is drafting an email to her ex 00:41:38.929 --> 00:41:41.010 -boyfriend. I can see more girls doing that than 00:41:41.010 --> 00:41:44.590 guys. Like doing the working or like sending, 00:41:44.869 --> 00:41:47.849 drafting email? Like I feel like men are more, 00:41:48.010 --> 00:41:50.110 when they're gonna betray, they're gonna betray. 00:41:50.349 --> 00:41:52.250 But I feel like women, I could see them doing 00:41:52.250 --> 00:41:54.190 more of like an emotional response like this, 00:41:54.349 --> 00:41:57.030 like writing an email but not sending it. That's 00:41:57.030 --> 00:41:58.389 what I was trying to say. You don't think so? 00:41:58.510 --> 00:42:00.449 You think more men would do that? Me personally, 00:42:00.449 --> 00:42:03.489 I think it's flipped because I think, I think 00:42:03.489 --> 00:42:07.130 men are, they're more emotionally, what's the 00:42:07.130 --> 00:42:09.530 right word for this? Like, I don't want to say 00:42:09.530 --> 00:42:13.650 tortured, but men have to, men are just, the 00:42:13.650 --> 00:42:15.469 emotions are on the inside and a lot of times 00:42:15.469 --> 00:42:17.130 you have to keep them hidden. You don't know 00:42:17.130 --> 00:42:18.670 how to express them. You don't know how to process 00:42:18.670 --> 00:42:22.429 them. I didn't, I do feel like women either compartmentalize 00:42:22.429 --> 00:42:25.730 better or, We're just better. When they get to 00:42:25.730 --> 00:42:27.269 a certain point, you're just going to cheat. 00:42:27.409 --> 00:42:31.090 You're just going to do the thing. I want to 00:42:31.090 --> 00:42:34.250 pull the statistics on if men or women cheat 00:42:34.250 --> 00:42:36.309 physically more. Let's look it up right now. 00:42:36.349 --> 00:42:38.030 I'll look it up right now on Perplexity, our 00:42:38.030 --> 00:42:41.570 sponsor. You were right. I was wrong. Obviously. 00:42:41.809 --> 00:42:44.530 You're smart. I'm dumb. You are. Says surveys 00:42:44.530 --> 00:42:47.429 like the U .S. General Social Survey find about 00:42:47.429 --> 00:42:51.699 20 % of men. and 13 % of women in marriages say 00:42:51.699 --> 00:42:53.699 they have had sex with someone other than their 00:42:53.699 --> 00:42:58.000 spouse. That sounds like have cheated, but maybe 00:42:58.000 --> 00:43:00.400 not like ended their relationship. Oh, look at 00:43:00.400 --> 00:43:04.880 this. Among younger married adults, late 20s, 00:43:05.039 --> 00:43:07.760 some data shows women cheating at similar or 00:43:07.760 --> 00:43:10.119 even slightly higher rates than men. Yeah, because 00:43:10.119 --> 00:43:16.380 we're sitting here bullshit. Somehow, I just 00:43:16.380 --> 00:43:18.619 gave you and said that you're right, and then 00:43:18.619 --> 00:43:23.079 you say that. Love you. Okay. Sorry, guys. We 00:43:23.079 --> 00:43:25.079 really got to wrap this up, but it's been so 00:43:25.079 --> 00:43:27.800 fun having you back, Josef. Thanks for joining 00:43:27.800 --> 00:43:30.260 me. You're welcome. This was all my idea to begin 00:43:30.260 --> 00:43:36.840 with anyways, my podcast. Thanks for letting 00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:40.820 me rejoin my podcast. Yep, you can rejoin. Thank 00:43:40.820 --> 00:43:45.630 you. Yeah. We're gonna go wrestle now. I'm not 00:43:45.630 --> 00:43:49.690 getting my butt kicked Okay, you end it. All 00:43:49.690 --> 00:43:51.570 right. Well, thank you guys for tuning in to 00:43:51.570 --> 00:43:53.829 another episode. This one was fun Let us know 00:43:53.829 --> 00:43:56.829 as always which one you think is the fake Follow 00:43:56.829 --> 00:43:59.849 us on socials interact. We love you use those 00:43:59.849 --> 00:44:01.550 codes that wit mentioned in the beginning of 00:44:01.550 --> 00:44:04.050 the podcast We'll have them linked in the description 00:44:04.050 --> 00:44:07.230 and we'll see you guys again next week internet 00:44:07.230 --> 00:44:13.780 frenzy on 3 1 2 3 internet frenzy Bye, deuces!