Welcome back to internet frenzy. Let's go, baby.
I'm so excited for this week's episode for another
one Can we one up last week's episode? Oh? No
on Dallas. They really just brought their a game.
I don't know. It's true stories were incredible
and I had a hard time figuring out which one
was the fake oh really even though oh really
You had a hard time figuring out which one was
fake. That's interesting. Well, first let's talk
about the stories. First one was the little boy
fixing a tractor. Yes. So that was weird. Yes.
Very smart. Too weird to be true? No. I don't
think so. I think that's real and I know it's
real. My other story was about the couple seeing
the older version of the daughter. Remember that
one? That was crazy. That one could have been
fake. Would've been cool if it was fake, but
it wasn't. It was not. So we can roll that one
out, guys. Next one. Is a student showing up
to class, but there was no class, but there was.
And she was seeing the chalk on the chalkboard,
the letters dripping. She was tripping. She was
tripping. That one, I thought was fake. That
I thought could've been fake, but both of yours
seemed fake to me, so whatever. That one was
real. That one was real. Yes. But that makes
sense because the very next one was the deja
vu story in the coffee shop, but the person OP
wasn't seeing, like, wasn't like, oh, I've seen
this before. She was like predicting what was
going to happen next. What he was going to do.
Yeah, that was crazy. That one. Oh, yeah. That
one was pretty far out there. A little glitch
in the Matrix. I've never had that much of a
glitch. Yeah, that was pretty crazy. So if you
guessed it right. Shout out you. Yes, that one
was the fake 100 % But that would be really cool
like controlling someone actually that'd be horrible
I would never want that but it would be like
daughter pick up your toys. Boom Yeah parenting
would be a lot less hard But she also wasn't
controlling him she was just knowing what he
was gonna do like he was just gonna do the thing
and she'd already she already knew that's true
That would be a trip. I don't know if I would
want to be able to do that Like see the future
like look at something big. Oh, they're gonna
walk out and get ran over. Oh my gosh make it
the worst Yeah, what if it's like, oh, they're
just gonna forget to lock the door today and
a guy goes in and they're waiting for Her to
come home and then they're gonna kill her. We
watch too many documentaries We watch every death
show that there's ever been made. Oh, yes, we
have well Welcome back everyone. I'm Whitney.
I'm Joe and this is internet frenzy and we are
so stoked for this week We've got some good good
stories and you guys need to buckle up right
now and make sure it's tight Fasten your seatbelt
snug it down to your hip bones Okay, so the the
theme for this week is kind of it's a little
bit daddish Forgive me. I'm a dad. We love the
dads therapy is Scarapy. Oh So the the tales
of of when therapy goes sideways when therapy
doesn't go the way that you want it to no And
I would like to preface this episode by saying
if you haven't picked up on it already We are
huge advocates of therapy. Yes major believers
no matter what type of therapy you go to In this
day and age, it's really important to have access
to somebody that can help you organize your thoughts,
help you sort through what's going on inside.
Or in a marriage, have a third party present
to kind of help you out a little bit. Oh, I wonder
if that's going to come up in the stories tonight.
I just wonder. I think they are. I think they
are. And I can't wait to see which one's the
fake. Yeah, me too. You guys know the drill.
We're going to dive into the stories. If you
follow us on social, if you haven't already,
please follow us on social media. And after you
listen to this episode, hop onto Instagram, hop
onto YouTube and drop a comment which story you
think is fake. Yes. We've been seeing this more
and more like YouTube. It happens every now and
then. Like Instagram, they're starting to come
around. So come through if you've got your detective
shorts on. Oh. Whatever the hell that means.
If you can figure out which one of these stories
is fake, we want to know. We want to know, guys.
I also just want to plug that if you guys have
stories that fit the category, you listeners,
if you have stories that you feel like fit this
category, posts you stumbled across, your own
stories, share them with us. Yeah. Internet Frenzy,
just like it's spelled on the podcast on YouTube,
at gmail .com. Internet Frenzy at Gmail. Hit
us up. We will if you do we will read your stories
if they good we will yeah I mean if they're sus
then we'll just ignore you I'm just kidding It's
fine. We're big. It's fine Like we can do whatever
we want true Shout out to the people that are
listening in Switzerland and Poland and like
South Africa. You guys are dope And everyone
else, we love you guys so much. Oh yeah, and
truly everyone else. But honestly, I think it's
time. Enough chit chat and let's get down to
business. Let's get down to when therapy goes
sideways. Therapy, ascarapy. You just decide.
So let's start with one. This is not going to
be like all therapists. This is a this is a bad
therapist. This is one that this post comes from.
Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for firing
our family therapist after she asked for tips?
It's not that crazy. It's kind of like a survey.
Excuse me. First of all. We could do a whole
freaking episode on tip culture. Don't get me
started. I appreciate the service industry. I
tip well. I tip well. I didn't know it was money
tips. I thought it was like advice. Like, hey,
what can I do better for next time? Oh. Yeah.
Okay. Pointers. This is money. She wants a little
bit of extra ched. Just wait. So yeah, again,
tip culture, though. Don't get me started. Yeah.
I tip very well. Yeah, it's so annoying. Everywhere
we go. Yeah, you do. You get mad at me a lot
of times. Yes. But like I'm starting to do the
ones where it's like, wait, you're just behind
the counter and you just like made the drink
that I ordered. Like what are you getting paid
hourly for? I'm so confused. Yeah, right. You
tip those. You literally want to tip the ones
where it's, you sit, you stand there, no one's
working the counter and you have to order it
yourself and then you want to tip them. Yeah,
so sue me. I'm a good guy. That's crazy. So I
do it begrudgingly. I've worked in a tip industry.
So I do appreciate that, but it bothers me. It's
like, am I going to start checking out at Walmart?
And they're going to be like, leave a tip for
the workers. Probably. The six of them that are
here right now that are like stocking shelves.
I don't know. My ex and I have a 12 year old
boy who's going through some things. We found
a therapist and we've been seeing her for a couple
years. It hasn't been life changing for me in
any way. In fact, it became more of a pointless
chore like making your bed or folding your underwear.
I might have gotten a few things out of it, but
would not do it again. A few weeks ago, I told
our therapist that it's bizarre to not have to
worry about money for the first time in my life.
I make good money and I don't have many bills.
I'm saving like a thousand dollars a month. Last
week, The therapist asked me if I could start
making a co -payment. I don't have a co -payment
because my insurance covers 100 % of our therapy
sessions. I explained that to her. She said that
was not. She said that was true, but maybe I
could start paying like $20 cash because she's
not making a lot with what my insurance pays
her. I was at a loss for words. I said, and I
suppose this has no relation to my telling you
that I had disposable income from a few weeks
ago. She said, of course not. It was like she
was asking for a raise lol. I said I'd think
about it. I found nothing about tipping your
therapist. I talked to my ex and said I was firing
the therapist. She told me not to throw away
two years of work and I said this therapist tried
taking advantage of me. She offered to pay and
I said I'm not stopping you but I'm not doing
the sessions anymore and neither is our son.
The trust I had in our therapist is forever broken.
I left a voicemail and text message explaining
we weren't in need of services anymore. I hadn't
heard back. Guess what? Our lives didn't fall
apart and the therapist replied that I totally
misunderstood this whole tip thing. We know how
much therapy costs. Yes. This therapist has made
$20 ,000 on this family in a couple years and
she's like, can you just put it in the tip jar?
Like, just give me your change. That's crazy.
After the mom's like, hey, it's kind of cool
that I have some more disposable income now.
Like, it's kind of nice that I have a little
bit more money in my life. That's so sad. And
this therapist is like, well, I don't, so can
you give me some? Oh. Look, therapists have a
hard job. This episode, this whole theme is in
no way trying to berate therapists because their
job and their life is freaking hard. But don't
ask for a tip. If anything, just raise your pricing.
That's the whole thing. It's like, tell the insurance
company, hey, sorry, the prices just went up
20 bucks. I don't know how it works. I don't
think that's how it works. The insurance, I mean,
insurance always wins. They will just, they decide.
And I know this from like the dental world like
they will decide what they will pay for a certain
thing and it's like Take it or leave it So ultimately
they probably win. So never mind. Don't cut that.
I won't this is reality. We don't freaking know
Yeah, would that be something that would throw
you off and you would want to change therapists?
Look, I love our therapist. Yeah, I know that's
hard. So maybe let's think of like someone else
Yeah, like it would it would definitely start
on me. I would definitely be like Huh? Yeah,
like you need 20 more dollars every time Yeah,
there's just no possible way that that would
make sense the fact that she tried to make it
like about a co -payment Yeah, like dude if you
do this for every one of your patients, you're
you're like you're raising your salary a significant
amount of money, but you're not doing it to every
patient you're making 20 extra dollars, 40 extra
dollars in a week. Yeah, it feels icky. I feel
like if anything, that lady needs to get more
clients if she wants to make more money or if
she's in a pinch or a pickle. And it's just,
I don't know, the whole thing feels so dirty
that people are coming to you and trusting you
for their trauma and you're making it about the
money. You're like, oh, you make more? Oh, okay,
let's charge you 20 more. That is so not chill.
Everyone's obviously saying that OP is not the
asshole. Yeah. Somebody said, not the asshole.
I'd contact your insurance company. They'll probably
want to drop her entirely if they find out about
this. Oh. And somebody replied to that. Yeah,
also if the therapist is registered with any
type of governing body, I would report them.
Like I'm a nurse and registered with my provincial
college of nurses. It's unethical for any health
care provider to ask for any type of gratuity.
And if I did so, I would slash should be reported
and lose my license to practice. So it's not
just my opinion. It's actually not cool. So therapists,
we love you. Don't do that. Dang. So that therapy
went scarapy for sure. Yeah, that's I mean like
two years in like they had a really close relationship
like she knew everything. Yeah, so that's really
crappy. But I'll tell you one thing my story.
You're not ready because it gets scarapy. Is
that an adverb? Is that a... No idea. I don't
know. I can't remember any of that stuff. Alright,
are we ready? Scarapy. Let's get it. Today I
effed up by accidentally violating HIPAA and
potentially ruining my career. Throwaway because
well, obviously, I'm a children's trauma therapist,
been doing this for years, and I love my job.
But I just effed up in a way that could cost
me my license, my practice, everything. And the
worst part? I have no idea if or when it's going
to come back to bite me. So here's what happened.
It was the end of the day, last session, and
I was exhausted. I had just finished with the
kid. Let's call her Sloan. Not her real name,
obviously. She's been through some horrific stuff.
Her dad? Absolute monster. Serious abuse, open
court cases, restraining orders. Mom is doing
everything she can to keep her safe and stable,
and therapy is a huge part of that. After the
session, I was typing up my notes like I always
do, documenting what she said, what we worked,
and how she reacted. My system was lagging, which,
to be honest, happens more than it should. So
I used the keyboard shortcut to cut my notes
and tried refreshing the program. Didn't want
to lose anything. Except when I went to paste
them back in, I must have had the wrong window
selected. Instead of pasting it into my notes
ledger, I somehow pasted it into the draft of
an email, one I hadn't even realized was still
open, and here's where I completely effed myself.
Muscle memory. Instead of just pasting, I instinctively
hit command and enter, which in my system doesn't
just paste, it sends. The second I saw the screen
flicker and the little message confirmation pop
up, my stomach dropped. I clicked over praying
that maybe I had just saved a draft by accident.
Nope, full send. And not to her mom. not to another
provider. No. That would be fixable. I sent it
to the completely wrong client. I totally unrelated
parent of another kid I see. Someone has nothing
to do with the case. I panicked. I immediately
checked if there was a way to recall it. Nope,
too late. Then I checked if the parent had opened
it yet. No red receipt. But that means nothing.
They could have read it and just not triggered
the confirmation. I thought about sending a disregard
last email message, but what if that just draws
attention to it? And it's not just like, oops,
I sent a name. The notes I had. everything. The
trauma, the abuser, the legal situation. If the
wrong person reads this and even vaguely recognize
Sloan's mom, like if they went to school together,
if they have mutual friends, if they're in the
same Facebook groups, this could blow up in ways
I don't even want to think about. And here's
the kicker. The parent I sent it to, she's nosy.
The type who loves to gossip, over shares on
social media and inserts herself into things
that aren't her business. If she reads this and
even gets a hint of who it's about, she could
start asking around, piecing things together
or worse. If she realizes the severity of what
she has, she could report me. I don't know what
to do. If I self -report, I'm basically handing
them my career on a silver platter. If I don't,
I just have to sit here and wait, hoping this
other parent never opens the email. Or if she
does, that she doesn't do anything with it. Every
time I get an email, my stomach drops. Every
time my phone rings, I think it's my licensing
board. I have no idea how this ends, but if I
disappear from this account, you'll know why.
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. When you understood the
assignment, my stomach was like feeling sick
inside. I was like, oh, this therapist one though,
it kind of bothered me that she posted it on
Reddit because I know it's a throwaway account
and things like that, but I was like, honey,
you got to just stay off the computer. Don't
talk about these things. I know. I just feel
like as a therapist, you Probably shouldn't be
writing anything that was like regarding your
job on the internet Do you think I don't know
why I thought this was a guy. Is it a girl? Oh,
I just pictured a girl because most of our therapists
have always been girls Did she did they did they
them do they they didn't distinguish huh? No,
it's like just as I oh So I actually don't know
if it's a guy or girl therapists so you're mad
that she They posted it on reddit. Well, I mean
I'm glad because I it was perfect for our podcast
episode But it's like I just felt like dude.
What are you doing? I am shook if I could understand
wanting to like blow off steam or whatever But
yeah, you have to be so freaking unlucky HIPAA
stuff is for real guys like you don't mess around
with that Yeah, I had to do all sorts of compliance
training with my current job and it is a it's
Serious like they want patient information to
be safe and the fact that it went to like, of
course Murphy's law I went to the nosy like freaking
PTSD mom. That's like always happens though It's
like whenever you make an accident with something
like that. It's like let's say you're talking
crap about someone You are sending that to that
person like I've had I've had multiple people
that were talking crap about someone either super
close to me or me, and it got sent to me. Or
your family. On accident. Something terrible
like this is going to happen. It's going to be
the worst possible scenario. I cannot imagine.
He, she, whatever, accidentally blasts this email.
They said they can't unsend it? Nope. Once you
send an email, you can't unsend it. You have
to literally go to their email and delete it.
I think. I'm kind of talking on my butt, but
yeah, I was gonna say pretty sure there's an
unsend feature at least like newer newer Email
platforms. I'm pretty sure let us know folks
listening. I thought I thought that was a thing.
I thought you could unsend emails I mean, I've
never tried Hmm. Hmm. How long ago was this posted?
Is there an update? There is an update. Oh my
gosh, so there's an edit A lot of you are asking
about the unsend feature. Believe me, I checked.
Unfortunately, I work in a network with outdated
borderline prehistoric email hosting that does
not have an unsend function. No recall, no delay
setting. Once it's gone, it's gone. Trust me,
if I could have yanked it back, I wouldn't be
writing this right now. OK, so now we know, like
he's saying, the therapist is saying there's
no unsend feature. There's nothing I can do about
it at this point. I felt like he needs to call
that woman immediately and say, look, This is
a really big deal. I sent an email. Please, you
need to delete it immediately. Like, I'm begging
you. I just feel like you need to just communicate
with her and say, this is what happened. I am
so, so sorry. And then you would also need to
communicate with the mother and say, I accidentally
sent this to this person. I need to be transparent
with you. They deleted it immediately. It's gone.
And like face the consequences from there. At
least try to. Do you think that or do you think
he should just I'm think I'm over here thinking
like did you take a HIPAA compliance? Class because
that sounds like like you maybe Could have like
that sounds like what they probably would have
recommended that didn't even didn't even consider
the fact that he should have just like grabbed
a bull by the horns and like Just handled the
situation. Yeah. Well, that's my that's my my
go -to is just go straight to the problem, but
I think that's why my first reaction when I read
this was literally like, what the frick? Why
is he going to Reddit? Like it's like bothering
me that this therapist is going to Reddit to
talk about this. Yeah, just like going to the
internet. It's the last thing you should be doing.
Don't waste your time talking about it. Well,
like I said, I completely understand wanting
to like get it off your chest because I don't
know. I'll speak for myself. Just knowing that
there's like the HIPAA compliance. Issues like
I know that it's strict. Yeah, I've done the
compliance training. I'm not gonna remember every
single thing Because I just that's not how any
of us operate as a therapist though That's like
a whole different realm because you're trusted
with new information all the time Yes, and like
and this one was a messy one like there is a
lot there with your custody and like yeah the
poor girl like having all this this Drama this
trauma with her dad. She's talking about stuff
that who even knows like stuff you Wouldn't wish
upon anyone. Yes, and that type of whatever that
whole thing Just got shared with some random
mom. I could just imagine the therapist being
like, oh My gosh, what do I do? Yeah, like not
schooling and money and oh my gosh That's a big
big effort. Do you draw attention to it? Do you
like call it out and trust that she's gonna delete
it? Because she's like kind of a flaky kind of
a weird parent or do you just hope that she doesn't
see it? Hope that she's like a lot of people
that have 8 ,000 unread emails and like it's
another marketing email from the clinic. I don't
know. No way. It's going straight to her inbox
right at the top. She's clicking that thing.
You know, she's like the PTO meeting leader person.
Yeah, she probably checks her email a lot. Yeah,
probably gets the like the notifications on her
watch. Oh, that's big time. I don't have that
but I make sure I read all my emails, so. Yeah,
me too. And I've been starting to archive them.
Good for you. Yeah, just keeping a clean inbox
makes you feel good. That's like, sexy. What
isn't? Like, literally. Therapists. That's sad.
Some of them. Bad emails. You don't know what
this guy or girl looks like? Oh, well, I think
he needs, this therapist needs to do the right
thing and call that woman immediately. Well,
there's an update 25 days later. Oh, yeah, I
know. I'm so glad I found this yesterday because
I don't have to wait for an update. That's like
the best thing ever. I love that. Understood
the assignment. I thought I delete this account,
but I have nobody else to talk to you about this
f up. It's been 25 days since I sent that email.
And today I got a notarized document confirming
that Sloan's mom is suing me. So, yeah, the worst
has happened. I don't know how she found out
whether the other parent opened the email and
connected the dots or if something else happened
But at this point it doesn't matter. It's done
I'll lose my license my practice everything I've
worked for and I have no idea how my family and
I are going to make it through this Thank you
to everyone who commented and gave advice. This
is the last time you'll hear from me. I know
I told you You can't just like hide from that
and expect it not to like come out. He's getting
sued I just, wow. Command, enter. That was like
the post, post to my ledger, post to my notebook
thing. That would be so horrific. Ends his career,
like that's such a massive implication for just
a, just a human tech mistake by one, ugh. Yeah,
the only thing where I really feel like the mistake
was actually made was not calling. Okay, let's
say you're that mom. You're the mom that therapist
comes in. He says, hey, Whitney, I'm really sorry,
but this thing happened. I accidentally sent
all of this to somebody else that's nosy that
knows your business. It's in your circle. How
are you taking that? Really? Oh, I'd be so pissed.
If you could imagine. If the therapist is coming
and telling me that's one thing, if let's say
my friend got the info and then told me like,
look, like 20 days later, like, hey. She sent
this email. I have everything. I'm just letting
you know and like my therapist never told me
then I'm really gonna be pissed Yeah, and I mean,
I don't know I don't know how you like the right
and wrong way to handle all of that All I know
is that if I try to put myself in the shoes of
the parent Like if I assume all my trauma or
my kids trauma Yeah, it's like getting passed
around PTA meetings by like the Relief Society
president like that's so heavy It's horrible.
That's scarapy. The title says, Wife and I got
kicked out of a therapy session. I love it. Has
that ever happened to you, Whitney? No, but I've
wanted to walk out of a therapy session. Same.
Things have been rough at home. I'm 30M, wife
is 27F, fighting virtually every day. I take
my lumps for escalating in certain situations,
but I feel it's primarily my wife that breaks
the peace and gets upset and acts over the top
angry. Then I'm angry at her for how she acted
in her anger, then she's angry at me for being
upset by it all. It's a vicious cycle. Her dad
offered to pay for us to go to therapy. Therapist
was a 70 -year -old guy that's been doing it
for 50 years. Seems very wise, is all about accountability,
doesn't want to hear what the other person did
to you. He only wants to know how you contributed
to the situation. My wife has missed the last
two sessions, which hurt me a lot. As things
have been so bad, I've been desperately wanting
the help to break the cycle. The first time she
was angry and didn't want to come. The second
time she said she forgot the appointment. I vented
out a lot of our problems when I was alone in
this last session and was grilled for my part
of it. I talked about things I've done, she's
done, and things that are affecting the children.
He said, we'll plan to get her side of things
when we come back together. We both showed up
yesterday and he wanted her side of the issues
I talked about. Every time she went to talk about
something, she prefaced it by saying, I only
did this because he did this first, etc. Even
an issue I had with how mean she was to our daughter
recently. Our daughter is six. But the story
still started out with, well, she yelled at my
sister so I did this. He became irritated and
impatient with her. Told her that he wouldn't
keep trying to beat the issues out of her and
that she needs to stop blaming other people and
just admit to what she did. She stammered and
couldn't talk without trying to shift some guilt
first. It went back and forth between them for
a minute with me sitting silently to the side.
She couldn't get any kind of admission out without
having someone else to blame first. Eventually
she started reading out some horrible text she
had sent me out loud on her phone. It was painful
to hear her read it off so robotically, but to
me it seemed like a step in the right direction
because the things she said were awful and she
was technically admitting to it by reading it
out loud. She got towards the end, but threw
in one more, then he did this, so I did this.
He said, both of you need to get out. The session
is over. As soon as she finished reading, we
both left silently. As I went to leave the building,
I had the urge to go back. I knocked on his door
and asked for a few more seconds of his time,
which he obliged. I asked why he ended it at
that point, because in my mind she seemed to
be cooperating. He said that it's a combination
of things. Firstly, her not showing up to appointments.
He helps us outside of normal office hours as
a favor to her dad, who he knows from a rehab
program. Her not showing up is disrespectful
at best. Secondly, it was the combination of
the horrible things she said via text, the robotic
way she said them, and her inability to take
accountability. I said I understood and thanked
him for his time. I don't know where to go from
here. Things have been so awful. She's been fighting
with me and other people nonstop over the smallest
things. After that appointment, she has flipped
a switch that's been engaged for weeks and now
is acting as sweet as possible. I feel like it's
a love bombing facade. I don't know what advice
I'm really looking for. I'm just sad and afraid.
I know what I have to do. Anyone have any advice
towards something like this? Oh my gosh. I would
poop my pants if our therapist said, get out.
I'm done with you guys, go. If literally our
therapist was like, you guys need to leave. I'd
be like, oh, we put a number on her. She just
aged like 10 years. Like, I'd feel horrible.
Truly. Sounds like this wife just like walked
out, like whatever. And I mean, yeah, because
he didn't say like... If she felt bad or anything
just her personality switched. Do you feel like
she's a narcissist? I mean, yeah, I also feel
like the therapist does have a responsibility
to like Control things and to express that to
this girl. It sounds like he's never expressed
that she Isn't the wrong. Well, what do you think?
It's not it's not like he doesn't he doesn't
say it explicitly but he does say that that's
like the the baseline for this this guy's therapy
is like Accountability. Yeah, he doesn't want
to hear he said she said doesn't want to hear
any back and forth he just wants to hear you
say like What was your part in this? Yeah, what
is like? What can you own and he's obviously
he's older said that he's 70 But that's one thing
that our therapist is really good at is like
anytime things get elevated or start to head
that direction I mean she has control of where
the conversations going at all times. Yeah and
For therapy to be therapy. That's what has to
happen how many people have we seen and like
Whatever therapy is hard. It's hard work. It's
hard to take accountability, but so many people
have gone And then been like oh I didn't like
it I didn't like it for this reason like it didn't
work for me for this reason It's like they're
pointing out the stuff that you don't want to
acknowledge in yourself Yeah, so yeah, there's
that's just a lot. I just feel like What struck
me was he needs The therapist has a responsibility
to kind of steer the ship. Yes It's not to say
that he was wrong for kicking them out like he
like handed them the tip jar as they were walking
out He probably threw it at her face. Honestly,
I just grabbed pickpocketed took the wallet said
see ya my favorite part of the story was He walked
back in and was like, can I just have a few moments?
And he's like, yeah, this is why. And then husband's
like, got it. OK, cool. Like, it's not me. It's
her. Exactly. He's like, OK, just like just wanted
to make sure I was right. She's wrong. Yeah.
He's like, OK, well, then I can leave her now.
I feel better about this. I could also understand,
like he felt like she was being cooperative.
She was reading the text. He thought that that
was like a step in the right direction. Yeah.
Even though she sounded like a robot, like she
didn't care. She's like. Saying all this hurtful
stuff about him. Who knows what that could have
been but yeah, she's like being snide Talking
like a robot. He's like, oh, this is cool. Like
this is progress Therapist is like this girl's
great. Great. Yeah, he's like get the frick out
of my office. Yeah, I'm too old for this Truly.
Oh, that's a great one. That could be the fake.
I don't know. This was so this was only posted
three days ago This is a very recent no update.
Okay Couple of good comments though. You need
to sleep with one eye open and both shoes on.
Time to fly like Peter Pan. OP said made me laugh
and feel like a lost boy at the same time. Okay,
here's here's one more good one before we move
on. This is one of a kind counselor, but basically
what he is saying to you is that there is no
point in continuing in therapy, so it was not
healthy or productive. For marriage counseling
to be effective, both parties have to be willing
participants be self reflective, take ownership
of their mistakes, be open to feedback, and willing
to action those changes. Just because you're
doing all those things does not mean this will
work because she is none of those things. Also,
as you are the only person open to feedback and
taking ownership, it is unhealthy to be in therapy
with this person as you are open for attack slash
blame. He listened to you being open and saw
your wife say awful things to you Even if it
was reading things she said to you in the past
The fact that she was reading them again without
remorse is basically her saying horrible things
all over again He did not want to expose himself
to this toxicity It's trying to show you that
it should not be acceptable to you home and a
therapist office are supposed to be two places
Where you can be safe and emotionally vulnerable?
First time your wife shows up to therapy and
she is kicked out because she made it emotionally
unsafe. Think about what that implies about your
home life and what that is showing your daughter
about acceptable treatment from a loved one.
Mic drop. Like hello. Yeah. OP says, I honestly
didn't think about it this way. You're not the
only one that said it, but thank you for pointing
that out. I didn't know counselors couldn't just
tell you to get a divorce. When I went back alone
at the end, he said, hey, bless you, sir. And
now that I look back at that comment and see
it as him saying, good luck with that, buddy.
Wow. That's tough. I know sometimes I feel like
I wish therapists would just sit you down and
be like, look, you need to get out. Like, this
is not healthy. Like, you need to leave. But.
I don't know of any that do that. Well, at least
ours have never done that to you. No. My ex and
I were kicked out of therapy once. We are divorced
now, smiley face. Oh, I love it. Well, never
say never. We're still in therapy, so we'll see.
Hey, and you know, it only works when both participants
are willing. Yes. That's so true. I actually,
this is kind of personal, but yesterday I was
having a really hard time with something that
we struggle with in our marriage and... We're
going deep, Joe. I'm here for it. I can't. Anyways,
and I was getting really mad at him. And it really
was just my body fighting, not looking at myself
with that specific topic that we were like, kind
of like having a hard time with. So anyways,
just like don't be afraid to look inward and
look why you are mad. And it's not it's most
likely not because of your spouse. It's got to
do with. things that are in you with insecurity
or the way you were programmed and What you learned
and what you saw growing up. Anyways, it was
just really cool. And once I did that, it was
like my whole nervous system. Well, once I did
that and looked inward and I expressed my feelings
towards it with Joe, it was like really cool
because my whole nervous system totally just
was regulated at that point. And I haven't really
had like a little flare up since. So that was
cool. That's and it's really cool. We do emotionally
focused therapy. Yeah. So there's a lot. It's
it's science back like the process of of regulating
your nervous system versus all the other stuff
that we try to regulate our nervous system with.
And so it's cool. It's really cool to see the
hard work paying off in real life moments where
just like that, our nervous system can fire and
you can feel this animosity. But if both people
are willing to do the same thing and look inside,
be curious, why am I feeling this way? What is
it? For us, for me. Like it's taken years of
therapy, of like just being willing to go through
things with the fine -tooth comb. Everything
predates your relationship. All the problems
that are in your relationship have to do with
what happened to you before your relationship.
Like how you learned, what your environment was
like, how you processed information, like all
of it. So therapy's awesome and it is... Hard
work that's worth it. Especially yeah with marriage
counseling both parties have to be willing participants
and being willing to look inward and like Everybody
would benefit from therapy. I'm yeah, I'm convinced
even if it's not you be single You could be yes
in a relationship and still going by yourself
Like you can always benefit from having that
ability to reflect and look at what's going on
for yourself. And I would say the last thing
on our therapy kick, it's don't be afraid to
to look for therapists like if you're not vibing
with one, don't feel like you need to stick with
them because you're going to end up quitting
and then you're never going to want to go back.
So find a therapist that you feel like really
gels with you. Like, yeah, don't be afraid to
shop the therapist, but also there's so many
different types of therapy. Oh my gosh. If we
can talk about any, it is EFT therapy. We've
done all sorts of stuff. We have done all sorts
of therapy and EFT therapy is 1000 % life changing.
I mean, we are literally breaking generational
trauma. It has been the biggest blessing knowing
that like what we're doing is going to bless
our daughter and our future kids. Hundred percent.
And that's been the coolest thing. And our marriage,
of course, but. Just being able to understand
ourselves because we all walk around protected.
We all walk around, not just like feeling everything
that's going on on the inside all the time. Yeah.
So it's yeah, it's awesome. I am going to put
a link to like the EFT. website that just explains
what it is in this episode notes. So refer to
that if you're at all curious. Well now I'm ready
for my story and it's extra scary. Hey and better
help sponsor us. For real? Like how do you not?
Gosh. Am I the asshole for dating my friend's
therapist despite her pleading me not to? TA
as I don't want to dox myself. I have a very
tight -knit group of friends. We are always there
for each other for all the ups and downs. I see
them all as my sister, and I've never done anything
that would affect them negatively. A few years
back, something really horrible happened to one
of them, Susan, and she went into a downward
spiral. After many shitty therapists, she finally
found one that worked for her, and she started
to slowly crawl herself out of the darkness.
We were all so happy for her. I moved away to
a nearby city about five months ago. My new home
is about an hour and a half right away from where
I grew up. When all the necessities were paid
for, I went on an impromptu holiday to Greece
when I calculated that I had some money to spare.
There I met an amazing guy on my first day in
a restaurant. We immediately clicked. This has
never happened to me before. I initially planned
a hiking type of solo holiday, but we spent all
11 days together. I found out that he lives in
the same city that I moved to. So naturally he
changed his ticket and came back with me. I told
my friends about it and everyone was happy for
me, even Susan. During the holiday he tells me
he worked in the mental health field, but we
were too busy enjoying our time together to be
talking about the specifics of work. When we
returned we continued dating. We still are. Long
story short, turns out he is Susan's therapist.
When it finally clicked for her, she told me
I had to drop him. She said she was happy for
me having a holiday fling, but she didn't feel
comfortable that I was dating the guy that had
all her confidential info and that he might even
be breaking some hippo rules by dating me. I
told her neither one of us knew and that she
herself thought that he was a great therapist
so why couldn't she trust that he would keep
it professional? I told her that he hadn't told
me anything about any of his clients and I had
never asked him about it either. We were always
in the moment with each other instead of worrying
about who and what would happen during work hours.
At her next appointment she confronted me and
had asked him to dump me or she would report
him. He reassured her that he would never violate
patient's confidentiality but she kept harassing
him for the next few appointments. He talked
to me about her harassing him to dump me as it
wasn't part of patient confidentiality. He wanted
to know I felt the same way about him as he did
about me and if we had a future together and
I said yes. After that he recused himself from
being her therapist and recommended one of his
colleagues to her. Since then, Susan has been
on a smear campaign against me and our tight
-knit group isn't so tight anymore. She didn't
take him up on his recommendation and due to
being out of therapy she has started to drink
again and one of our friends told me she rarely
bays and other parts of her hygiene have suffered
too. She also skipped a lot of days of work and
might lose her job. She isn't faking her downward
smile but I can't go through what she and all
our other friends want me to do. They say he
is just a man and there are millions of men out
there for me, so why would I dump him for her?
It took Susan this long to find a good therapist
and that it took her an hour and a half to drive
to him, but she did it despite the commute to
get better. According to them, she might not
find a good therapist closer or within that driving
distance as she has exhausted all the nearby
possibilities. They are telling me that I'm risking
her life for a holiday fling. Am I the asshole
for being the hurdle in her recovery? What on
earth? No. Again. Therapist, why do you? Poor
therapist. Shout out to all of you. You guys
just get hosed. You just have the worst luck.
You fall in love on a vacation. Somehow you go
on vacation. How far away was it? It was a ways
away. You go on vacation and somehow you just
have this fling with your patient's friend. Crazy.
Could you imagine? From here you go to the beach.
Even if it's Rocky Point. Yeah. That is, again,
just so freaking unlucky. And who is this coddled
friend, who is Susan, that like the whole world
is just moving for her to like make sure she
can stay with the same therapist? Oh, I know.
Probably just wants to jump his bones too. Probably.
And there is an edit, so there's a little more
context for you. Oh good. During those two months,
we spent almost every evening together and the
weekends. I guess you can call it speed racing
a relationship. The first session after it clicked
for her, she used to tell him to dump me, which
is so inappropriate, first of all. It's so inappropriate.
Those lines are like, I don't even know. Yeah.
He never told me she was his patient. She outed
herself as his patient. The next two sessions,
they add, she also used to convince him to dump
me while he was trying to help her to transition
to someone else, but she spent them trying to
convince him to dump me. She told me all of this.
And a lot of our mutual friends refer to this
because obviously she shared this info with them.
The fourth session, she didn't even start because
she had the jacket on and hadn't even closed
the door before she went full nuclear about reporting
him for dating someone from her close circle.
social circle. Four sessions in, two and a half
weeks. He wasn't stringing her along for a long
time before letting her go. The smear campaign
started almost immediately and I had lasted three
out of five months of my relationship with him.
He works in a building that is subsidized by
the branch that is responsible for health in
our country. But they also take private clients'
patients as there are a few other types of health
workers, including specialized nurses. They are
people that are regulators of the practice. He
went to one of his senior colleagues and one
of those regulators there with administrative
role that also provide therapy for those that
work in this field. After confirming that he
could discuss this issue with me, he mentioned
about the harassment in the last session because
it is not covered under patient confidentiality.
The session wasn't even regarded as a session.
This regulator told him to tell me about the
harassment as SOs can be targeted by patients.
Him coming to me and asking me about our future
is something I worked out after the fact of the
timeline of events. He was intent on stopping
to see her anyways when I told him he was her
therapist. But when I did, he neither confirmed
or denied it. Only after the fourth session did
he mention the harassment because because his
workplace wanted texts confirming that she had
outed herself in case she wanted to make a false
claim. Due to an incident in our country where
a mental health worker's son was stabbed by a
patient that stalked him home and started harassing
him, certain things are not covered under patient
confidentiality as she outed herself and he hasn't
mentioned anything. I don't know how things work
in your country, but everyone does not live in
the USA. Legally, he hasn't broken any laws or
us -os can and do get notified if there are concerns.
This is why they advise therapists not to have
recent pictures of children and to not use their
legal names for social media that can be used
to track their daily routine. There are other
safeguards too. So stop saying he broke the law.
I am a significant other, and he only mentioned
the harassment after okaying it with his work
so I could be aware for my own safety. The bigger
city I am in is not a metropolis like New York
or Tokyo. My country only has a handful of millions
in the entire country. The bigger city is bigger
than the previous one, but a lot of you would
probably call it a small city. The fact that
I would bump into someone from my country in
that region of the world, which is probably the
number one holiday destination for my people,
are high. when we both live in the city closest
to the airport. I hope this clears things up."
That's like, that's everything that I wanted
to know. Yeah, she covered every little thing.
But she like, she made it clear that like, it's
not, there was no HIPAA violation for this dude.
There was nothing, there was nothing like that.
There was people, it sounds like people in the
comments were going at OP and saying that her
significant other was a bad guy. Yeah. Breaking
up their relationship. Here's the thing, therapists...
They can fire clients too. They don't have to
work with patients if it's not for whatever reason.
They don't even have to have a reason. They just
say no. So if he really has feelings for OP,
he could have just ended the therapy anyway.
And it sounds like he was trying to be a nice
guy by still being willing to be her therapist.
Like it didn't have to be this weird thing. Poor
Susan for just being clinical. Poor Susan for
needing all the help in the world. I don't think...
that she was entitled to the therapist over the
relationship. Do you think that she had like
an unhealthy attachment to this therapist? Or
do you think it just was so triggering for her
that her friend that she might be low key like
jealous of got this therapist? I mean, in the
context of therapy, I feel like that's kind of
like I couldn't assume that much either way.
But it would be reasonable that she could be
like have an unhealthy obsession with the guy.
Well, it just feels weird that her entire recovery
has to just hinge on this therapist. And they
made it sound like she's exhausted every other
option. She's driving an hour and a half for
therapy. Yeah. And she's like, I don't know where
this country is. I don't know if they like make
it sound like it's like fairy tale, though. Yeah.
What's that from Princess Diaries? Genovia? That's
like what I'm picturing. Genovia? What's it?
Yeah. Genovia? Is that what it's called? Princess
of Genovia, I think. I don't know. The people
will know. Yeah, I've never seen that, but it
made me think of Winchesterton Fieldville, Iowa.
That's from Mr. Deeds. I love it. So there's
a comment here. It says my wife who was a therapist
said he shouldn't even take her back at this
point. It would be unethical to do so. Her only
complaint with the whole mess is he didn't start
moving her over to a new therapist immediately.
Even if the relationship had ended then and there,
lines are crossed that can't be uncrossed. So
I was like, oh, OK, that makes sense. I should
have transitioned her over. Yeah, that does make
sense. Yeah. And I'm not going to I wouldn't
claim to be a hippo. Expert Wow even in this
comment later on he says my wife's so concerned
about crossing lines That she will leave places
if a client shows up So if they're at a restaurant
waiting for food and a client comes in she'll
leave dang therapists you guys The husband goes
I hate it because I hate takeout. We usually
just go somewhere else and have leftovers So
therapies dope I feel bad for all therapists.
Prayers to all of you. Thanks for keeping families
together. And what an episode. Scary, scary therapy.
Therapy is scary. Yes. All the things. All the
things. Subscribe to us on YouTube, please. We
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