Well hey. Hey, how the heck are you?
I'm doing a lot better now that I'm wearing this Nassau Bahamas shirt.
These shirts right here, my parents got them for us. They went to the Bahamas.
That's right, just got back. These were our souvenirs. So we're representing.
One day we'll be able to go on a cruise to the Bahamas.
Let's go. Oh, all right. Well, welcome back. It's fun.
Happy Valentine's Day everybody. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hope you all had a great holiday. We did. It was fun.
Yeah. Last episode dropped on Valentine's Day. So
a little Valentine's exclusive. This episode's going to be a doozy.
Yes. A little bit longer stories, but buckle the frick up.
Because the theme for this week is loose lips, sink ships,
aka times where somebody spilled the beans. We've all been there.
Oh, have we? Yes, we have both ways. I don't know what you mean by that, but
isn't that like a saying like if you fart, you spilled the beans?
Is that not a saying? Oh, I'm going to need you to like settle in here a little bit.
Act like you've done this before. Oh my gosh. Is that really not a saying?
Tell me right now. No, that's not a saying. Spill the beans is like,
no, I know like that's the only one out of your mouth.
Where do we go from here? I think you should start us out,
but we need to talk about who the fake was last week.
I was just going to get to that if we could just get past the talk about poop and farts.
So for the Valentine's Day exclusive, my story was fake. One of my two.
Let us know if you guys got that. If you understand the concept,
one of the stories every week is going to be generated by chat GPT.
So we want to know if you guys are picking up on this or if chat GPT is really good.
We all know they're pretty, it's pretty freaking good, but this week it's going to be difficult
because all the stories are bonkers. Follow along, do what you do best, but loose lips,
sink ships. Who's going to lead us off? And when he says, let us know who you think is the fake,
go to our social media, go to our Instagram, go to our YouTube and tell us, write it out.
Tell us which one you think is the fake. We post our episode on YouTube every week as well,
so you'll be able to see our faces talking as well if you like YouTube. If not,
keep it up with the podcast. It's growing, it's killing it, so we're stoked.
We love the listeners from all over the world. It's literally so exciting. It's been so fun.
We're based in little old Arizona. And we get to see. Don't tell them the city, just say Arizona.
Oh yeah, because they're going to be after us. We're based in Arizona.
And it's really fun to see listeners all over the world. So shout out to you guys.
Thanks for the support. Let's get into it because we got some fun stories for this week.
I'm so excited. Okay, I'll let you start tonight. Yeah, you will.
This one is pretty good. A trigger warning for anything relating to living a sheltered life.
This story is crazy for as far as spilling the beans is concerned.
Only one meaning for spilling the beans. Yeah, you've made that crystal clear. So thank you.
That goes for all the listeners too in case there's any question.
I don't think anyone else would have that question. But I agree.
Thank you. Start your damn story.
All right, you're not ready for this and they're not either. Today I aft up by forgetting that
Reddit is only as anonymous as you make it in parentheses and blowing up my relationship with
my family over it. So obligatory. This isn't technically today. Really, this is more like
I've been kind of dumb for like 10 years. But hey, buckle in, it's going to be a long one.
My childhood was exceptionally isolated. When I was about five years old, we moved to the top of
a mountain in the middle of the desert, ostensibly because my parents wanted their eventual 11
children to grow up free and wild, but also because extremely traditional Catholicism tends to stick
for children when they when those children have absolutely no contact with reality. We would
descend the mountain for church on Sundays and then once a month we would join other Catholic
homeschoolers for a morning at a local park and some others we did 4-H. But that was about the
extent of my socialization. I was unhappy, but I was never quite sure why and my parents were
always very quick to explain that my unhappiness was a result of the devil or a spiritual attack.
Enter the internet, the glorious populated community filled internet. As an older teen,
I began doing some classes online and I got an ancient brick of a laptop to help with that.
And naturally, I eventually found Reddit. Finally, I found a place where I could have
community with other people and nobody would would ever have to know. I was an awkward homeschooler
with a terrible long skirt and an awful haircut. I started in the Catholicism subreddit and tended
to keep it open in one page in case my parents walked in and then in another page I could explore
and owe the freedom of exploration. I learned history and science. I joined fandoms and
discovered podcasters. I learned interesting terms like bisexual and even saw pornography for the
first time. And I talked to other people, people who weren't homeschooled or sheltered or even
Catholic. Not gonna lie, I said some BS. For the first solid oh six years that I was there,
I was drinking that Catholic Kool-Aid hard. If you look far enough back at my history,
you'll find a homophobic, transphobic, religious bigot. Honestly, hella cringe. I also had a habit
of occasionally complaining about the things my family did, especially as I began to realize just
how desperately abnormal and unhealthy my childhood was. Word to the wise, kids don't post your family
drama on your main. It will eventually come back and bite you in the ass. Eventually, with time
and love joining the real world, I grew out of the cringe. I left the Catholic Church once I finally
realized the depths of its misogyny, racism, and corruption. I realized that the fun word bisexual
described me and started meeting with other queer people and found out that they were not depraved
predators but honestly the warmest and most lovely bunch of people I'd met. I learned the real truth
behind all the pro-life things I'd been taught. I read books about abortion and trans rights.
I connected with people in my town and then started doing IRL things once COVID ended
and now I volunteer at my library every week. I realized that I'm not broken and disgusting,
waiting to be saved by an angry god. I made real friends and really learned to love myself for the
first time but you've been waiting for the F up. I made the catastrophic mistake of posting a picture
of my sister's wedding on Reddit. You think that was nothing. I thought that was nothing. But my
sister's ex who has been involved in a decade long custody battle with her did not think it was
nothing. In fact, he somehow managed to find the post and then from there find my Reddit account.
And boom, 10 years of content. Homeboy must have read through thousands of posts and comments and
he found the ones where I complained about my childhood, commiserate with people about how my
family is still conservative when I've gone to the liberal dark side, weird poems about fights with
my sister that I wrote at 18, he went through posts about my struggles with fertility and struggles
with religion and he entered screenshots of them into evidence as proof that my family was not fit
to be around the kid summary because OP is a little wordy. Yeah. She posts a picture that she's at
her sister's wedding. This helps her sister's ex identify her. He happens to stumble across her
photo and then sees 10 years of her basically being like a in her words like a very sheltered
child and sees this evolution and then is using that in the custody battle against her sister and
their kids. Right. Like it's like incriminating not incriminating, but like throwing shade at the
entire family based on what she said. Oh, no. By the time I had been told what happened, told the
delete posts, it was too late. My dad had the screenshots and then he went and found more.
My whole family saw them. My grandparents called and texted in horror. My aunt across the country
was dragged into it. The next thing I knew I had text after text from my sister telling me that I
needed to make a statement that I was a psychotic lunatic lying about all of it. My mother apparently
wrote a statement for me that said that said as much according to another sibling that saw it
before she tried to make me sign it. My sister claimed that wouldn't get custody of her kid back
if I didn't either claim psychosis or sign a statement to that effect because that's perjury
though. I did not because see, I'm not a lunatic. I'm a dumbass who over shares on Reddit and
parentheses who isn't and I've been diagnosed with depression. Who hasn't? But psychotic? No. I wrote
my own statement basically laying out all of what I just said. I was a sheltered kid who used the
internet badly and some of what I had said online has been said without the full knowledge of their
respective situations, but my mistakes were my own. And because my sister had been adamant that I
needed to call myself psychotic and my mother had already written something for me, I thought it best
to send to my sister's lawyer directly so that nothing could be added or amended without my
knowledge. This was apparently a big mistake. I woke up to an email from my sister about how she
can't believe I would imply that I don't trust her, would you? And how I'm going to die alone
without any friends or family. She's going to paint me in court as psycho anyway because only a crazy
person would, checks notes, talk to a lawyer in a legal situation instead of the person who already
seems to have made plans to have you perjure yourself. My whole family basically hates me and
that's the end of that. All in all you might agree no great loss and it's not. No friends. The loss
is this Reddit account. 10 years of karma, 10 years of relationships and carefully curated content.
I shall have to start again with a new account, hopefully much more anonymous this time around.
I'm torn between never touching this account again and using it as my new account exclusively for
writing erotica content. Since now I know my father will be looking on all of my posts and
disapproval anyway. Might as well lean into it. I'd say I'll catch you all on the flip side but I
really hope I'm not caught anywhere. I'm so ready to go back to being just another anonymous face
in the Reddit crowd and this time I plan to stay that way. Talk about spilling the beans.
Yes, 10 years worth. 10 years worth of just like she used it as her personal diary, her personal
just like corner of the world that she could just unload all the feelings, all the things like being a
a teenager in general. Right, right. Regardless of your cultural influence, like to have that all
blow up and affect a custody battle, goodness. I guess honestly, I'm kind of just jumping to like
what freaking happened? Did she get custody of her kid? Like did it fully screw her over?
This was posted 12 hours ago. This is brand new. Stop. Yeah. And it's posted on today. I f'd up.
Go check it out listeners. You can go read it yourself and look for an update. There is no
update. Wow. The Reddit is going in on this one though. And a lot of it is like people are saying,
I like this one. Honestly, given your sister's reaction, I strongly suspect her ex may have a
point. Your teenage angst wouldn't be enough to cause her to lose custody unless things already
look very bad for her. Yeah, which is true. It's so true. Like the parents making her sign
something saying that like she's crazy. Yeah, you're a lunatic. She lied. Like that's so sad.
So sad. So sad. Yeah, no. One thing, I mean, we're not, we're not going to get into the ins and
outs of different religions and like what people believe or what it causes people to feel or anything
like that. But just the tradition alone. Yeah. Of religion that can be very damaging for people
that don't learn how to think for themselves. Yeah. And like, I feel empathy, sympathy for poor OP,
for living that sheltered lifestyle, thinking that she's safe to just like, let it all out on the
internet and then having it completely blow up like that. Even if you say you don't care. Yeah,
losing your family, that sucks. And you didn't, you didn't do anything. You just, you grew up in
the environment that you were like, that was your escape. That's where you were able to talk about
anything and everything. Sad. And then their whole, oh, and like majority of it's about them too.
Yeah. And that's the thing is it just reflects so badly on the family and on the culture and like
all of that. 12 hours ago posted. So when she posted that, could the family see that? Well,
yeah. So this is from her, this is from that account. So like if they go looking, like then
they would be, they would definitely be able to see it. Oh, wow. And some people, I mean, we, we're
not like redditors. We haven't been like real Reddit users, but this is like a whole freaking
community where 10 years where this is like her, I'm just trying to imagine a social media account,
but more personal, right? Like more like almost like a blog that you just, you just freely say
what you want to say because nobody knows to have that blow up. That's, that's rough. That is a good
story for this episode. Like just the cat out of the bag. Like literally perfect. I love, okay,
last one and then we'll move on. Last comment. Seems like the horse is out of the barn, so to
speak. So personally, I keep the account and lean into it and be petty as you want to be.
You know your audience, here's your chance to take advantage of their insistence on being
weirdly fascinated with the Reddit account. It's their choice to read or not. Yeah. The horse is
out of the barn. I've never heard that one. Cats out of the bag. A horse is out of the barn. The
beans have been spilled. I'm losing it tonight. It's the shirt. It's the shirt. It makes me
feel a different way. Yeah. The swordfish on your shirt is making you make horse noises.
Yeah. We're wearing swordfish shirts, guys, and they're lime green. They have lots of colors.
Okay, let's have you read your story so you stay awake. I accidentally got my best friend's mom
arrested. So yeah, I ruined my best friend's life because I can't keep my mouth shut.
It happened a few months ago and I still feel sick thinking about it. I, 17M, was hanging out with
my best friend Nate, 17M, when his mom, we'll call her Miss K, offered to drop me off at home. No big
deal, right? We were driving through this neighborhood. It was dark and out of nowhere. This guy just
sprinted into the street like full on darted in front of us. Miss K slammed on the brakes,
but it was too late. We hit him hard. I remember the sound more than anything. A sickening thud,
and the guy rolling over the hood before hitting the pavement. I was frozen. I thought he was
freaking dead. I barely had time to process anything before Mrs. K yelled, we can't stay here. I was
like, what? We have to call 911. But she was already driving away. But she was already driving
away fast. She kept muttering stuff like he ran out. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault.
And technically, she wasn't wrong. Dude came out of nowhere, but still we just left him there.
The whole night I felt sick. I barely slept. The next day it was all over the news. Local man
injured and hit and run police searching for suspect. He didn't die, but he broke both his
legs and an arm. Yeah, that's like horrible. I didn't tell anyone for weeks, but my dad knew
something was up. He kept asking what was wrong and I kept brushing him off, but eventually it
just slipped. I told him everything. And then he went into the cops. They tracked down Mrs. K
within two days. Turns out she had a little damage on her car that matched the accident. And since I
told them what happened, it was game over. She got arrested for leaving the scene and now she's
looking at jail time. Now Nate won't talk to me at all. He won't even look at me. And I get it,
I really do. But I also just couldn't keep it to myself forever, right? Right?
There's no way he should have been expected to keep that to himself. No shot. I feel so bad for
him because I'm like, yeah, in all the comments, there's actually like a few different kind of
like viewpoints, but a lot of them are saying like, no, you absolutely did the right thing. So I'm
glad he's at least getting that kind of like affirmation because there's no way you keep a
freaking secret. What if he died? Yeah. Like, no, not for miss freaking stupid miss K like
I'm sure that's mortifying that you smoke somebody with your car. But if it's true that he just darted
out you had nothing you could do about it. Like you do the responsible thing and you call the
police and you like, you got to do what you got to do. Yeah, you have to. You have to. That's part
of just driving you assume that risk just being on the road operating a motor vehicle. Yeah.
That's reminded me of multiple things, but oh, you know where my mind is going to go? Yes. Rico.
You guys, this is so sad. This is horrible. So this is horrible. This low key blends the last
story into this story too. And it's been a weird way. So we're driving down the road. This is a
true story that happened to us. We took the missionaries out to dinner on a random Tuesday night
never again in Montana. We were up there. I was we were I was in school and we took them out and
we were done with dinner driving them back to the mission office. And I'm just plugging down this
like residential road in Billings and very similar to the story. Like I'm just driving and I literally
did not see one thing. I'm driving. I'm not speeding. I'm driving down just a neighborhood that has
homes on each side of the road. It's like 25 mile an hour speed limit. I'm doing 26 maybe.
Maybe you were going to speed like I was like not going fast, but I going down the road and all
of a sudden I hear this. I'm like, that didn't feel like a drive like I drove over a sewer or
something like if you definitely had like a different feel to it. Oh yeah. And everyone was
like, Oh, like what the heck? What was that noise? Yeah. And I'm as I'm driving up the road, I like
look up the rear, look at my rear view mirror and I see just a ball of fluff in the middle of the road
and very shortly after a woman sprinting. And so the mission office was literally at the end of
this road. And so I'm like, yeah, I was like four houses down from where he hit Rico. So I literally
just clapped this dog and I need to get these missionaries back to their office. And so I like
I pull over and there was never a doubt in my mind that I was going to circle back and go back and
see what happened, see what was going on. I just pulled a little bit forward and told the missionaries
go go do what you got to do. I'm going to go and give CPR to a dog. And it's funny because the
missionaries got out some guy from across the street comes over and is like, Hey, get your
ass back there. You need to go and you just killed that dog. It's like, what? Like what is going on?
Turn the car around, drive back down. And this little poodle mixed dog named Rico, very sad,
was very clearly going to die in the middle of the road. And his owner was it was this couple,
this older couple. No, the girl came out first and she was wearing a dress. Well, yeah. And she was
and she was she was just wailing, wailing this poor dog's name. Rightfully so. And like,
she was saying all sorts of mean things to me. I don't remember what she was saying. It's like,
I have dogs. I love dogs. I felt horrible. Yeah, Joe was tearing up and the whole time he had his
hands on his mouth and like his cheeks just shaking his head and he had like his eyes were
red. He was tearing up like he felt horrible. And he was just like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
He was just standing there awkwardly. I'm staying in my car and I'm like, Oh my gosh, Joe, get back
in the car. There's nothing we can do for this family. And they want to kill you. So like,
anyways, but I want to say one more thing. Or do you want to say this part? Or she's
on the ground? Just spread eagle? Yes, she's wearing a dress. It's so sad. Like losing a dog is
absolutely watching them get over. That's the thing is like, what I gathered what she said was
like, she had opened the door, the dog was at the neighbor's house or something. And so she just
pulled in, called out to the dog and the dog was running to her. Because I remember her saying like,
you were just so excited to see me. But it was like, I didn't have a chance. I didn't see the dog
for a second. Yeah, you didn't. None of us did. We were all it was silent in the car first of all.
And we're all just staring straight ahead. You weren't going fast. I actually was like, dude,
hurry and drop them off. Why are we going so slow? Well, I'm like, yeah, we're just like on a
residential road. Like there was nothing in none of it was your fault. There's nothing you could
have done. But I, I legitimately was I was rattled. It shook me up bad for hours and hours and even
days like no weeks, we can kind of joke about it now just because of how like, first of all,
if that's our sense of humor, second of all, it was crazy. This lady laid on the laid on the
concrete and was just like, oh, and the dog's name was Rico like,
she just kept repeating it over and over and spread eagles and wearing a dress just in the
middle of the road just screaming it. And then all of a sudden you see the husband run out and he is a
what was the pastor? I don't like like a Catholic priest. Like he was like wearing like the black
thing and it was like the turtleneck thing and it has a white, I don't know, little thing.
In any ways, like, basically how could you saying all this type stuff to me and I'm standing there
taking all of it with my hands over my mouth just like, I'm so sorry. And then he comes up and is
like scooping up the dog and like, it's really sad. It was like, it was devastating because the lady
is absolutely in shambles. We all know the dog's not going to make it. It was horrible. And thankfully,
this guy was like, you should probably just go you can't change anything now. I was like, that's
the permission I was looking for to now leave because I know I can't change this. That was the
it's that's like the worst even now. Your dog went across the street, honey. That's like that.
Like this man don't run across the street dart out in front of a car. Rico should have known.
That's so sad. RIP Rico, I'm gonna give you the best like ear scratches in heaven one day,
little buddy. He's not gonna see you. Well, I mean, apparently, he's gonna run wherever he wants.
He's gonna dart. I don't know. He's probably looking down at you. Maybe maybe they were not
that good to him. And so we we got him out of a bad situation. This horrible. I was gonna say,
maybe he was OP in this story. Yeah. So one of the comments was, you weren't the one who hit the guy.
So why did you have to say anything if you kept quiet, your friends family wouldn't be falling
apart right now? Some things just aren't your business. Dude, this guy freaking both legs and
an arm broke. And you don't even yeah, it's like you don't even know. You don't know what could
come of that. What if he would have died? I don't know how some people operate. And I would love to
know how this man was found. Like he didn't have anyone to help him at that point when he got ran
over. I'm literally picturing Rico Street. I'm picturing him just being like there's homes on
each side. And he's like moaning and groaning like somebody's gonna come outside or like do
something. I'm picturing like dark pitch black, like not a neighborhood that's super like active,
like, I don't know. That's what I'm picturing. But another comment that I was like, okay, like he
said your dad snitched snitched. Oh my gosh, your dad snitched not you. You only told your dad
because you're struggling with guilt. You didn't go to the police. He did. So should your friend
really be mad at you or your dad? So take you tack. Yeah, dog. Sorry friend, your mom smoked a human
being with her car and didn't stop. And she was like, like basically like, be quiet, be quiet,
like, we gotta go. That's like some that's like a trauma response. It's like the she's just terrified
fight or fly like what do we do? Like I don't want to go to jail. Yeah. It would be one thing
like I'm picturing like a dark alley and I like a guy runs out in the middle of the street and I
hit him. Am I going to like pull over and get out and my daughter's in the backseat and I'm just
like completely exposed, you know, I don't know what I would do in that moment. I'd probably be
really scared and freaking out. But the first thing I'm doing is I am calling the cops 100%
percent. I don't know. Keep going so be it. But like, I wouldn't keep going. I would stop. But I
feel like I would be so scared. I watched so many crime shows. Like I would just be so scared to get
out and who knows what happens next, especially if I have my daughter with me. So stay behind the
wheel in case you have to run him over again. Yeah, reverse that mother effort. This one comes
from best of redditor updates on our anniversary. My 27 m wife 27 F and I were intimate and she said
another man's name during sex. He's a mutual friend. I'm at a loss. How do I navigate this? Oh my gosh.
You are not ready. I would rip your vocal cords out. Yeah, you would. Yeah. I know. Of course you
would. But in case you missed it, this is about her, not him. I'm 27 M in a fight with my wife,
27 F after an incident during intimacy. For context, we're high school sweethearts married for six
years. We have a child three M. We've been through a lot together and I love her deeply. Our marriage
is in a rough patch. Our quality time as a couple is struggling. We're in counseling. We're working
on making time for each other and reaffirming our bond. That's our current focus in counseling.
And we're assigned intimacy exercises. Part of these exercises is for us to make a consistent
conscious effort for each other. We had a staycation to celebrate our anniversary while our son spent
the weekend at his grandparents. The trip was largely nice and we got to better focus on each
other, but it took a turn. The night of our anniversary, we were cuddling and it turned into
more. My wife initiated. She was really into it and expressive and then out of nowhere, she moaned
another man's name who's in our friend group. We stopped immediately. There was no mistaking what
she said. She looked stunned before recovering and treating it like a texting typo or something.
When I questioned why she'd say another guy's name, let alone one of our friends, she swore it
meant nothing and that she was just consumed with what I was doing. I couldn't buy it. I don't believe
it meant nothing. Not the passionate way she said it. I believe she was fantasizing about him while
being with me. She insisted it wasn't like that and was only a slip of the tongue. I asked why his
name in particular. First, she didn't know. Then she said maybe because she was replying to his texts
earlier in the group chat. When I pushed back, she got defensive. She said I was making something out
of nothing and how it didn't need to ruin our anniversary. I told her nothing she was saying
was reaching me and I needed some time. She tried kissing me and initiating again like nothing
happened, but I turned her down. The incident put a damper on the rest of the trip. We haven't been
intimate since and any steps we've made forward with our exercises have taken a significant leap
back. We're in a cycle of awkward silence even in front of our son or her ignoring the elephant in
the room. She's being extra affectionate now, but I can't shake what happened. I never thought
twice about their friendship, but now I'm seeing past interactions differently. I love my wife. She
and our son mean the world to me. I've been committed to working on our marriage, but I'm at a loss
here. I feel my wife isn't being honest and is attempting to rug sweep by pouring on affection.
I'm left reconsidering everything. I don't know how to navigate forward. I need outside perspectives.
Bro, she's banged him for sure. For sure they have had sex before.
So you don't think that it could have been just a fantasy? She was obviously in a different place
in her mind. No, I mean, I can't relate to this in any way, but I'm just like, his name
being said out loud in a sexual way has happened before. There is just no ifs or buts about that.
She has 100% done sexual things with that friend. So a lot of the commentators, a lot of the commenters
agree with you. So yeah, that's a lot of them are saying, okay, well, check the phone records,
find out. But this is the story that keeps on giving. So like the sex life.
Here's a couple of comments. Definitely need to save conversations on this for your counseling
sessions. I highly recommend using a therapist certified in the Gottman method. No clue what
that is. If you guys know what that is, leave a comment, leave a link, something. Yeah, I don't
know what it is either. Maybe we'll check it out. Second comment. Okay, if this happened with my
partner, the first place my head would go immediately would be he's having an affair.
But being on the outside, even though an affair is still on my list of possibilities,
I don't think affair is the only logical answer. My other logical conclusion isn't very pretty
either though. But it's happened that people are fantasizing about someone else. So she may
just have the hots for this dude and thinking of him gets her going and she was so in her own
head picturing him that she got lost in her own moment and it slipped out. For me, this option
would still be grounds for me to take a step back and question a lot. Even thinking of my partner
fantasizing about a friend while having sex with me makes me want to throw up. So I 100% can understand
why this has messed you up so bad. I don't think any response is going to make you feel better.
That happened and that's going to be a hard one to forget. Man, I wish I had advice, but knowing
how it would make me feel, I got nothing. I believe will make you feel any better. I would
absolutely check your phone records to see if they're communicating more than they should be.
That would definitely be my first move. That was great advice. Yes. Update. Oh my gosh. Eight
days later. Shit. Thanks to everyone who reached out. I couldn't reply to everything, but the
outside perspective helps. A general consensus was that my wife and I's issues should be
tackled in therapy. I knew that's what I should have done, but I delayed. I was too embarrassed.
The thought of bringing up what happened in counseling made it worse, but I knew it needed
to be done. My wife didn't initially take kindly to it. She was defensive and accused me of throwing
her under the bus. No, I cannot stand that. I disagreed. I wouldn't throw her under the bus
either. The truth is we never arranged topics in therapy beforehand. We argued over each other.
Our therapist came through as a referee. She called for a timeout for us to recollect and
to reflect on the objective of being, the objective of being working towards a solution,
not going at each other. We were able to actually talk once things cooled down. My wife was asked
how she would feel if the roles were reversed. She admitted if I said another woman's name while
we were having sex on our anniversary, she wouldn't have handled it well at all. She apologized for
downplaying my feelings while I appreciated her acknowledgement. I still thought she was,
she wasn't honest about why she said that guy's name. So I pressed. She said she didn't want to
hurt me more than she already did. I told her she was, she was hurting me by lying. She confessed
that during a stint where we weren't having sex, she had engaged in fantasies to satisfy herself.
One of them was of our friend. I knew the stint she was talking about intimacy as a whole has
been a struggle, but there was a point where we were abstinent sexually. We weren't even sharing
a bed at the time. We'd argue then leave to separate rooms. Our son would share a bed with us.
I asked how long she's been fantasizing about him. She said off and on. He wasn't a constant
fantasy. It wasn't necessarily about him, but more about the taboo. She swore that the fantasies
meant nothing. They were just scenarios to get her there and nothing she would ever actually want.
It was tough, but I tried hearing her out instead of shutting down. Arguing wasn't getting us
anywhere either. I can't relate to her about this. She's always been enough for me during good and
bad times. I was always focused on her during intimacy. I told her that while I knew our
marriage wasn't perfect, I thought we were getting to a better place and we were engaging in various
forms of intimacy again. She claimed she doesn't indulge the fantasies anymore. I called bull because
she just did that on her anniversary of all days. She insisted his name was only a slip of the tongue
because she was replying to his texts in a group thread that day. She said she was consumed with
what I was doing to her and in the heat of the moment his name slipped out. When I asked why
she didn't tell me all of this after the incident, she said she felt guilty and afraid for our marriage.
She said our marriage was already in a state of recovery and she didn't want to blow everything
up over a stupid mistake. She kept saying she doesn't want him or anyone else. She only wants to be
with me and that's the whole reason why she's fighting for our marriage. The session was a lot.
I was mostly quiet after she finished. She asked me to please say something but all I could say
was I needed some time. I'm still sorting through how I feel. I believe she was more truthful but
it's difficult nor do I see things between her and our friend the same. I would like to work on my
marriage. My wife and our son mean the world to me. I want the best solution for everyone involved.
Thank you again to everyone. I appreciate the support. That is literally just a tiny bit more
of the truth but it's not the full truth. She for sure banged him. One of the comments called it
trickle truth. Yeah exactly. Okay guess what bro keep pushing and guess what you're going to find
out more. She's just giving you little by little until she like it's like they realize they can't
keep up with these little lies because the person's not believing them and then all of a sudden it's
just the cracks gonna break and then you're gonna fall through and drown. Oh she's talking
the truth. And so in your mind you think the truth is that she's been getting smoked by this dude.
100% started as an emotional affair and then it started to be all like sexting and sexual crap and
then boom they've banged. I would I would actually really love to know people's perspectives on this
one because I don't know. Really. I don't know if she could have been actually banging the other
dude or if she could just be that lost in the sauce in her mind. Comment her one. I think the
next thing you need to do is schedule another therapy session and discuss tools for rebuilding
trust. At this point you bring up your trust was shook because she kept trickle truthing
and how can you know she isn't hiding more from you. That you don't want to distrust her but you
don't know how to rebuild. Allow me to be blunt about some uncomfortable truths. Everyone fantasizes.
It is if and how we act on our fantasies and if we allow our fantasies to impact our real life
that matters. Keep your focus on her behavior not her fantasies. Trust is similar to reputation
and that once it is broken it is hard to rebuild but it can be rebuilt. Trust is always a leap of
faith. It is built on little acts of consistent reliable behavior but at its heart it is a leap
of faith. The little voices in your head OP the one's going but what if she is secretly in love
with a friend but what if she thinks he is sexier than me etc. Yes those voices nothing your wife
can say or do will be able to silence those voices. That is a battle for you and you alone.
You need to figure out how to self suit those voices. That being said it's there isn't there's
absolutely a world where it's just in her head. I just have to say that there's absolutely a way
that she is that lost in the sauce and she doesn't have to have banged him. Sorry. There's no way.
Yes there is. No there's not. My brother-in-law confessed feelings for me after I went wedding
dress shopping with his fiance. This just happened today and I'm using a throwaway because I promote
my small business on my main and I want to be anonymous with this. Okay I'm pretty overwhelmed
so I'll start with some background. I have been with my husband for five years we've been married
for two. Since early on in the relationship I've been great friends with his older brother
partially because I always wanted one. When he started dating a girl about two years ago I went
out of my way to make sure she knew she had a friend in me if she wanted since we're the only
girls in the family we're great friends now and since they got engaged three months ago I had been
helping with wedding planning and was asked to be a bridesmaid. We went dress shopping today and had
a blast. We went to brunch had some mimosas found the dress and went back to their house to celebrate.
I ended up alone in the kitchen with my brother-in-law a bit after being there and he said he just had to
tell me something before it kept eating at him. I was a little buzzed and confused but was not at
all expecting him to say what he did. I think I've had feelings for you for a few years and I've never
been able to tell you and just needed to know if you ever felt the same. I completely froze and just
shook my head. I told him that no I have never thought about him in any way other than a friend
and a brother and I never would. Before he said anything else I bolted back to his fiance and the
other girls there and very discreetly told her I got my period and wasn't feeling well and would
have someone come get me and then come by soon for more wedding planning. She thought nothing of it
and I called my best friend to come get me. She dropped me off at home my husband is working
right now and there's no question that I'm going to tell him as soon as he gets home but I just
have no idea where to go from there. Do I tell his fiance? Do I make him tell her? Do I leave it?
Do I have my husband talk to him? Has anyone ever had something like this happen or have any advice?
Anything is appreciated. It's always the older brother-in-law. Why? Why is that always our
Reddit stories? That's just the way it goes. In life it's the older brother. You gotta look out for them.
Watch them dudes. Watch those bros. Yeah I have a feeling there's more. There is an update.
Thanks to everyone who called my panicked mind after my original post. I didn't want to tell my
husband we need to talk while he was still at work and make him panic so having some reassurance from
here was really helpful. I also noticed a lot of people asking for an update so here is one that
even I was shocked by as I lived it. It's not exactly the earth shattering blow up most people
thought it would be. My husband came home and he immediately knew I had something on my mind. I
explained the whole thing and he was livid at his brother. Livid at his brother. Thankfully he gave me
a hug and I broke down crying from the stress. He assured me I did everything right and it wasn't
my fault. After that you went to call his brother and tell him that he knew what happened and wanted
to talk to him one on one. Well it turns out that his brother and fiance were already on their way to
our house to talk about it. As soon as the other girls left not long after me my brother-in-law
confessed everything to her. First she slapped him. Deserved. But after they talked and he promised her
that his feelings for her were genuine she said that he needed to apologize to me and his brother
and then they could go from there. Wow. So they came over and he and my husband went and talked
while I talked to this fiance. We both cried and talked for about an hour. I promised her I'd never
had any feelings for him and had no idea he'd ever had any for me. Apparently she caught him
gazing at me on a family vacation once. It thought maybe he had some attraction to me so while this
sucked she felt some relief that she wasn't crazy for thinking it. He admitted she was right and
thinks his feelings at one point were out of jealousy that his younger brother were further
in life than him and he attributed that to me in a way. This was new to him as the older brother
and they really hadn't compared each other much growing up just because they had vastly different
paths. It was apples to oranges but now there was some perceived competition on a similar playing
field. The feelings have faded but when she came home saying she found a dress he felt an urge to
come clean and he wished he had said it differently or work through it with some help before to
actually understand what the feelings were before making this a whole mess. I don't know about all
of that but I guess I could understand it with a more clear head. This all happened in one night
and he was visibly distressed over it so I'd find it hard to believe he could weave a whole story
like that so I'm inclined to believe him. Once my husband and his brother came back to the living
room my brother-in-law looked like a puppy who'd just gotten in trouble also looked a little roughed
up but I didn't question it. We all talked and he apologized to me for putting me in this position.
Where it landed their wedding is on hold privately while they figure out next steps. Thankfully there
was nothing booked and no dates sent out. We had gone weddings just shopping just to get an idea and
it was just luck that she fell in love with the dress. They are going to a couple's therapy to
decide if and how they can move past this. There is clear love between the two. Things will be tense
but I think he feels genuine remorse and my potential sister-in-law says she holds no ill will
against me and if they move forward she'd still love to have me as a bridesmaid if I'm willing.
My husband and his brother have some serious work to do in their relationship and my friendship
with my brother-in-law will never be the same again but we'll see what happens from there.
Oh my gosh. We've also agreed to keep this between the four of us but they will be honest
that they're doing some premarital counseling before setting dates or full-on planning. I saw a
lot of comments telling me to keep my mouth shut and no harm was done while I guess I can see your
point. I just couldn't imagine keeping something like this from my husband. Especially if it came
out later and you found an eye withheld it. Trust is huge in our partnership and even just a mission
feels like a betrayal of that. Sure I knew this could blow up if I let it out but it would be
my brother-in-law's fault not mine. He had all control over telling me what he did. Thanks to
everyone who helped me through that scary processing time alone. Oh my gosh. What a mess.
Gosh. It's such a freaking- it's such a mess so fast. That is his sister-in-law and he's about to
get married and he's over here like I have feelings for you. And it's- it's so stupid.
What's crazy to me though is he's talking about- no well I just was feeling it because
I just see how awesome my brother and your guys' life is and I attribute that to you.
But honestly the way this- his fiance is sounding she sounds like a very calm peacemaker,
emotionally intelligent, very graceful, very giving- like forgiving. She's giving him a lot of
grace in this. Yeah and handling the situation like very objectively like not faulting
the sister-in-law at all. Like you could still be a bridesmaid at my wedding.
I don't know if I could do that. Well no I feel like a lot of people couldn't.
That says a lot. He's very lucky to have her. Yeah. So that's what was so like ironic to me.
I'm kind of like wait like do you not see the irony here? Like you actually have a catch.
Oh this guy's an idiot. It's an idiot. There's a comment by roaring doodle. I'd love to know
the subtle things that you did to him all these years. You never at all flirted with him in any
way. Bros feelings and confidence to shoot a shot came from somewhere. Oh my gosh. And I was like
okay that's a different spin. Different take. So like maybe there's something there right? Like
maybe all of a sudden he's just saying like hey I have feelings. So like now's the time if we're
gonna do it. It's gonna be now. This is what OP said. It wasn't like it was smooth talking question.
He stumbled through it and no I never flirted with him. I teased him in the same way the
entire family does. They're that kind of family and after about a year I joined in. The only thing
I did that the rest of the family didn't was drink with him more. Basically just because we're the
only two that like to do shots and we have the same liquor preference. I would never dream of
flirting with my partner's boyfriend at any point in the relationship. And I totally believe her
with that. I don't think there was anything there. Yeah it's like that was like the brother she was
wanted. Like it to her it was like that's my big bro. That's my brother. Right. It doesn't there
doesn't have to be. It's this whole thing happened to her. Yeah. Like to try to think that she would
be at fault in some way is asinine. There's an update too. I wanted to address a couple common
responses I've been seeing here and give another next day update. To everyone telling me not to
tell anyone or give them a mulligan that was never an option to me. My husband and I are a team and
we don't keep secrets only surprises. It's something we agreed on before getting married. If I didn't
tell him and it came out later it's as good as me lying to his face. To all the claims that I'd be
blowing up multiple families I'm not the one who confess feelings. He opened this can of worms and
is not my responsibility to keep this secret. This does blow up his relationships or his family.
That's all on him not me. There are a lot of other common themes in here but those two were
very prevalent and I wanted to dispel them for this. So for this small update my husband actually
called his brother today and asked if he wanted to go to one of their favorite bars to watch the
game together today. Something pretty common for them. My brother-in-law was shocked but agreed.
Shortly after his fiancee called me and asked if she could come over while they were gone. She was
honest and said it might be awkward but we would do this a lot and either do some DIY together get
a puzzle or watch movies together. She wanted to see if I'd be open to keeping this up as long as
we were both comfortable with it while they work their things out so our relationship doesn't deteriorate.
It meant the world to me and I said of course. All four of us agreed that they, brother-in-law and
fiancee would start seeing a couple's therapist ASAP and my brother-in-law would see one on his own
until they get a better grasp on what his feelings were are and their own plan. We won't get all
four of us together and brother-in-law and I will not be alone together. My potential sister-in-law is
one of the most level-headed people I've ever met and so kind-hearted. My brother-in-law used to have
a lot of walls up that she broke down pretty naturally and this is so out of character for him.
It's clear that he loves her and I truly don't even think and I truly don't think that even if I did
say yes he would not leave her to be with me. Not that it would have even been an option. I truly see
a road forward for them and all of us. We're all committed to finding the best outcome for everyone
involved. My marriage is solid and we have our marriage maintenance couples therapy appointment
coming up soon anyway so we'll check in with an outside opinion but I'm not worried. They're
going to a consult with the therapist at the same practice in just a couple of days. It obviously
won't be a quick and smooth fix as this was f'd up but I'm much more optimistic than many comments
here and wanted to share. Okay, Mike6409 said, future sister-in-law is pathetic for staying with
that man. All I'm gonna say. Oh Pete, I don't think it's pathetic to give something even an f'd up
situation a little extra time to decide on going forward. The way she is looking at it is that
she can leave and nobody would blame her and she wouldn't blame herself. She loves him and for
herself she wants to take a beat to more deeply understand the situation before she makes a
decision to stay or leave. She was planning a future for him and if she just leaves immediately
she will have a lot of inner turmoil to work through and what ifs. If she takes a few therapy
sessions and decides to leave she would feel more confident in her decision. That's her choice to
make. You may think it's pathetic but it's what she decided was best for her. I don't, yeah it's not
pathetic. It's just not the right word at all. Yeah. It's not pathetic. It's giving him a fair shake
and a being like that takes a lot of a lot of emotional intelligence to make a decision like
that. She very well may not end up with him. She's not cool with it. She's not like, yeah go ahead
try to bang your sister-in-law like this now she's saying. Giving him a chance to work through it
and obviously their relationship has to be there has to be evidence of it being really good
otherwise she would just dip. Yeah. Like it's not like she's just being blindly optimistic to what
what their relationship could be. Every relationship takes work. You have to just trust the fact that
she sees a reason to stay. Well, Chalker there's a final update and this is the last one. Let's go.
For some context I am 27F my husband is 28M, brother-in-law is 32M and his fiance is 29F. This
started as a throwaway account but now it's just an anonymous account and this will likely be my
last update. Since this happened we have talked and my brother-in-law explained some of his feelings
as he has understood so far thanks to a lot of introspection and therapy. The silver lining to
all of this is that he is spending so much needed time working through his feelings and coping
mechanisms. He group texted me and my husband asked if we could talk together. It was most likely
to talk to me but he didn't want there to be any gray area going forward. To sum it up he very
sincerely apologized to me for the position he put me in and to both of us for the betrayal of our
relationships. After a couple therapy sessions talking through his root feelings he realized
how terrified of change he was even when it was good and frankly his fear of a failed marriage.
I don't believe this. I'm sorry. Couple therapy sessions? Chalker I was just scared of marriage
so I wanted a banger wife brother. He was older and understood so much more of his parents' divorce
than my husband and he didn't realize how much that impacted him because he had pushed it down so
deep. My husband and I met before my brother-in-law met his fiance and in the early days he had an
attraction to me but he pushed his feelings away because obviously I was with his brother.
When he found his fiance he truly fell in love with her and we all knew it was by it by the way
he acted. I mean this guy is usually stubborn and stubborn but he just melted for her. He changed
so many habits for the better for her sake and for his future. When we went out dress shopping
and came back a little tipsy and excited she just gushed to him about wedding details and ideas and
he got overwhelmed. So we did a couple shots not saying it was a good choice and when I came out
as a person he had to come he had come to for comfort or advice on more than one occasion he
just exploded and said what he said. He had so many thoughts running through his head and I can't
say I'm not mad at him for what happened. When I got engaged no matter how much I love my husband
out grand marriage is not I have to admit I had a few late night musings about what life would be
like married because it should not be taken lightly. He was so genuine in his apology and
shamed of his thoughts and actions he was damn near in tears boohoo. When his brother hugged him
he lost it. I gave him a hug as well and he couldn't stop thanking us for not just telling him to f
off. That's sweet. His fiance joined us after our talk and she said that while she's still struggling
with trusting him and they aren't going to get married in the same timeline they were planning
she's not leaving him as long as he continues to work on his feelings and unpacks his emotions
around marriage. They go to couples therapy and both go individually as one. I think we all see
a road forward knowing it will not be easy. In my past post there were so many people thought my
brother-in-law was making it up to get out of it and he would have thrown away his relationship for
me. Call me crazy or naive but I don't see it that way and nobody else involved us either. We
addressed the possibility and dismissed it. I appreciate the level of care people have shown
for me and my future sister-in-law and we will continue to show care for her and my brother-in-law
as they navigate this together. Cut the ties. Don't get married please. I don't think you should.
I don't think I don't like this guy's character and she deserves better. He's doing a lot of
emotional work now. He's done a couple sessions. Oh but the fact is that he's already been able
to put some big pieces together. That one I knew that was going to be one that piece together.
I'm overwhelmed by the wedding. I'm going to just go and see if I can bring my sister-in-law.
It's like that is not being overwhelmed by a wedding. That is you for crappy and you shouldn't
get married. People don't understand how much emotions affect people. Yeah. If you're not
privy to what's going on inside, if you're not actually doing the work to be aware of your
feelings, then you can act in a manner that's not consistent with how you feel. That's a real thing
that happens and you can say that it doesn't. You can oppose it. It doesn't matter. Here's what I do
and don't like about this situation. I don't like the energy from OP if I'm being honest. I don't
like she gives me this main character energy that I just do not resonate with. I don't like that it
sounds like she feels like this is their whole situation. The situation entails the brother
and his fiance and what their relationship, where it's going to go going forward. Fringe is the
brother's relationship with the brother. But she has a relationship with the sister-in-law and their
family. They all get together. She is a part of this mess. It's very weird the way that she talks
about it. It sounds like it's the four of theirs problem and it's not. It's their issue that has
affected everyone. I can appreciate the fiance that still wants a relationship with OP. I think
that there's, that speaks volumes to her character. The fact that she's still working on things with
the brother-in-law is great. I respect. I just think that she is, she's leading by example here of
like, this is how you handle these adverse situations. She's not saying it's all is forgiven. You're
fine saying let's work through this and like what we have up to this point, I don't want to just throw
it away. And so I respect that. Who's to say what happens five or 10 years down the road? Maybe the
guy's just a piece of garbage. But if he's not and he made a mistake and alcohol was involved
and and divorce trauma is involved and living life just kind of shooting from the hip
is one thing. That's kind of defense mechanisms is how a lot of people operate.
But you reach a certain point where you have to start going inward and looking and sorting.
Like it can be daunting and overwhelming. I just respect the fiance a ton for sticking with him
and being willing to help him work through some of that stuff. Yeah. Even if they do end up going
their separate ways, like that this guy's making way more progress because of his environment and
the way people are treating him and like good good for him sorted out. That's a big effort. That was
a big mistake that he made. Yeah. Who knows who knows what's going to happen from there. Yeah,
this is this episode was a little bit longer. But when you talk about spilling the beans,
when you talk about for loose lips, sinking ships, some ships are partially sunk. We don't know.
We don't know if they're going to go fully down. Some of these stories we may have to revisit in
future episodes. Yes. But these are all over Reddit. You guys, if you search some of the
keywords, you can go and check them out yourself, read the comments, get involved in the commentary,
do your thing. We appreciate the support. Appreciate you guys listening, tuning in. Please
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