Well, welcome. Let's go. We got a very special episode this week.
I'm so excited. I've been counting down for this straight up.
The famous Noel and Dallas in the house.
Dude, so stoked to be here.
This is my lifelong dream.
Like I it only goes down from here.
Like it goes being on internet frenzy and then the birth of my two children
and then being married to Dallas. So.
OK, so we're this is really this is it for me.
You guys, this is it.
So thanks. Thanks, guys.
Not not any no pressure.
Not going to disappoint on the expectations.
That's awesome.
Well, this episode is going to be a lot of fun.
We haven't told you guys what it is yet.
So we're going to surprise you in just a second, but really quick for last week.
It was but you're not the main character.
Was the theme who was the fake?
Was me.
Me.
Oh, well, I am proud to say that I was I was the fake.
Yeah.
I was the fake.
You called it probably.
I feel like you do really well calling it.
Especially when it's you.
Yeah.
She can read you like a book.
I know it's because he's my brother.
It's a how come thing.
Yeah, for sure.
We're just champions this week's topic.
Are you guys ready?
Oh, so good.
So good.
Worse roommates of all time.
Yes.
I am not kidding when I tell you my story.
That was a buffer.
It's so good.
I cannot wait.
I can't wait.
So fake.
Chat GPT really did it this time didn't you?
No, I'm real.
Selling.
I am real guys.
I am real and I wish I was the fake.
That's how good the story is.
Wow.
You guys know what I will say?
What?
Like these there's a whole subreddit on Reddit dedicated to bad roommates.
Oh, that checks out.
I I spent a just a really like bad amount of time just in the trenches reading all the stories of bad roommates.
And I truly think that like it no one's going to know who the fake is because the real stories are absurd.
No.
They're crazy.
So that all being said, the other thing that I thought was fun and like feel free to
chime in whenever you like whenever you guys want.
It's like some of us just due to our life experience have had a lot of roommates.
Like I had 10 in two years.
Mission.
Yep.
Oh, that checks out.
Whoa, where did you go?
There's what's going on?
I was gonna say I was like I think I've only had like four roommate or like three roommates.
I'm like, oh, yeah, I did have 13 on my mission.
And then, you know, I did summer sales.
So I have like eight right there.
Then, you know, I've had one here and then, you know, my dog and, you know, another dog.
And, you know, so okay.
I'm sure you've got one in crazy stories for us.
Got a couple.
We've definitely got some good ones.
So I'm like, I'm excited.
I'm excited to find out who has the fake for them.
I really hope and pray that you guys guess it right at the end of the episode because how
legit would that be if you got it right?
Yeah, I've gotten one right.
How many episodes have you done?
25.
Thank you, Isaiah.
Okay, so I'm one for 25 as the biggest fan of Internet frenzy.
Just lie about that number.
For sure.
Oh, wait.
Oh!
I think that is how it works.
Wait, wait, wait.
It is 25.
You're right.
This is 25.
No.
Wow.
You're the 25th one.
Yay!
How come for Lord?
We could not become you guys.
You guys are the only ones.
We did it, bro.
We did it.
We did not.
Oh my god.
I did dab someone up.
It just gravitates during each other.
Well, I have a pure bread.
How come inside of me?
So, I mean, technically it's mixed, right?
I guess it's a mutt.
I tainted it.
I mean, you're just half the bloodline.
My jeans.
That's okay.
I was half too.
That's so sad.
You're also half.
You're a half.
But it's different because no, no, because think about it.
My dad was, he's adopted.
So like, it's different.
It's different.
And my mom's royalty on that side.
So we're like, we're big.
When we say we're the how-comes, we're the how-comes.
Yo, here's the thing.
If you want to get technical with it, you guys literally aren't.
You guys literally aren't even how come blood.
True.
But guess what?
True, because you're adopted.
We're gunlatch.
Yeah, we're gunlatch.
Which one sounds better?
Gunlatch is dope.
That's pretty bad.
Yeah, it's worst roommates of all time.
So good.
Listen, I have a primer story and a real story.
So I'm going to go with two stories tonight and I'm sorry.
Is one personal?
Well, two Reddit stories and then maybe more personal,
just depending on how the night goes.
We'll see.
This one comes from M.I. The Angel.
Oh.
Interesting.
I'm scared.
Full confession.
I don't fully understand the sub.
I don't.
I don't understand it.
But it was linked to another one.
So this is how I found it.
Am I overreacting?
My roommate is taking photos of me.
Oh.
Okay.
No.
We'll see.
We'll see how I feel.
Give it a chance.
Okay.
Give it a chance.
So I, 18M, have been with my roommate, 36F, let's call her H,
for 11 years.
She's an awesome roommate.
Keeps both our areas clean, gets the groceries, is always friendly.
Though she wakes me up when I'm sleeping sometimes.
A few days ago, she left her phone unlocked on accident,
and I found a ton of pictures of me.
I went on her computer and found a folder called My Name,
and it had 9,631 pictures and a couple videos of me sleeping.
Yeah.
Most of them from all angles.
Oh.
In my bed, on the couch, my desk chair, even the one time I fell asleep on the carpet in the middle of the living room.
Why are you doing that?
I've never wanted to force you.
No.
So I needless to say, I was really freaked out.
I tried to confront her over this, but she told me I was being a silly boy,
then got mad when she found out I accidentally changed her keyboard language to Arabic.
No, I don't know how I did this either.
She isn't letting me anywhere near the desk anymore,
not even to sit in my very nice desk chair.
She thinks taking these pictures is normal.
She even kind of took a video of me complaining at her.
But I'm kind of freaked out still.
So Reddit, am I overreacting about my roommate's numerous photos and videos of me?
No, fam.
The first thing that I find is very weird.
He's 18 and they've been roommates for 11 years.
Wait, wait, wait.
Is that his mom?
Edit number one, I am a cat.
Oh my god.
Oh.
No.
Oh.
Okay.
I was like, what?
Cat is there in the first half.
Wow.
A plus poster because you got me good.
That is pretty good.
Oh my gosh.
As soon as you said that, I was like, oh yeah, this story is fake.
Okay.
I mean, I don't know.
That could be fake.
I'm like cat.
18 and 37, I'm like, okay, let's see if there's some really freaky stuff that's going on
or like, you got some mommy issues here.
You're abducted.
Stockholm syndrome.
Yeah.
Saw this in my research and thought I have to say this one.
That was great.
We've never done a story like that where it's like something.
Yeah, that's funny.
Like it's actually a cat, you know?
Oh my gosh.
It was a cat the whole time.
It's so good.
36 year old.
That's the only roommate.
36 year old female and there's just 9,000 cat pictures.
Like of course there is.
Of course.
She just wakes me up sometimes when I'm sleeping.
Yes.
My roommate used my vibrator without my knowledge.
What do I do?
That's so bad.
I need more details.
I hate it when that happens.
I'm sorry for the long one, but I am absolutely dumbfounded.
A little bit of backstory.
I, 23F, have been married to my husband 23M for 4 and a half years now.
We own our own place.
My high school friend, let's call her Amy, 21F, recently moved in with us about a month ago due to bad living situations with her family.
She has a toddler who is also my godson.
She said she would be here for about a month.
Amy is not independent at all and is still living out her immature streak or turn 21 streak.
She doesn't buy her own groceries, laundry detergent, tampons, etc.
She has been using my husband and I stuff, which in this economy has kind of been affecting us financially.
I have tried to calmly bring it up, but I hate confrontation and I'm just a plain door mat.
My husband and I have been arguing a lot lately due to this.
Amy is barely home as she is usually out at bars, sleeping at, slashed with other guys, out with friends, or at her mother's house.
My husband and I recently noticed that small items were moved around in our room.
Our bedroom door has been left open.
We always leave it closed for multiple reasons, most of us, which don't pertain to her specifically, mainly just safety reasons.
Hygiene items are missing out of our bathroom and pretty much just the houses in disarray.
We are clean people and like to keep our houses certain way.
We understand having a kid makes that hard, so we are lenient in some things.
So, my husband had a camera in the house.
The camera was in for about four days.
We noticed when she was home alone, she would go into our bedroom.
However, we can't see exactly what she is doing due to the angle of the camera.
I've brought up to her that our bedroom door has been left open and each time she responds,
I don't know how, I didn't go into your room, or it was left open this morning.
So, I know she's lying straight to my face.
Now to the main point of the story.
Today, my husband calls me and asks if I had her go into the room for any reason,
and if I had asked for Amy to get something out of my nightstand.
I said no.
Then he tells me to go check the camera I do, and it shows her going into the bedroom over to my nightstand and back out.
She was in and out very quickly.
Didn't look around, only cracked the door enough for her to fit through.
Open the drawer, you can hear it clear as day on the camera, and it's a very unique sound since they are old solid oak nightstands with no sliders.
Yeah.
And then she walked out with something under her shirt.
She knew exactly where she was going and what she was doing like she had done it before.
She also clearly knew it was wrong since she was trying to hide it.
I immediately got upset and assumed she stole the cash that I had in there,
but knew I'd have to wait to get home after work to check.
15 minutes later, my husband calls again and says, go look at the effing camera.
And what do I see?
Her rinsing my vibrator in the bathroom sink.
Not washing with soap, just a little rinse.
Sniffing it.
Oh!
Drying it with our hand towel.
No.
Sniffing it again.
Hiding it under her shirt again.
And then she went back in the room to put it away.
She tried to smell herself or you.
Oh, please.
The camera stopped recording because she came out,
but we know she was in there for at least five times longer than when she grabbed it.
So we have no idea what else she was doing.
I am completely disgusted, astonished, violated, just no words.
And what can make it worse?
Just two days prior, she tested positive for a vaginal bacterial infection.
It was given two medications.
I have no idea.
I have no idea how many times she has done this since she has been living with us for a month,
and the camera was only in the house for a few days.
I am at a loss because I don't want her to be in the streets,
but she is 100% lost my trust forever.
Furthermore, she's jeopardized my health, my husband's health,
our relationship, and proven to be completely mentally immature.
I'm entirely sickened by the whole situation.
I don't know how I can't ever have a normal friendship with her again.
Maybe she, I think she's meant for the streets at this point.
Oh, yes, she's done.
That's too fishy.
Does that smell like me or OP?
But if she used soap, then girl would be like, why does it smell like dish soap?
But is she gonna smell it before she uses it?
She's not like, smells like Dawn, it's good to use.
Hopefully it just don't.
You know, it doesn't need to pass the smell check, right?
It just needs to be the place that you last left it.
It's gotta be charged.
Yeah, it's dead.
See, I just charged it. Why is it dead?
It's dead.
Someone used it.
Remember my Amy?
I smell the...
Amy, it smells like you.
I think it's where I'm at.
Would you kick her out?
Oh my gosh.
Especially the whatever she's got going on down there.
Yeah.
She's just...
That's just like...
She's sleeping around like who knows if any of those guys had an STD.
True.
Didn't that get your own vibrator?
Yeah, well she can't get her own groceries.
She's not gonna buy her own toys.
Priorities?
Yeah.
Oh, I would buy one for her if that was the case.
So I'm curious how much money she had.
Because if there's a bulge that big under her shirt,
I mean how much cash did she have?
Like, what? Help a pal out.
Say, hey, there you go.
Yeah.
Shit.
She literally was like, oh, she took my cash for sure.
I can tell suspect 18 inches long, 4 inches wide.
I'm measuring it.
My thing is...
I don't know.
It's just like, give it to her and buy a new one.
Yeah.
You're like, bro, you can have that and also get the F out of my house.
I never want to see that again.
You can give it.
I don't want to get that under the bridge with you.
You and your kid enjoy my vibrator.
Oh, wait a second.
What, just like no context, like criminal sentences?
They're like, you and your kid enjoy my vibrator.
No, no.
No.
I'm so sorry.
Not like that.
Don't make it a headline.
Do you guys want to hear the update?
Yes, I do.
Oh, wow. Yeah.
I think I have to.
Okay.
Two days after posting, my husband and I discussed and waited for Amy to get home and asked her if she had anything she would like to tell us.
She said, no.
We then told her there was a camera in the house and we saw her go into my nightstand.
She got silent.
So I asked what she was doing.
She took a while to respond and after some pushing, she said, this is awkward.
She then told me that she was curious as to what I use.
I asked her what she meant and she said, toys.
I asked her why she didn't just ask me as I'm a very open person.
She said she felt awkward.
I then asked her why she rinsed it and sniffed it.
She said, what'd you rinse and sniff?
I saw you sniff it, bitch.
She said, well, because I touched it.
I told her it doesn't make any sense why she would do any of that.
Why wash it after handling it and not before?
Why even go in my personal area in the first place?
We, of course, told her she had to move out because the trust is completely gone and I do not feel comfortable having her in our home anymore.
My husband was a champ.
Every time I started to shut down, he took the conversation over.
I got tested at Urgent Care and tested positive for the same infection she has and put on an antibiotic.
After days of asking for test results and if she had an HIV test done, I found out she hadn't.
She is physically not at our place anymore, but we are trying to arrange a time for her to come get all of our stuff.
There is still so much to the story.
My godson is mostly with his father now and Amy is back in with her mother, I believe.
There's two more updates.
Oh, I got it.
While arranging a time for her to come get her stuff, she made a comment that I interpreted as her admitting to actually using it, not just figuring out the brand.
My husband and I decided that we will no longer be able to keep it because this whole thing will always be in the back of our minds.
She came and got her stuff last night and I gave her the present and said, well, I can't use it anymore.
She might be fine with sharing toys, but I 100% am not.
Disgusting.
This is crazy.
According to the people I know, she has been saying that I kicked her out because I thought she was trying to sleep with my husband, which is another flat out lie.
Because it's very obvious to everyone around us, we have a very trusting relationship.
It told her I would go along with the story that it simply just didn't work out.
But if she makes us out to be the bad people, then I would be forced to tell people the truth.
She has blocked on most things, still deciding if I should block her on everything now.
I guess that will depend on how my blood STDs test come back and if I need to pursue legal action update.
My blood test results came back.
No crap.
Negative for everything.
The only thing she gave me was the infection.
She went to my other friend and asked if she was talking shit, so she is definitely still invested and worried about what people think about her.
I'm not sure if she knows that I know the lie she has been telling, but I don't carry the weight and just want her and the drama out of my life.
I have blocked her on everything besides text messages in case something big comes up.
This will probably be the last update unless something goes very sideways.
Can you talk about bad roommate?
Yeah.
Does it get any worse?
That is disgusting. Was she in love with her husband or her husband?
How are you using someone else's toy?
Neither. She is just getting off.
She is too cheap to...
It's gross about it too.
Some of us keep the Bible in our bedside table.
I'm just saying...
I don't know.
Y'all need Jesus.
Straight up.
Oh dear.
That's pretty bad.
Can you imagine how you have to have some screws loose to be like, oh yeah, I'm just going to help myself.
Yeah, this is okay.
Get comfortable here.
Make myself at home.
This is mine now.
What's mine is yours.
Yours is actually only mine.
Yeah.
Actually, my infection, it can be yours too.
You can have that. That's fine.
So she must have used it multiple times.
Yes, because I only had the camera for what?
For the...
Oh yeah, she's been doing that for a long time.
Rinse the sniffs with just water.
That's insane.
And then puts it back.
It was probably cold water too.
You can use some aquafina.
Not even aqua water.
What's the generic hand soap?
Just like anything?
That's really anything.
No, that's like dish soap. I'm saying like literally like...
The soft soap?
Soft soap. Thank you.
It's got the dolphin on the bottle. Like just give me something.
Rub it on a bar of soap?
Yeah.
Some ivory. Just a bar of soap. Just anything.
Irish spring?
I love Irish spring.
I was just about to say, oh yo yo yo yo, pump the brakes.
That's in my shower right now.
Irish spring is the best. I love Irish spring.
It's lavender scented and it's five in one.
Okay, lavender? I can do the lavender. I don't...
What five?
Wait, what do you need in it?
Every single thing.
Hard dog.
Hard bag.
Yeah, it's like you can use it to wash your hair or wash your car.
Industrial.
And two different vibranas.
But go in this case.
It would clean the vibrator.
Yeah, she didn't need to. I mean, you don't need that.
Well, and what's weird is like there were so many other hygiene products.
She had been in their room like a lot.
She had everything.
Everything. Like who knows what she probably sniffed the husband's boxers.
Probably did some weird stuff.
What was mine?
One of the butt plugs.
Don't talk about that.
Dang it.
Wow, she's fired.
Yeah.
That was good, guys. That was good.
You guys both just...
Boo!
Am I the asshole for throwing out my roommate's cat because she wouldn't pay to replace my designer couch?
Okay.
I, 26, female, live with my roommate Emily, 24, F, who moved in about a year ago.
She has a cat named Twinkle that she absolutely adores.
I'm not a huge animal person, but I figured it wouldn't be a big deal as long as the cat stayed out of my things.
She assured me Twinkle was well-behaved and wouldn't cause any issues.
For the first few months, things were fine.
Twinkle mostly stayed in her room, and I didn't really care what they got up to.
But then, Twinkle started wandering into the living room,
jumping on my furniture and scratching at my expensive stuff.
I own a $6,000 designer couch.
It's cream-colored and velvet.
And I explicit...
Explos...
You were literally saying it right.
Explosality?
Explosality.
And I...
We didn't get to the second half of the live.
Sorry, I just bumped into some...
You said it correctly.
You got on that list explicitly.
Explicitly told Emily that Twinkle wasn't allowed on it.
Well, a couple of weeks ago, I came home to find claw marks all over the armrest of my couch and a giant stain.
I was livid.
I immediately texted Emily who apologized and said she'd try to clean it up.
But the damage was already done, the scratches were permanent, and the stain wouldn't come out.
I told Emily she needed to pay to replace the couch.
She said she couldn't afford it, which honestly isn't my problem.
I suggested she uses her savings, get a loan, or sell some of her stuff.
But she refused instead I was being unreasonable.
She offered to cover the cleaning costs, but that wouldn't fix the scratches or restore the couch to its original condition.
After a week of her refusing to take responsibility, I decided I have enough.
I told her that if she wasn't going to pay for the damage, then Twinkle couldn't stay here anymore.
Emily thought I was bluffing, but I wasn't.
While she was at work, I packed up Twinkle's things and took her to a no-kill shelter nearby.
When Emily came home and couldn't find Twinkle, she freaked out.
I calmly explained that I had given her plenty of chances to make things right, and that her refusal to pay for the couch left me with no choice.
She screamed at me and called me a monster, and went to the shelter immediately to get Twinkle back.
She did get Twinkle by the way.
But now she's moving out at the end of the month, but she's been telling everyone at work and in our friend group that I stole her cat.
A few people are on my side and agree that she should have paid for the damage, but most think I went too far.
Emily's been crying nonstop, saying Twinkle is her emotional support, but I honestly think she's just using the cat to manipulate people.
So am I last fall for rehoming my roommate's cat because she refused to pay for my couch?
Yes, 100%.
I feel like...
Are you the hot take cat?
Are you kidding me?
He's like, no.
If she has a designer couch, why does she have a roommate?
Yeah.
6,000 isn't that much. That's like normal nowadays.
Yeah.
So what's her name?
What?
6,000?
We are on a $900 sectional.
Like, yeah, like for me...
Okay, yeah, you're right.
I forgot.
I show good, it's like if you have a roommate, you set ground rules, you set boundaries, and if they don't follow through with that, like...
Right.
They need to take responsibility for it, and like, your actions have consequences, and if you're a dumb cat, like, doesn't mind its own business, like...
Because you can just control an animal like that.
Totally.
If it's an emotional support cat, get the training that it needs, lock it up, chain it, whatever you need to do.
You want to put it in jail too?
Yeah.
Basically jail.
Basically.
The shelter.
Yeah.
I mean...
I think the best thing would have been you have a week to get out, if you're not going to pay for stuff, then you need to leave.
But that does leave her in a hard spot, because then it's a cat that'll hurry and find a new roommate, so I can split rounds.
I don't think she cares.
Sell your cat, your couch.
Well, you can't if it's damaged like that.
I mean, I guess.
I mean, can't they restore scratches and...
Yeah, but she, but the roommate offered to pay for it.
What?
The cleaning.
Yeah, this is a cream couch that's corduroy.
So like these scratches...
She said velvet.
Or a...
Come on, Joe.
Okay, velvet.
I think velvet makes a difference.
Cream velvet.
Yeah, worse.
Yeah, that like...
So do you want to put the cat down?
Listen, here's the thing.
For a rental agreement, this is why all of the things in there about pets are so important.
Like this is exactly why that stuff is in there.
Yeah, I know.
If you're bringing somebody in with a pet, they have to pay a pet deposit, they have to pay a pet rent, and do that.
They have to pay pet rent and do all the things.
But then they also are signing that they are taking responsibility for anything that their animal does.
Yeah.
So like without that, as far as like who's the asshole and what's like definitive, like you have no protection.
So if you're just in an agreement of like, why are you smirking?
This is Joe in this story.
When Joe lived with his brother after his mission.
He got a dog and this dog was a terror.
Her name was Shony.
And Shony destroyed his brother's couch.
He lived with his brother.
Guess what?
Destroyed it, but bit a hole in it and he did not pay nothing.
It was a hand-me-down couch.
My brother didn't buy the couch, he received it for free from my mom.
Now, like I felt horrible about it and I couldn't pay to replace the couch.
So yes, I have been this person, but guess what?
I gave the dog away to a nice family in Phoenix on Craigslist.
I mean, it's a little different.
But here's the thing.
It's different because it's, I wasn't just a random roommate.
Like it was my brother.
And like he was very much a dog guy.
He has like he had a dog too.
Like we love animals and like.
But that does suck for your brother.
Like that sucks.
Like I know what it's like to have something that's nice that gets damaged or ruined.
Like you can't replace like that.
So it's not so much the item itself.
Yeah.
Like it's more about the item, not really the cost.
Yeah.
Like for me.
And so if you have rules that say.
Well, those were I'm talking about.
So like the story that I'm thinking of, what's that?
Is it the car?
No.
So my, my, my dad made me a wallet, a leather wallet.
Oh, that's cool.
And it posy got it and chewed it up, chewed up all my credit cards.
I chased her all around the backyard.
And our friends came over and they were like, we hear swearing and yelling from the backyard.
Is everything okay?
Yeah.
Like, hey, come in, don't worry about it.
And we just watched Dallas and the dog circles for like 10 minutes around just swearing.
Pocket people.
It's just a little muscular dog.
Oh, you will never catch that dog.
No, no.
And like, all this cash, like the leather wallet, like it was so.
I had that wallet for probably 10 years, 15 years and like, yeah, can we make a new one?
Yes.
Of course we can make a new one.
That's not that big of a deal.
Like luckily my dad's still around and all of that, but it's the idea that he took the
effort, the energy that was a gift that he made and gave to me like, and that's my own
dog that I love more than anything and I wanted to kill her that.
You took her to the no kill.
You took her to the youth and I was in a day shelter.
I took her back to the shelter we got her from.
You can have her.
Like, like I've had her chew up my shoes and something like I get pissed because it's like
that's my stuff.
So like I, I can totally agree with that.
Now take into a shelter that's a little extreme, but like if you're not taking responsibility
for it, like how are you going to learn?
Like, sorry.
Yeah, like your cat's out of here.
You're done.
To the shelter.
Yeah, that is, that's a bold freaking move.
But then that's taking like her property.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess you destroyed your property.
I mean, but in your shared living space that she pays rent in.
Yeah.
And like you didn't, what if you guys split the couch?
What if you didn't have your own $6,000 couch in there?
There's things.
I just, yeah.
Well, the thing about it, though, is like people that have stuff like that have it because
they're into that stuff, like shoes.
Like that's like, that's something that people want.
Like the super expensive shoes that are like collectible.
It's not that you're rich.
It's like, I decide to splurge in this.
Yeah.
It's like a collectible item that you could potentially in the future resell for a lot
of money if you keep it in good shape.
Yeah.
Probably not a couch.
Couch is like as bad of an investment as cars.
Yeah.
But I'm saying like, yeah, it's just like the fact that, you know, I have a designer
couch.
Yeah.
Like you just, that's like a flex that people love to have.
I would love to have a nice couch.
One day, one day in and out frenzy, we'll see us on a solid $6,000 couch.
Probably more honestly.
I'm going to have my dog come over and test it out if that's okay with, no, my dog.
I'm going to bring my dog over to test out your designer couch when you get it.
Oh yeah.
And pink and white.
We'll hang out too.
Yeah.
I think that's a good idea.
I'll probably wait until my dogs are dead to get a nice couch.
Yeah.
Probably a good idea.
Yeah.
Too soon.
Oh, did your dog die?
No.
Oh, shit.
I literally, I was going to be like, I'm not ready to cry right now with Posi.
Are you freaking kidding me?
No, she's alive and well.
She's pancakes and woods Posi.
Oh my gosh.
Wow.
Cool.
Yeah.
Good.
She's probably eating her shoes right now.
I miss that little Poyo.
I know.
We need to go over there and see her.
She would love to lick you.
She's cute.
She's a licker.
Hot later.
She could lick me.
She could lick all sorts of things.
She lick that viweter clean.
No.
What if she's just like, am I the asshole for being angry that my roommate was sleeping
under my bed for months without telling me?
Oh.
Dude, roommates are weird.
Yeah.
Where are these people come from?
I, 24 male, have lived with my roommate Carl, 24 male, for two years.
Two boys.
A few months into rooming with him, he told me he was pansexual.
I said, okay, cool.
I'm not interested in that personal information, nor am I judgmental.
I said, all right.
A few times over the last year, he has asked me if I have ever considered experimenting
with other men.
I said, nope.
Also, I said I didn't feel comfortable with him asking such a personal question.
It's not like we are close friends and we are only roommates by happenstance, basically.
Anyway, every time I said this, he basically said, we'll see.
I was like, what?
They don't take no for no.
We'll see.
We'll see about that when you see me under your bed.
Anyways, last night I had a horrifying experience.
I heard a noise under my bed.
It was movement.
At first, I thought I was imagining things, but then I heard it again.
I thought, oh my gosh, is it a mouse or a rat or some shit?
My...
Or some shit.
It's dog shit under my movement.
This was like 3 AM, so I got out of bed and looked under with my phone flashlight.
I would never be so brave.
I would just be like, I don't know what I'd do.
I would stand on my bed and jump across the room and run away.
I would just stop and look at the picture.
He's like, literally, he would.
He's like, you look.
You look.
I can't look.
You look.
Isaiah woke me up from a dead sleep to kill a cricket.
And the bad thing, I was dead asleep.
And he's like, I need you to kill this cricket.
I'm like, are you for real?
I hate bugs.
Hates bugs.
Like, that is my thing.
I hate bugs.
High five.
Thank you.
You look like bugs.
Noelle is the man of the house when it comes to bugs.
We have to move out of our house because there are bugs.
I will kill crickets.
I hate bugs.
Oh, I'm so pissed.
I knew so much about you.
Oh, if we get cockroaches or spiders, Noelle is the man of the house and we'll kill him.
Or the problems.
Listen, you negated it.
We did.
We had to move out.
We fumigated the house and moved out for three days.
It was like two months ago.
Three cockroaches.
Two months ago, Noelle had a plant by our kitchen sink and I saw something moving.
I'm like, what is that?
And I looked and I couldn't see.
There was a big old fat cockroach.
It was like two inches long.
I scared like shit.
She's like, what?
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.
And like almost in tears.
I'm like, I'm in our master bedroom, which is all the way on the other side of the house.
She grabs it, takes outside, throws it.
You grab your bare hands.
Shut the...
I'm telling you.
Somebody's got to be the man of the house, you guys.
You are a savage.
You grabbed it with your hands.
Not the cockroach.
The plant.
Oh, no.
She grabbed the cock in her hand.
You grabbed that freaking cockroach?
He took him out.
He's like, this thing.
It starts not on she, not to my guy.
And it just crinkles.
Yeah, literally like...
Sorry, bro.
This is very off topic.
You're cozy.
You're ripping its wings off.
Like...
Not in my house.
In my house.
Yeah.
And it looks shit in the eye.
The thing would start hissing at you and like, oh no.
There's a...
Look at me.
From the devil.
You're literally...
Were you lying in the bathroom?
Yeah.
The cockroach was in your role under the cock.
Absolutely.
You're a beast.
Wow.
I love my husband.
I would 100% say Noelle is the man of the house when it comes to bugs.
I could never.
Jugs literally is like, take notes.
No, I cannot.
I will never be Noelle.
Okay, I'm sorry.
No, I'm saying...
Intruders?
I will take care of...
You do kill the bugs.
Okay, okay.
He kills the bugs.
He's the man of the house.
Yeah.
Intruders, I will take care of the intruders.
So I got out of bed and looked under my phone with the flashlight.
Now, this is where the most startling moment of my life.
I guess I am lucky because I've never before this moment felt true terror and fear as a
physical sensation.
Whoa.
He's just...
Oh!
Oh my...
But as I was completely jolted, there under my bed was my roommate staring wide-eyed at
me and he screeched, which adds up so much.
Screech.
Screech is like...
Yeah!
Help me!
Oh!
Oh, wow.
What are you doing here?
What are you doing?
Why are you on top of my bed?
When I...
And he screeched when I looked under the bed.
I literally thought I was having a heart attack.
Then I then started hearing, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
My roommate crawled out from under the bed crying and apologizing over and over.
I was so creeped out and afraid that he...and afraid that I ran out of the apartment in
my pajamas.
He probably has no shoes on.
There was a Dunkin' Donut that was 24-7 a few blocks away, so I sat there with a decaf
and a breakfast sandwich with my heart thundering away.
How do you have an appetite at that point?
He's just shoeless in his pajamas.
He's just dunkin' donuts at 3AM.
He's just decaf coffee and a sausage with muffin.
Just staring into the ether of like...
He was like, wow, you got it bad, dude.
I know.
Reminds me of that meme first time.
He was sitting there in the Dunkin' Donuts like, this is normal midnight activities for
us.
My roommate kept texting me, asking me to talk.
I ignored it.
In the text, he found a way to horrify me even further.
He confessed he had been sleeping under my bed a few nights a week for three or four
months and that he was doing it to get closer to me and physically saturate each other.
What the hell does that mean?
I literally don't know.
Physically saturate each other.
Have you ever physically saturated some of the work?
Yeah, it's awesome.
You just lay under their bed for hours.
And you just smile.
Yeah, it's just for saturation.
They're dead skin.
They're dead skin is just falling off you.
Yeah, silly.
He's like, wait.
I waited for him to go to work and I ran into the apartment, got my essentials and left.
I am currently crashing with a buddy.
Our lease is up in one month.
My intention is to simply not renew.
This dude is blowing up my phone and I'm getting texts from other people, some friends
of mine and some bozos who are friends with him.
He is going around telling people I shamed him and I am rejecting his apologies.
Some people are claiming I overreacted and invalidated his feelings.
Most people agree he was improper.
That is not even scratch the surface of what that was.
It's a treat.
That's frowned upon.
I look like a popper.
I mean, that's like serial killer stalker type of.
All the red flags.
Getting ready to kill him.
It's like a snake sizing up.
Yes, exactly.
That's what it is.
He's the python.
Getting ready to just slither up into him.
And in him.
Oh no.
But I think most people agree with me it was improper, but think I should work it out with
him and give a second chance because he's sensitive.
I feel like I am losing my mind and I'm seriously 20% convinced I'm experiencing a long lucid
dream of some sort and wondering if I'm going to wake up or in the middle of a coma or something
because this is so insane to me.
Like literally maybe like not really, but maybe really.
I mean what the f so am I the asshole or is everyone around me f'ing nut?
I can't believe who is supporting the bed sleeper.
Like literally I.
All things aside, like whether that's a roomie or like a sibling or a family member, that's
just weird.
Even the spouse.
Yeah, I don't know.
You would be so freaked out.
You won't go without it.
In your flashlight.
Yeah.
Why did I?
Who's smashing that bug?
Who are you going to call that just put that one out?
No.
I'm sorry.
We'll see.
Yeah, that was threatening.
That was threatening.
And love with him from the beginning.
That was serial killer being.
Yes.
Yeah.
Cut him off.
I'm like shook and now I'm going to check my bed before I go to bed tonight.
No you won't.
Because I have so many people upset with me.
Yeah I'll be up.
I'm grateful that our bed literally allows this much room underneath.
I love that about our bed.
We just have the mattress, we have the box frame,
so there's no way.
We have like a small frame that sits on the ground.
No, it's just a box frame.
Okay.
I've tried putting my fingers under there to be like,
bugs, no, there's nothing there.
There's nothing there.
Bugs, killers?
Yeah.
There's nothing under there.
I would love to see you just grab a fat cockroach
and look in the camera and just,
ugh.
Ugh.
In my camera?
Yeah.
Would you get?
Thousands.
Would you kiss her ever again?
Never.
No.
That would probably be the end of it.
Because I would not be able to look at her the same.
It'd be like, you were a savage.
You can eat a cockroach.
There's people that eat them all the time.
Yeah, bear girls.
Bear girls?
Bear girls.
Yeah, that makes more sense.
Do you know who that is?
No.
Ah!
Oh, let me!
Let me.
Oh, my God!
That is so funny!
Bear girls!
Oh, yeah.
You didn't say bear girls.
You said bear girls.
Okay, yeah.
I've seen bear girls, though.
Have you guys seen bear girls?
Oh, yes.
Just one.
Great.
No.
Yeah, just.
You're lying.
Bear girls, he's real.
Bear girls, not real.
Bear girls?
Anyone believe me?
Raise your hand.
No.
Yeah.
You're correct.
I'm the fake on that.
Yes.
You guys are good.
How do you guys feel about our stories now
that you've heard all of them?
Yeah, who's the fake?
Am I the asshole for sleeping with my roommate
in exchange for her not paying rent?
Oh.
I do it every month.
I'm not lying.
I guess.
I was like, story of my life.
Sorry for the throwaway.
I'm a bit in a situation where I believe I'm not the a-hole,
but my sister's saying I am.
And it's getting to me and also affecting our relationship.
This is not a porno.
Just in bullshit situation, I'm stuck in.
If you don't believe me, that's fine.
I'm living this shit at the moment.
So OP's fired up.
I'm 23M and had up until two months ago a roommate, 23F.
Long story short, I spotted her rent last year in June
because she couldn't pay it.
She lost her job.
I didn't mind as we have lived together for two years.
Up until that point, she's never been late before.
And due to my job, I make a very comfortable living.
So spotting her rent wasn't an issue.
Yeah, I'm that guy.
We lived together since college, but nothing happened
between us before.
In July, she got a new job, but her salary was reduced
by almost half.
So she couldn't afford to keep paying rent $5.50 a month.
So we were at $5.50 a month for rent and she can't afford it.
That's great.
Like what do you make for a living?
I can't even.
Right.
Anyway, I have to stress this.
I didn't come up with this or suggest the agreement.
Jade came to me.
Her name's Jade.
Of course it is.
Freaking stripper.
Jade came to me around the 5th of July,
if I remember correctly.
Significant.
I don't know why.
It was after Independence Day.
And if I remember correctly and suggested
that she paid me back what she owed me with sex, if possible,
that I could cover her rent until she got a better job,
she will pay that back with sex as well.
Her idea.
OK?
It's better that it's her idea not his though.
Of course.
Do we know if it's really?
This is the state.
If he got fillers first.
Yeah, I was like, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't hate it if we
paid for rent.
She's like, hey, I have this idea.
I'm broke.
Yeah.
Do you want a date?
This always has to be the guy's idea though.
Man, it's been a couple months since I've been on a date.
Hey, we actually, we know the real world is,
is that it probably often was her idea and the guy.
Way more sexual than men, okay.
And guess what? There's more story.
We're more subtle.
I'm listening.
Let's go.
I'm ready.
All right.
Those are the exact words she used.
It took me a couple of minutes and I'm not going to lie.
I did find her attractive.
And to be honest, I've been feeling lonely for a couple
of months as I couldn't go out.
Due to work.
Story.
Dude, that was way too good.
Sorry, dude.
What was the username on the other one?
Never heard of it.
As I couldn't go out due to work,
keeping me busy and being tired all the time.
So I agreed.
I initially thought she was joking,
but when I said yes, she jumped me.
It was fun and we screwed like a rabbit.
Whenever she wanted sex or I wanted, we would go at it.
This arrangement went on up until two months ago
because she had to move to another state for a job offer.
We even said goodbye with sex.
Of course.
Wow.
Now the whole family was over at my parents' house
this last weekend for dinner as we do every three months
just to catch up.
My brother, 26M, told me he ran into Jade
and thought she was cute.
Now me and my brothers have an agreement.
If one of us had slept with the girl or dated a girl,
we would be totally honest and tell each other
to avoid any issues or awkwardness in the future.
Smart.
Nothing like details, just in heads up, basically.
I told my brother that I've slept with Jade.
He did ask if we were in a relationship and I told him,
no, just casual sex for a few months in exchange
for me paying her rent.
But we are also still talking.
He even asked when I turned into her sugar daddy.
My nosy sister, 20F, then just busted into the room,
calling me a bunch of despicable things
for taking advantage of a poor woman
and basically forcing her to exchange her body
for a place to live.
I was pissed and told her to eff off
as it was none of her business what two adults do.
She has always done this, listening on a conversation
and then got mad at what was said.
I wanted to piss her off and I told her she lives
with her boyfriend without paying rent
so she basically is doing the same thing.
Oh.
I know I'm the asshole for what I said,
but years of this behavior from her just pissed me off
and I said the first thing that came to mind.
I did apologize, but she's still pissed,
which it's her right to be, but what she said got to me a bit
and I'm left wondering if I did take advantage
of a shit situation.
Again, I didn't suggest the arrangement at all, Jade did.
I didn't force her.
I told Jade I was willing to cover the rent amount left
and that she could pay what she could afford,
but then after she got a new job,
she could just pay me back monthly
until the debt is settled, no sex needed.
None of us cheated as we weren't in a relationship
and Jade wasn't happy with it and even came, Jade, sorry.
Jade was happy with it and even came on to me more
and initiated sex more than I did.
I know I sound like some emotionless asshole,
but the arrangement worked for us.
She got a place to stay without depleting her savings
and I got my needs met that I couldn't do
due to work obligations.
I even remember a conversation we had after sex
where she also stated it was nice
finally getting her needs met as work took up
much of her time doing things yourself only gets you so far.
It wasn't like just hump and dump
as we are still in contact with each other
and don't know where we go from here,
but we are still talking.
I'm a bit lost at the moment as well
because we did discuss maybe a relationship between us,
but we never finished that conversation.
Am I the asshole?
No.
She got out great.
Yeah, she did.
Like she obviously wanted it as well and she no rent.
Like that's awesome for her.
Yeah, she put it.
So did she have to pay it back?
Like once she got a better job?
That was the agreement is like basically sex was the payment.
So like she wouldn't have to repay.
God, that's crazy.
That is wild.
That's amazing.
I think he should ask her if that was like,
if he's really concerned that like he took advantage of her
than if they're still in contact.
So we're like, bro, did I take it?
Like, no, man.
No, I was like, yeah.
But also the only reason why it's being brought up
is because a third party who has no clue what is going on.
Like if you thought there was an issue,
it sounds like he would have brought it up and said like,
hey, are you cool with this?
Like it sounds like they've had enough conversations.
Right.
The sisters just being a nosy.
Exactly.
It's like he didn't even really care.
Like the situation just was what it was.
His brother runs into this girl and he's like,
brah, I banged her before.
Like this is our brother agreement.
Like there's kind of like a no-go, no fly zone.
And the sisters are like, what did you do?
You're a piece.
Well, there was definitely not even enough,
like from what he said, there was not enough context
for her to even, like obviously from what he said,
it probably did sound bad to her, you know?
But like, obviously she doesn't know the full story.
So.
I bet the sister made him post this to see what would happen.
To see like what the comments were.
What the comments were.
The majority of them, like you're not the asshole.
Yeah.
Most of them are saying you're not the asshole,
but prostitution is illegal.
So.
Oh.
Because it is prostitution.
Yeah.
Sex for money.
Oh.
Sure that.
Here's a good comment.
You're a whore.
Wait, she's a whore.
Wait, someone here is a whore and I love it.
Not the asshole.
I love it.
P.S. Does this mean you have a room available?
Full disclosure, I'm a whore.
I'm a whore.
Willing to do the same.
Can you imagine paying 550 for rent though?
That sounds fair.
For 1100 between the two of them.
That has to be the fake.
It'd be just from the price below.
Yeah, right.
Like, second, second.
Yeah, that's right.
No.
So, we're at it.
2020.
Yeah, that's the fake.
No, and then what's funny is like, she claims that she's not getting her needs met because
of work but can't afford the 550 rent.
Maybe she was like, because it was her idea, maybe she was like, maybe I can get this guy.
I can't afford this rent.
But if he's willing to have sex with me and exchange for it, then I can just like bankroll.
But she also wanted it.
I mean, yeah, I'm sure.
And she also probably wanted her money too.
I mean, if it was her idea, I can't rule it out.
Okay, I think, Marley, I really want yours to be fake.
Like, I'm just kind of willing that into existence.
I think that one is true.
Okay.
It's too extreme.
No, hold your heart and you hold your heart.
Okay, okay, I'm following my heart.
I say Marley.
I want to say the designer couch one is the fake one.
Really?
Because it's like.
You're late to that so much.
Are you sure?
Like, Hertz is like too crazy to like not be true.
The violin is another one that's like.
Right.
Okay, that's that.
You have to be ballsy to bring that one as a fake story.
But I mean, it's possible.
I'm done the worst.
No.
Yeah.
The hair addicting one was wild.
That was a weird one.
That one was fake.
So your final guess is Isaiah and your final guess is Marley.
Yeah.
You're going to say me?
Wow.
I love it.
Damn.
You'll have to find out what's going on.
You need to find out.
Yeah.
I'm like, okay.
You don't have to do that.
You have to eat to do it.
Yeah, you got it next Tuesday, but the Tuesday after that.
Guys.
Yeah, sorry.
Oh, okay.
Wrap this up, my sexy man.
Sick.
Thank you guys for joining us.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
Thank you guys for listening.
Follow us on socials.
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Yes.
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Drop a five star if you're a listener.
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Much love.
Bye.
Marley, just touch my foot.
Internet friends.
You don't have to.
Internet friends.
It feels so good.
Thank you guys for watching.