Welcome back been a minute
No episode last week
We missed you guys, but we're back, but we out here
Let's follow up on our friends giving episode. That was a that was a fun one who had the fake
We had the bathroom blowout that ended a relationship
Oh
That
That is what it is. Okay, so there's that one
Then we also had the the guy that didn't invite his cousin with the with no parents
The friends giving really sounded like Thanksgiving, but whatever and then
Boyfriend steals friends giving yours was the yours was the guy that said that his his kink is consent
Oh, yeah, that was like
I'm excited to post that one on social media
Do you guys just love that we have to have this little little spiel this
I'll like come to Jesus moment about what we did last week and we record things early on so we kind of forget
Yeah, this was two weeks ago. We filmed that one. Okay, sorry about that guys, but let's talk about who had the fake who do you guys think I
Think the poop story
I hope that's me. I do think it was the girl with the vase in the toilet. Yeah
She's my friend. You did that first story. It was me. No, I'm kidding. Oh my gosh. I'm kidding. No, it was totally fake and
I hope I tricked you all
Hey, well, I'm really excited for this week's episode. It's so good. This is true
I'm so trendy
One click no pretending
Because it's the holidays
This is inspired by our daughter honestly. Oh, okay. She's just been little miss. She's been she's been into
The the the green
Grinch the green
I love her. Yeah, so the title for this week is
The Grinch of the friend group. Oh
Let's let's bring the heat on that one friend. Who's gonna start us off. Who's got the best Grinch of the friend?
Sorry, I'm just a friend group at the camera like the cameras pointed on you
Well, the cameras pointed on me rightfully so so all the first
My story is pretty short and it's about to blow your mind
Okay, okay, here we go. Am I the asshole for blocking my best friend after she freaked out over a selfie
I sent her boyfriend. Oh no
Mia and I have been best friends forever. So when her boyfriend Jake messaged me, I didn't think anything of it
He said he was working on a birthday project for her and asked me to send a selfie for it
I thought it was a little random, but it seemed harmless
So I just sent him the picture the next day Mia called me absolutely losing it
Why would you send Jake a selfie of yourself? She yelled I was so confused and told her it was for her birthday
But she didn't care. She said it was inappropriate and started accusing me of going behind her back and crossing boundaries
I tried explaining over and over but she just kept yelling and wouldn't listen to a word
I said by the end of the day
I'd had enough I blocked her because I couldn't handle the constant texts accusing me of things
I didn't even do now. I feel guilty like maybe I made things worse, but at the same time
I don't think I deserve to be treated like that. So am I the hassle?
Please do that again
Am I the hassle? Am I the hassle? Please tell me. Am I? I can't believe. I don't think so. I know. Yeah, I don't think so either
Initially when I heard I was like, oh yeah. Yeah, like the title kind of like played me a little bit because when it talks about the actual story
Well, why is it the boyfriend being like for a selfie of her? Right?
How do we feel about that?
How do we feel about the text messages that she probably would have already read? It's like, hey, I'm doing something for her birthday
Like if anything be mad at the boyfriend, yeah, I don't know
How did she not see that on like the text thread if he's asked like if Joe was like, hey, can you send me a selfie?
Right Whitney's birthday project. I'm doing it. Which weird. Why are we doing that anyway?
Yeah, that's so
Talk to me
My thought was what is he doing right the picture?
What birthday project like is he making a giant cut off? Yeah, like a vision board
Is he like making a collage of her friends and framing it? I don't know. It's right. It's a weird. It's a weird birthday
Thing anyway, and I don't even know what it is, right?
If anything it should be like send me a picture of like your favorite picture of you and her
Yeah, I mean, we obviously don't know what he's doing what his vision is but
Is there any like anything in the comments like an update or like so here's a
Interesting take let me know you guys feel about this and it kind of goes down a little bit duck at that's their name
Not the asshole your friend needs to grow up leaving her boyfriend who most likely explained everything was all it took if her
Insecurities with them spilled over you and didn't believe you either
Maybe she's not that good of a friend as you thought Kyra lean said exactly if she can't even trust you over something
So minor that says more about her insecurities than your actions. You didn't deserve the drama
Here's what I'm thinking is obviously there was something in their relationship to make the girlfriend question things or a
Past relationship where she was cheated on maybe with a friend maybe with someone that she knew like there had to have been something that was triggering her
in
That situation now as your friend as your friend are you willing to like let it go and be like, you know what like you were triggered?
Like I get it. I'm sorry. There was nothing there
I get it if you need space for me and like I'm cool with that
But like to block her and just be like screw you like you obviously don't trust me
So I don't want to be friends with you anymore. Like what do you think's the right decision?
I don't know that that's why she bought she's she was just like sick of being like accused of all this stuff
And it sounds like the friend was not gonna stop. She obviously did not believe for the boyfriend didn't believe her, right?
So, I mean, I would be like so over it. I'm like I literally did nothing
Yeah, and she just like wouldn't stop like accusing her of all this stuff and so it's like I don't think it was like
Oh, well, screw you. I think she was like, okay, you need to chill out and stop my thought is what if he got caught?
Like with this picture and she was like, why do you have that and then he lied and said she just sent it to me
Like accusing her to get off her like the birthday surprise
Yeah, because obviously the girl wasn't buying this birthday surprise
Because he would have told her that and showed them showed the text
But he probably like
Just saved the birthday surprise but maybe deleted the messages so she wouldn't see yeah
But like had the picture but kept the picture blew it up put it on this bedroom door something but she found it
Yeah, I feel like all she had to do was call and be like why did you send a picture?
Yeah, and then be like, okay, both stories are aligning. Who cares now? Yeah
But someone I think both now the boyfriend lied about it boyfriend probably did lie about it
I would love to know what the gift was like what's this project seriously?
Well like for my birthday, I don't want a picture of my friend selfie. That's obvious
Like even if it wasn't a vision board it's like yeah, literally. I don't know. I don't know what the dude was doing
It's yeah, do we trust that do we trust the boy toy?
But hold on before we get to that
Let me just say it's a good lesson in just human communication
You bring up a good point like we don't we don't really know what that
interaction was like
But if if let's say she's her feelings are getting escalated
He's lying because he wants to save the birthday surprise at a certain point
What you do in that situation is you just tell her you say this is what happened. I was doing this for your birthday
I think it's a dumb gift probably but
Whatever it was probably was gonna suck like yeah, you messed up there guy
But that's like that would have stopped the chaos if again hypothetically if that's the right thing
And also for the girl that's freaking out like in a worst-case scenario you still have to communicate
You still have to use your words and find out exactly what was going on before you just fly off the rails
As far as communication is concerned the girl that was raging and like blowing her friend up blowing op up
Like that's that's not how you act in the situation
Communicate air on the side of like make dang sure what is going on before you just again fly off the rails
Totally am I the asshole for cutting off my friend because he keeps trying to change plans at the last minute
I am 29 recently ended a 10-year friendship with my friend Morgan m27
And i'm honestly questioning if I overreacted for as long as i've known Morgan
He's been the type of person who can't stick to plans if a group of us decides to go to a certain restaurant
He'll text a few hours before saying he's not feeling it and suggest somewhere else if we're heading to a bar
He'll send a hey actually this other place looks better message as we're en route. It's not just once in a while
It's every time i've always tried to be understanding life happens people have preferences
And sometimes plans just need to adjust but with morgan
It's always about him and here's the kicker if we don't agree to change plans
He either complains the entire time or just doesn't show up
The most recent incident was the straw that broke the camel's back last saturday our group of four planned to meet at this
New italian place that takes reservations. I had made the reservation two weeks in advance
Oh, wow because it's notoriously hard to get a table. The plan was clear 7 30 p.m. At this restaurant
Then drinks at a bar nearby at 6 45 morgan texted the group chat saying he wasn't in the mood for pasta
And suggested we go to a burger joint across town instead. I hate this guy
I told him we have a reservation and it's too late to change plans. He replied come on. It's just dinner
Can't we be flexible two of the others started wavering saying burgers sounded good and I got so frustrated. I just shut down
I told everyone I'm going to the italian place whether anyone shows up or not
Everyone came including morgan, but he sulked the entire dinner
He had making comments like burgers would have hit the spot and even told the waiter
He wasn't hungry which just made the whole vibe awkward after dinner. I told him privately that I was tired of this behavior
I said something like it feels like every time we make plans you try to hijack them to suit yourself
It's exhausting and I'm done
Morgan blew up saying I was overreacting that plans should be fun and flexible and that I was being controlling
By forcing everyone to stick to the original plan. He stormed off and I haven't spoken to him since
Now a few of our mutual friends are saying I was too harsh
They think morgan is annoying sure but say he's just that guy in the group and it's not worth ending a decade long friendship
Over others have admitted that are relieved someone finally called him out
So am I the asshole for cutting off morgan?
Did I overreact to something that could have been handled with more patience?
Or is it fair to expect a grown adult to stick to plans every once in a while?
Yep
I he's not asshole at all
He's a good guy
Oh, he's the dude. Yeah
He's good
Well he's getting the band together all the time and morgan's just throwing a wrench in it
If it literally happens every time like I would I would be fed up way before this point like it would I would have
Been not good very very grinchy very grinchy of mr. Morgan
I will say like every now and then it's it's normal to like
And like I don't know I'm just thinking of like if I'm gonna hang out with the dudes like there's gonna be discussion around what we do
So it's like it's not always gonna be like
One dude just throwing down a plan and we're all just like yep, let's do it
You know, but also that's like not
That doesn't happen all that often the way that I thought about it was like I plan a golf trip
And it's like very much up to me to like make the decisions of what we're doing when we're gonna do it
Yeah, like try to make everybody's lives easier. They don't have to think we just show up
We have a good time
And we do it and like I never have to deal with that
But if I did if I do bounce like ideas off of the other guys
It would be super annoying to like
Like oh, yeah, no, let's do this instead like the combative stuff. That's
It's brain damage. No, I totally agree. I think especially like I'm just I feel so bad for op because
A two week reservation and at that point everyone wanted to go there
So
Like he was doing it for everyone too. It wasn't just for himself
And then for him on the way there to tuxna. That's insane. I would be
This well and the other friends to be like backing him up like actually, yeah burgers sound good
I'm like you all know we had this reservation for two weeks like let's can you all just
Stomach some pasta for the night like you're gonna be fine. It's not that hard
I'm glad they showed don't even I do not do this. So don't give me that
Do you does any of us here do that like or any of us kind of like change plan changers me?
Okay, yeah
For sure. No, I think like I will if like we're planning something
I'll definitely put my two cents in like I'll say like what I like
But I would never be like, yeah, no like once the plan is this this is what it is
Right
Yeah, no weeks to do and I guess it'll just depend like let's say I'm going to dinner with my best friend
And I text her like dude. I'm so sorry. Like I can't do 5 30 joe's working late. Can we do six? Like right?
That's like I've done that before and my friends have done that to me and that's different but something like this
I mean, I'm not like that. That's for sure. That's extreme. Yeah, that's that's just like I feel like him wanting to be just very
In control of everyone. Yeah, like that's like just control
It gives like only child youngest child and like just like a little brat
Wow
It's getting entitled. I said only child and youngest youngest child
No, but you're not like that. But you know what I mean though? Like it just gives like they're very much only child
Like mommy and daddy just like they can do what he wants. Yeah, I don't know
You're not like that though. I'm more like that than you are. So there we go. Okay
I'm only I was kind of an only child and I'm literally the chillest of the chill
I'm like you tell me where to go when to be there. I'm just gonna show
Yeah, that's you for sure. I also feel like there's a point where it kind of swings where op
Like always wanting to like make a rigid plan
Sometimes that just rubs people the wrong way too. Like sometimes it's kind of nice to like roll with the punches
so not to like totally be like devil's advocate here, I think morgan's a douche, but like
There is a point too where like
You don't have to like plan things out two weeks in advance all the time and like sometimes it's nice to get together without a plan
and like
So I just from saying this sometimes that you could swing too far in one way too much wanting to like
Schedule everything out be so regimented
Yeah, that makes sense. Well, and it's probably like op has probably gotten to that point where
I don't know like sometimes like I don't want to say self sabotage
But kind of where he's like, oh like I'm gonna make this plan
So set in stone that like he looks even more like a bad guy when he tries to change the plan
And so that's what I was trying to say. Yeah, like I feel like it is like he might be like
It's annoys him so much that he just like kind of want to make him look worse
In some way. I don't know. They should just have morgan
Plans things sometimes. Yeah, really just everyone like he changed his own plans though
And then change his plans when he makes his plans
Exactly. There you go. That's but then it's like are you flexible morgan?
But then it's like you can just go with it. Yeah, you know you let him have this because maybe he just doesn't feel like he gets to
Make the plans. Yeah step up to the plate morgan make your own plans or if like if if op wants to
Make the plans all the time like plan on
Like a multiple choice. Hey, we're gonna go to one of these four restaurants tonight. Let's pick together as a group on that day
Then he still is controlling things that that morgan grinch. He was the grinch for sure
I have had a friend for 11 years and I love her to pieces. Okay. This is called
Debbie Downer. Oh
Debbie Downer Debbie down Debbie Downs
Deb
I
Have had a friend for 11 years and I love her to pieces. She was with me when I found out
I was pregnant and she feels like a sister to me
However, she is extremely negative and I'm finding being her friend exhausting
I know this may make me sound like an aw but she is very negative 100% of the time every time we hang out
She spends most of the time complaining
Obsessing over her weight to the point we go for a meal and she sits there calculating the calories
She always makes comments like diet starts tomorrow
Now when I'm trying
When I'm just trying to enjoy a meal out she works two jobs and she hates one and is incredibly
Mistreated at the other and I try to offer advice
But I can't exactly tell her what to do about her work situation as she is trying to pursue her dream
While I'm not a career focused person
Every single day she messages me with a dilemma or multiple dilemmas and it's so tiring out of the blue
I'll get voice notes where she is constantly ranting and swearing about her job or her home life or money
Again, I love her to pieces, but it's so exhausting when I hang out with her
I feel like I'm just a rant to me machine
I have tried to offer my advice but she seems to just con want to constantly rant at me
Constantly as I mentioned before I am pregnant and has been extremely rough for me
She still messages me with rants and complaints and I'm just so tired for it. I know this sounds so harsh
But it is constant. I don't even know what to say anymore
I don't want my daughter to be around someone so obsessed with weight and food tracking
Either as that's not what I want for them
She'll also ask me for lifts when she's stuck somewhere and then just spends the entire time complaining about buses or her mom
her mom
Not coming to get her it is spell mum. She's an artist
So she'll complain about her are not being good enough and I have tried to tell her not to be so hard on herself
But she'll then tell me she's crying about it. I don't know what to do
I know she's struggling, but I don't even know what to say anymore
I feel like we have both become a broken record. I'm moving away and I'm ashamed to say I'm looking forward to having some distance
It's not too far. So I will of course try to see her when I can
I want to be there for her, but it feels like it's 24 7
Sorry for the rant my any advice is greatly appreciated
I have thoughts, but I just want one of you guys to get it kicked off here
I just kind of feel bad because I feel bad for both parties to be honest
So I feel like the Debbie Downer
She obviously feels safe and she's obviously grateful for her friend
Because she is raw and vulnerable and open with her about a lot of the things she's struggling with in life
And like she feels like that's her person to like come to for all of that
On the other hand though the op
That's a lot to carry and she's already carrying a baby at that point. So
I feel like that's just like one of those things where you have to communicate that with your friends
And if they're not willing to be respectful of that boundary or setting then like yeah, then either
I would probably just say let's take some space for a while
Then if they weren't able to respect that right and isn't it bad to have like being pregnant and just having negative energy
around you like that all the time
Like don't you think that'd be hard on you like hard on you and the baby?
It's hard for anybody, but obviously like pregnancy is a crazy thing. So
I'd imagine that you would you want to be as positive
As possible. Yeah, like you want it to be like as you want like the very best circumstances
Right and like I'm saying this in terms of op in this negative person not so much like
That you guys are pregnant. It's not like make it as positive as possible
Yeah, but it's just the fact that like yeah for
For the the person that's complaining to op you got to find a different dumping ground
Yeah
And that's actually not the healthy way to do it. Yeah, why don't you hire in the therapist go to therapy?
That's where she should be doing it. We should start a company where people call us and we let them rant to us
Just a straight ranting. That's genius. Someone already started that go to therapy
Yeah, exactly. And just mm-hmm. Mm-hmm and smile and just and just love what they say and it's literally 20
We just agree in it. It's all about just agreeing with what they said so that they feel like that out there
That would be so therapeutic though like she said what to you? Oh my gosh
Seriously, that's not a bad idea. Let's do it. I would I'm pregnant. I can't
I can't get shit. Yeah, but and like it's not gonna make very much money. So why not?
Because you think people are gonna how much are people gonna spend on that?
Let's ask the people you there's some low. Why would you do that when you could just go dump it on your friend?
Hey
Like good thing Marco Polo is already invented because I love Marco Polo
That's free to use and that's how everybody dumps their shiz to one to another. So I've heard that's what I do
What's Marco Polo? Oh, it's the best
It's it's video like chatting so but it's like not live so like
You send a video
To someone and then they can watch it whenever they want and then they send you a video. So it's like old people snapchat
Yeah, essentially that's what it is. Oh my gosh. That's hilarious walk in from being out somewhere and she's just like, okay
I gotta go joe's here
And like ends the thing she's like I was just like I was just marcoing my friend. It's fine
It's my god school. I'm Marco every single day me and Amber Marco every single day
So instead of snapping it's marcoing. Yeah, but it's yeah, and it's like they could be they could jump on and watch it live
and send you little hearts and react so that like they're like
feels like they're
But oh, sorry. I haven't gotten on in a couple of days. I've been so busy
But like I listen to most of your Marco
It's good. It's good for the for the girls to be able to do that. I live from Whitney. We should Marco
Do you have Marco pull up? No, I know dude Marco pulls the best. I would do it just to
You need to get it with your sisters too. Oh, that's so nice. Thank you. Yeah, and see island. Yeah
I'll mark it with island for sure. But here's what's cool about that app. It's so fun
Like when you're talking it's like a cat you're it's like captive audience like
Whoever you're talking to is you feel like they're listening to you no matter what yeah
Like so like you're able to just really actually get it all out there. Oh, yeah, whatever that hardcore like honestly
I was thinking I was questioning myself in that story like dude
I'm totally a Debbie Downer to some of my friends like I'd go to no you guys are Debbie Downers together. Well, yeah
For sure. It's reciprocated is reciprocated for sure
But still like I definitely go to my friends to like let it out
Specific friends not like everyone but like there are a few. Yeah, that's how it's supposed to be. Yeah, that's like that's normal
It's normal event to blow off steam, but it has to be if OP is feeling the way that she's feeling
She has to be able to communicate that and like ultimately this is the truth now that we kind of process through it
Like it's kind of on OP to set the boundary at some point
It is yeah, like because friend is probably just thinking oh like she is my person to go to like
You know, she's always there for me, but it's obviously hurting OP and it's like keyword exhausting
Yeah, and so it's like yes, it is on OP to like set the boundary now
But like because the girl's not gonna know any different now. I mean she spent 11 years doing this
So it's like got a letter now
But I also I also think life is supposed to be like kind of enjoyable. No, that's not just like constantly being sad
About everything and it's and it's the same things. It seems like it's the same thing about she is always bringing up her weight
Like she just is like I feel like she's feeding for compliments. Yeah. Oh my gosh so fat
How many calories you know, she's just waiting for someone to be like that would bother me
I don't think no you're skinny like I promise
Oh really? Okay. I'll have a cheeseburger with extra cheese. Well, and then it also gets you to a point
It gets you to a point where then you're thinking about all the negative things in your life
Then you're like hold like if she's worried about her weight should I be worried about mine?
And like oh if she thinks her job sucks like it just like puts you in a negative headspace where you're always looking at the negative in life
Because that's all that you're hearing
And so it's like hard to be even just a positive person yourself
When that's all you're hearing from like a friend. So
And that's not good for the baby. There's a
There's a thought model
In one of these programs that I really like shout out opfg
Oh
CTFAR
Circumstance thoughts feelings actions results. So your circumstance you can't change your thoughts you can control
And your thoughts create your feelings feelings and create your actions and your actions create your results
um
So like
Such a huge thing if you're just thinking all the negative things and even throwing them at someone else
You're causing them to think more negative things
Right and if op could like fill her brain with positivity and like things that are going to be productive and she's going to feel better and
So on so forth but context me 30 female and my soon-to-be husband 30 male max have been dating for almost six years
And we're getting married in july. Okay. So what I did is that I asked max not to invite one of his friends
Sebastian 31 male not his best friend fyat to our wedding max and Sebastian met each other at school
And they kept in touch after the years mostly a tech scene video calling friend
But he comes to visit us sometimes when we would go to the same parties events every so often first things first
I am not a bridezilla. Okay max said nope. He's coming and that was it
I was nothing more. It was nothing more than a suggestion. The suggestion is the action. I am asking about
I'm not a crazy bride
My reasoning for my suggestion is because Sebastian is the most debbie downer person I've ever met the definition for
a person with an insistent need to bring down the collective mood and
general ambiance of a
Group chill and he's exactly that person don't get me wrong. He's a sweet guy and max cares a lot for him
And I know sabah sebb is a great friend too the last time we were together with Sebastian and a couple of friends in a local bar
We were talking about our future getting our future getting kids getting wrinkles gray hair turning 30 and whatnot when max asked
Sebastian where he'd see himself at 40. Sebastian said something amongst the lines of honestly can't see myself at 40
Surprise, I made it to 30 the group laughed it off and I said I'd say awkwardly and max padded him
On the shoulder smiling, but that killed the vibe and changed the topic of our combo. You know what I mean?
That's just an example, but that's always his energy, you know debbie downer. It's like a human
Mentor. Well, yeah, that was my reasoning a few days ago. I suggested the idea to max
I pitched my case by saying we want a small wedding anyway and Sebastian is not the most sociable guy and his energy is not
Necessary the energy I want on that day, you know, that's all max shut down my suggestion immediately and later
He said he wasn't mad at me or anything
But his face when we were having this conversation told me otherwise apparently he also told his mother
She was in our place at that moment because I was getting a weird vibe from her too later that day
I felt judged like I said, I'm not a bridezilla and Sebastian is going to the wedding this it ain't that deep
But am I the asshole for suggesting that like if you told me that one of my friends couldn't go to my wedding
That'd be sad. Yeah, I'd be I'd be pretty sad right
Even if they were like a total buzzkill. I wouldn't be friends with the total buzzkill
What's up?
The biggest thing is like on that day at least I'm thinking of our wedding
I if somebody was trying to be a debbie downer in the corner, I would have had no idea
I would have paid them no attention
I wouldn't have cared because I'm locked in I'm in the zone
Getting married, right? So like I don't think
Like I could understand a bride being like yeah, and like no, I don't want that like
Energy suck at my wedding, but she just doesn't realize that she's like she's not going to even freaking remember
Who was there who was not there? Right unless he's like saying something crazy at the dinner or you know, it's like it sounds like it's
Really just him let him come to the wedding, but we don't let Sebastian make a toast or anything. Right?
He's not giving a speech. He's not. Yeah, just let him lurk in the background or let him dance
He might not want to dance. Yeah, he might be able to throw down on the dance floor
Or not can't believe james is getting married before me
Love is there any comments or anything the consensus what the he was that she was the asshole. There is one
There's one guy that was like
Puts like the first things first. I'm not a bridezella. That's exactly what a bridezilla would say his
His energy is not necessarily necessarily the energy you want that day. It's pretty clear. He suffers from lowest
Low esteem and depression and you want your fiance to exclude him from one of the most significant days in your fiance's life
I'm not sure that will do wonders for sub-
Sebastian self-esteem not to mention your friendship. I'm like, yeah, like
Really, it's like I don't mean to be rude, but and then says something rude. She's like, I'm not a bridezilla, but
Here's how I'm a bride. You're sad to press friend can't come for our wedding because he's too sad
Hate him. Okay. Don't say it, but who had the fake who do you think?
Don't give it up. Don't tell your own yourself. I thought you're gonna say me
I think it was me
I might have been me. I think it might have been you. It might have been me
I think it's Marley as well. I think it's a girl this time
I'm like, I could definitely see bridezilla over here being fake, but also
I feel like Whitney's had it gone it so many times. I don't I don't think she's destined to get it again
That's fair. It's you. I don't think it's me
I think it's marley
I don't think it's me. It's Marley. I think it's Marley. Love you
Let us know what you guys think comment. Which one you think is fake on our socials come through. We love you all
Thank you for listening