Alright, welcome back to internet frenzy. What's good? What's good? Let's freakin get it a little recap
Yes, last week we had Tanner and Daniela on the pod. That was fun. Oh, it's so fun. They are the best
Thanks for thanks for coming on it was for manipulation at its finest. That was a fun episode
Kind of depressing
Was a little we had some depressing stories a little bit, but you know, it was good. It really was it like it was good
It was fun. It was good listening back. It was fun. Yes, so we'll recap the stories. We'll determine who the fake was
First one was the girl that wants to leave it was I think it was yours, right? Yeah, the girl wants to leave her husband because
He found out that his brother
Was dating an underage girl. Yes
For the four-day old baby. Yeah, that was really hard and she find like as soon as the brother finds out
He's freaking out whatever. Yeah, could have been fake
Go to bed
Next one was Marley's it was the the pothead adult son and his five kids going to
his mom's two bedroom apartment
Defocating all over the couch all that fun stuff
Deficating that one really pooping and peeing and peeing all over or just defecating. Yeah, it's way better. Yeah
That's right
And then there was Isaiah's with the kid asking for advice how to deal with this manipulative mom
He's like, oh, yeah, all she does is unload all her baggage on me and I'm sad
What do I do about it?
Could have been fake and then the last one was a 14 year old the fake sick to save his parents marriage
Saved by essential oils
That was crazy that was a good one I was I did some some digging to find that one. Yeah, yeah or to ride it
Oh, listen me and Chad GBT we went 10 rounds on that one for real. It was fun. It was fun. It took a long time, but it was working
So
Today's theme is dumbest of the dumbest humans
Perfect for us you guys truly
True that's right. I'm actually I'm excited. I found a I found a banger of a story
Oh, I found bangers. Oh
He found multiple stories and he chose one
Okay, not he didn't write one. Maybe he did. Oh
Yeah, it's the fake this week. I guess we shall see this is from MI the asshole. Sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry
Please put this in the podcast. Oh, we're really stopping this right now so we can put on chapstick my lips have been severely chapped
That's literally never gonna happen again this episode
All right
This comes from MI the asshole my best friend's wife told him that she had an affair with me
The last four days have been the most horrible in my life
I have no idea how to deal with anything and wanted to get opinions on what to do next since I see posts like this on reddit
My best friend's wife told him that she had an affair with me, which never happened
I 35 M. Have been married to my wife 35 f for eight years. We have two wonderful kids
But this is about my friend Josh 35 M and his wife Mary 34 f
I met Josh during my freshman year of college and we've been friends ever since
We've always shared our love for tech and he is always my go-to guy when I need someone to talk to Josh started dating Mary five years ago
Let's say Mary has a very different set of morals than my wife or me
She's very loud manipulative and just craves attention Josh and Mary had been dating on and off for four years
They broke up often but somehow always ended up together after a few months
Mary is always the one who breaks up with Josh and then takes him back
I also know that Mary cheated on Josh at least with two guys when they were dating
But somehow convinced him that he was not putting enough effort into the relationship Josh always blames himself for Mary for why Mary is not happy
My wife also knows about all of this and has always kept her distance from Mary
However, we do meet her often during parties with friends Josh and Mary got married last year last month Josh found out that Mary was
Cheating on him again and had an affair with one of her coworkers
Josh was completely broken and stayed at our place for a week before going back and confronting Mary and kicking her out of the house
Josh bought the house before marriage and hence he had to get the cops involved to kick her out from what we know
Before marriage and hence he had to get the cops involved to kick her out from what we know Mary moved back to her parents house
I've been helping Josh through the process and he filed for divorce last week
Last Saturday Mary came to Josh's house to collect her stuff along with her dad
I'd advised Josh to get out of the house when they came but he wanted to make sure she did not take anything that did not belong to her
During her visit Josh got into a fight with Mary and Mary told Josh that she had an affair with me
While they were married and we used to do it in their bedroom. This is all 100% false
I've always known that Mary was trouble and kept my distance from her
I feel she's just trying to hurt Josh by saying that
After that incident Josh got extremely agitated and came to our house
I saw he was distressed and knew something was wrong as I opened the door. He started cursing at me and accusing me of sleeping with Mary
Luckily the kids were not at home, but my wife and I were there. We were both shocked by what he was saying
He tried to punch me
But luckily he hit my shoulder and I was able to wrestle him on the ground and calm him down
I kept on telling him that what Mary told him was completely false and that I had never spent a single minute
With her alone in my life. My wife threatened to call the cops and he left after he left my wife was completely
Inconsoleable it took me hours to calm her down and convince her that Mary was manipulating Josh
I work from home and rarely leave my house without my wife or kids
I think she believes me but she has been different for the last four days
Josh told a lot of my close friends that I was having an affair with Mary
He's not taking my calls or my wife's calls. My wife tried to call Mary
But she was also not taking our calls all my friends including Josh think I'm the biggest asshole for getting involved with his effing wife
I
Have no idea how to convince anyone that this is false. I'm just so frustrated. Can someone please give me advice on what I can do next
Freakin Mary it's always the Mary's
Stupid dumb Mary, but really though
How bad does that suck? Oh that sucks so bad cuz once that rumors out
I'm sorry. It's really hard to be able to like clear your name your reputation. Yep. That's it's like
You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube as they used to say
But the toothpaste never left the tube she's just a lion what exactly but that's the problem
So this is this is a problem with any situation like this as soon as you say it it's over am I the asshole for
Not taking blame. Yeah, what a countless yeah am I the asshole? What was the yeah the title is?
My best friend's wife told him that she had an affair with me
It's almost like he was just using this as a place to tell his story because he's very obviously not the asshole
What do you think would be the best possible?
Way for him to clear his name
Actually, like what could he do to clear his name? I would say
What would you do I?
Think the best him just like not stressing over it like obviously yet sucks
But I feel like when you stress over something like that like you're going to but the more you show it the more you're probably guilty of it
Yeah, you look so kind of like letting it just be like
Which I don't really agree with well, I feel like it's like him. Just give the last word guys
I didn't do this. Well, that's a really crazy thing to be accused of that sucks
Especially if your wife is like and everyone is like hating you for it. I'd be pissed
I wouldn't be like and whatever I would say guys. I didn't do this. Yeah, and
If you don't believe me then you don't believe me. So I'm like sorry, but
I'm gonna live my life and my wife, you know, and I wanted to eat
I don't know I would do something like that. I just feel like you can't stress over it too much
Yeah, no, I get that. I feel like his main priority
Is his wife, of course, I mean he has a family
So he needs to be able to reassure her
But to me, I think the best
way you could go about it is
giving up his phone
saying look at whatever you want
call the
Phone
What is it company or whatever? How would you word that? Yeah call the cell carrier?
Yeah, so carrier and look through anything you possibly want to look at you will not find
Anything that has to do with that girl. Yeah, I don't know
Yeah, it just it really does suck because until Mary admits that it's fake everybody is can still doubt you
Yeah, everyone can still just be like yeah, like okay like you say that but yeah
We wouldn't know so that just you carry that weight around with you
He did nothing just got wrapped into this for no reason and that's horrible. Yeah, but there is a comment that is cash
I think it's like the perfect thing tell Josh to ask Mary to describe your birthmark to prove it where?
How big what shape and color if she can't then she's obviously never seen you naked if she does describe it
Say jokes on her because you don't have a birthmark. Oh
Oh
My god, my girlfriend is dumb as shit. I love the creature. I do she's hot kind
I don't know where that oxen came from
We do not need to get flamed right off the bat for that. No, I love it. Okay. I love the creature
My girlfriend is dumb as shit, I love the creature I do she's hot kind funny at times and mind-blowing in bed
But I'll be damned if this bitch isn't one of the most stupid people I know
Where is this accent coming from we're going with it keep writing me all?
That would be tolerable if she was actually willing to learn but she isn't she just argues until she gets so frustrated that she either
Gives up or accuses me of intentionally trying to make her feel stupid
But there's no way to predict it in order to avoid making her feel stupid
Just recently we were talking about the devastating new budget for the province of Newfoundland and Labrador and she got confused
Because she thought that Newfoundland and Labrador were two separate provinces
Even though it was just demonstrated on the news and even though it was taught in school and yes
Even though you only need to look at a freaking map or count to ten
She still thought that it was two separate provinces
But what's worse is that she refused to learn differently and argued about it
They've got two separate flags. She screamed true, but it's just a quirk and to symbolize their unique cultures and geography
They're still a single provincial entity. They only have one premiere. I replied I showed her maps official information on the web and countless other proofs
But she did miss dismiss them all and eventually egg gave up
Saddened that not only did she not know something so basic but that she wouldn't even learn to correct herself
She thinks that merma's are real because of a docus fiction we watched on the Discovery Channel
She insists that nobody knows why or how airplanes stay up in the air and that originally fly because they catch wind like kites
She once got knocked unconscious
Because she thought that if she wore a helmet she could run headfirst into a brick wall without getting hurt
Then tried to sue the store that sold her the helmet before I talked her out of it
It took her 25 years to figure out that roosters were male chickens
And it took me three days of careful manipulation to guide her into figuring it out on her own
So she wouldn't argue with me if I corrected her
She thought that men had an actual brain in their penises because someone once used the phrase as a metaphor
And it took over an hour to explain that we have no brains in our penises and that it was just a figure of speech
Because she kept saying things like then why do they call it a head if that's true then why do they say men think with their
She constantly gives me shit about being an atheist and she is so emotion based that she instantly believes
Anything that makes her feel happy and denies anything that makes her feel unhappy
She even believes in magic like real effing hocus pocus magic. She even sometimes thinks she a psychic or has powers
I love her to death
But she embarrasses me sometimes in public and people sometimes think I'm bullying her because the difference in our intellect is so vast
As she's often made to feel stupid by the things I say and they think that I enjoy it and love to make her feel stupid
I don't enjoy it. It depresses the eff out of me sometimes and it's starting to bother me that I have to simplify everything and try not to
Say big words or anything scientific. I know I should probably break up with her
But honestly she has so many redeeming qualities that I know I'd miss her in no time and want her back
Plus she's like an effing supermodel and the sex is the best I've ever had and probably ever will have I've never been so
Sexually content in my entire life. It's downright luxurious and perfect, but she is dumb as effing shit
This guy's a jerk
sophisticated
jerk
Yeah, he's such a smart freaking asshole. You don't know
Sprinkle fool. It's fun or fun
You don't know where those are. You don't know there's a
Two provinces
It's in Canada we wouldn't know
Is the are they from
Basically, it's just that it's it belongs to one
Like state basically, but she doesn't realize that because one of them is like an island one of them is a mainland
But it's like the same state
And I'd be confused too. This guy is a jerk. He's a jerk. He's terrible and she's hot
So he better be hot like why is she with him?
Probably because she's dumb as shit like apparently if he's that's if he's so smart and so irritated by her
Dumbness and he's probably got money probably. Oh, okay
He does but honestly he kind of sounds dumb
I don't feel like he's as smart as you guys are giving him credit for those guys that like
Says big words and stuff to like act cool, but really he doesn't know
Like making up words you farce flour
You know what his farce flour is that's you he spells many things wrong
So at least we know he can't spell very well. Yeah, but
Can we just like she definitely is not the sharpest tool in the shed? No
No, and like obviously he's a douchebag, but like he has a point with just being embarrassed by her
I think that's where this comes from. Yeah, let's start there
She's he's like out with his friends and she's over here like wait wieners don't have a brain in them
Yeah, do you think she's doing that to be funny though? I in front of people
Well, I mean, but I've been around people that are like that. Yeah, they are genuinely like
act dumb
To yeah
They're both they both sound dumb for different reasons. He's dumb because he doesn't realize how much of a douche he is
Yeah, she's she actually obviously is just not very smart and that's okay
Yeah, we'll have their strength. Do you think he should continue on with her because the sex life is amazing?
Or do you think he needs to you shouldn't be married or dating someone that you're embarrassed of or you just are constantly
Thinking like you're the stupidest person ever like that's so disrespectful and like slowly that will just
Chipping away. She's probably not that too happy either unless he's rich
It's the only thing I can think rich and hopefully the sex is as good as for her
Yeah, I can guarantee so this story was from nine years ago on Reddit and I guarantee you they are not together anymore
Sam Cannon says my guy
There are ways through this suggestions are as follows lean on your smart friends for the intellectual conversations
Let her process the dumb shit on her own
Crazy woman are always
I'm just imagining her like sitting at home on the couch and just being like do they do they have a brain in their penis?
What do I do?
literally
Crazy woman are always the best in bed. No doubt leave it while you can and don't rock that boat
If you honestly think you can make someone that dumb smarter start sliding in basic information over time
Start with the concept of research then move on to things that actually require that research skill
And then this just keeping it real said good input. I'll give it a shot might at least take the edge off
He's just around her all the time like she's
Goes to the bathroom it's like punching the wall
I wish you were smarter
Last one nincompoop the fact that this triggered you is stupid when your girl has all those other qualities
She's getting bad check like a 14 year old kid
The title is today I asked up by texting my landlord what was meant for my wife. Oh
Oh, shoot today, I have to by sending an inappropriate text to my landlord
My wife had been dealing with a cold
She got up before me and texting me that her eyes were puffy and itchy
While I myself have been laying in bed me being the overly sarcastic type
I decided I would text her as if she got pink eye with a single blurry eye open and no glasses on I texted her
You shouldn't rub your eyes after you pick your butthole
Except about 30 seconds later, I noticed that the person I sent it to wasn't my wife
It was Harris my landlord
Harris is an innocent young kid that is acting as property manager for his non-English speaking parents
He might be 18 to 20. I don't know Harris and I both have iPhones
I'm hoping my unsend work. My wife is hoping that Harris gets the message
She would love to know what he thought about that
That's and then it says instead of my wife my landlord received a text about picking buttholes
I love it
What a dumb human how do you not look at who you're texting when you have you guys ever accidentally text the wrong person?
Yeah, not something like that not something that was like that
I have been in situations like group chat situations
I've been in group chat situations where somebody sends it to the wrong one. Yeah, me too. Oh
Well, I think the thing is is I think it was because I like if you know you just he just woke up
Yeah, like he was just waking up and he was like all this time this funny text. Oh, I feel like I mean thankfully the landlord was a guy
Thanks, like that helps a little bit
I mean, I don't know what he was doing on sending the message. I would have just been like, oh, so sorry wrong thread
Like like no explanations even worse
funny like
You shouldn't rub your eyes after you pick your ball. Sorry. Sorry Harris. I meant to send that to my wife
Let me read or the call that this call that is like another story
So they tell a little bit of because that was a short story
So this person
Gives another story and this one's funny too. It says dude this one time when I was a teenager
I sent a romantic text to my boyfriend at the time and
Only an hour later. Did I notice that I had somehow managed to send it not to my boyfriend?
But to the father of the kid I regularly baby sat. Oh
That is a whiff
Says I genuinely do not understand how I managed to do this
But it was the most mortifying thing. I think I've ever done to this day. I sent the guy a panicked
I am so sorry that was meant for my boyfriend. I did not mean to send that to you
Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing and then text as soon as I realized but like it was a whole freaking hour later
Oh my gosh, luckily he said he assumed that was what happened and had already deleted the text
But his wife didn't see but still
Just the worst man imagine if his wife saw that and thought he was having a affair with her teenage babysitter
Or that I had some kind of delusional obsession with him
Dude I f'd up but at least it resolved with minimal drama
Minus the shot of pure adrenaline I had to deal with after noticing my mistake. Oh well
That last part is real
Just like
Oh
Panicked oh my gosh, that's like thank goodness
He deleted it and they were able to move on and stuff
But really if the wife would have seen that or anyone would have been like why is this little kid texting you that?
That could have ruined his like entire life. Yeah, like like Mary did for that guy
Oh, so no, he's a Mary don't be dumb and please look at here texting before you send it. Yeah
Double-check actually
That's like never happened to me that I could think of really
No, I mean I usually just look at him. I'm texting. I don't know. It's just you're not done
I guess everyone call that when you have if you've ever had that moment. Yeah, I want to yeah
I'll be funny. What's your story? Tell us your horror stories. Yeah, I'm texting the wrong person
I feel like it's happening me. I just I can't fake a friend, but I am very paranoid with that
So yeah, you are I'm very like very paranoid. So is Isaiah
I really text like seven times making and I really make sure sometimes I'll put them in my mouth
No, I'm not
Oh, these two do you do your notes? I've done that before
Hey mom, what's for dinner on Sunday in the notes app
I don't know can I have 20 bucks
My title is also TIFU today I f'd up. It's a thing
I didn't know it was a thing until we found it today. I f'd up by accidentally exposing my boss's affair at a company dinner
So last weekend was our company's annual fancy dinner
I've worked here for two years and this was my first time attending
So I was trying to make a good impression our boss Mike who's in his 50s
Chose up halfway through with a woman much younger than him problem. She was definitely not his wife
People noticed but no one said anything because well, it's Mike
Anyway, after a few glasses of wine, I leaned over to my buddy and whispered or at least I thought I did
Isn't that Jessica from HR? I thought Mike was married. Do you think they're together?
Here's the catch. I said this during a toast and the room had gone dead quiet my comment
It was loud enough for everyone to hear including Mike and Jessica who are sitting right across from me
Mike's face turning red and he got up and left the restaurant without a word Jessica right after him
The whole room was in stunned silence come Monday rumors were flying about how Mike's wife had found out and now things are
Super tense at work. I haven't been fired, but I am laying low and avoiding Mike like the plague
I don't know how I'm going to keep my job after this shit show
She
Yeah, oh my gosh
Yeah, Mike's a dumbass I
Mean he's got a little icky. He's got a what icky. What does that mean? Oh
Alki like he's got an alcohol addiction
Okay, so you know actually where that
That comes from my cousins never drink. No. Yeah, no exactly. No, like no
It was just like a joke it's something that's always just something that I've talked about like that
I've said and they just came out now. It's something that no one's where these cousins live here
Like the valley. Yeah
Wait, so he has an alcohol problem. No, he had just like drinking a lot during like oh the Boston, okay
Well, that might be good. No, like this the OP. Yeah
That's why he said that's why he like said what like whispers like he's so Mike is dating
Jessica from HR
His wife's gonna be pissed
Okay, but there's a pretty good update
Been a couple weeks since that disaster and honestly things have gotten weirder at work. No kidding
No, I wouldn't
First off Mike didn't come into the office for a full week after the dinner
Rumors were flying everywhere and people were treating me like I had a ticking time bomb strapped to my chest
I was terrified. I'd get called an HR at any second instead
The whole thing was radio silence. It felt like the company was in a holding pattern, but waiting for something to drop
Then last Thursday Mike finally showed up
I expected him to be furious or at the very least I see toward me, but instead he was eerily calm
He called a meeting with our department and gave his whole speech about personal matters and how work life balance is important
But he never directly addressed what happened. He didn't look at me once during the whole thing
Afterward I got pulled aside by our HR rep. I thought this is it. I'm getting fired
But no, they just gave me this weirdly vague talk about maintaining professionalism and how everyone's entitled to privacy
Basically a long-winded way of saying keep your mouth shut since then Mike's been keeping his distance
But word around the office is that things blew up big time with his wife
Some people say they're getting divorced others claim she's kicked him out and no one really knows for sure
Jessica from HR has been transferred to another department
Good and it's clear they're trying to keep things quiet as for me. I've been walking on eggshells every day
I'm not fired yet, but my co-workers are way too amused by the whole thing
I've been dubbed the guy who outed the boss and it's become office legend
Everyone gives me these knowing looks and Snickers while Mike is around which is not helping my anxiety at all. I
Think because Jessica got moved that all I think that means that the wife is
Willing to stay with Mike. Yeah, I think so
That's like the number one golden rule of HR too. It's like you don't get to you don't get to like date
co-workers or like your superior or whatever
How is she an HR? How does she keep a job? You're the one that enforces that and you broke it?
Yeah, it's true. I'm surprised more people didn't have like a problem with that like didn't go to HR and was like what the heck
Yeah, Jessica what you're doing is wrong. Yeah, or
Jessica's boss. Yeah, yes, couldn't get out of here. Yeah, which maybe someone did and that's why she was transferred
But all I know is I would have just blackmailed him
I'm gonna need a raise brother your wife's finding out about this. I'll give Cindy a call tomorrow
And he's just worried about his job his job could be very secure
Yeah, it's like you should be very secure
But the thing is is like it's not only he knew like the whole office knew so it's like it's not something that he really only has against him. How dumb is Mike?
That's yeah, I just went back there to like um
Like I'm just thinking of like how weird like if it's a work party
It's kind of like
Well, yeah, but it's still a work party like yeah, obviously it is weird but also is the boss and people probably aren't like
Gonna think too much, you know, I feel like there is that fine like if it was just some random house party
Yeah, and it also depends to if it was a like if it was a plus one event
Like for those corporate things. It's like it's a plus one you bring your spouse. Yeah, you do
Oh, so that's your every corporate that I've worked for I brought yeah, like you you go to the Christmas party like you bring
Your plus one you would bring me. I would or you would bring me you brought me to one
I brought you so many just want me to literally the best ever. That's true
Yeah, that's all right
So who do we thinks the face I think I know if I see a boy
I think Isaiah I could see I could see I think it's Whitney
I was gonna say I thought
The only reason I thought maybe Marley was because
Mike showed up to a dinner party without his wife like everyone knows is married and you just showed up
But it she picked his bow hole got pink I sent it to Harris that could be fake
Oh, yeah, the 18 year old
Well, his name could be like anything else and the Americanized version is like
Yeah, like my name is yeah
Call me Frank a lot of South African listeners on our podcast. I forgot to tell you that so here it is say say hello
Say something cool. So what about
What does that mean? I just said hello, Bob. I like hello, bro. Do I love you?
Come a lot me simple just look back
The click was dope. Okay, you got me with the click tell us who you guys think is the fake the AI generated story
Tell us in the comments follow us on socials. Love you all and if you want to keep bringing you the goods
Give us a review on your favorite podcasting app. We love you. Thanks for listening. Peace be the journey
Bye internet frenzies on three
Don't be a dumb human