WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript <www.descript.com> 00:00:00.039 --> 00:00:02.089 Alex: This Week on Hot Couple Chronicles 00:00:02.708 --> 00:00:08.467 Russ: Let's talk about some things that a lot of guys don't necessarily 00:00:08.468 --> 00:00:10.387 talk about or wanna talk about. 00:00:10.698 --> 00:00:14.477 A little bit uncomfortable 'cause we're, you know, men and we don't have feelings. 00:00:14.507 --> 00:00:19.082 As men, we will take opportunity over attraction almost every time. 00:00:19.112 --> 00:00:19.562 Every time. 00:00:19.612 --> 00:00:23.622 Rob: One time early on we had gone to a party and there was a woman 00:00:23.682 --> 00:00:26.412 who was a beautiful woman and I asked her if I could kiss her. 00:00:26.412 --> 00:00:27.642 'Cause I'm always about consent. 00:00:27.642 --> 00:00:28.302 You, may I kiss you? 00:00:28.302 --> 00:00:28.392 Yes. 00:00:28.782 --> 00:00:29.182 And she said no. 00:00:30.852 --> 00:00:36.042 And that, that bruised me hard early on and I was like, okay, 00:00:36.402 --> 00:00:37.572 you know, I'm, I'll move on. 00:00:37.572 --> 00:00:38.082 That's fine. 00:00:38.082 --> 00:00:40.452 And I kind of, you know, went off into the corner and I was, 00:00:40.782 --> 00:00:42.312 you know, Hmm, she won't kiss me. 00:00:42.312 --> 00:00:43.092 Okay, fine. 00:00:43.442 --> 00:00:44.522 and I got in my head about it. 00:00:44.672 --> 00:00:46.082 Well come to find out later on. 00:00:46.112 --> 00:00:48.452 It was a different, it was a different situation. 00:00:48.452 --> 00:00:52.117 She couldn't kiss me 'cause she was in a Dom/sub environment. 00:00:52.417 --> 00:00:55.967 And she asks, needs to ask approval for that. 00:00:56.177 --> 00:00:58.187 And I didn't know so good for her. 00:00:58.187 --> 00:00:59.607 Russ: Blood's going everywhere else, but our cocks. 00:01:00.287 --> 00:01:00.587 Yeah. 00:01:00.587 --> 00:01:01.517 Is what it boils down to. 00:01:01.757 --> 00:01:06.077 Welcome to Hot Couple Chronicles, a podcast exploring the swinging lifestyle. 00:01:06.437 --> 00:01:09.737 Our discussions may contain explicit content and adult themes 00:01:09.737 --> 00:01:11.567 intended for mature audiences. 00:01:11.987 --> 00:01:15.377 While we strive to offer valuable insights and entertainment, please be 00:01:15.377 --> 00:01:19.727 aware that the views expressed are based on personal experiences and opinions. 00:01:20.057 --> 00:01:23.447 We encourage listeners to approach the content with an open mind and to 00:01:23.447 --> 00:01:27.677 prioritize communication, consent, and respect in their relationships. 00:01:28.052 --> 00:01:31.262 Remember, everyone's journey is unique, so take what resonates 00:01:31.262 --> 00:01:32.612 with you and leave what doesn't. 00:01:32.972 --> 00:01:34.607 Thank you for joining us on our adventure. 00:02:07.582 --> 00:02:08.482 Russ: I am Russ. 00:02:08.812 --> 00:02:11.152 And as you can see, this isn't Ashley. 00:02:12.322 --> 00:02:15.622 I'm here today with Rob who's, with Anything But Vanilla. 00:02:15.922 --> 00:02:21.772 We co-host events at Trapeze every third Friday of the month called Fresh Fridays. 00:02:21.952 --> 00:02:24.172 Hopefully a few of you have come out to see us. 00:02:24.172 --> 00:02:29.062 If not, come check us out and without further ado. 00:02:29.817 --> 00:02:31.707 Rob, I'm glad you're here. 00:02:32.097 --> 00:02:33.087 Rob: Very glad you're here. 00:02:33.087 --> 00:02:34.527 Well, I guess I'm glad I'm here. 00:02:34.927 --> 00:02:39.577 We drove up to their house this afternoon to, to have a chat with them. 00:02:39.577 --> 00:02:41.077 Like we don't talk enough anyway. 00:02:41.287 --> 00:02:41.377 Right. 00:02:41.377 --> 00:02:42.787 But on camera this time. 00:02:43.097 --> 00:02:47.297 So before we go in to more what we're gonna talk about, let's 00:02:47.297 --> 00:02:49.937 hear more about what you guys do for people that don't know. 00:02:49.967 --> 00:02:50.297 Sure. 00:02:50.697 --> 00:02:53.367 So Lindsey and I started anything but vanilla. 00:02:53.697 --> 00:02:56.557 Not too long after we got into the lifestyle. 00:02:56.557 --> 00:02:57.322 We said, oh, we should have. 00:02:58.202 --> 00:03:02.652 An Ls name as everybody has which then quickly transformed into 00:03:02.902 --> 00:03:07.482 an educational and advocacy type platform for us as we went through our 00:03:07.482 --> 00:03:09.342 progression over the last couple years. 00:03:09.652 --> 00:03:15.602 And we had started a podcast a couple years ago and let that kind of go, 00:03:15.722 --> 00:03:19.022 uh, for a little bit while we were working on events and traveling 00:03:19.022 --> 00:03:20.162 around and doing some other stuff. 00:03:20.162 --> 00:03:20.492 So. 00:03:20.737 --> 00:03:22.777 Our podcast is back out now. 00:03:22.837 --> 00:03:26.167 Uh, we just did our first episode and there'll be some more, uh, 00:03:26.227 --> 00:03:28.627 coming up nice and easy enough 00:03:28.627 --> 00:03:29.587 Russ: it's anything but vanilla. 00:03:29.587 --> 00:03:33.927 It is, say Ashley and I listened to it on the way up here this morning. 00:03:34.077 --> 00:03:35.127 That'll be the second listener. 00:03:35.127 --> 00:03:35.457 Thank you. 00:03:35.462 --> 00:03:35.842 You're welcome. 00:03:35.842 --> 00:03:36.082 Appreciate that. 00:03:36.462 --> 00:03:37.042 You're welcome. 00:03:37.042 --> 00:03:41.312 Uh, right now, I'm gonna work with you on getting into, on all the platforms, but 00:03:41.642 --> 00:03:43.412 right now it's on YouTube and Spotify. 00:03:43.472 --> 00:03:43.652 Yes. 00:03:43.907 --> 00:03:44.147 Yep. 00:03:44.477 --> 00:03:47.237 So just search anything but vanilla. 00:03:47.297 --> 00:03:48.617 You have a website as well, right? 00:03:48.677 --> 00:03:48.887 Yep. 00:03:48.887 --> 00:03:50.567 Anything But Vanilla dot life, right. 00:03:50.567 --> 00:03:50.787 But. 00:03:50.787 --> 00:03:54.327 That being said, now you know a little bit about what you guys do. 00:03:54.747 --> 00:04:00.507 Let's talk about some things that a lot of guys don't necessarily 00:04:00.507 --> 00:04:02.427 talk about or wanna talk about. 00:04:02.737 --> 00:04:06.517 A little bit uncomfortable 'cause we're, you know, men and we don't have feelings. 00:04:06.547 --> 00:04:06.667 Rob: Yeah. 00:04:06.697 --> 00:04:08.767 We could sit here and stare at each other and not talk 00:04:08.772 --> 00:04:10.207 and be in about three minutes. 00:04:10.207 --> 00:04:10.657 Yes. 00:04:10.657 --> 00:04:11.647 That's like, how you doing, bro? 00:04:11.652 --> 00:04:11.832 Yes. 00:04:12.187 --> 00:04:12.787 Yes. 00:04:13.127 --> 00:04:15.257 Looking to add some excitement to your social life? 00:04:15.287 --> 00:04:16.217 Meet three fun. 00:04:16.337 --> 00:04:20.657 The free app that connects to open-minded singles and couples for fun adventures 00:04:20.897 --> 00:04:22.637 with thousands of active users. 00:04:22.667 --> 00:04:25.667 Three, fun is our ticket to new 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have the confidence to talk to them. 00:05:07.621 --> 00:05:09.151 Sometimes. 00:05:09.151 --> 00:05:12.181 I mean, I think really that's the biggest one is we don't have the con, like we, 00:05:12.211 --> 00:05:14.341 there's no way they'd be interested in why would anybody talk to me? 00:05:14.341 --> 00:05:14.666 Right, right. 00:05:15.121 --> 00:05:18.451 We, as I ride Lindsey coattails all the time. 00:05:18.511 --> 00:05:19.381 Oh, same with Ashley. 00:05:19.381 --> 00:05:20.191 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:05:20.191 --> 00:05:21.721 She, yeah, she's my open door. 00:05:21.721 --> 00:05:23.791 She's the best wing person I've ever had. 00:05:23.881 --> 00:05:24.061 Yeah. 00:05:24.061 --> 00:05:26.611 She's better than every wing, any other wingman I've ever had. 00:05:27.091 --> 00:05:31.081 But then there's also the side of it of. 00:05:31.161 --> 00:05:34.731 Since, you know, this person would never even be interested in me. 00:05:34.731 --> 00:05:36.081 I have an opportunity over here. 00:05:36.111 --> 00:05:38.301 I'm necessarily attracted to this person, but they're a nice 00:05:38.301 --> 00:05:40.221 person and you know, it's, yeah. 00:05:40.271 --> 00:05:41.441 What's your take on that? 00:05:41.441 --> 00:05:44.381 So it, yeah, at first it was, uh, pretty difficult. 00:05:44.381 --> 00:05:47.381 I didn't want to stand up and talk to somebody who I 00:05:47.381 --> 00:05:49.221 felt was way outta my league. 00:05:49.351 --> 00:05:52.981 And eventually what I learned was that everybody's putting their pants on the 00:05:52.981 --> 00:05:54.781 same way and taking 'em off the same way. 00:05:55.031 --> 00:05:58.991 They want to, they're there for a reason and a lot of them. 00:05:59.076 --> 00:06:01.326 Want to meet somebody that they wanna connect with. 00:06:01.656 --> 00:06:05.016 And a lot of women I found, and I know I'm generalizing, 00:06:05.016 --> 00:06:06.516 so if this is new, that's fine. 00:06:06.826 --> 00:06:09.106 I found out that they are definitely more of a connection 00:06:09.106 --> 00:06:11.716 person, less of a looks person. 00:06:11.956 --> 00:06:14.296 Obviously they want things like hygiene, some other stuff, but 00:06:14.296 --> 00:06:17.376 they'd like to see confidence and they like to see personality. 00:06:17.736 --> 00:06:19.146 Russ: Uh, and it took me a while to learn that. 00:06:19.436 --> 00:06:24.806 So, yeah, you, you have some gorgeous folks that, um, you have an opportunity 00:06:24.806 --> 00:06:27.866 to connect with, but you don't because you're quietly sitting in the 00:06:27.866 --> 00:06:29.276 corner and you're nervous about it. 00:06:29.456 --> 00:06:32.366 Like a high schooler sitting on a, the wall. 00:06:32.426 --> 00:06:32.756 Right. 00:06:32.846 --> 00:06:33.026 The prom. 00:06:33.026 --> 00:06:33.506 Yeah. 00:06:33.986 --> 00:06:37.946 So it brings about, like it brings back those emotions from when you 00:06:37.946 --> 00:06:40.106 were in junior high and high school. 00:06:40.286 --> 00:06:40.796 Yeah. 00:06:41.066 --> 00:06:45.236 Like it brings those nerves back that we've hadn't had to deal with in 00:06:45.656 --> 00:06:47.126 decades, but they still live there. 00:06:47.156 --> 00:06:48.506 'cause you didn't learn anything different. 00:06:48.506 --> 00:06:48.626 Right. 00:06:48.996 --> 00:06:49.596 Right. 00:06:49.656 --> 00:06:54.516 So I had a good friend of mine, Jim Vance, who pointed out who, he's a, he's 00:06:54.516 --> 00:06:58.776 a life coach and a men's coach, and he does a lot of work with a lot of people. 00:06:58.776 --> 00:07:03.276 Rob: But he pointed out that our emotional intelligence stops. 00:07:03.276 --> 00:07:04.476 At age six. 00:07:04.526 --> 00:07:10.526 Unless we do the work ourselves, it's life experiences that bring our EQ up. 00:07:10.736 --> 00:07:11.036 Okay. 00:07:11.036 --> 00:07:15.496 But we've all seen it where men have, their temper tantrums. 00:07:15.616 --> 00:07:16.696 Like we've both seen it. 00:07:16.846 --> 00:07:17.416 I've done it. 00:07:17.416 --> 00:07:18.046 Yeah. 00:07:18.236 --> 00:07:19.766 And that's just. 00:07:19.766 --> 00:07:23.156 At that moment, we didn't have that emotional intelligence 00:07:23.156 --> 00:07:25.286 to deal with that situation. 00:07:25.286 --> 00:07:30.336 Now, after we get through that, we process it and we learned from it. 00:07:30.396 --> 00:07:33.996 But yeah, he said it was like six or eight, I forget the exact 00:07:33.996 --> 00:07:35.766 age, but it was really young. 00:07:35.766 --> 00:07:36.366 Pretty damn young. 00:07:36.426 --> 00:07:40.296 It was PR really young and that pre boner and yeah, for sure. 00:07:40.626 --> 00:07:44.636 Russ: And I, when he told me that, it really made me think about a lot 00:07:44.636 --> 00:07:47.996 of the situations that how I've dealt with things, how I've seen other 00:07:47.996 --> 00:07:50.696 people deal with things good and bad. 00:07:50.696 --> 00:07:56.433 And I think that's a big one, is we fear rejection so much that it's 00:07:56.643 --> 00:08:01.923 such a hit on our ego that nine times outta 10, and again, generalizing. 00:08:01.923 --> 00:08:06.498 As men, we will take opportunity over attraction almost every time. 00:08:06.528 --> 00:08:06.978 Every time. 00:08:06.978 --> 00:08:11.718 I absolutely, and sometimes that throws our couple balance off. 00:08:12.018 --> 00:08:12.228 Yes. 00:08:12.288 --> 00:08:14.928 Because I'm looking at it from an opportunity perspective and their 00:08:14.928 --> 00:08:18.588 opportunity there actually becomes an attraction for me because now I've 00:08:18.588 --> 00:08:22.218 opened up, I've let down my guard and I can talk to the person that 00:08:22.268 --> 00:08:26.288 Rob: attracted to for the opportunity, but it's not necessarily and I don't 00:08:26.288 --> 00:08:28.568 want this to sound wrong, but it wouldn't have been somebody else 00:08:28.568 --> 00:08:30.968 that I might have gone across the room for 'cause I was too afraid to. 00:08:31.028 --> 00:08:31.388 Right. 00:08:31.388 --> 00:08:35.408 So they're not necessarily the socially acceptable. 00:08:35.718 --> 00:08:37.008 A really hot person. 00:08:37.368 --> 00:08:37.788 Right. 00:08:37.788 --> 00:08:43.578 But as we talk to them and get to know them as human beings, 00:08:43.578 --> 00:08:45.048 they get so much hotter. 00:08:45.138 --> 00:08:46.218 They get very hot. 00:08:46.458 --> 00:08:47.268 Oh my gosh. 00:08:47.388 --> 00:08:52.428 They're like, and at the end of the day, they, they really are just fantastic. 00:08:52.428 --> 00:08:52.878 Fantastic. 00:08:52.878 --> 00:08:55.698 Like, like I never even thought this could have been possible hot. 00:08:55.818 --> 00:08:55.908 Right. 00:08:55.908 --> 00:08:56.298 Yeah. 00:08:56.348 --> 00:09:00.988 One time early on we had gone to a party and there was a woman who was a beautiful 00:09:00.988 --> 00:09:03.148 woman and I asked her if I could kiss her. 00:09:03.148 --> 00:09:04.378 'Cause I'm always about consent. 00:09:04.378 --> 00:09:05.038 You, may I kiss you? 00:09:05.038 --> 00:09:05.128 Yes. 00:09:05.518 --> 00:09:05.918 And she said no. 00:09:07.588 --> 00:09:12.778 And that, that bruised me hard early on and I was like, okay, 00:09:13.138 --> 00:09:14.308 you know, I'm, I'll move on. 00:09:14.308 --> 00:09:14.818 That's fine. 00:09:14.818 --> 00:09:17.188 And I kind of, you know, went off into the corner and I was, 00:09:17.518 --> 00:09:19.048 you know, Hmm, she won't kiss me. 00:09:19.048 --> 00:09:19.828 Okay, fine. 00:09:20.178 --> 00:09:21.258 and I got in my head about it. 00:09:21.408 --> 00:09:22.818 Well come to find out later on. 00:09:22.848 --> 00:09:25.188 It was a different, it was a different situation. 00:09:25.188 --> 00:09:28.853 She couldn't kiss me 'cause she was in a Dom/sub environment. 00:09:29.153 --> 00:09:32.703 And she asks, needs to ask approval for that. 00:09:32.913 --> 00:09:34.923 And I didn't know so good for her. 00:09:34.923 --> 00:09:35.823 She's That's fine. 00:09:36.123 --> 00:09:38.793 I didn't understand that dynamic. 00:09:38.983 --> 00:09:42.303 And so it bruised me from a male ego perspective and a 00:09:42.303 --> 00:09:43.773 confidence perspective right. 00:09:43.773 --> 00:09:44.343 Russ: At that point. 00:09:44.343 --> 00:09:45.933 So, and now I understand it going forward. 00:09:45.963 --> 00:09:46.353 Right. 00:09:46.563 --> 00:09:48.513 But also I, that has a couple points to it. 00:09:48.573 --> 00:09:51.033 One good for her for holding her boundaries. 00:09:51.033 --> 00:09:51.123 Right. 00:09:51.183 --> 00:09:55.143 With her partner and not worrying about your feelings 'cause that's their 00:09:55.143 --> 00:09:56.763 boundaries and what you feel like. 00:09:56.763 --> 00:09:57.153 That was great. 00:09:57.183 --> 00:09:58.383 Isn't her problem, right? 00:09:58.383 --> 00:09:58.443 Yeah. 00:09:58.503 --> 00:09:59.583 In hindsight now I know. 00:09:59.588 --> 00:09:59.908 Like I know all that. 00:10:00.003 --> 00:10:03.003 So that's one thing we've always said is you can't be afraid to 00:10:03.003 --> 00:10:04.323 hurt someone else's feelings. 00:10:04.593 --> 00:10:08.043 Especially something as simple as a kiss. 00:10:08.043 --> 00:10:08.133 Mm-hmm. 00:10:08.133 --> 00:10:12.093 Once that, once you cross a boundary that brings, like with your partner, 00:10:12.093 --> 00:10:17.793 that's trust, that's, you know, dishonesty that, I mean, it's a big deal. 00:10:18.123 --> 00:10:19.893 Rob: So good for her. 00:10:20.373 --> 00:10:21.813 And then, but then. 00:10:23.943 --> 00:10:26.613 You got all your feelings because you felt rejected. 00:10:26.943 --> 00:10:27.033 Yeah. 00:10:27.033 --> 00:10:28.263 And didn't know the situation. 00:10:28.443 --> 00:10:29.733 And it was early on for me too. 00:10:29.763 --> 00:10:32.733 So I'm already trying to build confidence and then I hit this hurdle. 00:10:32.973 --> 00:10:33.303 Yeah. 00:10:33.423 --> 00:10:33.543 Yeah. 00:10:33.573 --> 00:10:34.923 So I've had something similar. 00:10:34.923 --> 00:10:39.553 It wasn't necessarily that it was, but it was, I asked to 00:10:39.553 --> 00:10:42.763 kiss a woman and she told me no. 00:10:42.793 --> 00:10:46.033 But it was because that was, they were a no kissing couple. 00:10:46.213 --> 00:10:46.513 Right. 00:10:46.513 --> 00:10:48.583 And which is, if she tells you that, that's great. 00:10:48.588 --> 00:10:51.283 And, and she, and that and real like, I didn't feel bruised. 00:10:51.313 --> 00:10:52.513 'cause that's how she kind of worded it. 00:10:52.513 --> 00:10:53.953 She's like, oh, we don't kiss. 00:10:54.013 --> 00:10:54.943 That's how she worded it. 00:10:55.123 --> 00:10:55.183 Yeah. 00:10:55.183 --> 00:10:55.993 Like, Okay. 00:10:56.293 --> 00:10:57.073 Like cool. 00:10:57.193 --> 00:10:59.143 And we kept dancing and having a good time, but, right. 00:10:59.563 --> 00:10:59.953 Yeah. 00:10:59.983 --> 00:11:01.933 So as long as, say bring up. 00:11:01.933 --> 00:11:02.443 Boundaries. 00:11:02.443 --> 00:11:05.773 One, it's not your responsibility to know her boundaries. 00:11:05.773 --> 00:11:06.823 Right, right. 00:11:06.883 --> 00:11:07.153 Yeah. 00:11:07.323 --> 00:11:09.153 It's like you, she should be sharing you. 00:11:09.153 --> 00:11:10.203 That's why we ask. 00:11:10.203 --> 00:11:13.053 But it's not we, that's why we asked for consent because we don't 00:11:13.053 --> 00:11:14.313 know the other person's boundaries. 00:11:14.313 --> 00:11:14.643 Russ: Correct. 00:11:14.643 --> 00:11:16.203 So there's that. 00:11:16.603 --> 00:11:17.703 Two, good for her. 00:11:17.733 --> 00:11:18.993 Good for you for asking consent. 00:11:19.023 --> 00:11:21.363 Good for her for holding the boundary. 00:11:21.663 --> 00:11:26.043 And then it brought up this whole different dial ogue between everybody. 00:11:26.043 --> 00:11:26.613 Right, right. 00:11:26.883 --> 00:11:27.123 Yeah. 00:11:27.123 --> 00:11:27.133 Yeah. 00:11:27.573 --> 00:11:30.003 And it, it took a while for me to understand what was going on. 00:11:30.363 --> 00:11:30.603 Yeah. 00:11:30.663 --> 00:11:32.603 So, you know, I'm kind of like, oh, wow that sucked. 00:11:32.603 --> 00:11:34.043 Rob: Like go to the next party. 00:11:34.043 --> 00:11:35.543 I'm like, I'm not asking anybody anymore. 00:11:35.543 --> 00:11:37.673 It's like, I'm just gonna go hide in the corner and Lindsey can have fun. 00:11:37.673 --> 00:11:43.673 So I leave, like I've created kind of situations that could cause those 00:11:43.673 --> 00:11:46.523 emotions to people in group situations. 00:11:46.523 --> 00:11:52.663 Because, so for example, last time we did any group play, and all the guys, you 00:11:52.663 --> 00:11:56.023 know, taking their clothes off, this and that, and everybody's starting to migrate 00:11:56.023 --> 00:11:58.363 to the bed and they were starting to kiss. 00:11:58.363 --> 00:12:00.253 And I'm like, whoa, everybody. 00:12:00.253 --> 00:12:00.703 And everybody's like. 00:12:01.573 --> 00:12:03.463 You know, everybody perks their ear, like, thinks something wrong. 00:12:03.463 --> 00:12:04.423 I'm like, no. 00:12:04.423 --> 00:12:06.283 I'm like, this is cool. 00:12:06.283 --> 00:12:11.753 I just need to know if anybody has boundaries that I don't want to cross. 00:12:12.033 --> 00:12:13.473 What are everybody's limits? 00:12:13.473 --> 00:12:14.883 What are everybody's boundaries? 00:12:15.363 --> 00:12:21.153 So I, I don't want to unintentionally cross one and make it cause any drama. 00:12:21.153 --> 00:12:24.723 And everybody was kind of taken off by it at first. 00:12:24.723 --> 00:12:28.713 And then it, everybody started kind of talking about it like, well, like 00:12:28.713 --> 00:12:31.203 we're, it was a group and we're all pretty comfortable each other anyways. 00:12:31.203 --> 00:12:31.263 Yeah. 00:12:31.293 --> 00:12:34.013 But it was, no butt stuff. 00:12:34.133 --> 00:12:34.643 Cool. 00:12:34.793 --> 00:12:35.603 That's a boundary. 00:12:36.043 --> 00:12:36.253 Yep. 00:12:36.983 --> 00:12:37.903 That is a boundary. 00:12:38.193 --> 00:12:38.933 Like cool. 00:12:39.143 --> 00:12:39.893 And then. 00:12:40.333 --> 00:12:43.753 That was really like we talked about protection, stuff like that. 00:12:43.753 --> 00:12:49.693 And, but by me doing that, I open the door for say a woman be like, 00:12:50.083 --> 00:12:55.183 yeah, so I only wanna play with this person, this person, and this person. 00:12:55.183 --> 00:12:55.363 Right. 00:12:55.363 --> 00:12:56.413 Everybody not included. 00:12:56.443 --> 00:12:57.463 'cause there was. 00:12:57.463 --> 00:13:01.213 12 people in that room that there's a lot of people that could have got 00:13:01.213 --> 00:13:02.443 their heat feelings hurt, right. 00:13:02.443 --> 00:13:03.133 Because of that. 00:13:03.313 --> 00:13:03.583 Right. 00:13:03.583 --> 00:13:07.393 And but again, it's their responsibility to deal with those feelings, not 00:13:07.393 --> 00:13:08.743 the persons that has the boundary. 00:13:08.983 --> 00:13:09.193 Right. 00:13:09.193 --> 00:13:10.663 And they shouldn't feel bad about that either. 00:13:10.663 --> 00:13:11.683 They shouldn't feel bad about it. 00:13:11.833 --> 00:13:12.313 Absolutely. 00:13:12.343 --> 00:13:16.303 And that's somebody that's kind of owned what we were talking about just before 00:13:16.303 --> 00:13:18.583 was the attraction versus opportunity. 00:13:18.793 --> 00:13:21.913 That's somebody that puts attraction over opportunity. 00:13:21.913 --> 00:13:24.373 And they may have other reasons too, and they might have other reasons. 00:13:24.373 --> 00:13:27.553 There might be something they might had a bad experience with somebody 00:13:27.553 --> 00:13:30.733 in the room, or they wanna make sure they, they have the three people 00:13:30.733 --> 00:13:32.563 that they've been wanting to be with. 00:13:32.893 --> 00:13:33.253 Yes. 00:13:33.253 --> 00:13:34.903 And they know they're gonna tap out at some point. 00:13:34.953 --> 00:13:39.423 We have really close friends that do group play in private settings 00:13:39.423 --> 00:13:42.063 only with people they already know. 00:13:42.303 --> 00:13:42.603 Right? 00:13:42.603 --> 00:13:45.963 Like everybody talks and they'll say like, we don't do orgies. 00:13:46.023 --> 00:13:46.893 We don't do orgies. 00:13:46.893 --> 00:13:48.063 They'll tell everybody, we don't do orgies. 00:13:48.063 --> 00:13:48.603 We don't do that. 00:13:48.903 --> 00:13:50.013 No, they do. 00:13:50.013 --> 00:13:55.563 They just don't do 'em say in public because he is worried that something's 00:13:55.563 --> 00:13:58.743 going to happen to her so much that. 00:13:58.743 --> 00:14:00.063 And he doesn't wanna get arrested. 00:14:00.063 --> 00:14:00.543 Basically. 00:14:00.543 --> 00:14:00.963 That's it. 00:14:01.263 --> 00:14:04.833 He's like, if somebody does something wrong to my wife, I, I don't want wanna. 00:14:04.838 --> 00:14:05.343 It might get violent. 00:14:05.343 --> 00:14:06.243 It might get violent. 00:14:06.243 --> 00:14:06.393 Yeah. 00:14:06.633 --> 00:14:08.853 And he's like, that's why we only play with people we're comfortable 00:14:08.853 --> 00:14:09.933 with this and that, yada yada. 00:14:09.933 --> 00:14:10.323 I'm like, right. 00:14:10.383 --> 00:14:11.043 Get it, man. 00:14:11.093 --> 00:14:16.713 That's why when in say a party setting and they're there and they'll say, 00:14:16.713 --> 00:14:19.083 we know we're going to an orgy. 00:14:19.173 --> 00:14:21.423 That's in a public room, they're not gonna be there. 00:14:21.423 --> 00:14:22.053 Just know it. 00:14:22.143 --> 00:14:22.683 They just know it. 00:14:22.683 --> 00:14:23.163 They move on. 00:14:23.283 --> 00:14:23.643 Yeah. 00:14:23.673 --> 00:14:24.153 Yeah, yeah. 00:14:24.243 --> 00:14:27.063 They might go to bed, they might keep partying, they might do whatever. 00:14:27.253 --> 00:14:30.613 We'll probably connect later, but we know they're not gonna be there. 00:14:30.763 --> 00:14:31.033 Right. 00:14:31.963 --> 00:14:34.633 And uh, but yeah, that's one of their things. 00:14:34.633 --> 00:14:37.363 They don't do any public play ' cause they're worried, he's worried about, 00:14:37.423 --> 00:14:40.123 he's worried about in case somebody they weren't really familiar with 00:14:40.123 --> 00:14:41.413 does something that he wasn't that. 00:14:41.473 --> 00:14:46.033 Or like, we've been in situations where single guy just kind of walks up and 00:14:46.033 --> 00:14:50.953 starts, you know, touching on somebody's, and somebody's gotta police that. 00:14:50.953 --> 00:14:52.573 And, and then he might not like that. 00:14:52.573 --> 00:14:54.643 We, we police it pretty well. 00:14:54.823 --> 00:14:54.883 Yeah. 00:14:54.883 --> 00:14:57.133 As soon as somebody sees it, like, whoa, like, did somebody 00:14:57.133 --> 00:14:58.903 say we, you could touch? 00:14:59.173 --> 00:14:59.263 Right. 00:14:59.263 --> 00:15:01.933 You know, we'll, we'll stop it immediately. 00:15:01.933 --> 00:15:04.993 But he's a very emotional guy, put it that way. 00:15:05.728 --> 00:15:06.258 Fair enough. 00:15:06.463 --> 00:15:09.238 And that's his prized person. 00:15:09.658 --> 00:15:12.268 And he is afraid that if something like that happens that he 00:15:12.268 --> 00:15:13.318 won't, he's protective of it. 00:15:13.318 --> 00:15:13.588 Yes. 00:15:13.618 --> 00:15:13.978 Yes. 00:15:14.038 --> 00:15:14.668 Understandable. 00:15:14.698 --> 00:15:15.058 Yes. 00:15:15.118 --> 00:15:17.008 So let's use that as a segue. 00:15:17.008 --> 00:15:21.958 So talk about guys in group situations, anxiety and performance. 00:15:22.098 --> 00:15:22.488 You know, yes. 00:15:22.848 --> 00:15:24.588 What, what does that look for you? 00:15:25.638 --> 00:15:32.498 For me, if I get distracted or anxious, I have trouble. 00:15:32.858 --> 00:15:33.768 I get performance anxiety. 00:15:33.768 --> 00:15:34.398 I do like, I can't. 00:15:34.398 --> 00:15:35.808 Get or stay hard period. 00:15:35.808 --> 00:15:35.898 Yep. 00:15:36.648 --> 00:15:43.668 Um, I have to, you know, either move myself, calm down, ground 00:15:43.668 --> 00:15:46.388 myself, and I can return. 00:15:46.658 --> 00:15:50.648 Sometimes it takes a little bit of help from medications. 00:15:50.653 --> 00:15:50.663 Mm-hmm. 00:15:50.663 --> 00:15:52.796 Tried numerous, and they all work for me. 00:15:52.846 --> 00:15:56.836 I've had prescriptions for just about every, just for performance anxiety. 00:15:56.836 --> 00:15:58.876 I call 'em my swinger insurance. 00:15:58.876 --> 00:15:59.386 That's fair. 00:15:59.416 --> 00:15:59.866 Yeah. 00:16:00.116 --> 00:16:02.276 Because part of my ego. 00:16:02.276 --> 00:16:04.946 Is one, you don't wanna be that guy. 00:16:04.946 --> 00:16:05.876 No one wants to be that guy. 00:16:05.876 --> 00:16:06.866 Nobody wants to be that guy. 00:16:07.136 --> 00:16:07.796 Russ: Two. 00:16:08.036 --> 00:16:13.736 So I've had a situation where that we were, it was, I think there was 00:16:13.826 --> 00:16:18.176 three or four couples in a room, and there was a really big crowd watching. 00:16:18.176 --> 00:16:21.506 I got in my head the first time you look at that crowd, all I got in my 00:16:21.506 --> 00:16:23.276 head changes, everything was great. 00:16:23.276 --> 00:16:25.136 It got in my head and. 00:16:25.136 --> 00:16:29.546 I lost everything and what didn't hurt really hurt my ego 00:16:29.546 --> 00:16:30.716 because I knew what was going on. 00:16:30.716 --> 00:16:32.696 I've dealt like, I've already processed that. 00:16:32.696 --> 00:16:33.476 I'm like, I'm good. 00:16:33.926 --> 00:16:38.306 What bothered me the most is how it made the woman I was 00:16:38.306 --> 00:16:39.266 with feel, because she thought. 00:16:39.851 --> 00:16:43.271 She automatically assumed it was because of her. 00:16:44.471 --> 00:16:47.921 I'm like, no, that's not, she's, and she like, and I tried to reassure 00:16:47.921 --> 00:16:48.791 her like, that's not the case. 00:16:48.841 --> 00:16:51.871 I'm just in my head that's not, she's like, happens to me all the time. 00:16:51.871 --> 00:16:52.291 It's okay. 00:16:52.711 --> 00:16:53.281 I'm like, no. 00:16:53.281 --> 00:16:54.571 It's like, stop that. 00:16:55.631 --> 00:16:56.441 No. 00:16:56.741 --> 00:16:59.831 But yeah, she just automatically assumed it was because of her. 00:16:59.831 --> 00:17:02.651 I wasn't attracted to her, which wasn't the case. 00:17:02.711 --> 00:17:03.731 It's just, but. 00:17:03.731 --> 00:17:07.091 And I think a lot of women have been in that situation as well. 00:17:07.271 --> 00:17:11.051 And I was like, I have no, they can hide it differently and I, I don't mean hide 00:17:11.051 --> 00:17:12.401 it, but they want to enjoy the situation. 00:17:12.401 --> 00:17:14.861 They can enjoy the situation, but they may not be as turned on 00:17:14.861 --> 00:17:16.031 as they were when they started. 00:17:16.481 --> 00:17:17.351 Um, yeah. 00:17:17.351 --> 00:17:18.506 And, but we won't know. 00:17:18.506 --> 00:17:18.776 Yeah. 00:17:18.776 --> 00:17:22.556 They know when we are not, when we're, it's not that we're not turned on, 00:17:22.556 --> 00:17:24.326 it's we can't perform, you know? 00:17:24.386 --> 00:17:24.626 Yeah. 00:17:24.776 --> 00:17:25.406 We're in our head about. 00:17:25.586 --> 00:17:27.986 Blood's going everywhere else, but our cocks Yeah. 00:17:27.986 --> 00:17:28.916 Is what it boils down to. 00:17:29.156 --> 00:17:36.546 So again, one of the last orgies Ashley and I were in, she called me out. 00:17:36.846 --> 00:17:40.361 She brought me back, which is kudos to her for recognizing it. 00:17:40.601 --> 00:17:42.821 'cause I was with Ashley when it started. 00:17:42.941 --> 00:17:43.061 Mm-hmm. 00:17:43.061 --> 00:17:45.921 And we were having a, I was having a great time, but then there is 00:17:45.921 --> 00:17:49.551 so much going around on, I'm like, this, your head's on a swivel. 00:17:49.671 --> 00:17:50.601 And I'm just like, what? 00:17:50.601 --> 00:17:52.961 And she's and Ashley, she's, and she's like look at me. 00:17:53.111 --> 00:17:54.491 Look here, here. 00:17:54.611 --> 00:17:55.331 Focus. 00:17:55.391 --> 00:17:56.141 Focus. 00:17:56.261 --> 00:17:57.731 I'm like, I'm your partner right now. 00:17:57.826 --> 00:17:58.046 Kay. 00:17:58.271 --> 00:17:58.631 Kay. 00:17:58.901 --> 00:18:02.321 Because there was, I mean, there was people walking by, there's this 00:18:02.321 --> 00:18:05.441 person over here doing this, this, I mean, there's so much going on. 00:18:06.281 --> 00:18:12.851 It's group play is very overstimulating and she caught me at the perfect 00:18:12.851 --> 00:18:15.641 moment and brought me back and we. 00:18:15.641 --> 00:18:19.931 I didn't have any issues after the fact, but after she did that, 'cause 00:18:19.931 --> 00:18:25.271 I could feel myself like, okay, like, okay, you're in your head now. 00:18:25.271 --> 00:18:26.051 Yeah. 00:18:26.291 --> 00:18:27.801 And then she, kudos to Ashley. 00:18:27.831 --> 00:18:30.261 'cause she brought me back and she's like, focus. 00:18:30.261 --> 00:18:32.931 She's like, you're here with me. 00:18:33.001 --> 00:18:34.231 Stop focus here. 00:18:34.501 --> 00:18:34.951 You know? 00:18:35.431 --> 00:18:36.991 And then we did that. 00:18:36.991 --> 00:18:40.766 And then we, took a quick like couple minute break. 00:18:40.766 --> 00:18:44.546 I had a sip of water or whatever before, and then we kind of 00:18:44.546 --> 00:18:46.436 started mingling with other people. 00:18:46.436 --> 00:18:48.116 Like it was the perfect, just kind of a reset. 00:18:48.146 --> 00:18:52.226 Yeah, it was really just like a reset and it was like, okay, we're good now. 00:18:52.316 --> 00:18:53.456 Like I'm good now. 00:18:53.636 --> 00:18:56.996 But yeah, I've had the situation where a couple times. 00:18:56.996 --> 00:19:00.716 And that's the only reason why I started experimenting with this 00:19:00.716 --> 00:19:05.426 prescription say Viagra, Cialis, Trimix. 00:19:05.576 --> 00:19:07.136 Those are only three I've really, those are the big ones. 00:19:07.136 --> 00:19:08.606 Yeah, those are the big ones. 00:19:08.656 --> 00:19:10.486 Those the ones that I've had prescriptions for. 00:19:10.916 --> 00:19:14.646 But that's the only reason I got into those, started looking in 'cause 00:19:14.646 --> 00:19:17.616 when we're in private, I have zero problems. 00:19:17.616 --> 00:19:18.606 Zero problems myself. 00:19:18.696 --> 00:19:18.906 Yeah. 00:19:18.906 --> 00:19:19.266 Private. 00:19:19.386 --> 00:19:23.106 It's usually even if it's like just another couple zero problems. 00:19:23.226 --> 00:19:25.056 Yeah, it's usually the group situations. 00:19:25.296 --> 00:19:29.026 And uh, the very first time I had a problem was a group situation where it was 00:19:29.026 --> 00:19:30.376 like, things are going along swimmingly. 00:19:30.376 --> 00:19:31.906 And Lindsey right there at my shoulder. 00:19:31.906 --> 00:19:33.736 She's like, yeah, I like what's going on here? 00:19:33.736 --> 00:19:34.756 You know, I'm with another woman. 00:19:34.996 --> 00:19:36.031 And it was like, woo. 00:19:36.031 --> 00:19:38.366 Like I have no idea what just happened. 00:19:38.366 --> 00:19:38.666 You know? 00:19:38.666 --> 00:19:40.556 There's like three or four other couples in the room. 00:19:40.796 --> 00:19:41.336 Yeah. 00:19:41.336 --> 00:19:44.066 Everyone seems to be excited but me right now. 00:19:44.156 --> 00:19:44.456 Yeah. 00:19:44.456 --> 00:19:45.116 And then that was that. 00:19:45.116 --> 00:19:47.816 And then Lindsey and I went back to the room and, you know, we were able to. 00:19:47.816 --> 00:19:52.676 Finish or erectify the situation, rectify the situation for both of us and move on. 00:19:52.996 --> 00:19:53.746 Absolutely. 00:19:54.076 --> 00:19:56.146 Uh, and we have done the same thing. 00:19:56.146 --> 00:20:02.556 Uh, I've, uh, tried both cls and viagra and they um, ahead of any situation 00:20:02.556 --> 00:20:04.056 at this point, just to be sure. 00:20:04.086 --> 00:20:06.186 'cause I don't know if it's gonna be a group situation or not. 00:20:06.516 --> 00:20:09.006 Uh, I don't normally need it if it's just she and I or if it's 00:20:09.006 --> 00:20:10.296 just another couple, whatever. 00:20:10.596 --> 00:20:12.096 Uh, I just want to be prepared. 00:20:12.156 --> 00:20:12.516 Yeah. 00:20:12.516 --> 00:20:14.856 In case it's a very, so I always have. 00:20:14.976 --> 00:20:15.516 Sit. 00:20:15.516 --> 00:20:18.246 A big situation where there's a lot of distractions. 00:20:18.366 --> 00:20:18.666 Yeah. 00:20:18.936 --> 00:20:20.616 Like I said, I call it my insurance. 00:20:20.676 --> 00:20:20.766 Yeah. 00:20:20.766 --> 00:20:23.646 I might not necessarily need it, but when I need it, I need it. 00:20:23.886 --> 00:20:28.236 Now that being said, for everyone listening or watching, I have a 00:20:28.236 --> 00:20:30.396 doctor prescribe prescriptions. 00:20:30.396 --> 00:20:32.796 Please, please, please listen to for these medications. 00:20:32.796 --> 00:20:38.771 Yeah, do not get one from your friend or somebody that you're in, 00:20:38.801 --> 00:20:40.631 you know, a play situation with. 00:20:41.111 --> 00:20:44.981 'cause you don't know what possible side effects that you might have. 00:20:45.011 --> 00:20:47.321 That's why they are Doctor prescribed. 00:20:47.321 --> 00:20:47.711 Agreed. 00:20:47.711 --> 00:20:48.811 Uh, you wanna make sure that you know, it's. 00:20:49.311 --> 00:20:50.781 It's not an expired pill. 00:20:50.841 --> 00:20:52.551 Uh, 'cause those can have issues too. 00:20:52.581 --> 00:20:52.911 Yeah. 00:20:52.971 --> 00:20:55.161 Uh, all sorts of different things, so Yeah, absolutely. 00:20:55.221 --> 00:20:57.471 Taking a prescription medication, I mean, when you're dealing with 00:20:57.471 --> 00:21:01.191 medications that deal ba basically they are blood pressure medication. 00:21:01.311 --> 00:21:01.491 Yeah. 00:21:01.541 --> 00:21:06.671 So if you have any type of underlying heart conditions and stuff like that, 00:21:06.671 --> 00:21:10.781 like that, like if I came like Rob, like. 00:21:11.046 --> 00:21:11.346 I'm good. 00:21:11.346 --> 00:21:15.216 Like you want one, like it's fine and you're like, yeah, sure. 00:21:15.216 --> 00:21:16.756 And then you have a heart attack, gimme. 00:21:17.226 --> 00:21:20.316 You go have a heart attack because you know your blood pressure 00:21:20.316 --> 00:21:23.916 dropped or whatever it is and boy Russ is gonna feel bad. 00:21:23.916 --> 00:21:24.426 Yeah. 00:21:24.636 --> 00:21:25.176 I can't be old guy. 00:21:25.176 --> 00:21:25.986 No one wants that. 00:21:26.316 --> 00:21:31.416 No one's having, but anybody going having a stroke or a heart attack or whatever. 00:21:31.416 --> 00:21:33.336 In a playroom or period. 00:21:33.516 --> 00:21:33.576 Yeah. 00:21:33.576 --> 00:21:34.836 But yeah. 00:21:34.836 --> 00:21:35.916 And that really kills the mood. 00:21:35.976 --> 00:21:36.306 Yeah. 00:21:36.366 --> 00:21:39.696 Well, and there's lasting effects of these pills. 00:21:39.726 --> 00:21:44.856 Like I know if I, once I, a night I take a Viagra, I feel it the next 00:21:44.856 --> 00:21:47.346 day still, oh, easily 36 to 48 hours. 00:21:47.376 --> 00:21:47.706 Yeah. 00:21:48.096 --> 00:21:51.546 And I'm not sure that Lindsey still understands that effect yet. 00:21:51.546 --> 00:21:55.451 See, and honestly, I try communicating that to her like, and that, 00:21:55.571 --> 00:22:00.561 like me and Ashley can just keep going all day, the day after. 00:22:00.561 --> 00:22:01.161 It's great. 00:22:01.411 --> 00:22:03.661 Especially if it's a two day event and the first day I take a 00:22:03.661 --> 00:22:06.451 Viagra, that second day is so good. 00:22:07.531 --> 00:22:09.211 Like Everybody's going to eat lunch and stuff. 00:22:09.211 --> 00:22:10.261 Me and Ashley are in the room. 00:22:10.891 --> 00:22:10.951 Yeah. 00:22:11.551 --> 00:22:14.571 But yeah, so I just wanted to preface well. 00:22:14.616 --> 00:22:18.066 I guess it's not preface 'cause I said it after the fact, but I wanted 00:22:18.221 --> 00:22:23.106 reinforce, reinforce the fact that these are doctor prescribed medications. 00:22:23.106 --> 00:22:26.736 If you are curious about them, talk to your doctor about them. 00:22:27.066 --> 00:22:33.101 Or there's also places like Blue Chew, shameless Care, ent, which 00:22:33.281 --> 00:22:37.596 all have physicians to be able to ask these types of questions about. 00:22:37.596 --> 00:22:38.676 So I just want to. 00:22:38.676 --> 00:22:39.096 Say that. 00:22:39.096 --> 00:22:42.431 So, so I want to, I do wanna circle back 'cause um, you know, they, 00:22:42.521 --> 00:22:46.931 you talked about, you know, that, uh, the woman thought maybe it was 00:22:46.961 --> 00:22:48.581 her originally when you mm-hmm. 00:22:48.821 --> 00:22:49.601 From that time. 00:22:49.601 --> 00:22:55.391 And, um, a lot of women do understand and they see this, um, with guys. 00:22:55.391 --> 00:22:58.181 So I would say they, they are usually very understanding, I think. 00:22:58.181 --> 00:23:01.511 And she, she specifically said, you know, yeah, I get that. 00:23:01.511 --> 00:23:02.681 I had that problem too. 00:23:02.921 --> 00:23:04.451 No, she said to me. 00:23:04.511 --> 00:23:05.951 It happens to me all the time. 00:23:06.011 --> 00:23:10.361 Happens to me all the time, which I'm like, like, which tells me like, and 00:23:10.361 --> 00:23:15.136 she's in, she got in her head because she was saying that she thought it was her 00:23:15.276 --> 00:23:17.681 was, she was a problem, was not the case. 00:23:17.921 --> 00:23:18.641 Rob: And I felt, got it. 00:23:18.641 --> 00:23:20.291 So bad in that situation. 00:23:20.321 --> 00:23:22.751 I'm like, but there's really, at that point, there's nothing I could 00:23:22.751 --> 00:23:24.911 do except her to be like, no, stop. 00:23:25.181 --> 00:23:25.631 You know? 00:23:25.661 --> 00:23:25.841 Yeah. 00:23:25.841 --> 00:23:28.751 I can do other things and that might actually help me. 00:23:28.811 --> 00:23:29.081 Yeah. 00:23:29.081 --> 00:23:29.651 Get back going. 00:23:29.651 --> 00:23:31.001 That usually helps me get back going. 00:23:31.006 --> 00:23:31.236 So, yeah. 00:23:31.451 --> 00:23:36.161 So, but yeah, that was, that was uh, not so much a hit to my ego, but I, 00:23:36.401 --> 00:23:41.861 there's a bad memory I have 'cause I felt like me, my performance anxiety 00:23:41.861 --> 00:23:43.721 made someone else feel bad. 00:23:43.751 --> 00:23:44.051 Yeah. 00:23:44.051 --> 00:23:45.281 Which is a whole different thing. 00:23:45.281 --> 00:23:48.191 I remember the, the first time it happened to me. 00:23:48.281 --> 00:23:52.001 Um, I think the one story I related, I was actually thinking 00:23:52.001 --> 00:23:53.351 back at even further back. 00:23:53.621 --> 00:23:54.161 Um. 00:23:54.291 --> 00:23:55.541 Lindsey and I were having a problem. 00:23:56.021 --> 00:23:58.661 Um, and so I was with a woman. 00:23:58.661 --> 00:24:02.531 We were in a group situation and Lindsey wasn't in the room with me at the time, 00:24:02.531 --> 00:24:06.551 and I knew this woman and she knew me, and finally she goes, what's going on? 00:24:06.551 --> 00:24:08.621 ' cause I, I wasn't getting up, right? 00:24:08.621 --> 00:24:11.306 Like we, I needed a correct something. 00:24:11.696 --> 00:24:14.156 So I told her, I said, you know, Lynz is in another room and you 00:24:14.156 --> 00:24:17.216 know, we're, we got a little thing, you know, between us, whatever. 00:24:17.456 --> 00:24:18.446 And she goes, okay, stop. 00:24:18.446 --> 00:24:19.526 Like you need to go be with her. 00:24:19.526 --> 00:24:20.996 Go be with your wife. 00:24:21.176 --> 00:24:21.626 Um, yeah. 00:24:21.626 --> 00:24:23.126 And that'll fix things up for you. 00:24:23.396 --> 00:24:24.146 They're pretty quick. 00:24:24.566 --> 00:24:25.856 And usually that is the case. 00:24:25.856 --> 00:24:26.756 Like That was the case. 00:24:26.786 --> 00:24:32.396 And that is so again, me like in that situation where me not. 00:24:32.396 --> 00:24:36.566 Or say losing my heart on or not being able to get hard is not that 00:24:36.566 --> 00:24:39.416 person that's not my wife's problem. 00:24:39.626 --> 00:24:42.536 It is my problem and my wife's problem. 00:24:42.581 --> 00:24:42.671 Right. 00:24:42.671 --> 00:24:43.061 Like that. 00:24:43.066 --> 00:24:44.411 To to, to rectify. 00:24:44.531 --> 00:24:44.681 Yeah. 00:24:44.711 --> 00:24:45.521 Or e rectify. 00:24:45.521 --> 00:24:45.971 I love that. 00:24:46.961 --> 00:24:48.191 Uh, get some shirts made. 00:24:48.581 --> 00:24:52.191 Yes, but trademark Hot coupled cup one by HBV or ABV. 00:24:52.191 --> 00:24:52.201 HPV. 00:24:53.771 --> 00:24:54.371 Hot, but vanilla. 00:25:04.241 --> 00:25:06.146 Russ: But yeah, so it really isn't. 00:25:08.076 --> 00:25:09.336 Say, where was I at? 00:25:09.336 --> 00:25:12.216 We started, we, we went down a side road right there. 00:25:12.216 --> 00:25:12.546 We did. 00:25:12.546 --> 00:25:13.086 That's okay. 00:25:13.086 --> 00:25:13.506 That's fine. 00:25:13.866 --> 00:25:16.596 It's funny, we, we always talk about how we should just be recording 00:25:16.596 --> 00:25:19.296 all the time because we always have great conversations when the 00:25:19.296 --> 00:25:21.066 camera and the microphones are off. 00:25:21.126 --> 00:25:21.636 Yes. 00:25:21.766 --> 00:25:25.216 Rob: All right, so now let's talk about confidence. 00:25:25.246 --> 00:25:28.746 How do you give your confidence a boost? 00:25:28.746 --> 00:25:32.886 Because I know how I do it, and I think we do it in raw, basically the same 00:25:32.886 --> 00:25:38.166 way, but because we have our day-to-day vanilla lives, it it, and then. 00:25:38.166 --> 00:25:44.726 If you say we have stretches where we don't do any lifestyle stuff for a while 00:25:45.086 --> 00:25:49.836 and when we're going getting ready for a pineapple weekend or event or something 00:25:49.836 --> 00:25:52.326 like that, I'm not at my most confident. 00:25:52.536 --> 00:25:58.626 I am just beat down from work and life and everything. 00:25:58.626 --> 00:26:01.326 How do you overcome that? 00:26:01.326 --> 00:26:04.041 So if I take that scenario, I'm not sure that I can overcome it 00:26:04.101 --> 00:26:07.611 and I hear exactly what you're saying, especially since, um, we. 00:26:08.061 --> 00:26:13.041 Had, you know, gone to so many different events, it kind of got easier to like 00:26:13.101 --> 00:26:16.401 pack and get ready and mentally, and so when they're stacked like one on top of 00:26:16.401 --> 00:26:18.681 the other, on top of the other, on top of the other, it's like, I mean, maybe 00:26:18.681 --> 00:26:22.701 a couple every couple weeks or maybe every month or so, um, you, it is pretty 00:26:22.701 --> 00:26:25.581 easy to quickly get into the mindset. 00:26:25.791 --> 00:26:27.986 I go through a mental checklist of the things I want to have. 00:26:29.101 --> 00:26:32.071 All the things kind of build myself up and, you know, look myself in 00:26:32.071 --> 00:26:34.321 the mirror and say, yeah, I'm happy with what I see, kind of thing. 00:26:34.681 --> 00:26:37.861 Um, but if it's been a while, um, sometimes it's like we're just 00:26:37.861 --> 00:26:39.121 gonna see what the fuck happens. 00:26:39.121 --> 00:26:39.391 Yeah. 00:26:39.391 --> 00:26:40.291 Is what it boils down to. 00:26:40.291 --> 00:26:40.351 Russ: Yeah. 00:26:40.351 --> 00:26:42.211 It's like we're gonna see what happens. 00:26:42.501 --> 00:26:46.401 And I'm gonna ultimately forget something, which is why I, you know, my boxes. 00:26:47.151 --> 00:26:47.271 Yeah. 00:26:47.271 --> 00:26:51.351 So anybody that doesn't know Rob or been in a party with Rob, Rob brings. 00:26:52.001 --> 00:26:52.781 Everything. 00:26:53.921 --> 00:26:54.671 Everything. 00:26:55.601 --> 00:26:58.751 You have a what, two or three totes on a cart that you pull? 00:26:58.751 --> 00:26:59.111 Two, three. 00:26:59.261 --> 00:27:01.181 And that's just from like the room box? 00:27:01.241 --> 00:27:02.201 Yeah, that's the room box. 00:27:02.201 --> 00:27:02.726 That's the emergency stuff. 00:27:03.266 --> 00:27:03.486 Um. 00:27:05.231 --> 00:27:08.261 That is um, shit, 00:27:13.451 --> 00:27:17.321 our, uh, so you can't see anything. 00:27:17.681 --> 00:27:24.011 I love my wife, but our wives just came out with their boobs out. 00:27:24.491 --> 00:27:25.511 I can't show you. 00:27:25.541 --> 00:27:30.731 There were boobies because this is PG 13 and it was very distracting. 00:27:30.791 --> 00:27:31.416 There were boobies. 00:27:33.086 --> 00:27:35.276 So I do, I do bring a box of everything. 00:27:35.456 --> 00:27:36.296 Yes you do. 00:27:36.296 --> 00:27:39.716 Um, and somebody will say, do you have a dry erase marker? 00:27:39.776 --> 00:27:41.096 Yes, I have a dry erase marker. 00:27:41.186 --> 00:27:41.276 Yes. 00:27:41.396 --> 00:27:43.046 Do you have tape for my heels? 00:27:43.046 --> 00:27:43.736 For my shoes? 00:27:43.736 --> 00:27:44.006 Yes. 00:27:44.006 --> 00:27:44.876 I have tape for your heels. 00:27:45.266 --> 00:27:48.536 Uh, well, and so in the rare occasion, 'cause this has been. 00:27:48.861 --> 00:27:50.211 A progression. 00:27:50.271 --> 00:27:50.901 Yes. 00:27:51.381 --> 00:27:55.821 So in the rare times we'll be like, Rob, do you have this? 00:27:55.881 --> 00:27:57.741 He'd be like, no. 00:27:57.741 --> 00:27:59.271 Well, that's going in the box. 00:27:59.271 --> 00:28:02.056 I now have a measuring, I have a measuring cup in my box, like 00:28:02.056 --> 00:28:03.076 why do I have a measuring cup? 00:28:03.436 --> 00:28:04.216 Because I might need it. 00:28:04.276 --> 00:28:06.016 Because you might need it to make jello shots. 00:28:06.016 --> 00:28:06.376 That's right. 00:28:06.891 --> 00:28:07.991 You can make jello shots. 00:28:08.896 --> 00:28:09.916 You never know. 00:28:09.946 --> 00:28:10.216 No. 00:28:10.216 --> 00:28:11.506 Uh, yeah, it gets kind of silly. 00:28:11.776 --> 00:28:13.756 Um, but I still have room in the box for more. 00:28:13.786 --> 00:28:13.966 Rob: Yes. 00:28:13.966 --> 00:28:15.836 Uh, so we, what we're talking about is, how do we get 00:28:15.836 --> 00:28:17.591 ready to show up and show up? 00:28:17.596 --> 00:28:17.666 Yeah. 00:28:17.936 --> 00:28:21.376 One of the things that helped me early on was discovering that. 00:28:21.716 --> 00:28:25.056 I should do more than put on my dad clothes when we go out. 00:28:25.236 --> 00:28:25.296 Yeah. 00:28:25.326 --> 00:28:31.216 And that helped a lot to feel good about myself going out finding an appropriate 00:28:31.216 --> 00:28:37.076 outfit, shoes really dressing up more than a golf shirt and pants, slacks. 00:28:37.081 --> 00:28:37.201 Yeah. 00:28:37.466 --> 00:28:37.706 Yeah. 00:28:37.986 --> 00:28:43.046 My journey is like it's, we think of the same way, but I started dressing 00:28:43.046 --> 00:28:45.026 like that before I got in a lifestyle. 00:28:45.026 --> 00:28:47.996 I started dressing like that when I lost a whole bunch of weight. 00:28:48.026 --> 00:28:50.366 You felt good about yourself and I felt good about myself. 00:28:50.426 --> 00:28:50.486 Yeah. 00:28:50.486 --> 00:28:53.726 When we got in the lifestyle, my confidence was already up here. 00:28:54.446 --> 00:28:57.726 Now get putting in myself in a completely different situation that 00:28:57.726 --> 00:29:00.786 I had never been in before, put my confidence down a little bit. 00:29:01.506 --> 00:29:05.146 Yeah, but I got the, kinda like you have the reputation with with your 00:29:05.146 --> 00:29:10.486 shoes and your jacket and just your sparkly shirt or whatever it may 00:29:10.486 --> 00:29:12.346 be for that in particular night. 00:29:12.346 --> 00:29:12.916 Nail polish. 00:29:13.011 --> 00:29:19.546 Russ: We, we know, like we know you're dressing in something that's fabulous. 00:29:19.546 --> 00:29:20.296 That's the best way I can put it. 00:29:20.686 --> 00:29:22.666 Something in your outfit's gonna be fabulous. 00:29:22.666 --> 00:29:24.376 I literally have two closets of clothes now. 00:29:24.406 --> 00:29:27.746 When we were going to a whole bunch of different events and parties, whatever, 00:29:27.956 --> 00:29:29.906 I was always the one that was in a tie. 00:29:29.906 --> 00:29:35.196 Sports coat, a dinner jacket a waist coat, something, a three piece suit. 00:29:35.226 --> 00:29:41.106 I was the one that was always dressed up and that kind of became my mo 00:29:41.106 --> 00:29:43.086 and that's what I felt the best in. 00:29:43.146 --> 00:29:48.611 That's how I put my mental state in the best place where I 00:29:48.611 --> 00:29:50.411 could put my best foot forward. 00:29:50.441 --> 00:29:52.061 How was that received for you? 00:29:52.811 --> 00:30:01.221 So for me, I think it was mixed reviews, but so women, I found. 00:30:02.121 --> 00:30:02.751 Loved it. 00:30:04.331 --> 00:30:07.961 The guy that was in the golf shirt and khakis hated it. 00:30:08.591 --> 00:30:08.861 Right? 00:30:08.921 --> 00:30:13.121 It's, why are you, why are you so dressed up, this and that? 00:30:13.121 --> 00:30:14.891 I'm like, this is what I feel comfortable in. 00:30:14.891 --> 00:30:15.731 Like, are you hot? 00:30:16.091 --> 00:30:18.131 Uh, I'm a little warm, but you know what? 00:30:18.401 --> 00:30:19.481 It's gonna come off later. 00:30:19.481 --> 00:30:19.491 Right? 00:30:19.491 --> 00:30:20.511 Like likely Lee. 00:30:20.691 --> 00:30:21.231 Yeah. 00:30:21.621 --> 00:30:22.491 And then, but. 00:30:22.491 --> 00:30:25.011 Again, I'm a person about details. 00:30:25.011 --> 00:30:27.681 So like when I wear a tie, I have a Trinity Knot. 00:30:27.711 --> 00:30:28.701 I like your Trinity Knot. 00:30:28.701 --> 00:30:29.361 I, yeah. 00:30:29.421 --> 00:30:32.181 You know, I wear French cuffs shirts. 00:30:32.211 --> 00:30:34.011 So I have cuff links. 00:30:34.011 --> 00:30:40.076 I have lapel pins and pocket squares and little acts like that's what. 00:30:40.076 --> 00:30:40.766 I like her. 00:30:40.766 --> 00:30:44.366 The little details that once somebody actually looks at what I'm wearing, 00:30:44.366 --> 00:30:47.306 they're like, oh, he put a lot of time and effort into the outfit. 00:30:47.396 --> 00:30:48.266 Kudos to that guy. 00:30:48.296 --> 00:30:49.646 He's probably somebody I wanna talk to. 00:30:49.676 --> 00:30:50.636 Yeah, exactly. 00:30:50.906 --> 00:30:55.611 And that's, I don't know how many times like, I love that lapel pin. 00:30:55.641 --> 00:30:56.541 Where'd you get that? 00:30:56.901 --> 00:30:59.001 Or what is your cuff link? 00:30:59.001 --> 00:31:02.631 Because I have cuff links that Ashley got me years ago 00:31:02.991 --> 00:31:05.341 that are just gun metal steel. 00:31:05.341 --> 00:31:06.511 They say daddy on them. 00:31:07.591 --> 00:31:08.591 They're laser etched. 00:31:08.611 --> 00:31:09.571 It says daddy on 'em. 00:31:09.601 --> 00:31:09.961 Nice. 00:31:09.961 --> 00:31:10.261 Like what? 00:31:10.321 --> 00:31:13.591 Then they, and they, you can't really tell they's like a square cuff link, 00:31:13.831 --> 00:31:16.591 but when they hit the light just right, you can see it says something. 00:31:16.621 --> 00:31:16.891 Yeah. 00:31:17.161 --> 00:31:18.181 And I had one like. 00:31:18.181 --> 00:31:18.956 What do those say? 00:31:18.956 --> 00:31:19.796 I'm like, oh, here. 00:31:19.796 --> 00:31:22.706 And she'd be like, and loved them, loved them. 00:31:22.706 --> 00:31:26.546 I'm like, yeah, my wife got 'em for me for anniversary or 00:31:26.546 --> 00:31:27.626 something a couple years ago. 00:31:27.906 --> 00:31:33.076 This start starts conversation and then, come to find out those people. 00:31:33.076 --> 00:31:36.016 They were also in a DS dynamic. 00:31:36.016 --> 00:31:38.896 Rob: And so it started a whole conversation of friendship there. 00:31:39.356 --> 00:31:44.486 I've had, you know, once the guy, like the guys realize, like biggest compliment 00:31:44.486 --> 00:31:46.131 I get from the guys is the Trinity Knot. 00:31:46.131 --> 00:31:47.061 That's the biggest thing. 00:31:47.331 --> 00:31:50.121 Women pay attention to small details, guys don't. 00:31:51.621 --> 00:31:51.861 Yeah. 00:31:52.041 --> 00:31:52.911 And they're like, what's that? 00:31:52.941 --> 00:31:54.201 They're like, oh my God, look at that tie. 00:31:54.201 --> 00:31:56.271 I thought you were just some guy and just a regular tie. 00:31:56.271 --> 00:31:56.691 What, what? 00:31:56.841 --> 00:31:57.561 How'd you do that? 00:31:57.561 --> 00:31:57.921 This and that. 00:31:57.921 --> 00:31:58.491 I'm like, oh, it's easy. 00:31:58.491 --> 00:31:59.001 I can show you. 00:32:01.101 --> 00:32:01.761 It takes practice. 00:32:02.451 --> 00:32:04.941 It does take practice now when you, it works really good with a vest too. 00:32:05.056 --> 00:32:05.276 Yes. 00:32:05.541 --> 00:32:05.901 Yes. 00:32:05.901 --> 00:32:06.621 'cause it gets short. 00:32:06.621 --> 00:32:07.341 The tie gets short. 00:32:07.401 --> 00:32:07.761 Yes. 00:32:07.761 --> 00:32:08.331 Long torso 00:32:08.331 --> 00:32:08.901 guys like me. 00:32:08.901 --> 00:32:09.681 I need a longer tie. 00:32:09.681 --> 00:32:11.091 Yeah, I, I can see that. 00:32:11.091 --> 00:32:11.271 Yeah. 00:32:11.721 --> 00:32:11.931 But. 00:32:12.321 --> 00:32:14.811 Yeah, I wish you don't have a vest on you, then you have a tie up here. 00:32:16.521 --> 00:32:17.181 You're right, you're right. 00:32:18.081 --> 00:32:24.771 But that's how I always put my best foot forward where it was really taking 00:32:24.771 --> 00:32:27.501 time and thinking of like the theme. 00:32:27.501 --> 00:32:34.701 How do I make that theme something that I'm comfortable in without looking like 00:32:34.701 --> 00:32:38.121 I didn't put any effort into the outfit. 00:32:38.301 --> 00:32:39.201 Russ: It's a good icebreaker. 00:32:39.681 --> 00:32:40.341 There's that. 00:32:40.346 --> 00:32:48.216 Yeah, and also, especially when it comes to the women's optics from it. 00:32:49.506 --> 00:32:50.286 We both see it. 00:32:50.646 --> 00:32:53.406 Our wives spend hours getting ready. 00:32:54.426 --> 00:32:54.546 Yeah. 00:32:56.526 --> 00:32:59.976 Why would they waste their time to talk to a guy that spent 00:32:59.976 --> 00:33:01.956 five minutes to throw a polo on? 00:33:02.136 --> 00:33:02.466 Right. 00:33:04.011 --> 00:33:08.481 They spent hours getting ready, trying to look absolutely beautiful 00:33:09.381 --> 00:33:10.851 to get ready for this party. 00:33:13.041 --> 00:33:19.341 And then some schmuck comes in and a polo and khakis and freaking loafers. 00:33:19.391 --> 00:33:21.881 You could be just going to Walmart in that outfit. 00:33:22.061 --> 00:33:24.851 But that's my, is I want to. 00:33:25.331 --> 00:33:29.621 Like they spend a lot of time on their outfits and getting ready, 00:33:29.621 --> 00:33:31.716 spend at least five more minutes before I can, I can least, at least 00:33:31.716 --> 00:33:37.901 spend the 30 minutes of making sure everything's shaved and trimmed. 00:33:38.171 --> 00:33:40.601 And if I had hair, I'd do my hair better. 00:33:40.601 --> 00:33:43.631 I, yeah, I mean that's just how I think about it. 00:33:43.631 --> 00:33:48.506 And some, some people don't care or think about it that way. 00:33:48.506 --> 00:33:49.856 They're like, oh, it's just a party. 00:33:49.856 --> 00:33:51.086 We're gonna get naked anyways. 00:33:51.146 --> 00:33:53.696 Well, it's everything that leads up to that. 00:33:54.011 --> 00:33:55.261 It's mood setting, right? 00:33:55.916 --> 00:33:56.146 Yeah, it's, yeah. 00:33:56.876 --> 00:34:04.136 To me, my favorite part is the buildup to the play. 00:34:04.436 --> 00:34:04.736 Yeah. 00:34:05.036 --> 00:34:06.746 That is my favorite part. 00:34:06.926 --> 00:34:08.006 I wanna be excited. 00:34:08.186 --> 00:34:08.786 Yes. 00:34:08.966 --> 00:34:11.696 I want to, you know, I don't wanna necessarily say, okay, 00:34:11.696 --> 00:34:12.686 we're just gonna turn it on. 00:34:12.926 --> 00:34:14.996 I want to have that buildup piece of it. 00:34:15.096 --> 00:34:19.896 That buildup also kind of alleviates the whole performance anxiety side of it. 00:34:19.926 --> 00:34:20.616 Oh, absolutely. 00:34:21.276 --> 00:34:25.746 If you, and the everybody you're with is into it and it's been building up for 00:34:26.316 --> 00:34:32.976 a couple hours, or if we're in chats or text message group or whatever, where 00:34:33.021 --> 00:34:39.306 we've been building up to a re-meet or something like that for months. 00:34:39.356 --> 00:34:43.046 Those are the things that I enjoy about the lifestyle. 00:34:43.046 --> 00:34:48.236 That whole buildup and suspense and that butterfly feeling, and 00:34:48.286 --> 00:34:52.756 dressing in the best way gives me a lot of times, a couple hours 00:34:52.756 --> 00:34:54.346 with somebody to have that feeling. 00:34:55.276 --> 00:34:55.696 For sure. 00:34:56.326 --> 00:34:56.746 Yeah. 00:34:57.056 --> 00:34:58.976 And it absolutely helps with my confidence. 00:34:59.186 --> 00:34:59.576 Yes. 00:34:59.576 --> 00:35:03.366 That's, you know, I feel much better 'cause I know that I'm looking good. 00:35:04.476 --> 00:35:05.976 I feel good about how I look. 00:35:06.386 --> 00:35:08.096 And it, it helps a lot. 00:35:08.306 --> 00:35:11.696 Well, That's, I think, and we, you guys said it, I think we've 00:35:11.696 --> 00:35:14.456 said it is dress to impress. 00:35:14.546 --> 00:35:15.896 You're there to impress somebody. 00:35:16.046 --> 00:35:16.286 Yeah. 00:35:16.496 --> 00:35:21.056 Even if it's just your, if it's your partner, you're there to impress somebody. 00:35:21.326 --> 00:35:26.396 You're there to have fun with somebody, so why not dress to impress? 00:35:28.696 --> 00:35:29.596 That's my hot take. 00:35:30.226 --> 00:35:31.096 Dress better guys. 00:35:31.096 --> 00:35:31.576 Dress better. 00:35:31.576 --> 00:35:32.116 Do better. 00:35:32.386 --> 00:35:32.626 Yeah. 00:35:32.686 --> 00:35:33.226 Good job. 00:35:33.226 --> 00:35:33.676 Do better. 00:35:33.676 --> 00:35:33.976 Alright. 00:35:33.976 --> 00:35:37.936 Before we wrap this up, I'm gonna ask Rob a few rapid fire questions. 00:35:38.326 --> 00:35:39.286 Just spit it out. 00:35:39.286 --> 00:35:40.246 First thing on top of your head. 00:35:41.236 --> 00:35:42.346 No overthinking it. 00:35:42.886 --> 00:35:44.896 Just out of pocket. 00:35:45.496 --> 00:35:45.986 Let it go. 00:35:45.986 --> 00:35:46.081 Just let it go. 00:35:47.486 --> 00:35:48.796 Instant attraction or buildup? 00:35:50.236 --> 00:35:50.596 Buildup. 00:35:51.776 --> 00:35:52.576 Looks or energy. 00:35:53.146 --> 00:35:53.566 Energy. 00:35:54.016 --> 00:35:54.916 Confident or chill? 00:35:56.416 --> 00:35:57.256 Hmm. 00:35:57.616 --> 00:35:58.096 Chill. 00:35:59.506 --> 00:36:00.496 Flirty or direct? 00:36:01.726 --> 00:36:02.146 Shit. 00:36:04.651 --> 00:36:04.871 Yes. 00:36:06.601 --> 00:36:06.951 Right. 00:36:07.221 --> 00:36:07.841 Flirty or direct. 00:36:07.901 --> 00:36:09.241 I'm gonna, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go direct. 00:36:09.461 --> 00:36:10.081 I'm going direct. 00:36:10.216 --> 00:36:11.296 Yes, but yes. 00:36:11.416 --> 00:36:11.836 All right. 00:36:12.586 --> 00:36:14.476 Eye contact from across the room. 00:36:14.716 --> 00:36:15.076 Wait. 00:36:15.076 --> 00:36:15.886 Or make your move? 00:36:18.016 --> 00:36:18.436 Wait. 00:36:19.226 --> 00:36:20.746 Ooo see if they make the first move. 00:36:22.816 --> 00:36:24.976 If one partners into it, the other one isn't. 00:36:24.976 --> 00:36:25.816 Continue or stop. 00:36:25.846 --> 00:36:26.326 Stop. 00:36:28.576 --> 00:36:31.396 Ever been turned off Mid situation. 00:36:32.026 --> 00:36:32.596 Hmm. 00:36:33.586 --> 00:36:35.926 That one's a hard on the rapid fire. 00:36:36.256 --> 00:36:37.276 Have I been turned off? 00:36:37.276 --> 00:36:37.786 Yes. 00:36:38.146 --> 00:36:40.726 Ever going along with it just not to kill the vibe. 00:36:43.816 --> 00:36:46.786 Gotta think about that a sec. No. 00:36:47.656 --> 00:36:48.046 Really? 00:36:48.106 --> 00:36:50.056 I have, I have. 00:36:51.346 --> 00:36:53.296 Rob: Is no drama realistic? 00:36:54.976 --> 00:36:56.056 Is no drama. 00:36:56.056 --> 00:36:56.656 Yes. 00:36:57.196 --> 00:36:58.426 I think that it is too. 00:36:58.456 --> 00:36:59.656 It is very realistic. 00:36:59.656 --> 00:37:01.456 No drama is realistic. 00:37:01.886 --> 00:37:03.266 I believe that's all I got. 00:37:03.296 --> 00:37:06.056 But, But I think so as well. 00:37:06.056 --> 00:37:06.536 I think. 00:37:07.706 --> 00:37:08.456 This is Hobby. 00:37:08.556 --> 00:37:09.036 It's fun. 00:37:09.096 --> 00:37:18.726 Yeah, so I think miscommunication stems the drama and it's usually, it's, 00:37:18.876 --> 00:37:23.496 it shouldn't be a miscommunication between two separate couples. 00:37:23.496 --> 00:37:26.916 It should be, it's probably gonna be miscommunication within a couple. 00:37:27.066 --> 00:37:28.086 That's where. 00:37:28.086 --> 00:37:30.336 Yes, the drama lives, generally speaking. 00:37:30.336 --> 00:37:31.236 Generally speaking, yeah. 00:37:31.236 --> 00:37:32.646 The drama usually. 00:37:34.706 --> 00:37:45.411 It starts between a couple in itself, but again, we talked, we touched on emotional 00:37:45.501 --> 00:37:47.121 intelligence and stuff like that. 00:37:47.631 --> 00:37:52.341 If they don't have the EQ to deal with it internally, they start bringing people in. 00:37:53.111 --> 00:37:55.241 Russ: We don't bring our, we don't bring anybody in. 00:37:55.421 --> 00:37:58.961 We would bring you and Ashley in if we needed to talk through 00:37:58.961 --> 00:37:59.891 something and needed help. 00:37:59.891 --> 00:38:02.141 So I think you we're friends. 00:38:02.141 --> 00:38:02.951 Yeah, we're friends. 00:38:02.951 --> 00:38:03.731 Like we're close. 00:38:03.731 --> 00:38:09.431 I think only time you would come to us in that situation is if you more or 00:38:09.431 --> 00:38:15.701 less are, you can't seem to meet a happy medium and you need some type of mediator. 00:38:15.701 --> 00:38:15.761 Yeah. 00:38:15.761 --> 00:38:17.501 To see from a differences. 00:38:17.681 --> 00:38:17.741 Yeah. 00:38:17.831 --> 00:38:22.291 It's not so much for our advice or but that's not what you, what we have to say. 00:38:22.291 --> 00:38:26.011 I think it would really just be for, to see it from a different perspective. 00:38:26.401 --> 00:38:27.601 To give you guys a, from people we trust. 00:38:27.631 --> 00:38:28.831 Yeah, from people you trust. 00:38:28.831 --> 00:38:31.831 But it's not gonna be a random couple that you just met, like no 00:38:32.191 --> 00:38:33.586 day or night before or that night. 00:38:33.606 --> 00:38:34.266 No, no. 00:38:34.266 --> 00:38:37.171 You're, but I'm saying again, check it at the door and go home and figure it out. 00:38:37.201 --> 00:38:37.621 Yeah. 00:38:37.621 --> 00:38:44.261 I think that is, say again, we've been in this space for a minute. 00:38:44.261 --> 00:38:48.941 We've seen some crazy stuff happen and it's always been from 00:38:49.991 --> 00:38:56.531 relatively newer couples that haven't done the work themselves. 00:38:58.031 --> 00:38:58.541 Understood. 00:38:58.691 --> 00:39:05.911 Like, we've seen some crazy situations and that's where how me and Ashley 00:39:06.061 --> 00:39:09.031 came up with that's a them problem. 00:39:09.031 --> 00:39:09.301 Right. 00:39:09.671 --> 00:39:14.021 Because especially Ashley, me, I can be like, alright, bye. 00:39:14.021 --> 00:39:14.411 See ya. 00:39:14.861 --> 00:39:18.791 Ashley's so empathetic towards situations. 00:39:20.021 --> 00:39:23.621 I have to pull Ashley back 'cause she's just wants to help. 00:39:23.681 --> 00:39:24.191 She wants to. 00:39:24.281 --> 00:39:24.431 Yeah. 00:39:24.431 --> 00:39:25.241 She, she, she's a helper. 00:39:25.271 --> 00:39:26.141 She's a, a helper. 00:39:26.141 --> 00:39:31.751 She wants everybody to be happy and have fun and everybody love everybody. 00:39:32.081 --> 00:39:34.276 And I have to pull her back like, no. 00:39:35.246 --> 00:39:36.206 That's a them thing. 00:39:36.326 --> 00:39:37.406 That's a them problem. 00:39:38.096 --> 00:39:39.206 And this is a US thing. 00:39:39.776 --> 00:39:40.196 Let's go. 00:39:40.376 --> 00:39:40.616 Yep. 00:39:41.016 --> 00:39:44.016 They reach out to us later and ask us a couple questions, we 00:39:44.016 --> 00:39:46.096 can help, give 'em our input. 00:39:46.186 --> 00:39:49.096 But like right now, I'm not getting involved in that. 00:39:49.616 --> 00:39:53.276 The emotions are too high for us to get involved in that. 00:39:53.486 --> 00:39:57.146 Irish like, like we do like Anything But Vanilla and Irish goodbyes. 00:39:57.146 --> 00:39:57.806 We've done that. 00:39:58.571 --> 00:39:59.441 It was like, all right, bye. 00:39:59.441 --> 00:40:00.311 We did that. 00:40:00.581 --> 00:40:05.381 And it wasn't because of any situation or emotions or anything, 00:40:05.381 --> 00:40:10.731 but when we were done at that party we went to in South Carolina mm-hmm. 00:40:10.731 --> 00:40:12.386 We really didn't know anybody there. 00:40:12.981 --> 00:40:13.371 Right. 00:40:13.371 --> 00:40:15.291 So like we knew the people. 00:40:15.321 --> 00:40:18.951 We met the people that were hosting it a few times, but we 00:40:19.071 --> 00:40:20.091 didn't know them, know them. 00:40:20.481 --> 00:40:21.651 And like, we just dipped. 00:40:22.266 --> 00:40:23.811 Like, I'm like, you ready to go? 00:40:23.811 --> 00:40:24.771 Like, yeah, I'm ready to go. 00:40:24.776 --> 00:40:25.401 I'm like, all right, let's go. 00:40:25.761 --> 00:40:28.761 We just kind, unless you make a connection with somebody or you did 00:40:28.761 --> 00:40:32.301 some flirting ahead of time or something where you actually know people. 00:40:32.331 --> 00:40:32.661 Yeah. 00:40:32.691 --> 00:40:34.791 Um, it's, you know, for, for us, it's. 00:40:35.176 --> 00:40:39.076 Very, very, very, very rare that there's a DTF situation for us. 00:40:39.196 --> 00:40:43.606 Um, and yeah, it's, it happens from time to time, but for the 00:40:43.606 --> 00:40:46.966 most part, we want to be connected and understand who people are. 00:40:47.206 --> 00:40:51.046 So, yeah, I don't consider us a DTF couple. 00:40:53.536 --> 00:40:58.441 We might play the first time we meet, but that means there was 00:40:58.441 --> 00:41:00.571 some type of connection, right? 00:41:00.811 --> 00:41:01.621 Or an attraction. 00:41:01.621 --> 00:41:03.781 And like, we're all, everybody's excited? 00:41:03.781 --> 00:41:04.771 Were they flirty and direct? 00:41:05.701 --> 00:41:06.001 Yes. 00:41:06.001 --> 00:41:07.291 They were flirty and direct. 00:41:07.681 --> 00:41:11.951 And so were, we like, and once you and you've been there, you've, yeah. 00:41:11.951 --> 00:41:16.801 You know it's so rare to find like that four way connection 00:41:16.801 --> 00:41:18.331 where everybody clicks. 00:41:18.331 --> 00:41:21.691 It's like, oh, alright, this is, this doesn't happen all the time. 00:41:21.691 --> 00:41:25.321 We're going to make sure, let's, let, let's make it happen. 00:41:25.351 --> 00:41:25.561 Yeah. 00:41:26.191 --> 00:41:27.331 So, but opportunity. 00:41:27.361 --> 00:41:28.711 Yeah, it's opportunity. 00:41:29.671 --> 00:41:31.831 But that's opportunity and attraction. 00:41:31.831 --> 00:41:31.851 And attraction. 00:41:31.891 --> 00:41:32.521 Exactly. 00:41:32.521 --> 00:41:35.851 So, And that's flirty in direct and that opportunity and attraction and 00:41:35.851 --> 00:41:38.211 that is really the real unicorn. 00:41:39.111 --> 00:41:39.291 Right. 00:41:39.291 --> 00:41:41.031 That is the real unicorn in the lifestyle. 00:41:41.091 --> 00:41:42.141 Rob: It's fun when it happens. 00:41:42.231 --> 00:41:43.191 It is, yeah. 00:41:43.251 --> 00:41:43.611 But. 00:41:44.096 --> 00:41:47.816 So I think a lot of people, I get very bouncy when that happens. 00:41:47.816 --> 00:41:51.416 You know, those that are all done, you're like, Hey, we, it's like, this is great. 00:41:51.416 --> 00:41:52.166 Yeah. 00:41:52.216 --> 00:41:54.766 But I can't make it happen all the time and I don't wanna make it happen. 00:41:54.766 --> 00:42:00.266 So was it couple nights ago me and Ashley were on our back porch, like 00:42:00.266 --> 00:42:06.596 we are at home and we were talking about something lifestyle, and 00:42:06.996 --> 00:42:11.156 I'm like going, when was our last swap? 00:42:11.206 --> 00:42:16.546 True like just swap where we both came out of it like that was a great time? 00:42:17.146 --> 00:42:17.446 Yeah. 00:42:18.616 --> 00:42:23.236 And we had to think about it like, like, 'cause I mean, one, we don't 00:42:23.236 --> 00:42:25.146 really couple swap very often. 00:42:25.266 --> 00:42:27.696 We do a lot of group play. 00:42:27.696 --> 00:42:29.736 Group play, play with friends or play with friends. 00:42:30.006 --> 00:42:31.896 It was usually more than just one couple thing. 00:42:31.896 --> 00:42:32.286 Right, right. 00:42:32.286 --> 00:42:32.496 Yeah. 00:42:32.586 --> 00:42:36.576 And so we had to think about when the last swap and we found it, we remembered, 00:42:37.746 --> 00:42:39.306 but we had to actually think about it. 00:42:39.306 --> 00:42:41.946 It's not like a Oh, it was these people. 00:42:42.931 --> 00:42:46.081 I asked the question, she's like, when was it? 00:42:46.081 --> 00:42:47.191 We had to go back. 00:42:47.191 --> 00:42:50.611 We would hit the timeline and we're like, all right, who's the la Like 00:42:50.611 --> 00:42:52.321 who's the last couple we swapped with? 00:42:52.371 --> 00:42:57.921 We talked about it and like, and we, and we went back in time till we found them. 00:42:57.921 --> 00:42:58.881 I'm like, yeah, okay. 00:42:58.881 --> 00:42:59.961 That was the good one. 00:42:59.961 --> 00:43:01.131 That was that one was it? 00:43:01.761 --> 00:43:02.571 Russ: That one was it. 00:43:04.161 --> 00:43:05.691 But there was a lot of sweating. 00:43:06.561 --> 00:43:06.981 There was. 00:43:07.521 --> 00:43:07.941 There was. 00:43:08.886 --> 00:43:10.686 It was, it was good. 00:43:10.986 --> 00:43:11.586 It was good. 00:43:11.616 --> 00:43:11.826 Yeah. 00:43:12.306 --> 00:43:17.016 But anyways, before we get too far off the rails and I get, 00:43:17.556 --> 00:43:19.686 and we get kicked off a YouTube. 00:43:19.686 --> 00:43:21.126 I want to thank Rob. 00:43:21.276 --> 00:43:22.956 Thank you for hanging out with me. 00:43:22.986 --> 00:43:23.136 Yeah. 00:43:23.366 --> 00:43:28.546 Everybody go check out their website which is anything but vanilla dot life. 00:43:28.946 --> 00:43:32.186 They are on YouTube and Spotify. 00:43:32.336 --> 00:43:37.876 Anything but vanilla podcast, they just released their season two episode one. 00:43:37.876 --> 00:43:38.476 There you go. 00:43:38.476 --> 00:43:38.941 With the two year gap. 00:43:38.941 --> 00:43:39.166 There you go. 00:43:39.526 --> 00:43:39.821 There you go. 00:43:39.881 --> 00:43:43.386 It was a two year gap, two year gap, which as you guys know, we took a 00:43:43.386 --> 00:43:45.666 sabbatical as well, so I'm not judging. 00:43:45.696 --> 00:43:47.136 We know it's a lot. 00:43:47.196 --> 00:43:47.826 It's a lot. 00:43:48.246 --> 00:43:50.376 Anybody that does a podcast understands. 00:43:50.561 --> 00:43:51.311 It's a lot. 00:43:51.311 --> 00:43:53.381 And we'll be together on Fresh Fridays. 00:43:53.441 --> 00:43:53.861 Yes. 00:43:53.861 --> 00:43:59.851 Every third Friday of the month, we are hosting a themed event at Trapeze Atlanta. 00:43:59.901 --> 00:44:04.611 We have a Google Doc if you wanna come early for a 00:44:04.676 --> 00:44:06.506 tour if you've never been there before. 00:44:07.016 --> 00:44:08.486 Uh, We'll get you in early. 00:44:08.486 --> 00:44:09.896 We will get you everything set up. 00:44:09.896 --> 00:44:17.016 You get a tour of the club and you get our exclusive discount, which is listed on our 00:44:17.066 --> 00:44:19.366 both our websites and yeah, on the posts. 00:44:19.366 --> 00:44:19.846 So, yeah. 00:44:20.536 --> 00:44:22.936 That being said, it's not that serious. 00:44:23.386 --> 00:44:24.136 Don't make it weird. 00:44:24.136 --> 00:44:24.796 All right guys. 00:44:24.916 --> 00:44:25.636 Thanks for coming in. 00:44:25.636 --> 00:44:25.936 Bye.