This week on Hot Couple Chronicles.
This week we are going to talk about something that we get asked about.
And it is one of the main topics of all the questions and all the
things that we get.
It's about jealousy.
If you're feeling jealous, dig inside yourself.
Yeah.
Probably a you thing.
You have some kind of fear of abandonment or that someone's going to be better
than you or bigger than you or you know, I've seen jealousy does some crazy
stuff to people.
Jealousy isn't your worst enemy.
It's what you do with the jealousy.
We always say this lifestyle can make or break your relationship and it does it
very quickly.
We've noticed.
I mean, you'll know pretty fast if it's going to work out or not.
The ultimate prize is how close we've become.
Yeah.
What you get out of working through it and dealing with it and getting through
jealousy and all the bad feels so you can have all the good feels together.
Welcome to Hot Couple Chronicles, a podcast exploring the
swinging lifestyle.
Our discussions may contain explicit content and adult themes intended for
mature audiences.
While we strive to offer valuable insights and entertainment, please be aware
that the views expressed are based on personal experiences and opinions.
We encourage listeners to approach the content with an open mind and to
prioritize communication, consent, and respect in their relationships.
Remember everyone's journey is unique.
So take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't.
Thank you for joining us on our adventure.
I'm Russ.
And I'm Ashley.
And this is Hot Couple Chronicles.
Happy Wednesday.
Thanks for coming back.
We appreciate you.
So last week we talked with Robin Lindsay and we covered your birthday weekend.
So now that you've had some time to let everything really soak in, cause we got
it fresh, fresh, we recorded it like in the midst of it.
It was a lot to, I was like overwhelmed in a good way, but speechless still.
But I can't say I'm not, it was such a good weekend.
I want to do it again, like a redo.
Same.
Well, like another one right now.
I need a redo.
I'm ready.
It's been a couple of weeks.
It's time to go back.
But yeah, we're busy planning all sorts of plans with our friends.
Everybody's like, when can we get together again?
We need to see you now.
So I don't know.
We'll see.
Yeah.
I just, this whole work in every weekend thing really puts a diaper on it.
I was like, everybody's more than welcome to come over whenever, anytime.
I'm here all the time, but you won't be here.
So it's kind of a bummer.
I'll be here, but I'll be in bed to sleep or at work when you're up.
Here, it starts shift weekend.
So kind of a buzzkill.
Yeah, that happens.
The fun, fun killer, but it's okay.
We're going to have fun soon.
We got your birthday.
We've got Patty's weekend coming up tomorrow.
I will be at Chappie's got all sorts of stuff.
We're not doing anything for February and March.
We sure are doing.
Yeah.
For now, do anything in February.
You're doing an awful lot.
I didn't have anything planned all of February and I don't know.
It hasn't stopped since the new year.
I'm not going to.
Since the new year, I'm not complaining.
No, it's been busy.
Yeah.
Like every other weekend, we've been doing something.
Yeah.
It's been a lot of a lot of fun time.
It's been good, but this week we are going to talk about something that we get
asked about and is one of the main topics of all the questions and all the things
that we get, it's about jealousy.
We're going to talk all about jealousy.
We all have been there.
We've all been through it.
We all hate it, but we're going to talk about it.
It helps to talk about it.
It does.
We've picked up a few little pointers and tips and tricks and stuff in the last five
years or so.
Even though we don't get that as much, it still focuses on the ugly little face up
every once in a while.
Yeah.
No, we don't.
We'll talk about that more.
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Before we can talk about jealousy, we need to talk about, understand what jealousy
is and the types of jealousy and where it comes from and all the things about it.
Usually it's an insecurity that's where it stems from.
Usually it's an, I always say if you're feeling jealous, dig inside yourself.
Yeah.
It's probably a you thing.
You have some kind of fear of abandonment or that someone's going to be better than
you or bigger than you or whatever it is, prettier than you, have more.
And then you're scared to lose your partner and you always have that.
You're aware that that can be taken away and that can be, it hits you sometimes
when you're comparing, for me anyway, a lot of my jealousy that I've ever had,
especially at the beginning, was I wasn't good enough.
Yeah.
Like I wasn't pretty enough.
My boobs weren't big enough.
My body wasn't good enough.
You know what I mean?
Like it was like a physical thing for me when it would pop up and that all,
honestly, all you can really do in that situation is get confident.
Like that's what's going to happen.
It's that easy.
It's that easy, guys.
Just get confident.
Over time, as you hit that, it's really a new thing.
Yeah.
Well, that's where the last time I felt a certain sort of way, it was I felt left out.
Yeah, that can be.
And like it could be like a physical jealousy.
It can be more of that emotional connection.
I know a lot of the time that's a big one that pops its big ugly head out is the
emotional part when people see their partners getting deep conversation.
Actually connecting with somebody else.
Chemistry with somebody, and that's usually when it flags like the physical
part for some reason or another is a lot easier.
Yeah, definitely.
Especially when you enjoy it and you have that comparison and you like enjoy
watching your partner with someone else.
It's like that's hot, but it's anything beyond that where it comes up.
So you've got emotional and then you've got physical jealousy.
And then you've got the comparative one where it's more of an envy than a jealousy.
Yeah.
I really think it's she's, you know, or he or whatever you get that.
Yeah, I feel like the compare like men compare themselves when it comes to like
their size.
Yeah, like for the most part or how muscular they are like their physique or
their how tall they are.
People guys are like weird about their heights and stuff, too.
Yeah, I don't get that.
I'm not like that.
But I know.
But also people, when they meet me in person that have met me in person,
they're like, you're taller than I thought.
A lot of you.
Thanks.
I said the same thing.
That was the first thing I said to you when I met you in person.
Also, you're a lot taller than I thought you would be.
Apparently I look short.
You look very short.
Apparently.
I don't know.
That's what I thought too.
And you're not even tall.
You're only average.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if you have that comparing wanting something that someone else has.
For me, it was really bad with my boobs, like a big boob issue.
Yeah, because they all deflated and went away.
And I've had four kids and I'm not as young as I once was.
Also gravity.
And I would love more than anything to get a brand new parent, but I'm unable to
physically right now.
So that was a hard one for me was comparing because everyone, especially the groups
that we were hanging out with and the crews that we were, the parties we were
going to and the events and stuff, everyone had the tummy tucks and the mommy
makeovers and everyone's got boobs.
Like BBL.
Now BBBLs came in there and all the Ozempic and all the things that everyone's doing.
And it's hard not.
And the Botox and the fillers and lip flips and all of that.
It's hard to keep up with all of that.
So you always find yourself.
I found myself comparing at the beginning really bad.
Now I don't.
I barely ever.
Everyone's beautiful.
Everyone's great and wonderful.
And that kind of is.
But that was a journey.
Oh, yeah.
Like, yeah.
That's something that these are feelings, especially at the beginning.
Comparing myself to people.
The envy was a hard thing because everyone felt like for a while there.
It felt really like everyone had the perfect body.
So why would he want a body that looks like mine?
You know what I mean?
Like that feeling like he's with these supermodels.
Why would he want to have this full time?
All this.
So it was a lot of that getting through that.
And really, honestly, that's.
That was definitely a B.
That was when this lifestyle turned into like this is way more about me.
Journey than is about us or anyone else.
And that's when it really hit me, like how much I have to work on myself
and gaining confidence and self esteem and dealing with all that.
And that helped the jealousy so much because you realize like
we've got way more than that history and life we've done together.
And it's like it's not it's not a physical thing.
And it's kind of how to navigate that and just gain self confidence.
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I've seen jealousy does some crazy stuff to people.
We have been through.
Yeah, I've seen some.
We have been through some weird doozies.
Uncomfortable.
We've never really.
We've dealt with jealousy quietly a lot of the time.
And we've done a lot of personal work and stuff.
And that's usually when we come inward and we're like, what's going on here?
There's something.
One time we've ever had a discussion about feeling a certain sort of way is in private.
Oh, yeah.
I would never do it in front of anyone.
But for sure, that's just respect and stuff.
I just really have a hard time with people who feel the need to argue and fight
with their spouse in front of people.
You know what I mean?
Especially who they don't know and people they don't know very well.
Yeah.
I mean, that's some deep stuff there that's way deeper than just little feelings
of jealousy that we've experienced.
Luckily, we've not felt really experienced like hardcore.
I've had some moments here and there when I felt like it wasn't even like a jealousy.
It just felt like I wasn't getting enough attention.
Yeah.
That's usually where it stems from.
I was paying attention too much to somebody else.
I started feeling like a third wheel.
Yeah.
And I've had moments there where it's been a lot of people and a lot of stuff going on
and not because you intentionally left me out, but in the moment it was like...
You caught yourself in a moment alone.
Yeah.
And lonely felt like.
So it was like I can't even say that it was really a jealousy thing.
I mean, I guess a little bit of like, I need attention maybe.
I think it's more of a you catch yourself alone and then our minds move really fast.
Because he doesn't want me.
It's because he doesn't love me anymore.
Because he likes her better.
Our thoughts move really fast.
It might be three to five seconds.
At that point, at that three to five seconds, we've gone through every scenario in our brain.
Worst case.
Yeah.
I'm definitely in the worst case scenario so I can prepare for the worst first.
Yeah. And that's been a lot.
And then you just go down this rabbit hole and it ruins your mood.
And then you feel...
These were pretty big events.
And honestly, where it all stemmed from was just being overwhelmed and social.
I didn't recognize this easily before.
Like my social button is just off.
I need to move myself.
I need some recharge time.
Where before we were new and excited and we were helping.
We were running around with all of our people and there were so many people.
Yeah.
I mean, we were excited.
At the beginning too, that's when our social media was really big, big, big, big.
And we would go from the time we woke up to the time we finally woke up.
We would wake up, do whatever and then go to a party, then come back and do
some more social media stuff or content or whatever, then go back down for another
party and come back up and do more social media stuff and then get ready for the night party.
I even feel like a lot of it wasn't even jealousy at all.
And it was just being overwhelmed and anxious already.
And I think that doesn't help when that all comes piling in there.
And I didn't recognize like, hey, you can take time.
We need to eat.
That's when we learned eating was important, drinking water, taking an hour or two and
just laying in bed together, sleep, just laying relaxed just for an hour, take a shower,
something and turn the lights off and just hang out for.
I don't know about you, but when we do that,
like just to lay down in bed before we get ready or whatever,
I always have the moment where it's like we could not just stay here.
Usually when I'm in the shower, we're getting ready and I'm like, we could not.
Well, and like you have to start getting ready before me.
I know. So he sleeps while I start.
So I take a nap for an hour while you're showering.
Because it only takes me 20 minutes to shower, shave, do my hair, put my clothes on.
I'm done.
I always have a little bit for a minute when I'm starting to get ready,
because it's usually after a good nap or dinner or something when I want to nap.
And then I have to get ready and you get to just like lay on the bed and just pass out.
It's nice. It is nice.
I'm not going to lie. It's nice.
But getting back on track, we're talking about jealousy.
Oh, yeah.
The thing about jealousy, too, is that I have said this a million bazillion times,
but it's not it's going to happen.
It's going to pop up.
Yeah, it's going.
It's a natural, normal human emotion that everyone has and experiences.
It's not jealousy isn't your worst enemy.
It's what you do with the jealousy.
Absolutely. And that's the key.
Well, I think it's our just our human response to blame everybody else or your
emotions deflect and you deflect it.
It's hard, especially for somebody that's just getting into the lifestyle and hasn't
had to deal with these type of emotions very often is what is unpacking doing the
self work. Usually it's just fear.
Like you're scared. Yeah.
Of something. Yeah.
For some reason, like, yeah, you're scared that your partner all of a sudden is
going to get this white picket fence fantasy with this other person.
Yeah. And it triggers like, no, that's mine.
You know. Yeah.
And usually like what we've seen a lot of jealousy about is that that like
territorial is mine.
Mine. This is mine.
You get the what do we call it?
What do you always say? Finding Nemo.
Finding Nemo.
The seagulls. Mine. Mine.
Mine. You belong to me.
You're mine. Or she's mine.
Or don't look.
It's like this weird.
Well, we're programmed to do that.
Yeah. Like from a childhood, to be honest.
This for ninety nine percent of the people in the lifestyle, this is a newer.
Like even if they've been doing it 20 years for most of their life, they were
trained to be monogamous from childhood.
So socially acceptable way.
Yeah.
And you belong to your spouse.
Yeah, there's definitely an ownership like.
And we're kind of breaking that cycle where like, yeah, you.
I am your person.
Yeah.
But also, I don't know, physically, we are free.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Like it's hard. It's really hard to explain in that regard because I do have some stuff.
I do have a mind mentality.
Like you are mine.
Yeah.
And that's why we have boundaries and rules.
Yeah. That's why that's like kind of going into like tips and tricks and things
that we've learned along the way.
Boundaries are there for that reason to help negate that jealousy feeling.
Yeah.
If you have something that repeatedly brings up jealousy and you're feeling a
certain like mind way about it and you know that that's when you can stick a
boundary there and be like, we're not doing that anymore.
Right. It can be whatever you want it to be.
If that helps that feeling and stuff until you work through it, then so be it.
It could just be a boundary that you just put there to deal until you deal with the
trauma or whatever is bringing that up or it could be something that's there forever.
Yeah, it could be something.
It's like a hard no.
Yeah.
Like no one will ever call you daddy.
That's my heart.
Yeah. That makes your eye twitch.
It has happened a few times.
I watch your whole facial expression change.
It's like, well, what would we be leaving now?
It's just not.
That'll never change.
I'm like, we'll be living now.
You just know we really honestly, the jealousy is just not a thing.
And I know people think that you think that you're saying that you're better
swinger. That's the first thought is people roll their eyes and they're like,
oh, you think you're professional.
You think you're better swingers.
We are is not that at all.
We have just been through so many different things and worked really hard
trust and security, and you're not going anywhere.
And I know it in our marriage and relationships never been more solid,
which brings security there.
Yeah, that's where it really we talk about.
We've used every experience where we've had a negative emotion
as a trust building.
Yeah, like a good thing.
And so we've always unpacked, especially in the beginning, like when
we were just navigating the beginning stages of the lifestyle, we would have
an experience and talk about it for weeks.
Yeah.
And like, I don't like it when this happened or I really like that.
Or did you see that?
What do you think about that?
We talked about it for weeks.
Oh, yeah.
Our first experiences.
Oh, yeah.
And that's how we started.
Building our certain boundaries.
Yeah, because we're fair.
Yeah, that helps.
And like, I didn't like that.
I'm like, OK, let's not do that then.
And then as we explored and got more comfortable with each other and our trust
grew, and we're like, oh, like and that helps and get rid of the more trust you
have the cycle, the more really open we really are like secure.
I don't think
three years ago, I would let you go to trap by yourself.
No, no, no, no, no.
I know, like once a month.
I like because I know exactly what it's going to be.
Yeah.
Every time. Yeah.
And I know, you know, the people I know the deep enough.
I know people that are there.
I'm there.
Yeah.
Just
in a roundabout way.
Yeah.
I know you're good, but yeah.
Three years ago, I didn't know.
We would have never even if I would have known the people there.
I'm like, no, we were always same room.
We were never open to anything else other than that.
Obviously, since then, we've experimented with pretty much everything.
But like that was like a hard no for quite a while.
We had to be within like arms.
Yeah, we had to be able to touch each other.
Yeah, it was the whole thing.
Yeah.
And they are talking about boundaries.
That is one.
Like now another the whole like I don't get jealous or whatever.
We just don't.
And then the whole boundaries thing, they're like, what are your boundaries?
I have Tic Tocs out there with like five different things on the screen.
And now I was trying to think of an updated one.
What are your boundaries?
I don't know.
I don't know anymore.
Protection is.
Yeah, I think we're left on the list.
I honestly think we're to the point now when it comes to boundaries and
navigating jealousy is we'll let each other know if we hit.
That's where we're at.
I know that's like a red flag that we used to talk about at the beginning.
Like if someone says they don't have boundaries or don't get jealous, that's
a red flag. And I hear me saying it.
And then I think about all the people rolling their eyes.
But like, I just think that's how deep we are.
Like how tight.
Yeah, like I just honestly think that we're honest enough with each other.
That's we if I don't something comes up, we're going to talk about it.
Oh, yeah, immediately.
And we both don't have to have any more.
Like we used to have like hand movements and cues and colors and names.
I honestly it's to the point where I just be like, I'm not good.
We got to go.
I'm not good.
Let's go step outside.
Or a lot of times when I can see you kind of debating on your emotions, I'll just
like you have a certain face that you make and you just kind of like that's a very
like overwhelmed and checked out face that you make just kind of blank.
And that's why I'm like, you good.
You'd be like, can we go outside?
Let's go for a walk.
Yeah, I'm like, all right, let's go.
And that's not even jealousy.
That's usually just anxiety.
Yeah, anxiety or something is making me uncomfortable.
And thinking about your birthday weekend,
there was a couple of times where.
I didn't feel a certain sort of way at all the weekend, but there is a couple
of moments where I'm like, we would have never three years ago.
Like Saturday night after we got back from Trap, your social battery just kind of just
and you just went upstairs, didn't say anything.
You just went to bed.
Like five minutes went by and you were up in bed.
I'm so tired.
I've been up since I look around and I'm like, where's Ashley?
And I went upstairs and you were asleep.
I'm like, oh, okay.
But like, I know you're good.
Like back in the day, I used to have to like we would.
I mean, we would be attached to each other at all times, every no matter what.
And now it's just like when I need to go, I just go and then you find me.
And it works out that way.
Same way with you.
I'm like, I'll keep up with you.
I'll figure it out. I'll check in.
We always are checking all the time.
And that's another part of the jealousy tips and things that we've learned is
like physical touching, holding hands, just reconnecting for a moment.
Lock your eyes, just checking in.
It's those check ins.
It's definitely the check ins that it kind of just reassures.
It's a reassurance part of it.
Yeah.
You good. I'm good.
Or if anything like I didn't end again
with the relationship being pretty close and tight, like that's the moment where I
would be like, I'm not okay.
Yeah.
Or you'd be like, not doing great.
Let's go talk about it.
And we will talk about it.
It's not we're not going to hold it off or put it off or anything.
It needs to be dealt with at least enough.
Yeah.
Get that reassurance because that's what like sometimes it's assumptions.
And well, yeah, there's a lot here.
You know, yeah, you heard something wrong or you thought something wrong or you
turned it around on your head.
Also, like a lot of people assume that
the it's the end of the night when you have these conversations now, which isn't the
case night, like I'd say most of the time it is, hey,
I feel this sort of way.
Can we talk about it real quick?
And it's literally a five, 10, 5, 10 minute conversation.
And we go back out and we're good.
Like usually it's like a miscommunication or you saw I saw something or you saw
something that you didn't necessarily like or it had, you know, that just triggered
some type of feeling and we go talk about like we'll go behind closed doors
and we'll just talk about it and move on.
Now, sometimes it's very rarely now, but in the past, it used to be, OK,
we're done for the night.
We're going to lay in bed and talk about it, go to sleep,
talk about it in the morning.
We've also always like our relationship is number one.
The only reason we're there is because we want to be there.
Yes.
So it's like if we're not good and we're not or someone's not having fun,
then what is the point exactly?
And we always, always.
That's one thing that stuck around since the beginning.
As we've always said, this is an us thing.
There's nothing.
And that's our saying all the time.
And we have had to numerous times like look at each other and be like, this is
enough thing for not good, we're not good.
And we're not doing it like why would you?
Why would we keep going to an event or if we're not having fun?
Yeah, I would be partying and stuff together if we're not OK.
Yeah, but our relationship is the old reason for literally everything.
So we've always held it there.
And so the lifestyle is no different.
If we're not OK, we're not one's not OK.
We're both not OK.
And some people need different things, any different, you know, adjust boundaries.
I can help. We're talking about that.
Or some people just need time and they need a moment.
And writing it down is a good tip, like writing through it.
Yeah, there's like I'm not like I could see you doing that.
Yeah, like it all depends on how you process information, be honest in emotions.
Like I just have a very analytical brain.
And so I can logically think through my problems.
Now, I understand a lot of people are very emotional people and can't do that.
That's what I mean.
And that's where I could see writing it down and when you write it down and look
at it like that's not that's what I do normally.
Like, what am I? That's why I write things all the time.
By seeing it written down, you actually see how ridiculous you can step away.
Your thoughts are. Yeah.
It's like a different outlook on it from writing it down.
And that's why I usually do it just for myself.
Nobody else. I just, you know, write for myself.
But also hand in hand with that, like meditation, taking a deep breath,
walking away, taking space, just, you know, keeping your person informed.
Though don't just run away and leave.
Yeah, we have seen some really bad jealousy
situations where at clubs we've talked about it before, like just literally
leaving your spouse there or just start walking or thinking they left or just not
communicating like just either the bathroom or something.
One idea, one partner just needing a little break.
So they go get water or go for a walk or if it's a hotel, take a walk through
the hotel real quick in the bathroom or sit in the bathroom or something like this.
You have the other spouse panic, quiet place.
And then the other spouse thinks they're running around.
Worst case scenario, worst case scenario.
But also, I think we need a touch about the influence of drugs and alcohol,
drugs and alcohol. That has been a huge issue.
A huge issue. It amplifies and you kind of lose those inhibitions to deescalate
the situation. It's become a very escalate.
It definitely every single time and.
You automatically become defensive.
And I've seen numerous times people use it as a crutch, like they have to numb
and it's because there's unhealed, un dealt with.
If they have jealousy and trauma, things that have happened.
If you need.
Like I feel like you need the drink to involve yourself in lifestyle.
You need a huge problem.
You need to figure out why you stop being a lifestyle,
at least for a permit, until you figure it out.
I think some I do think that a lot of jealousy issues, couples that have repeated
jealousy over and over again, I 100 percent believe that they need to step away from
the lifestyle. Oh, yeah.
They need to work on if it's a problem and you're constantly fighting and bickering
and arguing and you're making things uncomfortable for people and for yourselves.
And you're always as a problem.
You need to work on you and your spouse.
You need to tap back into why you're there and what you're doing there.
Because I think a lot of couples lose sight of what they're really there for.
They get caught up in getting these partners and having sex and getting to have
all this fun and party and themes and all this crazy stuff.
When the whole reason and purpose you're there is for you and your partner.
Yeah, it's it's easy to get caught up in all the excitement.
It is. It is.
And the glitz and the glam and the fun it is.
But yeah, in the end of the day, you're there with your partner.
I think a lot of couples forget that and they or and they put themselves on the
back burner and they focus on the lifestyle and the glitz and the glamour and the
dressing up and having fun and the drinking and the dancing and doing all of that.
But it always goes back to like you're there.
Yeah, it's us thing.
It's us thing.
And this is an us thing.
And it's about us.
So, yeah, we've seen some nasty if you can't tell by our tone.
We've seen some nasty fights with some really good people.
Just we can't do jealousy very much.
We have a hard time dealing with the constant not jealousy, the fighting.
Yeah.
If you if it gets to the point where you're fighting with your spouse,
that's not much of a problem, then we're going to probably piece.
Yeah, we're going to definitely back off quite a bit because that means there is
some deep, deep shit there that you haven't dealt with and you're not dealing
with and you need to work on. Yeah.
And usually that's when we're like, you need to take that time step away.
Love you. Bye.
Like it's that easy.
It's that simple for us.
It's we love hanging around couples that are solid and have their shit together.
And, you know, I understand that jealousy is going to happen here and there.
Feeling going to happen and we said it at the beginning.
Stuff's going to happen.
But and we'll say it a million times more.
It's not
that if you feel jealous, it's how you deal with how you deal with it.
And you can tell when the person or the couple or whatever
has healthy coping mechanisms and they have good ways to work around it.
Open line of communication and listening skills and when they're genuinely sorry
and genuinely, yeah, because every because every time you fell a certain way or I
felt a certain way, we were like, I never meant to make you feel that way.
I'm so sorry.
Like, what can I do not to make you feel this way again?
And sometimes there's nothing you could do.
It was just a me thing.
Or it's I it was when you did this like, OK, I won't do that anymore.
You can work on that. OK, no biggie.
We can avoid that. Yeah.
But that open line of communication and being able to say, hey, I'm not OK without
the fear of judgment is probably the biggest part.
Yeah.
And it's a hard part for people.
Oh, yeah.
I wouldn't say it became it came easy to us.
No, no.
Like we are always we were always pretty honest with each other.
So it wasn't hard for us, but it's at a whole different level.
It's not so easy for a lot of people.
No, it's not.
And then you find them like, but then again, why?
If it's not that easy for you to talk to your partner, why?
Yeah, it all boils down to you got to work on that together.
Whatever it is, it could be a whole list of things.
It could be a whole bunch of stuff that triggered it, too.
And you have to figure it out together and figure out what you're going to do
about it because it will keep copying up and it will.
The more that you keep stuffing it down and stuffing it down, I promise there will
be a moment where you can't anymore and it's going to be dealt with whether you
like it or not. Yeah, it's going to come up with it.
And say it's going to.
Pop up eventually,
no, and it's definitely how you are not saying we're perfect, that's for sure.
I know that I'll be jealous again and you'll have moments of jealousy, too, again.
And it's going to happen again.
There's more than what, especially with all the different people we meet and the
different scenarios we get into.
And the more we trust each other and the more we experience this world like this
and stuff is going to pop up.
Yeah, I mean, because the more open we get, the more you open yourself up to the more
you open yourself up to an experience that's going to trigger something
called all going to be like, you know, it's not all rainbows and unicorns,
which I do love me some unicorns, but I love some rainbows.
But we try to get to that all the time, but we're going to we're going to fail
here and there. We're going to fall down.
Things are going to be weird.
Things are always weird.
Like, I know our saying is it's not that serious to make it weird, but like,
we're always be making it weird and other people be people in and making it really
weird and it's what you do with it and how you navigate.
I don't know. I always try and make jokes.
There's nothing worse than just not when you know a couple is just not good.
Yeah.
And they're good people and they're nice people because that's the thing about the
lifestyle is everyone is so nice.
I say that all of the time and everyone we've talked to this.
It comes up the same way.
Everyone is so nice, but.
But it's a say it's when you get in these situations and these masks come off.
Yeah, it can.
And you start to see
like the people they are.
Yeah. And they let those walls down.
They let those walls down. And again,
just because.
We are friends with you and we see these things come up doesn't mean we're going
to stop talking to you, but we're probably not going to play for a while until we see.
Oh, yeah, we're going to remove ourselves from that part of it.
Yeah, we're going to definitely take a step back from that part of it until we see
you guys better. Yeah, we don't.
We just don't tolerate it.
We don't tolerate fighting.
We don't talk, especially physically, we don't. You touch each other.
And pretty much that's it for us.
I probably would never put myself into a situation with you again to make me
because I'm like that. That's that's that's you.
We've seen some stuff we've seen some.
Yeah, we've seen people cry.
We've seen people physically.
We've done like touch each other.
We've seen people just nasty, nasty things you can say to somebody.
That's your person. You know, it always blows my mind.
And so it's hard for me to really get past that.
I'm like, that's your human, your person in the world.
You're yeah.
If you say that to your person, nasty stuff.
Yeah.
I thought, what are you going to say?
I think I'm going to involve myself in between that.
It's going to take some trust and it's going to take some time.
It's going to take a whole lot of work because I am not going to be a part of it.
Why would I ever put myself in that vulnerable situation when you're doing
that with your person, all the people?
So jealousy can be pretty nasty thing.
I really can't.
They've seen some nasty, nasty part of where we we got to go now.
Yeah, you have to work on like, OK, bye.
We're going to we've that's what I pull or cheese because of it.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Like we saw stuff going on.
We're like, it's definitely where I say
that disgusting is acceptable to just remove yourself from that situation,
especially if it's like not safe situation.
And also, like, it's clearly a them thing.
Oh, yeah.
So why would I involve myself in them?
And that's what we've said.
We're like, OK, this is like you've got some stuff you guys have to work on together.
Yeah, we're going to be going on our way.
We'll be over here.
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And we in this last four or five years, we have become the newbie coach.
Don't know how it happened.
It just has.
I don't know, we became the couple for new people and I love it.
I don't hate it. It's it's perfect.
It was there.
There's a lot of people that like avoid newbies.
I don't necessarily hate it.
Yeah. So then they're like, here, meet Ashley and us.
These are your new.
I love sharing our experiences with people.
Yeah, it makes sense.
And what we've learned.
But coming along with that, though,
was that what I was saying?
That's where we've seen some pretty nasty stuff because it's jealousy
popping its head for the first time, people that don't know and have never
really dealt with these emotions and these like things that they're seeing.
Yeah, that comes along.
And then what
seems seems to be the trend is.
Everything's hunky dory, then they'll have, you know, a situation.
We'll see ourselves out of that situation.
And then the next day or two, they're calling and texting us or snapping us.
I feel like trying to explain.
And we're just like, we understand.
We get it.
But that's something you guys got to deal with.
We can't like we can't deal with it for you.
Yeah, we had to learn how to remember that because we at the very beginning.
That's where I was going.
We were trying to fix marriage.
I hope it became like therapists almost.
And we were not qualified for that.
And I have never wanted to be that.
And it just kind of was like we wanted to help our people because we love these
people, get really close to people and you feel connected.
And then you're stuck in between a marriage that is just not not good.
And you get to the point where you do have you have to remove yourself.
Yeah, you have to draw that line.
Yeah, because when you start like when you start kind of getting involved
with the other people's relationship, emotions get blurred and you're
opening the door to attachment things and this and that.
And it's like, no, I'm good.
And then like when they all there's been times where people have gotten divorced
and then you're stuck in the whole pick a side, pick a side, someone pick a side.
And I don't pick sides.
I don't do that. I'm not a pick.
Yeah, I'm always Switzerland.
And I it does put you in those weird.
We've been through some weird things.
We've seen jealousy absolutely destroyed.
We always say this lifestyle can make or break your relationship and it does it
very quickly. We've noticed.
I mean, you'll know pretty fast if it's going to work out or not.
And it can make a marriage amazing and wonderful.
And you can thrive like never before.
But then you have that other side.
But you have to be honest.
That's the thing. And you have to do the work.
Yeah. And it's going to be a whole bunch
of uncomfortable work that nobody wants to do stuff that we forced out.
And we just keep quiet and we don't listen to those thoughts and those feelings
and stuff. You don't deal with them.
But like I said, it will come out.
Promise in this lifestyle, you are put in some vulnerable situations and it'll
escape eventually. Yes.
And it's not going to be good unless you know how to deal with it.
And that's why we're here today.
Just kind of help
take a moment.
Aftercare is another huge one that we didn't talk about dealing with it,
making sure and in the lifestyle aftercare is different than like BDSM.
In the lifestyle, it can be as simple as just a physical touch.
Yeah.
I hate the word reclaiming.
I think reconnecting is a better word for that.
Yeah.
It feels territorial.
It feels icky and weird.
And you're not property.
It's just a whole thing.
Yeah.
But reconnecting, I do think, is a very good because we have always done that.
We always have like after the night is over, we have our marriage sex.
We connect.
Yeah, this.
But it's always so hot.
It's so good.
So good.
And it's so sweaty and nasty.
It's raw like marriage sex.
It's like a comfortable, hot.
But it's like all of the things that have happened.
And then at the end of the night and I don't call.
I don't really think that's reclaiming.
I think that is just reconnecting and comfortable being with your person.
And you've been turned on for like hours and like excited.
Yeah. Like I need to get off.
It's hot. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
But, you know, after care can look different in the lifestyle than it can be.
It could just simple, simple like snack and a drink going to get a snack together.
We've sat outside.
We've sat outside of hotels and stuff like that and got like snacks in the front
bar, ice cream and stuff like that little cafe, freezers and stuff.
They have just been like randomly talking about all the things that have happened
and getting snacks and putting sweatpants on finally or going outside waiting for
the door dasher to show up pizza or some kind of food involved.
Usually, usually.
Yeah. Usually we finally get back to the room.
We're like, I'm hungry.
Yeah. That's like I'm thirsty.
I need a water and I need to put sweatpants on and eat something bad for me or snack
on something. But that's that's usually when we're sitting there.
We'll sit there and talk about what it was just happened or oh, my God,
did you just see that or hear that or feel that or how do you how do you think?
It can be as simple as just how are you?
Are you OK?
Yeah. You're saying checking in and stuff.
That's a lot of after cares.
Just checking in and being like, how are you physically, mentally,
emotionally, all the things.
And it doesn't have to be anything huge and crazy.
And it can be like cuddling and blankets and people cuddle.
A lot of people cuddle.
Yeah. A lot of our friends are cuddle puddlers.
They're always any cuddle puddle.
You're not. But I am.
So he's all about the cuddle puddle.
I love a good cuddle puddle.
I have a hard time.
I could have a physical touch person.
No, you're not.
I'm not. I just don't like your.
Not used. I love it.
But I don't like to be touched.
Tell me how it works.
I don't know.
No, it does.
But all of our friends and Tim are all cuddlers.
So they're always like, want to go to be like 1 p.m.
We'll be eating at 1 p.m. You want to go cuddle puddle?
It comes up all day every time we're together.
Yeah.
Cudddle puddle time yet?
I will cuddle puddle, but I don't get off on it like you all do.
I don't know.
I just it's like a warm hug.
I hate hugs.
I don't know. I just I feel.
It's hard to explain how it like a cuddle puddle feels.
No, I get it. I get it.
I've been in many of them. I do.
I just.
Usually, especially after all that, I just want to be like,
I'm all sweaty.
I need to get a shower.
I need to take a moment.
Yeah, I feel the cuddle puddle after a shower or the best cuddle puddles.
Everybody be trying to do it in the mornings.
I'm like, oh, yeah, I need to brush my teeth first.
I love you.
But also, can I just brush my teeth real quick?
I need.
To be good.
Yeah, clean.
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Yeah, those are just some things and some tips and some stuff that maybe hopefully
might help someone just deal with it.
I think that's where I think that's the overall message.
Communication is key, as always and forever.
The same thing we say every single episode.
Communication really is key.
Communication and honest, even if you don't know how to frame it and you don't
know where that feeling is coming from and you just say that it's OK to say it's OK
to be like, I'm feeling a certain sort of way.
I'm not really sure where it's coming from or why, but I would like to work on it.
Right when we need to work through it and just take time to connect with each other.
Yeah, it's definitely not a race.
I feel like there's a lot of people that
feel that they have to rush into things.
Yeah, and there's not no there's no rush.
You can be like we knew people that were
navigating lifestyle for a year and a half before they even touched anybody else.
Yeah. Longer than that.
I mean, we know a couple of people, just there's people that still have never.
Yeah, that's just just a thing.
And that's fine.
That's again, the lifestyle is whatever you want it to be.
It can have you can have four hundred and boundaries and rules, a contract.
You can make it whatever you want it to be to make you the most comfortable.
But again, biggest tip work on where that's
coming from and why you feel the need to have these rules and these boundaries.
And what is that coming from?
Is it fear of abandonment?
Like what's going on there?
Are you feeling not secure, not confident and deal with that?
And usually with that, you'll be able to actually because the whole point is to
just be able to fulfill all fantasies, any fantasies that you ever could want to do
together. And that's like the ultimate goals to fulfill every fantasy, all the fantasies together.
Yeah. And you're going to have to work on getting there because it's not easy.
No, it's not.
There's some uncomfortable.
It takes a lot of work.
Yeah. Get comfortable being uncomfortable because you're going to be also comfortable.
You get sweet like we've gotten so close
through those conversations that I don't know if it's definitely worth it.
Yeah. From that.
Yeah.
We've had some weird.
We've had some crazy experiences and we've had a lot of fun.
But in the end, like the ultimate prize is how close we've become.
What you get out of working through it and dealing with it and getting through
tell scene all the bad feels so you can have all the good feels together.
Yeah. Unlimited good feels.
That's the only goal.
I were all here.
Yeah, that's if you have any questions or anything, want to talk about it more
about it, we're not professionals.
We're here just feeling whatever we've seen or whatever we've done.
It's our opinions.
We're not sure why anyone wants to listen to us talking about these things,
but we're here to talk about them.
It's definitely you. It's not me.
They're here for you.
No, no.
But yeah, they, you know, we want to talk about it.
If you don't agree or you think something different or you have your own thoughts,
put them Instagram, reach out on our Instagram.
We have a podcast, a couple of Chronicles podcast on TikTok and Instagram.
And we are always to make a story, something we're always trying to get your input
and just a little bit so we can address it.
I know.
Whatever you want to hear us talk more about, let us know.
We like to talk. We're talkers.
So that's why we started this.
We're ramblers.
We are ramblers.
We suck at podcasting if you haven't noticed, because we kind of just
have a topic and trail off that way.
A whole outline things that we really want to cover.
We want to be more professional, but then we just start talking with our hearts,
not our brains.
We go off on lots of tangents and it kind of gets lost.
And then all of a sudden we're looking at it and it's an hour in.
And then you're got to wrap it up.
Yep. Already time to go.
So next week we're going to talk about
the big bad word that makes me not a real swinger.
Only fans.
It's the worst word you could ever say.
Yeah, there's a lot I have to say about that.
And I've been wanting to say about that for a really long time.
And I do get judged every day.
Pretty much every day.
You get judged from both sides of it.
Oh, yeah.
It's very confusing.
And yeah, it's been a it's been a tour to journey for my fans.
But we're going to talk about that a little bit more next week and tap into that.
And then filming this now, it is now Thursday.
So tomorrow I'm going to Trappi's solo.
Yes. For first Friday, first Friday with Pineapples After Dark.
When you're listening to this, it'll be already a week after.
And then, yes, superheroes.
So I and we don't do superheroes.
So I'm trying to come up with a costume
because this was another last minute decision to kind of go.
Yeah, you weren't going until last week.
Yeah, you brought it up and you suggested it.
And I was like, and I thought about it for a little bit.
And I'm like, OK, whatever.
Yeah, because I won't be able to make March and we'll have the party party.
And it felt like so far away.
So I'm like, yeah, yeah, because my work schedule has me.
Yeah, busy for the next month, basically.
So I won't be able to get away for a weekend.
So he's like, unless you just go by yourself on Friday and it's.
With PAD, so it's pretty safe, and it's our people, so it'll be good.
And I'm trying to come up with some kind of costume.
I'm thinking, I don't know if you know secrets two years ago,
a long time ago, two or three years ago, I went.
He was super, super man.
Yeah, and I was Lois Lane.
Yeah, so I was going to try and pull together something similar to that.
But without you, it's going to be a little bit different.
So I'm trying to your idea.
I just have to find that.
Yeah. So we'll see.
I'm sure you'll see pictures.
I'm sure I'll be taking pictures of that.
You'll see them on the social media by the time you listen to this.
But yeah.
And then we have PAD party.
Yeah, the same party.
We've got that.
And that's my birthday weekend, March 14th, March 14th.
And where's that?
That's in Loganville, Georgia.
Yeah. It's an atmosphere.
And we have a day.
We have a link for that down below.
And then after that is secrets, April's Swinger Society.
Yeah, April's coming fast.
It's coming quick.
And I am so excited.
Let me know if you want to get on the waitlist because there's a waitlist,
quite a waitlist, but people are starting to back out.
Yeah, everybody happens.
So it booked it.
It booked out like really, really fast.
But it was so far in advance that life happens.
We get it and people back out.
And so rooms become available and come open.
So get on the waitlist.
Hopefully you can get a room.
Definitely recommend secrets is our faith.
We love secret.
Yeah, we love it's a whole vibe.
It's just three days vacation for us.
Yeah, like it's our vacation time and we take full advantage of it.
Yeah. Every moment.
Well, and this time we've talked about it,
that we decided that we're not going to do a room crawl.
Anything.
But we are going to we are going to do a luncheon in our room.
Yes. All of our listeners, we're going to get you in a little secret Saturday
at noon ish. I'll for sure put something on Instagram.
The time and all of that.
But we are bringing back Margarita's and pizza.
That was always our thing at secrets.
And we stopped doing it the last two terms and everyone's been super about it.
So we're going to we're going to bring it back.
And yeah, we're going to have like a little lunch in our room.
So if you're going to be there, come, come hang out.
Come say hi. Come hang out.
We love pizza. I love I'll have plenty of Margarita's.
I'll plenty of food, plenty of drink.
And we will have all sorts of goodies.
We always do. We carry a whole bunch of stuff along with us.
It's a good time. I promise.
It's like room one forty one.
Yeah, one forty one.
So come, it's going to be good.
It's going to be good.
Yeah. A whole new Tiki Bar now.
So we're excited to go see it and it's going to be fun.
So yeah, come along with us to secrets.
Get on the wait list. Let me know and check out all of our social media.
Make sure you're following Instagram, Tick Tock.
We've got all the pages and that's all in our link tree.
And you can find that.
Yeah, we have individual links below in the whole link tree below.
So pretty much anywhere on social media you can find.
Yeah, you can find everywhere you can find us.
Follow us on Instagram.
That's like your best bet to keep track of where I'm going to be because I am a
last minute girl. She is.
Yeah, she'll pop up on you.
I do never know where I want to be next.
But yeah, that's all I got to say about that.
Yeah. So as always, it's not that serious.
Don't make it weird. Bye, guys.