Welcome to Hot Couple Chronicles,
a podcast exploring the swinging lifestyle.
Our discussions may contain explicit content
and adult themes intended for mature audiences.
While we strive to offer valuable insights and entertainment,
please be aware that the views expressed
are based on personal experiences and opinions.
We encourage listeners to approach the content
with an open mind and to prioritize communication,
consent, and respect in their relationships.
Remember everyone's journey is unique,
so take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't.
Thank you for joining us on this adventure.
Oh.
I'm Russ.
And I'm Ashley.
And this is Hot Couple Chronicles.
Happy Wednesday.
Welcome back to us again.
Us again.
It's been a week.
A whole week.
It's been a whole week.
It's been a whole weekend.
We had pretty much a copy-paste of last weekend.
We just had different people this time.
Yeah, we had the Orgrant couple this weekend.
Yeah, we had some close friends of ours go and they all live a little too far.
They live three, four, five plus hours.
So we just had them here all weekend and it was a good time.
We did a whole lot of nothing.
It was pretty good.
Yeah.
It was pretty good.
We went to the museum.
Yeah, we relaxed a lot.
And then ate a lot.
Ate a lot.
We ate a lot.
Yeah, we had a lot of fires.
Hung out on the back porch.
We did go out for dinner once.
A lot, yeah.
Yeah, Friday we went out to dinner.
We went to a new restaurant that we haven't been to.
It just opened.
And then we had a couple drinks, came right home and ate some more food and sat by the
fire and watched TV and watched some football Sunday and ate again on Saturday.
I had an accident.
Yeah, yeah, he was slicing vegetables for a tray.
Yeah.
Making sense.
I had a little mishap with the mandolin.
They're no joke.
Everybody be careful if you got a mandolin.
Well, with his finger out, we thought he was just...
I thought he just cut himself with a knife because he does that every time he cooks pretty
much.
Easy now.
It happens pretty much every time he cooks.
So that's pretty normal.
It happens.
I didn't realize how much he took off until he brought it to the back porch to show it.
Yeah, it was a big old chunk of finger.
It just got bleeding.
It was horrible.
Yeah, it's an open wound.
Anyways, he was...
Yeah, that's why his finger's all clipped up, wrapped up.
This is a smaller bandage than what it was.
It was pretty big.
I didn't have it pretty...
It's finally...
The bleeding's gone.
It's finally under control.
Yeah, we went to the museum and just relaxed.
It was a good friend weekend, good night weekend.
Now we're here again.
It's starting to get busy.
It's holiday season.
It's coming.
I can feel it in my bones.
Time is flying now all of a sudden.
So fast.
Time is going so quickly.
Today we are here.
We are going to talk about...
We're going to bring it all the way back.
We're going to rewind to the very beginning because I feel like we need to cover a lot
of topics that we skipped forward and skipped through.
This one's going to be all about joining the lifestyle and becoming a swinger.
How does that even go about?
This one's for the newbies, the new people that are interested in joining the lifestyle.
We'll just throw around that conversation and how to even get started, how to...
We literally get asked this question.
Every single day.
15 times a day.
That's why I keep telling you we need to do an episode about this because we need to just
talk about all the things and then be able to refer people back to it later.
So this will be the episode that everyone comes back to, how to join the lifestyle.
And we're going to talk more about that.
And yeah, last week we talked about body positivity and kind of pretty much our journey.
It ended up being...
It goes so fast.
Time goes so quickly that it ended up really just being our story.
And I plan on doing more about that and touching more about body positivity and confidence
a little bit later.
I think it resonates with a lot of people though.
Like even just if we talk about our story, people usually can.
Like at least someone can relate to it.
That's all that matters.
If someone, one person, that helps one person.
I tell myself every day.
I'm good.
How I keep going.
That's why I'm still here.
Yeah.
We're going to start out talking about that.
But first, the simple question of what is the lifestyle?
What is a swinger?
What is...
What is a swinger?
What is that?
In my opinion, in my own words.
Yeah.
In your words.
It is a alternative relationship model where you can centrally having physical...
Sex.
Yeah.
Physical or sexual interactions with other consenting adults.
Yep.
Pretty much.
And lifestyle pretty much is an umbrella term that we all use because...
Mostly because people hate the word swinger.
Yeah.
It's an aque word for a lot of people.
Yeah.
And it encompasses the lifestyle, the life of a swinger and everything that includes
being a swinger.
Yeah.
And it's...
Honestly, for most people we know it really is just a better word.
Yeah.
L.S. lifestyle, E&M, Z&M, they're all...
They all mean pretty much the same thing.
Yeah.
They're all just different terms that we use to define swinger because swinger is an aque
word.
And then what the lifestyle is not a reason just to cheat on people.
That is definitely a huge physical...
It's definitely not the lifestyle that is not what it is.
It has nothing to do with cheating.
It has nothing...
It's all consensual, all communicated and all agreed upon prior to anything ever.
Oh, yeah.
And most people we talk to, it's months prior.
They talk about it for...
Oh, yeah.
Years.
There's people that...
Yeah.
For a long time.
Before they even dip their toes into it, they talk about it, fantasize about it.
Yeah.
And then eventually just take the plunge and just see what...
Go to a club, go to an event.
Another misconception is it's not a reason just to have sex with everyone.
That's not how it goes.
It's not what it is.
It's not how it is.
It's not just a free for all, whatever, all the time, anything.
Yeah.
It's not an excuse to just have sex.
That is a big one because we've talked to a lot of people that think...
Are afraid to go to a club because they think...
They assume that you have to have sex when you walk in the door.
Or a party or...
Yeah.
They assume that you have to...
Completely.
They just strip down naked and have sex immediately as soon as you walk in.
You don't think it can be as evolved or not evolved as you like what you're comfortable
with.
And a club is just a regular club with playrooms.
Other than that, it's 100% just a nightclub that you see porn on the TV.
That's scary.
Everybody is always so terrified to go to a club and then different benefits of being
in the lifestyle.
What would you say are some of the benefits?
The arc communication.
Yeah.
Being able to explore with your partner.
Yeah.
With fellow fantasies.
Yeah.
Fuck it, Liz.
And just travel too and just spend time together is a good one, a big one.
And then, so it just...there's not many...most people you get married to, a lot of people,
not most people, but a lot of people just give up on all of those fantasies.
A lot of people have a lot of things that they fantasize about.
It's not normal to have fantasies about sex.
Also, really toxic relationship dynamics stem from that though.
Like resentment, a lot of men and women resort to porn to try and fulfill those fantasies.
Infidelity.
Yeah, I would say it that way.
They can't communicate.
They can't talk about what they fantasize and what they really want in the bedroom or behind
closed doors with their partner.
So they look for another outlet to fulfill that.
And then it just...it's a downward spiral.
It's a way to actually safely and consensually fulfill these things that you think about
and you dream about and you want.
Especially a lot of people are bisexual and have kind of, you know, or a different sexuality
than heterosexual and they want to test it out and try it out and see how they like it
or try different things or explore that more when they weren't able to.
And a lot of times when you get married, that's another thing that you just got to accept
that you will probably never get to experience.
In my case, like being with a woman or a man or for you.
And again, then it leads to a lot of stuff like you were saying, resentment and stifled
feelings and cheating affairs.
Not be able to express yourself, period.
Stems, resentment.
And then also the lifestyle is about community and finding, meeting people that are just pretty awesome.
People that we love.
And the community is most of what we do.
Most of the time.
It's just a...in general, it's just an amazing group of people being their genuine true selves.
They don't have to put up this facade of...
As long as you go to an event...
What they're supposed to do.
You are a newbie, you will definitely...you'll see.
You'll be like, oh, I'll get it.
Everyone in the lifestyle knows that it is a fact that the best human beings in this world are in the lifestyle.
For sure.
Period.
And luckily when we go to these events and clubs and stuff like that, we get to have them all in one room and all in one space.
And it's pretty fucking amazing.
That's one of my favorite things.
It's the best humans.
It's the community that we have and the people that have your back and love you and are there.
And that is, for me, my number one favorite thing about being in the lifestyle at all.
And the people that has brought us.
And it's definitely taken to my life.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And enhanced.
We definitely found some ride or dies.
The people you can call at 3 a.m. for any reason whatsoever and they answer.
Most of them because they don't sleep.
And they're up all night and they're like, oh, that's the most reason.
And then how do you decide if the lifestyle is right for you?
And if that's something that you settle upon and think maybe that is something that you and yourself could be interested in?
First step, within yourself, why?
Why?
You know?
Yeah.
What do you want to get out of these experiences?
What do you want to explore more?
Right.
What are your bucket bucket lists?
Like what are some fantasies and things that you want to do?
Definitely sit back and think about what is it that intrigues you about this.
That's where it really starts with a lot of people is it's a fantasy.
And then once they have done, you've done your self reflecting, you've sat on it with your own self on the reasons why you would you're intrigued by this.
The reasons why you want to approach your partner with this.
The reasons why you might be interested.
This might be something that you and your spouse might enjoy.
Some of the reasons figure out your motivations.
What are your motivations?
What are your?
What do you want more intimacy with your partner?
Is it something like that?
Is it something to do with your relationship?
Is it more of exploring a variety of different people?
Yeah.
Is it curiosity about your sexuality?
No, a sexuality thing or is it you're looking for a community of people.
You just want to hang out naked and have like minded people surrounding you and just have friends.
And or do you just want to have sex with as many people as you possibly can?
And which is perfectly OK.
Or do you just want to have sex with your partner and just have people around?
Yeah.
That's why I was saying like, do you want to make it more of an intimacy thing between you and your spouse?
Is it more of you want to watch other people having sex with your spouse or do you want to have sex?
Have people watching you have sex?
Do you just want to be in a club environment with your spouse?
Figure out what are your motivations on top of why?
What is it that intrigues you about this?
Why?
Make sure that you've sat down on it for a second and think about why you.
Why starting you on or why you're.
Yeah, I think it's the self-reflection of what you want to get out of it and then talking to your partner about it.
That comes next.
But before you do that, I think you sit on it for a second and work through it and everything.
And then the next step is talking to your partner about it.
The next step, you've got to pull a plug.
You've got to do it.
Yeah, like you can't keep it a secret.
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And then the next big step is going to your partner and talking to your partner about it.
Pulling the plug.
How do you know about that?
I've heard a couple things like pillow talk after sex.
Like talking about different fantasies and stuff like that.
And how you would go about fulfilling those fantasies.
Yeah, just as simple as what do you think about?
Or I think it'd be hot to have sex next to other people having sex.
Or not even that.
Just have you ever seen anything about this?
Yes.
Or have you ever seen that there are couples that have sex with other couples?
Have you ever heard of swangers?
Have you ever heard of the lifestyle?
Have you ever heard of upside down pineapples?
What do you think about it?
And then like now social media, just go send her or him a TikTok or Instagram reel or something and just what I'm saying.
A podcast.
Yeah, or a podcast or episode highlight, like a highlight reel or something and just be like, so what do you think about that?
I think it would be hot.
Like just bring up that conversation.
And send them some hints.
Sometimes they need a few little breadcrumbs.
Just, I don't know, this is interesting.
The biggest concern I hear people is they're afraid their partner is going to feel inadequate.
And that's never the case when people that are serious about getting into the lifestyle, they want to add some.
We know that.
But it's hard.
We're basically blindsided by it, it's a knee jerk reaction to just automatically, I'm not enough.
Something's wrong.
It's because I'm not enough.
That's the biggest fear I have gathered from a lot of people that haven't brought this up.
I'm not going to lie.
I'm really glad that we found it together because I really don't know if I would have ever even, I don't know.
It's never, it never was in my fantasy list.
It was never even an option for me.
I never even.
I didn't even know it existed.
I never thought about swinging.
No, never.
Not even, it's weird, but not even really even a threesome.
It was like when we got married, we were just married and our sex was us.
It was very much just like that.
I never really thought about threesomes.
No.
And I've had threesomes, I've had swaps and stuff since I was 17 years old.
And I never once even with you was like, oh yeah, this is something that we should do ever.
Which I don't know, maybe down the road it would have maybe come up with.
It's hard to, it's hard to.
I always watch you like kiss girls.
Yeah, I've always done.
I've always flirted with girls, kissed girls, everything, but it was never really.
I never even considered it.
Like, oh my gosh, you just kissing a girl.
Like it's, she's having fun.
It was just very much like when the opportunity arises, he was always down for watching me kiss girls.
Oh yeah.
Just can't be sexing and flirty and playful and stuff, but never once was like, oh, let's go find another couple and swap partners or anything.
I don't know.
See, it's hard to say what would have came up or what would not have come up.
I do know for a fact, I watch far less pornography nowadays than I did before we found lifestyle.
So it tells me I am more satisfied now and that's saying maybe down the road I would have brought something up like I did with BDSM.
You would have stumbled upon it maybe.
But again, it's hard to say.
And again, I don't, I'm not sure how I would approach you with it.
I'm going to, that's why I'm giving out the tips for the things I would hope, I would think that I would do and different.
We've heard so many different stories.
Try and say how I would want to be approached by it.
And again, it's a weird awkward conversation at first, but you have to be able to have those weird awkward conversations in the lifestyle.
That's just the first of many.
If you go down this road, because you're going to have to get used to processing your emotions.
And then verbalizing those emotions in a unhurtful way to your partner.
And then being able to receive those.
And then after you've approached your partner and if that partner is completely turned off and upset and not okay with it, you have to respect that.
You have to be okay with that.
You have to let them sit on that.
You can't expect somebody like when you come to me out of the blue, they've never even mentioned this stuff about be like, okay, let's do it.
Yeah.
There are people like that.
There are a lot of us out there.
But it takes some processing.
And that some people are not, they're not going to ever be anonymous.
It's okay.
Sometimes you're like your spouse is just going to be an anonymous person and they want to be like that forever.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
That's one thing.
Hey, everybody thinks I'm trying to convince people to swing on social media all the time and doing this.
And that's not the case whatsoever.
I'm reaching the people that want to be reached and that I should be reached and that are curious about it and that are interested and they're looking for this.
But I am definitely not trying to sell the lifestyle to anyone.
Some people are never going to be non-monogamous.
They're 100% be monogamous and okay with that.
And that's fine.
And no judgment.
If your partner says no, that's a hard no.
It's never going to happen.
You have to respect that.
And that's what we run into every single day is the wife or the husband saying, yeah, I see my spouse will never do it.
I see it in the DMs all the time.
From both the wife and the husband.
How do I make her do it?
How do I make him?
How do I talk my...
Yeah, talk them into it.
Talk them into it.
They said no.
You don't talk them into it.
And how do I get them to change their mind?
And you can't.
You can't.
You cannot.
You can keep talking about it.
Open up the conversation.
You can get down about it.
Get uncomfortable and make it a real conversation.
But in the end, if that person says no, this is not anything I'm ever going to be interested in and it's never going to happen, you have to sit on it for you.
If it's that serious and you can without a doubt not be a monogamous person, then you have to...
That's a lot of work that you have to do.
Self-work and decisions you have to make and stuff you have to sit on because that's also a thing where people just are not monogamous.
They just can't be monogamous and that's also okay.
And that's fine.
But maybe I'm very big on be happy.
Spend your life being happy.
Right.
And don't be unhappy.
But regardless, you're going to have those hard conversations.
That's what I mean.
Yeah.
Like even if it's that, if you're that serious about it and you feel like, you know, we can't do this.
I can't be in this relationship.
One, you can't use it as an ultimatum.
Like it's not an ultimatum.
This is a foundation of trust.
And then...
Keep having conversation.
Keep talking.
Just keep talking.
So is that actually your forever relationship?
Yeah.
And sometimes...
Sometimes it's not.
Make that decision too, but...
And that's fine.
No.
It was good that you found that, but you have to...
Be happy living with someone else.
Yeah.
Live your best life.
Yeah.
You got to work on that though.
And then if that conversation stays open, you know, there's going to be concerns.
There's going to be fears.
There's going to be worries.
There's going to be...
It's going to be, again, going to be uncomfortable conversations full of that stuff.
And there are a lot of fears.
Most of the fears, like we were saying, was it's supernatural to be jealous and have jealous feelings and to feel like not enough and to feel inadequate and question why you need someone.
As a man, it's, oh, she just...
I'm not...
I don't satisfy her.
Like your ego, like as a man, your ego automatically comes forward.
Is I don't satisfy her.
I'm not good enough.
I don't...
I'm not big enough.
I don't laugh long enough.
It's a lack of something when that's not the case.
And you're adding to something already incredible.
It has nothing to do with needing to fix anything ever.
This is never a way to fix a relationship.
It's never a way to solve problems.
It's never a way to start conversation.
You need to do that stuff way before you even anticipate, even think about getting into a style.
Because that's what I also tell everyone as well.
Go slow and take your time.
And just for words of affirmation for those feelings is the cheat codes to your partner.
No one's going to do it better than you.
It's super normal to feel like that.
It's okay.
It is.
You have to be okay.
And that's like I said, it's like a foundation of your trust at the beginning of your lifestyle journey.
It starts here.
You have to be open and willing to have those conversations and to not get defensive and not get...
Yeah, you have to be open and nonjudgmental.
You have to be able to be on both sides of that conversation.
And then to help navigate the fears and the concerns, usually what we do is we have rules, boundaries, stuff that we put into place.
Lay down the foundation of what this is going to look like.
How that's going to look, what you're okay with, what you're not okay with, what your limits are.
Yeah.
And they're always changing.
Yeah, they're never set in stone.
We've met many couples in lots of different stages of their journey.
And we've met people from...
No kissing.
Another really common one is communication, like group texts and messages.
No solo communication.
We had the pretty common same room protection, communication together.
They're pretty common ones.
And now at this point, we pretty much are down to protection and...
Communication.
Yeah, just communication.
That's pretty much it.
Consent, communication.
Those are our big things about where we are now at this point.
But it's really what's for you.
You can change that.
Yeah, you can change it.
That's three years in and lots of experience.
As you become more comfortable and more secure as a couple, you're always evolving.
You should always sit down and go over those again.
So your boundaries are always...
Yeah, adjust them, figure them out.
It's a way also for your spouse to feel a little bit more...
Because you can make those boundaries and you can make those limits, I guess.
Anything that you want them to.
Any rule, any...
There's no...
That was the one thing that I wanted to really drive home on this episode is there is no rule book.
There is no Bible that we go by.
There is no has to be this, has to be not.
The only thing that it has to be is consensual.
And that's pretty much unsafe.
Those are the only things.
A lot of people don't think about it.
It can be whatever you want it to be.
People...
I think that's the really...
You can only kiss people.
You can only...
Not kiss people.
You can only kiss people's feet if you only want to kiss people's feet.
You can make it whatever you want it to be.
I think a lot more we get that question is about, oh, how do I get a lifestyle?
They're looking for a rule book.
That tells me they're out there.
Many people are making them.
It's bullshit.
But step back and it can be whatever turns you on, whatever doesn't turn you on.
Whatever you want it to be.
And as long as it's consensual and it works between you and whoever is participating, that's all that matters.
It doesn't matter how odd it looks, how different it looks.
There's no one way fits all, one size fits all, anything like that.
It can be whatever you dream it to be.
Absolutely.
That's the most important thing we always try to tell people.
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We're going to do a little hypothetical just to help us out.
I came to you, said I was interested in navigating the lifestyle.
I found it on TikTok.
I thought it was interesting and I thought it was pretty hot.
I talked about it with you told me your concerns and we worked, we're working on it.
We set boundaries and we're now ready to like dip our toe in.
Where do we go next?
Online.
Get on the internet together and start learning.
Start researching.
Get all the information you possibly can.
Learn about the lifestyle first together and educate yourselves together on the ways to go about it and different things to.
Different ways to navigate.
Just educate yourself because you're going to be a lot more confident.
Enjoy your lifestyle if you are, you're educated and if you know what to do and to do that there is so many online communities out there.
There's STC, SLS, Cassidy, all of them have educational content in within them.
And then there's social media.
There's lots of influencers and people out there that teach you and give you information and share a few terms.
And get familiar with words and terms and things you might hear and just because you will be more confident the more you know about a topic, the more you can walk in feeling like you know what's going down the better.
Because that is definitely going to make you feel better about the whole thing.
And then go online and make profiles.
Start making profiles on all the accounts or like all of the sites.
Detailed profiles.
Yes, make sure to spend some time on your profiles.
Put some effort, some time into it because trust me, it'll pay off if you do.
And take good, clean, bright pictures.
And you don't have to show your face.
You could show whatever you want but just make sure that they're bright.
There's some light.
Make sure they're attractive.
You don't have to show your face.
But if you don't want to show your face, you have to show like something.
At least.
Light.
Put some light.
Oh, we get say like on SDC, SLS, Free Fun.
You want your profile to look attractive.
We get a lot of messages and I honestly I ignore a lot of them because you can't see anything.
And I get their profile and it's super vague.
Oh, here for a good time.
Yeah.
And we know absolutely nothing about you.
You give us nothing.
I love when people put effort and time into their profile.
Yeah.
And describe who they are as people.
Approach it like you're dating again.
Yeah.
But you're dating with your partner.
Essentially that's what it is.
It's a dating profile.
And put some effort, put some time.
And unfortunately, like you're going to have to put some money into it.
There's a way to do the lifestyle without all of that and all the extra stuff.
But it sure makes life heck of a lot easier if you have a connection to all those people that are in the lifestyle.
And then you'll find on there, you'll find events and it'll open up the doors for all of the clubs.
Well, like when you see, like when we go through SDC, just for example, you can see if they're a paid member, a lifetime member, a free trial member.
You can see that.
You take the people that have paid memberships and lifetime memberships more serious than you do somebody that's on a trial.
Yeah.
Someone just testing it out.
Someone just being nosy.
Someone just looking in.
Yeah, because you don't know those people's motives.
Because I hate to say it, but it happens is people make fake profiles like everywhere else.
And most people that make a fake profile aren't going to spend money on that fake profile.
Yeah.
And usually a lot of them when you pay, you do have to verify and you do have to have some kind of check to make sure that is who you are.
I know when I made our 3FUN app, our 3FUN profile years and years ago, we put our pictures up and then we had to take pictures together with doing certain things just to verify that we're...
Hold a sign up saying your name, your birthday, all the things.
Yeah.
And you have to...
It comes along with a lot of verification.
Yeah, and it's in the picture.
But like just go and stuff like that.
Like you get verified rooms, you get special things that you can be a part of.
It's nice to be verified on all of these websites.
There is so many websites, so many.
And then Facebook, there's groups of people.
If you're looking for local, Facebook is a good place to look for locally.
That's how we found PAD and groups like that.
There's a few of them that we've been a part of and lots of different things and stuff.
But fortunately though, a lot of times you have to get a connection with somebody already in those groups.
So you have to have an SDC or SLS or 3FUN to meet somebody in the lifestyle and connect with those people.
And then they will...they can invite you because you can't search up a lot of these Facebook groups.
They're private.
You just can't put them in a search engine and pop up.
It's a very discrete lifestyle, so you have to find the people.
That's why we say go onto SDC, SLS, Cassidy, one of them.
And they've been here for decades upon decades.
And then on those websites, the best part about being a part of SDC and SLS and them is that that's where most big events post all their events.
And all of the clubs that you could find are all in the directory there.
And you'll find...you can go by state and find exactly where your local meet and greets are, where your local clubs are, where your local events are.
And that's the main reason why I do well.
Search zip code and then...
Everything around. Yeah.
And then the private, more private things and the meet and mingles and the greets and stuff like that, you can find that.
And you can...there's lots of groups that have profiles on there.
And you're going to a place...
Yeah, like little local groups have their own like groups.
And you can see who's going to that event or who's RSVP to this or that.
And it's a good place to go on there and start connections with people that you're like, hey, this person's coming to this event that I'm going to, you know, starting that connection and going into it with not just being alone too.
You can find somebody that you're familiar with and that you know ahead of time or that has been and you can ask questions and stuff.
The more you're educated, the more confident you will be, I promise, if you know what you're going into and know where you're going.
And then we get on STC and SLS and those sites and you get to looking, deciding on what kind of event that you want to try first, whether it be a club or a meet and greet or what's the difference between all of these things.
I guess we should start there.
Oh, the difference between...
Each thing.
So when we say an event, we'll just...
Okay. So you're...
Take over.
Or...
A club.
Like it's just like it sounds.
It's a nightclub.
Yeah.
That...
You have to get a membership and it's like an exclusive private little club.
Right.
But all in all, it's a normal nightclub with usually with playrooms in the back and...
And a dance floor.
...rules posted and dance floors and usually a DJ.
Usually a great time.
And it's a nightclub with sometimes the option, sometimes not the option to have sex.
And then you have a house party, which are usually invite only, private.
Yeah.
Smaller.
Like somebody's house.
Yeah.
That's why it's a lot more...
Yeah.
A lot more if you know...
Somebody's house is usually a...
Private invitation thing.
Like a friend group that's known to everybody and like...
Facebook has a lot of house parties.
You'll find all the house parties on Facebook.
Facebook is like the place that you find house parties.
Yeah.
You get into the groups and in your local groups, I guarantee there's a ton of these
little tiny groups that they like to get together at people's houses and have their own little
version of Hotel Takeover and these little house parties.
And you'll find like where the people like they'll have quote unquote like mansion takeovers
and stuff like that where it's a lot like a house party.
Yeah.
But they have Airbnb, somebody that has a rental house that they let them use it.
Smaller.
Usually a smaller group.
Usually I'd say a normal house party is what?
25 to 30, 40 people.
Yeah.
I'd say 10 to...
I definitely recommend if you're going to a house party to know at least somebody before
you go.
We went to a house party, the only house party we've ever been to.
And that was...
Yeah.
We didn't know one single person there.
That was advertised.
It was intimidating because it was someone's house.
And that felt so different.
That felt different.
Walking in the front door right into the kitchen.
Into their house and they were all on the porch hanging out talking.
We didn't know a single soul there.
We didn't.
We were invited.
It was from a Facebook group that we were in and we were invited, but we didn't know
anyone and I wish you would have set some kind of communication up with a couple.
Yeah.
We didn't know anyone.
So we didn't do anyone because it was hard to talk to a lot of people.
We did.
We ended up meeting a lot of people and it was fine and it was fun.
But going into it, especially if that was my first experience, I would have definitely
been terrified.
Right?
Because I was almost dead.
At this point, yeah.
It was an experience for us.
At that point, we were already seasoned.
I don't know.
I was pretty close to running too.
It was intimidating.
It definitely took us out of our comfort zone.
For sure.
It was good.
Before that house party, we were going to takeovers and secrets with a lot of people
we'd known for a while.
So it took us out of the comfort zone where we were forced to meet new people, which I
think was really actually good for us.
But then after the house parties, you would have, I'd say floor parties like hotels where
they take over just one floor.
Yeah.
That's pretty much all a hotel takeover.
They just take over either a floor or a block or the entire hotel.
And you're at a hotel, usually a weekend thing, usually a whole weekend thing.
And then you have resorts like Hito and you've got secrets.
If that's more your vibe, maybe you just want to do a spicy vacation once a year.
You're just looking for an experience once or just somewhere tropical or somewhere warm,
somewhere you can relax, more vacation.
Then you have lifestyle friendly that aren't really lifestyle resorts like Temptations.
Yeah.
And Desire, which aren't technically lifestyle resorts, but they're lifestyle friendly.
And then you have like mixers and meet and greets.
That's usually just at a bar or in a restaurant or something like that.
And you just show up and it's just hang out, get a drink or get something to eat and just
meet other people.
It's very vanilla.
And yeah, just hang out.
Hanging out, meeting people.
Smaller group of people usually.
And it's just, it's in a vanilla setting.
Usually there's other people around usually.
Yeah.
But there's no people and families and stuff like that, nothing crazy.
So we would just hang out and talk and just, yeah, it's just, it's a mean, like any other
mean greatness.
Yeah.
And then on the other side of that, you also can just connect with a couple and go out
on a date.
Yeah.
Dating is very, very normal.
That's very normal.
We do it.
We still date people and go out to dinner and go places with them on the side.
Go out to dinner, go out to meet new people and just connect, make connections.
We went to the Mexican restaurant.
Longhorn.
Yeah.
Threefun was our app for pretty much the first year and a half.
We met a lot of our local friends.
Yeah.
At Threefun you'll find people like directly on top of you.
Like where you live.
It's a local app.
It's an app that you can pull up people based on distance.
So I mean, SEC and as well as that too, but this app is just an app.
Like it's like right.
It works well like Tinder.
Yeah.
And it's like this person is 0.8 miles away and stuff like that.
But that's how we found a lot of our local friends.
And then we would just get on there, connect, get onto a kick or snap or something on the
side or text or whatever.
And then we would go out to dinner and stuff.
And that might make it a little bit easier for you too.
Maybe that's more your style.
Maybe more two on two or two on one scenario or two on four, however many people you take
on a date.
But maybe that's more of your vibe.
And let's say find an event or find a club or find a hotel takeover or whatever.
It is that you're going to Zoom.
Book it.
Go on that date.
Take the date.
Go plan ahead of time and just keep on communicating.
Keep talking.
Yeah.
You got to keep open line of communication with your partner.
Don't test the waters.
Go very slowly.
That's my biggest recommendation is go in with no expectations at all.
Don't walk in expecting to have sex with anyone at all.
And just take your time.
Don't let the person that's most excited about it lead the way.
Stay at the pace of the most apprehensive person because you don't want to push those
people into uncomfortable situations.
You want to be comfortable.
And I just recommend going as a couple, as a you thing, as a date, as a let's go experience
the environment.
Let's go see what this is about.
Let's go meet people.
Go in and into it and just go into it wanting to meet people and learn as much as you possibly.
I think that's the number one thing is just it's not that serious.
Don't make it weird.
It can just be going and sitting down and having dinner at a club and just meeting people
and talking to people and seeing what's going on.
Dance for a little bit and go home.
It doesn't have to be.
Just like the club or hotel takeovers or even floor parties.
It's so much going on.
It's overwhelming.
You have to have time to acclimate.
Yeah.
And there's no it's there's so much going on.
There's so much stuff to see.
Yeah.
And you're your first time there and you're not and no one's going to you might be proposed.
You might be asked, but there's no one's going to.
No one's going to approach you for the most part and other than a friendly.
Yeah, they're going to approach you.
But even if you are approached to go play, there's no aggressive or anything.
It's going to be just a friendly.
Get to know your conversation and a normal conversation that you have with the grocery
store is people that you meet.
You're not going to see.
No pressure.
Yeah, that's what I was trying to the word I was looking for.
There's no pressure.
That's what I was trying to do.
If you feel any pressure, don't be afraid to say no to back out of that situation.
But for the most part, I guarantee you know, I'm going to be mad.
What's your name?
And by hearing.
Yeah, it's going to be very even when if you go on a date with another couple or anything
like that, it's just a normal regular.
I have to dinner with anyone that you don't know.
Get to know them people and talk to the people and get to know them and I get their planes
a little bit.
You're similar in some ways.
How long have you guys been a lifestyle?
What got you guys in the lifestyle?
Tell people don't be afraid to tell people that you don't know what you're doing, that
this is your first time that you have no idea what's going on.
And everyone in this lifestyle that I've ever met has been nothing but friendly and nice
and caring and they're willing to answer all the questions if you have the right attitude.
And if you go into it and you want to learn, there are people that are going to teach you.
There are so many people out there willing to grab your hand because I know the people
like we've met a lot of people where it was their first event, first takeover, first club
experience when we met a lot of people.
Yeah.
And I always like to hear their perspective anyway.
Like, what do you think?
That's how you find events and stuff.
That's another thing that I didn't bring up was finding events, finding clubs, finding
all of these house parties, these hotel takeovers, all of that.
Go in there and look at the reviews and ask people what their favorite hotel takeover
is, what their favorite club is, what, especially locally, like where do they go and hang out?
Where do they enjoy going on dates?
Where they enjoy going to the club, going to the takeover and stuff like that and get
people's recommendation on legit events, you know, in clubs and stuff that have all the
things that you need, the safety and the, you know, a good time too that draws a good
crowd, a good group of people.
Well, depending on what vibe you're looking for, what kind of atmosphere it brings and
the reputation is a lot.
Make sure that the hosts are, you know, have some education and they know what they're
doing and they're an exercise.
Cause every host and every party vibe is a little bit different.
So you just have to match your vibe and you have to figure it out.
It's all like I said, there's no playbook.
It's all trial and error.
You have to have people recommend so many different things to you and so many different
resorts and places to go and everything.
And each person is going to have something that they, we like to hang out with certain
groups because we just like the vibe, you know, and it's just, this is the group of
people that these people attract or other people that we're attracted to.
And those are obviously ones that we're going to go to and spend money on.
Everybody's going to find that group too, like their own group.
So you're going to find, you got to find your people and then to do that, you're going to
just go and test it out and try it out and get, talk to people, more people that you
meet.
We've, I've heard both spectrums of just about every group that we've, you know, is out there.
Oh yeah.
People that love.
This group likes to do this, this group only does this, this group likes this, this one
I don't like about this.
I love this about this group.
You'll hear all the things and you're really going to have to just test it out and try
it out and see which one fits you and your partner.
And then once you're done, the event and everything's over and you're going and you're leaving and
you were there, then what, then where you go from there?
What we do is we unpack for, we talk about it.
Yeah, like, cause again, so much is going on.
You have to take time.
It happens so fast.
Yeah.
You're talking about this.
You're talking about the whole situation like that next morning.
Yeah.
You're talking about the things you saw as you heard, you're going to remember things
and oh, did you see this or did you see that?
And you're going to relive these experiences and it's going to turn you both over.
You're going to remember details and stuff that you saw and didn't even think about it
until the next day.
Sometimes we drive home in complete silence, but then the next morning we'll sit on the
back porch and just like start just like spewing.
And then sometimes we talk the entire way home nonstop about it.
It's just sometimes some experiences, some depending on what happened or sometimes it
is like overwhelming and you just need to self-reflection first and to sit on it for
a minute.
A lot has happened or anything, boundaries that have adjusted or changed or anything
or feelings that you sitting on.
Sometimes driving home in silence, like it just is, there's no right or wrong way to
do it.
Sometimes you have to process it yourself before you.
You immediately start communicating.
But other times we'll be sitting.
Yeah, we'll sit there for eight, we've driven 13 hours and just talk straight through the
whole entire drive about everything.
So there's no right or wrong way as long as you communicate about it, as long as you talk
through it.
And then you can adjust boundaries, adjust rules.
Maybe after that, maybe we can lose this rule or we can adjust it a little bit or maybe
we can back off of that one.
Or I didn't like how I felt.
Or maybe I don't like that and we need to add boundaries.
We can add rules to it to make me feel more comfortable.
Or maybe I didn't like, it's good and bad to talk about all of the things.
Anything that you felt, any feeling that came up, any jealousy, any uncomfortable feelings
that you had during the whole experience, anything that you saw that you didn't love,
anything about the event itself that you loved or didn't love.
You have to be okay with just talking each little detail about it.
Yeah, all of it.
And then so you can adjust and you can navigate and you can find out the way you're going
to navigate this whole journey.
See, there's no wrong way to do it.
There's no wrong way.
As long as it works for you guys, it doesn't.
As long as it works for you guys and you're talking and you're getting stronger.
Yeah, it's nothing.
You're doing it right.
So just keep on trying things.
Keep on talking about these things.
Keep on being willing to experiment and learn and be open and communicate.
And if you don't enjoy yourself, try something different.
Try something else.
Right.
Try a different atmosphere.
Maybe like you were saying before, like maybe hotel takeovers are your thing.
They're overwhelming and they're a lot for some people.
Maybe they would be better with a club night.
I was talking to a guy, one of our friends last week or two weeks ago, something like
that.
And they were headed to a hotel takeover and he was telling me that it's really not,
they're starting to get to the point where they like a more intimate setting instead
of this big hotel thing.
Or there's people like, I'm bored of the small groups.
I want to do something big.
And so there's no right or wrong.
There's no right or wrong.
And there's like, your feelings are valid and you're okay.
Like you're okay.
It's okay to feel that way.
And it's okay to have preferences.
And it's okay.
You can pick and choose and make this journey exactly what you want it to be.
There's no right or wrong way.
It can take me tailored to your liking.
Just go slow.
No expectations.
Just have a good time.
Just enjoy yourself.
And don't let other people push their expectations on you.
No, it's okay.
Because you will run into that too where somebody expects something and you're going to have
to shut that down.
Yeah.
Don't let anybody push their expectations on you either.
That's all the time that we have to talk about that.
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There's not more we could say about that.
We're going to probably have to break this into another episode.
I'd like to do another episode about club etiquette, event etiquette, and what to bring,
and what to expect more, a little bit more in depth about all of that and what to take
with you and what's going to happen when you get there.
There's so much more that we could say in the whole of this and we can continue on.
But this was the basics of how to start the conversation, what to expect, getting dipping
your toes in, and how to navigate all of that.
So next week we're going to talk about red flags.
And green flags.
All the flags.
But all the flags.
Beige flags.
Going off of this.
Yeah.
Going off this episode.
Just something, not necessarily a hard stop, but definitely stuff to look out for.
Stuff to look out for.
Stuff we ran into.
To help protect you guys.
Some red flags we ran into.
Noticed a pattern and we've seen along the journey in Heather about along the journey
that kind of keep an eye on important stuff to keep in mind there.
And yeah, other than that we've got, we're going to Trappies November 15th.
We'll be in Trappies if you're going to be, if you're in Atlanta.
We're going there with Pad if you're in Pad and all of that.
Birthday party for anything but.
Yes, we've got birthday party coming up.
And then after that we've got, what have we got next?
We've got New Year's Eve with Pad as well.
Yeah, we're doing New Year's Eve with Pad.
Yes, we'll be there New Year's Eve.
And we'll have a link for that as well.
Yeah, so if you're looking for tickets, come to, that's going to be a great time.
And it's like a Tuesday or Wednesday, something like that.
So we get to come to it.
We've never ever left our house for New Year's Eve.
We always friend it with the kids.
Our anniversary is the 29th so we've always, if we did, we always did it that night.
But we've never celebrated New Year's Eve together outside of our home.
So that's going to be exciting.
And I'm excited that it's the end of the week.
It works out.
It's going to be good.
It's going to be a good time.
It's going to be a good family and then there's food, cocktails.
There's going to be, it's going to be such a good-
It's a whole big thing.
It's going to be a good time.
So if you have any questions about that or any information that you're looking for, it's
going to be down below and then in all of our socials as well.
And then after that-
Secrets.
Sold out.
So there's nothing to say really about that.
Yeah.
No.
Just if you're still looking for a room to get on a wait list, just email.
Yeah, if you want to get on a wait list, let us know and we can get you on there.
But yeah, it's sold out.
It sold out quickly.
It was a quick one.
I knew it would be.
See, there were a couple rooms that-
I tried to tell you.
There'll be a couple rooms that might open up, but again, there's already a wait list.
There's always cancellations.
There's chances if you're on the wait list, you probably will get a room and especially
closer to it.
You'll definitely have a lot of cancellations and things that happen.
Life happens and stuff.
Get on that wait list if you want to go so you can go.
It's going to be a good time as well with Stinger Society.
And then that's all we've got on the book so far.
We'll see.
We're going to do a lot of, I think, closer local to home stuff.
It's winter time.
We're going to stay a little closer to home, more Atlanta.
It's local bonfire hanging out with-
Local Atlanta stuff.
Unless something comes up where we're spontaneous and we never know where to expect us.
We'll just pop up randomly.
We do.
You never know where you're going to be, but those are the things on our calendars right
now.
And then we'll be back with you guys next Wednesday though.
So we'll see you guys next week.
We will talk to you very soon.
We love you guys.
All right, guys.
It's not that serious.
We'll make you weird.
Bye.