WEBVTT 00:00:04.419 --> 00:00:07.679 Hello, my dear ones. Welcome to the newest episode 00:00:07.679 --> 00:00:10.279 of Rejective Remark podcast for anyone who's 00:00:10.279 --> 00:00:13.300 faced rejection. I hope you're all doing well. 00:00:14.419 --> 00:00:17.440 Fall is just around the corner. It is August. 00:00:17.559 --> 00:00:19.920 Fall is just around the corner. I cannot believe 00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:22.920 that we are more than halfway through 2025. My 00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:24.699 God, if you're listening to all episodes of the 00:00:24.699 --> 00:00:26.899 podcast, I want to give a shout out to all of 00:00:26.899 --> 00:00:30.739 you. You are the real ones for sure. This is 00:00:30.739 --> 00:00:32.700 a podcast that features honest conversations 00:00:32.700 --> 00:00:36.350 about rejection and resilience showing that rejection 00:00:36.350 --> 00:00:38.429 can help us grow and evolve and become better 00:00:38.429 --> 00:00:41.189 versions of ourselves, despite the negative stigma 00:00:41.189 --> 00:00:44.070 that continues to surround rejection, even though 00:00:44.070 --> 00:00:46.909 we all experience it. But this episode today 00:00:46.909 --> 00:00:48.950 is not an interview episode, like a lot of the 00:00:48.950 --> 00:00:51.530 episodes are. This one is a bit different. It 00:00:51.530 --> 00:00:54.070 has been a while since I have done update episode. 00:00:54.170 --> 00:00:56.369 This is going to be one of those. And I'm going 00:00:56.369 --> 00:00:58.909 to be calling this episode something like the 00:00:58.909 --> 00:01:02.750 overachievers pedestal, thin line between admiration, 00:01:03.329 --> 00:01:07.269 and rejection. Now, I will explain what it will 00:01:07.269 --> 00:01:10.329 all be about very, very soon. I personally came 00:01:10.329 --> 00:01:12.629 up with the idea for this episode and for the 00:01:12.629 --> 00:01:16.750 title about 1 a .m. last night. I thought, why 00:01:16.750 --> 00:01:20.049 not record about it? Why not record this episode? 00:01:20.750 --> 00:01:23.689 So here I am. Here I am for you. This podcast 00:01:23.689 --> 00:01:26.209 episode is for you. If you ever feel like in 00:01:26.209 --> 00:01:30.290 your life you have been imposed high expectations. 00:01:30.909 --> 00:01:34.129 Whether it is the expectations you had as the 00:01:34.129 --> 00:01:38.090 oldest child, the eldest daughter, the only child, 00:01:38.170 --> 00:01:40.829 and maybe in your career, lots of times doctors, 00:01:40.969 --> 00:01:43.769 lawyers, engineers, or even leading up to that 00:01:43.769 --> 00:01:46.209 career pre -law or pre -med or pre -eng are put 00:01:46.209 --> 00:01:50.030 on this pedestal to be perfect. They're admired 00:01:50.030 --> 00:01:54.290 as if they are these ideal citizens doing everything 00:01:54.290 --> 00:01:55.930 right with their life, or at least, you know, 00:01:55.930 --> 00:01:59.829 it looks that way. Or I know several models. 00:02:00.659 --> 00:02:04.739 beautiful models. They're gorgeous and, you know, 00:02:04.959 --> 00:02:08.639 they have been, whether consciously or unconsciously, 00:02:08.840 --> 00:02:12.080 they are also put on this pedestal because of 00:02:12.080 --> 00:02:14.840 their beauty, because of the image they portray 00:02:14.840 --> 00:02:17.500 as someone who also seemingly appears effortlessly 00:02:17.500 --> 00:02:22.419 perfect. But actually, a lot of effort and dedication 00:02:22.419 --> 00:02:27.210 goes into looking that way, no matter how naturally 00:02:27.210 --> 00:02:29.629 beautiful they really are. And this goes for 00:02:29.629 --> 00:02:34.229 a lot of roles that people embody. And in the 00:02:34.229 --> 00:02:36.949 first glance, it seems like there's nothing wrong 00:02:36.949 --> 00:02:41.030 with that. In fact, some people chase to be admired. 00:02:41.830 --> 00:02:43.849 It seems like it's a great thing to be admired. 00:02:43.949 --> 00:02:46.669 I mean, who doesn't want that? If you're admired 00:02:46.669 --> 00:02:48.889 for the work that you do or the way that you 00:02:48.889 --> 00:02:53.120 look or both, then... That must mean you're doing 00:02:53.120 --> 00:02:56.719 something right right and you're successful Anyways, 00:02:56.759 --> 00:03:00.000 that was that was my thinking pattern growing 00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:03.180 up from a very early age I thought if I am perfect, 00:03:03.259 --> 00:03:05.939 then all will be good I felt like I constantly 00:03:05.939 --> 00:03:08.460 had to live up to some ideal and in a way It 00:03:08.460 --> 00:03:11.259 was good that I was striving for personal development. 00:03:11.259 --> 00:03:13.840 I was always like that But on the other hand, 00:03:13.840 --> 00:03:16.560 I never felt like I was enough. I always thought 00:03:16.560 --> 00:03:18.740 I could be more beautiful I could be more smarter. 00:03:18.740 --> 00:03:21.860 I could be better, you know and you know that 00:03:21.860 --> 00:03:23.539 line in tv shows and movies where they describe 00:03:23.539 --> 00:03:26.139 like certain girls every guy wanted to be with 00:03:26.139 --> 00:03:28.819 her and the girls wanted to be just like her 00:03:28.819 --> 00:03:32.620 like you know fully being serious when i was 00:03:32.620 --> 00:03:36.199 young let's say like pre -teen kid my goal was 00:03:36.199 --> 00:03:38.740 to embody those characters like a hundred percent 00:03:38.740 --> 00:03:41.310 because they were portrayed as perfection Yes, 00:03:41.349 --> 00:03:43.750 those characters like Serena Vanderwood from 00:03:43.750 --> 00:03:46.689 Gossip Girl, Elena Gilbert from Vampire Diaries, 00:03:46.849 --> 00:03:49.409 Bella Swan from Twilight, Rory Gilmore from Gilmore 00:03:49.409 --> 00:03:51.729 Girls, that was a big one for me, and Gabriella 00:03:51.729 --> 00:03:54.150 from High School Musical. You know, now looking 00:03:54.150 --> 00:03:57.650 back, I realize those were movie tropes, like 00:03:57.650 --> 00:03:59.830 a special girl trope. And sure, those characters 00:03:59.830 --> 00:04:01.830 definitely had some good qualities to them that 00:04:01.830 --> 00:04:04.210 are worth aspiring to, but they were also put 00:04:04.210 --> 00:04:07.009 on this pedestal to make the plot move along 00:04:07.009 --> 00:04:10.099 a bit quicker. I thought I needed to aspire to 00:04:10.099 --> 00:04:12.080 be like those girls and that is that is what 00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:16.319 I did and in a way I also put myself on a pedestal 00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:20.100 because I put myself under such high pressure 00:04:20.100 --> 00:04:23.579 to be and to appear like those girls. I worked 00:04:23.579 --> 00:04:26.019 to be smarter, I worked to be prettier and without 00:04:26.019 --> 00:04:29.180 even realizing it In my family, I was also put 00:04:29.180 --> 00:04:31.620 on this pedestal, whether consciously or unconsciously. 00:04:31.740 --> 00:04:34.220 Since I was the oldest child, I was from an early 00:04:34.220 --> 00:04:37.120 age expected to choose a career that would make 00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:39.699 me lots of money because in our family, making 00:04:39.699 --> 00:04:41.540 lots of money, that means you're successful. 00:04:41.740 --> 00:04:44.279 So when I initially chose to be a doctor, I was 00:04:44.279 --> 00:04:46.560 never really questioned about it. My parents 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:48.759 were just happy that their kid wants to be a 00:04:48.759 --> 00:04:50.980 doctor. It seemed like a safe profession because 00:04:50.980 --> 00:04:54.519 it looks good. And also because I was a girl. 00:04:55.529 --> 00:04:57.670 Coming from Eastern European culture, I was told 00:04:57.670 --> 00:04:59.370 I needed to look good. I needed to be pretty. 00:04:59.509 --> 00:05:02.470 I needed to dress up nice. And of course, wanting 00:05:02.470 --> 00:05:04.509 to be a good girl, want to be a good, perfect 00:05:04.509 --> 00:05:07.529 girl, I internalized all those expectations. 00:05:07.689 --> 00:05:10.910 I internalized everything they showed in movies 00:05:10.910 --> 00:05:13.649 as perfect and was sought after. And I made it 00:05:13.649 --> 00:05:17.569 my goal to be just like that. Because in that 00:05:17.569 --> 00:05:20.810 time, if I'm like that, that meant I could be 00:05:20.810 --> 00:05:23.620 happy. I could relax. This has resulted in me 00:05:23.620 --> 00:05:26.620 being put on pedestal the most often by myself. 00:05:27.480 --> 00:05:29.860 I did start being good at school because at first 00:05:29.860 --> 00:05:31.920 when I just moved to Canada I was I was not good 00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:34.040 at school I was not keeping up but I eventually 00:05:34.040 --> 00:05:37.300 did get to the point where I was I was a very 00:05:37.300 --> 00:05:39.920 good student academically. In high school, I 00:05:39.920 --> 00:05:42.800 was in AP classes. I was an A student. That became 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:45.060 the norm. I was a part of student council. I 00:05:45.060 --> 00:05:47.060 was in the running for valedictorian and that 00:05:47.060 --> 00:05:49.620 continued into university. That streak of being 00:05:49.620 --> 00:05:52.279 academically successful continued into university. 00:05:53.199 --> 00:05:56.240 And, you know, eventually what happened is that 00:05:56.240 --> 00:05:59.360 because of all of that, my family viewed me as 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:02.459 this child that they can put a bunch of these 00:06:02.459 --> 00:06:06.069 expectations on. Of course, they loved me, but 00:06:06.069 --> 00:06:09.829 I also felt like I needed to fulfill those expectations. 00:06:10.329 --> 00:06:13.850 And so I was I was placed on the pedestal. And 00:06:13.850 --> 00:06:16.589 often my parents like talking about my successes 00:06:16.589 --> 00:06:19.329 in school. And then my grandparents also like 00:06:19.329 --> 00:06:21.129 talking about my successes in school to their 00:06:21.129 --> 00:06:23.949 friends, which is what caused others to put me 00:06:23.949 --> 00:06:27.230 on a pedestal as well. And I mean, that was it, 00:06:27.290 --> 00:06:30.689 though. Right. It felt at that moment that that's 00:06:30.689 --> 00:06:33.389 exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be admired. 00:06:34.040 --> 00:06:36.600 I wanted to be perceived as flawless. I wanted 00:06:36.600 --> 00:06:40.139 to be Rory Gilmore. And I remember someone in 00:06:40.139 --> 00:06:43.220 high school I heard describe me as this smart 00:06:43.220 --> 00:06:47.620 girl. At the time, I felt, wow, like, this is 00:06:47.620 --> 00:06:49.579 the peak. Like, I think I'm smart. Other people 00:06:49.579 --> 00:06:51.819 see me that way. Like, I felt like I accomplished 00:06:51.819 --> 00:06:55.500 it. I looked my best. I was smart. I dressed 00:06:55.500 --> 00:06:58.939 nice. I looked great. I got good grades. But 00:06:58.939 --> 00:07:02.339 then as you might see coming, there is another 00:07:02.339 --> 00:07:05.029 side to the story, of course. Sure, that was 00:07:05.029 --> 00:07:08.170 the external validation I was craving for because 00:07:08.170 --> 00:07:10.949 deep down, I never thought I was enough. I thought 00:07:10.949 --> 00:07:15.470 I needed to keep chasing that energy of a Rory 00:07:15.470 --> 00:07:18.430 Gilmore character or Serena Vanderwoodson, who 00:07:18.430 --> 00:07:20.410 seemed like they have it perfect, that people 00:07:20.410 --> 00:07:22.829 like them. And I wanted to be just like that. 00:07:23.230 --> 00:07:25.110 Yeah, but deep down, I never thought I was enough. 00:07:25.250 --> 00:07:27.329 And I don't have to tell you that something is 00:07:27.329 --> 00:07:29.870 very, very wrong with that. And it took me some 00:07:29.870 --> 00:07:32.680 time to realize this. because I put myself on 00:07:32.680 --> 00:07:35.220 this pedestal of having to be like the good pretty 00:07:35.220 --> 00:07:38.699 girls that are shown in TV shows and movies and 00:07:38.699 --> 00:07:42.139 other people place me on this pedestal too as 00:07:42.139 --> 00:07:47.279 a result I became very very self -critical and 00:07:47.279 --> 00:07:50.519 it felt very lonely at times and if you have 00:07:50.519 --> 00:07:52.939 ever been put on a pedestal of any kind you know 00:07:52.939 --> 00:07:55.839 how that can be not only do you become very self 00:07:55.839 --> 00:07:59.040 -critical some people in your life start upholding 00:07:59.040 --> 00:08:03.180 you to a higher standard that they wouldn't ascribe 00:08:03.180 --> 00:08:05.959 to most people, or even themselves. And when 00:08:05.959 --> 00:08:11.399 you show the less perfect side of yourself, some 00:08:11.399 --> 00:08:13.240 people will be very eager to tell you that you 00:08:13.240 --> 00:08:15.899 messed up. And they become very fast, disappointed 00:08:15.899 --> 00:08:17.860 in you. And just like that, it goes from being 00:08:17.860 --> 00:08:21.379 put on a pedestal, being admired, to others thinking 00:08:21.379 --> 00:08:25.379 of, never mind, you suck. I am so, so disappointed. 00:08:25.819 --> 00:08:28.040 Initially, a lot of people are drawn to that 00:08:28.040 --> 00:08:32.279 image that you project. And when you make a mistake 00:08:32.279 --> 00:08:35.700 or show a more human side of yourself, because 00:08:35.700 --> 00:08:37.940 let's face it, we're not TV show characters, 00:08:38.080 --> 00:08:40.820 we're human beings, these people who have put 00:08:40.820 --> 00:08:43.779 you on this pedestal as well are more likely 00:08:43.779 --> 00:08:47.200 to pull away. And let me clarify, this is not 00:08:47.200 --> 00:08:50.039 because there's something wrong with you. No, 00:08:50.139 --> 00:08:52.539 no, because there's nothing wrong with you, but 00:08:52.539 --> 00:08:55.259 because you have initially been put on a pedestal 00:08:55.259 --> 00:08:59.710 as the quote, good, flawless girl, right? When 00:08:59.710 --> 00:09:03.029 you intentionally or mistakenly dare to break 00:09:03.029 --> 00:09:05.669 the impossibly high expectations that have been 00:09:05.669 --> 00:09:08.509 placed upon you, a lot of these expectations 00:09:08.509 --> 00:09:11.629 being mere projections of the other person anyway, 00:09:12.409 --> 00:09:15.470 you're more likely to experience rejection and 00:09:15.470 --> 00:09:18.730 feel rejected. Honestly, and I know from personal 00:09:18.730 --> 00:09:22.490 experience, if these experiences where people 00:09:22.490 --> 00:09:24.710 pull away from you because you show your less 00:09:24.710 --> 00:09:27.679 than perfect side, These experiences are not 00:09:27.679 --> 00:09:30.860 processed in a healthy way. They can trap you 00:09:30.860 --> 00:09:34.519 in a very painful cycle of never feeling like 00:09:34.519 --> 00:09:38.019 you're enough, even though you're trying so hard 00:09:38.019 --> 00:09:40.620 to be, to live up to that image that people built 00:09:40.620 --> 00:09:43.200 for you and that you built for yourself. And 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:47.559 that is a profoundly, very disheartening, lonely, 00:09:47.700 --> 00:09:51.919 lonely place to be. So here it is, the thin line 00:09:51.919 --> 00:09:54.769 between admiration and rejection. Another example, 00:09:55.169 --> 00:09:57.389 celebrities experience this all the time. They're 00:09:57.389 --> 00:09:59.450 so famous that most people forget they're just 00:09:59.450 --> 00:10:03.029 human. They praise them and look up to them as 00:10:03.029 --> 00:10:05.809 if they're idols. They're something more. But 00:10:05.809 --> 00:10:08.350 when they mess up, they can be dragged so far 00:10:08.350 --> 00:10:10.870 down into the mud by others because how dare 00:10:10.870 --> 00:10:12.870 they break the expectations of people they have 00:10:12.870 --> 00:10:16.850 never even met, right? We forget they are human, 00:10:16.909 --> 00:10:19.649 so we reserve to harsh judgments. Forget that 00:10:19.649 --> 00:10:22.129 they can also feel and be hurt by whatever you 00:10:22.129 --> 00:10:25.679 say. Same with models. Models, they are beautiful. 00:10:25.980 --> 00:10:28.779 But so many of them struggle with anxiety and 00:10:28.779 --> 00:10:31.940 low self -esteem. Why? Because there they break 00:10:31.940 --> 00:10:34.279 the perfect image. They feel like they will be 00:10:34.279 --> 00:10:37.019 rejected by others. And I will say this right 00:10:37.019 --> 00:10:39.519 now. There are people who can accept you as a 00:10:39.519 --> 00:10:42.960 whole, model or not, for who you truly are without 00:10:42.960 --> 00:10:44.860 the perfect image that sometimes you feel you 00:10:44.860 --> 00:10:47.519 have to hold. There are people like that who 00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:49.919 will accept you. You just have to find them. 00:10:50.480 --> 00:10:53.379 But If you've ever been put on a pedestal of 00:10:53.379 --> 00:10:56.440 any kind, you may have been burned and hurt by 00:10:56.440 --> 00:10:58.720 people turning you down because you don't fit 00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:00.659 the image they projected upon you. Therefore, 00:11:00.659 --> 00:11:03.559 sometimes it just feels safer to continue playing 00:11:03.559 --> 00:11:06.019 the role they placed upon you, which can feel 00:11:06.019 --> 00:11:08.639 super disempowering. As my friend in medicine 00:11:08.639 --> 00:11:11.559 shared, doctors are often put on this pedestal. 00:11:11.659 --> 00:11:14.759 As for many people, they are the epitome of perfection 00:11:14.759 --> 00:11:17.519 and morale, as if they know what is best all 00:11:17.519 --> 00:11:21.059 the time and nothing less may be expected. But 00:11:21.059 --> 00:11:24.740 doctors are human too. They may act and project 00:11:24.740 --> 00:11:26.899 an image of confidence because if they don't, 00:11:27.039 --> 00:11:28.960 well, some people might be very well disappointed 00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:31.639 because it doesn't fit their idea for the doctor 00:11:31.639 --> 00:11:35.419 is. But just like us mere mortals, doctors may 00:11:35.419 --> 00:11:38.620 not always know what to do. They can make mistakes 00:11:38.620 --> 00:11:41.059 and doubt their decisions. At the end of the 00:11:41.059 --> 00:11:43.659 day, we're all just trying our best at our jobs, 00:11:43.700 --> 00:11:45.580 and we all want to feel loved, respected, and 00:11:45.580 --> 00:11:49.580 supported. How do we escape being placed on a 00:11:49.580 --> 00:11:53.340 pedestal by ourselves or others? And I just want 00:11:53.340 --> 00:11:55.360 to share this. When I decided not to pursue medical 00:11:55.360 --> 00:11:57.440 school and I shared that with people in my life, 00:11:57.960 --> 00:12:02.320 it brought a lot of them discomfort because medicine 00:12:02.320 --> 00:12:05.200 revolved around my good girl identity for so, 00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:08.480 so, so long. And now that I'm letting go of it, 00:12:08.879 --> 00:12:11.039 people don't know how to make sense of me. They're 00:12:11.039 --> 00:12:15.320 like, who is Valeria now? Who am I now? I asked 00:12:15.320 --> 00:12:18.120 myself this too. The girl who had a powerful 00:12:18.120 --> 00:12:19.919 dream and powerful ambitions and now decided 00:12:19.919 --> 00:12:22.679 to give it all up? Am I now the girl who's in 00:12:22.679 --> 00:12:25.000 search of herself but will probably end up pursuing 00:12:25.000 --> 00:12:28.639 medicine anyways? Some people think a mix of 00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:31.460 all those things. That's their truth. And that's 00:12:31.460 --> 00:12:33.659 alright with me. And I used to worry about this, 00:12:33.740 --> 00:12:35.460 but soon I came to realize that no matter what 00:12:35.460 --> 00:12:38.200 I do, people will always have their own perceptions 00:12:38.200 --> 00:12:40.799 of me, some positive, some negative, that I have 00:12:40.799 --> 00:12:44.820 absolutely no control over. My current truth 00:12:44.820 --> 00:12:47.700 is nothing like that though. My truth is constantly 00:12:47.700 --> 00:12:51.679 evolving because I am evolving There's no way 00:12:51.679 --> 00:12:54.200 for sure knowing what my future will bring me 00:12:54.200 --> 00:12:57.299 I'm not a fortune teller But I know I will make 00:12:57.299 --> 00:13:00.159 the best of it and I trust myself to do that 00:13:00.159 --> 00:13:02.320 this fall I'm going to business school at the 00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:05.259 University of Calgary in Alberta, Canada Where 00:13:05.259 --> 00:13:07.559 I plan to learn about the different career paths 00:13:07.559 --> 00:13:09.879 there and gain some hard skills that will help 00:13:09.879 --> 00:13:13.330 me advance into the workforce I thought about 00:13:13.330 --> 00:13:15.789 it a lot and it really feels like it's a great 00:13:15.789 --> 00:13:18.309 fit for me at the moment. I still have goals 00:13:18.309 --> 00:13:21.129 and I still have my ambitions. They just changed. 00:13:21.570 --> 00:13:25.029 My priorities changed. I no longer worry about 00:13:25.029 --> 00:13:27.950 doing whatever looks good. I'm going to start 00:13:27.950 --> 00:13:30.330 focusing on doing whatever feels good. And that 00:13:30.330 --> 00:13:33.850 for me is a true win. So let's come back to the 00:13:33.850 --> 00:13:35.970 question of how do we escape being placed on 00:13:35.970 --> 00:13:39.600 a pedestal by ourselves or others? And how do 00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:41.659 we avoid putting other people in our life on 00:13:41.659 --> 00:13:45.179 a pedestal? And let's just say that there is 00:13:45.179 --> 00:13:48.500 nothing wrong with admiring somebody for their 00:13:48.500 --> 00:13:50.500 beauty, for their smarts, or just for their various 00:13:50.500 --> 00:13:54.000 qualities. But as you do it, please keep in mind 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:57.000 these people are human. Whoever you admire or 00:13:57.000 --> 00:13:59.720 look up to can make mistakes. You won't always 00:13:59.720 --> 00:14:01.620 agree with their actions or how they present 00:14:01.620 --> 00:14:04.480 themselves. It does not mean they're bad people. 00:14:04.639 --> 00:14:06.519 It just means they're different and they too 00:14:06.519 --> 00:14:08.980 deserve a voice and deserve to be given a benefit 00:14:08.980 --> 00:14:12.620 of the doubt. I will admit, as someone who has 00:14:12.620 --> 00:14:14.980 been put on a pedestal as the overachiever good 00:14:14.980 --> 00:14:18.240 girl early in her life, I faced a lot of backlash 00:14:18.240 --> 00:14:21.259 when I started placing boundaries and expressing 00:14:21.259 --> 00:14:24.279 all parts of me and talking back to people when 00:14:24.279 --> 00:14:26.600 I gave myself permission to change my mind and 00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:30.240 to ask and demand space. It made people angry. 00:14:30.379 --> 00:14:32.399 because it didn't match their projections of 00:14:32.399 --> 00:14:35.080 me, which again, something I have no control 00:14:35.080 --> 00:14:37.720 over. There are people in my life who have pulled 00:14:37.720 --> 00:14:39.940 away from me. They were used to be very close 00:14:39.940 --> 00:14:42.100 to me. These people have pulled away from me 00:14:42.100 --> 00:14:44.500 because of this and there are some who even love 00:14:44.500 --> 00:14:47.940 me but think I could be better. The harsh reality 00:14:47.940 --> 00:14:49.899 is some people will place you on a pedestal no 00:14:49.899 --> 00:14:51.899 matter what you do and there's no way you can 00:14:51.899 --> 00:14:54.639 change that nor should you try to. That is other 00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:59.470 people and other people Opinions are their opinions 00:14:59.470 --> 00:15:02.889 of you. So what I suggest you do, focus inward 00:15:02.889 --> 00:15:06.269 instead. And most importantly, don't reject yourself. 00:15:06.850 --> 00:15:08.970 Don't reject yourself and your truth. Enough 00:15:08.970 --> 00:15:10.970 rejectors and haters out there. You don't need 00:15:10.970 --> 00:15:14.649 to be hating on you. As I'm rebuilding my truth 00:15:14.649 --> 00:15:17.610 and trying to stay true to myself, whatever that 00:15:17.610 --> 00:15:20.600 means, you know... For me, that means involves 00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:23.580 shedding that pedestal persona and owning who 00:15:23.580 --> 00:15:26.399 I actually am, all the positives and negatives, 00:15:26.539 --> 00:15:29.039 whatever that may mean. There are things that 00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:31.320 I can recommend to you that are currently working 00:15:31.320 --> 00:15:34.500 for me. And again, it's not always an easy process. 00:15:34.600 --> 00:15:36.419 But let me tell you, when you commit to feeling 00:15:36.419 --> 00:15:39.080 good in your body and soul rather than focusing 00:15:39.080 --> 00:15:42.539 on how you look from the outside to people, the 00:15:42.539 --> 00:15:45.559 peace and joy you gain make it all the worth 00:15:45.559 --> 00:15:48.750 it. Sometimes it really feels like a battle that 00:15:48.750 --> 00:15:51.529 is both external and internal. I can be my own 00:15:51.529 --> 00:15:54.269 toughest critic sometimes, rejecting parts of 00:15:54.269 --> 00:15:57.710 myself for not being perfect enough. But in my 00:15:57.710 --> 00:16:00.490 case, healing means learning to accept and love 00:16:00.490 --> 00:16:04.149 all parts of me. And as I said before, externally 00:16:04.149 --> 00:16:06.049 there are people who have pulled away from me, 00:16:06.309 --> 00:16:08.690 cut me off even. It really hurt in the moment 00:16:08.690 --> 00:16:10.610 and I still feel grief for the people that left 00:16:10.610 --> 00:16:13.309 my side. but now I also understand that instead 00:16:13.309 --> 00:16:15.730 this makes space for people who can and will 00:16:15.730 --> 00:16:18.750 accept me for who I am not as the glorified version 00:16:18.750 --> 00:16:22.210 of me but for me with all my imperfections and 00:16:22.210 --> 00:16:25.450 my quirks. To further help yourself please remember 00:16:25.450 --> 00:16:28.470 the role you may have been given early on in 00:16:28.470 --> 00:16:31.129 your childhood or in your career or in some of 00:16:31.129 --> 00:16:35.070 your relationships is only a role and it is not 00:16:35.070 --> 00:16:39.419 your whole self. Being admired or idealized Often 00:16:39.419 --> 00:16:42.600 means people are projecting their own hopes and 00:16:42.600 --> 00:16:45.360 fears onto you. They're not really seeing you 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:48.980 fully. So please stay self -aware and separate 00:16:48.980 --> 00:16:51.919 who you really are in your own individuality 00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:54.539 from the roles others expect you to play. They're 00:16:54.539 --> 00:16:58.120 not one and the same. You are so much more than 00:16:58.120 --> 00:17:00.899 just the pretty one, the smart one, the good 00:17:00.899 --> 00:17:04.140 one, the strong one, the helper, and on and on 00:17:04.140 --> 00:17:08.440 these labels go. Right? Please remember that. 00:17:08.619 --> 00:17:12.099 And secondly, please practice self -compassion 00:17:12.099 --> 00:17:14.759 when you don't meet expectations, either your 00:17:14.759 --> 00:17:17.599 own or other people's expectations. It's okay 00:17:17.599 --> 00:17:20.440 to stumble. It's okay to get angry or set boundaries, 00:17:20.839 --> 00:17:24.319 even if others expect perfection. Be gentle. 00:17:25.019 --> 00:17:27.539 Please be gentle with yourself and remind yourself 00:17:27.539 --> 00:17:31.380 that growth isn't linear. Thirdly, seek out people 00:17:31.380 --> 00:17:34.579 who value the real you, not just the ideal you, 00:17:35.099 --> 00:17:38.930 right? Look for friends. Look for mentors. who 00:17:38.930 --> 00:17:42.589 accept your messiness, your complexity, who celebrate 00:17:42.589 --> 00:17:45.130 your humanity, not just your achievements or 00:17:45.130 --> 00:17:49.109 your appearance. Really important. Share your 00:17:49.109 --> 00:17:52.769 struggles and vulnerabilities, right? Opening 00:17:52.769 --> 00:17:56.410 up, even in smaller ways, helps build deeper 00:17:56.410 --> 00:17:58.910 connections and break down the pedestal that 00:17:58.910 --> 00:18:01.890 can often feel very lonely and very isolating. 00:18:02.549 --> 00:18:06.089 You don't have to share everything at once and 00:18:06.089 --> 00:18:09.200 do it with people you trust. Start small and 00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:12.539 see how people respond and some of the most important 00:18:12.539 --> 00:18:15.759 pieces of advice I can give you is please it's 00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:19.400 way easier said than done But please I'm working 00:18:19.400 --> 00:18:22.619 on this too because like I'm still learning as 00:18:22.619 --> 00:18:26.180 I go This is just my reflection to you, but I 00:18:26.180 --> 00:18:28.220 don't I don't have it all figured out yet I'm 00:18:28.220 --> 00:18:31.220 just I'm just figuring out life one of the most 00:18:31.220 --> 00:18:33.460 important pieces of advice and something that 00:18:33.460 --> 00:18:38.440 really helps me is Set boundaries around expectations 00:18:38.440 --> 00:18:41.779 that feel harmful. It is okay to say no it is 00:18:41.779 --> 00:18:43.839 okay to step back from relationships and only 00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:48.279 value your quote image and because you need to 00:18:48.279 --> 00:18:51.480 protect your emotional energy and Please remember 00:18:51.480 --> 00:18:55.400 it is a process. There is no perfect way. I'm 00:18:55.400 --> 00:18:57.960 really still learning how to do it all myself 00:18:57.960 --> 00:19:01.220 some days I feel like I'm have a lot of progress 00:19:01.220 --> 00:19:04.750 others like setbacks. For the risk of sounding 00:19:04.750 --> 00:19:07.009 too cliché, it really is a part of being human, 00:19:07.089 --> 00:19:10.410 I suppose. And please affirm this to yourself 00:19:10.410 --> 00:19:14.069 every single day. You are enough. Trust that 00:19:14.069 --> 00:19:17.210 you are enough. And it's always good to continue 00:19:17.210 --> 00:19:20.150 to strive to be better. But please recognize 00:19:20.150 --> 00:19:23.470 the beauty in who you are now, please. And with 00:19:23.470 --> 00:19:25.730 this podcast, I always come back to the idea 00:19:25.730 --> 00:19:28.549 of rejection. Yes, when you live your life, no 00:19:28.549 --> 00:19:31.269 matter what you do, even when you try to be perfect, 00:19:31.400 --> 00:19:34.519 People will find reasons to reject you. Some 00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:37.380 people, not everybody. It's just reality. So 00:19:37.380 --> 00:19:40.460 live your life the way you want to. Within reason, 00:19:40.660 --> 00:19:43.660 of course. Don't hurt people, don't murder. Live 00:19:43.660 --> 00:19:46.079 your life the way you want to. Stay true to yourself, 00:19:46.119 --> 00:19:48.420 whatever that means, and you will find opportunities 00:19:48.420 --> 00:19:50.940 and people that will align with your values and 00:19:50.940 --> 00:19:53.019 your priorities. You just got to be brave enough 00:19:53.019 --> 00:19:55.160 to follow through. Easier said than done, of 00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:57.599 course, but it all starts with baby steps. There 00:19:57.599 --> 00:19:59.660 will be hurdles along the way, but when you commit 00:19:59.660 --> 00:20:02.059 your life to living the way you want to, then 00:20:02.059 --> 00:20:05.579 the way in which feels good, feels good to you. 00:20:06.059 --> 00:20:08.680 Not just looks good, but feels good to you. You 00:20:08.680 --> 00:20:11.059 will feel much more at peace and joy in the long 00:20:11.059 --> 00:20:14.339 run. Trust me on this one. If you like to talk 00:20:14.339 --> 00:20:16.039 and get something off your chest, because maybe 00:20:16.039 --> 00:20:17.519 you can resonate with some of what I said in 00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:20.400 this episode, please feel free to book a meeting 00:20:20.400 --> 00:20:24.250 with me at thecalendly .com. I'll put a link 00:20:24.250 --> 00:20:26.269 in the show notes for that. You can book a meeting 00:20:26.269 --> 00:20:27.829 with me. We can talk about it. It's all going 00:20:27.829 --> 00:20:30.069 to be confidential. Please remember that you're 00:20:30.069 --> 00:20:32.109 not alone. I'm soon going to come to an end of 00:20:32.109 --> 00:20:34.809 this episode, but if you'd like to support the 00:20:34.809 --> 00:20:37.789 podcast, you can donate at buymeatcoffee .com 00:20:37.789 --> 00:20:39.910 slash Valeria Rusnak. There's also a link for 00:20:39.910 --> 00:20:42.089 that in the show notes. And I really want to 00:20:42.089 --> 00:20:44.089 acknowledge and send a big thank you to all the 00:20:44.089 --> 00:20:47.150 donors on Buy Me a Coffee. One anonymous donor 00:20:47.150 --> 00:20:51.160 and King. Thank you so much. Your support means 00:20:51.160 --> 00:20:54.680 the world to me, and you're just the best. Thank 00:20:54.680 --> 00:20:57.720 you. And I'm very happy to announce that I also 00:20:57.720 --> 00:20:59.940 launched a Facebook group called The Rejections 00:20:59.940 --> 00:21:02.400 Room. Anyone is welcome to join. It's a space 00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:05.519 where you can support, quietly observe, or vent 00:21:05.519 --> 00:21:08.799 about your rejections anonymously, or maybe even 00:21:08.799 --> 00:21:11.180 share how they helped you grow. It's a non -judgmental, 00:21:11.240 --> 00:21:12.920 safe space that hopefully helps you feel less 00:21:12.920 --> 00:21:14.740 alone, and the link for that will also be waiting 00:21:14.740 --> 00:21:17.059 for you in the show notes. Lastly, I just want 00:21:17.059 --> 00:21:21.000 to say, be you, stay true to you. and you are 00:21:21.000 --> 00:21:23.099 so much more than the label that people place 00:21:23.099 --> 00:21:26.359 upon you. Please remember that, and you're not 00:21:26.359 --> 00:21:29.279 alone. I have your back. This has been Valeria 00:21:29.279 --> 00:21:32.099 Rusnak, the host of the Rejected Prima podcast 00:21:32.099 --> 00:21:34.599 for anyone who's faced rejection. Thank you so 00:21:34.599 --> 00:21:36.980 much for tuning in, and I will see you next time.