Hello, my dear ones. Welcome to the newest episode
of Rejective Remark podcast for anyone who's
faced rejection. I hope you're all doing well.
Fall is just around the corner. It is August.
Fall is just around the corner. I cannot believe
that we are more than halfway through 2025. My
God, if you're listening to all episodes of the
podcast, I want to give a shout out to all of
you. You are the real ones for sure. This is
a podcast that features honest conversations
about rejection and resilience showing that rejection
can help us grow and evolve and become better
versions of ourselves, despite the negative stigma
that continues to surround rejection, even though
we all experience it. But this episode today
is not an interview episode, like a lot of the
episodes are. This one is a bit different. It
has been a while since I have done update episode.
This is going to be one of those. And I'm going
to be calling this episode something like the
overachievers pedestal, thin line between admiration,
and rejection. Now, I will explain what it will
all be about very, very soon. I personally came
up with the idea for this episode and for the
title about 1 a .m. last night. I thought, why
not record about it? Why not record this episode?
So here I am. Here I am for you. This podcast
episode is for you. If you ever feel like in
your life you have been imposed high expectations.
Whether it is the expectations you had as the
oldest child, the eldest daughter, the only child,
and maybe in your career, lots of times doctors,
lawyers, engineers, or even leading up to that
career pre -law or pre -med or pre -eng are put
on this pedestal to be perfect. They're admired
as if they are these ideal citizens doing everything
right with their life, or at least, you know,
it looks that way. Or I know several models.
beautiful models. They're gorgeous and, you know,
they have been, whether consciously or unconsciously,
they are also put on this pedestal because of
their beauty, because of the image they portray
as someone who also seemingly appears effortlessly
perfect. But actually, a lot of effort and dedication
goes into looking that way, no matter how naturally
beautiful they really are. And this goes for
a lot of roles that people embody. And in the
first glance, it seems like there's nothing wrong
with that. In fact, some people chase to be admired.
It seems like it's a great thing to be admired.
I mean, who doesn't want that? If you're admired
for the work that you do or the way that you
look or both, then... That must mean you're doing
something right right and you're successful Anyways,
that was that was my thinking pattern growing
up from a very early age I thought if I am perfect,
then all will be good I felt like I constantly
had to live up to some ideal and in a way It
was good that I was striving for personal development.
I was always like that But on the other hand,
I never felt like I was enough. I always thought
I could be more beautiful I could be more smarter.
I could be better, you know and you know that
line in tv shows and movies where they describe
like certain girls every guy wanted to be with
her and the girls wanted to be just like her
like you know fully being serious when i was
young let's say like pre -teen kid my goal was
to embody those characters like a hundred percent
because they were portrayed as perfection Yes,
those characters like Serena Vanderwood from
Gossip Girl, Elena Gilbert from Vampire Diaries,
Bella Swan from Twilight, Rory Gilmore from Gilmore
Girls, that was a big one for me, and Gabriella
from High School Musical. You know, now looking
back, I realize those were movie tropes, like
a special girl trope. And sure, those characters
definitely had some good qualities to them that
are worth aspiring to, but they were also put
on this pedestal to make the plot move along
a bit quicker. I thought I needed to aspire to
be like those girls and that is that is what
I did and in a way I also put myself on a pedestal
because I put myself under such high pressure
to be and to appear like those girls. I worked
to be smarter, I worked to be prettier and without
even realizing it In my family, I was also put
on this pedestal, whether consciously or unconsciously.
Since I was the oldest child, I was from an early
age expected to choose a career that would make
me lots of money because in our family, making
lots of money, that means you're successful.
So when I initially chose to be a doctor, I was
never really questioned about it. My parents
were just happy that their kid wants to be a
doctor. It seemed like a safe profession because
it looks good. And also because I was a girl.
Coming from Eastern European culture, I was told
I needed to look good. I needed to be pretty.
I needed to dress up nice. And of course, wanting
to be a good girl, want to be a good, perfect
girl, I internalized all those expectations.
I internalized everything they showed in movies
as perfect and was sought after. And I made it
my goal to be just like that. Because in that
time, if I'm like that, that meant I could be
happy. I could relax. This has resulted in me
being put on pedestal the most often by myself.
I did start being good at school because at first
when I just moved to Canada I was I was not good
at school I was not keeping up but I eventually
did get to the point where I was I was a very
good student academically. In high school, I
was in AP classes. I was an A student. That became
the norm. I was a part of student council. I
was in the running for valedictorian and that
continued into university. That streak of being
academically successful continued into university.
And, you know, eventually what happened is that
because of all of that, my family viewed me as
this child that they can put a bunch of these
expectations on. Of course, they loved me, but
I also felt like I needed to fulfill those expectations.
And so I was I was placed on the pedestal. And
often my parents like talking about my successes
in school. And then my grandparents also like
talking about my successes in school to their
friends, which is what caused others to put me
on a pedestal as well. And I mean, that was it,
though. Right. It felt at that moment that that's
exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be admired.
I wanted to be perceived as flawless. I wanted
to be Rory Gilmore. And I remember someone in
high school I heard describe me as this smart
girl. At the time, I felt, wow, like, this is
the peak. Like, I think I'm smart. Other people
see me that way. Like, I felt like I accomplished
it. I looked my best. I was smart. I dressed
nice. I looked great. I got good grades. But
then as you might see coming, there is another
side to the story, of course. Sure, that was
the external validation I was craving for because
deep down, I never thought I was enough. I thought
I needed to keep chasing that energy of a Rory
Gilmore character or Serena Vanderwoodson, who
seemed like they have it perfect, that people
like them. And I wanted to be just like that.
Yeah, but deep down, I never thought I was enough.
And I don't have to tell you that something is
very, very wrong with that. And it took me some
time to realize this. because I put myself on
this pedestal of having to be like the good pretty
girls that are shown in TV shows and movies and
other people place me on this pedestal too as
a result I became very very self -critical and
it felt very lonely at times and if you have
ever been put on a pedestal of any kind you know
how that can be not only do you become very self
-critical some people in your life start upholding
you to a higher standard that they wouldn't ascribe
to most people, or even themselves. And when
you show the less perfect side of yourself, some
people will be very eager to tell you that you
messed up. And they become very fast, disappointed
in you. And just like that, it goes from being
put on a pedestal, being admired, to others thinking
of, never mind, you suck. I am so, so disappointed.
Initially, a lot of people are drawn to that
image that you project. And when you make a mistake
or show a more human side of yourself, because
let's face it, we're not TV show characters,
we're human beings, these people who have put
you on this pedestal as well are more likely
to pull away. And let me clarify, this is not
because there's something wrong with you. No,
no, because there's nothing wrong with you, but
because you have initially been put on a pedestal
as the quote, good, flawless girl, right? When
you intentionally or mistakenly dare to break
the impossibly high expectations that have been
placed upon you, a lot of these expectations
being mere projections of the other person anyway,
you're more likely to experience rejection and
feel rejected. Honestly, and I know from personal
experience, if these experiences where people
pull away from you because you show your less
than perfect side, These experiences are not
processed in a healthy way. They can trap you
in a very painful cycle of never feeling like
you're enough, even though you're trying so hard
to be, to live up to that image that people built
for you and that you built for yourself. And
that is a profoundly, very disheartening, lonely,
lonely place to be. So here it is, the thin line
between admiration and rejection. Another example,
celebrities experience this all the time. They're
so famous that most people forget they're just
human. They praise them and look up to them as
if they're idols. They're something more. But
when they mess up, they can be dragged so far
down into the mud by others because how dare
they break the expectations of people they have
never even met, right? We forget they are human,
so we reserve to harsh judgments. Forget that
they can also feel and be hurt by whatever you
say. Same with models. Models, they are beautiful.
But so many of them struggle with anxiety and
low self -esteem. Why? Because there they break
the perfect image. They feel like they will be
rejected by others. And I will say this right
now. There are people who can accept you as a
whole, model or not, for who you truly are without
the perfect image that sometimes you feel you
have to hold. There are people like that who
will accept you. You just have to find them.
But If you've ever been put on a pedestal of
any kind, you may have been burned and hurt by
people turning you down because you don't fit
the image they projected upon you. Therefore,
sometimes it just feels safer to continue playing
the role they placed upon you, which can feel
super disempowering. As my friend in medicine
shared, doctors are often put on this pedestal.
As for many people, they are the epitome of perfection
and morale, as if they know what is best all
the time and nothing less may be expected. But
doctors are human too. They may act and project
an image of confidence because if they don't,
well, some people might be very well disappointed
because it doesn't fit their idea for the doctor
is. But just like us mere mortals, doctors may
not always know what to do. They can make mistakes
and doubt their decisions. At the end of the
day, we're all just trying our best at our jobs,
and we all want to feel loved, respected, and
supported. How do we escape being placed on a
pedestal by ourselves or others? And I just want
to share this. When I decided not to pursue medical
school and I shared that with people in my life,
it brought a lot of them discomfort because medicine
revolved around my good girl identity for so,
so, so long. And now that I'm letting go of it,
people don't know how to make sense of me. They're
like, who is Valeria now? Who am I now? I asked
myself this too. The girl who had a powerful
dream and powerful ambitions and now decided
to give it all up? Am I now the girl who's in
search of herself but will probably end up pursuing
medicine anyways? Some people think a mix of
all those things. That's their truth. And that's
alright with me. And I used to worry about this,
but soon I came to realize that no matter what
I do, people will always have their own perceptions
of me, some positive, some negative, that I have
absolutely no control over. My current truth
is nothing like that though. My truth is constantly
evolving because I am evolving There's no way
for sure knowing what my future will bring me
I'm not a fortune teller But I know I will make
the best of it and I trust myself to do that
this fall I'm going to business school at the
University of Calgary in Alberta, Canada Where
I plan to learn about the different career paths
there and gain some hard skills that will help
me advance into the workforce I thought about
it a lot and it really feels like it's a great
fit for me at the moment. I still have goals
and I still have my ambitions. They just changed.
My priorities changed. I no longer worry about
doing whatever looks good. I'm going to start
focusing on doing whatever feels good. And that
for me is a true win. So let's come back to the
question of how do we escape being placed on
a pedestal by ourselves or others? And how do
we avoid putting other people in our life on
a pedestal? And let's just say that there is
nothing wrong with admiring somebody for their
beauty, for their smarts, or just for their various
qualities. But as you do it, please keep in mind
these people are human. Whoever you admire or
look up to can make mistakes. You won't always
agree with their actions or how they present
themselves. It does not mean they're bad people.
It just means they're different and they too
deserve a voice and deserve to be given a benefit
of the doubt. I will admit, as someone who has
been put on a pedestal as the overachiever good
girl early in her life, I faced a lot of backlash
when I started placing boundaries and expressing
all parts of me and talking back to people when
I gave myself permission to change my mind and
to ask and demand space. It made people angry.
because it didn't match their projections of
me, which again, something I have no control
over. There are people in my life who have pulled
away from me. They were used to be very close
to me. These people have pulled away from me
because of this and there are some who even love
me but think I could be better. The harsh reality
is some people will place you on a pedestal no
matter what you do and there's no way you can
change that nor should you try to. That is other
people and other people Opinions are their opinions
of you. So what I suggest you do, focus inward
instead. And most importantly, don't reject yourself.
Don't reject yourself and your truth. Enough
rejectors and haters out there. You don't need
to be hating on you. As I'm rebuilding my truth
and trying to stay true to myself, whatever that
means, you know... For me, that means involves
shedding that pedestal persona and owning who
I actually am, all the positives and negatives,
whatever that may mean. There are things that
I can recommend to you that are currently working
for me. And again, it's not always an easy process.
But let me tell you, when you commit to feeling
good in your body and soul rather than focusing
on how you look from the outside to people, the
peace and joy you gain make it all the worth
it. Sometimes it really feels like a battle that
is both external and internal. I can be my own
toughest critic sometimes, rejecting parts of
myself for not being perfect enough. But in my
case, healing means learning to accept and love
all parts of me. And as I said before, externally
there are people who have pulled away from me,
cut me off even. It really hurt in the moment
and I still feel grief for the people that left
my side. but now I also understand that instead
this makes space for people who can and will
accept me for who I am not as the glorified version
of me but for me with all my imperfections and
my quirks. To further help yourself please remember
the role you may have been given early on in
your childhood or in your career or in some of
your relationships is only a role and it is not
your whole self. Being admired or idealized Often
means people are projecting their own hopes and
fears onto you. They're not really seeing you
fully. So please stay self -aware and separate
who you really are in your own individuality
from the roles others expect you to play. They're
not one and the same. You are so much more than
just the pretty one, the smart one, the good
one, the strong one, the helper, and on and on
these labels go. Right? Please remember that.
And secondly, please practice self -compassion
when you don't meet expectations, either your
own or other people's expectations. It's okay
to stumble. It's okay to get angry or set boundaries,
even if others expect perfection. Be gentle.
Please be gentle with yourself and remind yourself
that growth isn't linear. Thirdly, seek out people
who value the real you, not just the ideal you,
right? Look for friends. Look for mentors. who
accept your messiness, your complexity, who celebrate
your humanity, not just your achievements or
your appearance. Really important. Share your
struggles and vulnerabilities, right? Opening
up, even in smaller ways, helps build deeper
connections and break down the pedestal that
can often feel very lonely and very isolating.
You don't have to share everything at once and
do it with people you trust. Start small and
see how people respond and some of the most important
pieces of advice I can give you is please it's
way easier said than done But please I'm working
on this too because like I'm still learning as
I go This is just my reflection to you, but I
don't I don't have it all figured out yet I'm
just I'm just figuring out life one of the most
important pieces of advice and something that
really helps me is Set boundaries around expectations
that feel harmful. It is okay to say no it is
okay to step back from relationships and only
value your quote image and because you need to
protect your emotional energy and Please remember
it is a process. There is no perfect way. I'm
really still learning how to do it all myself
some days I feel like I'm have a lot of progress
others like setbacks. For the risk of sounding
too cliché, it really is a part of being human,
I suppose. And please affirm this to yourself
every single day. You are enough. Trust that
you are enough. And it's always good to continue
to strive to be better. But please recognize
the beauty in who you are now, please. And with
this podcast, I always come back to the idea
of rejection. Yes, when you live your life, no
matter what you do, even when you try to be perfect,
People will find reasons to reject you. Some
people, not everybody. It's just reality. So
live your life the way you want to. Within reason,
of course. Don't hurt people, don't murder. Live
your life the way you want to. Stay true to yourself,
whatever that means, and you will find opportunities
and people that will align with your values and
your priorities. You just got to be brave enough
to follow through. Easier said than done, of
course, but it all starts with baby steps. There
will be hurdles along the way, but when you commit
your life to living the way you want to, then
the way in which feels good, feels good to you.
Not just looks good, but feels good to you. You
will feel much more at peace and joy in the long
run. Trust me on this one. If you like to talk
and get something off your chest, because maybe
you can resonate with some of what I said in
this episode, please feel free to book a meeting
with me at thecalendly .com. I'll put a link
in the show notes for that. You can book a meeting
with me. We can talk about it. It's all going
to be confidential. Please remember that you're
not alone. I'm soon going to come to an end of
this episode, but if you'd like to support the
podcast, you can donate at buymeatcoffee .com
slash Valeria Rusnak. There's also a link for
that in the show notes. And I really want to
acknowledge and send a big thank you to all the
donors on Buy Me a Coffee. One anonymous donor
and King. Thank you so much. Your support means
the world to me, and you're just the best. Thank
you. And I'm very happy to announce that I also
launched a Facebook group called The Rejections
Room. Anyone is welcome to join. It's a space
where you can support, quietly observe, or vent
about your rejections anonymously, or maybe even
share how they helped you grow. It's a non -judgmental,
safe space that hopefully helps you feel less
alone, and the link for that will also be waiting
for you in the show notes. Lastly, I just want
to say, be you, stay true to you. and you are
so much more than the label that people place
upon you. Please remember that, and you're not
alone. I have your back. This has been Valeria
Rusnak, the host of the Rejected Prima podcast
for anyone who's faced rejection. Thank you so
much for tuning in, and I will see you next time.