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Welcome back everyone to the rejected pre-med podcast.

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I miss you all and I have missed talking to you about rejection, which I often say is

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probably not the most pleasant topic for a conversation, but this podcast is all about

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showing how rejection is often redirection and it is not innately negative.

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In fact, it can lead us to personal and professional growth and it could be viewed as a potential

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opportunity.

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Even though it could possibly sting in the moment, it can be very difficult to get over

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sometimes understandably.

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In today's episode, the rejected pre-med podcast is thrilled to welcome Grimo Sohi, a former

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pre-med student who is now a dynamic data scientist with a passion for innovation and

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community impact.

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Grimo's journey spends a unique intersection of biology and computer science, leading him

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to explore how technology can address public health challenges.

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His work delves into brain computer interfaces, healthcare applications, and data analytics.

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When I was looking at Grimo's profile, I was thinking to myself, is there anything this

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guy can't do?

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Like Grimo hosted podcasts, does tutoring, his tech savvy, and there's so much other

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stuff that I won't mention right now, but he's truly a networking ninja and he's just

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ninja in general.

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So doing different things here and there.

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Well, Grimo is incredibly busy and probably super productive.

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He also prioritizing maintaining mental wellness and work life balance, something we will dive

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into today.

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Grimo has faced rejection and setbacks that have shaped his path and he'll be sharing

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those stories.

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Additionally, we'll discuss how to support those navigating rejection and other life

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setbacks.

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While I often emphasize the importance of relying on our support systems during our

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challenging times, it's not always clear to our friends, family, and community how they

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can best support us through those experiences.

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So thank you so much Grimo for making the time out of your very, very busy schedule to

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record this episode.

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I truly appreciate it and I ask most of my guests this and you are no exception.

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How do you feel about doing today's episode?

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Hey Valerie, thanks so much for giving me that introduction and I feel great.

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Like I think it's a really nice day outside, very beautiful day, sunny, you know, like

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in Calgary sometimes you get snow and it's kind of been very like warm this year and

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I get the positive vibes from the sun, you know, like there's this thing called sad seasonal

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affected disorder.

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So I don't think I've like faced as much of it this year, probably same for you, but

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I feel good about it.

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So I'm happy to be here.

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Great, great.

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Happy to hear that.

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And firstly, let's just dive right into it.

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I want to get to know more about your mental wellness journey.

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I truly believe that the ability to overcome setbacks and just in general ability to live

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a peaceful and happy life is deeply rooted in our mental well-being.

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And you have mentioned that you have embarked on a mental wellness journey in junior high

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to me.

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And later you're still trying to find ways to stay mentally healthy.

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Did you grow up prioritizing mental wellness always?

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Or is there something specific that pushed you to focus on that?

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Yeah, totally.

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I can get really deep into the details about that, but I'll just summarize.

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So I think this kind of journey stems when you go through something very difficult in

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your life and you're very self aware.

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So for me, it was mostly just coming to Canada.

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Like I came to Canada very young age and I think I had a lot of identity issues growing

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up.

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So it was like, I came to school.

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I think I did kindergarten back in India and then I did it here.

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And the one was a language barrier.

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There's a cultural barrier.

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There's also like an issue of like, oh, I'm being caught something at home and I'm being

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caught something at school.

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So there's a bit of a disconnect.

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And my mom, she is also in kind of healthcare space.

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Like she has a biology background and she studied a PhD in zoology.

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So she's been very like, I don't know, health focused as kids.

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She's like, yeah, you guys need to eat well.

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You can't eat junk.

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You need to be active.

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And she was very like, I guess kind of germophobic and a bit paranoid.

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So I also picked that up from her and I became like that.

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And I used to stress out a lot.

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I don't know why just growing up, like I was always in stress or an anxiety.

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Like I was thinking about the future and I was thinking a lot of like adult things at

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a young age.

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Like normally you'd be thinking about why I want to go to the playground and play.

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I would be like, why are people suffering?

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Why is there bullying?

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Why do I have this identity crisis?

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And my journey mostly started with mental illness specifically, like I had a ESL coding

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when I came in.

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So that was one thing.

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The other thing is I also had an IPP coding.

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So because I was very distracted and I wasn't focused in school, they thought I had a learning

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disorder.

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So a lot of like my early stages in school was figuring out like, do I have a learning

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disorder?

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You know, and that's kind of where my mental illness journey started because I think physical

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health, I was fine.

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Like I would play a lot of sports was very active was going on a lot.

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But mentally I was very confused.

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Like I had an identity crisis.

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I was trying to learn a language is trying to learn the culture.

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I saw my parents struggling growing up.

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Like they did not know how to navigate the Canadian system.

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And it was kind of just a lot of like being pushed back and forth.

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And I was like, I don't really know how to navigate the system either.

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Right.

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So it would be like, they'll pull you separately out of class and kind of put you in a room

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and teach you.

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And it felt very like alienating.

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Like it kind of felt like, oh, like I'm not like everybody else.

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And as a kid, I think you just want to fit in.

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As you get older, you realize like it's actually good to stand out and like be unique.

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But as a kid, you're kind of just like, I want to feel like everyone else.

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I don't want to feel like I'm separate.

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So I kind of felt this like alienation and discrimination and marginalization at a young

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age that really affected my mental health because of so many other things going on.

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Like as a kid, like you shouldn't feel like an imposter, like a stranger alienated.

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Like all you really want to feel is like, I fit in.

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I'm having fun.

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I'm having a good time.

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Like I used to have a lot of tutors too.

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And they would be like, you shouldn't be thinking about the stuff you're thinking about.

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Like they're kind of like devalidated by feelings.

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And they were like, you're a kid.

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Like why are you thinking about stuff like this?

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Like why are you stressed?

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Like you should just live life and have fun.

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And I'm like, I can't, can't even tell you because I feel a bit of shame and guilt, you

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know?

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And it's like, I get stuck in my head a lot.

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But for me, I used to think about a lot about things and mull over things and I get stuck

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in my head and I'm like, yeah, this doesn't feel good.

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Right.

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And I need to overcome this.

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So from a young age, I'm like, I got to learn how to overcome my own feelings and triumph

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over things and just kind of get to like a better of all the state of myself.

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And I think having that faith, having that faith in yourself.

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And I feel like we should always foster that because as hard as it is, because maybe we're

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older, we see the world as it is things are not always as they appear sometimes as a child,

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but still having that faith.

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I think that contributes to resilience.

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Firstly, if that's okay, I just, I just want to say your whole story, I can relate to it

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so much.

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I moved here when I was nine and I'm the oldest child and I had barely any English knowledge

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whatsoever.

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So that language barrier that you mentioned was tough and being an agent back home and

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moving here and not knowing what I'm doing and no one understands me and I'm this Russian

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girl with the weird accent that no one understands what I'm saying.

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So it was a very big adjustment.

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And even though my experiences do not directly replicate yours, but I can definitely relate

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to what you're saying.

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And the fact is that you were still a kid having gone through so much, you know, adjustment

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and the fact that you were so mature for your age, like I wasn't that mature.

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I was just kind of playing with friends, get good grades.

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That's it.

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That was, that was me.

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And, and in a way, maybe I'm kind of thankful that I was a bit more ignorant than you, for

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example, because you were thinking about all these world problems and at such a young age,

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I can imagine me so overwhelming for your, just for your brain, just kind of process

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this.

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You're still developing.

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I mean, just even talking about it's just like, I can imagine how overwhelming that

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was.

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It was a lot of sensory overload for a kid.

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Even the fact that you were acknowledging all that as a child just shows how mature

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you were and the fact that you realized, okay, I need to go and focus on mental wellness,

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otherwise I would not be doing very well.

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I guess that's kind of my question.

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So you know, you have all these thoughts in your head, have sensory overload.

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What do you think, and starting in junior high or maybe before, what do you think helped

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you kind of made you feel a little bit better?

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In terms of sensory overload, I think there was a part of me that was like perseverance.

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I was like, okay, I just need to listen to that inner voice and follow it and trust it.

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And I think I'll be able to get through this.

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Like I think as human beings, we have resiliency and we have perseverance, but if you can tune

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into that connection, your body, your physiology, your mental state, it all evolves and it will

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push you through it.

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So in terms of like dealing with sensory overload, I think like I've always made lists.

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So I would like have like these little agendas and I think I had agendas all the way to

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high school and then I just started typing it up on my laptop.

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So I would start prioritizing things.

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I'd be like, what's a priority?

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And then I even did that with my thoughts.

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I would be like, I need to start journaling.

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Like I don't know if this is real, like what I'm feeling.

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So I got to write this down and like what happened was like I journaled a lot, I made lists and

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then I would try to seek mentors.

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Like I would try to find like a teacher I could connect with or like some sort of like,

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like, you know, the gym teachers, like sports, like coaches, I try to find those and I would

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try to find someone who has like similar interests.

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I used to run a lot, like do like track and field and cross country.

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So I think running used to help a lot because like running, walking, like it used to just

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help me pace out my thoughts, you know, because it used to feel like I have six or seven different

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thoughts like tabs running in the back of my mind.

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And as a kid, I think I had three or four.

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They went up as I became an adult.

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So I was kind of just like, I need to put some like on hold.

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Like I need to find a way to either distract myself or to do something that I feel satisfaction

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from.

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And a lot of that came from physical things like running.

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And I wasn't really hitting the gym as a kid, but I was playing a lot of things.

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Like I was playing soccer.

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I was in soccer teams, played badminton.

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I ran.

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I think I really liked being creative, coloring, doing therapeutic things, making stuff, like

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innovating, building.

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So I'm trying to just make stuff, you know, on the side, draw, paint.

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I remember I took arts class.

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I was in music.

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I was in drama.

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I was in some like school plays.

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So I kind of just found like creative ways to use my brain and then to use it in physical

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ways.

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And that kind of helped me feel good about myself and make a positive self-image.

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I like that part a lot.

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You mentioned doing things that help you foster a positive self-image, which I think is so

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important even for adults and for children fostering that positive self-image journaling.

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And yeah, I also wanted to ask and transition like, what do you do compared to then?

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What do you do now to maintain mental wellness?

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How has that journey changed?

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100%.

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Yeah, there's still a bunch of overlap.

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I think I still follow a lot of the principles that my young child self had.

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I think it's very important to be in tune with your inner child.

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I think for me, like when I'm going through a lot of stuff, I'll self-isolate at first.

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I'll just try to take like self-care time.

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So I'll be like, I just need time to myself.

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Like I know in your previous podcast, you mentioned just sitting in your room.

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I do that a lot.

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I just sit there with my thoughts and like, I will write stuff down.

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I'll start watching shows.

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Like I will just, I'll even go through childhood shows sometimes because it's a bit therapeutic

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for me because it reminds me of really good memories.

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I'll do something that makes me remember something good.

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Like I'm like, I'll either eat something that has a positive memory.

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I'll watch something that has a positive memory and I'll just spend time with myself in like

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my room.

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And I think I used to be more creative.

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Like as a kid, I would start drawing or I'd start like, I don't know, making some project

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with some visual design and can vary something.

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But now I kind of just sit with myself and then I'll usually tune into a podcast and

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I'll put a podcast on and I'll start maybe cleaning my room or something or I'll start

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walking around or I'll go outside for a walk.

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And it's kind of just like, I spend time with myself without having like anyone talking

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to me because I think as an adult, when they're happening was I started being in a lot of

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public spaces.

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I became more visible.

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A lot of people started recognizing me and it was just like, I was being pulled in like

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every direction and I'm like, this is too much.

246
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This is that same sensory overload feeling I had as a kid.

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So I got to find a way to get away from everything.

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Like I'm the type that I would go to like a hike or I'd go to a mountain or I'd go on

249
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a trip.

250
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,560
I'd just try to get away from everything and go somewhere where like no one knows me and

251
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just kind of take it easy.

252
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And I listened to music a lot.

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So I would just go outside for a walk and put my music on.

254
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In COVID time, I used to bike a lot as well.

255
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,400
I don't bike as much now.

256
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:40,000
But it's mostly just like spend time with yourself, journal, read a book, we'll listen

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to a podcast and also hit the gym.

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Sometimes when I'm like, okay, if I want to feel productive and I don't want to do anything,

259
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if I just work out a bit, it feels good.

260
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So that's kind of what I do now as an adult.

261
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I'm still working on it.

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This is like a lifelong journey.

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This is what's working for me now.

264
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The other thing I started doing is like sometimes I'm like, okay, I spent time with myself.

265
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Now I'm kind of bored.

266
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I want to do something exciting and fun.

267
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Like now my social battery is back up.

268
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I think I usually just isolate when my social battery is kind of low and I'm like, I need

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to recharge.

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And now I spend enough time with myself.

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Like let's do something fun.

272
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So I'll start like just planning events with friends.

273
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Like that's something I would do when my social battery is back.

274
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Spend enough self care time.

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Like let me go out into the community, let me meet friends or family and just have a

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good time and spread positive vibes.

277
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And I love meeting new people.

278
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Like I love having first, like the first of a food, the first of a trip, like just going

279
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out and doing something for the first time.

280
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I think like it helps build new neural connections in your brain.

281
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I like how you said for currently for maintaining mental wellness, the fact that you're intentional

282
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and you realize, okay, I've been around so many people.

283
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I'm a public persona now.

284
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I need to recharge my social battery and be alone.

285
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And there's people who don't always understand.

286
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They're like, why are you sitting there?

287
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,360
Why are you like being, that's not a, that's just me.

288
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That's just me processing.

289
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Like give me time to process, give me space to process.

290
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:55,440
And it's so cool that you're doing that and hearing someone else do that also that they're

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in the room, recharging their batteries, being alone and being very intentional with that.

292
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I think that's very healthy.

293
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:05,320
And honestly, not everyone needs the same amount of isolation, need the same amount of

294
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time to recharge their social battery.

295
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:11,080
But I would recommend to everyone just kind of set aside some time, maybe like a little

296
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bit each week or each day, however much you need.

297
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Just spend time with yourself, get to know yourself and get to know your inner voice

298
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and what it says, because it's often very valuable and you know, it's a path to self

299
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:26,000
love that we're all going for and we're all trying to achieve.

300
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,480
It's just not always so easy.

301
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,360
But yeah, like how intentional you are with that.

302
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:33,080
And then you're also intentional aware and you realize, okay, my battery's up.

303
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,320
I can, I can pack my calendar now.

304
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,000
I'm not going to isolate forever.

305
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,440
And it's very important that you know that line sometimes, you know, it's very tempting

306
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:45,640
to like, okay, I'm recharging now, but I'm scared to go out and you're fearing to develop

307
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:49,320
new relationships or develop those relationships already exist in your life.

308
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,360
So you're being very intentional and you're aware, okay, I can go out now.

309
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:53,360
I can make friends.

310
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,200
I can develop my current relationships that I already have.

311
00:13:56,200 --> 00:14:01,680
And I think knowing that boundary and knowing that line, it takes time to get to know yourself.

312
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,720
And the fact is we always change too.

313
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:07,480
So the amount of time we need to recharge that changes all the time.

314
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,640
I know for me it does.

315
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,840
So it's like just always be in tune with yourself.

316
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:16,360
And I think as long as you have that, you're kind of know approximately where you need,

317
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,400
like you need some alone time, you need to talk to your friends, you need some support

318
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,440
from outside or you need some support within.

319
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:26,000
So it's just kind of having that compass inside and being a tune to it, which it takes time.

320
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,000
It's always a work in progress.

321
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,320
And no matter how much I always think, oh, I have it figured out, I'm good.

322
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:34,360
And then, you know, you get stressed out, you get anxious about exam coming up and then

323
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,320
you're stressed and then your whole compass is out of whack.

324
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,960
And you have to reset it because, you know, you've been focusing on other things.

325
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,760
You didn't have time to listen to yourself.

326
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,440
So and I think you're working on that.

327
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:44,720
And I always try to work on that.

328
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:48,480
And I think that is one of the bigger steps to maintain mental wellness too.

329
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:52,120
So yeah, thank you for sharing all that you shared about that part.

330
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:57,280
I firmly believe that focusing on mental wellness makes us more resilient in the long run and

331
00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:03,680
makes it easier for us to handle any rejections that we face in the moment and any other setbacks

332
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:04,880
in life as well.

333
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:11,320
We're going to switch gears a little bit because this is a podcast focused on rejection and

334
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,600
mental wellness, but now we're going to talk about rejection a little bit.

335
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:19,720
So if you are comfortable with it, could you share any of the rejection stories that you've

336
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,080
experienced and then we'll go from there.

337
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,080
Sounds good.

338
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,800
I can start with the academic ones.

339
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,160
As I told you, I was pre-med.

340
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,920
You know, I'm pre-med.

341
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:32,520
So I guess high school experience, I didn't really have too many rejections in high school.

342
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:36,800
I did apply to a lot of scholarships and like, I think I was off by like 1% for a scholarship

343
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,880
and I was really sad about that when I got into uni and it would have helped me a lot

344
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,400
too financially, but I didn't get it.

345
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:45,280
So I think that was my first kind of rejection academically that really bothered me.

346
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,840
And then yeah, like I had good grades.

347
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,160
I was getting awards.

348
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,840
Like it was kind of my main focus, right?

349
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,560
I was like, I need to be good academically.

350
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,960
Like if I can't get to uni, I'm going to be really sad and just heartbroken.

351
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:59,120
So I got to get in and I did like early admission and they told me like a month before, like

352
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,640
I had this like yellow check mark for like the longest time.

353
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,480
And I was just like, does this mean I'm an in or not?

354
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,000
Like anything else?

355
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,400
So like, then I got in and I'm like, okay, this is nice.

356
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,040
Like it felt good.

357
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,640
Like went to bio and I did the first year of like science was very easy for me because

358
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:16,920
I had taken AP classes, but my grades took a hidden second year mostly because I didn't

359
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,040
have good study habits.

360
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,760
And I kind of underestimated uni.

361
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,160
I was like, if the first year is easy, how hard could the second year be?

362
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:22,520
Right.

363
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,520
And then I also started joining a lot of clubs.

364
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:28,160
It was all these random different clubs, like clubs we've happened and I just signed up

365
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:28,720
for everything.

366
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,360
And my time got so distributed that I wasn't really giving economics as much priority.

367
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,400
So my grades took ahead.

368
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,640
I mean, second years around the time you considered you want to write the MCAT or not, right?

369
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,320
Start taking all these prerecourses for med.

370
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,000
Do I really want to write the MCAT?

371
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,760
So in second year, I was like, my grades took a hit.

372
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,040
I don't think my GP is going to be that good to even get in.

373
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,760
And a lot of people will write the MCAT.

374
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,000
And I was like a bit unsure.

375
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:52,600
I was like, I started thinking, I'm like, okay, like I want to do so many different things

376
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,960
like in my life and just with like school.

377
00:16:54,960 --> 00:17:00,040
And I'm just like, I love medicine and healing, but do I have to do it through being a doctor?

378
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,960
Like I had this, I had a bit of seat of doubt coming into my mind of like, there's so much

379
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,240
the world has to offer.

380
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,480
I started thinking about like innovation entrepreneurship too.

381
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,920
I think when I joined clubs and papers and I was like, what if I create something?

382
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:11,200
Right.

383
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,680
So I started thinking more like that.

384
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,640
So second year went by and then I was like, okay, I'm in the third year and it took a

385
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:16,840
biostatistics course.

386
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,320
There was programming in it.

387
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,320
I learned R and I was like, in third year, this was in 2018.

388
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,040
I was like, okay, like I learned R.

389
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,880
It seems kind of fun, you know, like coding is satisfying.

390
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:26,800
I feel good.

391
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,240
Coding has a lot of rejections in it too, because your code doesn't work and it kind

392
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,520
of tests your resilience.

393
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,240
And I was like, okay, I started thinking about like computer science and tech.

394
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:38,880
And I was like, maybe I might go into this in the future and sort of thinking differently.

395
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:42,600
I didn't end up writing the MCAP because I was kind of like, I don't think my study

396
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:43,680
habits are where they should be.

397
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,280
And I don't think I have the commitment that's needed because I want to try other things

398
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:47,640
out.

399
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:48,680
So I didn't end up writing it.

400
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,840
A lot of my friends did and they wrote it like two times.

401
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:55,440
They wrote three times and a lot of people I know switched into other fields too.

402
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,680
And I was like, okay, like it's okay.

403
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:57,880
Right.

404
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:02,600
Like at first it was very hard, accepting the fact that I don't want to go to med school.

405
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,240
Like I was very committed to that whole dream of it.

406
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,960
You know, like I had this whole ideology and feeling and I was meeting a lot of like

407
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,040
prospective people that we're going to get into and I could feel that they were going

408
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:12,440
to get in.

409
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,600
And I was like, I was like, yeah, it was very hard for me to let go of that medicine

410
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:16,760
dream I had in my head.

411
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,400
And just like I was thinking about like how my friends would react, how my family would

412
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,520
be reactive, just like me becoming a doctor and me not becoming a doctor.

413
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,840
So I was trying to look at two separate like futures, like alternate realities.

414
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,840
And I was just like, okay, at the end of the day, I want to heal people as long as I'm

415
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:30,880
on that healing journey.

416
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:31,880
I think that's okay.

417
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,760
If I inspire people, that's also something I want.

418
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:38,520
If I can innovate, if I can create, if I can do good work, that's another thing.

419
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:41,760
So I started looking at my values and I was like, what do I value at the end of the day

420
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,080
and how do I help society?

421
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,800
And I was like, I don't have to be a doctor to heal people.

422
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:46,720
You know, exactly.

423
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:47,720
Like I found other ways.

424
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:49,600
I was like, okay, found out I was good at teaching.

425
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:50,600
I started tutoring a lot.

426
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,560
And I got involved with the youth and I started mentoring.

427
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:53,800
I started just talking to them.

428
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,080
I was just like, yeah, there's going to be a lot of places in time.

429
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:59,320
We're going to be perseverant and have resilience and you're going to go through some dark times

430
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,160
and you're going to feel lonely and you're going to kind of feel like, how do I overcome

431
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,160
these emotions?

432
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,720
And I was like, this is what I went through and I'm still trying to figure it out.

433
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,160
But like, you know, keep these things in mind.

434
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,840
You kind of need to feel your emotions.

435
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:13,480
Like at one point, I think in university, I started becoming very detached from my emotions

436
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,680
as like a survival mechanism of being like, I'm just going to put this at the side.

437
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:17,760
I'm going to bury this emotion.

438
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,560
I can't feel this right now.

439
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:23,480
So I became a bit detached from things and I was like, yeah, I'm getting through things,

440
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,560
but I'm not really feeling life anymore.

441
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:29,680
Like I feel like life happens when you're in the moment and you're present and you're

442
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,960
feeling what you're feeling and like you kind of accept those emotions.

443
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,200
So a lot of my emotions, I was even rejecting.

444
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,880
So it's kind of like, I was rejecting what I was feeling.

445
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,280
I was kind of like, I need to not feel this way.

446
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,280
And I was just putting it off to the side.

447
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,760
And then I let go of the med dream and I was like, okay, I still have my values.

448
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,080
I still have things that I have to do in this life.

449
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:49,360
So I'll pursue those.

450
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:53,160
Like I'll innovate, I'll create, I'll help people where I can, I'll heal.

451
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,320
And I'll just try to learn from my own journey and I'll try to pass on a wisdom.

452
00:19:56,320 --> 00:20:00,800
The med school thing, like didn't feel as painful when I found other passions that kind

453
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,320
of made me feel happy.

454
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:07,000
I'm still doing what I wanted to do is just not in that setting, you know, like it's still

455
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,000
happening.

456
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,280
It's just not in the way that I always imagined it to be.

457
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,680
And I eventually I became okay with that, you know, like it took time.

458
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:17,080
It took like three, four years and I was just like, look, it's fine.

459
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,480
And then COVID happened and then I was lost again.

460
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,080
And I was like, what do I do now?

461
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,920
Like I finished my bio degree.

462
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,000
I'm still thinking of medicine in the back of my head.

463
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,680
Like I haven't entirely let it go.

464
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,280
It was just like, I couldn't do it at that time.

465
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,840
But I'm like, maybe if I'm older, I might go and pursue it again.

466
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:31,840
Who knows, right?

467
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:32,840
Like, you never know.

468
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:36,280
In COVID, I tried to move into tech and I did analytics and I got into this whole data

469
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:37,280
stuff.

470
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:40,360
And even like when I was trying to go to med, like I wanted to know statistics of like how

471
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:43,520
many people in the population suffer from this illness, how many people are cured of

472
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,840
this illness, how many people have a rare illness.

473
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,600
Like I was always asking numerical questions in my head of like, how many people are really

474
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:50,680
going through this?

475
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,240
So if I'm trying to solve this problem, how big of a problem is it?

476
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:54,240
You know?

477
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,040
So yeah, that was like a bit of like kind of accepting not going to med school.

478
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,480
And then it kind of started with that.

479
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,560
At one point, I thought I got better with rejection.

480
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:05,800
I was going through so many academic rejections at times because I was like already navigating

481
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,600
this space of like, it's okay if you don't get something right away.

482
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,320
It's like, it doesn't come the way you want it to.

483
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:13,280
So I learned to accept that like life has its own plan for you.

484
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:14,760
You have your own plan in your head.

485
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,640
And sometimes it doesn't always go according to plan and that's okay.

486
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,360
The detour might actually lead you to something better.

487
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:24,440
So I was like, I need to be someone who can move along in life, like with my thoughts,

488
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,120
with my goals and just progress.

489
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:28,840
Like I think the biggest thing I should be looking for is progression.

490
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,040
And I shouldn't be comparing my story to anyone else's story.

491
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,040
I should live my story.

492
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,040
I should own it.

493
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,840
And I should see where I was a year earlier.

494
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,840
So I started thinking like that.

495
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,960
And I kind of learned to deal with rejection like that too.

496
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:39,960
I'm like, it's okay.

497
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,440
If I don't get something now, I'll get it later.

498
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:42,680
But I'll put in all the effort.

499
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,800
So at the end of the day, I feel like I did my best, right?

500
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,920
And I got to learn to be happy with my best, whatever it is at that time.

501
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,880
And I used to be very self-critical and just be very hard on myself.

502
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,600
But I'm like, that doesn't feel right.

503
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,720
Like if I were to do that to a friend, that would be wrong.

504
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,920
If I were to do that to myself, that's also wrong.

505
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,280
Like I need to have more self-love and compassion and empathy for myself.

506
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,720
And if I do that in my own mind, then I can give it to someone else as well.

507
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:04,720
Right?

508
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:05,720
So I have to practice that.

509
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,480
So I kind of started thinking about rejection like that.

510
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,520
And I'm just like, okay, like I need to change how I view rejection.

511
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:14,800
It's not necessarily like, no, doesn't mean no, it could be next opportunity.

512
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,240
So I need to look for the next opportunity.

513
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:17,400
That's how I started thinking.

514
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,840
And I was like, okay, what's the next best thing I can do?

515
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:20,840
What can I do after this?

516
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,160
Like I got a plan for both cases.

517
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,240
I got a plan for success, but I also got a plan for rejection.

518
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,360
That mindset got me to where I am today.

519
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:31,080
At one point, like because I got good with dealing with these emotions, like I was very

520
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:32,600
detached at one point in my life.

521
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,680
And then I became very like in tune with my emotions.

522
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,160
And then I built the process of how I should deal with rejection.

523
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:38,600
You are being vulnerable.

524
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:39,600
Trying to.

525
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:40,600
It's very hard.

526
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:41,600
It is hard.

527
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:42,600
It's very hard.

528
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:46,240
But if we quote Brene Brown, that is the path to finding belonging.

529
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,560
That is the path to finding peace and happiness, true happiness.

530
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,320
And it's so scary putting yourself out there.

531
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,720
I guess that leads to my next question.

532
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,440
Take either of the rejections you've experienced.

533
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,240
How did you feel when you did face those rejections?

534
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:04,520
The difference in academic rejection and romantic rejection, like academic rejections are easier

535
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,520
to deal with.

536
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,760
It was more of like, yeah, I didn't get this thing now, but there'll be another opportunity

537
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,400
and I can see that opportunity.

538
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,800
With romantic rejection, it was kind of like, I don't know when the opportunity is going

539
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:14,800
to come.

540
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,200
I also don't know if I'm going to be able to rise to the challenge and I don't know

541
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:18,640
if I'm going to be able to recover.

542
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:23,040
I think romantic rejections, you're in more of a cloudy space than you are with academic

543
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,040
rejection.

544
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:28,440
Just because academic rejection, it feels like it's easier to quantify at times, right?

545
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,600
It's like, okay, I didn't make this round of the MCAT cycle.

546
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,320
I might go to the next round, right?

547
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,120
Like you know that there's another thing coming.

548
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:37,440
But with romantic rejections, it's like, damn, I know everything that went wrong.

549
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:38,440
I was attached.

550
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:39,440
I had all these feelings.

551
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:43,160
I have to spread that out and kind of unpack them and it's more of a journey, right?

552
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:48,160
So I think with romantic rejections, it was like, I subconsciously knew that like, I'm

553
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,520
not going to be able to deal with the academic rejection if I get a romantic rejection.

554
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,920
So I kind of just detached myself emotionally.

555
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,720
I was like, I just need to get through the school stuff and then it's okay.

556
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,440
I'll get romantically rejected after that because at that point I'll have a degree and

557
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,440
get rejected.

558
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,440
Yes.

559
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,640
That's kind of how I thought about it in my head.

560
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:06,440
I was like, I achieved something.

561
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,200
So I still have something of value.

562
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,560
But even if I get rejected, I'll be like, I still overcame something in my life.

563
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,440
You know, I have something in terms of managing those feelings.

564
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,640
I tried at times to go to like student wellness services.

565
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,840
I tried to go to academic support and none of that was helping.

566
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:24,520
But what was helping was hearing stories from like classmates or like other people and like

567
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,920
hearing a real life story was really helping me because I could be like, I know so and

568
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:29,000
so they went through this.

569
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,000
This is how they dealt with it.

570
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,000
This is how they overcome it.

571
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:35,000
So I think when I had a feeling that I couldn't really fully understand or feel what I tried

572
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,000
was I talked to people.

573
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,120
Like, hey, like I feel like this or like I'm going through something like this and that

574
00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:42,040
kind of helped me to find community and support.

575
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:46,160
And I think like solely over time I got through it and like in terms of managing feelings,

576
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,920
I think I have to be very honest with myself and authentic.

577
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,640
I don't like being an authentic because it's not true.

578
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:52,640
I'm lying to two people.

579
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,440
I'm lying to you and I'm lying to me.

580
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:55,440
Right.

581
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:56,440
And it's like, that's two wrongs.

582
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:57,680
So that's how I see it in my head.

583
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,360
I'm like, if I can be honest and authentic and that truth will spread across and attract

584
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:04,040
more truth and that will probably give me an answer that I need.

585
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:05,040
Right.

586
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,080
And I'm like, okay, I have to somehow be honest with myself.

587
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,880
And even if it hurts, I need to accept that it happened and I need to acknowledge and

588
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:11,880
validate it.

589
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:12,880
And that's different for everybody.

590
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,480
I think some people like this stages of like grief, like there's like denial is like the

591
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,880
first stage and first you're like, no, this didn't happen.

592
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,160
It's like a reaction mechanism.

593
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,520
Like you try to push yourself through it by denying it.

594
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:23,520
Right.

595
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,000
Honestly, that's not the way to overcome those feelings.

596
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,360
You have to accept and acknowledge that.

597
00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:27,360
Yeah, this did happen.

598
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,960
And you have to tell yourself like it's okay.

599
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:29,960
That's life.

600
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:30,960
Things like this do happen in life.

601
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:31,960
It happened now.

602
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:32,960
If I happen later, it's okay.

603
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:33,960
And then you kind of like, okay.

604
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,080
You try to have self love for yourself and you're like, yeah, like I still love myself

605
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:38,080
at the end of the day.

606
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,440
As long as it can be a better person from this and grow, I think it's fine.

607
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:42,440
Right.

608
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,040
If I use this as fuel to lead me to a better outcome, then it's fine.

609
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,120
Like it won't be as bad as I felt.

610
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:48,120
Right.

611
00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:49,120
You have to own the feelings.

612
00:25:49,120 --> 00:25:50,120
You have to accept them, acknowledge them.

613
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:51,800
And then sometimes you have to talk to people as well.

614
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,680
You have to like rant, you know, like I used to not like ranting.

615
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:55,680
I hated ranting.

616
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,720
I'm like, why would I go to a person and just rant?

617
00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:58,720
And yeah.

618
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,120
And sometimes people would be like, you should then I didn't understand that for most of my

619
00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:04,920
life until I started doing it because when I would get angry, right?

620
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:09,160
I learned to hold back a lot of things and hold back emotions and just be tolerant.

621
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,080
I think my tolerance levels very high.

622
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:13,320
So to tip me off the edge of person really has to do a lot.

623
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,840
And that's when I start venting and I'd be like, damn, like this is really, really pissing

624
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:17,840
me off.

625
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:19,480
You know, and then it would come out.

626
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,880
And I realized that like, okay, like honestly, I should be talking about these things because

627
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:27,120
it brings peace if someone's genuinely listening and they really care for you and they hear

628
00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:29,280
you out and they kind of acknowledge it's happening.

629
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:33,600
Like it's easier to find peace in those feelings that you might not find in your head.

630
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,760
And I realized that and I'm like, damn, I should have been talking about this more, but

631
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,520
I just wasn't comfortable being vulnerable.

632
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,920
I wasn't comfortable putting myself out there because I felt like it was hard for me to

633
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:42,920
trust people.

634
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,360
And I also felt like people wouldn't understand, you know, like most of my life, people didn't

635
00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:47,360
understand.

636
00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:48,360
Like how are they going to understand now?

637
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:51,640
Even on Reddit, like a lot of people go through it, you're feeling and it's like, damn, strangers

638
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:52,640
are going through what I'm feeling.

639
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:53,640
Right.

640
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,600
So I kind of found that like sense of like, yeah, okay, if I talk about it, the universe

641
00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:00,280
will help me acknowledge it and try to find peace within it.

642
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:01,280
Right.

643
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:02,280
And ultimately that's what I'm looking for too.

644
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:06,360
I can definitely relate to what you're saying because even though I always try to be open

645
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:11,480
person and good person, when I was feeling difficult emotions, I almost felt like maybe

646
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:16,080
because by default I grew up with people pleasing habits and I almost don't want to burden

647
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,080
people.

648
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:21,000
So I'm thinking of them and at least that's what I used to think like.

649
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:25,600
And I didn't want to experience those emotions because I don't want to be an inconvenience

650
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:30,560
to someone else because I felt if I'm going to talk and vent, I'm going to wear them out.

651
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,400
So you know, that's how it was.

652
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:37,240
But then having that same realization that it's okay, actually helps you to process.

653
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:40,840
If you talk about your feelings as they come and they can be very painful.

654
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:45,840
And that's what I have faced with my rejection from jobs as I was applying or med school

655
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:51,560
or MCAP because I wrote that three times and talking to people about that, even though

656
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:55,520
they didn't fully understand what I was going through because I mean, they've not been

657
00:27:55,520 --> 00:28:00,080
in my shoes, but they were just there as a listening ear just there and me talking about

658
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:01,920
it helped me process what I was feeling.

659
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,120
So it was part of acknowledging my emotions.

660
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:07,560
I was letting myself grieve and I was not feeling bad about it.

661
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,600
So I think that was really the first step to processing it.

662
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:15,280
And then that would lead me to moving on in a healthy way because yeah, venting and ranting,

663
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:19,280
there's no, there's no harm in that at all, especially, you know, you're going through

664
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:24,400
something, let people help you, let them be there for you and you're not burdening them.

665
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,080
If they're your people, they'll be happy to support you.

666
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,760
They'll be happy to listen to you.

667
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:34,080
Just got to trust yourself and trust them that it's okay to vent and rant about whatever

668
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,560
you're going through and then the rest will be just fine.

669
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:38,560
So yeah.

670
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:39,560
100%.

671
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:44,000
No, I can totally relate because I also felt that burden thing, but I also felt like, how

672
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:47,040
do I, like it was very hard for me to even talk about it.

673
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,560
And there were some people that they were very good at getting you to open up and talk.

674
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,360
So I'm like, it did come out at times and I was like, okay.

675
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:56,440
So I do have a side that wants to talk about it and people are getting it out.

676
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,920
And at one point other people would find out and be like, hey, I was your friend and you

677
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:01,440
didn't even tell me, like you don't get offended.

678
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:05,040
It would be like, dude, you were supposed to tell me.

679
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:06,040
That happened to me.

680
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:07,040
Yeah.

681
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,480
It happened so many times that I was like, damn, people are mad at me for not talking.

682
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,560
Like you were supposed to tell me I would have helped you.

683
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:13,720
Like you just kept it to yourself.

684
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,320
Like this was the moment we could have bonded.

685
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,560
I was like, damn, like I was taking up that.

686
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:18,560
Yeah.

687
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:19,560
And there's a balance too.

688
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:23,280
Like we were saying part of me does want to talk to people to manage those feelings,

689
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:26,840
another part of me, maybe at first I want to be alone with those feelings.

690
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:32,400
So people should not ideally people should not get mad at you for not telling you sooner

691
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:37,680
because well, you need time to process it on your own maybe because everyone's processing

692
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:42,880
is different and someone as soon as like a breakup happens, for example, they'll straight

693
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:47,760
up just right away call their closest friend or family member and tell them about it.

694
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:52,480
Or someone might take a week to even reveal that it happened because they're in shock.

695
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:56,640
Like they feel that and they need to process it and they need to understand what just happened.

696
00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:00,840
So, you know, just like don't force yourself to talk to other people because yeah, processing,

697
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,720
talking to other people, inventing helps manage your feelings and helps process whatever

698
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:05,720
is happening.

699
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:09,960
But at the same time, it's okay if you want to just be by yourself with that event that

700
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:14,560
just happened and then go on to tell when you're ready, that might serve you better.

701
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,040
That might give you more clarity.

702
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:17,040
So yeah.

703
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:18,040
Yeah, I agree.

704
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:22,160
Like you got to know when to kind of respond to what's happened to like whatever stage

705
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:23,160
you're at, right?

706
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,880
Like if you're at the processing stage or at the talking stage, you kind of need to

707
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:27,040
know where you are.

708
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,160
And self-awareness is tricky, you know?

709
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,680
Like some people have it.

710
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,040
Apparently, some people don't even have an inner monologue.

711
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:34,840
There's a statistic on this.

712
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:38,160
Like I don't know what the exact number is, but some people literally don't have an inner

713
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:39,160
monologue.

714
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:40,160
You know, like they're not talking to themselves.

715
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,440
So I'm like, how would you process and grow through something if you're not even having

716
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,280
an inner dialogue or monologue with yourself?

717
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:46,640
Yeah, be friends with yourself.

718
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,040
Like, you know, the good and the bad parts, you know?

719
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:53,040
As hard as it may be sometimes, but I accept all of it.

720
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:57,400
100% like you got to understand aspects of your light and your shadow, you know, like

721
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,440
you need to understand how both coexist.

722
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:00,440
That's kind of how I see it.

723
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,840
Like we have aspects of us that just shine bright and very light, you know, like they'll

724
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,600
brighten up a room, but then we also have this darkness.

725
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:10,200
Those two things coexist with each other and it's kind of like a yin and yang push and

726
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,200
pull type of thing.

727
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:12,480
And in their unity, there's beauty.

728
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:16,360
So you have to find a way to kind of bridge the two, you know, and let them coexist.

729
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:20,640
And once you accept yourself like that, that's when I think unconditional love comes in.

730
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:21,920
And that's a very powerful force.

731
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:25,640
Like if you're able to love yourself to that extent, and other people feel that I think

732
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:30,960
everyone starts healing, you know, like healing comes from a sense of peace and stability

733
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,040
and love for yourself and compassion.

734
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:37,240
And kind of like if you have that soft spot for yourself, then you can heal yourself.

735
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:41,960
But if you're so rigid and stuck and kind of hard locked in, like it's like, how do

736
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:42,960
you heal?

737
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:43,960
Right?

738
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:45,600
Like, yeah, like that wound will keep bleeding.

739
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:46,600
It'll run dry.

740
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:47,960
Like you can't heal it.

741
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:52,800
You gotta find some way to add medicine to heal that wound or trauma and love.

742
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:53,800
Right?

743
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:55,120
So it's like, that's kind of how I see it as.

744
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:56,520
And I think it's hard to do.

745
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,040
It's easier said than done, but like it's a journey, right?

746
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:01,840
And I think every person has to embark on that journey for themselves.

747
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:05,720
Like we owe it to ourselves to love ourselves conditionally and heal whatever we've been

748
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:06,720
through.

749
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:10,040
It's important to see that you're able to overcome things and get to the other side,

750
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,240
you know, and feel the strength that you have.

751
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:17,120
I feel like every person has strength internally, sometimes you still have a hard time accessing

752
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:18,120
it.

753
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:22,680
Like you were saying that it all starts with awareness and acknowledgement and hopefully

754
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,760
it will lead you to a place where you have love for yourself and have that soft spot

755
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:27,760
for yourself.

756
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:31,240
And I really love what you said, the strength to overcome rejection setbacks.

757
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:32,240
It's within all of us.

758
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:33,240
And it's true.

759
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,720
You gotta believe in yourself and you gotta unlock it.

760
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:40,120
And it might take more time to believe in yourself, especially when that rejection just

761
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,160
happened or that setback just happened.

762
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:45,920
Whether it's in relationships, whether it's academic, whether it's career, it could be

763
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:46,920
hard.

764
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,280
Maybe you're like right away, you're like, Oh, I'll be fine, which is amazing.

765
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,440
If you feel that way, that's amazing.

766
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,800
But if you don't write away, that's okay too.

767
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,240
But eventually just know that you'll be okay.

768
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:57,440
And that strength is within you.

769
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,800
It just might take time to come out.

770
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:01,560
So I love your message about that.

771
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,880
I guess that leads us to our next question that relates to that.

772
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:09,800
How did you overcome those rejections eventually and has your focus on mental wellness since

773
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:13,480
junior high helped you navigate and overcome those setbacks?

774
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:16,280
I think I'm still trying to overcome some things.

775
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:17,560
Like I said, it's a lifelong journey.

776
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,440
Because I think of it more of like a lesson.

777
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,760
And sometimes it's a life lesson.

778
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:23,560
You spend your whole life trying to solve that lesson.

779
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:27,760
I feel like I've overcome a lot of things, but then I also found new things that I needed

780
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,260
to overcome.

781
00:33:29,260 --> 00:33:34,280
As much as you solve the rejection and you move past it, you come across another one.

782
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,120
They keep coming.

783
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:37,120
Rejections don't stop.

784
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:38,800
I think they're just a part of life.

785
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:40,760
And it's about finding the peace and the rejection.

786
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:41,880
It's about learning from it.

787
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:45,720
In terms of jobs, like in the data field, I've probably applied to over a thousand jobs

788
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,480
and been rejected for most of them.

789
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:50,640
You know, like the generic email of being like, yeah, we moved on to another applicant.

790
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:52,800
They don't even tell you why you're rejected.

791
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,040
You don't even know if it's a real person talking to you.

792
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:58,960
I faced like rejection in the jobs just like every day.

793
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:00,560
And sometimes I get successes too.

794
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:01,920
Like I changed my approach.

795
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:02,920
I talked to recruiters.

796
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:03,920
I talked to people I know.

797
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:04,920
You try to talk to a human.

798
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:05,920
That usually helps.

799
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:09,240
So in terms of that, like, yeah, I'm still getting rejections all the time, but that's

800
00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:10,240
okay.

801
00:34:10,240 --> 00:34:11,240
That's part of life, right?

802
00:34:11,240 --> 00:34:12,960
My brother, like what he says, you just need one opportunity.

803
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,040
And I've also heard that from other people too.

804
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:20,000
One opportunity to cause like a effect, like a domino effect and change your trajectory.

805
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,680
So as long as you believe that that one opportunity can come, I think you should be fine at the

806
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:24,680
end of the day.

807
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:28,320
You know, and then once you acknowledge those emotions and those rejections, like they don't

808
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:29,400
seem as big anymore.

809
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,680
I think we tend to make things very big in our head.

810
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,760
Like we let it snowball into like a mountain, you know, and they're like, after climb this

811
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:35,760
mountain.

812
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:37,080
And it's actually not that big.

813
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:40,000
It's just our way of thinking because we're trapped inside our own mind, right?

814
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,000
It's like a maze.

815
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:44,480
So like trying to get outside of your head, you know, like try to talk to people and whenever

816
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:45,480
you're ready, right?

817
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:49,680
Whenever you feel like it's okay for you and slowly over time, like you realize like it's

818
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:50,680
okay.

819
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:51,680
Like it happened.

820
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:52,680
I'm a better person because of it.

821
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,720
And I'll keep going, you know, and maybe I'll move on to something better.

822
00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:56,720
Who knows, right?

823
00:34:56,720 --> 00:35:00,040
Like maybe what I wasn't thinking in my head was not the best outcome, but life will give

824
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,200
me a better outcome that I wouldn't even have imagined.

825
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:03,440
It's all perspective, I think.

826
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:04,440
Exactly.

827
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:08,160
It just, it depends on your perception and how you view things.

828
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,280
We're just kind of throwing different advice here and there, but really just depends on

829
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,680
your inner compass and what your way of processing it could be.

830
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:18,600
So definitely listen to what your inner voice is saying.

831
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,160
And maybe right away, the rejection will hit you.

832
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,080
Maybe like the feeling of rejection will hit you.

833
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:24,080
Maybe it'll hit you later.

834
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:25,080
Maybe it will never hit you.

835
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:29,240
You know, it's, there's just so many probabilities and so many different ways of how people process

836
00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:33,640
things that it's impossible to tell them all on this episode, but just, you know, be with

837
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:36,920
yourself, listen to your inner voice, whatever it is you're going through, have compassion

838
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:37,920
for yourself.

839
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:42,280
Either way, thank you so much for sharing your rejection experience is what you learned

840
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:43,280
from it.

841
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:48,320
You know, it's always amazing when guests come out here and they share this because we don't

842
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,560
talk about rejection stories enough.

843
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,840
And because behind every success story, there is a rejection story.

844
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,040
We just don't like putting that on social media.

845
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,600
We don't like promoting that, but it's true.

846
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:02,080
And acknowledging it, I think, makes us more holistic and authentic people.

847
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:04,840
So, you know, rejection is a universal experience.

848
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,160
Everyone experiences it.

849
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:11,520
And, you know, if this podcast does one thing, I do hope that the listeners and those who

850
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,840
are supporters of this podcast, I hope that they get more comfortable acknowledging rejection

851
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,520
in their life, acknowledging that it does lead to some good things.

852
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:23,120
It's not innately negative, although it may feel that way when you first go through that.

853
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:27,240
It depends on our perceptions and a lot of it is in our head.

854
00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:32,040
We don't want to hear that probably, but it's about changing that perception of rejection,

855
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:36,160
which eventually we do come to that if we let ourselves get to that point.

856
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:41,840
Now let's dive into a question that we both found intriguing and explored through our

857
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:42,840
research online.

858
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:47,120
As I said earlier, in a lot of my podcast episodes and just like my social media and

859
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:51,600
my content, I often conclude that leading on our support systems is one of the most

860
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,280
effective ways to overcome setbacks and rejection.

861
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:58,080
And it does enhance our overall mental health if we let other people support us and we lean

862
00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:59,560
on those support systems.

863
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:04,560
But it's not always clear to people supporting us or someone else who is facing rejection,

864
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,760
how they can provide the right kind of help.

865
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:11,720
So it'll be really nice if we could talk about how it is to support someone, how does that

866
00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:14,040
work, what to say, what not to say.

867
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:19,080
And I think that could provide an extra perspective to those facing rejection, maybe to help themselves

868
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:22,160
process it and also maybe support others who are facing it.

869
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:23,760
You can start if you want.

870
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:25,720
So what did you find through your research?

871
00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:28,960
How do you think we should support people who go through rejection?

872
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,320
How do you wish people supported you?

873
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:35,120
I'll talk about my own process and I'll talk about what we looked up.

874
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:39,040
So for me, if someone's going to come to me with a rant or a venture, just talk about

875
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:40,960
what's going on in their head, I just let them do it.

876
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:44,680
I'm just like, let me create a space for you that's open, that's vulnerable, that's a safe

877
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:45,920
space, a brave space.

878
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:47,440
You can say anything you want.

879
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,120
Just talk your thoughts out.

880
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:51,040
Whatever you're going through, just speak it out loud.

881
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:53,080
People start breaking down too, actually.

882
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,520
When they start talking, I've had a couple of instances where I've let someone talk and

883
00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:58,160
they've started crying.

884
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:00,920
Because they're strong and they've been through it so many times, they kind of wipe their

885
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:02,880
tears and move past it.

886
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:04,840
And sometimes it happens back and forth.

887
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:07,720
They'll talk, they'll cry, they'll stop crying, they'll talk again, they'll cry, they'll

888
00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:09,000
stop talking, it kind of happens.

889
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:12,760
I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with people breaking down.

890
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,520
So they don't know how to deal with it.

891
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,440
All you really have to do is just have to be present and let the person feel what they're

892
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,280
feeling and just let them know that you're there.

893
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:23,160
I think some people also will hold your hand or they'll try to comfort you.

894
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,600
I kind of just let the person go through it.

895
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,600
I'm here, I'm listening, I'm acknowledging what's happening.

896
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,720
If you need me to hug you, I can do that.

897
00:38:29,720 --> 00:38:31,120
If you need me to hold your hand, I can do that.

898
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:33,240
But do whatever is comfortable.

899
00:38:33,240 --> 00:38:35,920
Just be you in the moment, experience it.

900
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:39,400
And then once you feel it and you let those emotions out, because I think a lot of people

901
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:43,640
have a hard time feeling their emotions, if you let them feel it, they start healing.

902
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,320
Their inner voice is talking, they find the answer.

903
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:49,240
Other times, if someone's talking to me and they're telling their story, I'll kind of

904
00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:50,560
be like, can I relate to this?

905
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:51,560
Can I help them?

906
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:52,560
Can I support them?

907
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,960
I won't give them an answer, but let me see if I have something similar.

908
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:59,400
And then I try to connect to it and tune in and I wait and I listen.

909
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:01,960
And then if they want me to talk, I'll start sharing.

910
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:03,960
But sometimes a person just wants you to listen.

911
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:07,840
So you have to kind of call and be like, do they want me to talk or do they want me to

912
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:08,840
listen?

913
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:09,840
Where are they at?

914
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,160
Usually you got to just listen.

915
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:14,520
And sometimes they come back to you and then they'll be like, what do you think?

916
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:15,520
Or am I crazy?

917
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,480
If they ask a question, I'll usually share.

918
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:20,320
They'll be like, if this happened to you, am I crazy?

919
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:21,880
Then I'll start talking about myself.

920
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:25,080
I usually should just let them go through what they're going through and eventually

921
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,480
you can share, but you have to know when to call it.

922
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:28,480
Right?

923
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:31,840
I think the other thing is like, don't devalue what they're going through, what they're facing.

924
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:33,400
Don't compare it necessarily.

925
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:34,960
It's still painful for them.

926
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:36,400
They're still feeling it.

927
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,680
I know in one of our videos, it was like, if someone went through a breakup, don't be

928
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,680
like, oh, that person was bad or that person wasn't good for you.

929
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:43,680
They're feeling these emotions.

930
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:44,680
They're connected to that person.

931
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:45,680
You're putting that person down.

932
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:46,680
They already feel down.

933
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:49,160
It's kind of like you're snowballing negative emotion.

934
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,720
What you have to do is you have to snowball peace.

935
00:39:51,720 --> 00:39:55,680
You have to make a domino effect of like, how do I let this person feel what they feel?

936
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:58,320
And then eventually they'll find their own way to cheer them up.

937
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,040
I think everyone has a secret kind of way to cheer them up.

938
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:02,040
Some people do food.

939
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:03,040
Some people do events.

940
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,040
Some people just do, I don't know, alone time.

941
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:09,440
I know if I was sad and someone brought me like a blizzard or a cake or something sweet

942
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,040
or like something crunchy, I'd get happy.

943
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,560
I could be crying and smiling at the same time.

944
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:15,560
It's awesome.

945
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:16,560
Yeah.

946
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:19,440
It's like sometimes people are really good on picking up.

947
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:22,240
Once they spend enough time with you, they kind of know how to make you feel good.

948
00:40:22,240 --> 00:40:24,080
So it's like, okay, here, here's a furrow rosher.

949
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:27,360
I know you're going through all this, but like here, eat this or like have this and

950
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:28,360
I'm a foodie.

951
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:31,600
So if someone brought food to me and I'm like upset, I'd probably start feeling better.

952
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,080
But not everyone is like that.

953
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:37,240
Like you were saying there's no right or wrong way to feel.

954
00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:38,760
You gotta observe people's needs.

955
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,240
I know I get angry.

956
00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:41,640
Like I don't want anyone.

957
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:43,240
I'm like, just stay away.

958
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:44,240
Yeah.

959
00:40:44,240 --> 00:40:45,240
That's me.

960
00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:46,240
Like it depends.

961
00:40:46,240 --> 00:40:50,720
I'm like sad, I do want to hug, but like, you know, there's no right or wrong way to

962
00:40:50,720 --> 00:40:55,160
feel and I know that like when I get frustrated, some people that know me and try to support

963
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,600
me, they get uncomfortable because they're not comfortable with that anger.

964
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:02,040
Like you said, try to provide that space for whatever the person is feeling, let them

965
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:04,920
feel it, help them feel safe in the space.

966
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:06,200
Whatever they're feeling is okay.

967
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,440
That's the message you're trying to hopefully trying to portray.

968
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,320
Like there's no right or wrong way to feel.

969
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:14,800
Everyone's going to process it differently.

970
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:19,440
Whatever they're going through, whether it's like a breakup or a rejection or like something

971
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:26,640
big or small, you know, and ideally to provide that safe space where people are free to feel

972
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:31,760
what they want to feel and not shaming them for it, not judging them for it.

973
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:36,320
Also being comfortable with your emotions because how can you provide a space for a

974
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,080
person to feel whatever they're feeling?

975
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:42,160
If you're not comfortable with your own feelings and emotions, reiterate some of the things

976
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:47,520
that we were saying, telling people to relax or calm down or when they're sad or upset,

977
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,880
that doesn't always go down well.

978
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:53,600
It doesn't work as tempting as it is to say, I'm tempted to say that when I'm trying to

979
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,280
help someone, I'm just like, calm down.

980
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:56,280
It's not worth it.

981
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,480
But you know, they're not feeling that way in the moment.

982
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:01,160
They're feeling the emotions and that's not what they want to hear.

983
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:04,600
But yeah, just being observant of what they need.

984
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:09,440
And then also, I'm sure that it's kind of, well, it's obvious to a lot of people, but

985
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:13,600
not everybody because you know, we all fall into different patterns, but don't imply that

986
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:17,120
the person who needs support is somehow incompetent because of what they're feeling.

987
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:20,560
So it's like, if you had your life together more, you wouldn't be feeling this way or

988
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:21,880
be like, stop crying.

989
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:22,880
That's not helpful.

990
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:24,920
That's just feels like an insult at that point.

991
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:27,760
And you don't want to say that either when the person is hurting.

992
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:28,760
Yeah.

993
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:29,760
That's what I have to say.

994
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:32,080
Anything I forgot to add, maybe you have something to add on.

995
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:37,280
So I think that basically sums it up and validate them, try to understand, listen.

996
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:40,240
And I guess also figured out they're looking for a solution or if they just want to be

997
00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:41,880
heard and then approach accordingly.

998
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:45,920
Like you got to do a lot on your part to be emotionally stable and then also just kind

999
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:47,800
of know what the person needs, right?

1000
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:49,520
And meet them there.

1001
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,400
And definitely have compassion for yourself, both sides.

1002
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:57,440
Person who's there supporting you also should have compassion for you, obviously.

1003
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,800
Self-compassion as well because it's not always easy to console someone who's going

1004
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:05,240
through those difficult emotions, something that feels like a difficult emotion.

1005
00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:08,040
But we are soon coming to an end of this episode.

1006
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:12,600
Any last thoughts or main takeaways you have, Girmal, for the listeners before we wrap up?

1007
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:13,600
Yeah.

1008
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:17,200
I think the best thing is to meet yourself where you are and just acknowledge what's

1009
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,640
going on and just find a way to not be too hard on yourself.

1010
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:26,240
Like, tell yourself that it's okay and I'll get through it and be patient.

1011
00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:28,040
It might not resolve itself right away.

1012
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:32,840
I do think time heals a lot of things and it sends you people on your journey that want

1013
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:34,520
to help you heal and support you.

1014
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,480
So let people in when they're needed.

1015
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:38,680
Probably have your own processing time.

1016
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:42,760
But I think sometimes life will send you people that either they need to tell you something

1017
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:44,040
or you got to hear something.

1018
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:48,440
They're going to give you resources and just soak those in and then that will help you

1019
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:49,440
on your journey, right?

1020
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:51,320
So don't always be closed off.

1021
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:52,800
You open for a hug sometimes too.

1022
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:53,800
It might help you.

1023
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,040
Yes, it might help you, yes.

1024
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:57,040
Yeah.

1025
00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:59,000
So that's kind of all I got from my end.

1026
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,360
And where can the listeners connect with you?

1027
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:05,080
You can connect with me on LinkedIn, has probably the most professional way of connecting.

1028
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,320
You can also like connect with me on Instagram if you like.

1029
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:08,600
I can drop a handle later.

1030
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:09,920
I'm out of the community.

1031
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:11,120
Like I'm at platform Calgary.

1032
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:12,920
I'm in startup entrepreneurship stuff.

1033
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:14,080
I'm at the university.

1034
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:15,680
I'm in downtown a lot.

1035
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:18,440
So maybe the listeners might run into me if they're in the same place.

1036
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:21,160
Have a blog to one medium so you can reach out to me there too.

1037
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:22,560
And I think my email is on there.

1038
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:24,120
There's a lot of ways to reach me.

1039
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:25,920
Just search me up and you'll find something.

1040
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:27,400
Yeah, we'll put it in show notes too.

1041
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:28,400
Sounds good.

1042
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:29,400
Thank you.

1043
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,200
Thank you so much, Gremel, for appearing on this podcast.

1044
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:35,160
It was really, well, a pleasure talking to you and learning all about your experiences

1045
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:36,160
and your insights.

1046
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:37,360
You have so many insights.

1047
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:39,520
Gosh, like so much to learn.

1048
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:42,280
I'm going to process this in journal about this after I'm sure.

1049
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:43,480
So thank you so much.

1050
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:47,400
And I'm very excited to be releasing this episode because it just shows how much rejection

1051
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:49,080
is a universal experience.

1052
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:52,480
And then behind every success story is a rejection or a failure in story.

1053
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:55,080
And then the more you succeed, the more you fail.

1054
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:59,240
I think it's just the way of life and how it just works.

1055
00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:02,320
But I would love to hear from all of you listening and what you liked about this episode and

1056
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,920
what topics you want me to cover in the future episodes.

1057
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:08,760
So please DM me on Instagram or LinkedIn to share your insights.

1058
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:12,600
Additionally, if you'd like to support the podcast and the rest of my content, you can

1059
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:17,360
now buy me a metaphorical coffee and the link for that will also be in the show notes.

1060
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:20,560
This was Volieria Rusnak, the host of the Rejected Prima Podcast.

1061
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:30,360
I thank you for listening and I'll see you next time.