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Hello everyone, this is Valeria Loosnak. Welcome to the fourth episode of the rejected

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pre-mech podcast. Long time no see. I haven't released episodes in a long time. Hope you're

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all doing well. Enjoying your summer, even though summer is kinda coming to an end.

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Um, maybe watch those summer movies. Popular ones, Deadpool and Wolverine. Inside out,

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I loved both of those movies by the way. They're very different. Very different. But I love them.

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We will call this our second resource episode. And here we'll talk about resiliency and more

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specifically what does it mean to be resilient in the face of rejection? What does it mean to be

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resilient as a pre-mech student? And why does resiliency matter at all? So even if you're not

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a pre-mech student, you can listen to this episode because I think it applies to all of human kind.

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Being resilient is about having the tools to respond to a difficult event or events in your life

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so you can move on from them in a healthy way and learn from them. How do we do that? How do we

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achieve that resilience? So there's so much to say about this topic. And when I started writing the

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script, I realized there might be no way I can fit this all into one episode. So let's see how this

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goes. I might split this into multiple parts. Might not. So we'll think about this. Okay. So I cannot

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talk about resilience and not mention Brené Brown. Many of you have heard of Brené Brown. She is a

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renowned social scientist and in her best-selling book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she lists five

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most common factors of resilient people. And they are, one, they are resourceful and they have good

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problem-solving skills. Two, they're more likely to seek help. Three, resilient people hold the

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belief that they can do something that will help them to manage their feelings and to cope. And

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four, they have social support available to them. And five, they're connected with others such as

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their family or their friends. So probably there's of course more factors that determine resiliency

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because you know, it is so individual, but these are the big factors that are applied to many,

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many people. Now, if you didn't fully get down or have the time to process fully those five categories,

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I will go through them again, not necessarily in that same order, but this time with examples from

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my own life and further explanations that I actually tied together from different books that I read

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over the years. And all the books will be enlisted in show notes. So you can refer to them individually,

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if you like. So let's start with what it means to be resilient. Let's start with the first factor

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that we listed being resourceful and having good problem solving skills. Now, okay, this may seem

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counterintuitive, but personally for me, for my personal experience, to be a good problem solver

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and being resilient means to be comfortable with uncertainty. That's where it starts. I will explain

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and there's so much that goes into being comfortable with uncertainty. And of course, you want to

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achieve that certainty in your life. Of course you do. That's the ideal. But when you crave certainty

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in situations where it cannot be granted to you, it could potentially make you miserable and distracts

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you from solving your problems. That's what I found happened to me. When I was not accepted into

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medical school, I started questioning my whole future. And I didn't know, like, what will it look like?

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What will I be doing? I was freaking out. And I still freak out sometimes. I did not apply to

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any of the programs that year, which was kind of naive of me. But yeah, I did not apply to any of

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the programs that year. So I had no idea what I'll be doing for the next year. And quite honestly,

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with you, I'm still figuring out what I'll be doing. And when you are going through these kinds

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of thoughts and feelings and you're freaking out about your future, you just suddenly want to be

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in college again, right? And in college, I remember where I felt good and certain about my future.

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Yeah, there were stresses with exams, stresses with school stresses with all kinds of things. But at

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least I was feeling good and certain about my future. I wanted to be a doctor, right? That's

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kind of helped me stay on track. So for me to have good problem solving skills now means to be

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comfortable with uncertainty. Because once I accept and accepted that it is perfectly okay to not

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know what you'll be doing in the future, to not know what your future will look like, once I accepted

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that, I'll let go of that ideal picture in my head. And I started taking action. I started taking

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action and thinking of alternatives to medicine and stopped living in the past, right? I started

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taking action and moved into problem solving mode. And ultimately, that added to my resiliency. I

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took my life into my own hands instead of focusing on my perceived failure, right? So what I did,

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and I recommend you do this as well, is to create a list of potential future jobs slash education

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you could pursue in your current position. For example, for me, I'm thinking of what potential

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future jobs or education I could pursue as a neuro degree graduate, right? So I made that list. And

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I realized that I'm currently interested in psychology, mental health, leadership, and management.

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So at least for the near future, my list consists of doing stuff in those fields. And in your case,

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if you applied to medicine and did not get in, your list could consist of pursuing a master's in

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a science or health related field and continuing to apply to medicine each year. That's what you

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could be doing because that is what you're passionate about. Or you know, medicine is something

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you want to do and you do not want to do a master's, you can go into EMS and continue to apply to

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medicine while working for EMS. My friend did that and she actually got into med school this year.

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So those are things you could do. And these are just examples, right? And don't let them limit you.

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There are various things you could do like travel, for example, you could even apply to

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Caribbean medical school, it's easier to get into them and some of their medical programs get really

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great reviews. So definitely consider those options as well. The truth is, if you feel in your heart

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that you want to be a doctor or whatever it is that you wish for in your life, if you feel in

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your heart that you want to do that certain thing or be that certain profession, do not give up,

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right? I interviewed a doctor in the third episode of this podcast, he had to apply to medical school

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seven times. There was another doctor who applied five times before she got in. And by the time she

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got in, she had a master's and a PhD, right? Just let this sink in like a master's and a PhD. Do

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you know how many years it takes to get a master's and a PhD on top of that? And I was talking to my

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friend who just got into medicine. She told me this year was her third time applying. She told me

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her motivation decreased every time. But I believe it's like the burning feeling inside that she had

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to be a doctor that kept her going. And this, of course, does not just a lot of pre-meds,

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but people pursuing any kind of job. If your heart tells you to keep going for it, you should. And

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you should believe in yourself that you'll find a way to get there because self-confidence goes

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a very, very, very, very long way. Self-confidence is such a key. And I know that you're probably

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thinking, oh, it all sounds so easy Valeria. And it is not. It is not fucking easy at all.

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Like, it's so hard. This is exactly why I launched this podcast because not enough people talk about

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this. How hard it is to go after what you really want after facing rejection over and over and over

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again. But the skills, the strength, the resilience you get from these experiences, tremendous. And

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if you can overcome that, you will be unstoppable. You'll be unstoppable. I feel like I should add

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a like a mic drop sound to this. Here it is. Mic drop. Now, you may be one of those people,

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like me, who are not sure anymore that medicine is for you. Because in your heart, you have this

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feeling, you don't know how to describe it, but it feels like there's something else out there to

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try. Maybe you don't want to rule out medicine just yet. Like, I don't want to rule out medicine

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just yet. I was committed to that goal for 10 years. That little 13 year old Valeria wanted

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to be a doctor. It's hard for me to let that go. But at the same time, I feel like there's something

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more exciting for me on the horizon. And I want to try that instead. And maybe you might be in

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the same shoes as well. Or you may have no idea what you want to be doing at all. But you know

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deep inside the medicine is just not something you should be focusing on right now, maybe in the

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future. But not right now. You might be feeling that too. Either way, making a list helps here.

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You focus on what intrinsically motivates you and take a leap of faith with it, right? Think about

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it. Do some self reflection. Maybe you're interested in business management. Maybe

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you like doing research. Maybe you want to go into doing ultrasound, being an ultrasound

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sonographer. Maybe interested in law school, being a teacher, being a nurse, being a podcast host.

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I personally for myself narrowed down to either psychology or management, because these things

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may not be my quote unquote, passions, but I know I could be good at those things. And I'm genuinely

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interested in both of these, right? It's about taking the time to see what your inner self truly

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desires. And that takes time. That takes courage and fucking determination. When you have resilience,

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you allow yourself to be courageous to do what you feel is right. Because

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you know you will handle it. Yes, there'll be hard times. There'll be some tears along the way.

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There'll be some hardships along the way, but somewhere deep inside, you know,

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okay, I'm ready. I'll fucking handle it. And that's what resilience is about. Resilience

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partially comes from being comfortable with that uncertainty. So coming back to that,

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because if you pursue something like medicine for so long, and finally realize that in your

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heart, you may want something different, you may experience something different. You may experience

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something different. You may experience a bit of an identity crisis, because you have no idea where

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your life is heading anymore, or who you are, leaving you feeling paralyzed, right? And that is

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exactly what I felt. And I still feel like that sometimes. But being comfortable with uncertainty

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normalizes that feeling of not knowing everything in advance, and it makes it okay. Because guess

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what? You can't know everything in advance. You're not God, I don't know, you don't know your future.

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But being intentional about being comfortable with uncertainty normalizes that feeling of not

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knowing everything in advance, and it makes it okay. And when you accept that, you can move on

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into problem solving slash action mode, step by step, ready to adapt to life whenever it throws

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curveballs at you. And you can imagine a fulfilling future for yourself again, one week, one month,

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one year at a time, right? So you may not know what you want to be doing now. But you know.

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Okay, I'll stop talking right now, because I said a lot and I want to let that sink in. So I'll be

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quiet for about 30 seconds and let music play. And then I'll be back. All right, welcome back,

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everyone. Hope you had your drink of water or whatever else you needed to do. To recap,

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we said that the first factor to being resilient is to be resourceful and have good problem solving

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skills which partially stems from being comfortable with uncertainty. At least that was the case for

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me. And maybe maybe you can relate to that. Right. So just remember, there is no perfect

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decision, a perfect step to taking life. There's just you, what your gut tells you, and being brave

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enough to take a leap of faith. Yeah, you may never know for sure what next step to take. And

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that can scary sometimes for me. I may never know for sure what next step to take. But life is not

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about being perfect. It's about just living. I constantly remind myself of that. Not every

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single step you take has to be directed towards your ideal future. Maybe it's something that's

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interesting to you. You don't know where that might lead you. Just follow your interests and

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network with people who share your interests and let those seeds grow. And you will see how they

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sprout over time. Okay, so now we're going to switch gears a little bit. We're still going to

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talk about being resourceful and how that applies to resilience, but in a different context. Being

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resourceful also means having an adequate self care toolkit. So self care means getting enough

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sleep, exercise, helping others, blah, blah, like that is no surprise. Maybe the boring, predictable

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answer, but it's true. Like do these things over time, and they will add to your resilience,

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which in return will add to your success and happiness and all those other good shit.

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Many of us have also heard the term self compassion and self love. But how many of you

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actually know what it really means? Because I thought I knew about it, what it was, and I thought

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I practiced it. But I didn't. I just knew about it in theory. I never properly practiced those

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things. Self love and self compassion is for everyone to practice and it will add to your

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resiliency like nothing else will. Ironically, it was my rejection from medical school and those

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other things before that, like my MCAT attempts that have helped me realize what self compassion

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actually is and moved me towards that and helped me actually to start practice that.

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Before I had any self compassion, I was my own worst critic and it was very exhausting.

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Like just imagine being surrounded by the most toxic person ever while you're trying to just live

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when overcome challenges. I think that gets in the way. If you have no self compassion or self love,

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you're your own toxic person who's always there making things harder for yourself than they need

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to be. It's that toxic person that you just need to let go, but you just can't because it's part of

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you. And that's where self compassion comes in. That's how we can get rid of that toxic person

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in you. It's okay though. It takes time to develop self compassion. So be patient with yourself

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because you will get there, but you're going to really embrace it. Not just like know about

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self compassionate theory and be like, that's enough. No, that doesn't do the trick. Dr. Kristin

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Neff did a lot of research on self compassion and she has a TED talk about this, which I'll put in

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the show notes and you can learn more about it. She provides practical tips on how to actually

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practice self compassion. And hopefully it helps you. Another way to build resilience is to develop

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interests and hobbies and maintain your relationships with people close to you. Because when one thing

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goes sideways in your life, it's not like all your ex are in one basket and you will not feel your

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entire identity shatter. Dramatic, I know, but right? Because then you have other things to lean

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on like your friends and your family and you say to yourself, yes, I did not get this job. I did not

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get the spot at the school, but I have a great relationship with this person. I play soccer

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really well. I write my blog, I volunteer at the animal shelter, blah, blah, blah, blah. All those

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things that make up who you are, help you realize that you do not depend on this job. You don't need

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this job that you got rejected from to define who you are. It doesn't define who you are. It doesn't

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make up your identity. And in that way, you know, you will handle it if you do not get the job.

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You know, you will handle any other future potential failures you might face because you're

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a well rounded person and you have other things that make up your life. Even then,

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you can still feel upset if you don't get the job, but at least that way you have something to fall

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back on. Like, I did not get accepted to any medical schools I applied to, but I thank God I have my

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husband to support me who always believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. Every day

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I'm grateful for his presence. And then my family was there too, always checking in on me. I had my

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volunteer initiatives where I felt the support as well. And I got my singing project for an original

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song that I wrote that kept me going too. So the main takeaway here, remember the more elements

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make up your life, the more well rounded you are, the less threatening it is when any one element

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is threatened. Okay, let's see. I've been talking a lot. Now, resilient people also hold the belief

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that they can do something that will help them manage their feelings and to cope. That's another

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resilience factor right here. So this is a big topic for me. And if you follow me on social

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media, you know about this. I made a whole post about it. There are many things you can do to

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manage your feelings and to cope. It is not always easy, but it can be done and you'll be better off

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in the long run. And just remember, all emotions are okay to have. You don't choose to have them,

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but you choose what to do with them after and let that sink in. Like you're sad, you're angry,

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you feel shame, you feel embarrassed. That's all okay to have. That just means you're human. And

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you can't choose to have them. Like you can't get mad at yourself for feeling angry. You just do.

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You don't control that. But what you do control is what you do after you get those emotions,

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what you do with them after. And that helps to build resilience when you realize that and when

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you live that. First, you need to acknowledge the emotions that you have. To do that, you need to have

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that self awareness, which can be developed by journaling or meditation or yoga even.

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I do all three of these although I'm not as consistent as I would like to be. But journaling

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helps to see what you feel on the page as long as you journal whatever it is that comes to your

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mind, right? Like don't take your pen off the page. That's very important. That's how your

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unconsciousness can come onto the page. And you can be like, Oh, so this is what's bugging me.

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Because many times when I feel heavy, and I'm not sure what I'm experiencing, I take out my journal

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and I just write in it and then eventually it comes out. Eventually, I understand what

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thing is bugging me the most and I can start dealing with it. Meditation takes practice and

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helps you acknowledge what you're feeling as well. And it's very important to understand that once you

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acknowledge your emotions, you can tell yourself they're temporary. So you know, you won't feel

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like this forever. Once you recognize the emotions you're experiencing, you need to understand that

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these emotions are actually valuable because these emotions act as our guides. For example,

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if you're angry, that might point you to doing a specific action like advocating for something

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like for yourself and for your needs. And when you do that, you will feel much better. So instead

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of suppressing emotions, which will probably result the mental breakdowns anyway, you actually

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welcome these emotions and be like, Oh, hey, anger, you're here. Oh, hey, sadness, you're here.

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Like this is why I love the inside out movies, because they normalize having a different spectrum

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of emotions. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be angry. These emotions help us live a fuller life

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and lead us closer to our truths. And when you befriend your emotions, you can then practice

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healthy emotional regulation. You'll be like, What? I feel sad. What helps you when I'm sad?

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What helps you when I'm sad? Oh, last time a bubble bath helped me. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go do that.

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And now figure out what to do next. Oh, I sense that I feel shame. I feel shame. What do I do?

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I talked to someone that helped me last time. So remember that every time if you have yourself

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to acknowledge an emotion and don't run from it, recognize it and be like, What can I do to help

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myself with it? Again, emotions are temporary. No matter how bad or good something may feel in the

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moment, that feeling eventually fades because that's just life. So yes, when you've got emotional

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regulation skill down, right? And that's always a work in progress. But overall, when you've got

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that skill down, you can be more resilient living in denial of your emotions or suppressing them

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won't get you to resiliency. In fact, it will push you away from it. Every times when you feel

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like shit, no matter what, always, I certainly had my share of those times. I had those experiences.

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I had times where I couldn't stop crying. And I couldn't breathe because I was crying so hard.

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And that's okay. It's nothing to be scared of. Just do all those things we talked about,

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acknowledge your emotions, welcome them, manage them. And remember, it's all temporary. Also,

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I found out what helps me when I feel anxious or incompetent is to remind yourself of the things

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that you did well, the things you're proud of. Because more often than not, we forget how capable

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we really are, how much of a good impact we actually have on people. Now, gosh, okay, last

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bit of content here. Remember that rejection is only a failure if it knocks you down, and you

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don't get back up. And it's just a reality of life that the more we strive for success, the more we

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fail. And understanding that will add to your resilience and having resilience really depends

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on the story you tell yourself. And it also depends on your readiness to fucking own your story.

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Because guess what? That takes guts. Yes, it takes guts. But you, with time, can come to that.

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And having resilience is about having faith and hope that somehow everything will turn out okay,

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because you are inherently worthy and deserving of whatever you put your mind to. And resilience

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is not an easy thing to achieve. It doesn't come overnight, much like happiness is not easy to

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achieve. And it doesn't come overnight either. You won't wake up one day thinking, oh, today I'm

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resilient. Like, it's a work in progress. But at least we can wake up each day knowing we are

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heading in the right direction. Because if we continue practicing self care, continue to become

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more comfortable with uncertainty, and getting a little bit better at emotional regulation every day,

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we are winning. Another mic drop. Okay, okay, my friends, we're about to come to an end. And I

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hope you got something out of this episode. On my social media, I created a calendar link where

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you can book a meeting with me to talk about whatever it is you're going through. We all need a

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shoulder to cry on sometimes. We want to have someone that can listen to us. And I want to be

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that someone for you. I'm not an expert, but I'm your peer, and I want to be there for you. So feel

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free to book a meeting with me and we can talk. But for now, until next time, adios. Bye.