Hello everyone, this is Valeria Loosnak. Welcome to the fourth episode of the rejected
pre-mech podcast. Long time no see. I haven't released episodes in a long time. Hope you're
all doing well. Enjoying your summer, even though summer is kinda coming to an end.
Um, maybe watch those summer movies. Popular ones, Deadpool and Wolverine. Inside out,
I loved both of those movies by the way. They're very different. Very different. But I love them.
We will call this our second resource episode. And here we'll talk about resiliency and more
specifically what does it mean to be resilient in the face of rejection? What does it mean to be
resilient as a pre-mech student? And why does resiliency matter at all? So even if you're not
a pre-mech student, you can listen to this episode because I think it applies to all of human kind.
Being resilient is about having the tools to respond to a difficult event or events in your life
so you can move on from them in a healthy way and learn from them. How do we do that? How do we
achieve that resilience? So there's so much to say about this topic. And when I started writing the
script, I realized there might be no way I can fit this all into one episode. So let's see how this
goes. I might split this into multiple parts. Might not. So we'll think about this. Okay. So I cannot
talk about resilience and not mention Brené Brown. Many of you have heard of Brené Brown. She is a
renowned social scientist and in her best-selling book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she lists five
most common factors of resilient people. And they are, one, they are resourceful and they have good
problem-solving skills. Two, they're more likely to seek help. Three, resilient people hold the
belief that they can do something that will help them to manage their feelings and to cope. And
four, they have social support available to them. And five, they're connected with others such as
their family or their friends. So probably there's of course more factors that determine resiliency
because you know, it is so individual, but these are the big factors that are applied to many,
many people. Now, if you didn't fully get down or have the time to process fully those five categories,
I will go through them again, not necessarily in that same order, but this time with examples from
my own life and further explanations that I actually tied together from different books that I read
over the years. And all the books will be enlisted in show notes. So you can refer to them individually,
if you like. So let's start with what it means to be resilient. Let's start with the first factor
that we listed being resourceful and having good problem solving skills. Now, okay, this may seem
counterintuitive, but personally for me, for my personal experience, to be a good problem solver
and being resilient means to be comfortable with uncertainty. That's where it starts. I will explain
and there's so much that goes into being comfortable with uncertainty. And of course, you want to
achieve that certainty in your life. Of course you do. That's the ideal. But when you crave certainty
in situations where it cannot be granted to you, it could potentially make you miserable and distracts
you from solving your problems. That's what I found happened to me. When I was not accepted into
medical school, I started questioning my whole future. And I didn't know, like, what will it look like?
What will I be doing? I was freaking out. And I still freak out sometimes. I did not apply to
any of the programs that year, which was kind of naive of me. But yeah, I did not apply to any of
the programs that year. So I had no idea what I'll be doing for the next year. And quite honestly,
with you, I'm still figuring out what I'll be doing. And when you are going through these kinds
of thoughts and feelings and you're freaking out about your future, you just suddenly want to be
in college again, right? And in college, I remember where I felt good and certain about my future.
Yeah, there were stresses with exams, stresses with school stresses with all kinds of things. But at
least I was feeling good and certain about my future. I wanted to be a doctor, right? That's
kind of helped me stay on track. So for me to have good problem solving skills now means to be
comfortable with uncertainty. Because once I accept and accepted that it is perfectly okay to not
know what you'll be doing in the future, to not know what your future will look like, once I accepted
that, I'll let go of that ideal picture in my head. And I started taking action. I started taking
action and thinking of alternatives to medicine and stopped living in the past, right? I started
taking action and moved into problem solving mode. And ultimately, that added to my resiliency. I
took my life into my own hands instead of focusing on my perceived failure, right? So what I did,
and I recommend you do this as well, is to create a list of potential future jobs slash education
you could pursue in your current position. For example, for me, I'm thinking of what potential
future jobs or education I could pursue as a neuro degree graduate, right? So I made that list. And
I realized that I'm currently interested in psychology, mental health, leadership, and management.
So at least for the near future, my list consists of doing stuff in those fields. And in your case,
if you applied to medicine and did not get in, your list could consist of pursuing a master's in
a science or health related field and continuing to apply to medicine each year. That's what you
could be doing because that is what you're passionate about. Or you know, medicine is something
you want to do and you do not want to do a master's, you can go into EMS and continue to apply to
medicine while working for EMS. My friend did that and she actually got into med school this year.
So those are things you could do. And these are just examples, right? And don't let them limit you.
There are various things you could do like travel, for example, you could even apply to
Caribbean medical school, it's easier to get into them and some of their medical programs get really
great reviews. So definitely consider those options as well. The truth is, if you feel in your heart
that you want to be a doctor or whatever it is that you wish for in your life, if you feel in
your heart that you want to do that certain thing or be that certain profession, do not give up,
right? I interviewed a doctor in the third episode of this podcast, he had to apply to medical school
seven times. There was another doctor who applied five times before she got in. And by the time she
got in, she had a master's and a PhD, right? Just let this sink in like a master's and a PhD. Do
you know how many years it takes to get a master's and a PhD on top of that? And I was talking to my
friend who just got into medicine. She told me this year was her third time applying. She told me
her motivation decreased every time. But I believe it's like the burning feeling inside that she had
to be a doctor that kept her going. And this, of course, does not just a lot of pre-meds,
but people pursuing any kind of job. If your heart tells you to keep going for it, you should. And
you should believe in yourself that you'll find a way to get there because self-confidence goes
a very, very, very, very long way. Self-confidence is such a key. And I know that you're probably
thinking, oh, it all sounds so easy Valeria. And it is not. It is not fucking easy at all.
Like, it's so hard. This is exactly why I launched this podcast because not enough people talk about
this. How hard it is to go after what you really want after facing rejection over and over and over
again. But the skills, the strength, the resilience you get from these experiences, tremendous. And
if you can overcome that, you will be unstoppable. You'll be unstoppable. I feel like I should add
a like a mic drop sound to this. Here it is. Mic drop. Now, you may be one of those people,
like me, who are not sure anymore that medicine is for you. Because in your heart, you have this
feeling, you don't know how to describe it, but it feels like there's something else out there to
try. Maybe you don't want to rule out medicine just yet. Like, I don't want to rule out medicine
just yet. I was committed to that goal for 10 years. That little 13 year old Valeria wanted
to be a doctor. It's hard for me to let that go. But at the same time, I feel like there's something
more exciting for me on the horizon. And I want to try that instead. And maybe you might be in
the same shoes as well. Or you may have no idea what you want to be doing at all. But you know
deep inside the medicine is just not something you should be focusing on right now, maybe in the
future. But not right now. You might be feeling that too. Either way, making a list helps here.
You focus on what intrinsically motivates you and take a leap of faith with it, right? Think about
it. Do some self reflection. Maybe you're interested in business management. Maybe
you like doing research. Maybe you want to go into doing ultrasound, being an ultrasound
sonographer. Maybe interested in law school, being a teacher, being a nurse, being a podcast host.
I personally for myself narrowed down to either psychology or management, because these things
may not be my quote unquote, passions, but I know I could be good at those things. And I'm genuinely
interested in both of these, right? It's about taking the time to see what your inner self truly
desires. And that takes time. That takes courage and fucking determination. When you have resilience,
you allow yourself to be courageous to do what you feel is right. Because
you know you will handle it. Yes, there'll be hard times. There'll be some tears along the way.
There'll be some hardships along the way, but somewhere deep inside, you know,
okay, I'm ready. I'll fucking handle it. And that's what resilience is about. Resilience
partially comes from being comfortable with that uncertainty. So coming back to that,
because if you pursue something like medicine for so long, and finally realize that in your
heart, you may want something different, you may experience something different. You may experience
something different. You may experience a bit of an identity crisis, because you have no idea where
your life is heading anymore, or who you are, leaving you feeling paralyzed, right? And that is
exactly what I felt. And I still feel like that sometimes. But being comfortable with uncertainty
normalizes that feeling of not knowing everything in advance, and it makes it okay. Because guess
what? You can't know everything in advance. You're not God, I don't know, you don't know your future.
But being intentional about being comfortable with uncertainty normalizes that feeling of not
knowing everything in advance, and it makes it okay. And when you accept that, you can move on
into problem solving slash action mode, step by step, ready to adapt to life whenever it throws
curveballs at you. And you can imagine a fulfilling future for yourself again, one week, one month,
one year at a time, right? So you may not know what you want to be doing now. But you know.
Okay, I'll stop talking right now, because I said a lot and I want to let that sink in. So I'll be
quiet for about 30 seconds and let music play. And then I'll be back. All right, welcome back,
everyone. Hope you had your drink of water or whatever else you needed to do. To recap,
we said that the first factor to being resilient is to be resourceful and have good problem solving
skills which partially stems from being comfortable with uncertainty. At least that was the case for
me. And maybe maybe you can relate to that. Right. So just remember, there is no perfect
decision, a perfect step to taking life. There's just you, what your gut tells you, and being brave
enough to take a leap of faith. Yeah, you may never know for sure what next step to take. And
that can scary sometimes for me. I may never know for sure what next step to take. But life is not
about being perfect. It's about just living. I constantly remind myself of that. Not every
single step you take has to be directed towards your ideal future. Maybe it's something that's
interesting to you. You don't know where that might lead you. Just follow your interests and
network with people who share your interests and let those seeds grow. And you will see how they
sprout over time. Okay, so now we're going to switch gears a little bit. We're still going to
talk about being resourceful and how that applies to resilience, but in a different context. Being
resourceful also means having an adequate self care toolkit. So self care means getting enough
sleep, exercise, helping others, blah, blah, like that is no surprise. Maybe the boring, predictable
answer, but it's true. Like do these things over time, and they will add to your resilience,
which in return will add to your success and happiness and all those other good shit.
Many of us have also heard the term self compassion and self love. But how many of you
actually know what it really means? Because I thought I knew about it, what it was, and I thought
I practiced it. But I didn't. I just knew about it in theory. I never properly practiced those
things. Self love and self compassion is for everyone to practice and it will add to your
resiliency like nothing else will. Ironically, it was my rejection from medical school and those
other things before that, like my MCAT attempts that have helped me realize what self compassion
actually is and moved me towards that and helped me actually to start practice that.
Before I had any self compassion, I was my own worst critic and it was very exhausting.
Like just imagine being surrounded by the most toxic person ever while you're trying to just live
when overcome challenges. I think that gets in the way. If you have no self compassion or self love,
you're your own toxic person who's always there making things harder for yourself than they need
to be. It's that toxic person that you just need to let go, but you just can't because it's part of
you. And that's where self compassion comes in. That's how we can get rid of that toxic person
in you. It's okay though. It takes time to develop self compassion. So be patient with yourself
because you will get there, but you're going to really embrace it. Not just like know about
self compassionate theory and be like, that's enough. No, that doesn't do the trick. Dr. Kristin
Neff did a lot of research on self compassion and she has a TED talk about this, which I'll put in
the show notes and you can learn more about it. She provides practical tips on how to actually
practice self compassion. And hopefully it helps you. Another way to build resilience is to develop
interests and hobbies and maintain your relationships with people close to you. Because when one thing
goes sideways in your life, it's not like all your ex are in one basket and you will not feel your
entire identity shatter. Dramatic, I know, but right? Because then you have other things to lean
on like your friends and your family and you say to yourself, yes, I did not get this job. I did not
get the spot at the school, but I have a great relationship with this person. I play soccer
really well. I write my blog, I volunteer at the animal shelter, blah, blah, blah, blah. All those
things that make up who you are, help you realize that you do not depend on this job. You don't need
this job that you got rejected from to define who you are. It doesn't define who you are. It doesn't
make up your identity. And in that way, you know, you will handle it if you do not get the job.
You know, you will handle any other future potential failures you might face because you're
a well rounded person and you have other things that make up your life. Even then,
you can still feel upset if you don't get the job, but at least that way you have something to fall
back on. Like, I did not get accepted to any medical schools I applied to, but I thank God I have my
husband to support me who always believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. Every day
I'm grateful for his presence. And then my family was there too, always checking in on me. I had my
volunteer initiatives where I felt the support as well. And I got my singing project for an original
song that I wrote that kept me going too. So the main takeaway here, remember the more elements
make up your life, the more well rounded you are, the less threatening it is when any one element
is threatened. Okay, let's see. I've been talking a lot. Now, resilient people also hold the belief
that they can do something that will help them manage their feelings and to cope. That's another
resilience factor right here. So this is a big topic for me. And if you follow me on social
media, you know about this. I made a whole post about it. There are many things you can do to
manage your feelings and to cope. It is not always easy, but it can be done and you'll be better off
in the long run. And just remember, all emotions are okay to have. You don't choose to have them,
but you choose what to do with them after and let that sink in. Like you're sad, you're angry,
you feel shame, you feel embarrassed. That's all okay to have. That just means you're human. And
you can't choose to have them. Like you can't get mad at yourself for feeling angry. You just do.
You don't control that. But what you do control is what you do after you get those emotions,
what you do with them after. And that helps to build resilience when you realize that and when
you live that. First, you need to acknowledge the emotions that you have. To do that, you need to have
that self awareness, which can be developed by journaling or meditation or yoga even.
I do all three of these although I'm not as consistent as I would like to be. But journaling
helps to see what you feel on the page as long as you journal whatever it is that comes to your
mind, right? Like don't take your pen off the page. That's very important. That's how your
unconsciousness can come onto the page. And you can be like, Oh, so this is what's bugging me.
Because many times when I feel heavy, and I'm not sure what I'm experiencing, I take out my journal
and I just write in it and then eventually it comes out. Eventually, I understand what
thing is bugging me the most and I can start dealing with it. Meditation takes practice and
helps you acknowledge what you're feeling as well. And it's very important to understand that once you
acknowledge your emotions, you can tell yourself they're temporary. So you know, you won't feel
like this forever. Once you recognize the emotions you're experiencing, you need to understand that
these emotions are actually valuable because these emotions act as our guides. For example,
if you're angry, that might point you to doing a specific action like advocating for something
like for yourself and for your needs. And when you do that, you will feel much better. So instead
of suppressing emotions, which will probably result the mental breakdowns anyway, you actually
welcome these emotions and be like, Oh, hey, anger, you're here. Oh, hey, sadness, you're here.
Like this is why I love the inside out movies, because they normalize having a different spectrum
of emotions. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be angry. These emotions help us live a fuller life
and lead us closer to our truths. And when you befriend your emotions, you can then practice
healthy emotional regulation. You'll be like, What? I feel sad. What helps you when I'm sad?
What helps you when I'm sad? Oh, last time a bubble bath helped me. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go do that.
And now figure out what to do next. Oh, I sense that I feel shame. I feel shame. What do I do?
I talked to someone that helped me last time. So remember that every time if you have yourself
to acknowledge an emotion and don't run from it, recognize it and be like, What can I do to help
myself with it? Again, emotions are temporary. No matter how bad or good something may feel in the
moment, that feeling eventually fades because that's just life. So yes, when you've got emotional
regulation skill down, right? And that's always a work in progress. But overall, when you've got
that skill down, you can be more resilient living in denial of your emotions or suppressing them
won't get you to resiliency. In fact, it will push you away from it. Every times when you feel
like shit, no matter what, always, I certainly had my share of those times. I had those experiences.
I had times where I couldn't stop crying. And I couldn't breathe because I was crying so hard.
And that's okay. It's nothing to be scared of. Just do all those things we talked about,
acknowledge your emotions, welcome them, manage them. And remember, it's all temporary. Also,
I found out what helps me when I feel anxious or incompetent is to remind yourself of the things
that you did well, the things you're proud of. Because more often than not, we forget how capable
we really are, how much of a good impact we actually have on people. Now, gosh, okay, last
bit of content here. Remember that rejection is only a failure if it knocks you down, and you
don't get back up. And it's just a reality of life that the more we strive for success, the more we
fail. And understanding that will add to your resilience and having resilience really depends
on the story you tell yourself. And it also depends on your readiness to fucking own your story.
Because guess what? That takes guts. Yes, it takes guts. But you, with time, can come to that.
And having resilience is about having faith and hope that somehow everything will turn out okay,
because you are inherently worthy and deserving of whatever you put your mind to. And resilience
is not an easy thing to achieve. It doesn't come overnight, much like happiness is not easy to
achieve. And it doesn't come overnight either. You won't wake up one day thinking, oh, today I'm
resilient. Like, it's a work in progress. But at least we can wake up each day knowing we are
heading in the right direction. Because if we continue practicing self care, continue to become
more comfortable with uncertainty, and getting a little bit better at emotional regulation every day,
we are winning. Another mic drop. Okay, okay, my friends, we're about to come to an end. And I
hope you got something out of this episode. On my social media, I created a calendar link where
you can book a meeting with me to talk about whatever it is you're going through. We all need a
shoulder to cry on sometimes. We want to have someone that can listen to us. And I want to be
that someone for you. I'm not an expert, but I'm your peer, and I want to be there for you. So feel
free to book a meeting with me and we can talk. But for now, until next time, adios. Bye.