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The only person keeping you exactly as you are is yourself.

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You live your life through the stories that you are telling yourself in your head.

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One's beauty does not take away from the other.

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One's abundance does not take away from the other.

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This is also an excellent way to build confidence.

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Because when you do things that you haven't done before and you do things that you're scared

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of, you're teaching your body that you can handle anything that comes your way, which

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is true.

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Welcome back to yourself.

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My name is Shear and I'm so happy you are here.

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I just had my birthday, so we are going to talk about 28 things that I learned by the

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time I turned 28.

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These life lessons are split up into four categories.

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We have mental and physical health, career and money, relationships and self-image.

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So we're going to start with mental and physical health.

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Number one, don't sweat the small stuff.

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If the way you feel about the situation doesn't change the situation, choose the happier path.

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The small stuff is just noise.

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My boyfriend talks about having three buckets that situations can fall into.

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The first bucket is a situation in your control that you can change.

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The second bucket is a situation out of your control that you can influence.

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And the third is a situation that is out of your control that you cannot influence.

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Notice which bucket the situation falls into and act accordingly because otherwise you're

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just wasting your energy and your time and energy are the most precious resources that

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you have.

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Next is avoid the news.

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I heard on a podcast they called CNN Constant Negative News.

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I agree.

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It's not even about staying in the know of what's going on in the world.

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If something big enough is going on, you will hear about it.

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I guarantee it.

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Otherwise, it's all about where you are choosing to place your energy because as we've said,

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your energy is one of the most valuable resources you have.

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So why spend it in a negative cycle on a very low frequency watching the news and staying

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in the know about all the horrible things going on in the world?

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Because there are many horrible things going on in the world.

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But there's also a lot of really good things going on in the world.

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Just notice which buckets these two fall into for you.

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The timer is imaginary.

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You do not need to get anywhere by a certain time.

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You don't need to have a certain career, a certain relationship, a certain financial

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status.

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That timer is imaginary.

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Recognize that, release yourself from it, and feel the relief and freedom that you have

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to choose whatever you want to do and let yourself get to where you want to be at your

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own time.

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Because there is not one single path to happiness.

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You don't need to be married by 30.

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You don't need to follow these self-imposed timelines.

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It makes life less enjoyable.

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Let yourself be where you are, enjoy where you are, because one day when you do reach

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your goals and get exactly where you want to be, you'll look back on this time in your

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life and wish that you had appreciated it more.

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Work hard, rest harder.

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Do not optimize your downtime.

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Be productive when you work and rest when you plan to rest.

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I know especially in our current society, people love to hustle and people hate to rest.

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And you may know some people who have such a hard time resting that when they do finally

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get some time to rest, they choose to do something else like a lot of chores, pick up a second

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project, and they may even tell you things like, I don't know how to rest, so I'm always

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doing something.

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Learn how to rest, nobody benefits from that, but you, and that is very important, that

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you benefit from the rest that you deserve, so that you can continue to show up in other

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aspects of your life and enjoy it more.

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It's not a bad thing to rest.

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It's actually a very good thing.

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Physical fitness is mental fitness, and fitness principles apply to many aspects of life.

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For example, Jess Sims, a trainer from Peloton, likes to say, how you do anything is how you

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do everything.

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I could not agree more.

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If you are always delaying something, if you're always saying, oh, I'll go do that

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workout tomorrow, where else are you saying that in your life?

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Do you have projects at work that you're ready to do tomorrow?

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Do you have friends that you're ready to show up for tomorrow?

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What about showing up for them right now?

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What about showing up for yourself right now?

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What about getting things done right now so that you can be productive in this moment

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and then rest?

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And then when you do rest, you rest in this moment.

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Robin Arzon, another trainer from Peloton, says, you did not come this far to only come

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this far.

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This concept reminds me of the true challenge being at the top of the hill.

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Most of the workout is climbing that hill, but the true challenge is at the top of the

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hill.

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So once you're tired from climbing the hill, you're not just going to leave.

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You just got to the challenge.

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You just got to the work.

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You put in all this work to do.

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You just got to the sweet spot.

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It's also similar to beating a boss in a video game.

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You have to beat all these different levels to get to the big boss.

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And then you're not going to stop playing just because you've reached the big boss.

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You're going to beat the boss because you did all the work to get to that boss.

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Now it's the time.

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Now you really get to practice.

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Now you really get to show up for yourself.

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And this can translate into other areas.

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This can translate into careers, relationships, side projects, art, really any other aspect

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of life that applies to you.

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Listen to your body.

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Your body is always communicating with you.

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Your body will tell you when to rest, when to stop, when to move, when to change what

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you're doing.

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Your body is always communicating with you.

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So fitness taught me to listen to my body.

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And this transcends fitness.

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This applies to absolutely every area of my life every single day.

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Small changes yield big results.

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In fitness, this is referring to progressive overload where you continually increase your

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weight or reps or endurance by a little bit so you continue to improve your strength and

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endurance.

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This is also mentioned by James Clear in Atomic Habits regarding building and breaking habits.

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If you do prioritize making small changes over time, they will compound into big results.

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And a lot of people think that you need to make big changes right away to get big results,

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but the small changes are actually more maintainable and thus get you big results in a shorter

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amount of time than you may expect.

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Get conscious about and prioritize your habits.

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Notice which habits you want to improve and which habits you want to break.

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And you can improve your habits by making them easy, obvious, habit stacking, which

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is just adding it on to a habit that you've already established, and you can break habits

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by making them difficult, invisible, and separate them from already established habits.

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Be who you are, not who they want you to be.

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Even the people who want the best for you in your life will pass their bias on to you.

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Subconsciously, I don't think they're doing that on purpose, but everybody comes with

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their own bias, and if you're not careful to discern what you believe versus what they

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believe, you might absorb their limiting beliefs and their bias.

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So back to listening to your body, listen to your gut.

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Trust your gut.

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Your gut will help you recognize good opportunities before anyone else.

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There will also be people who want you to fail, and your gut will be able to recognize

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them as well.

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Forgiveness is not for the other person.

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Forgiveness is for you.

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Forgiveness gives you peace of mind and lets you focus the grudge, the anger, all those

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intense feelings about that situation on to other things.

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You can come back into a higher vibration because you let it go, and you can shift that

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story however you want.

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The story you tell yourself is how you live your life.

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You live your life through the stories that you are telling yourself in your head.

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So recognize the story that you're telling yourself about this current situation and

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see if you can shift it into a nicer feeling story, a more neutral one, one that is just

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as true but makes you feel better.

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Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

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Growth begins at the outside of our comfort zone.

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If we constantly stay in our comfort zone, nothing's going to change.

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This is also an excellent way to build confidence because when you do things that you haven't

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done before and you do things that you're scared of, you're teaching your body that

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you can handle anything that comes your way, which is true.

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And for difficult tasks and projects, 85%, that's good, that's great.

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Don't focus on perfectionism.

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It's a waste of time.

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You will never get there.

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That is okay.

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It does not have to be perfect.

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It just has to be done.

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85% is great.

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And that 85% can be improved over time, and the goal post is always moving, right?

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So the 85% that you had at the beginning of that project is going to be different than

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the 85% that you have a year into that project.

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And both 85% can be great for where you are at that point in time.

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85% is good enough.

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It doesn't have to be perfect.

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It has to be done.

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Ego is loud and chaotic, and intuition is calm and quiet.

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If you are ever questioning if your reaction is coming from ego or from your intuition,

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check if it feels urgent.

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If it feels urgent, like, oh, my friend said that they have a question to ask me and that

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I haven't heard from them in a few hours.

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I'm going to text them and call them until they answer so that we can get this question

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answered.

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That sounds more like ego versus intuition, which can say, okay, I asked them what their

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question is, and they will respond when they're ready.

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Ego is loud and urgent, and intuition is calm and quiet.

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Moving on to career and money.

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Figure out what you're good at, and then see if you can make that your career.

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If you build a career off of something that you're good at and bonus something that you

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like, you're going to enjoy that time so much more than if you do something that you don't

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like and that you're not good at that sounds really hard and draining.

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Make a list of things that you're good at and see which of those you like enough to

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pursue as a career.

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You can always change your mind and change your path.

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Nothing is set in stone.

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You can even decide right now not to be the same person that you were five minutes ago.

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You can always change your mind, change your mindset, change your path, change how much

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money you make, change the career you have, change your interests.

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You can change everything.

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The only person keeping you exactly as you are is yourself.

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You can get lucky.

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You have the capacity to get lucky.

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And you can put yourself in situations that provide more opportunities.

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This also loops back into listening to your intuition.

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Your intuition will give you really quiet random nudges to do certain things like go

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to this school over this one or go to this class over that one, visit your coffee shop

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downstairs today.

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Your intuition will give you subtle nudges that will get you into certain places and

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situations that can provide opportunities.

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And then it's on you to notice those opportunities.

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Evolve at your own pace.

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There is no finish line.

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There is no timeline.

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There are no checkpoints.

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Evolve at your own pace.

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Personally, socially, romantically, financially, spiritually, however you want to evolve, give

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yourself the time and grace to evolve at your own pace.

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Learn the value of money and the game of credit.

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When you learn how to manage your finances and play the game of credit, especially in

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the United States, you become so much more powerful.

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Managing your finances and having financial intelligence is one of the most empowering

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skills that you can have and you can build it.

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If you don't have it right now, that's okay.

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If you do have it right now, that's great.

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You can always build it and improve it.

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And money is energy just like everything else.

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You can always get more of it.

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They print more every day.

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There is an abundance of money and it's on you to recognize that.

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And since you have money, spend your money.

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Enjoy your life.

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Don't spend it frivolously just to spend it, but also don't save just to save.

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If you have food, shelter, bills paid for and you're saving and investing, let yourself

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spend some money.

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That's what it's there for.

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Money is there to improve your life.

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Money is freedom.

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Money is opportunities.

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So use them.

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Have fun.

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If you really want a new camera and you have the extra funds to get it, don't save it just

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to save it, especially if you've already set aside savings for the month and you've invested

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for the month.

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You might as well.

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That can be part of your guilt-free spending money.

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And if you are still working on the basics of food, shelter, saving, investing and all

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of your necessary expenses, you can also incorporate guilt-free spending money in your monthly

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budget.

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Because it's not realistic to tell people that are still working on the basics to only

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spend money on the basics.

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As humans, we want to get things that we like.

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We want to go out to eat sometimes, maybe go to a concert.

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There are many things that you rightfully want to do and you can do them even if you're

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still focusing on the basics.

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So spend your guilt-free spending money.

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Have you heard, Winners Never Quit?

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I disagree wholeheartedly.

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Winners know when to quit.

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Don't stick out a sinking situation just for the sake of being stubborn.

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Know when it's not working and know when to leave.

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That's how you can also make room for more things that are working.

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So Winners Know When To Quit.

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On to relationships.

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People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves.

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So if you are a very intuitive, introspective person that likes to talk about how you feel,

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that you're talking with somebody who doesn't like to talk about feelings, doesn't like

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to sit with their thoughts, and doesn't like having difficult conversations, you may not

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get very far in the conversations that you have with that person.

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And that's okay.

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They might even be doing their best to meet you there, but if they haven't met themselves

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there, they're not going to meet you there.

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And that's just the way it is.

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But when you do find people that have sat with their thoughts, that have gone inward and

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they are also introspective, they also are curious about the world like you and they

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ask themselves similar questions that you might ask yourself, you'll find that those

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conversations flow much better and they go much deeper because that person has already

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met themselves at that level.

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You don't need 100 pennies.

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You need four quarters or $1 coin.

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You don't need a lot of friends.

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You just need the right friends.

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You need people that are uplifting, that are bucket-filling, that make you feel better

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about yourself and about life.

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Those are the people that you need as friends.

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And if that's one person, if that's four people, that's excellent.

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You don't need 100 friends to be happy.

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You just need the right people around you.

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You are the sum of the closest people to you and the content you consume.

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We spend so much time online these days that now the content we consume can even rack up

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more time in our days than the people that we spend time with.

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The content we consume has such an impact on our mental health and state of mind and

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how we can treat people, how we see the world.

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You are the sum of those closest to you and the content you consume.

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So consume content consciously and recognize which of your friends are quarters.

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Moving on to the final segment, self-image.

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Your time is your most valuable resource.

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Take some time and ask yourself what your values are.

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Find your values and what matters to you and consciously decide how you want to spend your

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time, whether that be with people, alone, with hobbies, at work.

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Recognize that your time is your most valuable resource.

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Find a new hobby and then find many.

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There's no cap on hobbies and they are so fun.

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They also let you focus back on yourself and things you like.

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And when people are bored, I think they don't have enough hobbies.

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I think they could benefit from sitting with themselves and learning about things they

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like and then spending their time doing things they like.

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It can bring a lot of happiness and not all hobbies should be monetized.

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I would say at least one, keep at least one hobby that is just for you that you are not

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monetizing and will never monetize.

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For me it's crocheting.

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I will never sell crochet anything.

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I might give it away as gifts, but I'm not going to sell it.

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I'm not going to start a business with it.

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Crocheting is just for me so that I can keep doing it on my time when I want to do it with

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no pressure and pure enjoyment.

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You do you.

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If the things you do when you're being your authentic self scare someone away, they are

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not meant for you.

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Alternatively, if you put on a mask and somebody likes you, they like that masked version of

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you.

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They don't like you.

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They don't like your authentic self.

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So do yourself a favor, recognize what is authentic to you and continue to show up as

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your authentic self so that you can scare away the wrong people and attract the right

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people who will really love you for who you are.

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You also can't keep up a mask so it is completely redundant to have one and it feels so much

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better to be appreciated and valued for who you are.

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And finally, don't compare yourself to others.

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Don't compare yourself career wise, financially, regarding relationships, regarding your looks.

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Don't ever compare yourself to someone else because everyone has their own experience.

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They have their own value.

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And flowers don't compare themselves to other flowers.

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Flowers don't compare themselves to sunsets.

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Each flower is beautiful.

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Each sunset is beautiful and they can coexist.

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One's beauty does not take away from the other.

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One's abundance does not take away from the other.

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There is so much abundance in this world that you can have abundance in beauty, finances,

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relationships, peace.

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You can have it all and so can they.

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They can have it all and so can you.

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There is so much abundance in this world that there is more than enough to go around.

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Scarcity mindset is just a mindset and you can shift that mindset into abundance.

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Thank you for listening to Back to Yourself.

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I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did.

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Reach out to me on Instagram or TikTok at Back to Yourself pod and let me know what

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you thought of this episode and what you would like to see in the next one.

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Go do something fun for yourself today.

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Bye.

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Bye.