1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 When you do show up as your authentic self and you are weeding out all the wrong people, 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,000 that gives the right people more space to come in, 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 and it allows you to recognize when the right people have shown up for you. 4 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Welcome back to yourself. 5 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,000 My name is Sheer, and I'm so happy you are here. 6 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:27,000 This is the podcast where we listen to the voice of our higher self, 7 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:32,000 rather than the voice of our ego, and move from a place of love rather than fear. 8 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,000 So let's get into it. 9 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:38,000 Today we are talking about how to reconnect with your authentic self 10 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:42,000 and the power of vulnerability and being disliked. 11 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,000 So what does it mean to be your authentic self? 12 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:53,000 Being your authentic self means that your thoughts, your words, and your actions align with your core identity. 13 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,000 So what does it mean to have a core identity? 14 00:00:56,000 --> 00:01:01,000 This is made up of your values, your beliefs, and who you want to be. 15 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:08,000 So to create a core identity that is true to you, rather than who you have been so far, 16 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:16,000 because who you are right now is the sum of all of the experiences that you have had so far in your life. 17 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:24,000 And you might have some unconscious habits that you may not like very much, and that's okay. 18 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:29,000 You may have some beliefs that you don't agree with, and that's also okay, 19 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:37,000 because you have the power to slow down, check in with yourself, and question your beliefs. 20 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:43,000 And this is how you can actually find your values and what you believe in. 21 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:53,000 Slowing down and questioning your habits and beliefs allows you to unlearn some habits that you might want to get rid of. 22 00:01:53,000 --> 00:02:01,000 And gives you the opportunity to practice new habits that you want to strengthen and become part of your identity. 23 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:09,000 And questioning your beliefs is a process that takes a lot of time, and you might never be done, 24 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:15,000 because as you continue to grow and strengthen the identity that you want to be, 25 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:21,000 you might uncover new limiting beliefs or other beliefs that you do not agree with. 26 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:26,000 Now that you are aware of these limiting beliefs, you can choose again. 27 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:34,000 Gabby Bernstein, who is the podcast host of Dear Gabby, she's also a best-selling author and coach. 28 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:44,000 She talks about the choose again method, and this is when you notice a thought that you don't necessarily like or agree with, 29 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,000 and you choose a new thought. 30 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:53,000 If you can notice those thoughts in the moment, that is a critical opportunity, 31 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:58,000 because this is where you can take a moment and question your beliefs. 32 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:03,000 Ask yourself, okay, why do I think these things? 33 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,000 Where did these beliefs come from? 34 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:10,000 Whose voice do I hear these beliefs in? 35 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,000 Is it mine? 36 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:16,000 Do I agree with these beliefs? 37 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:22,000 And if not, what is my true belief of the situation? 38 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,000 And what would I rather believe? 39 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:36,000 Because reality is perception, and as Joe Dispenza says, the way you think and feel create your personality, 40 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:41,000 and your personality becomes your personal reality, 41 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:47,000 and you have the power to change your thoughts and your feelings, and in turn change your personal reality. 42 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:51,000 You can question your beliefs, you can question these thoughts. 43 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:58,000 You should be proud of the fact that you even became aware of them in the moment, because that alone is a difficult task. 44 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:05,000 So once you have become aware of these thoughts in the moment, question them. 45 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,000 So what does it look like to question your beliefs? 46 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:15,000 The first example that comes to mind for me is, I am 27 and I am not married. 47 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:23,000 And I could be freaking out right now saying, oh my goodness, I'm already 27, I'm not married, when am I going to have kids, 48 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,000 am I ever going to find the one? 49 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,000 But that's not what I believe. 50 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:36,000 I did recognize at some point that I did have some fears about growing older and not yet finding the one. 51 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:41,000 Because it's not just about finding a partner, it's about finding the right partner, right? 52 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,000 And that can take time. 53 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:52,000 And when I was feeling that stress a few years ago of entering my mid-20s without a partner that I wanted to marry, 54 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,000 I noticed these beliefs coming up. 55 00:04:54,000 --> 00:05:00,000 These limiting beliefs that came up for me sounded like, you're getting older, you're running out of time, 56 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:07,000 nobody's going to like you if you're not young. 57 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:15,000 And it's just so funny to me now because when those beliefs did come up and I was able to recognize them in the moment 58 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:24,000 and sit with them and question them, it gave me the opportunity to ask myself some questions. 59 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:32,000 So the questions I ask these limiting beliefs are, when did I first hear this limiting belief? 60 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:36,000 Whose voice am I hearing this limiting belief in? 61 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:40,000 Do I agree with this limiting belief? 62 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:43,000 No, I don't. 63 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:48,000 And then I have the opportunity to choose again. 64 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:55,000 And Gabby's method of choosing again allows us to first recognize the limiting belief, 65 00:05:55,000 --> 00:06:00,000 and second, choose what we would rather believe. 66 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:10,000 And I used this method with these limiting beliefs of saying that I am getting older, 67 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:17,000 I'm losing my viable years to get married, and I'm not worth as much if I am not young and married. 68 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:22,000 Or I'm not worth as much if I'm not in a relationship. 69 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,000 These beliefs are not my own. 70 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:36,000 These beliefs came to me from society, from family, from well-meaning individuals that have their own limiting beliefs. 71 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:41,000 And I chose to no longer accept them. 72 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:52,000 I chose to let them pass and embrace my beliefs, which are, your worth is not determined by your relationship status. 73 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:58,000 Your worth is not determined by whether or not you are married at a certain age. 74 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:06,000 You are still valuable and worthy of love no matter your age or phase in your life. 75 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:15,000 It can take time to find the partner that is most aligned with you. 76 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:20,000 Especially when you are learning about yourself and showing up as your authentic self. 77 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:26,000 Because showing up as your authentic self leads to a lot of rejection. 78 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:33,000 But this is good rejection because these people that leave when you show up as your authentic self, 79 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:42,000 they were always going to leave. But now that you have figured out your values, your goals, and your priorities, 80 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:50,000 and you have these thoughts, you're using your words to speak up for them, and you're using your actions to support them. 81 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:58,000 This will filter out a lot of people, and they were always the wrong people. 82 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:08,000 So showing up as your authentic self can be lonely, and you may probably will be disliked. 83 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:14,000 And that doesn't matter because the right people will show up. 84 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:20,000 Because when you do show up as your authentic self and you are weeding out all the wrong people, 85 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:28,000 that gives the right people more space to come in, and it allows you to recognize when the right people have shown up for you. 86 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:35,000 So to find your authentic self and your core identity, identify your values. 87 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:44,000 Take a moment to think about your past relationships, whether they be romantic, familial, friendships, professional. 88 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:50,000 Notice what you liked about those relationships, what you appreciated. 89 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:55,000 And this can show you your values. 90 00:08:55,000 --> 00:09:03,000 Another part of reconnecting with your authentic self is remembering what you like and prioritizing what you like. 91 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:08,000 So this can be fitness. You can prioritize going to the gym. 92 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:13,000 You can prioritize going to a yoga class or a dance class. 93 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:17,000 This can be creativity. You can prioritize art. 94 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:22,000 You can prioritize going to art museums or entertainment. 95 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:26,000 You can prioritize concerts or stand-up comedy shows. 96 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:30,000 Anything you like, you prioritize. 97 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:36,000 And if you don't know what you like, this is the perfect opportunity to experiment. 98 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:40,000 It's like throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks. 99 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:47,000 Just try all the things that sound semi-interesting to you, and then notice what you really enjoyed. 100 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,000 And keep doing that. 101 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:53,000 This is not a chore. This is an opportunity to have fun. 102 00:09:53,000 --> 00:10:00,000 And this is also how you can find your passion by following the fun and following your curiosity. 103 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:05,000 Following your curiosity is the number one tip I have for finding your passion. 104 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:13,000 Because if you are curious about something and you want to learn about it, you may be more comfortable sucking at it first. 105 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:21,000 Because having a passion is enjoying something enough to suck at it until you get good at it. 106 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,000 And then enjoying it even more. 107 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:30,000 And then you have enjoyment, skill, execution, and people ask you how you found your passion. 108 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:39,000 So it all starts with following your curiosity, noticing what you like, committing to improving it, and that becomes your passion. 109 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:47,000 To build your core identity, we've talked about questioning your beliefs and identifying your values, likes, and passions. 110 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:51,000 Next, create the identity of who you want to be. 111 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:54,000 This is unrelated to who you are now. 112 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:59,000 This is the ideal human experience that you want to have. 113 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,000 Write it down. 114 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:07,000 Get to know this identity that you have come up with as the ideal human experience. 115 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:15,000 And once you have that written down, you can start writing out what their hobbies are and what their habits are. 116 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:22,000 What that person's morning routine looks like, what that person's weekly routine looks like. 117 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:29,000 How do they interact with their family? How do they interact with their friends, their partner, their coworkers? 118 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,000 What is their job like? 119 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,000 What is their day-to-day like? 120 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:45,000 And once you have that ideal human experience and their habits and hobbies, you can start showing up as that person. 121 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,000 You can start small. 122 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,000 This is not an overnight fix. 123 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,000 This is a process, and it's a fun process. 124 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:57,000 Because you just created the ideal identity that aligns with your core values. 125 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:07,000 So each step you take to align with that core identity, whether it be the hobbies or the habits or the relationships that you are prioritizing, 126 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:15,000 or the career, you are aligning more and more with your values and your core identity. 127 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:19,000 And this is how you create your authentic self. 128 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:27,000 So what does it mean to show up for your core identity through your thoughts, words, and actions? 129 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:32,000 This means to speak up for yourself and communicate honestly. 130 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:41,000 This is an excellent opportunity for you to communicate how you are feeling and keeping the situation on yourself. 131 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:54,000 So this can look like, instead of saying, when you do this, I feel this, you would say something like, I feel this way when this situation occurs. 132 00:12:54,000 --> 00:13:08,000 For example, this can look like, I feel stressed when the kitchen is not cleaned, and I feel dismissed because I've told you about how a dirty kitchen stresses me out, and it's still not clean. 133 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:18,000 The word you can be taken as an attack, and it's really about my emotion and my experience. 134 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:23,000 And this gives the other person an opportunity to show up and respond. 135 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:35,000 And if they react and they don't respond respectfully, that is important information that I would love to know and I can move forward accordingly. 136 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:44,000 And this is taking us into the next section where our actions are how we follow through on our thoughts and words. 137 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:52,000 So let me give a different example because this kitchen example is not enough to end a relationship. 138 00:13:52,000 --> 00:14:01,000 Let's say that you just started dating and you communicate that if my partner cheats on me, I'm not staying with them. 139 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:13,000 You've had the spot, you've spoken up for yourself and communicated this honestly to your partner, and let's say it's three years down the line and you found out that they have cheated on you. 140 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:30,000 Now, even though you feel strong feelings for them, even though you are invested, even though you don't want to leave, if this is your value, now is time for the action. 141 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:40,000 You've communicated your values, they have disrespected them, and now they don't get to be with you anymore. 142 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:50,000 That is the consequence of their actions, and that is you following through on what you said, how you feel, and your values. 143 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,000 Let me give you another example. 144 00:14:52,000 --> 00:15:00,000 Let's say you have a value to not be screamed at during arguments. 145 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:17,000 Let's say that you've had this thought, I really don't appreciate being screamed at during arguments, it makes me feel unsafe, and I prefer to pause the discussion until both parties can come back and speak calmly and respectfully. 146 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:25,000 You communicate this honestly to your partner or whoever this is that you are talking to. 147 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:36,000 And then if they do show up one day and start screaming at you during an argument, this is where you have the opportunity to follow through on your thoughts and words with your actions. 148 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:53,000 So here you have the opportunity to let them know, hey, this is not aligning with my values, I am going to remove myself from this situation and we can pick this up when we are both calm and can speak about this in a respectful tone. 149 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:58,000 And then you leave, and it doesn't have to be leaving in a dismissive way. 150 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:21,000 If you've already communicated your values and boundaries ahead of time, and then you communicate again, letting them know that these boundaries have been crossed, and you are not comfortable in moving forward in this discussion the way it is going, that's okay for you to take a moment and follow through on your values and exit the room. 151 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:37,000 And now this is where the other person has an opportunity to respond. They can respect your boundary that you are setting right now and take a break and come back to the discussion with a calm and respectful tone. 152 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:48,000 Or they can tell you something along the lines of absolutely not, we are having this discussion right here right now and continue to disrespect your boundaries. 153 00:16:48,000 --> 00:17:01,000 The way the other person reacts gives you important information regarding whether or not you may want them to remain in your life, in the way that they are at least. 154 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:11,000 I heard this story about a girl who was walking down the street and somebody went up to her and said, I hate your blue hair. 155 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:22,000 And they said, okay, I don't have blue hair. I don't know what you're talking about. And they said, yes, you do have blue hair, I hate your blue hair. 156 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:34,000 So this is a story about how people come with preconceived notions about who they think you are. And those preconceived notions don't matter because you know who you are. 157 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:44,000 You know you don't have blue hair. So it doesn't matter what these other people think. It doesn't even matter what they say to you, because you know who you are. 158 00:17:44,000 --> 00:18:03,000 When you are authentic to yourself and your thoughts and words and actions align with your core identity, values and beliefs, you are unshakable when people come up to you and tell you something that you know is just not true. 159 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:17,000 And again, this will scare away the wrong people. Being your authentic self does scare away the wrong people. And that can lead to a period of loneliness until your people show up. 160 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:36,000 And that's okay because this period of loneliness allows you to get to know yourself even better. And it allows you to practice your hobbies, your likes, your values, your passions. And your people will show up. 161 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:54,000 It doesn't matter how long it takes, the right people are on their way to you because your values align. And you reconnecting with your authentic self gives them room to show up and gives you the opportunity to notice when the right people show up. 162 00:18:54,000 --> 00:19:07,000 And with that, thank you so much for listening to this episode. Reach out to me on Instagram at Back2Yourselfpod. Let me know what you think of this episode and what you would like to hear in the next one. 163 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:25,000 And I hope you go do something fun for yourself today. Bye!