When you do show up as your authentic self and you are weeding out all the wrong people,
that gives the right people more space to come in,
and it allows you to recognize when the right people have shown up for you.
Welcome back to yourself.
My name is Sheer, and I'm so happy you are here.
This is the podcast where we listen to the voice of our higher self,
rather than the voice of our ego, and move from a place of love rather than fear.
So let's get into it.
Today we are talking about how to reconnect with your authentic self
and the power of vulnerability and being disliked.
So what does it mean to be your authentic self?
Being your authentic self means that your thoughts, your words, and your actions align with your core identity.
So what does it mean to have a core identity?
This is made up of your values, your beliefs, and who you want to be.
So to create a core identity that is true to you, rather than who you have been so far,
because who you are right now is the sum of all of the experiences that you have had so far in your life.
And you might have some unconscious habits that you may not like very much, and that's okay.
You may have some beliefs that you don't agree with, and that's also okay,
because you have the power to slow down, check in with yourself, and question your beliefs.
And this is how you can actually find your values and what you believe in.
Slowing down and questioning your habits and beliefs allows you to unlearn some habits that you might want to get rid of.
And gives you the opportunity to practice new habits that you want to strengthen and become part of your identity.
And questioning your beliefs is a process that takes a lot of time, and you might never be done,
because as you continue to grow and strengthen the identity that you want to be,
you might uncover new limiting beliefs or other beliefs that you do not agree with.
Now that you are aware of these limiting beliefs, you can choose again.
Gabby Bernstein, who is the podcast host of Dear Gabby, she's also a best-selling author and coach.
She talks about the choose again method, and this is when you notice a thought that you don't necessarily like or agree with,
and you choose a new thought.
If you can notice those thoughts in the moment, that is a critical opportunity,
because this is where you can take a moment and question your beliefs.
Ask yourself, okay, why do I think these things?
Where did these beliefs come from?
Whose voice do I hear these beliefs in?
Is it mine?
Do I agree with these beliefs?
And if not, what is my true belief of the situation?
And what would I rather believe?
Because reality is perception, and as Joe Dispenza says, the way you think and feel create your personality,
and your personality becomes your personal reality,
and you have the power to change your thoughts and your feelings, and in turn change your personal reality.
You can question your beliefs, you can question these thoughts.
You should be proud of the fact that you even became aware of them in the moment, because that alone is a difficult task.
So once you have become aware of these thoughts in the moment, question them.
So what does it look like to question your beliefs?
The first example that comes to mind for me is, I am 27 and I am not married.
And I could be freaking out right now saying, oh my goodness, I'm already 27, I'm not married, when am I going to have kids,
am I ever going to find the one?
But that's not what I believe.
I did recognize at some point that I did have some fears about growing older and not yet finding the one.
Because it's not just about finding a partner, it's about finding the right partner, right?
And that can take time.
And when I was feeling that stress a few years ago of entering my mid-20s without a partner that I wanted to marry,
I noticed these beliefs coming up.
These limiting beliefs that came up for me sounded like, you're getting older, you're running out of time,
nobody's going to like you if you're not young.
And it's just so funny to me now because when those beliefs did come up and I was able to recognize them in the moment
and sit with them and question them, it gave me the opportunity to ask myself some questions.
So the questions I ask these limiting beliefs are, when did I first hear this limiting belief?
Whose voice am I hearing this limiting belief in?
Do I agree with this limiting belief?
No, I don't.
And then I have the opportunity to choose again.
And Gabby's method of choosing again allows us to first recognize the limiting belief,
and second, choose what we would rather believe.
And I used this method with these limiting beliefs of saying that I am getting older,
I'm losing my viable years to get married, and I'm not worth as much if I am not young and married.
Or I'm not worth as much if I'm not in a relationship.
These beliefs are not my own.
These beliefs came to me from society, from family, from well-meaning individuals that have their own limiting beliefs.
And I chose to no longer accept them.
I chose to let them pass and embrace my beliefs, which are, your worth is not determined by your relationship status.
Your worth is not determined by whether or not you are married at a certain age.
You are still valuable and worthy of love no matter your age or phase in your life.
It can take time to find the partner that is most aligned with you.
Especially when you are learning about yourself and showing up as your authentic self.
Because showing up as your authentic self leads to a lot of rejection.
But this is good rejection because these people that leave when you show up as your authentic self,
they were always going to leave. But now that you have figured out your values, your goals, and your priorities,
and you have these thoughts, you're using your words to speak up for them, and you're using your actions to support them.
This will filter out a lot of people, and they were always the wrong people.
So showing up as your authentic self can be lonely, and you may probably will be disliked.
And that doesn't matter because the right people will show up.
Because when you do show up as your authentic self and you are weeding out all the wrong people,
that gives the right people more space to come in, and it allows you to recognize when the right people have shown up for you.
So to find your authentic self and your core identity, identify your values.
Take a moment to think about your past relationships, whether they be romantic, familial, friendships, professional.
Notice what you liked about those relationships, what you appreciated.
And this can show you your values.
Another part of reconnecting with your authentic self is remembering what you like and prioritizing what you like.
So this can be fitness. You can prioritize going to the gym.
You can prioritize going to a yoga class or a dance class.
This can be creativity. You can prioritize art.
You can prioritize going to art museums or entertainment.
You can prioritize concerts or stand-up comedy shows.
Anything you like, you prioritize.
And if you don't know what you like, this is the perfect opportunity to experiment.
It's like throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks.
Just try all the things that sound semi-interesting to you, and then notice what you really enjoyed.
And keep doing that.
This is not a chore. This is an opportunity to have fun.
And this is also how you can find your passion by following the fun and following your curiosity.
Following your curiosity is the number one tip I have for finding your passion.
Because if you are curious about something and you want to learn about it, you may be more comfortable sucking at it first.
Because having a passion is enjoying something enough to suck at it until you get good at it.
And then enjoying it even more.
And then you have enjoyment, skill, execution, and people ask you how you found your passion.
So it all starts with following your curiosity, noticing what you like, committing to improving it, and that becomes your passion.
To build your core identity, we've talked about questioning your beliefs and identifying your values, likes, and passions.
Next, create the identity of who you want to be.
This is unrelated to who you are now.
This is the ideal human experience that you want to have.
Write it down.
Get to know this identity that you have come up with as the ideal human experience.
And once you have that written down, you can start writing out what their hobbies are and what their habits are.
What that person's morning routine looks like, what that person's weekly routine looks like.
How do they interact with their family? How do they interact with their friends, their partner, their coworkers?
What is their job like?
What is their day-to-day like?
And once you have that ideal human experience and their habits and hobbies, you can start showing up as that person.
You can start small.
This is not an overnight fix.
This is a process, and it's a fun process.
Because you just created the ideal identity that aligns with your core values.
So each step you take to align with that core identity, whether it be the hobbies or the habits or the relationships that you are prioritizing,
or the career, you are aligning more and more with your values and your core identity.
And this is how you create your authentic self.
So what does it mean to show up for your core identity through your thoughts, words, and actions?
This means to speak up for yourself and communicate honestly.
This is an excellent opportunity for you to communicate how you are feeling and keeping the situation on yourself.
So this can look like, instead of saying, when you do this, I feel this, you would say something like, I feel this way when this situation occurs.
For example, this can look like, I feel stressed when the kitchen is not cleaned, and I feel dismissed because I've told you about how a dirty kitchen stresses me out, and it's still not clean.
The word you can be taken as an attack, and it's really about my emotion and my experience.
And this gives the other person an opportunity to show up and respond.
And if they react and they don't respond respectfully, that is important information that I would love to know and I can move forward accordingly.
And this is taking us into the next section where our actions are how we follow through on our thoughts and words.
So let me give a different example because this kitchen example is not enough to end a relationship.
Let's say that you just started dating and you communicate that if my partner cheats on me, I'm not staying with them.
You've had the spot, you've spoken up for yourself and communicated this honestly to your partner, and let's say it's three years down the line and you found out that they have cheated on you.
Now, even though you feel strong feelings for them, even though you are invested, even though you don't want to leave, if this is your value, now is time for the action.
You've communicated your values, they have disrespected them, and now they don't get to be with you anymore.
That is the consequence of their actions, and that is you following through on what you said, how you feel, and your values.
Let me give you another example.
Let's say you have a value to not be screamed at during arguments.
Let's say that you've had this thought, I really don't appreciate being screamed at during arguments, it makes me feel unsafe, and I prefer to pause the discussion until both parties can come back and speak calmly and respectfully.
You communicate this honestly to your partner or whoever this is that you are talking to.
And then if they do show up one day and start screaming at you during an argument, this is where you have the opportunity to follow through on your thoughts and words with your actions.
So here you have the opportunity to let them know, hey, this is not aligning with my values, I am going to remove myself from this situation and we can pick this up when we are both calm and can speak about this in a respectful tone.
And then you leave, and it doesn't have to be leaving in a dismissive way.
If you've already communicated your values and boundaries ahead of time, and then you communicate again, letting them know that these boundaries have been crossed, and you are not comfortable in moving forward in this discussion the way it is going, that's okay for you to take a moment and follow through on your values and exit the room.
And now this is where the other person has an opportunity to respond. They can respect your boundary that you are setting right now and take a break and come back to the discussion with a calm and respectful tone.
Or they can tell you something along the lines of absolutely not, we are having this discussion right here right now and continue to disrespect your boundaries.
The way the other person reacts gives you important information regarding whether or not you may want them to remain in your life, in the way that they are at least.
I heard this story about a girl who was walking down the street and somebody went up to her and said, I hate your blue hair.
And they said, okay, I don't have blue hair. I don't know what you're talking about. And they said, yes, you do have blue hair, I hate your blue hair.
So this is a story about how people come with preconceived notions about who they think you are. And those preconceived notions don't matter because you know who you are.
You know you don't have blue hair. So it doesn't matter what these other people think. It doesn't even matter what they say to you, because you know who you are.
When you are authentic to yourself and your thoughts and words and actions align with your core identity, values and beliefs, you are unshakable when people come up to you and tell you something that you know is just not true.
And again, this will scare away the wrong people. Being your authentic self does scare away the wrong people. And that can lead to a period of loneliness until your people show up.
And that's okay because this period of loneliness allows you to get to know yourself even better. And it allows you to practice your hobbies, your likes, your values, your passions. And your people will show up.
It doesn't matter how long it takes, the right people are on their way to you because your values align. And you reconnecting with your authentic self gives them room to show up and gives you the opportunity to notice when the right people show up.
And with that, thank you so much for listening to this episode. Reach out to me on Instagram at Back2Yourselfpod. Let me know what you think of this episode and what you would like to hear in the next one.
And I hope you go do something fun for yourself today. Bye!