There are three main ways that we can build confidence and these steps sound so small and so
silly, but that is what builds trust with your body. How we love ourselves, impact how we show up
in our relationships and in our everyday life. Welcome back to yourself. My name is Shere and
I'm so happy you are here. This is the podcast where we listen to the voice of our higher self
rather than the voice of our ego and we lead from love rather than fear. So let's get started.
I cannot think of a better first topic for us than the topic of self-love and confidence. Many
people agree that self-love is something we should have. We should be loving ourselves,
but not a lot of people understand why. And the fact that you are listening to this episode right
now shows that you may be one of the people that agrees that we should be loving ourselves. So let's
talk about what self-love is and why we should be practicing it. Matthew Hussie explains self-love
in a new way that I really resonate with. He compared the current self-love model to that of
a romantic relationship and he talks about how it's actually more like a parent-child relationship.
It can be so easy for us to fall in love with someone else while it can be more difficult to
fall in love with ourselves when we do go off of that romantic relationship model. But we don't
have to earn our own love. And when you ask a parent why they love their child, they respond with
I just do. They're mine. And we can adopt that same concept in regards to self-love. When you
when you arrived on this earth, you were given a human. You've been with this human since they were
born as they were growing up and in this very moment. And this is your human. And Matthew Hussie
explains that our only job in this world is to take care of our human and give them the best
life experience possible. So the answer to why love ourselves becomes I just do. I love myself
because I am my human. And it's my job to love and take care of this human and give them the best
life experience possible. Now if we go back to the parent-child relationship, if this human was your
child, would you let them stay in these situations where they may be getting abused, where they may
feel unsafe, where they are spending time with people that make them feel like they're not good
enough? Would you let your child be in those situations? If not, why would you let your human
be in those situations? And what would you say to them? How would you explain to your child or to
your human what this situation is? I really like this concept because I may be 27, but I'm also 26.
I'm also 25. I'm also 18. I'm also 12. I'm also my three-year-old self, my one-month-old self.
Every experience that I have ever had in this lifetime is in this 27-year-old body. And sometimes
we can be triggered in situations and feel like there is a younger part of ourselves speaking up.
So I really resonate with this concept of talking to your human like a child sometimes
and explaining the situation objectively and explaining the options they have moving forward,
such as if you are in a relationship with somebody that makes you feel like you are not good enough,
this is very likely not about you. It's very likely that this is about where that person is in their
life and it has nothing to do with you. And you do not have to stay in this situation. Sometimes we
do need to step back into that observer role of our life and remember that we are not our thoughts,
we are not our feelings, we are the observer of our thoughts and feelings. So that was a little
bit of a tangent, but all that to say our only job is to take care of this human that we get to be
and give this human the best life experience possible. And we get to practice self-love and we
have love for ourselves because we are who we have. We have this human. I love this human because
this is my human. So practicing self-love is the absolute foundation to our lives. How we love
ourselves impacts how we show up in our relationships and in our everyday life. So let's move on to
what is confidence and how we can improve our confidence. Matthew Hussey explains confidence
in three levels. We have the surface level, which is how you come across, much like how I'm coming
across to you right now, how other people perceive you. The second level of confidence is identity
and this is what brings us confidence, what gives us confidence in our daily lives. And this can be
our friendships, our relationships, our hobbies, our jobs, our houses, things like that. And then
the third level of confidence is the core, which is self-love. And this is accepting who we are
today, accepting our human as they are. So this is how you think, how you go through life,
how you handle obstacles in your life. What does it look like to be the you-est you that you can be?
So how do we build confidence? There are three main ways that we can build confidence. Number one
is to be seen by you. Recognize your efforts and your progress. This is a great time to reframe
failure and success. I define failure now as learning. Failure is another word for the learning
process. Failure is a part of the learning process. And as long as you learn, note your lessons and
adapt and integrate those lessons, you are succeeding. So what is success? Success to me is
defined as making progress and reaching goals in that process. Once we reach a certain goal,
we create a new goal. So it doesn't make sense to me to identify success as reaching one specific
goal because the goalpost is always moving. So failure to me is defined as learning and success
to me is defined as progress and reaching checkpoints throughout the process of making progress.
And when you slow down and recognize your efforts and your progress, you become seen and we all
just want to be seen for who we are and our efforts. There is no better person to recognize
your efforts and progress than yourself. To see your human make their progress is one of the most
validating feelings that we can give our human selves. Another thing I like to do to recognize
my daily progress is a to done list. I remember seeing this on TikTok. I don't remember the creator.
I think her name is Kate. I could be wrong, but she created a to done list where you don't write
down the tasks that you have to do. You only write down the tasks that you have already completed.
So I have turned this concept into a whiteboard with some magnets of tasks that I complete every
day. So these tasks include making my bed, affirmations, refilling my water bottle, completing
Duolingo, listening to positive podcasts, listening to high vibe music, working out. All of these
little tasks that seem mundane and unimportant when I put them on the board and I look back at my day,
this shows me that I did not do nothing that day. Even if I did the absolute bare minimum of making
my bed, practicing Duolingo, listening to music and going for a walk, that is on the board.
I did not do nothing. And that makes me feel productive and seen by myself. The second step
to building confidence is to build trust in yourself by making small promises to yourself
that you can easily follow through on. Abraham Hicks says, you cannot start anywhere other
than where you are. So let's meet ourselves where we are. A great example is setting a time to wake
up the next morning. A lot of times we get motivated and we decide tomorrow's going to be the day,
I'm going to wake up early, I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to have a great productive
morning before my work day. And then the morning comes and we don't want to do what we promised
ourselves that we would do the night before and we sleep in until the last minute until we start
our work day. So the way to shift this habit and build confidence with yourself is to make promises
that you can easily follow through on. If you wake up at 7am or 8am every day and you don't go to the
gym yet, the promise that you can make to yourself is tomorrow I'm going to wake up at 7am just like
I do every other day. Then when you wake up at 7am you will have followed through on your promise
and thus are building trust with yourself and your body. As you continue to follow through on your
small promises you can start making them a little bit bigger and a little bit more challenging. Like
since I woke up at 7 yesterday I'm going to wake up at 6.55 and I'm going to stretch before work.
Then once you follow through on that promise you can start making them just slightly bigger and bigger
until you do end up waking up an hour earlier and going to the gym before work. James Clear,
the author of Atomic Habits, talks about making small changes that compound into big results.
I remember an example from his book talking about how this guy wanted to go to the gym. So the first
step he took to go to the gym was to physically drive to the gym, walk inside, and leave.
And then the next time he was planning to go to the gym he drove to the gym, walked inside,
lifted weights, dropped them, and left. And every time he would make one incremental step
and these steps sound so small and so silly but that is what builds trust with your body.
You are showing your body and your brain that you can follow through on these promises and goals
that you are setting for yourself. These subtle small changes allow for you to sustain the changes
for longer and create a habit. The third step to building confidence is to show your brain and body
that you can do hard things. One of my favorite parts of Peloton was when I think it was either
Robin or Jess who was reminding you while you are in your workout you can do this because you can do
hard things. Getting through something as simple as a difficult workout which is simple, not easy
shows your body that you can handle difficult situations. Your brain will stop you before
your body does. Your body adapts to what is in front of it. This way to build up confidence by
challenging yourself and following through on these challenges can include challenging your
social anxiety by going to a happy hour or challenging your fear of heights by going on a hike or
rock climbing and proving to your body that it's your brain that's stopping you. Your body will
follow through if you can talk yourself through your brain stopping you. Once you do you show your
body and your brain that you are capable of pushing past fear and not only does this build confidence
it is incredibly empowering. We talked about self-love, we talked about confidence, let's talk
about dating yourself and getting to know yourself. The first thing I like to prioritize is getting
into alignment. There are multiple self-care habits that I like to practice that get me into
and keep me in alignment and these are more daily habits that I have been working on that I notice
over time have really helped me get into and stay in alignment and bounce back faster when I do get
knocked out of alignment. So these habits are meditating, journaling, affirmations, noting
gratitude and working out. Working out is amazing because working out moves your emotions which are
just energy and motion up and out of your body. You need to release that energy. It gives you
the opportunity to clear your mind and let those thoughts come up and out as well especially if you
work out without music. It is one of the most helpful ways for me to clear my head and Abraham
Hicks prioritizes focusing on fun to get back into alignment. Play. What did you like as a kid?
I really liked to paint and dance so that's what I prioritize now as an adult. I do TikTok dances,
they might be silly, I don't care, they're very fun and I'm gonna do it because I like it and
it doesn't have to be for anybody but me even when I share it. I like to paint, I like to practice
different forms of art like I started making plant hangers with macrame yarn and just focusing on fun
brings you right back into alignment and reminds your body and your brain there is so much more to
whatever situation is happening right now. So part of dating yourself is taken from the book
The Artist's Way. Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist's Way has two main concepts in her book.
Number one is journaling in the morning to brain dump all of your thoughts out from your head so
that your thoughts get out of your head and onto paper because if they are in your head they are
piling on and blocking your creativity. So let's get them out of your head and onto paper so that
you can have a clearer mind. And the second concept is to take yourself on artist dates. These can be
anything that inspires you so some ideas I've had are to go to the art museum to take myself
roller skating and these are things you are supposed to do alone and this helps you reconnect with
yourself spend time with yourself and also remind yourself that you don't need anybody else to have
fun and go on dates. If you are a single person that wants to go out to a really nice dinner go
take yourself on that nice dinner there's no one stopping you but yourself and it really doesn't
matter what other people think while you are out what matters is what you think every time so you
need to take yourself out if you want to go out. So going back to the journaling something I find
really important to journal about is life goals and values getting really clear on what you want
out of your life how you want to feel and what you value so that you can attract other people
who share these goals and values. So for example thinking about how you want to feel I want to feel
prioritized at peace and safe so now as I move through my days these are the feelings I prioritize
how can I make myself feel prioritized how can I make myself feel at peace how can I make myself
feel safe and this way I stay in alignment with what I value and I can make sure to cut out anyone
that knocks me out of this alignment and ensure that I'm only spending time with people who share
these values and make me feel this way. So let's talk universal assignments because we've talked
about self-care and confidence and dating yourself getting to know yourself. What are universal
assignments? This is when the universe gives you an opportunity to show up for yourself and practice
your values. Let's say you've had toxic relationships in the past you could have experienced a similar
relationship dynamic with different people in different bodies that will repeat until you notice
your pattern and shift it you are going to have to be the one to do that with every universal
assignment you have two options evolve or repeat so when you notice your patterns you objectively
observe them with no judgment and meet them with curiosity and choose how you want to move forward
and shift your reactions next time you can change the course of your life you can stop
attracting toxic relationships at that point and you can consciously create new patterns and habits
this goes back to those habits that we talked about earlier like meditating working out journaling
affirmations when you consciously create your life you consciously change your life you should be
so proud of yourself right now for even listening to an episode like this you should be so proud
of yourself for the content you are choosing to consume you should be proud of yourself for
prioritizing your self-care your confidence and introspection this is hard work that not a lot
of people do and the fact that you are doing it is incredible and you should be so proud of yourself
for even prioritizing yourself in this way when you are proud of yourself and you let yourself
receive that compliment your confidence will build your self-love will grow and you will flourish
and with that thank you so much for listening to this episode of back to yourself reach out to me
on socials at back to yourself pod and let me know what you think about this episode and what you
would like to hear in the next one now go do something for yourself today bye