1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,480 There are three main ways that we can build confidence and these steps sound so small and so 2 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:14,320 silly, but that is what builds trust with your body. How we love ourselves, impact how we show up 3 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:25,360 in our relationships and in our everyday life. Welcome back to yourself. My name is Shere and 4 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:31,040 I'm so happy you are here. This is the podcast where we listen to the voice of our higher self 5 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:36,880 rather than the voice of our ego and we lead from love rather than fear. So let's get started. 6 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:43,120 I cannot think of a better first topic for us than the topic of self-love and confidence. Many 7 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:48,880 people agree that self-love is something we should have. We should be loving ourselves, 8 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:54,400 but not a lot of people understand why. And the fact that you are listening to this episode right 9 00:00:54,400 --> 00:01:00,480 now shows that you may be one of the people that agrees that we should be loving ourselves. So let's 10 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:08,560 talk about what self-love is and why we should be practicing it. Matthew Hussie explains self-love 11 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:16,720 in a new way that I really resonate with. He compared the current self-love model to that of 12 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:23,760 a romantic relationship and he talks about how it's actually more like a parent-child relationship. 13 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:29,120 It can be so easy for us to fall in love with someone else while it can be more difficult to 14 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:35,120 fall in love with ourselves when we do go off of that romantic relationship model. But we don't 15 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:41,760 have to earn our own love. And when you ask a parent why they love their child, they respond with 16 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:51,040 I just do. They're mine. And we can adopt that same concept in regards to self-love. When you 17 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:58,160 when you arrived on this earth, you were given a human. You've been with this human since they were 18 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:05,440 born as they were growing up and in this very moment. And this is your human. And Matthew Hussie 19 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:13,680 explains that our only job in this world is to take care of our human and give them the best 20 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:21,840 life experience possible. So the answer to why love ourselves becomes I just do. I love myself 21 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:28,640 because I am my human. And it's my job to love and take care of this human and give them the best 22 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:34,320 life experience possible. Now if we go back to the parent-child relationship, if this human was your 23 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:40,800 child, would you let them stay in these situations where they may be getting abused, where they may 24 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:45,040 feel unsafe, where they are spending time with people that make them feel like they're not good 25 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:51,760 enough? Would you let your child be in those situations? If not, why would you let your human 26 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:57,680 be in those situations? And what would you say to them? How would you explain to your child or to 27 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:06,240 your human what this situation is? I really like this concept because I may be 27, but I'm also 26. 28 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:13,920 I'm also 25. I'm also 18. I'm also 12. I'm also my three-year-old self, my one-month-old self. 29 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:20,800 Every experience that I have ever had in this lifetime is in this 27-year-old body. And sometimes 30 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:27,440 we can be triggered in situations and feel like there is a younger part of ourselves speaking up. 31 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:35,200 So I really resonate with this concept of talking to your human like a child sometimes 32 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:40,720 and explaining the situation objectively and explaining the options they have moving forward, 33 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:46,080 such as if you are in a relationship with somebody that makes you feel like you are not good enough, 34 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:53,360 this is very likely not about you. It's very likely that this is about where that person is in their 35 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:59,120 life and it has nothing to do with you. And you do not have to stay in this situation. Sometimes we 36 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:05,840 do need to step back into that observer role of our life and remember that we are not our thoughts, 37 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:12,560 we are not our feelings, we are the observer of our thoughts and feelings. So that was a little 38 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:20,080 bit of a tangent, but all that to say our only job is to take care of this human that we get to be 39 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:25,600 and give this human the best life experience possible. And we get to practice self-love and we 40 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:33,040 have love for ourselves because we are who we have. We have this human. I love this human because 41 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:41,680 this is my human. So practicing self-love is the absolute foundation to our lives. How we love 42 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:48,560 ourselves impacts how we show up in our relationships and in our everyday life. So let's move on to 43 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:54,560 what is confidence and how we can improve our confidence. Matthew Hussey explains confidence 44 00:04:54,560 --> 00:05:00,640 in three levels. We have the surface level, which is how you come across, much like how I'm coming 45 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:07,760 across to you right now, how other people perceive you. The second level of confidence is identity 46 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:14,240 and this is what brings us confidence, what gives us confidence in our daily lives. And this can be 47 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:21,920 our friendships, our relationships, our hobbies, our jobs, our houses, things like that. And then 48 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:28,720 the third level of confidence is the core, which is self-love. And this is accepting who we are 49 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:35,920 today, accepting our human as they are. So this is how you think, how you go through life, 50 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:43,680 how you handle obstacles in your life. What does it look like to be the you-est you that you can be? 51 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:50,240 So how do we build confidence? There are three main ways that we can build confidence. Number one 52 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:59,920 is to be seen by you. Recognize your efforts and your progress. This is a great time to reframe 53 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:08,000 failure and success. I define failure now as learning. Failure is another word for the learning 54 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:14,640 process. Failure is a part of the learning process. And as long as you learn, note your lessons and 55 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:22,720 adapt and integrate those lessons, you are succeeding. So what is success? Success to me is 56 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:30,080 defined as making progress and reaching goals in that process. Once we reach a certain goal, 57 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:38,320 we create a new goal. So it doesn't make sense to me to identify success as reaching one specific 58 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:45,680 goal because the goalpost is always moving. So failure to me is defined as learning and success 59 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:51,280 to me is defined as progress and reaching checkpoints throughout the process of making progress. 60 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:59,280 And when you slow down and recognize your efforts and your progress, you become seen and we all 61 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:06,160 just want to be seen for who we are and our efforts. There is no better person to recognize 62 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:13,840 your efforts and progress than yourself. To see your human make their progress is one of the most 63 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:20,720 validating feelings that we can give our human selves. Another thing I like to do to recognize 64 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:28,720 my daily progress is a to done list. I remember seeing this on TikTok. I don't remember the creator. 65 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:36,240 I think her name is Kate. I could be wrong, but she created a to done list where you don't write 66 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:41,840 down the tasks that you have to do. You only write down the tasks that you have already completed. 67 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:49,040 So I have turned this concept into a whiteboard with some magnets of tasks that I complete every 68 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:56,480 day. So these tasks include making my bed, affirmations, refilling my water bottle, completing 69 00:07:56,480 --> 00:08:04,160 Duolingo, listening to positive podcasts, listening to high vibe music, working out. All of these 70 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:11,600 little tasks that seem mundane and unimportant when I put them on the board and I look back at my day, 71 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:18,160 this shows me that I did not do nothing that day. Even if I did the absolute bare minimum of making 72 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:26,160 my bed, practicing Duolingo, listening to music and going for a walk, that is on the board. 73 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:33,440 I did not do nothing. And that makes me feel productive and seen by myself. The second step 74 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:38,720 to building confidence is to build trust in yourself by making small promises to yourself 75 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:44,080 that you can easily follow through on. Abraham Hicks says, you cannot start anywhere other 76 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:51,600 than where you are. So let's meet ourselves where we are. A great example is setting a time to wake 77 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:57,920 up the next morning. A lot of times we get motivated and we decide tomorrow's going to be the day, 78 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:02,080 I'm going to wake up early, I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to have a great productive 79 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:07,840 morning before my work day. And then the morning comes and we don't want to do what we promised 80 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:13,360 ourselves that we would do the night before and we sleep in until the last minute until we start 81 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:20,800 our work day. So the way to shift this habit and build confidence with yourself is to make promises 82 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:28,720 that you can easily follow through on. If you wake up at 7am or 8am every day and you don't go to the 83 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:34,400 gym yet, the promise that you can make to yourself is tomorrow I'm going to wake up at 7am just like 84 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:39,680 I do every other day. Then when you wake up at 7am you will have followed through on your promise 85 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:46,240 and thus are building trust with yourself and your body. As you continue to follow through on your 86 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:52,160 small promises you can start making them a little bit bigger and a little bit more challenging. Like 87 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:59,840 since I woke up at 7 yesterday I'm going to wake up at 6.55 and I'm going to stretch before work. 88 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:04,720 Then once you follow through on that promise you can start making them just slightly bigger and bigger 89 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:11,440 until you do end up waking up an hour earlier and going to the gym before work. James Clear, 90 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:18,000 the author of Atomic Habits, talks about making small changes that compound into big results. 91 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:25,920 I remember an example from his book talking about how this guy wanted to go to the gym. So the first 92 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:32,320 step he took to go to the gym was to physically drive to the gym, walk inside, and leave. 93 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:38,240 And then the next time he was planning to go to the gym he drove to the gym, walked inside, 94 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:44,800 lifted weights, dropped them, and left. And every time he would make one incremental step 95 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:52,640 and these steps sound so small and so silly but that is what builds trust with your body. 96 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:57,680 You are showing your body and your brain that you can follow through on these promises and goals 97 00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:04,320 that you are setting for yourself. These subtle small changes allow for you to sustain the changes 98 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:11,600 for longer and create a habit. The third step to building confidence is to show your brain and body 99 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:19,840 that you can do hard things. One of my favorite parts of Peloton was when I think it was either 100 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:26,400 Robin or Jess who was reminding you while you are in your workout you can do this because you can do 101 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:32,640 hard things. Getting through something as simple as a difficult workout which is simple, not easy 102 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:39,120 shows your body that you can handle difficult situations. Your brain will stop you before 103 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:45,040 your body does. Your body adapts to what is in front of it. This way to build up confidence by 104 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:50,880 challenging yourself and following through on these challenges can include challenging your 105 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:57,440 social anxiety by going to a happy hour or challenging your fear of heights by going on a hike or 106 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:04,400 rock climbing and proving to your body that it's your brain that's stopping you. Your body will 107 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:12,400 follow through if you can talk yourself through your brain stopping you. Once you do you show your 108 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:18,880 body and your brain that you are capable of pushing past fear and not only does this build confidence 109 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:26,080 it is incredibly empowering. We talked about self-love, we talked about confidence, let's talk 110 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:32,640 about dating yourself and getting to know yourself. The first thing I like to prioritize is getting 111 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:40,080 into alignment. There are multiple self-care habits that I like to practice that get me into 112 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:46,400 and keep me in alignment and these are more daily habits that I have been working on that I notice 113 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:53,280 over time have really helped me get into and stay in alignment and bounce back faster when I do get 114 00:12:53,280 --> 00:13:00,080 knocked out of alignment. So these habits are meditating, journaling, affirmations, noting 115 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:08,560 gratitude and working out. Working out is amazing because working out moves your emotions which are 116 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:15,760 just energy and motion up and out of your body. You need to release that energy. It gives you 117 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:23,200 the opportunity to clear your mind and let those thoughts come up and out as well especially if you 118 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:31,840 work out without music. It is one of the most helpful ways for me to clear my head and Abraham 119 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:39,360 Hicks prioritizes focusing on fun to get back into alignment. Play. What did you like as a kid? 120 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:46,480 I really liked to paint and dance so that's what I prioritize now as an adult. I do TikTok dances, 121 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:53,040 they might be silly, I don't care, they're very fun and I'm gonna do it because I like it and 122 00:13:53,040 --> 00:14:00,000 it doesn't have to be for anybody but me even when I share it. I like to paint, I like to practice 123 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:07,760 different forms of art like I started making plant hangers with macrame yarn and just focusing on fun 124 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:13,840 brings you right back into alignment and reminds your body and your brain there is so much more to 125 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:20,800 whatever situation is happening right now. So part of dating yourself is taken from the book 126 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:27,280 The Artist's Way. Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist's Way has two main concepts in her book. 127 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:34,640 Number one is journaling in the morning to brain dump all of your thoughts out from your head so 128 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:40,560 that your thoughts get out of your head and onto paper because if they are in your head they are 129 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:47,120 piling on and blocking your creativity. So let's get them out of your head and onto paper so that 130 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:54,720 you can have a clearer mind. And the second concept is to take yourself on artist dates. These can be 131 00:14:54,720 --> 00:15:01,200 anything that inspires you so some ideas I've had are to go to the art museum to take myself 132 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:06,880 roller skating and these are things you are supposed to do alone and this helps you reconnect with 133 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:12,240 yourself spend time with yourself and also remind yourself that you don't need anybody else to have 134 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:18,240 fun and go on dates. If you are a single person that wants to go out to a really nice dinner go 135 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:23,040 take yourself on that nice dinner there's no one stopping you but yourself and it really doesn't 136 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:28,240 matter what other people think while you are out what matters is what you think every time so you 137 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:33,440 need to take yourself out if you want to go out. So going back to the journaling something I find 138 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:42,880 really important to journal about is life goals and values getting really clear on what you want 139 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:50,480 out of your life how you want to feel and what you value so that you can attract other people 140 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:57,280 who share these goals and values. So for example thinking about how you want to feel I want to feel 141 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:07,360 prioritized at peace and safe so now as I move through my days these are the feelings I prioritize 142 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:13,440 how can I make myself feel prioritized how can I make myself feel at peace how can I make myself 143 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:21,520 feel safe and this way I stay in alignment with what I value and I can make sure to cut out anyone 144 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:27,200 that knocks me out of this alignment and ensure that I'm only spending time with people who share 145 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:32,880 these values and make me feel this way. So let's talk universal assignments because we've talked 146 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:39,200 about self-care and confidence and dating yourself getting to know yourself. What are universal 147 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:46,880 assignments? This is when the universe gives you an opportunity to show up for yourself and practice 148 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:53,600 your values. Let's say you've had toxic relationships in the past you could have experienced a similar 149 00:16:53,600 --> 00:17:00,880 relationship dynamic with different people in different bodies that will repeat until you notice 150 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:07,120 your pattern and shift it you are going to have to be the one to do that with every universal 151 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:15,040 assignment you have two options evolve or repeat so when you notice your patterns you objectively 152 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:21,840 observe them with no judgment and meet them with curiosity and choose how you want to move forward 153 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:27,280 and shift your reactions next time you can change the course of your life you can stop 154 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:34,000 attracting toxic relationships at that point and you can consciously create new patterns and habits 155 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:40,880 this goes back to those habits that we talked about earlier like meditating working out journaling 156 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:48,080 affirmations when you consciously create your life you consciously change your life you should be 157 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:53,360 so proud of yourself right now for even listening to an episode like this you should be so proud 158 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:58,160 of yourself for the content you are choosing to consume you should be proud of yourself for 159 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:04,720 prioritizing your self-care your confidence and introspection this is hard work that not a lot 160 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:11,840 of people do and the fact that you are doing it is incredible and you should be so proud of yourself 161 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:17,040 for even prioritizing yourself in this way when you are proud of yourself and you let yourself 162 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:25,120 receive that compliment your confidence will build your self-love will grow and you will flourish 163 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:31,840 and with that thank you so much for listening to this episode of back to yourself reach out to me 164 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:37,680 on socials at back to yourself pod and let me know what you think about this episode and what you 165 00:18:37,680 --> 00:19:03,520 would like to hear in the next one now go do something for yourself today bye