I love you Mona! The story of getting this particular
fake painting is it took a lot longer than the
story is going to take to tell because what the
story is is that this was in a thrift store and
I had my eye on it the moment that I walked into
the thrift store the first time I was like that's
a really cool painting and they wanted $55 for
it. this thing is just nothing but plastic colored.
That's it. The whole thing is made out of the
same kind of like weird kind of compressed plastic.
And I was like, no, I'm not doing that. Are you
insane? I'm not paying $55 for that. Over the
span of six months, every time I go in there,
it'd be down like a couple of dollars, $5, $2
here until eventually it was like in the teens,
$18, $19. I was like, there you go. Now you want
me to go home with it. Right. Now the universe
said... LeBlanc, this is your painting. We made
you wait patiently for this painting, okay? For
those of you who would have paid $55 for your
piece of plastic, shame on you! Yeah, if it's
a thrift store, wait it out. You only pay that
much for a vibrator. You never pay that much
for a piece of stupid plastic. Don't pay bad
money for a vibrator. Disappointed, lonely, and
irritated. Totally disappointed. Welcome to bisexual
coffee! It's only $7! It won't break the bank!
It won't break the bank, Edith. Hello, sweetheart.
How are you? Hello, fantastic darling. Oh, so
please tell me, what kind of brew are we having
today? What kind of coffee? I've had enough caffeination
for the day, so we are now having a nice, um,
I think this is... Kroger brand decaf coffee
with two equals and half and a half. Okay. So
mine is a Starbucks decaf because we are recording
in the evening hours and it is very dark roasted.
So it's got a little bit of a tang to it, a richness
to it. A little acidity to it. A little acidity
to it. And then I put a little coconut fat. What
is that called? What do they call that? The coconut
oil. Coconut oil. Yeah, yeah got a little coconut
oil in there and then I put a little almond milk
and I whipped it and because it was so Dark tasting
I did put a little swerve in there. Just take
down the acidity a little bit So now we got we've
got some good flavor. Why is that two bisexuals
drinking coffee? It's fabulous fabulous You know,
it's not coffee unless the bisexuals making it
for you. Did you know that? It's not worth the
squeeze if your bisexual is not juicing it. So
I hope my audio is coming through okay. I've
been having microphone issues in general. I have
these cool little lavalier mics that I bought
off the TikTok shop. And normally anytime that
you see me and I'm far away from the camera on
my TikTok and you can actually still hear me,
right? It's because of those and then I wash
them. I want you to see. Just straighten the
washer. You really did? You put them in the fucking
washer? Oh, yeah. Yeah, just straighten the washer.
I plan on making a video about it here soon.
Were you angry? Was there anger involved in the
activity? No, easy come, easy go. Thank goodness.
Yeah. There are a few things in my life that
still give me kind of like irrational anger.
You know, I understand why it's there and it
doesn't necessarily make it all the less irrational,
but you know, it's still there. Well, we're gonna
get there we're gonna talk about that irrational
anger But I want you to look look at look behind
my screen is so tiny I do it from my phone It's
like it's a little goddess and I'm burning incense
right nice and she's she's like from she's from
the woods Okay, so that's woodland sure little
piece of art. Yeah And then there's a little
bird nest on the top. So the smoke the smoke
is coming up. It's nice I think your piece of
art might trump my piece of art because yours
is actually like kind of functional. Mine is
a glorified paperweight. Like literally there's
a piece of paper here that we're going to address
here. Your sense of humor really gets me all
a -tingling. All a -tingling. I'm like, oh, that's
so funny. Your humor makes it. Once we get this
really, like once we get this system going, like
when we get it really, really going, we do have
a following by the way. We get this whole thing
of flowing and grooving and percolating. The
first thing we need is reliable technology. My
phone might be the most reliable piece of technology
I have right now. The microphone that I'm using
right now is very old by technology standards,
Yeti Blue. I think it came out in the early 2000s.
You're so funny. We do need to work on that.
Now, what kind of phone do you have? I'll have
a Pixel 6. Are they on 10 now? Yeah, but you
don't necessarily need to get an upgrade every
year unless you have the discretionary money
to do that. The processing power and the camera
and everything for this, it's fine. It's perfect.
what looks like to almost be professional photography
if I squint after I take a photo. You've done
very well. You've done very well. Look, I appreciate,
I appreciate everything we do that time. So what
I did, I have to backstory for any, for all those
people listening. I went to go see LeBlanc. I
had the time of my life. I stayed in the mountains.
I was in addict mode, man. I was still like,
you know, I was still like figuring my shit out.
Fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. And I went up to see
my friend and literally we sat, I watched him
game. I was falling asleep like an old lady.
Okay. I'm in the audience. I'm laughing my ass
off. Next thing you know, I'm like, and I had
to wave to LeBlanc and go, Hey, peace, dude,
I'm out. See ya. You know, I had to go. I had
to go and I left and I drove, I drove up a mountain
in the pitch. black darkness. It was beautiful
though. Then I got in that bed. Oh my God. On
the side of this mountain, I was being hugged
by nature and just cradled. It was so beautiful.
I'm going to do it again. That is nice. That
is nice. I saw Dee's Nuts. Dee's 20, but you're
close. I do that on purpose because I like to
say Dee's Nuts. I don't know. I mean, it's part
of the joke, part of the title anyway. And there's
actually a really big event that is actually
being advertised right now by DS 20, where the
host Tade Davis was able to secure two wrestlers
from the National Wrestling Alliance. Yeah, we
were talking about that. And it's going to actually
be six players plus him. So it's going to be
a full house in a larger place called The Hanger
Cafe in Greenville, South Carolina. So that sounds
interesting. That sounds like, like these, no,
maybe world war two kind of shit. Well, maybe,
but it's just a, it's a good old hanger that
they've had a stage space and it's an actual
hanger. Yeah. And then they can fit like a 150
people in there. So it's a bigger venue. He's
very excited about that. Um, when is that? May
2nd, May 2nd. So, uh, if you people out there,
I want to go check out. D's 20 where professional
comedians and personalities play D &D live on
stage. I want to do it. Go check out D's 20.
Google D's 20. Look up D's 20. That's D -E -E
-Z -2 -0. How do I get invited to such an event?
Invited? Yeah. You got to know a guy who knows
a guy, which you kind of do. I know a guy. I
am literally the guy who knows a guy. But here's
the thing. I have to pay for the door. you've
got to pay for the door. So we're not getting
it. But I can send you the link. We can also
put a link in here if I can send you a link and
we get that. Send me the link. Yeah, you know,
I get it. I probably have to go like go several
times like as a as a customer and establish my,
you know, my, you know, my credibility as an
Edith. To make a presence, that would be nice.
But no, like I said, I still have to pay for
the door, too, because it's a very small operation.
It's very much rigging wire and gaffers tape,
you know? Oh, I know. All behind the scenes.
But that's what makes it so much fun. It is.
It is. And seeing it get off the ground and even
getting this cool attention and being able to
have two wrestlers from the National Wrestling
Alliance there, I was able to make some really
cool looking posters. Any posters that you see,
except for the original poster that has like
that squirrel wearing the knight of armor or
the armor, knight's armor, that's done by him.
But anything else is done by me. So I'm dabbling
now. Look, I think that's amazing. Graphic arts.
So that's cool. Dabbling. It's a dabble now.
A dabble here, a dabble there. And then when
you get old like me and you start realizing that,
you know, you want to do more of it. And more
of it and more of it, you know, it'll just switch.
It's it's making me want to just tackle bigger
and bigger things as I'm going along. A few years
have been going along where I've been more comfortable
in myself, attending my first Pride events, trying
to strengthen both what's inside and outside
through working on my relationship and going
to therapy and everything like that. It has left
me room for the creative blossom to bloom, so
to speak. I can always tell when I haven't done
enough because my dreams are wild. Let me tell
you, I hear recently. Every night is like an
impressionist painting of sitcom and movies kind
of all thrown together like wild plot points
that don't that makes sense at the time, but
the moment I wake up, they're gone. And I know
that it's time for me to do something big. So
I've got a couple of big things I want to do.
It's either It's either A, jump back into my
second book or B, it's a movie and I don't know
which one it is. I'll have to figure out. I know
what I need to do for mine, but I don't want
to say too much right now because in general,
because it's marinating in there and I feel like
if I let it out, it's gone. I just know that
I'm watching a whole lot of that show that came
out on ABC and Fox called The Critic that came
out in the 90s. Ended in 2001 with John Lovitz.
Just know that I'm watching a lot of that in
preparation for my movie. Whatever that means
to you, let that mean that to you. Well, so our
realities will be totally different because I'm
going through, let me tell you what happened
this afternoon. Yeah, go ahead. I went out with
the girls from my neighborhood and we went to
the Florida Orchestra, which was phenomenal.
I got free tickets. I thought I was going to
have to pay like 50 bucks for this thing. You
went to that event for free. That's awesome.
Yeah. Oh my God. And then afterwards we went
to this place called Barfly for lunch and I had
this amazing hamburger and french fries. And
when I say these women don't give a fuck. They
said whatever they wanted to say. Nice. It is
what it is. They judged the shit out of each
other. No one cares. They all are bitchy. A good
friend group does allow judgment. Yeah. Yeah.
I didn't realize that. Oh, it's important. It's
huge. If you don't have a real best friend, unless
that best friend can just drag you because of
the things that you are doing or have done because
you know it's coming out of a place of love and
not out of judgment. So maybe it's not so much
that they judge you. It's the fact that they
care enough about you to be real with you. And
I love that. I love that the fact that you have
found a group that is comfortable enough with
them. Are they comfortable enough with you already
to do that? Oh, yeah. Oh, God. We were in the
car and we were on the way home from lunch, which
was amazing, by the way. And you know my mouth.
I do? I have no... I can't apologize. Learning
it more as the day goes on. Yes. So somehow we
got on the subject of dick. I don't know. Okay.
Maybe it was something I brought up. Maybe it
was something they brought up. As one does. As
one does. As one does. And I was talking about
my situationship. Oh, I had a mushroom shirt
on. And somehow they were talking about how cool
my mushroom shirt is and stuff like that. And
I said, it reminds me of a bunch of dicks. And
they were laughing so hard. I mean, one of them's
in their 90s. And she was laughing. And she's
blind. But she was laughing her ass off. The
driver was like, oh, we've needed young blood
so bad. Young boy? Me, I'm the youngest there.
Are you? I'm the youngest there. I'm a child
of the 60s. I got tattoos. I'm tattooed all over
from head to toe. Tattoo does not a young person
make. Look, young to them, none of these ladies
have anything like this going on. Age -wise,
actual how long they've been on this earth, they're
all older than you. 20 years at least. All of
them. Well, no wonder you're finding somebody
who's comfortable like that. Once you get to,
what would that be, in their 70s? Yeah. Yeah.
I feel like I want to slide into that comfort
of just being able to ... to say what i want
when i you know what i want how i want to whoever
i want but you should be able to now it's just
that you're feeling the energy from everybody
and we're all trying to get comfortable in our
own skin i'm still shaking off my people pleasing
habits that i've learned over the years we can't
please everybody but i'll tell you what there's
a fucking group out there that's gonna want to
talk about dicks no that's good and damn it we
should be able to talk about dick whenever we
want that's right how pretty they are. I look
at everyone and I'm like, thank you. Thank you
for being here. Tell me on the scale of one to
zero or one to 10, excuse me, one to zero. On
the scale of one to 10, tell me how good this
segue is. Speaking of dicks, I don't like mine.
What improvements would you make on it? I'm kidding.
Well, younger me would have done different things
than what me. now would do. And this is actually,
I'm sure you remember hearken back to the conversation
we were having yesterday. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We
were talking about our body just in general.
And I thought it would be really cool to actually
sit down, have a list with us and talk about
what we would have changed in our bodies. Because
I feel like you may be in a better situation,
more comfortable with your body now than maybe
I am. Yeah, I talk better to my body. Yeah. And
it's something that I'm learning. And so I got
10. I was able to get 10 for past and present,
maybe future, probably not. I never look ahead.
So I was thinking we go back and forth, we share,
we talk about them. You know, we don't just dead,
dead read these lists, you know, create a conversation
out of this. This is good podcasting. Damn it.
I feel like This is what everybody thinks about.
Come on. It's like we all want to get naked.
All right. We all want to be accepted. Some people
don't. I don't know if you know the term. I like
getting naked. So do I. Never nude? I'll be honest
with you. Yeah. Never nude? Yeah. I know that
term. I started to get to be a never nude. I
started that shit. Don't do that. And then I
got angry about it. But there have been various
things that... people throw around that have
been made like tropes in movies. People are talking
about, oh man, I'm going bald. This means I'm
not that much of a man or I'm too fat. I'm too
skinny. My labia looks weird. My dick hangs to
a certain side. Is that healthy? Do I have cancer?
You know, these are questions that Google probably
kits. Our minds are so, we're so crazy. So I've
got What I even kind of arranged it to what I
feel is kind of more of a benign thing that I've
just made peace with to things that maybe a little
bit more risque things and more around the Genitalia
area and I will tell you this. I think my labia
looks exquisite. I'm very happy with my life.
Are you? That's because look bald like labias
turn to balls. Yeah, see I had that thought actually
a lot when I was younger when I was kind of like
wondering like you know, trying to figure me
out, you know, and trying to figure out what
is like, is there a one to one between what I
have and what I would have had as a female? Like,
I've had these thoughts and it all kind of led
into my self image. So because the fact that
I talk so much, Edith, why don't you give us
your first thing on your list? I'm going to start
with with when I was young, like I want to stay.
I want to say 16 years old. and it all was based
on fear. Everything I knew about my body, we
didn't even have the internet yet when I was
that age. The information I got was from men.
However their reaction was to me, then that's
how I based my judgments on myself. That's how
I looked at myself. That's my very first one.
I want to say I was 16 years old. maybe and I
had my first sexual encounter and the individual
responded to me with love but I didn't know what
love was okay. Okay so this is you like looking
in the like your 2020 looking back and realizing
that yeah I was in lust completely okay so in
order for me to keep my face I never saw him
again after that. Like I never saw him again.
I didn't want to be with him. I made sure he
just probably broke this broke this little guy's
heart. He was cute too. He was a soccer player
and he really opened up to me and told me who
he was. He was very young. He went fishing with
his grandfather and he got a hook caught in his
eye and it shattered it like broke apart his
retina so it was it was not whole and in one
piece and i mean when this human was so loving
but i was a scrambled mess i was like you know
my dad had already gotten to me and called me
a sinner and like all of this stuff was going
through my head so what i was doing was wrong
you know i had it in my head that it was wrong
so it really I think was the precipice for how
I relate to men now. Does that make any sense?
Yeah, it does. Now, I have to ask, just because
what the list was, what is due to a perception
of a part of your body? Or was this a perception
of sex? It was my face, my face, my body. I hated
all of it. I was just not aware of who I was.
I didn't like any of it. I didn't like my face.
I didn't like my body. That's really not a good
place to start your whole life from is not liking
your body. That's true. That's true. What a broad
stroke. I will tell you that I went a little
more targeted online, but that's fine. When I
was, oh God, I'd say fifth or sixth grade, my
dad kind of became aware of how I was developing.
For one, it wasn't a very physical shot. I wasn't
involved in sports or anything like that. So,
anything that he was noticing, it was just like,
while we're out in the open and everything like
that. And he noticed that I was becoming kind
of pigeon -toed as I walked. And so he spent
the greater part about two months of us like
going out to the park and running around trying
to just get me to be more active. And while we
were going, he was like, hey, how about you try
putting your foot out this way? How about you
try putting your foot out this way? And I don't
know enough about orthopedics to say whether
or not this was actually the cause, but I feel
like it's very interesting that I spent, you
know, all the way up till fifth grade being kind
of pigeon toed. And now that when I walk, my
left foot is straight, but my right foot always
swings out. It's not, it's actual physiological
thing. It's like, not like a mental thing because
I'm sitting there and I'm watching the natural
swing of my tendons makes this foot swing out.
So it kind of adds to a little bit of a swagger
now as a holder. I love this swaggery. It doesn't
really affect running or anything like that.
It does affect bike riding. I can't ride bikes
because the way that the ankle moves out, it
forces my knee to move out a different way and
it feels like my knee is going to shatter. Can't
do bikes anymore. But at the time when I was
in the military, you have to wear really hard
sole boots. and shoes. When you march in those,
it makes a very telltale slapping sound when
I walk. The people around me was like, LeBlanc,
could you please stop walking like that? I was
like, would I if I could? They brought attention
to it. They did. For about six or seven months,
it was about the only time I ever really felt
conscious of it, except for the times where I
began to realize where I couldn't ride a bike
as an older adult. Now, it's just a part of me.
It's a fun little part of me. that luckily I
haven't faced or have harbored much shame about.
So that's my foot. Now it's your turn. Okay.
So we're talking specific body parts. If you
want to, if you have your list, go by your list,
however you want. We don't have to do one for
one. You know what? I had all kinds of... So
when my mom just focused on me a lot as a kid,
like I was a fat little kid. I didn't think it...
Yeah, I was a fat kid. I loved it. And flat chested.
I was so flat chested. I didn't notice any of
it. Like I was good with it until I went to Barbizon
modeling school. My parents or my grandmother
sent me there. I'm going to send them to modeling
school. Did we learn an instrument? No. Did we
learn about science? No. None of that. They really
- What did you learn? What does one learn at
modeling school? Makeup, how to be selfish, how
to compete, how to think you're not enough, how
to see your mom and your grandmother argue over
the children, and then we took modeling pictures.
I'm sure you paid extra for that class. Oh my
fucking God. You watch these reality shows on
TV where they're all competing and they've got
all this plastic surgery and not a one of them.
an instrument or, you know, let's say better
ourselves or. It depends on what show or what
competition you're watching. I watch cooking
shows. I watch. I watch. I do watch like sometimes
I'll watch the voice and sometimes I'll watch
the dancing. like the dancing shows and things.
But I also watch Traders. Do you watch the show
Traders? I know of Traders. Traders is very well
talked about in the podcasts that I listen to.
I love them. I love them. But they're all like,
they're all... Well, from what I understand,
they're all reality TV alone. like they are from
other well -known shows and then get brought
into this whole thing. It's a lie. Yeah. And
then some of them just like the traitors turn
on them, each other. But they're very vain and
their boobs are like... I wouldn't have pegged
you for trash reality TV. Yeah. Good for you.
Well, I like Gordon Ramsay. I watch Hell's Kitchen.
I'm a cook. I'm a really, really good cook. Have
you ever watched Love Island? Do I what? You
ever watch Love Island? I can't. Okay, good.
All right. So there is a line. There's a limit.
I have. I can't. I have standards. You know what
I'm saying? I just can't. I mean that kind of
selfishness. It's like, look, you're not going
to find love like that. Like you're all screwing
around. You're all there to fuck one another
and just. I mean, yeah. You're basing your whole
relationship on strangeness. And for the hopes
that this is later going to launch you into something
else. Like that's what the whole show seems to
be about. Exactly. I'm so like they take people's
egos in they're very young and then they just
exploit them. That's what it is. That's true.
You've got a hot body, but you're a complete
like hot mess upstairs because you're hoping
this person's going to complete. You're definitely
the hot mess that the producers also want to
show too. Like I doubt. It's very seriously like
they are 100 % all the hot mess that they are
on screen. I mean off screen as they are on screen.
The producers are definitely going, hey, talk
about this. This will seem unhinged when we cut
this out of context three episodes down the line.
It's all puppet work. So this is the thing, at
this age, I don't want to be addicted to people.
I don't want to think about these people. I don't
want to be like, oh my God, I got to go watch
in Love Island, blah, blah, blah. No. What am
I doing? I'm here at this computer with you.
That's what I'm doing. But also, on the flip
side, you admit that you've watched Traders.
So I feel like there are layers. Look, I already
told you. I already told you about my friend.
Yes. By the way, for those of you listening,
instead of watching, she's held up her little
figure of the Joker three times now, and I think
she's feeling some sort of way about watching
the world burn. So the next thing on my list
and... I haven't cut my hair in a while, so I
feel like this is the perfect thing, and it's
my hair. In fact, it's thin, it's wispy. When
there's water on it, it's curly. It grows really
thick out of the back, but not out on the top.
I love the fact that I have hair. I hate the
fact it's the way that it is now, because for
the longest time, I used to just shave my head
as soon as I hit boot camp. I realized, oh, I
could just cut this off and not have to deal
with it, because no one taught me how to deal
with my hair. My hair was like a mix of my mom's
curly hair and my dad's kinky, wiry hair. It
was hard to manage, and so I just cut it all
off. After letting it grow out, because Marlee
suggested, hey, let's just see what happens when
it grows out. Maybe we can do something with
it. For a while there, it was cool. It was a
bounty of nice curly hair. Then somewhere, I
think it was like 39. 40 of my hair was just
like, all right. But it was fun while it lasted
and now it's just falling out every time I touch
it. But I haven't ever wanted to go back to just
shaving it off even if it's like that. I know
eventually I'm going to like not have anything
up there and it's just going to be rung around
my head. Kind of like how my dad was, but I'm
going to enjoy the ride. I'm going to enjoy the
ride. It's just hair at the end of the day. Exactly.
And it's a heck of a lot better. I do need to
get a haircut in general, just because it is
wild right now. You should see it when I first
get up just everywhere. I've been wearing a hat
most of the day just because it's easier to work
in. So explain how that makes you feel like in
your relationship. Does it impede your relationship
at all? Do you care? I mean, does it make you
feel any sort of kind of way? No, I'm thankful
for being with somebody who is like, hey, you
should give this a shot. Don't shave it off.
You don't have to shave it off. We can definitely
do something with it, even if at the time when
she was saying that there was more to work with.
Even when I get just a simple haircut or something
like that, she's like, how do you feel about
that? Was it too short for you? It's a conversation
that I haven't really ever had to have because
I didn't have hair. Just like I said, I shaved
it all down. At the time when I was shaving it
all down, I was also a bigger person. I was always
getting close to 300 pounds at my biggest. Somebody
drew a picture of me shortly after I had shaved
my head for the first time and I didn't have
any facial hair or anything like that because
I worked at McDonald's. They didn't allow facial
hair. She meant very well. She saw the best in
me and she drew what she saw. The only thing
I could see was I'm too round. I don't have any
hair. Did not like that drawing. I'm sure, yeah.
I never told her that. I never told her that
and I'm still very thankful for the fact that
she even took the time to do that because it
was a very good drawing. It was very true a drawing.
She saw the brightness in me. I chose to see
the curves. And so as I've gotten older, I've
changed. I have a little bit of hair. I have
more hair back here. I have facial hair. I love
the facial hair. So it makes me feel more comfortable
and I think in turn it allowed me to be more
comfortable around the people around me. I don't
know if it's necessarily because of the fact
I have hair that I feel better about my profile
or anything like that. I think it's just a sign.
of me not hiding from the things that I have.
It's you're being real with yourself. You're
accepting yourself for who you are and that is
something I've never been good at until up to
now. I had to take off from every relationship
I ever had, every friendship I ever had and I
had to figure out why I kept running from myself
and I think for women is that there's these judgments
less from parents now I think but when I was
growing up my mom absolutely needed me to be
everything. Right? And then so she got in the
way of my authentic self, which that would be
me creating and creating myself and being out
in nature, which I absolutely love, loving my
pets, loving school. I was really always good
at school, but she couldn't help me with my homework
and then gaslit me, you know, what are you stupid?
You can't do this yourself, you know, instead
of saying, you know what, honey, I don't know
what this is and I can't help you. Some people
find it hard to have the real conversations and
choose instead to project their feelings outward
knowing that, well, if I'm feeling it this strong,
obviously they're going to feel it too. It's
really easy to get trapped in that kind of situation.
I mean, like you've mentioned in the past, you
were, you were technically trapped in that. I
mean, due to the fact that... That was your family
and that there's a white one. I picked apparently
I yeah, obviously I landed, you know Don't know
why but that you know and but now I'm I'm I'm
like my hair. I mean I had this hairdresser that
bleached the ever -loving bejesus out of it.
So it's growing out now, but now I'm on hormones
and it's not growing quite as thick as it was
growing three years ago. It was really thick
three years ago, but I feel better than I've
ever felt. I suggest everybody go on hormones.
I pick a side. Like, what do you want to be?
You want to be a man? Okay, great. You want to
be a woman? Okay, there you go. They got hormones
for that. make sure you get a doctor who tells
you what is probably going to work well with
your body. Don't just exactly don't know. You
might cause a problem. There's a that's I waited
this long. I found a doctor that's amazing. Good.
And it's a hard ride. The first few the first
year a year. Yeah, because you go through all
your trauma all over again, your childhood trauma
and stuff. Very strange how hormones just like,
you know, just find me. You're going in this
up and down spiral and I've been meditating and
I've been doing all this stuff and I'm good now.
We found each other and we're doing exactly what
I want to be doing and that is podcasting. Well,
that's good. Do you have another thing on your
list? My butt. Your butt? My butt. that's a pretty
common one i think i think a lot of people feel
like they could do better well when i was young
it was perfectly shaped it was perfectly shaped
age yeah no it was people's beliefs you think
people's beliefs shaped your ass well listen
talk more about that being like a people pleaser
I would absorb people's opinions about my body,
especially my mother and my grandmother. And
then it was my friends, they would talk about
their bodies and how they hated this and they
hated that. And so then I would start like, my
God, I'm going to age and what's going to happen
to my body. and then cellulite started happening
on my ass. And little did I know, there are these
tools, and I'll put it around here somewhere,
but there are these tools I have, and they literally
break up the cellulite. Well, yeah. Yeah, but
like - I don't have it anymore. Well, what I'm
saying here is, and I can't go down this road
with you because I'll let you go down that road
yourself, but I can't say that people's words
about me are going to be the thing that shaped
my body. No, it's that the hate the hate like
it does something to use like yeah, I think about
it when you hate your body I think it's like
a psychosomatic type situation. Yeah, so if you're
not saying I've heard things about your body
if you're not saying good kind things about your
body your body and your cells Now I got this
from a doctor. Um My um Blahnik that she played
on that show Yeah, she's a doctor. You but you
butchered her name, but I can't remember it right
now. But know that me and Bialik. Yeah, there
we go. Miriam Bialik. So that's your she played
blossom and she played on more recently, people
would probably remember her from Big Bang Theory.
And she also has her own podcast, which I listened
to. Yeah. And and look, even Bruce Lee has said
this, your words are spelling your words towards
another person. can create a reality around that
person. So you have to be careful. So I'm very
careful about how I talk about myself. I'm now
very careful about how I talk. I don't talk about
other people because I don't want that. For me,
I think it boils down into Not necessarily just
words or thoughts, but it's also the actions
that are made from those words either from the
person who is giving the words of the person
who is receiving them the actions that are made
after the feelings are That's what I'm talking
about. That's the spelling. That's the spelling.
That's the though you create a reaction within
the other person. Like, you know, if you call
somebody a fucking bitch, right? Like if you're
a man and you call a woman a fucking bitch. Yeah.
Well, not suicidal, but I will tell you this.
Well, okay. I've been able to get away with it
twice. In your lifetime? Yeah. And for the person
to go, yeah, you're right. I feel like I choose
my times, my battles, but also you're right.
Just being nasty in general will eventually,
or maybe even less than eventually could actually
- It'll change your face. It'll change your body.
It changes everything. Yeah. So I'm going to
put out one more and then maybe we'll have to
do the rest of this list later because I want
to get to the couple of things that I've pulled
up from the net to read about. Oh, sure, sure.
And I'm going to skip down a little bit and say
that when I was younger, I was very concerned,
especially when I started to find out what porn
was and kind of came into the whole idea that
there are. people out there who put themselves
out there to have sex on either on film or on
the internet later or have stories written about
them. And they were always described as the most
perfect human beings. You know, everything is
straight. Everything is tucked away just right.
Everybody can go for like 45 minutes. And I'm
like, right. I and I grew up just going, I will
never be that guy. I lean slightly to the left.
45 minutes is It is not just a pipe dream. It
is not going to be a reality of continuous action.
There will never be a straight 45 -minute marathon.
Also, who wants straight 45 minutes of just friction?
You've got to do something else. Positions can
only get you so far. That's why I... thoroughly
enjoy toys in the bed, in the bedroom. But I
stopped, I think, comparing myself to what was
readily available, what porn was readily available.
Maybe by the time I was mid -20s, but, you know,
that's a good 10, 12 years of just judging myself
and going, thank God I'm with the people I'm
with because this would never please anybody
else. Boy, was I wrong. And I'm glad. I'm glad
I was wrong because that's very small thinking.
It is small thinking. This phrase is often used,
especially in the queer community. Being comfortable
with your genitalia, it gets better. It's better,
guys. I can elaborate on that. Look, the older
I've gotten, my genitalia has always been perfect.
Perfect, perfect, perfect. Getting older, your
labia... get a little longer, like not, not,
not like spaghetti, you know, like that. It's,
it's, but you can definitely see that there,
the skin is more relaxed and things like that,
but I don't give a shit. I've, I've been with
emotionally and unintelligent sexual partners
who have reached down there and been like, Oh
my God, there's so much skin. And there's really
not, if you know what I'm saying. For my age,
if you're in reality, if you're like in present
day and not being a complete child about your
sexual encounter, then you know that you're with
a woman and you need to shut the fuck up. It's
that easy. If you want to enjoy yourself, you
just be mindful. Or if you're going to say something,
like maybe not in the moment. Maybe later, especially
if you're comfortable with that person. Exactly.
Let's talk about your labia. Great time last
night. Got a question. If you're comfortable
enough with that person, by all means, ask about
their labia over coffee. All right. So, Edith?
Yeah. Porn isn't real. That's all I want to say.
Oh, there's also that. Yeah. Even amateur porn
is probably not even real. Yeah, quite real.
Although I have seen some representation of,
you know, different sizes, different shapes of
penises, different size, different shapes of
vagina. I've seen some good amateur stuff, you
know? But the stuff that Johnny Sins is starring
in, that's probably not representative of - And
from my time period, there was a guy called -
Not your vagina, you know? No. Michael Ninh,
Michael Ninh back in the 90s was a really, really
good director. And he did - you know there was
one video you've got to look it up it's called
latex and everybody was perfect their junk was
perfect their bodies you know there was a casting
call yeah about that if people just like okay
drop it let's see what you're working with i'm
sorry you got one lip hanging out that ain't
gonna work i'm sorry next I wouldn't have made
the cut. So know that I did have a news story
pulled up, but in light of the good casual conversation
we have, I'm not really going to jump into it.
Just know that there's a whole lot going on out
there when it comes to trans rights. And there
are actually some people in the Supreme Court
who see through all the bullshit that's happening.
Here recently, the transgender bill in the military
was recently, or the change where even if you
have thoughts of gender dysphoria, you're not
allowed in. That was knocked down by saying,
hey, you're full of hate and animus. Good. I
hope that puts at least a slightly warm fuzzy
in the people, but I've got a Reddit story for
us. Let's do it. Love our Reddit stories. We
really do. Thank God for Smosh out there for
making you realize that reading Reddit stories
doesn't have to be just about making fun of people.
It actually is about digging into the story.
So I love that for us. Yeah. How does it resonate,
right? All right. So this comes from rbisexual
that says, bi phobia in the LGBT community is
the worst. And this is just a discussion and
they're just basically putting it out there.
They're not really looking to see if anybody's
the asshole or anything, but they just wanted
to put this out here. And I'm sure that some
of our listeners out there will probably, if
you're queer at all, have probably thought about
this. Let me start by saying that I'm a 32 male,
bi, heteromantic. I've been single for five years
with little to no romantic sexual fulfillment
in that time. Things have been very boring and
I feel like my youth is slipping away from me.
Meeting people in person feels impossible these
days and dating apps feel considerably more bleak.
I've matched with several women over the years
that disappear the second they learn I'm bi,
and the number of guys have done the same thing
is honestly pretty shocking. Whenever I begrudgingly
go back to dating apps, I'm lucky if even a small
number of women swipe right on me in a month.
When it comes to guys, I get dozens if not hundreds
of likes. I'm fairly picky when it comes to men,
but I've found a handful over the last few years
that I would be interested in having some fun
with. That said, the conversation doesn't go
anywhere. Or I'm strong along for days and weeks
before things just abruptly end. I matched with
a guy the other day and it was very clear that
I was not looking for anything serious and romantic.
I'm comfortable with having some fun and surprised
to hear that he's looking for something serious.
He's far from opposed to having short -term fun
in the meantime. We had a very zesty conversation.
It ranged to have some fun this weekend, and
things were going well with the conversation
getting rather detailed. As far as I was aware,
we were both very much on board. I got the usual
spiel, we'll talk more tomorrow, blah blah blah,
looking forward to this weekend, etc. I messaged
him yesterday in the early, early on in the day
with no response. I messaged him later in the
evening again with no response. I messaged him
about an hour ago just to say, hey, what's up?
I hope everything's okay. I haven't heard from
you. Are we still on for this weekend? And so
far it's been radio silence. Seems like a textbook
case of quietly quitting that happens all too
frequently on dating apps. I don't want to get
my hopes up because the last time I put myself
out there and tried to arrange for a playdate
with a guy, we talked for a couple of months,
began snapping each other on Snapchat. engaged
quite a few steamy picks only for nothing to
happen. Like literally the day we planned to
get together I didn't hear from him in the morning
but figured he must be at work or whatever. I
messaged him about an hour before I left to work
that day to see if we're still on and still didn't
hear anything. About an hour before we were supposed
to meet I opened Snapchat to find that he had
removed me. We were following each other on Instagram,
so I DMed him to ask if everything was okay,
and was immediately blocked. Needless to say,
it hurts. It really hurts, and it caused me to
doubt myself and stop looking for close to over
a year. Fast forward to this week, it feels like
the same situation is playing out all over again.
I don't know. I'm just pretty upset. I guess
I understand when it comes to straight women
ghosting the second they learn you're bi, as
shitty as that is, but personally I think it's
completely unacceptable when someone claims to
be an ally or are themselves a member of the
community strings you along, pretending they're
interesting only to be completely dropped off
the face of the earth. I just wish people were
more honest. I get it if you're not interested
in hooking up, but if you imply that you are,
goad someone into sharing very private and vulnerable
pictures, welcome very personable message, and
act interested only to disappear, I find that
completely unacceptable. I got an answer for
that. Hey, go ahead. From my perspective from
the people pleasing perspective from the perspective
that I used to have his perspective Is don't
I I stopped putting all my eggs in one basket
I stopped being disappointed by people who themselves
maybe had a change of heart Maybe they themselves
were fearful. Maybe you know, I don't get angry
at that energy anymore. So, so this is happening
to me presently, I'm texting a lot of people,
I am, you know, I'm talking to a lot of people,
but I don't my subconscious is clear. I don't
think about my past trauma. Whenever I'm dating,
I don't say here we go again. Here this is happening
again. Because what ends up happening is I get
a direct reflection of my subconscious when I'm
when I'm texting these people. Sure. Does that
make sense? Are you familiar with a speech jamming
device? No, tell me. What is that? So a speech
jamming device is a device that when you speak,
it takes in from a microphone, delays it by like
a second or two, and then plays it back immediately
at you. It's been used for all different things,
for like games and just videos in general. I
think there's a psychological component to it
as well. the moment that your voice comes back
at you it almost it's like a returning sine wave
that like cancels out your thought and then the
next thing you know you're stammering and you're
stuttering it's and i feel like it's kind of
what you were talking about the same way it's
just you're putting yourself out there emotionally
so loud that when it comes back you start tripping
yourself up that's right People can't handle
all that energy, all that needy energy. I need
you to come back. I need you to resolve my childhood
trauma and be the person. They feel that energy.
Does that make sense? It does. I'm not 100 %
exactly how needy this person was. I think they're
trying to project casualness. Look how many texts.
What about now? What about now? What about now?
No that's that's i've learned that that repulses
people i have a friend that i did that i did
that to her and we're not speaking now and it's
an addiction to my perspective of her you say
yes not a healthy place to be in because she
can't live up to my expectations there's no way
she's just a person. She's having her own life.
She's got to do her own thing. When somebody
puts all of those expectations on you and expects
you, I did that to my husband too. Like I said,
I'm in a situation, okay? Whatever. I mean, I
guess there is a point where you have to kind
of like think about the schadenfreude of it all
where, you know, you understand that you are
never going to understand the mental processes
of a person, of another person. that somebody
that you pass on the street, no matter what judgments
or anything that you think is happening at that
point, can be completely different. They're living
your own life. You are not even a part of their
life. And the moment that you kind of realize
that is kind of an opening experience. I think
that though those are really good points, he
may be talking just about the fact of people
not believing that bisexuality is a thing. I
mean, because, you know. But that's also very
personal. He is placing that belief on other
people. That's not a real thing. That's not a
real thing. I really do feel like that's a real
thing because I've had people in my life, like
in my, who have talked directly to my, uh, to
my partner who have, they're, they're afraid
that it's not, I'm not just bisexual. I'm just
gay and I'm hiding it and eventually I'm going
to drop her like a hot rock. But do you understand
that's their issue? Yeah. I'm not saying that
- He's good, I'm saying. I'm not saying that's
what I have to do, but the fact that their issue
comes back in forms of either conversation and
or worries and or side glances or whatnot, their
issues are still very much being broadcasted.
Now what I do with that energy is up to me and
I completely understand that, but it's still
out there. It's like radio. Radio is being blasted
101 FM now, but I don't listen to the radio anymore.
Music for me is a curated choice. It's something
that I very much want to go out there and go,
I want to listen to this. I want to listen to
this. I want to listen to this. But I don't let
radio come into my life because I feel like that's
energy that is not meant for me. It's no longer
shaped for me. There are its beliefs it's like
we had this bubble the love sponge you literally
put hate all over everybody but the guy was like
over five hundred pounds and had a dick like
a pinky okay so the only person he appealed to
where those kinds of people they were addicted
to him they were addicted to the hate that he
spewed out into the world. Right so these people
that talk shit about bisexuality are they themselves
questioning their their own sexuality and they
have not come to terms with who they are having
the difficulty this is me at fifty six year old
fifty six years old you know now. I've completely
come out and yes, people are angry at me for
being who I am because I have kept it a secret
for so long and now it's like this big lie that
I've been keeping. No, it's not a big lie that
I've been keeping. It's just that I have gone
out into the world and I have designed myself.
I have created myself and I'm living my most
authentic life. you're going to have resistance
from people who are not living their most authentic
life. It's going to be like in this young man.
He's got to toughen up, you know, and don't spill
your tea to every single person because every
single person is not going to be a partner. If
you really want to have a good time, just be
a good listener. Yeah. Figure it out first. And
again, been single for five years. He's 32. So
I mean, he's been single since he's been 27.
Past like year two, you're no longer even the
person that you were. Exactly. Especially if
you've been listening to the things that have
been happening around you and whatnot. To this
person, I would say that yes, bisexuality is
something that is not understood by people. A
lot of people do talk shit about it. A lot of
people do make assumptions on the fact that you're
something that you don't believe that you are.
But here's the thing. Labels are so fickle. Don't
even worry about the label. They're so, yeah.
Just be authentic to yourself and don't let other
people's opinions start to shape your self -esteem,
yeah, because it feels like that's where you
may be heading. Yeah, and the thing for this
guy, I believe, this is what's happened with
my phone. When my friends want me, They're there.
If I say I miss your face, they send me a message
back. And sometimes they don't. Sometimes I won't
hear from them for a whole week. But you know
what? These people, they're all living. They're
all vibing. They're all thriving. They're doing
their stuff. I mean, being on this planet is
not easy and making a paycheck isn't easy either,
right? Yeah, making a paycheck is bullshit. I
mean, honestly. Right. It totally is. I'm working
on that. Definitely, we're headed in the right
direction. Garbage way of living life. It is.
All right. That was awesome. Mr. WhoIsYourBestSelf
on Reddit, I really hope that you're doing okay.
I know this was only put out an hour ago, so
there's still very much in their feelings, I'm
sure, and I hope that you get good advice. Email
that to me, would you? Sure, and don't get all
your advice from Reddit. Mr. WhoIsYourBestSelf.
You've got young people on there saying, well,
what the fuck is your problem? Well, you have
just Redditors in general. Redditors have a certain
way of speaking that is just sometimes can be
either like the best advice you've ever heard
or something that was scraped out of the bottom
of a cod barrel. It's such an odd mix. But yeah,
I'll send that to you. I'll let you read it.
I'm also going to be posting it on the Bisexual
Coffee subreddit. And I guess it's the time to
say that if there's anything that you want to
ask us, if there's anything that you want our
opinion on, or if you just want to get to know
us a little better, come hang out with us at
bisexualcoffeepodcast .gmail .com and eat it.
Do you have anything else for our listeners?
Absolutely. Peace out word to your mom and love
yourself. Say only fabulous, wonderful things
about your body. Do that. I'd love that. All
right. Edith, I love you. I love you too. You
have a great night. You too. Peace out. Bye bye.