WEBVTT

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I love you Mona! The story of getting this particular

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fake painting is it took a lot longer than the

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story is going to take to tell because what the

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story is is that this was in a thrift store and

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I had my eye on it the moment that I walked into

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the thrift store the first time I was like that's

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a really cool painting and they wanted $55 for

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it. this thing is just nothing but plastic colored.

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That's it. The whole thing is made out of the

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same kind of like weird kind of compressed plastic.

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And I was like, no, I'm not doing that. Are you

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insane? I'm not paying $55 for that. Over the

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span of six months, every time I go in there,

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it'd be down like a couple of dollars, $5, $2

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here until eventually it was like in the teens,

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$18, $19. I was like, there you go. Now you want

00:00:51.509 --> 00:00:55.490
me to go home with it. Right. Now the universe

00:00:55.490 --> 00:01:00.869
said... LeBlanc, this is your painting. We made

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you wait patiently for this painting, okay? For

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those of you who would have paid $55 for your

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piece of plastic, shame on you! Yeah, if it's

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a thrift store, wait it out. You only pay that

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much for a vibrator. You never pay that much

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for a piece of stupid plastic. Don't pay bad

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money for a vibrator. Disappointed, lonely, and

00:01:25.049 --> 00:01:29.290
irritated. Totally disappointed. Welcome to bisexual

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coffee! It's only $7! It won't break the bank!

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It won't break the bank, Edith. Hello, sweetheart.

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How are you? Hello, fantastic darling. Oh, so

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please tell me, what kind of brew are we having

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today? What kind of coffee? I've had enough caffeination

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for the day, so we are now having a nice, um,

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I think this is... Kroger brand decaf coffee

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with two equals and half and a half. Okay. So

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mine is a Starbucks decaf because we are recording

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in the evening hours and it is very dark roasted.

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So it's got a little bit of a tang to it, a richness

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to it. A little acidity to it. A little acidity

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to it. And then I put a little coconut fat. What

00:02:15.159 --> 00:02:17.960
is that called? What do they call that? The coconut

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oil. Coconut oil. Yeah, yeah got a little coconut

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oil in there and then I put a little almond milk

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and I whipped it and because it was so Dark tasting

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I did put a little swerve in there. Just take

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down the acidity a little bit So now we got we've

00:02:33.580 --> 00:02:37.719
got some good flavor. Why is that two bisexuals

00:02:37.719 --> 00:02:40.680
drinking coffee? It's fabulous fabulous You know,

00:02:40.759 --> 00:02:43.479
it's not coffee unless the bisexuals making it

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for you. Did you know that? It's not worth the

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squeeze if your bisexual is not juicing it. So

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I hope my audio is coming through okay. I've

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been having microphone issues in general. I have

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these cool little lavalier mics that I bought

00:03:01.229 --> 00:03:05.110
off the TikTok shop. And normally anytime that

00:03:05.110 --> 00:03:07.550
you see me and I'm far away from the camera on

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my TikTok and you can actually still hear me,

00:03:09.789 --> 00:03:12.490
right? It's because of those and then I wash

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them. I want you to see. Just straighten the

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washer. You really did? You put them in the fucking

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washer? Oh, yeah. Yeah, just straighten the washer.

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I plan on making a video about it here soon.

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Were you angry? Was there anger involved in the

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activity? No, easy come, easy go. Thank goodness.

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Yeah. There are a few things in my life that

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still give me kind of like irrational anger.

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You know, I understand why it's there and it

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doesn't necessarily make it all the less irrational,

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but you know, it's still there. Well, we're gonna

00:03:43.610 --> 00:03:45.750
get there we're gonna talk about that irrational

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anger But I want you to look look at look behind

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my screen is so tiny I do it from my phone It's

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like it's a little goddess and I'm burning incense

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right nice and she's she's like from she's from

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the woods Okay, so that's woodland sure little

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piece of art. Yeah And then there's a little

00:04:05.310 --> 00:04:08.689
bird nest on the top. So the smoke the smoke

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is coming up. It's nice I think your piece of

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art might trump my piece of art because yours

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is actually like kind of functional. Mine is

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a glorified paperweight. Like literally there's

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a piece of paper here that we're going to address

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here. Your sense of humor really gets me all

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a -tingling. All a -tingling. I'm like, oh, that's

00:04:27.149 --> 00:04:31.689
so funny. Your humor makes it. Once we get this

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really, like once we get this system going, like

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when we get it really, really going, we do have

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a following by the way. We get this whole thing

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of flowing and grooving and percolating. The

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first thing we need is reliable technology. My

00:04:48.850 --> 00:04:50.949
phone might be the most reliable piece of technology

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I have right now. The microphone that I'm using

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right now is very old by technology standards,

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Yeti Blue. I think it came out in the early 2000s.

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You're so funny. We do need to work on that.

00:05:02.189 --> 00:05:04.490
Now, what kind of phone do you have? I'll have

00:05:04.490 --> 00:05:11.709
a Pixel 6. Are they on 10 now? Yeah, but you

00:05:11.709 --> 00:05:15.230
don't necessarily need to get an upgrade every

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year unless you have the discretionary money

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to do that. The processing power and the camera

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and everything for this, it's fine. It's perfect.

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what looks like to almost be professional photography

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if I squint after I take a photo. You've done

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very well. You've done very well. Look, I appreciate,

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I appreciate everything we do that time. So what

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I did, I have to backstory for any, for all those

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people listening. I went to go see LeBlanc. I

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had the time of my life. I stayed in the mountains.

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I was in addict mode, man. I was still like,

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you know, I was still like figuring my shit out.

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Fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. And I went up to see

00:05:52.709 --> 00:05:56.149
my friend and literally we sat, I watched him

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game. I was falling asleep like an old lady.

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Okay. I'm in the audience. I'm laughing my ass

00:06:01.029 --> 00:06:02.949
off. Next thing you know, I'm like, and I had

00:06:02.949 --> 00:06:06.029
to wave to LeBlanc and go, Hey, peace, dude,

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I'm out. See ya. You know, I had to go. I had

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to go and I left and I drove, I drove up a mountain

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in the pitch. black darkness. It was beautiful

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though. Then I got in that bed. Oh my God. On

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the side of this mountain, I was being hugged

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by nature and just cradled. It was so beautiful.

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I'm going to do it again. That is nice. That

00:06:28.379 --> 00:06:32.199
is nice. I saw Dee's Nuts. Dee's 20, but you're

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close. I do that on purpose because I like to

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say Dee's Nuts. I don't know. I mean, it's part

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of the joke, part of the title anyway. And there's

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actually a really big event that is actually

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being advertised right now by DS 20, where the

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host Tade Davis was able to secure two wrestlers

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from the National Wrestling Alliance. Yeah, we

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were talking about that. And it's going to actually

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be six players plus him. So it's going to be

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a full house in a larger place called The Hanger

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Cafe in Greenville, South Carolina. So that sounds

00:07:05.709 --> 00:07:08.129
interesting. That sounds like, like these, no,

00:07:08.329 --> 00:07:10.810
maybe world war two kind of shit. Well, maybe,

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but it's just a, it's a good old hanger that

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they've had a stage space and it's an actual

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hanger. Yeah. And then they can fit like a 150

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people in there. So it's a bigger venue. He's

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very excited about that. Um, when is that? May

00:07:23.410 --> 00:07:26.110
2nd, May 2nd. So, uh, if you people out there,

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I want to go check out. D's 20 where professional

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comedians and personalities play D &D live on

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stage. I want to do it. Go check out D's 20.

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Google D's 20. Look up D's 20. That's D -E -E

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-Z -2 -0. How do I get invited to such an event?

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Invited? Yeah. You got to know a guy who knows

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a guy, which you kind of do. I know a guy. I

00:07:49.459 --> 00:07:52.959
am literally the guy who knows a guy. But here's

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the thing. I have to pay for the door. you've

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got to pay for the door. So we're not getting

00:07:56.860 --> 00:08:00.319
it. But I can send you the link. We can also

00:08:00.319 --> 00:08:02.339
put a link in here if I can send you a link and

00:08:02.339 --> 00:08:05.540
we get that. Send me the link. Yeah, you know,

00:08:05.959 --> 00:08:09.279
I get it. I probably have to go like go several

00:08:09.279 --> 00:08:14.120
times like as a as a customer and establish my,

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you know, my, you know, my credibility as an

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Edith. To make a presence, that would be nice.

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But no, like I said, I still have to pay for

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the door, too, because it's a very small operation.

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It's very much rigging wire and gaffers tape,

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you know? Oh, I know. All behind the scenes.

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But that's what makes it so much fun. It is.

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It is. And seeing it get off the ground and even

00:08:36.840 --> 00:08:39.440
getting this cool attention and being able to

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have two wrestlers from the National Wrestling

00:08:41.320 --> 00:08:43.940
Alliance there, I was able to make some really

00:08:43.940 --> 00:08:46.539
cool looking posters. Any posters that you see,

00:08:46.600 --> 00:08:49.500
except for the original poster that has like

00:08:49.500 --> 00:08:51.940
that squirrel wearing the knight of armor or

00:08:51.940 --> 00:08:54.679
the armor, knight's armor, that's done by him.

00:08:54.860 --> 00:08:58.179
But anything else is done by me. So I'm dabbling

00:08:58.179 --> 00:09:03.139
now. Look, I think that's amazing. Graphic arts.

00:09:03.679 --> 00:09:07.059
So that's cool. Dabbling. It's a dabble now.

00:09:07.240 --> 00:09:09.659
A dabble here, a dabble there. And then when

00:09:09.659 --> 00:09:13.639
you get old like me and you start realizing that,

00:09:13.639 --> 00:09:17.059
you know, you want to do more of it. And more

00:09:17.059 --> 00:09:20.440
of it and more of it, you know, it'll just switch.

00:09:21.379 --> 00:09:23.120
It's it's making me want to just tackle bigger

00:09:23.120 --> 00:09:28.129
and bigger things as I'm going along. A few years

00:09:28.129 --> 00:09:29.929
have been going along where I've been more comfortable

00:09:29.929 --> 00:09:33.509
in myself, attending my first Pride events, trying

00:09:33.509 --> 00:09:36.190
to strengthen both what's inside and outside

00:09:36.190 --> 00:09:37.929
through working on my relationship and going

00:09:37.929 --> 00:09:40.190
to therapy and everything like that. It has left

00:09:40.190 --> 00:09:43.429
me room for the creative blossom to bloom, so

00:09:43.429 --> 00:09:45.549
to speak. I can always tell when I haven't done

00:09:45.549 --> 00:09:47.529
enough because my dreams are wild. Let me tell

00:09:47.529 --> 00:09:52.320
you, I hear recently. Every night is like an

00:09:52.320 --> 00:09:55.899
impressionist painting of sitcom and movies kind

00:09:55.899 --> 00:09:58.259
of all thrown together like wild plot points

00:09:58.259 --> 00:10:00.179
that don't that makes sense at the time, but

00:10:00.179 --> 00:10:02.720
the moment I wake up, they're gone. And I know

00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:04.659
that it's time for me to do something big. So

00:10:04.659 --> 00:10:06.559
I've got a couple of big things I want to do.

00:10:06.620 --> 00:10:09.990
It's either It's either A, jump back into my

00:10:09.990 --> 00:10:13.049
second book or B, it's a movie and I don't know

00:10:13.049 --> 00:10:15.809
which one it is. I'll have to figure out. I know

00:10:15.809 --> 00:10:18.450
what I need to do for mine, but I don't want

00:10:18.450 --> 00:10:20.870
to say too much right now because in general,

00:10:20.929 --> 00:10:23.149
because it's marinating in there and I feel like

00:10:23.149 --> 00:10:27.850
if I let it out, it's gone. I just know that

00:10:27.850 --> 00:10:31.549
I'm watching a whole lot of that show that came

00:10:31.549 --> 00:10:34.649
out on ABC and Fox called The Critic that came

00:10:34.649 --> 00:10:40.070
out in the 90s. Ended in 2001 with John Lovitz.

00:10:40.090 --> 00:10:41.850
Just know that I'm watching a lot of that in

00:10:41.850 --> 00:10:44.610
preparation for my movie. Whatever that means

00:10:44.610 --> 00:10:49.389
to you, let that mean that to you. Well, so our

00:10:49.389 --> 00:10:51.870
realities will be totally different because I'm

00:10:51.870 --> 00:10:54.370
going through, let me tell you what happened

00:10:54.370 --> 00:10:57.649
this afternoon. Yeah, go ahead. I went out with

00:10:57.649 --> 00:11:00.450
the girls from my neighborhood and we went to

00:11:00.450 --> 00:11:03.169
the Florida Orchestra, which was phenomenal.

00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:05.399
I got free tickets. I thought I was going to

00:11:05.399 --> 00:11:08.059
have to pay like 50 bucks for this thing. You

00:11:08.059 --> 00:11:09.720
went to that event for free. That's awesome.

00:11:09.759 --> 00:11:12.460
Yeah. Oh my God. And then afterwards we went

00:11:12.460 --> 00:11:15.860
to this place called Barfly for lunch and I had

00:11:15.860 --> 00:11:19.039
this amazing hamburger and french fries. And

00:11:19.039 --> 00:11:21.519
when I say these women don't give a fuck. They

00:11:21.519 --> 00:11:24.220
said whatever they wanted to say. Nice. It is

00:11:24.220 --> 00:11:26.779
what it is. They judged the shit out of each

00:11:26.779 --> 00:11:31.100
other. No one cares. They all are bitchy. A good

00:11:31.100 --> 00:11:34.379
friend group does allow judgment. Yeah. Yeah.

00:11:34.379 --> 00:11:37.039
I didn't realize that. Oh, it's important. It's

00:11:37.039 --> 00:11:41.980
huge. If you don't have a real best friend, unless

00:11:41.980 --> 00:11:44.600
that best friend can just drag you because of

00:11:44.600 --> 00:11:47.360
the things that you are doing or have done because

00:11:47.360 --> 00:11:49.039
you know it's coming out of a place of love and

00:11:49.039 --> 00:11:51.200
not out of judgment. So maybe it's not so much

00:11:51.200 --> 00:11:52.919
that they judge you. It's the fact that they

00:11:52.919 --> 00:11:55.120
care enough about you to be real with you. And

00:11:55.120 --> 00:11:56.879
I love that. I love that the fact that you have

00:11:56.879 --> 00:11:58.879
found a group that is comfortable enough with

00:11:58.879 --> 00:12:01.379
them. Are they comfortable enough with you already

00:12:01.379 --> 00:12:04.399
to do that? Oh, yeah. Oh, God. We were in the

00:12:04.399 --> 00:12:06.500
car and we were on the way home from lunch, which

00:12:06.500 --> 00:12:09.159
was amazing, by the way. And you know my mouth.

00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:12.200
I do? I have no... I can't apologize. Learning

00:12:12.200 --> 00:12:16.139
it more as the day goes on. Yes. So somehow we

00:12:16.139 --> 00:12:18.740
got on the subject of dick. I don't know. Okay.

00:12:18.919 --> 00:12:20.759
Maybe it was something I brought up. Maybe it

00:12:20.759 --> 00:12:22.519
was something they brought up. As one does. As

00:12:22.519 --> 00:12:26.200
one does. As one does. And I was talking about

00:12:26.200 --> 00:12:29.059
my situationship. Oh, I had a mushroom shirt

00:12:29.059 --> 00:12:33.419
on. And somehow they were talking about how cool

00:12:33.419 --> 00:12:35.820
my mushroom shirt is and stuff like that. And

00:12:35.820 --> 00:12:38.679
I said, it reminds me of a bunch of dicks. And

00:12:38.679 --> 00:12:41.419
they were laughing so hard. I mean, one of them's

00:12:41.419 --> 00:12:44.100
in their 90s. And she was laughing. And she's

00:12:44.100 --> 00:12:48.259
blind. But she was laughing her ass off. The

00:12:48.259 --> 00:12:50.639
driver was like, oh, we've needed young blood

00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:55.460
so bad. Young boy? Me, I'm the youngest there.

00:12:55.980 --> 00:12:59.519
Are you? I'm the youngest there. I'm a child

00:12:59.519 --> 00:13:03.600
of the 60s. I got tattoos. I'm tattooed all over

00:13:03.600 --> 00:13:06.000
from head to toe. Tattoo does not a young person

00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:09.580
make. Look, young to them, none of these ladies

00:13:09.580 --> 00:13:13.039
have anything like this going on. Age -wise,

00:13:13.379 --> 00:13:16.059
actual how long they've been on this earth, they're

00:13:16.059 --> 00:13:19.120
all older than you. 20 years at least. All of

00:13:19.120 --> 00:13:21.779
them. Well, no wonder you're finding somebody

00:13:21.779 --> 00:13:24.879
who's comfortable like that. Once you get to,

00:13:25.500 --> 00:13:29.220
what would that be, in their 70s? Yeah. Yeah.

00:13:30.259 --> 00:13:33.179
I feel like I want to slide into that comfort

00:13:33.179 --> 00:13:35.769
of just being able to ... to say what i want

00:13:35.769 --> 00:13:38.149
when i you know what i want how i want to whoever

00:13:38.149 --> 00:13:41.470
i want but you should be able to now it's just

00:13:41.470 --> 00:13:43.970
that you're feeling the energy from everybody

00:13:43.970 --> 00:13:46.350
and we're all trying to get comfortable in our

00:13:46.350 --> 00:13:49.450
own skin i'm still shaking off my people pleasing

00:13:49.450 --> 00:13:52.549
habits that i've learned over the years we can't

00:13:52.549 --> 00:13:54.470
please everybody but i'll tell you what there's

00:13:54.470 --> 00:13:56.330
a fucking group out there that's gonna want to

00:13:56.330 --> 00:14:00.009
talk about dicks no that's good and damn it we

00:14:00.009 --> 00:14:01.830
should be able to talk about dick whenever we

00:14:01.830 --> 00:14:05.980
want that's right how pretty they are. I look

00:14:05.980 --> 00:14:09.720
at everyone and I'm like, thank you. Thank you

00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:13.759
for being here. Tell me on the scale of one to

00:14:13.759 --> 00:14:17.759
zero or one to 10, excuse me, one to zero. On

00:14:17.759 --> 00:14:19.460
the scale of one to 10, tell me how good this

00:14:19.460 --> 00:14:22.539
segue is. Speaking of dicks, I don't like mine.

00:14:23.500 --> 00:14:26.419
What improvements would you make on it? I'm kidding.

00:14:27.100 --> 00:14:30.419
Well, younger me would have done different things

00:14:30.419 --> 00:14:34.320
than what me. now would do. And this is actually,

00:14:34.580 --> 00:14:36.600
I'm sure you remember hearken back to the conversation

00:14:36.600 --> 00:14:39.460
we were having yesterday. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We

00:14:39.460 --> 00:14:42.700
were talking about our body just in general.

00:14:42.779 --> 00:14:46.460
And I thought it would be really cool to actually

00:14:46.460 --> 00:14:49.059
sit down, have a list with us and talk about

00:14:49.059 --> 00:14:53.820
what we would have changed in our bodies. Because

00:14:53.820 --> 00:14:57.200
I feel like you may be in a better situation,

00:14:57.200 --> 00:14:59.879
more comfortable with your body now than maybe

00:14:59.879 --> 00:15:04.059
I am. Yeah, I talk better to my body. Yeah. And

00:15:04.059 --> 00:15:06.539
it's something that I'm learning. And so I got

00:15:06.539 --> 00:15:09.639
10. I was able to get 10 for past and present,

00:15:09.879 --> 00:15:12.679
maybe future, probably not. I never look ahead.

00:15:13.259 --> 00:15:16.259
So I was thinking we go back and forth, we share,

00:15:16.539 --> 00:15:18.820
we talk about them. You know, we don't just dead,

00:15:18.820 --> 00:15:21.360
dead read these lists, you know, create a conversation

00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:24.100
out of this. This is good podcasting. Damn it.

00:15:24.240 --> 00:15:27.220
I feel like This is what everybody thinks about.

00:15:27.259 --> 00:15:30.559
Come on. It's like we all want to get naked.

00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:34.100
All right. We all want to be accepted. Some people

00:15:34.100 --> 00:15:35.980
don't. I don't know if you know the term. I like

00:15:35.980 --> 00:15:38.480
getting naked. So do I. Never nude? I'll be honest

00:15:38.480 --> 00:15:41.379
with you. Yeah. Never nude? Yeah. I know that

00:15:41.379 --> 00:15:44.200
term. I started to get to be a never nude. I

00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:45.919
started that shit. Don't do that. And then I

00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:50.720
got angry about it. But there have been various

00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:54.970
things that... people throw around that have

00:15:54.970 --> 00:15:58.350
been made like tropes in movies. People are talking

00:15:58.350 --> 00:16:00.970
about, oh man, I'm going bald. This means I'm

00:16:00.970 --> 00:16:03.870
not that much of a man or I'm too fat. I'm too

00:16:03.870 --> 00:16:07.049
skinny. My labia looks weird. My dick hangs to

00:16:07.049 --> 00:16:09.750
a certain side. Is that healthy? Do I have cancer?

00:16:09.929 --> 00:16:11.909
You know, these are questions that Google probably

00:16:11.909 --> 00:16:17.049
kits. Our minds are so, we're so crazy. So I've

00:16:17.049 --> 00:16:20.340
got What I even kind of arranged it to what I

00:16:20.340 --> 00:16:23.279
feel is kind of more of a benign thing that I've

00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:26.799
just made peace with to things that maybe a little

00:16:26.799 --> 00:16:30.179
bit more risque things and more around the Genitalia

00:16:30.179 --> 00:16:32.399
area and I will tell you this. I think my labia

00:16:32.399 --> 00:16:34.820
looks exquisite. I'm very happy with my life.

00:16:34.820 --> 00:16:39.559
Are you? That's because look bald like labias

00:16:39.559 --> 00:16:44.799
turn to balls. Yeah, see I had that thought actually

00:16:44.799 --> 00:16:46.940
a lot when I was younger when I was kind of like

00:16:46.940 --> 00:16:48.879
wondering like you know, trying to figure me

00:16:48.879 --> 00:16:50.980
out, you know, and trying to figure out what

00:16:50.980 --> 00:16:54.259
is like, is there a one to one between what I

00:16:54.259 --> 00:16:56.600
have and what I would have had as a female? Like,

00:16:56.600 --> 00:17:00.240
I've had these thoughts and it all kind of led

00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:03.340
into my self image. So because the fact that

00:17:03.340 --> 00:17:05.980
I talk so much, Edith, why don't you give us

00:17:05.980 --> 00:17:08.539
your first thing on your list? I'm going to start

00:17:08.539 --> 00:17:12.140
with with when I was young, like I want to stay.

00:17:13.079 --> 00:17:17.349
I want to say 16 years old. and it all was based

00:17:17.349 --> 00:17:20.650
on fear. Everything I knew about my body, we

00:17:20.650 --> 00:17:23.130
didn't even have the internet yet when I was

00:17:23.130 --> 00:17:27.349
that age. The information I got was from men.

00:17:27.829 --> 00:17:31.250
However their reaction was to me, then that's

00:17:31.250 --> 00:17:35.230
how I based my judgments on myself. That's how

00:17:35.230 --> 00:17:38.089
I looked at myself. That's my very first one.

00:17:38.349 --> 00:17:42.519
I want to say I was 16 years old. maybe and I

00:17:42.519 --> 00:17:47.160
had my first sexual encounter and the individual

00:17:47.160 --> 00:17:50.319
responded to me with love but I didn't know what

00:17:50.319 --> 00:17:53.480
love was okay. Okay so this is you like looking

00:17:53.480 --> 00:17:56.920
in the like your 2020 looking back and realizing

00:17:56.920 --> 00:18:02.079
that yeah I was in lust completely okay so in

00:18:02.079 --> 00:18:05.400
order for me to keep my face I never saw him

00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:08.329
again after that. Like I never saw him again.

00:18:08.450 --> 00:18:11.069
I didn't want to be with him. I made sure he

00:18:11.069 --> 00:18:13.410
just probably broke this broke this little guy's

00:18:13.410 --> 00:18:16.049
heart. He was cute too. He was a soccer player

00:18:16.049 --> 00:18:20.490
and he really opened up to me and told me who

00:18:20.490 --> 00:18:23.789
he was. He was very young. He went fishing with

00:18:23.789 --> 00:18:28.130
his grandfather and he got a hook caught in his

00:18:28.130 --> 00:18:32.750
eye and it shattered it like broke apart his

00:18:32.750 --> 00:18:37.349
retina so it was it was not whole and in one

00:18:37.349 --> 00:18:40.750
piece and i mean when this human was so loving

00:18:40.750 --> 00:18:44.670
but i was a scrambled mess i was like you know

00:18:44.670 --> 00:18:47.549
my dad had already gotten to me and called me

00:18:47.549 --> 00:18:49.970
a sinner and like all of this stuff was going

00:18:49.970 --> 00:18:53.390
through my head so what i was doing was wrong

00:18:53.390 --> 00:18:56.470
you know i had it in my head that it was wrong

00:18:56.470 --> 00:19:02.079
so it really I think was the precipice for how

00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:05.460
I relate to men now. Does that make any sense?

00:19:05.660 --> 00:19:08.779
Yeah, it does. Now, I have to ask, just because

00:19:08.779 --> 00:19:12.519
what the list was, what is due to a perception

00:19:12.519 --> 00:19:15.559
of a part of your body? Or was this a perception

00:19:15.559 --> 00:19:19.759
of sex? It was my face, my face, my body. I hated

00:19:19.759 --> 00:19:24.940
all of it. I was just not aware of who I was.

00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:27.460
I didn't like any of it. I didn't like my face.

00:19:27.579 --> 00:19:34.259
I didn't like my body. That's really not a good

00:19:34.259 --> 00:19:38.079
place to start your whole life from is not liking

00:19:38.079 --> 00:19:41.559
your body. That's true. That's true. What a broad

00:19:41.559 --> 00:19:44.759
stroke. I will tell you that I went a little

00:19:44.759 --> 00:19:47.559
more targeted online, but that's fine. When I

00:19:47.559 --> 00:19:50.759
was, oh God, I'd say fifth or sixth grade, my

00:19:50.759 --> 00:19:55.119
dad kind of became aware of how I was developing.

00:19:56.440 --> 00:19:59.099
For one, it wasn't a very physical shot. I wasn't

00:19:59.099 --> 00:20:00.940
involved in sports or anything like that. So,

00:20:00.940 --> 00:20:02.680
anything that he was noticing, it was just like,

00:20:02.740 --> 00:20:04.259
while we're out in the open and everything like

00:20:04.259 --> 00:20:05.880
that. And he noticed that I was becoming kind

00:20:05.880 --> 00:20:10.150
of pigeon -toed as I walked. And so he spent

00:20:10.150 --> 00:20:12.309
the greater part about two months of us like

00:20:12.309 --> 00:20:14.069
going out to the park and running around trying

00:20:14.069 --> 00:20:16.890
to just get me to be more active. And while we

00:20:16.890 --> 00:20:18.410
were going, he was like, hey, how about you try

00:20:18.410 --> 00:20:20.049
putting your foot out this way? How about you

00:20:20.049 --> 00:20:21.990
try putting your foot out this way? And I don't

00:20:21.990 --> 00:20:23.990
know enough about orthopedics to say whether

00:20:23.990 --> 00:20:25.970
or not this was actually the cause, but I feel

00:20:25.970 --> 00:20:28.849
like it's very interesting that I spent, you

00:20:28.849 --> 00:20:30.349
know, all the way up till fifth grade being kind

00:20:30.349 --> 00:20:32.990
of pigeon toed. And now that when I walk, my

00:20:32.990 --> 00:20:35.369
left foot is straight, but my right foot always

00:20:35.369 --> 00:20:38.359
swings out. It's not, it's actual physiological

00:20:38.359 --> 00:20:40.119
thing. It's like, not like a mental thing because

00:20:40.119 --> 00:20:42.440
I'm sitting there and I'm watching the natural

00:20:42.440 --> 00:20:45.359
swing of my tendons makes this foot swing out.

00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:47.759
So it kind of adds to a little bit of a swagger

00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:51.049
now as a holder. I love this swaggery. It doesn't

00:20:51.049 --> 00:20:52.849
really affect running or anything like that.

00:20:52.869 --> 00:20:55.109
It does affect bike riding. I can't ride bikes

00:20:55.109 --> 00:20:57.490
because the way that the ankle moves out, it

00:20:57.490 --> 00:20:59.349
forces my knee to move out a different way and

00:20:59.349 --> 00:21:01.349
it feels like my knee is going to shatter. Can't

00:21:01.349 --> 00:21:03.329
do bikes anymore. But at the time when I was

00:21:03.329 --> 00:21:06.470
in the military, you have to wear really hard

00:21:06.470 --> 00:21:09.269
sole boots. and shoes. When you march in those,

00:21:09.410 --> 00:21:12.349
it makes a very telltale slapping sound when

00:21:12.349 --> 00:21:14.369
I walk. The people around me was like, LeBlanc,

00:21:14.450 --> 00:21:16.049
could you please stop walking like that? I was

00:21:16.049 --> 00:21:19.470
like, would I if I could? They brought attention

00:21:19.470 --> 00:21:23.569
to it. They did. For about six or seven months,

00:21:23.869 --> 00:21:25.250
it was about the only time I ever really felt

00:21:25.250 --> 00:21:27.529
conscious of it, except for the times where I

00:21:27.529 --> 00:21:28.970
began to realize where I couldn't ride a bike

00:21:28.970 --> 00:21:32.490
as an older adult. Now, it's just a part of me.

00:21:32.569 --> 00:21:35.150
It's a fun little part of me. that luckily I

00:21:35.150 --> 00:21:38.930
haven't faced or have harbored much shame about.

00:21:39.529 --> 00:21:42.529
So that's my foot. Now it's your turn. Okay.

00:21:42.529 --> 00:21:45.569
So we're talking specific body parts. If you

00:21:45.569 --> 00:21:47.410
want to, if you have your list, go by your list,

00:21:47.630 --> 00:21:49.190
however you want. We don't have to do one for

00:21:49.190 --> 00:21:53.009
one. You know what? I had all kinds of... So

00:21:53.009 --> 00:21:58.150
when my mom just focused on me a lot as a kid,

00:21:58.450 --> 00:22:01.349
like I was a fat little kid. I didn't think it...

00:22:01.349 --> 00:22:05.019
Yeah, I was a fat kid. I loved it. And flat chested.

00:22:05.259 --> 00:22:07.880
I was so flat chested. I didn't notice any of

00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:14.740
it. Like I was good with it until I went to Barbizon

00:22:14.740 --> 00:22:18.539
modeling school. My parents or my grandmother

00:22:18.539 --> 00:22:20.980
sent me there. I'm going to send them to modeling

00:22:20.980 --> 00:22:24.200
school. Did we learn an instrument? No. Did we

00:22:24.200 --> 00:22:27.920
learn about science? No. None of that. They really

00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:30.279
- What did you learn? What does one learn at

00:22:30.279 --> 00:22:33.519
modeling school? Makeup, how to be selfish, how

00:22:33.519 --> 00:22:37.480
to compete, how to think you're not enough, how

00:22:37.480 --> 00:22:40.279
to see your mom and your grandmother argue over

00:22:40.279 --> 00:22:42.539
the children, and then we took modeling pictures.

00:22:42.539 --> 00:22:45.200
I'm sure you paid extra for that class. Oh my

00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:49.119
fucking God. You watch these reality shows on

00:22:49.119 --> 00:22:50.940
TV where they're all competing and they've got

00:22:50.940 --> 00:22:53.700
all this plastic surgery and not a one of them.

00:22:54.170 --> 00:22:57.130
an instrument or, you know, let's say better

00:22:57.130 --> 00:23:01.289
ourselves or. It depends on what show or what

00:23:01.289 --> 00:23:04.829
competition you're watching. I watch cooking

00:23:04.829 --> 00:23:08.450
shows. I watch. I watch. I do watch like sometimes

00:23:08.450 --> 00:23:10.910
I'll watch the voice and sometimes I'll watch

00:23:10.910 --> 00:23:13.960
the dancing. like the dancing shows and things.

00:23:14.460 --> 00:23:17.420
But I also watch Traders. Do you watch the show

00:23:17.420 --> 00:23:20.319
Traders? I know of Traders. Traders is very well

00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:22.920
talked about in the podcasts that I listen to.

00:23:23.559 --> 00:23:26.119
I love them. I love them. But they're all like,

00:23:26.440 --> 00:23:28.480
they're all... Well, from what I understand,

00:23:29.759 --> 00:23:33.410
they're all reality TV alone. like they are from

00:23:33.410 --> 00:23:36.130
other well -known shows and then get brought

00:23:36.130 --> 00:23:39.289
into this whole thing. It's a lie. Yeah. And

00:23:39.289 --> 00:23:41.710
then some of them just like the traitors turn

00:23:41.710 --> 00:23:45.450
on them, each other. But they're very vain and

00:23:45.450 --> 00:23:48.069
their boobs are like... I wouldn't have pegged

00:23:48.069 --> 00:23:52.630
you for trash reality TV. Yeah. Good for you.

00:23:52.750 --> 00:23:55.809
Well, I like Gordon Ramsay. I watch Hell's Kitchen.

00:23:55.869 --> 00:24:00.430
I'm a cook. I'm a really, really good cook. Have

00:24:00.430 --> 00:24:02.490
you ever watched Love Island? Do I what? You

00:24:02.490 --> 00:24:04.829
ever watch Love Island? I can't. Okay, good.

00:24:04.910 --> 00:24:06.589
All right. So there is a line. There's a limit.

00:24:07.849 --> 00:24:10.990
I have. I can't. I have standards. You know what

00:24:10.990 --> 00:24:13.930
I'm saying? I just can't. I mean that kind of

00:24:13.930 --> 00:24:16.309
selfishness. It's like, look, you're not going

00:24:16.309 --> 00:24:19.089
to find love like that. Like you're all screwing

00:24:19.089 --> 00:24:22.430
around. You're all there to fuck one another

00:24:22.430 --> 00:24:26.170
and just. I mean, yeah. You're basing your whole

00:24:26.170 --> 00:24:29.119
relationship on strangeness. And for the hopes

00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:31.339
that this is later going to launch you into something

00:24:31.339 --> 00:24:32.940
else. Like that's what the whole show seems to

00:24:32.940 --> 00:24:36.640
be about. Exactly. I'm so like they take people's

00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:40.259
egos in they're very young and then they just

00:24:40.259 --> 00:24:43.319
exploit them. That's what it is. That's true.

00:24:43.740 --> 00:24:46.240
You've got a hot body, but you're a complete

00:24:46.240 --> 00:24:49.019
like hot mess upstairs because you're hoping

00:24:49.019 --> 00:24:51.599
this person's going to complete. You're definitely

00:24:51.599 --> 00:24:53.579
the hot mess that the producers also want to

00:24:53.579 --> 00:24:56.220
show too. Like I doubt. It's very seriously like

00:24:56.220 --> 00:24:58.839
they are 100 % all the hot mess that they are

00:24:58.839 --> 00:25:01.700
on screen. I mean off screen as they are on screen.

00:25:01.799 --> 00:25:03.759
The producers are definitely going, hey, talk

00:25:03.759 --> 00:25:06.259
about this. This will seem unhinged when we cut

00:25:06.259 --> 00:25:08.759
this out of context three episodes down the line.

00:25:08.859 --> 00:25:11.940
It's all puppet work. So this is the thing, at

00:25:11.940 --> 00:25:15.119
this age, I don't want to be addicted to people.

00:25:15.359 --> 00:25:18.680
I don't want to think about these people. I don't

00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:20.640
want to be like, oh my God, I got to go watch

00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:23.460
in Love Island, blah, blah, blah. No. What am

00:25:23.460 --> 00:25:26.339
I doing? I'm here at this computer with you.

00:25:26.539 --> 00:25:29.660
That's what I'm doing. But also, on the flip

00:25:29.660 --> 00:25:31.200
side, you admit that you've watched Traders.

00:25:31.579 --> 00:25:35.660
So I feel like there are layers. Look, I already

00:25:35.660 --> 00:25:38.309
told you. I already told you about my friend.

00:25:38.750 --> 00:25:41.009
Yes. By the way, for those of you listening,

00:25:41.609 --> 00:25:43.630
instead of watching, she's held up her little

00:25:43.630 --> 00:25:46.549
figure of the Joker three times now, and I think

00:25:46.549 --> 00:25:48.410
she's feeling some sort of way about watching

00:25:48.410 --> 00:25:51.849
the world burn. So the next thing on my list

00:25:51.849 --> 00:25:54.970
and... I haven't cut my hair in a while, so I

00:25:54.970 --> 00:25:56.829
feel like this is the perfect thing, and it's

00:25:56.829 --> 00:26:00.970
my hair. In fact, it's thin, it's wispy. When

00:26:00.970 --> 00:26:04.430
there's water on it, it's curly. It grows really

00:26:04.430 --> 00:26:06.750
thick out of the back, but not out on the top.

00:26:07.329 --> 00:26:09.809
I love the fact that I have hair. I hate the

00:26:09.809 --> 00:26:12.589
fact it's the way that it is now, because for

00:26:12.589 --> 00:26:15.329
the longest time, I used to just shave my head

00:26:15.329 --> 00:26:17.890
as soon as I hit boot camp. I realized, oh, I

00:26:17.890 --> 00:26:19.190
could just cut this off and not have to deal

00:26:19.190 --> 00:26:20.509
with it, because no one taught me how to deal

00:26:20.509 --> 00:26:22.569
with my hair. My hair was like a mix of my mom's

00:26:22.569 --> 00:26:27.329
curly hair and my dad's kinky, wiry hair. It

00:26:27.329 --> 00:26:29.410
was hard to manage, and so I just cut it all

00:26:29.410 --> 00:26:32.529
off. After letting it grow out, because Marlee

00:26:32.529 --> 00:26:34.809
suggested, hey, let's just see what happens when

00:26:34.809 --> 00:26:36.710
it grows out. Maybe we can do something with

00:26:36.710 --> 00:26:38.950
it. For a while there, it was cool. It was a

00:26:38.950 --> 00:26:42.150
bounty of nice curly hair. Then somewhere, I

00:26:42.150 --> 00:26:45.039
think it was like 39. 40 of my hair was just

00:26:45.039 --> 00:26:46.720
like, all right. But it was fun while it lasted

00:26:46.720 --> 00:26:48.299
and now it's just falling out every time I touch

00:26:48.299 --> 00:26:51.440
it. But I haven't ever wanted to go back to just

00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:52.980
shaving it off even if it's like that. I know

00:26:52.980 --> 00:26:54.660
eventually I'm going to like not have anything

00:26:54.660 --> 00:26:56.559
up there and it's just going to be rung around

00:26:56.559 --> 00:26:59.140
my head. Kind of like how my dad was, but I'm

00:26:59.140 --> 00:27:00.759
going to enjoy the ride. I'm going to enjoy the

00:27:00.759 --> 00:27:03.849
ride. It's just hair at the end of the day. Exactly.

00:27:04.029 --> 00:27:06.049
And it's a heck of a lot better. I do need to

00:27:06.049 --> 00:27:08.349
get a haircut in general, just because it is

00:27:08.349 --> 00:27:09.730
wild right now. You should see it when I first

00:27:09.730 --> 00:27:11.609
get up just everywhere. I've been wearing a hat

00:27:11.609 --> 00:27:14.750
most of the day just because it's easier to work

00:27:14.750 --> 00:27:19.769
in. So explain how that makes you feel like in

00:27:19.769 --> 00:27:23.230
your relationship. Does it impede your relationship

00:27:23.230 --> 00:27:26.109
at all? Do you care? I mean, does it make you

00:27:26.109 --> 00:27:30.049
feel any sort of kind of way? No, I'm thankful

00:27:30.049 --> 00:27:32.950
for being with somebody who is like, hey, you

00:27:32.950 --> 00:27:36.170
should give this a shot. Don't shave it off.

00:27:36.630 --> 00:27:38.589
You don't have to shave it off. We can definitely

00:27:38.589 --> 00:27:41.589
do something with it, even if at the time when

00:27:41.589 --> 00:27:43.430
she was saying that there was more to work with.

00:27:45.150 --> 00:27:47.630
Even when I get just a simple haircut or something

00:27:47.630 --> 00:27:49.289
like that, she's like, how do you feel about

00:27:49.289 --> 00:27:52.309
that? Was it too short for you? It's a conversation

00:27:52.309 --> 00:27:56.190
that I haven't really ever had to have because

00:27:56.190 --> 00:27:58.670
I didn't have hair. Just like I said, I shaved

00:27:58.670 --> 00:28:02.190
it all down. At the time when I was shaving it

00:28:02.190 --> 00:28:06.369
all down, I was also a bigger person. I was always

00:28:06.369 --> 00:28:09.049
getting close to 300 pounds at my biggest. Somebody

00:28:09.049 --> 00:28:11.869
drew a picture of me shortly after I had shaved

00:28:11.869 --> 00:28:13.710
my head for the first time and I didn't have

00:28:13.710 --> 00:28:15.369
any facial hair or anything like that because

00:28:15.369 --> 00:28:17.369
I worked at McDonald's. They didn't allow facial

00:28:17.369 --> 00:28:20.670
hair. She meant very well. She saw the best in

00:28:20.670 --> 00:28:23.130
me and she drew what she saw. The only thing

00:28:23.130 --> 00:28:26.109
I could see was I'm too round. I don't have any

00:28:26.109 --> 00:28:29.410
hair. Did not like that drawing. I'm sure, yeah.

00:28:29.549 --> 00:28:31.460
I never told her that. I never told her that

00:28:31.460 --> 00:28:33.359
and I'm still very thankful for the fact that

00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:34.759
she even took the time to do that because it

00:28:34.759 --> 00:28:37.000
was a very good drawing. It was very true a drawing.

00:28:37.319 --> 00:28:41.000
She saw the brightness in me. I chose to see

00:28:41.000 --> 00:28:43.319
the curves. And so as I've gotten older, I've

00:28:43.319 --> 00:28:44.940
changed. I have a little bit of hair. I have

00:28:44.940 --> 00:28:46.859
more hair back here. I have facial hair. I love

00:28:46.859 --> 00:28:49.180
the facial hair. So it makes me feel more comfortable

00:28:49.180 --> 00:28:51.539
and I think in turn it allowed me to be more

00:28:51.539 --> 00:28:53.740
comfortable around the people around me. I don't

00:28:53.740 --> 00:28:56.079
know if it's necessarily because of the fact

00:28:56.079 --> 00:28:58.480
I have hair that I feel better about my profile

00:28:58.480 --> 00:29:00.279
or anything like that. I think it's just a sign.

00:29:00.440 --> 00:29:03.359
of me not hiding from the things that I have.

00:29:03.859 --> 00:29:06.609
It's you're being real with yourself. You're

00:29:06.609 --> 00:29:10.109
accepting yourself for who you are and that is

00:29:10.109 --> 00:29:12.849
something I've never been good at until up to

00:29:12.849 --> 00:29:16.089
now. I had to take off from every relationship

00:29:16.089 --> 00:29:19.710
I ever had, every friendship I ever had and I

00:29:19.710 --> 00:29:23.250
had to figure out why I kept running from myself

00:29:23.250 --> 00:29:27.250
and I think for women is that there's these judgments

00:29:27.250 --> 00:29:30.730
less from parents now I think but when I was

00:29:30.730 --> 00:29:34.190
growing up my mom absolutely needed me to be

00:29:34.190 --> 00:29:37.349
everything. Right? And then so she got in the

00:29:37.349 --> 00:29:39.849
way of my authentic self, which that would be

00:29:39.849 --> 00:29:43.269
me creating and creating myself and being out

00:29:43.269 --> 00:29:45.730
in nature, which I absolutely love, loving my

00:29:45.730 --> 00:29:48.970
pets, loving school. I was really always good

00:29:48.970 --> 00:29:51.650
at school, but she couldn't help me with my homework

00:29:51.650 --> 00:29:54.529
and then gaslit me, you know, what are you stupid?

00:29:54.869 --> 00:29:57.289
You can't do this yourself, you know, instead

00:29:57.289 --> 00:30:00.150
of saying, you know what, honey, I don't know

00:30:00.150 --> 00:30:03.599
what this is and I can't help you. Some people

00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:05.640
find it hard to have the real conversations and

00:30:05.640 --> 00:30:09.240
choose instead to project their feelings outward

00:30:09.240 --> 00:30:11.440
knowing that, well, if I'm feeling it this strong,

00:30:11.680 --> 00:30:14.200
obviously they're going to feel it too. It's

00:30:14.200 --> 00:30:17.119
really easy to get trapped in that kind of situation.

00:30:17.500 --> 00:30:19.599
I mean, like you've mentioned in the past, you

00:30:19.599 --> 00:30:20.920
were, you were technically trapped in that. I

00:30:20.920 --> 00:30:23.869
mean, due to the fact that... That was your family

00:30:23.869 --> 00:30:26.910
and that there's a white one. I picked apparently

00:30:26.910 --> 00:30:30.549
I yeah, obviously I landed, you know Don't know

00:30:30.549 --> 00:30:34.130
why but that you know and but now I'm I'm I'm

00:30:34.130 --> 00:30:37.859
like my hair. I mean I had this hairdresser that

00:30:37.859 --> 00:30:40.539
bleached the ever -loving bejesus out of it.

00:30:40.680 --> 00:30:43.940
So it's growing out now, but now I'm on hormones

00:30:43.940 --> 00:30:48.000
and it's not growing quite as thick as it was

00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:50.700
growing three years ago. It was really thick

00:30:50.700 --> 00:30:53.380
three years ago, but I feel better than I've

00:30:53.380 --> 00:30:56.480
ever felt. I suggest everybody go on hormones.

00:30:56.839 --> 00:30:59.359
I pick a side. Like, what do you want to be?

00:30:59.539 --> 00:31:01.519
You want to be a man? Okay, great. You want to

00:31:01.519 --> 00:31:03.900
be a woman? Okay, there you go. They got hormones

00:31:03.900 --> 00:31:06.819
for that. make sure you get a doctor who tells

00:31:06.819 --> 00:31:08.559
you what is probably going to work well with

00:31:08.559 --> 00:31:12.839
your body. Don't just exactly don't know. You

00:31:12.839 --> 00:31:15.980
might cause a problem. There's a that's I waited

00:31:15.980 --> 00:31:22.099
this long. I found a doctor that's amazing. Good.

00:31:22.339 --> 00:31:25.420
And it's a hard ride. The first few the first

00:31:25.420 --> 00:31:28.960
year a year. Yeah, because you go through all

00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:31.779
your trauma all over again, your childhood trauma

00:31:31.779 --> 00:31:35.839
and stuff. Very strange how hormones just like,

00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:39.160
you know, just find me. You're going in this

00:31:39.160 --> 00:31:42.980
up and down spiral and I've been meditating and

00:31:42.980 --> 00:31:45.339
I've been doing all this stuff and I'm good now.

00:31:45.400 --> 00:31:47.640
We found each other and we're doing exactly what

00:31:47.640 --> 00:31:50.940
I want to be doing and that is podcasting. Well,

00:31:50.940 --> 00:31:52.940
that's good. Do you have another thing on your

00:31:52.940 --> 00:31:56.819
list? My butt. Your butt? My butt. that's a pretty

00:31:56.819 --> 00:31:59.619
common one i think i think a lot of people feel

00:31:59.619 --> 00:32:01.799
like they could do better well when i was young

00:32:01.799 --> 00:32:04.779
it was perfectly shaped it was perfectly shaped

00:32:04.779 --> 00:32:09.420
age yeah no it was people's beliefs you think

00:32:09.420 --> 00:32:12.200
people's beliefs shaped your ass well listen

00:32:12.200 --> 00:32:17.000
talk more about that being like a people pleaser

00:32:17.230 --> 00:32:20.970
I would absorb people's opinions about my body,

00:32:21.210 --> 00:32:23.250
especially my mother and my grandmother. And

00:32:23.250 --> 00:32:25.890
then it was my friends, they would talk about

00:32:25.890 --> 00:32:28.250
their bodies and how they hated this and they

00:32:28.250 --> 00:32:32.009
hated that. And so then I would start like, my

00:32:32.009 --> 00:32:34.549
God, I'm going to age and what's going to happen

00:32:34.549 --> 00:32:39.480
to my body. and then cellulite started happening

00:32:39.480 --> 00:32:43.720
on my ass. And little did I know, there are these

00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:45.960
tools, and I'll put it around here somewhere,

00:32:46.299 --> 00:32:49.119
but there are these tools I have, and they literally

00:32:49.119 --> 00:32:53.099
break up the cellulite. Well, yeah. Yeah, but

00:32:53.099 --> 00:32:55.759
like - I don't have it anymore. Well, what I'm

00:32:55.759 --> 00:32:58.859
saying here is, and I can't go down this road

00:32:58.859 --> 00:33:01.079
with you because I'll let you go down that road

00:33:01.079 --> 00:33:03.740
yourself, but I can't say that people's words

00:33:03.740 --> 00:33:05.440
about me are going to be the thing that shaped

00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:11.440
my body. No, it's that the hate the hate like

00:33:11.440 --> 00:33:14.400
it does something to use like yeah, I think about

00:33:14.400 --> 00:33:16.599
it when you hate your body I think it's like

00:33:16.599 --> 00:33:19.759
a psychosomatic type situation. Yeah, so if you're

00:33:19.759 --> 00:33:23.960
not saying I've heard things about your body

00:33:23.960 --> 00:33:26.819
if you're not saying good kind things about your

00:33:26.819 --> 00:33:29.660
body your body and your cells Now I got this

00:33:29.660 --> 00:33:35.019
from a doctor. Um My um Blahnik that she played

00:33:35.019 --> 00:33:39.589
on that show Yeah, she's a doctor. You but you

00:33:39.589 --> 00:33:41.970
butchered her name, but I can't remember it right

00:33:41.970 --> 00:33:45.230
now. But know that me and Bialik. Yeah, there

00:33:45.230 --> 00:33:48.890
we go. Miriam Bialik. So that's your she played

00:33:48.890 --> 00:33:51.569
blossom and she played on more recently, people

00:33:51.569 --> 00:33:54.509
would probably remember her from Big Bang Theory.

00:33:54.710 --> 00:33:57.210
And she also has her own podcast, which I listened

00:33:57.210 --> 00:34:00.730
to. Yeah. And and look, even Bruce Lee has said

00:34:00.730 --> 00:34:04.049
this, your words are spelling your words towards

00:34:04.049 --> 00:34:07.680
another person. can create a reality around that

00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:11.219
person. So you have to be careful. So I'm very

00:34:11.219 --> 00:34:14.480
careful about how I talk about myself. I'm now

00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:17.340
very careful about how I talk. I don't talk about

00:34:17.340 --> 00:34:23.860
other people because I don't want that. For me,

00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:26.760
I think it boils down into Not necessarily just

00:34:26.760 --> 00:34:29.719
words or thoughts, but it's also the actions

00:34:29.719 --> 00:34:33.579
that are made from those words either from the

00:34:33.579 --> 00:34:35.340
person who is giving the words of the person

00:34:35.340 --> 00:34:38.159
who is receiving them the actions that are made

00:34:38.159 --> 00:34:43.039
after the feelings are That's what I'm talking

00:34:43.039 --> 00:34:46.119
about. That's the spelling. That's the spelling.

00:34:46.280 --> 00:34:50.710
That's the though you create a reaction within

00:34:50.710 --> 00:34:53.429
the other person. Like, you know, if you call

00:34:53.429 --> 00:34:56.210
somebody a fucking bitch, right? Like if you're

00:34:56.210 --> 00:34:59.909
a man and you call a woman a fucking bitch. Yeah.

00:35:00.130 --> 00:35:03.690
Well, not suicidal, but I will tell you this.

00:35:04.690 --> 00:35:06.510
Well, okay. I've been able to get away with it

00:35:06.510 --> 00:35:11.510
twice. In your lifetime? Yeah. And for the person

00:35:11.510 --> 00:35:14.590
to go, yeah, you're right. I feel like I choose

00:35:14.590 --> 00:35:16.789
my times, my battles, but also you're right.

00:35:17.449 --> 00:35:19.969
Just being nasty in general will eventually,

00:35:20.150 --> 00:35:22.329
or maybe even less than eventually could actually

00:35:22.329 --> 00:35:25.530
- It'll change your face. It'll change your body.

00:35:25.869 --> 00:35:29.429
It changes everything. Yeah. So I'm going to

00:35:29.429 --> 00:35:31.530
put out one more and then maybe we'll have to

00:35:31.530 --> 00:35:33.449
do the rest of this list later because I want

00:35:33.449 --> 00:35:35.590
to get to the couple of things that I've pulled

00:35:35.590 --> 00:35:37.809
up from the net to read about. Oh, sure, sure.

00:35:39.559 --> 00:35:42.500
And I'm going to skip down a little bit and say

00:35:42.500 --> 00:35:46.420
that when I was younger, I was very concerned,

00:35:46.480 --> 00:35:48.440
especially when I started to find out what porn

00:35:48.440 --> 00:35:51.719
was and kind of came into the whole idea that

00:35:51.719 --> 00:35:54.530
there are. people out there who put themselves

00:35:54.530 --> 00:35:59.809
out there to have sex on either on film or on

00:35:59.809 --> 00:36:02.610
the internet later or have stories written about

00:36:02.610 --> 00:36:05.090
them. And they were always described as the most

00:36:05.090 --> 00:36:07.789
perfect human beings. You know, everything is

00:36:07.789 --> 00:36:09.989
straight. Everything is tucked away just right.

00:36:10.289 --> 00:36:13.130
Everybody can go for like 45 minutes. And I'm

00:36:13.130 --> 00:36:16.909
like, right. I and I grew up just going, I will

00:36:16.909 --> 00:36:20.289
never be that guy. I lean slightly to the left.

00:36:20.610 --> 00:36:24.980
45 minutes is It is not just a pipe dream. It

00:36:24.980 --> 00:36:29.599
is not going to be a reality of continuous action.

00:36:29.699 --> 00:36:32.280
There will never be a straight 45 -minute marathon.

00:36:32.519 --> 00:36:36.019
Also, who wants straight 45 minutes of just friction?

00:36:37.019 --> 00:36:40.039
You've got to do something else. Positions can

00:36:40.039 --> 00:36:43.230
only get you so far. That's why I... thoroughly

00:36:43.230 --> 00:36:46.150
enjoy toys in the bed, in the bedroom. But I

00:36:46.150 --> 00:36:49.190
stopped, I think, comparing myself to what was

00:36:49.190 --> 00:36:51.289
readily available, what porn was readily available.

00:36:51.409 --> 00:36:54.409
Maybe by the time I was mid -20s, but, you know,

00:36:54.429 --> 00:36:58.809
that's a good 10, 12 years of just judging myself

00:36:58.809 --> 00:37:01.829
and going, thank God I'm with the people I'm

00:37:01.829 --> 00:37:03.989
with because this would never please anybody

00:37:03.989 --> 00:37:06.829
else. Boy, was I wrong. And I'm glad. I'm glad

00:37:06.829 --> 00:37:09.190
I was wrong because that's very small thinking.

00:37:09.340 --> 00:37:13.119
It is small thinking. This phrase is often used,

00:37:13.159 --> 00:37:15.860
especially in the queer community. Being comfortable

00:37:15.860 --> 00:37:18.820
with your genitalia, it gets better. It's better,

00:37:19.019 --> 00:37:22.719
guys. I can elaborate on that. Look, the older

00:37:22.719 --> 00:37:26.320
I've gotten, my genitalia has always been perfect.

00:37:26.679 --> 00:37:30.820
Perfect, perfect, perfect. Getting older, your

00:37:30.820 --> 00:37:34.570
labia... get a little longer, like not, not,

00:37:34.570 --> 00:37:40.050
not like spaghetti, you know, like that. It's,

00:37:40.050 --> 00:37:43.070
it's, but you can definitely see that there,

00:37:43.309 --> 00:37:45.869
the skin is more relaxed and things like that,

00:37:46.250 --> 00:37:50.090
but I don't give a shit. I've, I've been with

00:37:50.090 --> 00:37:53.949
emotionally and unintelligent sexual partners

00:37:53.949 --> 00:37:57.269
who have reached down there and been like, Oh

00:37:57.269 --> 00:38:02.920
my God, there's so much skin. And there's really

00:38:02.920 --> 00:38:08.340
not, if you know what I'm saying. For my age,

00:38:08.619 --> 00:38:11.059
if you're in reality, if you're like in present

00:38:11.059 --> 00:38:13.579
day and not being a complete child about your

00:38:13.579 --> 00:38:16.880
sexual encounter, then you know that you're with

00:38:16.880 --> 00:38:19.820
a woman and you need to shut the fuck up. It's

00:38:19.820 --> 00:38:22.840
that easy. If you want to enjoy yourself, you

00:38:22.840 --> 00:38:27.039
just be mindful. Or if you're going to say something,

00:38:27.159 --> 00:38:29.889
like maybe not in the moment. Maybe later, especially

00:38:29.889 --> 00:38:31.849
if you're comfortable with that person. Exactly.

00:38:32.469 --> 00:38:36.190
Let's talk about your labia. Great time last

00:38:36.190 --> 00:38:38.429
night. Got a question. If you're comfortable

00:38:38.429 --> 00:38:40.510
enough with that person, by all means, ask about

00:38:40.510 --> 00:38:43.570
their labia over coffee. All right. So, Edith?

00:38:44.489 --> 00:38:47.690
Yeah. Porn isn't real. That's all I want to say.

00:38:47.690 --> 00:38:51.429
Oh, there's also that. Yeah. Even amateur porn

00:38:51.429 --> 00:38:53.699
is probably not even real. Yeah, quite real.

00:38:53.860 --> 00:38:56.639
Although I have seen some representation of,

00:38:56.679 --> 00:38:59.079
you know, different sizes, different shapes of

00:38:59.079 --> 00:39:00.960
penises, different size, different shapes of

00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:04.320
vagina. I've seen some good amateur stuff, you

00:39:04.320 --> 00:39:07.179
know? But the stuff that Johnny Sins is starring

00:39:07.179 --> 00:39:10.579
in, that's probably not representative of - And

00:39:10.579 --> 00:39:12.300
from my time period, there was a guy called -

00:39:12.300 --> 00:39:15.420
Not your vagina, you know? No. Michael Ninh,

00:39:15.420 --> 00:39:18.579
Michael Ninh back in the 90s was a really, really

00:39:18.579 --> 00:39:21.579
good director. And he did - you know there was

00:39:21.579 --> 00:39:23.480
one video you've got to look it up it's called

00:39:23.480 --> 00:39:27.599
latex and everybody was perfect their junk was

00:39:27.599 --> 00:39:29.880
perfect their bodies you know there was a casting

00:39:29.880 --> 00:39:32.019
call yeah about that if people just like okay

00:39:32.019 --> 00:39:34.219
drop it let's see what you're working with i'm

00:39:34.219 --> 00:39:36.300
sorry you got one lip hanging out that ain't

00:39:36.300 --> 00:39:39.579
gonna work i'm sorry next I wouldn't have made

00:39:39.579 --> 00:39:43.039
the cut. So know that I did have a news story

00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:45.760
pulled up, but in light of the good casual conversation

00:39:45.760 --> 00:39:47.280
we have, I'm not really going to jump into it.

00:39:47.300 --> 00:39:48.940
Just know that there's a whole lot going on out

00:39:48.940 --> 00:39:50.980
there when it comes to trans rights. And there

00:39:50.980 --> 00:39:53.119
are actually some people in the Supreme Court

00:39:53.119 --> 00:39:55.199
who see through all the bullshit that's happening.

00:39:56.199 --> 00:39:59.519
Here recently, the transgender bill in the military

00:39:59.519 --> 00:40:02.440
was recently, or the change where even if you

00:40:02.440 --> 00:40:04.179
have thoughts of gender dysphoria, you're not

00:40:04.179 --> 00:40:06.119
allowed in. That was knocked down by saying,

00:40:06.139 --> 00:40:10.619
hey, you're full of hate and animus. Good. I

00:40:10.619 --> 00:40:13.300
hope that puts at least a slightly warm fuzzy

00:40:13.300 --> 00:40:15.760
in the people, but I've got a Reddit story for

00:40:15.760 --> 00:40:20.119
us. Let's do it. Love our Reddit stories. We

00:40:20.119 --> 00:40:24.199
really do. Thank God for Smosh out there for

00:40:24.199 --> 00:40:26.480
making you realize that reading Reddit stories

00:40:26.480 --> 00:40:28.500
doesn't have to be just about making fun of people.

00:40:28.619 --> 00:40:30.480
It actually is about digging into the story.

00:40:30.739 --> 00:40:33.579
So I love that for us. Yeah. How does it resonate,

00:40:33.699 --> 00:40:37.079
right? All right. So this comes from rbisexual

00:40:37.079 --> 00:40:40.500
that says, bi phobia in the LGBT community is

00:40:40.500 --> 00:40:42.940
the worst. And this is just a discussion and

00:40:42.940 --> 00:40:44.650
they're just basically putting it out there.

00:40:44.690 --> 00:40:46.369
They're not really looking to see if anybody's

00:40:46.369 --> 00:40:47.849
the asshole or anything, but they just wanted

00:40:47.849 --> 00:40:49.929
to put this out here. And I'm sure that some

00:40:49.929 --> 00:40:52.150
of our listeners out there will probably, if

00:40:52.150 --> 00:40:54.150
you're queer at all, have probably thought about

00:40:54.150 --> 00:40:57.250
this. Let me start by saying that I'm a 32 male,

00:40:57.550 --> 00:41:00.610
bi, heteromantic. I've been single for five years

00:41:00.610 --> 00:41:02.829
with little to no romantic sexual fulfillment

00:41:02.829 --> 00:41:05.130
in that time. Things have been very boring and

00:41:05.130 --> 00:41:07.110
I feel like my youth is slipping away from me.

00:41:07.329 --> 00:41:09.570
Meeting people in person feels impossible these

00:41:09.570 --> 00:41:11.829
days and dating apps feel considerably more bleak.

00:41:11.949 --> 00:41:13.809
I've matched with several women over the years

00:41:13.809 --> 00:41:15.550
that disappear the second they learn I'm bi,

00:41:15.889 --> 00:41:17.489
and the number of guys have done the same thing

00:41:17.489 --> 00:41:20.570
is honestly pretty shocking. Whenever I begrudgingly

00:41:20.570 --> 00:41:22.849
go back to dating apps, I'm lucky if even a small

00:41:22.849 --> 00:41:24.710
number of women swipe right on me in a month.

00:41:25.090 --> 00:41:26.949
When it comes to guys, I get dozens if not hundreds

00:41:26.949 --> 00:41:28.909
of likes. I'm fairly picky when it comes to men,

00:41:29.130 --> 00:41:30.909
but I've found a handful over the last few years

00:41:30.909 --> 00:41:32.409
that I would be interested in having some fun

00:41:32.409 --> 00:41:34.730
with. That said, the conversation doesn't go

00:41:34.730 --> 00:41:37.190
anywhere. Or I'm strong along for days and weeks

00:41:37.190 --> 00:41:39.360
before things just abruptly end. I matched with

00:41:39.360 --> 00:41:40.900
a guy the other day and it was very clear that

00:41:40.900 --> 00:41:42.820
I was not looking for anything serious and romantic.

00:41:43.039 --> 00:41:44.659
I'm comfortable with having some fun and surprised

00:41:44.659 --> 00:41:46.300
to hear that he's looking for something serious.

00:41:46.659 --> 00:41:48.719
He's far from opposed to having short -term fun

00:41:48.719 --> 00:41:51.159
in the meantime. We had a very zesty conversation.

00:41:51.420 --> 00:41:53.380
It ranged to have some fun this weekend, and

00:41:53.380 --> 00:41:54.920
things were going well with the conversation

00:41:54.920 --> 00:41:57.099
getting rather detailed. As far as I was aware,

00:41:57.239 --> 00:41:59.500
we were both very much on board. I got the usual

00:41:59.500 --> 00:42:01.500
spiel, we'll talk more tomorrow, blah blah blah,

00:42:01.619 --> 00:42:04.340
looking forward to this weekend, etc. I messaged

00:42:04.340 --> 00:42:06.139
him yesterday in the early, early on in the day

00:42:06.139 --> 00:42:08.460
with no response. I messaged him later in the

00:42:08.460 --> 00:42:10.340
evening again with no response. I messaged him

00:42:10.340 --> 00:42:12.619
about an hour ago just to say, hey, what's up?

00:42:12.860 --> 00:42:14.920
I hope everything's okay. I haven't heard from

00:42:14.920 --> 00:42:16.900
you. Are we still on for this weekend? And so

00:42:16.900 --> 00:42:19.219
far it's been radio silence. Seems like a textbook

00:42:19.219 --> 00:42:21.559
case of quietly quitting that happens all too

00:42:21.559 --> 00:42:23.360
frequently on dating apps. I don't want to get

00:42:23.360 --> 00:42:25.079
my hopes up because the last time I put myself

00:42:25.079 --> 00:42:26.900
out there and tried to arrange for a playdate

00:42:26.900 --> 00:42:28.760
with a guy, we talked for a couple of months,

00:42:28.900 --> 00:42:31.500
began snapping each other on Snapchat. engaged

00:42:31.500 --> 00:42:33.800
quite a few steamy picks only for nothing to

00:42:33.800 --> 00:42:36.219
happen. Like literally the day we planned to

00:42:36.219 --> 00:42:38.179
get together I didn't hear from him in the morning

00:42:38.179 --> 00:42:40.920
but figured he must be at work or whatever. I

00:42:40.920 --> 00:42:42.820
messaged him about an hour before I left to work

00:42:42.820 --> 00:42:44.440
that day to see if we're still on and still didn't

00:42:44.440 --> 00:42:46.420
hear anything. About an hour before we were supposed

00:42:46.420 --> 00:42:48.780
to meet I opened Snapchat to find that he had

00:42:48.780 --> 00:42:51.039
removed me. We were following each other on Instagram,

00:42:51.179 --> 00:42:53.460
so I DMed him to ask if everything was okay,

00:42:53.840 --> 00:42:56.239
and was immediately blocked. Needless to say,

00:42:56.519 --> 00:42:58.739
it hurts. It really hurts, and it caused me to

00:42:58.739 --> 00:43:01.159
doubt myself and stop looking for close to over

00:43:01.159 --> 00:43:03.079
a year. Fast forward to this week, it feels like

00:43:03.079 --> 00:43:05.780
the same situation is playing out all over again.

00:43:06.099 --> 00:43:08.340
I don't know. I'm just pretty upset. I guess

00:43:08.340 --> 00:43:10.539
I understand when it comes to straight women

00:43:10.539 --> 00:43:12.239
ghosting the second they learn you're bi, as

00:43:12.239 --> 00:43:14.420
shitty as that is, but personally I think it's

00:43:14.460 --> 00:43:16.739
completely unacceptable when someone claims to

00:43:16.739 --> 00:43:18.840
be an ally or are themselves a member of the

00:43:18.840 --> 00:43:21.059
community strings you along, pretending they're

00:43:21.059 --> 00:43:22.880
interesting only to be completely dropped off

00:43:22.880 --> 00:43:24.699
the face of the earth. I just wish people were

00:43:24.699 --> 00:43:26.599
more honest. I get it if you're not interested

00:43:26.599 --> 00:43:28.760
in hooking up, but if you imply that you are,

00:43:28.900 --> 00:43:31.539
goad someone into sharing very private and vulnerable

00:43:31.539 --> 00:43:34.420
pictures, welcome very personable message, and

00:43:34.420 --> 00:43:37.340
act interested only to disappear, I find that

00:43:37.340 --> 00:43:40.440
completely unacceptable. I got an answer for

00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:45.219
that. Hey, go ahead. From my perspective from

00:43:45.219 --> 00:43:48.260
the people pleasing perspective from the perspective

00:43:48.260 --> 00:43:54.360
that I used to have his perspective Is don't

00:43:54.360 --> 00:43:56.699
I I stopped putting all my eggs in one basket

00:43:56.699 --> 00:44:01.239
I stopped being disappointed by people who themselves

00:44:01.239 --> 00:44:05.239
maybe had a change of heart Maybe they themselves

00:44:05.239 --> 00:44:09.380
were fearful. Maybe you know, I don't get angry

00:44:09.380 --> 00:44:14.219
at that energy anymore. So, so this is happening

00:44:14.219 --> 00:44:16.880
to me presently, I'm texting a lot of people,

00:44:17.019 --> 00:44:19.539
I am, you know, I'm talking to a lot of people,

00:44:19.539 --> 00:44:23.400
but I don't my subconscious is clear. I don't

00:44:23.400 --> 00:44:26.239
think about my past trauma. Whenever I'm dating,

00:44:26.380 --> 00:44:30.039
I don't say here we go again. Here this is happening

00:44:30.039 --> 00:44:33.039
again. Because what ends up happening is I get

00:44:33.039 --> 00:44:35.780
a direct reflection of my subconscious when I'm

00:44:35.780 --> 00:44:37.960
when I'm texting these people. Sure. Does that

00:44:37.960 --> 00:44:41.050
make sense? Are you familiar with a speech jamming

00:44:41.050 --> 00:44:43.429
device? No, tell me. What is that? So a speech

00:44:43.429 --> 00:44:47.030
jamming device is a device that when you speak,

00:44:47.349 --> 00:44:50.570
it takes in from a microphone, delays it by like

00:44:50.570 --> 00:44:53.309
a second or two, and then plays it back immediately

00:44:53.309 --> 00:44:55.710
at you. It's been used for all different things,

00:44:56.050 --> 00:44:59.030
for like games and just videos in general. I

00:44:59.030 --> 00:45:00.849
think there's a psychological component to it

00:45:00.849 --> 00:45:03.489
as well. the moment that your voice comes back

00:45:03.489 --> 00:45:06.530
at you it almost it's like a returning sine wave

00:45:06.530 --> 00:45:09.269
that like cancels out your thought and then the

00:45:09.269 --> 00:45:10.829
next thing you know you're stammering and you're

00:45:10.829 --> 00:45:13.349
stuttering it's and i feel like it's kind of

00:45:13.349 --> 00:45:14.809
what you were talking about the same way it's

00:45:14.809 --> 00:45:17.469
just you're putting yourself out there emotionally

00:45:17.469 --> 00:45:20.349
so loud that when it comes back you start tripping

00:45:20.349 --> 00:45:23.309
yourself up that's right People can't handle

00:45:23.309 --> 00:45:26.909
all that energy, all that needy energy. I need

00:45:26.909 --> 00:45:31.210
you to come back. I need you to resolve my childhood

00:45:31.210 --> 00:45:34.769
trauma and be the person. They feel that energy.

00:45:35.030 --> 00:45:38.190
Does that make sense? It does. I'm not 100 %

00:45:38.190 --> 00:45:42.349
exactly how needy this person was. I think they're

00:45:42.349 --> 00:45:47.329
trying to project casualness. Look how many texts.

00:45:47.530 --> 00:45:50.489
What about now? What about now? What about now?

00:45:51.529 --> 00:45:55.489
No that's that's i've learned that that repulses

00:45:55.489 --> 00:46:00.250
people i have a friend that i did that i did

00:46:00.250 --> 00:46:03.190
that to her and we're not speaking now and it's

00:46:03.190 --> 00:46:07.070
an addiction to my perspective of her you say

00:46:07.070 --> 00:46:10.469
yes not a healthy place to be in because she

00:46:10.469 --> 00:46:14.489
can't live up to my expectations there's no way

00:46:14.489 --> 00:46:17.389
she's just a person. She's having her own life.

00:46:17.409 --> 00:46:20.110
She's got to do her own thing. When somebody

00:46:20.110 --> 00:46:24.909
puts all of those expectations on you and expects

00:46:24.909 --> 00:46:27.869
you, I did that to my husband too. Like I said,

00:46:27.909 --> 00:46:30.849
I'm in a situation, okay? Whatever. I mean, I

00:46:30.849 --> 00:46:32.369
guess there is a point where you have to kind

00:46:32.369 --> 00:46:35.110
of like think about the schadenfreude of it all

00:46:35.110 --> 00:46:37.610
where, you know, you understand that you are

00:46:37.610 --> 00:46:40.050
never going to understand the mental processes

00:46:40.050 --> 00:46:44.769
of a person, of another person. that somebody

00:46:44.769 --> 00:46:47.349
that you pass on the street, no matter what judgments

00:46:47.349 --> 00:46:49.250
or anything that you think is happening at that

00:46:49.250 --> 00:46:51.010
point, can be completely different. They're living

00:46:51.010 --> 00:46:53.250
your own life. You are not even a part of their

00:46:53.250 --> 00:46:55.070
life. And the moment that you kind of realize

00:46:55.070 --> 00:46:58.289
that is kind of an opening experience. I think

00:46:58.289 --> 00:47:00.769
that though those are really good points, he

00:47:00.769 --> 00:47:03.650
may be talking just about the fact of people

00:47:03.650 --> 00:47:05.849
not believing that bisexuality is a thing. I

00:47:05.849 --> 00:47:08.369
mean, because, you know. But that's also very

00:47:08.369 --> 00:47:11.699
personal. He is placing that belief on other

00:47:11.699 --> 00:47:14.639
people. That's not a real thing. That's not a

00:47:14.639 --> 00:47:17.539
real thing. I really do feel like that's a real

00:47:17.539 --> 00:47:19.960
thing because I've had people in my life, like

00:47:19.960 --> 00:47:23.380
in my, who have talked directly to my, uh, to

00:47:23.380 --> 00:47:25.940
my partner who have, they're, they're afraid

00:47:25.940 --> 00:47:28.940
that it's not, I'm not just bisexual. I'm just

00:47:28.940 --> 00:47:31.360
gay and I'm hiding it and eventually I'm going

00:47:31.360 --> 00:47:31.940
to drop her like a hot rock. But do you understand

00:47:31.940 --> 00:47:35.099
that's their issue? Yeah. I'm not saying that

00:47:35.099 --> 00:47:37.159
- He's good, I'm saying. I'm not saying that's

00:47:37.159 --> 00:47:40.179
what I have to do, but the fact that their issue

00:47:40.179 --> 00:47:43.659
comes back in forms of either conversation and

00:47:43.659 --> 00:47:47.360
or worries and or side glances or whatnot, their

00:47:47.360 --> 00:47:50.559
issues are still very much being broadcasted.

00:47:50.599 --> 00:47:53.739
Now what I do with that energy is up to me and

00:47:53.739 --> 00:47:56.079
I completely understand that, but it's still

00:47:56.079 --> 00:48:00.510
out there. It's like radio. Radio is being blasted

00:48:00.510 --> 00:48:06.610
101 FM now, but I don't listen to the radio anymore.

00:48:07.610 --> 00:48:10.409
Music for me is a curated choice. It's something

00:48:10.409 --> 00:48:12.449
that I very much want to go out there and go,

00:48:12.630 --> 00:48:14.250
I want to listen to this. I want to listen to

00:48:14.250 --> 00:48:16.869
this. I want to listen to this. But I don't let

00:48:16.869 --> 00:48:19.730
radio come into my life because I feel like that's

00:48:19.730 --> 00:48:22.530
energy that is not meant for me. It's no longer

00:48:22.530 --> 00:48:26.889
shaped for me. There are its beliefs it's like

00:48:26.889 --> 00:48:29.809
we had this bubble the love sponge you literally

00:48:29.809 --> 00:48:32.869
put hate all over everybody but the guy was like

00:48:32.869 --> 00:48:35.190
over five hundred pounds and had a dick like

00:48:35.190 --> 00:48:39.030
a pinky okay so the only person he appealed to

00:48:39.030 --> 00:48:41.329
where those kinds of people they were addicted

00:48:41.329 --> 00:48:43.690
to him they were addicted to the hate that he

00:48:43.690 --> 00:48:46.739
spewed out into the world. Right so these people

00:48:46.739 --> 00:48:51.659
that talk shit about bisexuality are they themselves

00:48:51.659 --> 00:48:55.039
questioning their their own sexuality and they

00:48:55.039 --> 00:48:59.260
have not come to terms with who they are having

00:48:59.260 --> 00:49:03.099
the difficulty this is me at fifty six year old

00:49:03.099 --> 00:49:08.460
fifty six years old you know now. I've completely

00:49:08.460 --> 00:49:12.420
come out and yes, people are angry at me for

00:49:12.420 --> 00:49:15.360
being who I am because I have kept it a secret

00:49:15.360 --> 00:49:18.400
for so long and now it's like this big lie that

00:49:18.400 --> 00:49:21.480
I've been keeping. No, it's not a big lie that

00:49:21.480 --> 00:49:23.820
I've been keeping. It's just that I have gone

00:49:23.820 --> 00:49:27.219
out into the world and I have designed myself.

00:49:27.260 --> 00:49:30.760
I have created myself and I'm living my most

00:49:30.760 --> 00:49:33.570
authentic life. you're going to have resistance

00:49:33.570 --> 00:49:36.429
from people who are not living their most authentic

00:49:36.429 --> 00:49:39.030
life. It's going to be like in this young man.

00:49:39.150 --> 00:49:43.030
He's got to toughen up, you know, and don't spill

00:49:43.030 --> 00:49:45.650
your tea to every single person because every

00:49:45.650 --> 00:49:47.809
single person is not going to be a partner. If

00:49:47.809 --> 00:49:50.369
you really want to have a good time, just be

00:49:50.369 --> 00:49:55.929
a good listener. Yeah. Figure it out first. And

00:49:55.929 --> 00:49:59.630
again, been single for five years. He's 32. So

00:49:59.630 --> 00:50:02.480
I mean, he's been single since he's been 27.

00:50:02.840 --> 00:50:05.679
Past like year two, you're no longer even the

00:50:05.679 --> 00:50:08.719
person that you were. Exactly. Especially if

00:50:08.719 --> 00:50:10.820
you've been listening to the things that have

00:50:10.820 --> 00:50:14.420
been happening around you and whatnot. To this

00:50:14.420 --> 00:50:17.400
person, I would say that yes, bisexuality is

00:50:17.400 --> 00:50:20.820
something that is not understood by people. A

00:50:20.820 --> 00:50:22.659
lot of people do talk shit about it. A lot of

00:50:22.659 --> 00:50:25.559
people do make assumptions on the fact that you're

00:50:25.559 --> 00:50:27.980
something that you don't believe that you are.

00:50:28.059 --> 00:50:30.159
But here's the thing. Labels are so fickle. Don't

00:50:30.159 --> 00:50:33.760
even worry about the label. They're so, yeah.

00:50:35.380 --> 00:50:38.239
Just be authentic to yourself and don't let other

00:50:38.239 --> 00:50:41.480
people's opinions start to shape your self -esteem,

00:50:41.719 --> 00:50:43.139
yeah, because it feels like that's where you

00:50:43.139 --> 00:50:48.340
may be heading. Yeah, and the thing for this

00:50:48.340 --> 00:50:51.500
guy, I believe, this is what's happened with

00:50:51.500 --> 00:50:54.940
my phone. When my friends want me, They're there.

00:50:55.179 --> 00:50:58.860
If I say I miss your face, they send me a message

00:50:58.860 --> 00:51:01.900
back. And sometimes they don't. Sometimes I won't

00:51:01.900 --> 00:51:04.199
hear from them for a whole week. But you know

00:51:04.199 --> 00:51:07.019
what? These people, they're all living. They're

00:51:07.019 --> 00:51:08.940
all vibing. They're all thriving. They're doing

00:51:08.940 --> 00:51:12.019
their stuff. I mean, being on this planet is

00:51:12.019 --> 00:51:15.019
not easy and making a paycheck isn't easy either,

00:51:15.360 --> 00:51:18.159
right? Yeah, making a paycheck is bullshit. I

00:51:18.159 --> 00:51:20.159
mean, honestly. Right. It totally is. I'm working

00:51:20.159 --> 00:51:23.119
on that. Definitely, we're headed in the right

00:51:23.119 --> 00:51:26.599
direction. Garbage way of living life. It is.

00:51:27.440 --> 00:51:31.960
All right. That was awesome. Mr. WhoIsYourBestSelf

00:51:31.960 --> 00:51:34.940
on Reddit, I really hope that you're doing okay.

00:51:35.059 --> 00:51:38.099
I know this was only put out an hour ago, so

00:51:38.099 --> 00:51:39.860
there's still very much in their feelings, I'm

00:51:39.860 --> 00:51:42.500
sure, and I hope that you get good advice. Email

00:51:42.500 --> 00:51:44.940
that to me, would you? Sure, and don't get all

00:51:44.940 --> 00:51:47.320
your advice from Reddit. Mr. WhoIsYourBestSelf.

00:51:47.480 --> 00:51:50.639
You've got young people on there saying, well,

00:51:50.659 --> 00:51:53.139
what the fuck is your problem? Well, you have

00:51:53.139 --> 00:51:55.500
just Redditors in general. Redditors have a certain

00:51:55.500 --> 00:51:58.420
way of speaking that is just sometimes can be

00:51:58.420 --> 00:52:00.320
either like the best advice you've ever heard

00:52:00.320 --> 00:52:01.940
or something that was scraped out of the bottom

00:52:01.940 --> 00:52:05.900
of a cod barrel. It's such an odd mix. But yeah,

00:52:05.980 --> 00:52:07.219
I'll send that to you. I'll let you read it.

00:52:07.300 --> 00:52:09.519
I'm also going to be posting it on the Bisexual

00:52:09.519 --> 00:52:11.880
Coffee subreddit. And I guess it's the time to

00:52:11.880 --> 00:52:13.460
say that if there's anything that you want to

00:52:13.460 --> 00:52:15.739
ask us, if there's anything that you want our

00:52:15.739 --> 00:52:17.599
opinion on, or if you just want to get to know

00:52:17.599 --> 00:52:19.320
us a little better, come hang out with us at

00:52:19.320 --> 00:52:23.219
bisexualcoffeepodcast .gmail .com and eat it.

00:52:23.300 --> 00:52:24.659
Do you have anything else for our listeners?

00:52:24.940 --> 00:52:27.360
Absolutely. Peace out word to your mom and love

00:52:27.360 --> 00:52:30.719
yourself. Say only fabulous, wonderful things

00:52:30.719 --> 00:52:33.769
about your body. Do that. I'd love that. All

00:52:33.769 --> 00:52:37.170
right. Edith, I love you. I love you too. You

00:52:37.170 --> 00:52:39.510
have a great night. You too. Peace out. Bye bye.