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That's not a way steady words.

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Definitely.

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Welcome to bisexual coffee.

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It's only $7.

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It won't break the pain.

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Welcome back, Edith.

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I've missed you so much.

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So it's been two months since our last episode release.

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And we were just about to catch up without recording, like, you know, like, amateurs.

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And I'm not going to stand for that, not for season two.

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We may not have all our ducks in a row, but damn it, I know how to press record.

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And you said that it was longer than two months.

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And I will tell you, I'll tell you the way that I see it at a time always goes by slower when you're learning new things.

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And in fact, that's because there's connections being made in the brain space.

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It relies less on short term memory pads that you've already taken.

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And so it feels more substantial.

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It feels like the time is rich.

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So tell me, I mean, we can go into detail, you know, as we go on,

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because I feel like we, you know, between the both of us that we have a lot that's happened in two months with,

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with sparse communication, just because we've been living our lives.

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The holidays happened.

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Yeah.

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You and Marley had your thing.

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And I kind of, I kind of watched from a fall, you know, envious from a fall.

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Yes.

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Well, you know, it's a beautiful thing.

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It is such a beautiful thing.

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And one could quite be envious of this thing that you and Marley have.

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It is so deep and so actualized.

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You're talking just, just a relationship?

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Yes.

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Oh, okay.

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All right, cool.

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Like I thought maybe like from the outside looking in, it looked like like an event had happened or whatnot.

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And I was like, well, like a few events here and there, but.

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No, that's, that's what I've learned about relationships too.

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And that's why I had to take time off.

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I had come back from the desert.

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So shit was really cool.

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I was in my own headspace and I was ready to tackle the world.

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And what I didn't realize is I had all these people lined up around me that were like, Hey, what about me?

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Hey, what about me?

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Hey, what about me?

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How many people do you think?

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God, it was a lot.

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It was a lot.

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I love Florida.

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Yeah, more than four.

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More than four.

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Definitely more than four.

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And I'm in this space where I can pick who I want to be and do I want to be somebody's arm piece?

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Do I want to be somebody's addict?

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Do I want to be somebody's enabling friend?

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These, these are all descriptors describing my past life.

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I mean, do I want to handhold?

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Do I want to enable?

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Do I want to this?

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Do I want to that?

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And I realized that I want to step into who I am and that is a podcaster and I've already told you I want to do.

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So I'm really on the flow and things and working on myself.

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So I'm not attached when I go up on stage.

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I'm not worried about anybody, but I'm not worried.

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I don't want to be worried.

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I just want to laugh.

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All right.

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Well, being, being worried on stage is kind of part and parcel.

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Like if you talk to any comedian and whatnot, they'll tell you that there is a certain bit of anxiety because even, even though you'll tell yourself, you'll key yourself up, you're ready to go on stage.

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And you've got all these jokes ready and you're just going to go tell the stories and they're going to land where they may.

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The audience's reaction will still affect me.

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Yeah, it's still going to hit you.

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It's still going to affect me.

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It will.

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And as long as you are willing to understand that and make that part of your new adventure.

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Oh, no, I do.

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I do.

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I do.

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And I've been reading articles about it.

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They say that with, you have to be prepared because there's going to be some nights where you just don't feel like going.

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Yeah.

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You don't feel like going and you, and, and you just got to make yourself go.

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Yeah, it's like exercise.

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So, yeah.

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Well, but what I'm trying to do is learn the lessons from the people that are around me to help me when I actually physically, I mean, it's more for me.

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Yeah, sure.

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It's, are you writing any of these epiphanies and experiences down?

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I have been.

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I have been writing a blog on blogger.com, I guess.

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What?

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Blogger.com.

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Okay, I was about to like blow people's minds and tell people that I just opened up a new MySpace because I'll get into why later.

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I have a new MySpace, which is a dead account basically.

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And it's screaming to nobody.

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It's, it's, it's an echo chamber all of my own.

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It's almost like a blog diary of my own because no one's looking at it and I'm posting things on there.

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Blogger.com, I feel like it's kind of the same thing, right?

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Because you're not on there for cloud.

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You're not on there because I want some people to read these words.

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You're just finding a place to put your digital stuff.

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That's it.

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I think that's funny that both of us have used, have found basically archaic versions of websites out there and you're like, this is my spot now.

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Look, this is what I've been watching online.

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There are people that are doing, there are people that are bitching about what they're not getting.

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It's true.

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There are people that are showcasing what they are getting. It's a whole lot of me, me, me, me, me.

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Yeah. It's a whole lot of pick me energy out there.

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Pick me because either I'm sad or pick me because baby, I got the cash or the, the roadblocks.

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I don't know. I don't know what's popular anymore.

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I'm faking it until I make it out here.

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Jesus Christ, someone help me.

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Yeah. We are already there.

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That's the way I look at it.

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Anything we do, I'm 56 years old to a lot of people on Stone Age.

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But when I go out there, like I ride my bike around this community.

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I'm in my new digs, by the way.

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Yeah. Yeah. I love it.

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I've seen the pictures you put up.

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I'm a big fan of those, those mushroom pillows that you have on the couch.

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Are they fun?

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The pictures that you showed of them.

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It was, at first I saw mushrooms on a couch.

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I was just scrolling.

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I wasn't paying attention to the name was and I stopped and I went, man, Edith would really love this picture.

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And I scrolled back up and that's why, that's why she would love it.

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It's, it's actually hers.

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I, I assume so much social media in that way that finding like pictures and videos and whatnot,

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not even really thinking on who was attached to until I start to think, oh, I want to share it with somebody.

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And I come across that a lot.

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I come across things that I think, oh, this person would like it.

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There's a reason why it's because it's that person.

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At least I know my friends.

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You know, that's nice.

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I just, I don't read their names on the screen.

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Well, this is, this is another thing that I learned is that when people tell you what they need, believe them.

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Yeah.

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Believe them. Believe them. It's true. Whatever it is. I mean, you know, I, yeah.

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In the deep South, I would just be the most hellacious sinner.

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You know, I'd be like Madonna. Madonna is a hellacious sinner.

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I don't want to talk to you, but you, you are the, yeah, you are in the deep South.

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We don't necessarily have to say where you are, but yeah.

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So you're in a new space.

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In my new digs.

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You're not, you're living alone.

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Oh, yes.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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How was that feeling?

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Oh my God. Oh my, I meditate.

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So I work out like I try to work out twice a day.

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Nice.

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Yeah. You know, 56 hit me.

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Okay. All right. Well, I'm going to eat those donuts.

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So, so I'll wake up at four o'clock in the morning.

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I won't marinate in anything.

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I just jump out of bed and I get started and I go down to the gym, which is included with my whole

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Oh, that's nice.

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Here.

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You don't have to pick up your gym?

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No, no more.

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Well, I mean, I guess it's kind of lumped in, but it's not an extra fee that you're having to put on top.

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No, it's all lumped in.

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It's like, I pay a monthly to a fee.

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And when I say, like there's a pool, a heated pool, a jacuzzi, a gym, a business center with a, excuse me.

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Oh my God, where did that come from?

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I get all those air bubbles out.

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I hear you, girl.

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It's the donuts, God damn it.

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So there's a business center.

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They have, they had a Valentine's Day party with, with filet mignon for dinner.

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I danced my ass off with all these old women.

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They were fantastic.

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Okay.

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They were all drunk off their ass.

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So I went out there and I just made a complete ass out of myself.

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I shaped it.

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I shaped my booty.

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I shaped it until it was a jingling, jingling, jingling, jingling.

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Did you, did you shake it or did you twerk it?

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That's it.

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Damn it.

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You were the correct footage.

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You're twerking.

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You're out there twerking.

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I was twerking.

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Hell yeah.

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Booty.

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Twerking, shaking that booty.

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Throwing it back and asking for change.

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Good for you.

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That's it.

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I don't know if that's a phrase, but I feel like you could own that.

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Hey, one other thing, the men, the old men, the really, they were old men.

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How many years your senior?

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30 maybe?

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I don't know, but they were sitting at the table and they were really round shaped.

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And they all looked at me.

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Just mountains of men.

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Look, yes, mountain men.

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They were all looking at me the same way.

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Can I show you the look?

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Please.

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I'm looking at you now.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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Don't look at me just yet.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Look away.

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Tell me when.

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Now?

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Okay.

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Oh, oh dear.

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I was so, I'm like, what, what is that?

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It's so intense and scrutinizing and like, like, should this, should this person be doing

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this in front of me?

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How do I feel about it?

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You were giving them like some existential wonder about themselves and what was happening

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in front of them.

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Good for them.

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Shake their lives up a little bit.

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Shake their lives up.

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Man, I'm thinking.

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That, that's either years of your wife's bitch slapping you for like looking at things

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you're not supposed to or.

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Or they could have just been myopic.

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You know, yeah, maybe they just couldn't see that well.

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You know, I wanted to throw my booty up on their face a little just kind of throw it.

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No, I didn't.

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I never once felt that way.

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I was going to let you have to see how long you wanted to ride with her.

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Never once.

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I didn't feel like I needed to do that, but the women were having a blast.

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I mean, nice.

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And I just was enjoying each one of their stories.

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Like I didn't have to fix them.

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I didn't have to correct them.

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I didn't have to make them feel any kind of way.

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It was.

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Did you have you talk to these people since?

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No, I.

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A lot.

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Look, I love, I love my energy and I love how it is.

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But I need to decompress.

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I need to go in my home and I need to be alone.

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No, that's okay.

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Single serving friends.

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That's that event that I call that.

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I take that from what is it?

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Fight Club.

249
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:07,920
And single serving friends is what Tyler Durden was his, his alter whatever the heck the dudes

250
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,800
that Edward Gorton played.

251
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:14,480
He was on the plane and anybody that he met would be a single serving friend, kind of like

252
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:15,680
a single serving of sugar.

253
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:17,280
You know, it's just in the moment.

254
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:18,280
That's what you needed.

255
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,280
You talk.

256
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,320
You engage in each other's stories and then you go your merry way.

257
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:26,320
You know, you live your life afterwards knowing that you sampled another human being, so to

258
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:27,320
speak.

259
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,320
Yeah.

260
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,760
So that's, there's a magic in that.

261
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:31,760
There really is.

262
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:32,760
I'm sure.

263
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,760
Hey, let's just bitch slapper.

264
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:39,000
Which, which kind of in turn, especially when you know that, when you start to realize

265
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,680
that about the people you start to feel like that you have to perform, you have to constantly

266
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:47,560
give out and eventually you're going to burn out alone, which maybe that's what you were

267
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,680
feeling by the end of the last year.

268
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,080
Oh, I think that's what it was.

269
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,080
Yeah.

270
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,360
It was like, oh, I can't do this anymore.

271
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,320
I can't pretend to like this situation anymore.

272
00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,320
Yeah.

273
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:00,320
Yeah.

274
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,160
You know, I feel like we all do that a little bit.

275
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,160
Like we, I was thinking about my mom.

276
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,920
She kind of did that with us, with the kids.

277
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,680
She wanted to be young like us and hang with us.

278
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,480
So just kept giving energy until she couldn't.

279
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,480
Right.

280
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,480
Yeah.

281
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,600
And then she was like, Trump.

282
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,640
The Trump was like, I don't know.

283
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,040
We're going to, I want to derail just a minute.

284
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:32,000
But just because that just reminds me of a video that I just do edit on TikTok, which

285
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,040
this is kind of kind of date the episode of this podcast, but that's fine.

286
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:41,080
We're, our president was talking about Elon Musk and what his actual official title is.

287
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,080
It was a very simple question.

288
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:49,000
The question was, Hey, is he an employee of Doge, which I still only vaguely understand

289
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,320
what the heck Doge is right now.

290
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,280
Anyway, he went, he's a, he's a patriot.

291
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,720
He's a, he could be called an employee.

292
00:12:55,720 --> 00:13:01,160
He could be called a consultation, a consultant, but Hey, everybody look at Ukraine.

293
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:04,000
And I was like, Oh my God, you flim flam man.

294
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,000
Yes, light.

295
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,000
Yeah.

296
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,000
It's rough.

297
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,000
It's rough to watch.

298
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,680
And I'm not going to be silent this year.

299
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:12,760
These four years, last four years, I just kind of smile and nodded.

300
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:16,200
Because, you know, we were all trying to, we're all trying to figure out what the hell

301
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,200
is going on.

302
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,200
Yeah.

303
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,720
And we all have, we all have our various ideas and I don't normally share like my political

304
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:27,960
opinions with people, but when something, when, when somebody, you want to talk about

305
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:32,320
being performative, if somebody who is so constantly performative in front of a camera,

306
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:40,320
so afraid to drop his persona and actually be real and like take a moment through the

307
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,320
camera.

308
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,520
You know, there's no FDR, there's no fireside chats with this motherfucker.

309
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:49,320
Constant 100% Charlie Chaplin-esque performing, watch what I can do.

310
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,600
Everybody watch the spectacle and then let the chips fall where they may behind him.

311
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:57,440
And the last four years that he did that, I was like, whatever, we're just coming off

312
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:58,440
the pandemic.

313
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,520
I'm just now starting a social media presence in earnest.

314
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:06,240
This is not the time for me to go, I'm upset about what things are going on.

315
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,240
People didn't want to see that.

316
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:08,240
No, don't.

317
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,240
I'm ready.

318
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:15,000
But I think we, this is, we can get into that before we do, just to kind of keep on the,

319
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,960
on the trail that we have, and then we can get into like the free form jazz.

320
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:22,640
Is there anything that's happened in your life right now, Vice, not, not just moving

321
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:26,320
into your own place or, you know, separating yourself from the people who you feel are

322
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:32,440
just, you know, not necessarily giving you the best you that you want to talk about?

323
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:33,440
Yes.

324
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,440
Yeah.

325
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,560
What else happened to you?

326
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:43,400
So we'll reactivity, reactivity with a lot of people that I care deeply about, like attachment.

327
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:44,400
That would change about that.

328
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,880
Well, I withdrew.

329
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:46,880
I had to withdraw.

330
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,840
I withdrew completely.

331
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:55,320
And it's, it's my older friends that were brought up and have trauma and that are still

332
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,480
dealing with trauma and coping and things.

333
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,480
Not dealing with it, right?

334
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,160
Or not dealing with it like you're saying.

335
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,000
And the thing is I've got tons of hobbies and working out.

336
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:11,080
And I, like I said, I just bought my new place and I'm decking it out with cool furniture

337
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:15,080
and I'm getting new tattoos and that's tomorrow.

338
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,120
I'm going back to platinum blonde.

339
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,040
I'm probably going to get, you know, three inches cut off.

340
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:27,200
I'm going back to me because I stopped being me so I could, I could be like, okay, what's

341
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,200
going on here?

342
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,040
Cause, cause I'm drained.

343
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,800
Like you were saying I, I was completely drained.

344
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:34,800
My funny bone.

345
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,880
I was like, where's my, where's my funny?

346
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,560
I used to be funny.

347
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,960
What the fuck is going on here?

348
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,240
I, where's my funny bone?

349
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,240
I wanted it.

350
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,840
I mean, it got to the point last year.

351
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,760
You know, we were doing, we had a guest.

352
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:55,840
We had Jace Beck and loved him to completely just such a beautiful human being.

353
00:15:55,840 --> 00:16:01,320
And I found myself physically exhausted by the end of the, end of the interview.

354
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,040
I still haven't even edited it.

355
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,040
Edited.

356
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,040
Edited.

357
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,040
Yeah.

358
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:08,600
I'm going to do that.

359
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:09,600
I'm going to do that.

360
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,840
I'm going to edit it and then I'm going to put it out.

361
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,120
But I found my funny bone.

362
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,120
It was up my ass.

363
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:19,440
It was completely in lodged in my butt.

364
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:20,440
So yeah.

365
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:26,560
So I, like I said, I had to let those people kind of, you know, they'll come back.

366
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,060
They'll all be here.

367
00:16:28,060 --> 00:16:29,060
Possibly.

368
00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:30,060
They're not going anywhere.

369
00:16:30,060 --> 00:16:31,060
Possibly.

370
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:32,060
But letting somebody go.

371
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:34,960
We don't, it's not like Pokemon, you know, we don't have to collect them all.

372
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,020
And, you know, just kind of short through them whenever we need them.

373
00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:42,520
Some people are friends with us when we need them to be friends and then they go their

374
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,320
merry way or un-mary way, depending on how I feel about them at the time.

375
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,720
Good thought fuck out.

376
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,880
But it's okay.

377
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:56,000
People in my life who I was really tight with, like during work situations, during school

378
00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:00,240
situations and, you know, they were really fitting the groove.

379
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:04,960
We were either all doing the same thing, like being in the same class or, you know, what

380
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:05,960
have you.

381
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,760
But there are only so many friends.

382
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:14,120
I can think maybe count five or six friends on my hand right now that I know I can constantly

383
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:20,800
just reach out to because I know that no matter what our stages are, we are, we, what is this?

384
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,000
What's a good word for we mesh?

385
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,000
There we go.

386
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,000
Yeah.

387
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,000
Mesh is another word.

388
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,000
Mesh.

389
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,000
So yeah.

390
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,000
And it's okay.

391
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,480
So even if some of those people who you distanced yourself from don't come back, you know, that

392
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,360
was their chapter in your book.

393
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:35,360
You now have room to write.

394
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,360
And I'm good with it.

395
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:41,120
Like I'm not mad and I'm not taking anything personally.

396
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,120
No bitterness.

397
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,120
Nice.

398
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,120
So here's, here's another little tidbit.

399
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,120
Oh good.

400
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:50,400
So the guy that does my tattoos, I want you to see, can you see?

401
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,400
I can see.

402
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,400
Yeah.

403
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,400
I'll put a picture.

404
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:54,400
I can do that now.

405
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:55,400
Is she just going to strip down?

406
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,400
I'm not just an old lady.

407
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,400
I'm not my brains of functioning.

408
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:09,960
Season two of bisexual coffee and eat a strips on screen.

409
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:10,960
Everybody.

410
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,440
I don't even have to know.

411
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:17,080
So my tattoo artist went to the deep South and I was so upset.

412
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,080
I was so upset.

413
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:23,960
I have been like three years trying to get an appointment with this person.

414
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:28,440
And apparently the universe has been teaching him, teaching him.

415
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,680
He, he, he, he couldn't go to Europe.

416
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,080
He usually goes to Germany.

417
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,320
He goes to, he goes to Switzerland.

418
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,320
He goes around there.

419
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,280
Well, he couldn't because of COVID.

420
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,280
Yeah.

421
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,280
Yeah.

422
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,400
So I ended up going to the deep South.

423
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,400
Okay.

424
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,000
I need to clarify this.

425
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,720
And again, I don't want to dox you.

426
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:50,320
You have said deep South at least six times in this episode and now I can't help but to

427
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:57,040
think that he just went to Cuba because where, where you're at, there's not much more deep

428
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,560
South to go.

429
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,240
It was not South.

430
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,240
Where are you?

431
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,240
Okay.

432
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,080
So I'm up near Atlanta.

433
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,160
It was like South Carolina or something.

434
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,160
I'm sorry.

435
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,760
I mean, Florida, we're not even a state.

436
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:11,760
Okay.

437
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,680
We're not, we're not in your state of mind.

438
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,280
We've got the Florida man.

439
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,520
That's a whole nother story.

440
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,920
I'll tell you about my murder table.

441
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:20,920
Netflix special.

442
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:27,840
Look, but no, he went there and he had to earn money there because no one was getting

443
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:28,840
tattoos here.

444
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,800
And I'm like, dude, I would have gotten a tattoo.

445
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:36,360
Well, you know, I, I kept messaging him and he goes, well, you didn't text me.

446
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,680
And I said, well, you've never given me your phone number.

447
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,600
Well, finally he gave me his phone number.

448
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:47,280
This was recently, but he was there and I guess these people are so like, what is that?

449
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,760
Deep in fear.

450
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,080
Everything is about fear.

451
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,280
Who is fearing?

452
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,480
Just the people that lived in the town that he was serving.

453
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,480
Okay.

454
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:56,480
Gotcha.

455
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:57,480
Gotcha.

456
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:03,080
You know, cause there's a certain clientele like here in Florida, everybody does yoga.

457
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:04,160
Everybody getting tattoos.

458
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,800
We all do yoga.

459
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,360
We, we drink smoothies in the morning.

460
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:16,040
We make sure that we touch every aspect of our body and say kind of here in California.

461
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,640
Like, well, it's almost like that.

462
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:19,640
We're a little weird.

463
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:20,640
Okay.

464
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,120
We're a little strange to some people.

465
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,960
We talk about love 24 seven.

466
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,080
Love, love, love, exception.

467
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:27,080
Yeah.

468
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,080
Kindness.

469
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,600
You sound like you sound like you're in San Francisco.

470
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,080
Like a little bit.

471
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,080
A little bit.

472
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,080
You got a little San Francisco in you.

473
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,480
Probably, which God, God bless that guy.

474
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:41,160
He is like engaging.

475
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,480
He's engaging with all of my like wholesome con content and whatnot.

476
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,960
Like the stuff like on my personal page.

477
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,960
He does his lab or doodle or whatever the hell kind of dog.

478
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:51,960
Whatever he's got going on.

479
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:52,960
Yeah.

480
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,840
But he's a monster.

481
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,160
He's just monster.

482
00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:03,960
It's just, it's, it's, it's just the performative side of him is just, it's just so differently.

483
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:04,960
Damn.

484
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:10,120
No, no, it's the performative side for him is, is so, it's not necessarily different.

485
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:15,920
It's just more electric and, and not everybody necessarily wants to hold onto a live wire

486
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:16,920
like that.

487
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,560
And I'm not going to say that, you know, you and I agree with everything that, that

488
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:26,400
he says when he's in that mode, but it's just been, it's been interesting getting to, to

489
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,480
know him after we had that interview.

490
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,200
And I would be interested to see what, what a part two with him would look like.

491
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,200
But that is.

492
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,200
I'm not going to do that.

493
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,200
That is in the future.

494
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,200
It's going to be a little different.

495
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:37,960
I'm going to look at him like this.

496
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:38,960
Look at me, Michael.

497
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:39,960
Yeah.

498
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:40,960
Look at me.

499
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:41,960
Okay.

500
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:42,960
I'll have to wait again.

501
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,960
Just like the little moment who are watching you shake your ass.

502
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:46,960
Yes.

503
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:47,960
Yes.

504
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:48,960
They were unconscious.

505
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:49,960
Those.

506
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,520
Let me tell you a little bit about what's going on.

507
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,520
What's going on with me in two months?

508
00:21:56,520 --> 00:22:01,360
Cause I've, I haven't been necessarily as a transformer.

509
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:02,360
Where'd you go?

510
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,160
Dude, you just went silent.

511
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,080
Like I can't even hear you.

512
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,080
Just dead silent.

513
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:08,080
Wait for it.

514
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,200
It's a very interesting story.

515
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,200
I do.

516
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,800
We, we're in a pretty good space right now.

517
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,320
We have a pretty good flow.

518
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:19,480
Like you said, it is going back and forth in between waiting for her to get off of work

519
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,280
and me making sure the food is ready.

520
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,680
And then if she has time, she's making sure the food is ready.

521
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:28,120
We had a serious conversation about finances, which is a big step in our relationship, being

522
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:32,600
real with each other as far as what we owe, who we owe, why we owe it.

523
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,680
And we just celebrated our fifth anniversary.

524
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:41,120
One is our anniversary because we want to make it easy on ourselves.

525
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:43,240
And so that's, that's doing great.

526
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:49,080
What has changed mostly for me is the way that I make and consume social media.

527
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:54,400
I have tried to spend less time taking in videos and just more time making them.

528
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:58,320
Unless there's something that I really want to like get involved with like a certain news

529
00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,680
outlets or something like that.

530
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,080
Got myself a letter box.

531
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,080
Do you know what that is?

532
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:08,680
So it is an app that you can create watch lists of movies that you haven't seen, movies

533
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:09,680
that you have seen.

534
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,760
You can go ahead and review them with stars and whether or not you like them and also

535
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,200
give them an actual little like paragraph of review.

536
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,960
It's a small fee to get it without ads and the ads are very intrusive.

537
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,240
So I went ahead and did that.

538
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,760
And what I've been doing is I've been trying to find those videos, those movies that I

539
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,800
haven't watched that I've always like heard about.

540
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,280
And I thought that maybe they'd be, you know, interesting to watch with Marley because she

541
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,200
likes watching like older movies.

542
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,160
The first two movies on my letter box.

543
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,560
I know one of them is Tootsie.

544
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,080
And I've only heard of it.

545
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,080
I've never seen it.

546
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:42,560
And the first, as soon as I told Marley about that, she's like, Oh my God, I love to see

547
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:43,560
we need to watch that.

548
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:44,560
I'm like, well, good.

549
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:49,680
It's on my watch list between that and then TikTok closing down and coming back 11 hours

550
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:54,040
later, because, you know, the political climate was like, Hey, watch, watch what we're doing

551
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:57,200
with TikTok while we do other probably war crimes or something.

552
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,560
I don't know what the hell they're doing.

553
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:02,960
That made me realize that I was kind of putting all my eggs in the same kind of creation basket.

554
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,200
Like I was sharing the same kind of videos everywhere.

555
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:10,680
No, there was no reason for me to have different social media sites if I was going to be doing

556
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,200
the same thing on each one.

557
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,400
And so I like Tumblr.

558
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,440
I like the blog aspect of it.

559
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:21,080
And I've really learned to love the community that it became because it was already starting

560
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:24,160
to become the quirky little community that it is when I first started it.

561
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,960
And I went away and then I came back.

562
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:31,920
Uh, I like I said, I opened up a MySpace, which is it's their fault for being able to for

563
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:37,160
us to be able to make new accounts like the websites basically broken.

564
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:38,640
You can't put videos.

565
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,040
You can't put music as what the app was for at first.

566
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,040
It can't take it.

567
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,160
Yeah, I can't take it.

568
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,480
And so, but it does take text and pictures.

569
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,640
So it has become my own little blog space that I just yell into the void.

570
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,080
I use TikTok mostly for live.

571
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,520
And then like I've, I have four years of content on there.

572
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:59,320
So I just put up the old stuff because there are new people who haven't seen the old stuff.

573
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:03,160
Instagram is now just for photos or reels of my photos.

574
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,040
Facebook is kind of the catch-all.

575
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,400
If I think it's good enough for Facebook, like I throw it on there.

576
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,360
Then I'm focusing more on YouTube.

577
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:17,480
So I want to do like a five or six question and answer video or read something off the

578
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:22,080
internet commentary style videos, uh, at least once of those a month.

579
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:26,000
Still going to be doing it's your loss podcast, which I won't be doing another episode of

580
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,600
that until April.

581
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:33,260
I just wanted to, I wanted to see what different aspects of me that I can create and focus

582
00:25:33,260 --> 00:25:37,320
on and maybe even sharpen instead of trying to be a jack of all trades and just kind of

583
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:41,160
mesh everything into one like creative ball, you know?

584
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:46,520
And we are looking at trying to get a new place because the installation in this place

585
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:47,520
is not the greatest.

586
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:51,760
So the bills are a little high and there's a couple other aspects that we don't need

587
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,760
to get into on this.

588
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:54,760
The size, right?

589
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:55,760
And your kitchen.

590
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:56,760
You need to make a kitchen.

591
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:57,760
Well, there's true.

592
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:58,760
We need a better kitchen.

593
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,320
But also we just need to be able to save money and we just can't do that for where we're

594
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:02,320
at right now.

595
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:06,640
And so we're in talks with other members of our family, maybe doing like, uh, I mean,

596
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:10,880
it's not ideal, but cohabitation might be the only way that we're, any of us is going

597
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,320
to be able to save money right now.

598
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,240
So I'm kind of doing the opposite.

599
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:15,240
Possibly.

600
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,160
Maybe we haven't confirmed anything of what you're doing.

601
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:21,120
And instead of downsizing, we might be up sizing, but that means at least three or four

602
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:25,400
bedroom, two bath, uh, all say all single level.

603
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:30,040
If we can have it because right now we, all the bedrooms are upstairs and the only bathroom

604
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:31,040
is downstairs.

605
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,000
So if you wake up in the middle of the night and you got to go downstairs, there's no,

606
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,000
there's no way around it.

607
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,800
Oh, here at this place, at this place that I'm at right now.

608
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:38,800
Yeah.

609
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,760
And so we're looking at, we're looking at other places right now.

610
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,200
There's nothing serious that we can do right now because it's definitely still not cheap

611
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,000
anywhere, but we got plans.

612
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,000
We got plans.

613
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,880
And one of those plans is the reason, the whole reason I'm mentioning this is because

614
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,000
I want to have a studio space.

615
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,000
That's what I'm saying, man.

616
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,320
That's, that's essentially the goal here.

617
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:58,320
Yes.

618
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:03,080
And, and that's what I've, I'm got over here on the side.

619
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,400
This is a 1973 Chevy.

620
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:06,400
It's a mobile home.

621
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:07,400
Nice.

622
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,360
It was literally moved onto this property.

623
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,520
And then they added this side piece, side piece.

624
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,880
I like to call it everybody and it's going to be a studio space.

625
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:22,720
So the fact that you are thinking that way makes my heart so happy inside.

626
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:27,080
I mean, my studio space has always been the, the shared living room space.

627
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:31,040
And I'm glad that I found this angle where it is cause I kind of like the light and dark

628
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,040
of the wall and I like the way that it frames everything and whatnot.

629
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:38,840
I mean, what can I do in a space that's all my own?

630
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:40,760
You know, I might even get back into painting.

631
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:44,200
If I mean, yeah, I have a dream.

632
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,200
Your photography.

633
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,200
Oh yeah.

634
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:47,200
Yeah.

635
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,200
Yeah.

636
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:49,200
Yeah.

637
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:55,200
I shared with you some of those photos and I, I thoroughly have been enjoying walking

638
00:27:55,200 --> 00:28:01,600
around like what I do is I just go out there with my walking stick and my Canon camera

639
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,000
strapped to one shoulder off to the side.

640
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,000
It's digital.

641
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:06,000
Yeah.

642
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,000
Yeah.

643
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,440
It's a Canon XLR, I think it's what it is.

644
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:16,720
It's a Canon Rebel 7 EOS 5, I think it's called or something like that.

645
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,200
You camera, camera jockeys are going to be like this guy.

646
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:23,440
I don't know what he's talking about, but there was that really one, that one that I

647
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:29,160
had to send to you that was so big that it wouldn't come into a, the email by itself,

648
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,080
the one of the graveyard.

649
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,520
I love that one.

650
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:36,120
I want that blown up and put right on my wall over here.

651
00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:37,120
Do you know?

652
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,120
Of course you don't know.

653
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:39,240
You don't know because I haven't told you yet.

654
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:45,000
I'm telling you now, we were at that cemetery because of Valentine's Day.

655
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,000
So.

656
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,000
Oh, how romantic.

657
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,720
So romantic, but it really is.

658
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:50,720
It really is.

659
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:54,200
It doesn't sound like it, but the thing is, is that Marley is a really big fan.

660
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:55,200
I wouldn't say really big fan.

661
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,400
She's very comfortable around death and the aspects thereof.

662
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:02,960
She is empathetic for people who are really torn up about it, but and she will shed a

663
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,520
tear to for those who are lost, but she's just comfortable.

664
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:10,080
She understands that everything ends and it's a natural thing.

665
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:14,840
She hates when it happens suddenly and without reason, but she still is very comfortable

666
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:15,840
about it.

667
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:19,400
And part of that is feeling at ease among the headstones.

668
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,560
There's not any creepiness for her or anything like that.

669
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:26,400
And then when we found out that the day after Valentine's Day is the day she actually had

670
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:32,600
off and then she found out that it was going to be like creepy and foggy and murky all

671
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:33,600
day.

672
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:36,320
She's like, come on, we got to drive to Atlanta and there's a really cool place I want you

673
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:37,320
to see.

674
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:38,320
I challenge you.

675
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:42,040
It's a really easy challenge to go to my Instagram or I think you might have seen them

676
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:47,600
on Facebook already of the mausoleum shots and the stained glass windows and everything

677
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:48,600
else that I had.

678
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,560
If you haven't seen those, I really recommend like taking a look at them.

679
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:55,960
It kind of, it may give you the drive to go explore mausoleums yourself, but it's one

680
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,080
of the biggest ones in the Southeast of USA.

681
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,680
So if you want to see that one, you got to come here, which ha.

682
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,120
Oh, you know, I will.

683
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:03,640
That's how I'll trick you to coming.

684
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:07,000
You know, I'll get you at D's Nuts or whatever.

685
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,800
I still want to go to that.

686
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:10,800
D20, but D's Nuts is close.

687
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:11,800
Let's see.

688
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:12,800
Here we go.

689
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:18,640
Then, no, but no, D20 would be really cool.

690
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:22,840
I should be actually hosting one of those in the middle of this year.

691
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:27,280
So I'll be the one telling the story and other people wind up playing the D20s around me

692
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:28,280
and whatnot.

693
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:29,280
And start the pictures.

694
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:30,280
So.

695
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,720
And, you know, y'all can look at them.

696
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:37,760
There's one in there of, you could tell like it's a thawing, like, creek side and whatnot.

697
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,560
That was like the first time I brought my camera out.

698
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,120
And then it was like, you know, I don't really get enough animals.

699
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:43,400
I got a squirrel there.

700
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:47,360
The street froze over at one point and I've been playing around with the camera settings

701
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:51,320
to, to make it where I don't have to edit them as much when I come off.

702
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:55,560
So I could talk about photography for a long time because I've just been getting into it.

703
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:59,840
But between, between all of those, I even dabbled in.

704
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,440
I was trying to do red note.

705
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,000
You heard about red note.

706
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:10,320
That was basically the Chinese version of TikTok and everybody was running there laughing

707
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,960
about the fact that we're willingly giving our information to the Chinese when they're

708
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,560
saying that this is the app that is taking our information.

709
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,280
Let me, let me just interject right now.

710
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:21,280
Okay.

711
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:27,120
Let me just give you Edith's perspective of that bullshit right here.

712
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:28,120
Look at my finger.

713
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,120
I see it.

714
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:30,120
It's serious.

715
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,800
Look, I'm telling you, it's all a crack of shit.

716
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,240
Literally the most I've been fingered in a year.

717
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:36,240
So thank you.

718
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:43,440
Look, the government has been creating beliefs around social media for a reason.

719
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:47,480
To make everyone, and I'm going to say it, pornography.

720
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:54,200
You can't even in the state of Florida look at porn, the good stuff anyway, without putting

721
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,120
your driver's license in.

722
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:57,120
Okay.

723
00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:03,880
But you can watch the garbage and the bondage in the, let's just say, can I say it?

724
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:04,880
Yeah.

725
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:11,360
I mean, we, or G's and, you know, and abuse and all this other garbage, you can watch

726
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:12,360
that.

727
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:13,360
Okay.

728
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,400
But you can't watch the clean cut porn.

729
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:16,400
Okay.

730
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,240
You can watch the shenanigans.

731
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:19,240
I like the call.

732
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:20,240
The shenanigan porn.

733
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:21,240
Yes.

734
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:22,240
Why?

735
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:23,240
It creates addicts.

736
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:24,240
Okay.

737
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,240
You put your driver's license in.

738
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,360
Are you really that much of a dumbass that you're going to put your driver's license in?

739
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:29,360
No.

740
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:30,360
You're a porn addict.

741
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,040
You're going to go and watch the bondage and the other stuff.

742
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:34,040
Possibly.

743
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:35,440
And it's going to create more addiction.

744
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,440
I know what's going on here.

745
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:38,440
I'm just curious.

746
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:42,080
And I have to ask the driver's license one.

747
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:47,120
Are you talking about like curated porn sites or are you talking about porn hub?

748
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:48,600
You porn porn hub.

749
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,440
So porn hub, you have to put your driver's license in?

750
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:52,440
Wow.

751
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:53,440
That sucks.

752
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:54,440
Yeah.

753
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,320
I just want to do that.

754
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,520
I'd be quite honest with you.

755
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:03,240
I would probably like at that point just like peruse to like some of the cleaner sites that

756
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:07,320
just show like just boobs and just see if I can get away with just like.

757
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:08,320
Thank you.

758
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,920
Rubbing off onto just boobs because, oh fair enough.

759
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,200
For me, it's kind of a mediation thing.

760
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,000
If there's any guys out there listening that know the secret of if you know that you're

761
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,840
going to have sex later to go ahead and take care of the quick one earlier because some

762
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,120
people, the first one's always the quickest.

763
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:25,680
You know?

764
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:32,520
And so, you know, that's kind of just like me meaturing myself out for what I know is

765
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,440
going to be later.

766
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:39,640
So that I guess it's almost medicinal in a way.

767
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:40,760
That's why I do it.

768
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:41,760
It's for my health.

769
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,640
Look, it's for my health too.

770
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:45,440
I've just given it a break.

771
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,440
Okay.

772
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,920
I've given it a break until I know, you know, I know what I'm doing.

773
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,280
Find out what your new normal is before you start, you know.

774
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:53,280
Yeah.

775
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:54,840
I'm thinking of the things around, you know.

776
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,960
I don't know what it is for you.

777
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:57,960
Like I said, fifth in it.

778
00:33:57,960 --> 00:33:58,960
Detaching.

779
00:33:58,960 --> 00:33:59,960
Yeah.

780
00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:00,960
What I'm doing.

781
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:01,960
Yeah.

782
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:02,960
You're recalibrating.

783
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:03,960
I like it.

784
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,920
I got a list here just to make sure I hit all my high points here.

785
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:10,800
I started doing these story time videos, which might be an interesting thing to do, which

786
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,080
is just thinking about stories of my life.

787
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:14,080
Stories.

788
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:15,080
Yeah.

789
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,080
Those kind of, those kind of.

790
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,440
It'll really blow your mind.

791
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:25,720
If you want to move to Florida, I got a place that's for sale to houses down for sale for

792
00:34:25,720 --> 00:34:26,720
rent for sale.

793
00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:30,280
See, we're not in sale space yet because we owe too much for other things, but we're

794
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:31,280
working on it.

795
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,280
Okay.

796
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:33,280
Pay all that shit off.

797
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:34,280
Yeah, we're trying.

798
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,720
That's what everybody is dealing with.

799
00:34:37,720 --> 00:34:39,720
A lot of people are.

800
00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:44,080
Everybody is dealing with and then they get around other people and then their fuse is

801
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,520
so short that they can't handle.

802
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,040
It's like, what the hell?

803
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,280
Well, it is stressful.

804
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,680
It is stressful to deal with something like that.

805
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:56,720
But let me ask you, you know, since this is basically just the episode of like, you know,

806
00:34:56,720 --> 00:35:01,920
feeling each other out and seeing, you know, where our, where our plum bobs are in the

807
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:03,800
water right now, right?

808
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:08,720
When we were talking about getting ready for this episode for just sitting down and just

809
00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:11,120
talking to each other, you know, for.

810
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:17,120
Um, I do have that in common, don't mind the sound of my own voice.

811
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:21,280
Like editing, editing sometimes gets me a little bit, especially when I have to like

812
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,680
repeat the same thing over and over again.

813
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,600
But I don't mind watching my own stuff back because for me, it's like looking at an interactive

814
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,400
mirror and wrong with it.

815
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:30,400
Yeah.

816
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,800
I feel like it teaches me my ticks.

817
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:33,800
Yeah.

818
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:34,800
Well, you know what?

819
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,920
You're in an, we're both in an entirely different place.

820
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,400
Like I don't really care what I look like now.

821
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:41,720
I mean, I do.

822
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:42,720
I'm clean.

823
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:44,320
Like my shit's clean.

824
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,320
That's good.

825
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,600
You know, but I'm not all jewelery important.

826
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:53,080
My bedazzles and my hair and things like I got here from the gym.

827
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,080
I ate five donuts.

828
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,080
I feel kind of bloated.

829
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,200
Well, oh, I've been exercising too.

830
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,200
Tell.

831
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:01,200
Do tell.

832
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:02,200
Sorry.

833
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:06,440
The first off, I don't know if I've mentioned this before in the podcast, perhaps I have,

834
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:12,920
I have fallen in love with a little app called Finch F-I-N-C-H and I would show you, but

835
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:18,520
since I had to move to my camera, I can't show you, but it is a little animated bird

836
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:24,120
and that bird has, it starts off from a hatchling and then it goes to an adult.

837
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:25,680
I don't want it goes to pass an adult.

838
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:26,680
I haven't made it yet.

839
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:31,080
I've only been, I've only been using it for 80, 80 days, but on there are things that

840
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:32,080
you should do.

841
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:33,080
Yeah.

842
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:34,080
There are things that you should do.

843
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:38,120
Like it says, like get out of bed in the morning, take your medicine and you can go ahead and

844
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:43,600
make all of these different points that you can follow and then check off every check off,

845
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,600
give some energy, every energy, let's them go adventure, every adventure, let's them

846
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:47,600
grow up.

847
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:51,040
And I, I, it's like Tamagotchi.

848
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:55,040
I so want to take care of that little bird and let it experience the cool things in the

849
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:59,040
world because at the end of its adventure, it goes, Hey, I heard that the, the Romans

850
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:04,040
used to have birds on their helmets and you can give it the answer of either a, like,

851
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:08,280
like, they thought that it was really pretty on their helmets or it thought it gave them

852
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:09,760
the ability to fly.

853
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:10,760
Like, yeah.

854
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:14,720
And then it, and then it takes that answer and goes, it either gets like more confidence

855
00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:16,640
or he gets more imagination.

856
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:18,720
It's also good for the mind space.

857
00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:21,120
Either way, I've been exercising using this app.

858
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:25,920
So in the mornings, it started off would just go outside, take a walk and do jumping

859
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:26,920
jacks.

860
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:27,920
So I started doing that.

861
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:31,120
And then I realized I didn't, wasn't really feeling like for a while there, that was all

862
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:36,240
I really could do because my office desk and my diabetes had sapped my body.

863
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:39,720
After a while it was like, okay, well, I can do this now.

864
00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:40,720
What else can I do?

865
00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:42,120
So I went ahead and put push-ups on there.

866
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:43,120
Hey, push-ups.

867
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,920
I can't really do the regular push-ups because I have a high adult hernia right here on

868
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:48,080
my, on my stomach.

869
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,400
So engaging my core hurts.

870
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:56,200
And so I do cross the legs, raise the feet off of the ground and just work on the biceps

871
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,960
and the arms and everything right here.

872
00:37:57,960 --> 00:37:59,400
And I started putting in those.

873
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,120
And for a while I could only do 10, I'm now up to 70 a day.

874
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:06,840
And then I was like, okay, squats, maybe work on the glutes a little bit.

875
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:07,840
And so I started doing that.

876
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,240
I'm now up to 20 of those a day.

877
00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:15,280
Sit-ups are the worst because they just are for me right now, but I'm up to 10 of those

878
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:16,280
a day.

879
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:20,280
And the muscle mass that I made on my legs alone, I've always been able to bring the

880
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,640
muscle mass back on my legs up pretty well.

881
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:24,400
And but they, they bulked up.

882
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:28,080
And then the next thing I know, like I was, I was looking at myself in videos and like,

883
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,360
I was doing this, there was no roundness here.

884
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:31,520
It was just straight.

885
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:36,520
And I was starting to get really bad body dysmorphia, like looking at myself and going, I feel like

886
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:37,960
I'm a lot bigger than that.

887
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,840
But on screen, I'm not showing anything.

888
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:45,960
And so not only as that started to bulk up now where I can actually not put my fingers

889
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:46,960
all the way around.

890
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:47,960
Excellent.

891
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:48,960
Yeah.

892
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:49,960
But you showed your arms.

893
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:51,480
I can show mine now too.

894
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:53,560
There's actually a roundness here.

895
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:57,600
It's not, it's, and there, there, not only is the bicep of the tricep and everything

896
00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:58,600
like that.

897
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:02,960
And my whole goal, yeah, real quick, my whole goal is to make sure that I'm comfortable enough

898
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:07,560
to go join my brother on the little section of the Appalachian Trail when he comes and

899
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:09,480
does it either later this year or next year.

900
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:12,640
So yes, sure, I can.

901
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:13,640
Please do nurse.

902
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:21,800
But I've decided I haven't eaten, eaten it in years because of how scared I was in the

903
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:23,280
diabetes and things.

904
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:26,200
And I have that fear is another thing.

905
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:29,200
Be fearless in everything you do.

906
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,560
Don't allow fear to creep into your head.

907
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,360
Like, oh, I don't want to do this procrastination.

908
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:35,360
Crastination.

909
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:36,360
Yeah.

910
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:37,360
Yeah.

911
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:38,360
Just get up and do it.

912
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:39,360
Don't even think about it.

913
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:40,520
Get up and do it.

914
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,480
That's another thing that causes diabetes.

915
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,800
When I say that's what that little pinch guy is doing for me.

916
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,720
He's helping me get up and do it.

917
00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:50,600
And so, you know, you're, you're a little savvy when it comes to medical stuff.

918
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:53,880
I'm sure you know what body doubling is when it comes through ADHD.

919
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:57,000
I feel like that pinch is my body double in the room.

920
00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:03,160
Like it's, it's not so gamified where I feel like I have to do it for points or anything

921
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:07,440
like that because there are also moments in there where you, it was like, hey, how about

922
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:08,760
you identify your emotion?

923
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:12,360
And I went, the moment that at first time it asked me that I was like, this thing is

924
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,680
not just asking me to care about my body.

925
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,720
It's also asking me to care about my mind.

926
00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:18,320
So I highly recommend it.

927
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,680
My phone knows that I use it and it does that thing.

928
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:22,080
Weird thing that you have the app.

929
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:23,080
So you want ads for it.

930
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,520
I'm like, yeah, yeah, please do the, the Finch app.

931
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:26,520
It's really good.

932
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,640
Well, I also downloaded the live in app.

933
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:33,720
You might look into that and live in live in app.

934
00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:34,720
Yeah.

935
00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:41,240
So I mean, that's helped me helped me a lot with my emotions and things and to understand

936
00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:45,640
that anger doesn't serve me one bit.

937
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:52,040
Getting upset about what somebody else is doing is only keeping me from doing what I

938
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:53,240
need to do.

939
00:40:53,240 --> 00:40:54,240
Well, sure.

940
00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:58,560
I mean, but dwelling is however a legitimate emotion.

941
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,040
It is okay to have the emotion.

942
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:09,440
You've got to work through it, but at my age and where I'm at, I've isolated myself.

943
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:16,280
I've taken myself out of situations because it's an easy thing to do with someone my age.

944
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:22,200
It makes me responsible for the reasons for reason my husband, he's opening a restaurant.

945
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:28,440
I'm an easy target for him not to do it, you know, not to do a good job or whatever.

946
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:29,440
He's sticking around.

947
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,000
You know what I'm saying.

948
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,000
Yeah.

949
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,000
Yeah.

950
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,000
So that's okay.

951
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,000
I'm saying just out there motions.

952
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:37,000
Obviously.

953
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,000
Yeah.

954
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,560
As long as you're out there just like suppressing emotions, you'd be like, I don't know.

955
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:42,560
Yeah.

956
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:43,560
That's good.

957
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,240
I actually, a lot of good, a lot of stuff.

958
00:41:45,240 --> 00:41:55,000
I had a bunch of negative emotions just assail me today on the way to work because I somebody

959
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:59,360
said something and it got my that was probably born out of the rumor mill, but they didn't

960
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:04,400
tell me enough details to be helpful just to kind of put myself on edge that other people

961
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:08,120
are talking some shit and then where's that shit coming from is that shit validated.

962
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:09,120
Oh, no.

963
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,120
I love those people.

964
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:11,120
Right.

965
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,440
And I was like, and the thing is, is he was asking because he wanted to make sure that

966
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:18,600
I was okay in my position, but he didn't want to overstep the conversation that he had with

967
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,000
somebody who still works with me.

968
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,200
And so I was like, you can't play the field, dude.

969
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,520
Like if you know something, tell me.

970
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:26,720
And so he kind of did either way.

971
00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:29,360
I'll be talking with him about that later.

972
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:33,360
But I woke up and I was just, I was a little irritated, but like not bad.

973
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,200
I thought it was like, I could have used another hour of sleep.

974
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:37,560
So I just went off of that.

975
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:43,760
And as I drove off, I just, I got a bunch of anxiety just kind of piling me at once.

976
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:47,440
Like to the point where I felt that telltale heart skip that I get when I have too much

977
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,400
anxiety, like my brain's operating on just too much.

978
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,000
So it literally skips.

979
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,400
And I was like, okay, breathe that out.

980
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,560
I recognize anxiety when it is.

981
00:42:57,560 --> 00:42:59,080
I know what it's about.

982
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:00,520
I worked through it and everything.

983
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,640
I let it come, but it passed.

984
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,240
And then halfway to work, it's only a 20 minute drive for me.

985
00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:12,000
So 10 minutes on, I get like the largest wave of sadness deep, almost like I want to cry

986
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:13,080
sadness.

987
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:17,480
And I'm sitting there at a red light and I'm just like staring off into the distance, like

988
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:22,600
thinking was like, okay, I could dismiss this right now, but where is just straight sadness

989
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:23,600
coming from?

990
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:24,760
I let it play around in there.

991
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:27,400
It didn't stay long, maybe a minute or two.

992
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:28,400
And then it went away.

993
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,600
My brain went off into something else.

994
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:37,040
But there would be a time where when I was younger, if I had been visited by the sadness

995
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:40,360
various I was at that point, I've been like, you got nothing to feel sad about.

996
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:41,520
Suck it up.

997
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:46,960
I, I've been to enough therapy sessions now that I recognize that we are going to feel

998
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,440
the feelings and just sit with it as uncomfortable.

999
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:51,960
It is sometimes it's not going to last very long.

1000
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:53,040
Sometimes it's going to last longer.

1001
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,080
And then if it does last longer than you got time to figure out.

1002
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:57,080
Yeah.

1003
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:58,080
Yeah.

1004
00:43:58,080 --> 00:43:59,080
No, no, no.

1005
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,520
What I'm saying is just flow.

1006
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:02,520
Okay.

1007
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,720
If you're, if your boss gets irritated, you don't have to stay there.

1008
00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:08,960
You don't have to hold his hand and you don't have to help him through it.

1009
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,760
You say, I just excuse me for a moment.

1010
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,280
I promise you I'll be back.

1011
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:25,200
Leave him go do a task because I guarantee you, and this is an older human telling you

1012
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:29,600
a younger human 16 years on you or something.

1013
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,240
Let's, let's not.

1014
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:32,240
Okay.

1015
00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:33,240
You already said your age.

1016
00:44:33,240 --> 00:44:34,240
You got 14 years on.

1017
00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:35,240
I don't care.

1018
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:36,760
I literally do not.

1019
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:40,800
You literally broadcast your age on every episode.

1020
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:41,800
I know.

1021
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,520
No, you got 14 years.

1022
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:55,760
But listen, so what I know about being a boss myself is that sometimes bosses act like children

1023
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:59,000
when you feel like a child around them.

1024
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:00,000
Okay.

1025
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:07,440
So the only way you can change your boss is to change how you view the situation.

1026
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,320
He is your, he's not really your boss.

1027
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:11,320
Okay.

1028
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:13,560
I don't think he views himself like that.

1029
00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:18,720
And I also believe that he just wants you to feel comfortable in the same space that

1030
00:45:18,720 --> 00:45:20,120
he's in.

1031
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:21,640
He gets frustrated.

1032
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,920
He doesn't know how to tell you act like a millionaire.

1033
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:26,920
You're a millionaire.

1034
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:28,120
I love you.

1035
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:31,360
He can't facilitate his emotions.

1036
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:38,120
You, however, being of a, you're like me, so you're a light worker.

1037
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:42,680
You just have this joy emanating inside you.

1038
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:43,960
You don't have joy at work.

1039
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:48,680
So what you do is when you get to work, you believe who you are.

1040
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,480
You're like, I am fucking Michael a block.

1041
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:53,080
I am the light worker.

1042
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:54,600
I've got joy in my heart.

1043
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,520
I literally bring joy.

1044
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:59,520
You bring joy to me every time I see your face.

1045
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:00,520
Okay.

1046
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:01,520
Well, thank you.

1047
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,520
Your whole face.

1048
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:08,720
I mean, I, one day I'm going to draw it too, but back to you when you're in the same room

1049
00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:11,800
with that man, you make sure your mind is blank.

1050
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,160
You don't worry about a thing.

1051
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:15,160
You follow me.

1052
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:16,160
I do.

1053
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,360
Anybody don't worry about the triangulator, dude.

1054
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:23,120
The only reason he's worried is because maybe you're worried.

1055
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:24,840
I don't know.

1056
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:26,400
He, he's kind of a tool.

1057
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:32,040
Well, no, yes, a little bit, but I think we all have our moments of that.

1058
00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:37,720
His thing is the friends that he has, he sees them as, and he says this, he says that you're

1059
00:46:37,720 --> 00:46:39,120
part of my clan.

1060
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:42,920
And so if something's wrong, I want to see if one, if you acknowledge that something

1061
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,000
is wrong that I, I might see.

1062
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,620
And if you don't, then I'll tell you about it.

1063
00:46:47,620 --> 00:46:52,400
He was in the, Hey, do you realize something is wrong type thing, trying to feel me out

1064
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,120
to see if I'm in a negative space or not.

1065
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:56,620
He's cringing, podependence.

1066
00:46:56,620 --> 00:47:00,160
He doesn't know it.

1067
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,560
He's one of those guys that says he learned everything that he needed to do in the first

1068
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:11,840
couple of episodes of his, he's one of those people who learned everything he needed to

1069
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:15,480
learn in the first couple of episodes of his therapy and then he went on with that.

1070
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:16,480
Um, yes.

1071
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:23,680
And he's I know, but, and, but there are, there are sometimes though, like if I'm just

1072
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:27,440
doing work with him, like every once in a while, help him get his wood stacked up for

1073
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:28,920
the winter and whatnot.

1074
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:32,360
And we'll just have like some of the most vulnerable, like one-on-one conversations.

1075
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:33,360
It's just,

1076
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,400
we all look, we all lie to each other.

1077
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,000
We all flow in and out of consciousness.

1078
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:45,000
Some moments I'm a complete jackass and selfish and I don't think about anybody but myself.

1079
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:49,520
And then there's another minute where I'm like, Oh, I'm just going to be so self actualized

1080
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:50,520
in this moment.

1081
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:54,560
And you just won't recognize who I am when it comes to work.

1082
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:56,760
I'll give you an example.

1083
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:57,760
Okay.

1084
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,440
Not to make this about me, but there's a doctor.

1085
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:03,040
He's extremely, extremely hot.

1086
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:04,040
Oh, spicy.

1087
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,040
Oh, he's yes.

1088
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:07,880
He's very hot.

1089
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:08,880
He's movie.

1090
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:09,880
Callie and.

1091
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:10,880
Okay.

1092
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:11,880
He is.

1093
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:17,880
He's like, I look at him and I'm just like, wow, why aren't you on TV or something?

1094
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,120
Why are you standing in front of me?

1095
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:27,200
And then, then my nuttiness because I am a nut that work for my, I love my addicts.

1096
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:28,480
I love them to death.

1097
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:32,280
I talk to them like Edith all the time.

1098
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,640
I perform for them.

1099
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:36,160
I give them their pain medicine.

1100
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:37,160
I don't care.

1101
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:38,560
I'm not holding back.

1102
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:39,560
It's every four hours.

1103
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:41,760
I'm going to give you that shit every four hours.

1104
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:42,920
Is that what you want?

1105
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:43,920
Okay.

1106
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:44,920
That's what I'm doing.

1107
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:50,080
I'm there for them and, and he knows it.

1108
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:56,520
But at the same time, people, he's a doctor, which makes him a little bit of a, what do

1109
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:58,040
they call those?

1110
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,280
There's like a murder inside there too.

1111
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:01,280
Okay.

1112
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:05,520
You've got to be a little bit of a pathological narcissist.

1113
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:06,520
Okay.

1114
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:13,800
Doctor, but this one has obviously learned he's, he comes from a giving space too.

1115
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:18,280
So when we talk to each other, we're like, I'm very grateful for you.

1116
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:21,480
Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me today.

1117
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:23,520
We talked to each other like that.

1118
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:27,640
I think he might be a little neurodivergent like me because I'll have moments where I

1119
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:34,320
stutter and then he'll stutter, you know, we both anyway, I think he's so hot and I'll

1120
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:36,920
like, I'll do this.

1121
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:41,040
He's talking about writing a prescription for so and so.

1122
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:44,480
And he's like, I'll give you my DEA number.

1123
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:47,000
And I'm like, I just, I look.

1124
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:50,040
I just want to put my mouth on his mouth.

1125
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:55,000
I just want to kiss him, but no, that's inappropriate.

1126
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,480
I know that I must not be doing such things at work.

1127
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:03,600
Well, you know, you can't, sometimes you can't control the paths in which the mind goes,

1128
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:04,600
you know, as long as you.

1129
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:05,600
Funny.

1130
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:06,600
I'm, I laugh.

1131
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:07,600
Yeah.

1132
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:08,600
Hours.

1133
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:12,240
And then I imagine him saying, I love you, Edith.

1134
00:50:12,240 --> 00:50:13,240
Wow.

1135
00:50:13,240 --> 00:50:25,800
I'm reminded this, you're giving me like, uh, Allie McBeal meets, uh, uh, yeah, maybe

1136
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:30,640
I was actually going to say a little, a little sex in the city slash Allie McBeal type situation

1137
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:31,640
going on.

1138
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:35,360
I'm dating, I'm dating myself.

1139
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:41,320
Um, I said I'm dating myself here when it comes to saying Allie McBeal in general.

1140
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:48,800
Uh, but I will say this, um, I do not want to make out with my boss.

1141
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:57,560
Um, I, I, I've been in a situation where I have had crushes on bosses before, but I

1142
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:01,920
know it's simply because of the fact that, you know, you work with somebody for so long

1143
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:06,840
in the same space, you start to develop like a shorthand language with each other.

1144
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:13,240
And if you're a person who hasn't had a lot of romantic relationships, uh, as I was, you

1145
00:51:13,240 --> 00:51:14,800
start to think, Oh, is this a crush?

1146
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:18,720
And then you realize, no, you're just syncopating with a human being.

1147
00:51:18,720 --> 00:51:19,720
And yeah.

1148
00:51:19,720 --> 00:51:23,680
And, uh, I've had that confusion a couple of times in my life.

1149
00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:28,080
And I'm sure that, I'm sure that everybody has, uh, just when you get close to somebody,

1150
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:29,560
you start to do it.

1151
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:33,000
I mean, I just, now I just laugh at myself though.

1152
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:35,640
I think I'm terrible when I do like that.

1153
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:39,520
I'm just like, Oh my God, come on.

1154
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:42,560
You're 56 years old, honey.

1155
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:44,760
Turn it off, sweetheart.

1156
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:47,640
Turn it off to the JJ baby.

1157
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:49,240
Why are you at work?

1158
00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:53,520
Maybe, maybe it's telling you that you need to pay attention to it.

1159
00:51:53,520 --> 00:52:01,160
Maybe you, maybe you do need to take some, you need to take some, you need to take some

1160
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:04,360
self-time, you know, maybe, you know, little tender.

1161
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:05,360
Is that what you're telling me?

1162
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:06,360
Yeah.

1163
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:10,320
You know, you, you, you know, just reintroduce yourself to the, the curves, you know, just

1164
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,120
figure out what's going on down there.

1165
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:14,680
You're, you're of a medical professional.

1166
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:16,880
You can tell yourself that it's a medical procedure.

1167
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:17,880
It is.

1168
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:18,880
It's a procedure.

1169
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:23,640
Who wants to take, take care of my procedure?

1170
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:26,880
Capital P procedure.

1171
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:28,880
I love it.

1172
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:29,880
Uh, all right.

1173
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:34,880
So I think, I think that this is a very, very, very important thing.

1174
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:39,400
That this would be a good time for us to kind of like soft launch into the thing that we're

1175
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:40,400
going to do.

1176
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:45,480
And we're, we're going to, I want, like I was telling you at the beginning of all of

1177
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:52,520
this is that I, I haven't got a bisexual coffee podcast Reddit yet, but I know that I want

1178
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:53,520
one.

1179
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:56,640
And I think that we, it'd be a great, a great thing.

1180
00:52:56,640 --> 00:53:03,840
I think for young people to be able to just kind of, I believe in young people.

1181
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:08,840
I believe in young people and creating a community where they're all talking to one another

1182
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:12,720
and, um, just figuring this shit out.

1183
00:53:12,720 --> 00:53:15,200
Life is just a weird space.

1184
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:16,200
Absolutely.

1185
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:18,840
Um, Bruce Lee said it.

1186
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,520
Bruce Lee said, no way is way.

1187
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:22,760
Have you heard that before?

1188
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:23,760
Yes, I have.

1189
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:24,760
Yeah.

1190
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:25,760
I have.

1191
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:32,480
Um, so instead I'm going to log into this using, I guess just my account right now,

1192
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:34,440
just so I can read it.

1193
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:37,320
And this will give us something to talk about right here at the end.

1194
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:40,160
Um, again, this is, you know, it's bisexual coffee.

1195
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:45,640
The whole idea is that we want to, you know, create a show that not only talks about, uh,

1196
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:51,680
people, their feelings and, you know, just the real shit, but also a queer space as well.

1197
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:58,640
And so I found this on queer, uh, r slash queer advice.

1198
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:03,240
And this is, this kind of goes really well into what we were talking about earlier.

1199
00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:06,680
I don't think we could have planned a better segue.

1200
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:09,800
The title of this is confused about feelings for my best friend.

1201
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:15,360
Um, so this is, uh, of course, asking for a relationship advice.

1202
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:18,520
I found it just on r slash queer.

1203
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:23,360
So there, people are trying to get this out there and, uh, because queer, queer advice

1204
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,960
is not really that big of a subreddit.

1205
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,520
Somebody did find it and put it on a bigger one.

1206
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:31,200
Hopefully this person is getting answers, but as of right now, no one's answered it.

1207
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:35,440
I am a out and passing if that matters for some reason.

1208
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:39,440
Transfim lesbian who recently turned 18 last fall while volunteering at a remote location

1209
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:42,040
for a number of weeks, I met someone.

1210
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:45,960
We quickly became very close, both sharing things we had never told anyone else before

1211
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:47,760
and having many deep conversations.

1212
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:51,880
I didn't find this particularly weird because I have a tendency to hyper fixate on new people.

1213
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:53,360
I was definitely falling in love with them.

1214
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:57,080
And I say we love each other regularly now, but we've always labeled our relationship as

1215
00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:58,080
platonic.

1216
00:54:58,080 --> 00:54:59,080
I have plenty of those.

1217
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,360
I'm still trying to get my brother just to say, I love you back to me.

1218
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:04,120
That's so funny.

1219
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:06,960
My brother will do it every now and again.

1220
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:07,960
Yeah.

1221
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:11,760
He will too, but it's so mumbled and quick because my brother's actually just my longest

1222
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:16,480
running best friend who I will, would, you know, give a kidney to no problem.

1223
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:18,760
But, uh, the way he answers me sometimes.

1224
00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:20,760
Yeah, I love you too.

1225
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:23,760
I hope no one hears.

1226
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:24,760
Yeah, right.

1227
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,360
Like, dude, we're in a car by ourselves.

1228
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:28,360
Stop it.

1229
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:31,640
My friend has said many times that they view me as a younger sister.

1230
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:35,320
They're 21 when, and I don't think they really say how old they are.

1231
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:38,080
But when we first met, we became close in the fall.

1232
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:42,320
We also rapidly became very touchy, cuddling and laying on top of each other.

1233
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,440
Cuddly or platonic friends do it.

1234
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:50,040
My friend who identified as fully aromantic and asexual at this point told me that this

1235
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:53,620
was unusual for them at the time, but it's pretty normal for me with friends.

1236
00:55:53,620 --> 00:55:56,920
We've basically been physically and emotionally close like this forever since.

1237
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:58,360
Anyway, fast forward to now.

1238
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:01,800
My friend has just discovered this week they are not arrow ace and entered a whole new

1239
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:04,360
relationship with their childhood best friend.

1240
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:07,960
In spite of my previously unslappable belief that I've viewed them as a sibling, I now

1241
00:56:07,960 --> 00:56:12,280
find myself inexplicably jealous and worried about this new relationship.

1242
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:17,640
Will the new physically intimate dynamic that they only had with me now become less special?

1243
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:19,040
Will they pull away from me?

1244
00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:22,480
Have I secretly liked them romantically and or sexually this whole time?

1245
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:25,520
And that's why I have this gut feeling.

1246
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:30,200
Also I'm currently in a roughly eight month relationship with someone else who's been

1247
00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:32,680
a close friend of mine for over a year now.

1248
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:36,600
This has been a relationship the whole time that the events above have played out.

1249
00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:41,120
The new worry now also has me reconsidering if I might be polyamorous too since I always

1250
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,040
saw I only wanted my partner.

1251
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:44,040
Sorry to ramble.

1252
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:45,320
I hope this reaches someone.

1253
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:49,240
I really don't know how I feel towards this person or what to do about it.

1254
00:56:49,240 --> 00:56:53,440
I figured this would be a good place to ask since it seems like a very queer situation.

1255
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:56,360
Wow, that's a nice end to that.

1256
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:57,360
It was.

1257
00:56:57,360 --> 00:56:58,360
It was.

1258
00:56:58,360 --> 00:56:59,360
It was very well written.

1259
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:01,840
Do you want to tackle it first?

1260
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:09,920
So this person, I would just say right now, I've never really had the specific kind of

1261
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:12,720
first situation right here happen to me.

1262
00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:17,720
It's something that I wish I had, I've had growing older and being comfortable with myself

1263
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:23,760
and realizing how many walls that we put up when we're young just because society tells

1264
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:26,960
us that we can't do things.

1265
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:33,880
Like I probably would have loved to see what the relationship between me and my brother

1266
00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:41,000
would be because I feel very honored to be his friend because he's a brother from another

1267
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:42,000
mother.

1268
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:45,480
I feel very honored to be his friend because I'm one of the very few male friends he has.

1269
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:48,080
And I don't know if it's because we grew up like that.

1270
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:52,400
And he just, we both saw Kendrick Spirits with each other.

1271
00:57:52,400 --> 00:58:00,080
I would just, if I wouldn't have had the walls down and would have maybe hugged him

1272
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:07,680
more or not just try to be the stereotypical guys just hanging out with each other, would

1273
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:09,400
he be a different person?

1274
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:12,000
Because he's a little closed off at times.

1275
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:18,840
So I see, so maybe I'm a little jealous of the relationship that they had with their

1276
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:23,320
friend, but I would say that, and this is probably going to come down to a whole bunch

1277
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:27,400
of other things that we say, this is going to come down to communication if they really

1278
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:28,400
feel like this.

1279
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:29,400
All of it.

1280
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:30,400
Yep.

1281
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:31,400
That's what I was thinking too.

1282
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:32,400
It's so hard.

1283
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:35,200
It's so hard to find your voice.

1284
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:37,720
And I know because I did it for years.

1285
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:40,400
I thought I was saying what I needed.

1286
00:58:40,400 --> 00:58:42,480
And then I would combust.

1287
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:46,120
I would just yell like, what the fuck?

1288
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:48,200
At my husband.

1289
00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:51,400
And then I realized that's not love.

1290
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:56,200
That's not my, what I think is love anyway.

1291
00:58:56,200 --> 00:59:03,640
So I had to go find myself and someone that young, if they could just use their voice

1292
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:14,160
now with the people that they love and just be as real and as transparent as they possibly

1293
00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:15,160
can.

1294
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:16,160
Yeah.

1295
00:59:16,160 --> 00:59:22,120
Honestly, I've had this queer vibe for so long, but it was so buried under so much garbage

1296
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:28,040
that when I finally came out, I had to clear through some other garbage too.

1297
00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:29,040
Yeah.

1298
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:31,000
All the stuff that had been piled on top of you.

1299
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,000
Yeah.

1300
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:33,000
Right.

1301
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:35,680
I had to get myself for being queer.

1302
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:37,440
I, you know.

1303
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:41,920
So it sounds like this person, you know, they're okay with who they are.

1304
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:45,320
I mean, especially just, you know, right there at the top, just going, I'm a trans

1305
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:46,320
STEM lesbian.

1306
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:47,320
This is who I am.

1307
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:53,040
It was so important that they forgot to put their age.

1308
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:59,000
So I'm thinking that, you know, if they're already this open, I mean, it's easy to be

1309
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,960
open when you're anonymous on the internet.

1310
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:05,400
But if they're this open and then saying exactly, you know, who they are at the top without

1311
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:09,480
having to be asked, he was like, well, hey, more information about you.

1312
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:13,960
I feel like if they take that energy, talk to their partner, I would say talk to their

1313
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:18,960
partner first, especially, you know, that's, that's, if that's a relationship that they,

1314
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:24,120
that that's, if that's a relationship that this person wants to keep or see how it's

1315
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:28,800
going to grow, especially if they think that they feel poly that they need to open up with

1316
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:34,000
the partner first, get safe with that, get comfortable, find out where they stand before

1317
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:40,280
maybe opening up the can of emotions that will be with their best friend.

1318
01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:47,520
Because I have been in the situation where a friend of mine did develop a relationship

1319
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:48,640
with somebody else.

1320
01:00:48,640 --> 01:00:50,760
And so I felt like they were pulling away.

1321
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:53,160
I never got to see them.

1322
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:54,840
And I mean, I was young.

1323
01:00:54,840 --> 01:00:56,240
I was so full of emotions.

1324
01:00:56,240 --> 01:01:00,240
I did send them like a couple of folded up letters because we didn't have texts at the

1325
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:03,400
time, just saying, I feel like that we're, I miss you.

1326
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:05,120
And I feel like I'll never see you again.

1327
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:08,960
And like, I don't know if that was really healthy for either one of us, for them to receive

1328
01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:11,280
it or for me to have sent it out like that.

1329
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:14,680
But I wasn't comfortable with the face to face type thing.

1330
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:19,440
And I mean, if this person's, you know, cuddling with just their friend, I feel like there

1331
01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:21,960
they may be a little bit more comfortable face to face.

1332
01:01:21,960 --> 01:01:25,920
And maybe an uncomfortable conversation, but uncomfortable conversations are what makes

1333
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:26,920
the world go around.

1334
01:01:26,920 --> 01:01:27,920
They just do.

1335
01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:28,920
Yeah.

1336
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:34,160
I mean, that's one reason why I removed myself from everybody.

1337
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,440
Like you said, if they're meant to be there, they're going to be there.

1338
01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:38,760
They will be there.

1339
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:41,760
If they're not meant to be there, they will fade away.

1340
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:45,200
They will just drift away like a feather.

1341
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:47,320
There's no one angry.

1342
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:50,160
No one's upset.

1343
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:57,040
I've just defining myself instead of other people putting their definition on my body.

1344
01:01:57,040 --> 01:02:01,200
I am saying, I want to define me.

1345
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:03,000
This is who I am.

1346
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:04,000
Like it or lump it.

1347
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:06,440
This is how I want to describe myself.

1348
01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:08,840
If your friends don't like it.

1349
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:10,800
Well, they're your friends.

1350
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:11,800
Yeah.

1351
01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:14,360
I don't have to explain myself to anybody.

1352
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:19,640
And so here we are coming back again to the book metaphor when it comes to people that,

1353
01:02:19,640 --> 01:02:24,200
you know, they're around for their chapters and they're not necessarily around for the

1354
01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:25,200
whole book.

1355
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:30,560
You know, that maybe what this person finds out is that, you know, that their, their cuddling

1356
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:35,840
buddy was there for a really good part of the beginning of their relationship or, you

1357
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,520
know, of their life.

1358
01:02:38,520 --> 01:02:45,040
And now maybe their next one is, you know, their, their next character, the background

1359
01:02:45,040 --> 01:02:49,520
character or secondary character happens to be the person they're in a relationship with.

1360
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:50,520
Anything.

1361
01:02:50,520 --> 01:02:51,760
I don't think less.

1362
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:57,560
When I was younger, I lusted everyone less, less, less, less, less, like the good doctor.

1363
01:02:57,560 --> 01:03:03,080
That's why I mean, I, I have his number in my phone, but I'm terribly respectful of this

1364
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:04,080
human.

1365
01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:09,080
You know, I'm joking around with you about how I could just lick him like a lollipop.

1366
01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:12,720
But that's, you know, that's a joke.

1367
01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:17,880
I would never disrespect this human and say that to them.

1368
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:18,880
What if you're not working with them?

1369
01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:20,960
I would lick him like a lollipop.

1370
01:03:20,960 --> 01:03:26,120
My idea is that after we have this kind of conversation in the future, that's under the

1371
01:03:26,120 --> 01:03:31,520
logo of bisexual coffee is that we come together, we form an answer, we type it in there and

1372
01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:35,600
we send that off live on the podcast and maybe even give them a shout out, put their name

1373
01:03:35,600 --> 01:03:37,240
in the comments or something like that.

1374
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:39,280
But I wanted to see how that felt.

1375
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:40,280
And I think that felt good.

1376
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:41,280
It does feel good.

1377
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:42,280
Yeah.

1378
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:45,560
Which is also, which is not to say that it's not messy at times too, but human beings like

1379
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:50,120
to make things messy in general, and also if you're an old or queer person and you just

1380
01:03:50,120 --> 01:03:55,760
been either you've just come out because you realize who you are or you realize that maybe

1381
01:03:55,760 --> 01:04:00,720
the people who are hanging around you were keeping you kind of tied down to a version

1382
01:04:00,720 --> 01:04:02,920
of them.

1383
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:05,480
And you want to, you know, express yourself.

1384
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:07,680
We're here to listen to your story as well.

1385
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:14,520
And I think that right there is a great natural way to reach the end of this podcast.

1386
01:04:14,520 --> 01:04:17,440
Yeah, peace out and word to your mother.

1387
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:22,080
And I tell you what, hold on, say that again, but right after this one second.

1388
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:26,200
So since we're at the end of this podcast, we just got to do a little housekeeping and

1389
01:04:26,200 --> 01:04:29,520
say, Hey, if you like this, subscribe to it, comment.

1390
01:04:29,520 --> 01:04:31,400
If you have any questions, check us out.

1391
01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:35,960
You can reach us at bisexual podcast, bisexual coffee podcast at gmail.com.

1392
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:41,360
And we'll be glad to read most anything that you put as long as it's applicable for the

1393
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,160
bisexual coffee podcast.

1394
01:04:43,160 --> 01:04:44,480
Now Edith, what did you want to say?

1395
01:04:44,480 --> 01:04:48,680
Peace out and word to your mother.

1396
01:04:48,680 --> 01:04:52,680
To your mother.

1397
01:04:52,680 --> 01:04:58,160
I love you too.

1398
01:04:58,160 --> 01:04:59,360
I'm glad we're doing this again.

1399
01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:03,160
Hey, this is your just your directionless.

1400
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:12,560
You are because sure we're here.

1401
01:05:12,560 --> 01:05:18,680
Yes.