1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000 Ah, that's more than me. 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,000 Yeah. 3 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,000 I need much more less. 4 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Yes. 5 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Here you go. 6 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Whitney. 7 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,000 How you doing? 8 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,000 Oh, man. 9 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,000 Welcome. 10 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,000 Welcome to the bisexual coffee. 11 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,000 Welcome to bisexual coffee. 12 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Welcome back. 13 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,000 It's only $7.00. 14 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,000 It won't bring to bed. 15 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,000 I love it. 16 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,000 I love it so much. 17 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,000 I give it to all my friends. 18 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,000 Yeah, welcome back. 19 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,000 Hey. 20 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,000 It's good to be back here. 21 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,000 Definitely. 22 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,000 Yeah. 23 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,000 You're so natural. 24 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,000 Thank you. 25 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,000 I like you behind the camera. 26 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,000 You're intoxicating, both of you. 27 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,000 I'm just loving looking at your mugs. 28 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,000 Hey, thanks. 29 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,000 I'm your hippie grandmother. 30 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:47,000 I decided to forego the hat today to let everybody know that, you know, in solidarity, I am a 31 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,000 balding bitch and it's great. 32 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:53,000 And I don't have to worry about sweating from the scalp because there's less up here holding 33 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,000 in the heat. 34 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,000 I have no idea. 35 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,000 I laid out and I got all my bits and pieces sunburned. 36 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,000 My hoo-ha and my ass, both of them. 37 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,000 Okay. 38 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,000 Good for you. 39 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,000 You're just butt-jugging the sun. 40 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,000 I'm proud of you. 41 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,000 I feel like bacon. 42 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:10,000 How bacon must feel after it's been fried. 43 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,000 Salty and a little greasy. 44 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,000 That's true. 45 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,000 I'm sizzling, of course. 46 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,000 Can't forget that. 47 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,000 You know the fat. 48 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,000 It cooks first. 49 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,000 Yes. 50 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,000 Yeah, there you go. 51 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,000 Sorry. 52 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,000 Okay. 53 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,000 What are we talking about today? 54 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,000 Well, we were going to wind into addiction. 55 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,000 Is that okay with you, Sydney? 56 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,000 Yeah. 57 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,000 I talk about it all the time. 58 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:40,000 I mean, it's present with me every day of my life and Mr. LeBlanc, he's going to be 59 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,000 our guidance counselor. 60 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,000 Yeah. 61 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:46,000 At the very least, I'm going to be filling in the spaces in between. 62 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:50,000 We're like questions, you know, just kind of like going on because my addiction is, 63 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:54,000 I mean, it's less dare to say glamorous, but I mean, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's 64 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,000 it's starch and video games. 65 00:01:56,000 --> 00:02:01,000 So I mean, like as long as I, as long as I eat right and, you know, turn off the Xbox 66 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:06,000 every once in a while, I'm good, but I will say video game addiction can be pretty heavy 67 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:10,000 for me, but it's not one that like ruins my life. 68 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:14,000 Like I've, I still have like a pretty decent life balance if the video, if the Xbox claims 69 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:20,000 my life for like one day, you know, whereas I've heard that, you know, 70 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:25,000 like you have a little hours and you have a bucket that you just kind of aim and, you 71 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,000 know, I've done it. 72 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,000 Look, that was the longest. 73 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:35,000 No, that was the shortest addiction I ever had was video games. 74 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,000 And it was Sonic the hedgehog. 75 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:41,000 And I swear to God, I had a pile of snacks. 76 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:48,000 I had a jug of wine and I was determined to conquer your planks. 77 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,000 You're playing Sonic inebriated. 78 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:54,000 That's, that's a, that is, that's a goal now. 79 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,000 That's a goal. 80 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,000 That's what I need. 81 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,000 Of course I can't really get drunk anymore. 82 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,000 The diabetes won't let me do it anymore. 83 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,000 But yeah, that's okay. 84 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,000 It's all right. 85 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,000 I just keep telling myself, I don't miss being drunk and we'll be okay. 86 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,000 I'll drink coffee instead. 87 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,000 How about that? 88 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,000 That's fine. 89 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,000 That is fine. 90 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:14,000 So I'm going to say that this will be like, you can drive this one, you know, I'll jump 91 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,000 in every once in a while. 92 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,000 You know, I'll be here for the conversation. 93 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,000 Did you read it? 94 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,000 Did you find a couple of things? 95 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,000 Oh yeah, I've got a couple of things. 96 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,000 That's right. 97 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,000 We were going to start off with it. 98 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,000 Thank you so much for reminding me. 99 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,000 Yeah, I'm staring. 100 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,000 Remember, you are. 101 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,000 You're doing a great job. 102 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,000 This is for us. 103 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:33,000 This is just kind of breaking the ice and get the flow happen. 104 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,000 All right. 105 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:42,000 So let me, let me say this, and this may be a state is kind of where we are as a human 106 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,000 race. 107 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:49,520 You know, I find stories that pertain to your addiction in kind of a lighter tone and almost 108 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:54,400 everything I found was laced with so much anger, shame. 109 00:03:54,400 --> 00:04:00,160 Whereas when I tried to find addictions that rotate anywhere around drug use, so many light 110 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:05,600 and funny stories that, you know, have a under underlining thing of like, there's a serious 111 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,440 problem here, but you know, I made it. 112 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:08,440 I'm alive. 113 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:12,960 I found that to be such a like a dichotomous type situation where I was looking at two 114 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:16,920 sides of the coin simultaneously, like both sides were addiction, but one was just like 115 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:21,320 severely darker than the other and could not for life of me. 116 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:25,760 Like I specifically tried to find hijinks and around stories. 117 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:26,760 I bet you did. 118 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:27,760 Yeah. 119 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,280 The closest I could get is if I read choke by choke Palinoke. 120 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:32,280 That's about as close as I can get. 121 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,280 We don't have time to read a whole book right now. 122 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:35,280 I'm so sorry. 123 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,880 I wish I could find something to represent you more, but I was not going to start on 124 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,520 a down note today with that. 125 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:44,080 So know that there are a lot of people out there who still live in shame when it comes 126 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,080 to that. 127 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:50,720 However, if we're talking about drug use, so this one right here comes from ask UK. 128 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:55,400 So somebody over there in Europe and it was just what's your funny drug related story. 129 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,160 So they were actually asking for stories in the comments. 130 00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:59,640 They didn't have one to give. 131 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,640 And this one, it looked like it was written as a conversation. 132 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,320 The more I saw it, I realized it was just how they wrote it. 133 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,320 So a lot of like sentences just back to back. 134 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:11,640 So we used to run a small event in Milton keys UK. 135 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:17,040 We booked a fairly large trance guy who I have multiple records from have a lot of respect 136 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,720 for the man halfway through a set. 137 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:23,400 I'm adjusting a compressor up behind the decks and he's down there behind the decks with 138 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:24,400 me. 139 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:25,400 Where is it? 140 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,400 Where the fuck is it? 141 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,440 Mate, I've got literally all the tunes on CD. 142 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:29,440 What do you need? 143 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:30,440 No, not that. 144 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,440 Here it is. 145 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,640 And the guy empties out a gram of cocaine on the shelf underneath the decks, sniffs half 146 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,520 of it and just hands me 500 euro note. 147 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,000 Well, when in Rome, I sniffed the lot. 148 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,480 The next thing I know, it's Monday. 149 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,560 I'm in a bush and I'm in Belgium. 150 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,320 I had to call my boss to tell them I'm not in work. 151 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:47,800 Mate, I'm not going to be in today. 152 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:48,800 Really? 153 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:49,800 Why? 154 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:50,800 You're not on the sofa somewhere. 155 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:51,800 Are you? 156 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:55,320 Complete silence followed by I woke up in a bush and I have no idea what language the 157 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:56,480 road sides are in. 158 00:05:56,480 --> 00:06:01,240 Thankfully, the first Belgium place I walked into, they said, Dan, where you been? 159 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,360 You've been out for a smoke three hours ago. 160 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:08,240 So they had an adventure. 161 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,240 That's awesome. 162 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:10,240 Yeah, that is. 163 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:11,880 I don't know if you could top that. 164 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:12,880 That's pretty great. 165 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,720 That one, that one was a pretty good one. 166 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,600 And then I saw this one and I'm like, this one, the final line and it really made it 167 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:19,600 for me. 168 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,600 This says it's an actually funny drug story. 169 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:23,600 Good title. 170 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,800 So I just remembered this and thought it was funny and decided to share here. 171 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,320 This was shared to r slash addiction. 172 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:34,920 So back when I was using, I was really addicted to fentanyl, the blue M30 pills. 173 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,880 And that was the only kind of fentanyl I liked. 174 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,760 Nothing else did it other than those. 175 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,320 And all of our plugs were completely out. 176 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:44,240 So I hit up one of our old plugs and it was like, he had the blue 15 pills. 177 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,400 Never heard of 15s before and he couldn't specify if they were eating fentanyl. 178 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,880 Anyway, so on the drive to the plugs, I've tried to see if anyone on Reddit knew where 179 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:55,440 they knew if they were morphine or fentanyl or if you can even smoke them. 180 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,080 I wasn't a big Reddit user at the time. 181 00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:00,880 So I didn't know how to post the question, so I just typed in drug into the group immediately 182 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,200 popped up to drugstore. 183 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:06,440 So I clicked on that one and said, does anyone know if blue 15 pills are fentanyl or morphine 184 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:07,440 and can you smoke them? 185 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:11,760 Since they're 15, they're probably not potent enough to make to smoke anyone know. 186 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:16,440 Within two minutes, I got the comment, ma'am, this is a drugstore makeup subreddit. 187 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:17,440 Oh my God. 188 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,680 The equivalent of going, excuse me, we are in a Wendy's right now. 189 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,320 And you, can you please calm down? 190 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,360 Oh my God. 191 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:30,920 So I'm telling you, like the availability of like funny drugstories, you know, like 192 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:35,680 a little, a little sad, a little real, a little funny because they're all situational. 193 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,600 You would think that with sex, especially with somebody who's comfortable with it and 194 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:43,480 comfortable with who they are, it would be comfortable telling stories of like feeding 195 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,760 the addiction in like a weird place and hitting college or something like that. 196 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,360 I couldn't even find any of those. 197 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,160 You know, because of religion, I'll just say it. 198 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,320 I mean, I was thinking that very thing. 199 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:58,920 Sydney knows we've, we both endured that same kind of environment. 200 00:07:58,920 --> 00:07:59,920 Okay. 201 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:03,800 My parents were a part of a Baptist cult. 202 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:10,960 And when I say we were groomed to please men from the very time from when we were very 203 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:15,760 small and I felt guilt and shame for such a long time. 204 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:20,880 And it's recently that I've like, I just, I am who I am. 205 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,360 I like what I like. 206 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:23,560 I do what I do. 207 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:29,320 I had to let go and not be angry at myself anymore and not look religion. 208 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,320 Sure. 209 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:31,320 It's a belief. 210 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,200 I don't have to believe it and I don't have to live by it. 211 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,200 We have that choice. 212 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,880 I don't have to beat myself up over it. 213 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:37,880 Yeah. 214 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,680 I don't have to do any of that anymore. 215 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:43,560 I'm in a calm, quiet environment. 216 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:46,160 I'm with a person who wants me here. 217 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:47,160 Okay. 218 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:52,320 I mean, and I've got, I've got a family that I. 219 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,320 Put together. 220 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,320 I'm so grateful to be here with you all. 221 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:56,640 I mean, I see your faces. 222 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,320 I have such love for you and I'm here. 223 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,320 I'm 55 years old. 224 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,720 Think of all the shit I've been through. 225 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:11,600 I mean, just kind of go like, what could an addict, a sex addict possibly do in 55 years? 226 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:12,600 A lot. 227 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:13,600 A lot. 228 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:19,680 Well, I just think it's, it's weird that I couldn't find any more like more lighthearted 229 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:26,240 or, or at least like cautionary tale, at least stories on Reddit because like you can find 230 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,240 anything. 231 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:31,040 You should find drugstore reddits, you know? 232 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,280 Well, look, but I don't know. 233 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,280 I don't know. 234 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:39,520 Maybe it's just, maybe in the hour that I dug around, I just, I just was digging in 235 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:40,520 the wrong spot. 236 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:41,520 Who needs those? 237 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:42,520 When I. 238 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:43,520 Maybe, maybe it was. 239 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:44,520 And maybe they were too. 240 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:49,520 But I feel like maybe, you know, you guys can speak on it. 241 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:50,520 A little bit more. 242 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:57,840 Do you have any experience with like a sex addiction or, I mean, because watch your videos. 243 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:04,360 Listen, you will talk about, like you'll have exploding volcanoes and things and be thinking 244 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:05,360 about your ex. 245 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,360 Oh yeah. 246 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,360 It's all that one. 247 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:14,120 So there's, I mean, for me, there's like my, my specific drug addiction also came with 248 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:15,800 this specific sex addiction. 249 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:20,640 I mean, that's like methamphetamines and sex are kind of like very hand and hand stuff. 250 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:25,680 And there's, you know, obviously stuff I can't talk about on TikTok versus, you know, a podcast. 251 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:26,680 But here. 252 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:27,680 Yeah. 253 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:28,680 Here I can. 254 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:29,680 Yeah. 255 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,920 There's, I never, like I've got outside of the drug addiction, there's a weird different 256 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,080 face to the sex addiction that I do have. 257 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:38,080 It's not necessarily like a, I have to have it type thing. 258 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:41,960 But because of the stuff that happened to me as a kid, a, if I don't have someone who's 259 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:47,440 sexually interested in me, or if I'm not like seeking out that sex, then it tanks my self-worth 260 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:48,440 and self-value. 261 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:52,760 Like I just don't feel like I'm worth anything because the people who were supposed to be 262 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,640 there nurturing me and taking care of me, or like, you know, being there for me is in 263 00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:01,160 like a, the capacity that they were, they only wanted me around when it came to sex. 264 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,880 So there's, there's that weird, almost darkness that comes with it. 265 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,920 That's really hard to make funny without really offending people. 266 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,240 But when it comes to the drug addiction, yeah. 267 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:15,600 I mean, like I've cheated on partners, I've had the hypersexuality and it just ramped 268 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,680 up with the ADHD anyway. 269 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:24,880 There's stuff that I've done that has dishonored myself and made me not, not a good person 270 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,440 in any way, shape or form, you know? 271 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,200 I didn't do anything like super, like, morally wrong, you know what I mean? 272 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,080 But like, there's, there's some stuff that, that, you know, I'm just not proud of. 273 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:39,840 And I ended up prostituting for a while for, you know, my drug addiction and also for the 274 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:43,760 sex addiction itself too, you know, so when it comes to the drug addiction, there's that 275 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:44,760 acceptance with it. 276 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,680 But when it comes to sex, especially here in the U S, I think it's, you're not finding 277 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:55,120 that kind of funnier content with it because one is the U S view sex as very shameful and 278 00:11:55,120 --> 00:12:00,520 very guiltful, especially when we're such a mainstream Christian nation, you know, 279 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,520 good points, good point. 280 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:07,240 And the second one is, and I know I'm ripping up a joke from that tick tock I saw, you can't 281 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:12,200 really tell someone that you've been molested by multiple people and have the jerk joke 282 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,960 turnaround of like, well, okay, who is your favorite one? 283 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,480 You know, and people laugh about that. 284 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:17,480 You're right. 285 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:18,480 You're right. 286 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:19,480 That's it. 287 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:20,480 You can't help it. 288 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,160 I mean, you've got to find the humor in it, especially when it's happened to you. 289 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,160 Yeah. 290 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:30,560 I mean, it's happened to me and it happened in our church by the deacons in our church. 291 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:37,880 And my 82 year old father has said to me, if I knew about it, I would have done something. 292 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:44,960 And that's just not true because he did know about it and he didn't do anything. 293 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:51,520 So, you know, I mean, but I don't harbor any resentment, a resentment towards my father 294 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:52,520 for that. 295 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,480 It's the world we live in, man. 296 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:59,040 I'm telling you, you've got some people who sneak behind the curtains and do it. 297 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,880 And some people who do it in front of the curtains, I'm one of the people that do it 298 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,280 in front of the curtains with lights on me. 299 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,280 I'm like, I'm not hiding. 300 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,280 Yeah, look at me. 301 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:10,280 That's how I am. 302 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,760 My ass hole and everything. 303 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:13,760 It works. 304 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:14,760 It's great. 305 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:15,760 That's true. 306 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,760 So, you had the closest thing. 307 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:19,760 Sorry. 308 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:20,760 You couldn't help it. 309 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:27,160 So, you had the closest thing that I found that was like a light story was kind of a 310 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,680 more exploratory instead of like shame. 311 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:34,040 They were using more like why was this person this way? 312 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:38,000 And it was a PT teacher and he also taught a little bit of band and whatnot. 313 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:42,560 I mean, he was just like this exemplary member of community as far as anybody could tell. 314 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:48,080 But nobody knew that on his weekends, he would get undressed in the car in the back of this 315 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:52,680 apartment complex and just walk around the backyards naked. 316 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:58,960 Not hoping that somebody would see him, but anticipating the rush of being seen. 317 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,840 He eventually got caught, got arrested and everything came to light. 318 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,040 And they were like, oh, he must have been a pedophile too. 319 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:07,560 And they're like, there's the lines that people want to draw immediately. 320 00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:12,120 You know, there are reasons why these poor souls do these things. 321 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,080 There are so many deeper reasons. 322 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,560 We are such an injured world that we live in. 323 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:25,120 We have people who can pretend not very well, but they pretend like their world is perfect. 324 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,120 And then internally it's not. 325 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,040 So these people break down. 326 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,200 They literally break down. 327 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,760 They don't age well. 328 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,920 They look horrendous. 329 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:40,800 I would rather battle all my demons, go toe to toe with everything and understand why I'm 330 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:45,160 an addict versus hiding that I'm an addict. 331 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:49,680 And it seems to be like the biggest thing too with that, you know, so how do you, how 332 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,840 do you guys feel about yourself right now? 333 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:56,000 Is there any lingering self attack? 334 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:00,400 Like some one of them I think about some inner poison that's like making you go, oh man, 335 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,400 there's this part of me. 336 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,400 It's still there. 337 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,400 That sucks. 338 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:04,760 Or are you guys just on the upswing? 339 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:08,600 Are you like making the climb, trying to make yourself feel better doing the good things 340 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:09,600 for yourself? 341 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:10,920 I hope that made sense for me. 342 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:15,280 I mean, there's, there's, I can't count how many photos or videos that I know about, let 343 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,440 alone that I don't know about out there of me. 344 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:23,920 Because I've got myself into some like really, really sketchy, super precarious positions 345 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,960 that I shouldn't have been in with other drug users and like my drug dealer and stuff 346 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:28,960 like that. 347 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,480 And that's something that's, you know, like part of me is like really, really super hurt 348 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:36,920 and shameful of, but also at the same time, those are things that I have to learn how 349 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,080 to accept myself. 350 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,960 I'm not quite there yet and I don't know how long that's going to take, but those are 351 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,400 things that I've got to accept that I've done. 352 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:50,680 And the way that I view it now, like anything that's trying to hold me back is that that's, 353 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:56,000 that's who I was compared in like survival mode when I was trying to just like literally 354 00:15:56,000 --> 00:16:01,600 claw my way through to grab a breath of air out of a, like drowning in an ocean. 355 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:06,200 Who I am now and the decisions that I make now in a sober mind is very, very different 356 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:10,560 than the decisions I made, you know, when I was, when I was using, especially with Matt, 357 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,120 you know, and the psychosis and everything else. 358 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:16,520 So I would, I want to say like I'm on the upswing and everything's going great, but 359 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,200 honestly, you know, it's, it's, it's hell. 360 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,720 It's a constant battle and I've just got to deal with that every day, but that's, I'm 361 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,360 doing better than I was last year. 362 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,440 I'm doing better than I was yesterday. 363 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,280 And that's the only thing that really kind of matters to me, you know, so much. 364 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:34,520 So honestly, my sex addiction has, it's been my whole life. 365 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,080 I want you to know that. 366 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:40,360 So when you talk about your addiction, I feel like, Oh my God, I have a friend. 367 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:45,680 I finally have a friend who understands, understands what it's fucking like. 368 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:52,520 It's like having somebody knock on your head over and over and over again. 369 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:53,520 Pay attention. 370 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:58,000 Hey, hey, you know, I mean, it's exhausting. 371 00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,240 It's exhausting. 372 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:05,080 And then I'm watching a video, it was a Facebook video and this woman, she was on the beach 373 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,200 laying out in front of her condo, masturbating. 374 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:09,200 Okay. 375 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,200 Not a big deal. 376 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,200 I do it. 377 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,200 Yeah. 378 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:13,200 Bow it by the pool or whatever. 379 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,200 And she's doing it. 380 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:19,480 And apparently a father, mother and two kids saw her do it. 381 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:20,480 I know that video. 382 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:21,480 And you know that video. 383 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:25,320 And she got her ass arrested for that. 384 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:31,400 And I'm thinking, Oh my God, the world we live in, the world we live in, it's more about 385 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:38,480 policing people than it is about showing them how to conduct themselves. 386 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,440 Hey, self control. 387 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,040 Look, my parents were addicts. 388 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,040 Okay. 389 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,480 They were alcoholics or whatever. 390 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,560 They call them, they're like a dry alcoholic. 391 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,120 Have you ever heard of that? 392 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:50,120 Oh yeah. 393 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,120 You don't really need alcohol. 394 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:56,480 So they, my parents had their perception of the, of whatever was going on in the world, 395 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:01,680 like a Fox news kind of going on and they had me afraid of everything. 396 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,440 They started when I was very small. 397 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,160 Here read revelation. 398 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:10,600 Here read, you know, that's a pretty heavy book to lay on a kid. 399 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,240 I just want to say, yeah, that's pretty rough. 400 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,240 Mean people. 401 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,400 No, they were old. 402 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:21,960 They were just, they just had, look, my parents were born in the fees, you know, and I'm thinking 403 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:26,200 Paris France, you know, you go to a cafe. 404 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:31,480 You have a little, you have a little wine and you go read a book and then you meet C.S. 405 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:36,080 Lewis and maybe a couple of other Hemingway, maybe you meet Hemingway. 406 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,080 I don't know. 407 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,240 Not my parents. 408 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:43,400 They lived in shitty old Texas where everybody hates everybody and they'll shoot you if you're 409 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:44,400 gay. 410 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:45,400 Oh yeah. 411 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,400 Yeah. 412 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,400 Not really. 413 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,400 They don't really do that. 414 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:52,680 I think they're more afraid because I mean, I flamed it up while I was there. 415 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:53,680 Nobody said a word. 416 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,240 And I was in the middle of nowhere. 417 00:18:55,240 --> 00:19:02,200 I do like the idea of an ideal situation is that you go out there, you live your best 418 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:06,200 life and then you meet like an old whizzened author. 419 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,200 Like, right? 420 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:10,920 I mean, I'm not going to lie. 421 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:16,600 For one thing, I just got completely disillusioned on how time works and realized that Douglas 422 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:22,000 Adams, the author of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, passed away in the 2000s where 423 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:26,320 I thought he had passed away like much earlier than I think it was like 2016. 424 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,200 I think he passed away or 2006. 425 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,360 Six or 16 either way, closer to now than I thought. 426 00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:38,480 And I have to say an ideal situation for me would be like at some bistro or something 427 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,040 like that and Douglas Adams is just sitting there. 428 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,800 So I think I kind of fuck with that idea actually. 429 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,800 I think it's cool. 430 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,720 I don't mind being, you asked, where are we now? 431 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:51,720 Right? 432 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:52,720 Yeah. 433 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,720 And Sidney, you're climbing your mountain, dude. 434 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:56,720 I got you. 435 00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:01,960 I'm climbing the same mountain, but maybe on the other side. 436 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,000 So I will meet you at the top. 437 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,000 Sounds good. 438 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,000 That's awesome. 439 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:11,640 And we'll hug and we'll share, I don't know, we'll share some love for the world, two 440 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,520 attics on the top of a mountain. 441 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:14,520 What can I say? 442 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,960 All the old mountain's Mount Attic. 443 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:25,760 It's like Mount Everest, but it's not exactly, you know, so where am I? 444 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:29,360 I'm just, I've learned to accept myself. 445 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:33,600 Like recently, I don't know Sidney if you know, but I lost mine. 446 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,040 I don't, didn't loss it. 447 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,040 I didn't lose it. 448 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:37,040 I misplaced it. 449 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:42,880 So I had to attach this phone to my line for another, it's going to be 55. 450 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,560 So it's going to be like $165 a month. 451 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:50,160 If I can't find the other phone, I'm just going to have to pay off, pay it off, show 452 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,000 services off and, and just pay off the phone. 453 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,000 It's okay. 454 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,520 But when I say I lost the first day, I was so depressed. 455 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:58,840 I'm going to add it. 456 00:20:58,840 --> 00:20:59,840 Come on. 457 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:00,840 My phone is my everything. 458 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:01,840 I mean, it's true. 459 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:02,840 Yeah. 460 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,560 I guess, I guess I could throw that in my hat in that ring too. 461 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:09,920 Um, I, I purposely don't look on how long I look at the phone. 462 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,240 Like it'll give you like the phone health. 463 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:12,240 I was like, I don't need to know. 464 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:13,240 I already know. 465 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,240 I already know it's bad. 466 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,600 Um, but that, but I'm, but I'm, I'm a creator. 467 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:24,600 I'm always, and my, my comedy, my content has always stemmed from situational. 468 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:30,840 So I always try to find things to create, to fill that situational, uh, sourdough starter, 469 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,520 so to speak, so I can bake my comedy. 470 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,080 And it's, it's, it's a never ending digging. 471 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,560 Also I use it for work as well too. 472 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,280 And they, they reimburse me for the time that I'm at work because they use that to make 473 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:43,280 calls and whatnot. 474 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,200 So, but still, yeah, the phone's always in my hands. 475 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,640 And I'm like, I'm like, I'm gonna start talking to you all the time. 476 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,640 Right. 477 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:49,640 Yeah. 478 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,640 Yeah. 479 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:51,640 You gotta get some right there. 480 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:52,640 Everybody knows you're right there. 481 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:53,640 Yeah. 482 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:54,640 Young bottom. 483 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:55,640 Yeah. 484 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,160 Well, look, I look at it this way. 485 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:01,480 I've spent my whole life exchanging my addictions. 486 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:02,480 All right. 487 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:07,680 But I have been treating my relationship like an addict and that's not good. 488 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,960 So you want to elaborate on that? 489 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:10,960 Yes. 490 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:15,160 Well, what happens when I get like, I want to, I told you, he's got a mushroom. 491 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,160 It's like this. 492 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,160 The top is like that. 493 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:19,160 Oh, wow. 494 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:28,240 I'm gonna, I, I, I want, I want, I want to bring the meat curtains back up and just 495 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,240 lace everything together. 496 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,240 But I'm gonna let it go. 497 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:33,840 Be the bigger human in this situation. 498 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,840 Well, maybe not that big. 499 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:36,840 It is explicit. 500 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:37,840 I'm sorry. 501 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:42,840 I have to be descriptive in my, in my direction. 502 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,360 This isn't an addiction episode. 503 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,000 We can be explicit, I believe. 504 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,960 Look, look, it happened. 505 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:56,840 It happened, you know, and now I think there's some awareness because it went from this space 506 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,840 to I wanted. 507 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:04,320 Man, it's a part of my brain because the chef part is just taken over that all I'm imagining 508 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,440 the fucking shiitake mushroom with like layers of bacon. 509 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,440 Oh, man. 510 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:15,440 Oh my God. 511 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:18,040 And look, I laughed during sex too. 512 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,040 That's gotta be funky, you know. 513 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,320 You're not laughing at the wrong part. 514 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:23,320 That's fine. 515 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,040 No, I'm just like a giddy school girl. 516 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,040 Come on. 517 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,040 How many hours can we make this last? 518 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:34,240 And then I get so pissed when it's over in five minutes or 10, 20. 519 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:35,240 I don't know. 520 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,880 Hey, that's a lot of cardio on some people. 521 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:38,880 Okay. 522 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:39,880 Yeah. 523 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,040 You know, I don't know if you've ever been on the giving side of things, but you know, 524 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:49,280 20 minutes of cardio, that's all I enjoy that part. 525 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:53,600 So it's about it. 526 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:54,960 If you're going to make someone laugh, right? 527 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,400 Like you can't just sit there and do the thrusting thing because that's true. 528 00:23:58,400 --> 00:23:59,400 Yeah. 529 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,400 It's been on us. 530 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:04,840 You toys always implement into like, you know, different different things. 531 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:05,840 Yeah. 532 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:09,760 Whatever, because you can be very sensual and still get someone off without it just 533 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,440 being a like thrusting thing. 534 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,440 You know what I mean? 535 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:17,080 Even though both of like orgasms are different for her or for him or them, then it still 536 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:22,280 can be like, you can, you can have this ride the wave type thing, you know? 537 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:23,280 Yeah. 538 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:28,880 No, I'm the worst when I'm in attic mode and I call her, I call her venomous instead 539 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,760 of venom, venomous because that's how I am. 540 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,000 I'm disappointed at everything. 541 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,000 Life sucks. 542 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,000 This sucks. 543 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,000 Everything sucks. 544 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,000 You know? 545 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,720 So you're chasing the endorphin rush. 546 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:46,320 And if you're not constantly getting that, then you're in the you're in the valley. 547 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:47,320 Thank you. 548 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,320 Yeah. 549 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,320 Not a problem. 550 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:55,560 I learned a lot of of how people view their their sexual attraction in that hour that 551 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:59,200 I was just like rooted in my search history. 552 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,600 Tic-Toc or not Tic-Toc Reddit and Google are probably going to think like something 553 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:08,440 has happened to me and but yeah, a lot of people were describing that where it's not 554 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:12,680 about the fact that it's not about the fact it has nothing to do for some people with 555 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,520 the actual connection with the human being. 556 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:19,920 It has everything to do about the brain and body chemistry, getting, getting it up, writing 557 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:21,680 that way of creating that way. 558 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:25,760 The longer that they have it, the better because it is very much a high to the point where 559 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,800 some people have completely cut themselves off from any sexual gratification, whether 560 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:35,640 it be by themself or with somebody because they realize how addicted they are to that 561 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,360 high and that 562 00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:43,000 Yeah, and that they don't like themselves when they're not getting up there, which I'm 563 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,000 not going to lie. 564 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:49,080 Personally, there are some people who say that even just masturbating and watching porn 565 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:54,360 over like a certain amount of time, like it's like however many time over X amount of days 566 00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:57,440 that you do it can put you into attic mode. 567 00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:02,360 And there was times where I was feeling like that when I wasn't getting sex in my first 568 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:05,800 marriage and but I was looking back on there. 569 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:10,520 I was looking for anything to try to just get me out of my just general funk. 570 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,560 It wasn't even the fact that I wasn't getting any. 571 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:18,200 It was just I was generally depressed than anyway. 572 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:22,160 But you know, pardon me wonders, you know, where would I be mentally, physically and 573 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:26,400 everything of that relationship would have continued would it had it turned into something 574 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,360 like that would I have turned to cheating? 575 00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:29,880 Like I don't know. 576 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:33,240 I I'm really glad that I didn't have to find out. 577 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,640 Yeah, that that high highs in general. 578 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,800 They're great when you have them, but you know, we can't live there. 579 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:43,120 And I think that's what a lot of people are really feeling about in these the sex stories, 580 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:46,000 you know, the fact that they feel like they have to live there and they're disgusted with 581 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,080 themselves and what they have to do to get to that point. 582 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:51,080 Yeah, because those things definitely get like worse and worse and worse. 583 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:56,800 I mean, like I know with with my sex addiction, like when I was using let alone my using addiction 584 00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:01,160 like with meth, it would have to be like more intense because I like the first time I ever 585 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,720 shot up, it was the best thing in the world. 586 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,160 It was like having consensual sex the first time I ever did. 587 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:06,600 It was the best thing in the world. 588 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:08,280 And I was always chasing that. 589 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:09,680 I was always trying to find a new way. 590 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,520 I was always doing more and it never hit, never hit, never hit. 591 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:16,880 And then finally, like, you know, I'm doing a grandma shot and it's not even really affecting 592 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:21,960 me, you know, same thing, but like the sex addiction is you get into some really weird 593 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,560 shit, you know what I mean? 594 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:27,840 Like some some like, like there's the Gonzo porn thing that, you know, starts like really 595 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,920 like people get fucking hurt in that type of scenario. 596 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:33,680 Let alone take that moment, think that that's what's going to get them off because that's 597 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,880 what gets them off in porn while they're alone. 598 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:39,160 You know, and those things, those things can get pretty fucking dangerous, you know, where 599 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:43,400 you start going down into, for some people go down into some rabbit holes that are really 600 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:47,120 fucking dark and really, really morally wrong, you know, eight millimeter. 601 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:48,120 Yes. 602 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:49,120 Yep. 603 00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:50,120 A Serbian film. 604 00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:51,120 Oh my God. 605 00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:52,120 Yeah, I can't get my back. 606 00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:53,120 You've seen a Serbian film? 607 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:54,120 God, please tell me now. 608 00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:55,120 You have. 609 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:57,120 I haven't only know of it. 610 00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:58,120 Oh, okay. 611 00:27:58,120 --> 00:27:59,120 Yeah. 612 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:01,120 Yeah, I don't even see it. 613 00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:02,120 It's don't. 614 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,120 Don't watch it. 615 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:06,120 Don't watch it. 616 00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:07,120 Don't watch it. 617 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:08,120 Don't watch it. 618 00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:09,120 Don't watch it. 619 00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:10,120 That's good. 620 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:11,120 See, I learned probably in my twenties when film, film and videos really started coming 621 00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:14,880 out more than just like stills and pictures on the internet where, you know, it became 622 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,960 more of a thing where people were sharing pretty much anything and everything. 623 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:23,840 And I stumbled across the video of Saddam's hanging and that is like a little bit of psychic 624 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:24,840 damage that happened. 625 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:25,840 You know what I'm talking about? 626 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:26,840 You have. 627 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:27,840 Yeah. 628 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:28,840 I have a thing. 629 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:29,840 Yeah. 630 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:30,840 That was a lot of evil. 631 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:31,840 Yeah, it was. 632 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:32,840 There was a lot going on there. 633 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:33,840 That was a lot of pain holes. 634 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:38,440 So, however he died, if it was messy, it was okay. 635 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:39,440 Well, sure. 636 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:40,680 Don't get me wrong. 637 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,000 There was there was a whole lot going on, but I didn't need to see. 638 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:47,840 I knew about it, you know, and then like I, it was, it was a Reddit 5050. 639 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:51,280 So you click on it and you either get something cool or you get something like scarring. 640 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:52,600 Unfortunately, it was scarring for me. 641 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,760 And that's the last time I played Reddit 5050. 642 00:28:54,760 --> 00:29:00,160 And so now that, you know, if I get any wind of anything where people are like, oh, this 643 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,440 is the most messed up stuff ever, I'm like, I'm going to keep that far away from my brain. 644 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:07,000 So I will, I wake up a vow here to never see that. 645 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,000 I will. 646 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,000 Don't ever. 647 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,000 I will not. 648 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:14,400 I had someone describe it to me in detail and I was like, I, I can't, I can't listen 649 00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:15,400 to you anymore. 650 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:16,400 This is really fucked up. 651 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:17,400 Yeah, I know. 652 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:18,400 It's not okay. 653 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:19,400 That's why I'm not talking. 654 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,400 I won't tell you about it. 655 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:31,400 I mean, as far as me, what I like is BDSM, but not really like fake, not the real. 656 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:32,400 Consensual non-consensual play. 657 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:33,400 Yeah. 658 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:34,400 Okay. 659 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:35,400 All right. 660 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,840 Consensual and non, you know, like, well, I mean, that's what it's called. 661 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:39,840 It's a CNC, consensual, non-consensual. 662 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:40,840 Yeah. 663 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:41,840 Okay. 664 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:42,840 And that's something you've learned today. 665 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:46,600 I, hey, I'm all for it, honey. 666 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:49,080 That's how I get my knowledge on the interweb. 667 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,360 I mean, I mean, if you're going to, I will say. 668 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:52,760 I will say this. 669 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:58,560 Having access to the internet at all, you're two clicks away from finding out either a, 670 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:03,440 a new kink or B satisfying kink that you already have. 671 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:09,480 And that's got to really suck for, for, for people who, you know, get easily like turned 672 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,960 on and start thinking, I've got to have it now. 673 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:20,900 As you were saying, I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm the type of guy that if I see like a very 674 00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:24,920 well done, even maybe not even well done, if I see a pair of tits on the internet, I 675 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,000 started thinking, I wonder when Marley's coming. 676 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:28,000 You know, yeah. 677 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:32,160 Um, sometimes they're, you know, sometimes it's within the art, so I'm like, cool. 678 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:36,800 But like, if it's obviously meant to show off to, and my eyes just automatically go there, 679 00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,960 I'm starting to think about sex, but it's not a thing where I was like, I have to instantly 680 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:41,560 gratify myself right now. 681 00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:45,120 But I know that it's got to be like that for some people out there, like the triggers 682 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,920 got to be that much of a hair trigger out there. 683 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,640 Um, well, that's the ego, right? 684 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:52,880 Like that's what I know about my ego. 685 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,400 So I know my ego gets triggered by things. 686 00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,240 Uh, uh, a misogynistic man. 687 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:03,320 For some reason I find that electrifyingly attractive. 688 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,120 It's not, it is not. 689 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:10,240 It is so like, I can't even explain how degrading it is. 690 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:11,240 Okay. 691 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,360 But venomous loves that shit. 692 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:20,880 Loves to pine, to hunt, to crawl around, to be a sub. 693 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,480 Please, please, please fuck me. 694 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:24,480 Please. 695 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,920 No, no, no, no, no, I'll go without. 696 00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:27,920 That's how I feel. 697 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:28,920 No. 698 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:30,640 So with 19, sorry, go ahead. 699 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:31,640 No, I have friends. 700 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,080 That's why you have friends. 701 00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,200 They put fingers in places for me. 702 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,040 Here, let me feel that for you. 703 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:39,040 How's that? 704 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:40,040 I gotta talk to my roommate. 705 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,040 Hey, I got a job. 706 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:44,360 Hey, I got a job for you. 707 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:47,800 Get some work for you. 708 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,800 That's right. 709 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,840 Spank my little bottom. 710 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:57,040 Yeah, that's where I was going with that. 711 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,040 Yeah. 712 00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:01,560 So let me, let me ask you this. 713 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:06,960 Because I found with a lot of the healing and stuff that I've done, what is it that 714 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:11,560 for me came from my childhood, but what is it about like the misogynistic guys that are 715 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:13,560 like going to degrade the shit out of you? 716 00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:18,520 What's the wound, the childhood wound that you need to heal in order for that to be okay? 717 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,600 Oh man, because I had it ready. 718 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,200 I have the answer ready. 719 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:23,200 I have it. 720 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,000 I have a father wound. 721 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,000 Huge. 722 00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,880 Always wanted to be accepted by my father. 723 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:34,760 Always wanted to be told that I was an intelligent and all these things by my father. 724 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:35,920 He never once. 725 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,200 He always said I was a piece of shit. 726 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:39,520 You're a piece of shit. 727 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:40,680 You're a whore. 728 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:41,680 You're this. 729 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:42,680 You're that. 730 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,960 And, and I, and I was none of those things. 731 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:53,200 I was young and just very, very pretty, like very cute and very sweet and very loving and 732 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:54,880 very giving. 733 00:32:54,880 --> 00:33:01,040 And I'll tell you what, by the time he was done with me, I was a shriveling hot mess. 734 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:08,760 And the only men that I attracted were abusive, misogynistic, locked me in a room, just put 735 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:13,040 a towel under the door, let me out for three days kind of shit. 736 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:14,040 Okay. 737 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:21,360 And, and I got to the point where, you know, I would seek it out and then a healthy person 738 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:28,400 can come and venomous would come out and turn that nice healthy person into a shitball because 739 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:29,900 she demands it. 740 00:33:29,900 --> 00:33:30,900 How's that? 741 00:33:30,900 --> 00:33:34,200 And that venomous is trying to take control of the situation that you could. 742 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:35,200 That's right. 743 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,200 That's right. 744 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:37,200 Yeah. 745 00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:38,200 Yeah. 746 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,240 And I also have a mother wound. 747 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:41,600 So that's why I'm bisexual. 748 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:46,920 I believe is because I didn't have the love from either one of my parents. 749 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,240 That's my belief, you know, makes sense. 750 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:50,240 Yeah. 751 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,600 So, and how about you, Sydney? 752 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:58,240 For me, so most definitely because like I mentioned earlier, if, if I don't have someone 753 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:04,560 who's willing to like use and abuse me sexually, then I don't feel like I have worth and value 754 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:05,560 in that, you know what I mean? 755 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:10,040 Like in my, like that little tick in my mind is like, I am a fuck toy. 756 00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:11,280 That is exactly what I am. 757 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,760 That's where I belong because that's what I had when I grow up. 758 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,440 At least now I'm in control of it. 759 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:19,200 At least now because of like when I was doing the prostitution stuff or whatever, I'm in 760 00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:24,120 control of what happens to my body and what I allow it because I'm an adult now versus 761 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:25,960 like I had no control back then. 762 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:30,640 And that really sucks to have happened because I always end those situations and end those 763 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:34,880 scenarios where I feel so horrible and so shitty about myself. 764 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:39,000 I'm like, I can't believe I just put myself through something that was so fucking painful, 765 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:43,000 but I have that duality to me too, where I feel like I deserve it. 766 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:46,760 And that's back down to the, you know, what my worth and what my value is. 767 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:47,760 I don't think I actually do. 768 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:51,920 I don't believe I do, but that ticks really, really strong too, you know, some. 769 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:57,480 So hang out with us more because you'll really, you'll really feel the value. 770 00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:58,560 That's the way I look at it. 771 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:04,120 When you are around people who are willing to sit there and listen to your story and 772 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,840 not tear you up over the shit that you've done through your life. 773 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,920 I mean, we, we've all been through things. 774 00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:12,640 We've all said things. 775 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,360 We've all done things. 776 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:15,880 We've been through things. 777 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,620 Why this world doesn't have more empathy. 778 00:35:18,620 --> 00:35:20,840 Why we don't have more empathy for one another. 779 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,360 I don't understand it. 780 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:24,280 It's just like that. 781 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:25,280 Yeah. 782 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:28,320 So, you know, if you need family, this is your family. 783 00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:29,320 Right? 784 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:30,320 Or how do the kids do it? 785 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:31,320 Yeah, like whatever. 786 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:32,320 Right? 787 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:33,320 Aren't you a kid? 788 00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:34,320 You're a kid, aren't you? 789 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:39,120 I'm trying to be like, I'm a kid of heart, I guess, kind of. 790 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:40,120 Me too. 791 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:43,240 I'm, I'm living life like, look, did I show you this? 792 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:44,240 Did I show you this? 793 00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:45,240 Look, look, look. 794 00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:46,240 Hey, look. 795 00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:47,240 You did. 796 00:35:47,240 --> 00:35:51,000 The last time you showed that was a wildly different connotation. 797 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,000 Okay, real. 798 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,760 Look, I, I don't, I have no shame. 799 00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:58,040 None, none. 800 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,200 And I'm going to go to Spain and do mushrooms. 801 00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:02,200 Did I tell y'all? 802 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,080 Why are you going all the way to Spain to do mushrooms? 803 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,640 Did you learn nothing from the guy who woke up in Brussels? 804 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,720 To blow a hot Spanish guy, of course. 805 00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:11,720 Oh, okay. 806 00:36:11,720 --> 00:36:12,720 Well, that's the dream, obviously. 807 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:13,720 I'm going to take my tacos. 808 00:36:13,720 --> 00:36:14,720 I'll have some tacos while I'm there. 809 00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:24,000 So fun fact, while, while we're sharing and we're on the, the, the line of Spaniard, I 810 00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:28,160 was the first time that I ever actually, because I, when I used to buy toys, it would 811 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,400 be like the first thing, because I was kind of embarrassed when I would go into the stores 812 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:32,560 and just like find the first thing. 813 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,920 And I think that was going to work for me and then go home. 814 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:38,320 So I'm on the Blackwood dildos or they're either too large or too small. 815 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:42,600 Um, and the, I see, I thought I was a science queen. 816 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:43,600 I am not. 817 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:48,040 But there, there is a limit and I found that limit and Oh God, what was his name? 818 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:49,040 It wasn't Jesus. 819 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:51,040 It was Javier. 820 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:52,040 That's what it was. 821 00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,040 I like that. 822 00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:54,040 Yeah. 823 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:57,600 Um, and is it's the, it's just the right fit. 824 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:01,180 It is definitely the, uh, the Goldilocks scenario. 825 00:37:01,180 --> 00:37:02,340 It's just right. 826 00:37:02,340 --> 00:37:08,280 But I don't know exactly what about it makes it, uh, a Spanish dildo. 827 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,600 Perhaps maybe it's the subtle coloring. 828 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:14,720 I don't know if they took like a bunch of numbers is like, and how big and round are 829 00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:15,720 you? 830 00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:16,720 Okay. 831 00:37:16,720 --> 00:37:18,480 And then like get like 10 of them and get like an average side. 832 00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:19,920 I don't know. 833 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:26,320 All I know is thank goodness for Javier because he knows what he's doing. 834 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:27,320 He knows what he's doing. 835 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,600 This podcast is devoted to Javier. 836 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:32,600 It's the shank. 837 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:39,320 It turns out also Javier is bisexual as well, which, uh, Javier came with me because I, 838 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:43,520 I, I obtained him in between the two big relationships of my life. 839 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:47,240 Uh, while I was trying to figure out, you know, what's what about me and my wife, uh, 840 00:37:47,240 --> 00:37:51,400 found my small stash, which has grown since I've been here, but she was like, Oh, this 841 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,840 looks like this, uh, will work quite nicely. 842 00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,000 Well, I was like, well, it works quite nicely for me. 843 00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,800 We can find out for you as well. 844 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:02,000 You know, so, you know, share, share and share like kids. 845 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:03,800 It's sharing. 846 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:04,800 Sharing is caring. 847 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:05,960 Bring your toys to the party. 848 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:09,160 I guarantee you there's going to be somebody else who's going to. 849 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:12,040 It's going to be like, ooh, let me give that a shot. 850 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:15,400 But which I don't know if you were, you heard me before when you were like, you know, do 851 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,480 use toys, don't be afraid to use toys. 852 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,480 Toys are there to enhance. 853 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:20,480 Yeah. 854 00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:24,600 Um, they're, they're not there to take over like some people think. 855 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:26,600 And I believe I said, yeah. 856 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:27,600 Yeah. 857 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,360 And there, and there's a lot, there's a lot of that. 858 00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:33,480 There's a lot of like people go, Oh, you have to use that to show it only feels good. 859 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:38,360 If you use that, I know it, it doesn't only feel good when you use that and adds to it. 860 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,240 There's no, it's not a supplement. 861 00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:44,120 It's an addition, you know, let's take fear right out of the bedroom. 862 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:45,120 It's yes. 863 00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:46,720 That's what we need to be doing. 864 00:38:46,720 --> 00:38:48,520 Well, uh, some, well, I don't know. 865 00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,520 Sometimes Sydney's throwing up. 866 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:52,520 Oh, honey. 867 00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,520 Oh, baby. 868 00:38:54,520 --> 00:39:03,040 You're, you have an entire horror collection too. 869 00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:04,040 Yeah. 870 00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,040 Um, I'll be honest with you. 871 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,320 You, I came across a silicone. 872 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:12,040 And a toy making tick tock the other day and I immediately went to their Instagram to see 873 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:16,360 exactly what they made and I pinned it because there's some things in there that look very 874 00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:17,360 interesting. 875 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:21,160 It's a little too flared, which you got there towards the bottom, but, but there are some 876 00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:24,320 that are not as flared and I'm very, very interested in that. 877 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:30,280 But not like, especially the, the particular toy that I have thanks for in this house is 878 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:36,240 one that aids and clitoral stimulation for her during and she will like, it's great. 879 00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:37,240 It's great for her. 880 00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:40,040 And then she immediately tells us this is my six like on this podcast, not necessarily 881 00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:41,040 hers. 882 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:42,040 That is right. 883 00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:46,280 But afterward we were cuddling because I'm a coupler and she was like, and we were just 884 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:47,280 chilling. 885 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,560 That's always like the best part afterwards is chilling. 886 00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:51,680 And I was like, thank God for toys. 887 00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:53,680 And then we both had a good laugh. 888 00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:55,680 See, that's how it's supposed to be. 889 00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:56,680 Right. 890 00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:58,320 That's how I believe it's supposed to be. 891 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,320 And then venomous gets in the room with me. 892 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,320 There's like three of us in the room. 893 00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:04,320 Yeah. 894 00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:06,320 She's a bitch, man. 895 00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,560 So how do you combat that? 896 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,160 I feel like I've got a couple of minutes. 897 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:16,360 How are you, how do you combat that without making your partner, you know, either worried 898 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,040 or feel inadequate or something like that? 899 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,920 Like what, what, what methods do you use? 900 00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:21,920 Medication. 901 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:23,920 No, I'm just kidding. 902 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:29,080 Meditation, extreme exercise, like riding my bike for 12 miles and then going to the 903 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,240 gym and working out for two hours. 904 00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:32,240 Okay. 905 00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:37,840 And I say that's probably what it is, is all that I am a strong person. 906 00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:46,160 Like I am, you know, my, my ex-husband says that I'm a lot and he doesn't mean that in 907 00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:53,240 the misogynistic, no, he means like if he had to measure the energy that comes from 908 00:40:53,240 --> 00:40:59,560 my body as it's directed to him, he doesn't have the strength to withstand it. 909 00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:00,560 That's what he means. 910 00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:01,560 So, yeah. 911 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:04,880 So he says, not enough of a man. 912 00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:05,880 That's what he says. 913 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:12,520 So, you know, and I'm, I, I can deal with that, but what I've had to do, like even during 914 00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:18,240 the winter, I will cold water plunge that will put out a fire real quick. 915 00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:19,240 Oh, I bet. 916 00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:20,240 I will jump in the pool. 917 00:41:20,240 --> 00:41:22,480 It is 40 degrees. 918 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:28,120 If I'm horny up, I will jump in the pool and it puts out the fire immediately. 919 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:34,640 I have to say that over the summer I took out the bean hammer and I probably mutilated. 920 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:39,560 Hopefully, just making refried beans over there. 921 00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:40,560 Good for you. 922 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:46,400 Now turned into a cooking show again. 923 00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:47,400 Yeah. 924 00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:54,360 So, I think maybe we've asked this of you before, Sydney, but what are your, how do 925 00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:57,360 you mediate urges that creep up? 926 00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:00,760 Got his drugs and sex are two very, very different ones for me. 927 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,760 So, yeah, that's true. 928 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:03,760 Yeah. 929 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:07,320 There's a lot of like isolations, isolation is a motherfucker for me. 930 00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:12,040 That's the number one thing that always gets me going of like drugs therapy has been massive 931 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:16,800 for me going to like intensive outpatient therapy and stuff to like deal with the reasons 932 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:17,800 why I use. 933 00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:22,240 I've worked that 12 step program probably like three times. 934 00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:28,800 Like the one thing that's helped me the most is Jay Shetty, think like a monk and eight 935 00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:29,800 rules of love. 936 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:34,720 I'm doing those books over and over and over again, kind of like bringing up myself, value 937 00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:36,280 on myself worth. 938 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:44,200 Then I can now be more into like a BDSM type thing and not have to feel like that inner 939 00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:47,080 child version of myself is this out of control. 940 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:51,480 Like I can be the adult version and you know, like still like be able to function in that 941 00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:53,320 sexual type lifestyle, which is good. 942 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:58,080 But like sex, I mean, for me, it's sometimes it's just white knuckling it and not saying 943 00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,480 anything to anybody until I can come home to the fucking magic wand. 944 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:02,480 Right. 945 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:06,440 Sometimes it's I most of the time it's just like this too shall pass. 946 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,200 I just, you know, it's it's an emotion I'm going through. 947 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:10,480 I can identify the emotion. 948 00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:15,280 I can identify the reasons why I have those emotions and like just watching the leaf fall 949 00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:16,280 down a river. 950 00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:17,960 I can just like, okay, I accept it. 951 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:19,760 I'm okay with this and just let it go. 952 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:24,160 It's hard sometimes, especially with like the person that I'm kind of not seeing but 953 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:27,000 seeing right now, you know, there's times that we've gotten really, really sexual where 954 00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:31,560 I'm going to have to right now, but you know, I'm still willing to control and not do something 955 00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:33,560 that's going to dishonor myself. 956 00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:34,560 You know what I mean? 957 00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:36,040 Well, here's the perspective. 958 00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:41,320 So the reason I identify the way I do, I'm gender neutral. 959 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:42,600 I'm non binary. 960 00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,240 I'm female presenting. 961 00:43:44,240 --> 00:43:45,240 I'm a they them. 962 00:43:45,240 --> 00:43:47,200 I am bisexual. 963 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:52,720 You know, I have all these descriptors, but at the end of the day, those descriptors are 964 00:43:52,720 --> 00:44:01,040 for people who just don't seem to get it and think as we're just in a different league. 965 00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:07,240 We're just not in not that it's we're better than anybody or anything like that. 966 00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:11,560 It's just that we are so in tune with our bodies. 967 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:15,520 I know when one little thing is off on my whole body. 968 00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:16,520 Yes. 969 00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:24,160 And that is because I've been in touch with every sensory perception that I have and sex 970 00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:30,320 is one of those things you shouldn't start first because it is very addictive. 971 00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:36,520 And what I've learned is when you truly love someone, me, when I truly as an addict love 972 00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:42,560 someone, I am willing to put venomous in the closet alone and I'll work with I'll deal 973 00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:43,560 with her later. 974 00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:44,560 Yeah. 975 00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:50,160 I get it now, I get it now, you know, with my partner, I think I'm going to tell you 976 00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,680 guys something and I'm going to edit it out. 977 00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:53,680 Okay. 978 00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:55,240 Then a miss, right? 979 00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:59,360 So he was my friend first and love him to pieces. 980 00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:00,880 His mom was my patient. 981 00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,560 She's 93 years old. 982 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:05,200 You know, I stayed with her to the very end. 983 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:11,360 She died of an in stage renal disease and Michael, her son and I got together and we 984 00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:17,320 took care of her and on her bed, she says to him and me, you two should get together. 985 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,840 Never knowing venomous was in the room too. 986 00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:20,840 And she heard too. 987 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:23,160 Well, she's like, hell yeah. 988 00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:24,560 You know what I'm saying? 989 00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:30,600 So, well, me being by myself and I've been by myself for years and I haven't had sex 990 00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:36,400 for years and I sold my house and I didn't have anywhere to go and I called him up and 991 00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,840 I said, okay, I got to come stay with you. 992 00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:40,400 I got to come stay with you. 993 00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:41,640 I loved him then. 994 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:43,480 You know, I got to come stay with you. 995 00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:44,480 I did. 996 00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:51,560 I'm in mom's room and he's totally redone the room, put a new bathroom in for me. 997 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:56,120 But venomous is like, he's doing this to control you. 998 00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:57,880 He wants something from you. 999 00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:06,360 Just the story started and the behavior started and the paranoia started and then the obsession 1000 00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:07,960 with sex started. 1001 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,160 And one of the first things I did. 1002 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:11,520 Like who does this shit? 1003 00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:14,560 Okay, venomous does this shit is what happened. 1004 00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:15,560 So I dress up. 1005 00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:16,560 I'm looking all cute. 1006 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:17,560 Okay. 1007 00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:18,560 Looking cute. 1008 00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:19,560 Hat. 1009 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:22,720 I have pigtails and I just go straight into his room. 1010 00:46:22,720 --> 00:46:28,080 I guess he was taking a nap and I thought it would be a good idea for Christ's sake. 1011 00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:34,000 I thought it would be a good idea if I jerk him off before we go out that way. 1012 00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:35,880 I mean, because I ran one. 1013 00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:38,880 I'm thinking he's got to be one or two. 1014 00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:39,880 Sure. 1015 00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:44,400 I'm just looking out for you. 1016 00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:45,400 Right? 1017 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:46,800 He's like, what the fuck? 1018 00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:47,800 I'm sure. 1019 00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:48,800 I'm sure. 1020 00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:56,320 Well, I mean, it's one of our most simplest autonomic responses once the genie starts 1021 00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:57,880 getting rubbed for it to come out. 1022 00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:07,320 So, which I will say is why I think that guys can really get that with post nut clarity comes 1023 00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:12,960 a shame because of some of the things that we will think of or just accept just to get 1024 00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:13,960 to the end. 1025 00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:14,960 Oh, sure. 1026 00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:15,960 I started out with shame. 1027 00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:16,960 Wow. 1028 00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:21,480 So yeah, that's a that's a heck of a start of a relationship. 1029 00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:22,880 She's a bitch, man. 1030 00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:23,880 I don't know. 1031 00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:27,360 She just pops up out of nowhere and takes over. 1032 00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:28,600 It's a fucking. 1033 00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:34,120 Have you heard this song, Ren, where he's talking to his ego and he's like, I'm healing 1034 00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:39,000 and I'm healing and then his ego is like, what are you talking about? 1035 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,200 Yeah, we're not doing well. 1036 00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:42,200 What the fuck? 1037 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:44,560 You need to come back over here. 1038 00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:47,760 Don't lose like, like don't lose love for me. 1039 00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:48,760 Don't lose love for me. 1040 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:50,280 I'm the one that saved you. 1041 00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:51,280 Remember? 1042 00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:53,320 No, no, sort of. 1043 00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:54,320 Maybe not. 1044 00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:55,320 I don't know. 1045 00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:59,040 It's good that you know, you have these kind of conversations with people like you were 1046 00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:03,400 saying, who was to sit here and listen to you and not, you know, go, oh, God, you're 1047 00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:06,120 all messed up and then stop talking to you. 1048 00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:07,120 Yeah. 1049 00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:14,880 No, no, because I know like mentally as I've explored like various kinks and other things 1050 00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,760 that have popped up, I've done things which especially going into my thirties when I was 1051 00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:23,200 really accepting my bisexuality and exploring what kind of kinks could possibly be tied 1052 00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:27,800 into that because I'm still very much sexualizing the idea of bisexuality instead of like, you 1053 00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:31,280 know, what it could mean is like future relationships or anything. 1054 00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:37,320 And like some of the things that I masturbated to were just like wild, like thinking back 1055 00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:43,280 on it now, I was not actually even, I still, I have no want to revisit some of the sites 1056 00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:46,880 that I revisited when I was, you know, exploring that side of me. 1057 00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:52,360 But at the time, you know, it was new, it was wild, and it was giving me, you know, a 1058 00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:55,200 unique high that I wasn't experiencing anywhere else. 1059 00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:59,400 And so then afterwards, you know, like I said, that shame did kind of come in on me a couple 1060 00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:00,400 of times. 1061 00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:04,320 And so that was, you know, you were talking about the BDSM part I've leaned into like 1062 00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:07,600 when I was like, we got the internet in our house for the first time and I was just going 1063 00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:08,600 wild. 1064 00:49:08,600 --> 00:49:12,400 I went to some of the more extreme sites that now I'm like really worried about the people 1065 00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:13,400 who work there. 1066 00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:14,400 Yeah. 1067 00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:15,400 Oh, like what? 1068 00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:16,400 Like what? 1069 00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:20,760 Like insects, the old web like kink.com website. 1070 00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:21,760 Oh, yep. 1071 00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:22,760 Yep. 1072 00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:23,760 Yep. 1073 00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:26,480 And now thinking back on it, I'm like, man, I really hope that those people are okay 1074 00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:31,320 because they were in situations that did not look healthy, which I'm sure they were. 1075 00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:33,640 You know, like I would like to think they were. 1076 00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:34,880 It's not, honey. 1077 00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:35,880 Let me tell you. 1078 00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:36,880 I know. 1079 00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:40,560 Those people are so deep in despair is terrible. 1080 00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:46,840 And, but that's why I bring humor into my stories because I will not feel ashamed about 1081 00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:47,840 any of it. 1082 00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:52,840 I mean, and sometimes I was just hammered hammered drunk and I would find myself in the 1083 00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:54,840 back of somebody's car. 1084 00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:58,880 Get out of the car and go get in somebody else's car. 1085 00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:01,280 So literally hammered drunk. 1086 00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:02,280 That's hammered. 1087 00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:06,720 Just like, I don't even know how I got home and hammered drunk. 1088 00:50:06,720 --> 00:50:07,720 It's a double entendre. 1089 00:50:07,720 --> 00:50:08,920 Don't you stumbled right into that. 1090 00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:09,920 I'm proud of you. 1091 00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:12,200 You didn't even mean to, but there you are. 1092 00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:14,720 I'll take it like a champ. 1093 00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:16,360 Good for you. 1094 00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:17,360 That's excellent. 1095 00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:18,840 We're just so good together. 1096 00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:23,760 We're such a great three some, you know, you know, that's true. 1097 00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:28,240 But I think, I think it's an hour, right? 1098 00:50:28,240 --> 00:50:31,920 If I'm seeing that time or an hour, that's been a good hour. 1099 00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:35,480 More than that, we're going to have to be giving people hand jobs. 1100 00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:36,480 Yeah. 1101 00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:39,800 You can say it's in the north form because who hasn't done that really? 1102 00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:43,880 I mean, I'm not even going to tell you. 1103 00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:44,880 I'm not. 1104 00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:46,880 No, I'm like, what? 1105 00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:53,240 I also need to know if that is that hand job thing like in the contract because if so, 1106 00:50:53,240 --> 00:50:55,040 I need to talk to my wife about that. 1107 00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:56,600 She's going to have to. 1108 00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:58,800 Well, I'm sure she'll say it once. 1109 00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:01,840 We're going to have to like once the money comes in, maybe. 1110 00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:02,840 There you go. 1111 00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:03,840 There you go. 1112 00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:08,560 You're going to have to age like fine wine a little bit once you've died a couple of 1113 00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:12,360 times and and then you're going to feel no regret. 1114 00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:13,360 None. 1115 00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:14,360 No regret. 1116 00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:15,360 You're going to fuck this. 1117 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:16,360 This is another day. 1118 00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:20,680 It's just when people say it's another Tuesday, they're not fucking kidding. 1119 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:21,760 It's for real. 1120 00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:25,360 Why are we all layering beliefs on one another? 1121 00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:26,360 Okay. 1122 00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:27,720 I have my beliefs that serve me. 1123 00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:30,160 You have your beliefs that serve you and Sydney. 1124 00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:33,160 Obviously, you have your beliefs that serve you. 1125 00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:39,640 So what I love about our little community that we're creating here is that we see one 1126 00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:46,200 another and celebrate one another in our spaces, respected spaces. 1127 00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:50,320 When I grew up, it was like, Jesus Christ is your savior. 1128 00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:55,760 They drilled that shit into my head and that's a violation because I've been questioning 1129 00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:57,840 who I am for decades. 1130 00:51:57,840 --> 00:51:58,840 Yeah. 1131 00:51:58,840 --> 00:51:59,840 Oh yeah. 1132 00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:04,440 We could have a whole conversation about religion and what we think it's done to us in the future. 1133 00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:06,440 I'm going to head. 1134 00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:07,440 Yeah. 1135 00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:08,440 All right. 1136 00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:09,440 That's probably going to be a three hour podcast though. 1137 00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:10,440 Yeah. 1138 00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:11,440 Take it in stages. 1139 00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:12,440 2025. 1140 00:52:12,440 --> 00:52:18,080 We'll put it out the day that we learn who wins the election. 1141 00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:19,520 How about that? 1142 00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:20,520 That seems fitting. 1143 00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:21,520 It's true. 1144 00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:22,520 It's true. 1145 00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:23,520 All right. 1146 00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:29,160 That would be a pretty good, like since Easter's coming really early this coming year, I believe, 1147 00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:32,880 and you know, plenty of time to put things around there in March and April. 1148 00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:33,880 So we're signing out. 1149 00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:37,560 I just want to say don't forget yourself love. 1150 00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:38,560 Very important. 1151 00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:43,480 Everyone makes sure that you take care of your lady business or your them business or 1152 00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:47,520 your his business or her business or whatever business. 1153 00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:51,520 And at the time of recording this happy bisexual visibility month, if you happen to be by. 1154 00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:52,520 Yeah. 1155 00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:53,520 Bye. 1156 00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:54,520 Bye. 1157 00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:55,520 Bye. 1158 00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:56,520 Sydney, what's your sign out? 1159 00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:59,000 Don't do drugs, drink your milk, remember who you are and what you stand for. 1160 00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:01,000 And peace out and word to your mother. 1161 00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:02,000 All right. 1162 00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:18,000 Bye.