1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,600 Well, my friend, I'm going to do a little bit of an introduction. Hello, how are you? 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:06,560 Please do. 3 00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:16,640 Hello, this is Edith Ivey Rosenblatt of the Bisexual Coffee podcast with Edith and friends. 4 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:22,000 This is my friend Michael LeBlanc. Hi, Michael LeBlanc. It's all about you today. 5 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,040 So you warned me. Hello, Edith. How are you? 6 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:31,120 You have been warned. I've got to pick that brain. Are you okay with that? 7 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:38,480 I think I am. I'm actually really good about it because I've spent the entire day focusing on 8 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:41,440 other people's problems. It's time to be a little introspective. I'm okay with that. 9 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:47,840 It's time for a little mental self-care and hopefully it helps. I'm not even going to say 10 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,320 hopefully it helps. It's going to help someone. 11 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:52,640 Nice. 12 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,080 So I'm down with that. 13 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:55,680 Are you ready for the first question? 14 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:00,560 We're just straight into it. Yes, please. 15 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:14,240 I am. I want to know right now in your present state of mind, given a trigger from your childhood 16 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:22,560 or your past, how do you work through that mentally and emotionally? And how did you use to 17 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,040 navigate that space? 18 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:31,680 There are a few triggers that I've come to recognize thanks to the miracle therapy. 19 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:42,640 And there are still some that kind of set me off. I'll give you a good example. 20 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:50,960 For most of my childhood growing up, cleaning wasn't necessarily something that was done, 21 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:54,880 like general housekeeping. There was laundry and stuff like that. But I'm talking about 22 00:01:56,160 --> 00:02:00,320 keeping the place tidy and neat, unless something important was going to happen. 23 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,880 And that's something important was always when the grandparents showed up because mom did 24 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:09,920 her best to keep them away. And so whenever they showed up, she wanted to give this facade of 25 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:18,480 everything's fine and perfect. And so it would be this big rush to get everything done. And she'd 26 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:22,880 be like, you have to do this, you have to do this. And by the time I got to where I was like 27 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:28,960 15, 16, I got to a point where I was just like, I'm going to clean, but I'm going to leave certain 28 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:35,520 stuff out. The last time my dad, my granddad ever entered my room, he got to see a pinup, 29 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:41,680 not not even a pinup. This was just a straight pornographic calendar hanging on my wall. And 30 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:46,800 he walked in and my poor ex-pastor of a grandfather, he walks in, he sees that, he just goes, 31 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:53,200 oh, then then turns around and walked back in. So what that did to me as I found out later on is 32 00:02:53,200 --> 00:03:01,120 that cleaning still didn't become like a big priority to me. Like again, I do the essentials, 33 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:08,400 but as far as keeping everything else, I wouldn't really like do it unless something big was happening, 34 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:16,400 like somebody was coming over or mostly that's it. If anybody comes over. And so I would get 35 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:22,880 upset. I would get like just irritated and even more so if somebody else was in the room, 36 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:28,720 because they're not cleaning with the same kind of intensity that I am. And that irritation would 37 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:35,040 turn to anger. And then very quickly, like in a span of like minutes turn into resentment of like, 38 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,800 I don't understand why you're not cleaning the way that I am, or you are cleaning, but you're 39 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:44,160 cleaning wrong. You're not making things a priority. And it's all internalized. As I've gotten older, 40 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:54,800 I have learned and by that, I mean, as I've gone to therapy, I have learned that these are coming 41 00:03:54,800 --> 00:04:02,640 from me. They're not coming from anybody else. The irritation is not coming from them. If I am 42 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:08,320 getting irritated because of a perceived thing that I think that they need to do, one, I haven't 43 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:17,360 talked it through. You know, I haven't foist my problems. I haven't made my emotions known to them, 44 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:22,240 partly because I don't want to be a bother at the same time, which those are warring conflicts. 45 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:33,280 And so if that's the case, then why should I be angry at them? And I've learned to, 46 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:38,400 it's kind of like letting go of the idea of mind reading, which you should never do because we're 47 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:42,880 just not good at it. We can read cues all we want, but it doesn't necessarily mean what they're thinking. 48 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:51,200 I'm bad at those. And also, yeah, yeah, me too. And then the other one is to talk to them and go, 49 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:57,360 hey, I know I seem upset right now, but it's just me getting in a cleaning mood. Maybe if I put on 50 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:01,440 some music right now, is that going to bother you? And of course, almost always the answer is I know. 51 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:06,080 Unless they're on the phone with somebody or something like that. It was always assuming the 52 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:13,600 worst and knowing where that came from, knowing that, again, a lot of things came from the way 53 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:19,360 that I dealt with my parents or my parents dealt with me, has made me, I think, a healthier person. 54 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:28,480 I love that. I love that. That must be a big one for you, for you to have that like right 55 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:37,440 in your mind. That has to be a big deal. Yeah, because it's part of keeping a better relationship 56 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:42,160 because not only does it come out in matters of cleaning, but it also comes to just like, 57 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:48,320 you know, hey, I wanted to do this, but say that it's been a long week for me. I want to play video 58 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:54,960 games on Saturday. And then they come up to me and the question is a genuine question of, hey, 59 00:05:54,960 --> 00:06:02,080 do you want to go with me? It's okay if you don't. Sometimes I don't hear that as it's okay if you 60 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:08,880 don't. I hear that sentence as if you don't go, I'm going to be upset with you. And then I'll get 61 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:15,760 upset. And so it's gotten to the point where I'm okay to say, no, I'm good because I'm my own adult. 62 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,840 They're their own adult. If we haven't seen each other all week, chances are I'm going to say yes 63 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:24,720 anyway that I do want to go with them. But like, let's say that, you know, we've seen each other, 64 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:30,880 you know, and I just want to, I want this time to myself. It really is about coming into a state of 65 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:35,200 knowing that I'm an adult because there are still times in my life that I still don't feel like the 66 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:41,520 adult in the room, even though that I'm sure about what I'm doing, I'll slip into management roles 67 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:47,520 all the time because I got really good at that. But like, still sometimes I feel like I'm just like 68 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:54,800 three, you know, kids in a suit jacket just walking around going taxes, taxes, money, yes, 69 00:06:54,800 --> 00:07:03,280 must fuck in for work. Oh my God. But I think I'm pretty sure we're all just still feeling that some 70 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:07,280 of us may be less than others. And if they say that they don't have it at all, I think they may 71 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:13,440 be lying to themselves because you can't be confident in everything. Can you? I don't think you can. 72 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:20,640 Well, there's confidence and then there is secure in the fact that I know what the hell I'm doing. 73 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:28,640 You know what I mean? Okay, fair. Fair, yeah. You don't really call it confidence, but there's 74 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:36,640 enough repetition. Like my partner says to me, he goes, it's, I'm so lucky I don't have a thought 75 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:44,240 in my head. That's what he tells me. So I'll feel better because I'm the one with all the thoughts 76 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:51,760 in my head. Yeah, I got you. I got you. I'm the only one thinking in our family. So apparently. 77 00:07:53,520 --> 00:08:01,040 Some people just live by reaction alone. I guess. So in your journey, you have come out 78 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:08,400 as bisexual and it's a very positive experience because your spouse is on board and things 79 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:18,240 and gives you positive reinforcement and is reassuring and kind. Can you tell me a situation 80 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:28,080 where you have felt insecure about communicating? Like I understand it's, it's, 81 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:35,760 it's like you felt it's complicated to say, to talk because I know a lot of people listening. 82 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:42,240 That's where their biggest problem is. Like they find it very hard to find their voice. 83 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:47,520 Yeah, I can speak to this in a couple of different ways. I'll try to make them quick. 84 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:52,960 You don't have to. Just informative. Take up the entire rest of the show with it. 85 00:08:52,960 --> 00:09:01,280 Yeah. Yeah. No. So this relationship that I'm in, I wanted to go ahead and give a slight 86 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:07,200 qualifier to that this is, it's not my first marriage. I have learned from other relationships 87 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:16,720 and most notably my last marriage was 14 years on what works on actual working with a human being. 88 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,840 And of course, you can't take a one for one because human beings aren't the same. You can't 89 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:24,720 just take what you've learned here and automatically apply it here. I'm not going to say I didn't 90 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:31,120 think that at first, but I quickly, I and Marley quickly proved me wrong. 91 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:38,960 It's not a cookie-cutter deal. No, I had problems. It is not. But I did learn on things as far as 92 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:45,360 like how to be open, what to expect out of another person and what to say and what not to say. Even 93 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:52,240 if you feel like it's a good joke, sometimes you may not want to say it, but I digress. So coming out 94 00:09:53,920 --> 00:10:03,120 came in stages. The first time I came out to my first wife, it was not great. And I've seen these 95 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:08,480 kinds of stories on Reddit where they say that they came out at a later time and that their spouse 96 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:15,760 either A, ignored them or B, started immediately expressing fears. It's like, well, if you like 97 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:20,880 the opposite sex and I'm not that, how are you going to be happy or are you going to cheat on me? 98 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:29,520 There's a bunch of other things that come up as well, but it can foster insecurity. I got ignored. 99 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:34,480 And I think it was because there was too much going on at the same time. I just come back out of 100 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:40,400 the deployment. See, I was in the Navy at the time. She was holding everything down. She was 101 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:44,480 going through her own stuff, which was affecting our relationship at the time too. And she just 102 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:48,240 looked at me and she's like, so on top of everything else, this is what you're coming at me with. 103 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:55,040 And boy, did that hurt. I don't know if you've seen that little meme where that little blob comes 104 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:59,200 out of the box. He's like, I think I'm ready to experience the world. And then something comes 105 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:04,160 along and like punches. But yeah, I put myself back in my box. It was like, well, there's no need to 106 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:09,200 tell anybody about this. Just let my fantasies be fantasies and I'll just live with them, I guess. 107 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:17,040 And later on, after I got out of the Navy, after we settled into the state where we would live 108 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:23,120 out the rest of our relationship, didn't know that at the time, but I just brought it up to her again. 109 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:28,560 Like this, this hasn't gone away. I would like to maybe get some toys to experiment and see exactly 110 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:34,320 what I like, see exactly where these kinks go in my head to see how I can include you in them, 111 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:45,120 to see if it is a fantasy or if it actually is something that I really, you know, am like, 112 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:52,800 yeah. So, you know, bringing in another person was never really a deal for like, it wasn't a part 113 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:57,920 of what we wanted to do. We were to, I guess, selfish for each other, but in a good way, you 114 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:03,680 know, like, hey, you're the one I want. I'm the one you want. Let's figure out what we can do together. 115 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:09,520 We don't want to get a third person in this. And so she tried. I think I made her more uncomfortable 116 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:14,240 than not, you know, especially during some of the experimental stuff in the bedroom and whatnot. 117 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:22,000 There was no more negativity about it, which was cool. And there was no ignoring it. It was like, 118 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:26,080 okay, it is what it is. If you want to explore this on your own time, that's fine. Kind of 119 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:30,080 weirds me out, but I have no problem with you buying toys or anything else like that. Just, 120 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:35,440 and she looked at me kind of half smiling, half joking. She's like, just don't go find another guy. 121 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:40,640 And I'm like, I don't want that. But from there, it got a little bit easier for me to think that I 122 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:47,360 could tell other people about who I was. So I tried on the first two people who were closer to me 123 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:53,200 under my wife. And that was my brother, Michael, brother from another mother. Hence why his name 124 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:57,840 Michael. My mom wasn't just mad enough to name two kids, Michael. I'm just gonna name a wife, Michael. 125 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:06,640 That way when I yell, they both come. It's easier that way. No. So him and also my mom. 126 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:17,200 And so I went mom first. And there had been some revelation beforehand, some sexual assaults that 127 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:22,640 had happened for her when she was not in her right mind. Not excusing it, but it is what it was. 128 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:32,080 She was, yeah. And so some things happened between us that I didn't remember. But mom came out and 129 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,480 she wound up telling some people that were close to me. Those people came in to me and was like, 130 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,720 Hey, your mom's not right in the head right now. Because she had just like had some seizures and 131 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:45,520 whatnot. But she's saying some stuff that sounds pretty solid. Like it doesn't sound like she's 132 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:52,160 dreaming this off. And so, you know, and so we find out from there. So immediately after I tell my 133 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:59,920 mom that, Hey, I'm more or less by curious, I guess, because I've never really experienced anything. 134 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,600 I'm still trying to figure that out. But I feel very strongly that I'm actually 135 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:11,840 bisexual. Like the things I dream up seem to really get me going. And there's no shame afterwards. So 136 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:19,760 that's that that might be a sign that what's going on in my head is real. And she immediately goes, 137 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:25,920 Oh, I did this to you. She took the blame. She was feeling the guilt and shame over that. 138 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:31,920 Right. And like she had caused an affliction upon me that caused like a mutation or an 139 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:36,960 aberrant that would show up later in life for me or something. And I'm like, maybe. I mean, 140 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:41,920 who knows psychologically, maybe this this trigger something. And then I associated with the fact that 141 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:48,080 you know, dudes are pretty cool. But the fact is that the fact that in my mind, that I get, 142 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:56,320 you know, aroused by looking at both women and men, and sometimes the the wild colors and shapes 143 00:14:56,320 --> 00:15:02,640 in between, there's something there that I would want to explore. I don't I don't blame you. I mean, 144 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:09,760 what happened happened, but it's not like I'm holding that well. She wore that as like a martyr's 145 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:13,760 necklace for like two years. And she wouldn't let it go. And she don't really want to want to talk 146 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:20,800 about it. During that time, while she's healing, you know, coming to grips with it with herself, 147 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:27,360 you know, I decided to come out to my brother, which after the kind of trepidation between my mom, 148 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,600 I didn't know how that was going to go. Because my brother is such like a lumberjack, straight 149 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:36,560 lace dude. Like his biggest secret that I recently found out is that he'd been smoking since he was 150 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:42,080 15. Like there were like when it comes to his sexuality, the man sure of himself, burly and 151 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:49,680 bearded. And at one point, I thought I had a crush on him. But no, that wasn't a thing. But I came 152 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:55,040 out to him one time, we were driving to his house. And I was I was stumbling all over my words. I was 153 00:15:55,040 --> 00:16:00,640 humming and awing and tapping on the dashboard ahead of me and fumbling with my fingers. And then 154 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:05,440 finally he's like, Are you dying or something? Like what's what's happening to you? I know 155 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:07,120 I'm 156 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:20,400 I'm bisexual. And I just let the silence hang. And I didn't look at him. But as if I had, I'm pretty 157 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:25,120 sure I would have seen him just staring at me like sideways like this. Because all I hear 158 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:31,280 after like two or three minutes of us driving down the road and he goes, Are you, is that it? 159 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:40,480 And that those three words right there filled me with like so much relief. Right. Because it's more 160 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:48,800 it's more to us than it is to other people. And did he say I knew it all the time? 161 00:16:48,800 --> 00:17:00,320 No, he actually said that when I told him that I think I might have attention problems. He said that. 162 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:08,480 But he didn't seem surprised, which lead me to believe that maybe that was like in his head at 163 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:14,400 that point. You know, but I don't know. I've never I've never asked anybody who I've ever told is 164 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:19,440 like, Hey, did I ever seem anything other than straight? Because looking back on it, I feel 165 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:26,320 like that's a pretty solid answer that yes, I wasn't either I was just an abnormal kid or I 166 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:31,440 wasn't necessarily all the way straight. Like even my parents were asking me before I graduated is 167 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,280 like, Are you sure you're just not gay or something like that? And you just don't want to tell us 168 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:42,640 because I hadn't had a girlfriend up until like 18. But it wasn't a priority. So I love that. That's 169 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:51,280 that's the best story ever. It really is because I had a similar situation with my family on my 170 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:59,120 uncle, like my uncle, my cousins. And I called my cousin Cody up and I said, 171 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:11,120 you know, Hey, I'm autistic. I have ADHD. I'm OCD. And oh, yeah, by the way, I'm gay. And he said, 172 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:16,400 Oh, Edith, we knew, you know, we knew this the whole time. 173 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:24,800 Just waiting for you to say it. Right. I needed to say it. Did you feel like you needed to say it 174 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:30,720 to feel whole and complete? To at least those three people in my life at that time. Yeah, 175 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:37,600 because I mean, those are the people who I talked with the most and everything. And I also knew that 176 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:44,160 that for each of those instances, they had family who they weren't going to tell because they know 177 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:51,600 that some of their family members would either see it negatively or kind of ostracize before it. 178 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:58,240 And so I wanted to at least tell those people because I didn't want to just like, 179 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:02,560 it just kind of getting blurted out and then everybody find out I wanted it to be kind of 180 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:09,520 controlled in a way. I don't regret the way that happened. I regret, I regret the first time, 181 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:13,200 obviously, you know, maybe he told us like, this is what we're dealing with right now. 182 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:19,120 That one kind of sucked. But I also really probably chose like the worst time because we were not 183 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:26,720 like emotionally solid like at all at that moment, you know. And I was just like, I've always been 184 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:34,400 one to kind of blurt things out. That's in my mind. Yeah. And so that's kind of what happened there. 185 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:41,600 But after that, after I told those three people, there was like, I was comfortable enough, I was 186 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:47,360 in this space enough for me to go ahead and like on all of my social medias. Because at that point, 187 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:52,560 I was still I was starting to really build up on different social platforms, not necessarily to be 188 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:58,880 where I am right now, but everybody was kind of doing it, you know, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, 189 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:04,560 right. And so I put out, I put out there as like, hey, no, no posts or anything. I just kind of moved 190 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:11,040 all of my sexual preferences. That's perfect. And so if at that point, yeah. And so if anybody 191 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:16,720 wanted to know, if anybody actually looked back up the page that far, because everybody's doing 192 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:22,720 excessive scrolling, but if anybody ever did look, they would know it's like, okay, this guy's bisexual. 193 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:26,800 And I got, I think I got maybe one question out of it. And that was somebody who I went to school 194 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:33,920 with. And she was like, I do it. And it's like, that's cool. Me and you barely talked. Why are we 195 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:40,720 talking? Do you know they just pop out of the woodwork? I'm telling you, friends, popped out of 196 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:48,880 the woodwork. I did the same thing. Like I just went on social media and I changed all my, my, 197 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:57,600 he's my husband's still, we're still married. I came out to him. And I was like, I am not backing 198 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:04,880 down from this description of myself. Did you have a similar instance where you had, you felt that 199 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:10,800 way too? Like, hey, I'm not backing down from this. It really helped after those first, after 200 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:16,560 those two years of my mom, like, accepting it, taking that time to accept it and coming back. 201 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:23,440 And then the conversation opened up because we, her and I had always had, she, she and me, whatever. 202 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:28,160 Anyway, we always had really good open conversations when it comes to sexuality. 203 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,960 Especially as we got older, I found out things about her past. And 204 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:39,200 she always wanted to know, like, you know, once she confirmed the fact that it had sex for the 205 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:44,400 first time, she was like, well, how was it? You know, like she was, she was always really open 206 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:50,160 with that. And so I got to get that mom. Yeah, I got to get that part of my mom back when she came 207 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:56,080 back. And after those two years, I mean, we talked in between, but it was always 208 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,240 like there was an elephant, there was definitely an elephant in the room. But 209 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:05,520 yeah, we had just talked about a big elephant. But then she came back, she was like, yeah, 210 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:09,360 and she was like, Hey, I want to talk about this. And that's the moment when I was like, 211 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:14,640 cool, if this is solid in my life right now, you know, didn't have the best relationship with my 212 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:21,680 parents, but that, but the openness was always something that I really cherished. And once that 213 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:25,760 came back, when we were able to talk about everything, I was like, yeah, this, this is, this is 214 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:30,240 cool. This is when I can, you know, just accept this as being if anybody comes up, I could be open 215 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:35,760 with them. It's like, yeah, I am bisexual, you know, and, and no, just because you're asking me, 216 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:42,160 I'm not attracted to you. That's not how this works. There was a solidifying much later. And 217 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:48,240 that happened, I think, actually this year, which I really began to, I mean, I was happy with it. 218 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:52,880 I was willing to talk to anybody about it. But this year is the first year I was willing to 219 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:59,920 actually celebrate it. And it's funny, I'm getting whispers of other people getting back to my wife 220 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:03,920 and other people going, Hey, they're all asking me, what's this up? What's up with all this bisexual 221 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:08,960 talk? And I tell them, I was like, I think it's pretty self-explanatory. And I love her for that. 222 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:17,040 Because she, she knew this by my wife, she knew that I was bisexual, like, because it was one of 223 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:22,000 things I first put out, because it put off a couple of other people that I was trying to talk to 224 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:28,480 at the time after I got separated. And so I'd let off with that, which is kind of funny, because 225 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:32,640 it's one of the reasons why we are the name of our thing is that you don't normally lead off with 226 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:38,560 hi, my name is Michael and bisexual. And I feel like in the online dating scene, you kind of had to. 227 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:45,920 Yeah, that was one of the first things I told my partner. That was one of the very first things. 228 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:53,600 And all of the fears bubbled up. And one of the, one of the first things he said was like, 229 00:23:53,600 --> 00:24:03,440 why don't you go be with a woman? I said, because I'm with you. Because I love you. 230 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:08,880 Is that a good answer? I don't know. But I, I, 231 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,800 It's a perfectly acceptable answer. And you know, the only thing you could do at that point is just 232 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,760 hope that the other person that you're telling that to goes, yeah, you're right. That is 233 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:22,640 acceptable answer. Well, you know, we all have to navigate a relationship. What makes us comfortable? 234 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:31,200 And he and I did break up. It was a very odd breakup. But we still live together and we 235 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:37,360 still love each other. And that's where I'm navigating from. I don't have any more expectations 236 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:42,480 than that. If that's all you can give me fine, I'll take that. I'll take care of myself and 237 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:48,560 my personal life. But I want an intimate relationship with someone like you have with 238 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:52,880 your wife. I think that's a very loving, intimate relationship. 239 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:59,520 It is. It's a loving intimate relationship that also challenges me. And I think it's part of the 240 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:07,200 reason why I love it so much. Because it's not all saccharine sweet, lovey-dovey all the time. 241 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:14,640 And in fact, I've come to recognize and be okay with her when sometimes she's like, don't touch me. 242 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:19,840 I'm like, understandable. Like sometimes it's too hot to touch or she's just not feeling it. 243 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,800 That's very hard to be in there. So your love language is like... 244 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:26,080 Back hurts. Back hurts. You know, tired. 245 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:32,800 Or sometimes she'll be, she'll be in her feelings and she'll just be like, hey, you know, I'm just, 246 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:36,720 just not feeling right now. But I want to be, I want to be next to you. Is that okay? 247 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:41,840 Can you stand being next to me even though I'm like this? And a lot of times, like, you know, 248 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:48,160 say she's, she's feeling premenstrual, you know, or hormones or going on. Like, she's always, 249 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:52,560 she's, she let me know, like when it was first, when we first got together that she had horrible 250 00:25:52,560 --> 00:26:00,400 BMS. Like she would just be really upset, quick to anger. And when that time comes, don't shy away 251 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:07,200 from her. Feel free to bite back at her. And I'm like, that's not me. As I've gotten used to this 252 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:12,480 relationship, however, I've gotten more comfortable with it. And there's a hint of like, like, 253 00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:20,960 satisfaction in her face whenever she like barks at me. And I bark back and she's like, yeah, 254 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,880 okay, this is right. Everything is, everything is where it needs to be. And I'm like, you're, 255 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:29,360 you're not duckling, but I love you. This is not great. Oh my God. It is. 256 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:40,240 You ready for the next question? Yes. Yes. So we had someone caught right in. And one of the 257 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:46,560 biggest questions, did you know that you were bisexual when you were in the Navy? Because this 258 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:56,720 person wants to know what the climate was for queer people in the military. What is it like? 259 00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:02,320 I feel like I may have an interest in cross section that may not apply to a whole lot of 260 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:12,640 other people in the military. But I'll tell you my story about that. I knew that I wasn't exactly 261 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:17,760 playing with the straightest of cards, but I didn't really think I was like bisexual until 262 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:26,960 I was out on our first deployment. And I started getting a crush on somebody who I worked with a 263 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:33,120 lot. I've always been one of those developed crushes, though, like sexual or platonic. I'm, 264 00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:36,720 I'm really wanted to like, if I like a person, I start thinking is like, Hey, you're really cool. 265 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:42,800 I want to spend more time with you. But the things that I was thinking about started popping up 266 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:50,240 with more genitalia than I thought that I ever would think about. So I started playing around 267 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:56,080 with those images, you know, just kind of entertaining them in my own time as I as men do. 268 00:27:56,080 --> 00:28:00,400 And I just kind of came to the realization, you know, this, like I said, it happened out my first 269 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,640 tour. I told my wife after the first tour, but it was while I was out there. I was, I was like, 270 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:09,840 yeah, I'm comfortable with the idea of thinking that I'm at least by curious at this point. 271 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:18,880 Didn't really have to feel like I had to tell anybody because where I was was back in the, 272 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:27,040 the rear, the the app section of the USS enterprise. And there was an interesting error 273 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:33,920 of playful homosexuality that came mostly it was it became a stereotype of the electron 274 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:39,040 X mates because there was three three rates that lived close together. There was the electronic 275 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:43,200 technicians. That was me. There was the EMs, those were the mechanics, the knuckle draggers, 276 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:47,920 if you will. And then there was the electronics mates. And those are the ones that deal with 277 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:55,680 like the the generators and everything. So the stuff in between us. And it came out that there 278 00:28:55,680 --> 00:29:00,160 were a couple of people more than one or two people. And then there was the electronics 279 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:05,760 and it came out that there were a couple of people more than a couple of people who were EMs 280 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:12,880 that were either bisexual or queer of some nature, like how, how queer, where, 281 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:18,000 where they were on the rainbow that wasn't really being discussed, but just the fact that they were. 282 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:26,000 And instead of it being like derision, I think maybe it was because we were all just kind of 283 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:31,200 like playful nerds for the most part. There were some assholes in there, but those assholes really 284 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:35,840 didn't have anything much to do with us back there. They just did their business while they're on the 285 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:42,720 ship. It became kind of like a, I don't know, I wouldn't say like a verbal game, but just kind 286 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:47,920 of like an understanding that not everybody back there was straight and nobody felt threatened by 287 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:56,240 it. And then the Marines were brought on board and they got, and they were stationed like either 288 00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:06,880 two levels down from us, one level down from us. And they got wind that there were, you know, 289 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:13,440 possible homosexual, queer, whatever they were up above them. And so when we would all come out 290 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:22,160 at the same time to go to a mess and eat, there was like palpable, thick, ropey tension in between 291 00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:26,400 everybody. And like when they saw the nukes coming, that's who we were, the nukes. When they saw the 292 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:30,640 nukes coming, they would get all uncomfortable, like push themselves up against the wall or like 293 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:34,880 some of them would be like, get one where like they'd be shoving and whatnot. Now that's the 294 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:40,000 first time we got some real good taste of like, like military homophobia. We didn't have to deal 295 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:45,840 with them all that much. But if there ever were any tensions, it was right there in that bottleneck 296 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:53,120 from our birthing to where we go stand in line to go get our trays. Some really deplorable language 297 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:57,680 would be passed back and forth most notably the one that always grinds my gears. And that would be 298 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:06,160 the the Efsler when it comes for queers and. Exactly. Look, it's been my experience that the 299 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:15,680 very people that are the most homophobic are homosexuals themselves. A closeted behavior. 300 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:21,840 Yeah. I mean, it's been my experience. So. Yeah. I mean, I feel like we've all kind of ran 301 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:28,800 to keep using nautical terms, ran ashore of that when it comes to like high school and whatnot, 302 00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:36,480 because like you'll find out that like a bully who is like notoriously a bigot towards like 303 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:43,920 everybody turned out to be, you know, a closeted person of some kind. They didn't happen all the 304 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,360 time, but you definitely heard stories, especially as you got older. And he's like, Oh, really? 305 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:52,880 Ben used to push everybody around. He's got husband. Right. What's happening with him? And then 306 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:58,080 I always come back with that whenever I find out I was like, Well, at least he's found his piece. 307 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:06,800 Well, we've got a friend who was used to travel back and forth to Turkey and went to 308 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:18,400 an all male, an all male school with my brother. And he is gay. And he and his husband live in 309 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:28,880 Portland, Oregon. And when I say I've always known, I've always known, always knew. And I went to see 310 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:36,480 for I went to Portland to see my brother. And he took me to lunch. And we got to speak with one 311 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:43,440 another. He was just a lovely, lovely human being. Yeah, that's great. The worst part is watching 312 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:50,480 somebody tear themselves apart with with so much like negativity that you can just tell they're 313 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:56,160 not happy the moment you see him. There was a gentleman who went to school with a very effeminate 314 00:32:56,160 --> 00:33:00,560 male. And that doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay or queer or anything, you know, 315 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:06,400 affect how you're going to affect. But he didn't ever have a girlfriend. You know, a lot of us 316 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:11,760 were thinking is like, Hey, you know, if you're gay, it's okay. And the venom that he would spew 317 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:18,080 whenever you even brought the idea up to him was so yeah, you could tell it was burning him 318 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:23,520 as much as it was everybody else around him. He would come to school like so negative like 319 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:28,240 first he'd come in with his head high and then like it would only take two comments for him to 320 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:35,920 just be like angry and and so and just so withdrawn immediately. It took a couple years after high 321 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:40,240 school. You got into college, I guess he got comfortable with himself and the next thing you 322 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:46,480 know, he goes, Yeah, I've always been gay. And we're like, Oh my god, we know. We're so happy for 323 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:55,360 you now. The anger stops. Isn't it so funny? The anger stops and the and the compassion 324 00:33:56,160 --> 00:34:02,080 starts to come in. Yeah. And you just start to have compassion for people that you wouldn't 325 00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:09,120 normally have had compassion for. Because he didn't he was he was angry towards everybody. The only 326 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:14,240 people he wasn't angry with was like the the snipe cheerleaders that he hung out with. And they would 327 00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:18,560 just all pick each other apart and pick everybody else apart around them. And they would be like 328 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:26,880 hanging out in solidarity due to bitchiness. And we were just like, we wanted so much more from 329 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:31,200 that. And I'm glad that he finally got it. I I'd like to think that what happened is that he got 330 00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:36,560 away from influences that made him feel like if he was because somebody obviously that he was 331 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:41,680 hanging out with was making him feel that him being his true self was not going to be good for him. 332 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:50,960 And it sounds like looks like that he got away from that. And whether it was maybe family or 333 00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:54,960 maybe just somebody who is like in his life all the time, just because you know, we're small 334 00:34:54,960 --> 00:35:00,640 school, we're going to be pretty much in the same classes as we grew up. And maybe he just 335 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:04,880 that was the way of his protecting himself. It was like watching somebody like try to clean 336 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:14,400 themselves off with acid. It was sad. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot. I mean, back to the military aspect 337 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:23,840 of it, I would say that as long as you don't rub it in and try to make everybody use your pronouns 338 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:32,080 and wear rainbow outfits and sparkly shoes and talk about unicorns and fairy dust. 339 00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:40,960 I mean, you're with a bunch of animals. Okay. I remember being in the military for like a minute. 340 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:50,480 That's all that it took was one minute. And then I was like, I'm out. Peace. Good luck. Yeah. Animals. 341 00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:58,480 Yeah. I felt the animals. Boo camp was filled full of people who showed up from all different types 342 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:04,160 of areas around the country. And when they got together, all the germs that you've never had 343 00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:10,160 from one area, you suddenly just inhale. And so everybody gets what's called the Ricky flu, 344 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:18,160 short for recruit Ricky flu. And it's horrible. It's it's crud. It sticks around for you around 345 00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:25,520 and it takes saps like your oxygen away from you for half the time. That's kind of what the mentality 346 00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:29,920 is. Once you get out of that, once you get done with boot camp and you're going out there, 347 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:35,520 everybody is not only just now bringing their germs, but they're also bringing their 348 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:40,960 ideology. They're bringing with whatever they grew up with because, yeah, sure, they got indoctrinated. 349 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:46,640 They're in the military now. They've learned how to how to march. They've learned how to, for some 350 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:55,120 instances, how to hold guns, but prejudices and ways of thinking they start getting more comfortable 351 00:36:55,120 --> 00:37:00,240 like that. I can be more me now. That's when you do find out that, yeah, you shouldn't be telling 352 00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:05,680 everything to everybody because somebody who you thought you were cool with, you know, during, 353 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:10,560 say, boot camp or maybe the very beginning of wherever you happen to go, your EOS, your school, 354 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:15,200 wherever you're going, you know, you start to realize is like, hey, this guy's actually kind of a 355 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:22,400 dick. I think that's why it was so cool that even though we all have like a bunch of different 356 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:28,720 people back there in the nuke birthing, there were as many as there were assholes, they were also, 357 00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:35,120 you know, we're all here because we're smart enough to be in this. That kind of sometimes, 358 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:40,480 you know, held people together. Of course, cliques would form in that, but it was still all, you 359 00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:45,280 know, we're back here, we're nukes, we're doing what we're supposed to do. If you're not doing 360 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:48,880 what you're supposed to do, that's a whole different thing. You can read about that in my book if you 361 00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:55,200 want to, but there's a whole lot of depression and whatnot around that. But there was still a kind 362 00:37:55,200 --> 00:38:00,400 of solidarity that, you know, don't mess with the nuke. The only person who can mess with this nuke 363 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:05,600 who's not doing great is me because I happen to be a nuke. Like if you're an airdale, if you're a 364 00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:11,600 cook, if you're a marine, how about you go handle your own? We're handling our own back here. 365 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:17,840 That in itself was kind of nice. At least you knew who you were going to be, I'm going to be around. 366 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:22,400 You knew which assholes to avoid. There was no real kind of like guessing. 367 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:30,000 They were transparent about their asshole-ness. Yeah, yeah, because they're like, you know, 368 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:37,680 this is it. This is who we are. Also, when you're a nuke, your time is pretty much spent 369 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:43,280 being in the plant and then going to eat and going to sleep. Then you just kind of keep rotating. 370 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:51,680 So it's really easy to not get to know the other divisions of the ship. It's not like, 371 00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:58,640 I was really lucky enough to get to know one airdale, a guy who is in the airplane maintenance 372 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:06,160 division. I think I got to know one sonar tech. Everybody else was just different shades of 373 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:13,520 nuclear train personnel. Right. Oh my God, that's it. Sounds like so much work. 374 00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:18,880 Just being around. It definitely could have been if I had applied myself more often. It 375 00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:23,600 probably would have been a heck of a lot more. Oh, geez. Well, I'm thinking, I mean, 376 00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:30,560 from what you're telling me, as long as you didn't give a shit what other people bought and you just 377 00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:41,280 did your thing and did your time in the military, and that's that. And I'm sure you get off base. 378 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:47,600 I'm sure you could go to a gay club or something like that. Just as long as you don't do it on the 379 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:54,400 base. Yeah. And then definitely weren't any on the base as far as I know. But then again, 380 00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:59,680 I wasn't really digging in for that. But there are probably more than enough places for that around 381 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:06,720 in Virginia. I mean, they're all walks of life. They were transitioning or at least cross-dressing 382 00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:16,720 depending on who they were and who they were asking money from hookers on the walk. Not a 383 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:22,160 short distance away from our house. There were a lot of what would have just been called like 384 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:30,400 gay encounter culture at that time. But I never sought it out because I mean, I was being paid 385 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:35,920 attention to simply because of the fact that I wasn't doing well. So to add that on top of that, 386 00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:40,560 yeah, no, I would have that would have had an unnecessary complication. Those who were doing 387 00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:46,480 well, you know, doing their job well, people didn't care who you are, what you did as long as you 388 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:53,760 just hear, I mean, you're right. You just apply yourself. Just do your part and hold your own 389 00:40:53,760 --> 00:41:01,040 and don't talk out of turn. That's what a relationship is like too. Like for me now, 390 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:10,800 I realize that. Well, I mean, at times, I mean, I don't know for me, I've got to be me. There's 391 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:15,680 certain work that has to get done in order to make any relationship work. But I feel like I can be 392 00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:24,240 quirky and myself enough that I know that I'm just going to be like, looked at like, 393 00:41:24,240 --> 00:41:28,640 I don't understand the thing you're doing right now. Like me, I'm so online that I know so many 394 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:34,640 random online and real life trivia things. And Marley, she's like, I don't care. I want to 395 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:40,880 enjoy my shows and whatnot. And that alone causes divide sometimes because like, Hey, did you see 396 00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,840 this video? She'd be like, no, I know what you're talking about. I'm like, Oh my God, it's been 397 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:52,320 online forever. I know what you're saying. It's almost like though, it's comfortable. I get it. 398 00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:59,680 I have certain shows that I watch to put me to sleep. They're mundane, you know, those half hour 399 00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:11,360 comedy series on TV, like Bob Burtz Abashola, Young Sheldon, Big Bang Theory. I mean, I watch that 400 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:20,000 stuff. And it's just easy. I don't watch Housewives because I can't stand to see women argue. I think 401 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:26,800 it's it's inappropriate. There's no need for it. It's unnecessary drama. There's no need for that. 402 00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:32,880 If I wanted to listen to that kind of drama, I would actually pay more attention to some of the 403 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:39,200 grumblings that happen on and, you know, in where I work, you know, because and you think guys don't 404 00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:45,200 bring drama, they do. They just try to laugh it off more. But it's there. Oh, man, is it there? 405 00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:55,200 It's there. I try to ignore it. So it's hard to do sometimes, especially when my job, as I found 406 00:42:55,200 --> 00:43:01,680 out, is to strategically eavesdrop because some things need to get told to my boss that don't 407 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:06,720 actually get to them. They stop shortly before and is my job to kind of pick them up and deliver 408 00:43:06,720 --> 00:43:10,400 them over. Sometimes like, Hey, I heard so and so talking about this. Is this something that you need 409 00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:17,840 to do? Which is it's small enough office. You don't think I'd have to do that. But it's important 410 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:23,760 thing to do. I could keep talking about myself forever. But I know that we only have so much time. 411 00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:31,280 And since I feel like that these are going to go up in order, I would love to ask and inform 412 00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:36,080 other people on how you're going to ask. Oh, well, thank you. You're welcome. Ask the ask. 413 00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:43,280 He's actually so Monday he has a doctor's appointment. And it's with the urologist and 414 00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:52,880 that it's to get down. He had an he had sepsis. So he was really infected. But he's been so good, 415 00:43:52,880 --> 00:44:00,720 like eating a vegan diet. He's doing this for me. It's not entirely vegan because I made him. 416 00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:08,240 It's not a vegan diet, obviously, because I made him bone broth, warm bone broth with carrots and 417 00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:16,960 garlic and salt and pepper and just like all this onions and just it's good good for him. And 418 00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:22,880 instead of coffee, he's been drinking that his blood sugar has been perfect, his blood pressure 419 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:32,880 are perfect. The pain has been zero. Okay, so I just wanted to get him to that doctor's appointment 420 00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:41,280 so he could feel confident. And I really want to show him how to take better care of himself 421 00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:48,400 so that he doesn't have to have me here because I know it's a lot for him and it's a lot for me 422 00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:55,440 because I live in Florida. Oh, yeah. So yeah. Yeah, but he's although this year, it probably 423 00:44:55,440 --> 00:45:01,120 doesn't feel like it. Right. No, I don't feel like I have a home. How's that? I know you're 424 00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:05,520 you're you're definitely a leaf. I'm a little homeless at this point. 425 00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:14,960 It's just a little home. But it's cool. I've had a lot of TikTok family 426 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:23,680 checking in on me, my cousins checking in on my and my dad, I want to say the TikTok family 427 00:45:24,240 --> 00:45:32,320 checking on my dad and checking on me. And then my cousins and then I've got this little cat 428 00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:40,240 right here. Yeah, under my little cat. And she looks she sleeps with me at night. 429 00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:46,960 Who's cat is this? Stepmother's cat. Yeah, her name is Christine. My stepmother's name is Christine. 430 00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:55,200 The cat's name is baby blue. Hey, now there's a name. Oh my God. And she follows me everywhere 431 00:45:56,240 --> 00:46:01,680 into the bathroom into the bedroom. That's what I you know, that's what I call my cat, right? 432 00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:10,240 Like his name is blue. But I call him I call him he has a few names, actually. He has baby blue. 433 00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:22,000 He has bubbles. He has tiny bubbles, bubble is just blue fist. And here recently, much to my 434 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:28,320 wife's chagrin, because I call her close to these nicknames, but I don't call her these nicknames 435 00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:35,040 back to back. I've been calling him sweetie baby. Because because he he needs all the love. And 436 00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:46,080 when he had butts, he goes for kisses like he hits the lips. So I I'm a big fan of the kind of back 437 00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:50,640 and forth nature that you can get with a cat, especially if you get one who resonates with 438 00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:56,000 you because they are following you to the bathroom to, you know, to protect you in solidarity, 439 00:46:56,000 --> 00:47:01,280 they're going to the bedroom because they know that's that's that's your dint. You know, the fact 440 00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:06,880 that you even allow them in there is is a great honor to them. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. 441 00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:12,560 I you know, if you if you are willing to sleep around them, you're showing how comfortable 442 00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:18,240 you are with them. And then they in turn will be in be comfortable with you. So like if a cat lays 443 00:47:18,240 --> 00:47:23,600 around you and they have their back towards you, most of the time, they're like, it's cool, 444 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:28,640 you got my back. Like, I know nothing's going to happen. But if for some reason, like if a cat 445 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:33,200 sleeps with you and it's like always like facing you like head forward, it means it's like, we're 446 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:40,560 cool. We're cool. But like one wrong move, motherfucker, and it's on my cat sleeps with their 447 00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:47,120 back to me. Well, there you go. You you have fostered the trust with the most honorable of four 448 00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:53,760 legged beasts. That's really cool. Well, I might call us a fight with that statement. But you know, 449 00:47:53,760 --> 00:48:02,880 I do, my friend. And that was a good closing closing with the kitty cat. I think so. I think so. 450 00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:11,120 Well, Edith, we gotta do this again. My friend. Thank you so much. I'm glad we could do the 451 00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:17,840 military bit. All right, peace out word to your mother. Absolutely. Have a good day, my dear. 452 00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:41,920 You too. Namaste. Bye. Bye.