WEBVTT 00:00:26.980 --> 00:00:33.039 Welcome to Season to episode nine of Transformation 00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:36.380 Talks with Angela R. Strong in Powered Edge season. 00:00:37.539 --> 00:00:40.880 I am Angela R. Strong, and today we're exploring 00:00:40.880 --> 00:00:45.320 what might be the most misunderstood concept 00:00:45.320 --> 00:00:50.479 in personal development, vulnerability. In a 00:00:50.479 --> 00:00:54.240 culture that equates vulnerability with weakness, 00:00:55.340 --> 00:00:58.340 we're going to discover why the opposite is true. 00:00:59.530 --> 00:01:03.770 Real vulnerability, not oversharing or emotional 00:01:03.770 --> 00:01:08.689 dumping, but authentic openness is actually one 00:01:08.689 --> 00:01:12.150 of the greatest sources of strength, connection, 00:01:12.349 --> 00:01:18.530 and transformation that's available to us. I 00:01:18.530 --> 00:01:22.209 spent most of my military career believing that 00:01:22.209 --> 00:01:27.250 vulnerability was the enemy of leadership. In 00:01:27.250 --> 00:01:30.209 high stakes situations, I thought showing any 00:01:30.209 --> 00:01:34.969 uncertainty, fear, or need for help would undermine 00:01:34.969 --> 00:01:40.170 my authority and put my team at risk. Guess what? 00:01:40.989 --> 00:01:45.310 I was wrong. The moment that changed everything 00:01:45.310 --> 00:01:48.469 happened during a particularly challenging rescue 00:01:48.469 --> 00:01:53.010 operation. We were dealing with multiple casualties 00:01:53.010 --> 00:01:58.519 in a dangerous condition. I had to make decisions 00:01:58.519 --> 00:02:02.000 that could mean life or death for the people 00:02:02.000 --> 00:02:06.780 that were involved. I felt overwhelmed and uncertain, 00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:13.060 but I did keep that to myself, projecting confidence 00:02:13.060 --> 00:02:18.340 that I didn't feel well. Afterwards, one of my 00:02:18.340 --> 00:02:22.419 team members approached me. Chief, they said, 00:02:22.750 --> 00:02:24.990 I could tell you were struggling in there and 00:02:24.990 --> 00:02:29.389 it made me respect you more, not less. The fact 00:02:29.389 --> 00:02:31.750 that you felt the weight of those decisions and 00:02:31.750 --> 00:02:37.330 still made them, that was real leadership. May 00:02:37.330 --> 00:02:43.430 feel so good. The conversation shattered my understanding 00:02:43.430 --> 00:02:47.610 of strength. I realized that my attempts to appear 00:02:47.610 --> 00:02:51.259 invulnerable weren't making me stronger. They 00:02:51.259 --> 00:02:55.300 were making me isolated, less effective and less 00:02:55.300 --> 00:02:59.919 human. True strength, I learned, comes not from 00:02:59.919 --> 00:03:03.060 having no vulnerabilities at all, but from being 00:03:03.060 --> 00:03:07.060 brave enough to acknowledge that you have them 00:03:07.060 --> 00:03:13.120 and to act despite those vulnerabilities. Let's 00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:16.740 start by clearing up what vulnerability is and 00:03:16.740 --> 00:03:22.129 it isn't. What vulnerability is not is over sharing 00:03:22.129 --> 00:03:26.689 personal details with everyone. Emotional dumping 00:03:26.689 --> 00:03:29.169 or making others responsible for your feelings. 00:03:31.169 --> 00:03:36.169 Being weak, helpless or unable to handle challenges. 00:03:38.389 --> 00:03:42.889 Seeking attention or sympathy. Having no boundaries 00:03:42.889 --> 00:03:48.860 or self -protection. what vulnerability is is. 00:03:49.400 --> 00:03:52.879 Emotional honesty about your authentic experience. 00:03:54.120 --> 00:03:59.439 The courage to be seen as you truly are. Acknowledging 00:03:59.439 --> 00:04:03.479 uncertainty, fear, or the need without being 00:04:03.479 --> 00:04:08.139 controlled by those needs. Opening yourself to 00:04:08.139 --> 00:04:12.900 possibility of rejection or judgment. Choosing 00:04:12.900 --> 00:04:17.980 connection over self -protection. Brene Brown 00:04:17.980 --> 00:04:21.699 defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and 00:04:21.699 --> 00:04:25.980 emotional exposure. It's the birthplace of courage, 00:04:26.040 --> 00:04:31.199 creativity, and change. Here's what I've learned. 00:04:32.579 --> 00:04:35.420 Vulnerability isn't about being weak. It's about 00:04:35.420 --> 00:04:39.800 being brave enough to show up authentically when 00:04:39.800 --> 00:04:45.639 you can't control the outcome. And it takes tremendous 00:04:45.639 --> 00:04:49.120 strength to admit when you don't know something. 00:04:50.879 --> 00:04:56.220 It's okay. Ask for help when you need it. Share 00:04:56.220 --> 00:05:01.439 your struggles with trusted people. Express your 00:05:01.439 --> 00:05:03.699 true feelings instead of what you think others 00:05:03.699 --> 00:05:09.439 want to hear. Take risks that might lead to rejection 00:05:09.439 --> 00:05:15.740 or failure. Apologize when you've made mistakes. 00:05:17.360 --> 00:05:20.939 Say I love you first. Stand up for your values 00:05:20.939 --> 00:05:26.379 even when it's unpopular. The parody is this. 00:05:27.519 --> 00:05:30.879 The more willing that you are able to be vulnerable, 00:05:31.879 --> 00:05:35.579 the stronger you actually become. Not because 00:05:35.579 --> 00:05:38.860 vulnerability eliminates fear, but because it 00:05:38.860 --> 00:05:42.629 teaches you that you can feel fear. and act courageously 00:05:42.629 --> 00:05:50.250 anyway. Let me share how vulnerability transformed 00:05:50.250 --> 00:05:55.949 my leadership. After that rescue mission and 00:05:55.949 --> 00:06:00.069 that conversation, I started leading differently. 00:06:01.550 --> 00:06:04.110 Instead of pretending to have all the answers, 00:06:04.149 --> 00:06:08.490 I began saying things like, I'm not sure about 00:06:08.490 --> 00:06:14.379 the best approach here. What do you think? I'm 00:06:14.379 --> 00:06:17.800 feeling overwhelmed about this decision. Can 00:06:17.800 --> 00:06:20.540 we work through it together? What are your ideas? 00:06:23.279 --> 00:06:26.060 I made a mistake in how I handled that situation. 00:06:27.060 --> 00:06:30.980 Here's what I learned. Tell me your take on it. 00:06:32.300 --> 00:06:36.000 The result? My team became more engaged, more 00:06:36.000 --> 00:06:38.939 creative, and more willing to take the initiative. 00:06:39.949 --> 00:06:42.649 They stopped waiting for me to have all the answers 00:06:42.649 --> 00:06:45.769 and they started contributing their own solutions 00:06:45.769 --> 00:06:50.569 to problems. My vulnerability didn't make me 00:06:50.569 --> 00:06:55.290 a weaker leader. It made me a more effective 00:06:55.290 --> 00:07:02.449 leader. Here's the crucial part. Vulnerability 00:07:02.449 --> 00:07:06.790 must be practiced with discernment. Not everyone 00:07:06.790 --> 00:07:10.209 deserves access to your tender places. Keep that 00:07:10.209 --> 00:07:14.290 in mind also. Vulnerability without boundaries 00:07:14.290 --> 00:07:21.069 isn't brave, it's reckless. The three levels 00:07:21.069 --> 00:07:27.069 of vulnerability. Level one, self -vulnerability. 00:07:27.449 --> 00:07:29.490 This is being honest with yourself about your 00:07:29.490 --> 00:07:32.709 fears, your needs, your struggles, and your desires. 00:07:33.829 --> 00:07:37.490 You can't be authentic with others if you are 00:07:37.490 --> 00:07:43.189 not first authentic. with yourself. Level two, 00:07:43.730 --> 00:07:48.230 selective vulnerability. This is sharing your 00:07:48.230 --> 00:07:50.430 authentic self with people who have earned the 00:07:50.430 --> 00:07:53.850 right to hear your story. Those who respond to 00:07:53.850 --> 00:07:57.269 your vulnerability with empathy, not judgment. 00:07:59.629 --> 00:08:05.769 Level three, strategic vulnerability. This is 00:08:05.769 --> 00:08:08.009 using your story and struggles to serve others. 00:08:08.410 --> 00:08:13.170 through teaching, mentoring, or simply just modeling 00:08:13.170 --> 00:08:20.189 that it's okay to be human. The key is matching 00:08:20.189 --> 00:08:23.370 your level of vulnerability to the safety and 00:08:23.370 --> 00:08:27.129 the purpose of the situation at hand. You don't 00:08:27.129 --> 00:08:29.149 share your deepest struggles with your boss, 00:08:29.350 --> 00:08:31.930 but you might acknowledge when you're learning 00:08:31.930 --> 00:08:36.009 something new. You don't tell your life story 00:08:36.009 --> 00:08:38.940 to strangers. But you might share a relevant 00:08:38.940 --> 00:08:40.679 struggle with the friend who's going through 00:08:40.679 --> 00:08:44.820 something that's similar to you. Let's practice 00:08:44.820 --> 00:08:50.440 the vulnerability strength power pause. Think 00:08:50.440 --> 00:08:53.879 of a situation where you've been hiding behind 00:08:53.879 --> 00:09:01.399 a mask of strength or perfection. Take three 00:09:01.399 --> 00:09:04.059 deep breaths and I want you to create space for 00:09:04.059 --> 00:09:09.789 honesty. in this self -reflection moment. Ask 00:09:09.789 --> 00:09:14.830 yourself, what am I afraid will happen if I show 00:09:14.830 --> 00:09:20.129 my authentic self in this moment here? What is 00:09:20.129 --> 00:09:23.450 this massive invulnerability causing me in connection 00:09:23.450 --> 00:09:27.730 and growth? What would courage look like in this 00:09:27.730 --> 00:09:33.350 situation? Where are... the safe people that 00:09:33.350 --> 00:09:35.490 I could practice this vulnerability with. Who 00:09:35.490 --> 00:09:41.230 are they? How might my authenticity actually 00:09:41.230 --> 00:09:46.289 serve others? Notice the difference between the 00:09:46.289 --> 00:09:49.730 heavy feeling of pretending and the lighter feeling 00:09:49.730 --> 00:09:53.429 of potential authenticity. That's your soul calling 00:09:53.429 --> 00:10:02.149 you towards truth. If vulnerability Feel scary? 00:10:03.250 --> 00:10:07.889 It's okay. Start small. I call this the vulnerability 00:10:07.889 --> 00:10:15.409 ladder. You climb one rung at a time. Rung one, 00:10:15.889 --> 00:10:18.730 self -vulnerability. You start by being honest 00:10:18.730 --> 00:10:22.210 with yourself and you acknowledge your fears, 00:10:22.570 --> 00:10:26.370 needs, and struggles in your journal or in a 00:10:26.370 --> 00:10:32.169 private reflection moment. Rung two. Safe person 00:10:32.169 --> 00:10:35.710 vulnerability. Share something real with one 00:10:35.710 --> 00:10:38.769 completely safe person. It could be a trusted 00:10:38.769 --> 00:10:42.250 friend, a therapist, or a family member who has 00:10:42.250 --> 00:10:47.429 earned the right to hear your story. Rung three. 00:10:48.629 --> 00:10:53.590 Small group vulnerability. Practice authenticity 00:10:53.590 --> 00:10:56.990 in a small supportive group. Maybe a book club, 00:10:57.389 --> 00:11:02.799 a support group, or a close friend circle. Rung 00:11:02.799 --> 00:11:08.460 four, professional vulnerability. Bring appropriate 00:11:08.460 --> 00:11:12.259 authenticity to your work relationships. Admit 00:11:12.259 --> 00:11:15.059 when you need some help. Acknowledge when you 00:11:15.059 --> 00:11:18.919 make a mistake. Show your colleagues that you 00:11:18.919 --> 00:11:25.620 genuinely care. Rung five, public vulnerability. 00:11:27.220 --> 00:11:29.799 This might mean sharing your story more widely. 00:11:30.139 --> 00:11:33.600 speaking about your challenges or using your 00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:37.460 platform to help others feel less alone. It could 00:11:37.460 --> 00:11:44.179 be on social media or speaking at an engagement. 00:11:45.820 --> 00:11:48.059 Remember, you don't have to climb that top room. 00:11:48.639 --> 00:11:52.059 Find the level that feels authentic to you and 00:11:52.059 --> 00:11:56.620 sustainable for you. Here's what changed for 00:11:56.620 --> 00:11:59.679 me at each of these levels. Self -vulnerability 00:11:59.679 --> 00:12:02.299 helped me stop lying to myself about my struggles. 00:12:03.159 --> 00:12:07.519 It was okay to not be okay or to not know something. 00:12:08.460 --> 00:12:10.960 Safe person vulnerability gave me the support 00:12:10.960 --> 00:12:15.019 that I needed to heal. Small group vulnerability 00:12:15.019 --> 00:12:18.120 showed me that I wasn't alone in my experiences. 00:12:19.840 --> 00:12:23.120 And professional vulnerability made me more effective 00:12:23.120 --> 00:12:26.899 coach and leader. Public vulnerability, which 00:12:26.899 --> 00:12:29.360 is what I'm doing right now through my speaking 00:12:29.360 --> 00:12:32.940 engagements and my writing has allowed me to 00:12:32.940 --> 00:12:37.179 Help thousands of people Feel less alone in their 00:12:37.179 --> 00:12:41.799 struggles Each wrong builds your vulnerability 00:12:41.799 --> 00:12:45.000 muscle and it shows you that you can be seen 00:12:45.000 --> 00:12:48.320 authentically and still be loved and respected 00:12:48.320 --> 00:12:53.559 and value Most people resist vulnerability because 00:12:54.860 --> 00:13:01.399 of some common fears. For instance, they'll think 00:13:01.399 --> 00:13:05.840 that I'm weak. In reality, most people respect 00:13:05.840 --> 00:13:10.220 authenticity more than perfection. Vulnerability 00:13:10.220 --> 00:13:17.879 often increases respect, not decrease it. They'll 00:13:17.879 --> 00:13:22.120 use it against me. The reality of that is this 00:13:22.120 --> 00:13:25.690 is why we practice selected vulnerability, and 00:13:25.690 --> 00:13:28.009 we only share it with people who've proven themselves 00:13:28.009 --> 00:13:32.750 trustworthy for us to be vulnerable with. I'll 00:13:32.750 --> 00:13:37.250 lose control. The reality of that is vulnerability 00:13:37.250 --> 00:13:40.970 is not about losing control. It's about choosing 00:13:40.970 --> 00:13:44.750 courage over comfort. You're always in control 00:13:44.750 --> 00:13:47.990 of what you share and with whom you share it 00:13:47.990 --> 00:13:55.190 with. I'll be rejected. Reality is some people 00:13:55.190 --> 00:13:58.370 might not respond well and that's okay, but those 00:13:58.370 --> 00:14:01.870 aren't your people. Vulnerability helps you find 00:14:01.870 --> 00:14:07.470 your true tribe. I don't want to burden others. 00:14:08.750 --> 00:14:12.950 The reality of that is appropriate vulnerability 00:14:12.950 --> 00:14:17.070 creates connection with others, not burden. Most 00:14:17.070 --> 00:14:18.929 people feel honored when you trust them with 00:14:18.929 --> 00:14:24.100 your authentic selves. The antidote to these 00:14:24.100 --> 00:14:27.080 fears is starting small and building your evidence 00:14:27.080 --> 00:14:29.820 that vulnerability leads to stronger relationships 00:14:29.820 --> 00:14:34.159 and greater personal freedom. This week's homework, 00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:39.059 I want you to identify one area where you've 00:14:39.059 --> 00:14:43.460 been hiding behind in vulnerability. I want you 00:14:43.460 --> 00:14:46.840 to choose an appropriate person and I want you 00:14:46.840 --> 00:14:49.960 to practice moving up one rung on the vulnerability 00:14:49.960 --> 00:14:56.190 ladder. Notice that what happens when you show 00:14:56.190 --> 00:15:00.350 up authentically? How does people respond to 00:15:00.350 --> 00:15:05.870 you? How do you feel? Will connections become 00:15:05.870 --> 00:15:10.669 possible for you? Remember, vulnerability is 00:15:10.669 --> 00:15:13.830 not about oversharing or having no boundaries. 00:15:14.529 --> 00:15:18.889 It's about being courageously authentic in service 00:15:18.889 --> 00:15:28.100 of connection and growth. True strength isn't 00:15:28.100 --> 00:15:34.120 about having no vulnerabilities. It's about being 00:15:34.120 --> 00:15:37.519 brave enough to acknowledge them and connect 00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:42.440 despite them. When you show up authentically, 00:15:43.080 --> 00:15:48.179 you give others permission to do the same. Next 00:15:48.179 --> 00:15:52.620 week, we're exploring creating your support network. 00:15:54.200 --> 00:15:57.379 Until then. Remember that your vulnerability 00:15:57.379 --> 00:16:02.940 is not your weakness. It's your superpower. It's 00:16:02.940 --> 00:16:06.240 your superpower for creating genuine connection 00:16:06.240 --> 00:16:12.139 and meaningful change. I'm Angela Armstrong, 00:16:12.740 --> 00:16:15.480 and this has been Transformation Talk with Angela 00:16:15.480 --> 00:16:20.000 Armstrong, the Empowered Edge series. See you 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:23.100 guys next week. Thank you for joining. If you 00:16:23.100 --> 00:16:27.120 like this video, or resonates with you. Like, 00:16:27.679 --> 00:16:31.659 subscribe, share. See you guys next week.