Welcome to Season to episode nine of Transformation
Talks with Angela R. Strong in Powered Edge season.
I am Angela R. Strong, and today we're exploring
what might be the most misunderstood concept
in personal development, vulnerability. In a
culture that equates vulnerability with weakness,
we're going to discover why the opposite is true.
Real vulnerability, not oversharing or emotional
dumping, but authentic openness is actually one
of the greatest sources of strength, connection,
and transformation that's available to us. I
spent most of my military career believing that
vulnerability was the enemy of leadership. In
high stakes situations, I thought showing any
uncertainty, fear, or need for help would undermine
my authority and put my team at risk. Guess what?
I was wrong. The moment that changed everything
happened during a particularly challenging rescue
operation. We were dealing with multiple casualties
in a dangerous condition. I had to make decisions
that could mean life or death for the people
that were involved. I felt overwhelmed and uncertain,
but I did keep that to myself, projecting confidence
that I didn't feel well. Afterwards, one of my
team members approached me. Chief, they said,
I could tell you were struggling in there and
it made me respect you more, not less. The fact
that you felt the weight of those decisions and
still made them, that was real leadership. May
feel so good. The conversation shattered my understanding
of strength. I realized that my attempts to appear
invulnerable weren't making me stronger. They
were making me isolated, less effective and less
human. True strength, I learned, comes not from
having no vulnerabilities at all, but from being
brave enough to acknowledge that you have them
and to act despite those vulnerabilities. Let's
start by clearing up what vulnerability is and
it isn't. What vulnerability is not is over sharing
personal details with everyone. Emotional dumping
or making others responsible for your feelings.
Being weak, helpless or unable to handle challenges.
Seeking attention or sympathy. Having no boundaries
or self -protection. what vulnerability is is.
Emotional honesty about your authentic experience.
The courage to be seen as you truly are. Acknowledging
uncertainty, fear, or the need without being
controlled by those needs. Opening yourself to
possibility of rejection or judgment. Choosing
connection over self -protection. Brene Brown
defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and
emotional exposure. It's the birthplace of courage,
creativity, and change. Here's what I've learned.
Vulnerability isn't about being weak. It's about
being brave enough to show up authentically when
you can't control the outcome. And it takes tremendous
strength to admit when you don't know something.
It's okay. Ask for help when you need it. Share
your struggles with trusted people. Express your
true feelings instead of what you think others
want to hear. Take risks that might lead to rejection
or failure. Apologize when you've made mistakes.
Say I love you first. Stand up for your values
even when it's unpopular. The parody is this.
The more willing that you are able to be vulnerable,
the stronger you actually become. Not because
vulnerability eliminates fear, but because it
teaches you that you can feel fear. and act courageously
anyway. Let me share how vulnerability transformed
my leadership. After that rescue mission and
that conversation, I started leading differently.
Instead of pretending to have all the answers,
I began saying things like, I'm not sure about
the best approach here. What do you think? I'm
feeling overwhelmed about this decision. Can
we work through it together? What are your ideas?
I made a mistake in how I handled that situation.
Here's what I learned. Tell me your take on it.
The result? My team became more engaged, more
creative, and more willing to take the initiative.
They stopped waiting for me to have all the answers
and they started contributing their own solutions
to problems. My vulnerability didn't make me
a weaker leader. It made me a more effective
leader. Here's the crucial part. Vulnerability
must be practiced with discernment. Not everyone
deserves access to your tender places. Keep that
in mind also. Vulnerability without boundaries
isn't brave, it's reckless. The three levels
of vulnerability. Level one, self -vulnerability.
This is being honest with yourself about your
fears, your needs, your struggles, and your desires.
You can't be authentic with others if you are
not first authentic. with yourself. Level two,
selective vulnerability. This is sharing your
authentic self with people who have earned the
right to hear your story. Those who respond to
your vulnerability with empathy, not judgment.
Level three, strategic vulnerability. This is
using your story and struggles to serve others.
through teaching, mentoring, or simply just modeling
that it's okay to be human. The key is matching
your level of vulnerability to the safety and
the purpose of the situation at hand. You don't
share your deepest struggles with your boss,
but you might acknowledge when you're learning
something new. You don't tell your life story
to strangers. But you might share a relevant
struggle with the friend who's going through
something that's similar to you. Let's practice
the vulnerability strength power pause. Think
of a situation where you've been hiding behind
a mask of strength or perfection. Take three
deep breaths and I want you to create space for
honesty. in this self -reflection moment. Ask
yourself, what am I afraid will happen if I show
my authentic self in this moment here? What is
this massive invulnerability causing me in connection
and growth? What would courage look like in this
situation? Where are... the safe people that
I could practice this vulnerability with. Who
are they? How might my authenticity actually
serve others? Notice the difference between the
heavy feeling of pretending and the lighter feeling
of potential authenticity. That's your soul calling
you towards truth. If vulnerability Feel scary?
It's okay. Start small. I call this the vulnerability
ladder. You climb one rung at a time. Rung one,
self -vulnerability. You start by being honest
with yourself and you acknowledge your fears,
needs, and struggles in your journal or in a
private reflection moment. Rung two. Safe person
vulnerability. Share something real with one
completely safe person. It could be a trusted
friend, a therapist, or a family member who has
earned the right to hear your story. Rung three.
Small group vulnerability. Practice authenticity
in a small supportive group. Maybe a book club,
a support group, or a close friend circle. Rung
four, professional vulnerability. Bring appropriate
authenticity to your work relationships. Admit
when you need some help. Acknowledge when you
make a mistake. Show your colleagues that you
genuinely care. Rung five, public vulnerability.
This might mean sharing your story more widely.
speaking about your challenges or using your
platform to help others feel less alone. It could
be on social media or speaking at an engagement.
Remember, you don't have to climb that top room.
Find the level that feels authentic to you and
sustainable for you. Here's what changed for
me at each of these levels. Self -vulnerability
helped me stop lying to myself about my struggles.
It was okay to not be okay or to not know something.
Safe person vulnerability gave me the support
that I needed to heal. Small group vulnerability
showed me that I wasn't alone in my experiences.
And professional vulnerability made me more effective
coach and leader. Public vulnerability, which
is what I'm doing right now through my speaking
engagements and my writing has allowed me to
Help thousands of people Feel less alone in their
struggles Each wrong builds your vulnerability
muscle and it shows you that you can be seen
authentically and still be loved and respected
and value Most people resist vulnerability because
of some common fears. For instance, they'll think
that I'm weak. In reality, most people respect
authenticity more than perfection. Vulnerability
often increases respect, not decrease it. They'll
use it against me. The reality of that is this
is why we practice selected vulnerability, and
we only share it with people who've proven themselves
trustworthy for us to be vulnerable with. I'll
lose control. The reality of that is vulnerability
is not about losing control. It's about choosing
courage over comfort. You're always in control
of what you share and with whom you share it
with. I'll be rejected. Reality is some people
might not respond well and that's okay, but those
aren't your people. Vulnerability helps you find
your true tribe. I don't want to burden others.
The reality of that is appropriate vulnerability
creates connection with others, not burden. Most
people feel honored when you trust them with
your authentic selves. The antidote to these
fears is starting small and building your evidence
that vulnerability leads to stronger relationships
and greater personal freedom. This week's homework,
I want you to identify one area where you've
been hiding behind in vulnerability. I want you
to choose an appropriate person and I want you
to practice moving up one rung on the vulnerability
ladder. Notice that what happens when you show
up authentically? How does people respond to
you? How do you feel? Will connections become
possible for you? Remember, vulnerability is
not about oversharing or having no boundaries.
It's about being courageously authentic in service
of connection and growth. True strength isn't
about having no vulnerabilities. It's about being
brave enough to acknowledge them and connect
despite them. When you show up authentically,
you give others permission to do the same. Next
week, we're exploring creating your support network.
Until then. Remember that your vulnerability
is not your weakness. It's your superpower. It's
your superpower for creating genuine connection
and meaningful change. I'm Angela Armstrong,
and this has been Transformation Talk with Angela
Armstrong, the Empowered Edge series. See you
guys next week. Thank you for joining. If you
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