In a world of change, where do you belong? The
answer's clear, it's time to be strong. Mindful
growth, that's where we thrive. With Angela's
guidance, watch your best self arise. Transform
with strong, reach for the stars. Resilient minds,
that's who we are. No weakening potential, near
and far. Angela, our strong. Welcome to episode
6 of Transformation Talks. with Angela Armstrong
in Power Dead Season. I am Angela Armstrong,
and today we're talking about one of the most
important aspects of self -care, and that's boundaries.
If you've ever felt guilty for saying no, worried
about disappointing others, or you found yourself
constantly drained by other people's demands,
this episode is so for you. We're going to reframe
boundaries from selfish barriers to essential
self -care practices today. I know for me, for
most of my life I was a chronic people pleaser.
In the military, I said yes to every assignment,
every extra duty, every volunteer opportunity,
every request for help. And I thought this made
me a good leader and a valuable team member.
But what it actually made me was exhausted, resentful,
and eventually I burnt out. The wake up call
came during my final year of service. I was dealing
with my own crisis, but I was still trying to
fix everyone else's problems. Still saying yes
to requests that I had absolutely no capacity
for. Still putting everyone else's needs before
my own. One day, someone asked me to cover something
for them. Again, and I automatically start to
say yes. Then I stopped. I realized that my inability
to set boundaries wasn't helping anyone. Definitely
not myself. I was showing up half present. half
resentful, and half effective. That's when I
learned that boundaries aren't walls that keep
people out. They're gates that let the right
things in. Let's start by clearing up some misconception
about boundaries and what they are and what they
are not. Boundaries are not selfish or mean.
permanent walls, punishments for others, signs
of weakness, ways to control other people. Boundaries
are self -respect and action, energy management
tools, clarity about your values and your limits,
ways to show up more fully for what matters.
invitations for others to respect you. Think
of boundaries like walls of your house. They
don't exist to keep everyone out. They exist
to create a safe space where you can rest, recharge,
and be yourself. You get to decide who comes
in, when they come in, and what happens in your
space. There are several types of boundaries.
There are physical boundaries, your personal
space, touch, and physical comfort. There are
emotional boundaries that protect your emotional
energy and help you not take on others' emotions.
There's time boundaries, how you spend your time
and energy. Mental boundaries, protecting your
thoughts and beliefs from others' negativity.
There's digital boundaries as well. And that's
managing your online presence and your consumption.
Professional boundaries is when you separate
work from your personal life. Stop taking work
home and spend time with your family. The key
to healthy boundaries is understanding that they're
about you. not about controlling others. You
can't make someone respect your boundaries, but
you can consistently enforce them. Here's my
three -step boundary implementation process.
Step one, identify your limits. Get clear on
what drains you, what energizes you, and what
you need to function at your best. This isn't
selfish. It's self -awareness. Ask yourself,
what situations leave me feeling resentful or
exhausted? When do I feel most authentic and
energized? What are my non -negotiables for physical,
emotional, and mental well -being? What patterns
do I notice in my relationships that need addressing?
Step two. Communicate clear. Use I statements.
I need. I'm not available. I've decided. You
don't need to justify or over explain yourself.
A simple clear statement is more powerful than
a lengthy explanation. and no is a complete sentence.
Example, I need to leave work at 6 p .m. to maintain
my well -being. I'm not available for phone calls
after 9 p .m. I've decided not to discuss politics
at family gatherings. Step three, follow through
consistently with your boundaries. This is where
most people struggle. If you set a boundary but
you don't enforce it, you're actually teaching
others that your boundaries are negotiable and
they're not. Consistency means saying no without
guilt or over explanation. No. Silence. Not making
exceptions that compromise your well -being.
Addressing boundary violations directly. and
immediately. Don't wait, don't put it off. And
be prepared for pushback and staying firm because
people will try you. Let me share with you how
this worked for me. I identified that checking
emails after hours was draining my family time
and preventing me from recharging because I would
respond to the emails and start doing work. So
I communicated to my team that I wouldn't respond
to non -emergency emails or phone calls after
7 p .m. When someone sent urgent requests after
hours via email, I addressed it the next morning
and redirected them to proper channels for true
emergencies. It took consistency, but eventually
the after hours request stopped because I stopped
answering. Let's practice the boundary power
pause. Think of a situation where you need to
set or strengthen a boundary. Take three deep
breaths. Now ask yourself, what is this situation
costing me in energy, time, or peace? What boundary
would protect my well -being here? What's the
simplest, clearest way to communicate this boundary?
What would enforcing this boundary consistently
look like? How would my life improve with this
boundary in place? Feel the relief that comes
with clarity? That's your inner wisdom confirming
what it is that you need. You need to set some
boundaries. You need to set all the boundaries.
Let me give you some practical scripts for common
boundary situations. For work requests that are
beyond your capacity, say, I appreciate you thinking
of me for this project. My current commitments
won't allow me to give this attention. that it
requires or deserves. I'd recommend the solution
of this person. For social obligations that you
can't handle, thank you for the invitation. I
won't be able to make it, but I hope that you
have a wonderful time. For family demands on
your time, I love spending time with my family.
Right now, I need to prioritize whatever it is
that you need. Could we look at an alternative
arrangement? For digital overwhelm. I'm taking
a break from social media or emails after such
a such time to recharge. I'll respond to messages
during business hours. For emotional dumping.
I can see that you're going through a lot. I
care about you, and I'm not in a place to provide
support to you that you need right now. Have
you considered talking to a professional or another
friend? Four financial requests. I'm not able
to help financially right now. I hope that you
find a solution that you need. Notice that these
scripts are kind, but they're firm. Clear, but
not over -explanatory. They acknowledge the other
person while also protecting your needs. I can
already tell you, when you say those things to
people, they're gonna be baffled because they're
so used to you saying yes. The biggest obstacle
to healthy boundaries is guilt. Don't be guilty.
It's okay. Here's how I want you to work through
that guilt. I want you to remember your why.
Why you're setting boundaries is not to hurt
others. You're setting them to show up as your
best self for what truly matters the most to
you. Recognize the cost of no boundaries. When
you don't protect your energy, you have less
to give to other people and it causes you to
be overwhelmed and you can't do what you truly
care about. Understand that no is a complete
sentence. You don't owe anyone a detailed explanation
for protecting your well -being. Practice self
-compassion. You're learning a new skill. It
will feel uncomfortable at first, and that is
normal. It's okay. I want you to focus on what
you're saying yes to. Every boundary that you
set creates space for something that you want
to do that's more aligned with your values. Remember,
people who truly care about your wellbeing will
respect your boundaries. Those who don't respect
your boundaries are showing you exactly why you
need them. Those that get upset or mad or stop
talking to you or try to gaslight you. Those
are the people that you need to stay away from
and definitely enforce those boundaries. This
week I want you to identify three areas that
you need stronger boundaries. For each area I
want you to write down what the current situation
is costing you, what boundary that you need to
set, how you will communicate that boundary,
and also how you will enforce it consistently.
Practice one boundary conversation this week.
Start small. Boundaries are a skill that approves
with practice because you're not used to saying
no. I want you to notice any guilt or resistance
that come up and I want you to remind yourself
that protecting your energy is protecting your
ability to serve what matters most to you. Remember,
boundaries aren't about building walls. They're
about creating space for your best self to emerge.
When you protect your energy, you have more to
give to what truly matters. Next week, we're
exploring rewriting your story. The power of
perspective. Until then, remember, saying no
to what drains you is saying yes, to what sustains
you. I'm Angela R. Strong, and this has been
Transformation Talk with Angela R. Strong, the
Empowered Edge series. Thank you for joining
me, and I look forward to seeing you in the next
episode. Like, share, subscribe. You're meant
to be mindful, bold, and totally