WEBVTT 00:00:01.250 --> 00:00:06.230 Oh no, it's happening. That big white mist coming 00:00:06.230 --> 00:00:09.609 on. It's the big ghost. The big ghost is back. 00:00:10.390 --> 00:00:14.150 It's going to swallow the town. Last time. Oh, 00:00:14.150 --> 00:00:16.070 it's going to chill down my spine. Oh, it's going 00:00:16.070 --> 00:00:20.190 to chill. Last time, my dad disrespected the 00:00:20.190 --> 00:00:22.609 big ghost and he got in a car accident. During 00:00:22.609 --> 00:00:24.710 the big ghost? During the big ghost. Oh my god. 00:00:25.030 --> 00:00:27.870 I think the big ghost rammed his car into a tree. 00:00:27.989 --> 00:00:30.489 Oh my god. And he never turns his lights on. 00:00:30.910 --> 00:01:26.079 No, I didn't want to spook the big ghost. Jesus 00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:28.680 Christ, what was that? What were you thinking? 00:01:28.680 --> 00:01:34.599 Did you not see me? It's pretty foggy. The headlights, 00:01:34.920 --> 00:01:39.140 they're not so good. Sorry, anyone hurt? I think 00:01:39.140 --> 00:01:42.579 I might be. You might be hurt. I think I might. 00:01:43.599 --> 00:01:47.299 What's wrong? What part of your body is ailing? 00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:50.959 That much I'm not entirely convinced of, but 00:01:50.959 --> 00:01:53.900 I think I might be. You took the whole side off 00:01:53.900 --> 00:01:57.750 of my car. I told you it was an accident. It 00:01:57.750 --> 00:02:00.670 affects visibility and that's why I crashed my 00:02:00.670 --> 00:02:03.090 car into the side of yours. I'm sorry, look. 00:02:03.290 --> 00:02:06.469 My right knee. Sorry? It's my right knee that's 00:02:06.469 --> 00:02:09.490 been hurt. I can feel it. Nobody gives a fuck 00:02:09.490 --> 00:02:12.229 about your knees. They grow back. My car door's 00:02:12.229 --> 00:02:14.550 not going to grow back. Knees grow back? Your 00:02:14.550 --> 00:02:17.810 knees grow back. My knees grow back. How many 00:02:17.810 --> 00:02:21.830 knees have you lost? Been losing knees once or 00:02:21.830 --> 00:02:25.830 twice a year. I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm actually 00:02:25.830 --> 00:02:28.129 trapped in your wheel well. You drove over me 00:02:28.129 --> 00:02:31.270 three miles ago. I'm a doctor. My name's Dr. 00:02:31.569 --> 00:02:35.389 Adam Smith. Common name, but it is my name. Sorry. 00:02:35.449 --> 00:02:38.110 Should we get you out of there? Knees can grow 00:02:38.110 --> 00:02:41.069 back. I should know. I studied for three years 00:02:41.069 --> 00:02:45.030 at the University of Knees in Norwich. Doctor, 00:02:45.169 --> 00:02:46.770 why are you climbing back into the wheel well? 00:02:47.169 --> 00:02:49.490 It's where I feel safe. It reminds me of the 00:02:49.490 --> 00:02:53.150 womb. Warm and oily. Very sorry. It's quite all 00:02:53.150 --> 00:02:55.930 right. I'm very sorry, Doctor. It is quite all 00:02:55.930 --> 00:02:58.830 right. It's the fog, though. I just, I mustn't 00:02:58.830 --> 00:03:01.370 have seen you. Sorry, sorry to interrupt, but 00:03:01.370 --> 00:03:04.889 Doctor, how long can I expect before my knee 00:03:04.889 --> 00:03:09.310 grows back? One hundred and fifty years. No time. 00:03:09.590 --> 00:03:12.930 But you said that you had a new one each year. 00:03:13.009 --> 00:03:16.800 Is it different for each individual? Yes. It 00:03:16.800 --> 00:03:19.680 is. For her, it's approximately three months. 00:03:19.860 --> 00:03:22.939 For you, 150 years. And you, you drove over me 00:03:22.939 --> 00:03:26.280 miles ago in a well -lit street. So don't be 00:03:26.280 --> 00:03:29.520 blaming the fog. Turn those lights on your own 00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:31.659 character and peer through the murky mists of 00:03:31.659 --> 00:03:35.199 your own soul, sir. I'm sorry, Doctor. Tell me, 00:03:35.219 --> 00:03:36.939 why doesn't your car have a steering wheel anyway? 00:03:37.219 --> 00:03:41.439 I like to, I like to use my fingers. I remove 00:03:41.439 --> 00:03:46.139 the wheel and I just drive it. hole inside where 00:03:46.139 --> 00:03:49.400 the steering wheel normally attaches to. I'm 00:03:49.400 --> 00:03:52.479 training, you see. I'm training my finger strength. 00:03:52.740 --> 00:03:55.080 What are you training for? I'm going to climb 00:03:55.080 --> 00:03:57.919 the mountain. With your fingers? Yes, with my 00:03:57.919 --> 00:04:00.560 fingers. Just your fingers? Not just my fingers, 00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:03.300 no. I'm going to be using my feet and legs too. 00:04:03.620 --> 00:04:07.560 Dr. Adam Smith here. A preliminary examination 00:04:07.560 --> 00:04:11.919 of your fingers would indicate weak or weak tendons. 00:04:12.590 --> 00:04:15.090 Rags which couldn't even grapple with a small 00:04:15.090 --> 00:04:20.990 hill. Your dreams will perish. Can he grow new 00:04:20.990 --> 00:04:24.170 fingers if he loses them, just like me? If he 00:04:24.170 --> 00:04:26.029 loses his fingers, they'll grow back as toes. 00:04:26.589 --> 00:04:29.069 They'll be stronger? They will be really strong. 00:04:29.709 --> 00:04:33.509 He'll just be some kind of strange dogman. That's 00:04:33.509 --> 00:04:35.310 something to consider. Dogman in the fog, man. 00:04:36.149 --> 00:04:38.389 Sorry, what were you saying? I said it might 00:04:38.389 --> 00:04:40.589 be something to consider if his dream is to climb 00:04:40.589 --> 00:04:43.129 a mountain, because... Strong toes could be more 00:04:43.129 --> 00:04:45.750 beneficial than weak fingers. I say we throw 00:04:45.750 --> 00:04:47.790 him in the sinkhole. See if he can climb out 00:04:47.790 --> 00:04:51.449 of that. Hang on here. Hang on. Look, I may have 00:04:51.449 --> 00:04:54.069 accidentally crashed into your car and driven 00:04:54.069 --> 00:04:56.810 over a doctor, but there's no need to do something 00:04:56.810 --> 00:04:59.129 drastic like throw me in the sinkhole. I think 00:04:59.129 --> 00:05:01.189 that's how Batman learned how to be strong. Please, 00:05:01.230 --> 00:05:03.889 have reason. I thought Batman learned how to 00:05:03.889 --> 00:05:06.990 be strong through going through 17 years of painful 00:05:06.990 --> 00:05:11.029 knee renewal. Nope. He fell in a well. Thank 00:05:11.029 --> 00:05:15.189 you, Dr. Smith. No problem. What do we do when 00:05:15.189 --> 00:05:19.370 we fall down, Master Bruce? We drive over doctors. 00:05:19.550 --> 00:05:24.209 No, we... You are... Sing whole, everybody. Sing 00:05:24.209 --> 00:05:27.810 whole. Sing whole. Sing whole. So I'm in the 00:05:27.810 --> 00:05:39.649 hole. Hello, Dumb Bracken. It gives me no pleasure 00:05:39.649 --> 00:05:45.620 to say this. But the day we have all feared has 00:05:45.620 --> 00:05:53.839 come to pass. It has returned. The big ghost 00:05:53.839 --> 00:05:59.180 is out there. The reports? First seen early this 00:05:59.180 --> 00:06:03.379 morning? Some sort of white cloud descending 00:06:03.379 --> 00:06:07.000 upon the town? First thought to be a hoax, of 00:06:07.000 --> 00:06:09.480 course. The big ghost hasn't been seen in these 00:06:09.480 --> 00:06:16.300 parts since. 2019. Claimed the lives of so many. 00:06:17.899 --> 00:06:21.500 For seven years, we have been preparing for this 00:06:21.500 --> 00:06:25.860 eventuality. Keep your loved ones close. Close 00:06:25.860 --> 00:06:30.060 all your doors. Lock all your children. Don't 00:06:30.060 --> 00:06:33.000 let the big ghost inside. And most importantly, 00:06:33.259 --> 00:06:39.889 don't let the big ghost inside you. Stay safe 00:06:39.889 --> 00:06:52.269 out there, Dumbbracken. Godspeed. Yeah, so I 00:06:52.269 --> 00:06:54.610 think if we all get straws, we'll just be able 00:06:54.610 --> 00:06:58.230 to drink the big ghost. That's risky. It's risky, 00:06:58.350 --> 00:07:01.750 but we might die or we might get extra soul. 00:07:02.290 --> 00:07:04.870 What if we become the big ghost? What if it gets 00:07:04.870 --> 00:07:06.949 inside us and expands us and then me and you 00:07:06.949 --> 00:07:10.750 stop being corporeal? I would, number one, I 00:07:10.750 --> 00:07:12.389 would love to be the big ghost with you. That 00:07:12.389 --> 00:07:14.329 would be pretty nice. Pretty nice. Like, we don't 00:07:14.329 --> 00:07:16.189 need to be oppressive like the current big ghost. 00:07:16.350 --> 00:07:18.209 Yeah, we could just float in and be like, how 00:07:18.209 --> 00:07:19.949 do you do? And we'll move on. Yeah. We could 00:07:19.949 --> 00:07:21.670 go to different towns. I don't know why it stays 00:07:21.670 --> 00:07:24.050 here all the time. I know, I know. And you know 00:07:24.050 --> 00:07:26.310 what? I would be more transparent. You think? 00:07:26.490 --> 00:07:28.490 I think so. You would just let them have a little, 00:07:28.629 --> 00:07:31.769 a little feel of a ghost. You know, like when 00:07:31.769 --> 00:07:33.389 you leave your TV on to feel a bit of company. 00:07:33.529 --> 00:07:34.910 Yeah. You'd have to be a bit like that. Yeah, 00:07:34.970 --> 00:07:37.410 like wear a kind, warm shoulder rather than this 00:07:37.410 --> 00:07:41.199 weird. Dirt. Wetness. That's a bite. Don't care 00:07:41.199 --> 00:07:46.019 for that. No. Uh, no. No? No, sorry. You're not 00:07:46.019 --> 00:07:47.920 gonna drink to pick ghosts? Or you wouldn't be 00:07:47.920 --> 00:07:51.000 a supportive ghost? I've messed up, guys. I just 00:07:51.000 --> 00:07:54.560 looked out the window. Brandy Straw is outside. 00:07:55.720 --> 00:07:59.379 Oh. Yeah, I'm so sorry. Don't let him in. He 00:07:59.379 --> 00:08:02.139 gets real weird when the ghost's here. But he's 00:08:02.139 --> 00:08:04.600 got his outfit on. He's gonna sing a song. He's 00:08:04.600 --> 00:08:07.680 gonna sing a song. I just had a couple of drinks, 00:08:07.740 --> 00:08:09.959 you know? I get it. We've all had a couple of 00:08:09.959 --> 00:08:12.459 drinks. We have? You're not meant to drink before 00:08:12.459 --> 00:08:15.160 drinking the big ghost. We didn't know. We all 00:08:15.160 --> 00:08:17.379 have the blood of a sparrow. If we drink before 00:08:17.379 --> 00:08:19.040 we drink the big ghost, we're not going to get 00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:21.939 enough big ghosts in us. But if he's gas, he'll 00:08:21.939 --> 00:08:25.060 fill up any bits we have. You can't get gas through 00:08:25.060 --> 00:08:28.339 a straw. Get gas through a straw? We tried that. 00:08:28.620 --> 00:08:30.120 Yeah, you suck strong enough. I got the smoke 00:08:30.120 --> 00:08:32.639 machine and I just inhaled a bunch of smoke with 00:08:32.639 --> 00:08:34.419 straw. Yeah, remember he had to go to hospital 00:08:34.419 --> 00:08:37.179 because he sucked too many helium balloons? Yeah. 00:08:37.629 --> 00:08:39.629 That was a gas through a straw. That was gas 00:08:39.629 --> 00:08:41.529 through a straw? Oh, yeah, no, I just poked a 00:08:41.529 --> 00:08:43.610 straw right through the balloon and started inhaling. 00:08:43.950 --> 00:08:47.210 Yeah. And I know what you're saying. I was probably 00:08:47.210 --> 00:08:49.190 standing above the balloon. I was not. I was 00:08:49.190 --> 00:08:51.409 below, sucking in the helium. Yeah. So you know 00:08:51.409 --> 00:08:55.330 you can do it. You never visited me in the hospital 00:08:55.330 --> 00:08:58.129 either. Yeah, he had a popped lung. And I sounded 00:08:58.129 --> 00:09:01.070 all squeaky. It was kind of fun. Yeah, you should 00:09:01.070 --> 00:09:02.590 have been there. It was funny in the hospital. 00:09:02.809 --> 00:09:05.190 Yeah. Yeah, I know I should have gone by. I was 00:09:05.190 --> 00:09:08.299 busy with the cats. That's fair. I forgot about 00:09:08.299 --> 00:09:10.440 the cat. Yeah. Someone's got to think about them. 00:09:10.879 --> 00:09:13.500 Oh. I don't know what I did with them tonight. 00:09:15.480 --> 00:09:17.779 I'm not sure if I would want a drink. One second. 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:22.120 Brandy, we don't need your business, but if you 00:09:22.120 --> 00:09:25.179 could go to my house, my cats are probably hungry. 00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:29.080 Okay, got it. Do you want to sing your song? 00:09:30.259 --> 00:09:34.120 I'll sing along, Brandy. No? Okay, we'll just 00:09:34.120 --> 00:09:36.450 make sure the cats are okay. You know what? We 00:09:36.450 --> 00:09:38.590 give Brandy a lot of shit, but Brandy was pretty 00:09:38.590 --> 00:09:40.990 cooperative. Brandy was pretty chill there. Wow, 00:09:41.309 --> 00:09:42.570 he wasn't cooperative. He's going to get your 00:09:42.570 --> 00:09:44.769 cards that you forgot. He wouldn't sing. You 00:09:44.769 --> 00:09:47.129 left them defenseless. The big ghost could have 00:09:47.129 --> 00:09:49.809 them right now. I left them with knives. I left 00:09:49.809 --> 00:09:52.610 them with knives. They have knives in their hands. 00:09:52.750 --> 00:09:54.809 Yeah. If they were really desperate, they could 00:09:54.809 --> 00:09:57.490 probably pry open the fridge to get some food. 00:09:57.549 --> 00:09:59.590 I saw a video of a cat fighting off a cobra, 00:09:59.730 --> 00:10:01.409 but I don't know if it could fight off the big 00:10:01.409 --> 00:10:04.600 ghost. Its reaction times are fast, but what 00:10:04.600 --> 00:10:06.740 do you do when it's all around you? I have seen 00:10:06.740 --> 00:10:09.419 that video, and when I was watching it, I actually 00:10:09.419 --> 00:10:11.799 thought that that cobra was possessed by some 00:10:11.799 --> 00:10:15.279 form of ghost. Oh, like us drinking the big ghost 00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:17.139 and becoming the ghost. But I would like to get 00:10:17.139 --> 00:10:18.940 the cat involved in that too. I don't want to 00:10:18.940 --> 00:10:21.820 leave him behind. I mean, I've been planning 00:10:21.820 --> 00:10:23.679 this for weeks, and now you're suddenly getting 00:10:23.679 --> 00:10:25.879 the cat involved. And I don't want it to be one 00:10:25.879 --> 00:10:29.039 of my cats. Well, you might have been planning 00:10:29.039 --> 00:10:31.779 it all. You know how many gases I drank through 00:10:31.779 --> 00:10:34.000 a straw in preparation for this? You had a popped 00:10:34.000 --> 00:10:36.840 lung. I had a popped lung. I didn't know that 00:10:36.840 --> 00:10:39.460 there was a plan involved when you ruined that 00:10:39.460 --> 00:10:41.799 kid's birthday party. He had a whole, like... 00:10:42.120 --> 00:10:43.779 Fucking song that he came out with whenever he 00:10:43.779 --> 00:10:46.320 was pop song. No one could understand him. Pop 00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:48.980 lung in the hospital. Yeah, yeah. He had a pop 00:10:48.980 --> 00:10:51.159 song and his name was Pop Lung. He started halfway 00:10:51.159 --> 00:10:53.639 through the helium. He was already, no one could 00:10:53.639 --> 00:10:55.340 understand him. He ruined the kid's birthday 00:10:55.340 --> 00:10:56.100 party. You gotta have a gas, you gotta suck it 00:10:56.100 --> 00:10:57.860 through a straw, you gotta have a gas, you gotta 00:10:57.860 --> 00:11:00.240 have a blast. Come on, how do you not understand 00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:03.059 that? I understand it. The last time he had a 00:11:03.059 --> 00:11:06.179 popped lung and wouldn't stop trying to sing 00:11:06.179 --> 00:11:08.259 that, apparently. That's why he went by Pop Lung. 00:11:08.399 --> 00:11:12.279 Yeah. Anyway, we're going to drink the big ghost, 00:11:12.340 --> 00:11:16.240 right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to empty my bladder, 00:11:16.340 --> 00:11:20.120 make sure I'm ready. Okay. Let's never fight 00:11:20.120 --> 00:11:22.299 again. Yeah, okay. And when we're all the big 00:11:22.299 --> 00:11:26.179 ghosts, we won't fight. Oh. We'll be, like, together. 00:11:26.919 --> 00:11:30.000 Yeah. Like, synced. Yeah, like Casper's uncles. 00:11:30.919 --> 00:11:32.960 Casper's uncle. They were jerks, though. Yeah, 00:11:32.960 --> 00:11:34.139 but they were three ghosts who were together. 00:11:34.340 --> 00:11:35.639 They liked each other. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:11:35.639 --> 00:11:38.559 That's nice. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'd be, like, 00:11:38.820 --> 00:11:41.639 stinky. I think that was the name of the skinny 00:11:41.639 --> 00:11:44.039 one. I think he's way off board now. I don't 00:11:44.039 --> 00:11:47.179 want to... No, I think it was... There was Fatso? 00:11:47.480 --> 00:11:49.759 Was he really called Fatso? I'm pretty sure he 00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:51.360 was called Fatso. Why is it Casper and then just 00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:53.480 disparaging remarks against the other threes 00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:56.960 for name? We don't have time for this. We can't 00:11:56.960 --> 00:12:00.580 keep dissecting Casper. But if there's a chance 00:12:00.580 --> 00:12:03.639 one of us will be a friendly ghost, I hope it's 00:12:03.639 --> 00:12:06.360 you. I hope it's me too. Yeah, I think you deserve 00:12:06.360 --> 00:12:10.000 it. Thanks. After that pop lung. Yeah. I hope 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:12.639 we all get glommed together as one big ghost 00:12:12.639 --> 00:12:15.419 personally, but we'll see what happens. Even 00:12:15.419 --> 00:12:17.779 if we were glommed together, I think my cats 00:12:17.779 --> 00:12:19.519 would still be able to recognize me. They would 00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:22.620 know you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. It's 00:12:22.620 --> 00:12:24.159 a real shame that you didn't get to number one 00:12:24.159 --> 00:12:26.820 with that track, by the way. No. I had it on 00:12:26.820 --> 00:12:30.159 repeat. It was a big TikTok hit, though. It was. 00:12:30.340 --> 00:12:32.940 A lot of people making fun of you. Yeah, yeah. 00:12:33.259 --> 00:12:36.059 I defended you in the comments, and it turns 00:12:36.059 --> 00:12:45.710 out I was shadow banned. Yeah. I just would have 00:12:45.710 --> 00:12:48.190 liked the heads up to know that you were going 00:12:48.190 --> 00:12:52.409 to do a surprise birthday for me. Surprise? Yeah, 00:12:52.629 --> 00:12:56.990 I get that. But, you know, I would have put on 00:12:56.990 --> 00:12:59.269 makeup. I would have had a shower, for Christ's 00:12:59.269 --> 00:13:02.690 sake. No, you look so lovely in your natural 00:13:02.690 --> 00:13:06.320 self. Like, you're just... You know, this is 00:13:06.320 --> 00:13:09.539 you, the whole real you. Yeah, but I don't want 00:13:09.539 --> 00:13:12.639 people to see the whole real me. I wear makeup 00:13:12.639 --> 00:13:14.899 and the things I choose to wear for a reason. 00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:18.100 Also, I feel like I was loudly bitching about 00:13:18.100 --> 00:13:22.559 Kevin as I walked in. Yeah. Yeah, Kevin, are 00:13:22.559 --> 00:13:27.580 you okay? Uh, I kind of... I wouldn't mind going 00:13:27.580 --> 00:13:32.019 home, but because the big ghost, uh... Could 00:13:32.019 --> 00:13:36.940 we just turn the lights off instead? In lieu 00:13:36.940 --> 00:13:40.000 of that? Because I don't know how long I can 00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:42.840 keep a straight face for. I, as much as you, 00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:45.179 wanted the secrecy of how I really felt about 00:13:45.179 --> 00:13:48.080 you, you know? Oh, I understand. I get it. Sometimes 00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:49.720 you don't want to hear those things, you know? 00:13:49.720 --> 00:13:51.639 But I just thought we were doing a nice thing. 00:13:51.679 --> 00:13:54.210 But I get it now. Inner feelings, this is your 00:13:54.210 --> 00:13:57.269 inner sanctum. Yeah, I could have asked permission 00:13:57.269 --> 00:13:59.350 to be like, oh, well, we're going to do an event 00:13:59.350 --> 00:14:01.149 in your apartment, but we can't tell you what 00:14:01.149 --> 00:14:03.570 it is. And at least that way I would have kind 00:14:03.570 --> 00:14:05.830 of got from inference that maybe I should put 00:14:05.830 --> 00:14:09.309 on makeup and, you know, not bitch loudly about 00:14:09.309 --> 00:14:14.350 Kevin. Well, you really did say that you wanted 00:14:14.350 --> 00:14:17.889 something special for your birthday. People say 00:14:17.889 --> 00:14:21.159 that, though. You said you wanted something special, 00:14:21.259 --> 00:14:23.039 like in the same way that Kevin's completely 00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:25.720 unremarkable. Oh, Kevin. If you can take that 00:14:25.720 --> 00:14:28.620 unremarkableness and bottle the opposite of it. 00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:30.860 Yeah, I mean, you're lucky that I was speaking 00:14:30.860 --> 00:14:33.460 so emphatically about how unremarkable you are, 00:14:33.500 --> 00:14:35.899 given that you are so unremarkable. But Kevin, 00:14:36.000 --> 00:14:40.559 you know, you are unremarkable, but in a good 00:14:40.559 --> 00:14:43.639 way. People don't need to be remarkable, you 00:14:43.639 --> 00:14:46.379 know? Thousands of people die every day, and 00:14:46.379 --> 00:14:48.570 they're not remarked on. Thousands of people 00:14:48.570 --> 00:14:50.710 are born every day, and for a hundred years, 00:14:50.789 --> 00:14:54.070 nothing will happen to them. Being average is 00:14:54.070 --> 00:14:57.870 fine. You know what? In hindsight, if you had 00:14:57.870 --> 00:15:01.690 been leading this whole surprise birthday thing, 00:15:01.850 --> 00:15:04.610 maybe you wouldn't have even landed on the idea. 00:15:04.669 --> 00:15:07.250 Maybe I would have had an unremarkable birthday 00:15:07.250 --> 00:15:10.509 in my apartment, and a very nice special birthday 00:15:10.509 --> 00:15:14.250 in a good restaurant. But it's fine. It's fine. 00:15:14.429 --> 00:15:17.990 Okay, well... I did call around a few restaurants, 00:15:18.129 --> 00:15:21.909 but after what you did the last birthday, nobody 00:15:21.909 --> 00:15:24.470 would... You've got a bit of a name for yourself. 00:15:24.850 --> 00:15:27.269 Yeah, well, I can't help that all the restauranteurs 00:15:27.269 --> 00:15:29.549 are in a group chat together. It's a small town. 00:15:29.990 --> 00:15:33.230 Yeah, and, you know, you are the opposite of 00:15:33.230 --> 00:15:36.110 Kevin in this town. You're very remarkable. People 00:15:36.110 --> 00:15:40.409 know who you are and... And I haven't asked for 00:15:40.409 --> 00:15:44.330 that. That's just been based on my actions. Kevin, 00:15:44.389 --> 00:15:46.940 you could learn a lesson or two from me. I make 00:15:46.940 --> 00:15:51.000 nice doorknobs for people. People need something 00:15:51.000 --> 00:15:54.620 to knock on their door. Doorknobs and knockers. 00:15:54.759 --> 00:15:58.100 And we will remark on the doorknocker, but we 00:15:58.100 --> 00:16:01.600 less remark on the doorknocker maker. Didn't 00:16:01.600 --> 00:16:04.000 we ask you, Kevin, just to not bring work to 00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:06.399 the fun things that we do? Sometimes when you 00:16:06.399 --> 00:16:09.240 get into the minutiae of... Because some doorknockers 00:16:09.240 --> 00:16:10.759 are really interesting because they have to be 00:16:10.759 --> 00:16:13.860 soft enough to not startle you. But then... They 00:16:13.860 --> 00:16:15.379 need to be hard enough so that if you're in the 00:16:15.379 --> 00:16:17.379 back of the house, you still hear it. And there's 00:16:17.379 --> 00:16:21.440 a beauty and a craft to that. It's just we often 00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:24.340 end up talking a lot about knobs and knockers 00:16:24.340 --> 00:16:27.440 when you're around, Kevin. And I don't get why 00:16:27.440 --> 00:16:30.179 everyone giggles at it. It's a serious business. 00:16:30.340 --> 00:16:33.279 Because you managed to make it in the least remarkable 00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:37.279 way about knobs and knockers, Kevin. What's remarkable 00:16:37.279 --> 00:16:40.809 about knobs and knockers? It just... They're 00:16:40.809 --> 00:16:45.250 just important parts that everybody needs. I'm 00:16:45.250 --> 00:16:48.049 so glad that, you know, all this effort I made 00:16:48.049 --> 00:16:50.809 to put this lovely birthday party together has 00:16:50.809 --> 00:16:55.009 once again ended in fiasco. Listen, I can't help 00:16:55.009 --> 00:16:58.070 it that all the restaurants have now put me on 00:16:58.070 --> 00:17:00.610 a watch list because I was loudly talking about 00:17:00.610 --> 00:17:04.730 knobs and knockers last year. If anything, Kevin's 00:17:04.730 --> 00:17:09.460 fault. Loudly. And drunkenly. Yeah, and I understand 00:17:09.460 --> 00:17:11.960 why people maybe misunderstood what I was talking 00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:14.660 about. And then you destroyed a lot of knobs 00:17:14.660 --> 00:17:18.359 and knockers. Kevin had a really hard time getting 00:17:18.359 --> 00:17:20.920 all that work done. I lost a lot of money. I 00:17:20.920 --> 00:17:24.619 said, hey, put it on the tab. I was testing how 00:17:24.619 --> 00:17:27.099 robust they were because you work with metal 00:17:27.099 --> 00:17:31.960 for your knobs and knockers. I'm trying not to 00:17:31.960 --> 00:17:34.200 bring it to hooters. Like, I'm trying not to. 00:17:35.519 --> 00:17:37.359 Well, go to Hooters next year for your birthday. 00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:47.440 Yeah, they like that chat. All right, guys. Once 00:17:47.440 --> 00:17:49.799 again, for reference, it's not fog if the clouds 00:17:49.799 --> 00:17:51.819 are in the sky. It's got to be a ground level. 00:17:52.299 --> 00:17:54.619 You don't know that, though. I do know that. 00:17:54.660 --> 00:17:58.519 Where does the sky start and end, though? How 00:17:58.519 --> 00:18:00.140 low are we talking? Here's the general rule. 00:18:00.180 --> 00:18:01.940 If you can throw a rock at it, it's not in the 00:18:01.940 --> 00:18:04.829 sky. What about that sky? cloud that's in that 00:18:04.829 --> 00:18:07.950 field though. The sky cloud. You gotta give more 00:18:07.950 --> 00:18:10.170 detail. The sky cloud that's in that field that 00:18:10.170 --> 00:18:12.250 looks like the fog but is smaller than the fog 00:18:12.250 --> 00:18:13.950 and has four legs. You mean the fucking sheep? 00:18:14.089 --> 00:18:16.430 No. The sheep's not fog. Sheep's aren't fog. 00:18:16.670 --> 00:18:18.990 We can't have this conversation again. What if 00:18:18.990 --> 00:18:20.730 that gets bigger though? What if that gets bigger 00:18:20.730 --> 00:18:23.170 and becomes gaseous? I won't rate. I won't rate. 00:18:23.289 --> 00:18:25.390 What do you mean what won't rate? If the sheep 00:18:25.390 --> 00:18:28.190 gets bigger at like a centimeter a year that's 00:18:28.190 --> 00:18:30.890 fine. We're talking about like a meter a minute. 00:18:30.890 --> 00:18:33.750 What about that big cloud over there? With, like, 00:18:33.809 --> 00:18:36.829 the 12 legs. Yeah. The one that's given birth. 00:18:37.009 --> 00:18:39.289 Is that a pile of sheep? It's a pile of sheep. 00:18:39.450 --> 00:18:42.230 Right. Pile of sheep. Got it, got it. Is that 00:18:42.230 --> 00:18:45.869 not the big ghost? No, that's cotton candy right 00:18:45.869 --> 00:18:49.069 there. What about all the little white balls 00:18:49.069 --> 00:18:54.289 that I put in my mouth? Teeth? No, little white 00:18:54.289 --> 00:18:57.250 balls. Popcorn? No. Are you talking about the 00:18:57.250 --> 00:19:00.109 cotton balls? Yeah, I put cotton balls in my 00:19:00.109 --> 00:19:03.640 mouth. What about cotton balls? Not fog. Not 00:19:03.640 --> 00:19:06.539 fog? Not fog. Okay, wait. One final question. 00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:08.380 I feel like this isn't going to be the final 00:19:08.380 --> 00:19:09.759 question. I feel like there's going to be 18 00:19:09.759 --> 00:19:11.799 more questions of this. Yes, there might be. 00:19:11.839 --> 00:19:13.819 We've had this meeting for the last three hours. 00:19:14.079 --> 00:19:17.119 But the thing is... My kids are home alone. The 00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:20.079 babysitter left a long time ago. Wrap this up. 00:19:20.079 --> 00:19:22.180 Well, that's your fault for hiring Sandra as 00:19:22.180 --> 00:19:25.019 the babysitter. I give her... $20 and they say, 00:19:25.079 --> 00:19:26.740 give me as much babysitting as this will get. 00:19:26.759 --> 00:19:29.839 Aren't your kids like 24? Yeah. Well, they can't 00:19:29.839 --> 00:19:32.359 be trusted. They cannot be trusted. No one, no 00:19:32.359 --> 00:19:34.279 one, the fog's in town. The fog's not in town. 00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:37.359 Jesus Christ. I think I just saw the fog. Oh, 00:19:37.359 --> 00:19:39.940 geez. It's coming out of Barry's mouth. Barry. 00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:44.900 No. Stop smoking in here, Barry. If I smoke around 00:19:44.900 --> 00:19:48.420 the cigarette with a cup bowl in my mouth. This 00:19:48.420 --> 00:19:50.599 feels like a fire hazard. Yeah. This feels like 00:19:50.599 --> 00:19:55.420 you're going to burn your mouth. Yeah. but it's 00:19:55.420 --> 00:19:59.920 all for a bit of fun. You can vape, though. You 00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:03.019 cannot vape. You cannot smoke. Better be safe 00:20:03.019 --> 00:20:06.700 than sorry. I'll just stab Barry. I think we 00:20:06.700 --> 00:20:08.960 could maybe try an exorcism on Barry. Let's not 00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:10.599 stab him right away. We won't stab him right 00:20:10.599 --> 00:20:11.420 away, but we're exorcising. But he is clearly 00:20:11.420 --> 00:20:13.920 possessed by the fog. You can't tell me I can't 00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:16.160 vape out here. I can tell you whatever the hell 00:20:16.160 --> 00:20:18.400 I want. You can't vape. You can't eat chicken 00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:21.079 wings. Stop eating chicken wings. I have to clean 00:20:21.079 --> 00:20:30.430 up afterwards. Everybody down there on Dumb Bracken 00:20:30.430 --> 00:20:33.509 denied you're listening to Dumb Bracken 105 .7. 00:20:34.710 --> 00:20:37.109 I know that we go south there, but don't worry. 00:20:37.349 --> 00:20:40.269 We got plenty of spooks and scares right in here 00:20:40.269 --> 00:20:44.109 for you all night long. And here in Dumb Bracken 00:20:44.109 --> 00:20:48.029 105 .7, we think that one of the spookiest things 00:20:48.029 --> 00:20:54.529 we can do is raise the judge. And what better 00:20:54.529 --> 00:20:57.200 way to do that? than to hear from one of our 00:20:57.200 --> 00:21:01.579 fallen comrades this year. That's right, we're 00:21:01.579 --> 00:21:04.680 bringing back one of the unaired Roger Sterling 00:21:04.680 --> 00:21:08.680 interview segments. Everyone will remember Roger 00:21:08.680 --> 00:21:13.220 as the guy who valiantly went down during the 00:21:13.220 --> 00:21:17.559 scuffle for Dunbracken. What a hero. What a man. 00:21:18.099 --> 00:21:21.099 We're going to play you his final interview from 00:21:21.099 --> 00:21:24.119 before the war started so that you can truly 00:21:24.119 --> 00:21:35.319 enjoy. The man behind the mic. Of course, the 00:21:35.319 --> 00:21:38.319 song was playing at the time of the interview. 00:21:38.420 --> 00:21:42.059 This was the final song that went in before the 00:21:42.059 --> 00:21:44.960 interview started. So we also, our technician 00:21:44.960 --> 00:21:47.099 is off today. He couldn't come in because of 00:21:47.099 --> 00:21:49.420 the big ghost. And we don't quite know how to, 00:21:49.519 --> 00:21:52.079 you know, skip ahead from this song. But this 00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:55.030 was the final song that played before. Roger's 00:21:55.030 --> 00:22:00.230 interview. It doesn't have any words, so you're 00:22:00.230 --> 00:22:02.410 going to have to sit through it. Roger had this 00:22:02.410 --> 00:22:06.269 thing for bands who didn't use words. Instrumentals. 00:22:07.789 --> 00:22:11.210 So, I don't know. I think he wanted nobody else's... 00:22:11.210 --> 00:22:15.609 You know, this kind of... Oh, okay. I like when 00:22:15.609 --> 00:22:17.190 they change. It's like we're underwater with 00:22:17.190 --> 00:22:18.829 this little bit. Oh, and I bet you it's going 00:22:18.829 --> 00:22:21.549 to come back about the water now. Oh, oh. Here, 00:22:21.630 --> 00:22:26.180 what's going to happen? Oh, okay. It's like 80s 00:22:26.180 --> 00:22:29.299 synthwave on drugs, which I guess is just 80s 00:22:29.299 --> 00:22:32.559 synthwave, but okay. I think Roger didn't want 00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:35.940 any, you know, any other voices to be heard that 00:22:35.940 --> 00:22:38.799 he didn't have full control over, so, huh, singers? 00:22:39.019 --> 00:22:42.579 Sorry, uh, plum out of luck with Roger. Uh, I 00:22:42.579 --> 00:22:45.180 think we've got like another two and a half minutes 00:22:45.180 --> 00:22:49.279 of this song, uh, so I - I don't know, uh, there's 00:22:49.279 --> 00:22:53.279 no one else. here in the boat uh okay i guess 00:22:53.279 --> 00:22:55.440 we'll i'll read some advertising we'll read some 00:22:55.440 --> 00:22:58.559 advertisements yeah free publicity for some stuff 00:22:58.559 --> 00:23:01.339 in the town i get okay uh what do we have here 00:23:01.339 --> 00:23:04.440 i don't really have a list of every uh i don't 00:23:04.440 --> 00:23:08.160 really have a list uh okay so there's manscaped 00:23:08.160 --> 00:23:14.079 uh mans caped cape services i guess if that's 00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:17.220 if you need someone to uh iron your capes okay 00:23:17.220 --> 00:23:22.230 mans scaped Scapegoat friends willing to take 00:23:22.230 --> 00:23:24.490 the fall for anything. What is this? Why is this 00:23:24.490 --> 00:23:28.630 just a list of... Man, apostrophe, S, capped? 00:23:28.829 --> 00:23:31.690 Is that like a... Is that a hitman? What is that? 00:23:32.529 --> 00:23:35.529 Man's... Man's capped. I guess it's a hitman. 00:23:35.589 --> 00:23:40.589 Okay. Uh... Man's scrapped. Realistic and authentic 00:23:40.589 --> 00:23:45.230 fake fight art to make any guy seem cool in front 00:23:45.230 --> 00:23:48.170 of a first date. Does that have to be like... 00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:50.759 Any, any first date? Uh, or could it just be 00:23:50.759 --> 00:23:53.079 any friends? I don't know why they stipulate 00:23:53.079 --> 00:23:55.900 first date. And then Man, our final, Man's Cape 00:23:55.900 --> 00:24:00.740 Town. Superhero expose. Why is it in Clemsford 00:24:00.740 --> 00:24:03.299 in England? Why is that being advertised here? 00:24:03.400 --> 00:24:05.779 And why is it, why is it not in Cape Town? Oh, 00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:08.200 here's one. Okay, sorry. I just found a few more. 00:24:08.660 --> 00:24:10.859 Christian Mingle. Okay, so there's any singles 00:24:10.859 --> 00:24:14.619 out there? Okay, great. Oh, okay. Okay, so Christian 00:24:14.619 --> 00:24:16.740 Mingle. Christian Mingle. Okay, cool. Oh, yeah. 00:24:17.049 --> 00:24:19.509 In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. 00:24:20.170 --> 00:24:23.390 Suplex sounds table crack crashing. Oh, I guess, 00:24:23.710 --> 00:24:26.150 well, we don't, this is just the read. Are you 00:24:26.150 --> 00:24:28.529 single? Are you sick of dating apps when nobody 00:24:28.529 --> 00:24:31.549 talks about what you want to talk about? Well, 00:24:31.609 --> 00:24:34.609 forget about talking all together here at Christian 00:24:34.609 --> 00:24:38.369 Mangles. Mangles? Oh, Christian Mangles, not 00:24:38.369 --> 00:24:41.869 Mingles. Okay, so the title was... Spelled wrong. 00:24:41.970 --> 00:24:44.190 Okay. Christian Mangels. Okay. Here at Christian 00:24:44.190 --> 00:24:47.029 Mangels, we let the Lord do our talking for us 00:24:47.029 --> 00:24:50.190 and our bodies do the rest. I don't like that. 00:24:50.589 --> 00:24:53.509 Don't like how that was phrased. We have a weekly 00:24:53.509 --> 00:24:56.150 sermon and then pile drive straight into some 00:24:56.150 --> 00:24:58.450 wrestling. Thank God. I didn't know it was going 00:24:58.450 --> 00:25:00.730 to be wrestling. Where you may find your tag 00:25:00.730 --> 00:25:05.410 team partner for life. Oh, okay. Roger's about 00:25:05.410 --> 00:25:07.789 to come in now. The song's over. He is Roger 00:25:07.789 --> 00:25:09.809 Sterling in one of his final interviews. Let's 00:25:09.809 --> 00:25:16.930 go. Hey, everybody. It's Roger coming at you 00:25:16.930 --> 00:25:19.309 live from Dunbracken 105 .7. Oh, Roger said it 00:25:19.309 --> 00:25:22.710 was live. This is not a live clip. This was probably 00:25:22.710 --> 00:25:25.609 about seven months ago. It is not live. I always 00:25:25.609 --> 00:25:27.509 have to make that disclaimer here. Okay, back 00:25:27.509 --> 00:25:31.390 to you, Roger. It's the man himself. It's Colonel 00:25:31.390 --> 00:25:35.769 Marzipan. Please, come on in. Welcome. It's actually 00:25:35.769 --> 00:25:38.289 a bit disappointing. I'm having to do a late 00:25:38.289 --> 00:25:41.930 call -out. A casting call -out. Is that why you're 00:25:41.930 --> 00:25:44.319 here today? It wasn't originally, but it is now. 00:25:44.740 --> 00:25:50.819 I need a man who could play some sort of monkey. 00:25:51.279 --> 00:25:56.779 Huh. I would prefer Bonobo, but it's open to 00:25:56.779 --> 00:25:58.980 the artiste, because it's so last minute. What 00:25:58.980 --> 00:26:00.980 about me, if you don't mind me asking? Do you 00:26:00.980 --> 00:26:02.660 think you could see me on the stage? Do you think 00:26:02.660 --> 00:26:06.140 I'd be a good fit? I'm looking for a man who 00:26:06.140 --> 00:26:08.920 would be able to hold his own body weight for 00:26:08.920 --> 00:26:12.039 roughly two hours. That seems like a bit of a 00:26:12.039 --> 00:26:14.759 tall order, if you don't mind me saying. I believe 00:26:14.759 --> 00:26:17.539 there would be someone available in Dunbracken 00:26:17.539 --> 00:26:20.200 to do this. Not that I've seen this person. I've 00:26:20.200 --> 00:26:22.380 asked around many bars, but I believe someone 00:26:22.380 --> 00:26:24.500 would have the determination to do this. What's 00:26:24.500 --> 00:26:26.740 this for, if you don't mind me asking? Is it 00:26:26.740 --> 00:26:29.359 a play that you've been working on? It's a recreation. 00:26:29.880 --> 00:26:32.599 A recreation? We don't get that word very often 00:26:32.599 --> 00:26:35.319 in terms of local amateur drama and theatre, 00:26:35.559 --> 00:26:39.079 you know? Someone came to me in the middle of 00:26:39.079 --> 00:26:41.859 the night. There was a knock at the window, and 00:26:41.859 --> 00:26:44.400 I heard the saddest story that I've ever heard, 00:26:44.440 --> 00:26:47.940 and it involved quite a lot of monkeys. This 00:26:47.940 --> 00:26:51.480 man had been taken hostage while on a holiday 00:26:51.480 --> 00:26:54.359 to Zanzibar, and the tales he told, I'm not sure 00:26:54.359 --> 00:26:58.500 if they were entirely true, but it shook me, 00:26:58.579 --> 00:27:03.460 and now I want to do him justice. And I don't 00:27:03.460 --> 00:27:06.579 believe that anything under two hours would suffice. 00:27:06.579 --> 00:27:09.329 I had someone in mind, and... They disappointed 00:27:09.329 --> 00:27:13.150 me. 20 minutes was all they could manage. They 00:27:13.150 --> 00:27:16.369 cried for quite some time. They said that they 00:27:16.369 --> 00:27:18.869 could do two hours, but you can't do over 20 00:27:18.869 --> 00:27:20.430 minutes. I don't think you could do two hours. 00:27:20.710 --> 00:27:23.849 I mean, Terrence is pretty strong here. Do you 00:27:23.849 --> 00:27:26.089 think he would be cut off? Terrence is far too 00:27:26.089 --> 00:27:28.289 heavy. Thank you, Roger, but it's true. Look 00:27:28.289 --> 00:27:29.869 at those arms. He could definitely not support 00:27:29.869 --> 00:27:33.069 himself. My calves alone would leave me immobile. 00:27:33.430 --> 00:27:35.869 I know he's had his arms above his head holding 00:27:35.869 --> 00:27:37.450 from this pipe for quite some time, but I can 00:27:37.450 --> 00:27:40.299 see his feet are... On the ground. I would say 00:27:40.299 --> 00:27:43.519 that we have three calls. We've got three calls? 00:27:43.640 --> 00:27:45.960 We have three calls. I'm surprised. I didn't 00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:48.240 think that many people would be wanting to call 00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:50.420 the colonel. They heard that the colonel was 00:27:50.420 --> 00:27:53.599 on. Are these people interested in being my bonobo? 00:27:53.720 --> 00:27:57.000 They just came in the last three minutes. Okay, 00:27:57.119 --> 00:28:00.059 patch them through. Put them on. Line one, you're 00:28:00.059 --> 00:28:04.640 on now. With Roger. Hello, Mr. Marzipan Roberts. 00:28:05.579 --> 00:28:10.470 Speaking. Yes. I was just wondering why Bonobo 00:28:10.470 --> 00:28:14.450 rather than like a chain. Next. Obviously not 00:28:14.450 --> 00:28:16.750 interested in this role. Just posing questions. 00:28:17.609 --> 00:28:20.750 Line two. You're on with Colonel Marzipan Roberts 00:28:20.750 --> 00:28:25.289 and Roger from 105 .7. That's me. First of all, 00:28:25.309 --> 00:28:27.450 I would like to thank you for your service towards 00:28:27.450 --> 00:28:30.049 this country. Not the first. How would you feel 00:28:30.049 --> 00:28:32.750 about like a real animal? Like proper method 00:28:32.750 --> 00:28:39.250 acting? So is the animal acting? It would be 00:28:39.250 --> 00:28:42.430 a genuine monkey, but it would act and do the 00:28:42.430 --> 00:28:44.890 lines as rehearsed. There's no lines, don't worry. 00:28:45.089 --> 00:28:48.970 Oh, there's not? It's a sinister glare. Piercing 00:28:48.970 --> 00:28:51.250 eyes. It is a very distinct... I'm looking across 00:28:51.250 --> 00:28:54.109 the room, it can do sinister glare. Roger, I'm 00:28:54.109 --> 00:28:56.509 just looking at Marzipan's script and it has 00:28:56.509 --> 00:29:00.849 a monkey beating a man to death. Sorry, two men 00:29:00.849 --> 00:29:05.390 to death. Interesting. Okay, now, I can't confirm 00:29:05.390 --> 00:29:08.700 that it can do it, but looking at it... Oh, no, 00:29:08.900 --> 00:29:10.940 it's nodding, it's nodding. What I would say 00:29:10.940 --> 00:29:13.700 is that we do have a stuntman booked for the 00:29:13.700 --> 00:29:16.140 action sequence. I think that'll help. Yeah, 00:29:16.160 --> 00:29:18.160 that'll be fine. Now, I mean, it sounds like 00:29:18.160 --> 00:29:19.740 you've got your person there, but I don't want 00:29:19.740 --> 00:29:22.779 to keep our listeners unsatisfied here on Dunbrack 00:29:22.779 --> 00:29:25.400 105 .7, so we're going to patch line three through. 00:29:26.359 --> 00:29:28.779 Line three, you're on the air, but unlikely to 00:29:28.779 --> 00:29:34.359 get the job. Um, hi, Mr. Marzipan. Who are you? 00:29:34.700 --> 00:29:36.819 Call me Colonel if you're going to address me. 00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:40.460 Do you recognize my voice? I can't say I do. 00:29:40.740 --> 00:29:42.980 I just want to know why you're being so insolent. 00:29:43.579 --> 00:29:46.059 Because I don't respect you. Cut him off. Cut 00:29:46.059 --> 00:29:48.779 him off. Who is this? Cut him off. No, keep it 00:29:48.779 --> 00:29:55.119 on. How's your pan? I was there. I was there 00:29:55.119 --> 00:29:59.759 when that nonobo got loose. Go again with that? 00:30:00.140 --> 00:30:04.720 I was there when he got loose. A nonobo? This 00:30:04.720 --> 00:30:07.640 man has no diction. Who is this man to speak 00:30:07.640 --> 00:30:11.440 to me? It's the man from your window. I was there 00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:14.059 when that bonobo got out and beat that woman 00:30:14.059 --> 00:30:15.900 to death. Don't share the story on the air. We're 00:30:15.900 --> 00:30:17.400 going to do the recreation. Don't ruin this for 00:30:17.400 --> 00:30:22.119 me. You left me there. This is my role. Cut him 00:30:22.119 --> 00:30:25.920 off. This is my role. Roger, cut him off. Well, 00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:29.480 listeners, you heard it here today. What an exciting 00:30:29.480 --> 00:30:33.819 ton of events we had. That man was an imposter. 00:30:33.900 --> 00:30:37.049 Whoever that was. Obviously has no respect for 00:30:37.049 --> 00:30:39.069 the arts because he didn't even call me by my 00:30:39.069 --> 00:30:43.970 correct title. I believe this man is an anarchist 00:30:43.970 --> 00:30:46.230 in the town and he's nothing but trouble. You 00:30:46.230 --> 00:30:48.069 should block the number from the station immediately. 00:30:48.369 --> 00:30:50.349 In fact, let me just rummage around these buttons. 00:30:50.690 --> 00:30:54.950 Oh, uh, you didn't do that, Colonel, but you 00:30:54.950 --> 00:30:58.529 are, you are very, yeah, okay, I will step back 00:30:58.529 --> 00:31:01.089 from you. You know, I used to operate something 00:31:01.089 --> 00:31:03.190 similar in the army. It's just a bunch of side 00:31:03.190 --> 00:31:06.039 effects. Thank you. Terrence? Quite correct. 00:31:06.220 --> 00:31:09.000 I operated the sound effect board in the army. 00:31:09.220 --> 00:31:13.259 I would play blasts over large speakers to scare 00:31:13.259 --> 00:31:15.759 the enemies. Ooh, this was a common question 00:31:15.759 --> 00:31:19.880 from our listeners. Which army? Which war? I 00:31:19.880 --> 00:31:22.480 don't want to talk about it. If that's okay. 00:31:22.680 --> 00:31:25.140 I think we've heard enough here today from Colonel 00:31:25.140 --> 00:31:27.859 Mazapan. Well, if you would like to hear more, 00:31:27.940 --> 00:31:30.460 I'm currently working on an audiobook. Please 00:31:30.460 --> 00:31:32.680 say more about that. Well, you'd need to listen 00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:36.380 to the audiobook, but it is about a fairy. Okay, 00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:41.240 well... What? Okay, not the response I expected. 00:31:41.460 --> 00:31:44.059 It is about a fairy that likes cocoa powder. 00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:47.420 Okay, so if you want to hear Colonel Marzipan's 00:31:47.420 --> 00:31:49.400 cocoa powder... Okay, I'll give you a taste. 00:31:51.380 --> 00:31:56.700 Elizabeth woke on a lovely Sunday morning. I'm 00:31:56.700 --> 00:31:57.940 sorry, I don't have the script in front of me. 00:31:58.000 --> 00:31:59.940 I'm going off. Off my top of my head. Thank you 00:31:59.940 --> 00:32:03.140 for listening today to Dumb Bracken 105 .7. This 00:32:03.140 --> 00:32:05.200 has been Roger Sterling here with Colonel Marzipan. 00:32:05.720 --> 00:32:11.859 Hey. We'll see you next time. Eliza, I mean, 00:32:11.859 --> 00:32:14.960 it's really messing with me because you put me 00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:17.359 off. You know that? You disregarded my work. 00:32:17.660 --> 00:32:20.400 I honestly... And you let that fool on line three 00:32:20.400 --> 00:32:22.619 on. Colonel, I think you kind of do it to yourself. 00:32:23.559 --> 00:32:26.900 You've got too much power in this town. Some 00:32:26.900 --> 00:32:29.359 would say not enough. I'm waiting for the next 00:32:29.359 --> 00:32:31.980 town council meeting. You're running for mayor? 00:32:32.299 --> 00:32:35.059 I'm not running for mayor. The mayor is the face. 00:32:35.140 --> 00:32:38.400 I want to be the, uh... I've said too much. Line 00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:40.779 two, you're on. Oh, shit, are we on? I've been 00:32:40.779 --> 00:32:45.319 on the whole time. And that was Roger Sterling 00:32:45.319 --> 00:32:48.539 here with someone you know and love, of course, 00:32:48.539 --> 00:32:52.460 in the town, Colonel Marzipan Roberts. What a 00:32:52.460 --> 00:32:56.599 delightful man. Anyone who went on to see that 00:32:56.599 --> 00:32:58.900 play, of course that was seven months ago before 00:32:58.900 --> 00:33:01.619 the play had officially been brought to stage, 00:33:01.700 --> 00:33:04.440 and everyone will know that the play unfortunately 00:33:04.440 --> 00:33:08.680 has a dark history in the town. Now, after it 00:33:08.680 --> 00:33:10.779 was on for two weeks every night, and on day 00:33:10.779 --> 00:33:15.000 11 of 14, I guess the gorilla discovered that 00:33:15.000 --> 00:33:18.420 the stuntman was having sex with his wife, and 00:33:18.420 --> 00:33:22.819 brought a gun to the stage, and, well, tore the 00:33:22.819 --> 00:33:27.250 arms off. that stuntman, who made it look incredibly 00:33:27.250 --> 00:33:31.950 realistic because it was. His arms were detached 00:33:31.950 --> 00:33:37.410 from his body in front of 124 people. Thankfully, 00:33:37.450 --> 00:33:39.769 the children, like always, were instructed to 00:33:39.769 --> 00:33:42.150 leave after the first six minutes. The first 00:33:42.150 --> 00:33:45.470 six minutes of any Colonel Marzipan play are 00:33:45.470 --> 00:33:50.329 PG -12, and then it moves quickly to R -rated, 00:33:50.410 --> 00:33:53.170 so the kids have to get out after six minutes. 00:33:54.160 --> 00:33:56.500 Thank God they did, or else they'd be scarred 00:33:56.500 --> 00:34:01.180 like I was watching an angry, cocked gorilla 00:34:01.180 --> 00:34:07.000 tear the arms straight from the bone. He took 00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:09.639 the gun, of course, but I think the gorilla should 00:34:09.639 --> 00:34:11.780 have known that the gun wasn't going to be effective, 00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:15.579 because in the play, that same gun is ineffective. 00:34:17.039 --> 00:34:20.360 The man survived, of course. His arms were able 00:34:20.360 --> 00:34:24.579 to be reattached. just slightly lower than they 00:34:24.579 --> 00:34:27.719 should be. So there was so much damage done to 00:34:27.719 --> 00:34:31.340 the shoulder joints there that they just kind 00:34:31.340 --> 00:34:35.219 of cut a bit off of the arm and put it down like, 00:34:35.260 --> 00:34:39.519 like a little bit down below the armpit, of course, 00:34:39.539 --> 00:34:43.820 the arms. So he's sort of got straight line where 00:34:43.820 --> 00:34:46.019 the armpits and shoulders should be and then 00:34:46.019 --> 00:34:49.360 slightly below the armpits, his arms are now 00:34:49.360 --> 00:34:54.000 attached. And they actually function okay. Ironically, 00:34:54.039 --> 00:34:55.960 he can like walk like a gorilla now because his 00:34:55.960 --> 00:34:58.860 arms are so low and stuff. So he has the exact, 00:34:59.099 --> 00:35:02.320 if you can picture a man who can just walk like 00:35:02.320 --> 00:35:03.860 a gorilla, you know, a gorilla's arms are so 00:35:03.860 --> 00:35:06.940 much longer than the legs and the body. So his 00:35:06.940 --> 00:35:10.179 arms aren't any longer. In fact, they're a little 00:35:10.179 --> 00:35:11.739 shorter because they had to cut some of the top 00:35:11.739 --> 00:35:14.880 off. But where they are positioned on his body, 00:35:15.059 --> 00:35:18.780 he's able to walk like a gorilla. which actually 00:35:18.780 --> 00:35:22.239 has worked out in his favor because, as I mentioned 00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:25.699 before, he was having an affair with the gorilla's 00:35:25.699 --> 00:35:29.460 wife. And it turns out this really worked for 00:35:29.460 --> 00:35:32.900 the gorilla's wife. She was really into this 00:35:32.900 --> 00:35:37.019 new arm placement and, well, they got a divorce. 00:35:37.199 --> 00:35:39.219 Thankfully, they got a divorce. The gorilla, 00:35:39.360 --> 00:35:43.719 of course, in prison now because he tore the 00:35:43.719 --> 00:35:48.869 arms off of a man. And I think that's fair. Unfortunately, 00:35:49.250 --> 00:35:53.309 it was hard to find a jury of his peers for quite 00:35:53.309 --> 00:35:58.170 a while because, well, it's hard to get 12 gorillas 00:35:58.170 --> 00:36:05.949 into jury duty because the Alpha was on trial, 00:36:06.070 --> 00:36:08.610 so they were constantly just agreeing with the 00:36:08.610 --> 00:36:11.309 Alpha. So there were about seven mistrials before 00:36:11.309 --> 00:36:14.440 eventually... The judge was like, okay, I'm just, 00:36:14.480 --> 00:36:16.559 I'm going to make an executive decision here. 00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:20.079 And so now that judge is also in prison and the 00:36:20.079 --> 00:36:22.920 gorilla is now out. He was in prison for a very 00:36:22.920 --> 00:36:26.199 short time, but it turns out you can't just make 00:36:26.199 --> 00:36:27.880 a decision as a judge because that's illegal. 00:36:28.139 --> 00:36:31.880 So the judge himself is now in prison and the 00:36:31.880 --> 00:36:35.079 gorilla is out. And you know what? He's found 00:36:35.079 --> 00:36:39.559 a new love of his life, the theater. him and 00:36:39.559 --> 00:36:41.840 marzipan are working on the next big project 00:36:41.840 --> 00:36:47.219 we have no clue what it is but we do keep seeing 00:36:47.219 --> 00:36:49.619 the gorilla snatching people from the town and 00:36:49.619 --> 00:36:52.219 climbing up buildings so if anyone can guess 00:36:52.219 --> 00:36:56.380 please tell me because i have no idea what that 00:36:56.380 --> 00:37:02.059 is but yes the big ghost is here so please stay 00:37:02.059 --> 00:37:05.559 with us and indoors here at dumb bracken 105 00:37:05.559 --> 00:37:21.440 .7 after this little ditty Thank you for listening 00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:25.559 to The Big Ghost. This is part one of our two 00:37:25.559 --> 00:37:30.059 -part Big Ghost Halloween episode. The next part 00:37:30.059 --> 00:37:33.380 will be out in the coming days. I am trying my 00:37:33.380 --> 00:37:36.659 best to get it out before Halloween. I think 00:37:36.659 --> 00:37:39.510 it should be, yeah. I'm hoping to hit What is 00:37:39.510 --> 00:37:42.769 that, Tuesday the 28th? Anyway, this part featured 00:37:42.769 --> 00:37:46.849 Patrick Meyer, Laura Conlon, Gerard Donnelly, 00:37:46.849 --> 00:37:51.849 Ciaran Sands, Jane McKeever, Megan Scott, Eddie 00:37:51.849 --> 00:37:56.389 Goodwin, Phil Grieve, Daiglin King, Kit Rees, 00:37:56.409 --> 00:37:57.670 and Niall McKenna.