WEBVTT 00:00:01.379 --> 00:00:03.879 Hello, just a quick note here. I realized as 00:00:03.879 --> 00:00:06.820 I was making this episode that it kind of featured 00:00:06.820 --> 00:00:11.439 a few scenes where we just kind of lose our shit. 00:00:12.300 --> 00:00:15.779 We are just in fits of giggles and laughter. 00:00:16.120 --> 00:00:19.039 So I went searching for an episode worth of content 00:00:19.039 --> 00:00:21.160 of that sort of stuff where we just kind of lose 00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:25.260 ourselves to fits of giggles. I love it so much. 00:00:25.300 --> 00:00:27.940 I think it's a brilliant episode. So just in 00:00:27.940 --> 00:00:30.420 case you... noticed that there's more giggles 00:00:30.420 --> 00:00:34.219 and stuff than normal a little it's not not exactly 00:00:34.219 --> 00:00:38.280 a trigger warning but uh we're out of character 00:00:38.280 --> 00:00:40.679 and giggling and corpsing a lot more in this 00:00:40.679 --> 00:00:45.100 and i really hope you enjoy it i we clearly enjoyed 00:00:45.100 --> 00:00:48.100 making it i think it's a fantastic episode uh 00:00:48.100 --> 00:00:52.920 so enjoy bye -bye good day is this all over yet 00:00:52.920 --> 00:00:57.149 look it's still going When will it end? You probably 00:00:57.149 --> 00:01:13.469 know by now. Welcome back to Dunbracken. Right. 00:01:14.209 --> 00:01:16.209 What we're going to do, we're going to build 00:01:16.209 --> 00:01:19.329 it right here. I can see it happening. We're 00:01:19.329 --> 00:01:21.590 going to build it. We're going to build it now. 00:01:22.250 --> 00:01:26.519 This town. This town has got too many nice things. 00:01:26.700 --> 00:01:28.319 We're going to knock them down and we're going 00:01:28.319 --> 00:01:30.760 to make a runway for my big jet. We're going 00:01:30.760 --> 00:01:32.260 to do it now. We're going to do it right now. 00:01:32.280 --> 00:01:33.819 We're going to do the jet right now. Come on. 00:01:33.819 --> 00:01:36.260 Come on. Come on. Gavin, what about the graves? 00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:40.400 The graves? They're dead. You're forgetting that. 00:01:40.939 --> 00:01:43.159 They're already dead. We can't kill any more 00:01:43.159 --> 00:01:46.079 of them. They're dead. And I know I had a lot 00:01:46.079 --> 00:01:48.939 to do with that, but they're dead now. Just dead. 00:01:48.939 --> 00:01:53.040 I just feel like the optics of this... The optics? 00:01:53.239 --> 00:01:56.359 They can't see. No, but other people can. The 00:01:56.359 --> 00:01:58.060 people who are living, the people who come to 00:01:58.060 --> 00:01:59.879 visit the graves, like the Victims Association. 00:02:00.879 --> 00:02:03.459 They do come and visit the graves and I just 00:02:03.459 --> 00:02:06.140 feel like potentially the optics of you bulldozing 00:02:06.140 --> 00:02:08.680 their relatives after you were slightly, for 00:02:08.680 --> 00:02:11.580 legal reasons, not responsible for their deaths. 00:02:11.580 --> 00:02:13.860 Only a bit. The Victims Association's massive. 00:02:14.340 --> 00:02:17.439 So many of them. There's an awful lot of victims 00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:21.379 and victims' families. And there's just a lot 00:02:21.379 --> 00:02:23.539 of... I mean, it's not a very big town, but there's 00:02:23.539 --> 00:02:25.199 a lot of people who have been involved in this. 00:02:25.259 --> 00:02:27.479 Too many, in my opinion. And they keep congregating 00:02:27.479 --> 00:02:29.039 at the monument, and you want to knock it down. 00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:31.039 I mean, you did what you could to reduce the 00:02:31.039 --> 00:02:33.020 population of this town. I know you didn't, and 00:02:33.020 --> 00:02:34.680 for legal reasons you did not. For legal reasons, 00:02:34.780 --> 00:02:37.870 I was just doing my best. I was just thinking, 00:02:38.069 --> 00:02:41.050 there's so many people in this town. I want to 00:02:41.050 --> 00:02:44.030 do things in this town. And then I did them. 00:02:44.310 --> 00:02:46.330 You're just a man with a family. I'm just a man 00:02:46.330 --> 00:02:49.090 with a dream. Not a family anymore. They were 00:02:49.090 --> 00:02:52.129 getting in the way. So they're in there as well. 00:02:52.310 --> 00:02:54.789 I'm technically one of the victim's family. My 00:02:54.789 --> 00:02:57.669 wife is in there. And I don't like it anymore. 00:02:57.830 --> 00:03:00.490 I wanted to go. So actually, really, they can 00:03:00.490 --> 00:03:03.120 like... I don't know, fuck off, because I'm part 00:03:03.120 --> 00:03:06.580 of the victims' association. I might also be 00:03:06.580 --> 00:03:08.639 technically the perpetrator, but I'm also a victim. 00:03:08.780 --> 00:03:11.139 I'm a victim of a lot of things, and I think 00:03:11.139 --> 00:03:13.860 what I'm also a victim of is not having a big 00:03:13.860 --> 00:03:18.939 runway. See, you're silent. You're thinking about 00:03:18.939 --> 00:03:21.500 it now. You're actually thinking about it. I'm 00:03:21.500 --> 00:03:24.099 thinking about quitting. You'll be quitting this 00:03:24.099 --> 00:03:26.400 earth in a second. You'll be in there as well 00:03:26.400 --> 00:03:28.539 because I want it. I want it. Please, please, 00:03:28.620 --> 00:03:29.979 please. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. 00:03:29.979 --> 00:03:33.340 Believe me. Come on. Could you maybe give someone 00:03:33.340 --> 00:03:35.719 else an opportunity to say a eulogy? You have 00:03:35.719 --> 00:03:40.099 been hogging a mic for some time. That's my wife. 00:03:40.580 --> 00:03:44.759 That's my wife there. That's mine. She was mine. 00:03:44.900 --> 00:03:53.270 Now she's God's. I would just like to apologise 00:03:53.270 --> 00:03:57.729 again for Mr. Newsome. We can organise another 00:03:57.729 --> 00:03:59.330 funeral if that's what you would like. Whoa, 00:03:59.349 --> 00:04:03.129 whoa. Just hang on. No, this is not going the 00:04:03.129 --> 00:04:05.770 way I imagined it. Listen. I mean, also we're 00:04:05.770 --> 00:04:08.289 fully booked. Can you see it now? Can you see 00:04:08.289 --> 00:04:10.509 it now? We just go straight fucking through it. 00:04:10.530 --> 00:04:12.889 I know I don't have it yet. I promise, I promise 00:04:12.889 --> 00:04:15.129 I'll buy one. Someone can have a go on it, I 00:04:15.129 --> 00:04:18.800 promise. But I want one really badly. I need 00:04:18.800 --> 00:04:20.459 the runway before I can have the fucking jet. 00:04:20.560 --> 00:04:22.819 Otherwise, how am I going to try it out? I'm 00:04:22.819 --> 00:04:24.600 going to get people to fly their jets in, and 00:04:24.600 --> 00:04:26.199 then I'm going to practice on the jets, and I 00:04:26.199 --> 00:04:27.899 will buy it. I promise, I promise, I promise. 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:30.079 Just please let me do it. Let me. What if it 00:04:30.079 --> 00:04:33.300 gets hunted? Get what? What if your runway gets 00:04:33.300 --> 00:04:36.060 haunted by all the dead? Well, I think, you know, 00:04:36.100 --> 00:04:39.319 if they're a spectre, a fucking jet will go straight 00:04:39.319 --> 00:04:41.879 through those fuckers. Like, there's not... I 00:04:41.879 --> 00:04:44.180 swear to God, like, even if it's fucking haunted, 00:04:44.300 --> 00:04:47.240 a jet can cut through a ghost. If a car can cut 00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:49.220 through a ghost, then a fucking jet can. What 00:04:49.220 --> 00:04:52.279 are you not getting about this? Do we know that 00:04:52.279 --> 00:04:55.540 a car can cut through a ghost? I take great offence 00:04:55.540 --> 00:04:58.019 at the notion that any of our graders are haunted. 00:04:58.759 --> 00:05:00.439 Well, if anywhere's going to be hunted, it's 00:05:00.439 --> 00:05:02.439 probably a graveyard. Yes, but everybody's at 00:05:02.439 --> 00:05:05.279 peace in the graveyard. The people who aren't 00:05:05.279 --> 00:05:07.139 at peace are the people who are still under the 00:05:07.139 --> 00:05:09.379 rubble. Again, there's a lot of people here. 00:05:10.160 --> 00:05:12.300 There's a lot still under there. But crucially, 00:05:12.379 --> 00:05:16.000 I think maybe we should cede the stage and let 00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:20.860 this man sing. So what? I get, right, the Victim's 00:05:20.860 --> 00:05:24.259 Association, which I am a part of, that's my 00:05:24.259 --> 00:05:29.759 wife after all. Wants to hear me sing. I thought 00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:33.139 she was God's now, Gavin. Well, right, she's 00:05:33.139 --> 00:05:35.480 God's now, but she was mine at some point. If 00:05:35.480 --> 00:05:37.740 you said you owned a car, you did own a car, 00:05:37.819 --> 00:05:39.720 it doesn't matter if you fucking sold the car. 00:05:39.959 --> 00:05:41.439 It doesn't matter if you sold the car. At one 00:05:41.439 --> 00:05:44.040 point, that car was fucking yours, okay? Right, 00:05:45.259 --> 00:05:46.939 right, this is my song. It's more of a chant. 00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:54.379 Gavin, there's a news crew. Gavin, please stop. 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:58.079 There's a fucking... Wait, I'm just... I wasn't 00:05:58.079 --> 00:06:00.120 good with poetry in school. Just let me fucking 00:06:00.120 --> 00:06:04.300 take part in it, right? Okay? Oh, Gavin. Just 00:06:04.300 --> 00:06:06.959 let me fuck. Does anyone have a pen? Does anyone 00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:13.980 have a fucking pen? Oh, wait. Okay. Okay. If 00:06:13.980 --> 00:06:18.240 a Nissan can cut through a ghost or a human in 00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:21.240 a private jet, better the fuck. I'm not good 00:06:21.240 --> 00:06:25.550 at poetry, but that's... My wife said that. She's 00:06:25.550 --> 00:06:26.889 right there. If she was alive, she could fucking 00:06:26.889 --> 00:06:29.370 tell you. But she's dead. She's God's, she's 00:06:29.370 --> 00:06:31.470 God's now. But hopefully there will be a ghost 00:06:31.470 --> 00:06:33.089 so that she can come back and tell you I'm not 00:06:33.089 --> 00:06:38.569 good with poetry. But I am. But I am good with, 00:06:38.569 --> 00:06:41.389 I'm good with jets. And I'll buy one, I promise. 00:06:41.509 --> 00:06:45.470 Just, just, right, okay. Right, right. All together 00:06:45.470 --> 00:06:49.750 now. If a, if a Nissan can go through a ghost 00:06:49.750 --> 00:06:53.670 or a human, a private jet sure the fuck can. 00:06:54.269 --> 00:06:56.370 There we go. Okay, right. Everyone's on site 00:06:56.370 --> 00:06:58.810 now. Right. So I think we're going to do this. 00:06:58.829 --> 00:07:00.970 I'm going to lay the groundwork. I'll get my 00:07:00.970 --> 00:07:05.810 son to dig the hole. He's good with those things. 00:07:06.550 --> 00:07:08.769 He can do the drainage. He can do the drainage 00:07:08.769 --> 00:07:11.230 and all that stuff so it doesn't get flooded 00:07:11.230 --> 00:07:13.730 because that'd be bad. I mean, I can deal with 00:07:13.730 --> 00:07:16.029 ghosts, but if flooding on the runway would be 00:07:16.029 --> 00:07:19.850 a fucking nightmare. But I think what... Okay. 00:07:20.149 --> 00:07:22.029 Okay, I can... Right, he'll do... I'll call him. 00:07:22.050 --> 00:07:24.379 I'll call him in about 20 minutes. He's at work 00:07:24.379 --> 00:07:26.519 right now. He works at Costa. But I can get him 00:07:26.519 --> 00:07:29.259 to do that. Yeah, no, just cut the mic. Just 00:07:29.259 --> 00:07:32.560 cut the mic. No, no, you won't be stopping me. 00:07:32.660 --> 00:07:36.180 This is what I want to do. Please, please just 00:07:36.180 --> 00:07:39.019 let me do it. Please. I've got my cousin Mark. 00:07:40.040 --> 00:07:43.680 He does tarmac and he can do that. He just has 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:46.079 to borrow the council's van. We are so sorry 00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:48.519 for all your losses. Yeah, sorry about that. 00:07:48.600 --> 00:07:50.959 Sorry they're all dead. I mean, my wife is dead 00:07:50.959 --> 00:07:55.740 as well. But just... Thank you for coming. We 00:07:55.740 --> 00:08:06.899 all handle grief differently. Right, guys. For 00:08:06.899 --> 00:08:10.939 too long, the other colleges have been making 00:08:10.939 --> 00:08:13.899 fun of us and it's time that we take matters 00:08:13.899 --> 00:08:18.079 into our own hands and screw everyone else and 00:08:18.079 --> 00:08:21.220 we are with the knights of our own destiny and 00:08:21.220 --> 00:08:24.009 I think that together... We could make a plan 00:08:24.009 --> 00:08:28.790 to be the best and to poop on all of the other 00:08:28.790 --> 00:08:31.790 schools and together we could be the cool ones. 00:08:33.730 --> 00:08:39.490 Yeah. Yeah. That is such a vague plan, Neil. 00:08:39.529 --> 00:08:41.970 That's so vague. But I like the sentiment of 00:08:41.970 --> 00:08:43.830 it. I like the sentiment of it. It's the enthusiasm. 00:08:44.129 --> 00:08:47.710 Because I don't have strong, rule -breaking ideas, 00:08:47.850 --> 00:08:51.039 but I have the sentiment. You do. I don't think 00:08:51.039 --> 00:08:54.000 so. You want to shit on the universities. Whoa, 00:08:54.019 --> 00:08:56.919 languages, language, language. I couldn't shit 00:08:56.919 --> 00:08:59.139 on command. And in fact, I couldn't do it in 00:08:59.139 --> 00:09:02.000 public or command. So whilst I would like to 00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:06.059 poop on the tower or top the tower, I couldn't 00:09:06.059 --> 00:09:09.639 do that. No. Could you put it in a wee box? I 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:11.559 guess I could come prepared. Someone's speaking 00:09:11.559 --> 00:09:13.820 sense. See, thank you. Someone is making some 00:09:13.820 --> 00:09:15.879 semblance of sense. That's a really good idea. 00:09:16.179 --> 00:09:18.700 Yeah, if we pick a date. and peck a week, and 00:09:18.700 --> 00:09:19.860 then we'll... Yeah, and then we'll have enough 00:09:19.860 --> 00:09:22.320 poop prepared. Poopies, poopies in a box for 00:09:22.320 --> 00:09:24.580 the whole week. Yeah. You're not going to keep 00:09:24.580 --> 00:09:25.919 that in the dorm. I don't know why you're keeping 00:09:25.919 --> 00:09:27.340 that. No, yeah, it's not happening in this dorm 00:09:27.340 --> 00:09:29.940 room. Hallway? It's not happening outside our 00:09:29.940 --> 00:09:31.899 dorm. I don't want it to be on our floor. No. 00:09:32.139 --> 00:09:34.200 Frankly. Because we all share a bathroom. There 00:09:34.200 --> 00:09:37.139 is a line. There is a line. Yeah. Nobody can't 00:09:37.139 --> 00:09:39.759 poop on demand. Well, I'm fine with not... I 00:09:39.759 --> 00:09:42.299 just said poop in the spirit of the moment. I 00:09:42.299 --> 00:09:44.929 don't think that's the one... That we have to 00:09:44.929 --> 00:09:46.450 do a go at. You said it with such conviction, 00:09:46.649 --> 00:09:49.490 Neil. I know, because poop's a fun word to say. 00:09:49.590 --> 00:09:52.009 But we could do something else to prove that 00:09:52.009 --> 00:09:55.230 we are a cool room in the dorm. I'm sorry that 00:09:55.230 --> 00:09:57.730 I got carried away with poop. I'm all for the 00:09:57.730 --> 00:10:00.029 poop. Right, well, it's two against two. I think 00:10:00.029 --> 00:10:01.850 in the right direction I could be, but the way 00:10:01.850 --> 00:10:04.190 that you pitched it, no. All right, well, they're 00:10:04.190 --> 00:10:06.570 sporting, and they're good looking, and they're 00:10:06.570 --> 00:10:10.190 nice, and they're kind, and they're rich. and 00:10:10.190 --> 00:10:11.990 they have so many good attributes, and we're 00:10:11.990 --> 00:10:18.110 ugly, poor. We could get, we could get facelifts. 00:10:18.750 --> 00:10:21.809 We could get Botox. We could look real cute, 00:10:21.889 --> 00:10:24.289 hot, and sexy. But we get cute, hot, and sexy, 00:10:24.389 --> 00:10:27.330 and then we're even poorer than before. Guys, 00:10:27.350 --> 00:10:29.190 I shouldn't know, and I don't know if I'm off 00:10:29.190 --> 00:10:31.190 the cover of the Botox. I'm only here because 00:10:31.190 --> 00:10:33.470 of my smarts and my scholarship. Okay, okay, 00:10:33.470 --> 00:10:35.309 okay. Hear me out, and you can shoot me down. 00:10:35.409 --> 00:10:37.169 I understand I've already shot you down, so you 00:10:37.169 --> 00:10:39.230 can shoot me down as well. No, it's okay. It's 00:10:39.230 --> 00:10:41.429 totally fair. What if we pull our student loans 00:10:41.429 --> 00:10:43.750 together and make one of us really cute, hot, 00:10:43.769 --> 00:10:48.450 and sexy? One of us is an Adonis amongst people. 00:10:48.950 --> 00:10:51.909 And we just be like, if you're the only one they 00:10:51.909 --> 00:10:54.870 ever see, they'll assume we're all like that. 00:10:55.070 --> 00:10:56.970 Yeah. Yeah, they'll be like, wow. We could all 00:10:56.970 --> 00:11:00.110 stand behind them in a line. From room 34C. We 00:11:00.110 --> 00:11:01.830 could be really tall. We could be on each other's 00:11:01.830 --> 00:11:05.830 shoulders. Yeah. Cute, hot, sexy and tall. That's 00:11:05.830 --> 00:11:08.909 too tall. Too tall. It's like a curve. Tall is 00:11:08.909 --> 00:11:12.009 sexy, but too tall. Like three people tall. That's 00:11:12.009 --> 00:11:14.509 not sexy. Well, we'd be four people tall, so 00:11:14.509 --> 00:11:16.710 it's fine. Oh, we're back to sexy again. It's 00:11:16.710 --> 00:11:21.830 a bell curve again. I think we should have you 00:11:21.830 --> 00:11:24.629 standing way in front and us at the back. I'm 00:11:24.629 --> 00:11:27.889 heralding you. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey. There's a 00:11:27.889 --> 00:11:30.070 big tall sexy person coming along. You're not 00:11:30.070 --> 00:11:32.230 getting the work done. No. We've decided that 00:11:32.230 --> 00:11:34.169 between the four of us. Oh, okay, right, okay. 00:11:34.169 --> 00:11:35.659 Did we quickly decide? No, I'm fine. I'm fine 00:11:35.659 --> 00:11:37.440 with that. I'm fine with that, yeah. If you three 00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:38.940 want to decide. I'll go under the blade. I don't 00:11:38.940 --> 00:11:41.659 care. Oh, okay, good. I didn't want to go. Oh, 00:11:41.679 --> 00:11:44.740 okay. Just face? Is anyone willing to be sexy? 00:11:44.919 --> 00:11:46.960 I know none of us have ever been sexy. I can 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:49.580 try. It seems dangerous. You pose a good question. 00:11:49.679 --> 00:11:52.019 Is it just face or is it ass? It depends how 00:11:52.019 --> 00:11:54.720 far our money goes. Everything. Is it, you know, 00:11:54.740 --> 00:11:57.039 all that tummy? Are we shaving down a little 00:11:57.039 --> 00:12:00.320 bit of the jawbone? Yeah. It is. You guys can 00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:03.960 design me. Hair extensions. We have four student 00:12:03.960 --> 00:12:07.460 loans to work with. Two that are horribly depleted. 00:12:07.539 --> 00:12:10.740 But I just think that we go with it with gusto. 00:12:11.220 --> 00:12:14.220 Sexy, sexy gusto. And we can prove to them. Yeah, 00:12:14.220 --> 00:12:16.220 you're on the sexy train now. I love it. I'm 00:12:16.220 --> 00:12:19.559 with it. It's so much sexier than poop. Why don't 00:12:19.559 --> 00:12:21.700 we go to the medical students who are in training 00:12:21.700 --> 00:12:24.759 and get a discount? That's a good idea. That's 00:12:24.759 --> 00:12:27.570 a really good idea. If they can do the procedure, 00:12:27.750 --> 00:12:29.570 then yeah, great. It's like going to a trainee 00:12:29.570 --> 00:12:32.070 hairdresser. I just don't want to lose a liver 00:12:32.070 --> 00:12:35.230 by mistake. Oh, it wouldn't be a mistake. Oh, 00:12:35.230 --> 00:12:37.350 you're saying... Oh, they'll definitely sell 00:12:37.350 --> 00:12:40.870 it. They'll sell a lube. That's more money. Don't 00:12:40.870 --> 00:12:43.289 worry. They'll sell my lube. Take all of my organs. 00:12:43.549 --> 00:12:47.250 Oh, kidney. Each guy's kidney. Yeah. Yeah, that's 00:12:47.250 --> 00:12:49.950 enough to make at least one of us sexy. Yeah, 00:12:49.970 --> 00:12:51.990 and if we make one of us sexy and no one sees 00:12:51.990 --> 00:12:54.610 the rest of us, they have to assume... We're 00:12:54.610 --> 00:12:57.629 all sexy. Too hot and sexy. It's like the way 00:12:57.629 --> 00:13:00.950 an army sends its strongest man to try and intimidate 00:13:00.950 --> 00:13:05.710 the other army. They must all be super strong. 00:13:05.710 --> 00:13:09.730 A Trojan horse of sexiness. Except whenever you 00:13:09.730 --> 00:13:12.129 look inside it gets more sexy. No, that's wrong. 00:13:12.370 --> 00:13:17.009 No, it gets worse. It gets ugly. It gets worse 00:13:17.009 --> 00:13:20.679 quick. Because we know what we are. We're honest. 00:13:20.980 --> 00:13:23.240 We're honest. We need work and we need plastic 00:13:23.240 --> 00:13:25.500 surgeons to do that work. We're ugly, but with 00:13:25.500 --> 00:13:27.820 good souls. We're not liars. Yeah, we're not 00:13:27.820 --> 00:13:30.500 liars. We're empathetic. We're here because of 00:13:30.500 --> 00:13:32.940 our scholarships. Yeah. Not because of our parents. 00:13:33.299 --> 00:13:37.000 Yeah. They might be rich and beautiful and kind 00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:41.059 and sweet and sexy and cool, but... Those guys? 00:13:41.340 --> 00:13:43.440 Yeah. Yeah. I thought you meant our parents. 00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:46.070 Yeah, I thought you meant our parents. I'm excited 00:13:46.070 --> 00:13:47.990 to meet your parents and I hope that is the case, 00:13:48.009 --> 00:13:50.450 but I assume by looking at all of us that we 00:13:50.450 --> 00:13:53.330 couldn't have come from unless we could be like 00:13:53.330 --> 00:13:57.169 the terrible ones that came from them and maybe... 00:13:57.169 --> 00:13:59.769 The ugly ducklings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we 00:13:59.769 --> 00:14:01.230 are beautiful parents. Maybe with the plastic 00:14:01.230 --> 00:14:04.190 surgery we'll blossom into a swan. I'm realising 00:14:04.190 --> 00:14:06.850 that we're covered on looking beautiful, cute, 00:14:06.929 --> 00:14:10.850 hot and sexy, but not on sport acclaim. We're 00:14:10.850 --> 00:14:14.049 still not that good at sport. That's fine. Do 00:14:14.049 --> 00:14:16.649 you think we can just blag it with that? Yeah. 00:14:16.730 --> 00:14:19.450 Have you ever seen someone get through life just 00:14:19.450 --> 00:14:22.769 being cute, hot, sexy? Yeah. It totally happens. 00:14:23.070 --> 00:14:25.110 Okay, yeah, no, that's so true. You don't need 00:14:25.110 --> 00:14:28.090 sporting acclaim. Or we can get our knees done. 00:14:28.509 --> 00:14:32.009 Oh. I mean, we might as well get all that out. 00:14:32.110 --> 00:14:34.870 A couple of iron knees. We'll be unstoppable 00:14:34.870 --> 00:14:37.990 at any sport. Start MMA or rugby or anything. 00:14:38.370 --> 00:14:41.600 Yeah. That's a great idea. And we look so cute 00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:43.659 and hot and sexy while we're doing all of these 00:14:43.659 --> 00:14:44.879 boards. We're sweaty, sweaty. With our shiny 00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:48.159 knees. We're sweaty, we're muddy. That's kind 00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:50.200 of sexy though, isn't it? Yeah, it's kind of 00:14:50.200 --> 00:14:53.860 sexy, I suppose. So the only way that we as a 00:14:53.860 --> 00:14:58.019 dorm room can get cool again is to... Firstly, 00:14:58.139 --> 00:15:01.059 sell the kidneys. Sell our kidneys, put our student 00:15:01.059 --> 00:15:05.240 loans together and make one of us cute, hot and 00:15:05.240 --> 00:15:12.529 sexy and with big knees. Hey, I couldn't notice 00:15:12.529 --> 00:15:15.330 how cute, hot, and sexy you are. Would you like 00:15:15.330 --> 00:15:18.529 to transfer to our university? Oh, uh, whoa. 00:15:18.990 --> 00:15:23.070 Yeah, I just... Let me have a conversation with 00:15:23.070 --> 00:15:25.629 my internal monologue for a second, if that's 00:15:25.629 --> 00:15:28.289 okay. Of course, cute, hot, and sexy, and you 00:15:28.289 --> 00:15:30.070 consider the moral implications of your choice. 00:15:30.250 --> 00:15:31.789 Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give me a... 00:15:31.789 --> 00:15:35.330 Can I just say, those knees are amazing. I work 00:15:35.330 --> 00:15:38.789 hard on them. I do so many workouts and, like, 00:15:38.789 --> 00:15:41.710 different sports. I trampoline for these knees, 00:15:41.929 --> 00:15:43.809 you know? I do a lot of trampolining. It shows. 00:15:44.070 --> 00:15:51.750 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys? What? What do you 00:15:51.750 --> 00:15:56.950 need? I've been offered to transfer. What? Do 00:15:56.950 --> 00:16:00.090 we want to do that? Well, for all of us or just 00:16:00.090 --> 00:16:03.129 you? This is what I'm thinking. I want to bring 00:16:03.129 --> 00:16:05.429 you guys with me. Did they make room for you 00:16:05.429 --> 00:16:07.190 in that when you got your knees done? To hold 00:16:07.190 --> 00:16:09.450 all of us inside you? Yeah, I think I'm strong 00:16:09.450 --> 00:16:12.090 enough now. Like a wee camper van? Because of 00:16:12.090 --> 00:16:15.830 the knees? Yeah. But Neil was... Neil was never 00:16:15.830 --> 00:16:18.590 a part of us, so I feel like... I feel like we're 00:16:18.590 --> 00:16:21.210 abandoning him if the three of us transfer to 00:16:21.210 --> 00:16:25.019 a different university. Hello, sir. I'm just 00:16:25.019 --> 00:16:28.799 a casual uggo who I just, in case you need me, 00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:31.620 is a barometer of what could be at your university. 00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:34.340 Oh, hello, person who I've never met before. 00:16:34.399 --> 00:16:37.440 Gosh, aren't you cool, hot, and sexy? Big knees. 00:16:38.639 --> 00:16:43.419 I would like to join your university. So, are 00:16:43.419 --> 00:16:45.799 you interested in the offer? Yeah, do I have 00:16:45.799 --> 00:16:48.100 to do anything in particular? Or can I just kind 00:16:48.100 --> 00:16:49.899 of be a student and be cute, hot, and sexy? Full 00:16:49.899 --> 00:16:53.720 scholarship. I mean, this might be... Awful of 00:16:53.720 --> 00:16:56.720 me to ask, but could you knee that person? Could 00:16:56.720 --> 00:16:58.840 you just knee them right out of the way? Oh, 00:16:58.840 --> 00:17:01.279 um... I will also say, you've been sounding very 00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:03.240 straight, like you're hiding people behind you. 00:17:03.299 --> 00:17:07.779 No! No, it's okay. I just don't like to use my 00:17:07.779 --> 00:17:10.559 knees for evil. It's not evil. Look at him. It's 00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:12.940 okay. He's fine with it. It's okay. Are you sure? 00:17:13.519 --> 00:17:15.980 Know that I don't actually mean this. Just let 00:17:15.980 --> 00:17:19.860 me live in your second garage. I mean... Yeah, 00:17:19.860 --> 00:17:22.579 let's discuss this down the line. Just give me 00:17:22.579 --> 00:17:25.420 a place to live. Hey, we're always doormates. 00:17:26.200 --> 00:17:31.200 The three of you, don't forget me. Don't forget 00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:34.660 me. Oh, wow. Well, that looks like... Look, you 00:17:34.660 --> 00:17:36.220 took out one of his kidneys. Thank God he's got 00:17:36.220 --> 00:17:49.130 two of them. All rise for the Honourable Judge 00:17:49.130 --> 00:17:55.170 McIntyre. Right, right, right. Let's get this 00:17:55.170 --> 00:17:58.710 going. Okay, everyone sit down. Don't be standing 00:17:58.710 --> 00:18:02.849 off on my account. Sit down. You're fine. Thank 00:18:02.849 --> 00:18:05.470 you. No worries. Go ahead. Take a seat, everyone. 00:18:05.910 --> 00:18:08.829 Everyone take a seat. Where was I? Oh, yeah. 00:18:09.230 --> 00:18:13.109 Okay, so what's the crime again? I was just having 00:18:13.109 --> 00:18:14.829 a little nap back there, I'm going to be honest 00:18:14.829 --> 00:18:17.430 with you. It's awesome. Judge McIntyre. The funniest 00:18:17.430 --> 00:18:19.430 of all the crimes because it sounds like bum. 00:18:21.289 --> 00:18:24.509 I don't think you should be laughing, Mr. Jenkins, 00:18:24.690 --> 00:18:27.450 when it was in fact your bum that was set on 00:18:27.450 --> 00:18:32.190 fire. Yeah, hello. Hello. Did it hurt? Honestly, 00:18:32.490 --> 00:18:35.089 for a little bit, yes. And then, quite quickly, 00:18:35.289 --> 00:18:37.470 no. I have a question for you. Are you a liar 00:18:37.470 --> 00:18:39.890 at all? No, I wouldn't do that. They gave me 00:18:39.890 --> 00:18:42.549 a Bible and I kept it. So now, my whole life. 00:18:43.079 --> 00:18:45.400 I'm just staying truthful since the last time 00:18:45.400 --> 00:18:47.279 I was here. Well, that's good, because otherwise 00:18:47.279 --> 00:18:49.779 the legal defense, liar, liar, pants on fire, 00:18:49.940 --> 00:18:52.039 would have been legally binding. Well, this would 00:18:52.039 --> 00:18:53.940 be interesting, because my pants on fire were 00:18:53.940 --> 00:18:57.180 first, and then I lied, and then I was in court, 00:18:57.299 --> 00:19:00.500 and then I stopped lying. Ah, God. Well, I... 00:19:00.500 --> 00:19:03.059 Pants on fire, liar, liar. That's, well... If 00:19:03.059 --> 00:19:05.079 you can follow the... Oh, like, oh, okay. Judge 00:19:05.079 --> 00:19:07.019 McIntyre, if we could return to the case, please. 00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:09.740 Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, I'm 00:19:09.740 --> 00:19:16.960 looking... Two million. Two million. Although 00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:20.640 it didn't hurt for very long. It's not my gist 00:19:20.640 --> 00:19:23.539 back there. Well, you'd not be going to. If it 00:19:23.539 --> 00:19:26.259 was a proper scorcher, then, you know, 30 million. 00:19:26.420 --> 00:19:28.240 I know my arse is worth, and I know it's not 00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:30.980 30 million. Two million maximum. There are a 00:19:30.980 --> 00:19:33.740 few people in this town whose arse is worth 30 00:19:33.740 --> 00:19:36.819 million. Good on you for being. They are, I know. 00:19:36.920 --> 00:19:40.279 Because I would go down to the bar all the time 00:19:40.279 --> 00:19:43.000 wearing my chaps. Can't do that no more. Can't 00:19:43.000 --> 00:19:44.660 do that. Do you know the mental toil it takes 00:19:44.660 --> 00:19:46.779 a man to not be able to wear his chaps? Or if 00:19:46.779 --> 00:19:49.960 he does, to get scorned? Judge McIntyre, if you 00:19:49.960 --> 00:19:53.200 would refer to Exhibit C, it's the assless chaps 00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:56.640 that are now fused to Mr Jenkins' skin. Ah, yes. 00:19:57.000 --> 00:19:59.700 Yes. I don't like that you keep that little sticker 00:19:59.700 --> 00:20:02.680 above it, though. Take it off me. Do I have to 00:20:02.680 --> 00:20:04.359 turn around again every time you want to look 00:20:04.359 --> 00:20:07.000 at Exhibit C? Yeah, why not? Why not? It makes 00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:09.819 it more real. It makes it more real. Yeah, so 00:20:09.819 --> 00:20:11.759 as I say, I don't like wearing these assless 00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:14.079 chaps, but I can't not wear them anymore. Give 00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:21.240 us a spin. Give us a spin. Okay. Oh! Jesus, okay, 00:20:21.380 --> 00:20:25.259 okay, okay. Well, no, it sort of wafted the smell 00:20:25.259 --> 00:20:27.359 of burning flesh towards me. That's not me. That 00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:29.279 is me, but it's not my fault. I also think it's 00:20:29.279 --> 00:20:31.480 the pleather sort of fused to the skin. This 00:20:31.480 --> 00:20:34.160 was real leather. Was it real leather? No. I 00:20:34.160 --> 00:20:35.720 think that's, yeah, I think someone lied to you 00:20:35.720 --> 00:20:38.359 there. That's the one lie. The one lie is that 00:20:38.359 --> 00:20:41.000 it wasn't real leather. I'm sorry. Oh, Jesus. 00:20:41.740 --> 00:20:44.630 Well... Do you, any, any sort of defense witnesses 00:20:44.630 --> 00:20:48.049 at all for, for, hi? Yeah, no. Do we, do we swear 00:20:48.049 --> 00:20:49.710 you in? Nah, don't worry about it. Just, just 00:20:49.710 --> 00:20:51.130 sit down, sit down. You're fine, you're fine. 00:20:51.170 --> 00:20:54.809 Oh, cheers, cheers. Um, my defense is, uh, you 00:20:54.809 --> 00:20:56.789 know, he, he told me it was real leather and 00:20:56.789 --> 00:20:58.650 I said, no way, that's not real leather. And 00:20:58.650 --> 00:20:59.829 he said, no, it's real leather. And I said, well, 00:20:59.869 --> 00:21:02.109 real leather doesn't burn. He said, try it. And, 00:21:02.109 --> 00:21:03.890 you know, then I got to imagine he was on fire, 00:21:03.950 --> 00:21:05.769 and I'm like, that's not my fault. That's just, 00:21:06.029 --> 00:21:07.410 if he had told the truth, I wouldn't have set 00:21:07.410 --> 00:21:09.009 him on fire. I didn't want to set him on fire. 00:21:09.750 --> 00:21:12.109 Real leather's too warm. I wear the leather at 00:21:12.109 --> 00:21:14.130 the bar because I'm wearing it every day, all 00:21:14.130 --> 00:21:16.529 day. And, you know, just because my ass cheeks 00:21:16.529 --> 00:21:19.529 are out doesn't mean I don't sweat. So it's warm. 00:21:20.269 --> 00:21:21.710 Oh, yeah, you know, you want to see the cushion 00:21:21.710 --> 00:21:25.990 after he sat down, like a slip and slide. You 00:21:25.990 --> 00:21:27.950 know, I would have thought the breeze would have 00:21:27.950 --> 00:21:29.630 got in and you wouldn't be as... Well, that's 00:21:29.630 --> 00:21:32.750 what it does, but it's still horrid under there, 00:21:32.869 --> 00:21:36.349 you know? It's leather. Well, pleather, but yeah. 00:21:36.410 --> 00:21:39.809 Where did you get them from? To be fair, they're 00:21:39.809 --> 00:21:41.849 looking fine. They're looking good. Oh, I just, 00:21:41.930 --> 00:21:43.630 I didn't disagree. I thought I would look great 00:21:43.630 --> 00:21:45.690 on them. I'm just, it wasn't real leather. They 00:21:45.690 --> 00:21:48.990 were from a motorbike gang. I went to them, you 00:21:48.990 --> 00:21:51.529 know. Well, I can see sort of like an... And 00:21:51.529 --> 00:21:53.710 Summer's tag coming out the back of it that's 00:21:53.710 --> 00:21:55.789 fused to your tailbone. I don't know where they 00:21:55.789 --> 00:21:58.369 got it from, but this was from a motorbike gang 00:21:58.369 --> 00:22:01.089 first. I cut the holes out myself. Because, you 00:22:01.089 --> 00:22:03.069 know, no one knows your arse like your own hands. 00:22:08.049 --> 00:22:10.170 Judge McIntyre, I would like to move that this 00:22:10.170 --> 00:22:13.809 entire case be dismissed. I need my money. We've 00:22:13.809 --> 00:22:16.130 got a lot of defensiveness. Isn't that the law? 00:22:16.150 --> 00:22:18.730 No one is actually owning up to or allowing. 00:22:19.390 --> 00:22:22.690 For the assless chap's damage or their bodily 00:22:22.690 --> 00:22:25.549 harm. I have to wear two pairs of trousers now. 00:22:25.730 --> 00:22:30.769 And he has cut bum holes out of both. Well, my 00:22:30.769 --> 00:22:35.730 job's so hard. What if I just say sorry? What 00:22:35.730 --> 00:22:41.880 do you accept about me? Will you let me back 00:22:41.880 --> 00:22:44.039 in the club again? Would you let him back in 00:22:44.039 --> 00:22:46.079 the club again? I mean, once the smell lightens 00:22:46.079 --> 00:22:48.059 up a wee bit. The club, it's got no windows or 00:22:48.059 --> 00:22:50.559 fire escapes, you know. If I'm allowed for brief 00:22:50.559 --> 00:22:53.779 intermittent periods of time in the club, and 00:22:53.779 --> 00:22:55.839 when you say I need to go on account of the smell, 00:22:55.920 --> 00:22:59.059 I'll go, no question, no fights. Can we give 00:22:59.059 --> 00:23:03.640 it two weeks? Well, I know what we'll do. Right. 00:23:03.839 --> 00:23:09.119 I order that he... No money will be awarded as 00:23:09.119 --> 00:23:12.539 long as you guys hold it to each other and you, 00:23:12.680 --> 00:23:18.200 the assless chaps fella, you will buy a Febreze 00:23:18.200 --> 00:23:20.240 and you'll have it on your purse. Why should 00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:24.000 I have to buy it? I'll get the Febreze. I'm coming 00:23:24.000 --> 00:23:28.700 down a lot from two million. That's fair. And 00:23:28.700 --> 00:23:35.339 news just in. Donald McKendry, the man who had 00:23:35.339 --> 00:23:39.490 his... Chaps burned into his ass. Mr. Jenkins. 00:23:39.730 --> 00:23:42.730 Jenkins. Yes, I can hear you, but I'm... Well, 00:23:42.750 --> 00:23:45.630 it's been a busy day, yes. Yes, news just in, 00:23:45.690 --> 00:23:49.890 the case is closed. And in his words, can we 00:23:49.890 --> 00:23:53.349 all agree, no one knows your ass like your own 00:23:53.349 --> 00:24:00.589 hands. I go bad on a T -shirt. I'm making money 00:24:00.589 --> 00:24:02.750 from this thing. We're doing okay again. And 00:24:02.750 --> 00:24:06.430 here is Jenkins' new single. With the same title. 00:24:29.789 --> 00:24:33.430 That's the first. You have to pay for more than 00:24:33.430 --> 00:24:38.529 that. Oh, okay. Here you go. Here's my pun. Let's 00:24:38.529 --> 00:24:45.289 get the next bit. Well, just like you know, the 00:24:45.289 --> 00:24:49.569 back of your hand. The back of your hand knows 00:24:49.569 --> 00:24:55.029 the back of your arse. But the back of your arse 00:24:55.029 --> 00:25:00.250 isn't the front of your arse. Nobody knows that 00:25:00.250 --> 00:25:04.829 question. No, they don't know. And that's the 00:25:04.829 --> 00:25:12.750 chorus. That's probably going to go straight 00:25:12.750 --> 00:25:17.569 into number 36. As they say, if you ask a question 00:25:17.569 --> 00:25:19.809 in your songs, you're more than likely to get 00:25:19.809 --> 00:25:28.690 into the billboards. Keep them thinking. It is 00:25:28.690 --> 00:25:31.670 Friday. We are announcing our number seven. And 00:25:31.670 --> 00:25:33.950 then the other ones after that. Come on. But 00:25:33.950 --> 00:25:36.569 most people are most excited about this. Lucky 00:25:36.569 --> 00:25:39.130 number seven. We have been absolutely storming 00:25:39.130 --> 00:25:40.930 the charts. Everyone's surprised. Surprisingly, 00:25:40.930 --> 00:25:43.930 a lot of people relate. Give me it. Yes, that's 00:25:43.930 --> 00:25:47.730 right. It's nobody knows your ass like your own 00:25:47.730 --> 00:25:52.549 hands. Yes, fuck yeah. Oh, yes. Yes, this is 00:25:52.549 --> 00:25:56.549 great. Oh, give me the prize. Give me the big 00:25:56.549 --> 00:26:01.059 trophy. Come here. No? Okay, I'll just sing the 00:26:01.059 --> 00:26:04.960 song. It's the radio. I know. I'm sure it'll 00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:06.859 mail you something. They'll feel my performance 00:26:06.859 --> 00:26:09.900 if I don't have a trophy in my hands. The elation 00:26:09.900 --> 00:26:13.500 won't be there. Fine, I'll go ahead. Nobody knows 00:26:13.500 --> 00:26:18.819 the back of your arse. I just don't feel it anymore. 00:26:18.920 --> 00:26:23.579 I don't have a trophy in my hands. I don't even 00:26:23.579 --> 00:26:27.420 know the back of my arse anymore. I don't know. 00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:31.000 It's changed ever since I got all this money 00:26:31.000 --> 00:26:34.000 from all these streams. Cut to number six. Cut 00:26:34.000 --> 00:26:38.960 to number six. Spotify have paid me so much money 00:26:38.960 --> 00:26:41.559 to stop it streaming. Because the music video, 00:26:41.660 --> 00:26:50.460 they say it's hypnotic. Breaking news. We have 00:26:50.460 --> 00:26:54.000 hordes of teenagers burning assless chaps to 00:26:54.000 --> 00:27:00.700 their bums. Oh, this just in. We have the singer 00:27:00.700 --> 00:27:04.460 of the incendiary song has appeared in front 00:27:04.460 --> 00:27:07.900 of Trafalgar Square. Please stop this. I'm speaking 00:27:07.900 --> 00:27:27.809 to you from the highest point on earth. Just 00:27:27.809 --> 00:27:34.930 wear real leather. It doesn't burn. No, you haven't 00:27:34.930 --> 00:27:39.609 apologized to me. It was mutual apologies. And 00:27:39.609 --> 00:27:46.910 everybody involved is getting arrested under 00:27:46.910 --> 00:27:49.750 new anti -protest legislation. Unfortunately, 00:27:49.869 --> 00:27:52.349 the police officers are also wearing pleather. 00:27:52.470 --> 00:27:55.509 It is horrific scenes out there tonight. Back 00:27:55.509 --> 00:28:08.799 to you in the studio. I've never been... I've 00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:11.440 never been under a bed. It's not really ideal 00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:15.240 circumstances. No, for sure. For sure. If we're 00:28:15.240 --> 00:28:17.859 found, that's a problem, but... It's just nice 00:28:17.859 --> 00:28:20.019 to get a new experience, even if it is under 00:28:20.019 --> 00:28:26.119 dire times. Yeah. It is quite dusty. I realise 00:28:26.119 --> 00:28:29.240 a lot of the cleaning that we do is just, you 00:28:29.240 --> 00:28:31.220 know, the higher -up surfaces and... Nobody's 00:28:31.220 --> 00:28:33.039 going to look under the bed, you hope? Well, 00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:36.119 until now. Until now, but we didn't have a choice. 00:28:36.160 --> 00:28:40.039 We had to get in. We were in danger. Do you have 00:28:40.039 --> 00:28:43.039 any antihistamines? I have them outside my purse. 00:28:43.099 --> 00:28:45.160 I'll hold in the sneezes for now. Oh yeah, do, 00:28:45.319 --> 00:28:47.700 especially if they enter the room. Oh yeah, oh 00:28:47.700 --> 00:28:49.799 yeah. Because if you sneeze, that probably gives 00:28:49.799 --> 00:28:53.720 it away, I suppose, where we are. But if I sneeze, 00:28:54.200 --> 00:28:57.240 it might not. You do have quite a quiet sneeze. 00:28:58.269 --> 00:29:01.049 And I think I'm right in the corner, so it might 00:29:01.049 --> 00:29:03.470 be able to get away with it. Maybe it would scare 00:29:03.470 --> 00:29:05.309 them because they're like, there's a mouse in 00:29:05.309 --> 00:29:07.529 here. Oh, but then I don't want you to sneeze 00:29:07.529 --> 00:29:10.190 and then that scare me. Because you don't really 00:29:10.190 --> 00:29:11.970 have a preamble to your sneeze. You just kind 00:29:11.970 --> 00:29:15.529 of go, and that's scary when you're not expecting 00:29:15.529 --> 00:29:18.369 it. And then I might hit my head. Oh, gee. Or 00:29:18.369 --> 00:29:21.349 yelp. I don't know. I don't know. Don't yelp. 00:29:21.349 --> 00:29:23.809 Don't hit your head. Well, don't sneeze. Well, 00:29:23.829 --> 00:29:26.190 okay. I wasn't going to. Well, I was thinking 00:29:26.190 --> 00:29:28.880 about it. I might. Well, don't. Well, I'm going 00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:31.240 to try not to, but I can't help it. It's quite 00:29:31.240 --> 00:29:33.220 dusty. Do you think we could turn on a light 00:29:33.220 --> 00:29:36.599 down here? It's kind of dark. Are we the boogeymen 00:29:36.599 --> 00:29:38.779 that all the children are scared of right now? 00:29:39.700 --> 00:29:43.019 Is that us now? I mean, that is interesting because 00:29:43.019 --> 00:29:46.339 I feel very scared at the moment. I feel very 00:29:46.339 --> 00:29:48.799 scary because it's dark and I don't know what 00:29:48.799 --> 00:29:51.500 my body is now. You feel scary? I feel scared. 00:29:51.859 --> 00:29:55.349 Yeah, I'm in the place of the scarer. So I feel 00:29:55.349 --> 00:29:57.589 like... You feel powerful? I feel powerful. I'm 00:29:57.589 --> 00:29:59.490 in the dark. I don't know. Is my body ten feet 00:29:59.490 --> 00:30:02.549 tall? I don't know. I can't see. I've lost all 00:30:02.549 --> 00:30:05.269 my object permanence. I'm glad you're the one 00:30:05.269 --> 00:30:08.329 beside the wall. I'd feel too claustrophobic 00:30:08.329 --> 00:30:10.549 there. I'd be more scared. I'm going to scratch 00:30:10.549 --> 00:30:14.809 the wall. Don't do that. No, you'll leave a mark. 00:30:14.890 --> 00:30:16.829 No, you'll leave a mark. How long are my nails? 00:30:17.089 --> 00:30:23.230 I don't know. Yeah, I think I'll be okay living 00:30:23.230 --> 00:30:27.549 under a bed. I like this. I don't know if I do. 00:30:27.789 --> 00:30:31.410 We are the things that scare kids. And some adults. 00:30:31.670 --> 00:30:34.470 So there's a certain power in that. Because we 00:30:34.470 --> 00:30:37.710 don't have to do it if we don't want to. We could 00:30:37.710 --> 00:30:39.529 sort of do it to only bad kids and adults. Oh, 00:30:39.529 --> 00:30:41.789 that's nice. We just kind of take the space under 00:30:41.789 --> 00:30:44.549 the bed and we don't actually scare anyone. If 00:30:44.549 --> 00:30:46.509 they look down, it's their own fault, I suppose, 00:30:46.789 --> 00:30:48.809 isn't it? Yeah. If they try to store something 00:30:48.809 --> 00:30:51.339 under the bed. There's a lesson in that, isn't 00:30:51.339 --> 00:30:54.180 there? Yeah. Because if I was under, like, a 00:30:54.180 --> 00:31:03.099 marital bed and... I didn't want to think I would 00:31:03.099 --> 00:31:07.319 just have to scare kids. Yeah. So I wanted to 00:31:07.319 --> 00:31:10.660 scare adults as well. Yeah. And kids don't have 00:31:10.660 --> 00:31:12.680 marital beds. I mean, some of them might not 00:31:12.680 --> 00:31:16.140 practice their marital -ness. Oh, no, I wasn't 00:31:16.140 --> 00:31:18.940 meaning that people were going to get in having... 00:31:19.659 --> 00:31:24.380 Boners and stuff. No, I was just meaning it was 00:31:24.380 --> 00:31:29.259 old people. Marital is my distinction to know 00:31:29.259 --> 00:31:31.339 that it's definitely an adult. Oh, you just mean 00:31:31.339 --> 00:31:34.480 like a bigger, fancier bed. A more expensive, 00:31:34.759 --> 00:31:37.500 sizable bed. Owned by adults. Because I don't 00:31:37.500 --> 00:31:39.500 feel like I want to scare kids. I want to be 00:31:39.500 --> 00:31:43.220 in a boogeyman for an adult. But then if it's 00:31:43.220 --> 00:31:45.720 a marital bed, are you only scaring like one 00:31:45.720 --> 00:31:48.420 of the couple? Well, just if they look, you know, 00:31:48.420 --> 00:31:51.359 that's what I mean. It's sort of like it's one 00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:53.160 of those self -fulfilled prophecies. If they're 00:31:53.160 --> 00:31:55.680 scared of something under the bed, I don't exist 00:31:55.680 --> 00:31:57.559 until they look down there. Well, that's not 00:31:57.559 --> 00:31:59.980 really self -fulfilling, is it? That's outside 00:31:59.980 --> 00:32:03.140 of themselves. I don't want to talk about Schrodinger 00:32:03.140 --> 00:32:05.599 because I feel that's overdone. Yeah. It's kind 00:32:05.599 --> 00:32:07.539 of played out, so I'm not going to talk about 00:32:07.539 --> 00:32:10.900 it. I'm going to imagine that I have the power 00:32:10.900 --> 00:32:14.279 to end a relationship if one of them gets scared 00:32:14.279 --> 00:32:18.039 enough and looks down. And if I was there, I'd 00:32:18.039 --> 00:32:22.079 have the power to start rumours of affair in 00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:24.160 a relationship. Oh, infidelity. Yeah. That's 00:32:24.160 --> 00:32:26.099 nice, that's nice. We can psychologically... 00:32:26.099 --> 00:32:28.799 I could just start saying other people's names. 00:32:29.180 --> 00:32:41.240 Oh, in the middle of boner time. I don't know 00:32:41.240 --> 00:32:43.740 where you got the rumours from. And it's just, 00:32:43.799 --> 00:32:46.940 it's ruining boner time for me. Well, how do 00:32:46.940 --> 00:32:48.980 you think I feel, knowing that that boner isn't 00:32:48.980 --> 00:32:52.680 for me? It is for you. That's just rumors. I 00:32:52.680 --> 00:32:57.240 heard Rudolph's name. I don't even know who Rudolph 00:32:57.240 --> 00:33:04.420 is. Don't lie to me. Who's Abigail? I don't know. 00:33:04.960 --> 00:33:08.039 Don't deflect. Why are you stuttering? It's as 00:33:08.039 --> 00:33:11.400 if you are keeping something from me. It's just... 00:33:14.430 --> 00:33:18.089 Okay. I'm calling it now, as we always have to 00:33:18.089 --> 00:33:21.470 do when this is over. Boner time's over. Alright, 00:33:21.650 --> 00:33:25.970 and down. You don't get to say it when boner 00:33:25.970 --> 00:33:28.250 time is over. I get to say it when it's over. 00:33:28.309 --> 00:33:32.670 You can't just tell it to go down. Is this why 00:33:32.670 --> 00:33:34.289 you don't want me to meet your work colleagues? 00:33:36.470 --> 00:33:40.019 You can meet them, but they're just... I don't 00:33:40.019 --> 00:33:41.680 think you get along with them. Well, you seem 00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:44.359 to be getting along with them very well. No, 00:33:44.460 --> 00:33:47.480 I don't like Nathaniel. I could see. It's down. 00:33:49.319 --> 00:33:51.359 I'm going to cover myself up. I think that's 00:33:51.359 --> 00:33:55.299 for the best. Yeah. Do you want to cover it up 00:33:55.299 --> 00:33:59.960 or are you okay to just... I'm good. Okay. Perfect. 00:34:01.039 --> 00:34:06.420 Yeah, I should cover up. Is this boner time over? 00:34:17.639 --> 00:34:21.239 Hey, you know who it is? Mr. Jenkins here. Listen 00:34:21.239 --> 00:34:23.760 to that beat, yo. This is the Sexy Time Remix. 00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:27.420 I'm here to tell you that you are there alone. 00:34:28.199 --> 00:34:32.460 Hey, girl. Hey, boy. You are there alone. I get 00:34:32.460 --> 00:34:34.980 it. I've been alone. But you don't need to be 00:34:34.980 --> 00:34:40.280 alone when you have these two right here. Ass 00:34:40.280 --> 00:34:44.780 in your hands. You have your ass in your hands. 00:34:46.699 --> 00:34:51.340 Do you know what you could do with those ass 00:34:51.340 --> 00:34:55.960 in your hands? Takes yourself away to a nice 00:34:55.960 --> 00:35:17.809 little cottage. Back to Dumb Bracken is produced 00:35:17.809 --> 00:35:23.550 and edited by me, Conleth McVeigh. This episode 00:35:23.550 --> 00:35:26.610 featured Patrick Meyer, Laura Conlon, Gerard 00:35:26.610 --> 00:35:31.070 Donnelly, Amelia Price, Jean McIver, Tiff Minson, 00:35:31.269 --> 00:35:35.289 and Nicole O'Doherty. Was there anyone else? 00:35:35.349 --> 00:35:43.949 No, I think that was it. We did it. The opening 00:35:43.949 --> 00:35:46.130 and closing credits were created by Conor Mallon, 00:35:46.150 --> 00:35:48.389 and you can check out his entire album Unearthed 00:35:48.389 --> 00:35:52.230 on Spotify now. Thank you for listening. We look 00:35:52.230 --> 00:35:54.570 forward to welcoming you back to Dunbracken very 00:35:54.570 --> 00:35:54.869 soon.