Hello, just a quick note here. I realized as
I was making this episode that it kind of featured
a few scenes where we just kind of lose our shit.
We are just in fits of giggles and laughter.
So I went searching for an episode worth of content
of that sort of stuff where we just kind of lose
ourselves to fits of giggles. I love it so much.
I think it's a brilliant episode. So just in
case you... noticed that there's more giggles
and stuff than normal a little it's not not exactly
a trigger warning but uh we're out of character
and giggling and corpsing a lot more in this
and i really hope you enjoy it i we clearly enjoyed
making it i think it's a fantastic episode uh
so enjoy bye -bye good day is this all over yet
look it's still going When will it end? You probably
know by now. Welcome back to Dunbracken. Right.
What we're going to do, we're going to build
it right here. I can see it happening. We're
going to build it. We're going to build it now.
This town. This town has got too many nice things.
We're going to knock them down and we're going
to make a runway for my big jet. We're going
to do it now. We're going to do it right now.
We're going to do the jet right now. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Gavin, what about the graves?
The graves? They're dead. You're forgetting that.
They're already dead. We can't kill any more
of them. They're dead. And I know I had a lot
to do with that, but they're dead now. Just dead.
I just feel like the optics of this... The optics?
They can't see. No, but other people can. The
people who are living, the people who come to
visit the graves, like the Victims Association.
They do come and visit the graves and I just
feel like potentially the optics of you bulldozing
their relatives after you were slightly, for
legal reasons, not responsible for their deaths.
Only a bit. The Victims Association's massive.
So many of them. There's an awful lot of victims
and victims' families. And there's just a lot
of... I mean, it's not a very big town, but there's
a lot of people who have been involved in this.
Too many, in my opinion. And they keep congregating
at the monument, and you want to knock it down.
I mean, you did what you could to reduce the
population of this town. I know you didn't, and
for legal reasons you did not. For legal reasons,
I was just doing my best. I was just thinking,
there's so many people in this town. I want to
do things in this town. And then I did them.
You're just a man with a family. I'm just a man
with a dream. Not a family anymore. They were
getting in the way. So they're in there as well.
I'm technically one of the victim's family. My
wife is in there. And I don't like it anymore.
I wanted to go. So actually, really, they can
like... I don't know, fuck off, because I'm part
of the victims' association. I might also be
technically the perpetrator, but I'm also a victim.
I'm a victim of a lot of things, and I think
what I'm also a victim of is not having a big
runway. See, you're silent. You're thinking about
it now. You're actually thinking about it. I'm
thinking about quitting. You'll be quitting this
earth in a second. You'll be in there as well
because I want it. I want it. Please, please,
please. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it.
Believe me. Come on. Could you maybe give someone
else an opportunity to say a eulogy? You have
been hogging a mic for some time. That's my wife.
That's my wife there. That's mine. She was mine.
Now she's God's. I would just like to apologise
again for Mr. Newsome. We can organise another
funeral if that's what you would like. Whoa,
whoa. Just hang on. No, this is not going the
way I imagined it. Listen. I mean, also we're
fully booked. Can you see it now? Can you see
it now? We just go straight fucking through it.
I know I don't have it yet. I promise, I promise
I'll buy one. Someone can have a go on it, I
promise. But I want one really badly. I need
the runway before I can have the fucking jet.
Otherwise, how am I going to try it out? I'm
going to get people to fly their jets in, and
then I'm going to practice on the jets, and I
will buy it. I promise, I promise, I promise.
Just please let me do it. Let me. What if it
gets hunted? Get what? What if your runway gets
haunted by all the dead? Well, I think, you know,
if they're a spectre, a fucking jet will go straight
through those fuckers. Like, there's not... I
swear to God, like, even if it's fucking haunted,
a jet can cut through a ghost. If a car can cut
through a ghost, then a fucking jet can. What
are you not getting about this? Do we know that
a car can cut through a ghost? I take great offence
at the notion that any of our graders are haunted.
Well, if anywhere's going to be hunted, it's
probably a graveyard. Yes, but everybody's at
peace in the graveyard. The people who aren't
at peace are the people who are still under the
rubble. Again, there's a lot of people here.
There's a lot still under there. But crucially,
I think maybe we should cede the stage and let
this man sing. So what? I get, right, the Victim's
Association, which I am a part of, that's my
wife after all. Wants to hear me sing. I thought
she was God's now, Gavin. Well, right, she's
God's now, but she was mine at some point. If
you said you owned a car, you did own a car,
it doesn't matter if you fucking sold the car.
It doesn't matter if you sold the car. At one
point, that car was fucking yours, okay? Right,
right, this is my song. It's more of a chant.
Gavin, there's a news crew. Gavin, please stop.
There's a fucking... Wait, I'm just... I wasn't
good with poetry in school. Just let me fucking
take part in it, right? Okay? Oh, Gavin. Just
let me fuck. Does anyone have a pen? Does anyone
have a fucking pen? Oh, wait. Okay. Okay. If
a Nissan can cut through a ghost or a human in
a private jet, better the fuck. I'm not good
at poetry, but that's... My wife said that. She's
right there. If she was alive, she could fucking
tell you. But she's dead. She's God's, she's
God's now. But hopefully there will be a ghost
so that she can come back and tell you I'm not
good with poetry. But I am. But I am good with,
I'm good with jets. And I'll buy one, I promise.
Just, just, right, okay. Right, right. All together
now. If a, if a Nissan can go through a ghost
or a human, a private jet sure the fuck can.
There we go. Okay, right. Everyone's on site
now. Right. So I think we're going to do this.
I'm going to lay the groundwork. I'll get my
son to dig the hole. He's good with those things.
He can do the drainage. He can do the drainage
and all that stuff so it doesn't get flooded
because that'd be bad. I mean, I can deal with
ghosts, but if flooding on the runway would be
a fucking nightmare. But I think what... Okay.
Okay, I can... Right, he'll do... I'll call him.
I'll call him in about 20 minutes. He's at work
right now. He works at Costa. But I can get him
to do that. Yeah, no, just cut the mic. Just
cut the mic. No, no, you won't be stopping me.
This is what I want to do. Please, please just
let me do it. Please. I've got my cousin Mark.
He does tarmac and he can do that. He just has
to borrow the council's van. We are so sorry
for all your losses. Yeah, sorry about that.
Sorry they're all dead. I mean, my wife is dead
as well. But just... Thank you for coming. We
all handle grief differently. Right, guys. For
too long, the other colleges have been making
fun of us and it's time that we take matters
into our own hands and screw everyone else and
we are with the knights of our own destiny and
I think that together... We could make a plan
to be the best and to poop on all of the other
schools and together we could be the cool ones.
Yeah. Yeah. That is such a vague plan, Neil.
That's so vague. But I like the sentiment of
it. I like the sentiment of it. It's the enthusiasm.
Because I don't have strong, rule -breaking ideas,
but I have the sentiment. You do. I don't think
so. You want to shit on the universities. Whoa,
languages, language, language. I couldn't shit
on command. And in fact, I couldn't do it in
public or command. So whilst I would like to
poop on the tower or top the tower, I couldn't
do that. No. Could you put it in a wee box? I
guess I could come prepared. Someone's speaking
sense. See, thank you. Someone is making some
semblance of sense. That's a really good idea.
Yeah, if we pick a date. and peck a week, and
then we'll... Yeah, and then we'll have enough
poop prepared. Poopies, poopies in a box for
the whole week. Yeah. You're not going to keep
that in the dorm. I don't know why you're keeping
that. No, yeah, it's not happening in this dorm
room. Hallway? It's not happening outside our
dorm. I don't want it to be on our floor. No.
Frankly. Because we all share a bathroom. There
is a line. There is a line. Yeah. Nobody can't
poop on demand. Well, I'm fine with not... I
just said poop in the spirit of the moment. I
don't think that's the one... That we have to
do a go at. You said it with such conviction,
Neil. I know, because poop's a fun word to say.
But we could do something else to prove that
we are a cool room in the dorm. I'm sorry that
I got carried away with poop. I'm all for the
poop. Right, well, it's two against two. I think
in the right direction I could be, but the way
that you pitched it, no. All right, well, they're
sporting, and they're good looking, and they're
nice, and they're kind, and they're rich. and
they have so many good attributes, and we're
ugly, poor. We could get, we could get facelifts.
We could get Botox. We could look real cute,
hot, and sexy. But we get cute, hot, and sexy,
and then we're even poorer than before. Guys,
I shouldn't know, and I don't know if I'm off
the cover of the Botox. I'm only here because
of my smarts and my scholarship. Okay, okay,
okay. Hear me out, and you can shoot me down.
I understand I've already shot you down, so you
can shoot me down as well. No, it's okay. It's
totally fair. What if we pull our student loans
together and make one of us really cute, hot,
and sexy? One of us is an Adonis amongst people.
And we just be like, if you're the only one they
ever see, they'll assume we're all like that.
Yeah. Yeah, they'll be like, wow. We could all
stand behind them in a line. From room 34C. We
could be really tall. We could be on each other's
shoulders. Yeah. Cute, hot, sexy and tall. That's
too tall. Too tall. It's like a curve. Tall is
sexy, but too tall. Like three people tall. That's
not sexy. Well, we'd be four people tall, so
it's fine. Oh, we're back to sexy again. It's
a bell curve again. I think we should have you
standing way in front and us at the back. I'm
heralding you. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey. There's a
big tall sexy person coming along. You're not
getting the work done. No. We've decided that
between the four of us. Oh, okay, right, okay.
Did we quickly decide? No, I'm fine. I'm fine
with that. I'm fine with that, yeah. If you three
want to decide. I'll go under the blade. I don't
care. Oh, okay, good. I didn't want to go. Oh,
okay. Just face? Is anyone willing to be sexy?
I know none of us have ever been sexy. I can
try. It seems dangerous. You pose a good question.
Is it just face or is it ass? It depends how
far our money goes. Everything. Is it, you know,
all that tummy? Are we shaving down a little
bit of the jawbone? Yeah. It is. You guys can
design me. Hair extensions. We have four student
loans to work with. Two that are horribly depleted.
But I just think that we go with it with gusto.
Sexy, sexy gusto. And we can prove to them. Yeah,
you're on the sexy train now. I love it. I'm
with it. It's so much sexier than poop. Why don't
we go to the medical students who are in training
and get a discount? That's a good idea. That's
a really good idea. If they can do the procedure,
then yeah, great. It's like going to a trainee
hairdresser. I just don't want to lose a liver
by mistake. Oh, it wouldn't be a mistake. Oh,
you're saying... Oh, they'll definitely sell
it. They'll sell a lube. That's more money. Don't
worry. They'll sell my lube. Take all of my organs.
Oh, kidney. Each guy's kidney. Yeah. Yeah, that's
enough to make at least one of us sexy. Yeah,
and if we make one of us sexy and no one sees
the rest of us, they have to assume... We're
all sexy. Too hot and sexy. It's like the way
an army sends its strongest man to try and intimidate
the other army. They must all be super strong.
A Trojan horse of sexiness. Except whenever you
look inside it gets more sexy. No, that's wrong.
No, it gets worse. It gets ugly. It gets worse
quick. Because we know what we are. We're honest.
We're honest. We need work and we need plastic
surgeons to do that work. We're ugly, but with
good souls. We're not liars. Yeah, we're not
liars. We're empathetic. We're here because of
our scholarships. Yeah. Not because of our parents.
Yeah. They might be rich and beautiful and kind
and sweet and sexy and cool, but... Those guys?
Yeah. Yeah. I thought you meant our parents.
Yeah, I thought you meant our parents. I'm excited
to meet your parents and I hope that is the case,
but I assume by looking at all of us that we
couldn't have come from unless we could be like
the terrible ones that came from them and maybe...
The ugly ducklings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we
are beautiful parents. Maybe with the plastic
surgery we'll blossom into a swan. I'm realising
that we're covered on looking beautiful, cute,
hot and sexy, but not on sport acclaim. We're
still not that good at sport. That's fine. Do
you think we can just blag it with that? Yeah.
Have you ever seen someone get through life just
being cute, hot, sexy? Yeah. It totally happens.
Okay, yeah, no, that's so true. You don't need
sporting acclaim. Or we can get our knees done.
Oh. I mean, we might as well get all that out.
A couple of iron knees. We'll be unstoppable
at any sport. Start MMA or rugby or anything.
Yeah. That's a great idea. And we look so cute
and hot and sexy while we're doing all of these
boards. We're sweaty, sweaty. With our shiny
knees. We're sweaty, we're muddy. That's kind
of sexy though, isn't it? Yeah, it's kind of
sexy, I suppose. So the only way that we as a
dorm room can get cool again is to... Firstly,
sell the kidneys. Sell our kidneys, put our student
loans together and make one of us cute, hot and
sexy and with big knees. Hey, I couldn't notice
how cute, hot, and sexy you are. Would you like
to transfer to our university? Oh, uh, whoa.
Yeah, I just... Let me have a conversation with
my internal monologue for a second, if that's
okay. Of course, cute, hot, and sexy, and you
consider the moral implications of your choice.
Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give me a...
Can I just say, those knees are amazing. I work
hard on them. I do so many workouts and, like,
different sports. I trampoline for these knees,
you know? I do a lot of trampolining. It shows.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys? What? What do you
need? I've been offered to transfer. What? Do
we want to do that? Well, for all of us or just
you? This is what I'm thinking. I want to bring
you guys with me. Did they make room for you
in that when you got your knees done? To hold
all of us inside you? Yeah, I think I'm strong
enough now. Like a wee camper van? Because of
the knees? Yeah. But Neil was... Neil was never
a part of us, so I feel like... I feel like we're
abandoning him if the three of us transfer to
a different university. Hello, sir. I'm just
a casual uggo who I just, in case you need me,
is a barometer of what could be at your university.
Oh, hello, person who I've never met before.
Gosh, aren't you cool, hot, and sexy? Big knees.
I would like to join your university. So, are
you interested in the offer? Yeah, do I have
to do anything in particular? Or can I just kind
of be a student and be cute, hot, and sexy? Full
scholarship. I mean, this might be... Awful of
me to ask, but could you knee that person? Could
you just knee them right out of the way? Oh,
um... I will also say, you've been sounding very
straight, like you're hiding people behind you.
No! No, it's okay. I just don't like to use my
knees for evil. It's not evil. Look at him. It's
okay. He's fine with it. It's okay. Are you sure?
Know that I don't actually mean this. Just let
me live in your second garage. I mean... Yeah,
let's discuss this down the line. Just give me
a place to live. Hey, we're always doormates.
The three of you, don't forget me. Don't forget
me. Oh, wow. Well, that looks like... Look, you
took out one of his kidneys. Thank God he's got
two of them. All rise for the Honourable Judge
McIntyre. Right, right, right. Let's get this
going. Okay, everyone sit down. Don't be standing
off on my account. Sit down. You're fine. Thank
you. No worries. Go ahead. Take a seat, everyone.
Everyone take a seat. Where was I? Oh, yeah.
Okay, so what's the crime again? I was just having
a little nap back there, I'm going to be honest
with you. It's awesome. Judge McIntyre. The funniest
of all the crimes because it sounds like bum.
I don't think you should be laughing, Mr. Jenkins,
when it was in fact your bum that was set on
fire. Yeah, hello. Hello. Did it hurt? Honestly,
for a little bit, yes. And then, quite quickly,
no. I have a question for you. Are you a liar
at all? No, I wouldn't do that. They gave me
a Bible and I kept it. So now, my whole life.
I'm just staying truthful since the last time
I was here. Well, that's good, because otherwise
the legal defense, liar, liar, pants on fire,
would have been legally binding. Well, this would
be interesting, because my pants on fire were
first, and then I lied, and then I was in court,
and then I stopped lying. Ah, God. Well, I...
Pants on fire, liar, liar. That's, well... If
you can follow the... Oh, like, oh, okay. Judge
McIntyre, if we could return to the case, please.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, I'm
looking... Two million. Two million. Although
it didn't hurt for very long. It's not my gist
back there. Well, you'd not be going to. If it
was a proper scorcher, then, you know, 30 million.
I know my arse is worth, and I know it's not
30 million. Two million maximum. There are a
few people in this town whose arse is worth 30
million. Good on you for being. They are, I know.
Because I would go down to the bar all the time
wearing my chaps. Can't do that no more. Can't
do that. Do you know the mental toil it takes
a man to not be able to wear his chaps? Or if
he does, to get scorned? Judge McIntyre, if you
would refer to Exhibit C, it's the assless chaps
that are now fused to Mr Jenkins' skin. Ah, yes.
Yes. I don't like that you keep that little sticker
above it, though. Take it off me. Do I have to
turn around again every time you want to look
at Exhibit C? Yeah, why not? Why not? It makes
it more real. It makes it more real. Yeah, so
as I say, I don't like wearing these assless
chaps, but I can't not wear them anymore. Give
us a spin. Give us a spin. Okay. Oh! Jesus, okay,
okay, okay. Well, no, it sort of wafted the smell
of burning flesh towards me. That's not me. That
is me, but it's not my fault. I also think it's
the pleather sort of fused to the skin. This
was real leather. Was it real leather? No. I
think that's, yeah, I think someone lied to you
there. That's the one lie. The one lie is that
it wasn't real leather. I'm sorry. Oh, Jesus.
Well... Do you, any, any sort of defense witnesses
at all for, for, hi? Yeah, no. Do we, do we swear
you in? Nah, don't worry about it. Just, just
sit down, sit down. You're fine, you're fine.
Oh, cheers, cheers. Um, my defense is, uh, you
know, he, he told me it was real leather and
I said, no way, that's not real leather. And
he said, no, it's real leather. And I said, well,
real leather doesn't burn. He said, try it. And,
you know, then I got to imagine he was on fire,
and I'm like, that's not my fault. That's just,
if he had told the truth, I wouldn't have set
him on fire. I didn't want to set him on fire.
Real leather's too warm. I wear the leather at
the bar because I'm wearing it every day, all
day. And, you know, just because my ass cheeks
are out doesn't mean I don't sweat. So it's warm.
Oh, yeah, you know, you want to see the cushion
after he sat down, like a slip and slide. You
know, I would have thought the breeze would have
got in and you wouldn't be as... Well, that's
what it does, but it's still horrid under there,
you know? It's leather. Well, pleather, but yeah.
Where did you get them from? To be fair, they're
looking fine. They're looking good. Oh, I just,
I didn't disagree. I thought I would look great
on them. I'm just, it wasn't real leather. They
were from a motorbike gang. I went to them, you
know. Well, I can see sort of like an... And
Summer's tag coming out the back of it that's
fused to your tailbone. I don't know where they
got it from, but this was from a motorbike gang
first. I cut the holes out myself. Because, you
know, no one knows your arse like your own hands.
Judge McIntyre, I would like to move that this
entire case be dismissed. I need my money. We've
got a lot of defensiveness. Isn't that the law?
No one is actually owning up to or allowing.
For the assless chap's damage or their bodily
harm. I have to wear two pairs of trousers now.
And he has cut bum holes out of both. Well, my
job's so hard. What if I just say sorry? What
do you accept about me? Will you let me back
in the club again? Would you let him back in
the club again? I mean, once the smell lightens
up a wee bit. The club, it's got no windows or
fire escapes, you know. If I'm allowed for brief
intermittent periods of time in the club, and
when you say I need to go on account of the smell,
I'll go, no question, no fights. Can we give
it two weeks? Well, I know what we'll do. Right.
I order that he... No money will be awarded as
long as you guys hold it to each other and you,
the assless chaps fella, you will buy a Febreze
and you'll have it on your purse. Why should
I have to buy it? I'll get the Febreze. I'm coming
down a lot from two million. That's fair. And
news just in. Donald McKendry, the man who had
his... Chaps burned into his ass. Mr. Jenkins.
Jenkins. Yes, I can hear you, but I'm... Well,
it's been a busy day, yes. Yes, news just in,
the case is closed. And in his words, can we
all agree, no one knows your ass like your own
hands. I go bad on a T -shirt. I'm making money
from this thing. We're doing okay again. And
here is Jenkins' new single. With the same title.
That's the first. You have to pay for more than
that. Oh, okay. Here you go. Here's my pun. Let's
get the next bit. Well, just like you know, the
back of your hand. The back of your hand knows
the back of your arse. But the back of your arse
isn't the front of your arse. Nobody knows that
question. No, they don't know. And that's the
chorus. That's probably going to go straight
into number 36. As they say, if you ask a question
in your songs, you're more than likely to get
into the billboards. Keep them thinking. It is
Friday. We are announcing our number seven. And
then the other ones after that. Come on. But
most people are most excited about this. Lucky
number seven. We have been absolutely storming
the charts. Everyone's surprised. Surprisingly,
a lot of people relate. Give me it. Yes, that's
right. It's nobody knows your ass like your own
hands. Yes, fuck yeah. Oh, yes. Yes, this is
great. Oh, give me the prize. Give me the big
trophy. Come here. No? Okay, I'll just sing the
song. It's the radio. I know. I'm sure it'll
mail you something. They'll feel my performance
if I don't have a trophy in my hands. The elation
won't be there. Fine, I'll go ahead. Nobody knows
the back of your arse. I just don't feel it anymore.
I don't have a trophy in my hands. I don't even
know the back of my arse anymore. I don't know.
It's changed ever since I got all this money
from all these streams. Cut to number six. Cut
to number six. Spotify have paid me so much money
to stop it streaming. Because the music video,
they say it's hypnotic. Breaking news. We have
hordes of teenagers burning assless chaps to
their bums. Oh, this just in. We have the singer
of the incendiary song has appeared in front
of Trafalgar Square. Please stop this. I'm speaking
to you from the highest point on earth. Just
wear real leather. It doesn't burn. No, you haven't
apologized to me. It was mutual apologies. And
everybody involved is getting arrested under
new anti -protest legislation. Unfortunately,
the police officers are also wearing pleather.
It is horrific scenes out there tonight. Back
to you in the studio. I've never been... I've
never been under a bed. It's not really ideal
circumstances. No, for sure. For sure. If we're
found, that's a problem, but... It's just nice
to get a new experience, even if it is under
dire times. Yeah. It is quite dusty. I realise
a lot of the cleaning that we do is just, you
know, the higher -up surfaces and... Nobody's
going to look under the bed, you hope? Well,
until now. Until now, but we didn't have a choice.
We had to get in. We were in danger. Do you have
any antihistamines? I have them outside my purse.
I'll hold in the sneezes for now. Oh yeah, do,
especially if they enter the room. Oh yeah, oh
yeah. Because if you sneeze, that probably gives
it away, I suppose, where we are. But if I sneeze,
it might not. You do have quite a quiet sneeze.
And I think I'm right in the corner, so it might
be able to get away with it. Maybe it would scare
them because they're like, there's a mouse in
here. Oh, but then I don't want you to sneeze
and then that scare me. Because you don't really
have a preamble to your sneeze. You just kind
of go, and that's scary when you're not expecting
it. And then I might hit my head. Oh, gee. Or
yelp. I don't know. I don't know. Don't yelp.
Don't hit your head. Well, don't sneeze. Well,
okay. I wasn't going to. Well, I was thinking
about it. I might. Well, don't. Well, I'm going
to try not to, but I can't help it. It's quite
dusty. Do you think we could turn on a light
down here? It's kind of dark. Are we the boogeymen
that all the children are scared of right now?
Is that us now? I mean, that is interesting because
I feel very scared at the moment. I feel very
scary because it's dark and I don't know what
my body is now. You feel scary? I feel scared.
Yeah, I'm in the place of the scarer. So I feel
like... You feel powerful? I feel powerful. I'm
in the dark. I don't know. Is my body ten feet
tall? I don't know. I can't see. I've lost all
my object permanence. I'm glad you're the one
beside the wall. I'd feel too claustrophobic
there. I'd be more scared. I'm going to scratch
the wall. Don't do that. No, you'll leave a mark.
No, you'll leave a mark. How long are my nails?
I don't know. Yeah, I think I'll be okay living
under a bed. I like this. I don't know if I do.
We are the things that scare kids. And some adults.
So there's a certain power in that. Because we
don't have to do it if we don't want to. We could
sort of do it to only bad kids and adults. Oh,
that's nice. We just kind of take the space under
the bed and we don't actually scare anyone. If
they look down, it's their own fault, I suppose,
isn't it? Yeah. If they try to store something
under the bed. There's a lesson in that, isn't
there? Yeah. Because if I was under, like, a
marital bed and... I didn't want to think I would
just have to scare kids. Yeah. So I wanted to
scare adults as well. Yeah. And kids don't have
marital beds. I mean, some of them might not
practice their marital -ness. Oh, no, I wasn't
meaning that people were going to get in having...
Boners and stuff. No, I was just meaning it was
old people. Marital is my distinction to know
that it's definitely an adult. Oh, you just mean
like a bigger, fancier bed. A more expensive,
sizable bed. Owned by adults. Because I don't
feel like I want to scare kids. I want to be
in a boogeyman for an adult. But then if it's
a marital bed, are you only scaring like one
of the couple? Well, just if they look, you know,
that's what I mean. It's sort of like it's one
of those self -fulfilled prophecies. If they're
scared of something under the bed, I don't exist
until they look down there. Well, that's not
really self -fulfilling, is it? That's outside
of themselves. I don't want to talk about Schrodinger
because I feel that's overdone. Yeah. It's kind
of played out, so I'm not going to talk about
it. I'm going to imagine that I have the power
to end a relationship if one of them gets scared
enough and looks down. And if I was there, I'd
have the power to start rumours of affair in
a relationship. Oh, infidelity. Yeah. That's
nice, that's nice. We can psychologically...
I could just start saying other people's names.
Oh, in the middle of boner time. I don't know
where you got the rumours from. And it's just,
it's ruining boner time for me. Well, how do
you think I feel, knowing that that boner isn't
for me? It is for you. That's just rumors. I
heard Rudolph's name. I don't even know who Rudolph
is. Don't lie to me. Who's Abigail? I don't know.
Don't deflect. Why are you stuttering? It's as
if you are keeping something from me. It's just...
Okay. I'm calling it now, as we always have to
do when this is over. Boner time's over. Alright,
and down. You don't get to say it when boner
time is over. I get to say it when it's over.
You can't just tell it to go down. Is this why
you don't want me to meet your work colleagues?
You can meet them, but they're just... I don't
think you get along with them. Well, you seem
to be getting along with them very well. No,
I don't like Nathaniel. I could see. It's down.
I'm going to cover myself up. I think that's
for the best. Yeah. Do you want to cover it up
or are you okay to just... I'm good. Okay. Perfect.
Yeah, I should cover up. Is this boner time over?
Hey, you know who it is? Mr. Jenkins here. Listen
to that beat, yo. This is the Sexy Time Remix.
I'm here to tell you that you are there alone.
Hey, girl. Hey, boy. You are there alone. I get
it. I've been alone. But you don't need to be
alone when you have these two right here. Ass
in your hands. You have your ass in your hands.
Do you know what you could do with those ass
in your hands? Takes yourself away to a nice
little cottage. Back to Dumb Bracken is produced
and edited by me, Conleth McVeigh. This episode
featured Patrick Meyer, Laura Conlon, Gerard
Donnelly, Amelia Price, Jean McIver, Tiff Minson,
and Nicole O'Doherty. Was there anyone else?
No, I think that was it. We did it. The opening
and closing credits were created by Conor Mallon,
and you can check out his entire album Unearthed
on Spotify now. Thank you for listening. We look
forward to welcoming you back to Dunbracken very
soon.