WEBVTT 00:00:04.960 --> 00:00:08.160 Hi, I would like to audition to be the new kid 00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:10.419 on the milk bottle because I'm going to be missing 00:00:10.419 --> 00:00:15.199 soon. Okay. Don't ask me where I'm going. Are 00:00:15.199 --> 00:00:18.600 your parents here? No, of course not. Oh, okay. 00:00:18.899 --> 00:00:21.660 They would never let me do this. They think fame 00:00:21.660 --> 00:00:26.140 corrupts people. Right, so where are you intending 00:00:26.140 --> 00:00:29.140 on going missing? Well, it's a surprise, but 00:00:29.140 --> 00:00:32.640 it's soon. Okay. Let's just say I need my payment 00:00:32.640 --> 00:00:36.320 in cash. Ah, this is going to sound really bad, 00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:39.200 but, you know, a lot of the children we have 00:00:39.200 --> 00:00:42.119 on the milk bottles are quite, like, people care 00:00:42.119 --> 00:00:44.859 about them. That's why they're on the milk. Do 00:00:44.859 --> 00:00:47.340 people care about you because... No, but I thought 00:00:47.340 --> 00:00:49.960 about this, okay? They don't care about me yet, 00:00:50.119 --> 00:00:52.560 right? Okay. I can tell you, the way I go missing, 00:00:52.659 --> 00:00:54.820 people, they won't sympathize, but they'll be 00:00:54.820 --> 00:01:27.280 interested. Welcome back to Dunbracken. Doesn't 00:01:27.280 --> 00:01:30.260 look anything like my son. Doesn't look a thing 00:01:30.260 --> 00:01:33.140 like him. And it's like 40 feet tall. The proportions 00:01:33.140 --> 00:01:37.159 are all off. You asked for a big billboard of 00:01:37.159 --> 00:01:39.379 your son. And that doesn't look like my son. 00:01:39.680 --> 00:01:42.599 We painted the picture exactly. I think it's 00:01:42.599 --> 00:01:44.640 a really good likeness. Yeah, you give us a blurry 00:01:44.640 --> 00:01:47.030 photo. We're going to do a blurry painting. Yeah. 00:01:47.390 --> 00:01:49.609 Especially when it's scaled up like this. Yeah, 00:01:49.670 --> 00:01:51.650 you gave us a photo that you were in focus and 00:01:51.650 --> 00:01:54.370 your son was blurred. Yeah. We want you to find 00:01:54.370 --> 00:01:57.150 him as much as you do. Yeah. Well, no one's going 00:01:57.150 --> 00:01:59.670 to be looking for the right person now. They're 00:01:59.670 --> 00:02:01.129 just going to be looking for our blurry boy. 00:02:01.450 --> 00:02:03.709 Or you, because you're very in focus. You're 00:02:03.709 --> 00:02:05.909 very in focus and you're very prominent in the 00:02:05.909 --> 00:02:09.180 photo. Yeah, I didn't want me painted up on the 00:02:09.180 --> 00:02:10.879 billboard as well. I just wanted it to be like 00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:12.400 a close -up on his face. Well, you should have 00:02:12.400 --> 00:02:14.419 cut him out. And it was blurry, so it's a fair 00:02:14.419 --> 00:02:15.539 assumption that we were doing it. We did have 00:02:15.539 --> 00:02:17.460 this conversation. We were like, which one do 00:02:17.460 --> 00:02:19.960 you think he wants us to paint? And to be fair, 00:02:19.979 --> 00:02:23.469 Carl, you did say that. it's more likely that 00:02:23.469 --> 00:02:25.930 the small child was the son and that we had had 00:02:25.930 --> 00:02:28.270 direct contact with the big man, so he probably 00:02:28.270 --> 00:02:29.990 wasn't the missing one. Well, quite, because 00:02:29.990 --> 00:02:33.129 you do want people to recognise the guy who's 00:02:33.129 --> 00:02:34.150 looking for the son. Of course I'm not the missing 00:02:34.150 --> 00:02:36.849 one. But also, there is the interest of identity. 00:02:36.990 --> 00:02:40.469 We did consider this. We didn't want to show 00:02:40.469 --> 00:02:42.610 the image of the child to a lot of people on 00:02:42.610 --> 00:02:43.969 a large billboard. Yeah, like a doctor's office, 00:02:44.069 --> 00:02:45.689 you know the way sometimes they won't say the 00:02:45.689 --> 00:02:47.490 name, so now they'll say the deceased instead. 00:02:47.710 --> 00:02:49.330 We were kind of working on that. They'll say 00:02:49.330 --> 00:02:51.669 the deceased? They won't give the name? No, the 00:02:51.669 --> 00:02:53.930 deceased. you know like hey chlamydia we're going 00:02:53.930 --> 00:02:55.789 to deal with chlamydia now who's got chlamydia 00:02:55.789 --> 00:02:57.949 the person has to stand up so they don't know 00:02:57.949 --> 00:03:00.349 who it is you know oh it's good to know Yeah, 00:03:00.349 --> 00:03:02.729 but now people will be like, I found a child. 00:03:02.870 --> 00:03:05.150 Oh, you know who was missing a child? That huge 00:03:05.150 --> 00:03:07.409 man on a billboard. Let's see if there's a family 00:03:07.409 --> 00:03:09.590 resemblance. Yeah, people will look for you if 00:03:09.590 --> 00:03:11.590 they find children now. Because we don't want 00:03:11.590 --> 00:03:13.949 anyone going around finding your son, you know? 00:03:13.969 --> 00:03:15.189 We don't want any creep finding your son. We 00:03:15.189 --> 00:03:17.009 don't want any creep finding your son. We want 00:03:17.009 --> 00:03:19.490 specific people. Designated finders. We want 00:03:19.490 --> 00:03:21.310 people to be able to reverse engineer that it's 00:03:21.310 --> 00:03:23.870 come from your family. Hey, there was a blurry 00:03:23.870 --> 00:03:26.129 boy I remember seeing on a billboard far away. 00:03:26.310 --> 00:03:28.650 Hey, wait a minute. Could this be that same blurry 00:03:28.650 --> 00:03:30.909 boy? That looked like reddish auburn hair. Yeah. 00:03:31.430 --> 00:03:34.449 Yeah, well, maybe at a distance it probably does 00:03:34.449 --> 00:03:37.129 just look... Maybe the proportions look a bit 00:03:37.129 --> 00:03:39.490 better. And also it's important for people, if 00:03:39.490 --> 00:03:42.110 they identify the boy, to identify the adult 00:03:42.110 --> 00:03:43.430 that the boy is with. That it needs to be returned 00:03:43.430 --> 00:03:45.250 to. Because the child could be with an adult. 00:03:45.349 --> 00:03:46.569 Yeah, and he probably doesn't have a collar. 00:03:47.099 --> 00:03:50.819 We do need people to recognize that this is the 00:03:50.819 --> 00:03:52.659 man that the boy is supposed to be with, not 00:03:52.659 --> 00:03:54.900 anyone else. Yeah, we can't just bring this to 00:03:54.900 --> 00:03:56.919 the police. We could get arrested for kidnapping. 00:03:57.199 --> 00:03:58.900 We've had that conversation before. We have had 00:03:58.900 --> 00:04:00.300 that conversation where the police have been 00:04:00.300 --> 00:04:02.860 after us because we did hyper -realistic photos 00:04:02.860 --> 00:04:04.900 of missing children on billboards. And so many 00:04:04.900 --> 00:04:07.199 creeps were then on the lookout. So now we have 00:04:07.199 --> 00:04:09.879 to be careful of the creeps. We're doing this 00:04:09.879 --> 00:04:12.539 with your son's safety in mind, sir. The police 00:04:12.539 --> 00:04:15.020 were some of the creeps. It was a very, it was 00:04:15.020 --> 00:04:18.639 really tough for a while. I don't feel... You 00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:20.480 can't have just anyone looking for your child. 00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:23.459 Are we all in agreement? Yeah, we're all in agreement. 00:04:23.560 --> 00:04:27.439 Right, sir? Yeah. Well, yeah, but I want them 00:04:27.439 --> 00:04:29.680 to at least be looking for the right kind of 00:04:29.680 --> 00:04:31.500 thing. For any child. For your kid is like a 00:04:31.500 --> 00:04:34.040 needle in a haystack of children right now. How 00:04:34.040 --> 00:04:36.079 many kids are missing? Not that many, but a lot 00:04:36.079 --> 00:04:38.879 of kids are about. So I'll be looking at a kid 00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:40.889 and be like, is that the blurry one? Maybe not. 00:04:40.889 --> 00:04:42.689 No, that's fine. Granted, we haven't painted 00:04:42.689 --> 00:04:44.810 him to scale, but we've painted him larger than 00:04:44.810 --> 00:04:46.990 scale, so it's more identifiable. Hopefully people 00:04:46.990 --> 00:04:48.750 won't think they have to return it to a 40 -foot 00:04:48.750 --> 00:04:50.730 man. Well, quite. Or they're looking for a 20 00:04:50.730 --> 00:04:54.209 -foot boy. That would be a problem. But that 00:04:54.209 --> 00:04:55.689 would probably get the creeps away, because they'd 00:04:55.689 --> 00:04:57.610 be like, no, he's overpowering me. I mean, think 00:04:57.610 --> 00:05:00.009 about it this way, Sarah. All being well, this 00:05:00.009 --> 00:05:01.389 painting isn't going to be up there for very 00:05:01.389 --> 00:05:02.889 long, because we're going to find your son. Yeah. 00:05:03.399 --> 00:05:05.779 Not us. No, not us. We've had that problem before. 00:05:05.939 --> 00:05:08.480 Yeah, we don't look. We just paint. I appreciate 00:05:08.480 --> 00:05:11.240 this. This is like a charity effort, but... Oh, 00:05:11.240 --> 00:05:14.259 no, we... No, this is for profit. Yeah, you haven't 00:05:14.259 --> 00:05:17.579 received our invoice? Yeah. That was a massive 00:05:17.579 --> 00:05:20.379 billboard. I'd sat on the billboard for charity. 00:05:20.740 --> 00:05:23.699 That was the last child that went missing. We 00:05:23.699 --> 00:05:25.199 were looking for charity. You didn't even have 00:05:25.199 --> 00:05:27.360 a picture. It just said for charity. We didn't 00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:29.879 have a picture. We just had a name to go off 00:05:29.879 --> 00:05:32.060 of. How many kids have you met in Dunbrak and 00:05:32.060 --> 00:05:35.149 called charity? Four. Turns out there are four. 00:05:35.290 --> 00:05:36.829 Yeah, I did get confused when we did have this 00:05:36.829 --> 00:05:39.569 conversation. More than some adults, too. Seven 00:05:39.569 --> 00:05:43.149 people in total. Can we take it down? No, it's 00:05:43.149 --> 00:05:55.649 paint. Right, so do you know why I pulled you 00:05:55.649 --> 00:05:59.329 over? Sir, do you know? Sorry, could you repeat 00:05:59.329 --> 00:06:03.800 that, please? Sir! Are you aware why I've pulled 00:06:03.800 --> 00:06:08.339 you over? I've got a couple of ideas, but I don't 00:06:08.339 --> 00:06:10.439 want to spill the beans just yet. Your mobility 00:06:10.439 --> 00:06:14.839 scooter is going awfully fast down the high street. 00:06:15.220 --> 00:06:17.600 I know. I did the modifications myself. I thought 00:06:17.600 --> 00:06:19.300 I was allowed to, though. You're not allowed 00:06:19.300 --> 00:06:23.180 to mod a mobility scooter. Everybody knows that. 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:26.180 But I've put so much money into this thing. The 00:06:26.180 --> 00:06:29.180 go -faster stripes. The big horn. The big horn? 00:06:29.839 --> 00:06:33.740 It's quite distracting when you're going at 80 00:06:33.740 --> 00:06:37.139 miles an hour down a pavement on a busy high 00:06:37.139 --> 00:06:39.620 street on a Saturday morning. But if I'm going 00:06:39.620 --> 00:06:41.300 that fast, how else am I going to get people 00:06:41.300 --> 00:06:43.300 out of my way? I've got to honk my big horn. 00:06:43.579 --> 00:06:46.379 Sir, you must think about the other elderly people 00:06:46.379 --> 00:06:50.000 who you've hit. No, what do you know? As an elderly 00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:53.779 person yourself, you should know. that you don't 00:06:53.779 --> 00:06:57.339 want to be hit by a mobility scooter at 80 miles 00:06:57.339 --> 00:06:59.420 an hour when you're just trying to go and get 00:06:59.420 --> 00:07:02.120 your fry and have a nice little morning, have 00:07:02.120 --> 00:07:04.379 a little pot around the shops, and then go back 00:07:04.379 --> 00:07:06.540 home. Is that what you're wanting to do, sir? 00:07:06.800 --> 00:07:08.759 No, but I was hoping that when they saw mine, 00:07:08.899 --> 00:07:11.379 it might inspire them, you know, because we could 00:07:11.379 --> 00:07:15.139 all meet up at night, like those Fast and the 00:07:15.139 --> 00:07:18.240 Furious films. I understand the want to be an 00:07:18.240 --> 00:07:22.959 inspiration. That's why I became. A police officer. 00:07:23.720 --> 00:07:28.920 However, you cannot be going 80 down the pavement 00:07:28.920 --> 00:07:32.220 that quickly. I really can understand that, sir. 00:07:32.300 --> 00:07:34.819 And I think that would be lovely if we all had 00:07:34.819 --> 00:07:37.160 mobility scooters. But there are, unfortunately, 00:07:37.399 --> 00:07:40.399 kids in this town. So just be careful, because 00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:43.079 I don't really want you to hit a kid. Those wee 00:07:43.079 --> 00:07:44.899 kids are on their wee scooters. You can't even 00:07:44.899 --> 00:07:48.100 hear those things. They're like ninjas. You should 00:07:48.100 --> 00:07:51.850 be stopping them. And that is an issue. for the 00:07:51.850 --> 00:07:55.870 police officers to worry about. Not you. And 00:07:55.870 --> 00:07:58.750 also, they don't go up to 80. They go up to 90, 00:07:58.850 --> 00:08:00.290 and that's quick enough. It's like the speed 00:08:00.290 --> 00:08:02.430 of light. You don't even see them. I thought 00:08:02.430 --> 00:08:04.769 I was helping you out, keeping those wee fast 00:08:04.769 --> 00:08:06.350 young 'uns off the streets. That's why I put 00:08:06.350 --> 00:08:08.370 these bars on the side of the scooter, to trip 00:08:08.370 --> 00:08:11.910 them up. I can understand the want to take teenagers 00:08:11.910 --> 00:08:16.839 out. By the shins. However, I don't think this 00:08:16.839 --> 00:08:19.699 is appropriate on a Saturday morning when they're 00:08:19.699 --> 00:08:22.079 just, you know, going about their business. They're 00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:26.040 so annoying and I hate them. And I really wish 00:08:26.040 --> 00:08:28.740 that you could go up in full speed on your mobility 00:08:28.740 --> 00:08:31.839 scooter. But unfortunately, that's against the 00:08:31.839 --> 00:08:34.480 law. If you deputised me, I could be above the 00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:37.279 law. I could do the hard work that you can't. 00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:42.139 Do you know what? Perfect. You're hired. Honestly, 00:08:42.299 --> 00:08:44.259 there's a group of teenagers up that street. 00:08:44.399 --> 00:08:48.840 Go at them full speed. Sorry, I don't mean to 00:08:48.840 --> 00:08:52.639 bother you, but are you the masked elder? Who's 00:08:52.639 --> 00:08:56.940 asking? I'm such a fan of your work. You taught 00:08:56.940 --> 00:09:01.340 my grandkid Billy a lesson last week, but you 00:09:01.340 --> 00:09:03.279 swept right under him when he was being mean 00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:08.059 to his mother. And he's been... He hasn't said 00:09:08.059 --> 00:09:10.240 a word since. That wee skidder had it coming. 00:09:10.399 --> 00:09:13.840 He did. Would you mind signing my cane? I could 00:09:13.840 --> 00:09:16.200 do you one better. Would you be interested in 00:09:16.200 --> 00:09:20.980 becoming my ward? Every Batman needs his Robin. 00:09:21.299 --> 00:09:25.039 Can I just jump in this sidecar you've attached 00:09:25.039 --> 00:09:28.220 to your scooter? Of course you can. You can hop 00:09:28.220 --> 00:09:33.179 on the back. Really? This is amazing. Thank you. 00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:35.659 I really feel like I'm doing the community a 00:09:35.659 --> 00:09:49.029 service. Let's get him. Um, George, I was just 00:09:49.029 --> 00:09:52.210 driving home from the shop and I saw you on a 00:09:52.210 --> 00:09:55.250 billboard and I can't believe I have to ask this. 00:09:55.649 --> 00:10:00.070 Is our son missing? No, that's a celebration. 00:10:00.509 --> 00:10:05.049 Okay. Where is he? The last time I saw him, he 00:10:05.049 --> 00:10:09.759 was, um, He was having a nap? He's probably still 00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:11.840 having a nap. I'm gonna need you to wake him. 00:10:12.240 --> 00:10:15.039 Well, he was having a nap on a train carriage. 00:10:15.340 --> 00:10:17.700 On a train carriage? Yeah, and then... Is he 00:10:17.700 --> 00:10:20.440 still on the train? There's a good chance. I 00:10:20.440 --> 00:10:22.019 would like to think so, because I think it'll 00:10:22.019 --> 00:10:26.120 come back if he didn't get off. He loves trains. 00:10:26.240 --> 00:10:27.919 I wanted to take him to a train. I know he loves 00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:30.539 trains. It's all he talks about. I'm so sick 00:10:30.539 --> 00:10:34.200 of it. Yeah, so to have him fall asleep so easy 00:10:34.200 --> 00:10:37.539 for once, I can't... Okay, I... And the train 00:10:37.539 --> 00:10:39.519 just started leaving. I thought it was defunct. 00:10:40.200 --> 00:10:42.000 He's not missing. He's on a train. I know where 00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:44.159 he is. But you don't know where the train is. 00:10:44.299 --> 00:10:48.080 I will get a billboard off the train. I will 00:10:48.080 --> 00:10:58.120 get a billboard off the train. Okay. Okay, can 00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:00.039 I just have a little... Can I just get the pitch? 00:11:00.279 --> 00:11:02.899 I just need the pitch because right now... You're 00:11:02.899 --> 00:11:04.720 not selling it to me because... Okay, I don't 00:11:04.720 --> 00:11:09.679 want to give away too much, okay? But... Oh, 00:11:09.700 --> 00:11:12.000 God, and you're sick as well. I really don't 00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:14.159 think we can put this on. They're going to think 00:11:14.159 --> 00:11:16.399 their milk is diseased. Sickness is unrelated. 00:11:16.700 --> 00:11:19.220 It will not show up in the pictures. Okay. Okay, 00:11:19.220 --> 00:11:23.039 but you know the way that currently we're going 00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:27.120 to have bulls run through the city? Yeah. Michael, 00:11:27.139 --> 00:11:30.500 there you are. It is time to go. Oh, my God. 00:11:30.500 --> 00:11:32.570 All of the preparations are ready. Is this your 00:11:32.570 --> 00:11:36.710 dad? No, it's not. Don't tell my dad. I am not 00:11:36.710 --> 00:11:39.429 this boy's father. He's my mentor. A business 00:11:39.429 --> 00:11:41.629 transaction. Mentor, yeah. Yeah, but this is 00:11:41.629 --> 00:11:43.789 a child. Can you do business transactions with 00:11:43.789 --> 00:11:46.210 a child? That depends on whether this is a cash 00:11:46.210 --> 00:11:49.870 business or... You got the cash, right? I'll 00:11:49.870 --> 00:11:53.570 have it in ten minutes. Ten minutes? Okay, but 00:11:53.570 --> 00:11:55.750 you haven't given me the pitch yet. This Spanish 00:11:55.750 --> 00:11:58.049 man... No one cares about a child going missing. 00:11:58.110 --> 00:12:00.590 With a child and twelve bulls going missing. 00:12:00.929 --> 00:12:03.809 Right. Hang on. You told her the plan. I haven't 00:12:03.809 --> 00:12:05.649 told her how they'll disappear yet. I feel like 00:12:05.649 --> 00:12:08.809 I'm getting the pitch now. So you are going to 00:12:08.809 --> 00:12:12.690 go missing with 12 bulls. Yes. So, okay, imagine 00:12:12.690 --> 00:12:15.110 it. The bulls are running through the city, right? 00:12:15.370 --> 00:12:17.649 They take a corner. But what's this around the 00:12:17.649 --> 00:12:21.230 corner? None of the bulls are there. Just before 00:12:21.230 --> 00:12:23.990 then, a child ran through the tunnel. Right. 00:12:24.289 --> 00:12:26.710 They all disappeared. Where did they go off to? 00:12:26.809 --> 00:12:31.440 No one knows. Magic? Is this a magic trick? It 00:12:31.440 --> 00:12:36.019 would be ludicrous to tell. I want to be clear. 00:12:36.120 --> 00:12:38.840 This is not an illusion. I will be missing. You 00:12:38.840 --> 00:12:42.279 will? Okay. I will be missing. Do not be concerned 00:12:42.279 --> 00:12:45.100 about lying to your... I am very concerned about 00:12:45.100 --> 00:12:47.440 lying because what you're telling me is either 00:12:47.440 --> 00:12:52.000 you're going to vanish with the bulls and then... 00:12:52.429 --> 00:12:55.490 Are you making them disappear? Like, what's the 00:12:55.490 --> 00:12:57.610 story here? We're all going to the same place. 00:12:58.169 --> 00:13:01.710 Right. Okay. I can see the pitch. I can really 00:13:01.710 --> 00:13:04.610 see what you're doing. But I'm not sure what 00:13:04.610 --> 00:13:08.549 this has to do with milk. Because we... There 00:13:08.549 --> 00:13:14.309 must be a mystery, James. In order for the not 00:13:14.309 --> 00:13:18.190 illusion, we must have an audience. Imagine the 00:13:18.190 --> 00:13:21.929 PR. Get a new kid. Mystery kid. You put it on 00:13:21.929 --> 00:13:24.090 the milk bottles. No one knows who. And then, 00:13:24.149 --> 00:13:26.710 mere hours after you print the milk bottles, 00:13:26.850 --> 00:13:29.409 that kid disappears with 12 goals. Just like 00:13:29.409 --> 00:13:32.009 that. So I'm meant to print this before you go 00:13:32.009 --> 00:13:35.830 missing? Yes. Otherwise... Imagine the sales. 00:13:36.129 --> 00:13:38.370 But these are for missing children. You know, 00:13:38.389 --> 00:13:40.350 people come to us and be like, Hey, my child's 00:13:40.350 --> 00:13:42.289 gone. That's mere hours before I go missing, 00:13:42.309 --> 00:13:45.669 though. We're in Spain, donde esta, my kids, 00:13:45.710 --> 00:13:47.830 you know, all that stuff. And I go, sure, I'm 00:13:47.830 --> 00:13:49.090 just going to put it on your milk bottle. But 00:13:49.090 --> 00:13:50.850 you haven't gone missing yet, and then you've 00:13:50.850 --> 00:13:53.429 brought this man in. The man came by his own 00:13:53.429 --> 00:13:56.870 volition. I am here for the money. But this feels 00:13:56.870 --> 00:14:00.210 like theft. Are you going to, like, steal? You're 00:14:00.210 --> 00:14:01.970 stealing the bowls as well. I'm not stealing 00:14:01.970 --> 00:14:04.049 the bowls. We'll all be free together somewhere 00:14:04.049 --> 00:14:06.090 else. We'll be in the exact same place. But, 00:14:06.090 --> 00:14:08.549 like, how are you going to come back? I won't 00:14:08.549 --> 00:14:11.169 come back. I'll be missing. Are you going to 00:14:11.169 --> 00:14:13.870 kill this child? No, absolutely not. There is 00:14:13.870 --> 00:14:17.090 no future business in killing clowns. You won't 00:14:17.090 --> 00:14:20.129 be with me. We will send the boy and the bulls. 00:14:20.129 --> 00:14:22.470 But you've been paid already. Not yet. We are 00:14:22.470 --> 00:14:24.899 here for the cash. Well, I'm not going to give 00:14:24.899 --> 00:14:27.840 the payment for you to kill this child and 70 00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:29.460 bulls. But we will not be killing him. What I 00:14:29.460 --> 00:14:31.039 have said is that he and the bulls will go to 00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:33.120 the same place. It is only you who is holding 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:34.919 up this transaction. If you were to merely give 00:14:34.919 --> 00:14:37.100 the boy the cash, the boy could give me the cash 00:14:37.100 --> 00:14:39.639 and this entire thing would be settled. No? But 00:14:39.639 --> 00:14:41.379 if I don't give you... I feel like if I just 00:14:41.379 --> 00:14:43.220 don't give you the cash, then we're done. We're 00:14:43.220 --> 00:14:45.159 done here. But then the boy does not get to live 00:14:45.159 --> 00:14:47.500 out his dream of... It's not my dream. I don't 00:14:47.500 --> 00:14:49.320 know the dream. It's not my dream. It will happen. 00:14:49.320 --> 00:14:51.840 Guys, I don't know the dream. I can't see the 00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:53.620 full vision because you're not telling me the 00:14:53.620 --> 00:14:56.240 full vision here. We don't know what will happen. 00:14:56.679 --> 00:14:59.299 I just know I'll be gone and I'll be with 12 00:14:59.299 --> 00:15:03.679 bulls. 12 bulls? I thought it was 70 bulls. There'll 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:05.840 be 70 bulls running, but 12 of them will disappear. 00:15:06.159 --> 00:15:09.159 I just need to know where you're going to be. 00:15:09.240 --> 00:15:11.919 I rarely get this, you know. Kate, but why do 00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:13.139 you need to know where the missing child was? 00:15:13.139 --> 00:15:16.429 I rarely get to know where they are. So, this 00:15:16.429 --> 00:15:19.769 is new for me. Is there a reward for finding 00:15:19.769 --> 00:15:22.230 the child? That will be up to my parents, but 00:15:22.230 --> 00:15:23.809 I can tell you there won't be. But also, you 00:15:23.809 --> 00:15:26.649 don't get the reward before you go missing. Excuse 00:15:26.649 --> 00:15:29.629 me, sorry to interrupt. My child's gone missing. 00:15:29.889 --> 00:15:31.990 Okay, can you just give us a minute? Do you know 00:15:31.990 --> 00:15:34.710 where they are? No, I don't know where they are. 00:15:35.450 --> 00:15:37.289 If I knew where they were, I wouldn't be here. 00:15:37.470 --> 00:15:39.629 Okay, and did any bulls go missing with them? 00:15:39.789 --> 00:15:42.669 Thirteen bulls stole my son. Oh, son of a... 00:15:42.669 --> 00:15:46.009 Thirteen bulls stole my son. It's because I threw 00:15:46.009 --> 00:15:49.350 a rock at a bullock 13 years ago and I just knew 00:15:49.350 --> 00:15:52.929 this day was going to come. Now, in my scenario, 00:15:53.149 --> 00:15:55.389 the bulls will not be kidnapping me. This is 00:15:55.389 --> 00:15:59.210 purely incidental. I will be escaping at the 00:15:59.210 --> 00:16:01.470 same time the bulls are. The bulls are not to 00:16:01.470 --> 00:16:21.279 be blamed for my disappearance. Well, that's 00:16:21.279 --> 00:16:24.539 what... It's struggling because the milk tastes 00:16:24.539 --> 00:16:32.460 awful. I'm not... Yeah. And it hurts the kids 00:16:32.460 --> 00:16:35.539 being found. They don't want to be found by Milk 00:16:35.539 --> 00:16:38.620 Bowl. I'm trying my best. That's a really mean... 00:16:38.620 --> 00:16:41.779 That's a really mean thing to say for my... Yes, 00:16:41.799 --> 00:16:44.600 okay, it's not very good milk. But, like, we're 00:16:44.600 --> 00:16:46.779 trying our best. What would you rather I do, 00:16:46.860 --> 00:16:56.779 lie to you? No! What? Is that how much they charge? 00:17:02.500 --> 00:17:11.420 Can you... Can you put a picture of a train on 00:17:11.420 --> 00:17:17.759 it? Yeah. Yeah, I guess... Okay, put it on a 00:17:17.759 --> 00:17:19.400 train. It's like one of the old -style ones, 00:17:19.519 --> 00:17:21.180 you know? That, like, someone would just, like, 00:17:21.180 --> 00:17:24.880 hop on? Any train? Like a hobo train? Like a 00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:27.000 what? Like a hobo train? Like a hobo would jump 00:17:27.000 --> 00:17:44.940 on it? Yeah. God damn it! Hand over your badges! 00:17:46.000 --> 00:17:51.079 Every last one of yours! Right, I'm going to 00:17:51.079 --> 00:17:53.700 be honest, sir. They don't have badges. I drew 00:17:53.700 --> 00:17:56.539 one. I've got a mask. That's gorgeous. He's got 00:17:56.539 --> 00:17:59.339 a mask. Right, it was my idea, admittedly. To 00:17:59.339 --> 00:18:02.940 deputise these two elderly people and bring them 00:18:02.940 --> 00:18:06.779 along on a fucking rampage through town. Well, 00:18:06.819 --> 00:18:09.279 you know, I think it was a good idea at the time 00:18:09.279 --> 00:18:11.619 because there was a bunch of teenagers who were 00:18:11.619 --> 00:18:15.039 being annoying. So, you know, we just went at 00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:17.660 them full speed. A bunch of teenagers being annoying. 00:18:18.170 --> 00:18:20.089 Really annoying. Really annoying. And they were 00:18:20.089 --> 00:18:23.670 vaping, and they were going, and we were like, 00:18:23.730 --> 00:18:27.210 oh, no. And we didn't stick around to see any 00:18:27.210 --> 00:18:29.309 damages, so for all we know, everyone's still 00:18:29.309 --> 00:18:31.289 fine. Everyone survived, I think. They were throwing 00:18:31.289 --> 00:18:33.769 pogs, slammers. Just throwing them at people. 00:18:35.210 --> 00:18:38.329 Remember pogs? Yes, I remember pogs. They were 00:18:38.329 --> 00:18:40.910 doing a throwback, sir. They were doing a throwback. 00:18:41.289 --> 00:18:45.039 Like, ironically, or are pogs back? I think it 00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:47.140 was ironic. I think it was ironic. So actually, 00:18:47.180 --> 00:18:49.700 it's quite rude to elderly people because that's 00:18:49.700 --> 00:18:53.099 a throwback. We all love Pog, sir. I feel like 00:18:53.099 --> 00:18:55.220 they were making fun of me. Maybe they were. 00:18:55.500 --> 00:18:58.579 That's beyond the point. The point is that the 00:18:58.579 --> 00:19:01.839 rule of law states that you cannot deputise people 00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:05.240 on the street. But he is a mask. A mask makes 00:19:05.240 --> 00:19:08.759 me above the law. A mask makes you above the 00:19:08.759 --> 00:19:10.640 law. A domino mask. So hold on here. We're just 00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:14.180 taking statements. From these two non -deputised 00:19:14.180 --> 00:19:15.799 police officers that you... Well, they... I did 00:19:15.799 --> 00:19:18.220 deputise them. Sorry, air quotation marks. Deputised. 00:19:18.220 --> 00:19:22.200 I deputised them. Right. One of yous. Whichever 00:19:22.200 --> 00:19:26.099 one of yous uses a cane, I assume. That'll be 00:19:26.099 --> 00:19:29.640 me. Oh, brilliant. That was you. So, would you 00:19:29.640 --> 00:19:32.720 like to retrieve your cane out of Mr McConnell's 00:19:32.720 --> 00:19:37.700 arse? No. Oh, so you put it there on purpose, 00:19:37.799 --> 00:19:39.599 did you? I'll be honest, Chief, it was a bit 00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:42.319 of a blur. We were going so fast. It was like 00:19:42.319 --> 00:19:44.839 I was jousted, but then it just kept going through 00:19:44.839 --> 00:19:48.140 him. And he had it coming. Do you know how much 00:19:48.140 --> 00:19:50.079 he charges for a newspaper nowadays at his wee 00:19:50.079 --> 00:19:55.180 corner shop? How much? 129. 129? It says 79p 00:19:55.180 --> 00:19:59.759 on it. Look, sometimes in the rough and tumble 00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:01.779 of street justice, accidents are going to happen. 00:20:03.480 --> 00:20:06.839 Listen, youse all might think me some fucking 00:20:06.839 --> 00:20:10.240 desk jockey. Sitting back here. I used to be 00:20:10.240 --> 00:20:12.839 out there. I used to be out there pouting the 00:20:12.839 --> 00:20:15.500 streets. Shoving walking sticks up people's arses. 00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:17.759 Gotta be done. Gotta be done sometimes. Now, 00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:21.839 I'm going to give you a warning. Right? That's 00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:25.420 all. But I don't want any more vigilantism. I 00:20:25.420 --> 00:20:27.640 want you to be out there stopping cars for absolutely 00:20:27.640 --> 00:20:30.779 no reason. Like you're supposed to. Oh, well, 00:20:31.140 --> 00:20:33.799 right, sir. But, like, this has been probably 00:20:33.799 --> 00:20:37.279 the best day of policing I've ever done. I've 00:20:37.279 --> 00:20:39.859 loved it. I've loved every second of it. Technically, 00:20:39.900 --> 00:20:42.539 you were a criminal, though. Well, you know, 00:20:42.579 --> 00:20:47.400 I can't be a criminal. I'm in the police. What 00:20:47.400 --> 00:20:49.680 was I going to do? Arrest myself? I don't think 00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:52.279 so. I can hear it in your voice, Chief. I think 00:20:52.279 --> 00:20:55.640 you missed that life. And look, with the best 00:20:55.640 --> 00:20:58.079 officer on the force on the back, my ward here 00:20:58.079 --> 00:21:00.039 in the sidecar, this other sidecar's looking 00:21:00.039 --> 00:21:03.619 awful empty. I accidentally bought two spandex 00:21:03.619 --> 00:21:07.109 outfits, sir. This one fits me snug, but this 00:21:07.109 --> 00:21:10.069 one is just sitting cold and empty. I've got 00:21:10.069 --> 00:21:12.109 a whole bucket of cane sitting on the back of 00:21:12.109 --> 00:21:15.690 the scooter. What size is it? It's a large boys. 00:21:16.210 --> 00:21:18.930 The beauty of spandex, it'll stretch, and it's 00:21:18.930 --> 00:21:21.730 form -fitting. You look so good. I'll try it 00:21:21.730 --> 00:21:24.490 on. It's all I can give you. I'll try it on. 00:21:24.490 --> 00:21:25.609 No commitments, no commitments. It's fine. No 00:21:25.609 --> 00:21:27.309 commitments, right. Just see how you feel, how 00:21:27.309 --> 00:21:29.269 powerful you might feel. I'll take you for a 00:21:29.269 --> 00:21:31.309 few wee laps around town. I'll sit here at the 00:21:31.309 --> 00:21:33.700 desk. I'll just do that. Keep my seat warm. Give 00:21:33.700 --> 00:21:36.759 me your badges. Give me your guns. You're a natural. 00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:53.950 All right, give me five minutes. And it appears 00:21:53.950 --> 00:21:55.769 that Thomas the Tank Engine has adopted him, 00:21:55.789 --> 00:21:58.349 has abducted another child. Wait, adopted or 00:21:58.349 --> 00:22:01.089 abducted? I'm sorry, I misspoke. I meant abducted. 00:22:01.210 --> 00:22:02.910 Okay, because I thought it was going to be a 00:22:02.910 --> 00:22:05.769 real feel -good afternoon for us. No. Like, finally. 00:22:05.950 --> 00:22:07.650 Well, I don't think trains should have children. 00:22:08.170 --> 00:22:10.190 Thomas, you know, Thomas is good. Okay, we'll 00:22:10.190 --> 00:22:11.710 not get sidetracked by Thomas the Tank Engine 00:22:11.710 --> 00:22:14.109 again. We've just got to find this bastard. Yeah, 00:22:14.109 --> 00:22:16.049 yeah, I just can't keep getting away. We lose 00:22:16.049 --> 00:22:19.029 so many children in this town. Sure, it's great 00:22:19.029 --> 00:22:20.630 for the billboard industry, but for everyone 00:22:20.630 --> 00:22:22.900 else... Yeah, but for the police like us? We're 00:22:22.900 --> 00:22:25.299 struggling. Yeah, he's like the Pied Piper of 00:22:25.299 --> 00:22:27.859 trains. He really is. Kids can't resist. Needs 00:22:27.859 --> 00:22:30.000 to get it off the air. We need a win, you know? 00:22:30.019 --> 00:22:33.059 And we could finally find a kid. If we could 00:22:33.059 --> 00:22:40.759 find and slay Thomas the Tank Engine. If we could 00:22:40.759 --> 00:22:43.059 find and slay Thomas the Tank Engine, this town 00:22:43.059 --> 00:22:47.019 would be better off. Okay. I'll dress up as a 00:22:47.019 --> 00:22:50.480 child. No. I have my giant lollipop already. 00:22:50.779 --> 00:22:53.690 I'm going to veto this. Hear him out. Where are 00:22:53.690 --> 00:22:56.170 you going to go? Down by the tracks. Don't stand 00:22:56.170 --> 00:22:58.009 on the train tracks. I'm not going to stand on 00:22:58.009 --> 00:22:59.970 the train tracks. I'll stand beside it. Pretty 00:22:59.970 --> 00:23:01.509 close. Yeah, because if someone sees a small 00:23:01.509 --> 00:23:03.509 child on the train tracks, they're probably going 00:23:03.509 --> 00:23:07.089 to try and be a hero. Wait. I saw a 20 -foot 00:23:07.089 --> 00:23:11.089 child earlier today. Surely that is enough to 00:23:11.089 --> 00:23:13.349 bait Thomas. What? We could ask him if he can 00:23:13.349 --> 00:23:15.970 see Thomas. He's got the height advantage. Oh, 00:23:16.109 --> 00:23:18.450 I was going to use that as bait. Oh, that's good. 00:23:18.609 --> 00:23:20.930 Because Thomas could see him from anywhere. Yeah. 00:23:23.190 --> 00:23:25.690 What are you doing? Yeah, that was the theme 00:23:25.690 --> 00:23:31.009 song. Oh, okay. It's the part before that. You've 00:23:31.009 --> 00:23:33.390 been watching a lot of Thomas. He's been studying. 00:23:33.990 --> 00:23:36.369 Sorry, do you think this board makes itself? 00:23:36.829 --> 00:23:40.210 I've been trying to track this bastard. His movements 00:23:40.210 --> 00:23:43.190 are unpredictable. Unpredictable? He's on a track. 00:23:43.509 --> 00:23:45.430 So you'd think you'd know where to find him next. 00:23:45.710 --> 00:23:48.670 And his six friends wouldn't say shit to us. 00:23:49.280 --> 00:23:50.960 So I'm definitely not allowed to dress up as 00:23:50.960 --> 00:23:54.680 a kid. Not as part of your official duties. But 00:23:54.680 --> 00:23:56.539 if you want to go rogue and take down Thomas 00:23:56.539 --> 00:23:59.720 on your own, we are meant to discourage vigilantes. 00:24:01.339 --> 00:24:03.200 Someone's got to catch Thomas because we've failed 00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:06.460 time and time again. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow 00:24:06.460 --> 00:24:08.640 will be the day we get him. You want to believe 00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:10.720 in ourselves? I want to believe in us, but the 00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:13.259 dressing up as a child idea, it's a real blow 00:24:13.259 --> 00:24:15.680 to confidence. No, how do you think I feel? I 00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:18.160 don't believe in myself now. Good. It's a bad 00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:21.559 idea. What if we dress him as a sexy tree? I 00:24:21.559 --> 00:24:24.680 don't understand what that is. I'm not asking. 00:24:25.099 --> 00:24:27.759 Willow Thomas. You've never seen a sexy tree 00:24:27.759 --> 00:24:30.380 before? Because I also have that costume sorted. 00:24:31.660 --> 00:24:34.500 I don't want to see it. You have no choice in 00:24:34.500 --> 00:24:40.140 the matter. What does that mean? This is why 00:24:40.140 --> 00:24:42.019 I don't have confidence in us. We're constantly 00:24:42.019 --> 00:24:44.319 threatening each other and our ideas aren't great. 00:24:45.690 --> 00:24:48.609 Well, you haven't given a single idea yet. Oh, 00:24:48.670 --> 00:24:51.329 wait, you did. You said about the kid. Oh, I 00:24:51.329 --> 00:24:53.710 did not suggest using kids. Oh, you suggested 00:24:53.710 --> 00:24:58.490 catching Thomas. Yeah. Catching and slaying him. 00:24:59.069 --> 00:25:01.690 But it's easy to suggest that as an idea without 00:25:01.690 --> 00:25:04.190 actually having a way to catch him. Anyone could 00:25:04.190 --> 00:25:07.190 do that. Oh, I'm going to catch a criminal. Like, 00:25:07.269 --> 00:25:10.009 yeah, okay, good job. We should probably get 00:25:10.009 --> 00:25:12.369 on that at some point. Yeah, it's more, this 00:25:12.369 --> 00:25:16.099 is more pressing. You know what? I'm not feeling 00:25:16.099 --> 00:25:17.480 it. I'm just going to call the rest of the day 00:25:17.480 --> 00:25:19.680 off. So we're not even going to look for the 00:25:19.680 --> 00:25:24.900 kid? I just... I don't know. I'm in a funk now. 00:25:25.079 --> 00:25:27.380 I just think... Oh, come on. 2 .30, we're going 00:25:27.380 --> 00:25:30.339 to call it. We'll close... You can't keep getting 00:25:30.339 --> 00:25:33.519 a case as lead detective, bringing us all in 00:25:33.519 --> 00:25:35.220 after you've done so much work on the board. 00:25:35.599 --> 00:25:37.440 Look at all that work you put in. You can't give 00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:40.559 up now. I know. I just... One day we'll, you 00:25:40.559 --> 00:25:44.019 know, finish a case. It's so much fun to start 00:25:44.019 --> 00:25:46.900 a case. I always love starting new cases. It 00:25:46.900 --> 00:25:49.400 feels great. There's optimism in the air. And 00:25:49.400 --> 00:25:52.519 then once it comes, then finishing a case. It's 00:25:52.519 --> 00:25:55.079 so much work. Sadness. There's so much like admin 00:25:55.079 --> 00:25:57.339 stuff and you hit those roadblocks and I don't 00:25:57.339 --> 00:25:58.660 want it. I didn't expect there to be so many 00:25:58.660 --> 00:26:02.119 deaths in police work. Yeah, it's like starting 00:26:02.119 --> 00:26:05.339 a costume. Like, I only got the lollipop. And 00:26:05.339 --> 00:26:07.700 after that, I was like, surely the ideas will 00:26:07.700 --> 00:26:10.460 follow. And the sexy train outfit, yeah, sure, 00:26:10.519 --> 00:26:13.150 I've got a funnel on my head. That's about it. 00:26:13.329 --> 00:26:14.910 Okay. So it was an empty threat. So you don't 00:26:14.910 --> 00:26:16.509 even have... No, no, no, I'm naked, and it's 00:26:16.509 --> 00:26:20.289 just a funnel on my head. Oh, right. See, if 00:26:20.289 --> 00:26:22.670 we were after a human killer, you could wear 00:26:22.670 --> 00:26:25.289 nothing, and that could be considered sexy to 00:26:25.289 --> 00:26:27.609 a human. But I don't think a tree -in's going 00:26:27.609 --> 00:26:30.029 to be interested in a sexy human with a funnel 00:26:30.029 --> 00:26:31.930 on their head. Oh, no, the tree -in would think 00:26:31.930 --> 00:26:34.869 I am a tree -in. Okay, well, I don't know how 00:26:34.869 --> 00:26:36.210 to translate. We can't be afraid to use this 00:26:36.210 --> 00:26:38.509 name. Don't think we were. Yeah, we said it several 00:26:38.509 --> 00:26:41.009 times. Speak for yourself. Thomas, Thomas, Thomas. 00:26:41.309 --> 00:26:42.950 Yeah, well, I'm saying I was a little afraid. 00:26:43.289 --> 00:26:45.250 Maybe it's because I'm embodying this child so 00:26:45.250 --> 00:26:47.630 much, I know that I could be abducted. Look, 00:26:47.730 --> 00:26:50.130 if you get abducted, we'll pay the billboards. 00:26:50.410 --> 00:26:52.369 We won't pay the billboards. Okay, we won't pay 00:26:52.369 --> 00:26:54.410 the billboards. We'll get the milk bottles. Yeah. 00:26:54.490 --> 00:26:56.569 We'll get the milk bottles. Well, I saw one of 00:26:56.569 --> 00:26:58.789 the milk bottles, and it didn't even have a picture 00:26:58.789 --> 00:27:01.519 of Thomas. It had a hobo tree. Oh, is there another 00:27:01.519 --> 00:27:04.519 abduction? Oh no, these trains are running rampant. 00:27:04.680 --> 00:27:09.019 I say we block the tracks. No more trains. We'll 00:27:09.019 --> 00:27:18.619 get on that first thing tomorrow morning. Well? 00:27:20.500 --> 00:27:24.400 What are you ragging? Oh my god. Look at you! 00:27:25.119 --> 00:27:28.079 It's a bit snug around the midriff, but... You'll 00:27:28.079 --> 00:27:30.700 burden that off in no time. You know, going that 00:27:30.700 --> 00:27:32.819 fast. Sitting in a sidecar? Well, that's only 00:27:32.819 --> 00:27:35.180 to get from A to B. I have never seen an ass 00:27:35.180 --> 00:27:39.240 pop so much, sir. For real? That looks incredible. 00:27:39.740 --> 00:27:43.460 Well, thank you. Thank you. Thank you all, honestly. 00:27:45.619 --> 00:27:49.140 So Pogs are back. Pogs are back. Street Justice 00:27:49.140 --> 00:27:51.700 is back. And I want you all... I'm at this desk 00:27:51.700 --> 00:27:54.960 now. I want you all out there. doing whatever 00:27:54.960 --> 00:28:05.960 you need to do. You got it, Cap. Okay, this is 00:28:05.960 --> 00:28:08.079 the best. This is the best thing I can do. We're 00:28:08.079 --> 00:28:13.279 going to do a double milk billing. So your missing 00:28:13.279 --> 00:28:16.180 child stolen by bulls can be on the milk cart. 00:28:16.220 --> 00:28:18.740 Oliver. Yeah, okay, Oliver. His name is Oliver. 00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:22.140 Yeah, Missing Oliver. And then you can be on 00:28:22.140 --> 00:28:24.160 it. You can also be on it, but we're going to 00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:25.579 need to do double billing. So you're going to 00:28:25.579 --> 00:28:27.440 be side by side. Your name's going to be in the 00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:29.319 same font, same size. My child needs the full 00:28:29.319 --> 00:28:32.200 spread. He needs to be on the whole thing. He's 00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:33.559 here. See, this is the issue we're having. This 00:28:33.559 --> 00:28:36.259 kid is right here. I haven't disappeared yet. 00:28:36.500 --> 00:28:39.700 I know. This is the issue we're having. Right. 00:28:39.839 --> 00:28:41.700 Have you seen this man before? The Spanish man 00:28:41.700 --> 00:28:44.339 before? Yes. This is my gardener. Was he and 00:28:44.339 --> 00:28:46.660 Oliver quite close? Oh, yes. They'd play together 00:28:46.660 --> 00:28:48.849 every day by the rose bushes. Every day. Right, 00:28:48.970 --> 00:28:50.730 he's the one who stole your child. I can tell 00:28:50.730 --> 00:28:53.150 you this now. A steal is an outrageous term. 00:28:53.210 --> 00:28:55.329 This is not the way. It was a transaction. Have 00:28:55.329 --> 00:28:56.970 you lost any money? Did Oliver steal any money 00:28:56.970 --> 00:29:00.410 off you? Come to think of it, yes. Right, will 00:29:00.410 --> 00:29:02.569 Oliver pay this man to go messing with some bulls? 00:29:02.609 --> 00:29:04.150 You can have the full spread now because this 00:29:04.150 --> 00:29:05.990 man has stolen your child. Absolutely nothing. 00:29:06.069 --> 00:29:09.289 A transaction was put in place and if you wish 00:29:09.289 --> 00:29:10.890 to have your money back, how much money was missing? 00:29:11.569 --> 00:29:15.480 Two hundred... 1 ,000 dinero. This is a lie. 00:29:15.619 --> 00:29:19.619 The boy, he paid me 17 euro 30 cents. There is 00:29:19.619 --> 00:29:23.380 no way. You made a kid disappear for less than 00:29:23.380 --> 00:29:27.079 20 euro? I have done many things, my friend. 00:29:27.200 --> 00:29:30.400 And I will show you once more that I can make 00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:32.779 a child disappear with not only 13 bulls, but 00:29:32.779 --> 00:29:35.759 12. On Escort, are you interested in more bulls? 00:29:35.759 --> 00:29:37.339 So you're going less? We're going less. You're 00:29:37.339 --> 00:29:39.740 going less. Okay, so this isn't so much of a... 00:29:39.740 --> 00:29:41.839 Sorry, are we talking about me? I suppose so, 00:29:41.940 --> 00:29:43.980 yeah. I suppose you're going to go missing with 00:29:43.980 --> 00:29:46.019 some bulls now. There's very little I can do. 00:29:46.259 --> 00:29:48.779 This is the plan, though? I'm sorry. I thought 00:29:48.779 --> 00:29:50.519 you merely supplied the bulls. I did not think 00:29:50.519 --> 00:29:52.400 you were responsible for this in any capacity. 00:29:52.640 --> 00:29:54.799 This is very disappointing. Oh, I see. So how 00:29:54.799 --> 00:29:58.019 exactly would you disappear 12 bulls and also 00:29:58.019 --> 00:29:59.960 yourself at the same time? We'll find out in 00:29:59.960 --> 00:30:02.880 two hours and 45 minutes. So secrecy even from 00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:04.859 me, your compadre, yes? I do not know myself. 00:30:05.240 --> 00:30:08.380 I just, I can feel my soul being pulled that 00:30:08.380 --> 00:30:12.099 way. I feel as though I am now on everybody else's 00:30:12.099 --> 00:30:14.759 side, and you seem insane. You think that you 00:30:14.759 --> 00:30:17.339 are going... They are not on your side! No, no, 00:30:17.359 --> 00:30:18.940 no, no. I'm on none of your sides! You stole 00:30:18.940 --> 00:30:22.539 my son! You stole my only boy! Relax, we are 00:30:22.539 --> 00:30:25.039 on the same side. Relax! Now the boy is the enemy. 00:30:25.180 --> 00:30:28.440 Relax! You will never cut bushes in my garden 00:30:28.440 --> 00:30:31.619 again. From now on, you are persona non grata. 00:30:31.880 --> 00:30:35.359 A whom? Persona non grata. Is that a surname 00:30:35.359 --> 00:30:37.940 that is not my surname? It means... You're an 00:30:37.940 --> 00:30:41.210 outlaw. Anything can be done to you. There will 00:30:41.210 --> 00:30:45.210 be no recompense for you, Miguel. I see, Trevor. 00:30:45.910 --> 00:30:49.049 And yet, despite our long history, exchanging 00:30:49.049 --> 00:30:53.529 money and cutting topiaries and grass, you would 00:30:53.529 --> 00:30:56.750 cast me out? Yes. You know what you did to the 00:30:56.750 --> 00:31:00.109 boy. Why, Oliver and I? I threw my son at the 00:31:00.109 --> 00:31:02.349 bull. He did? I threw my son at the bull. It 00:31:02.349 --> 00:31:05.670 wasn't a stone at the boy. I just wanted to see 00:31:05.670 --> 00:31:08.079 what would happen. And what happened was... He 00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:11.660 got stuck on the horns. A little bit, yes. And 00:31:11.660 --> 00:31:15.700 then? Then he befriended a different man. Not 00:31:15.700 --> 00:31:18.539 his father, but the gardener. The gardener who 00:31:18.539 --> 00:31:20.079 helped him off the horns of the bull. I pulled 00:31:20.079 --> 00:31:25.839 him off. Okay, this feels weird now. This feels 00:31:25.839 --> 00:31:28.720 very strange. That was genuinely the term I used 00:31:28.720 --> 00:31:31.160 for lifting the boy off the horn of an animal. 00:31:31.440 --> 00:31:35.960 Nothing darker than that. This... Okay, I'm going 00:31:35.960 --> 00:31:38.359 to put neither of you on. I'm going to go with 00:31:38.359 --> 00:31:41.359 little Anne, who has gone missing. Can you just 00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:43.160 take a picture of me? And if I disappear, you 00:31:43.160 --> 00:31:47.059 do with it what you want. Oh, fine. Okay. But 00:31:47.059 --> 00:31:50.519 please do not give this man any money. And please 00:31:50.519 --> 00:31:53.759 do not steal the town's bowls, please. I will 00:31:53.759 --> 00:32:02.400 be where they are. So what do you want us to 00:32:02.400 --> 00:32:04.250 change in it? Do you want to give us a photo 00:32:04.250 --> 00:32:05.990 where he has some definition in him? And then 00:32:05.990 --> 00:32:08.250 we can show everyone the kid that's been fined? 00:32:08.250 --> 00:32:12.509 Fined! Now he's safe? Lil George. Fined. I just 00:32:12.509 --> 00:32:16.730 want a picture of me. Hero. Hero. Hero, yeah. 00:32:17.250 --> 00:32:19.990 What did you do? Yeah, it was the police department. 00:32:20.190 --> 00:32:22.849 The police killed a tree and what did you do? 00:32:23.309 --> 00:32:27.109 I got the billboard. I was on the milk bottle. 00:32:27.720 --> 00:32:30.700 As in, I was on the milk, getting the milk bottles 00:32:30.700 --> 00:32:32.519 done. Oh, you were on the job of getting the 00:32:32.519 --> 00:32:34.619 milk bottles. I was active. You were giving work 00:32:34.619 --> 00:32:38.960 to our rivals. I haven't heard any praise. For 00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:41.339 me. The kid's being returned home. I deserve 00:32:41.339 --> 00:32:44.099 some praise. Weren't you the one that lost him? 00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:47.180 I attacked a very sexy train as well. I took 00:32:47.180 --> 00:32:49.660 that on myself. Is that you that's in court for 00:32:49.660 --> 00:32:52.859 almost killing an undercover cop during a sting? 00:32:53.099 --> 00:32:54.619 Well, I didn't know it was an undercover cop. 00:32:54.700 --> 00:32:56.809 I thought it was a sexy train. Yeah, I get it. 00:32:56.829 --> 00:32:59.210 You were terrified as a father. Are you a father? 00:32:59.569 --> 00:33:02.529 No, but we deal with fathers all the time. Yeah, 00:33:02.710 --> 00:33:04.630 this is our business. Usually ones with a great 00:33:04.630 --> 00:33:06.890 deal of panic. I thought it was like the billboards 00:33:06.890 --> 00:33:08.950 are like your kids in a way. No, they're our 00:33:08.950 --> 00:33:12.410 money. Your kids take money. You know, just because 00:33:12.410 --> 00:33:14.529 people think differently doesn't mean you have 00:33:14.529 --> 00:33:16.430 to get on like that. We're not getting on like 00:33:16.430 --> 00:33:19.289 anything. I heard the disgust in your voice. 00:33:19.430 --> 00:33:21.250 You shouldn't be like that around a hero. We 00:33:21.250 --> 00:33:23.410 decide if you're a hero or not. Yeah, we're the 00:33:23.410 --> 00:33:25.490 one with the paint. We're the tastemakers of 00:33:25.490 --> 00:33:28.769 this town. We put up billboards. We sign paint 00:33:28.769 --> 00:33:31.509 them and we can paint whatever we want it to 00:33:31.509 --> 00:33:35.809 say. So we're hero. Hero. £2 ,000 and you can 00:33:35.809 --> 00:33:39.990 be whatever you want. No, £2 ,500 and you can 00:33:39.990 --> 00:33:42.630 be a hero. I wish you could just take that money 00:33:42.630 --> 00:33:44.910 and actually make a change in yourself in real 00:33:44.910 --> 00:33:46.690 life, not on a billboard. Well, you probably 00:33:46.690 --> 00:33:49.170 could. Yeah. Like hire a personal trainer. You 00:33:49.170 --> 00:33:51.779 seem like a... Trainer? I'm sorry, I didn't mean 00:33:51.779 --> 00:33:54.339 that. I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that. 00:33:54.579 --> 00:33:57.279 You could hire a lawyer for your court case. 00:33:57.579 --> 00:33:59.160 I mean, you seem like a well -to -do guy. You're 00:33:59.160 --> 00:34:00.940 able to spend this money on a billboard. Just 00:34:00.940 --> 00:34:03.740 write lawyer needed on the billboard. Because 00:34:03.740 --> 00:34:05.160 have a lot of people been coming up to you with 00:34:05.160 --> 00:34:09.539 missing children? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I figured 00:34:09.539 --> 00:34:12.659 that might happen. Yeah, I don't want that. I'm 00:34:12.659 --> 00:34:13.960 glad that the kids have been found, but they 00:34:13.960 --> 00:34:15.920 come to me and I'm like, I don't know this. Get 00:34:15.920 --> 00:34:18.840 out of my way. Back to the tracks. You know what? 00:34:18.880 --> 00:34:21.940 We'll put your blurries on in a little suit and 00:34:21.940 --> 00:34:24.619 say lawyer needed. That's nice. So then if people 00:34:24.619 --> 00:34:27.260 find lawyers, they'll bring those lawyers to 00:34:27.260 --> 00:34:29.440 you. Do you have a height requirement for your 00:34:29.440 --> 00:34:33.519 lawyer? Just because of the scale. I don't discriminate. 00:34:33.820 --> 00:34:46.460 Okay, cool. 20 foot lawyer. 20 foot lawyer. Show 00:34:46.460 --> 00:34:50.260 chief. You settling on a name yet? You gotta 00:34:50.260 --> 00:34:52.599 have a vigilante name. We gotta introduce ourselves 00:34:52.599 --> 00:34:55.179 when we ride up to these wee youngins. Maybe 00:34:55.179 --> 00:35:00.139 it'll come to me in a moment. Slow down a bit 00:35:00.139 --> 00:35:16.500 now. Okay. You. There. Youngins. Who are you 00:35:16.500 --> 00:35:20.719 looking at? Use? Usance? Listen to me. My name 00:35:20.719 --> 00:35:23.780 is Captain Rust Bubblegum, and I'm here to fuck 00:35:23.780 --> 00:35:25.900 yous up. You're doing great. You're doing great. 00:35:26.239 --> 00:35:29.000 What? You and what army? Me? What are you going 00:35:29.000 --> 00:35:32.400 to do? Yeah, me army. That's right. The bandit? 00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:35.400 Oh, no, it's the fucking Owl Mask or something. 00:35:35.659 --> 00:35:37.760 That's right. The Owl Mask. I actually prefer 00:35:37.760 --> 00:35:39.179 that to what they were calling me before. That's 00:35:39.179 --> 00:35:41.599 actually a better name, to be honest, yeah. All 00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:45.320 right, Owl Mask and Captain Rust Bubblegum. I'm 00:35:45.320 --> 00:35:47.500 going to ram a fucking walking stick up your 00:35:47.500 --> 00:35:49.679 arse. Get away from me. Give me your pogs. Get 00:35:49.679 --> 00:35:51.920 away from me. Give me them. Give me those here. 00:35:52.800 --> 00:35:55.579 That's well you. You can't take our pogs. Yeah, 00:35:55.619 --> 00:35:58.280 and I can see his dick in that spandex. Nice 00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:00.280 arse, though. Nice arse. Yeah, it's a very nice 00:36:00.280 --> 00:36:02.880 arse. You've got a really nice arse, sir. Thanks, 00:36:02.920 --> 00:36:18.579 guys. Back to Dunbracken is produced and edited 00:36:18.579 --> 00:36:23.119 by me, Conleth McVeigh. This episode featured... 00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:39.199 The opening and closing credits were created 00:36:39.199 --> 00:36:41.119 by Conor Mallon, and you can check out his entire 00:36:41.119 --> 00:36:45.349 album Unearthed on Spotify now. Thank you for 00:36:45.349 --> 00:36:47.289 listening. We look forward to welcoming you back 00:36:47.289 --> 00:36:48.769 to Dunbracken very soon.