WEBVTT 00:00:02.720 --> 00:00:05.320 So this is my dad's bunker, and I was just thinking, 00:00:05.379 --> 00:00:07.759 like, I stole the keys. So I was like, if any 00:00:07.759 --> 00:00:10.140 of us ever gets, like, a girlfriend or a boyfriend 00:00:10.140 --> 00:00:13.679 or something, like, I don't mind sharing the 00:00:13.679 --> 00:00:16.300 bunker, like, because, I mean, it would be nice 00:00:16.300 --> 00:00:19.000 to have cars and stuff, but, like, this is a 00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:22.480 bed, you know? And, like, supplies for days, 00:00:22.559 --> 00:00:30.019 so you can stay down there. You could stay down 00:00:30.019 --> 00:00:32.140 there for days with this new girlfriend, because 00:00:32.140 --> 00:00:34.380 I assume it's going to be a bright flame. You 00:00:34.380 --> 00:00:39.619 know where to start? Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Flames 00:00:39.619 --> 00:00:41.920 always burn brightest, you know, early on in 00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:43.840 a relationship, you should have heard. Yeah, 00:00:43.859 --> 00:00:46.420 much like a nuclear would, you know, a blast. 00:00:46.719 --> 00:00:49.179 Yeah. So you could have a blast in the bunker. 00:00:49.200 --> 00:00:51.399 In the bunker? What sort of supplies are there, 00:00:51.439 --> 00:00:55.189 though? Oh, he is like crawfish. Oh, crawfish? 00:00:56.270 --> 00:00:59.729 Crawfish is my favourite? Yeah, and it goes off 00:00:59.729 --> 00:01:04.250 pretty quickly. Oh, it's not preserved? How often 00:01:04.250 --> 00:01:09.930 does he restock this bunker? He's down there 00:01:09.930 --> 00:01:14.049 every 12 hours. Well, I think your dad coming 00:01:14.049 --> 00:01:16.569 down might ruin the mood a wee bit, though. No, 00:01:16.590 --> 00:01:18.530 he said he's fine with it. He's like, I won't 00:01:18.530 --> 00:01:21.510 look. I know in my way in the dark, he says. 00:01:22.030 --> 00:01:24.010 He knows his way in the dark, so he won't turn 00:01:24.010 --> 00:01:26.829 on the lights. I don't know. I still feel like 00:01:26.829 --> 00:01:29.890 we'll hear him bumping into stuff. Well, I trust 00:01:29.890 --> 00:01:33.829 that he does. Ever since he lost Ma, he's like, 00:01:33.890 --> 00:01:37.750 well, if you have love, you should keep it. Is 00:01:37.750 --> 00:01:39.609 that why he started the bunker? That's why he 00:01:39.609 --> 00:01:41.689 started the bunker. But the crawfish has been 00:01:41.689 --> 00:01:43.810 a nice distraction for him, I think. Does he 00:01:43.810 --> 00:01:46.290 catch the crawfish? No. I don't know where he 00:01:46.290 --> 00:01:48.930 gets it from. I don't think they're native to 00:01:48.930 --> 00:01:56.579 here. I don't know. There's a smell, though. 00:01:56.939 --> 00:01:59.459 Ah, there is a smell. I agree. And I tried to 00:01:59.459 --> 00:02:01.700 get it out. I have so many of those, like, new 00:02:01.700 --> 00:02:04.640 car scents and stuff. Yeah, no, they're overpriced. 00:02:04.659 --> 00:02:06.319 I feel like your dad would be bumping into those, 00:02:06.319 --> 00:02:08.099 too. You've hung them all over the roof. Yeah. 00:02:08.939 --> 00:02:11.740 Oh, maybe this wasn't the great idea I had. No, 00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:13.780 I think I'll ask her to just go to the park. 00:02:14.099 --> 00:02:16.919 Yeah. Yeah. Or borrow your dad's car or something. 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:18.699 We could go to my dad's bunker. Hey, is there 00:02:18.699 --> 00:02:21.680 someone in here? Oh, Dad! Hey, yeah, I'm just... 00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:25.240 Jamie? Yeah, I'm just sewing Derek the bunker 00:02:25.240 --> 00:02:27.939 because he's probably more likely to get a girlfriend 00:02:27.939 --> 00:02:30.539 or boyfriend before me, you know? Oh, no, don't 00:02:30.539 --> 00:02:33.159 say that. Don't say that, son. Just because you 00:02:33.159 --> 00:02:34.639 haven't got a role model for a good relationship 00:02:34.639 --> 00:02:37.479 doesn't mean you've got a good relationship. 00:02:39.159 --> 00:02:41.500 That's true, Dad. That's true. Is that another 00:02:41.500 --> 00:02:44.879 big bag of crawfish? Yeah, just restocking a 00:02:44.879 --> 00:03:11.030 crawfish and milk and yogurt here. Welcome. Back 00:03:11.030 --> 00:03:19.969 to Dunbracken. So you mean you just, you didn't 00:03:19.969 --> 00:03:22.969 turn it off? You've left the hob on the entire 00:03:22.969 --> 00:03:26.090 night? Please, step out of the house. That's 00:03:26.090 --> 00:03:29.080 dangerous. The house is probably completely filled. 00:03:29.400 --> 00:03:32.319 I feel completely fine. This is an emergency 00:03:32.319 --> 00:03:34.599 situation now. I'm going to need you to step 00:03:34.599 --> 00:03:38.340 out. If you don't have any sort of one of those 00:03:38.340 --> 00:03:40.379 warrant things, then I'm not letting you in. 00:03:40.620 --> 00:03:44.139 No, I'm not. Go back to the police officer. I'm 00:03:44.139 --> 00:03:46.560 not. I know you're not an officer. I see you're 00:03:46.560 --> 00:03:49.419 just from the gas company. I appreciate your 00:03:49.419 --> 00:03:55.639 concerns, but I feel fine. Sir, sir, your housemates 00:03:55.639 --> 00:03:59.280 have... Reported the gas leak. My housemates 00:03:59.280 --> 00:04:01.300 are all sleeping. I need to phone the emergency 00:04:01.300 --> 00:04:03.439 services. Look at them. You can see them in the 00:04:03.439 --> 00:04:05.819 window. They're all sleeping on the floor. They 00:04:05.819 --> 00:04:09.680 had a big party last night. They're fine. Are 00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:12.080 there any electronics on in the house? Probably 00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:15.979 four. Like, what type of electronics? Sir, can 00:04:15.979 --> 00:04:17.860 I... There's a remote control car flittering 00:04:17.860 --> 00:04:20.139 about upstairs. I can hear it. Sir, can I... 00:04:20.139 --> 00:04:23.699 Please hand me the lighter. Please do not smoke 00:04:23.699 --> 00:04:26.620 right now. I wish I could smoke. I was going 00:04:26.620 --> 00:04:29.019 to smoke, but then I didn't have any cigarettes. 00:04:29.660 --> 00:04:31.300 That's probably why I had the hob on in the first 00:04:31.300 --> 00:04:35.019 place. Okay, sir. Do you like the lighter? Yes, 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:36.879 please hand me the lighter. I got it from the 00:04:36.879 --> 00:04:39.079 Sherlock Holmes Museum. Please lift your hand. 00:04:39.220 --> 00:04:42.579 Do not put your thumb on the flint, sir. See, 00:04:42.579 --> 00:04:44.740 but it's a real flint. I don't doubt it. I don't 00:04:44.740 --> 00:04:46.100 doubt it. All right, well, you're missed tonight. 00:04:46.879 --> 00:04:51.069 Okay. I'm going to go... Just phone the emergency 00:04:51.069 --> 00:04:54.050 services here. You can do what you want, but 00:04:54.050 --> 00:04:55.449 if they don't have a warrant, they're not coming 00:04:55.449 --> 00:04:57.730 in here. I don't think you're going to have a 00:04:57.730 --> 00:05:00.149 choice here. There's three bodies in here. I'll 00:05:00.149 --> 00:05:13.370 barge in this door, you. I feel good. Congratulations 00:05:13.370 --> 00:05:17.829 on your promotion to senior civil servant. One 00:05:17.829 --> 00:05:21.670 of the perks of the job is that you get this 00:05:21.670 --> 00:05:24.649 card that allows you access to the nuclear bunker 00:05:24.649 --> 00:05:28.629 in case of an emergency. The card also allows 00:05:28.629 --> 00:05:32.949 you to bring one spouse and up to two children. 00:05:33.790 --> 00:05:37.209 Do you have any questions regarding this? Should 00:05:37.209 --> 00:05:41.350 I be concerned? About the bunker? No, about the 00:05:41.350 --> 00:05:45.149 chances of nuclear war. No more so than any other... 00:05:45.550 --> 00:05:48.370 Definitely a threat to our town. Okay. It is 00:05:48.370 --> 00:05:50.889 probably beyond local politics, but it's good 00:05:50.889 --> 00:05:55.029 to be prepared. Is this the one bunker for everyone, 00:05:55.129 --> 00:05:59.209 or does each senior civil servant and up to one 00:05:59.209 --> 00:06:02.129 spouse and up to two children have their own 00:06:02.129 --> 00:06:05.930 bunker? It is one bunker for all senior civil 00:06:05.930 --> 00:06:08.550 servants. Ah, so that's why it's up to four people 00:06:08.550 --> 00:06:10.529 minimum. Yes. Okay, I have a question. We are 00:06:10.529 --> 00:06:12.709 hoping that not everyone will bring all four. 00:06:13.180 --> 00:06:16.480 i have a question because i have six six questions 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:20.139 go ahead so i have i have one spouse and four 00:06:20.139 --> 00:06:23.339 children i have congratulations thank you very 00:06:23.339 --> 00:06:28.199 much but now i'm wondering what to do okay okay 00:06:28.199 --> 00:06:32.759 we get this question a lot so you can't leave 00:06:32.759 --> 00:06:34.899 your spouse behind and bring an extra child okay 00:06:34.899 --> 00:06:38.610 but that doesn't seem fair Because a child, all 00:06:38.610 --> 00:06:40.750 my children are half the size of, well, I guess 00:06:40.750 --> 00:06:42.870 they won't be forever, but currently they're 00:06:42.870 --> 00:06:43.829 half the size. Exactly, and we'll be in a bunker 00:06:43.829 --> 00:06:46.290 for a long time. No, but if I can leave behind 00:06:46.290 --> 00:06:50.069 one full adult, can I bring two half children? 00:06:50.310 --> 00:06:53.350 It's very noble, and yes, you can sacrifice yourself 00:06:53.350 --> 00:06:56.269 and your wife, and then your four children can 00:06:56.269 --> 00:06:58.990 go to the bunker. Okay, so that's nice to know, 00:06:59.029 --> 00:07:01.189 but does one of my children have to be a senior 00:07:01.189 --> 00:07:03.149 civil servant to get in, or will they be okay 00:07:03.149 --> 00:07:05.029 with my... If they become a senior civil servant, 00:07:05.089 --> 00:07:06.949 they will get their own card, and they will be 00:07:06.949 --> 00:07:09.689 allowed one spouse and up to two children. Right. 00:07:09.970 --> 00:07:12.889 And in that situation, are grandparents... Are 00:07:12.889 --> 00:07:17.389 they a spouse or a child? It's not a transfer... 00:07:17.389 --> 00:07:20.490 I don't know. Are your grandparents senior civil 00:07:20.490 --> 00:07:24.490 servants? One retired. No luck. You have to be 00:07:24.490 --> 00:07:28.209 active. We tell all retirees that if you want 00:07:28.209 --> 00:07:30.269 to build your own bunker, we will provide you 00:07:30.269 --> 00:07:33.870 with information. Okay. Very few take us up on 00:07:33.870 --> 00:07:36.829 the offer. Do you have many children or spouses? 00:07:37.350 --> 00:07:40.230 Oh, I've got one spouse and two children, but 00:07:40.230 --> 00:07:43.170 I'm not a senior civil servant. Oh, is it safe 00:07:43.170 --> 00:07:44.769 that you know about it, that you're handing out 00:07:44.769 --> 00:07:47.430 passes? Oh, yes, yes. No, it's a bunker full 00:07:47.430 --> 00:07:51.529 of senior civil servants. I'd rather die. No 00:07:51.529 --> 00:07:53.329 offense to you, but I don't want to... I know, 00:07:53.329 --> 00:07:55.689 I get that. That's going to be tough. And, like, 00:07:55.810 --> 00:07:58.509 if I get a bonus, I'll build my own bunker. Is 00:07:58.509 --> 00:08:00.610 that an option? Can I build my own bunker? You're 00:08:00.610 --> 00:08:02.509 free to build your own bunker. And you'll provide 00:08:02.509 --> 00:08:04.810 me with information? Just as any citizen is free 00:08:04.810 --> 00:08:08.009 to build your own bunker. We live in a great 00:08:08.009 --> 00:08:11.970 town with lots of soil that will give away the 00:08:11.970 --> 00:08:14.709 slightest provocation. Building a bunker has 00:08:14.709 --> 00:08:17.250 never been easier. Okay, so I know a lot of the 00:08:17.250 --> 00:08:21.660 senior civil servants are divorced. or estranged 00:08:21.660 --> 00:08:23.860 from children, could I take some of the slots? 00:08:23.939 --> 00:08:27.579 It's an epidemic in this town. Could I take some 00:08:27.579 --> 00:08:32.019 of the slots of them for my two, my least favorite 00:08:32.019 --> 00:08:34.039 children? I don't want to have to rank them, 00:08:34.100 --> 00:08:35.700 but in this situation, I've already ranked them 00:08:35.700 --> 00:08:37.039 in my head. I know who I'm taking immediately. 00:08:37.829 --> 00:08:40.169 And I know it was a judgment call. I had to make 00:08:40.169 --> 00:08:43.070 it quick there. I didn't like myself. You didn't 00:08:43.070 --> 00:08:44.950 have to make it quick because we're currently 00:08:44.950 --> 00:08:47.370 in a crisis. But it happened. It happened so 00:08:47.370 --> 00:08:50.750 quickly. Of course. It was subconsciously. I 00:08:50.750 --> 00:08:53.009 knew right away. I knew the two that were taking. 00:08:53.210 --> 00:08:55.490 I get that. And I knew the two that were being 00:08:55.490 --> 00:08:57.929 left behind. But it's non -transferable. It's 00:08:57.929 --> 00:09:00.330 non -transferable? It's non -transferable. We've 00:09:00.330 --> 00:09:02.730 had too many civil servants trying to sell their 00:09:02.730 --> 00:09:07.179 slots. Should I tell my children? right now who's 00:09:07.179 --> 00:09:10.200 getting in so that they know to prepare i mean 00:09:10.200 --> 00:09:12.179 because there's the two youngest ones i'm not 00:09:12.179 --> 00:09:13.960 i'm not bringing the two youngest ones it would 00:09:13.960 --> 00:09:16.360 make things easier to do work i won't be at the 00:09:16.360 --> 00:09:18.840 door so i i don't really care one way or the 00:09:18.840 --> 00:09:20.480 other i don't think i would bring them to the 00:09:20.480 --> 00:09:24.919 door and then slowly watch it close i think one 00:09:24.919 --> 00:09:29.120 popular method is that You tell your two children 00:09:29.120 --> 00:09:31.340 the real bunker location and your two least favorite 00:09:31.340 --> 00:09:33.940 children a fake bunker location. But what if 00:09:33.940 --> 00:09:36.799 my spouse... Now, what I will say, in the case 00:09:36.799 --> 00:09:40.879 of a false alert, as happened in 2012, it makes 00:09:40.879 --> 00:09:43.100 things very awkward. Was that what was responsible 00:09:43.100 --> 00:09:46.440 for most of the senior civil servants now being 00:09:46.440 --> 00:09:50.220 divorcees? It was certainly a factor. That makes 00:09:50.220 --> 00:09:53.259 sense. Well, maybe not divorcee thing, but... 00:09:53.259 --> 00:09:57.500 Or estranged from the children. Yeah. And I'll 00:09:57.500 --> 00:10:00.080 tell you what, the children they picked aren't 00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:02.480 any closer to their parents. Yeah, I guess they 00:10:02.480 --> 00:10:04.840 probably don't appreciate what happened to their 00:10:04.840 --> 00:10:07.480 siblings. Yeah. Wow. Got a lot of decision to 00:10:07.480 --> 00:10:09.279 make. I didn't mean to make a snap judgment, 00:10:09.340 --> 00:10:11.820 but it went into my head subconsciously. It was 00:10:11.820 --> 00:10:14.679 the two oldest. I like them better. No, I understand. 00:10:14.919 --> 00:10:16.799 I understand. The young ones, I think, can fend 00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:19.539 for themselves. They're cute enough that a radioactive 00:10:19.539 --> 00:10:22.179 family might still take them in. Nuclear family. 00:10:23.509 --> 00:10:26.610 Just some gallows humor there. No, that's nice. 00:10:26.769 --> 00:10:31.090 That's nice. So, any more questions on this? 00:10:31.409 --> 00:10:36.129 No, no. Should I start my job? Yeah, I mean, 00:10:36.149 --> 00:10:40.370 I suppose. Or should I let my family know? You 00:10:40.370 --> 00:10:42.370 know what I'll say? There's a bunker. That's 00:10:42.370 --> 00:10:44.309 all I'll say. Do you ask them to keep it on the 00:10:44.309 --> 00:10:47.330 town road? Do you think I'm a bad person? Prior 00:10:47.330 --> 00:10:50.570 or after this conversation? After this conversation. 00:10:51.259 --> 00:10:53.259 Did you think I was? No, I need both now, actually. 00:10:53.340 --> 00:10:56.879 Now I'm curious. You got this job by suggesting 00:10:56.879 --> 00:10:59.860 we should cut welfare, so that's sort of... And 00:10:59.860 --> 00:11:03.100 yet, I don't get any extra passes. I saved this 00:11:03.100 --> 00:11:07.220 town so much money. Yeah, yeah. But, sir, I get 00:11:07.220 --> 00:11:09.440 you. I can relate. You're very relatable now 00:11:09.440 --> 00:11:12.720 to me. I realize why I picked the two oldest 00:11:12.720 --> 00:11:15.440 ones. The two youngest ones already hate me because 00:11:15.440 --> 00:11:17.360 I closed down their school. The two oldest ones 00:11:17.360 --> 00:11:19.600 are already out of school. Ah. That's what the 00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:22.919 two youngest ones are now, too. Yeah. You laugh 00:11:22.919 --> 00:11:25.659 at my jokes. I like that. I would join you in 00:11:25.659 --> 00:11:28.960 your bunker. You're not welcome, but you seem 00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:30.500 like someone I could have a beer with. What about 00:11:30.500 --> 00:11:32.759 two children? Would you take two children? I 00:11:32.759 --> 00:11:37.159 am taking two children. Okay, so it's just going 00:11:37.159 --> 00:11:39.500 to be you and your family. You don't need a friend 00:11:39.500 --> 00:11:41.320 in your bunker. I don't want to be stuck with 00:11:41.320 --> 00:11:42.860 a bunch of... Well, it's a hypothetical bunker, 00:11:42.960 --> 00:11:44.940 and you've got to start small. I don't have a 00:11:44.940 --> 00:11:48.330 big civil service bunker. Okay, yeah. It just 00:11:48.330 --> 00:11:49.669 sounds like you've got plans. It's just a modest 00:11:49.669 --> 00:11:52.250 bunker. I'm hoping the radiation will pass within 00:11:52.250 --> 00:11:55.029 the year. Oh, it'll be torturous. Don't you need 00:11:55.029 --> 00:11:58.429 another family to enjoy life with for a year? 00:11:58.750 --> 00:12:00.830 Sounds like you're planning an affair already. 00:12:01.470 --> 00:12:05.690 I wasn't suggesting swinging. After a year, who 00:12:05.690 --> 00:12:09.190 knows? But, like, not right off the bat. You 00:12:09.190 --> 00:12:12.340 have someone in mind? Between our families? No, 00:12:12.519 --> 00:12:14.500 I fought between other senior civil servants. 00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:17.019 Oh, no, no. No, I don't want that. There's a 00:12:17.019 --> 00:12:23.679 lot of sad divorced men. Okay, I'll just go to 00:12:23.679 --> 00:12:26.139 work. That's all right. I've had a lot to think 00:12:26.139 --> 00:12:28.059 about, though. You never answer my question. 00:12:28.179 --> 00:12:32.100 I'm not a bad person. Yes. Okay. But, like, if 00:12:32.100 --> 00:12:34.379 you want to catch a beer after work, I'm around. 00:12:35.070 --> 00:12:36.970 But just not for a bunker beer. I get it. No, 00:12:37.029 --> 00:12:38.809 I get it. Hey, no, you got to draw a line somewhere. 00:12:38.950 --> 00:12:40.889 Maybe someday we could be friends well enough. 00:12:41.029 --> 00:12:43.149 I might just build my own bunker. Do I have to 00:12:43.149 --> 00:12:45.230 be retired to get the plans? Do you want your 00:12:45.230 --> 00:12:47.769 plans? It's a PDF. I'll send it to you. Yeah, 00:12:47.850 --> 00:12:50.129 then I can make a decision. I think I'll still 00:12:50.129 --> 00:12:53.289 keep the same child limit, though, in my bunker. 00:12:53.649 --> 00:12:56.950 They really hate me. I mean, I can relate to 00:12:56.950 --> 00:12:59.090 that, too. So you're taking two children that 00:12:59.090 --> 00:13:03.620 hate you? No, I hate you. I just think you're 00:13:03.620 --> 00:13:06.879 good conversation. Oh, thank you very much. I 00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:09.059 could go for a beer. Yeah. Well, it's 10. It's 00:13:09.059 --> 00:13:11.539 10 a .m. But it's 10 a .m. Somewhere, isn't it? 00:13:11.980 --> 00:13:14.500 Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know what? I'll meet you 00:13:14.500 --> 00:13:29.759 at the bar. Yes, emergency services. Hello. What's 00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:31.679 the nature of your emergency? Yes, it's Eddie 00:13:31.679 --> 00:13:34.379 from Harry's Heating here, and I'm just visiting 00:13:34.379 --> 00:13:37.799 a... That means nothing to me. I'm a local gas 00:13:37.799 --> 00:13:40.240 company, and some clients called the emergency 00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:42.379 number, and we've come out to... What's the nature 00:13:42.379 --> 00:13:44.419 of your emergency? There's been a gas leak, and 00:13:44.419 --> 00:13:46.279 I think there are three people unconscious. Oh, 00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:47.960 thank you. I'll call a qualified gas technician 00:13:47.960 --> 00:13:51.639 now. Excuse me? I am a qualified gas technician. 00:13:51.659 --> 00:13:54.820 I think we're past that point. What's the concern? 00:13:55.080 --> 00:13:57.360 I need an ambulance. Have you injured yourself? 00:13:57.879 --> 00:14:00.440 No, I haven't injured myself. There are three 00:14:00.440 --> 00:14:04.399 at least unconscious people and another man standing 00:14:04.399 --> 00:14:07.379 in a house that has a gas leak. Well, can you 00:14:07.379 --> 00:14:09.600 not simply ask him to turn it off? I've asked. 00:14:09.740 --> 00:14:11.860 No, I've asked him to come out of the house and 00:14:11.860 --> 00:14:14.460 he won't respond. I also need police. I think 00:14:14.460 --> 00:14:16.559 I need police as well. Ah, okay. We can get an 00:14:16.559 --> 00:14:18.500 ambulance to you in the next ten minutes, but 00:14:18.500 --> 00:14:21.700 it'll take us 46 hours for the warrant. What? 00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:23.879 For the warrant. It sounds like he will not allow 00:14:23.879 --> 00:14:27.139 you egress into the building. Yeah, but there 00:14:27.139 --> 00:14:28.980 are people's lives at danger here. You need a 00:14:28.980 --> 00:14:31.620 warrant. Well, we won't save anyone against their 00:14:31.620 --> 00:14:35.539 will. They're unconscious. So we don't know their 00:14:35.539 --> 00:14:37.799 will. The one conscious person is not allowing 00:14:37.799 --> 00:14:40.919 you in. Hang on. I'll call you back. I need to 00:14:40.919 --> 00:14:42.220 go and chat to this guy again. It may be a different 00:14:42.220 --> 00:14:44.220 operator. You will have to go through this again. 00:14:44.220 --> 00:14:46.240 Can you stay on the line? Absolutely not. We 00:14:46.240 --> 00:14:51.059 are very busy. Fine. I'll take my chances. Okay. 00:14:51.279 --> 00:14:53.919 Well, if you... stay on the line for a brief 00:14:53.919 --> 00:14:56.299 customer survey. That would be appreciated. The 00:14:56.299 --> 00:15:00.720 people are about to die. Please rate the quality 00:15:00.720 --> 00:15:04.559 of your call by stating a number between 1 and 00:15:04.559 --> 00:15:11.100 10. 1. Please state a number between 1 and 10. 00:15:11.679 --> 00:15:21.179 1. 1. I heard 1. Yes. Yes, I said 1. Is that 00:15:21.179 --> 00:15:27.139 correct? Yes. One. I heard. Yes. That is not 00:15:27.139 --> 00:15:32.019 a number between one and ten. One. People are 00:15:32.019 --> 00:15:37.820 dying. Hurry up. One. Please only stay one word 00:15:37.820 --> 00:15:41.000 at a time. It makes us easier to understand you. 00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:46.200 One. Please stay on the line for a customer satisfaction 00:15:46.200 --> 00:15:49.899 survey about the quality of this review service. 00:15:53.399 --> 00:15:55.860 It's this terrible customer service. Oh, my God. 00:16:05.120 --> 00:16:11.500 Joseph. You won't find me. Joseph. I'm too far 00:16:11.500 --> 00:16:14.379 away for you to catch me now. This has gone far 00:16:14.379 --> 00:16:17.419 enough, darling. It's hide and seek. It's not 00:16:17.419 --> 00:16:22.639 evade your parents until dawn. Dawn has come. 00:16:23.500 --> 00:16:25.899 And dawn will come again, but you will never 00:16:25.899 --> 00:16:28.259 catch me. I will grow into a man on these... 00:16:28.259 --> 00:16:33.080 These freedom hills. Ah, you told me where you 00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:37.080 are, Joseph. You're on the freedom hills. Misdirection. 00:16:37.700 --> 00:16:41.360 Oh, God. Please don't come to the hills. Come 00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:45.720 now, Joseph. There's no time for silly games. 00:16:45.980 --> 00:16:49.179 Uncle Grosh, you're there as well? Yes. Your 00:16:49.179 --> 00:16:52.740 mother brought me in. She couldn't get you. She 00:16:52.740 --> 00:16:55.159 said I have to come in. That's why I'm leaving. 00:16:55.700 --> 00:17:00.940 You're so clearly having an affair. What? You're 00:17:00.940 --> 00:17:03.980 having an affair? I didn't realise Papa was there. 00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:07.039 Well, thanks a lot, Joseph. You've really put 00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:11.400 that pickle in it. What do you mean, Uncle Grosh? 00:17:11.940 --> 00:17:16.779 You're the one adultering. I'm 12. I'm not supposed... 00:17:16.779 --> 00:17:19.559 This is... Do you know this is... This is transactional... 00:17:20.039 --> 00:17:22.039 Uh, oh, I've forgotten the name. I was reading 00:17:22.039 --> 00:17:25.279 it in a psychology book. Analysis? Yes, I think 00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:27.559 so. Thank you, Papa. You always were so tender 00:17:27.559 --> 00:17:30.420 and sweet. Who were you suggesting Uncle Groucho's 00:17:30.420 --> 00:17:33.440 having an affair with, darling? You, mother. 00:17:34.099 --> 00:17:36.079 Think about the ramifications of what you're 00:17:36.079 --> 00:17:38.380 saying. Think of the ramifications? You should 00:17:38.380 --> 00:17:40.240 have thought about the ramifications before you 00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:43.240 went... Toe to toe with smelly Grosch there. 00:17:43.480 --> 00:17:47.400 When I was ramming her vacation. No! I'm only 00:17:47.400 --> 00:17:49.960 a child, only a boy. Only a boy swiftly becoming 00:17:49.960 --> 00:17:53.380 a man. There is a reason why you have been named 00:17:53.380 --> 00:17:56.359 after a famous yet slightly unpleasant beer, 00:17:56.599 --> 00:17:59.759 Uncle Grosch. It's my surname. It's my surname 00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:02.440 too. We're brothers. It's also my surname. It's 00:18:02.440 --> 00:18:04.380 also your surname because we're married, darling. 00:18:04.380 --> 00:18:06.460 We're supposed to be a family. We're supposed 00:18:06.460 --> 00:18:10.029 to be a family. But I've had to run away. I live 00:18:10.029 --> 00:18:12.990 in a set with some badgers, and every night, 00:18:13.069 --> 00:18:16.490 every night they bite my toes. Nibble, darling. 00:18:16.890 --> 00:18:20.430 No. They nibble. No, I'm down to three. And I 00:18:20.430 --> 00:18:22.430 can't count anymore because I relied on those 00:18:22.430 --> 00:18:25.410 toes. I'm forgetting math. I'm forgetting my 00:18:25.410 --> 00:18:28.589 literacy. I'm forgetting... forgetting how to 00:18:28.589 --> 00:18:31.250 be a person. You deserve it for all your bad 00:18:31.250 --> 00:18:38.329 things. God. That's badger for fuck you, Uncle 00:18:38.329 --> 00:18:53.319 Grolsch. Yeah, hello. How did you find the automated 00:18:53.319 --> 00:18:58.079 review, sir? On a scale of very dissatisfactory 00:18:58.079 --> 00:19:02.319 to very satisfactory. Is this a person? Well, 00:19:02.460 --> 00:19:07.079 yeah. Very dissatisfactory. Very dissatisfactory. 00:19:07.119 --> 00:19:11.049 Okay, great. How was the audio recognition? It 00:19:11.049 --> 00:19:12.869 didn't... On a scale of very dissatisfactory 00:19:12.869 --> 00:19:14.849 to very satisfactory. Sorry, on a scale of very 00:19:14.849 --> 00:19:16.910 satisfactory to... Very dissatisfactory to very 00:19:16.910 --> 00:19:19.069 satisfactory. What was that again? What was the... 00:19:19.069 --> 00:19:21.009 How was the quality of the audio recognition? 00:19:21.230 --> 00:19:22.509 The audio... No, it didn't... I'm going to mark 00:19:22.509 --> 00:19:25.650 yours as very dissatisfactory. Oh, my God. I 00:19:25.650 --> 00:19:28.390 said one clearly, like, at least five times. 00:19:28.670 --> 00:19:32.269 I heard... One. Oh, what? The voice is still 00:19:32.269 --> 00:19:35.049 on? Was that a person? Is this correct? No, no, 00:19:35.089 --> 00:19:37.109 that's automated. They tried to outsource my 00:19:37.109 --> 00:19:39.630 work. Okay, I don't know. It's the one at the 00:19:39.630 --> 00:19:41.730 bottom or the top of the scale. We gave you a 00:19:41.730 --> 00:19:45.250 scale. On a scale of 1 to 10, please rate how 00:19:45.250 --> 00:19:48.730 satisfied you were with this service. Very dissatisfactory. 00:19:49.710 --> 00:19:52.250 I'm not sure. Satisfactory or very satisfactory. 00:19:53.230 --> 00:19:55.890 Look, actually, I think that guy's passed out 00:19:55.890 --> 00:19:58.109 now as well, so there are four people unconscious, 00:19:58.170 --> 00:20:00.890 so I think I can go in now. Which guy are you 00:20:00.890 --> 00:20:04.049 referring to? You're confusing me, sir. I heard... 00:20:04.049 --> 00:20:09.230 Four. Is that correct? Sorry, this is... I was 00:20:09.230 --> 00:20:11.609 reporting an emergency, but there's no emergency 00:20:11.609 --> 00:20:14.490 anymore. They're all dead, and I'm fed up. Is 00:20:14.490 --> 00:20:17.589 this due to the duration of the response, or 00:20:17.589 --> 00:20:20.650 the quality of the response? Well, it's a bit 00:20:20.650 --> 00:20:23.470 of column A and a bit of column B. Like... Okay. 00:20:23.990 --> 00:20:25.930 This is hard to fill out my survey, but continue. 00:20:25.990 --> 00:20:28.109 Well, I wasn't really given a great response 00:20:28.109 --> 00:20:30.930 from the initial person that I was speaking with. 00:20:31.069 --> 00:20:33.809 They sort of dismissed my... So they did not 00:20:33.809 --> 00:20:36.359 send out emergency services? Well, as far as 00:20:36.359 --> 00:20:38.000 I know, there's no emergency services here. Has 00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:40.000 it been five to ten minutes? Well, it probably 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:42.079 has been at this point. I mean, our record's 00:20:42.079 --> 00:20:43.759 showing that the warrant's still pending, so... 00:20:43.759 --> 00:20:45.619 You said it would be two days for a warrant. 00:20:46.039 --> 00:20:48.759 Well, the record's out 46 hours. Don't know where 00:20:48.759 --> 00:20:50.640 you're getting two days from. I'm rounding up. 00:20:50.759 --> 00:20:54.119 I'm going to have to mark down as... You've rounded 00:20:54.119 --> 00:20:57.599 up to two days. Hang on, am I being... Am I being 00:20:57.599 --> 00:20:59.559 assessed right now? I'm going to be honest. I'm 00:20:59.559 --> 00:21:02.700 going to just... have to mark as a disgruntled 00:21:02.700 --> 00:21:05.339 customer, which will likely disqualify the survey 00:21:05.339 --> 00:21:07.400 anyway. What does that mean? I'm going to be 00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:09.940 a disgruntled customer in the eyes of the emergency 00:21:09.940 --> 00:21:13.940 services? Well, that's above my pay grade, to 00:21:13.940 --> 00:21:16.859 be quite honest. I just mark it down. Maybe next 00:21:16.859 --> 00:21:18.940 time you dial 999, no one answers. I don't know. 00:21:19.980 --> 00:21:31.259 I don't think they blacklist people. We're entering 00:21:31.259 --> 00:21:33.980 the midnight hour. I'm about to get snuggled 00:21:33.980 --> 00:21:37.200 up into my camp bed. Breaker, breaker, you got 00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:39.359 your pot noodle? Breaker, breaker. Roger, breaker, 00:21:39.420 --> 00:21:41.039 breaker. How did you know I got the pot noodle? 00:21:41.240 --> 00:21:43.740 I was told when I got this job that I needed 00:21:43.740 --> 00:21:45.839 to have a pot noodle ready at every turn. Is 00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:49.250 that not true? Over. Breaker, breaker, we are 00:21:49.250 --> 00:21:53.490 now promoting some more healthy options for truckers. 00:21:53.690 --> 00:21:55.269 Breaker, breaker, I'm not going to go for this 00:21:55.269 --> 00:21:58.529 now. I've got 15 pot noodles. I bought them in 00:21:58.529 --> 00:22:00.230 bulk. I can't back away from that commitment 00:22:00.230 --> 00:22:01.869 now at the minute. Breaker, breaker, I've just 00:22:01.869 --> 00:22:04.430 got to say at any time in life, 15 pot noodles 00:22:04.430 --> 00:22:07.529 is excessive. I'm not going to have my name slandered 00:22:07.529 --> 00:22:10.210 over the radio, over the breaker. Human resources 00:22:10.210 --> 00:22:14.509 coming in. Pot noodle man is going to fast become 00:22:14.509 --> 00:22:17.680 a menace that we cannot deal with. Brigger Brigger, 00:22:17.740 --> 00:22:20.180 I'd like to make sure that my moniker is not 00:22:20.180 --> 00:22:22.059 going to become Pot Noodle Man. Brigger Brigger, 00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:24.819 can we take Pot Noodle Boy off the channel? Coming 00:22:24.819 --> 00:22:28.400 in for 420 Pot Noodle King? Come in, trucker, 00:22:28.400 --> 00:22:31.660 call 420 Pot Noodle King. Are you there, buddy? 00:22:32.099 --> 00:22:35.180 Are you there, 10 -4, good buddy? I'm here, buddy. 00:22:35.180 --> 00:22:37.160 I'm here, buddy. I'm here, buddy. There he is, 00:22:37.160 --> 00:22:40.480 my chicken and mushroom pal. Oh, green. Oh, I 00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:42.660 love the green. Yeah, buddy. I know you will. 00:22:43.309 --> 00:22:45.130 You've really called a really inopportune moment. 00:22:45.289 --> 00:22:48.789 Oh, no, this is 8 p .m. This is Pot Noodle Central 00:22:48.789 --> 00:22:52.190 time. Breaker Breaker Human Resources remains 00:22:52.190 --> 00:22:55.809 on this call, which is being monitored. Have 00:22:55.809 --> 00:22:59.230 you got that new box, boy? You're being monitored. 00:22:59.269 --> 00:23:01.849 I told you to take that out of your goddamn trap. 00:23:02.049 --> 00:23:05.210 This is for Pot Noodle and Pot Noodle -based 00:23:05.210 --> 00:23:09.789 interactions. Breaker Breaker, are you guys there? 00:23:10.009 --> 00:23:19.349 I just woke up from a nightmare. Breaker Breaker, 00:23:19.450 --> 00:23:23.589 your human resources department is here. Yeah. 00:23:24.049 --> 00:23:29.009 I had a nightmare. The hot man was there again. 00:23:29.549 --> 00:23:33.230 I don't like it when he's in my cab. Is it anyone 00:23:33.230 --> 00:23:39.670 else's cab? Breaker Breaker. Your health and 00:23:39.670 --> 00:23:50.950 well -being are important to us. We all get them, 00:23:50.970 --> 00:23:54.369 kid. Breaker Breaker, human resources are now 00:23:54.369 --> 00:23:58.369 dealing with two emergencies at the same time. 00:23:58.930 --> 00:24:05.910 Nightmare person, do feel free to email me at 00:24:05.910 --> 00:24:15.450 hr at breaker breaker dot com between nine and 00:24:15.450 --> 00:24:24.240 five where I will be to deal with your outburst 00:24:24.240 --> 00:24:28.440 and send you the correct way. No, I don't want 00:24:28.440 --> 00:24:32.380 your outburst. No, I'm upset. No, I... Just because 00:24:32.380 --> 00:24:34.579 it's late, you know, just because it's out of 00:24:34.579 --> 00:24:36.460 my hands doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able 00:24:36.460 --> 00:24:39.720 to deal with me. I had a nightmare and I just 00:24:39.720 --> 00:24:42.279 want people to be nice to me so I know that I'm 00:24:42.279 --> 00:24:46.440 not hated by the hat man. Breaker, breaker. This 00:24:46.440 --> 00:24:51.269 is call sign hat man 5000. No! Are you there, 00:24:51.390 --> 00:24:59.069 boy? I'm here! No! Don't leave me! You have such 00:24:59.069 --> 00:25:01.809 delicious sweet dreams. No, you can't go up to 00:25:01.809 --> 00:25:06.769 me in real life! That's not fair! You wake up 00:25:06.769 --> 00:25:10.910 with my hat. I don't want it! I don't want it! 00:25:11.430 --> 00:25:15.609 Guys, come on! Brigger Brigger, help a guy out! 00:25:15.829 --> 00:25:18.609 I don't like it! Brigger Brigger, I can only 00:25:18.609 --> 00:25:19.930 advise that you get some chicken and noodle. 00:25:20.490 --> 00:25:21.750 because that's the only thing that gets me over 00:25:21.750 --> 00:25:23.829 at the end of that. Yeah, the only way through 00:25:23.829 --> 00:25:26.069 those hot noodley dreams is to just get right 00:25:26.069 --> 00:25:28.190 doubled down on that potent noodley goodness. 00:25:28.529 --> 00:25:31.509 Personally, I prefer a super noodle, but, you 00:25:31.509 --> 00:25:33.849 know, each to their own, and I don't know if 00:25:33.849 --> 00:25:36.450 it's the noodles that has caused this. I think 00:25:36.450 --> 00:25:38.789 I might have been an overdose of the bad drill. 00:25:40.609 --> 00:25:43.190 Breaker, breaker, I hate to use my cross voice, 00:25:43.269 --> 00:25:48.990 but I'm really being pushed to the line by all 00:25:48.990 --> 00:25:54.259 of you. I will be investigating the link between 00:25:54.259 --> 00:26:01.619 Pot Noodle and Hat Man. Breaker, Breaker. This 00:26:01.619 --> 00:26:04.680 is Hat Man to Human Resources. I would like to 00:26:04.680 --> 00:26:07.559 report a stolen hat and require return of it 00:26:07.559 --> 00:26:28.480 immediately. I didn't want it! steampunk memorabilia. 00:26:28.619 --> 00:26:31.980 I require a return of it immediately. Ola, you, 00:26:32.119 --> 00:26:34.019 you, I would have thought that you were just 00:26:34.019 --> 00:26:36.660 going to your hat's kind of calm, but you're 00:26:36.660 --> 00:26:39.180 intrigued by the price of the hat that you've 00:26:39.180 --> 00:26:42.380 bestowed on me, and I don't like it. I don't 00:26:42.380 --> 00:26:45.480 like it. I don't want it. But you want it back? 00:26:46.359 --> 00:26:49.900 Because it's expensive? I don't want it. You 00:26:49.900 --> 00:26:52.000 need it back. You shouldn't give me your best 00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:55.500 hat. Breaker, breaker. This is Hat Man to Human 00:26:55.500 --> 00:26:59.930 Resources. Human Resources to Human Resources. 00:27:00.710 --> 00:27:08.609 Tuesday, 01 .39am. Dear Human Resources representative, 00:27:09.069 --> 00:27:13.410 this will be my four weeks notice. I look forward 00:27:13.410 --> 00:27:16.609 to working for you for the next four weeks, from 00:27:16.609 --> 00:27:20.269 which point I will be taking another course of 00:27:20.269 --> 00:27:26.829 life choice. Human Resources, out. Dear Human 00:27:26.829 --> 00:27:30.869 Resources, thank you for contacting Human Resources. 00:27:31.230 --> 00:27:34.829 We appreciate your call, but please contact us 00:27:34.829 --> 00:27:38.690 between the hours of 9 a .m. and the hours of 00:27:38.690 --> 00:27:42.829 5 p .m. You see what it's like? You know what 00:27:42.829 --> 00:28:00.420 it's like, no? Bad man to human resources, I 00:28:00.420 --> 00:28:02.160 would like to request that all nightmare chats 00:28:02.160 --> 00:28:07.579 be banned from radio communications. Breaker, 00:28:07.579 --> 00:28:10.740 breaker, being on my four -week period of notice, 00:28:10.859 --> 00:28:13.900 I feel the overwhelming urge to tell you all 00:28:13.900 --> 00:28:16.940 to go fuck yourselves. Please, please, hello, 00:28:17.220 --> 00:28:20.599 this is HR. We would like to disregard that last 00:28:20.599 --> 00:28:23.539 segment from our HR standards. Breaker, breaker. 00:28:23.799 --> 00:28:41.880 Please, excuse me, I am breaking right now. Uh... 00:28:56.370 --> 00:29:02.029 Hello? Four. I said four. A number between one 00:29:02.029 --> 00:29:07.269 and ten. Why can't y 'all stop me? I heard. Why 00:29:07.269 --> 00:29:11.990 can't y 'all stop me? I said four. Four what, 00:29:12.029 --> 00:29:15.789 sir? I'm on the phone. Is that correct? Four, 00:29:15.829 --> 00:29:19.190 no. Yes, four is correct. On a scale of one to 00:29:19.190 --> 00:29:24.069 ten, please read. Four. It was a four. Oh, goodness 00:29:24.069 --> 00:29:27.769 gracious. Sir, I'm going to leave now. I suggest 00:29:27.769 --> 00:29:29.730 you get out of the house. The emergency services 00:29:29.730 --> 00:29:54.920 are coming. Oh, they could come. All right. Ciarán 00:29:54.920 --> 00:29:59.819 Sands, Aidan Kelly, Niall McKenna, Phil Greaves, 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.019 Min Witts, James Geddes, Kit Rees and Andrew 00:30:05.019 --> 00:30:13.380 Robinson. The opening and closing credits were 00:30:13.380 --> 00:30:15.140 created by Connor Mallon and you can check out 00:30:15.140 --> 00:30:19.160 his entire album Unearthed on Spotify now. The 00:30:19.160 --> 00:30:22.140 live show is nearly finished being edited and 00:30:22.140 --> 00:30:25.750 will be up soon. Thank you for listening. We 00:30:25.750 --> 00:30:27.769 look forward to welcoming you back to Dunbracken 00:30:27.769 --> 00:30:28.529 very soon.