Hello, this is a bit of a shorter episode because
we had the live show this weekend. I am working
through it and will hopefully be up in the next
few weeks. But it'll probably take a little bit
of time. This is a few random scenes that I've
had just sitting on my laptop for a while. So
enjoy them and I'll see you next week or something.
Thank you very much. Bye. Welcome back to Dumb
Bracken. Boys weekend? Yeah! Boys, boys, boys,
boys. Okay, but I kind of wanted to be respectful.
I know it's really nice. We're celebrating my
daughter's christening and having a boys weekend
like this. She's not coming, is she? No, she's
not. She'll ruin the vibe. I was going to have
it in my backyard, and she likes to play out
there. That's okay. Can she party? Yeah. I mean,
she's several months old, so... Yeah. All right.
And you let her play out in the backyard already,
it seems? Yeah, she likes the feeling of grass.
She'll be sleeping a lot. Babies sleep a lot,
don't they? Yeah, you know. They're fine a lot.
Well, not if it's a boy's weekend you won't be
sleeping. Yeah, yeah. When you told us about
this, I thought it was going to be that, you
know, we were going to be going somewhere, you
know, exotic. You know, I didn't think it was
going to be in your back garden. I thought it
was going to be... Have you been to his back
garden, though? It's pretty great. It's pretty
great. I love that. Dude's got swings. Dude's
got slides. I actually got rid of the slide.
Oh, man. What? But everything else is still there.
Why'd you get rid of the slide? Just, it didn't
go with the patio. You know? He's right. You
know, sometimes slides just don't go with patios.
Yeah. I genuinely thought we were going to hit
the big city. We don't all make as much money
as you. What? We don't all make as much money
as you do. We can't all go to the big city every
time one of our children gets Christian. You
bring this up all the time. This is unfair. Just
because I haven't had kids, that was my choice,
and I just didn't want to have kids, and I've
got extra money because of it. You are ruining
the vibe of my weekend. I know. You always say
that to me again as well. I know. I'm always
the one who's a bit more... Could you not just
get over... get over the fact that you're barren.
Could you not just, like, you know, move on with
your life and be happy for your friends who have
beautiful little daughters who like to play in
the grass? Speaking of, can I bring my daughter
if your daughter's there? Absolutely not. Okay.
They don't get on. She's a buzzkill. She cannot
party. No, she can. She's a nerd. I hate it.
That's her mother's influence. How could her
mother influence her if she's not around? She
can come, though. Is she invited? Her mother?
Yeah, I invited her. Is that okay? Has she said
yes? Oh, yeah. She was first to wear SVP. Really?
This is not really a boys' weekend anymore, now.
I didn't realize you were sending out... She's
one of the boys! I didn't realize you were sending
out, like, written invitations. I didn't actually
get one. Can I have her number? So, when's a
good time for me to go around and clean the paintings?
Like... Can I do a while there are visitors in
or do I have to wait until closed? Because I'd
like to kind of get away promptish. Oh, well,
if you think you can perform the task whilst
people are here, yeah, you can certainly do that.
That's okay. If you can be discreet enough, as
long as you don't, if you take one painting down
one at a time. Oh, I'm needing to remove them.
Yes, yes, yes. Remove them, put on gloves. I
was just going to walk along with the duster.
Oh. I can disguise myself as a gallery goer myself.
I can take photos and then not take photos on
the paintings that have no photography permitted
symbols. But I can just have the duster and people
aren't the wiser. Interesting. So you would just
be a clientele of the museum dusting. You are
paying me. I am on your books. Yes. Yes. No,
of course. Yeah. Making sure that we're on the
same page. Don't want to have another scandal
about pay. No, no, no. No, we don't. So, I'll
do a round on the duster, and then I'll do a
round on the disinfectant spray. I mean, I would
really rather you took each painting out, used
gloves, and used the very specific spray that
we provide you with. It is, in fact... Still
disinfecting. Yes, it is disinfected, sure. And
this is a lot cheaper. It's that all. Yeah, but
the one we give you, you don't have to pay for,
and is a special kind which won't corrode the
paintings. Well, I thought the money that you're
saving on cleaning products you could put into
my ingenuity and... Give me a pay rise. If you
don't destroy anything, we'll maybe talk in your
first week. Okay? Could you get through? If I
don't destroy anything starting from this point?
Yes. Great. Clean slate. Clean slate. Don't destroy.
Not a broken slate. Nope. You already destroyed
broken slate. Don't destroy clean slate. Amen.
Amen. Brother, Brother Robinson, what would you
like to speak about this week? I believe you
had a couple of discussions in the Discord. Oh,
God. The Umbrella Discord. I love that Discord.
It's really good. I'm in that every day. Every
single day. Amen. Can we get an amen for Discord?
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
Amen. Amen. Amen. And I'll be praying and praying
for the Discord every single day. Always praying
for the Discord. I get great remotes in the chat.
So, Jesus, help me. I've seen some cussing going
on. Jesus. Oh, my Lord. And I won't say anything
more. Someone said something called getting pwned.
Have you ever heard about getting pwned? Getting
pwned. Getting pwned. Getting pwned. My son has
been saying I've been getting pwned every night.
Yeah, and I thought being pwned was receiving
the Lord. Receiving the love of Jesus. Is it
receiving the love? Receiving the love of Jesus.
Amen, I thank you, Lord. You were like a poem
of the Lord. I want to receive the poem of the
Lord every night. You want to be a poem of the
Lord. Phil, calm against. I don't think we know
what poem means. Oh, Lord. Do we not? I thought
it was a beautiful poem from class, like a psalm.
Share, brother, what does poem mean? No, I can't
even utter the words. Why don't one of you ring
one of your grandchildren? I don't talk to my
grandchild no more. Why? He got a piercing, he
got an eyebrow. piercing. He don't talk to him
no more. He's got an eyebrow piercing. He's one
of the devils. He's got an eyebrow piercing.
Which eyebrow? Both of them. Both of the eyebrows.
Disgusting. Disgusting. That's the straight one
and the gay one. Oh, my God. Bisexuality. I'll
ring my son. My son is a good Christian man.
My son is a good Christian man. Will you ring
your son, please? Ask him what Paul means. I'm
ringing my son. Ring him. Ring, ring. What's
that? Is that all we're calling? Tommy, are you
on the phone? Tommy. Tommy, I'm trying to ring
you. Dad, why are you calling me on Discord?
Hey, put him on speaker. Put him on speaker.
I'm putting him on speaker. Your own speaker
with the church, honey. Why am I on speaker with
the church? Hey, Tommy. Hi, Tommy. Hi, guys.
What's going on? Say hi to Brother Frederick.
Hello, Brother Frederick. What's going on? Why
are you calling me? We have a question to ask
you because you're a young person. Tommy, it's
Daytoner. Why are you answering the phone on
Daytoner? Hey, I'm... It's the church calls.
I got to answer. You know that. You can't answer
the phone. Tommy, who's there with you, Tommy?
Who's there with you, Tommy? It's nobody. It's
nobody. Oh, so nobody to you there. Honey, honey.
Tommy, who is that? Tommy, who's that? This is
Tommy's father. Oh, there's going to be nobody
to him real soon. This is Tommy's father. Who
is there? This is Jeremy. Jeremy. Tommy, are
you hanging out with that no good Jeremy again?
Jeremy, he's the devil. Jeremy is not the devil.
Jeremy Clarkson. Devil. I didn't think I was
going to say this to you, Dad, but I'm in love
with Jeremy. I'm ending this, this cold call.
No, no, hang on, hang on. I'll wait. Now, Tommy
and Jeremy, can I ask, Tommy, are you poning
Jeremy? Are you boss poning? Dad, I didn't want
you to find out like this, but I am boss poning
Jeremy. We're boss poning. You told me you would
never do it like a boss. I've been doing it like
a boss, Dad. And can I just clarify for the church
meeting, could you just give a queef? A queef?
A queef is when air comes out of the vagina.
No, we know that. We know that from last week.
Oh, Lord, Jesus Christ. I quit giving you this,
Conan. Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to. I'm going to bring this back to something
biblical, like Conan. Wait, you still haven't
explained it. We never got the answer. Someone
else bring their grandkids. You know Lily Lily
you got girl grandkids bring one of your girl
grandkids I'm gonna ring her I'm gonna I'm gonna
Hey put her on speaker Sorry, it's so late. It's
past my bedtime. Darling, what's your name again?
What's your name again? I know you're 12. I know
you have 8th grade tomorrow, but this is important.
I'm at a late night mass, and we're just trying
to work out something real little. What is pony?
Jeremiah, I told you, do not be shouting at my
grandbaby. Oh, I'm so sorry, Mama. I'm so sorry.
Say sorry to Jesus. He's the one you have to
answer to. I'm sorry, Jesus, and I love you,
Mama. Thank you, Jeremiah. God, you're a good
boy. I love my son. God, your grandkids are so
good. I know. You must have raised them right.
I raised them really good and right. I raised
them to the Lord and Jesus. Praise be. Praise
be. They be blessed. Praise be. Yeah, you go
ahead, sweetheart. Love you, Connie. I'll see
you tomorrow. Michael, I'm checking in on the
cleaning routine. I haven't destroyed a painting.
You sprayed disinfectant on a very still man's
face. So, yeah, by our agreement, here's your
money. Didn't destroy anything. No, I didn't.
I didn't. Yeah. I mean, there was the incident
with a man, but also I uncovered a... Because
there was another painting underneath. Wait.
I sprayed it and the paint... Underneath the
man? Or are we onto a different thing? No, on
a canvas. Okay. I sprayed it. I wiped it. Might
have been a bit too heavy -handed. Oh, no. And
now the landscape has become a portrait. Oh,
no. Okay, when I... As in, like, a picture of
scenery has now become a picture of a person.
Oh, when I bought this art gallery over, the
previous owner... had said that some of these
had been owned by Hitler. Oh. And had to be painted
over. Shit. And I thought it was a joke because
he's not a comedian, so naturally it was going
to be bad. I didn't think Hitler did portraiture.
I don't know. I didn't live in history, so I
can't tell you what he did or didn't do. I'm
just going on the hearsay of one not funny. Yeah,
and you're going on the hearsay. You haven't
actually looked at the painting. Okay. We're
not Nazis. Am I bringing you to see the painting
now? Sure. Okay. Okay. Um, so, there it is. Oh
my god. Because it does look a lot like the Mona
Lisa. That's a Hitler, alright. I would just
say, it's fine if they were owned by Hitler.
I feel like we're okay taking stuff from Hitler.
I appreciate your input, and I'm sorry for spraying
that on your face, sir. Yeah, I'm still waiting
for a damn cloth. Sir, the fact that it was owned
by Hitler and we bought it means we put money
directly into Hitler's pockets. We paid money.
Something Hitler owned. And that is a damn Hitler.
Owned Mona Lisa. I just don't think we should
destroy art because Hitler liked it. It's too
late. It's time. Get the incinerator. No, but
hold on. No, I see what you're doing. You're
trying to destroy the image so then you can say
that I destroyed the painting. No, I've given
you your pay for this week. You're fine. You're
safe. What about for next week? Give me a guarantee.
Okay, if I destroy this painting, it's not on
you. I just don't want some Nazi... But am I
the reason for the painting being destroyed?
Because I cleaned it too hard. No. Okay. You're
the savior of this town. I don't want people
to come in and say I'm a fan of Hitler. I just
can't take that rap again. Sir, are you going
to leak this story to the newsletter? Um... Oh,
shit, you hadn't even thought of that before
I said it. No, not really. Yeah, because they'll
give you a lot of money if you do that, so please
don't do that before we can incinerate this.
I mean... Maybe if you sent me one of the paintings,
I could forget about it. What about this one?
Go for a cheap one. I'll give you the Hitler
-owned Mona Lisa. That sounds great. And it's
gone from us. And I'm not giving you any money
for it. I also think the Mona Lisa didn't drew
it. She's not an artist, I believe. What? That's
not a self -portrait? It's just... This art gallery
has some amazing paintings, given its curator
doesn't seem to know. much about I'm not the
curator I'm the owner but this dinner is it like
smart casual smart fog machine what kind of setup
is it sorry what was that last part smart casual
I just oh smart casual that's sort of like a
shirt but you know like a nice iron shirt with
like smart trousers but not Not like a business
outfit? That's what smart casual is. No, no,
but what was after that? What came after that?
You said something, it was just something about...
Smart, like you could dress for a wedding, so,
you know, formal, formal might be better. No,
no, but after that? A fog machine. You know,
like a sort of event where a fog machine would
be appropriate. Or dry ice. It doesn't have to
be a fog machine. Do you wear the fog machine?
Or do you just carry it around? If they can see
what you're wearing, your thought machine is
not good enough. I'm very confused by this as
well. Is it a thing that you have to put it into
your clothes, or is it an item of clothing itself,
or is it that you just bring it with you? Okay,
guys, I feel like you guys were very... farm
or barn or something like that it's just an adventure
I grew up on a houseboat that's not a thing a
fog machine event you know I grew up on a bog
do you want me to explain what a fog machine
is or not what I'm interested in is like you
mentioned certain events are like events that
would be appropriate for a fog machine what sort
of events this is a dinner in a house not in
da club where there might be a required fog machine
or a dry ice machine. That's why I'm asking.
You guys are biting my head off. Should I bring
my fog machine or not? It's a yes or no. Are
you imagining that you bring a fog machine, something
like stars in their eyes, introducing and they
walk through the fog machine? Is that how you
use it? It's just sometimes the fog machine you
have at home isn't sufficient, so people need
to bring their own fog machines to help produce
enough fog. No, I understand the idea of bringing
a fog machine to make a fog, but I've never seen
it in the preference of a... going to a house
party. I mean, it makes sense in da club. Yeah.
How old are you that you're saying da club? He
said da club. That's the name of the club. Is
it really? How could her mother influence her?
Yeah, I know. So hang on. So hang on. Do we have
to set it up before we get in and then we announce
our arrival, we ring the doorbell, set off the
fog machine, and then... Jonathan, why are you
asking me? I'm asking if we should do this. Do
you want to make a big entrance? Is this it?
Is this what this is about? Yeah. I want to come
dressed appropriately, so I need to know whether
it's smart, casual, formal, or... fog machine
attire. If you bring a fog machine, what are
you going to be wearing? I have this jacket.
So, Brother Frederick, Brother Frederick, what
was all this pwning about? Well, you know what?
I see the light of Jesus. I see pwning in a whole
different light. I see pwning in that Discord
chat. I say, hey, pwning away. May I move a motion?
Can I move a motion? May we open a poem emote
in the chat? Absolutely. I love to emote to Jesus.
I say that on the grand chessboard of life, aren't
we all God's poems? Amen. That is so true. Only
one of us can be a bishop, but all the rest of
us are just little poems. One step at a time.
The bishop may move diagonally, he sees beyond
us. We can only move one step. He sees through
us. He sees beyond. We're diagonal. He sees above
us. But I will not believe in no king nor queen.
No, but when we get to the end, we become a queen.
We become a queen. Or a bishop. I wasn't aware
of that rule of chess. And Jesus is the same
level as the president of the United States.
That's true. He is. Why is Jesus on the chessboard?
Because he would destroy the game. He'd be too
good. Amen. And I don't like how many Russians
are playing chess. I don't like it. Damn, damn
Soviets. Communists. You know what the Soviets
love? They love chess, Scrabble, and stealing
my wages. I think they've been stealing Teresa's
wages for way too long. They've been stealing
my wages for way too long. They're stealing their
wages. I hate it. I would like to make a confession
towards God. I have been the person stealing
your wages. The bishop. I've been feeding them
back into the church. I'm so sorry. What the
hell? I can feed my kids. But I must say, I did
do it. Your kids are doing great. I did do it
for the Russians. Jeremiah just ate apples. That's
why he's so bland. That's a feminine nominon.
I think I'm using that right. That sounds like
a word. Doing the worst unto God. Bishop, bishop,
why did you choose me? Why did you steal my wages?
I did do it for the Russians. And they do not
like you. Oh, no. Call me. He said call me. Call
me. He said call me. You know what? We can baptize
that out of you. We can baptize that out of you.
You go down to the river. Please, please, please,
Jesus, let the bishop become a capitalist. I
can't be dealing with the communists. As I place
my hand on the bishop's chest, Lord, please bring
all that communism out of him. Protect and save
him. Amen. Because the devil's ready. Suck it
right out of him. Suck it hard. Suck that man.
Suck all that communism out. What do you feel?
I did not want to partake in any of that right
now. That was very unfair. How do you feel about
the surf? If anything, I feel more on towards
the Russians than before. Oh, come on. God bless
us.