WEBVTT 00:00:02.050 --> 00:00:05.450 Hello. We have a live show coming up on Saturday 00:00:05.450 --> 00:00:08.509 the 28th of June at the Accidental Theatre in 00:00:08.509 --> 00:00:10.550 Belfast. Tickets are still available for that 00:00:10.550 --> 00:00:14.810 if you head to accidentaltheatre .co .uk. That's 00:00:14.810 --> 00:00:18.350 accidentaltheatre .co .uk. Or you can find the 00:00:18.350 --> 00:00:20.809 link in the show notes. That's probably handier 00:00:20.809 --> 00:00:23.769 anyway. If you can't make that in person, there 00:00:23.769 --> 00:00:26.170 are tickets available to watch along online. 00:00:26.230 --> 00:00:28.129 It's going to be live streamed and it will also 00:00:28.129 --> 00:00:30.210 be available on demand for a few days afterwards 00:00:30.210 --> 00:00:34.619 if that. Is your fancy too? I'm currently outside, 00:00:35.020 --> 00:00:38.600 hence the noise. I am near a river on a walk 00:00:38.600 --> 00:00:40.500 and remembered that I needed to record this to 00:00:40.500 --> 00:00:43.060 put this episode out. We're going to be doing 00:00:43.060 --> 00:00:44.719 a live episode of the podcast, which is very 00:00:44.719 --> 00:00:46.479 exciting, and we're going to have an all -star 00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:48.939 guests list lined up for it. We're going to have 00:00:48.939 --> 00:00:50.619 a bunch of new characters, a bunch of returning 00:00:50.619 --> 00:00:53.719 characters. It's really two shows in one because 00:00:53.719 --> 00:00:56.100 we're also going to be doing an improvised musical 00:00:56.100 --> 00:00:59.079 set in the town, the title of which you, the 00:00:59.079 --> 00:01:02.320 audience, will decide. So, I mean, two shows. 00:01:02.479 --> 00:01:04.819 You can watch it in person in Belfast at the 00:01:04.819 --> 00:01:08.340 Accidental Theatre or online, either live streamed 00:01:08.340 --> 00:01:10.519 or at a time of your choosing on demand. It will 00:01:10.519 --> 00:01:14.439 start 8 .30pm BST and I'm pretty sure that's 00:01:14.439 --> 00:01:17.180 all I have to say. Anyway, enjoy your regularly 00:01:17.180 --> 00:01:30.140 scheduled programming. Welcome back to Dumb Bracken. 00:01:41.000 --> 00:01:43.700 Hello, I'd like to make a withdrawal. Yes, can 00:01:43.700 --> 00:01:46.060 I get your name and your date of birth, please? 00:01:46.340 --> 00:01:49.299 Yeah. Just got a slide over a piece of paper 00:01:49.299 --> 00:01:54.359 to you right now. No, just verbally. That says 00:01:54.359 --> 00:01:58.560 that you're about to partake in a robbery. I 00:01:58.560 --> 00:02:02.180 can see. Just in case you can't read. You might 00:02:02.180 --> 00:02:04.939 be wondering what's going on. This isn't my real 00:02:04.939 --> 00:02:08.800 face. What? This is a mask I'm wearing. What 00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:12.319 are you... Don't panic. I'm not panicking. Sounds 00:02:12.319 --> 00:02:14.860 like you're starting to panic. What? If you'll 00:02:14.860 --> 00:02:16.620 read the rest of the paper, it's very clear. 00:02:16.659 --> 00:02:19.400 It says don't panic. Sorry, I've never done this 00:02:19.400 --> 00:02:22.639 before. It's all right. I'm calm. Andy, if you 00:02:22.639 --> 00:02:26.479 want to take your lunch there now. Yes. No, Andy, 00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:32.060 come back. I can help you. Did Andy take a... 00:02:32.060 --> 00:02:34.460 Oh, fuck, he took the paper with him. Right, 00:02:34.599 --> 00:02:36.780 I'm just going to tell you what I read. All right. 00:02:37.099 --> 00:02:42.099 This is a robbery. Oh, God. You might not believe 00:02:42.099 --> 00:02:44.439 it to look at me, but this is not my real face. 00:02:45.099 --> 00:02:47.560 You're part of a robbery now, so... Andy, had 00:02:47.560 --> 00:02:51.360 you given this guy anything yet? No. No, he hadn't. 00:02:51.639 --> 00:02:53.560 Right, okay. But we were making some progress. 00:02:53.860 --> 00:02:56.599 I don't know. Probably had a better chance of 00:02:56.599 --> 00:02:58.620 him, honestly. Oh, no, I believe that, because 00:02:58.620 --> 00:03:00.520 he started panicking almost immediately, and 00:03:00.520 --> 00:03:02.719 I felt like there was a rapport being built. 00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:05.400 Well, yeah. Are you likely to give... Andy's 00:03:05.400 --> 00:03:07.689 a good lad. He's not here long, you know. And 00:03:07.689 --> 00:03:11.370 he's not bad, no. I thought he'd be an easy... 00:03:11.370 --> 00:03:14.810 Right. Do you think... Could I maybe just speak 00:03:14.810 --> 00:03:17.830 to... Could I just maybe speak to the supervisor? 00:03:18.550 --> 00:03:21.590 Oh, yeah. Because you're not going to... No, 00:03:21.590 --> 00:03:23.770 I'm the supervisor on shift at the moment. Oh, 00:03:23.789 --> 00:03:25.229 right, so I'm speaking to the right person anyway. 00:03:25.430 --> 00:03:29.469 Well, relatively. How likely are you to be willing 00:03:29.469 --> 00:03:31.969 to be robbed? What? Not at all. You're not going 00:03:31.969 --> 00:03:34.569 to... Alright, what if I told you that I had... 00:03:35.780 --> 00:03:38.919 Don't look under my coat, because you'll be startled. 00:03:40.039 --> 00:03:43.139 I have a gun under my coat. Okay, so you're telling 00:03:43.139 --> 00:03:44.780 me, but you're not showing me that you have a 00:03:44.780 --> 00:03:46.159 gun. I understand why you're not showing me, 00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:47.539 but that is rookie error, because I know you're 00:03:47.539 --> 00:03:49.800 bluffing. Oh, no, actually, I do. Really, this 00:03:49.800 --> 00:03:52.199 is... I just didn't want to frighten anyone else. 00:03:52.319 --> 00:03:54.000 But I'm going to put it away now. Yeah, good. 00:03:54.099 --> 00:03:55.840 I don't want to frighten anyone. Sorry, madam. 00:03:55.960 --> 00:03:57.860 This won't be about a minute. Yeah, really sorry. 00:03:57.919 --> 00:03:59.479 Sorry for the delay. That's quite all right. 00:03:59.699 --> 00:04:02.120 I hope you don't mind I've been eavesdropping. 00:04:02.300 --> 00:04:04.580 You've been eavesdropping? Oh. You shouldn't 00:04:04.580 --> 00:04:07.620 really be eavesdropping in banks. No, no. It's 00:04:07.620 --> 00:04:09.819 something I should have anticipated. Because 00:04:09.819 --> 00:04:12.039 I'm trying to do this politely. I don't want 00:04:12.039 --> 00:04:15.419 to scare folk. I've been charmed by you. Thank 00:04:15.419 --> 00:04:18.259 you very much. I can't say I have. No, I imagine 00:04:18.259 --> 00:04:19.639 on the receiving end, it's not very pleasant. 00:04:19.779 --> 00:04:22.839 Well, I used a lot more charm on your associate 00:04:22.839 --> 00:04:24.779 there, I think, at the start. So maybe I'm a 00:04:24.779 --> 00:04:26.699 bit weary. I'll say that might be the Ronald 00:04:26.699 --> 00:04:29.740 Reagan mask. What? Ronald Reagan mask. Is that 00:04:29.740 --> 00:04:32.959 who this is? He's a handsome man. Oh, well. And 00:04:32.959 --> 00:04:34.439 you've only been looking at the back of his head 00:04:34.439 --> 00:04:35.819 for a while now. Well, I've seen the front now. 00:04:36.540 --> 00:04:41.639 So I'll just let you all know now. It's gotten 00:04:41.639 --> 00:04:43.759 a bit away from me, but I do... No, no, you've 00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:47.420 got control. No, and I've got a gun here. And 00:04:47.420 --> 00:04:49.540 what a lovely gun. This is a robbery. Anything 00:04:49.540 --> 00:04:54.000 in it? There is. There is bullets in it. And 00:04:54.000 --> 00:04:56.279 I could assemble it and disassemble it like that. 00:04:56.459 --> 00:04:58.899 Like you wouldn't know no one's business. But 00:04:58.899 --> 00:05:01.879 right here. Now, everyone, just stay calm. Don't 00:05:01.879 --> 00:05:04.240 you... Here. You're looking at the door, I see. 00:05:04.680 --> 00:05:07.040 Don't go to the door, all right? I wouldn't want 00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:09.360 to miss a minute. Okay, good. Right, so you're 00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:11.779 all safe. You're not going to come in harm's 00:05:11.779 --> 00:05:15.019 way. But don't test me, because I might have 00:05:15.019 --> 00:05:16.740 to go against what I just said. And I'm a man 00:05:16.740 --> 00:05:18.779 of my own. And I wanted to do this peacefully. 00:05:19.160 --> 00:05:21.720 I had a good rapport with the man. Suddenly, 00:05:21.860 --> 00:05:25.899 switches have changed. He's entitled to his lunch 00:05:25.899 --> 00:05:28.639 break. I'm not saying he isn't entitled to his 00:05:28.639 --> 00:05:31.100 lunch break, but I'm saying this is a robbery, 00:05:31.240 --> 00:05:34.620 and if you don't do it... we might have to all 00:05:34.620 --> 00:05:36.600 resort to things that we didn't want to do. And 00:05:36.600 --> 00:05:38.819 now I'm trying to be very... I've been very good 00:05:38.819 --> 00:05:40.519 about this. You're a lot of waffle. You know, 00:05:40.560 --> 00:05:42.879 you kind of get lost in it a bit. I don't mind 00:05:42.879 --> 00:05:45.259 it. I think there's a certain charm. A bit old 00:05:45.259 --> 00:05:47.160 -fashioned, but I like it. Yeah, it does feel 00:05:47.160 --> 00:05:49.500 like you've done your research through films, 00:05:49.740 --> 00:05:53.120 I want to say. Maybe the Oceans films. No, no, 00:05:53.160 --> 00:05:54.939 there was too many quick cuts to follow that. 00:05:55.899 --> 00:05:58.139 Really? You've got a Clooney charisma. Thank 00:05:58.139 --> 00:05:59.699 you very much. Again, that might be the mask. 00:06:00.139 --> 00:06:02.529 Or it might be the gun. I don't know. So what 00:06:02.529 --> 00:06:04.529 I'm going to tell you now is just, I've got this 00:06:04.529 --> 00:06:07.569 little bag, right? You can all see the gun. Don't 00:06:07.569 --> 00:06:09.449 move anybody. Do you want me to take that for 00:06:09.449 --> 00:06:14.569 you there? The gun? Yeah. No. Good. You're good. 00:06:14.629 --> 00:06:16.610 You'd be good at this. Do you want you take the 00:06:16.610 --> 00:06:18.670 bag there and you see all those denominations? 00:06:18.670 --> 00:06:21.589 Just you just throw them in. Throw them in. Small 00:06:21.589 --> 00:06:24.610 bag. I use what I can get. I can't, you know. 00:06:25.000 --> 00:06:27.620 You're not emptying my tail. Really? Yeah, no, 00:06:27.759 --> 00:06:29.639 no, no, God. Right, I'll bring a second bag next 00:06:29.639 --> 00:06:32.699 time. Well, next time. I can empty my purse with 00:06:32.699 --> 00:06:35.519 you. That would be very much appreciated. I would 00:06:35.519 --> 00:06:38.240 like the cash equivalent. Oh. It's not a gift. 00:06:38.399 --> 00:06:41.180 I will get to you just whenever. Oh, no, I just 00:06:41.180 --> 00:06:42.579 thought I'd help out. Here's what we're going 00:06:42.579 --> 00:06:44.199 to do. This customer? You're all going to take 00:06:44.199 --> 00:06:47.100 off your valuables and this. Nice supervisor 00:06:47.100 --> 00:06:49.959 will give you the cash equivalent of all of your 00:06:49.959 --> 00:06:52.480 valuables. No, sorry. Yes, that's a great idea. 00:06:52.660 --> 00:06:55.160 You'd need to go to a pawn shop for that. I can't 00:06:55.160 --> 00:06:56.980 take anything that isn't just cash or check. 00:06:57.100 --> 00:06:58.759 I'm not asking you, though, because I remembered 00:06:58.759 --> 00:07:01.720 the gun. I know, but that's not how a bank works. 00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:04.160 You've confused us with a pawn shop. Okay, right. 00:07:04.379 --> 00:07:07.199 Well, then, back to the original plan. How quick 00:07:07.199 --> 00:07:10.240 is he at eating lunch? Well, it doesn't matter 00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:12.399 how quick he is at eating it, because he's entitled 00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:16.480 for... Yeah, he's only on half hour today. Okay, 00:07:16.540 --> 00:07:18.720 right. I'm going to come back in, what, half 00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:21.019 an hour? Give or take. Right, I'll come back. 00:07:21.240 --> 00:07:22.600 You know what? There's a lovely coffee place 00:07:22.600 --> 00:07:24.699 around the corner. Would you like to go for a 00:07:24.699 --> 00:07:27.319 coffee? You know what? Yeah, let's do that. Keep 00:07:27.319 --> 00:07:29.579 the mask on. I wasn't going to take it off. All 00:07:29.579 --> 00:07:31.019 right, we'll see you in half an hour. Harry, 00:07:31.180 --> 00:07:33.519 do you know when to do your business here? Oh, 00:07:33.519 --> 00:07:36.740 I was also going to rob this place. Oh, um... 00:07:36.740 --> 00:07:40.569 We could strategize. I'd like to see that. Yeah, 00:07:41.069 --> 00:07:43.430 I think you guys could team up well together. 00:07:43.850 --> 00:07:45.370 It's hard to see you again. That's a bit quick. 00:07:45.790 --> 00:07:47.550 Maybe I could go first next time you can see. 00:07:47.670 --> 00:07:49.889 Yeah, or see how you work it. Yeah. Do you have 00:07:49.889 --> 00:07:53.589 a mask in that bag? Oh, no, no, no. I'm not scared. 00:07:54.170 --> 00:07:58.420 Wow. That's a brave person. Yeah. I think that 00:07:58.420 --> 00:08:01.959 cafe stopped serving food around half one. You're 00:08:01.959 --> 00:08:05.339 right. We better hurry. We'll be back. Will you 00:08:05.339 --> 00:08:07.139 still be on staff from half an hour? Oh, yeah. 00:08:07.199 --> 00:08:09.680 I'm supervisor. That's great. I might not be 00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:12.379 the teller. Andy might be back. Perfect. I'll 00:08:12.379 --> 00:08:14.540 be keeping an eye because obviously you've both 00:08:14.540 --> 00:08:16.100 done me the decency of giving me the heads up. 00:08:16.620 --> 00:08:19.819 It's a decent thing to do. I think so. I don't 00:08:19.819 --> 00:08:21.319 use a gun. I have a picture of your husband. 00:08:21.720 --> 00:08:25.199 Oh. With today's newspaper. Oh. I'm going to 00:08:25.199 --> 00:08:27.610 give him a call. Well, I mean, it's just going 00:08:27.610 --> 00:08:32.029 to ring this phone. Do the lock screen? Yeah. 00:08:32.730 --> 00:08:37.049 That's our dog. Lovely dog. Anyway, food's up 00:08:37.049 --> 00:08:39.330 soon. See you in a bit. All right, see you in 00:08:39.330 --> 00:08:48.250 a bit. Bye. Well, thanks for picking us up. That's 00:08:48.250 --> 00:08:50.789 really, really kind of you. Are you sure you're 00:08:50.789 --> 00:08:52.129 not going out of your way? North? You're going 00:08:52.129 --> 00:08:55.129 north? Yeah, yeah, north anyway, really. Don't 00:08:55.129 --> 00:08:57.240 you worry about that. Cool. You looked awful 00:08:57.240 --> 00:08:59.679 cold by the side of the road there. We felt bad 00:08:59.679 --> 00:09:01.919 if we didn't pick you up. Yeah. Northbound travellers 00:09:01.919 --> 00:09:03.399 are we. That's what we always say, isn't that 00:09:03.399 --> 00:09:04.940 right, darling? That's right. We're from the 00:09:04.940 --> 00:09:07.320 north. Where are you from? Yeah. Oh, I'm just 00:09:07.320 --> 00:09:10.080 travelling on my big year out, so I'm having 00:09:10.080 --> 00:09:13.360 a little travel. I've done Durham. It was really, 00:09:13.460 --> 00:09:15.460 really nice. And then I travelled up to Edinburgh, 00:09:15.580 --> 00:09:17.659 and that was really, really nice as well. So 00:09:17.659 --> 00:09:20.200 I just, you know, travelled everywhere. A bit 00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:22.799 of experience, you know. Oh, with a student? 00:09:22.860 --> 00:09:25.220 With a learned passenger? A student of the world, 00:09:25.299 --> 00:09:27.679 maybe? Perhaps, yeah. Yeah, I would see myself 00:09:27.679 --> 00:09:30.539 as more of a student of the world. I don't really 00:09:30.539 --> 00:09:33.299 believe in education, really. Neither do we. 00:09:33.299 --> 00:09:35.220 That's the funny thing that you'd say. Anyone 00:09:35.220 --> 00:09:37.740 who's educated, they really just don't have really 00:09:37.740 --> 00:09:39.440 our spirit. Would you say that, darling? I'd 00:09:39.440 --> 00:09:41.080 say that, definitely. I mean, he doesn't even 00:09:41.080 --> 00:09:43.039 have a licence to drive this. That's true. I 00:09:43.039 --> 00:09:45.779 don't believe in them. Like an education to drive? 00:09:45.899 --> 00:09:48.259 I don't think so. No, I think it's a very dangerous 00:09:48.259 --> 00:09:49.659 thing. The body will tell you everything you 00:09:49.659 --> 00:09:52.179 need to know about a car. I am so intuitive. 00:09:52.820 --> 00:09:55.879 That's whenever I saw you was on the side of 00:09:55.879 --> 00:09:59.879 the road. Sorry about that. That's okay. He loves 00:09:59.879 --> 00:10:03.279 to swerve. That's just what speaks to him. You've 00:10:03.279 --> 00:10:06.080 got to do what the body tells you to do. That's 00:10:06.080 --> 00:10:10.309 my biggest thing in life, really. I'm so glad 00:10:10.309 --> 00:10:13.009 you used Pikmin. I got a good vibe straight away. 00:10:13.110 --> 00:10:16.269 I saw yous and I thought, that cunt. Just don't 00:10:16.269 --> 00:10:18.090 make a left into this forest, if you don't mind. 00:10:18.490 --> 00:10:24.049 I love nature. What's your spirit animals? It's 00:10:24.049 --> 00:10:26.389 a dog, isn't it? Mine, to be honest, is a sugar 00:10:26.389 --> 00:10:29.259 glider. I just love jumping off things. That's 00:10:29.259 --> 00:10:30.500 what my body says to do. You're always on my 00:10:30.500 --> 00:10:32.340 hand, aren't you? That's right, yeah. That's 00:10:32.340 --> 00:10:34.000 right, you're always jumping up there. Yeah, 00:10:34.019 --> 00:10:35.659 in fact, I'm on his hand right now. Can you see? 00:10:35.899 --> 00:10:38.779 You are so lovely. That's me. I'm just a plain 00:10:38.779 --> 00:10:41.000 dog. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I can see 00:10:41.000 --> 00:10:43.620 that. I can see a primalness coming off you. 00:10:43.620 --> 00:10:46.500 Just a dog. Yay. What animal would you say you 00:10:46.500 --> 00:10:48.299 would... Oh, let's guess. That's a good one. 00:10:48.500 --> 00:10:53.639 Oh, this is my favourite game. Probably an antelope 00:10:53.639 --> 00:10:55.320 or a deer of some kind. Yeah, I'd say something 00:10:55.320 --> 00:10:57.600 that would traditionally be seen as prey. Yeah, 00:10:57.600 --> 00:10:59.059 yeah, yeah. Something like that, yeah. Like a 00:10:59.059 --> 00:11:01.200 wee deer. Prancing around, just... Or a rabbit. 00:11:01.340 --> 00:11:04.240 Unaware. Caught in the headlights. Playing dead. 00:11:04.779 --> 00:11:07.419 Do you know, my Chinese horoscope, I am a rabbit. 00:11:07.820 --> 00:11:11.919 I am a rabbit! That's so funny! I'm a snake. 00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:15.100 Oh, that is true. You're really a snake, not 00:11:15.100 --> 00:11:17.220 a sugar glider, isn't that right? At heart, I 00:11:17.220 --> 00:11:19.519 really am a snake. I'm just going to stop here, 00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:22.220 if you don't mind. It's really dark here. I didn't 00:11:22.220 --> 00:11:24.240 think that Forrest would get this. Oh, we're 00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:26.600 here all the time. Such a canopy, such overhead. 00:11:26.919 --> 00:11:29.580 A lot of cover. This is a dark place. Drooms 00:11:29.580 --> 00:11:31.919 they can't see in here. They're the latest thing. 00:11:32.059 --> 00:11:35.080 They are just evil. Yeah. If you just want to 00:11:35.080 --> 00:11:37.019 let loose, if you just want to yell as loud as 00:11:37.019 --> 00:11:39.259 you can, there's no one around. Can I? You can. 00:11:39.399 --> 00:11:41.320 Do you want me to get out and yell? Because I 00:11:41.320 --> 00:11:44.539 think sometimes in the van it can be quite constrained. 00:11:44.679 --> 00:11:46.759 You know what? You just stay in the van. Are 00:11:46.759 --> 00:11:49.039 you sure? Yeah, just stay in the van. We're just 00:11:49.039 --> 00:11:50.620 going to... get out for a wee second. We're just 00:11:50.620 --> 00:11:52.019 going to get out to stretch our legs but you 00:11:52.019 --> 00:11:54.379 just stay in the van for a moment. That's really 00:11:54.379 --> 00:11:56.539 kind of you. That's really kind to give me more 00:11:56.539 --> 00:11:58.080 privacy for show. North you're going, north. 00:11:58.580 --> 00:12:02.179 Are we there yet? Have we finally got there? 00:12:03.080 --> 00:12:05.580 Almost, almost. We're just taking another stop 00:12:05.580 --> 00:12:07.100 so don't you worry about that. Not a problem. 00:12:07.259 --> 00:12:08.779 I've just been having a snooze. That's okay. 00:12:08.799 --> 00:12:11.480 Hello there. Hello. I don't even see you under 00:12:11.480 --> 00:12:13.980 that blanket. Yes, I've been sleeping since I 00:12:13.980 --> 00:12:15.879 believe you picked me up outside of Bastogne 00:12:15.879 --> 00:12:18.409 in France. That was several weeks ago now. Oh, 00:12:18.470 --> 00:12:20.409 we love the French. It's a long trip from France, 00:12:20.570 --> 00:12:22.809 but we do love it. That must be such an interesting 00:12:22.809 --> 00:12:25.289 journey. I've been asleep most of the time, but 00:12:25.289 --> 00:12:26.009 it's been a pleasant journey. Have you managed 00:12:26.009 --> 00:12:27.669 to get your seatbelt undone? It was a bit stuck 00:12:27.669 --> 00:12:29.289 there, wasn't it? You couldn't quite get that 00:12:29.289 --> 00:12:31.549 off. It is actually still on as well. It's still 00:12:31.549 --> 00:12:33.269 stuck, isn't it? It's still there. It's still 00:12:33.269 --> 00:12:35.600 stuck. It's been odd, but, you know, they've 00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:37.539 been passing me the bucket from now on again 00:12:37.539 --> 00:12:40.580 to relieve myself and stopping everything. I 00:12:40.580 --> 00:12:42.379 hope we've been joking about that. You'll be 00:12:42.379 --> 00:12:43.919 loving the bucket too, soon enough. These folks 00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:46.320 are just so kind. Yous are so kind to us. Incredibly 00:12:46.320 --> 00:12:48.860 kind. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. 00:12:49.080 --> 00:12:51.580 They've just invited me to scream. Oh, they've 00:12:51.580 --> 00:12:53.399 asked if you'd like to scream. Yeah, I think 00:12:53.399 --> 00:12:54.980 it's some sort of primal therapy. We're back 00:12:54.980 --> 00:12:57.240 at the spot. We're back at the spot. Oh, oh grand. 00:12:57.539 --> 00:12:59.720 The spot. It's odd that we've come the whole 00:12:59.720 --> 00:13:02.220 way round again. We have. It's a couple of times 00:13:02.220 --> 00:13:03.080 we've been. A couple of times. We should have. 00:13:03.210 --> 00:13:04.629 It left you off when you got to Europe. Of course. 00:13:04.710 --> 00:13:06.009 But you know, we've been around again. To be 00:13:06.009 --> 00:13:09.090 fair, very cathartic. Very cathartic. Have you 00:13:09.090 --> 00:13:11.690 had a scream yet? I haven't had a scream. I thought 00:13:11.690 --> 00:13:13.149 I would go outside for a scream, but they're 00:13:13.149 --> 00:13:14.769 just saying, stay in the van, stay in the van. 00:13:14.789 --> 00:13:16.470 Oh, right, right. And have a little scream in 00:13:16.470 --> 00:13:18.129 the van. And have you done your spirit animal 00:13:18.129 --> 00:13:21.230 yet? Well, my Chinese horoscope says that I'm 00:13:21.230 --> 00:13:23.610 a rabbit. Right. But I always thought of myself 00:13:23.610 --> 00:13:25.889 as something a little bit more fierce. Yeah. 00:13:25.970 --> 00:13:28.250 Like a bobcat. Well, you could play around with 00:13:28.250 --> 00:13:30.409 that outside. You could bob around and hiss and 00:13:30.409 --> 00:13:34.200 stuff. I do like a hiss. I have not considered 00:13:34.200 --> 00:13:37.320 myself anything other than what I've been told. 00:13:37.539 --> 00:13:41.779 A horse. A horse? A glorious white horse. And 00:13:41.779 --> 00:13:44.120 I've galloped around outside and I tell you what, 00:13:44.220 --> 00:13:47.840 to have your hooves digging into the ground, 00:13:48.200 --> 00:13:51.860 neighing into the night sky, with no one to hear 00:13:51.860 --> 00:13:54.740 you. I didn't think that horses were a bat at 00:13:54.740 --> 00:13:56.740 night time. It's something you don't think about. 00:13:57.320 --> 00:13:58.919 I think they're always there, yeah. Well, he's 00:13:58.919 --> 00:14:00.620 a dark horse. That's what we said, isn't that 00:14:00.620 --> 00:14:03.919 right? What have I done with my dog mask? Was 00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:05.379 that not... Is it not under the blanket? Oh, 00:14:05.399 --> 00:14:08.500 here it is. Here it is. There you go. There we 00:14:08.500 --> 00:14:10.720 go. Oh, now we'll get started. I'll just put 00:14:10.720 --> 00:14:12.220 my snake mask on. Don't you worry about that. 00:14:12.419 --> 00:14:14.179 And you can start screaming whenever you like. 00:14:14.480 --> 00:14:16.120 That's on you. That's on you. Would you like 00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:18.240 to go first? Either way. May I? Of course, yeah. 00:14:18.419 --> 00:14:20.679 Now, tell me if I do it wrong, guys. Tell me 00:14:20.679 --> 00:14:25.720 if I do it wrong. We'll tell you. Okay. Bit more 00:14:25.720 --> 00:14:29.980 welly than that, love. Go on. That's the stuff. 00:14:31.299 --> 00:14:42.500 Was that good? Well, I liked it. Yeah. You join 00:14:42.500 --> 00:14:46.860 us here today at the Canadian Ranch, which we 00:14:46.860 --> 00:14:48.779 have been reporting on now for the past week 00:14:48.779 --> 00:14:53.860 due to the increase in murders. Horse murders. 00:14:53.879 --> 00:14:55.860 We're going to put it as it is. It's murder. 00:14:55.980 --> 00:14:58.120 It doesn't matter if it's a horse or a human. 00:14:58.360 --> 00:15:02.580 It's murder. I am in complete agreement. I'm 00:15:02.580 --> 00:15:05.899 in shock by how many horse murders I have seen 00:15:05.899 --> 00:15:09.580 in the past two days. We'd like to ask you a 00:15:09.580 --> 00:15:12.139 few questions because you, of course, have been 00:15:12.139 --> 00:15:16.820 top suspect, being the horse whisperer on the 00:15:16.820 --> 00:15:20.580 Canadian farm. Yeah. And how has that made you 00:15:20.580 --> 00:15:23.519 feel? You look... You look pretty offended. I'm 00:15:23.519 --> 00:15:26.360 massively offended. For people to think I could 00:15:26.360 --> 00:15:31.659 look those horses in the eye, one eye at a time, 00:15:31.679 --> 00:15:34.340 because they have eyes on the side of their head 00:15:34.340 --> 00:15:37.960 and sort of hit them in the face until they die 00:15:37.960 --> 00:15:41.759 is crazy to me. I love those horses like they 00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:44.220 were my son. And what do you say to the accusations 00:15:44.220 --> 00:15:48.620 that they were hit from behind? Honestly, it's 00:15:48.620 --> 00:15:52.210 easy to hit a horse. Everyone knows this. It's 00:15:52.210 --> 00:15:54.909 easy to hit a horse. They've got eyes on the 00:15:54.909 --> 00:15:57.309 side of their head and they've got big old bodies. 00:15:57.970 --> 00:16:00.269 It's easy to find a place that they will not 00:16:00.269 --> 00:16:03.629 see and give them a good smack. You seem to know 00:16:03.629 --> 00:16:06.070 a lot about this. Well, it's because I care about 00:16:06.070 --> 00:16:08.509 them. It's because I care about the horses. It's 00:16:08.509 --> 00:16:10.330 totally normal that when you care about something 00:16:10.330 --> 00:16:12.750 so much you look into ways you could murder it. 00:16:12.990 --> 00:16:16.909 You are taking my words out of context. I've 00:16:16.909 --> 00:16:19.490 seen it happen to horses before. and i never 00:16:19.490 --> 00:16:22.490 want to see it again i i just couldn't believe 00:16:22.490 --> 00:16:24.850 how easy it is for people to get away with horse 00:16:24.850 --> 00:16:27.789 murder it's it's awful and i do not appreciate 00:16:27.789 --> 00:16:31.049 being accused of these lovely beasts murders 00:16:31.049 --> 00:16:34.850 and all i can see it wasn't me but i would know 00:16:34.850 --> 00:16:38.309 how to kill a horse if i wanted to that's that's 00:16:38.309 --> 00:16:41.990 great um now what do you say to the accusations 00:16:41.990 --> 00:16:46.899 that size five riding boots were a scene In the 00:16:46.899 --> 00:16:50.100 puddles of blood. Well, let me put it this way. 00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:52.919 Have you ever thought that it's not one of those 00:16:52.919 --> 00:16:56.840 wee jockeys? Of course they've got size 5. Children's 00:16:56.840 --> 00:16:59.279 size 5. This is not a men's shoe. It's not a 00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:02.200 women's shoe. It's a toddler's. And who is the 00:17:02.200 --> 00:17:06.319 size of a toddler? A jockey. I am 6 foot 9. How 00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:09.299 am I going to fit into a size 5 shoe? And what 00:17:09.299 --> 00:17:11.440 do you say to the accusations that you have taught 00:17:11.440 --> 00:17:14.180 your children about murdering horses? My children 00:17:14.180 --> 00:17:17.190 have nothing to do with horse murder. In my house, 00:17:17.250 --> 00:17:21.190 they grew up like siblings. Whenever my children 00:17:21.190 --> 00:17:24.450 ate, my horses ate. At the same time, we had 00:17:24.450 --> 00:17:27.430 them at our dinner table. It's ridiculous and 00:17:27.430 --> 00:17:30.670 it's slander. Um, can you explain the horse burgers 00:17:30.670 --> 00:17:35.170 at lunch today? Listen, sometimes horses die. 00:17:36.250 --> 00:17:39.210 What am I going to do, pay for a casket the size 00:17:39.210 --> 00:17:42.369 of a fucking horse? My children are struggling. 00:17:42.930 --> 00:17:45.710 My children don't have shoes on their feet. And 00:17:45.710 --> 00:17:48.490 you want me to buy a horse casket? I don't think 00:17:48.490 --> 00:17:52.130 so. I don't think so. All I'm going to say is, 00:17:52.210 --> 00:17:56.230 I've got nothing to do with it. I love those 00:17:56.230 --> 00:17:58.569 horses like they were my children. And I've only 00:17:58.569 --> 00:18:01.369 killed one of my children. Why would I kill five 00:18:01.369 --> 00:18:05.670 horses? Sorry, Janice, I just need to... Whilst 00:18:05.670 --> 00:18:08.369 we've been on air here, Mr. and Mrs. Canadian 00:18:08.369 --> 00:18:11.630 have been murdered by a horse. So I don't know. 00:18:12.450 --> 00:18:22.680 Let's cut to a commercial break. Uh, do we rise? 00:18:22.859 --> 00:18:27.279 Do we rise? Do we genuflect? I'm rising. I'm 00:18:27.279 --> 00:18:31.779 genuflecting. All stand! Oh, okay. Clear, clear, 00:18:31.859 --> 00:18:36.140 clear. Rise! After standing? Tiptoes? On our 00:18:36.140 --> 00:18:37.859 toes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the higher, right? 00:18:37.920 --> 00:18:40.339 First position. I'm gonna... Oh, my knees crack. 00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:44.480 Uh, liaise with the opposition, I guess? Do we 00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:47.440 talk now? Is that... Bailiff, is that our cue 00:18:47.440 --> 00:18:51.180 to talk? Bailiff out! Oh, okay. Oh, they just 00:18:51.180 --> 00:18:53.240 sprinted out of the courtroom. I guess we fanned 00:18:53.240 --> 00:18:55.920 for ourselves. I will say it's an atypical court. 00:18:56.420 --> 00:19:00.839 Now, there's three lawyers here. That raises 00:19:00.839 --> 00:19:03.880 some questions in my mind. I'm the lawyer for 00:19:03.880 --> 00:19:06.279 the judge. For the judge? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:19:06.380 --> 00:19:08.859 Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, no, I'm for the defense. 00:19:09.339 --> 00:19:12.339 Oh, I'm also for the defense. Really? I'm a trainee 00:19:12.339 --> 00:19:14.619 lawyer. I've just been sent here for the day 00:19:14.619 --> 00:19:19.119 to observe. I like my odds. I like my odds. There's 00:19:19.119 --> 00:19:21.420 quite a lot of us. Are we, we're all going for 00:19:21.420 --> 00:19:24.500 the same guy, yeah? Yep, parking ticket. Not 00:19:24.500 --> 00:19:27.099 me, I'm for the judge. I'm just keeping him right. 00:19:27.400 --> 00:19:31.000 I've been interning for a local paper. You need 00:19:31.000 --> 00:19:34.839 to work out who's for the prosecution and who's 00:19:34.839 --> 00:19:37.880 for the defense or all this will really become 00:19:37.880 --> 00:19:40.400 a muck scum before we know where we are. Well, 00:19:40.420 --> 00:19:42.400 I'm definitely for the defense. I think I definitely 00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:44.960 know that I should be on the prosecution. Okay, 00:19:45.079 --> 00:19:46.339 you're prosecution, I'm defense? Yeah, yeah, 00:19:46.380 --> 00:19:49.450 yeah. I'm for guilty, personally, but that's 00:19:49.450 --> 00:19:51.910 just a personal opinion, and I will keep impartial 00:19:51.910 --> 00:19:53.930 until... Hang on, the judge already decided that 00:19:53.930 --> 00:19:55.509 he's guilty? No, I'm just saying that's my personal 00:19:55.509 --> 00:19:57.650 opinion before the judge makes a decree based 00:19:57.650 --> 00:20:00.710 on what the jury decides. The judge will be back 00:20:00.710 --> 00:20:03.549 momentarily. He said he had to go to the toilet, 00:20:03.690 --> 00:20:06.069 but I think he will come back, but maybe while 00:20:06.069 --> 00:20:08.329 he is in the toilet, if you just work out who's 00:20:08.329 --> 00:20:10.789 who. We've worked it out. I was just on the way 00:20:10.789 --> 00:20:12.690 in there. Sorry, I was just on the way in from 00:20:12.690 --> 00:20:15.450 the bathroom myself. The judge is... He's having 00:20:15.450 --> 00:20:18.619 a hard time in there. I don't know how long he's 00:20:18.619 --> 00:20:21.819 going to be, but I'm here to shadow you, actually, 00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:24.380 as the judge's lawyer, so... But maybe if you 00:20:24.380 --> 00:20:26.339 were just in the toilet, you could be the judge 00:20:26.339 --> 00:20:28.539 now, if he's having a... But if we, like, if 00:20:28.539 --> 00:20:30.859 we ranked up, you know, if maybe you wanted to 00:20:30.859 --> 00:20:33.480 just be the judge today, and I could, like, do 00:20:33.480 --> 00:20:35.880 your... No, objection. Objection. She already 00:20:35.880 --> 00:20:37.660 said she wants it guilty, and I... You could 00:20:37.660 --> 00:20:40.400 change your mind. Also, like, I'm on these guys' 00:20:40.480 --> 00:20:42.519 side. Like, you've seen the judge more recently 00:20:42.519 --> 00:20:45.089 than I have, so... I'm happy for you to be acting 00:20:45.089 --> 00:20:47.630 judge. Is everyone else happy for him to be acting 00:20:47.630 --> 00:20:51.170 judge? Affirmative. Yeah, sustained. Great. Okay, 00:20:51.190 --> 00:20:55.690 great. So, hi, my name is Michael. I've come 00:20:55.690 --> 00:20:58.349 up from, just from college for the day. I actually, 00:20:58.470 --> 00:21:02.589 sorry, I'll just sit down. Should we sit down? 00:21:02.690 --> 00:21:03.750 Sorry, I've forgotten that. Oh, you can, yeah, 00:21:03.829 --> 00:21:06.210 yeah. Yeah, it's cool, yeah. I will note down 00:21:06.210 --> 00:21:08.289 that you're all sitting down now. Oh, great, 00:21:08.390 --> 00:21:11.650 yeah. So, I guess I'll just introduce myself. 00:21:11.910 --> 00:21:15.509 Yeah. Just to get us started. I went to college 00:21:15.509 --> 00:21:18.029 maybe 10 years ago, studied architecture. It 00:21:18.029 --> 00:21:21.130 didn't really work out, but my mom, she knew, 00:21:21.190 --> 00:21:24.829 like, a solicitor, said he made good money and 00:21:24.829 --> 00:21:26.769 that maybe I should consider going back to college 00:21:26.769 --> 00:21:29.730 and studying, so I did. And, yeah, I got sent 00:21:29.730 --> 00:21:31.450 up here. This is my first day out. I was supposed 00:21:31.450 --> 00:21:33.849 to shadow, but I guess I'm the judge for the 00:21:33.849 --> 00:21:38.490 day. So I guess let's get rolling. Let's... What's 00:21:38.490 --> 00:21:41.819 it about? All right, so... Your Honor, Michael. 00:21:41.980 --> 00:21:44.440 Can I call you Michael? You can, yeah, man. Objection. 00:21:44.440 --> 00:21:46.900 Judge Michael would look better in the press. 00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:49.420 I guess like... Make a ruling, please. You already 00:21:49.420 --> 00:21:51.839 did a ruling. I, uh... The judge already said 00:21:51.839 --> 00:21:54.380 Michael, and I'm going to insist on Michael now. 00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:57.900 I rule that everyone chill out today, and we'll 00:21:57.900 --> 00:22:00.880 just take it as it comes. Michael it is. That's 00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:02.779 a good attitude. You know who else was chilling 00:22:02.779 --> 00:22:06.519 out behind the wheel? My client. Yeah, sorry, 00:22:06.720 --> 00:22:08.960 I'll just check the notes here. No, don't check 00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:11.559 the notes. I'm pretending you have the facts. 00:22:11.640 --> 00:22:14.200 You shouldn't be reading them. Oh, that's not 00:22:14.200 --> 00:22:16.240 allowed. Sorry, I should ask. Sorry, I'm shadowing 00:22:16.240 --> 00:22:19.140 you. I should be checking the notes or I should 00:22:19.140 --> 00:22:21.440 allow them to tell me first? I'm happy for you 00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:23.420 to do whatever you feel like is right and we 00:22:23.420 --> 00:22:25.640 can follow your lead and gently correct you, 00:22:25.700 --> 00:22:28.039 you know? Okay, for sure, yeah. Oh, I wish I'd 00:22:28.039 --> 00:22:30.839 interned for you. So, I'll tell you what, we'll 00:22:30.839 --> 00:22:33.539 do like an exquisite corpse sort of thing. I'm 00:22:33.539 --> 00:22:36.000 not familiar with that term. I look at one bit 00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:39.019 of it and I'll read it out and then you finish 00:22:39.019 --> 00:22:41.400 it off. And I guess that would be like an inclusive 00:22:41.400 --> 00:22:44.500 and cool thing for everyone here today. So the 00:22:44.500 --> 00:22:49.279 driver was four times over the limit. Apologies, 00:22:49.279 --> 00:22:52.759 Judge Michael. Yeah? Forgive me, but we haven't 00:22:52.759 --> 00:22:55.500 met the jury yet and I think we should just recognise 00:22:55.500 --> 00:23:01.619 the foreperson. How you doing, Michael? Hello. 00:23:02.190 --> 00:23:04.309 How are you, man? Oh, not bad. I haven't seen 00:23:04.309 --> 00:23:07.029 you in years. How have you been at? Judging as 00:23:07.029 --> 00:23:09.549 pose, well done, you. Oh, not really, no. Oh, 00:23:09.609 --> 00:23:11.829 you look really great up there in Kuru Sea. Oh, 00:23:11.849 --> 00:23:15.430 thanks, man. I'm still in my 20s. 28. Clinging 00:23:15.430 --> 00:23:18.009 on, man. Oh, it's hard to see when you hit 30. 00:23:18.470 --> 00:23:22.869 Oh, man. Death is rushing towards you. Now, speaking 00:23:22.869 --> 00:23:25.430 of death coming rushing towards you, all right? 00:23:25.529 --> 00:23:29.349 I'm here for you. Yeah. It's a tough thing. Some 00:23:29.349 --> 00:23:32.009 of us had quarter -life crisis and do rash actions, 00:23:32.069 --> 00:23:33.430 and I don't think we should be judged for that. 00:23:33.789 --> 00:23:36.910 Oh, preach, brother. Thank you. Maybe not, you 00:23:36.910 --> 00:23:39.710 know. I guess we have the jury here to help us 00:23:39.710 --> 00:23:42.789 as well, but today it all comes down to Michael, 00:23:42.910 --> 00:23:47.630 and it's been a long time since the sort of decisions 00:23:47.630 --> 00:23:50.430 have been in my hands. So he was four times over 00:23:50.430 --> 00:23:53.490 the legal limit, and how many people were in 00:23:53.490 --> 00:23:56.609 the collision? In the collision? Yes. Well... 00:23:56.859 --> 00:23:58.799 It depends how you define collision. At the moment 00:23:58.799 --> 00:24:00.920 of the collision or imminently after the collision. 00:24:01.859 --> 00:24:03.599 Imminently after the collision, it was just my 00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:09.480 client. In a 1998 edition of this newspaper, 00:24:09.779 --> 00:24:13.579 a collision was defined by my boss as the moment 00:24:13.579 --> 00:24:16.839 of impact. Now, I know I'm trying to be chill 00:24:16.839 --> 00:24:19.180 here. I'm trying to be chill here. But I feel 00:24:19.180 --> 00:24:20.599 like the reporter shouldn't talk as much during 00:24:20.599 --> 00:24:24.460 the courtroom. Oh, no. Maybe he's right, though. 00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:26.839 This reporter seems to be doing a lot more work 00:24:26.839 --> 00:24:28.980 than I... I got confused at the beginning. I 00:24:28.980 --> 00:24:30.599 thought it was defense, but, like, I mean, this 00:24:30.599 --> 00:24:32.519 reporter seems to have really taken over my job. 00:24:32.599 --> 00:24:34.039 I feel like if you've prepared defense arguments, 00:24:34.259 --> 00:24:36.640 you should present them. I prepared certain arguments. 00:24:37.200 --> 00:24:38.859 Well, I think we should just hear them. Just 00:24:38.859 --> 00:24:41.500 what he would hypothetically have said. Defendant 00:24:41.500 --> 00:24:44.640 seemed like a really chill guy. Right? Defendant, 00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:48.500 yeah. Defendant really just wasn't sure what 00:24:48.500 --> 00:24:51.579 was going on, like, the law. As if in that area. 00:24:51.740 --> 00:24:54.720 But as a prosecution, I would say that, like, 00:24:54.720 --> 00:24:57.759 actually, that's not a great defense. Michael, 00:24:57.839 --> 00:25:01.440 you've been studying law for how long now? Like, 00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:03.819 at least, I think, maybe five weeks, something 00:25:03.819 --> 00:25:05.579 like that. It's confusing, isn't it? So far, 00:25:05.660 --> 00:25:08.000 yeah. It's tough. It's tough to know what's right, 00:25:08.079 --> 00:25:09.559 what's wrong. Objection. Objection. Leading the 00:25:09.559 --> 00:25:11.440 judge. Everyone's been great, though, I have 00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:14.099 to say. You guys all seem super cool. You know 00:25:14.099 --> 00:25:17.039 who else is super cool? My client. He's a very 00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:19.460 supportive man, and the community would be worse 00:25:19.460 --> 00:25:21.970 without him. For sure. And I did notice here 00:25:21.970 --> 00:25:23.750 as well that the collision happened while he 00:25:23.750 --> 00:25:27.809 was parking. Yeah. So this was just in a car 00:25:27.809 --> 00:25:32.970 park, moving in. Yeah. And he's never had any 00:25:32.970 --> 00:25:35.609 charges before. This is the first offence. He 00:25:35.609 --> 00:25:38.849 was parking at the time, yeah. How do you feel 00:25:38.849 --> 00:25:41.750 about this so far? How are we all doing, really? 00:25:41.789 --> 00:25:45.390 You're here to keep an eye on the judge and his 00:25:45.390 --> 00:25:47.349 judging. As a judge, I think you're doing perfectly 00:25:47.349 --> 00:25:50.619 well, I still think. Ultimately, your verdict 00:25:50.619 --> 00:25:54.160 will be guilty. Probably. So if you want to speed 00:25:54.160 --> 00:25:56.259 things up and, you know, be out of here before 00:25:56.259 --> 00:25:59.859 3pm, maybe? We do those off the foreman. Judge 00:25:59.859 --> 00:26:03.440 Michael, the 1998 edition of the paper that I 00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:06.099 referred to earlier, and perhaps it might be 00:26:06.099 --> 00:26:09.619 pertinent to this case, someone was also asking 00:26:09.619 --> 00:26:14.900 at what speed the impact happened. I really appreciate 00:26:14.900 --> 00:26:18.079 that you've got to terms with... where and the 00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:20.640 location and the context, but I think perhaps 00:26:20.640 --> 00:26:25.000 more contextualization would be pertinent to 00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:27.019 the case. I would be interested in that sort 00:26:27.019 --> 00:26:29.160 of thing, but I'd also love to know, like, what 00:26:29.160 --> 00:26:31.720 color was the car? Okay, I can answer both these 00:26:31.720 --> 00:26:36.240 questions. So, again, my guy, chill guy, cool, 00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:40.440 red with flame decals. Red? Yeah, and he's very 00:26:40.440 --> 00:26:42.960 safety conscious, so you know how when you reverse 00:26:42.960 --> 00:26:45.160 you have a blind spot? He made sure... I can't 00:26:45.160 --> 00:26:47.670 drive. Can you not? It's difficult, isn't it? 00:26:48.109 --> 00:26:49.849 But when you reverse, there's a bit of a blind 00:26:49.849 --> 00:26:53.109 spot. So he made sure to spend as little time 00:26:53.109 --> 00:26:55.049 reversing as possible. And the way you do that 00:26:55.049 --> 00:26:59.809 is you drive as fast as you can. So yes, he was 00:26:59.809 --> 00:27:04.589 reversing at 106 miles per hour. And I suppose 00:27:04.589 --> 00:27:07.670 that's a reasonable speed. The prosecution rests. 00:27:18.859 --> 00:27:23.579 Judge Saunders, I'm an intern reporter, but I 00:27:23.579 --> 00:27:28.799 have much Netflix knowledge of cases like these. 00:27:28.980 --> 00:27:31.779 Well, you probably don't know what I mean by 00:27:31.779 --> 00:27:33.640 that, because unfortunately you seem to have 00:27:33.640 --> 00:27:36.720 missed that case by being in the toilet for quite 00:27:36.720 --> 00:27:40.500 some time. Can I ask you, well, we heard that 00:27:40.500 --> 00:27:43.619 you were having what was quoted as a difficult 00:27:43.619 --> 00:27:49.099 time in there. Can you speak to that? I fully 00:27:49.099 --> 00:27:52.000 commend the amount of enthusiasm you're bringing 00:27:52.000 --> 00:27:54.259 to your role here. You're doing a wonderful job. 00:27:54.359 --> 00:27:58.140 Now, I did recently visit a new restaurant in 00:27:58.140 --> 00:28:01.700 town. Now, I'm not going to go into the details, 00:28:01.720 --> 00:28:05.019 but there's some judicial rumblings happening 00:28:05.019 --> 00:28:11.480 within my body, if I'm perfectly honest. And, 00:28:11.539 --> 00:28:15.970 you know, it's not really... the decorum that 00:28:15.970 --> 00:28:17.829 I would expect from my court. So I don't really 00:28:17.829 --> 00:28:20.930 want to go into it very much. But let's just 00:28:20.930 --> 00:28:25.230 say it's under control for now. Judge Saunders, 00:28:25.329 --> 00:28:28.509 with respect, you are talking like a politician. 00:28:28.950 --> 00:28:31.529 Could you say that again, please? Yes. With respect, 00:28:31.630 --> 00:28:33.650 Judge Saunders, you are talking like a politician. 00:28:34.069 --> 00:28:38.410 And that means that my question has actually 00:28:38.410 --> 00:28:42.109 not received an answer. So I really have to push 00:28:42.109 --> 00:28:45.900 you further about what... happened within the 00:28:45.900 --> 00:28:51.019 bathroom that withstalled you from taking your 00:28:51.019 --> 00:28:54.640 seat within this case, leading it to be judged 00:28:54.640 --> 00:28:58.960 by a, as I'll print tomorrow, an amateur Judge 00:28:58.960 --> 00:29:01.839 Saunders. Now, as we all know, we all eat meals. 00:29:02.119 --> 00:29:04.680 Now, people eat meals every single day. They 00:29:04.680 --> 00:29:06.920 eat small meals, they eat big meals. There's 00:29:06.920 --> 00:29:08.519 all sorts of food that goes in and out of people's 00:29:08.519 --> 00:29:11.940 bodies in this town. Now, I can't speak to what 00:29:11.940 --> 00:29:14.740 I ate earlier today. I can't speak to what I'm 00:29:14.740 --> 00:29:16.819 going to eat tomorrow. There are a lot of variables 00:29:16.819 --> 00:29:20.779 at play here. Now, when we speak to the people 00:29:20.779 --> 00:29:22.259 of the town, I'm sure they'll give you a similar 00:29:22.259 --> 00:29:25.319 answer. People do not know what they ate. Who 00:29:25.319 --> 00:29:27.440 knows? What did you eat yesterday? Do you know 00:29:27.440 --> 00:29:30.400 what you ate yesterday? Yes, I do, Judge Saunders. 00:29:30.440 --> 00:29:33.180 Every Thursday, my mum cooks a korma, so I had 00:29:33.180 --> 00:29:36.880 a korma. With respect, Judge Saunders, I cannot 00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:39.940 take any more of this equivocation. If I print 00:29:39.940 --> 00:29:42.880 that you had diarrhea, will I be slandering you? 00:29:43.160 --> 00:29:47.220 No, no, no. I will not comment on the solidity 00:29:47.220 --> 00:29:50.960 of my bowel movements. But you were in fact having 00:29:50.960 --> 00:29:54.079 a bowel movement, Judge Saunders. I did not say 00:29:54.079 --> 00:29:57.059 that. I did not say that. With greatest respect, 00:29:57.200 --> 00:29:59.140 Judge Saunders, you haven't said very much at 00:29:59.140 --> 00:30:04.660 all. Well, no, I challenge you to eat in the 00:30:04.660 --> 00:30:08.549 faculty cafeteria. here in the courthouse. And 00:30:08.549 --> 00:30:12.250 I will see how you feel the next day. With respect, 00:30:12.369 --> 00:30:15.589 Judge, my mum made me a packed lunch because 00:30:15.589 --> 00:30:20.109 the faculty cafeteria is somewhat pricey. She 00:30:20.109 --> 00:30:24.509 made me tuna sandwiches on wholemeal hoobus. 00:30:24.650 --> 00:30:26.470 They were having a sale at Tesco. If I'm not 00:30:26.470 --> 00:30:27.869 misunderstood, the program you're on, you can 00:30:27.869 --> 00:30:29.650 expense that back. You should keep your receipts. 00:30:29.890 --> 00:30:32.430 Oh, no, sir. I'm just on an internship. Everything 00:30:32.430 --> 00:30:36.200 is my expenses. Oh, no, no. No, no, no, I support 00:30:36.200 --> 00:30:39.359 the internship. Absolutely. Wholeheartedly. I 00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:42.059 actually give about 3 .6 % of my pay packet to 00:30:42.059 --> 00:30:44.839 cover food and transport for people like yourself. 00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:47.220 So I don't see why you're coming in here asking 00:30:47.220 --> 00:30:50.759 me all these questions. Judge Saunders looked 00:30:50.759 --> 00:30:53.720 thoughtfully into the distance with his handsome 00:30:53.720 --> 00:30:56.920 eyebrows. Who are you talking to? I'm just making 00:30:56.920 --> 00:31:00.019 notes, Judge Saunders. To who? That wee fellow 00:31:00.019 --> 00:31:03.930 over there? My dictaphone, Judge Saunders. I 00:31:03.930 --> 00:31:06.349 don't really want to be part of this. I'm just 00:31:06.349 --> 00:31:08.009 trying to go to the toilet. Could you just leave 00:31:08.009 --> 00:31:10.349 the toilet? Why do you let Don call you a dictaphone? 00:31:11.069 --> 00:31:15.049 He's just in the queue, Judge Saunders. Your 00:31:15.049 --> 00:31:17.329 eyes are straying. I don't know why you're looking 00:31:17.329 --> 00:31:19.289 at him and not at me. He's just in the queue 00:31:19.289 --> 00:31:23.029 for the bathroom, which is quite congested since 00:31:23.029 --> 00:31:25.089 you took... He's holding a wee Zoom recorder 00:31:25.089 --> 00:31:27.789 up to his mouth. I can see it. This is just for 00:31:27.789 --> 00:31:30.029 my own personal project. It's called Bathroom 00:31:30.029 --> 00:31:32.470 Chats. It's a podcast. I don't know. It's a rival 00:31:32.470 --> 00:31:35.730 to the other. We do have a podcast. I'm going 00:31:35.730 --> 00:31:37.950 to be doing that on the second week of my internship. 00:31:38.410 --> 00:31:40.910 Look, I listen to both. I've got my finger on 00:31:40.910 --> 00:31:43.650 the pulse. But for now, Judge Saunders, may I 00:31:43.650 --> 00:31:48.089 print that you did suffer some trouble within 00:31:48.089 --> 00:31:50.450 the bathroom, but that you handsomely looked 00:31:50.450 --> 00:31:54.109 into the distance. You may print that I may or 00:31:54.109 --> 00:31:57.640 may not have handsomely, handsomely... That was 00:31:57.640 --> 00:31:59.960 my word, Judge Saunders, absolutely. He pays 00:31:59.960 --> 00:32:06.319 3 .5 % of my bill. Handsomely had a bowel movement 00:32:06.319 --> 00:32:10.839 of variable degrees of solidity. And that's all 00:32:10.839 --> 00:32:13.319 you can print. I'm keeping up appearances here. 00:32:13.920 --> 00:32:17.279 Your appearances will be upheld. Judge Saunders, 00:32:17.359 --> 00:32:20.339 I thank you for your time and your clarity of 00:32:20.339 --> 00:32:22.460 answers to my questions. You're very welcome. 00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:26.339 May the print media live forever. Huzzah! Huzzah! 00:32:36.519 --> 00:32:39.059 Thank you for listening to episode 55. And a 00:32:39.059 --> 00:32:40.660 reminder that tickets are still available for 00:32:40.660 --> 00:32:43.680 the live show on Saturday the 28th of June at 00:32:43.680 --> 00:32:46.359 the Accidental Theatre in Belfast. In person, 00:32:46.460 --> 00:32:50.339 live streamed and on demand. We got it all. We 00:32:50.339 --> 00:32:52.960 have an absolute killer set of guests lined up 00:32:52.960 --> 00:32:54.740 for that show, including many who featured in 00:32:54.740 --> 00:33:14.139 today's episode. And they were as follows. Thank 00:33:14.139 --> 00:33:18.500 you for listening. We look forward to welcoming 00:33:18.500 --> 00:33:20.200 you back to Dunbracken very soon.