WEBVTT 00:00:02.250 --> 00:00:04.290 All right, guys, thanks for joining me tonight. 00:00:04.429 --> 00:00:06.769 I know there's a war on, so I really appreciate 00:00:06.769 --> 00:00:10.830 you showing up. If we're all ready then, I think 00:00:10.830 --> 00:00:14.429 we can get started. And I've made some itinerary 00:00:14.429 --> 00:00:19.429 up. I've actually made... Guys, please. You're 00:00:19.429 --> 00:00:23.109 just laughable. Oh, Derek, don't be like that. 00:00:23.309 --> 00:00:25.649 You're just a joke, man. Wear your trousers. 00:00:26.170 --> 00:00:28.589 I'm wearing them. They're just really small today. 00:00:28.949 --> 00:00:31.589 Why are they peach coloured? What are the exact 00:00:31.589 --> 00:00:33.990 colour tone of your skin? Oh, I didn't think 00:00:33.990 --> 00:00:36.850 I would get... Do you get off to these meetings? 00:00:37.229 --> 00:00:39.890 I don't get off to these meetings. Derek, come 00:00:39.890 --> 00:00:44.429 on. I can see your erection. I call to elect 00:00:44.429 --> 00:00:47.250 a new leader for this neighbourhood watch. That's 00:00:47.250 --> 00:00:49.090 fine. If you can get the vote, you can get a 00:00:49.090 --> 00:00:50.969 new leader. Oh, I don't want to be the leader. 00:00:51.109 --> 00:00:56.149 I'm quite happy to be a lieutenant. I elect Simon. 00:00:57.950 --> 00:01:02.009 Nice. See? Not everyone can... Simon, what the 00:01:02.009 --> 00:01:04.670 fuck? We talked about this for weeks. I thought 00:01:04.670 --> 00:01:06.930 this was a coup. I thought this was a power grab. 00:01:07.269 --> 00:01:09.930 I've got the Semtex right here in case it goes 00:01:09.930 --> 00:01:12.530 south. We're going to go out in 15 minutes and 00:01:12.530 --> 00:01:15.390 you've got a coup organised. Well, not anymore. 00:01:16.150 --> 00:01:25.939 Sorry, everyone. Who watches over and protects 00:01:25.939 --> 00:01:30.739 a neighbourhood when those sworn to do so don't? 00:01:32.239 --> 00:01:34.760 The same people who watch over the neighbourhood 00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:37.159 when the police are already there to protect 00:01:37.159 --> 00:01:40.939 it. Here in Dunbracken, the neighbourhood watch 00:01:40.939 --> 00:01:44.659 of the Glebeside Estate, Crooner Park and Fridge 00:01:44.659 --> 00:01:48.099 Avenue Triangle, colloquially referred to as 00:01:48.099 --> 00:01:51.980 the bad part of town, have realised that just 00:01:51.980 --> 00:01:55.140 because there's a war going on, doesn't mean 00:01:55.140 --> 00:01:57.980 that delinquents are going to stop delinquiting. 00:02:02.819 --> 00:02:05.219 Well, if the coup's gone then, we'll just get 00:02:05.219 --> 00:02:07.079 that started on the agenda. What, I was going 00:02:07.079 --> 00:02:10.939 to give you your parents for this patrol? I don't 00:02:10.939 --> 00:02:13.419 want to be with Derek. That's fine, you're not 00:02:13.419 --> 00:02:16.199 with Derek this week, you're with Simon. Oh. 00:02:16.599 --> 00:02:18.680 No, I don't want to hear any arguments from you 00:02:18.680 --> 00:02:22.400 for that. Well, it's better Simon than Derek, 00:02:22.520 --> 00:02:25.939 to be fair. Samantha, I'm right here. Derek, 00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:27.639 I know you're right there. I'm looking at you. 00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:30.180 Why would you say such hurtful things? Because 00:02:30.180 --> 00:02:33.580 you really are a hurtful person. When have I 00:02:33.580 --> 00:02:36.699 ever been hurtful? Just there now. If you're 00:02:36.699 --> 00:02:38.860 going to excuse yourself, it was just there now. 00:02:39.400 --> 00:02:42.360 Derek. You just kind of told me we were doing 00:02:42.360 --> 00:02:45.560 a coup. You didn't ask me. I thought for a second. 00:02:45.659 --> 00:02:49.280 Did you not get my coded letters? I did. I did 00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:52.219 not understand them. Oh, the code. Derek, not 00:02:52.219 --> 00:02:54.139 everything's about you. It doesn't have to go 00:02:54.139 --> 00:02:56.840 your way. I was doing this for the benefit of 00:02:56.840 --> 00:02:58.860 the neighbourhood watch. Look at his trousers, 00:02:58.979 --> 00:03:00.759 people. This isn't a... Yeah, I was just going 00:03:00.759 --> 00:03:03.080 to comment on that. This isn't an erection, by 00:03:03.080 --> 00:03:06.099 the way. It's the end of my baton. I'm ready 00:03:06.099 --> 00:03:08.580 this week. I'm not allowed myself to be attacked 00:03:08.580 --> 00:03:11.159 by anyone this week. So we're allowed weapons. 00:03:11.719 --> 00:03:13.870 That's why I got the Semtex. It's not strictly 00:03:13.870 --> 00:03:16.409 a weapon, unless you wrong me. Exactly, yeah. 00:03:16.550 --> 00:03:18.569 Legally, they're not weapons unless we're wronged. 00:03:18.669 --> 00:03:21.129 It's not a weapon until I hit the button. In 00:03:21.129 --> 00:03:22.909 which case, it's a weapon for a very brief period 00:03:22.909 --> 00:03:25.650 of time. And then it's disabled and defused. 00:03:25.909 --> 00:03:28.229 No one told me we were bringing weapons. I don't 00:03:28.229 --> 00:03:31.610 have anything. Simon, what do you have? Well, 00:03:31.729 --> 00:03:34.830 you know, I have a nunchucks, but I could split 00:03:34.830 --> 00:03:36.789 it, and then you could have half the nunchucks. 00:03:37.030 --> 00:03:39.870 So we have sticks with a bit of chain on. Yeah. 00:03:40.189 --> 00:03:43.030 Okay. All I have is a stick, so yeah, that works 00:03:43.030 --> 00:03:44.810 for everyone. Let's hear from the young blood. 00:03:45.469 --> 00:03:50.210 I thought a weapon was mandatory, so I could 00:03:50.210 --> 00:03:53.629 only get my hands on a Nerf gun, but also to 00:03:53.629 --> 00:03:57.430 Derek's point earlier about the coup, it would 00:03:57.430 --> 00:03:59.889 have been very nice if you'd included the rest 00:03:59.889 --> 00:04:04.490 of us in that. Well, by nature of being a coup, 00:04:04.550 --> 00:04:07.330 it had to be very secretive, very clandestine. 00:04:07.509 --> 00:04:11.650 I realise now that my codes were too... Difficult 00:04:11.650 --> 00:04:14.090 to crack, Simon, apparently. I mean, I would 00:04:14.090 --> 00:04:16.569 also say, even if I cracked it, a coup shouldn't 00:04:16.569 --> 00:04:20.329 really be more than 50%. Exactly my point. Yes, 00:04:20.529 --> 00:04:22.189 quite. All right, I'll put it at my first time. 00:04:22.250 --> 00:04:23.850 Sorry. That's all right. Will there be another 00:04:23.850 --> 00:04:26.350 coup? Can we put it on next week's agenda? We 00:04:26.350 --> 00:04:28.269 can put a coup in next week's agenda. I think 00:04:28.269 --> 00:04:31.129 that's only fair. Okay. Oh, also in the minutes. 00:04:31.600 --> 00:04:33.980 Can we say if we're bringing weapons? Because 00:04:33.980 --> 00:04:37.980 I do feel blindsided by this. I don't know how 00:04:37.980 --> 00:04:39.600 everyone else thought we were bringing weapons, 00:04:39.800 --> 00:04:42.540 but I didn't get the memo. I'll apologise, Samantha. 00:04:42.660 --> 00:04:44.759 We'll put that in the minutes from now on. Weapons 00:04:44.759 --> 00:04:47.279 included. I didn't know we were bringing weapons. 00:04:47.420 --> 00:04:50.379 I'm just back from karate practice. Can I just 00:04:50.379 --> 00:04:52.879 say, I really appreciate the magnanimous way 00:04:52.879 --> 00:04:54.939 you've handled this meeting, and I'll be withdrawing 00:04:54.939 --> 00:04:57.220 my coup. So there's going to be no coup then 00:04:57.220 --> 00:05:00.240 next week, Derek? Oh wait, is this you being 00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:02.339 subterfugee again? No, I'm legitimately saying 00:05:02.339 --> 00:05:04.560 there'll be no coup, but I would say if I were 00:05:04.560 --> 00:05:06.660 to do a coup, saying there wouldn't be a coup 00:05:06.660 --> 00:05:08.300 the week before would be a pretty good way to 00:05:08.300 --> 00:05:10.980 stage a coup. Yeah. I'm willing to sign a document 00:05:10.980 --> 00:05:13.060 that I'm not doing a coup. No, I'll just put 00:05:13.060 --> 00:05:14.860 an asterisk beside it for next week's minutes 00:05:14.860 --> 00:05:17.399 and it might not be included. If we have time, 00:05:17.480 --> 00:05:20.379 there might be a coup. How about that? If you 00:05:20.379 --> 00:05:22.879 need me to look into the coup, I can do that. 00:05:22.939 --> 00:05:24.819 I think I'm going to get a lighter load on homework 00:05:24.819 --> 00:05:27.240 this week, so I will have time after school. 00:05:27.519 --> 00:05:30.459 That reminds me. There are too many pigeons on 00:05:30.459 --> 00:05:33.319 the Glebeside estate. Well, that's great. Do 00:05:33.319 --> 00:05:34.959 you want to sort that out tonight? Yeah. You 00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:36.480 want to go to the Glebeside? Because I had a 00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:38.540 sign. Of course, Derek, you're with Charlie. 00:05:38.660 --> 00:05:41.180 Charlie, you've got the Nerf gun with you. Charlie 00:05:41.180 --> 00:05:44.459 and Derek. Charlie and Derek. Do you have a problem 00:05:44.459 --> 00:05:46.439 with that, Derek? No, I think it's great. I think 00:05:46.439 --> 00:05:48.600 I'm too short. No, I don't think you're too short. 00:05:48.600 --> 00:05:50.379 Because I think you're too short. Because you're 00:05:50.379 --> 00:05:53.240 a grown man. And I still have to have a growth 00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:56.319 spurt. The doctor says that I will hit a growth 00:05:56.319 --> 00:06:00.600 spurt at the age of 42. Derek. Samantha. Derek, 00:06:00.660 --> 00:06:03.480 I think we both know the doctor's trying to ease 00:06:03.480 --> 00:06:07.800 your very small ego. The doctor is my very small 00:06:07.800 --> 00:06:11.300 ego. Is that what you said? No. Trying to ease 00:06:11.300 --> 00:06:14.699 your very small ego. Oh, I thought you were saying 00:06:14.699 --> 00:06:18.139 because I refer to my ego as the sergeant. You're 00:06:18.139 --> 00:06:20.930 a lieutenant. And your ego is a sergeant? No, 00:06:20.970 --> 00:06:23.709 I'm a lieutenant. Well, I was a lieutenant in 00:06:23.709 --> 00:06:26.329 the coup, but inwardly I referred to myself... 00:06:26.329 --> 00:06:28.490 So you weren't even the leader in your own coup? 00:06:28.930 --> 00:06:31.170 Well, he elected Simon. I elected Simon because 00:06:31.170 --> 00:06:33.709 I believed in his capacity and I liked his trousers. 00:06:33.970 --> 00:06:36.230 But you didn't tell him. I thought I did through 00:06:36.230 --> 00:06:38.970 codes. I also don't think I have natural leader 00:06:38.970 --> 00:06:41.750 qualities. Well, that is your first mistake because 00:06:41.750 --> 00:06:45.980 if you... Oh, self -fulfilling. I'm totally fine 00:06:45.980 --> 00:06:49.759 with riding... What's the term? Shotgun. Shotgun. 00:06:49.939 --> 00:06:54.959 No, motorbike. The side of a... Sidecar. Sidecar 00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:59.439 with the child. He's not a child. I'm a teenager. 00:06:59.819 --> 00:07:02.360 Yeah, and legally... In a few years. This is 00:07:02.360 --> 00:07:04.800 why we brought Charlie in. Now, Charlie is my 00:07:04.800 --> 00:07:07.839 next -door neighbour's kid. And now we have someone 00:07:07.839 --> 00:07:10.759 who can effectively and legally attack children. 00:07:10.939 --> 00:07:13.660 I can. And I will. And I will. If needed, yeah. 00:07:13.779 --> 00:07:15.540 Because remember, the last few weeks, we've been 00:07:15.540 --> 00:07:17.439 terrorised by them. You're saying if needed. 00:07:17.879 --> 00:07:20.639 Yeah, if needed. If needed. But it'll happen. 00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:24.000 It'll probably happen, yeah. Or be. And now we 00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:25.920 can't get in trouble for it. That's the thing. 00:07:26.019 --> 00:07:28.300 I think if we just shaved Derek, we wouldn't 00:07:28.300 --> 00:07:32.579 have got in trouble in the first place. I'm not 00:07:32.579 --> 00:07:34.240 even going to engage with that. That's extremely 00:07:34.240 --> 00:07:38.329 upsetting. You know that the same powerful hormones 00:07:38.329 --> 00:07:40.970 that will give me my growth spore at 32 also 00:07:40.970 --> 00:07:45.670 give me thick, thick hair like a dog. Yeah, a 00:07:45.670 --> 00:07:49.829 dog. That's what you like, Derek. A dog. I'm 00:07:49.829 --> 00:07:52.470 just so emotional. This is a real sore point 00:07:52.470 --> 00:07:54.730 for me that I look like a dog and I have to ride 00:07:54.730 --> 00:07:56.949 with the child. And also my coo didn't work. 00:07:57.149 --> 00:07:58.990 It's not going very well for me. The sergeant 00:07:58.990 --> 00:08:01.529 will be very angry. We should just call you Cujo. 00:08:02.579 --> 00:08:05.000 That is an extremely good joke, and I hate you 00:08:05.000 --> 00:08:07.879 for it. I wish I hadn't lent you my Stephen King 00:08:07.879 --> 00:08:11.779 omnibus. Well, you did, Derek, and I've enjoyed 00:08:11.779 --> 00:08:13.800 it very much. Thank you very much. Give it back. 00:08:13.879 --> 00:08:15.379 I've nothing to read at night. The library won't 00:08:15.379 --> 00:08:16.579 give me things because they think I'm a dog. 00:08:17.040 --> 00:08:21.079 Try John Irvine. Huh? Try John Irvine. I find 00:08:21.079 --> 00:08:22.959 it's very easy to get to sleep to. Did you not 00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:25.259 hear me? I can't come into the library because 00:08:25.259 --> 00:08:27.920 they think I'm a dog. I could lend you some John 00:08:27.920 --> 00:08:29.660 Irvine, but you're not getting your Stephen King 00:08:29.660 --> 00:08:33.440 back. It's a very long novel. It is an extremely 00:08:33.440 --> 00:08:35.980 large omnibus. Why they thought that they could 00:08:35.980 --> 00:08:38.519 put his entire works in an omnibus, it's as tall 00:08:38.519 --> 00:08:41.419 as a working horse. Simon, do you have anything 00:08:41.419 --> 00:08:46.059 to add? No. Jack, I can see why you split those 00:08:46.059 --> 00:08:49.639 two up, frankly. Time and time again, it's just 00:08:49.639 --> 00:08:53.600 proven that they're an ineffectual pairing. Because 00:08:53.600 --> 00:08:55.399 each one of them wants to ride in the sidecar 00:08:55.399 --> 00:08:57.019 most of the time, and that just doesn't work. 00:08:57.100 --> 00:08:59.610 Someone's got to take the lead. That's why, Simon, 00:08:59.669 --> 00:09:01.669 you're going to be taking the lead with your 00:09:01.669 --> 00:09:03.590 nun, and then, Samantha, you'll have the chuck. 00:09:03.789 --> 00:09:07.070 I think that's fair. Of course, if you find any 00:09:07.070 --> 00:09:11.490 kids, run for Charlie. Don't engage. Run and 00:09:11.490 --> 00:09:15.110 find Charlie. I'm most accessible by walkie, 00:09:15.129 --> 00:09:18.049 because I'm not aligned on WhatsApp yet. And 00:09:18.049 --> 00:09:20.190 if you hear an explosion, don't come looking 00:09:20.190 --> 00:09:27.769 for me. Not all problems are out in the streets, 00:09:27.769 --> 00:09:30.480 though. Sometimes they're right there beside 00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:35.580 us, in our houses, eating our food, making us 00:09:35.580 --> 00:09:39.679 take student loans out for them, and being unappreciative 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:51.419 of most of the things that we do for them. Mom, 00:09:51.580 --> 00:09:54.519 is anyone using the family gun? No, still in 00:09:54.519 --> 00:09:56.399 the locker, sweetie. That's great, you don't 00:09:56.399 --> 00:09:58.620 need it today. No, I did my hunting last night. 00:09:59.000 --> 00:10:02.899 Oh, my God. Mom, I really wanted to use a family 00:10:02.899 --> 00:10:07.440 gun tonight. Tonight? Yeah. I'll be back by seven. 00:10:07.759 --> 00:10:11.320 But I'm meant to be leaving at 6 .30. No, like, 00:10:11.360 --> 00:10:13.679 I really need to use it. What do you need it 00:10:13.679 --> 00:10:15.720 for? Well, there's plenty. What do you need it 00:10:15.720 --> 00:10:17.139 for? Because, honestly, there's no reason why 00:10:17.139 --> 00:10:19.120 you had it last week. And, honestly, like, I 00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:21.220 should be the one using it. I mean, that's what 00:10:21.220 --> 00:10:23.200 I'm asking. Look, I'm not demanding the gun. 00:10:23.340 --> 00:10:26.379 We live in a civilized household here. Neither 00:10:26.379 --> 00:10:28.960 of you will have the gun. Father has precedence 00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:33.860 over the gun. Oh, shut it, Dad. That is actually 00:10:33.860 --> 00:10:36.600 such freaking bullshit. Like, honestly. Are you 00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:38.360 hearing this? I didn't know you needed it today, 00:10:38.460 --> 00:10:40.759 honey. Well, yes, I decided I was going to go 00:10:40.759 --> 00:10:43.360 out and finish off my snooker buddies. Mom, why 00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:45.580 are you actually letting him speak to you like 00:10:45.580 --> 00:10:47.980 that? That's ridiculous. I mean, that felt fine 00:10:47.980 --> 00:10:50.679 to me. Here's the head of the household. Well, 00:10:50.720 --> 00:10:52.600 we're both heads of the household, but we did 00:10:52.600 --> 00:10:54.240 agree that when it comes to the gun... Well, 00:10:54.240 --> 00:10:56.639 do you know what? I think I'm going to take ownership 00:10:56.639 --> 00:10:59.700 of the gun. Then you become the head of the household, 00:10:59.799 --> 00:11:02.179 right? Yeah. Everyone has a gun. Yes, that's 00:11:02.179 --> 00:11:03.820 what we've always done. Just so you know, I've 00:11:03.820 --> 00:11:07.269 been, like, stockpiling, so... Guns? Yeah, guns, 00:11:07.429 --> 00:11:10.730 ammunition. Yes, but it's not the gun, darling. 00:11:10.929 --> 00:11:12.649 If you have a gun, why do you need a family gun? 00:11:12.809 --> 00:11:16.110 That is a pellet gun. I literally have like semi 00:11:16.110 --> 00:11:19.470 -automatics. So I'm just saying like maybe we 00:11:19.470 --> 00:11:21.649 should stop listening to dad and start listening 00:11:21.649 --> 00:11:24.230 to me because I'm literally like armed like a 00:11:24.230 --> 00:11:26.870 militia. Okay, no, I do think we should just 00:11:26.870 --> 00:11:29.730 calm down a little. I'm calm. Maybe if you both 00:11:29.730 --> 00:11:32.990 explain what you need the gun for today, then 00:11:32.990 --> 00:11:35.649 we can work out a solution together. Okay. Okay, 00:11:35.710 --> 00:11:37.889 you. first because I feel like you will have 00:11:37.889 --> 00:11:40.350 a very clear and concise argument and then I'm 00:11:40.350 --> 00:11:44.610 going to destroy that argument. Yes. I'm hoping 00:11:44.610 --> 00:11:47.490 to catch traitors off guard at laser tag. Okay. 00:11:47.710 --> 00:11:52.690 And you? Right. I'm hoping to find people who 00:11:52.690 --> 00:11:55.070 fundamentally disagree with the morals of our 00:11:55.070 --> 00:11:58.870 society and then gun them down. That sounds like 00:11:58.870 --> 00:12:01.230 a project you could work on together. You're 00:12:01.230 --> 00:12:03.590 both effectively doing the same thing. I mean... 00:12:03.590 --> 00:12:05.370 If I give you a lift to where you need to go, 00:12:05.820 --> 00:12:09.419 Could I get here by seven? Could we stop at Tesco 00:12:09.419 --> 00:12:12.720 and then I can get, like, some dinner and then 00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:14.820 that would work for me. Can't you eat beforehand? 00:12:15.200 --> 00:12:17.419 I hunted last night, honey. Mum, are you... Mum 00:12:17.419 --> 00:12:19.360 hunted last night. Are you hearing this? Are 00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:21.100 you hearing this? He's saying, have I eaten? 00:12:21.159 --> 00:12:23.860 And he knows I can't eat at work. I work at literally, 00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:25.679 like, a clothes shop. Like, I can't eat at work. 00:12:25.779 --> 00:12:27.419 Okay, sorry. I didn't realise you're at work 00:12:27.419 --> 00:12:29.580 today. I am at work. I am at work. Okay. No, 00:12:29.580 --> 00:12:31.559 if I pick you up from work and we stop by Tesco's, 00:12:31.639 --> 00:12:34.519 can you do seven? Yeah, and then, like, we can, 00:12:34.600 --> 00:12:36.470 like... single -handedly, well, double -handedly, 00:12:36.509 --> 00:12:39.009 like, create a militia. Oh, I was just going 00:12:39.009 --> 00:12:41.210 to drop you off. I'm going to go to a movie tonight. 00:12:41.330 --> 00:12:43.210 Mom, are you hearing this? Like, he's literally 00:12:43.210 --> 00:12:44.950 saying that he's going to go for a movie instead 00:12:44.950 --> 00:12:47.789 of doing that. I do actually, I do find it quite 00:12:47.789 --> 00:12:49.830 nice to hear you, you know, working together. 00:12:50.169 --> 00:12:52.750 Because, like, I really appreciate his, like, 00:12:52.750 --> 00:12:55.870 military presence, and I think, like, oh, this 00:12:55.870 --> 00:12:57.629 is going to sound so cringe, but, like... All 00:12:57.629 --> 00:12:59.669 right, children, I'm back. Dad, do you want... 00:12:59.669 --> 00:13:01.990 I know, I'm back, I'm back. Dad, you really don't 00:13:01.990 --> 00:13:03.370 appreciate how your children... I've dispatched 00:13:03.370 --> 00:13:06.940 my snooker buddies. And the gun's back for anyone 00:13:06.940 --> 00:13:09.779 who wants to use it. I never liked them. Good 00:13:09.779 --> 00:13:13.100 job. Honestly, I think your friends are problematic, 00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:15.620 Dad, so I'm really happy for you. And you know 00:13:15.620 --> 00:13:18.960 what, Samantha? I know right now I say I'm going 00:13:18.960 --> 00:13:20.700 to go to a movie, but I think if you ask me again, 00:13:20.759 --> 00:13:23.659 once you're holding the gun, I respond to that 00:13:23.659 --> 00:13:26.240 better. Well, this is going to sound really cringe, 00:13:26.360 --> 00:13:28.100 but I know you're my older brother, I think, 00:13:28.139 --> 00:13:30.429 but like... Honestly, I really appreciate your 00:13:30.429 --> 00:13:33.450 presence in, like, all military regimes that 00:13:33.450 --> 00:13:36.509 I'm trying to, like, pursue. And, like, I feel 00:13:36.509 --> 00:13:38.750 like it's kind of cringe to say it, but I really 00:13:38.750 --> 00:13:41.269 want you there by my side. Okay, well, I didn't 00:13:41.269 --> 00:13:42.250 know that. I didn't know it was that important 00:13:42.250 --> 00:13:45.470 to you. Yeah, no, I can be there. Thank you so 00:13:45.470 --> 00:13:48.409 much. We are strong and we stick together as 00:13:48.409 --> 00:13:51.409 a family. Thank you so much. Hello, mother. Hello, 00:13:51.450 --> 00:13:56.730 father. Is anyone using the family gun? Who the 00:13:56.730 --> 00:14:04.879 fuck is... This? Mum? It is me, Corey. Corey, 00:14:04.940 --> 00:14:07.519 it's a bit of a shock to see you. Mum, who is 00:14:07.519 --> 00:14:11.240 this? It is me, little brother. You might have 00:14:11.240 --> 00:14:13.039 been a bit too young since last time he was here. 00:14:13.240 --> 00:14:15.879 Who is this? Corey. I have no recollection of 00:14:15.879 --> 00:14:18.500 who this is. You were like three when he was 00:14:18.500 --> 00:14:21.120 last here? I feel like I remember if I had another 00:14:21.120 --> 00:14:23.039 sibling when I was three. I don't think I was 00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:29.679 three. I have moustache now. Oh. And I like gun? 00:14:30.039 --> 00:14:33.580 Please. We've just been over. He has to be part 00:14:33.580 --> 00:14:37.360 of our family. He loves guns. I love gun. Mom, 00:14:37.399 --> 00:14:41.639 who is this? The thing is, this is, you know, 00:14:41.720 --> 00:14:46.960 my other child. He just shows up every 6 .5 years. 00:14:47.340 --> 00:14:51.840 Every 6 .5 years when money run out. I am not 00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:56.620 secret agent. It's astonishingly regular. WTF. 00:14:57.720 --> 00:15:09.299 What the actual heck? Who wants to watch? You 00:15:09.299 --> 00:15:11.940 want to watch? What do you say, Charlie? You 00:15:11.940 --> 00:15:15.659 want to watch? Well, I want to know if these 00:15:15.659 --> 00:15:21.460 are licensed and official. 100 % official, licensed, 00:15:21.740 --> 00:15:25.639 Rolex, Breitling, Tag Heuer, all of them straight 00:15:25.639 --> 00:15:28.279 off the shelf. I just happen to have them on 00:15:28.279 --> 00:15:32.179 my trench coat because my sister took my stall. 00:15:32.659 --> 00:15:35.220 I'm an honest hustler. I'm an honest person. 00:15:35.419 --> 00:15:37.559 I'm just trying to sell you a good quality watch. 00:15:37.899 --> 00:15:41.480 This is your first lesson, Charlie. As Neighborhood 00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:43.980 Watch, sometimes it's important to support local 00:15:43.980 --> 00:15:48.100 businesses, even if this man is extremely suspect. 00:15:48.980 --> 00:15:51.720 Hey, if you guys are from Neighborhood Watch, 00:15:51.860 --> 00:15:54.730 why not get yourself... A neighbourhood watch. 00:15:54.990 --> 00:15:58.769 Am I right? Very good. Very nice and very charming, 00:15:58.850 --> 00:16:02.330 but Derek, this isn't my first rodeo. I'm familiar 00:16:02.330 --> 00:16:05.529 with our friend here from other Facebook groups 00:16:05.529 --> 00:16:09.509 for selling counterfeit watches. That's my side 00:16:09.509 --> 00:16:12.830 puzzle. On my side I sell counterfeit watches. 00:16:12.950 --> 00:16:16.250 My day job is selling genuine, real, artefact 00:16:16.250 --> 00:16:19.330 watches. And granted, it is half two in the day. 00:16:19.629 --> 00:16:23.049 Half two? Like I say, I would be selling these 00:16:23.049 --> 00:16:26.210 on a stall, but for the fact that my sister stole 00:16:26.210 --> 00:16:29.529 my stall. But what is passing off one or two 00:16:29.529 --> 00:16:31.850 counterfeit watches as the legitimate thing during 00:16:31.850 --> 00:16:33.809 the day? Illegitimately passing off fake watches. 00:16:34.090 --> 00:16:37.590 How dare you, sir? I'm only doing my due diligence 00:16:37.590 --> 00:16:41.750 as neighborhood watch. All right, governor. Can 00:16:41.750 --> 00:16:45.169 I have some counterfeit watches, if you know 00:16:45.169 --> 00:16:47.250 what I mean? What are you going to do, friend? 00:16:47.750 --> 00:16:49.730 You're not meant to be out at this time of day. 00:16:50.250 --> 00:16:52.669 Why have you got a ball and chain on your ankle? 00:16:53.029 --> 00:16:56.509 Look, it's took me ages to get here. I need some 00:16:56.509 --> 00:17:01.570 counterfeit watches. Good friend, who I've never 00:17:01.570 --> 00:17:04.650 met before in my life, I would like to direct 00:17:04.650 --> 00:17:07.490 you to maybe a business that operates from the 00:17:07.490 --> 00:17:12.650 hours of 8pm to 4 .55am. I don't see the sun. 00:17:13.049 --> 00:17:15.910 Who knows what time it could be with the equinox 00:17:15.910 --> 00:17:19.559 coming up. I see you, sir, are sporting the old 00:17:19.559 --> 00:17:22.619 Atlas watch that relies very much on the sun 00:17:22.619 --> 00:17:26.339 itself. He is a follower of the pagan religion. 00:17:26.579 --> 00:17:29.500 We don't need to bring religion into this. I 00:17:29.500 --> 00:17:31.299 just want to know if you're going to sell this 00:17:31.299 --> 00:17:37.119 guy a counterfeit watch? Good day! Hello! I'm 00:17:37.119 --> 00:17:40.220 looking to buy a watch for my wife. I almost 00:17:40.220 --> 00:17:43.859 couldn't see you. It's very dark. The afternoon's 00:17:43.859 --> 00:17:47.240 really, really dark. However, since I have found 00:17:47.240 --> 00:17:51.440 you at last, I would like a very nice watch for 00:17:51.440 --> 00:17:54.740 my wife. I reckon as you, you do the weather, 00:17:54.779 --> 00:17:59.579 don't you? Oh, I do do the weather. Yes, I love 00:17:59.579 --> 00:18:03.500 to do the weather. I can say you authentic. Tag 00:18:03.500 --> 00:18:06.740 heller. Brightling. Cassios? I don't mean to 00:18:06.740 --> 00:18:09.680 bring class into this scenario, but I was here 00:18:09.680 --> 00:18:13.119 first. My good friend, whomst I have never seen 00:18:13.119 --> 00:18:15.619 before. I don't want to bring class into it either, 00:18:15.819 --> 00:18:19.480 but I could almost definitely say I have more 00:18:19.480 --> 00:18:23.200 money. Than him. They say that, but they have 00:18:23.200 --> 00:18:27.740 more liquidated assets. I have free illegal car 00:18:27.740 --> 00:18:31.440 washes. One has not been accused of being liquidated 00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:37.440 for years. I went to rehab. I will fucking liquidate 00:18:37.440 --> 00:18:40.920 you, sunshine, if you don't let me buy a counterfeit 00:18:40.920 --> 00:18:43.900 watch. I would like to say this to the large 00:18:43.900 --> 00:18:47.160 crowd that has gathered. I have one really premium 00:18:47.160 --> 00:18:50.299 Rolex here. I want to know if it's good for my 00:18:50.299 --> 00:18:54.359 wife. Will it fit her dainty wrist? Where's your 00:18:54.359 --> 00:18:57.740 fucking wife? Leave my fucking wife out of it. 00:18:57.779 --> 00:19:01.779 Excuse me, can we settle down for one minute? 00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:05.339 I have taken a record of all the things that 00:19:05.339 --> 00:19:08.000 have been spoken about today. I will bring them 00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:11.099 back to the Neighborhood Watch to see if we can 00:19:11.099 --> 00:19:14.359 continue with Neighborhood Watches as the term 00:19:14.359 --> 00:19:18.380 goes. Please refrain from any purchases of legitimate 00:19:18.380 --> 00:19:21.980 or illegitimate timepieces for the foreseeable. 00:19:22.019 --> 00:19:24.180 I don't mean to bring class into this, but I'm 00:19:24.180 --> 00:19:26.920 leaving grade A plastic explosive right here 00:19:26.920 --> 00:19:31.180 with a time -sensitive trigger. And how are you 00:19:31.180 --> 00:19:33.519 using that time -sensitive trigger, sir? Would 00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:36.220 you like to see a Breitling, a Tag Hauer? This 00:19:36.220 --> 00:19:38.220 is neighborhood watch business. A swatch, perhaps? 00:19:38.460 --> 00:19:41.839 We're quite capable of arming our own explosives. 00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:44.079 Now, once the sun comes out, this bad boy's going 00:19:44.079 --> 00:19:47.039 to blow. So you better watch out is what I'm 00:19:47.039 --> 00:19:50.279 saying. Can our interest use in the Casio glow 00:19:50.279 --> 00:19:53.759 back backlight watch? You can also do your taxes 00:19:53.759 --> 00:19:55.779 on it. Charlie, I think we've done all we can. 00:19:56.160 --> 00:19:58.740 I don't know. I'm quite interested in the calculator. 00:19:59.809 --> 00:20:03.049 I'm still waiting on a fucking counterfeit. Wink, 00:20:03.049 --> 00:20:05.670 wink. Fucking what? I've never met you before 00:20:05.670 --> 00:20:07.589 in my life, good sir, who I've met for the first 00:20:07.589 --> 00:20:09.269 time. No, so take this fucking money. So I'll 00:20:09.269 --> 00:20:13.569 see you after 12pm. Oh, I'm going down the pub, 00:20:13.569 --> 00:20:24.559 innit? So you're telling me that you have a freaking 00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:27.180 other freaking child? I am sorry. Mom, I'm trying 00:20:27.180 --> 00:20:29.099 not to freaking swear right now. Like, honestly, 00:20:29.240 --> 00:20:32.279 I'm in freaking shock. I know what happened last 00:20:32.279 --> 00:20:35.140 time he was here. You were skiing. I was skiing? 00:20:35.500 --> 00:20:38.380 Yes, yeah. Oh, yes. What the actual heck? How 00:20:38.380 --> 00:20:41.559 much fun. We could go to some sort of resort 00:20:41.559 --> 00:20:45.000 together sometime. Big sister. See, isn't this 00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:47.640 fun? A second brother. Mum, for frick's sake, 00:20:47.660 --> 00:20:49.519 I thought I was the freaking youngest child and 00:20:49.519 --> 00:20:51.380 you're freaking telling me that I have a freaking 00:20:51.380 --> 00:20:53.720 younger brother who wants to go skiing with me? 00:20:53.880 --> 00:20:56.819 You know how, like, literal, like, awful I am 00:20:56.819 --> 00:20:58.839 at freaking skiing? Are you being for freaking 00:20:58.839 --> 00:21:00.720 real? Okay, Corey didn't know that. Never know, 00:21:00.819 --> 00:21:03.019 darling. For heck's sake, mum. He might be worse 00:21:03.019 --> 00:21:05.359 than you and then you'll look fantastic. Are 00:21:05.359 --> 00:21:08.420 you bad at skiing? I have never skied in my life. 00:21:08.460 --> 00:21:11.440 I just thought Bond might be nice. Is gun being 00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:13.950 used? Mom, he's literally trying to steal my 00:21:13.950 --> 00:21:16.529 freaking gun. And I'm not even being freaking 00:21:16.529 --> 00:21:18.950 serious right now. I need that freaking gun. 00:21:19.049 --> 00:21:21.329 I'm trying to bring order to this freaking society. 00:21:21.849 --> 00:21:23.309 Like, I'm trying not to swear. I'm trying to 00:21:23.309 --> 00:21:26.029 go by your rules. I'm trying by your rules, as 00:21:26.029 --> 00:21:27.809 I usually try and do. But you're telling me you 00:21:27.809 --> 00:21:30.789 have another freaking child? Honestly, Mom, what 00:21:30.789 --> 00:21:34.089 the heck? The thing is, Corey, we're pleased 00:21:34.089 --> 00:21:37.089 to see you, as always. Hello, Mother. Hello, 00:21:37.170 --> 00:21:40.390 Father. On the back of a long discussion we've 00:21:40.390 --> 00:21:42.690 just had about the gun. I did not mean to cause 00:21:42.690 --> 00:21:45.869 concern. I just take gun and we can discuss other 00:21:45.869 --> 00:21:48.990 time. Well, I'm afraid we've actually agreed 00:21:48.990 --> 00:21:52.130 on the gun schedule for today. This is fair and 00:21:52.130 --> 00:21:55.529 reasonable. Right. Okay. My enemies can wait. 00:21:55.769 --> 00:21:58.349 Would you like to put in a proposal for your 00:21:58.349 --> 00:22:00.650 use of the gun maybe tomorrow? Corey, who are 00:22:00.650 --> 00:22:04.150 your enemies? I feel like since we're, I don't 00:22:04.150 --> 00:22:07.910 know, like family team. Mum, this is like too 00:22:07.910 --> 00:22:10.150 fresh for you to be making freaking jokes about 00:22:10.150 --> 00:22:13.029 this. Right, since we're siblings, who are your 00:22:13.029 --> 00:22:16.950 enemies? I have enemies in government. Okay, 00:22:17.170 --> 00:22:29.410 in all fairness, that sounds promising. Ah, look 00:22:29.410 --> 00:22:33.410 at these lovely chrysanthemums. They're so colourful. 00:22:33.960 --> 00:22:36.940 And nice. And I just... It's quite clear down 00:22:36.940 --> 00:22:39.980 the line, right? I'm so glad I planted them. 00:22:40.119 --> 00:22:42.960 We can see her googling the flower. She quickly 00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:44.240 doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm not 00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:46.799 sure what she thinks a chrysanthemum is. I love 00:22:46.799 --> 00:22:50.099 the fact they're so colourful. She's not getting 00:22:50.099 --> 00:22:53.220 reception. Oh, there's so many petals on this. 00:22:53.220 --> 00:22:55.759 I think the sun's suspicious going on. It's really 00:22:55.759 --> 00:22:57.720 sad to watch. I love the fact they come in multiple 00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:00.740 colours. Not sure if it's sad. It's... It's quite 00:23:00.740 --> 00:23:03.019 suspicious, as I said, Simon. I think so. Is 00:23:03.019 --> 00:23:06.299 she trying to impress someone? I don't see anyone 00:23:06.299 --> 00:23:09.039 else about. Is it you? No one's ever tried to 00:23:09.039 --> 00:23:11.339 impress me. Well, Simon, you've got this magnetic 00:23:11.339 --> 00:23:15.619 sexuality to you. Thank you. You're welcome. 00:23:15.720 --> 00:23:19.299 I just love the fact that they are anti -inflammatory 00:23:19.299 --> 00:23:23.679 and antibacterial and perhaps even heck. Anti 00:23:23.679 --> 00:23:26.579 -cancer. Maybe she's a witch. Could be a witch. 00:23:26.640 --> 00:23:28.799 They have so many amino acids. What do we do 00:23:28.799 --> 00:23:31.599 to witches? Do we burn them? I think we... No. 00:23:32.140 --> 00:23:34.339 Good, good. I don't want to burn them. I'm really 00:23:34.339 --> 00:23:36.200 sorry, guys. I'm just overhearing you. I'm trying 00:23:36.200 --> 00:23:38.980 to have a moment. My beloved chrysanthemums. 00:23:39.220 --> 00:23:42.380 That was just it. We're not too sure if they 00:23:42.380 --> 00:23:45.819 are chrysanthemums or you're looking at them. 00:23:45.940 --> 00:23:48.579 I think I know what chrysanthemums look like. 00:23:49.019 --> 00:23:51.079 I think I know what colours they come in and 00:23:51.079 --> 00:23:53.400 I think I know their properties. It just looked 00:23:53.400 --> 00:23:55.299 like you were trying to Google it and you had 00:23:55.299 --> 00:23:57.299 difficulty spelling it. Yeah, we can see the 00:23:57.299 --> 00:24:01.019 light reflected up on your face. I was texting 00:24:01.019 --> 00:24:03.759 my brother about the chrysanthemums. I was just 00:24:03.759 --> 00:24:06.619 letting him know about their anti -cancer capabilities, 00:24:06.799 --> 00:24:08.200 actually, and antibacterial. Does your brother 00:24:08.200 --> 00:24:11.680 have cancer? No, I don't have cancer, but I just 00:24:11.680 --> 00:24:13.720 got a text saying how beautiful these chrysanthemums 00:24:13.720 --> 00:24:15.539 are and I'm so glad you... See, Darren, see, 00:24:15.640 --> 00:24:18.039 I was texting Darren, my brother, and I was just 00:24:18.039 --> 00:24:20.059 telling him about the anti -cancer capabilities 00:24:20.059 --> 00:24:22.180 of my chrysanthemums. It's truly incredible. 00:24:22.279 --> 00:24:24.819 The results are better than medicine. If Darren 00:24:24.819 --> 00:24:26.759 is in the garden next door, why don't you just 00:24:26.759 --> 00:24:30.140 shout at him? We do not shout in our households. 00:24:30.200 --> 00:24:32.539 My parents raised me on that. Did your parents 00:24:32.539 --> 00:24:34.460 shout in your household? Is that why you use 00:24:34.460 --> 00:24:36.640 such harsh words? Hey, hey, hey! The Neighbourhood 00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:38.779 Watch. We're the ones to ask the questions, aren't 00:24:38.779 --> 00:24:41.039 we, Simon? We are indeed. Okay, you're trying 00:24:41.039 --> 00:24:43.000 to be an authority figure here, but... We are 00:24:43.000 --> 00:24:45.000 an authority figure. If we weren't an authority 00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:46.740 figure, we wouldn't be sharing a pair of nunchucks. 00:24:46.940 --> 00:24:50.640 Yeah. Bask in the glory of our authority. Excuse 00:24:50.640 --> 00:24:54.299 me, ma 'am, ma 'am, ma 'am. I believe our session's 00:24:54.299 --> 00:24:56.660 nearly up and my shoulders are still inflamed. 00:24:56.680 --> 00:24:58.440 Have you picked those plants you were talking 00:24:58.440 --> 00:25:00.940 about? Lower your voice. I'm sorry. Because we 00:25:00.940 --> 00:25:02.819 don't shout in this place. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 00:25:02.900 --> 00:25:05.099 Am I to understand that you're running some sort 00:25:05.099 --> 00:25:08.740 of clinic here? Do you have a permit for that? 00:25:08.779 --> 00:25:12.140 Well, it's private property, isn't it? So I'm 00:25:12.140 --> 00:25:15.720 allowed to cure people if I so wish. Nice if 00:25:15.720 --> 00:25:18.680 you try it. I'm flamed up over here. Just give 00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:22.269 it two to three... and I think you're going to 00:25:22.269 --> 00:25:24.549 have a shoulder that doesn't look so deformed. 00:25:24.750 --> 00:25:26.950 Simon, I think she's a quack. She's a quack and 00:25:26.950 --> 00:25:30.369 she can't recognise dandelions from chrysanthemums. 00:25:30.369 --> 00:25:31.829 These are not dandelions. They're quite clear 00:25:31.829 --> 00:25:33.470 dandelions. I was not googling what they look 00:25:33.470 --> 00:25:35.910 like. They look like the picture on your phone. 00:25:36.089 --> 00:25:38.289 And I know what chrysanthemums look like. I'm 00:25:38.289 --> 00:25:40.829 something of a botanist. You're not a very good 00:25:40.829 --> 00:25:43.779 botanist. No. Are you Neighbourhood Watch or 00:25:43.779 --> 00:25:45.759 are you just Neighbourhood Bullies? Hey, this 00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:47.740 is a part -time gig for us. Neighbourhood Bullies. 00:25:48.500 --> 00:25:51.259 Neighbourhood Bullies. Neighbourhood Bullies. 00:25:52.059 --> 00:25:53.400 Neighbourhood Bullies. It feels like something 00:25:53.400 --> 00:25:56.119 for, like, small claims court. I don't think 00:25:56.119 --> 00:25:58.079 this is within our authority. I'm sorry, you 00:25:58.079 --> 00:26:00.500 think I have a case? I think you do have a case. 00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:03.119 Whoa, whoa, whoa. I do. Hey, look, the clock's 00:26:03.119 --> 00:26:05.019 ticking. Your arm looks like an elephant's trunk, 00:26:05.119 --> 00:26:07.539 sir. I'm also, I am concerned that you promised 00:26:07.539 --> 00:26:10.940 antiviral, antibacterial, anti -cancer. And I'm 00:26:10.940 --> 00:26:14.440 not sure... Allegedly. Sometimes with science, 00:26:14.539 --> 00:26:17.740 you have to do a bit of guesswork. Yeah, but 00:26:17.740 --> 00:26:19.940 two to three years of guesswork seems pretty 00:26:19.940 --> 00:26:24.539 crazy. I'm sorry your shoulder looks so deformed 00:26:24.539 --> 00:26:28.180 and so weird. Yeah, it is looking weird. I'm 00:26:28.180 --> 00:26:30.559 trying my best. It's not that weird. It is. It 00:26:30.559 --> 00:26:32.890 is. At least you've got some flowers on you now. 00:26:33.130 --> 00:26:35.690 You look so much prettier instead of your deformed 00:26:35.690 --> 00:26:37.690 arm. Isn't that nice? Isn't that something the 00:26:37.690 --> 00:26:39.670 Neighbourhood Watch can get behind? Not really, 00:26:39.829 --> 00:26:42.109 no. Not even a little bit. No, you're a quack. 00:26:42.289 --> 00:26:44.089 What if she did the other arm up the same way? 00:26:44.430 --> 00:26:47.269 No. I don't think it would help. At least they'd 00:26:47.269 --> 00:26:49.390 match. Do you think it will cause the other one 00:26:49.390 --> 00:26:52.589 to become deformed? I don't know. I did not deform 00:26:52.589 --> 00:26:56.890 his arm. I did not deform his arm. I think the 00:26:56.890 --> 00:26:59.289 Neighbourhood Watch should really... And I don't 00:26:59.289 --> 00:27:01.650 want to use bad words here, but, like, back the 00:27:01.650 --> 00:27:06.609 heck off. Hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I 00:27:06.609 --> 00:27:11.049 am apoplectic. Sorry, what was your name again? 00:27:11.529 --> 00:27:13.869 Margaret. Margaret, we're going to have to put 00:27:13.869 --> 00:27:16.289 in a complaint about you. Yeah, I'm sorry where 00:27:16.289 --> 00:27:19.130 I come from. We respect people of the law. Very 00:27:19.130 --> 00:27:22.349 sad news. The chrysanthemums are withering because 00:27:22.349 --> 00:27:25.279 of our harsh, loud words. Oh, my God. I think 00:27:25.279 --> 00:27:27.519 that's the least of your worries, Margaret. You're 00:27:27.519 --> 00:27:29.519 screaming. Margaret, you're going to have to 00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:31.460 come with us. Margaret, you're going to have 00:27:31.460 --> 00:27:33.779 to come with us. Stop resisting arrest. Stop, 00:27:33.819 --> 00:27:35.859 the roses are going to wilt. The roses are going 00:27:35.859 --> 00:27:37.039 to wilt. We're going to wrap your hands up in 00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:47.420 the nunchucks. The roses are going to wilt. Hiya, 00:27:47.420 --> 00:27:49.880 it's me, Jason. Is anyone using the family gun? 00:27:50.839 --> 00:27:54.210 Jason. Are you being for real? You told Jason 00:27:54.210 --> 00:27:57.289 about a freaking gun. Jason is no family. My 00:27:57.289 --> 00:28:00.470 brother, my Russian brother. I thought we were 00:28:00.470 --> 00:28:03.940 meeting at laser tag today. No, I'm here for 00:28:03.940 --> 00:28:07.059 the family gun. We've already talked about the 00:28:07.059 --> 00:28:08.759 family gun. Who do you want to kill? Because 00:28:08.759 --> 00:28:11.680 we're literally about to kill the education minister, 00:28:11.880 --> 00:28:14.200 the finance minister, the treasurer. Can you 00:28:14.200 --> 00:28:16.099 honestly be fucking real right now? I tell you 00:28:16.099 --> 00:28:18.000 who I'm killing right now. It's everyone in this 00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:22.680 room. I would put it to slaying. Honestly, Jason, 00:28:22.700 --> 00:28:26.380 you are a freaking hoot. You're so fucking funny 00:28:26.380 --> 00:28:28.720 right now. Sorry for swearing, but can we hang 00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:33.000 out after? Can I give you my Instagram? Oh, my 00:28:33.000 --> 00:28:34.660 God, he's such a hoot. Big bro there, was this 00:28:34.660 --> 00:28:37.180 your target? How do you know that you weren't 00:28:37.180 --> 00:28:39.880 there for that discussion? I listen always. You 00:28:39.880 --> 00:28:43.559 were going to freaking kill Jason. I didn't say 00:28:43.559 --> 00:28:45.559 I was... Right, can you literally kill... I don't 00:28:45.559 --> 00:28:48.319 alert your enemies beforehand. Right, but honestly, 00:28:48.420 --> 00:28:51.680 Jason is such, like, good fun. Like, he honestly 00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:53.619 takes me to, like, the best parties and everything. 00:28:53.819 --> 00:28:56.299 Thank you. Exactly. No, we are in disagreement. 00:28:56.420 --> 00:28:59.799 Why are you killing him? Okay. You are not using 00:28:59.799 --> 00:29:02.059 mom and dad's gun to literally kill Jason. It's 00:29:02.059 --> 00:29:03.799 a family gun. That is so fucking annoying. It's 00:29:03.799 --> 00:29:05.000 been in our family for five generations. Literally 00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:06.339 don't even do it. It's not mom and dad's gun. 00:29:06.420 --> 00:29:08.880 It's everyone's gun. If Jason touches family 00:29:08.880 --> 00:29:11.339 gun, we have a right to murder. Don't literally 00:29:11.339 --> 00:29:13.619 tell him that. I'm not being funny. Mom, he's 00:29:13.619 --> 00:29:15.559 literally telling me to freaking kill Jason. 00:29:15.559 --> 00:29:16.299 I am very much part of his family. And Jason 00:29:16.299 --> 00:29:18.500 is literally my freaking friend. Fuck you guys. 00:29:19.319 --> 00:29:21.279 Mom, can you actually deal with this? Because 00:29:21.279 --> 00:29:22.640 I literally can't because I'm going to freak 00:29:22.640 --> 00:29:24.599 out if you don't. freaking deal with it right 00:29:24.599 --> 00:29:27.460 now. We were working together so well five minutes 00:29:27.460 --> 00:29:29.799 ago. It was such nice teamwork. I am sorry. I 00:29:29.799 --> 00:29:32.839 have caused consternation in family once again. 00:29:33.079 --> 00:29:37.400 I actually think it was Jason's fault. Corey, 00:29:37.400 --> 00:29:40.920 don't change. Jason, please change. No. Jason, 00:29:40.920 --> 00:29:43.579 don't change. Change, Jason. Change from living 00:29:43.579 --> 00:29:46.200 to dead. Thank you, Corey. I feel like if we 00:29:46.200 --> 00:29:48.680 unite and we can take the gun, do you want to 00:29:48.680 --> 00:29:51.119 kill the treasurer? Jason, I wish you were away 00:29:51.119 --> 00:29:54.359 every 6 .5 years. Honestly, Stop being mean to 00:29:54.359 --> 00:29:57.000 Jason. He's honestly so lovely to me. You are 00:29:57.000 --> 00:30:00.720 such a diva. I love you so much. Thank you, Sleigh 00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:03.180 Queen. Sweetie, I'm afraid I have to agree with 00:30:03.180 --> 00:30:05.579 the boys on this one. Jason's really irritating. 00:30:06.019 --> 00:30:08.880 Oh my, are you being freaking for real right 00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:11.680 now? He's literally my best freaking friend. 00:30:11.839 --> 00:30:14.619 I honestly don't even freaking care. Okay, he's 00:30:14.619 --> 00:30:16.480 two years older than me, but honestly, in school, 00:30:16.559 --> 00:30:19.539 he's such a freaking ally. The last time? Corey, 00:30:19.740 --> 00:30:22.140 shut the frick up. You don't even freaking come 00:30:22.140 --> 00:30:23.700 from here. You literally come from Russia. No 00:30:23.700 --> 00:30:26.500 offense, no xenophobia. This is learned. No xenophobia. 00:30:26.539 --> 00:30:28.700 I don't need any xenophobia. He's literally Russian. 00:30:28.700 --> 00:30:32.130 This is a learned accent. Right, you're my freaking 00:30:32.130 --> 00:30:34.329 secret brother, so can you please, like, stop 00:30:34.329 --> 00:30:35.970 being so freaking problematic right now? Last 00:30:35.970 --> 00:30:38.970 time you weren't here, you were skiing. Jason 00:30:38.970 --> 00:30:43.549 was here natter natter all day long. Just wouldn't 00:30:43.549 --> 00:30:46.549 shut up. And I said, if only there was war and 00:30:46.549 --> 00:30:49.410 we could have a reason for murder. Corey, I'm 00:30:49.410 --> 00:30:51.349 not being even, like, serious right now. I know 00:30:51.349 --> 00:30:53.900 you're my, I suppose, like, my... younger secret 00:30:53.900 --> 00:30:57.619 russian brother so much leather sister who i 00:30:57.619 --> 00:31:00.380 have seen twice in your leaf we text about you 00:31:00.380 --> 00:31:03.279 all the time cory right if you want to use the 00:31:03.279 --> 00:31:05.559 gun we can both use the freaking gun okay but 00:31:05.559 --> 00:31:08.279 do not speak badly about jason he is one of my 00:31:08.279 --> 00:31:11.680 best friends and like i'm going into right you 00:31:11.680 --> 00:31:13.799 don't know this because you're my russian secret 00:31:13.799 --> 00:31:16.319 brother who i've just freaking met i'm going 00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:18.839 to six from next year and i don't know if you 00:31:18.839 --> 00:31:21.000 know what that means It means that I have to 00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:23.960 really practice being freaking cool. And I'm 00:31:23.960 --> 00:31:26.380 not being serious right now, but I really need 00:31:26.380 --> 00:31:29.259 this. I really need this. So, Corey, could you 00:31:29.259 --> 00:31:32.000 please, like, calm down? We can assassinate the 00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:35.180 treasurer of the government together, but you 00:31:35.180 --> 00:31:38.559 do not speak badly about Jason. Am I really clear 00:31:38.559 --> 00:31:42.460 right now? This is honestly fair family discussion. 00:31:42.779 --> 00:31:46.160 I have missed these, no? I know. I'm really proud 00:31:46.160 --> 00:31:48.740 of our debating skills. Can I suggest one final 00:31:48.740 --> 00:31:51.089 thing? We all vote on whether or not I get to 00:31:51.089 --> 00:31:59.670 shoot Jason. You may be wondering, what was the 00:31:59.670 --> 00:32:01.970 head of the neighborhood watch doing this evening 00:32:01.970 --> 00:32:05.230 as his patrols uncovered dodgy watches and flowers? 00:32:06.650 --> 00:32:09.470 He had another dodgy character he had to keep 00:32:09.470 --> 00:32:20.700 an eye on. His own father. Hey, hey Clem. Clem. 00:32:21.220 --> 00:32:26.640 Clem, come here. Clem. Clem, I've just been sitting 00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:28.799 outside my dad's house here for the past two 00:32:28.799 --> 00:32:31.319 hours and there's lights on there. Have you seen 00:32:31.319 --> 00:32:33.039 him? Have you seen him being up to anything? 00:32:33.640 --> 00:32:36.880 Have you seen your dad? Yeah, my father, my sire. 00:32:37.140 --> 00:32:40.079 Yeah, I've seen your dad. Do you know he's been 00:32:40.079 --> 00:32:42.680 doing anything weird? What do you call weird? 00:32:42.839 --> 00:32:45.140 He watched Neighbours and that wasn't that strange. 00:32:45.500 --> 00:32:47.200 He watched Neighbours? He watched Neighbours 00:32:47.200 --> 00:32:49.140 and then I saw him get a cup of tea and that 00:32:49.140 --> 00:32:52.259 wasn't that weird. Alright, well after 2 .30pm, 00:32:52.460 --> 00:32:54.880 well, oh okay, after Neighbours and then after 00:32:54.880 --> 00:32:58.420 Doctors, what did he do after that? Because I 00:32:58.420 --> 00:33:00.720 know he's doing something in that garage of his 00:33:00.720 --> 00:33:04.150 and I... Oh, the noises. Yeah. The noises. No, 00:33:04.289 --> 00:33:06.890 don't worry about that. He won't let me in, and 00:33:06.890 --> 00:33:09.410 I'm sorry. No, I don't think, Jack, it's your 00:33:09.410 --> 00:33:12.509 place to be, to be anywhere near that garage. 00:33:12.769 --> 00:33:15.150 No, I need to know. He's a criminal. He's not 00:33:15.150 --> 00:33:16.789 a criminal. He's had a criminal past. He's not 00:33:16.789 --> 00:33:18.609 a criminal. He's had a criminal past. And he 00:33:18.609 --> 00:33:22.049 treated my mama wrong, and I'm not convinced 00:33:22.049 --> 00:33:25.670 he's going to continue. Son. Son. Oh. You there. 00:33:26.190 --> 00:33:29.549 Don't be talking to him. You watching. You watching 00:33:29.549 --> 00:33:33.180 me. Um, um... Papa. You best not be watching. 00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:35.619 No, I know you're doing something in there, in 00:33:35.619 --> 00:33:38.819 that garage. You what? You know? You think you 00:33:38.819 --> 00:33:41.259 know what I'm up to? No, I know you're doing 00:33:41.259 --> 00:33:42.099 something, but I don't know the... Yeah, you 00:33:42.099 --> 00:33:44.079 don't think nothing, do you? I don't know the 00:33:44.079 --> 00:33:46.140 specifics, Dad. Yeah, you don't know fucking 00:33:46.140 --> 00:33:48.339 nothing. Don't speak to me like that. You don't 00:33:48.339 --> 00:33:51.160 know nothing. John, John, leave the boy alone. 00:33:51.559 --> 00:33:54.259 No. Clem, Clem, stay out of this. You're only 00:33:54.259 --> 00:33:57.380 an uncle. This is a family affair. No. No, Clem. 00:33:57.539 --> 00:34:01.039 No. We're back to this. When we were children. 00:34:01.740 --> 00:34:04.779 You and me, Clem. I'm looking after your son. 00:34:04.980 --> 00:34:08.119 I'm trying to steer him away. I'm trying to steer 00:34:08.119 --> 00:34:10.820 him away. I'll look after you. You wish you would 00:34:10.820 --> 00:34:12.960 look after me in a non -sexual way. I'll look 00:34:12.960 --> 00:34:15.599 after you, Clem. Hey, I have the full authority 00:34:15.599 --> 00:34:18.300 of the neighbourhood watch behind my back. One 00:34:18.300 --> 00:34:20.840 of my friends has Semtex'd her. So if you don't 00:34:20.840 --> 00:34:23.800 open up that garage and let me... Oh yeah? What 00:34:23.800 --> 00:34:25.760 are you going to do? Well, I'll take this baton 00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:28.179 out of my tight peach trousers. You know what? 00:34:28.219 --> 00:34:30.320 You take your baton out of that tight peach. 00:34:30.539 --> 00:34:33.539 I want to see what you do with it. No! John, 00:34:33.539 --> 00:34:36.000 you don't want us to eat, John! Look, everyone, 00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:38.219 that man's taking his cock out. No, I'm... Form 00:34:38.219 --> 00:34:41.500 a cloud. No, I'm not, I swear. The peach -coloured 00:34:41.500 --> 00:34:44.500 trousers is very different to my skin, and the 00:34:44.500 --> 00:34:47.059 big, large thing is a baton. Why is it a peach 00:34:47.059 --> 00:34:50.619 baton? Well, it was two for one deal. But look, 00:34:50.739 --> 00:34:54.659 I'm not that big. I just, this isn't, it's too 00:34:54.659 --> 00:34:57.179 big to be... Look, I don't need to explain this 00:34:57.179 --> 00:34:59.659 family business. He's told everyone he has a 00:34:59.659 --> 00:35:02.460 small peach cock, everyone. He's my son, then! 00:35:03.309 --> 00:35:05.869 Darling, you're humiliating him. Leave him alone. 00:35:06.329 --> 00:35:09.590 Come on. He's humiliating himself. No, I'm not. 00:35:09.610 --> 00:35:12.050 He's trying. You're trying, son. You're trying. 00:35:12.050 --> 00:35:14.849 Why are we bringing the family business out into 00:35:14.849 --> 00:35:17.110 the street? Graham, stay out of this. Look, I 00:35:17.110 --> 00:35:19.389 just want to put everyone here. I'm not trying 00:35:19.389 --> 00:35:21.789 to put my nose in. The boy asked the boy. I asked 00:35:21.789 --> 00:35:24.369 what the boy was doing. Yes, son. What's he doing 00:35:24.369 --> 00:35:26.389 in that garage? I know he's doing something fishy 00:35:26.389 --> 00:35:28.590 in there, mommy. He won't let me see either. 00:35:28.769 --> 00:35:30.750 Every time I go in, I'm putting a wee blindfold 00:35:30.750 --> 00:35:33.309 on me. Oh. No, see, I knew you weren't treating 00:35:33.309 --> 00:35:34.809 her right. You let me in that house. She's in 00:35:34.809 --> 00:35:36.869 there for an hour a day and you think I'm treating 00:35:36.869 --> 00:35:43.570 her wrong? Dad, no. Dad, don't. You tell me exactly 00:35:43.570 --> 00:35:45.730 what I'm doing wrong and I'll take this neighborhood 00:35:45.730 --> 00:35:48.369 watch and we'll see what you're doing. Son, don't 00:35:48.369 --> 00:35:50.869 worry. It's the best hour of my day. Oh, no, 00:35:50.949 --> 00:35:54.369 Ma. I don't want to hear that either. Mob, I've 00:35:54.369 --> 00:35:56.590 made a horrible decision. Let us disassemble 00:35:56.590 --> 00:36:01.769 and discuss this later. No, Mom, come back. Get 00:36:01.769 --> 00:36:04.150 all of you back here. Dinner will be at seven, 00:36:04.230 --> 00:36:06.849 son. Am I allowed in the house? You're allowed 00:36:06.849 --> 00:36:08.949 in the house. You're my son. You're my kin, aren't 00:36:08.949 --> 00:36:11.389 you? Thank you, Dad. You have to sit in the dining 00:36:11.389 --> 00:36:14.789 room, though. But I'll ask you, are you going 00:36:14.789 --> 00:36:19.750 to defy me? Are you going to ask me my business? 00:36:20.110 --> 00:36:21.869 No, not in your house. No, you're not, are you? 00:36:22.050 --> 00:36:23.449 Not in your house. You're not going to ask me 00:36:23.449 --> 00:36:25.590 my business. So what's with all this neighborhood 00:36:25.590 --> 00:36:27.750 watch business? Your house, your rules, but... 00:36:27.750 --> 00:36:31.889 My house, my street, my world! No. No, duh. No, 00:36:31.969 --> 00:36:33.590 that's really wrong. That's right. That's right. 00:36:33.750 --> 00:36:35.949 Now you learn your bliss. And your house... Do 00:36:35.949 --> 00:36:39.039 you know your bliss? No, in your house I do, 00:36:39.119 --> 00:36:42.260 but in this street, I am the head. This street's 00:36:42.260 --> 00:36:44.739 my place too, is it not? Are you saying the street's 00:36:44.739 --> 00:36:47.320 not my place? Can I not live on the street? Can 00:36:47.320 --> 00:36:49.280 I not be on the street? Is that what you're saying 00:36:49.280 --> 00:36:51.599 to me, son? Are you saying I can't go onto the 00:36:51.599 --> 00:36:53.820 street? No, you're allowed onto the street. You're 00:36:53.820 --> 00:36:55.179 not allowed to paint it or anything, but you 00:36:55.179 --> 00:36:58.559 can be on it. Uh, Radio Jack from, uh, Derek? 00:36:59.340 --> 00:37:01.760 How's it going, Derek? How's it going? Uh, might 00:37:01.760 --> 00:37:03.360 be good to have mentioned, I put little bricks 00:37:03.360 --> 00:37:06.599 of Semtex in your dad's shoes. In my dad's shoes. 00:37:08.579 --> 00:37:14.159 Do it, son. Do it. Free us from this. Do it. 00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:17.480 If you want to... What's that look in your eye, 00:37:17.559 --> 00:37:20.179 son? I've not seen this look before. Why don't 00:37:20.179 --> 00:37:23.679 you just explode all over the... If you want 00:37:23.679 --> 00:37:25.800 to be on the street so much, you can be all over 00:37:25.800 --> 00:37:37.929 the fucking street. You can be all over. I've 00:37:37.929 --> 00:37:59.110 been killed? Hello and welcome back to another 00:37:59.110 --> 00:38:01.690 season of Dumb Bracken. I am very, very pleased 00:38:01.690 --> 00:38:04.590 that you're here. And if you have enjoyed this, 00:38:04.650 --> 00:38:07.949 please do... Tell people, review it on iTunes 00:38:07.949 --> 00:38:11.449 and Spotify. We've been getting some lovely reviews 00:38:11.449 --> 00:38:13.550 from people in the past couple of months, and 00:38:13.550 --> 00:38:16.829 that really just made my week for quite a while 00:38:16.829 --> 00:38:19.349 at one point. There's been a few just really, 00:38:19.389 --> 00:38:21.809 really fucking lovely reviews, and that means 00:38:21.809 --> 00:38:26.690 the world. The war stuff is just a little miniseries 00:38:26.690 --> 00:38:29.550 I thought would be fun to do at the start of 00:38:29.550 --> 00:38:34.210 this season after how last season ended. Everyone 00:38:34.210 --> 00:38:36.489 just started knocking it out of the park. Gave 00:38:36.489 --> 00:38:38.550 me a bunch of brilliant, brilliant scenes to 00:38:38.550 --> 00:38:42.010 work with. So it kind of blew up from one episode 00:38:42.010 --> 00:38:44.329 that was supposed to be 30 minutes long into 00:38:44.329 --> 00:38:47.110 four episodes that all are about 45 minutes. 00:38:47.869 --> 00:38:50.010 Every time someone is funny on this show, they 00:38:50.010 --> 00:38:54.909 give me more work to do. So yes, all four episodes 00:38:54.909 --> 00:38:58.789 of the War miniseries, which is the opening to 00:38:58.789 --> 00:39:01.110 Season 3, they will be released on a weekly schedule. 00:39:01.250 --> 00:39:06.179 Sort of weekly. I'm deliriously tired. I've been 00:39:06.179 --> 00:39:11.119 working on this for too long into nights. Because 00:39:11.119 --> 00:39:14.059 I have a lot of episodes finished for season 00:39:14.059 --> 00:39:19.019 three. About six episodes ready to go. But not 00:39:19.019 --> 00:39:22.159 the war ones. Crucially, I don't have the first 00:39:22.159 --> 00:39:26.699 few episodes of the season complete. But my life 00:39:26.699 --> 00:39:30.619 is about to change significantly as I am moving 00:39:30.619 --> 00:39:35.610 to America. So what does that mean for this podcast? 00:39:35.750 --> 00:39:38.750 I don't think it changes. Well, what that means 00:39:38.750 --> 00:39:41.469 for the podcast is nothing. But it means that 00:39:41.469 --> 00:39:45.190 I will probably have less time to do the podcast. 00:39:45.590 --> 00:39:49.710 So in preparation for that, instead of weekly 00:39:49.710 --> 00:39:51.710 releases, I'm going to be moving to fortnightly 00:39:51.710 --> 00:39:54.469 releases. But what else do you need to know? 00:39:54.489 --> 00:39:57.409 Yes, this episode featured. Ah, who did it featured? 00:39:57.929 --> 00:40:00.809 Featured a fucking all -star cast of, like, a 00:40:00.809 --> 00:40:03.650 lot of people. It had, because I didn't do this 00:40:03.650 --> 00:40:07.869 last episode either, but it had Patrick Meyer, 00:40:08.170 --> 00:40:13.130 Laura Conlon, Niall McKenna, where is the rest 00:40:13.130 --> 00:40:16.769 of the list? Amelia Price, Rachel Coulter, David 00:40:16.769 --> 00:40:21.250 McCauley, Marcus Keeley, Aaron Marshall, and 00:40:21.250 --> 00:40:26.630 that is all of the usual. unusual they are all 00:40:26.630 --> 00:40:29.309 voices you've heard before wonderful returning 00:40:29.309 --> 00:40:33.190 voice talents but we also had three new people 00:40:33.190 --> 00:40:35.489 that you will hear over the next few episodes 00:40:35.489 --> 00:40:37.570 as I've recorded more and more stuff with different 00:40:37.570 --> 00:40:41.710 people you heard Claire Thompson you heard Robbie 00:40:41.710 --> 00:40:44.409 Robinson and you heard Aidan Kelly for the first 00:40:44.409 --> 00:40:47.670 time this episode so we have a lot of new voices 00:40:48.329 --> 00:40:50.929 And that's very exciting. A lot of new, fresh 00:40:50.929 --> 00:40:54.230 talent coming in in Season 3. I love just listening 00:40:54.230 --> 00:40:56.710 to these funny fuckers just being themselves 00:40:56.710 --> 00:40:58.969 and having a laugh. Being themselves is the exact 00:40:58.969 --> 00:41:01.530 opposite of what they're doing. But they are 00:41:01.530 --> 00:41:04.070 the funniest people I know, and I love getting 00:41:04.070 --> 00:41:06.969 the chance to build a show around the funniest 00:41:06.969 --> 00:41:10.349 people. And if you're curious right now as to 00:41:10.349 --> 00:41:12.460 the music and stuff that's happening... The two 00:41:12.460 --> 00:41:14.639 main songs, opening and closing credits, are 00:41:14.639 --> 00:41:17.840 both by Conor Mallon, and the album you can check 00:41:17.840 --> 00:41:20.300 out is Unearthed, and honestly, you fucking should. 00:41:20.420 --> 00:41:23.360 It is an incredible, incredible album. The song 00:41:23.360 --> 00:41:25.199 that you're hearing right now is called 144, 00:41:25.760 --> 00:41:28.940 and it is a beauty. I might start even changing 00:41:28.940 --> 00:41:31.960 the opening credits into different songs of his, 00:41:32.059 --> 00:41:34.400 because I just love them so, so much. I think 00:41:34.400 --> 00:41:37.650 they're so good. Check that out. And what else 00:41:37.650 --> 00:41:39.670 do I need to say? Do I need to say anything else? 00:41:39.750 --> 00:41:42.250 I don't think so. So enjoy the next two episodes. 00:41:42.369 --> 00:41:44.429 They'll be releasing in the next two weeks. And 00:41:44.429 --> 00:41:46.510 then we'll be going to a fortnightly release 00:41:46.510 --> 00:41:50.590 schedule for the rest of this season. But enjoy 00:41:50.590 --> 00:41:54.170 season three. I am excited. There are honestly 00:41:54.170 --> 00:41:57.809 some of my favorite ever scenes have been recorded 00:41:57.809 --> 00:42:00.889 here. And I'm so excited for you to get the chance 00:42:00.889 --> 00:42:04.239 to hear them. I can't wait to finish them. God, 00:42:04.260 --> 00:42:06.780 it takes so much work to put together a podcast. 00:42:06.860 --> 00:42:10.960 And join us next week for the never -ending saga 00:42:10.960 --> 00:42:12.579 of four parts.