Hello everyone, just Conoth here with a quick update. There's obviously no full episode
today, you could tell that by the episode title. And there's unlikely to be an episode
or anything out next week as I'm off to an improv festival, so I don't have time
to get out what was supposed to be the finale. That will hopefully drop in two weeks time
on Tuesday the 19th, and that will be the final episode of season 2, and then we'll
relax and take a break for a couple of months and will return in February or March
of the new year. But in the meantime I've been recording some Christmas episodes. There'll
be definitely two but possibly three episodes dropped during Christmas during December.
But in the meantime, here's a scene that I recorded with Patrick Meyer and Laura Conlon,
and I hope you enjoy it.
Alright so here's the information we have. The average turtle can travel at 5 miles per
day. It's been missing Tuesday afternoon, so I've drawn a few videos on this map.
It's been six days.
Yes. Yeah, no, it's five times six, 30 mile radius.
That's a big circle.
So there's a lot of impeding roads and things like that, so I've already done a wee bit.
I should have told you sooner. This is on me. I was like it's slow, how far could it get,
I really want to finish this board game.
It's just, it's fine. We can have this discussion afterwards. What do we do bad, what do we do
well, what could we do better? We'll do that afterwards once we find a turtle.
This is a really good start though, so it could be anywhere in town. It's a 30 mile
radius. It could be much further than the town. It could be in the sea. Oh my god.
Yeah.
Wait, do we just cancel that out? It's unlikely that it would have. It's a turtle not a tortoise.
Which one goes into the sea? Okay, the sea's in game. The sea's in play. We don't know.
We can't risk it.
Okay. I thought we were going to be able to cut out a third of this radius, but god damn
it, no we can't risk it.
Ah, should that be where we go first? Would it have smelt the salt? God, I wish I knew
more about my turtle.
So, we're tortoise.
I circled the supermarket because we had a call from the supermarket about an hour ago.
Oh.
Spotting the turtle.
Okay, and so how far can they get in an R? Do we need to draw a circle around the supermarket?
Okay, you can do this. Five divided by 24. That's like, it's smaller than the first circle
for sure.
Yes.
Sir, I'm sorry to pull you aside. Just sorry at one moment.
How can I help?
God, the two.
So, we have, I don't want to say historical case. It was about four or five weeks ago.
Right.
You shouldn't say historical case. That's...
No, I know, but it's more historical than what we're currently doing with. The aquarium
reported that one of their animals was missing.
Which one?
Turtle.
Okay, so you think I could be...
I think this man has stolen a turtle.
Okay, so it's inside the supermarket, I think, or possibly outside it.
Okay, I don't want what you think. I want what you know.
Okay, sorry.
All right, so it's a double check and then get back to me.
Okay.
So, you're thinking this man...
I think we arrest him.
He's trying to trick us into returning stolen goods to him.
Yeah.
Wow, audacity.
Is it 24 divided by 5 or 5 divided by 24? Because one of them is much easier.
Okay, I just said double check. Here's your notepad. Here's your pen.
Okay, just work it out yourself. You can do this.
You can do this.
Wait, one's watching.
I'll work out both.
He's trying to make us feel sorry for him.
For a crime?
I know I'm very invested in this, but you know, it comes with a job.
You're quite right. Why is this the first time I'm hearing about the turtle?
24 so much divided by...
I mean, there's more important things happening that day. The library was on fire.
And we redirect that to the fire service.
Yeah, but you still need a bit of a presence.
I suppose, yeah.
Look, I think you're on annual leave.
I can't do this.
Not for five weeks.
No, I...
Look, it's so many of it. Every minute I spend working this out is another ground that
it can make.
I'm saying you're on annual leave the day possibly that it was recorded.
Okay, no.
We just didn't. We didn't do a little review with you. I'm sorry.
I don't... I don't mean... This isn't an issue with you, specifically. Okay?
It's just... There's been a pattern where I think sometimes we get a call around 4pm
and people don't want to log it.
Is there some truth to that?
I mean, that's not the only time that calls aren't getting logged. I'd also say it's
8pm whenever people are here doing the 9 o'clock shift.
Wow. It's... I know people don't want to stay late, but we still have to log them for it.
It's fairly soon next morning.
It's not 0.21 miles. I had to get out my phone to work it out.
Okay, well done. Well done.
So if you highlight the potential buildings, it could be out in the street? Yeah?
The supermarket, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Now, is that the right supermarket you're looking at right now?
Yeah, it is.
Is it?
Could it be the one with the pen in it?
Oh, okay.
Yeah, okay. No, don't move the pen.
Okay, sorry. Circle the pen. Okay.
Hey, sir. I'm really sorry to hear about your turtle pen.
Yes. It's quite new. I haven't had it for long.
Yeah, I was going to say, it's such an unusual animal. Where did you get him?
It was my mother's. She wanted to be buried with him.
Are you hearing this?
Your mother, okay. Sorry, she wanted to be buried with him.
She wanted to be buried with him. But she hasn't...
Sorry, if your...
She hasn't died yet.
Your mother passed it. Okay, right.
She just wanted to be buried with him.
And has she had the turtle for long?
Four years. But it stayed in her house. That's why I didn't think it could get
very far.
Would you have any pictures of the turtle from like a few years ago, maybe?
Yeah, here's one.
Okay, now did she take the turtle to the aquarium there?
It's a screenshot. Don't look. It's just gonna...
This is blint.
I'm just gonna google some things here.
Absolutely blint.
I mean, he knows he's on our Wi-Fi, right? We can get the searches.
I mean, he's doing it with a pretty clear view of us.
His phone's still connected to the monitor.
Okay, this is my mother.
Okay, right?
And then this is...
Give me a sec.
Yeah, no, that's...
Do we just move him to a cell?
Okay, this is her with the turtle.
That's turtle that we're looking for.
Those aren't two different photos. It might look like there's a weird white line in between
both, but...
Yeah, no, that's...
There was a weird white line in between them both.
No, no, I just wanted to...
Just a shot.
You're not a tortoise?
I'll be honest, I'm not that confident.
You're not my ant, you're a person, yeah.
Yeah, you know what? Could you prep the interrogation room for us?
Because I've...
Oh, we're gonna get some...
We're gonna get some information out of this turtle.
If you just go in there and set up the table and things like that...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make sure this turtle talks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Turtle.
The turtle that we don't have.
Okay, I'm just gonna lock him in here.
I think he could just use himself in there.
I don't even think he'd really need to lock us.
I think so.
I locked the door back, but I don't know how that happened.
That's all right, we'll call a technician.
Okay, thank you.
Could someone go get my turtle?
Yeah, we'll get the turtle.
We're gonna take it down.
Yeah, buddy, yeah.
Okay.
He's texting his mum right now.
He's still connected to the TV.
Yeah, we should have really confiscated that phone off of him.
I think it's better if we just see the text here.
This is...
Hey, mum, I think your turtle is missing.
Texting about the stolen turtle.
Turtle that you stole.
Is he doing this to dial up the fact that it wasn't him?
Because I still think it was him.
No, I've worked with him.
He has to talk and type.
It is so frustrating.
No, I know, but is he trying to fob it off on his mother so that we don't think it was him that did the initial steal?
A different turtle.
The turtle that you stole and that I stole from you.
What do you mean how did I lose it?
I lost it.
We don't need to go into why.
She is not texting back.
This is so weird that he's preempting so much of this conversation.
I mean, I guess he's just like that.
Look, I'm just putting in some of these...
Gonna be like that, Santa Voice now.
...of the questions that I know you're gonna ask.
Some people don't like voice notes.
They're more useful as evidence.
I think we have a lot of evidence here.
This seems like a shut case.
Hey, what's this?
Key of all that's connected to my phone.
It went under the door.
I can't see where it goes to.
It's just a charger.
Yeah.
Thank you.
That's nice.
That's good.
I'm hungry.
Yeah, that was good detective work on our part.
We really followed the lead there.
Uh-uh.
No, but for real, get the turtle.