1
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There's a fly in here. I can't smell it, but I can hear it.

2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,500
You can't smell it?

3
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:10,000
I can't smell it, no.

4
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,500
None of us can smell flies.

5
00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:12,500
Okay, good. That's good.

6
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:16,000
When have we- there would have to be an enormous quantity of flies for us to be able to smell them.

7
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,500
Well, now I'm thinking that I usually was able to smell-

8
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:19,000
Really?

9
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:23,000
Whenever a fly was around, but now I'm wondering if I was just smelling other things that was attracting the fly.

10
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,000
Okay, hold on. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Cover your ears.

11
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Alright. No, sorry. Let me be on cover of your ears. I should finish giving instructions first.

12
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,500
Okay, yeah, I was confused.

13
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:41,000
Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna open the window and I want you to signal me whenever you think the fly is left, okay?

14
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Okay.

15
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Now cover your ears again.

16
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Done.

17
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Alright.

18
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,000
It's out.

19
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,000
I think I smell it.

20
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,500
Do you have a security system on your windows?

21
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:54,000
Yeah.

22
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:54,500
Okay.

23
00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:55,000
Yeah.

24
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I broke through the ears.

25
00:00:56,000 --> 00:01:00,000
Yeah, I didn't think it was that sensitive that it would pick up a fly.

26
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That's incredible.

27
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,000
It is- I paid a lot for it.

28
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:07,000
Yeah, so you don't need to smell, I guess, when you've got that much sensitivity.

29
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:15,000
Well, I've woken up in a panic very frequently in the middle of the night when the alarm went off and I thought it wasn't working correctly, but it might have just been books.

30
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Really? You've never had it stop a burglar?

31
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Well, it doesn't. It just alerts me to the presence.

32
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But it might scare them.

33
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It doesn't scare the flies, but it would scare a grown man.

34
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That's fair enough, yeah.

35
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It didn't scare you?

36
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No, no it didn't. But I'm- oh, a grown man.

37
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Yeah.

38
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Welcome back to Dunbracken.

39
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My neighbor ate my dog.

40
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I can't prove it. He says it ran away.

41
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I don't believe him.

42
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I think he ate my dog.

43
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He said he has video evidence from his ring doorbell of him shouting at my dog for pooping on his lawn.

44
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He said that after he shouted at my dog for pooping on his lawn, that it bolted.

45
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My dog doesn't poop and bolt. My dog's proud of its poops.

46
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It stands there like a king surveying all that it owns.

47
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I say that only proves that he was angry at my dog. It proves motive for eating my dog.

48
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I asked to see his video of my dog pooping on his lawn, but he said the video got corrupted.

49
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He said he showed it to his wife and when moving it onto a USB stick the file type corrupted and he lost all his ring doorbell video footage.

50
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He said he lost a case against Amazon because of my dog pooping on his lawn.

51
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The delivery driver kicked a fragile package through the letter box, smashing a figurine that was supposed to be my wife's birthday present.

52
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Now my neighbor doesn't have the video evidence he needed to take Amazon down.

53
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I say that's awfully convenient. First he eats my dog and then he uses that to get out of giving my wife a birthday present.

54
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She made them two types of cake last year for his birthday. He's not even allergic to buttercream.

55
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He just doesn't like it. And she went out of her way to make him two different types of cake because she was worried that he wouldn't enjoy the buttercream alternative she had made up.

56
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And it was delicious. She's a delightful woman and how does he repay her? He ate her dog.

57
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She doesn't believe me of course. Nobody does.

58
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He asked me, just last week he asked me what I think dog tasted like.

59
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I said I don't know what dog tasted like and I don't want to find out what dog tastes like.

60
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What? You wouldn't taste dog if someone put dog in front of you? He asked.

61
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No. I mean I'd probably eat it if I didn't know.

62
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And then at that point maybe I'd develop a taste for it. Maybe it is really nice but I don't want to find out.

63
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I don't want to know.

64
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He said he would. He said he would be too curious not to try. And besides the dog's already dead.

65
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If he didn't eat the dead dog then it would go to waste and it would truly be a tragedy.

66
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I think he ate my dog.

67
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I'm gonna eat his dog.

68
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Hey, you like to have fun. You like to party. You like to sing.

69
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But you know what you like above all? To follow the law.

70
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Here at Ryan's Public Domain Karaoke you can sing to your heart's content while still respecting copyright law.

71
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National anthems. Public domain music.

72
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You like old rock timey songs? We do too. Because they're free.

73
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And you know what? You're creative. You don't have to follow the lyrics.

74
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A lot of mobile ringtones. But public domain. And you can just make your own words up to them.

75
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:08,000
You know what? If you want to hear something how about this?

76
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And so I learned to have so much fun while recording my radio ad.

77
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So coming down to Ryan's Public Domain Karaoke.

78
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Where we put the fun in...punnelling the law.

79
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So I've introduced 50 hermit crabs to this beach.

80
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They're gonna go along and they are going to find homes in all the trash.

81
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And then hopefully once they're done with the home, bring it over to this bin.

82
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,000
Oh so we're not cleaning up the beach?

83
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,000
No. The beach is cleaning up itself.

84
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,000
Wow. That's ecology.

85
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:08,000
Is our job to get the hermit crabs horny and create more of them?

86
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,000
It's to train the crabs to use the bin.

87
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,000
To train the crabs.

88
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Because at the moment the crabs use the trash as their home.

89
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But what they're not doing is when they need a larger home, they're not bringing it to the bin.

90
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So your job is to communicate with the crabs and tell them our intentions for this ecology.

91
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And to use mix of bins that's been provided.

92
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Not to make the crabs horny.

93
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:40,000
Well my thinking was that if we have more hermit crabs, then there's more trash being...

94
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:44,000
The more hermit crabs are, the quicker the clean up goes.

95
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,000
How would you arise a crab just out of interest?

96
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,000
Well first off I'd get a big lobster.

97
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:54,000
I'd put it in a tank and they're like whoa, that's huge.

98
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Then I'd start heating up the tank.

99
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,000
Not enough to kill the lobster, just enough for it to get comfortable.

100
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For it to get a little bit salacious.

101
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,000
Right.

102
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:12,000
Okay. It probably starts... It probably gets out of its shell.

103
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And suddenly, oh it's a naked little lobster.

104
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How exotic.

105
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The hermit crabs can't reach that, but they're both turned on.

106
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So they're like well, guess so.

107
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I don't know if they fuck.

108
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:29,000
Are you wanting to create pornography for hermit crabs?

109
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Cross species pornography?

110
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:36,000
No. I'd say, I don't know that it's cross species.

111
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,000
I think lobsters and crabs are in the same...

112
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,000
I mean I understand that...

113
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Look, you asked the question as to how... I didn't want to get into it.

114
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Well you brought it up. I know we're all volunteers, but like, you know...

115
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Alright, so we're just meant to be communicating with these crabs, not arousing them.

116
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,000
And what?

117
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,000
The universal language.

118
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Every species understands getting horny. That's all I'm saying.

119
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Look, we don't have to go... We didn't have to go down this vein.

120
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,000
I just thought that's what you're meaning.

121
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:07,000
Well is it pornography? If it's not recorded, is it still pornography?

122
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,000
That's just... What you're doing is like a peep show.

123
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Unless we're... Are we filming it, then showing it to the crabs?

124
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We could take a picture and make it a magazine.

125
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It'll last longer.

126
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:21,000
I don't mind if we do go down this route, but when the hermit crabs undress,

127
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they do have to do it in the bin. And really that's the key part that we're missing here.

128
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It has to be in the bin.

129
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Because currently it's just...

130
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All over the place.

131
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They're just leaving it around.

132
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So they're littering?

133
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Yeah.

134
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So there's 50 hermit crabs, you've got none in the tank cement, so we have to go and find each individual hermit crab.

135
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:42,000
Well the hermit crabs are within the litter as appropriate.

136
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Oh, right. Yes, I get you.

137
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They live... Their house is litter.

138
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So we just have to find a litter that probably looks like it could house a hermit crab, check that,

139
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and then have an individual talk with 50 different hermit crabs about what we expect of them.

140
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I mean, I didn't say it has to be an individual talk. It could be...

141
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So we could gala them all up?

142
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A group talk, if that works better.

143
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Similar to the lobster scenario, just get a lot of them together at once.

144
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Yeah, because I suppose if we accidentally give the same hermit crab a talk, that's just doubling our efforts and wasting our time.

145
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So maybe, yeah, we'll collect them all up.

146
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:18,000
But then is that displacing them from their homes potentially? I don't know if that's a good idea.

147
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:22,000
Don't yank them out of their homes. You have to lift the litter as well.

148
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What would you say is the most common sort of trash that you find they go towards?

149
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It's the ones that we need, because I assume a crisp packet isn't going to do it.

150
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,000
It's not just... It's common. It's based on size.

151
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They find the piece of litter that's the specific size they are, and they move between them.

152
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So one hermit crab that can start in a crisp packet may move up to a can of 7-up sugar-free.

153
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Makes sense.

154
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And is like flavor an issue?

155
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:54,000
Yes, sugar-free was what struck me there too. Could it be, would they go for a sugared one?

156
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Would that help them grow faster?

157
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We've not seen any in a sugared drink.

158
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But is that more a condition of what's available to them as well?

159
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It could be that the healthy nature of people at the beach?

160
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Maybe we should do a study on that first before...

161
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Is this before getting them horned up?

162
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,000
I'm not sure that comes into it at all.

163
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,000
Okay, so we're moving on from that point.

164
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I'm a bit worrying.

165
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:22,000
Oh, no, you brought it up. I was... It was the first thing in my head. If I had more time...

166
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,000
Yeah, no surprise there.

167
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If I had more time, I might think of a different way to get them.

168
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000
I'm not saying the lobster is...

169
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Really the important thing is that they get this litter into the bin.

170
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Yes, of course.

171
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We've forgotten that that's... that is why we've volunteered here.

172
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Is there any way we can make them horny for that?

173
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For the bin?

174
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Yeah.

175
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I mean, I have an idea. We put a small bin in an aquarium.

176
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Right.

177
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We heat up that tank. What's this?

178
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The bin takes off its lid, which is like their home.

179
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They're like, oh, this bin lid goes into a larger bin.

180
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I'm horny, but also I want to do my good community service and put this stuff in the bin.

181
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These are all criminal crabs. That's right, isn't it? I forgot about that.

182
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,000
Yeah, it's part of the rehabilitation program.

183
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These are all ex-convict crabs in community service.

184
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Why there's only 50 of them I suppose? Yeah, because you used to have 120 before the massive brawl.

185
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:16,000
Yeah. Well, these are the crabs that were left after they killed the other crabs.

186
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,000
And that's what they're being rehabilitated from.

187
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Which makes sense. These are all the largest crabs.

188
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:26,000
What if we put some shells, just throw some shells down?

189
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:31,000
Well, if they live in the shells, they're not going to bring the litter to the bins.

190
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As soon as I heard it come out of my mouth, it was like, oh, the trash will be left.

191
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:40,000
If anything, we need to individually go round and pick up all the beach material that isn't litter.

192
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,000
Yeah.

193
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,000
You actually need to deny them appropriate housing.

194
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Yeah. So if you can go round and pick up shells, pick up bits of rock, pick up all the normal beach stuff,

195
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there is a bit more of that than the litter. But if we can get rid of all of that.

196
00:11:54,000 --> 00:12:01,000
So basically we're getting these criminal crabs to live in rubbish while denying them proper housing.

197
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:08,000
We've provided them with housing. It's what we would call trash, but you know, probably fine for them.

198
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Better than they deserve, I guess.

199
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:19,000
Probably. This is the rehabilitation process. But in order to pass, really, they need to get their homes, the litter, into the bins.

200
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How many tons does each individual crab need to move to be rehabilitated?

201
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,000
It's four kilograms per crab.

202
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:30,000
Wow. Going to take a while. This will go a lot faster with more crabs.

203
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,000
Yeah. Let's get these enshorned up.

204
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:36,000
This year's pet communism takes place on June 4th at the park.

205
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Everyone in town with a pet is required to come to the park at 11am sharp with their pet.

206
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As we all are now aware, since this is the 17th year that this has been on,

207
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pets will then be lined up along the football field with owners at the halfway line.

208
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:57,000
All animals must then walk through the park.

209
00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:05,000
With owners at the halfway line. All animals must then walk towards the humans to be claimed.

210
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:10,000
Any pet that walks up to any human is now that human's pet.

211
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:17,000
If a pet decides to walk anywhere else that isn't towards the halfway mark, then that pet will become the town's pet,

212
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:26,000
in which the first person to locate that pet after the customary 24 hours grace period will be allowed to keep that pet for the year.

213
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,000
If Jilly the Turtle, who is currently owned by the O'Connor family,

214
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:33,000
walks to the halfway line of the pitch before that 24 hour period is up,

215
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:39,000
then that grace period is over and that pet can be claimed on site at any moment.

216
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Much like every year, there will be harsh penalties for anyone who refuses to give over their pet or not arrive with their pet.

217
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Everyone knows who you are and there are some sought after pets who will be found.

218
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No one is safe. No pet is exempt. The mayor refuses to take part.

219
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His cat is his cat. He is threatened legal action and worse than that, he is threatened physical action on anyone who dare take his cat.

220
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:20,000
Mr. Stuffington.

221
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,000
Hello everyone.

222
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,000
Hey, what the hell?

223
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:34,000
As you know, we are gathered here today to celebrate a true hero, Dusty the Dog.

224
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,000
What?

225
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:39,000
Dusty here saved three children in a fire on Castle Street.

226
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,000
Dusty?

227
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:45,000
As the owner of the hostel next door, left the stove on while trying to light a cigar and tragically

228
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,000
Hey, let me through.

229
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,000
Dusty.

230
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:51,000
Unfortunately, our volunteer firefighters were too weak to break down the door.

231
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,000
Dusty.

232
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:58,000
And with the rest of the paid firefighters off in a team bonding retreat to try and come to terms with what happened at the time fair,

233
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:04,000
our only available paid fireman got a microin from watching Only Can Act Again and had to go home.

234
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,000
That's my dog.

235
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:09,000
Now, these three sad war children live alone.

236
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,000
That's my dog.

237
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,000
That's my dog.

238
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:15,000
Mr. O'Dowd, currently taking part in the Dunbracken Deep Sea Adventure.

239
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,000
That's my dog.

240
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:22,000
Which you'll remember as a town's latest big project where we're hoping to put Dunbracken on the map.

241
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,000
That's my dog.

242
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:29,000
Creating a submersible capable of finding both the Titanic and the Titan submarine which went missing in 2026.

243
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,000
Hey, let me through.

244
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,000
Hey, let me through.

245
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,000
Stop holding me.

246
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000
Let me, let me through.

247
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,000
That's my dog.

248
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:38,000
New dogs were chosen from the random ballot which included all touch-spoke, even the mayor.

249
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,000
Don't you tell me to calm down.

250
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,000
You calm down.

251
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,000
That's my dog.

252
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:45,000
While the Dunbracken Deep Sea Adventure gathered the necessary funds that we didn't realize

253
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:50,000
were required for submarine and in preparation for their journey into the deep sea, the O'Dowds

254
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:54,000
have been living in the abandoned salt mines for the past three months to get used to life under the sea.

255
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,000
That's my dog.

256
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,000
That's my dog.

257
00:15:56,000 --> 00:16:00,000
And it is with heavy heart that we must admit that we lost contact with the O'Dowds almost

258
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,000
immediately upon entering the mines.

259
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:08,000
And whilst the town has stayed steadfast in its desire to find the Titanic and the Titan,

260
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:13,000
we see this dog as a sign from the universe telling us that it is perhaps at least time

261
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,000
to give up on ever finding our two enchantment explorers.

262
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,000
He's not theirs.

263
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,000
They can have him.

264
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,000
But never fear children.

265
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:24,000
Just because your parents were lost to the depth of the salt mine doesn't mean you will

266
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,000
forever be alone.

267
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:31,000
The Dunbracken Town Council have decided that this dog, who valiantly rushed into the burning

268
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:36,000
hole and dragged not only the three screaming children, but two of our volunteer firefighters

269
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:40,000
this dog is now the state appointed guardian of these children.

270
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,000
He's not yours to do as what you like.

271
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,000
He's mine.

272
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,000
He's my dog.

273
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,000
Dusty.

274
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,000
Dusty.

275
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:55,000
Not only that, but he will also be given a good job on the council and earn an impressive

276
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:59,000
wage in order to look after three growing children.

277
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,000
Oh, I'm going to have to apologize to my neighbor.

278
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,000
I accused him of eating my dog.

279
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,000
That's my boy.

280
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,000
Give me my boy.

281
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,000
Which dog is yours?

282
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,000
Can you be more specific?

283
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,000
Get away from me, you weirdo.

284
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,000
Could you be more specific?

285
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,000
Now, children, we know this may be a hard transition for you.

286
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,000
But think of it like this.

287
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,000
If you would like to honor your parents and join the efforts to find the Titanic, we will

288
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,000
be holding another time-wide ballot where even children will now be included.

289
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,000
So you could be chosen for the submersible that we were so very close to being able to

290
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,000
afford and write your names in the history books forever.

291
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,000
You're welcome.

292
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

293
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

294
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

295
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

296
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

297
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

298
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:41,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

299
00:17:41,000 --> 00:18:02,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

300
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:25,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

301
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:44,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

302
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:56,000
I'm going to be the one to do it.

303
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,080
Oh, that seems like a good deal for him.

304
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:03,640
This place does look a little bit classier than I didn't really notice it for a while.

305
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:08,120
But there was a point where you enter like a threshold where it looks a little bit more interesting.

306
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:15,440
You most certainly crossed the threshold beyond which reality phase and illusion shimmers.

307
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:21,360
And I was just wondering from a ethical standpoint, what do you do?

308
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:24,400
Is it landfill? Like, is it assetfully recycled?

309
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:28,080
Is it, you know, consideration for the environment?

310
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,280
Are you going to take a metal out of this mattress?

311
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,720
And I had a general point of wondering, where are you?

312
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,440
What precocious children.

313
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:42,560
The first question I will answer with another question.

314
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:43,200
Oh, no.

315
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:52,200
Is it not more ethical to show mankind its dirty, dirty habits?

316
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:57,600
That's why by cover of night, I disguise myself as a wheelie bin.

317
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,200
I roll down the streets and alleys.

318
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,880
I deposit the trash in the homes of young children.

319
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,160
I'm what they call Gracie Santa.

320
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:10,080
Oh, the second question you asked was, where am I?

321
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:10,640
Yeah.

322
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,760
Well, look down at the floor.

323
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,960
Do you see that disgusting pile of trash?

324
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,080
Yes, I see.

325
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:22,720
Move the can of perfectly recyclable aluminium.

326
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,360
That's right. I'm in the ground.

327
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,560
I just see an eye.

328
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,720
Do you want, would you like me to step off you?

329
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:38,560
Well, I am at once in the floor and the ceiling and in the walls.

330
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:45,480
Christopher, Gracie Santa, cannot be, cannot be summarized in a corporeal form.

331
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,040
Oh, so you're everywhere.

332
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,800
Everywhere there is trash. I am.

333
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,960
I am in your bins. I am in your pockets.

334
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,040
I'm in the homes of your loved ones.

335
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,200
I am deep in the ground alongside Roman coins.

336
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,920
I'm older than time and longer than grass.

337
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,960
Gracie Santa, will you take a mattress?

338
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:07,760
Gracie Santa will take your mattress.

339
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,680
I've heard of Gracie Santa.

340
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,560
Really? Yeah.

341
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,320
I've heard of you.

342
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,520
If we give him Michael, if we can.

343
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,240
Oh, that's right.

344
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,880
I know. Yes.

345
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,160
Well, that's good. At least he doesn't know who I am.

346
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,200
He knows who you are.

347
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,120
I have no fucking clue who you are.

348
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:26,600
I've been trying to place you for the last five minutes.

349
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:27,560
I get that a lot.

350
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,080
It's been ogling my mind. But Michael.

351
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,840
She is one of those faces just like you've seen it before, but you can't quite.

352
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,960
I work in a cafe. I don't know if you've ever been in a cafe.

353
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,480
Oh, I'm in cafes all the time.

354
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,120
I work in a cafe.

355
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:46,120
You see, the reason I can't place you is because you have not drawn my ire.

356
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:51,480
For you make contributions to Gracie Santa

357
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,600
by littering frequently.

358
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:54,560
And I thank you.

359
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:58,200
I heard the tale that if you accidentally put

360
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:02,480
something into a bin that is, in fact, Gracie Santa, he will take

361
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,520
what you love most.

362
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,880
So I've just been hoping against hope.

363
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:12,400
So I could put all my stuff into bins, hoping that one day meets you,

364
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,320
because I need to know what I love most.

365
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,360
That's sad, bro.

366
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,240
That's that's really sad, bro.

367
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,600
I know, I know, but I can't believe I finally met you.

368
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,360
I have a slightly off topic question.

369
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:31,520
Are you related to normal Santa or is it just like a name?

370
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,640
I'm engaged in a rights battle with regular Santa.

371
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:36,400
Oh, wow.

372
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,520
I mean, not regular Santa, because I would imply he was first.

373
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:42,320
That's fair. You are longer than grass.

374
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:44,360
So longer than grass.

375
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:49,080
It's like how people refer to regular coke, but everyone prefers diet coke.

376
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,800
That's not true. Regular coke.

377
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:53,880
But diet coke is the people's favorite.

378
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,040
I don't think that's true.

379
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,840
Gracie Santa is the diet coke of trash deities.

380
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,560
You're an inverted color scheme. Yes.

381
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,360
Could you could you put something in my mouth

382
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:08,760
and then I can tell you what you love most?

383
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:13,120
OK, I've got to I've got to take off this rosary beads.

384
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,480
Michael, I think you're supposed to litter it.

385
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,480
Yeah, I know, but he directly told me to put it in his mouth.

386
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,960
Oh, the myth, the myth you've heard is true.

387
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,160
If you put something in me that is in fact.

388
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,160
Oh, yeah, I could just never find your bin.

389
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,160
Yes. Yes.

390
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:31,360
But now if we're in your lair, is all of it you're going to put in your bin?

391
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,880
Saffy child, saffy child.

392
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,880
Yes, toss it wherever.

393
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:38,880
Ah, yes.

394
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:39,880
Did that was that good?

395
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,880
I see you, Michael.

396
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:46,880
I see the contours and the shades of your being.

397
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:51,080
I see the things you have dropped, the things you have mislaid,

398
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,080
the things you have refused.

399
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,080
That is refused.

400
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,080
Yes, very good.

401
00:23:56,480 --> 00:24:00,880
And I see the thing you love most, the thing you love most.

402
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,280
The thing you love most.

403
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,280
What is it?

404
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:07,160
Oh, day trips with your friend.

405
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,160
Oh, so it's more of a thing.

406
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:12,960
It's more of a corporeal thing.

407
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,080
No, no, that's not right.

408
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:15,760
It's more of a abstract thing.

409
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:16,680
Abstract thing.

410
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,080
But it's corporeal in the sense that I can take it away from you

411
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,560
by trapping you in my lair.

412
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:33,960
But if you trap both of us here, isn't every day like a day trip with my friend?

413
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,560
Do you want that?

414
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,360
Do I want to be trapped here?

415
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:39,960
I mean, do you want a day trip?

416
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:43,160
I feel like this is your riddle three.

417
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,960
What Michael, what do you want me to say?

418
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,160
I'd rather not be trapped here alone, to be fair.

419
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:51,960
But if I feel like you're going to be able to leave if...

420
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,760
I think I'll leave Santa.

421
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:54,560
Don't do that.

422
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:55,560
Yes, you can leave.

423
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:56,160
No.

424
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,360
Thanks Santa.

425
00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:00,360
Please call me Greasy Santa.

426
00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:03,160
Thanks, Greasy Santa.

427
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:04,760
Do you want anything?

428
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,960
Do you have any litter requests before I go?

429
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,760
Burger King, please.

430
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:14,560
Any particular order or just the paper?

431
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,360
I'll throw in a few prawns.

432
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,360
Cheeseburger.

433
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:19,960
Okay.

434
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:20,560
Bye Michael.

435
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:21,960
Do you want anything Michael?

436
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:22,560
Oh.

437
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,560
It's not... I mean you are imprisoned, but it's not...

438
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,360
It's not... It's going to be a good time.

439
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:32,160
I want one thing to ask you a question.

440
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:32,560
Okay.

441
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:33,360
Greasy Santa.

442
00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:34,360
So nothing from Burger King?

443
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,760
Nothing from Burger King, no.

444
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:40,360
I was wondering, do you need a friend?

445
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:43,160
Would you like to do a day trip with a friend?

446
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:44,760
Greasy Santa, I'll live with you.

447
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,960
You've really helped me out.

448
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:50,360
He's great at all, but you're on his course, you know.

449
00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:52,360
Maybe we can do day trips together.

450
00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:56,160
All you have to do is allow me to leave when you leave.

451
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:57,160
That sounds nice.

452
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:58,960
Yay.

453
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,560
Two bins in the night.

454
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,760
You're not part of my myth.

455
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:03,960
Aww.

456
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:16,560
Back to Dunbracken is created, produced and edited by Connoth McVeigh.

457
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:23,160
For more information on the podcast, you can follow us at Dunbracken pod on Instagram.

458
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:33,760
This episode featured Patrick Meyer, Laura Conlon, Marcus Keighley, Niall McKenna and Arn Marshall.

459
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:42,960
The opening and closing music was created by Conor Mallon and you can check out his entire album Unearthed on Spotify now.

460
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:43,960
Thank you for listening.

461
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,760
We look forward to welcoming you back to Dunbracken very soon.