1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:12,320 I keep putting a single penny into this penny pusher every time I do five more come out and I don't know where they're coming from. 2 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:16,640 They fall out the bottom. Do you not see them as they get pushed out the penny pusher? 3 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:24,000 You see that's what I thought but okay look I'm gonna put this in here now and okay okay give it a sec. 4 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:30,480 There we go and it didn't push any down and there's five pennies down here. 5 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:32,720 I've never seen this before. 6 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,760 I mean if it was larger quantities of money I'd keep this quiet but. 7 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,560 Have you considered trying to move it to the 10p pusher? 8 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,680 Too rich for my blood. 9 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:50,240 Sorry to to butt in like this but there was once a prophecy of a chosen one would get money out of this machine. 10 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,000 This specific machine had a prophecy? 11 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:52,480 Yes. 12 00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,480 Do all the machines have a prophecy or just this one? 13 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,920 No this is apparently a special sacred penny pusher machine. 14 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:02,320 I mean it is carved out of pretty old wood and it's got like intricate runes on it. 15 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,400 And you did just appear from shadows. 16 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:09,600 Well you see it wasn't prophesized by me it was prophesized by. 17 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:10,000 Me. 18 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,640 Whoa whoa there's a lot of shadows here. 19 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,240 The priestess herself. 20 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:20,560 I am the grand priestess and I prophesied hundreds of years ago that one day a young 21 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:26,720 man would come along the most handsome young man I've ever seen and he would create many many pennies. 22 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,920 I mean it's very flattering but I'm not sure that describes me. 23 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,680 Objectively speaking I don't think. 24 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,120 You sure it's I've never been people who meet like two out of the three. 25 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,520 I know beauty's in the eye of the polder but come on. 26 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:38,720 I mean you don't need to rub it in. 27 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:39,520 Sorry yeah no. 28 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:43,920 Well the main part of the prophecy seems to have come true though let's not maybe I mean you are 29 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:49,200 you're a bit odd looking by modern standards but maybe 200 years ago when the priestess made this 30 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,520 prediction maybe you would have been. 31 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:52,240 Okay but I'm. 32 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:53,120 Cast as handsome. 33 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:53,440 Okay. 34 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:57,200 There would have been a lot of plagues so a lot of the handsome men probably had died. 35 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:01,200 200 years ago deformed ears were considered extremely attractive. 36 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,720 Oh there you go. 37 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,480 I mean I thought my ears were all right. 38 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:05,840 Okay. 39 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,960 You always get cast as an elf in the nativity. 40 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,200 There's not an elf in the nativity. 41 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:17,920 Well maybe there will be an elf in the nativity now that the chosen one has been revealed to us 42 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,720 because obviously there's going to be a new religion founded. 43 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:25,280 Oh okay yeah I mean I feel like I got very hung up on the lux of it but what does the rest of the 44 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:25,760 prophecy say? 45 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:26,960 Yeah I forgot that there was a. 46 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:27,680 She's prophesying. 47 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:33,360 It is written that the small man with elf ears will use his pennies to buy an elf costume. 48 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:47,920 It seems like a downgrade immediately on the handsome man. 49 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:58,480 So 50 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,480 welcome back to Dunbracken. 51 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:15,680 The town of Dunbracken would like to formally apologize for last week's ambulance parade. 52 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:19,920 We were trying to do a nice thing for the great ambulance service that covers not only our town 53 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:21,200 but every town in the county. 54 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:27,280 We did not mean to cause a traffic jam that resulted in not only all the ambulances being 55 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:31,520 unavailable to the wider county but also causing the firemen and police to come and help clear the 56 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:32,080 streets. 57 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:38,240 Thankfully the only fire that actually occurred that day was at the parade itself when one 58 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:43,280 opportunistic passerby thought he could steal a car while they were all preoccupied but accidentally 59 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,920 set it on fire when attempting to hotwire it. 60 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:50,800 All the proceeds to tomorrow's blood drive outside Grundel's newsagents will now be going 61 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,560 towards the ambulance services. 62 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:06,240 Um sorry do you change the battery some watches here? 63 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,840 Oh yeah yeah of course we do yeah we're a drillers we're very good at that sort of thing. 64 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,600 It's our main source of income. 65 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:15,040 Really? That's how you I would have assumed it'd be the jewelry. 66 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:20,080 No no it's the watches they cause they're repeat customers the jewelry one-time things engagement 67 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:21,440 rings you never see the person again. 68 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,960 I don't know I mean my mother's been engaged five times. 69 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,120 Mrs Johnson? 70 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:27,760 No. 71 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,360 Oh okay sorry there's a woman. 72 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,040 She doesn't live in a village. 73 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:35,760 Ah okay there's a woman that comes in every now and again she just buys a lot of engagement rings. 74 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:36,960 I don't know who they're for. 75 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,200 Oh okay interesting she buys them and then. 76 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,240 She buys them yeah. 77 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:44,160 I guess you know put out into the world what you want but it's like a once a month thing. 78 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,840 Okay so I guess I accept but the marriage doesn't happen. 79 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,800 Never ask questions it's not our not our place you know. 80 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,360 Really okay how are you making so much money off batteries? 81 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,560 I've had this watch for 10 years this is the first time it's run out. 82 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,560 That must be a stellar watch what kind is it? 83 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,560 Um it doesn't really say. 84 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:01,600 Worn off. 85 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:05,600 I just can't really see the brand here oh they're oh they're Barrett's Barrett's. 86 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,960 Barrett's well you see like a lot of people they bring in the tag hers I don't know 87 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,560 they bring in the tag hers and they. 88 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,800 Is it tag hers or tiger's like the animal? 89 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:15,840 No tag her. 90 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:21,200 Tag is a guy in town that he tries to rip off the I think it's a German brand tag who air 91 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:26,880 but he sells his own ones to people in the town with very very faulty batteries. 92 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,400 So I really shouldn't be telling you this because. 93 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,000 It kind of sounds like you're in cahoots with this. 94 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,360 We're in a little bit of cahoots yeah and this is why I realize I shouldn't have been telling you. 95 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:37,760 If you're spending so much money on battery batteries surely they could just get a better watch. 96 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:41,600 Well they could but you see that's the thing with the low income households. 97 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,800 If they had a medium income they could buy the better watch but you can't. 98 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,640 That's it buy cheap buy twice. 99 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,040 It's tough it's like a pair of good steel toe cap boots. 100 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:57,200 Classic I'll be honest I kind of don't want to give you my watch now. 101 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,000 What why? 102 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,240 I feel like you're going to sabotage it or put it. 103 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,000 We do a great job on the batteries I'll tell you what. 104 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:05,440 You give me this one. 105 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:09,200 I mean you say that people people keep coming back for to change the batteries. 106 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,800 This is this should be a once in a lifetime. 107 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:18,720 Look sir you have had a wonderful life with your watch but not not everyone's so lucky as you 108 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,480 to spend 10 years with the one companion on the wrist. 109 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:28,960 Everyone has their own problems sir and sometimes it's important that we all take a moment give me 110 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,200 money and get a new battery. 111 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:35,680 It's just I feel like you're creating problems for these people. 112 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,200 It's supply and demand sir. 113 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,360 Yeah yes but you're creating the demand artificially. 114 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:41,920 I'm not arguing. 115 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,280 You're in car hoots with some sort of. 116 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:45,920 With tag. 117 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:51,120 Don't bring bring tag who are into this. 118 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:56,720 He is a respectable businessman who with yes shady tactics but his business is all above 119 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:02,320 board people know what they're getting into. 120 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:11,040 Unfortunately Dunbracken will no longer be able to give the proceeds from the blood drive to the 121 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,000 ambulance services. 122 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:18,240 For the fourth blood drive in a row the blood that was earmarked to be sold to hospitals 123 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:22,720 in order to pay back the ambulance services for our ill-fated parade have been stolen by 124 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:27,200 the infamous blood bandits. 125 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:32,160 Now two wrongs don't make a right but the mayor has agreed that anyone who takes the law into 126 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:37,280 their own hands and captures the blood bandits or anyone who is walking around town with what 127 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:42,240 one would deem as too many bags of blood for one person will now be rewarded with the money 128 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:53,760 earned from selling the blood that they recapture. 129 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,120 Hey Jamie, Aaron, how are you guys? 130 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:02,320 I'm doing alright, how are you? 131 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,120 Oh, keeping well. 132 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,160 Oh hey Paul. 133 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:04,960 Hey, yeah. 134 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,640 So you guys aren't that busy these days right? 135 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:13,920 Well it's out of season but you keep busy, you do things in the evening, you know, you're checking 136 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,400 on everyone, you know, you put the time in like... 137 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,840 Of course, no, I didn't mean to imply anything, you know, it's just... 138 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:22,160 No, no, we still have our jobs, it's just it's out of season. 139 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,760 Exactly, but you know what's in season soon? 140 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,680 I'm trying to bring the town fair back. 141 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:28,720 You're still doing that? 142 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,760 Yeah, this is the year for me, I feel it in my bones. 143 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,080 So did you not have that last year? 144 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:34,880 No, no. 145 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,080 What was that then? 146 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:36,960 What am I thinking of? 147 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,280 No, I thought it was that too, I thought it went really well. 148 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,920 No, no, that was just to clean up after the storm. 149 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,120 That was good, like everyone was... 150 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:50,880 Yeah, to be honest, it was a bit painful that it had better turn out than the last fair four 151 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,560 years ago, but yeah, I liked the community spirit and I would like... 152 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,160 We lifted that big tree off our... 153 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,600 The big tree, oh yeah. 154 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,360 Bring that back here, that would be good. 155 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:00,160 Tree lifting. 156 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:00,400 Yeah. 157 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:01,360 Oh, okay. 158 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,440 Sign me up for that for sure, yeah. 159 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,160 You know what, speaking of, I have something similar to tree lifting. 160 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,080 It's not quite tree lifting, but it's in the same vein. 161 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:14,240 Well, we have a bunch of marquees and tents and stalls to set up and I'm looking for volunteers 162 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:15,280 to help out with that. 163 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,920 It's not exactly tree adjacent, is it? 164 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:23,520 Well, I mean, the stalls were trees at one point and they knew lifting and then like 165 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:27,760 the marquees, Big Pole, it's basically a tree that's been filled that we're bringing back again. 166 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:33,040 Are we moving the marquees out of the way because the ambulance can't get through? 167 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,560 Because that was good. 168 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:35,680 Because that was a time crunch. 169 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:36,640 That was exciting, that. 170 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:36,960 Yeah. 171 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:37,600 It was exciting. 172 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:41,840 It was part of the reason we haven't had a country fair in a while and I did promise 173 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:45,040 that there would be a clear path for the ambulances this time. 174 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:49,840 So, I mean, I'm hoping that this year we won't need an ambulance, but if they're available, 175 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,960 that they can get to any situation very quickly. 176 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,720 What are all the blogs around town going to talk about if there's no inherent danger? 177 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:02,320 We're going to have like baking competitions and petting sues and I'm going to get a celebrity. 178 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,200 Oh, all right. 179 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:03,520 Oh. 180 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,000 Yeah. 181 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,680 That's not TBD, but I think everyone's going to be very excited. 182 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:08,480 It's TBD. 183 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,800 Is that the guy who sings about his shoes a lot? 184 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:15,200 Well, I'm not allowed to say yet, but you won't be disappointed. 185 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,360 I know you both love this person. 186 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,480 Seems like you could tell us then. 187 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:19,760 Oh, should we guess? 188 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,480 You can guess, but I am legally not allowed to say yet. 189 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:25,600 Adrian Childs. 190 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:26,720 Oh, that's a good one. 191 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,000 Is it a one show presenter? 192 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,320 Can you narrow it down to one show or not? 193 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,440 It's not a one show presenter. 194 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:32,560 I am allowed to say that. 195 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:33,600 See, that doesn't narrow it down. 196 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,920 We're not playing 10 questions with this celebrity here. 197 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,120 Can we have that at the fair? 198 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:37,840 10 questions. 199 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:38,640 I suppose so. 200 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,520 Do you want a dedicated stall for that or just? 201 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:42,080 I think so. 202 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,280 I think if you get someone sitting there with like a sheet over them 203 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,520 and they're the celebrity and you go, who's this? 204 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,120 Here, here, here. 205 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:49,840 Who's this? 206 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,840 That might be fun for the revelation moment. 207 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:52,480 He's trying it now. 208 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,120 Guess who that is. 209 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:53,920 Here, who's this? 210 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:54,400 Who's this? 211 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:56,800 Are you on the one show? 212 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,240 No, you just have to guess who it is. 213 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,600 Yeah, I don't think we get. 214 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,720 Darren Brown. 215 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,320 No, he's never been on the one show. 216 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:02,960 Oh, wasn't that good? 217 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,200 Oh, so it is someone on the one show. 218 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,240 That's what you said, yeah. 219 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,400 No, I explicitly said it's not someone on the one show. 220 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,080 Oh, I misheard you. 221 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,200 I've lost interest in your whole fair. 222 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,640 I've lost interest in a big way. 223 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,840 No, please come on, guys. 224 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,800 I will suggest that they arrive in like a cloak 225 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,520 and the whole town can play 10 questions beforehand. 226 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:20,320 Is it Dracula? 227 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,520 I don't think he's allowed back. 228 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,360 Has Dracula been banned from this town? 229 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,800 All monsters have been. 230 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:25,120 Right. 231 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,440 After that, it's freak Halloween where everyone thought 232 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,840 the haunted house was way too realistic, 233 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,360 so they just banned everything. 234 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,440 And the petting zoo was sucked dry. 235 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,560 OK, well, this is going to make my next visit very difficult, 236 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,640 but it's good to know in advance. 237 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,600 Dunbracken hasn't got enough housing, 238 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:53,040 which is why I've invited you, ladies and gentlemen of the press, 239 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:57,280 to come inside this enormous oak tree, 240 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,640 which we have begun work hollowing out to turn 241 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,680 into fabulous luxury apartments. 242 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:04,160 Wow. 243 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,120 This is extremely impressive. 244 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,000 Yes, of course. 245 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:12,240 That's why we here at Dunbracken Property Developments 246 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:15,680 are involved in this business, because we want to help people. 247 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:20,080 I'm afraid that this is going to attract a lot of young people to this town. 248 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:20,720 We don't need them. 249 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:21,920 We've never needed them. 250 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:23,200 Don't need young people? 251 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:23,700 No. 252 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,840 Who's going to care if you're elderly? 253 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,760 Who's going to train to become teachers? 254 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,160 Well, if we don't have young people, we don't need teachers. 255 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,720 Well, yes, I suppose there is a certain logic to that. 256 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,560 We can finally defund the school. 257 00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:37,520 Do you know how long my readers have been yearning for that day? 258 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,600 Get rid of it, I say! 259 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,280 Dine with the school! 260 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:42,720 Dine with the school! 261 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:44,160 Thanks, Daryl. 262 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:48,960 Does anybody know the median age of residents in Dunbracken? 263 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,320 49? 264 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,280 It was 50, but it's been a cold winter. 265 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:58,000 As the editor of Teaching Weekly, I completely disagree with your assessment 266 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,360 that we need to get rid of the school. 267 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,280 The school is really important. 268 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,600 It brings a lot of joy to the hearts of children. 269 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,440 My grandchildren spend all their time there and never visit me. 270 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,880 Well, maybe that's to do with your personality, sir. 271 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,120 It's everything to do with my personality, 272 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,840 but I need something to blame if the school's gone. 273 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,440 I have to look inward. 274 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:18,480 This is the problem. 275 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,600 If we give them better options, why would they pick us? 276 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:25,040 The other thing to consider is basically what you're saying is 277 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,960 people should stop having children in Dunbracken. 278 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:30,720 Have you considered a forced sterilization program? 279 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,280 Oh, I've just been campaigning to shut down a maternity ward. 280 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,800 They'll just be born in back alleys instead. 281 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,480 Well, I'm hoping in other towns. 282 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,920 Your editorials have suggested you just want people to stop having sex. 283 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,920 No, that's my editorials. 284 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,280 I don't like it. 285 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:45,920 Never have. 286 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,400 Nothing good comes from sex. 287 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,800 I heard you've been breaking into people's bedrooms. 288 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,000 Yeah, to tell them, no, stop what you're doing. 289 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,280 You know what? 290 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:59,280 Me and my wife have never been closer since we stopped having sex. 291 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,240 I think we're losing sight here of this announcement 292 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:06,400 that we're turning this hollowed out oak tree into a luxury apartment. 293 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:06,720 You're right. 294 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:07,920 We're angry at the wrong things. 295 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,120 We should be angry at you. 296 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,320 Darn with the tree. 297 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:11,920 Darn with the tree. 298 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,160 What if we turn it into a retirement village? 299 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,440 How am I going to get up there? 300 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,600 It's 50 feet tall. 301 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:18,240 I like that. 302 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,160 Or we could turn it into another school. 303 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:20,640 Oh, no. 304 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,720 They're ganging together. 305 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,800 I think there's more money in retirement villages. 306 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:25,440 Oh, yeah. 307 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,000 Than schools. 308 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,000 Not that I'm completely blinded by money 309 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,000 and I'm doing this for community benefit. 310 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,640 The children of Dunbracken are very rich. 311 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,240 Because they keep stealing my money. 312 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,240 I have so much gold buried around and they keep finding it. 313 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,160 I mean, it's very shallow. 314 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,960 I didn't know they were going to build the school there. 315 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,120 Darn with the school. 316 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:46,400 Let me get my gold. 317 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,200 I mean, we have very rich civil servants 318 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,200 who just tried to fix some potholes 319 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,440 and came across your gold deposits. 320 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:54,720 I'm a weak man. 321 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,320 I can't dig deep. 322 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,600 Dunbracken property development could deal with the potholes. 323 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,120 We could turn them into bedsits. 324 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,920 Stay away from my potholes. 325 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,440 I just I'm just concerned that it will attract more young people. 326 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,680 We have the ones we have and... 327 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:11,040 We're going to get more. 328 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:11,760 Bloody rich. 329 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,960 I'm going to encourage everybody to keep fucking. 330 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,440 No, it's dirty and it's depraved. 331 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,080 It's not what it's not what needs to happen. 332 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,040 We need books. 333 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,480 What sort of books? 334 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,680 Cold books that make your loins cold. 335 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,440 Well, I'm excited. 336 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,240 I think this is a brilliant, brilliant invention. 337 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:31,360 It looks beautiful. 338 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,560 I think it's clever. 339 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:33,520 I'm really impressed. 340 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,760 I'm going to give you a glowing write-up. 341 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:41,120 And I am going to destroy you and your life, 342 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,520 your family will never know a moment's peace 343 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:57,520 as I slander you across the Dunbracken bracket. 344 00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:02,240 Could the townsfolk please refrain from attacking any farmers that they see 345 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,840 that have just come from the abattoir? 346 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:09,760 That blood, whilst looking like human blood, is in fact cow and pig and sheep blood. 347 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:14,160 We can verify this after one of the town council members beat up Billy O'Hare 348 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,360 before he revealed the true nature of his blood-stained clothes. 349 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:23,040 Also, if people could refrain from coming to the town hall with plastic bags full of blood 350 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:26,240 claiming that this is from the blood bandits, we would appreciate it. 351 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:32,640 We know this couldn't be blood from the blood bandits because the blood bandits, of course, 352 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:38,080 did not steal plastic bags full of blood, but more paper-based bags-for-life type bags of blood. 353 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:58,560 Coming by your hearse here from Tyg, I'm Tyg and I've got your hearse for ye. 354 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,040 Ooh, could I have a hearse? How much is that one? 355 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:06,000 That one there, that one will set ye back. Normally it's about 150. 356 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,760 Ooh, that's a little rich for my blood. 357 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,320 But I'll do it for ye for 1250, how about that? 358 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,440 Ooh, wow, that's fantastic. 359 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,840 That's a good deal on a hearse, you're telling me. 360 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,160 That's 70% off, I think we should get two. 361 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,920 That's fantastic, I think it makes sense. 362 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,920 One for each wrist, sure, why not? 363 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,640 Oh, I consider it as a present, I didn't even consider I could wear two. 364 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:23,120 Oh. 365 00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:27,520 Sir, look at you, you've got some nice shoes on, you have a lovely coat, why don't you get a watch 366 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:34,320 on each wrist? And then, before long, with two hears on each wrist, you'll have ladies off each arm as well. 367 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:39,200 Ooh, I like that. We've been looking for ladies off both arms for a while now and it hasn't. 368 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,400 Maybe it's the wrists. 369 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,640 I mean, I'd be happy with one, but yeah, maybe. 370 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,960 I think we hide our little nimble wrists with nice 1250 watches. 371 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,200 Yeah, yeah, do you take credit cards? 372 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,960 Take credit card, take PayPal, Bitcoin, all that sort of stuff. 373 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:59,520 Now, if I may, before ye's walk off with two watches here, I do have watches that also go 374 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:03,360 round the ankles. You could have four hears on your body at any moment. 375 00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:07,760 Four hears. Oh, that's exciting, because I do have, you have little gnarly wrists, 376 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:13,200 but I have knobbly ankles that I am ashamed of and I wish I could wear ankle socks. 377 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,480 Let me get a look at them now. 378 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,400 Here they are, here they are. 379 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,120 See, you see what I'm working with? 380 00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,600 Yeah, to be fair, sir, can I call you sir? 381 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,080 Go ahead. 382 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,680 Those are, those are disgusting. 383 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:24,400 I understand. 384 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,840 I really wish you hadn't shown them. 385 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,320 I feel sick and I work in this business. 386 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,120 I'm your best friend for 20 years and this is tough to look at. 387 00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,800 You've never seen his ankles in 20 years. 388 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:36,480 Oh, I've seen them frequently and it's, it's been a friendship challenging. 389 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,200 Never in daylight, though. It's always at the dark of night. 390 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:43,120 The day you came out inside your house wearing shorts, I screamed at you. 391 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:44,640 It nearly ended our friendship. 392 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,800 I didn't like the rumour that you spread around time. 393 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,720 It's not a rumour, it is a fact. 394 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,560 Yes, it's a fact, but no one needed to know. 395 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,400 You only get your ankles out at night then. 396 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,960 The dark of night, only the pale moonlight can make them look acceptable to the Lord's eye. 397 00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,880 Well, that's not true. These hears will make them look absolutely lovely. 398 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:04,240 I think so. And also just a reminder, it is a full moon two nights from now, 399 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:05,760 so don't go outside wearing shorts. 400 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:06,800 Okay. Yeah, I won't. 401 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:10,400 So you get two for your wrist and I'll get two for my, uh, my ankles. 402 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:12,960 You only want them for your ankles. 403 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,000 I can get all four of them. 404 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,120 Oh, I want all four. 405 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:15,760 Exactly. 406 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:16,260 Yeah. 407 00:19:16,260 --> 00:19:17,600 I'm trying to upsell here, right? 408 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,800 Sir, if I can call you, sir. 409 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:19,280 You can. 410 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:23,200 I'm just, I'm just trying to, you know, here's a, here's a wee lesson in business, right? 411 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,960 See if he can sell someone two watches, you can sell them four watches. 412 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,240 That's what my dad always told me. 413 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,440 I never thought about that. 414 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,320 And he's dead now. 415 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,360 Wow. Yeah. 416 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,480 I said, wow. 417 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,920 Because I'm wondering if, if he sold his soul or something, you know, 418 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,600 such a good marketer might've sold a soul to God or the devil. I don't know. 419 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:44,800 He sold it either to the God or the devil, but the purgatory Lord, the middleman. 420 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:49,920 He was always known as the middleman in life. You know, there was my ma and then there was me. 421 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,240 Who made that happen? The middleman, my dad. 422 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,520 Now I have another question about the ankle watches. 423 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,760 So I like to skinny dip in the moonlight. 424 00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,440 What? Since when? 425 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,600 Well, I started it like three months ago. 426 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,160 Are you the beast that the town's been referring about? 427 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,960 Again, I wish you hadn't seen that. 428 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,280 That one, I didn't start. Other people have been telling me about. 429 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,400 I just assumed it was you. 430 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,680 But yes, I technically, I am the beast. 431 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:17,520 I tried to explain it to those campers, but they ran away screaming. 432 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,440 Now hold on. Are these watches waterproof? 433 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:20,480 That was my question. Yeah. 434 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:20,880 Really? 435 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,000 Yeah. Cause I wanted the skinny dip. 436 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:22,960 This is why we're friends. 437 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:23,200 Yeah. 438 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,560 That was good. I'd like you to give a wee bit of a backstory before just straight up 439 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,240 answering the question. I like that. 440 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,760 There's a great level of detail there. 441 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,760 The answer is no. 442 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:52,640 Back to Dumbraken is created, produced and edited by Connoth McVeigh. 443 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:58,800 For more information on the podcast, including the weekly town newsletter, 444 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,520 you can follow us at Dumbraken pod on Instagram. 445 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:09,120 This episode featured Patrick Meyer, Marcus Keighley, Gemma Burnett and Robert Vaughan. 446 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,520 The opening and closing music was created by Conor Mallon 447 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,960 and you can check out his entire album Unearthed on Spotify now. 448 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:24,320 Thank you for listening. We look forward to welcoming you back to Dumbraken very soon.