And yeah I thought
it might be good to update people
on like, what we're going about today and maybe if we get a little bit of
traction around the town we can actually do some good here because the town
council you guys know that we need to put the message out there that we're
willing to help. Now I take some offense that I have not been doing good work for
the last 35 years. But you're still willing to do work I think. Yes yes yes but it just
implies that up till now I have been ineffective. Well no I'm gonna be honest
up till now I'll agree with you and I'll say and join you in the pact and say
that I have also been ineffective for the last... No no no no I have not been
ineffective. I have pushed through many important points. You're the one who said you were ineffective.
No no I'm saying you're implying I'm ineffective. I've spent 35 years on this council.
I know how to run this council and I know I have helped make this town better.
Well I'll admit I haven't for 12 years. Well if I might say like from from the
outside it does seem like you guys are doing a lot because I appreciate sort of
you know fresh blood around the scene and I wouldn't have joined you know this
is an initiative if I hadn't seen you guys you know look at least like you
were doing some work even if you weren't feeling like you were doing the work it
seemed like you were doing work and I wanted to get involved. For me I've been
doing work sure I've been doing work but I would often work that benefits me and
I want to I want to actually like help the community is that weird to say is
that weird thing to... Well perhaps you could try joining the amateur dramatic
society say you. Not going to join the winter production but maybe put me down
for the spring. Oh how about the summer when we've got the shorts on. I get well
we'll see what is your what is the winter play this year. Oh the winter play?
Well it's a little one that I wrote with a bit of spare time on my hands. I'm on
the City Council and all of my downtime goes into the amateur dramatics but but
this year well you know Swan Lake. I do yeah. Well I decided to bring in some
of my Harry Potter fanfiction and I'm writing Wand Lake. So this isn't is this
derivative of the Wand Cracker? Last year's yeah I saw that I didn't realize
I hadn't made the connection that that was you as well. I'd like to think though
it's wholly original and not not just like a derivative or a run-off from
from last year's. What about Black Wand the year before which was Black Swan he like very good
ballet Harry Potter fanfiction not gonna deny but very stylized for Christmas I
was I was impressed I was impressed. I am starting to see a theme developing here
yes sir but I this one's definitely worthwhile going to. Well you know what I try. Is this a
promise because every year we give you the theater over the Christmas period
and I always deliver don't I? Yes but every year you I ask will there be
there something for the family something for to celebrate Christmas I'm gonna do
celebrate true meaning of Christmas and every year the children are turned away
for mature content. Would you rather the children see mature content?
No no that's truly not what I'm getting at. I just wish you could perhaps a pantomime one year. Is that an unreasonable request?
The issue I have is that he lets the children in at the start lets them buy a ticket and then five minutes in
there's a adult warning and all the kids have to leave but don't get refunds and
it happens every time so I don't know. They learn about disappointment in the
same way that I have been turned down for many roles over the years but I found
out whenever you can write rules that are perfect for you you'll nail it every
time and if anything it makes it a bit more realistic because barely even
acting at that stage maybe you're getting deeper within the character off
yourself. I don't know how that applies to the kids though. Oh the kids yes yes
yes they truly do fund the arts whenever they buy those tickets. Because we also
we deny by giving you the theater every year we deny the primary school the
chance to do their play. Well let's face it that would not be good. Can we agree
on that? We cannot know. What about this what if you decided to work as the director of the primary schools new nativity this year?
Yes perhaps we could have like a early afternoon show with the kids and then after dark you
can you can do whatever you wish. Oh sorry I know that you're more senior in
this than I am but I'd like to raise the point that it's winter so you say after
dark that's gonna be. Yes I want those kids to be in bed by three. I want to
start early I want them to tire themselves out and I think I speak for
all the parents. And you think that this potential drama production collaboration will do exactly that?
No not a collaboration two separate productions one child-friendly one early in the day
where the children get to participate and then you can do your. Once like a
nativity. Yes yes that's exactly it I've been beating around the bush I would
like to do a nativity play please just once. May I play the baby Jesus? It feels
like just the one role it should go to kid but I guess if that's it's a condition.
I mean or doll. A doll? Do you think a doll would be a better actor? I've spent so long since this last had a nativity play but I don't
recall the baby Jesus having many lines. He cries quite a bit sometimes it
depends on the depiction really some say he's meek and mild I say he's an angry
child. No is this the one where he carries the cross? No no is the Easter
commonly mistaken? Right I would disagree with common mistake but you might have
seen the Easter production where yes I did drag that cross around town fell
three times not once not twice three and then was nailed to the cross. Dressed as
Harry Potter? Dressed as Harry Potter yes someone did shout a vada cadaver and I
died on the cross. But then with the Horcrux I was able to come back much
like the way Jesus came back three days later. Why? I may ask how long have you been
writing fanfic for Harry Potter or have you written any other fanfic? No you've done it.
I've been doing it for quite some time I have many the back catalog and it is
categorized based on age rating. That's one category really. Well let's agree to
disagree. No I think we can all pretty much agree. Yes I mean yeah I just it's
very difficult because you're so popular in the town council you always get the
votes to close the roads for your production and that's because the other
town councillors are always part of the plays like oh I think that's oh I don't
we have to be a part no no no we do not we're in fact us too we're expressly
often asked not to thank God no I was gonna ask. You do not have the experience. I thought I didn't have the
transphobia. Oh cuz the authors are massive turf yeah. I will say Tchaikovsky
Rowling has attempted to sue us on multiple occasions. I have tried to shut
them down for their depictions. Which was the reason that we actually nominated ourselves as
best small town in the country but apparently that wasn't enough to get
nominated they said that the streets were terrible riddled. Riddle. Well that
is why I fell three times while depicting Jesus of course the roads are
awful. Yeah he wasn't planning and doing it he had a brand new production where
Jesus was incredibly incredibly butch walking through completely muscular
wasn't gonna fall twice he was gonna beat up God I think at one point. It was
on the cards. Then he fell over. Sorry just circling back to something and again you
guys can shut me down whenever you want. You'll have a good circle back? Well you know what I'll let
you make your point but there is something I wish to bring up after this.
Okay well I was just gonna circle back to what Dermid was saying about the
new town the best time new time. We were voted sorry we were nominated by ourselves
as best small town. Is that something that we should try and. They said we
should we should try and work towards it but they said we were not allowed to
nominate ourselves again for three years. They got so disgusted. Do we need to befriend
another time to put us on the ballot? Yes yes we do. Oh yeah. They couldn't believe
someone had the audacity to submit their own town and when the three judges came
two of them got gangrene. How long were they in the town for? We thought it'd be
if they got the full experience so we asked them to stay for three weeks. And
how many of the judges left the town or is that. The one who immediately
high-tailed it out of the town. They did all leave just staggered. No one died if
that's what you're getting at. Oh that's what I was getting at. Yeah yeah no I could see what
we were. No one immediately fine two 18 days later horribly gangrenous. But that
is part of the experience I'd say. We've all been victims of gangrene and if
anything our efforts in raising awareness of gangrene I think it's gone
unnoticed by you know other towns and the like. I think we should maybe put
forward for gangrene awareness huh? Now I know I open with saying how I have not
been ineffective but I feel like no one in this town still knows what gangrene
actually is. Dammit's looking it up on his laptop I can see that right now. Yes
and he's gone into images that's a bad idea. It's a very bad idea. It is a dangerous
and potentially fatal condition that happens when the blood flow to a large
area of tissue is cut off. Two of the judges. Now I would also say you
didn't need to look it up on your laptop you could have looked at one of the mini
posters. Okay so I'm I didn't want to get into this but I put in for the gangrene
poster competition guys under a pseudonym. You did not know what it was it was very
apparent. I just thought if we can get all the inner city youths to go about
inner city. How large do you believe our town to be? Look anyone can be an inner
city youth if they believe if they wear a hoodie they look dangerous but this is
a green hoodie it's good for the planet. Oh my god. You know inspire the kids this is
what I'm all about. This is explaining why I got so much post about this and so
you used the pseudonym but you used a real you used my name for that
application. You really know what a pseudonym is it's not my name. Now this
actually sort of brings me back to the point I wanted to mention earlier before
this meeting started I sent everyone an agenda and I would like to vote that we
actually stick to the agenda for one of these meetings. Here here. Yeah here.
Yes yeah. Wow I just made that up. Second wonderful three we've got a majority here that's
dying gants name. Yes so first item we have a new member joining our council
and I thought we should all introduce ourselves. I've just felt like
chronologically that that's fair. I mean I am. That's a very good idea I will go
first as a head of this little cabal. Oh I thought there was going to be a little
push back there. No I respect the hierarchy. I know who you guys are but sure it's cool to hear in your own words.
Yeah I'm a dear mid. Yeah. Dear mid green. I did get a little confused but the gang
green because it's a little bit like my name for a while I thought. Yeah I love my grandmother.
But it was not it was a fatal disease. It's not camcreen. So I'm dear mid. I work
at the florist. Green's florist. I've ordered from you a lot. Yeah but I'm just
following the agenda here but thank you for ordering. Yeah. Sorry about the delay.
I think there might be GDPR issues with your florist. The fact that you used my name.
I don't understand. You used my name for your pseudonym. You will have my pseudonym.
Could I remind everyone to stick to the agenda please? We voted on this already.
You can say you're saying under any other business. Okay I'll say that. Any other business later on.
Who wants to introduce themselves next? If I may. Colonel Mazepan Robert.
Of course retired. My army days are long behind me but I find a lot of passion for the amateur
dramatics. Really? That's a joke. That was a joke. It's too soon for jokes. I'm sorry.
You're not very good with comedic timing I've got to say. Something you could work on. Maybe
you could come to one of my workshops sometime. I would advise strongly against it. Oh god no.
I wasn't planning on that at all. Not that it's a bad workshop. It's just such a... I don't want
to say dangerous environment. Intimidating environment I think. I mean working with someone
like me I understand because you know you're working with a star. Essentially a star. A star
who's been through wars and like it shows in your training I think. Yes I know sometimes I do just
drift off and get that thousand yard stir and I hear the banging and the... I'm getting eyes again.
Sorry I'm drifting off. That's alright. Let him get it out of the system. That's part of finishing
talk. I feel like it's an accurate reflection of who he is. Very true. I think we both have given
fair representations of ourselves so far. Do I need to give my questions for any other business?
Well not immediately after. Why don't you introduce yourself? Oh. Switching it up. Okay.
Yes. Hello I am Stephanie Bunting. Hey. Yes. That's like my pseudonym. Yeah I think you
used Staffy. Yeah too wise. I've always wanted to engage a bit more in the time and I sort of feel
a bit like a wight sighter even though I've literally lived here my entire life. I think we
all have that kind of thing there. We feel a bit forgotten about. So yeah just trying to fit in
with people who also don't feel like they fit in and as I say like I've followed your guys' work
across the years. You seem to be doing good stuff but now I'm here in the room I'm actually not sure
what exactly gave me that impression. It might have been the Wand Lake thing. That was pretty cool
actually as a Christmas show. A pretty good job for covering up. It's not that we don't try I think.
Again I feel I do good works. Our Christmas tree lighting was spectacular but I realize I'm getting
off topic myself. Yeah I think it's good if you introduce yourself and then we can say about your
introduction. No sorry why are you finishing with your introduction? I was just gonna have a little
cheeky comment that my favorite flower is of course. Chilip. Hydrangeas. Which is chilip in
French. I'm not sure that's correct. I'm the one who sells the flowers. Yes of course you are.
That's what you do. That's what you do of course. Of course I thought I wrecked a neck sense. Good to see you.
Thank you Colonel. I of course I am Rosemary Rose. My family I'm actually descended from the people
who originally founded this town. I've lived here all my life and if you're renting there's a very
likely chance I'm your landlady. Oh. Both of our landlady's. Yeah no same. Oh all three of them.
Oh yes yes you're all wonderful tenants. How many of the council do you have? Um I think that would
follow any other business there's no need to go into that right now. It is quite problematic that
you know how much all of us earn and you adjust the rent accordingly it really keeps us trapped.
I mean in my defense I voted to follow GDPR rules and I was overruled. Look I think it's best that
we all know everyone's business that's all I'm saying it's important. Again I just feel like
obeying the law would stop so many lawsuits. I don't know that any of the lawsuits have won
because I stopped following the news. They have. You sorry I'll save it for now. No no go ahead go
ahead. This is other business now. Yes. So were you an actor first or were you in the war first?
War first. Which I feel like became acting. I feel like you found a role. Wow that's deep. I do believe
war is a bit of a pageantry at times you know who can make the uh the biggest noise the biggest
explosion you know a lot of it is just theatrics at the end of the day. Yes yes I mean we did have
to recruit some set builders to make fake tanks at one point so whenever the planes were flying
over they were dropping bombs on the fake tanks however the set builders they hadn't moved on from
building the the tanks and yes they were killed as well. Unfortunate but they saved our lives.
Yeah I will ask this one more time but which war did this occur? I just I feel like I've heard
stories like that from my grandfather. And Rosemary Rose is your grandfather that's not
Minstrel. I want to say 17th century. Excuse me? Excuse me 17th century? Yeah I have an
ungood authority. How old do you believe me to be? No I'm just saying I'm not necessarily implying
your age. Your grandparents were around 17th century? I mean the late end obviously. No 1890.
Close. No 17th century is 200 years out. You are 200 years out that's that's. Look I knew I had the
information in there somewhere I just kind of go. All I was going to say was that that's not Minstrel's
words her grandfather is dead. Oh yeah. Yes no no of course how old do you all think I am? I well
you've been on the council for 35 years. Yes. And I'll be honest in my eyes you haven't aged a day
since you've been on it but also. Do you have a sorry do you have a painted in your attic?
Sorry. I do have a family portrait. I feel like you entered this role looking like a 60 year old
and you still look like a 60 year old. Well you know what I'm I'm 68 right now so I will take that.
Does that mean that she looked old for a long time? Yes I believe that's what he was getting at.
Now I've decided to take it as a compliment. Please don't increase my rent again. I would never
let your actions on this council affect how I treat you as a landlady. Honestly even though
you're 60 one of my favorite people in I'm not even going to say the whole council I'm going to
say the whole town. Not even because you're on the council with me or that you are my landlady.
Oh well that's that's very kind of you. You get on her good side and good things can happen to you
in this town. Hey we're probably if you go back far enough we're probably all connected. My favorite
person in the town. I don't know about him though. My favorite though would be a little boy goes by
the name. Oh god. No this is actually very sweet. Goes by the name of Jason Wilcox. He appears at
my door every Tuesday. He steams my scarves. Keeps them very very smooth and he keeps them very very
soft and you can't leave the house with a rough scarf. No. So I thank you very much Jason. I hope
you may be listening to this and one day I will let you watch one of my plays the entire way through
when you're a bit older. Honestly I was expecting much worse from him. I try not to analyze you.
My therapist does enough so. He's your therapist. That's a very personal question Stephanie.
But she's allowed to ask it and we have to reel the information. We do their GDPR. He's so
aggressively anti GDPR that we are compelled to reveal personal information on request. It is the
corporal. You've been going to the corporal and you haven't been coming to the colonel. Yes. What
type of joke is this dammit. Now I would like to remind you he's not a licensed therapist and there's
no doctor patient confidentiality. Just keep that in mind. Even if there was GDPR. I was going to say
we have aggressive anti GDPR. You voted for it. You voted for it. I didn't want to. I think we
should all know everyone's business. This is a small town and I think it's important that gossip
stays alive. It's just your wife's lawyer does not live in this town so he's not required to
hand over information. I feel like that was the only reason you voted for it. Smart on her part.
Dammit. You know you could come to me at any time any day. I wanted to but you screamed so much in
your sessions. I'm sorry that is the PTSD. Which the corporal also has I didn't realize. Oh yes. I
realized we somehow managed to dodge the question of which war you participated in. Because the
corporal also dodges that question so. I mean just discussing the wars makes you think about it. You
ruminate and then all of a sudden you're in someone's back garden screaming with a branch in your hand
thinking it's a gun and then you're pointing it at a child. That's not very good for the child.
Was the boy the Wilcox boy? I would never do that to Jason. Jason is the one thing that can pull him
out of his PTSD. A steamed scarf. It does feel like a great burden on a fairly young man. I do
think he gets paid well though. Oh yes life lessons galore. I really thought he was getting
paid in money. So how about this? How about next week so my work with the corporal hasn't been
going well. How about this week I give you a go. Oh perfect I will I will get into the role of a
Freud. Seems unnecessary but okay you're the therapist. How often do you think about your
mother? I'm getting into the role here. I see her every day. Oh I guess you're thinking about her
dead. I will truly note that down. She lives with me. Temporary thing or? They kicked her out of the
nursing home. Oh. She was a little violent but admittedly they were giving her the wrong med
so I think she actually was fairly warranted in uh scrubbing three of them in the face. Rosemary
who's your favorite person? It's funny because she's someone who lives in the nursing home and
was attacked by your mother. It is my sister Sage. I have apologized profusely on my mother's behalf.
I know she will not apologize. No she will not. I appreciate you not kicking us out. It's been
difficult but you have vouched for her and my sister is an incredibly forgiving woman. She is.
She says forgive her she does not know what she does. She brought out the medication but to be
quite honest I believe your mother wasn't the right medication. She was just angry about losing a
Scrabble. She got very violent. Well all I know is she came forth and attacked the other three
players. They were using French words and that's that's what my mother was saying. So you know
about the Scrabble and you still believe the medication. I do believe the medication because
my mother told me it and I assume that that must be the truth. You know what one of the best words
to spell in Scrabble is? No I do not. Quiz! It gets you 22 points. Wow. The Q and the Z are both worth 10.
Is that single points? Wow. So pass that on to your mother. Pass that on to my mother.
Well she's not welcome in the Scrabble group anymore. I will pass it on to my sister though.
I'm sure she will appreciate it. My mother has started a guerrilla Scrabble group in the park.
She scrapped the eyes of the chess players in the park and got them to scatter and now she has set
up four different Scrabble games. Now if you guys had read the agenda you would all know that I am
of course aware of this and I really wish we could have addressed the issue during this meeting.
What do we want to get into at night? Do we have time? Yes everyone who wants to ban his
mother from the park please vote aye. Aye. Aye. Okay I'm glad we addressed this issue.
I'm Alan and you can check out his entire album Unearthed on Spotify now.
Thank you for listening. We look forward to welcoming you back to Dunbracken very soon.