My dog, he's not feeling great and I don't know what's wrong with him but...
Does the dog have an appointment?
He doesn't have an appointment but he's in the car and I can't roll down the windows
either because the window thing broke so I just need your help.
Do you like to make an appointment?
I don't think I have time to make an appointment because he's getting sicker in the car.
He was thrown up in my house and now he's not feeling great.
Well call us then and he can make an appointment.
Oh fine.
Welcome back to Dunbracken.
Right, so Brian, these are the plants that we want to sell today.
They've all got half off stickers on them so we need to make sure they're at the front
shop.
In the outside part?
In the outside part of the nursery, yes that's correct.
I can put them there.
Yeah, would you mind?
And they're quite heavy now.
It's windy today.
It is windy Brian, well noticed.
You're very special.
It's just, if it's windy will they blow away?
No, they're in quite heavy pots.
Okay.
So if you could just lift the pots out, there's six of them.
If you take them outside.
That brings me to my next point.
I broke the little lifter.
Shut up, shut up James.
Shut up James.
You what?
I broke the little lifter that we use.
Shut up James.
I broke the little lifter yesterday.
Yeah, you're going to need to pick it up and carry them but also that lifter's coming
out of your wedges.
I don't understand and respect that.
Also I lied.
I cannot lift 40 pounds.
I don't think any of us can.
We're only five.
If you're going to get any treats at playtime.
I want treats at playtime.
Well, you need to work out a way to lift these heavy, heavy pots, put them outside of the
nursery.
I have an idea.
If you suggest another rude gold bird machine, I swear to God.
I don't have an idea.
Shut up James.
Now, Brian, where is the Play-Doh?
On Scooby-Doo they always pull a mask off someone's face.
So John isn't breathing at the minute.
John.
What did you do to John?
Tried to Scooby-Doo him, make him a villain.
Okay.
John.
Where's John?
John.
Oh my God.
I'm going to have to call your mother.
Don't do that.
No, no, no.
No need for that.
I am going to call his mummy and I'm going to hell.
She'll shout at my mummy.
She will shout at your mummy.
John's mummy is a really scary.
One time I saw her punch a Hawaiian.
Pizza?
Yeah, she was so angry that it wasn't pepperoni.
Well, you shouldn't put pineapple on pizzas, boys.
John.
John, take that Play-Doh off your nose.
Just take it off.
You can take it off.
You're not dying.
Look, you're fine.
I think she might be a bad person.
I want revenge.
No, we don't do revenge in this nursery.
Revenge.
No, no, boys.
You need to learn.
You need to learn to play nicely together.
I watched the documentary about...
I'm going to put a hit on them.
And how are you going to do that, John?
My mother, she's a violent woman.
She once punched a Hawaiian, miss.
The pineapple's clean off.
Hi-ya!
Yeah, she could do that to you now.
Your mummy is a very nice lady, actually.
She just gets very stirred up in her emotions about food.
My mummy could fight your mummy.
No, our mummies are not fighting each other.
Your mummy's probably dead by now, miss.
I'm not that old.
I'm 21 years old.
The mummy royal rumbles next month, lads.
Miss gave us the flyers.
I haven't sold any tickets for that yet.
I have.
Oh, I managed yourself.
Oh, one.
Just to my da.
My mummy is 46.
Fuck off.
John, why is that music happening?
Fuck off.
John, stop saying swear words.
And did you bring an iPad to nursery?
They're not allowed in here.
Give it to me.
No.
Give it to me.
No.
Yes.
I'm addicted to Angry Birds.
OK, I've got it.
No boys, no screens.
And no fighting mummies.
She's a Scooby Doo villain.
A Scooby Doo villain.
And no Scooby doing each other and no revenge and no breaking, lifting things.
Would you please just move those pots so we can have playtime?
Because I'm very tired and I'd like a cup of tea.
I have a question, miss.
Why do you call child labour playtime?
That was my question, miss.
We watched a documentary at break.
Playtime comes after child...
I mean, you moving things for me.
No.
And, Brian, why are you watching documentaries?
You're far too young.
I want to have a brighter viewpoint on the world.
I want to digest other cultures.
Brian, you're five.
Would you not be rather watching...
I know.
It's been five years too long.
I need to know what they get up to in Chinese New Year of the Dragon.
Do you not rather watch those puppies with the paws?
No, because they did...
They noticed they did the Paw Patrol movie and it was just a blatant ripoff of Blazing
Saddles and I didn't appreciate that so now I've moved on to BBC documentaries.
Well, that's actually quite interesting, Brian, because I thought it was sort of copaganda.
But, no, why am I talking to a five-year-old like this?
Boys, would you just move the things and then we can have our biscuits?
If you take it as a side-by-side shot with Blazing Saddles, which my mummy showed me,
it is a blatant ripoff of the classic Mel Brooks.
Well, you shouldn't have been watching that movie and I'm going to be talking to your
mother.
I think your mummy used to date Mel Brooks.
She did.
I knew it.
Yeah.
Your mother is not that old.
You don't know.
She could have dated someone.
Your mother is 29.
Yeah, she could have dated someone much older than her.
She has the toolbox.
The what?
The toolbox.
What's the toolbox?
You know, she has the toolbox.
The stuff in the lips and the cheeks and stuff.
It makes her all up.
You mean the whole package?
Aye.
Okay, what have you been watching, James?
I don't know, but every video starts with a drum beat like this.
And then there's nipples.
Are you watching your daddy's iPad?
No, I'm watching John's.
John, what's on this iPad?
Angry birds.
Well, the birds definitely were angry.
Is Angry Birds a naughty video?
They're all very angry.
Why are the birds, you can't call women birds.
Well, she was flapping like mad.
I watched a documentary about Pablo Picasso, if that makes it any better.
That was actually a very good one.
It was interesting to see how he deconstructed society.
Apparently a lot of people he painted were sex workers and he painted them with the paintings.
I find that it's important to allow sex workers to express themselves and they should be equal
members of society.
Okay, boys, we're going to not move anything.
Just going to watch Bluey.
Oh, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.
There we go.
Yeah.
Sorry, are you here for the you here to get your teeth?
I got my teeth removed.
I can't tell if you need to get your teeth removed.
I'm here to get my teeth removed.
Removed, okay.
So could I cut in line from you because my.
What?
My my molars kind of sore.
Can I cut in line?
I would say yes, because I can no longer feel the pain.
Perfect.
Yeah.
I think he's a dentist.
Okay, great.
So because this is a little it's not that sore, but it's actually more sore than you
might think.
I saw my brother kissing my wife and I bit down on my mouth so hard that it caused some
of the enamel to scratch off.
So I went to the dentist to see if I could get that fixed and now I prised it over my
jaw to make the dentist's life easier and now I've got a long jaw.
In case you've been putting stuff in my mouth while I'm waiting and I just have to like
go hey and chip forward to get it out of my mouth.
Will I bit down on a lamb bar too hard?
So I think I should cut ahead.
Oh yeah, go ahead.
Don't worry.
I said hey, I can't feel my mouth anymore so I think I'm okay.
It was bad at the start.
It was worse when I saw my brother kissing my wife.
At first I was like oh, Alan, what are you doing?
You couldn't hear me.
I was like maybe that's not Alan.
But my wife shouldn't be kissing anyone unless it is our lovely daughter Alexandria named
after the library.
I do a lot of reading.
I brought a book with me if you'd like to read it in line while we wait.
Sure.
The courtship of the rose.
Oh, Fredrica said Martin, you smell like an English rose you can take over.
An English rose that was overpowering.
Quite like whenever I saw Alan kissing my wife.
That was overpowering.
I tell you I bit down and all the enamels kind of gone.
I don't think so, no.
Anyway, God, I wish I had a love like Martin and Fredrica.
What's your favourite book?
Charles Dickens.
That's not a book, that's an author.
I think you'll find it.
You trying to put a sly one on me?
No.
What about is this Wambar thing even true?
It is true.
Look, I'll show you.
Wambar's not open.
Wait, you bit through the packaging?
Yeah.
What the hell are you doing?
I was very excited.
You bit on the packaging?
Yeah, because I was going to rip the packaging out but a bit too hard.
I know this tooth just it moves a little bit.
Maybe Alan was just a bit excited and he overreacted and kissed my wife.
We all do crazy things.
Was your wife still wearing packaging?
She was wearing her wedding dress.
Why was she wearing it?
And he lifted up the veil.
It wasn't like an immediate thing.
It wasn't like a quick thing and like, oh no, what have I done?
It was like a slow rehearsed kiss.
Oh my god.
I wish I could bite down on my enamel right now but I was still got on lockjaw.
Oh god, why is it a dentist?
Where is the dentist?
Sorry, can I just go in front of you?
The smell was still in the air.
But yeah, you work your way.
Sorry.
I hope you don't mind.
I tend to read and take in books better whenever I read it and hear it.
It's like taking it in twice.
So that's why I couldn't just read it.
Just like whenever I had to do the double take whenever Alan was kissing my wife.
It's been a tough day.
This was all today?
It's all been today, yeah.
You know what, maybe you can go ahead.
Do you want my Wombar?
Kindness from a stranger is always appreciated.
Oh, okay.
Why don't you?
Isn't it good?
Oh, I like that one.
Sugary.
Combined in one.
A powerful taste.
Fruity too.
Raspberry.
Amazing.
The washing machine, sorry, excuse me, the washing machine.
How can I help you, sorry?
The washing machine's not working.
Sorry, it's not working?
It's just not moving.
It's not moving?
I put a lot of stuff in it.
Oh.
Just a lot of stains.
How much stuff did you put in?
It's not working.
It's just everything.
I've brought my suitcase.
It's been about a month.
Right.
Well, I think the problem is you're not able to close the door.
I can see, you know, that's too much.
I hit the button, so.
Yeah, I know that that's part of it, but you need to have the door closed before it'll
actually even move.
It's like a health and safety thing, you know?
The water isn't going all over the floor.
I don't think it was like this the last time I was here.
Well, I just, you know, I think you really need to divide this into two washes for it
to work.
Is that going to cost more?
Um.
I'm not made of money, like.
Yeah, I know that's the issue.
I know it's 20 per wash, but I feel like if you don't do that, you're not going to get
any washes.
So it's maybe a good alternative.
I need the wash.
The stains are totally already.
Like, there's too many.
There's too many stains.
Well, Parry, I've got the second suitcase.
Oh, hello.
Hi.
Hello.
Welcome.
Shianna, it's not working.
They're broke.
They're broke?
It's not working, like.
But what about the stains?
The stains.
I think you need to get the door closed.
I think you need to get rid of these stains.
We do have a lot of stains.
Yeah, I heard.
I heard that from your friends.
There's a problem because there's too much in the wash.
Please don't try and put more in.
Please, please stop.
Please stop.
No, Georgie, I think she's trying to keep going, Georgie.
She's trying.
I'll just press it harder here.
I'll just put my shoulder really into there.
She's trying to fleece us.
No.
She's trying to get us to use two.
No, no.
I'm not made of money, Georgie.
I'm not made of money.
I just think if you're coming in with suitcases, it's probably going to be more than 20 per
person in just the one wash.
I don't think forcing it's going to help.
We're told you had the big machines.
Yes, we have the biggest ones in town.
But they're not big enough for 10 suitcases of clothes at one time.
Do you expect people to be coming with less clothes in this?
Sure, why wouldn't they just clean it at the mountain house?
Is she swindling us?
She's trying to get us to buy pen machines now, I'm hearing.
No, no, not buying the machines now.
You're just, you're paying for the service, you see, of the wash.
You don't leave with the machine.
I could easily get a machine.
We're not made of money.
Exactly.
Yeah, no, I get that, which is why you're here to wash your clothes.
If you're wanting to get a machine, you've got to go in the house, you know.
I've got a machine in the house.
We need the big machine for the stains.
The stains.
Where did you even get these clothes from?
They don't even look like, you know, they're all mixed here.
Are they for someone else, is it?
I didn't realize we have to disclose that.
Is this part of your GDPR policy?
I think you should offer washing services, no questions asked.
That's why I come here.
We want no questions about the stains.
OK.
And get that machine fixed.
Right, OK.
And I can see you're still trying to push them all in.
So please stop.
I've been shoving this whole time.
I've got more in.
Yeah, I can see that.
And you'll get more in.
Keep going, Georgie.
I've got to get these stains out today.
I will, Harry.
I'll do my best.
Can you please keep your socks on as well?
Like, don't be...
How are you going to grip the floor with your socks on?
You need more friction with the floor so that you can push.
Yeah, I've got good lever here, Harry.
Mummy, mummy, mummy, I'm bored.
I'm too bored of waiting.
You have to learn to embrace it, Charlotte.
But I'm too bored.
There's no games and there's no Pokemons and there's no iPads and there's no boys.
There was no Pokemon or iPads or boys when I was a girl.
Well, how did you make daddy then, mummy?
I waited until I was a woman, a very beautiful woman.
I agree we should all wait until we're of age to even look at anyone we may consider
procreating with.
Hello, my name's John, by the way.
Nice to meet you.
Why are you so creepy?
I've got a broken arm in it.
How did you break your arm, John?
I was looking at the opposite sex when I should have been driving and then a telephone pole
came out of nowhere and I swear I've been down that road a hundred times.
Mummy, I don't like this man.
Forgive my daughter's incidents.
Thank you.
She's not used to men.
It was in the middle of a story.
Carry on.
Where did daddy go, mummy?
I didn't want you growing up with the influence of a man, so...
What's wrong with men, mummy?
Well, we're not great.
They have a tendency to think about certain activities.
What sort of activities, mummy?
Have you not given your child the bees and the birds talk yet?
Do you want me to do it?
What?
What's...
No, no, no, no.
John, what's the bees and the birds?
Don't worry, I'll be back in two minutes.
There's an anatomically correct diagram in the office somewhere.
Wait, wait.
You know I told you about the birds?
Yes.
Where's that?
Well, there's bees as well.
There's bees and they have very dangerous stings and they like to stick them into you.
Ferociously again and again and again.
They make delicious honey, mummy.
It's so tasty.
Wonderful.
You're on the honey subject.
Now, unfortunately, all I could find was an anatomically correct smoker's lungs, but I
think I can make this work.
Don't pollute my daughter's mind, you terrible man.
What are you doing in this...
I have a broken arm.
I'm here to see the doctor.
Mummy, I have a lot of feelings right now.
Oh, you've corrupted her.
Three weeks before I planned to tell her about sex.
I'm losing my daughter.
Three weeks and you would have been mature enough to deal with this.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize there was a timetable.
Three weeks?
If I knew there was a timetable, I never would have set foot in this conversation.
Mummy.
I'm so sorry.
I'm turning 18 in three weeks, mummy.
I don't really want to give blood, but everyone else is.
Is it okay if I just sit here for like five minutes and then walk out with like a plaster?
I'm sorry, sir.
We are contractually obligated to take your blood.
Why don't you want to give me blood?
It's okay if you're afraid of needles and all, but if you just don't want to give it.
James, I don't like that.
I don't like you.
I accept you as my brother-in-law, but you took my sister away from me.
You're not taking my blood.
If you don't give me blood, you'll be taking me away from your sister.
Did you think about that?
I'm in an iron lung.
Can you hear that?
I know it's all you ever talk about.
It's kind of a big part of my life.
I'm one of only two people in the world who still have to live off an iron lung and also
have a rare blood condition.
I need to be supplied different types of blood on a continual basis.
I mean, I get it.
Your sister is an amazing woman for taking me in for all I am.
I understand, but I go to a book club.
It's not all I talk about.
You go to a what?
I go to a book club and I talk about a certain little, you don't even know about it.
I love to go to a book club, but with my iron lung.
My one's full.
You can't join my one.
I could join an online one.
I don't, I'd even turn pages though.
I'd need someone there.
Your sister would if she wasn't working all the time to try and pay off the electricity
bill.
Nurse, can you dry my eyes?
You didn't even ask me.
You just assumed I wouldn't do it.
Because you said you fucking hate me.
I don't want to see you suffer.
I just don't like you in my life.
You're smiling.
You've got a shitty grin on your face.
I am.
I think I'm getting away with this.
You're fucking a bit into it.
I don't want you to suffer.
I want you to live a healthy and good life.
I just don't want you to do it with my sister.
I'm going back in the lung.
I'm being like a turtle.
I can't face this right now.
I'm just saying.
You can go.
No, no.
I haven't donated blood.
Look, I'm just saying.
Can we maybe talk about, you know, like new season of Better Call Saul or something?
I can't watch that.
You see, I show interest in your iron lung and you don't show interest in anything I
do.
I tried watching that, but my view is just cut off by the iron lung and the subtitles.
I can't hear it because iron lung is so goddamn loud.
You're lucky that I can hear you because you're just so up in my face.
Okay, there's no need for me to be aggressive.
You're right.
I just, I had a meeting that went badly and then everyone was looking at me because I
wasn't donating blood.
And now I came here and I thought it was the other person in the iron lung.
I didn't think it was you.
You thought it was the one other person that's around in the iron lung.
You know, you say I talk about the iron lung all the time.
You know, you're fucking.
It's just, I'm also friends with the other person.
I just hear about iron lungs all day long.
Are they in your book club?
They are.
Yes.
Oh my God.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Um, I could hear your voice, uh, through the wall.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have been so loud.
No, no, no.
It's okay.
Are you Bob Odenkirk?
I love your work in Better Call Saul.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
It's, it's just, it's why are you lying to that woman?
Why are you fucking?
He's not Bob Odenkirk.
He's trying to be a hero.
Like in the movie.
Oh, you are.
Go on.
Act like you care about me.
I, I've, I don't.
Try not to smile.
I do care about you.
It's just you're a lot.
Get your hand off the plug.
Get your hand off the plug now.
I can see that.
My phone is slow on battery.
I just need the.
The iron lung has a backup generator.
It'll be fine for 15 minutes.
And you know why I know that?
Because I've shown interest in your, in your hobbies.
You won't watch any of my movies.
Have you even seen nobody?
No, no, no, you haven't.
I've lent you the Blu ray.
Thanks.
But it fell into the lung.
Okay.
You should have just said so.
I would have texted my sister and she could have gotten it out for you.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
Look, I'll donate blood.
I'll donate blood.
I'll do it.
I'm sorry.
I'm not coming out of the lung.
I'm not putting my head out again.
I know you're smiling.
I can, I can hear.
I am.
It's the, I can't explain it.
I am smiling.
You can't explain it.
No, it's.
Look.
Look, nurse just, just takes it.
Yeah.
Let's start this.
Okay.
I'm just going to have to put you into this iron lung for the procedure.
Oh my God.
Did they die?
Did the other person die?
Is that?
No, they're surely there's more than.
Oh, he would have texted me.
He would have texted me if he was dying.
He keeps me up to date.
No, hold on.
I'll text him real quick.
Hey Eric, you okay?
Question mark.
Oh, it's red.
It doesn't reply, but it's red.
Anyway, uh, popping this iron lung.
No, I do now.
You're the expert.
Yes.
I'll put you in there.
Oh, this was a voice note there.
That's just popped up.
Do you want to, do you want to listen to that?
No, I don't like voice notes.
Okay, great.
All right.
I'll play it.
Hi, sorry.
This is Eric's sister.
He's sleeping right now, so he'll get back to you soon.
She keeps trying to join the book club.
It's, it's insufferable.
Why can't people just respect boundaries more?
What are you reading?
Uh, great Gatsby.
You tell me about it.
Okay, I'm going to put this into your night.
I'm going to start this procedure.
It's going to get awful loud in here.
That's all I asked that you show some interest in my activities.
Yeah, no, great Gatsby's.
It's like about the jazz there and I don't like jazz.
It doesn't have jazz.
It's not actually, it's a bucket.
There's no actual jazz.
Does it reference jazz at all?
It does.
It does reference jazz.
Sorry.
This is kind of time sensitive.
Am I taking your blood or not?
I thought I could talk while you take my blood.
Do I have to be silent?
No, I guess you can talk.
Fine.
I'm just trying to save a life.
No, no, you talk away.
Talk away.
Talk to your best friend.
I'll just take this blood from you.
He's not my best friend.
He's my brother-in-law.
This guy hates me.
You're a lot.
Really?
Yes.
My condition is too much.
It's, your condition's fine.
It's your personality.
No, it doesn't sound like that.
We just don't mesh.
It does not sound like that.
It doesn't matter my personality either.
I accept your condition.
I'm going back in the log.
Go on about it.
I'm going back in the log.