Welcome back to Dunbracken.
I'm just not allowed to buy anything that I want to buy.
I used to have the free rein to just do my own shopping, but if it's not on the list,
she just throws it out immediately.
Like I spent money on it and she still, she said, it's not on the list.
It's not on the list, dear mid green.
She had my full name.
She threw it out the windows.
We have rats now in our backyard because she keeps throwing so much food.
But really it's my fault.
I guess I should stop buying the food.
I think I'll sneak it past her.
She's 87 years old, but she's so strong.
I don't know what to do anymore.
What a monologue.
I was, it was amazing.
I didn't write that down.
That was real.
That was method.
That is the power of method acting.
No, you had it in your German.
I really happened.
Yes, that's right.
Yes, that's good.
Use the pain on all that through you.
Look at those tears.
Let me wipe away that one.
Oh, the hands are so cold.
Yes.
My blood does not get pumped around my body properly anymore.
That is an army thing.
I'm glad that you never had to be conscripted like me.
But you face your own wars in life.
It's like my house is a prison, right?
I will be the warden.
I will be the prison warden.
Jim and I am the prison warden.
I am here to arrest you and take things off your list.
Jim, we're in a scene.
Sorry.
I just I'm the prison warden, Slappy Bottom.
I.
OK.
Sorry.
Sorry, Mr. Slappy Bottom.
No, I'm not Mr. Slappy Bottom.
I'm saying you're having a Slappy Bottom, Jim.
Am I still damn it in the scene?
Yes, son.
I am the prison warden.
OK.
I'm sorry.
You will do time.
OK.
I deserve that.
I've been a bad boy.
It's good.
I will say the line back to you.
This is an acting technique.
I've been a bad boy.
The warden takes no pity on prisoners.
I've been a bad boy.
We'll rebuild you.
It's good for you.
If we're going to rebuild Dermot, is that going to be in this session or shall I add it to
the agenda for next session?
It will take many weeks.
Sorry, I forgot you were here.
You just got to keep coming to classes, well, therapy and classes.
Should I do I still have to pay you double fare?
Talk about this later, not in front of the others.
If you don't mind, as we know, Rosemary keeps a keen eye or ear out for how much we earn.
She likes to up the rent.
Well, again, I do not.
Anything we say in here will not affect your rent.
But I do feel like when I agreed that the first five minutes of each meeting would be
general chit chat, you've taken it a bit too far.
I was very specific.
It feels like it was outside of the range of general chat.
Jim had wanted to share.
And I think he did a marvelous job.
It was really hard for me, Rosemary.
You're right.
Would you like a tissue?
No, it's a far, far better thing that he do now and let it all out.
And go back to my mother and bottle it up.
That's what we learned last week.
I said, Jim, I have a free room.
I have a free room.
And don't worry, the prison warden is only for town council meetings.
That's not the real me.
And do you think that the pain that I showed there, would I be able to get a part in one
of the plays or is that not?
And just because I'm not not usually enjoying it, but that whenever the I felt very good.
Jim, it's for children.
Oh, it's for children, Jim, but we could maybe fit you in some.
You're finally making a play for children.
Oh, yes, indeed.
Yes, indeed.
Child stars are a plenty.
OK, I'll wait my turn.
Well, I feel like you two have monopolized the general chit chat.
What about you, Miss Bunting?
Any general chit chat?
I completed a cross stitch of a landscape.
I know it's not much of a breakthrough is what was happening over here.
But for me, I always start these things and I never actually finished them.
So I'm pretty happy.
It's very nice for you.
I would love to see it if you have any pictures.
It took two and a half years.
Finished it.
And that's something to be proud of.
Quite a commitment.
It's not that big.
It just took a while.
But the fact that you kept going back to that shows a strength of character.
Commitment, yes.
And may I say an appropriate topic for general chit chat?
Was that a dig, Rosemary?
It was very lighthearted.
And I feel like that was beyond general.
It was very specific.
I wouldn't describe it as chit chat.
Your nephew has no style qualities to him.
Sorry.
That wasn't called for.
That was the PTSD.
That's quite fine.
He's content not being an actor.
Good.
I'm glad that he's accepted that.
I mean, if there's a way to not monopolize general chit chat, but Colonel.
You've barely had any time.
Go ahead.
Colonel, do you have any insights on to the fact that I stuck with my cross stitch or
that it was so much hardship?
He had a real breakthrough and I don't have the money for therapy.
Yeah, I think you'd have to pay for that though.
How come you got to do that here?
Well, we were going to settle up afterwards, but I have to.
His mother wouldn't let me in the house as well.
I usually go to clients houses.
She threw him out the window as well.
Defenestrated.
That's what they call it.
Yep.
Any, any overview, any pointers?
Are you going to charge me for this?
You should try reading the vagina monologues.
I think you could try something with that.
See if there's anything that fits the builder.
Have you ever read it?
No, is this just because you don't have many clients that are women?
I give everyone the vagina monologues to read.
I'll have you know, it was, it was German's first.
Yeah.
What did you think of it?
It was really engaging.
I was surprised that I wasn't allowed at the start because you said it's the first thing
you teach for people, but I had to go through two sessions before I was allowed to read
it.
You said I wasn't ready, but I understand now.
Steffi has shown commitment through what, two and a half years off of a cross stitch
of landscape?
Yes.
It was less so the acting coaching.
It was more so the insights onto my inner psyche is what I was looking for.
Is it still the same thing that you go for?
It's a really good play.
Okay.
I have nothing for you, but let me do my research.
I will go down to the local library where yes, I host many as a practice for our next
kids show, who's in the tractor.
And I will go to the library and I will read books and I will find something for you, Steffi.
Thanks.
I sort of regret bringing the cross stitch up.
That was a moment of vulnerability and I regret that's good.
Being vulnerable is perfect.
And Rosemary, have you had any exciting things happen to you this week?
Um, I do, but we've gone way over time.
Okay.
Because some of you monopolized the conversation.
Okay.
Well, it's quite all right.
That's quite all right.
Well, Steffi had a big break through.
She had two and a half years.
So I am proud of you, Stephanie.
I was very well done.
You know what?
I took a leap out of your book.
A leap?
I took a leap out of your book this week.
Does that mean you have gone away from my behaviors?
I don't think so.
I believe because you had an agenda last week, so I brought my own.
You have a separate agenda from the rest of us.
Did you do an agenda as well?
Yes.
Oh, that's why we had general chit chat at the very beginning.
I see.
I did that to try and be more accommodating because I've been accused of being inflexible.
Okay.
No, that's my bad.
I will put it away then.
No, no, it's you.
Is there anything in particular you wanted to cover in your agenda that is atypical from
my usual agenda?
We'll go through your normal agenda and we'll see if any of our paths cross.
Well, I imagine we started similarly with after general chit chat attendance.
Were you going to go next?
Oh no, I was wildly off.
Okay.
I was going to start with karaoke time to get a more sense of camaraderie.
That's fine.
That's what general chit chat was.
Okay.
Sorry.
Apologies.
Okay.
Well, attendance.
Okay.
Yes.
Can you stop bringing up general chit chat?
There was just a man in the army who he was nicknamed chit chat.
And yes, he was a general.
So every time you bring that up, well, it brings me crashing down to be honest, if we
could lay off the reference to general chit chat.
So would we like to rename this section that is general chit chat?
Sorry.
I don't think this is something that's more appropriate and less triggering for the Colonel.
I don't think we will be doing that section again.
I'm a huge failure in my eyes.
Oh, okay.
I mean, I'd hear out Dermot's alternative of karaoke time.
No, it's fine.
It was supposed to be in the first 10 minutes anyway.
So it did overlap with general chit chat.
I'll sleep on it.
This is a democracy.
I'm not the only one.
If people want to do karaoke time, we can do karaoke time.
No, you're right.
You're right.
It was a stupid idea from a bad, bad boy.
Jim it.
Sorry.
It was a law of forgiving to yourself.
Sorry.
It was a.
Or the prison warden will be after you.
It was a per choice from me, a flawed individual.
Well.
But also a human.
Don't sell yourself short.
Some people here did like that suggestion and eager to do it.
Okay.
Well, maybe we'll do it some other time then.
I say we do it in any other business.
It'll be tabled for any other business.
That's ideal.
Thank you for that.
So, okay.
Attendance, Tiramid Green.
Aye.
Yes.
Stephanie Bunting.
Aye.
Is that what we're doing now?
Pardon me.
Colonel Marzipan Roberts.
Just getting a couple of things out of my system.
Could you just say aye?
Sorry, we've started a thing.
Is that.
Aye.
It's not necessary, but we said it now.
Three's a crime, so.
It wasn't necessary for your nephew to start a song and dance number when we just asked
for a name.
He came out singing and dancing and I was like, who are you trying to impress?
Because you're not impressing me.
I think he was auditioning just because he thought it'd be fun.
Ah, so Vesta thought it was just fun.
I like to take things a bit more serious.
We want to know who's in the tractor.
It's a mystery.
And Rosemary Rose, also present.
Aye.
I said it.
Now, this is a bit interesting.
Rice, Shields, and McKintley can't make it today, but they have assigned a proxy as the
Colonel.
So, um, he's had a lot of authority today.
He has four votes.
Oh, Jesus.
Wow.
Yes.
This Colonel?
Yes.
We don't have multiple Colonel's on the council.
I was worried that they had made a similar mistake as me and it was the Corporal, but
so you have all of their votes.
Wow.
Yes.
They usually don't bother with the proxies, but they seem to be confident in your decision
making.
I am a keen leader.
I know this from years of army training.
I led my boys up into the battlefield, shot down quite quickly, but as a leader, you come
to accept loss.
And what war was it?
I don't like to think about them.
If you don't mind, Jemid.
Sorry.
Jemid, look at me.
Prison warden's not happy with that.
I'm so sorry.
What am I voting for here?
Well, we haven't voted yet.
We're just...
Aye.
For the next thing we go through, then he's just said aye.
But I would like to know maybe if...
Did they give you a reason as to why they give their votes by proxy to the Colonel for
this week?
I merely sent him the agendas and they all wrote and sort of saying we would like him
to be our proxy.
Wow.
So you have the power of four in any votes now.
So you outrank us all.
Yes.
And they have very talented children.
All getting starring roles.
What was that?
They're talented kids.
Do you not believe me?
No.
I don't think he would sacrifice his art.
I would not give up my integrity.
I agree with that, but I think our colleagues who aren't present are trying to curry favor
with the Colonel for additions.
Two things could be true, actually.
They could be talented, but yeah, they maybe didn't need to do that.
They didn't need to do that.
Why open to bribery?
I'm not.
I was going to say, because we are on the time council and none of us should be open
to bribery at all.
And I said I'm not.
He said he's not.
To move on from this, aye.
Yes.
Well, that brings us on to point one.
There you go.
We're moving on.
We are due our anti bribery training.
We all require to watch a five minute video and answer a simple quiz.
Who should I speak to about getting out of this?
Perhaps I could give the, not that I would, but the child or nephew a great part in who's
in the tractor.
Well, that was a test.
I'm not really doing that.
But really, how do I get out of this if I can?
I tried to make it very clear.
It is a five minute video.
The questions are so simple.
You do not even need to watch the video to answer.
Let's do that then.
Let's do the questions.
Thank you.
Not a vote of five.
You saw, yes.
Rosemary, does the Colonel then need to complete it for our colleagues who aren't present
also?
No, they will complete it.
That makes no sense.
They need to learn.
I can't learn on their behalf.
A proxy?
No, it's just the vote.
Steffi, you are, I was going to say denigrating.
What does that mean whenever you're worsening over time?
There's no need to get personal here.
And I would just, I would just like us all to watch the video.
Last year, it took us nine months for every member of the council to complete it.
We only completed it three months ago.
You know I don't like watching any form of media.
I don't like it.
I don't trust it.
And you know that I'm pretty slow at completing things that I even want to do like my cross
stage.
In a five minute video, we get our funding cut off if we do not complete it.
It is so simple.
Please.
That sounds like bribery.
You're bribing us into watching this video by offering to cut our funding.
Blackmailing?
Is that the opposite of bribery?
It is not blackmail.
It is merely showing that we're qualified to use the money appropriately.
It is not blackmail in the same sense that requiring a driver's license is not blackmail
preventing you from driving.
This is like that time they wouldn't give us a defibrillator until one of us passed
the first aid training.
You can't do that.
Three people died in the town.
Yes.
And.
Who might not have been saved, but a defibrillator could have helped them.
We are still looking for volunteers for the first aid course.
Anyone at all.
I'm busy.
I mean, I'd be open to that.
I know those guys that you're talking about and yeah, it was kind of a per way to go.
I don't think they're too happy about that.
And I think I'd be too excited to use a defibrillator.
I think I would probably accidentally shock people who maybe were just sleeping.
So are we done with your agenda?
Maybe we could tit for tat.
No.
In our agenda.
I need people to promise that they will go home tonight and do the anti-pribery training.
What do we get in return?
Funding.
I could do with that.
I need a John Deere.
I'm not going to correct you because I really want you to see this video.
Just you can stick it on in the background and it's multiple choice to quiz.
Is that for set?
That is part set, part prop.
I need it to be full working.
And we need tinted windows because we need to not be able to see who's in the tractor.
That person isn't at the entire time.
Wow.
I thought it was going to be a cardboard cutout, but it's going to be a whole.
Oh, it's a real thing.
Wow.
I think we need to reconsider some time council spend.
I'm very glad that you've moved away from the Harry Potter fan fiction.
This is, this sounds like it's going to be a wonderful production.
Well, guess who's in the tractor.
If it isn't Ron, Harry, Hermione, the three of them.
Yes.
What were they doing in the tractor?
What's this equal?
Oh, this is exciting.
Well, I'm glad someone's showing enthusiasm.
Rosemary, don't shake your head like that.
I just, I don't think it's appropriate that we're using time council spend on your budget
for your play.
This is the first play in I believe 12 years that children will be allowed to go to.
So I think it maybe is right that we do put on a show.
Thank you, Jim.
It's enriching the children's lives.
Well, I mean, we do have to put it to a vote.
What are we voting on?
Whether we can spend the budget on the tractor.
Aye.
And pass.
Now we will not get the money unless we complete the quiz.
Because that's what I thought we were voting on.
No.
Oh, can we, can we vote to skip the quiz entirely?
Okay.
Once more.
You've already famously voted aye.
Aye.
Once more for the record.
We cannot vote to overturn laws.
We can only vote on local town business.
How about we use the art of persuasion to get around this?
That's not bribery, is it?
I don't think so.
A silver tongue?
No, that's just.
You have not described what you intend to do yet.
Well, a five, a four, a three, two, one.
We shouldn't do this quiz.
It's a waste of time to us in the biz.
I've got children.
I just need a comment from us all.
I just need to instruct.
I've got different things I need to deduct.
I did it while waiting for you guys to arrive.
It is.
Can you give us the answers then?
That would make things so much easier.
I cannot.
I can just assure you it is straightforward.
Fine.
I will do it because I really want to get on to both my agenda and to ask the Colonel
one single question about the play.
Aye.
Are you voting on this?
We are not voting on it, but I appreciate the commitment.
Can I trust you, Stephanie, please?
Probably won't do it.
Oh, come on.
I was going to go home and go straight to bed, if I'm being honest.
You can do it tomorrow morning.
I was going to get up early.
That's why I'm going to bed as soon as I get home.
What was the next item on your agenda, Dermot?
Oh, well, I have.
So I have been scarring some local boards on social media to see if there's anything
in the town at the minute that we can maybe try and find answers.
But there's someone in the town that has said to my neighbors that complained to the
city about my chickens.
I want to thank you because I didn't know I'm allowed to have up to 25 and I don't
even have half of that.
So thanks for the complaint.
I learned something today.
That raises an interesting point to me that our townspeople think that we're a city.
That's true.
We do not have the presence of a cathedral.
Do we need to remind people on that?
I appreciate that.
I guess there is possibly a chance that I was reading the board of another town now
that that said, because I guess people have chickens.
But is there a law here that we can't have 25?
Maybe we should stick to your agenda.
What are they doing with all these chickens?
What is your query?
I am lost.
You started going on about someone owning chickens and finding that they were allowed
to own more chickens than they perceived they were allowed to.
So now there's someone in town that has 25 chickens and I'm worried that if everyone
in town now learns.
Are you researching this man?
I am not online that much.
I blurred the name.
We are aggressively anti GDPR.
You're obligated to tell us the name of this.
But I blurred it so that I couldn't give it away and then realize that I'd be reading
it like an idiot.
So if I recall, there is a 13th century superstition pertaining to two dozen chickens.
So you're in the realm of 24.
So this person's.
No, I'm not.
I can't remember.
It's been a while.
Is it unlucky to have more than two dozen chickens or is it unlucky to have less than
two dozen chickens?
I think maybe that's where they've got confused.
I've got to some having less than two dozen chickens is unlucky because in the 13th century
if you had 25 chickens, you're probably pretty lucky in your life.
I find that when writing an agenda, it is good to have an actual item in mind.
Wait, no, because this is a person possibly in the town who is now owning a lot of chickens.
What if they're in the middle of town and they have 25 chickens?
Is that something we want to keep on our radar?
Surely we'd hear it.
It clocks.
That's a really good point.
OK, yeah, we can move on.
I'm sure we'll stop them.
That was quite easy.
Wow.
See, I think the therapy is working.
That was the power of four.
Yeah.
Oh, I see.
I see.
You didn't call a vote or anything.
No, I'll try again on the agendas.
You know, I'm not going to sell myself that short because, like you said, Rosemary, I
am a human.
I can make mistakes.
Perhaps start with an agenda for like a local book club first and then work your way up
to town council.
May I raise a motion?
Oh, well, an issue I'm facing and possibly.
Yes, you can take my agenda moment because we're not using it anymore.
I, it appears that I have outgrown my prison warden uniform.
My belly has burst forth and it now hangs quite pathetically.
I believe that the police warden would be, you know, a bit more dignified, not exactly
a slob.
So first off, I would like to get a corset.
Are you asking us for approval?
I think he's asking us for the funds.
Funding, approval for the funding and opinions.
Could I pull off a corset?
I really think you would get a lot out of this video.
A girdle.
Couldn't you use one of the corsets from any of your previous?
Why would I have a child's corset?
Jimid, we will talk after the meeting.
Sorry.
I also need to replace the prison warden's outfit as it just busts wide open.
The buttons popped right off.
I actually fought my gun that was loaded as the prison warden started firing, but it was
just the buttons pinging across the room.
As a thespian, do you not have any badawshiri in your house that you could do repairs with?
And all of us live a rich life like that.
I said no such thing.
I was not gifted.
One thing I guess about the chickens is that-
I thought we were done with this.
If this per- no, but if this person has 25 chickens and are well off, maybe they would
have a corset.
If they're into 13th century stuff, you could find the chicken person and get a corset from
them.
I love how crazy you sound when you say chicken person.
And this 13th century case.
Is this a historic case?
I still do not even understand what you are trying to communicate.
It makes complete sense to me, Rosemary.
I think you're just a little bit crazy from your age.
Sorry.
Uncalled for.
Absolutely uncalled for.
I expect you to apologise.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Sorry, that was me calming myself down.
I am letting too much out, just like I let my belly flop out.
It wobbled quite a bit.
Well, we all slow down when in our age and sometimes it's harder to maintain your weight.
Not for all of us, of course.
What are you saying?
Are you saying I'm old?
I'm saying you're aging like the rest of us.
Well, not like all of us, no offence.
No, you're still young.
Oh, well when you say it like that.
I don't think you understand.
I meant it as a compliment.
And some of us never die like my mother.
Some of us live on through our theatrical acts.
What was that look?
I didn't say a thing.
That's why I said what was that look?
And what did you say?
I can read it all on your face.
You can't hide it.
You've brought it back nicely to your theatrical act.
So your plays are notorious for the first five minutes having a content warning and
asking all the children to leave.
Sorry, can I make sure that that's spelled C-O-N-T-E-N-T?
Yes.
Can we also make sure it's spelled that way on the flyers this time?
I try my best, but do you know the kids that I have?
So my question that I wanted to get to was, this is a children's play.
Will it still have the same content warning asking children to leave five minutes in?
Well, this is the great thing.
So tinted windows, tractor, Hermione, Harry, Ron.
It's happening on stage.
The children will be unaware.
It'll be soundproofed.
There's a whole romp going on.
See?
That's how we get around the whole situation.
We can have the kids on stage.
They can partake.
It's still an adult show.
It's really nice that you did take our suggestions on board.
Am I understanding this right, that you're locking three children in a tractor?
No, they have fully grown adults.
Don't worry, Rosemary, you sick woman.
Okay, so the three adults inside a tractor are behaving in an adult manner while the
children are performing the play outside?
The windows are tinted.
Well, the windows are tinted.
The windows are tinted.
Correct.
Good listening.
You can see inside it.
Yes.
Do you even need people in there?
Yes.
You need to see the steam building.
I think.
It's for the realism.
Yes, people, you want to...
It's a three hour long show.
They need to be in there at the end whenever they pop it open and they're buttoning themselves
up.
Would I be right in comparison to that famous scene in Titanic?
I'm king of the world.
Yes, that's...
Now, I'm still unclear.
What are the children doing?
They're asking who's in the tractor for three hours, basically.
Trying to pry it open.
Yes, yes, exactly.
So we have to have a reinforced tractor because we don't know what's going on inside.
If it were to pop open, then yes, there would be cases taken against me and possibly the
actors inside the tractor.
I'm not responsible for what goes on inside the tractor.
I thought you were a director.
I'm giving the actors free rein.
And I do see that there is one show in the Five Night Run that's an after dark show.
Am I right to assume that that is just from the perspective of the tractor?
Could be.
There is also a very special box seat available within the tractor.
So some lucky person might get to see a romp.
Oh, sorry, a rom romp.
What was that, Rosemary?
Are you prude?
I wish that we would have more money for like community activities and less money assigned
to pornography.
I'm sorry, a what?
Did you call it?
I called it pornography.
You prude.
It is not pornography.
And if it was pornography, it would be pornography of the highest quality.
I'm glad we're not financing poor quality pornography.
That is my main concern.
Can we just make it clear to display?
Well, receiving financial support from the council is in fact independent of the town
council.
In no way affiliated by the town council.
The tractor is the only thing that might receive funding and that can be used out in the fields.
It will need extensively cleaned, but it can be used.
Can we table discussion on the tractor until everyone has seen the anti bribery?
No on that.
OK, well, it's worth a go.
I have a question and possibly delicate for you, Colonel.
Therapist, I can take it as it comes.
That's sort of my problem.
Just with the nature.
I'm not a prude, but just with the nature of what you're describing and the presence
of children.
I was wondering if there would be a psychiatrist for the children's well-being on set and in
rehearsals.
They won't know what's happening in the tractor.
No, but as you say, there's a lot of contingencies that need to occur here just in case you and
your trio of actors end up in court.
There's a chance.
That with vigorous romping and Ronald has been known to romp, that the tractor might
open, but I'm saying if we put in the correct funding and we will have a tractor that is
secure and sound soundproof, there shouldn't.
It shouldn't be the case.
What I'm saying is if we don't get the funding, then yes, we might get a lower quality tractor
that might be able to be peeked through.
And then it becomes an issue.
You give the money, we won't have any problems.
It really does sound from what you've said that Ronald rather than an actor who's playing
Ronald is the prime issue here, possibly.
He has big energy.
Who have you cast?
Remains to be seen.
So if I was one to connect dots, we have three members of the council who give their proxy
and we have and we have three people in the tractor.
Is it possible that it is the Kinty Shields and Rice that are inside the tractor?
I've noticed Shields continuously trying to draw permanent marker on his face.
All I'll say is that the question who's in the tractor will be answered in the last three
minutes of the three hour show.
You need to go to find out.
My mother has already pre booked two tickets for us.
Good to see that she supports the local arts, unlike some people.
She's very excited.
I know it's been a long tangent, but could I perhaps go to my agenda point?
Yeah, yes, let's.
It's actually very much related to what we've been talking about.
So I shall start with some praise.
The school children have been enjoying participating in the play and they're very excited.
I've been told it is high energy and that they run around and tire themselves out.
They're looking forward to a real tractor.
We have been using a cardboard one for now.
I will say the children have been looking forward to having a real tractor there.
Kids have said that's all their children are talking about.
At the moment, it is just a small cardboard box, not even shaped like a tractor.
So they're really pouring their hearts and souls and imagination into this.
And your three actors are still within the box?
No.
It needs to be a big reveal.
I don't know if children can play that.
I have to say they are rehearsing separately, right?
Yes, in the room next door.
And they are rehearsing currently without your direction?
The people in the tractor who we have yet to know who is in there.
I've given them free rein.
They can go buck wild.
I'm hoping in the sequel we get the musical Ronald's Romp and then we also will have Ronald's
Romp.
What was your question again?
I've completely forgotten.
Oh, I've given them free rein.
They don't need.
I've given them, you know, a time frame.
I'm like, we need this to last for about two hours, 57 minutes.
And what was the agenda point?
The agenda point was now that there are so many children participating in it, we've been
told that you will require additional supervision.
Oh, yes, because you're only allowed one adult, 25 children.
That's correct.
I'm hoping that's just like the chickens.
Oh, OK.
That's interesting.
Perhaps it was a typo.
Was it children?
Did someone think they could get more children than they realized?
Wow.
I will investigate this and get back to you.
Please don't.
Now, we will have to vote on this, of course.
Oh, well, I've got three adult actors who will supervise the children.
Who are in the next room, practicing.
They can take a break.
No, it cannot be people participating in a production.
Oh, because they're acting as a character.
So you couldn't say if they're acting as a real person who can supervise.
That actually makes a lot of sense, Rosemary.
No, no, that's all nonsense.
It's merely that their attention would be divided.
The children are able to tell an actor apart from the character they play, even at a young
age.
OK, fair enough.
So we need to I need to find someone.
Well, how about a prison warden?
A qualified child care specialist, so ideally a teacher from the school.
We've had some volunteers.
And I would like to clarify, we're only voting on who is supervising.
We're not voting on whether or not you require supervision.
Who's up?
So, first of all, we have Mrs. Bailey.
Don't trust her.
OK, good instinct.
I will say she said you might say that.
And I was surprised by that.
Well, I suppose there's no point going further if you won't vote for her.
Who's next?
We have we have coach Dylan.
I would veto that.
I was a child once.
Oh, that's the end.
That was enough.
I was a child under coach Phillips and he was very mean to me.
Coach Dylan.
Oh, coach coach Dylan.
Never mind.
I thought it was coach Phillips.
Never mind.
Continue.
This might be something worth talking about in therapy.
I will play coach Phillips.
I will wear the prison warden outfit.
The busted prison warden.
Quite.
He said he's willing to do it largely because we provide coffee and tea.
Would you like to hear the other options?
Yes, before I vote.
OK, we all vote, I think.
Well, we all vote, but ultimately, unless he abstains.
I'm for coach Dylan at the minute.
I am curious about him.
And largely we have Mr. Bunting, relative of yours, I believe, the art teacher.
Yeah.
I apologize if I stepped on her.
No, it's fine.
Uncle Dan's good.
I know what the home situation is like and like he's better things to do.
Again, their attention cannot be divided if they're supervising the children.
Is he one who would potentially get excited by what's going on in the other room?
Oh, God, no.
No, he I've I trust Dan with my life.
He's excellent as a teacher and as an uncle.
What about as an artist?
Passable?
This is something I would worry about that maybe he would have a different idea.
No, he would probably want the children to see what's going on in the tractor.
Kind of too many cooks.
Don't accuse my uncle of this kind of behavior.
No, I think it's just a difference of artistic opinion.
Exactly.
Yeah, no, I don't think he would want to lower himself to the levels of a play.
Oh, I mean, just like in general, though, to see the inside of the track.
Why don't you untent the windows?
Why don't you have the kids use a crowbar?
You're assuming that he will want to go anywhere near the theater after I tell him what I know
of this play and the Colonel.
He might be more interested than ever.
Yeah, I'll let you know if he takes an interest.
So is that all?
Is it three candidates then?
Yes, it's three candidates.
It's between the coach, coach Dylan.
He seems like a nice man.
Pleasant enough.
That's all I need to hear.
Yes, I mean, he will supervise the children.
That's tough to talk to.
I have one more item on my agenda.
Yes, we're in any other business.
So go ahead.
Wonderful.
This one's really important.
And I don't want to talk about how it appeared, but there is a pothole outside my house on
the road that a lot of people have been complaining to me about.
And...
Dermot, is the reason they're directly complaining to you?
I don't want to.
Because you're responsible for it?
I thankfully am not responsible for the pothole.
I had nothing to do with it.
I believe they're complaining to me because I am the counselor and for no other reason
or no other relation to whoever may have caused it.
But I would maybe like to get that pothole filled.
Pothole?
We'll have to work on your annunciation.
Sorry.
Been a bad, bad boy.
But not for the pothole.
Is it a weather induced pothole?
Well, the weather caused...
I really didn't want to get into it, but my mother has...
Caused the weather?
Well, she's tried many rain dances that have never worked, but this was quite a warm day.
So she decided to go outside and she's been watching a lot of mining videos and found
my father's old pickaxe.
At risk of dragging this story out unnecessarily.
What are mining videos?
He's been playing Minecraft a lot.
Oh, yes.
My grandson plays that.
Yes.
Oh, yes.
I think she's been berating some children on there.
He's told me that he had to ban her from his server.
So, yes.
So she got violently aggressive after being banned from the server and decided to use my
father's old pickaxe to check if she could, and I'm using air quotes here because a direct
quote, Minecraft the ground under that little fuck.
That is a direct quote from her.
So she tested the road outside because it was the first place she saw.
That fuck.
Is that referring to my grandson?
Was she threatening my grandson?
First my sister, now my grandson?
Again, I really didn't want to get into the reasoning why, because I thought you might
get annoyed.
Yes, of course I am annoyed.
That woman is a menace.
I agree.
I agree, but she has taken my keys and I need her approval to get into my house every day.
Well, could Rosemary give you a spare set?
Rosemary, you've gone awful quiet.
I don't give them to me.
Don't please don't.
I don't have a spare set, but you're free to go to the locksmith.
You said that and then you appeared in my house five days later and I said, what are
you doing here?
And you said, I'm not here.
And you just walked out pretending it never happened.
I believe that is gaslighting, no?
It's not gaslighting if it genuinely did not happen.
I'm glad that this is something like this has happened to you because one time I went
home and all my furniture was there, but it was in completely different places.
Why would I waste my time doing such a thing?
I don't know, maybe you disagree with my Feng Shui choices.
Maybe you're jealous of some of us.
What is Feng Shui?
Marie Kondo has a book on it, I believe.
She is a lady who I believe is Japanese who helps you declutter your life.
She likes organizing.
You'd really like her actually.
Okay.
What channel is she on?
YouTube?
I'll ask my grandson.
Yeah, if he's still there.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Do I need to get the police involved?
I don't think so.
The prison warden should get involved.
Please do not joke about your mother threatening my grandson.
She did not joke.
No, I believe her.
I do believe that.
I think she'll have calmed down.
I think she's gone out of her system with the whole, but a few people have just asked
if I could get that filled up.
Right.
You understand I will have to call the police after this?
I understand.
Oh, could they let me into my house?
Dermot, you can make your own calls to the police.
Whenever I call the police, you do not need to piggyback on my call.
Okay.
So what was it?
So you would like the pothole filled?
I would like the pothole filled.
Colonel, I or Nay?
We'll have a think about it.
Fair enough.
Thank you.
I've thought.
Say Nay.
I'm sorry, Agenid.
You need strife.
She's going to be so angry at me.
Why do we need to do it?
Why is it a town expense?
It's a town road.
Oh, but you've told us in your words that it's your mother's fault.
Again, this is why I didn't want to get into it.
Sort of vandalism.
It is.
The town would pursue costs reimbursed from your mother.
Okay, fine.
I will pay for it.
Actually, I've had a thought.
I'd rather pay for that than the tractor.
Again, we vote on this.
Put it to a vote.
Um.
I will.
Do you like to table it till next week?
This is really hard for me to choose between the Colonel and my mother.
I think you'll know how this goes.
I've got a lot of votes behind me.
She's going to be so angry.
Back to Dunbracken is created, produced and edited by Conmeth McVeigh.
For more information on the podcast, including the weekly town newsletter, you can follow
us at DunbrackenPod on Instagram.
This episode featured Patrick Meyer, Laura Conlon and Ger Donley.
The opening and closing music was created by Conor Mallon and you can check out his
entire album Unearthed on Spotify now.
Thank you for listening.
We look forward to welcoming you back to Dunbracken very soon.