1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,600 Now, obviously, I thought you were going to say yes. 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:10,360 Sorry, I appreciate that it's on me being blindsided by this. 3 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:15,800 I didn't expect no to hurt so much, Marianne. 4 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:20,960 Hey dear, are you just preparing for a rejection there? 5 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,520 Um, sorry, it felt so real. 6 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:25,920 It felt so real. 7 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:30,320 I know, I know, but are you preparing for someone to say no to you? 8 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:38,440 I'm preparing to ask, but I think it's realistic to explore every venture and every possible outcome. 9 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:42,840 You could have given me a heads up before you told me, you just told me to say no to you. 10 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:48,960 And now I feel awful bad because that felt, I mean, I know you were getting ready, but that felt real. 11 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,280 No, I didn't think you were, Marianne, don't worry. 12 00:00:51,280 --> 00:01:02,920 I was just sort of putting her face onto your face and like feeling the way, because you just said no with not that much of an inspiring delivery. 13 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:12,640 But in my head, Marianne had about like three to four minutes of uninterrupted, not necessarily gently letting me down, 14 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:17,680 but calling me out on the mistakes that I've made over the last four to five years of our relationship. 15 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:21,280 If you think that you're not meant to be together, why are you asking? 16 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,760 No, I think, I think I would like it. 17 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,480 I just, I don't have a good read on whether or not she would like it. 18 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,080 Right. Well, how about this? 19 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,880 So I'm going into this blind. 20 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:36,400 How about this? You give me the ring and I'll practice in her and I'll let you know what she comes back with. 21 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,440 I don't want you to steal my girlfriend. 22 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:42,160 No, I won't. I don't want, I don't want another. 23 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,880 I'm celibate. I'm done with all that. 24 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:45,880 I don't need another. 25 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,280 I, they're just hanging off me and I'm keep telling them no. 26 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,400 You know, it's the rejection that makes them want you a little bit more. 27 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,920 No, I appreciate that must be hard for you, sister. 28 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,320 It is. I'm like, I'm married to God. 29 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:08,240 So please stop. But they just, some of these little, I'm sorry to use the phrase, hound dogs, but they just don't respect. 30 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:12,680 And sometimes, in fact, some of them are like, I do respect, I know, but it just makes me want you more, sister. 31 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:17,120 And I'm like, stop climbing over that, stop climbing over that fence. 32 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:43,520 These prisoners, hound dogs. 33 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:51,520 Welcome back to Dunbracken. 34 00:02:51,520 --> 00:03:01,360 Mayor Anders took a trip to Iceland last week and was so impressed by the airport lounge that he has decided to introduce a duty free lounge here in town. 35 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:07,680 You can find it behind the bus stop at the old abandoned shed that the kids have been loitering at. 36 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:16,240 But don't worry, you won't have to be scared of those unruly teens anymore now that there is a paid security member and staff at the duty free lounge, 37 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:27,720 where you can lounge completely free of any and all duties in your life. 38 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:29,720 Is there anyone sitting there? 39 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,560 Oh, yeah. Sorry. Can I sit here? 40 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,920 Yeah. Yeah. No, thanks. 41 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:36,120 Go ahead. Yeah. 42 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,720 Just get my laptop out and... 43 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,320 I'm actually, I'm just going to be doing a bit of work and I'll have headphones on. 44 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,600 So if you need me to move or anything, just let me know. 45 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,200 No, it's fine. You have the headphones on. 46 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,280 So I'll have my headphones. 47 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,880 There's your filter coffee, Sam, just the usual. 48 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,480 Thanks very much. Thank you. 49 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,040 Thanks, Kenny. 50 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,720 Hi, Kenny. Can I get a latte? 51 00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,160 Ah, there's a queue. 52 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:00,880 I asked you like 10 minutes ago. 53 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,800 Yeah, it's not waiter service. 54 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,200 You have to come up to the counter like everybody else. 55 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,240 I just don't want to lose my place. 56 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:09,920 I have my laptop here. 57 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,160 Okay. Yeah, fine. 58 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,040 Hey, sorry. Hey. Hi. 59 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,520 Hey. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. 60 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,480 Sorry. Do you know, is there a way that... 61 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,880 Is there an end you have to do with the waiters and stuff? 62 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,640 They give me like a little bit of a course. 63 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,680 I'm not interested in giving you date and advice. 64 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:26,440 I'm just trying to do some work. 65 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,480 I'm not looking for the number and I just want to know, 66 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:32,480 is there like... Because they won't let me order a coffee. 67 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,760 I went up to the front and they said, 68 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,960 nope, table service. I went back to a table. 69 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,600 They said, nope, order in the queue. 70 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:43,040 I don't really know what your situation is here. 71 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,800 I'm just writing a screenplay. 72 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:45,800 I didn't ask. 73 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:49,080 If you want a coffee, then you go up and get a coffee. 74 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,920 And Sam, oh, here's a wee Amaretti biscotti for you. 75 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,080 Thanks very much, Kenny. There you go. 76 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,320 Wonderful stuff. Yeah, I'm quite busy. 77 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,440 So enjoy your coffee and your screenplay. 78 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,640 No, I don't have a coffee. That's the... 79 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,280 I guess I'll just leave my laptop here, I guess, and join the... 80 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,320 There's like three people in the queue. 81 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,320 Are you going up to the counter? 82 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:08,880 Yeah, I am going up to the counter. 83 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,680 Well, you know, I'm not going to watch that for you. 84 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:12,600 I'm quite busy. 85 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:13,480 So that's all right. 86 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,560 Just people trying and trying to get, you know, 87 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,440 keep your eye on that. Then there goes 10 minutes. 88 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:19,320 Could you like, if someone goes to sit down, 89 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,200 you don't have to be watching it, 90 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,600 but you could just say like, oh, that's somebody's laptop. 91 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,600 If someone other than me comes and takes the laptop, 92 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,960 could you just say that's someone's laptop? 93 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,080 No. All right. 94 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,080 Cheers. What was it, Sam? 95 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,480 Yes, cheers. 96 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:35,480 OK, bye. 97 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,640 I'm really sorry, ma'am. 98 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,360 I'm going to have to ask you to leave. 99 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,840 You don't have lounge access. 100 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:51,760 You didn't check in with one of the members of the staff 101 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,280 as you came in and you're filling your plate up with 102 00:05:55,280 --> 00:06:00,800 a suspicious amount of mac and cheese and potato salad, 103 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,040 as those are the free food that are currently on buffet. 104 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,320 My husband has lounge access. 105 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,360 Can you redirect me to your husband? 106 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,480 I'm using his lounge access. 107 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,840 We can extend that. 108 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,400 OK, good. So I'll just continue. 109 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,560 No, we can extend that if you present a valid pass. 110 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:18,560 Keep lifting this. 111 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:19,560 As you come into the lounge. 112 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,640 Shrimp? This is shrimp? 113 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:22,880 Did you say? Is that what you said? 114 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,840 That's potato salad. 115 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:27,440 I've never had fancy food, so it confuses me. 116 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,080 It smells like shrimp. 117 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,440 Well, actually, we typically don't leave the meat out. 118 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,840 That's sort of a... 119 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,920 You'd order that with one of your servers. 120 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:39,320 You'd order that with one of your servers because we... 121 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,560 Doesn't taste like shrimp. 122 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,560 We put the low cost food out for folks like yourselves. 123 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,000 Wow. What's that supposed to mean? 124 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,680 Or was it spelled out very clearly right now? 125 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,640 Ma'am, this happens to us quite a lot, multiple times a day. 126 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:55,120 My husband has his concubine in here. 127 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,400 Typically people... 128 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,120 Well, no, your husband has lounge access. 129 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,560 Is that what you're telling me? 130 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,080 Someone tries to steal his lounge access? 131 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,400 Is that what you're telling me? 132 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:09,120 What I'm saying is we're very used to running in with duty-free bags 133 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:13,120 and trying to fill up as much potato salad and mac and cheese 134 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:22,640 and lettuce as they possibly can. 135 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,640 Hey, have you ever had a bad day 136 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:28,280 where you just wanted everyone and everything to just fade away? 137 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,200 Have you ever wanted to just take a moment for yourself? 138 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,440 Have you ever wanted the Earth to swallow you up whole? 139 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,840 Well, now, that's a possibility. 140 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,960 Now that can happen. 141 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:42,080 I'm J.K. McLean, and oh, boy. 142 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:46,360 Do I have a thing for you. 143 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,720 I have created the first ever scream hole. 144 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:53,360 That's a hole in the ground where you can scream as much as you want. 145 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,000 By using Mother Nature's own beautiful soil, 146 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,960 I have been able to soundproof every one of my scream holes 147 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:04,480 so that no matter how loud you are, no one will be ever able to hear you. 148 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,040 The Church is trying to shut us down 149 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,800 because ever since we started up scream holes, 150 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,120 less people have been going to ask for God's forgiveness. 151 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,560 Why go to God, a man who judges you mercilessly, 152 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,680 when you can go to a Mother Nature 153 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,960 and be absolved of everything you want to say 154 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,160 into the void of soilly darkness below? 155 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,880 But don't just take my word for it. 156 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:38,640 Hear from some delighted customers. 157 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:45,320 Scream holes have been 100% proven to give you more time in the ground. 158 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:57,360 Scream holes! 159 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,640 Hi. 160 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:02,920 Give me a glass of your filthiest white wine. 161 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:04,040 Okay. 162 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,160 Hey. 163 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,000 Go on. 164 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,200 What year is it? 165 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,200 This year. 166 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,440 Oh, you are awful. 167 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:12,240 Go on. 168 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:13,680 What is it, Chardonnay? 169 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,280 You asked for white. 170 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:15,920 Indeed. 171 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,680 Fill her up and give me the rest of the bottle as well. 172 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,480 I've got a beautiful woman to attend to. 173 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:22,840 You may have noticed her. 174 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:23,440 No. 175 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,880 Derek, would you just give the man his wine? 176 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:26,600 Literally. 177 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,240 You're on probation as it is. 178 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,360 You're just not serving people fast enough. 179 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:31,960 There's a whole queue there. 180 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:32,440 Look. 181 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:33,080 I know you're the whole... 182 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:33,880 There's a whole crowd. 183 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:34,680 Yes, in here. 184 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:35,240 Hang on a minute. 185 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:36,200 Do hurry up. 186 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:40,440 You may notice in the corner table my beautiful date. 187 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,080 Derek, he's a man. 188 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:42,960 He's telling lies. 189 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:43,800 There's no woman over there. 190 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,440 Just give him his... 191 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:45,960 He wants to drink a whole bottle of wine to himself. 192 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:46,960 Just give it to him. 193 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,440 Charge him £12.50. 194 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,040 I heard that slander against my character. 195 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:55,320 I have a very, very beautiful woman sat there in the shadows. 196 00:09:55,320 --> 00:10:00,640 I also have a beautiful woman in a shadow. 197 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:06,160 And I would like a tomato juice and vodka, please. 198 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,520 Derek, you know how to make that, don't you? 199 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:08,840 You just open the can of tomato juice. 200 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:15,240 But more importantly also, we're in agreement that we're both beautiful women that we're waiting on. 201 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:15,840 Right. 202 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:16,960 Hang on. 203 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:17,880 There you go. 204 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:21,720 There's your dirty wine and there's your cheap Bloody Mary. 205 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:22,240 Don't look at... 206 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,680 My good man, will you stick it on the tab? 207 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:25,120 What? 208 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,080 We don't do tabs. 209 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:27,160 Sorry, we don't do tabs here. 210 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:27,880 You need to pay. 211 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:28,720 Pay in cash. 212 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:29,320 OK. 213 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,680 How much would it be? 214 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:31,440 £12.50. 215 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:32,440 The entire bottle? 216 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:32,800 Mm-hmm. 217 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,240 Very cheap pub. 218 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:34,840 Shite. 219 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:40,840 Don't pay attention to the fact we both only ordered one drink for beautiful ladies. 220 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:47,080 I hope my beautiful date won't spit out as soon as she takes a mouthful of this £12.50 wine and say, 221 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,080 shit, it tastes like vinegar. 222 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,520 Well, here, look what I'll do for you. 223 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,840 I'll rub out the decimal point there on the receipt so it looks like you spent more. 224 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:56,640 Very good. 225 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:57,040 Yes. 226 00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:02,440 Could you rub out the Mary in my receipt so I just pay for her bloody? 227 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:07,680 So then my date, who is real and exists, lives on gold? 228 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,880 Clarence, you have issues, man. 229 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:11,360 You come in here every... 230 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,280 Oh, come on, don't sell me shortly, God. 231 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,600 OK, sorry, Clarence, you're deranged. 232 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:17,040 Thank you. 233 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,880 No, he's a regular. 234 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,240 I know he's a regular, he's me fucking brother. 235 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,440 I drove him here. 236 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:23,480 Part of our income, though. 237 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:27,440 So would you just let him be, give him his fake Bloody Mary and... 238 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:28,040 Grant. 239 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,000 ...give this man his bottle of terrible white wine? 240 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:31,720 There you go. 241 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:32,560 Delicious. 242 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:36,040 Oh, that just reminds me. 243 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:43,280 Here in this carrier bag, I have copies of the film 28 days later on DVD. 244 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,320 I'll come round. 245 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,760 If anyone would like to buy one off me... 246 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:47,760 Oh. 247 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,320 No, no, sir, you can't. 248 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,960 No selling merchandise in the pub. 249 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,240 It's not merchandise, it's films. 250 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,360 I could bring popcorn. 251 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,440 No, we're not watching the films, I'm selling them. 252 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,280 No, Clarence, we don't have a DVD player. 253 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:00,560 You can't watch it. 254 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:04,160 And so you can't sell DVDs in my pub, I'm sorry. 255 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,960 How about Blu-rays? 256 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,280 I'm so alone. 257 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,400 This is more of a Blu-rays establishment. 258 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,520 Whoa, you just sold me? 259 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:11,480 Why? 260 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,880 She owns the pub. 261 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:17,280 Well, could you sell DVDs and give me, say, 60%? 262 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,560 Yeah, if you give us a percentage of every drink you drink. 263 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:23,200 Nobody ever pays attention to Clarence. 264 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,280 I do give you a percentage on every drink I drink. 265 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:26,600 I think that's how it works. 266 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:27,160 No. 267 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,480 Derek's my home brother. 268 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:29,640 Clarence. 269 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:30,680 Yeah? 270 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,920 I'm in an argument over here which I'm losing. 271 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:33,440 Shut up. 272 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,360 There's this drink, would you give it to him? 273 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:36,280 Sorry, Derek. 274 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:37,480 I think... 275 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:38,320 Derek! 276 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,320 Derek, why are you... 277 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:40,200 No. 278 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,480 That's coming out of your wedges. 279 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,080 I am going to spend a few moments with my beautiful gate. 280 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,040 Nobody has paid me any money yet. 281 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,000 Ta-rah. 282 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,080 Oh, dear me. 283 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,160 Lover boy walked away without paying. 284 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,240 What are you going to do about that? 285 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,040 I wouldn't take that. 286 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,280 God, he took the wine. 287 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,840 I'd fight him. 288 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:57,760 Right, I'm going after him. 289 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:58,520 I'd box him. 290 00:12:58,520 --> 00:12:59,680 Box the head off him. 291 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:00,560 Don't you worry. 292 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,600 I'll mind the bar. 293 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,320 Gary, can I stay in your house tonight? 294 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,360 Clarence, don't worry about it. 295 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:10,760 I'm running the bar now. 296 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:11,560 What do you want? 297 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,520 Real drink this time now. 298 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:13,520 Not a fucking bloody. 299 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:14,840 Come on. 300 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,000 I want the white Russian. 301 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,000 What? 302 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:28,600 Yeah, I bought this in the Judy Free store. 303 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,280 They just didn't have any containers, 304 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:33,240 so they put it all in the bag for me. 305 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:38,880 So which shop in the Judy Free did you get that potato salad from? 306 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:39,960 Jerkins. 307 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:41,480 Sorry, I'm not familiar. 308 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:42,160 Which shop? 309 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,480 Jerkins. 310 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:44,160 Jerkins. 311 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:44,960 Yeah. 312 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,240 They sell potato salad by the bag now. 313 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,040 I see. 314 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:55,640 I'm sorry, ma'am, but my potato salad's leaking if you can let me leave. 315 00:13:55,640 --> 00:14:00,040 You're keeping me in the lounge, and I don't have access to the lounge. 316 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:04,040 I was merely going through here because I was diverted. 317 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,280 Listen, I'll let you go. 318 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:06,760 OK, thank you. 319 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,960 Because you're just going to... 320 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:18,040 You win this battle. 321 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:22,000 I'm Jakey McLean, and I started Screamholes with only one goal, 322 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,080 to give my wife a place to get away from my incessant shouting. 323 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,280 On account of I lost my hearing in this one year, 324 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,840 one day at the Halloween parade when a small child 325 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,520 lit a firework that caught on an electric fence, 326 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,360 causing a horse to be mildly electrocuted and kicking out 327 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:39,760 in a spasm that saw it attack me and kick me straight across the ear, 328 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,520 bursting my ear drum in an instant. 329 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:47,680 I was in constant pain, and I have never been able to regulate my voice since. 330 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:51,400 Last year, before Screamholes, my wife was filing for divorce, 331 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:55,480 and now, because of Screamholes, our home life has never been better. 332 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,840 Our sex life too, because when I'm getting too loud in the bedroom, 333 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:02,760 she can put on the Screamhole Mini on top of my head. 334 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:06,720 The Screamhole Mini is a box lined with our Mother Nature approved soil, 335 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:11,800 which is the only natural, vegan, and sustainable soundproofing on the market. 336 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:15,520 And not only that, it means that you can take the Screamhole experience with you 337 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,320 no matter where you go. 338 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:21,880 You can scream in the office, in the car, on the toilet, at the bar, 339 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:30,760 and no one will be any the wiser of what you're screaming or what you're screaming about. 340 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,760 Screamholes! 341 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:44,040 Sister, how do I make Marianne want me rather than me having to choose after her 342 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,840 to tell me no to my face? 343 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:49,880 Through a series of carefully played out manipulations. 344 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:54,800 No, I mean, can I do it in the next few hours before I plan on proposing to her a dinner? 345 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:59,360 Well, you know what? I have a few calls with some prisoners to make, 346 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:03,800 and we could maybe get them on on it, because they're all fairly terrible people. 347 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:09,680 So we could really put two good noggin and two just real hound dogs. 348 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,280 Am I one of the good noggin, sister? 349 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,360 You are. You are. 350 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:18,800 And you could continue to be, but sometimes in love, we need a little war or two. 351 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,600 Have you ever read Tolstoy? 352 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,800 I didn't. The title put me off Love and War. 353 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,120 I thought it was a film. 354 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,240 It is, but the title put me off. 355 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,600 Tolstoy 1, Tolstoy 2. 356 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,360 They have theme parks for it. 357 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:40,520 I believe you're mistaking the great Russian writer of Anna Karenina with Randy Newman, 358 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:47,560 because, and let me be clear, just like with the hound dogs, you do not have a friend in me. 359 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,840 I'm providing you with a service. 360 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,520 I do not get paid, so I guess. 361 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:55,520 This is sounding too much like the Marianne in my head, sister. 362 00:16:55,520 --> 00:17:05,680 Just trying to help you if you want a carefully laid out plan of manipulations that you could carry out in two to eight hours, two to eight days, or six months. 363 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,480 Ideally four hours. 364 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,440 Ideally four hours. 365 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,320 Well, in one hour, I'll be going to the prison. 366 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,080 Would you like to come with me? 367 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:17,320 Maybe you could get rejected by some hound dogs. 368 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:20,360 I've been rejected by a... 369 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:29,240 I was going to call you a child of God, but aren't we all children of God canonically, even though we may not agree with that? 370 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:30,240 Sorry, sister. 371 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,640 No, no, don't worry. 372 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:38,720 The funny thing about being someone's child is that no matter how old you get, they still stay older than you. 373 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,920 God is older than all of us. 374 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,720 I was just sort of applying that I'm agnostic. 375 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,000 I didn't want to offend you. 376 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,840 Marianne's also annoyed that I'm agnostic. 377 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,600 She's like, get off the fence. 378 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:51,200 That's OK. 379 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,680 Choose a side. 380 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,720 Has she been to the prison? 381 00:17:54,720 --> 00:18:00,520 I keep saying get off the fence to them, but they are trying to choose a side and the side is me. 382 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:01,240 Freedom. 383 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:01,880 Oh. 384 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,040 No, I think that's a secondary. 385 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,280 It's just the no gets them so riled up. 386 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,600 So does the teaser. 387 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:18,800 Should I bring out the ring at dinner and say, Marianne, I thought about asking you to marry me, but actually, I think I'm going to visit prison for a little bit. 388 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:19,760 Wow. 389 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,040 That's a great idea. 390 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:28,960 I'm rejecting her without asking her, but I'm putting the idea in her head that I was going to ask her. 391 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:37,000 Funnily enough, rejecting her is step three on my two to eight hour plan of manipulations. 392 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,840 Step three is rejecting her. 393 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,800 Step one and two are opening the door and cooking dinner. 394 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,720 What if I've booked in a restaurant, sister? 395 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,560 Should I cancel that now? 396 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:52,560 Yeah, because it makes the rejection more meaningful if it's in the middle of a home cooked dinner. 397 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:53,880 What if it's public? 398 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:58,360 You could bring a home cooked dinner to a public place like a prison. 399 00:18:58,360 --> 00:18:59,600 Don't do that. 400 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,920 It gets them all the more excited. 401 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,720 Learn from my mistakes. 402 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,080 So I should break up with her. 403 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:07,640 Hold on. 404 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:08,920 Why am I breaking up with her? 405 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:09,840 I love this woman. 406 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:13,440 Yeah, but the no makes someone want them all the more. 407 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:20,680 She wants what she can't have, like a prisoner who wants freedom, but mainly me. 408 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,160 Even if they got freedom, they could never have me. 409 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:31,280 So, sister, in your eyes, as a woman who's very wanted, religiously and sexually. 410 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:35,560 Yeah, God fulfills me sexually all I need. 411 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:40,640 And by that, I mean, I fulfill myself sexually with his guiding hand. 412 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,800 Sister, I don't need this. 413 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,040 Sister, I just asked you to say no to me. 414 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,120 And you started crying. 415 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:48,680 Yeah. 416 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:53,920 Which just brought back all the memories of those hind dogs. 417 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,560 But I haven't fallen into the trance. 418 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,640 You've rejected me and I don't want you, respectfully. 419 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:05,560 That's because, as you said, I did not put any moxie or anything into my rejection of you. 420 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,240 You'll know if you get rejected by me. 421 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:12,080 Sister, are me and Marianne going to stay together? 422 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:16,800 If you follow my series of plans and machinations, no. 423 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,160 So I should ignore you and propose to her? 424 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,040 Yes. 425 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:21,880 OK. 426 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,600 OK, I probably won't go well. 427 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,520 That's why we got into this. 428 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:30,000 I'm going to go to the prison now and reject some man. 429 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,640 Hey, sister, maybe I'll see you there someday. 430 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:33,680 I hope you do. 431 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,400 Fuck, you've beautiful eyes. 432 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:47,200 No, stay on your side of the bench. 433 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,360 There's a reason the Vikings were able to pillage and destroy our lands. 434 00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:52,720 And that's because our houses were made of soil. 435 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:58,120 So we didn't hear them and their pesky, humongous army coming up on us. 436 00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:02,040 Take back your country by taking a little bit of land home with you today. 437 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:07,240 Screamholes Viking edition, out now. 438 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:10,760 And of course, screamholes aren't all we offer here at Screamholes. 439 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:11,720 Oh, no. 440 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:15,320 We have just finished up construction on our first ever Screambox, 441 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:21,360 which in layman's terms is a big box that you can sit in and lie in and under the ground 442 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,640 to get what it's really like to be a dead body under the soil. 443 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:29,880 So you don't have to have existential fears anymore. 444 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:37,680 Screamholes. 445 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:41,480 And sorry, I was just following the trail of loose potato salad. 446 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,480 I was wondering. 447 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:45,760 Get out of here. It's mine. 448 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,720 It's mine. Get out of here. 449 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,520 Get out of here. 450 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,080 I'm so sorry about that. 451 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:58,360 You're following the potato salad because you are responsible 452 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,560 or you're looking for who's responsible. 453 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,240 Well, I'm hoping to find the source. 454 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:03,240 I see. 455 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,640 I'll be honest. 456 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:05,960 Are you a member of the Lounge? 457 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,360 Do you have priority pass? 458 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,120 My friend has access. 459 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:13,560 No, I'm afraid that's not how this works. 460 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:17,040 Unless you have an uncanny resemblance to your friend 461 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:21,120 and photographic ID that makes you resemble your friend. 462 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:23,960 But I would hope that you didn't have that because that stuff's kind of, 463 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,440 you know, we're kind of disciplined on that stuff. 464 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,200 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. 465 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,560 I'm just going to grab the potato salad. 466 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:31,680 No, sir. 467 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:35,640 Can at least use a container, please. 468 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:36,800 Don't take our plates. 469 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,360 OK, no, I'm sorry. I'll just take the bowl then. 470 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:41,720 Fine, you win this battle. 471 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,040 I could I get a lot. 472 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,240 Wait, we're sorry. 473 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,080 There was a bag that I'm just I was about I was about to order, 474 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,240 but there was a bag that was at a table there. 475 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,880 That's that's did someone move a laptop there? 476 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,240 Bags are your own personal responsibility. 477 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,920 We don't we don't do not read the sign as you can. 478 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,080 I understand my own personal there's a guy sitting there. 479 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,360 But I was I was about to order a latte, but I need to. 480 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,000 Sam, here's a wee cruffin for you. 481 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,680 Oh, thanks, Sam. 482 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,440 The word. What did you see? 483 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,560 Sorry, I don't know who you are. 484 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:21,800 So don't I was the guy with the laptop. 485 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,840 The you don't know me, so don't I know your name, Sam. 486 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,440 I know you have some sort of in you have. 487 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,120 If you could actually just mind your own business, 488 00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:29,760 you've ordered four different things. 489 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:30,640 You've got four different. 490 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:31,800 You haven't ordered anything. 491 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,280 And they keep so how does it happen? 492 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:34,480 What happened to my laptop? 493 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,160 Just to be clear, I'm not interested. 494 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,080 I know you're not interested. 495 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:38,440 You keep so then drop it. 496 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:39,760 No, where where did my laptop go? 497 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:41,640 You had to have seen someone lift my laptop. 498 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,880 I'm very busy writing a novel. 499 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,360 All right. I'm quite screenplay. 500 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:46,360 What's your novel about? 501 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:47,680 None of your business. 502 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,680 Oh, what a great and cliched answer, Sam. 503 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,160 When you go fuck your novel. 504 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,800 OK, that might make it more interesting. 505 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,800 Can you deal with this fellow? 506 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:58,800 What's happening? 507 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,360 Have you seen threatening me? 508 00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:01,720 I've seen a laptop. 509 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:02,520 So if you don't mind. 510 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,760 And here's a wee frappuccino for you as well. 511 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,080 How did he order that? 512 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:07,160 When did he order that? 513 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:08,760 So have you have you ordered it? 514 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,440 No, there was a laptop here. 515 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:11,800 No, he's a bag. There's my no. 516 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,200 I don't order here. 517 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:14,800 No, I know you're trying to order. 518 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,400 No, I was about to order. 519 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,760 If you're here at the table, this is not where you order. 520 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:20,520 I was about to order at the till. 521 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:21,800 Well, that is where you order. 522 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,280 So have you ordered to come back? 523 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:24,160 No, I haven't ordered. 524 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,680 Why are you sitting here if you haven't? 525 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,120 You have to make a purchase if you want to sit here. 526 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,600 I was I was already sitting here. 527 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:30,680 What have you ordered? 528 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,080 You've had this conversation. 529 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:33,080 That's what I'm asking. 530 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,440 If you're sitting here, what have you ordered? 531 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:35,440 I haven't ordered anything. 532 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,520 Well, if you haven't ordered, you can't sit here. 533 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,840 That's the rules of the cafe. 534 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:40,880 There was a laptop here. 535 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,120 What happened to the laptop and the bag that were here? 536 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:43,800 Was there a laptop? 537 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,240 Did you see someone lift it? 538 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,280 Laptops are your own personal responsibility. 539 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,040 I understand that there's a sign saying that. 540 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,560 I'm asking if you just happened to. 541 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:51,840 Sam, can you believe him? 542 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,880 Yeah, Kenny, can you just like I know it's difficult. 543 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:55,920 Just try and keep it down. 544 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:57,840 We've been just trying to work here. 545 00:24:57,840 --> 00:24:58,840 Sorry, Sam. 546 00:24:58,840 --> 00:24:59,360 Thanks. 547 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:03,760 Here's some chocolates as well. 548 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:04,640 Thanks very much. 549 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:05,640 Fuck this. 550 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,800 Back to Dunbracken is created, produced and edited 551 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,840 by Connoth McVeigh. 552 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,520 For more information on the podcast, 553 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:24,160 you can follow us at DunbrackenPod on Instagram. 554 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:28,920 Guests this week were Patrick Meyer, Marcus Keighley, 555 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:35,760 Laura Conlon, Gerda Donley, Robert Vaughan, Jemma Burnett, 556 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:40,720 Owen Heading, and Arne Marshall. 557 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,680 The opening and closing music was created by Connor Mallon. 558 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,160 And you can check out his entire album, Unearthed, 559 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,760 on Spotify now. 560 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:54,480 We look forward to welcoming you back to Dunbracken very soon.