Welcome to ECB's weekly sermon podcast. ECB is
an international church in Bangkok, Thailand,
with dozens of nationalities worshipping together.
We invite you to connect with us from wherever
you are through our website ecb .asia or our
mobile app. And now we pray that you are blessed
by this week's sermon. As you know, these past
weeks we have been doing a study. series of study
called Spiritual Lessons from Our Walk with God.
And today we're taking a pause from that series
so that we can focus on this time of celebrating
our families and this time of family dedication.
So it's going to be a reflection on our family
ministry as people that follow the Lord. But
before we do that, would you please join me as
I pray? Lord, it is a gift that you have given
us today and we rejoice. We are excited. We know
the calling ahead is a big calling. So we ask
that as you lead our families, you will strengthen
us. And today as we study your word, help us
see, understand, and give me insights. Lord,
use me in the power of your spirit and in your
grace. I pray in Jesus' name. Amen. In the book
of Psalms, there is a verse that says something
very concise and very precise. I'm going to ask
you to read it aloud with me because this is
a foundational concept for those of us who follow
Jesus. The word of God says, read it together.
Children are a gift from the Lord. They are a
reward from him. Even though it's very short
and precise, this very verse sets Christianity
apart from any other worldview. Because historically,
it has not been true that all people think of
children as a gift from God. There was a young
adult from Scotland, Mary Slessor. She felt called
by God to go and start sharing the gospel with
people in a place called Calabar in Africa. And
as she arrived to that place, she started noticing
a very unique practice that they had in that
area. They thought that twin babies were accursed.
So therefore, whenever twin babies were born,
they were abandoned in the jungle to die or to
be eaten by animals. As a follower of Jesus,
she discovered that practice and she immediately
was moved to start rescuing those children so
that they would have an opportunity for life.
Even though she did not go to Calabar with the
intent of starting a children's home, her Christian
response in following Jesus, in seeing what was
happening, gave birth to this children's home
that she started. But it was her influence in
that area. That eventually turned that practice
completely out of that culture. And it became
something that was illegal. And it was not just
her as a Christian that experienced that when
she went to Africa. Christians that were working
among the Greeks discovered something similar.
There was a time in which any baby that was born
with any deformation was killed. Because for
their culture, the shape, the look was very important.
So any deformed baby was considered unfit to
live. And therefore he was killed. And it was
Christians who started rescuing some of these
children and starting again children's homes.
Even though that was not the intent from the
beginning. And as you go back in the scriptures,
you realize that this practice. of discarding
children or seeing them as defective or seeing
them as something that needed to be removed from
society. It was something that was found in the
Mesopotamian cultures. In the land of Canaan,
there was the practice of children's sacrifice.
And God tells the nation of Israel in the Old
Testament, you will not sacrifice your children
to the fire, to Molech. And sadly, Israel ended
up doing the same practices that the nations
around them were doing. When we read an ancient
text written thousands of years ago from God
saying children are a gift from the Lord, they
are a reward from him, it's completely revolutionary.
And therefore, as followers of Jesus, we believe
That children, no matter how they were conceived,
what were their circumstances of their birth,
who are the parents, what are the physical health
or lack of health, what are the levels of skills
or lack of skills, no matter what are all of
these different factors that separate one child
from another, all children are created in God's
image. And therefore, They deserve not only to
live, but to grow and to become people that know
about God and his love. This is a core conviction
for us as followers of Jesus. God is the giver
of life, and that's why life for us is something
that is not only sacred, but it's something that
we celebrate, as you have been able to see today.
That is why in the Old Testament when God starts
the nation of Israel and he starts giving them
a legal code for the nation so that they can
be different from the other nations around them,
he is going to touch on the two pillars that
he wants them to have in order to have healthy
families because the family unit was the... core
foundation of the entire nation. And if that
unit became unhealthy, then the nation would
become unhealthy. And so it did. These two pillars
were not respected. They became completely ignored.
And then the nation was destroyed and eventually
was restored. But what is interesting is that
early in the history of the nation, they received
the law at the beginning from Moses, all the
generation that left from Egypt, then they die
in the desert because of their disobedience to
God. And a new generation was born throughout
those 40 years. And as they prepare to enter
the land of Canaan, there is a book that is written
during that time. to train this new generation
before they enter the land of Canaan. Do you
know what that book is? It's called Deuteronomy.
It's the last of the five books of Moses. It's
called the second law because it was a form of
repetition of what had been given before, but
in order to train this new generation so that
they were able to really do it right and build
it properly. And it's in there that we find the
pillars that we're going to be studying today.
But before we enter into reading this, I just
have to tell you that my own journey in parenting
is something that God has brought me through.
And I'll show you a couple of pictures in a moment.
But in this journey of following the Lord as
a parent, I'm reading what we're about to read
in Deuteronomy. what you realize is that God's
desire for the family is to be a place of health
that is going to impact not only the life of
that family, but the generations after. And that's
why the pillars that he's going to give them
are going to be so important because they have
repercussions for generations to come. And if
I am going to be a follower of Jesus that wants
to have that... in generation after generation,
I need to pay attention to those pillars. Because
the sad truth is that families in general are
in crisis. And so was in the time of the nation
of Israel. The generation that read this Deuteronomy
at the beginning was a generation that eventually
failed to fulfill these things. I was 29 years
old when I became a father, and I have this picture
to prove it. My wife Sarah is there with me,
and that is Alex. One of the things that we discovered
once you have a baby for the first time is that
babies come with no manual, and also with no
return receipt. So once you're in it, you're
in it. And it's a new season of life. Later,
as the Lord blessed us with more children, all
of our kids were made and born in Texas. So we
had our children at Baylor Hospital. And for
the last two, which is Max and Lucy, they would
give us this. You see that? Yeah, so I will wear
that in the hospital and then they will do the
little footprints. And these are Lucy's footprints.
Where is Lucy? There. That's how little your
feet wear. And I know this is yours because the
other one has bigger, you know, feet. That's
Max. But we have these beautiful memories of
those years. And God blessed us with... Not only
Mac, Alex, then with Sophia, then with Max, and
then with Lucy. And as you may know, Sophia went
to be with the Lord. And now you fast forward
and our kids are older. Alex is 22. He's in college
in the U .S. And then Max and Lucy are with us.
And all this journey of parenting is an ongoing
journey of learning. And learning and learning.
And there's so much that can be said about these
things. But I really want us to understand. What
the Lord says about these two pillars. And to
start we will look at the section of Deuteronomy.
Right there on chapter 5 and then chapter 11.
The first thing that God says to the nation.
your father and your mother, as the Lord your
God commanded you. Then you will live a long,
full life in the land the Lord your God has given
you. God is not addressing the children first.
He's addressing the, I mean, not addressing the
parents first, but addressing the children first.
And he's telling the children of all ages, you
have a father and you have a mother. And your
responsibility is to honor them. And to honor
means that you need to treat them with the proper
respect because they are your parents. Without
them, you will not be alive. So you have to be
grateful that you are alive and that you have
parents that gave you life. And the only proper
way of treating them is with honor. If you honor
your father and your mother, Then, that's a foundation
for your life. You will live a long, full life
in the land the Lord your God has given you.
And then, he addresses also the parents. And
to the parents, he says, so commit yourselves
wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them
to your hands, wear them on your foreheads as
reminders. Make sure that you know my word, that
that is in you, that you know it, that that is
permeating your life because you have a job to
do. Teach them to your children. When? When you
go to church on Sundays. No. It says, Teach these
words to your children. Talk about them when
you are at home. And talk about them when you
are on the road. And talk about them when you
are going to bed. And talk about them when you
are getting up. Write them on the door posts
of your house. And on your gates. So that as
long as the sky remains above the earth. You
and your children. May flourish in the land the
Lord sought to give your ancestors. Once again.
He's giving this pillar. Because he says. If
you have this pillar. It's going to support your
family. Your nation. Your society. In order to
have stability. And you will be able to flourish.
Not just you. But the generations after you.
God was interested. And a multi -generational
consistent impact in which one generation is
building on the other, building on the other,
because they have the two pillars. Honor being
the first one of them. One of the mistakes that
many people make is to believe that honor is
based on performance. Because that is how we
honor pretty much anybody else. You do a good
job, you get a good position, then you are treated
with respect because you earned it. So we only
honor our parents, this person thinks, if they
are good parents. if they are not good parents,
then they do not deserve that I treat them with
respect because they did not earn it. Even though
that way of thinking may make sense, that is
not what God desires nor what God designed. From
God's perspective, the responsibility of the
child to honor the parents Is regardless of performance.
And is based on position. It is because it is
my parent. That I need to respect them. I do
not need to agree with them. I do not need to
endorse what they are saying or doing. But I
need to respect them. Treat them with honor.
And I understand. That for some of you, as you
hear this immediately, it makes you uncomfortable.
You want to make an appointment with me to tell
me, yeah, how about my case? What would you do
in my case? I'm not here to analyze your case.
Because that's not my role. But I'm here to tell
you that to honor your parents is God's desire
for your life. And I understand that it's very
easy to honor your parents when they are good
parents. And it's very hard to do when they are
not. Jamie had that experience. Her father was
a terrible father. The only thing she wanted
to do was to become old enough so that she could
leave the home. So she did. She just didn't have
to do anything with her parents. The only thing
is that You may dislike your friends and stop
being friends. But you dislike your parents,
they're always your parents. And you're always
their child. That doesn't change. So for Jamie,
as she started just walking away from her parents
and trying to keep that distant, eventually she
became a Christian. And she understood that there
was health. In setting boundaries with her family.
Because it was toxic. It was a toxic relationship.
So she needed to set certain boundaries in order
to know how to relate, when not to relate. But
to honor her parents was definitely out of the
question. Then she got married. And as her family
now was following the Lord. something started
happening. Dad became older and he became sicker
and he needed someone to take care of him. And
that was the last thing that Jamie wanted to
do because he did not deserve a minute of it.
But as they started following the Lord and God
started working in their heart as a family, they
started feeling convicted. Not just convicted,
but compelled. That the reason why she needed
to open her home and start taking care of her
father, even though he didn't deserve it according
to how he performed as a father, it was because
precisely he didn't deserve it. And therefore,
by treating him with respect at that old age,
she was going to be a channel of God's grace.
She was going to not be just a recipient of God's
grace, but now in taking care of this father
that didn't deserve any of this according to
his performance. So she did. And it was hard
at the beginning. But because this was something
that was done out of a love for God, and out
of an understanding of this calling as a child,
that she started embracing him more and more
with her husband. And as they reflect later after
the father passed away, those years were the
hardest, but were the best time of her relationship
with her father. And things changed. The first
thing that changed was her heart. Could it be
that God is asking you to honor your parents
even though it's a hard thing to do because in
it, You are going to experience a whole different
level of what grace of God is. And once you are
younger, if you are a teenager here, I would
like to remind you of something. If you are a
follower of Jesus, that parent needs to hear
from you honor. Respect. Because in honoring
your father, honoring your mother, you are honoring
God. So I know that when we are teenagers, we
think we know better and we can get an answer
for everything. We can get also a little bit
moody or we don't always speak with respect.
You can do that if you desire. But that is not
honoring God. So following Jesus means that the
calling as a child in honoring our parents at
all ages is part of what it means to honor God.
But then the second part of this calling, the
second pillar was to the parents. For the parents
was a call to model God's love and God's grace
to the children. They needed to know God, his
word. And in knowing his word and living it,
they were going to show the children God's love
and what it means to be loved by God. So that
that child can start growing into an adult that
will know God and that will love God and that
will serve God as a result. And that's why. The
command to, you need to talk about me, you know.
You're at home, talk about me. You're getting
ready for bed, talk about me. When you're getting
up, talk about me. You're on the road, talk about
me. Talk about me all the time. Because I need
to make sure that those children are going to
really understand who I am and who they are.
But in this journey of parenting, there are common
mistakes that we make. that keep us from fulfilling
that role well. And I've seen it both in my life
and in the life of other people. One of those
is a common mistake that people make. They try
to parent from a neutral perspective. Sometimes
you hear children say, yeah, my parents didn't
teach me much about God or anything because they
wanted me to develop my own convictions. And
that parent is thinking, yeah, I'm not going
to be the one talking to you about God all the
time because I'm going to let you figure that
out. That may sound right, but it is a mistake.
Because if I am not the primary voice that is
influencing their convictions with truth, someone
else is going to start influencing their convictions.
With not truth. With something else. And there
is plenty of people. And groups of people. That
have the desire. To take that role of influence.
Of the life of your child. I cannot. Fulfill
this calling. From a place of neutrality. I have
to be engaged. First in knowing the word. Walking
with God. So that the love of God can flow through
me. Into their lives. And we talk about it. And
we share the convictions. And we shape their
hearts. And we shape their minds. Because that
is what God said. The other mistake is the mistake
of thinking of the child as a burden. Do you
remember when you found out you were pregnant?
How did it feel? Was it a joy? Or was it like,
oh no. What am I going to do now with my career?
You see, because we live in a career -oriented
society, it can easily be felt and it can easily
be communicated to the child that the child is
a burden. You are not an obstacle to my career
goals. And that is a mistake. And I want to tell
you why. Career is all good. But your career
is not eternal. Hopefully it will end when you
retire. Or you get fired before that. I don't
know what's going to happen first. But your career
is not eternal. Your child? Oh. Your child. Has
a soul. Your child is a spiritual being. Created
in God's image and his likeness. And even after
death. That life will continue. And one day.
The word of God says that at the end of times.
When the final judgment comes. And we're going
to stand before God. We who are followers of
Jesus will experience the resurrection. We will
reign with Christ. We will serve God forever
and ever. The fact that this child needs to know
God has eternal implications. And that's why
this child is a gift of God. And everything I'm
investing in them, I know I may not see it today,
but I know that it's going to have eternal impact
beyond my lifetime. So no, my children are not
a burden. They're a gift of God. The other mistake
is the thinking that my child is my property.
Look. I conceive you. I give birth to you. I
am paying for your bills. I am paying for your
education. I am providing the home for you. Whatever
it may be. By the way, I didn't give birth to
them. My wife did. Just to be clear. And they
start controlling that child as if they owned
that person. And they are so controlling that
that poor child lives in a suffocating environment.
They treat the child like the pet. The pet I
own, I'm the master. And they think that they
are the master of the child. You're not the master
of your child. You are the parent of your child.
The only Lord of that child is God. And therefore,
when we start treating the child as property
and we think that we are the Lord over the life
of that child, what is going to be clogged is
that being a channel of God's grace, communicating
God's love to that child is not going to be communicated.
Because you're not acting like a parent, you're
acting like a boss. And there's a difference.
And the other common mistake that I've experienced
and I've seen is to turn your child into a project.
What do I mean by that? Listen, we all have good
desires for our kids. We want them to grow to
be stable people with good education, a good
career so they can have financial stability and
prosper. We want them to have a good life. We
don't want them to make poor decisions. We want
them to be protected from harm. We have good
intentions for that. Anything wrong with it?
No, right? That's great. But what starts happening
inadvertently is that because we have a picture
of what that future should be, we start making
this child think and feel like they are not good
enough. We're constantly pushing them. You have
to get better grades. You have to do better.
You have to go to this school. If you don't go
to this school, you're not going to have a future.
And it keeps going on and on and on. And the
child feels like it's a project and never good
enough. Especially when they didn't get to the
school that I wanted for them. Then I'm disappointed
on your performance. And I want to let you know.
And you did not choose the career I thought you
should. And now look, you're not making as much
money as you would have if you would have listened.
So I am very disappointed on you. And that child
is not a kid anymore. He's in his 40s and his
50s. And still feeling I'm not good enough. Why?
Because that child was always treated as a project.
Children are not a project. And my vision for
their lives is not the goal. God's vision for
their life is. And my job is to ensure that they
know God, that they encounter His love, that
they understand that God created them, that He
is going to lead them, even in their... Poor
decisions, even in decisions that bring harm,
God has the power to redeem their stories. And
therefore, it is the pursuit of God's vision
for them that we need to encourage them to pursue.
And if that vision matches mine, great. If it's
better than mine, great. If it doesn't meet my
expectations, great. Because what I desire more
is that those children live for God rather than
live to please me, a mere mortal. These four
common mistakes are going to harm the relationships
with our children. They're going to harm the
dynamics of the home. And just as a child can
have... Parents that are toxic, our way of parenting
can become toxic and create an environment in
our families that is not godly. Because the reality
is, is that God is not the center. I am. My plans.
My vision. Instead of falling for these mistakes,
for these traps, What God wants the people to
understand is that you are going to model good
parenting to the children if you give them God's
worldview. First is that that child is a gift.
So you need to let them know that they're a gift
from God, and we will speak that all the time.
They need to hear that they are loved, that it
is a blessing to have them, even. If at moments
it's inconvenient because now it costs you more,
now you have to change plants, et cetera, et
cetera. That does not change the fact that they're
a gift from God. And not only that, but they
are also loved by God and therefore loved by
me. And those children, As they start experiencing
God's love, we'll start understanding that the
way to respond to that love is by loving God
back. I remember that space of growing as a father,
you know, with the young children with good desires
for their success. And it soon starts sounding
like this. You know, you need to be diligent
because if you're not, Learn to be diligent.
You know, people will want to hire you. And if
you don't keep a job, how are you going to provide
for your family? Does it sound familiar? And
the poor kid, you know, you are changing his
diapers. It's like the kid is still growing up,
you know. But in those moments, we really want
them to grow, to be diligent and responsible.
And when we see that, they're not doing it. It's
like, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, and
we start, right? And we swear we're doing a great
job. We're telling them the truth. But when I
heard myself speaking like that one time, I spoke
like that many times, but when I heard myself
that time, I realized, wait, that's not right.
I don't, that's not the motivation I want. Be
diligent so you can have a job so no one will
fire you. That's not God's worldview. And that's
when I realized it was all wrong. God says that
everything we do, we do for him. And you need
to learn to be diligent and do these things for
the Lord. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
So when are you going to learn to do things for
God? Now or when you're an adult? Well, now.
That's why we do these things with excellence
and dedication because we're doing them for the
Lord. When the child understands that they are
loved by God, And that is the whole thing that
frames everything. Suddenly the message, the
tone starts changing. And it's something that
we have to learn because our natural desire is
to be much more preachy. And we have to struggle
with that. But also they want to understand that
they are not a project that if I'm disappointed
with, I'll abandon and walk away from. They are
a gift from God, loved by God, and therefore
loved by me. And I will walk with them until
my last breath. Because I'm not here to ensure
that my vision is fulfilled. I'm just here to
provide the support that is needed for them to
fulfill God's vision for their lives. And that,
Changes many things. Because you are present,
even in the pain, even when you are hurt by decisions,
you know that your call is to be present because
your call is to be a channel of God's grace into
that life. And that flows and recharges you and
it flows and it moves in that direction. Parenting.
It's a journey that God has called us to pursue.
And he told us what we need to do about it. And
it's something that will continue to grow as
we move forward. But at every stage, as the kids
grow older and older and older, the calling remains
the same. Are you modeling God's love and his
grace to that child? So I wonder, is there anything
that is holding you back or is clogging you from
communicating God's love and grace to the child
that God entrusted you with? And if you realize
that you have turned your child into a project,
could it be that today is a time to ask God,
God, would you help me reframe? I want... To
make sure, Lord, that my children come to know
you and love you and serve you. That's what I
desire the most. This is the time for us to reframe.
Because if those two pillars are not there, it's
time we build them. Because God's desire for
us is that we build these pillars into our homes
so that the generation after and after and after
will continue to be impacted by it. I would like
to conclude this study by giving you just a recommendation
on some resources. One of them is from a lady,
her name is Karen Purvis. She is with the Lord
now. She died a few years ago. But she was the
director of the Institute of Child Development
at TCU in Texas. And she was one of a kind. Her
research, what they were able to develop, was
very helpful and influential. And I know that
not many people know about this. That's why I
want to share this with you. Karen Purvis specialized
on understanding the development of the child.
the brain development, and the impact in relationships
with parents. And because of that understanding,
she developed this program called Empower to
Connect, and then a more formal program called
TBRI. This is something that is going to give
you understanding of how to improve the emotional
connection with the children. And even though
it was designed for families that are under the
stress of having adopted children that come from
hard places, the principles that were discovered
were universal. Empower to connect, TBRI. You
can listen to the podcast, you can go to YouTube,
find their videos, good stuff. So if you're in
a place where you say, Pastor Paulo, I need all
the help I can get from my parenting skills,
go for it. And the second one is focus on the
family. Focus on the family is a ministry in
the U .S. that is an international ministry.
They have the website, focusonthefamily .org.
They have YouTube videos. You can go and find
their channel there. They have podcasts. But
they have a whole collection of topics, anything
family related. You are a child with a difficult
parent, you'll find something there. Your parents
are aging and they have Alzheimer's and you have
new challenges. You will find something there.
You have a difficult child that is just hard
to guide. You will find something there. Focus
on the family is an amazing resource that you
can go for. So these two resources I want to
leave you with just to help you be equipped in
the journey of building godly families that God
has given us. As we come before the Lord, if
you realize that you have not been honoring your
parents like God wants you to, and perhaps you
don't understand even how to do it because your
case is so complex, tell the Lord now. Invite
him to guide you. If you're a parent and you
realize that you have not been channeling God's
grace into the life of your children, now is
the time. Lord, we come to you humbled by the
gift, humbled by the calling, but also humbled
because we acknowledge this is beyond us. We
need so much wisdom at every turn, but thank
you. Because even though babies may not come
with manuals, you did not leave us without instruction.
And you did tell us, these are the pillars that
I want you to build. And Lord, help us build
them. And we consecrate our homes, our children
to you, Lord. And we ask you that you will encounter
them in their journey so that they will come
to know you, love you, serve you with their lives
in any area of career that you are calling them
to pursue. Their giftedness comes from you. And
we believe that you will guide them, that you
will provide for them, that they will be okay
because they are in your hands. So Lord, thank
you for your word. Empower us in this calling.
We pray in the powerful name of Jesus. Amen.
Thank you for tuning in to the ECB Sermon Podcast.
Whether near or far, If you are looking for community
or are in need of prayer, we welcome you to engage
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And remember to join us next week. God bless
you.