WEBVTT 00:00:09.480 --> 00:00:14.320 Welcome to ECB's weekly sermon podcast. ECB is 00:00:14.320 --> 00:00:16.600 an international church in Bangkok, Thailand, 00:00:16.780 --> 00:00:19.820 with dozens of nationalities worshiping together. 00:00:20.160 --> 00:00:23.000 We invite you to connect with us from wherever 00:00:23.000 --> 00:00:27.219 you are through our website, ecb .asia, or our 00:00:27.219 --> 00:00:31.079 mobile app. And now we pray that you are blessed 00:00:31.079 --> 00:00:36.780 by this week's sermon. Grace and peace. I journey 00:00:36.780 --> 00:00:39.289 through the book of Colossians. What we have 00:00:39.289 --> 00:00:42.070 discovered in this study is that God wants us 00:00:42.070 --> 00:00:45.850 to experience His grace and His peace as we follow 00:00:45.850 --> 00:00:50.369 Him. And that grace and peace has to be experienced 00:00:50.369 --> 00:00:53.310 personally, internally, and flowing through our 00:00:53.310 --> 00:00:56.429 lives. And the study that we will focus on today 00:00:56.429 --> 00:01:01.590 will be peace in the context of our homes. But 00:01:01.590 --> 00:01:04.849 before we start and get to that place, let's 00:01:04.849 --> 00:01:13.480 pray. Lord, your word is always powerful, relevant, 00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:16.879 and we are opening it today with so much excitement 00:01:16.879 --> 00:01:22.079 and anticipation. Use it to speak to our hearts, 00:01:22.219 --> 00:01:27.480 to ignite within us a desire to follow you and 00:01:27.480 --> 00:01:34.340 to obey you. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Peace 00:01:34.340 --> 00:01:37.659 at home is the session for today in the book 00:01:37.659 --> 00:01:41.280 of Colossians. Is your home a place of peace? 00:01:43.099 --> 00:01:46.319 What the Apostle Paul has told us so far is that 00:01:46.319 --> 00:01:49.819 grace and peace has to first be experienced internally. 00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:52.879 You have to be rooted in Christ. You have to 00:01:52.879 --> 00:01:56.870 understand that Jesus is God. God, your creator, 00:01:57.310 --> 00:02:00.709 he redeemed you. When he died for you, he paid 00:02:00.709 --> 00:02:04.269 for all of your sins. You have no fear anymore 00:02:04.269 --> 00:02:07.549 of rejection. You have been 100 % reconciled 00:02:07.549 --> 00:02:10.389 with God because of what Jesus has done. So you 00:02:10.389 --> 00:02:14.889 can just rest in his peace. Just be rooted in 00:02:14.889 --> 00:02:20.449 Christ. But... That grace and that peace that 00:02:20.449 --> 00:02:23.069 you experience in your life is meant to flow 00:02:23.069 --> 00:02:25.210 through you because grace does not stop with 00:02:25.210 --> 00:02:28.009 you, it flows through you. And what we learned 00:02:28.009 --> 00:02:31.349 last week is that grace is flowing through us 00:02:31.349 --> 00:02:33.969 into our relationships. Where we see people, 00:02:34.069 --> 00:02:37.550 their faults and their needs, changes. And now 00:02:37.550 --> 00:02:41.409 we let the grace of God flow through us and meet 00:02:41.409 --> 00:02:49.229 us in that space of relationships. to grace and 00:02:49.229 --> 00:02:53.270 peace flowing from us into our home life. And 00:02:53.270 --> 00:02:56.349 that's why I asked you at the beginning, is your 00:02:56.349 --> 00:03:00.330 home a place of peace? In fact, if I were to 00:03:00.330 --> 00:03:03.689 ask you, what would be one word that would describe 00:03:03.689 --> 00:03:07.689 your home life growing up? Oh, that's when we 00:03:07.689 --> 00:03:10.110 start realizing whether your home was a place 00:03:10.110 --> 00:03:14.590 of peace or not. When we ask Nelson that question, 00:03:15.480 --> 00:03:19.020 Nelson says, no, my home was just a place of 00:03:19.020 --> 00:03:23.319 fights. I remember my father worked for the Air 00:03:23.319 --> 00:03:26.419 Force, so he would be traveling lots of the time. 00:03:26.460 --> 00:03:29.240 He was pretty much absent. But as a man working 00:03:29.240 --> 00:03:32.080 for the military, he was a womanizer. So anytime 00:03:32.080 --> 00:03:35.120 he came home, there was fights at home. And he 00:03:35.120 --> 00:03:39.500 remembers seeing some plates flying, some dishes 00:03:39.500 --> 00:03:43.780 flying while his parents were fighting all the 00:03:43.780 --> 00:03:48.500 time. Alcoholism got involved. Mom would get 00:03:48.500 --> 00:03:52.860 drunk at some moments to try to deal with her 00:03:52.860 --> 00:03:56.560 pain of the adulteries. And that is where he 00:03:56.560 --> 00:04:00.560 grew up until he came to know Christ when he 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:05.620 was a teenager, age 14. The truth is that for 00:04:05.620 --> 00:04:09.539 many of us, our upbringing was not marked by 00:04:09.539 --> 00:04:14.050 a home that was a place of peace. And yet now 00:04:14.050 --> 00:04:17.689 we are following Jesus, and now we are called 00:04:17.689 --> 00:04:21.069 to let God's grace flow through us into our own 00:04:21.069 --> 00:04:25.850 homes. And now we are building our homes, but 00:04:25.850 --> 00:04:28.870 is our home a place of peace? Or are we repeating 00:04:28.870 --> 00:04:31.269 the same things that we saw in our upbringing? 00:04:32.810 --> 00:04:35.790 What the Apostle Paul will do in this section 00:04:35.790 --> 00:04:38.350 is that he's going to be very precise addressing 00:04:38.350 --> 00:04:43.730 the Christians in Colossae who were mainly Gentiles. 00:04:44.009 --> 00:04:48.170 And he is going to help them understand that 00:04:48.170 --> 00:04:51.529 following Jesus brings with it a whole different 00:04:51.529 --> 00:04:56.360 mindset about our home life. To understand what 00:04:56.360 --> 00:04:58.660 he's addressing, we need to look at the background 00:04:58.660 --> 00:05:02.079 of the cultural context that has shaped the way 00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:04.939 they thought of family life. And this is where 00:05:04.939 --> 00:05:07.639 you realize that these Christians of the first 00:05:07.639 --> 00:05:12.319 century in this small city in the nation today 00:05:12.319 --> 00:05:16.100 called Turkey, that little place called Colossae 00:05:16.100 --> 00:05:20.620 was a place where these Christians were shaped 00:05:20.620 --> 00:05:24.339 by the Greco -Roman culture. Before they came 00:05:24.339 --> 00:05:27.160 to know Christ, their families were functioning 00:05:27.160 --> 00:05:30.620 already in light of the culture they came from. 00:05:32.019 --> 00:05:36.079 And one of the dominant mindsets about family 00:05:36.079 --> 00:05:40.319 life, what was called paterfamilias. And the 00:05:40.319 --> 00:05:45.680 goal of this family unit was conceived as a microcosm 00:05:45.680 --> 00:05:49.180 of the state. And the primary words that would 00:05:49.180 --> 00:05:52.519 describe this kind of mindset was fear. power, 00:05:52.660 --> 00:05:57.439 and control. In fact, we have some historical 00:05:57.439 --> 00:06:00.899 documents by either historians or philosophers 00:06:00.899 --> 00:06:05.399 from all that era of the Roman Empire, early 00:06:05.399 --> 00:06:08.199 Roman Empire and later Roman Empire, that shed 00:06:08.199 --> 00:06:10.759 light into our understanding of how they thought 00:06:10.759 --> 00:06:12.839 of family. And let me take you through some of 00:06:12.839 --> 00:06:15.959 them. Now, just to be clear, in case you're new 00:06:15.959 --> 00:06:18.339 to church and Christianity and all of that stuff, 00:06:18.540 --> 00:06:21.949 what I'm reading is not the Bible. These are 00:06:21.949 --> 00:06:25.449 just quotations from historical books that help 00:06:25.449 --> 00:06:28.410 us understand the Greco -Roman mindset about 00:06:28.410 --> 00:06:33.889 family. Listen to this one from Aristotle. The 00:06:33.889 --> 00:06:36.410 first and smallest parts of a household are, 00:06:36.470 --> 00:06:40.990 first, master and slave, husband and wife, father 00:06:40.990 --> 00:06:44.529 and children, for the male is by nature fitter 00:06:44.529 --> 00:06:48.519 for command. Then the female, just as the elder 00:06:48.519 --> 00:06:51.139 and full grown, is over the younger and immature. 00:06:51.579 --> 00:06:54.399 You notice I highlighted certain words here because 00:06:54.399 --> 00:06:57.040 they start giving us the flavor. The husband 00:06:57.040 --> 00:07:02.019 was the master and was conceived as a person 00:07:02.019 --> 00:07:06.939 to exercise command. Then you have another writing 00:07:06.939 --> 00:07:10.800 from Philip of Alexandria. A woman is best when 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:14.019 she is most obedient to her husband. Her life 00:07:14.019 --> 00:07:16.439 and behavior are regulated by the will of her 00:07:16.439 --> 00:07:21.000 husband. She had to be regulated by the husband. 00:07:22.000 --> 00:07:26.560 Therefore, her will is seen as something that 00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:30.300 needs to be subdued. She has to obey the husband 00:07:30.300 --> 00:07:35.500 because he is the master. Look at Plutarch. A 00:07:35.500 --> 00:07:39.379 wife ought not to make friends of her own. but 00:07:39.379 --> 00:07:42.060 to enjoy her husband's friends in common with 00:07:42.060 --> 00:07:44.899 him. The gods are the first and most important 00:07:44.899 --> 00:07:47.560 friends. Therefore, a wife ought to worship and 00:07:47.560 --> 00:07:51.660 know only the gods her husband believes in. So 00:07:51.660 --> 00:07:55.100 the wife could not have agency. She could not 00:07:55.100 --> 00:07:57.279 have friendships. She could not have convictions, 00:07:57.459 --> 00:08:00.279 spiritual convictions of her own. She had to 00:08:00.279 --> 00:08:02.519 be completely in her personhood, be absorbed 00:08:02.519 --> 00:08:06.740 into the personhood of the husband. And look 00:08:06.740 --> 00:08:10.639 at this one from Gaius. Our children, whom we 00:08:10.639 --> 00:08:13.699 have begotten in lawful marriage, are in our 00:08:13.699 --> 00:08:17.939 power. This power is peculiar to Roman citizens, 00:08:18.079 --> 00:08:21.319 for there are hardly any other men who have such 00:08:21.319 --> 00:08:25.139 power over their children as we have over ours. 00:08:26.300 --> 00:08:29.339 The relationship with our children was about 00:08:29.339 --> 00:08:34.299 power. And in their context, Our children were 00:08:34.299 --> 00:08:38.299 considered our property. They were not just begotten, 00:08:38.340 --> 00:08:41.639 we would say, we created them. And they are our 00:08:41.639 --> 00:08:45.580 own. To the point that in the earlier Roman history 00:08:45.580 --> 00:08:49.500 of the empire, a father had the authority to 00:08:49.500 --> 00:08:55.039 even kill the children if he saw fit. Complete 00:08:55.039 --> 00:08:59.659 power over the children. Not authority, but power. 00:09:00.750 --> 00:09:05.990 So you can start seeing that the mindset of the 00:09:05.990 --> 00:09:09.970 Greco -Roman household influenced by this cultural 00:09:09.970 --> 00:09:13.490 context. If you were to ask who is the center 00:09:13.490 --> 00:09:15.929 of this home, the answer was the husband. He's 00:09:15.929 --> 00:09:20.909 the master of this place. And what is the motive 00:09:20.909 --> 00:09:25.169 of this home? Well, our motive is civic order 00:09:25.169 --> 00:09:31.600 through power and submission. Make sure that 00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:34.899 the wife is behaving and the children are obeying. 00:09:35.059 --> 00:09:36.940 And he's going to do everything in his power 00:09:36.940 --> 00:09:40.299 to make sure that they're subdued. And then what 00:09:40.299 --> 00:09:42.879 is the pursuit of this family then? We want to 00:09:42.879 --> 00:09:45.519 preserve our reputation. And we want to maintain 00:09:45.519 --> 00:09:48.960 order. Because the order in the family is considered 00:09:48.960 --> 00:09:51.940 the foundation of the civic order in the Roman 00:09:51.940 --> 00:09:54.480 Empire. That's why the family was considered 00:09:54.480 --> 00:10:01.549 a microcosm of the Roman state. is how the Christians 00:10:01.549 --> 00:10:06.509 in Colossae would have thought of family life. 00:10:08.750 --> 00:10:11.830 Now, we come from lots of different cultures, 00:10:11.909 --> 00:10:16.029 and depending on the country you came from, the 00:10:16.029 --> 00:10:20.049 upbringing you have, you were also shaped by 00:10:20.049 --> 00:10:23.210 that cultural understanding of what family life 00:10:23.210 --> 00:10:25.970 was like, of what were the roles in that family. 00:10:27.210 --> 00:10:30.210 And that's why when the apostle Paul writes to 00:10:30.210 --> 00:10:34.429 these Christians in Colossae, he has to tell 00:10:34.429 --> 00:10:36.809 them, look, if you're going to experience God's 00:10:36.809 --> 00:10:38.990 grace and his peace flowing through you into 00:10:38.990 --> 00:10:42.509 your family life, and if your home will be a 00:10:42.509 --> 00:10:46.490 home of peace, you will have to start shifting 00:10:46.490 --> 00:10:51.269 the way you've been taught. To think about family. 00:10:51.450 --> 00:10:53.990 And you will have to start thinking about your 00:10:53.990 --> 00:10:57.750 family life. From the perspective of Jesus. If 00:10:57.750 --> 00:11:01.629 you are following Jesus. You will have to now 00:11:01.629 --> 00:11:04.090 learn Jesus. Shape the way you think of your 00:11:04.090 --> 00:11:08.269 home. And now that's why the Apostle Paul will 00:11:08.269 --> 00:11:11.350 write this. And now we open the book of Colossians 00:11:11.350 --> 00:11:20.059 chapter 3. And see what he says. Guys. If you 00:11:20.059 --> 00:11:22.860 are following Jesus, if you want to have his 00:11:22.860 --> 00:11:27.360 grace and peace shape your life, this is what 00:11:27.360 --> 00:11:30.539 you need to do. Let the message about Christ 00:11:30.539 --> 00:11:38.120 in all its richness fill your lives. Don't compartmentalize 00:11:38.120 --> 00:11:40.700 your religious life on Sundays and your private 00:11:40.700 --> 00:11:46.509 life the rest of the week. No. The word of Christ 00:11:46.509 --> 00:11:50.769 in all of his richness fill your lives. Teach, 00:11:50.929 --> 00:11:54.350 counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. 00:11:55.049 --> 00:11:58.529 Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to 00:11:58.529 --> 00:12:02.370 God with thankful hearts. May God be the center 00:12:02.370 --> 00:12:04.970 of your life and your conversations and your 00:12:04.970 --> 00:12:09.659 interactions. And whatever you do or say, Do 00:12:09.659 --> 00:12:12.700 it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving 00:12:12.700 --> 00:12:17.279 thanks through him to God the Father. Let this 00:12:17.279 --> 00:12:21.759 role of following Jesus and being an outflow 00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:26.019 of his grace and his peace permeate every aspect 00:12:26.019 --> 00:12:28.940 of your life, whatever you do or say. Remember, 00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:35.649 you are representing who? Jesus. Therefore, Wives, 00:12:35.690 --> 00:12:38.710 submit to your husband as is fitting for those 00:12:38.710 --> 00:12:43.389 who belong to the Lord. You are going to submit 00:12:43.389 --> 00:12:48.190 to your husband as an act of obedience to Jesus. 00:12:49.789 --> 00:12:53.470 Husbands, you need to love your wives and never 00:12:53.470 --> 00:12:58.809 treat them harshly. Loving, we learned last week. 00:12:59.049 --> 00:13:02.210 There are many words in Greek and the word that 00:13:02.210 --> 00:13:06.279 is here is agape. The word for love. That means 00:13:06.279 --> 00:13:09.639 loving sacrificially. Regardless whether the 00:13:09.639 --> 00:13:13.220 person deserves it or not. You are going to be 00:13:13.220 --> 00:13:17.559 an outflow of God's grace. Because God loves 00:13:17.559 --> 00:13:20.279 that person unconditionally. And so will you. 00:13:20.440 --> 00:13:24.799 So husband. You are going to love your wife sacrificially 00:13:24.799 --> 00:13:27.360 with the same unconditional love that God has 00:13:27.360 --> 00:13:29.899 given you. And you are not going to treat your 00:13:29.899 --> 00:13:34.500 wife harshly as the master exercising power over 00:13:34.500 --> 00:13:40.039 the weaker person. No. Children, always obey 00:13:40.039 --> 00:13:44.539 your parents for this pleases the Lord. You're 00:13:44.539 --> 00:13:46.720 going to obey them not because you're afraid 00:13:46.720 --> 00:13:49.419 of them. You're going to obey them not because 00:13:49.419 --> 00:13:52.539 this is good for you and it's convenient. You're 00:13:52.539 --> 00:13:56.519 going to obey them because Jesus wants you to 00:13:56.519 --> 00:13:59.179 obey them. He calls you to honor your parents. 00:13:59.240 --> 00:14:01.980 So you're going to do this out of your allegiance 00:14:01.980 --> 00:14:08.559 to Jesus. And parents, fathers, do not aggravate 00:14:08.559 --> 00:14:11.320 your children or they will become discouraged. 00:14:13.320 --> 00:14:17.860 Do not treat them so harshly that now you're 00:14:17.860 --> 00:14:20.500 exercising power over them and treating them 00:14:20.500 --> 00:14:24.639 as if they were your property. No. Because that 00:14:24.639 --> 00:14:28.740 will make them feel discouraged. Instead, you 00:14:28.740 --> 00:14:32.360 will have to learn to love them with the same 00:14:32.360 --> 00:14:37.840 love that Jesus has for you. And that's all he 00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:40.740 writes to them. Interestingly, if you look at 00:14:40.740 --> 00:14:45.330 the map, The city of Colossae was right there, 00:14:45.350 --> 00:14:50.070 very close to another Gentile city called Ephesus. 00:14:50.370 --> 00:14:53.169 You can see them in the map, very close to each 00:14:53.169 --> 00:14:55.610 other. And the Apostle Paul also wrote another 00:14:55.610 --> 00:14:59.429 letter to the people in Ephesus. And this was 00:14:59.429 --> 00:15:01.549 also one of the letters he wrote from prison. 00:15:01.889 --> 00:15:04.970 And interestingly, he tells them something very 00:15:04.970 --> 00:15:08.250 similar. Look at what he told the church next 00:15:08.250 --> 00:15:11.820 door. He told them, wives, submit yourselves 00:15:11.820 --> 00:15:16.240 to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For 00:15:16.240 --> 00:15:19.720 the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ 00:15:19.720 --> 00:15:22.539 is the head of the church, his body of which 00:15:22.539 --> 00:15:27.419 he is the Savior. The husband is not the master 00:15:27.419 --> 00:15:31.779 over this home and exercises power. No, he is 00:15:31.779 --> 00:15:35.139 the head of this family, the person who is ultimately 00:15:35.139 --> 00:15:39.240 responsible for the health of this home. And 00:15:39.240 --> 00:15:42.299 because he is ultimately responsible, then you, 00:15:42.340 --> 00:15:48.340 wife, need to respect that role and submit to 00:15:48.340 --> 00:15:54.129 his headship. And you do this. out of your respect 00:15:54.129 --> 00:15:58.389 for the Lord. Husband, you need to love your 00:15:58.389 --> 00:16:01.230 wife just as Christ loved the church and gave 00:16:01.230 --> 00:16:05.789 himself up for her. Jesus was willing to die 00:16:05.789 --> 00:16:09.730 for the church to bring that salvation. That's 00:16:09.730 --> 00:16:12.330 the love of Jesus. So you, husband, you need 00:16:12.330 --> 00:16:14.730 to love your wife to the point that you are willing 00:16:14.730 --> 00:16:20.429 to die for her well -being. You love her sacrificially. 00:16:21.580 --> 00:16:24.440 And he says at the end of this entire section, 00:16:24.779 --> 00:16:28.600 each of you also must love his wife as he loves 00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:31.559 himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 00:16:31.899 --> 00:16:35.799 That's the summary. Husband, love your wife sacrificially 00:16:35.799 --> 00:16:39.100 as you will love your own body and your own needs. 00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:43.460 Treat her the same. And wife, just respect your 00:16:43.460 --> 00:16:48.200 husband. Simple. And he summarizes all of that. 00:16:49.129 --> 00:16:52.149 From that angle. To both churches. Telling them 00:16:52.149 --> 00:16:55.649 the same thing. Now you can understand. That 00:16:55.649 --> 00:16:59.929 for this Christian. In the church of the Colossians. 00:16:59.990 --> 00:17:03.490 When he is reading these things. It's like what? 00:17:04.109 --> 00:17:08.410 What are you talking about? Me loving? Me being 00:17:08.410 --> 00:17:13.329 a head? I'm a master. I have power. I have legal 00:17:13.329 --> 00:17:18.579 power. Over my wife. She has no legal voice. 00:17:19.500 --> 00:17:23.180 I am her representative in the eyes of the law, 00:17:23.299 --> 00:17:26.140 and my children are my property. What are you 00:17:26.140 --> 00:17:30.380 talking about? My role as a husband, as the master 00:17:30.380 --> 00:17:33.380 and the owner of power here, is to make sure 00:17:33.380 --> 00:17:36.279 that I subdue them so I can govern them well, 00:17:36.420 --> 00:17:41.500 because that's how we govern this empire. And 00:17:41.500 --> 00:17:45.380 now you are telling me... Something about loving, 00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:47.660 like Jesus loved. We don't talk about loving 00:17:47.660 --> 00:17:51.259 our home. We talk about power and submission. 00:17:51.759 --> 00:17:58.779 Yeah. But love? So suddenly, what the Apostle 00:17:58.779 --> 00:18:02.940 Paul is writing to them is completely redefining 00:18:02.940 --> 00:18:08.279 their perspective and understanding of what life 00:18:08.279 --> 00:18:12.299 in home was supposed to be. And unless they understood, 00:18:13.329 --> 00:18:16.670 God's design for the home, then that home will 00:18:16.670 --> 00:18:19.970 never be a place of peace. Because it will be 00:18:19.970 --> 00:18:24.529 a place of fear, power, and control. And in fear, 00:18:24.650 --> 00:18:27.789 power, and control, there's no grace, there's 00:18:27.789 --> 00:18:33.349 no love, there's no peace. So if you and I want 00:18:33.349 --> 00:18:36.980 to make our homes a place of peace, And experience 00:18:36.980 --> 00:18:40.539 peace in that realm, we have to first start by 00:18:40.539 --> 00:18:43.319 understanding God's design. And the way he does 00:18:43.319 --> 00:18:46.359 it is very simple. He says, look Colossians, 00:18:46.500 --> 00:18:49.460 fathers, husbands, you think that you are the 00:18:49.460 --> 00:18:51.539 master of that home? That you are at the center? 00:18:51.660 --> 00:18:56.380 Let me tell you, you are wrong. The Lord of your 00:18:56.380 --> 00:19:02.240 home has a name and his name is Jesus. Jesus 00:19:02.240 --> 00:19:06.930 is the Lord of your home. And because Jesus is 00:19:06.930 --> 00:19:09.750 the Lord of your home, everything that you do 00:19:09.750 --> 00:19:12.329 as a husband, everything that you do as a wife, 00:19:12.549 --> 00:19:15.809 everything that you do as a child, you are ultimately 00:19:15.809 --> 00:19:20.930 accountable to Jesus. So the way you treat your 00:19:20.930 --> 00:19:25.769 wife, accountable to Jesus. The way the wife 00:19:25.769 --> 00:19:28.849 treats the husband, accountable to Jesus. The 00:19:28.849 --> 00:19:31.109 way I treat my children, accountable to Jesus. 00:19:32.559 --> 00:19:37.019 Jesus is the Lord of your home if Jesus is your 00:19:37.019 --> 00:19:42.420 Savior. Secondly, because you are in Christ and 00:19:42.420 --> 00:19:45.480 you have been 100 % reconciled and redeemed, 00:19:45.559 --> 00:19:50.640 now both you, husband and wife, are equally valuable 00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:54.859 before God's eyes. One of you is not superior 00:19:54.859 --> 00:19:59.789 to the other. One of you is not inferior to the 00:19:59.789 --> 00:20:03.349 other. You are both equal partners in the gospel. 00:20:03.890 --> 00:20:07.710 And you are both called to serve Lord Jesus. 00:20:08.849 --> 00:20:12.769 But when I was single, I was not a husband. So 00:20:12.769 --> 00:20:14.690 I didn't have to worry about understanding my 00:20:14.690 --> 00:20:18.109 role as a husband. When my wife was single, she 00:20:18.109 --> 00:20:20.509 was not a wife. She didn't have to worry about 00:20:20.509 --> 00:20:22.690 understanding her role and functions as a wife. 00:20:23.829 --> 00:20:27.789 But the day that both of you decided to enter 00:20:27.789 --> 00:20:31.890 this covenant of marriage, now you who are called 00:20:31.890 --> 00:20:36.609 to serve the gospel as equal partners for Christ 00:20:36.609 --> 00:20:41.349 have now acquired two different roles. And Pablo, 00:20:41.430 --> 00:20:44.269 you as the husband of this household, you have 00:20:44.269 --> 00:20:48.750 the role of being ultimately responsible for 00:20:48.750 --> 00:20:52.869 the health of this home. And therefore, I'm going 00:20:52.869 --> 00:20:55.210 to call you and that role of being ultimately 00:20:55.210 --> 00:20:59.789 responsible, the head. So if something goes wrong 00:20:59.789 --> 00:21:03.329 in this family, you are the one that I'm going 00:21:03.329 --> 00:21:07.210 to sit down to talk to. What did you do about 00:21:07.210 --> 00:21:12.630 it? How did you react? Did you pursue me in all 00:21:12.630 --> 00:21:14.670 of the things that you were doing at your home? 00:21:16.049 --> 00:21:20.640 And wife, because you are serving me, and I have 00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:22.660 asked your husband to be ultimately responsible 00:21:22.660 --> 00:21:27.059 for this household, I need you to not be controlling 00:21:27.059 --> 00:21:30.339 and start treating him as you are in charge, 00:21:30.539 --> 00:21:33.059 and you are ultimately responsible, first of 00:21:33.059 --> 00:21:35.799 all, because that is not going to bring peace 00:21:35.799 --> 00:21:39.880 to you. You are going to be frustrated. So no, 00:21:39.960 --> 00:21:43.039 learn to treat him as the one who is ultimately 00:21:43.039 --> 00:21:46.519 responsible, and the way you will do this is 00:21:46.519 --> 00:21:50.049 by respecting him. Because the moment he feels 00:21:50.049 --> 00:21:55.089 disrespected, peace goes out of the window. And 00:21:55.089 --> 00:21:58.289 the moment he starts treating you harshly, peace 00:21:58.289 --> 00:22:02.589 goes out of the window. So now you both are serving 00:22:02.589 --> 00:22:06.690 me, but now you have different roles. So do this 00:22:06.690 --> 00:22:09.529 out of reverence for me, because I am the Lord 00:22:09.529 --> 00:22:14.440 of this house. And I gave you children. And if 00:22:14.440 --> 00:22:17.299 I entrust you with their lives, you have to understand 00:22:17.299 --> 00:22:21.680 that these children are my gift to you. They're 00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:24.700 not an annoyance, an obstacle for your career 00:22:24.700 --> 00:22:31.259 goals. No. They are your first ministry. Because 00:22:31.259 --> 00:22:34.660 these children. I'm entrusting to you. So that 00:22:34.660 --> 00:22:37.160 you can teach them my way. So they will grow 00:22:37.160 --> 00:22:40.039 to know me. And to love me. And to serve me. 00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:43.299 I created them. I have plans for them. I will 00:22:43.299 --> 00:22:48.599 take care of their future. But you. You are going 00:22:48.599 --> 00:22:53.559 to work together. To show my love. And my grace. 00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:55.940 Through you into their lives. So they will come 00:22:55.940 --> 00:22:59.539 to know me. And love me. And serve me. So children. 00:23:00.330 --> 00:23:03.869 Because I am the Lord of this household. You 00:23:03.869 --> 00:23:06.369 have to understand that treating your parents 00:23:06.369 --> 00:23:08.849 with honor and with respect is not about your 00:23:08.849 --> 00:23:12.130 parents. It's about honoring me. Because that 00:23:12.130 --> 00:23:15.329 is what I am calling you to do. Honor your father 00:23:15.329 --> 00:23:17.789 and your mother. That is the first command with 00:23:17.789 --> 00:23:23.450 a promise. This is my design for the family. 00:23:24.650 --> 00:23:28.349 And once you understand it. And once you practice 00:23:28.349 --> 00:23:33.289 it, then you will start experiencing a very different 00:23:33.289 --> 00:23:37.990 kind of peace in your home. And your home will 00:23:37.990 --> 00:23:46.089 truly become a place of peace. Wow. It's like 00:23:46.089 --> 00:23:51.710 you're talking a whole different language. That 00:23:51.710 --> 00:23:55.130 has nothing to do with what we Colossians... 00:23:55.529 --> 00:23:59.490 knew about family. It's like I have to learn 00:23:59.490 --> 00:24:02.329 a whole new way of thinking on my role, the way 00:24:02.329 --> 00:24:06.829 I treat my wife, my children. Wow. Right, because 00:24:06.829 --> 00:24:11.849 before, it was a whole different structure. Who 00:24:11.849 --> 00:24:17.089 is the center of this Christian household? Well, 00:24:17.109 --> 00:24:21.210 Jesus. And what is the motive of this household? 00:24:21.410 --> 00:24:24.859 Well, we're here to love Jesus. And what are 00:24:24.859 --> 00:24:28.299 we pursuing as a family? Well, to serve God. 00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:34.099 So the household of those who are following Jesus 00:24:34.099 --> 00:24:38.059 was meant to be not a microcosm of the state, 00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:44.720 but a microcosm of the kingdom of light. A microcosm 00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:49.359 of the kingdom of Jesus. Where those of us responsible 00:24:49.359 --> 00:24:52.039 for this household are loving Jesus, following 00:24:52.039 --> 00:24:56.779 Jesus, honoring Jesus. And everything permeates 00:24:56.779 --> 00:25:03.220 from there down. Once you see the contrast between 00:25:03.220 --> 00:25:07.140 the two, it was at the core, completely different. 00:25:07.740 --> 00:25:13.069 And the reason why this matters so much. It's 00:25:13.069 --> 00:25:16.029 because, well, nowadays you fast forward 2 ,000 00:25:16.029 --> 00:25:18.009 years since this letter to the Colossians was 00:25:18.009 --> 00:25:23.569 written. And now we understand so much more about 00:25:23.569 --> 00:25:26.690 psychology, about psychiatry, about the way the 00:25:26.690 --> 00:25:30.509 brain works, about emotional systems that we 00:25:30.509 --> 00:25:34.190 create, about trauma. And the gospel has the 00:25:34.190 --> 00:25:38.410 power to meet us there and bring healing into 00:25:38.410 --> 00:25:43.500 the deepest parts of our being. And the problem 00:25:43.500 --> 00:25:47.519 is that if I grow up or I create a household 00:25:47.519 --> 00:25:52.420 that is not after the model of Jesus, it's going 00:25:52.420 --> 00:25:56.519 to be dysfunctional. So think about a home where 00:25:56.519 --> 00:26:00.099 the father is abusive, where the father is aggressive, 00:26:00.539 --> 00:26:05.160 where the father is controlling. That does describe 00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:08.720 your home? Well, you can tell that was not a 00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:14.230 place of peace, was it? Where the wife is controlling. 00:26:14.730 --> 00:26:17.450 Where she disrespects the husband all the time. 00:26:17.549 --> 00:26:22.109 And the husband becomes numb and absent and quiet 00:26:22.109 --> 00:26:25.849 and disengaged. Does that describe your home? 00:26:26.910 --> 00:26:30.930 That's not a place of peace, is it? Imagine a 00:26:30.930 --> 00:26:35.430 home where the children are treated harshly all 00:26:35.430 --> 00:26:38.230 the time. Where they are never told that they 00:26:38.230 --> 00:26:40.309 are loved. They are never told that they are 00:26:40.309 --> 00:26:44.420 a gift from God. Children that they survived 00:26:44.420 --> 00:26:50.240 abortion attempts. Children that were abandoned 00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:53.960 by their parents. Or children that had a home 00:26:53.960 --> 00:26:56.240 where the parents were completely disengaged 00:26:56.240 --> 00:27:01.900 emotionally. Does that describe your home? Well, 00:27:01.920 --> 00:27:06.440 that was not a place of peace, was it? Any change 00:27:06.440 --> 00:27:09.640 that you do to the Jesus model of the household 00:27:09.640 --> 00:27:13.480 will create... one type of dysfunction or another. 00:27:14.779 --> 00:27:18.180 And any household that was shaped by dysfunction 00:27:18.180 --> 00:27:22.640 will start shaping dysfunction and trauma in 00:27:22.640 --> 00:27:25.740 us. And these words that you see on the screen 00:27:25.740 --> 00:27:30.940 summarize many of the wounds and the emotional 00:27:30.940 --> 00:27:35.319 paths that we have created as a result of growing 00:27:35.319 --> 00:27:39.670 in dysfunctional homes. Suffering from low self 00:27:39.670 --> 00:27:45.170 -worth, having poor boundaries, having fear of 00:27:45.170 --> 00:27:49.250 intimacy, having issues with mistrust, identity 00:27:49.250 --> 00:27:53.849 confusion, chronic anxiety, a sense of helplessness, 00:27:54.150 --> 00:27:57.890 low self -confidence, hyper -vigilance, suppressed 00:27:57.890 --> 00:28:02.730 voice, fear, insecure attachment, emotional numbness, 00:28:02.890 --> 00:28:07.829 anger, aggression, self -blame, shame. Avoidance. 00:28:08.009 --> 00:28:14.029 All of these behaviors are rooted to traumas 00:28:14.029 --> 00:28:17.369 that we experience in an upbringing of a home 00:28:17.369 --> 00:28:25.670 where Jesus was not the Lord. And if this describes 00:28:25.670 --> 00:28:30.309 you, now you have to understand why the Apostle 00:28:30.309 --> 00:28:35.329 Paul says, Christians, if you're going to follow 00:28:35.329 --> 00:28:39.720 Jesus, You need to experience his peace in your 00:28:39.720 --> 00:28:45.019 home. And until you start exercising grace in 00:28:45.019 --> 00:28:47.700 your homes, and until you make me Lord of your 00:28:47.700 --> 00:28:51.059 homes, peace will not follow. And instead of 00:28:51.059 --> 00:28:55.660 peace, you will experience these things. So reading 00:28:55.660 --> 00:28:59.519 this section makes me ask very important questions, 00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:04.460 almost like diagnostic questions for my own life. 00:29:05.710 --> 00:29:09.250 And my own effort in building our home in that 00:29:09.250 --> 00:29:12.670 direction. Now you have to understand that building 00:29:12.670 --> 00:29:16.289 a home where Jesus is Lord. It's almost like 00:29:16.289 --> 00:29:20.829 trying to stay healthy as you are aging. Been 00:29:20.829 --> 00:29:24.529 there? I'm just starting my journey in that place. 00:29:24.789 --> 00:29:28.789 I think it starts after you turn 50. But it's 00:29:28.789 --> 00:29:31.890 like very intentional. You have to stay healthy. 00:29:32.430 --> 00:29:34.769 And you're always achieving but never arriving. 00:29:37.480 --> 00:29:40.160 And building a home where Jesus is Lord is like 00:29:40.160 --> 00:29:43.880 that. It's very intentional. You're always achieving 00:29:43.880 --> 00:29:48.200 but never arriving. Never lower your guards. 00:29:49.059 --> 00:29:51.920 First question. Who is the center of your home? 00:29:54.960 --> 00:30:03.440 You? Your children? Your in -laws? Or Jesus? 00:30:08.359 --> 00:30:10.880 See, Nelson came to know Jesus when he was 14. 00:30:13.579 --> 00:30:16.960 So all of his life, he did not know what it was 00:30:16.960 --> 00:30:21.019 like to have a home where Jesus was the Lord. 00:30:22.819 --> 00:30:26.519 What was the center of his home was emotions 00:30:26.519 --> 00:30:29.839 and feelings from a failed marriage that was 00:30:29.839 --> 00:30:32.579 going all over the place. That was at the center. 00:30:34.640 --> 00:30:37.799 So when... He came to know the Lord and then 00:30:37.799 --> 00:30:42.059 he got married when he was 19. To his 21 year 00:30:42.059 --> 00:30:47.519 old wife. Yes, they were crazy. Super early as 00:30:47.519 --> 00:30:49.380 they started their family. And Nelson says, you 00:30:49.380 --> 00:30:54.680 know, I did not know what I was doing. I had 00:30:54.680 --> 00:30:57.960 never seen a home where Jesus was Lord. But I 00:30:57.960 --> 00:31:01.220 was so desperately needed Jesus to be Lord of 00:31:01.220 --> 00:31:04.240 our home. So when we got married. One of the 00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:07.420 first things I pray, I say, Jesus, I do not know 00:31:07.420 --> 00:31:10.599 how to do this, but I'm inviting you into my 00:31:10.599 --> 00:31:16.259 home because I do not know how to do it. Be the 00:31:16.259 --> 00:31:22.099 center of this family. And sometimes some of 00:31:22.099 --> 00:31:26.099 the most powerful prayers are the ones that are 00:31:26.099 --> 00:31:30.410 the least eloquent. It's just... This despair 00:31:30.410 --> 00:31:33.650 of recognition. I have no idea how to be the 00:31:33.650 --> 00:31:37.569 head of this household. I do not know how to 00:31:37.569 --> 00:31:42.269 love sacrificially. I do not know what it's like 00:31:42.269 --> 00:31:45.109 to be told you are loved. So I do not know what 00:31:45.109 --> 00:31:47.269 it's like to tell my children that I love them. 00:31:47.829 --> 00:31:51.789 I have no idea. But I'm inviting you, Jesus, 00:31:51.930 --> 00:31:59.920 to be the Lord of this home. Who is the center? 00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:03.380 The second question is, what is your motive? 00:32:03.880 --> 00:32:07.880 Are you doing this because you are loving God? 00:32:08.119 --> 00:32:10.480 And therefore in this household we do what we 00:32:10.480 --> 00:32:14.119 do because in this household we love God? Or 00:32:14.119 --> 00:32:17.839 our motive is to make sure that we grow older 00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:20.480 with more money. And therefore everything we 00:32:20.480 --> 00:32:23.640 do is just to make sure that these children are 00:32:23.640 --> 00:32:27.589 successful in school. elementary and then high 00:32:27.589 --> 00:32:29.630 school and then college and get a good career 00:32:29.630 --> 00:32:33.210 so they can get a good check when they start 00:32:33.210 --> 00:32:39.230 working is that the motive or is the motive that 00:32:39.230 --> 00:32:42.609 no i want my children to become successful and 00:32:42.609 --> 00:32:44.890 that they are there because they are my security 00:32:44.890 --> 00:32:48.589 blanket as we call it because when i grow older 00:32:48.589 --> 00:32:51.130 they are the ones that are going to take care 00:32:51.130 --> 00:32:56.710 of me so are you Leading your home for selfish 00:32:56.710 --> 00:32:59.970 motives? For your own love rather than the love 00:32:59.970 --> 00:33:06.349 of God? The third question. Does your spouse 00:33:06.349 --> 00:33:15.170 feel loved? I remember that when I was in my 00:33:15.170 --> 00:33:19.670 first year of marriage. We both loved Jesus. 00:33:20.359 --> 00:33:23.880 We both believed in Jesus. We both were studying 00:33:23.880 --> 00:33:27.920 in seminary our master's degrees so that we could 00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:31.039 serve Jesus in ministry. That was a household 00:33:31.039 --> 00:33:34.339 in which we got married and we invited Jesus 00:33:34.339 --> 00:33:37.519 to be the center when we started at the beginning 00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:42.299 of our marriage. But one day, my wife showed 00:33:42.299 --> 00:33:45.900 me these pants that she got very good deal, discounted. 00:33:47.000 --> 00:33:49.880 And then she was so excited because they fit 00:33:49.880 --> 00:33:53.460 so well. And this was like a great pair of pants. 00:33:54.119 --> 00:33:57.059 And she was working full time at that time when 00:33:57.059 --> 00:34:00.000 we were going to seminary. And one day I thought, 00:34:00.019 --> 00:34:02.420 you know what, I'm going to help her. You know, 00:34:02.440 --> 00:34:04.119 she's very busy, so I'm going to do laundry. 00:34:04.460 --> 00:34:06.859 So I took the laundry, I did the laundry, put 00:34:06.859 --> 00:34:08.920 the stuff in the washing machine, then the dryer 00:34:08.920 --> 00:34:11.480 machine, then I got everything. And I was so 00:34:11.480 --> 00:34:19.199 loving. Until she came home and started looking 00:34:19.199 --> 00:34:21.219 at the clothes and she tried to put her pants 00:34:21.219 --> 00:34:23.440 on that they would no longer fit because they 00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:28.800 shrunk. And at that moment, she let me know that 00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:31.699 she was not happy with my decision of not reading 00:34:31.699 --> 00:34:35.400 like any normal person would do. The description 00:34:35.400 --> 00:34:38.619 in the pants that says, do not put in the dryer. 00:34:40.260 --> 00:34:43.340 And she took those pants and she stood in front 00:34:43.340 --> 00:34:49.119 of me and she said, You shrunk my pants. And 00:34:49.119 --> 00:34:52.699 at that moment, I got so upset that I stopped 00:34:52.699 --> 00:34:59.380 talking to her for about three days. There's 00:34:59.380 --> 00:35:05.300 a video that is in right now media that is called 00:35:05.300 --> 00:35:08.719 The Crazy Cycle. And one of the things that the 00:35:08.719 --> 00:35:10.679 pastor says, you know, one of the things we discover 00:35:10.679 --> 00:35:15.179 in marriage is that when we enter in conflict, 00:35:17.260 --> 00:35:20.480 When the husband feels disrespected, he reacts 00:35:20.480 --> 00:35:23.500 in ways that are harsh and make the wife feel 00:35:23.500 --> 00:35:29.739 unloved. And when the wife feels unloved, she 00:35:29.739 --> 00:35:32.559 reacts in ways that are disrespectful and they 00:35:32.559 --> 00:35:35.980 make the husband feel disrespected. And when 00:35:35.980 --> 00:35:40.579 the husband feels disrespected, he starts reacting 00:35:40.579 --> 00:35:44.000 in ways that are harsh and make her feel unloved. 00:35:44.139 --> 00:35:47.469 And when she feels unloved, She reacts in ways 00:35:47.469 --> 00:35:49.550 that are disrespectful, and I can go on forever. 00:35:50.409 --> 00:35:54.130 That's why it's called the crazy cycle. And that's 00:35:54.130 --> 00:35:57.349 one of the things that we learn in that first 00:35:57.349 --> 00:36:00.690 year of marriage. That if even saying Jesus is 00:36:00.690 --> 00:36:02.829 the center of our home, we had a Christian wedding, 00:36:03.030 --> 00:36:06.710 we love God, we are here to serve Him, that doesn't 00:36:06.710 --> 00:36:10.469 mean that we know how to love each other. And 00:36:10.469 --> 00:36:13.630 I can be a harsh husband, and she can be a disrespectful 00:36:13.630 --> 00:36:20.139 wife. We all have that potential within us. That's 00:36:20.139 --> 00:36:24.820 why what Paul says is like, husbands, don't be 00:36:24.820 --> 00:36:27.440 harsh with them. Wives, don't be disrespectful 00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:31.099 with them. That is not how you're going to experience 00:36:31.099 --> 00:36:34.800 peace. And thankfully, when Jesus is the center 00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:38.639 and the Holy Spirit starts convicting you, you 00:36:38.639 --> 00:36:41.860 come together and you apologize. And you say, 00:36:41.880 --> 00:36:44.150 what I did was wrong. I should not have treated 00:36:44.150 --> 00:36:46.789 you that way. Please forgive me. This is not 00:36:46.789 --> 00:36:49.710 honoring to God. And at the end, we pray together. 00:36:50.090 --> 00:36:53.150 And we acknowledge before God that we have failed 00:36:53.150 --> 00:36:56.289 at doing the things according to his design. 00:36:56.750 --> 00:36:59.190 And we rest in his grace and his forgiveness 00:36:59.190 --> 00:37:05.570 so that his peace can flow into our home. Does 00:37:05.570 --> 00:37:09.909 your spouse feel loved? That's perhaps a question 00:37:09.909 --> 00:37:13.019 that you have to ask your spouse. Do your children 00:37:13.019 --> 00:37:17.579 feel loved? That's another important question. 00:37:18.739 --> 00:37:21.739 Because even though we love our children, we 00:37:21.739 --> 00:37:26.840 can be harsh with them. And yeah, every time 00:37:26.840 --> 00:37:29.460 that we had a new child that we welcomed into 00:37:29.460 --> 00:37:32.380 our home, we were thankful to God and we had 00:37:32.380 --> 00:37:34.980 a dedication service and we dedicated those children 00:37:34.980 --> 00:37:38.139 to God. And our children are a gift from the 00:37:38.139 --> 00:37:41.199 Lord. And we tell them all the time that we love 00:37:41.199 --> 00:37:45.840 them. We want them to know that they are not 00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:48.460 an inconvenience into our lives or a disruption. 00:37:48.579 --> 00:37:51.920 They're a gift from God. But even though that 00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:54.840 is true, there are moments in which I have lost 00:37:54.840 --> 00:37:58.400 my temper. I have gotten frustrated. I want to 00:37:58.400 --> 00:38:00.260 remember that in our home in Dallas one day, 00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:04.179 I got so upset I was in the bathroom while one 00:38:04.179 --> 00:38:07.599 of my sons was taking a shower. And he had a 00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:11.789 sassy attitude. And I got so upset and I don't 00:38:11.789 --> 00:38:14.010 know what it is about my emotional makeup that 00:38:14.010 --> 00:38:18.070 whenever I feel angry, I just feel it here. It's 00:38:18.070 --> 00:38:20.789 like I want to, oh, I just want to hit something. 00:38:20.949 --> 00:38:22.610 You know, it's like that's where the energy comes 00:38:22.610 --> 00:38:26.369 out from. So maybe you're like that too. It's 00:38:26.369 --> 00:38:29.409 like other people want to just yell or whatnot. 00:38:29.429 --> 00:38:34.670 Not me. I'm very cool. But that's where. And 00:38:34.670 --> 00:38:38.369 I remember that day I went like this on the wall, 00:38:38.530 --> 00:38:44.809 and I made a hole in the wall. And we were like 00:38:44.809 --> 00:38:48.429 all shocked. And thankfully it was behind where 00:38:48.429 --> 00:38:52.630 the towel, where we were hanging the towels. 00:38:52.670 --> 00:38:57.949 It was like, put the towel back there. Until 00:38:57.949 --> 00:39:05.659 we got it fixed. But even something like so simple 00:39:05.659 --> 00:39:10.099 can mark your child. And your child can feel 00:39:10.099 --> 00:39:15.059 now intimidated rather than respected and inspired 00:39:15.059 --> 00:39:23.820 and loved. Do your children feel loved? Do your 00:39:23.820 --> 00:39:29.960 parents feel loved? Because you may be a grown 00:39:29.960 --> 00:39:33.480 -up child now, but you're still, The child of 00:39:33.480 --> 00:39:36.900 your parents. And God says in my design you are 00:39:36.900 --> 00:39:39.820 called to honor your parents. Not because they 00:39:39.820 --> 00:39:42.719 are good parents. But because without them you 00:39:42.719 --> 00:39:47.400 wouldn't exist. You owe your very existence to 00:39:47.400 --> 00:39:50.599 that mother and to that father. And therefore 00:39:50.599 --> 00:39:55.139 you have to treat them with honor. And if they 00:39:55.139 --> 00:39:57.980 were bad parents you would have to let my grace 00:39:57.980 --> 00:40:03.530 flow. Through you so that you will let me love 00:40:03.530 --> 00:40:07.349 them through you. With my love flowing through 00:40:07.349 --> 00:40:14.969 you. Do your parents feel loved? And finally, 00:40:14.989 --> 00:40:19.750 have you forgiven your family? Because all of 00:40:19.750 --> 00:40:22.130 these dysfunctions that we have discovered are 00:40:22.130 --> 00:40:26.269 rooted in growing up in a household where Jesus 00:40:26.269 --> 00:40:31.460 was not the Lord and peace was not present. All 00:40:31.460 --> 00:40:35.639 of these behaviors are connected to some of the 00:40:35.639 --> 00:40:38.980 roots of bitterness that these things create. 00:40:40.199 --> 00:40:42.440 And that's why in Colossians, in the previous 00:40:42.440 --> 00:40:45.500 verses, the Apostle Paul said you need to forgive. 00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:52.579 But in Hebrews, it talks about this very specifically. 00:40:52.579 --> 00:40:56.800 And I would like to add to this study almost 00:40:56.800 --> 00:41:00.960 like an appendix. Based on what I have learned 00:41:00.960 --> 00:41:03.780 in working with followers of Jesus in the privacy 00:41:03.780 --> 00:41:10.119 of the counseling office, if you are marked by 00:41:10.119 --> 00:41:13.159 a family in your upbringing that was not a place 00:41:13.159 --> 00:41:18.019 of peace, where Jesus was not Lord, if you carry 00:41:18.019 --> 00:41:21.539 any woundedness from there, this is for you. 00:41:23.260 --> 00:41:26.380 Would you read this aloud with me? A couple of 00:41:26.380 --> 00:41:30.780 verses. Make every effort to live in peace with 00:41:30.780 --> 00:41:34.679 everyone and to be holy. Without holiness, no 00:41:34.679 --> 00:41:39.039 one will see the Lord. See to it that no one 00:41:39.039 --> 00:41:42.760 fails short of the grace of God and that no bitter 00:41:42.760 --> 00:41:46.599 root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 00:41:47.679 --> 00:41:52.639 Make every effort to live in what? Peace with 00:41:52.639 --> 00:41:58.320 whom? Everyone. Be holy. A line to God's design. 00:41:58.699 --> 00:42:02.579 And therefore, do not miss the grace of God as 00:42:02.579 --> 00:42:05.500 a channel. Do not choose to say, no, God, I don't 00:42:05.500 --> 00:42:08.119 want your grace to flow through me. No, don't 00:42:08.119 --> 00:42:10.719 miss God's grace. Let that grace flow through 00:42:10.719 --> 00:42:15.340 you. Do not choose to let bitterness take over. 00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:18.780 Because bitterness will cause trouble and defile 00:42:18.780 --> 00:42:21.880 many. And this is how that works. Let me show 00:42:21.880 --> 00:42:28.280 you as a graphic these things. When you feel 00:42:28.280 --> 00:42:34.599 hurt, you are going to react one of two ways. 00:42:35.289 --> 00:42:37.710 The most common way which is being addressed 00:42:37.710 --> 00:42:41.130 here is that you are going to feel hurt and you're 00:42:41.130 --> 00:42:42.929 going to have bitterness and you're going to 00:42:42.929 --> 00:42:45.190 become reactive and you're going to give them 00:42:45.190 --> 00:42:47.789 what they deserve. And what they deserve is that 00:42:47.789 --> 00:42:50.050 you stop talking to them for three days. What 00:42:50.050 --> 00:42:52.030 they deserve is that you throw your pants in 00:42:52.030 --> 00:42:53.949 front of them. What they deserve is that you 00:42:53.949 --> 00:42:56.510 yell at them and make a hole in the wall. That's 00:42:56.510 --> 00:43:00.170 what they deserve. Whenever you feel hurt, you're 00:43:00.170 --> 00:43:03.510 going to react in ways that are not God's peace. 00:43:04.489 --> 00:43:08.690 And that, in turn, is going to create turmoil 00:43:08.690 --> 00:43:10.929 within you and it's going to come out. It's going 00:43:10.929 --> 00:43:13.210 to contaminate your relationships. And that, 00:43:13.269 --> 00:43:16.769 as a result, is going to get you stuck into all 00:43:16.769 --> 00:43:20.329 these emotions that are within you. Anger, rage, 00:43:20.690 --> 00:43:23.909 brawling, slander, malice, all of these things 00:43:23.909 --> 00:43:29.030 now are within you. And now you compromise because 00:43:29.030 --> 00:43:31.130 you are under spiritual oppression. You have 00:43:31.130 --> 00:43:34.349 given the devil a foothold. And this is the path 00:43:34.349 --> 00:43:37.590 of bitterness. The path of grace, when you are 00:43:37.590 --> 00:43:39.289 a channel of God's grace, is very different. 00:43:40.449 --> 00:43:43.889 Grace is proactive and gives people what they 00:43:43.889 --> 00:43:48.110 need. And what they need is not that I stop talking 00:43:48.110 --> 00:43:51.070 to them. What they need is that I engage and 00:43:51.070 --> 00:43:54.050 that I listen and that I apologize. That is what 00:43:54.050 --> 00:43:59.929 they need. Giving people what they need, regardless 00:43:59.929 --> 00:44:03.610 of what they deserve, can only be done when we 00:44:03.610 --> 00:44:07.349 are loving sacrificially. And that is being aligned 00:44:07.349 --> 00:44:13.409 with the Holy Spirit. Therefore, if I have been 00:44:13.409 --> 00:44:17.590 hurt in any way by my upbringing, and I'm suffering 00:44:17.590 --> 00:44:20.090 from any of these unhealthy emotions that are 00:44:20.090 --> 00:44:24.579 controlling me, That is a sign that these roots 00:44:24.579 --> 00:44:26.599 of bitterness need to come out. And the only 00:44:26.599 --> 00:44:31.059 way that they come out is by me forgiving. And 00:44:31.059 --> 00:44:35.460 forgiving is not saying, oh, everything is fine, 00:44:35.519 --> 00:44:39.480 Lord. I forgive him now. It's okay. No. Forgiveness 00:44:39.480 --> 00:44:42.900 is coming face to face with your pain, with your 00:44:42.900 --> 00:44:47.219 anger. It's allowing yourself to enter that space 00:44:47.219 --> 00:44:51.650 you are trying to avoid. And you tell God, God, 00:44:51.750 --> 00:44:58.070 I hate my father for what he did to me. Why would 00:44:58.070 --> 00:45:03.190 he speak to me that way? If he really loved me, 00:45:03.210 --> 00:45:07.590 he would have never said that. Ah, now you're 00:45:07.590 --> 00:45:09.829 taking business. Now you're becoming vulnerable 00:45:09.829 --> 00:45:13.469 with the Lord. But after you get in touch with 00:45:13.469 --> 00:45:17.849 that anger before the Lord, now you're able to 00:45:17.849 --> 00:45:21.039 get it all out. Spit it out. Vomit it out. Say 00:45:21.039 --> 00:45:24.059 it exactly as it is. While you are feeling. While 00:45:24.059 --> 00:45:27.559 you are thinking. Let it out. If you need to 00:45:27.559 --> 00:45:31.059 hit the pillow. Hit the pillow. Just don't make 00:45:31.059 --> 00:45:33.739 a hole in the wall. Because you will have to 00:45:33.739 --> 00:45:37.300 pay for the repair. Tell the Lord everything 00:45:37.300 --> 00:45:40.559 that you are feeling. But after you have come 00:45:40.559 --> 00:45:44.400 face to face with your anger. And with your resentfulness. 00:45:44.860 --> 00:45:48.599 And with every hurt that you have. Now you can 00:45:48.599 --> 00:45:52.000 tell the Lord, but Lord, I'm giving you this 00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:55.039 pain. I don't want this bitterness in my life. 00:45:55.199 --> 00:46:01.960 I forgive it in the name of Jesus. Take it. That 00:46:01.960 --> 00:46:06.880 is what forgiveness looks like. It's not avoiding 00:46:06.880 --> 00:46:09.139 your anger. It's not numbing it. It's coming 00:46:09.139 --> 00:46:12.300 face to face with it and letting it out of your 00:46:12.300 --> 00:46:15.400 system in God's presence because he's the only 00:46:15.400 --> 00:46:17.559 one that heals the brokenhearted and bandages 00:46:17.559 --> 00:46:21.039 their wounds. So if you have found yourself stuck 00:46:21.039 --> 00:46:24.300 on the bottom of this graphic, the only way that 00:46:24.300 --> 00:46:26.519 you will align yourself with God's grace and 00:46:26.519 --> 00:46:31.079 restore peace in your home is by entering into 00:46:31.079 --> 00:46:35.119 the path of forgiveness. That is how that works. 00:46:35.900 --> 00:46:41.300 Let me give you a couple of resources. If you 00:46:41.300 --> 00:46:44.219 want to learn more about things you are facing 00:46:44.219 --> 00:46:46.460 in your family, there is a ministry called Focus 00:46:46.460 --> 00:46:49.519 on the Family. They have a website, focusonthefamily 00:46:49.519 --> 00:46:51.980 .com. They have a YouTube channel, Focus on the 00:46:51.980 --> 00:46:56.380 Family. Excellent source for Christian resources 00:46:56.380 --> 00:46:58.719 to help in your marriage and your parenting. 00:46:59.440 --> 00:47:01.539 Everything about family you will find there. 00:47:01.980 --> 00:47:04.989 Secondly, In Right Now Media, as I mentioned 00:47:04.989 --> 00:47:07.969 earlier, as a church, we sponsor a free account 00:47:07.969 --> 00:47:10.329 for anyone here. If you don't have your Right 00:47:10.329 --> 00:47:13.090 Now Media account, it's like a Netflix account, 00:47:13.409 --> 00:47:16.769 but with Christian studies, movies, documentaries. 00:47:18.110 --> 00:47:20.969 And within that, there's a crazy cycle. So if 00:47:20.969 --> 00:47:24.010 you are in a marriage, go there, check the crazy 00:47:24.010 --> 00:47:27.230 cycle. It's a short couple of sessions. It will 00:47:27.230 --> 00:47:30.309 tell you how to break the cycle of reacting harshly 00:47:30.309 --> 00:47:34.630 and reacting disrespectfully. Fascinating, simple, 00:47:34.849 --> 00:47:41.670 yet very relevant. Thirdly, just in a few weeks 00:47:41.670 --> 00:47:45.369 from now, August 23rd, we will begin the new 00:47:45.369 --> 00:47:48.909 season of the marriage course. The marriage course 00:47:48.909 --> 00:47:51.789 meets on Saturdays here. We provide a nice dinner. 00:47:51.869 --> 00:47:54.909 It's video -based. Time for you to spend time 00:47:54.909 --> 00:47:57.769 with your spouse in reflecting about your marriage 00:47:57.769 --> 00:48:01.849 and growing in your relationship. We will open 00:48:01.849 --> 00:48:06.480 registration. In the upcoming days. But these 00:48:06.480 --> 00:48:09.000 things get filled quickly. So remember this is 00:48:09.000 --> 00:48:11.860 coming soon. And I want you to be aware of it. 00:48:13.760 --> 00:48:16.940 So after giving you those resources. Let me conclude 00:48:16.940 --> 00:48:22.340 this study by simply saying this. First. Why 00:48:22.340 --> 00:48:25.219 don't you take time to invite Jesus. To be the 00:48:25.219 --> 00:48:29.199 center of your home. If you have never done so. 00:48:30.599 --> 00:48:32.599 She said, yeah, Pastor Paolo, but my spouse is 00:48:32.599 --> 00:48:35.260 not a believer. So Jesus cannot be the center 00:48:35.260 --> 00:48:37.900 of our home. Well, Jesus is the center of your 00:48:37.900 --> 00:48:41.659 life. And Paul told the Corinthians, if you are 00:48:41.659 --> 00:48:43.940 married to an unbeliever, you are God's presence 00:48:43.940 --> 00:48:48.679 in that home. And God has the power to use you, 00:48:48.780 --> 00:48:51.500 his presence in that home, to bring salvation 00:48:51.500 --> 00:48:57.300 eventually. So invite Jesus to be the center 00:48:57.300 --> 00:49:02.389 of your home. And I'm so thankful that even though 00:49:02.389 --> 00:49:05.389 Nelson grew up in a home where there was fights 00:49:05.389 --> 00:49:10.389 and adultery and all these things, as a 19 -year 00:49:10.389 --> 00:49:13.869 -old, he prayed, God, I do not know how to do 00:49:13.869 --> 00:49:16.670 this, but be the center of this home, because 00:49:16.670 --> 00:49:20.530 that was my home. And Nelson was my father, is 00:49:20.530 --> 00:49:26.329 my father. God can redeem any story, and he can 00:49:26.329 --> 00:49:29.329 use you. to bring transformation in your home 00:49:29.329 --> 00:49:32.329 in ways that you do not imagine. Would you invite 00:49:32.329 --> 00:49:36.590 Jesus today to be the center of your home? And 00:49:36.590 --> 00:49:41.210 secondly, would you invite God to encounter you 00:49:41.210 --> 00:49:44.849 in your bitterness and enter into that space 00:49:44.849 --> 00:49:48.429 of forgiving your family, forgiving your parents, 00:49:48.809 --> 00:49:51.789 forgiving your in -laws, forgiving your siblings, 00:49:52.130 --> 00:49:57.409 anyone that has hurt you in your home? Would 00:49:57.409 --> 00:50:00.230 you bring it to the cross and let the grace of 00:50:00.230 --> 00:50:05.210 God flow through you? That is what the Apostle 00:50:05.210 --> 00:50:08.630 Paul wants us to experience, his grace and his 00:50:08.630 --> 00:50:12.550 peace in our homes. So I do not know you, but 00:50:12.550 --> 00:50:16.369 I'm done with making holes in the wall. I'm done 00:50:16.369 --> 00:50:21.550 with doing the cold treatment. I'm done being 00:50:21.550 --> 00:50:25.849 the Lord of my home. I need Jesus to be the Lord 00:50:25.849 --> 00:50:32.030 of my home. Is he? Father, you have the power 00:50:32.030 --> 00:50:34.750 to transform not only our lives, but to redeem 00:50:34.750 --> 00:50:39.369 our homes. And we intercede for our homes. We 00:50:39.369 --> 00:50:45.170 intercede for our marriages, for our parents, 00:50:45.329 --> 00:50:50.050 for our children. Teach us what it's like to 00:50:50.050 --> 00:50:54.449 be a home of peace. So that in this place, you 00:50:54.449 --> 00:50:58.579 indeed are the center. In the powerful name of 00:50:58.579 --> 00:51:24.889 Jesus, we pray. Amen. If God is calling you to 00:51:24.889 --> 00:51:27.409 support our ministries, you will find giving 00:51:27.409 --> 00:51:31.230 options on our website. And remember to join 00:51:31.230 --> 00:51:33.289 us next week. God bless you.