Hey, this is Charles, Game Master for the Roll
Bravely podcast. I just wanted to say that we've
been having a blast putting this game on for
those of you listening, and we appreciate the
downloads and the engagement we've been able
to curate and enjoy for the past several months.
But as we continue to get into our adventure,
our hope has always been to build a community
of like -minded gamers interested in the narrative
arts and the mysteries that tabletop role -playing
games provide us with. This podcast takes a lot
of time. and no small amount of effort, despite
what it might sometimes sound like. And it's
really a labor of love on all of our behalves.
That said, engagement matters. So if you are
listening to this and you are so inclined, we
kindly ask that you please leave us a rating,
write a review if you have the time, and give
the show a follow. And because we don't want
to come to the audience empty -handed, we are
running the first competition in the history
of the pod. We have been intentionally vague
and cagey about the tattoo being designed by
Taz for his good friend Amaris, but we would
love to see what the deranged minds of our audience
might envision. So submit your designs for Taz's
tattoo to rollbravelyatgmail .com. That's R -O
-L -L -B -R -A -V -E -L -Y at gmail .com. And
whichever one impresses us or makes us laugh
the hardest, That's going to be the cover art
for episode 14, releasing on or around the 20th
of October. So make it weird. Make it wacky.
Make it something you'd be proud of to have be
a permanent piece of the history of the Roll
Bravely podcast. And, well, if you're not interested
in any of the above, that's all right. Please
join us as we roll bravely on. Thanks, everybody.
Hello and welcome to Roll Bravely, a live play
Pathfinder 2nd edition tabletop roleplaying game
podcast. Where five friends bravely roll dice,
battle imaginary monsters, and solve pretend
problems. I am your Game Master Charles Reno.
Before we get started, let's introduce the table.
Hello, my name is Kenny. I play a ranger named
Amaris. He is a tiefling. I'm Zach. I play a
fucking guy, liberator, named Taldir, who is
essentially an Asimar, but technically a devil.
Hi, my name's Sammy. I am Taz. He's an alchemist.
Or as Charles would say, alchemist. It's just...
You know, because he does all the chemistry.
It's just wrong. It's wrong. Tomato, potato,
it's fine. Hi, my name is Mishai. I play Wesley
Nixon, an elf damn fear investigator, who on
the way back last week from the bomb that went
off, the mass murder to the inn, I bought a pair
of lace gloves. Yet another costume change mid
-scene. Love it. When we last left off, the party
had engaged in, I think we covered it, mass murder
of several dwarves outside of the Ember headquarters,
creating a distraction which allowed them to
escape following their heist of information regarding
mining site 616. Bad dwarves, to be clear. They
were not good dwarves. Yeah, pretty greedy corporate
dwarves. That's why they deserve death. We are
for the people. You were able to escape whereupon
Wesley apparently purchased silk gloves. Lace.
Lace, sorry. Wait, the whole glove is made of
lace? Yeah, they're really frilly. I'm turning
into a full vampire. Nice. With the ruffle blouse
and the lace gloves. Bolo tie. It's like a very
Anne Rand vampire. I like it. Anne Rand or Anne
Rice? Nope, Anne Rand. Anne Rand is the ridiculous
political writer. Anne Rice writes the vampire
books. Yeah, that was Atlas Shrugged, right?
Isn't it like Aryan? Yeah. Is it Anne or something
else? It's Anne. I think it's Ayn Rand. There
we go. It's like, I've always heard it pronounced
Anne, but it is spelled like A -Y -N, so it wouldn't
surprise me if it's different. Oh. I think it,
isn't it? Whatever, who cares? She's terrible.
Stephanie Meyer? Is that what you were going
to say? You said she's terrible. I just assumed
you were talking about Twilight, Arthur. No.
I would rather have a conversation with 40 Stephanie
Meyers than one, however you pronounce her bullshit
name, Rand. Not to get sidetracked, but Atlas
Shrugged is just unreadable. Has anybody actually
tried to get into that book? No. I don't even
know what it's about. It's just 900 pages of
conservative jacking off. It's honestly awful.
You were able to escape. Escape. Escape. Escape.
That's funny. It's spelled like escape. It's
not going to be a thing. You were able to escape
back into the relative safety of the blushing
goldfinch. where you were staying under the care
of one Miss Um. You were approached by Jerry
Barnborn, who had perhaps some important information
to share with you. However, he was scuttled away
and shuttered inside one of the rooms, locked
in by Taz, who I believe tied the doors together
so that he could not escape. Hopefully there's
nobody in the other room that's tight. We'll
find out later. Didn't we say the doors open
the opposite? No, we said it'd be funny if they
did. We made it work. Apparently the key to being
good at pretend games is not getting too mired
in how doors function. We're about to kick this
guy's ass because this son's a bitch and can't
handle his liquor. Yeah. Lastly, another figure
burst into the inn, walked towards the group,
and sort of told you that you would have to pay
for what you had done to the Kenwick brothers.
Particularly, I believe, his name was... He had
a name. And it was Brad. brad kenwick whose brain
was broken by one uh taz no last name does he
know it was me no i told him i was just like
we were drinking but like i wasn't threatening
i was just like yeah i drank with him yeah yeah
and then he he hit you with the uh i kill goblins
bullshit whereupon your party seemed to uh be
riled up for some reason Hell yeah. And a fight
broke out. Wesley, you were first. Your first
blow connected with him. Go ahead and give me
the damage on that. Okay, so I used strategic
strike. Yes. Devised a stratagem, then used strategic
strike. Rolled both dice. 12. Can I slap him
with my glove while I hit him with my sword?
Is that possible? Yeah, I like it. Yeah. So you
reach out to strike him with the sword. He kind
of like tries to move, but you still slice into
him and you just unload on him with your free
hand. Just the glove though. Oh, just the glove.
Like the glove is off. Yeah. Like an old Southern
gentleman. Like a duel, like I jumped onto a
duel and just smacked him. With a lace glove.
Yeah. I do declare. All right. That is one action.
I believe you still have two more. That is two
actions. What was this? Oh, drawing the sword.
Devise a strategy. Oh, well, then that's all
three actions. Devise a strategy. Oh, yeah, okay.
So that is Wesley's turn. Up next, you three
figure it out. You all have the same initiative.
Everyone's got a 21. Oh, then I'm going because
that guy was pissing me off talking about Taz.
So I'm already jumping across the table, just
fucking jumping through the air and just fucking
dagger to his chest if I can. I'm shaking this.
As that's happening, I'm shaking the shit out
of one of my little bombs, making them really
quick. Okay. Natural 20. Fuck yeah. Oh, my God.
Roll that damage. Taldeer's going to, like, not
have a turn. Don't worry. I hit him with a dagger.
I think this guy wanted, like, a fisticuffs bar
fight. And, like, instead he's getting fucking
murdered in cold blood. You see? Sorry, I forget.
So we're doing damage, double the dice? Or actually,
is that a crit? It was a 27 to hit. Natural 20s
are always crits. Well, not necessarily always,
but yeah, certainly that would be a crit. If
a natural 20 were not a crit, you'd have to be
fighting something that's level 20 when you're
level 1. It's insane. Insanely overleveled. So
technically, yeah. It's not always a crew. So
we're doing a double die, right? I just don't
want somebody to be like, idiots, you just increase
it by one success category. Rules as written,
you're supposed to roll all your dice and then
double it. Is this the old guy right here? Sorry.
Yeah, that's the old guy. But yeah, I think we've
been doing double dice, Kenny. But you also double
your bonus as well. Oh, fuck yeah. Nice. Yeah.
So while he's doing that, I want to do the whole,
like, I want to shake the bomb and then, like,
sock him with my other hand and fake him out.
Okay. All right, so that's 12 damage. Okay. And
then I'm going to ignore his other son and then
just fucking... Can I try to do, like, a push
kick off of him to try to, like, fucking handspring
back? Out of his way? Yeah, I mean, mechanically,
are you trying to do anything other than move?
No, I'm fine with the flavor. Yeah, just kind
of like fucking two feet to the chest and then
pop backwards so I'm out of reach. Yeah, sounds
good. Alright, and then I'm just going to be
back up on the table. Kind of fucking crouching,
ready to go. You did it off the guy? Yeah. Nice.
Alright. I'm shaking my bomb, like if I'm going
to throw it at him, I'll try to uppercut him
in the nuts. Okay. He gets pushed by Amaris,
and then a bomb gets thrown at him by Taz. Go
ahead and roll the hit on that. I don't throw
the bomb. I just, like, fake it and punch him
in the nuts. Oh, all right. Make an attack roll.
Yeah, so I got a 17 total to sock him in the
nuts. 17 total, and... Now, I'm totally getting
the D &D rules here, but an open fist or just
a fist attack in Pathfinder 2E still does 1d4
damage? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's go ahead
and... Yeah, 1d4 plus 3. Which is the same as
a dagger, actually. 1d4. Ooh, a three. Takes
three points of damage as you connect with like,
you know when you're a kid and your uncle who's
borderline abusive goes to flick you in the nutsack
and he just catches the left one but fully just
right on the face of it. Boom! That's like Taz's
little goblin fist just right into the left testicle.
He's old. It's hanging like eight inches lower
than the other one. It's just... Oh, shit. I'm
a speed bag in my next two attacks. Boom, boom.
Go ahead and roll it. Okay, so the next one is
15. 15? That's a miss. And then seven. Minus
one, so six. So two misses. I'm going to go ahead
and roll a... What's your strength bonus? Yeah,
zero. Bold of you to assume I have strength.
Okay, because you connected with a nut punch
and I think it's kind of fun, I'm going to roll
a flat DC 10 check to see if he becomes stunned
one from the nut. Okay, he saves. This is a man
who is used to getting punched in the testicles.
He kind of steals himself. Is that your turn?
Yes, sir. I just want to mention I've wasted
two natural 20s now on bullshit rolls. Just burning
them off. Keep it up. But I think that makes
it yours, Taldeer. Yeah, Taldeer's going to get
in the fucking middle of everyone. try to fucking
hold Amaris and Taz off and Wesley and like,
like calm down. Like, no, fuck that guy. You
can't talk to my friend like that. And then he
will fucking look at the, the, the old man and
just be like, you're done. Or like, this is over
something like that. And roll an intimidation.
Roll it. Oh, natural 18 for a 23 against his
will DC. Okay. And even if he doesn't stop, if
he failed, he would be demoralized. He does fail.
He is demoralized. He just got socked in the
nuts, too, you know? Yeah, you little baby -ass
bitch. And slapped with a glove. Yeah, he's just
looking around like, What? I didn't... God! I
was just... See, he just, like, pukes a little.
Won't beat the shit out of him so bad that he
has an old man voice now. Yeah. Damn, man, you're
tough as fuck. It was a mistake. Alright, what
else are you gonna do on your turn? Draw my hammer.
Well, I'll say I drew my hammer as I was like
moving up to aid in the intimidation and so that
I'm ready should he continue the assault. All
right. Okay. So that is your turn. It is his
turn. He. He's going to back up a step. And he's
just going to hold his hand up and say, Well,
look. Oh, God. Your voice changed, man. Damn.
He's like rubbing at the blood on his side. I,
uh, the voice actor got replaced mid -season.
I'm doing my best. I came in here for an honorable
duel, but if you won't oblige me of that, then...
Well, I don't aim to mess up Mrs. Ohm's operation
more than I have to. And you look around the
room and you see people sitting at tables. Nobody's
actually gotten up to move. Fights, fairly common
in this part of town. However, you are being
eyed and you kind of see the staff moving towards
the back. he's going to step forward again as
a second action and he's going to kind of look
at Taz and he's going to say I do apologize.
My blood may have got too heated and some old
As soon as the word apologize comes out of his
lips, Amorous just fucking totally straightens
up. Already sheathed his dagger. Looks like nothing
ever happened. I don't know what half those words
you just said meant. Well, what they mean is
I have caused you offense and you have rightfully
taken your pound of flesh from me. He accepts.
He accepts he's fine. Just leave. Just get out
of here and take your sons. And we never want
to see you again. Ambrose's feet are just dangling.
Oblige him. I take my other glove off, and I'm
just going like this. Wait, double gloving? Double
gloving, just waiting for him. Wow. And as this
kind of conversation goes on, you see Chaucer,
who has kind of been sitting back in his chair,
just kind of flipping through the papers that
you presented to him, kind of looking at the
map and everything. He looks up, and... From
kind of behind you as you hear his voice just
go, Hey, Jericho, why don't you get out of here?
We really don't need to deal with you right now.
And as he kind of like peeks around at the young
man, he's going to just turn back to each of
you and say, Well, my son's... It can be a challenge,
and I'll be on my way, but if you need work or
you're looking to find ways that you can engage
with the city as newcomers, you can always look
me up. I'm known around these parts as Jericho
Thorn. They're not actually my children. They're
just like my... My crew. I call them my boys.
Bye. They're my boys. That is very cool. Please
leave. Yeah. That is cool. I think I was going
to call you... Are you guys my boys? I'm going
to look at... I'm just going to turn my back
on him, and I'm going to look at Taldeer, Amaris,
and Wesley. Are you guys my boys? No, you're
way too young to be my... I can't be your son.
I'm a girl. I feel like I may know if I'm going
to be welcome. Yeah, if that wasn't clear, you're
not. And then he'll give Taz like a pat on the
back and be like, we can be boys. Oh, hell yeah.
And I'm gonna turn at him and be like, you're
obliged. You can leave. Bye, Jerry. You're obliged.
Oh, well, Jerry. That's a weird... Anyway, yes,
of course. I got some boys now, right? Come on,
Kenwix. Let's get out of here. And they're like,
oh, but our brother. Shut the fuck up. Got dirty
real fast. He's just kind of like holding him
by the jackets, like dragging him out towards
the front door. And as they leave, like almost
like some cheesy Star Wars scene, like the end
just goes back to life and people start eating
and drinking. Yeah, some fucking elephant starts
blowing on a weird flute. Every time you mention
Chaucer, I kept having this image in my head,
and I finally placed it. I keep thinking of fucking
Kite from Hunter x Hunter. Which one is he again?
I've seen it, but it's a super tall guy, though.
Yeah, he's super tall. He uses the big, huge
scythe. I think, as you said, scythe of the night.
And you give him a kind of effeminate voice that
makes me think he's like, this tall, skinny,
big -ass scythe. You know what? It works. What
does he wear? Yeah. He was short before, but
fuck it, new cannon. Now he's real tall. I always
pictured him short. Yeah. Now I'm tall. Now I'm
tall. He just magically grows. He's in the seat.
He just unfolds his leg, and he's like, oh. Forgot
to take these out this morning. Yeah, he just
stands up and all of a sudden he's fucking Slender
Man. He got recast mid -scene. The camera panned
away for one second. Pans back to a different
actor. Right. It started as like young Macaulay
Culkin and now it's Kevin Durant. Could it be
more different? Did we joke? Did we? tell Chaucer...
Chaucer? What's his name? Chaucer. Chaucer. Chaucer.
Do we tell Chaucer everything? Chaucer. It has
slowly become like Chaucer and then it will be
Chaucer before this adventure is done. I'm pretty
certain. We told them pretty much everything
other than... The only thing we didn't tell them
is that we have a map. with the Duncazier on
it, but I don't even know that the map of Duncazier
is, like, I don't know that it actually, like,
tells us where Duncazier is. It was, like, incomplete
or something like that. I didn't totally note
it. So he also knows that we, and I'm going to
do this, like, we, you know, blew up some stuff.
Oh, he's well aware of that, Taz. Thank you for
it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Super
aware. I feel really bad about that, though.
I thought it was going to go way different. Yeah.
Well, like you said, it was their fault. Did
you think he was going to do more damage? I mean,
I want to get my hands on that powder, because,
I mean... Oh, see, so you're mad that you blew
up the powder. You thought you were going to
be able to save some. No, no, no, I feel bad
for the screaming and all that stuff, you know?
Do you feel bad for the half -dead man that Amaris
knifed with a piece of wood? That was supposed
to happen, though, because, you know, witnesses.
It wasn't even him. It was the demon inside of
him. No evidence of that. But yeah, what does
Chowder want now? Were we waiting on something
from Chowder? What actually got interrupted?
It's been so long and I'm so tired. We haven't
gotten paid yet, I remember. Oh, yeah. Right.
So there is a matter of your compensation. Five
gold each. Fork it over. These are valuable documents.
And he's going to hand, like, open a little leather
pouch and pull out five gold pieces. He takes
the first stack and pushes it toward Wesley.
He takes the second stack, pushes it toward Taldir.
Another towards Amaris. Another towards Taz.
He reaches into his bag and he says, Michelle,
what the fuck are you eating? I can't. I have
no idea. It looks wild. I made ribs. Oh, Korean
ribs, Korean barbecue. And then go to John Udon
noodles. So good. Oh, that sounds so good, David.
So good. He's going to reach back into the purse
and pull out four more stacks of five coins and
slide them towards the others. You did good work,
and I got a lot of useful stuff here. So. So
how much was that total? Ten each. Okay, gotcha.
I'm going to grab the gold and just like, whoo!
Fucking lit. Yeah. For the listening audience,
which is everyone, Sammy looked very excited.
Yeah, dude. So, what are you going to do next?
Touch my body. Throw me on the bed. As you sing
that, Taz, like, just... rubs your arm like jerry's
upstairs uh oh shit jerry's upstairs i feel like
every episode now is just gonna begin with a
song from zach what do you mean begin we're in
the middle yeah yeah i mean we do have to deal
with fucking jerry dude Not really. I mean, we'll
just leave him there. When I started to, like,
block him in there, and I'll put air quotations,
he started, like, to, like, unbutton his shirt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't. Yeah.
Yeah. We'll deal with it. But, wait. I can't
remember. Have we rested since the heist? Or
did we talk to Chaucer, like, it's nighttime?
Because we were going to meet him at night or
something, right? Yeah, so the heist took place
very early in the morning. I could be a little
off here, but I think by the time you guys got
out, it was probably like regular mid -morning.
And then you did say you took time to heal each
other, do all of that, and kind of relax for
the afternoon until you met him at dinnertime.
So it is the evening now. But no... You haven't
officially rested. Although... Fill me in. I
tried to look a little bit, but I think in the
remaster, I'm not sure that long resting really
does anything in Pathfinder. Like, you don't
truly long rest anymore. No, I mean, you do.
You regain, like, your spell slots and shit like
that. Also, you regain, like, some amount of
HP. I think it's, like, your con modifier plus
your hit die or something like that. Right. But...
Also, it's very important in resolving conditions
like drained, which I still am. You should no
longer be stupefied, though. Stupefied is like
rounds. Yeah. It was just like, I think, 10 minutes
or something. So make sure you took that off.
Yeah, I did. I don't even know if I ever put
it on because I don't remember if I ever was.
I'm pretty sure it's like a round. Okay, yeah.
So what time is it right now? Time for you to
get a watch. I'll make one. What's a watch? Because
I'm an all chemist. Alchemist. Did they have
watches back then? The famous school of chemistry
watchmaking. Yeah, it'll be made of acid. Chronomancy.
Just got a stone on a string with, like, lines
painted on it. Yeah, I'd say it's probably about
6, 7 o 'clock at this point, early evening. Oh,
we can definitely just go and visit the governor,
right? Right, we were supposed to go talk to
her, right? No, we just talked to Chowder. Who
is the governor's right -hand man? I don't see
any reason we should talk to the governor. I
don't see any reason we should talk to the governor.
I never said right -hand. I mean... Do you want
to pay us? Do you want to pay us to tell her
what we told you? So that way you don't have
to go do it? I just paid you to tell me what
you told me. If you'd like to, you know... Continue
on the investigation without her input. I assume
that's sort of your call to make. She did ask
you to investigate the incident of the bathhouse,
which may at this point be redundant. Of course,
I am deeply interested in what you might find
in the mining site now that you have access to
its location. Yeah, we have access to the location.
Well, you found the site on a map in the Ember
office. Yeah, I mean, I'm certainly far more
interested in pursuing, like, Kilda Onyx Fist
and Ember and that whole chain of stuff because
the Violet Man. Lavender. Who? Yeah. Luis Valle
de Lavender. I'm going to shrug at Amaris when
you say who. The guy from my backstory, dude.
Oh, shit. Like a tattoo? All right. All right.
It's just got a little dancing towel deer on
it. It's like the Maui Moana. So yeah, is there
a reason to... We're young. Is there a reason
to do anything? To talk to the mayor? That is
a deeply philosophical question. I mean, if we're
not going to do anything, we don't have to talk
to her. I could start on the tattoo. Yeah, I
mean, we do have to deal with Jerry being locked
in a room. I don't think so. Is he locked in
one of our rooms? Well, yeah. Yeah, he's locked
in our room. Oh, yeah, that's... Yeah. I mean,
I couldn't just open a random person's room and
lock him in there. That'd be weird. That would
be weird. Yeah, that'd be really weird. Like
a floral coat just, like, enters the... And he's,
like, just from the doorway. Massive explosion
at the Ember facility. Dozens dead. The town
crier. A tragedy of untold scale and hopes embrace.
Yeah, she... That's the news. He just, like,
walks up. Let's go deal with this nerd. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Let's go deal with this nerd. When
we go up to the room... Oh, I thought you were
going to the governor's. No, no, no, no, no,
no, no. Yeah, we're going to Jerry. When we get
there, what's happening with the doors that are
tied? There's nothing? They're just tied. So
I'll untie them because I'm really good at tying
knots. Captain tying knots. Hey, it's a useful
skill, kid. Please tell me you were a Boy Scout.
Who put that floor there? I didn't put that floor
there. Not my problem. Mr. Walkway. Mr. Walkway.
Like, if you really know knots, you're either
a Boy Scout or a serial killer, right? Like,
there's nobody else. Nobody's like, sailor. I
go sailing. Get out of here, Connecticut. We
don't need you. Get out of here, nerd. That's
as bad as a serial killer, frankly. You grew
up with a sailboat? A sailboat. I'll untie him
and then step aside for whoever to walk in first
on whatever he's doing. I've been... cursed,
I suppose, by the GM to fucking deal with this
guy. So I will do that. Oh, I'm gonna knock first.
So, I knock. Roy! Come in! We got a stuff that
wrote back in our bag, so we can pretend that
it wasn't locked in there. Jerry! Do you have
clothes on? Right, yeah. Are you lying, Jerry?
No, I can't lie. I'm a terrible liar. Sense motive?
I think it's just perception. Yeah, roll a perception
against his... Deception DC? Yeah, Deception
DC. Hopefully it's not high. 19? 19. He is not
lying. Okay. All right. Then Taldeer will go.
He still has his bracers on. You open the door,
and across from the door is a desk centered under
the window in the small room with four beds,
laying just with his knee up in the air. penis
just hanging over the side of the desk like a
fucking summer sausage is Jerry Barnborn with,
like, a little, like, newsboy hat on his head
and just orange body hair covering him like a
fucking gorilla. Is he redhead? He is not. That's
the crazy thing. This feels like it goes against
the spirit of a perception, like, of a sense
motive, but... He raises his free hand, tips
the cap in your direction, looks at the group
behind you, and he's just like, Minaj Wasenko,
nice. And he's got a completely different voice
now. That's interesting. This is my sexy purpose.
I told you he was unbuttoning his shirt when
I locked him in here. Yeah, thanks, Taz. Jerry,
get dressed. This is not that. Oh, right. This
isn't what we're doing then. We're not. No, you
came to us. You need to tell us what you came
to us for. Right. Sorry. Just airing out the
old noodle. And he like wiggles his hips around.
Wesley's behind everyone going like this. Wesley.
You trying to zoom in? You trying to zoom in?
What's up? I'm just trying to peek in to like
see like what's going on. Yeah. I'm in fear,
but I can't stop watching. Yeah. It just rattles
around like a white freckled snake. Taldeer's
no stranger to penises. This doesn't even phase
him. He's like, right. He starts pulling out
his pants. He's like, I came to warn you. Jericho's
looking for you. Oh. Thanks, Jerry. Anything
for my buddy, Taldeer. Yep. All right. See ya.
Right. Also, I wanted to invite you to a ceremony
in the morning. Apparently, I'm receiving a Medal
of Honor for the city in honor of my heroic efforts
supporting the victims of the massive explosion,
which you may or may not have caused this morning.
Not may or may not. We didn't. Did not. We did
not cause it, Jerry. Did not. I'm going to drop
my dagger. Ding. Did. And just grab him by the
shoulders. It's okay. It's okay. We didn't do
it. There's no need for that. Did not cause it.
They asked me, were they involved? And I said,
I don't think so. I get my, win my gloves and
I smack him. He's like, wait. We weren't there.
I thought we weren't doing this. And he starts
to unbutton his shirt again. Charles is like
forcing us to be murder hobos. like he's not
giving us a lot of options he just fucking injected
this fucking random npc into the uh adventure
and then made him a problem we have to deal with
you gotta love it because two episodes ago he
was like how do i make the party not murder hobos
yeah And then he's like, oh, let me put this
random ass NPC for comedy in here. And then he's
also going to be a witness to the greatest crime
you've ever committed. And he's going to be so
dumb that he's going to talk about it. The greatest
crime you've ever committed. Nope. Right. Point
taken. I'm going to fuck off now. If you'd like
to attend my ceremony, I get a plus one. I told
them I'd invite my partner. I get a plus. Oh,
I thought you meant a plus one mechanically.
No, just to the... Yes, this is a new... He's
already a level 20. But there's... I got this
ring of plus one. Yeah, we probably won't be
there, Jerry. We've got way more important things
to do. Understood. I mean, that sounds pretty
important, though. They're honoring him. It doesn't
sound that important. He's going to take his
newsboy cap off and just put it on Talger's head
and pat him on the cheek and be like, till next
time, then. And just push past you out the door.
I hate this so much. Hey, say what you want about
him, but he knows how to exit a room, you know?
I hate that. Never to be heard of again. Yeah,
yeah. Maybe. Yeah, then we'll rest. I'm not sleeping
on that bed. I call this one. I'll jump on that
bed. That's not the one I was going for. He was
actually just naked, strewn across the desk in
the room, so all the beds are fine, but I wouldn't
write any letters. You look at the desk and you're
like, is that Dandruff? Or what does he have
that's... There's so many flakes just on everything.
It has to be ash, right? It's ash. Oh, that makes
sense. I'm definitely not using my pillow. I'm
not getting close to it. It's ash. It has to
be ash. I'll taste it. Oh, no. I'm going to get
some more. It's ash, guys. It's ash. Wesley's
like, I'm too rich for this. I found myself with
my glove. He just lets all the air through it.
All right. I'm going to go close the door, and
I'm going to set a charge against the door in
case he comes back. Okay. He better not be putting
a big one again. Better be non -lethal. So that
when the fucking bellhop comes to clean the room,
they don't kill themselves. No. Can I just start
taking it down? Yeah, you see, I'm going to go
back into the door and be like, here, I got this,
and I'm just going to put, like, I'm going to
wedge something in the door, something that will
fall and, like, kind of tink on the floor to
wake us up, to alert us. You perfectly balance
a cup on the knob. Just walk away. Full of water
so that it hits whoever opens the door. Yeah,
all right. So you guys feel free to rest and
take whatever delights you get from that. And
then... uh kind of game plan where you want to
go next how you want to approach the next portion
of the adventure how do you heal tell her you
were saying it's the constitution oh it's like
yeah everybody's full healed already but uh oh
never mind wait shit wesley can't be healed that
way right so how do we how do we heal wesley
no wesley can be healed that way I'm not using...
Not through holy means. Yeah, I'm not using magical
means to do it. Oh, so you can... Oh, okay, cool.
I remember that. Just testing you. Although that
is a good call because in the last episode that
I listened to, episode seven, I did hit Wesley
with void energy and we forgot that does not
harm her in the moment. So good to keep that
in mind. I think, actually, I think this is the
perfect amount of time to, like, I could just
give you the tattoo right now, Amherst. It's
like, what, 7 o 'clock? Yeah. Can I see the tattoo?
Yeah. And then I think the last rendition is
you should just be me, my face. It's... It looks
like... It looks like Batman. Like crooked lines,
you know? Except one ear's really, like, low.
Like a nub. Yeah. We didn't have to... This is
good. Looking at Wesley, we didn't have to do...
This is really good. I think this is the final
draft. I think this is ready to be on scale.
Yeah, we didn't make plans, so let's do it. Sweet.
He's just nodding like, whew. So as Amaris and
Taz begin the tattoo process, where's it going?
Shoulder blade? Like upper back or like... Yeah,
that's where the shoulder blade is. Okay. It's
not going to be a tramp stamp if that's what
you're trying to... I'm not an animatician or
whatever they're called. It's an animatronic.
Educated person. Yeah. Just a simple country
chicken. I only went to law school, not doctor
school. All right. Okay. Tattoo you so good,
bro. So go ahead and Taz. Let's see. Why don't
you go ahead and roll? Unless you've got a better
idea. I'm not stalling for time. I mean, I want
it to look unintentionally bad. I'm not trying,
like, you know, I'm not a tattoo artist. I mean,
it's usually a crafting trick. Yeah. I'm going
to say crafting. I'm looking at the list. That
seems right. Go ahead and roll a crafting check.
Shit. Hey, but remember to just make it, you
know, the size we talked about kind of small
because I wanted to save room for other stuff
later on down the line. I'll tattoo whatever
you want on you, dude. It's fine. You don't even
have to tell us what the number is. Just describe
how the tattoo comes out for us if you don't
mind. It looks exactly how it looks on the parchment
paper. It's like crooked lines. It kind of looks
like Batman with like sharp teeth. But like instead
of like two horns, it's like nubby for one side
because, you know, I don't have one of my ears.
And it looks like that just very large. It's
like I took up a quarter of his back. So it's
like that whole upper quadrant. The whole upper
left side is that tattoo. I rolled a 17 plus
7. It came out exactly right. What I would love
to see is if we have any artists listening. Anybody
wants to draw what they think this looks like?
I think he painted a pretty good picture with
words. I'd like to see a picture painted with
other mediums. Yeah, I think that would be great.
And you know what? Kenny will get the best one
tattooed on his shoulder. Yeah. I'd actually
be down to get that tattooed. I don't even care
if one of you guys wants to draw it. I would
actually be hella down to get that tattooed.
Not on my shoulder, obviously. On your back.
Not that big. Whole upper back. I feel like a
little two -inch version. A little two -inch
version? Michelle is ranging from a half -inch
to four -inches with her fingers. It's just...
Yeah. Yeah, okay. Oh. So how's this price? He's
got the one ring tattooed on him. We're just
going to have shitty, fucked -up Batman on us.
How's this tattoo go? What is this, the... The
stick poke tattoos? Or how you doing with the
stick? Did you make some kind of machine? Oh,
yeah. No, no. It's stick and poke. Got that classic,
like, what is it? Like the needle and hammer?
Like... That's more like me just, like, scraping.
Oh, like a blade? Like blade and ink? Yeah, yeah.
Microblading some eyebrows on me? And I'm sweating.
I am sweating. This is the most intense we've
seen Taz. So, I had a list. I don't know exactly
where it is, but because I have Le feature, I
can imbue the tattoo with a spell. Yeah, I think
there's like a list of spells that are allowed.
And they're generally not like fucking fireball.
No, because it's second level or lower. Yeah.
But it doesn't exactly say what. Just second
level or lower. Yeah, I think. And eventually
it'll go to seventh. Yeah, sticking with that
is fine, I think. Shouldn't grossly unbalance
the game. It's like one use per day, I believe,
right? I think that was right. I just give the
tattoos, man. I don't know the rules. The game's
a lot easier that way. I'll look it up in between
episodes. Yeah, we'll get it figured out. I remember
I saved the list. I can't find it. Alright. But
yeah. You're tatted now, dude. I'm in pain. Tatted
and scatted, bro. Definitely don't want the second
part of that. Especially not together. Could
you imagine? Just the hepatitis. Okay, so we
get towards the middle of the night before this
tattoo is finally completed. Is everybody? Resting,
or what are you going to do? Yeah, Taldir's already
passed out. I'm reading my book. Nice. Anything
interesting happening? Everyone's getting TB.
Everyone's getting TB. It is a Western, all right.
Yeah, I'm just trying to pretend that I'm not
in excruciating pain, and I'm going to lay down.
Single tear just running down my face constantly.
By facing the wall? You roll over and there's
just, like, a blood -soaked Batman on your sheets.
And as I'm getting ready to go to sleep, I'll
look through my bag and be like, ah, I could
have used this to, like, numb you. Damn. And
I'll put it away. Next time. I'll use it next
time. Thanks, buddy. You wouldn't have felt anything.
It's crazy. So, as the party begins to rest,
Michelle, you have that elf thing, right? You
only sleep four hours a night or whatever? That
was D &D. I don't know if the same thing happens.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I could sleep for four hours.
I just don't short heal. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I
think it's the same thing. It's like you only
meditate for four hours, but you still have to
rest for eight. Yeah, you can read books or whatever.
You can't do a whole bunch of stuff. As the others
drift off to sleep, you complete your four hours
of meditation, and you hear a tapping on the
window. Anybody who wants to can roll a perception
check as well. Do I roll a perception check?
I would say because you're awake at this point,
you don't need to. You would just hear it. But
if anybody is asleep who wants to try to hear
it, you can roll a perception check. I got a
10 on that. I'm snoring hard as fuck. I also
got a 10. Or my perception DC, essentially passive
perception, would be 15. And I am asleep, so.
The tapping continues. My fangs come out. My
eyes get all black. Is it like... Who's near
the window? Get a picture for me. So there are
kind of four beds in the room. In the middle
of the room. room to the east is the doorway
in. Across from it is the desk that sits just
below the window. I would guess that two of your
party members are in the beds to the north and
south of the window with the third one in the
bed probably directly next to the door. whichever
one you weren't occupying. They all seem kind
of sound asleep, but it is pitch black. Okay.
I have dark vision, so can I see throughout the
room? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Do I see somebody's knife
that's just hanging on their person so I can
just go over them really quickly? Because I don't
have an actual dagger, I don't believe. Yeah,
I think, I don't know who took the loot last
time, but you did pull the fulmination fang from
the dwarven armory inside Ember, so that would
be probably just loose in someone's possessions
at the moment. I also have a dagger sheath, like,
behind me, my waist above my butt, and I sleep
with my butt in the air like a kid, so there's
that, you know. What is... Go and take it out
with my teeth. The fulmination thing? Did we
ever look that up? No. Yeah. Oh, I mean, do we
know that it's the fulmination thing? Do we know
that it's magic? Do we know what it does or no?
No, we haven't. Yeah, I just gave it to you in
the moment because you're going to have plenty
of downtime to do all of that and why make people
sit around and roll Arcana checks or whatever.
Oh, what the fuck? The plus one striking gun
sword. Gun? Yeah. Plus one striking gun sword.
I should probably read the whole thing. Their
insulating properties grant their wielders some
protection against electricity. Activate lightning
rod. Trigger. You take electricity damage. Effect.
You gain resistance. 5 to the triggering damage,
and the Fulmination Fang crackles with the absorbed
energy. You can interact to change between the
Gunsword's current usage, melee to ranged, or
ranged to melee. The next melee strike you make
with the Fulmination Fang within the next minute
deals an additional 1d6 electricity damage. After
a minute, the absorbed energy dissipate. Uh,
so it's got plus 1... Yeah, so it's got a striking
rune. Huge. And a weapon potency rune. Huge.
Which can be removed from the weapon and put
on other people's weapons. But, essentially,
plus one is, you know, plus one to hit and damage.
Or, plus one to hit. Striking increases the weapon
damage dice it deals to two instead of one. So,
like, for instance, If you would roll 1d6 now,
Michelle, you would roll 2d6 for your damage.
Or, like, your longbow, Kenny, 1d8 becomes 2d8,
etc. Damn, I want that shit. Okay, well, right
now I'm using Taz's dagger because it was, like,
closer to me. His ass dagger? Got it. His ass
dagger. So I just take his ass dagger and then
walk over to the window and slowly open the...
I'm assuming there's, like, a curtain? Yeah.
Okay. I'll slowly open the curtain to see what's
out there. You pull back the curtain, and it
is a jet black crow just kind of, like, hopping
on its feet. When it sees you, it's just like,
and taps on the window again. Do I get a bad
vibe, or am I, like, easier to tell me a secret?
Roll a perception check. Secret, secret. I've
got a secret. That is a fucking sick item. It's
pretty sick, dude. Ten. Ten. You're really not
sure? I'm gonna go with it. I'll open the window
for him. Okay. You open the window. It slides
up. And as you do, the bird hops onto the windowsill,
opens its mouth, and its mouth hangs open. And
from the crow, or raven, whatever bird it is,
the voice of your mother comes forward and says,
Wesley, it's time to report in. And that is where
we will end our session this week. Please join
us next time as we roll bravely on. Good night,
everybody. Thank you, everybody. Goodbye. Good
night. Good night. Good morning. Roll Bravely
is a fan production featuring the Pathfinder
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