Hello and welcome to the Roll Bravely podcast,
a live play Pathfinder, second edition tabletop
role -playing game where five friends bravely
roll dice, battle imaginary monsters, and solve
pretend problems. I am your Game Master, Charles
Renaud. Before we get into the action, let me
introduce you to the table of wonderful players
that we have. And guys, look, we know how these
shows start. Everybody goes around the table.
They talk about their experience. They talk about
their knowledge and how long they've been in
the scene. They talk about their bona fides,
the things that make them experts. But I feel
like audiences can figure that out. They'll listen
to the show one time and they will know that
we are not them. Not who we are, right? We are
tabletop players who have some varying degrees
of experience and we've played a lot of systems,
but this is really kind of our first shot at
a full length Pathfinder campaign. We did open
just to get a basic level of familiarity with
the box set and we ran a portion of another adventure.
So the characters coming into this game will
be second level, but we are relative newbies.
And with that, I'd like to move on to introducing
the actual players themselves. The man who finally
answers the age -old question, what if Bigfoot
had sex appeal? Mr. Kenny Whittington. Hey, everybody.
That's a hell of an intro, but I'll take it.
Yeah, who are you playing? What's your class?
So I'm playing Amaris. He is a human tiefling
ranger. Nice. You know, you are one of the primary
reasons that I wanted to play Pathfinder instead
of Dean. That I wanted to fuck Bigfoot. We'll
clean that up in post. That is not an actual
fantasy of mine. Deeply rooted. fantasy uh no
it's because i was so tired of how many variations
of a rogue multi -class that i just i had to
find a game that didn't have multi -classing
i had to find something different to do it works
for me uh ranger apparently ranger is a lot better
in pathfinder so i'm down to try it uh that's
where i actually started in dnd so everybody
said it sucks i enjoyed it but let's see how
it goes in pathfinder nice nice up next uh sammy
uh salazar we've been friends for a couple years
through these through kenny and playing these
games we played off and on for what i don't know
three four years now something like that yeah
so tell everybody allegedly allegedly tell everybody
who you're playing and your class i am playing
taz who is a goblin, is a alchemist. Yeah, that's
it. Nice. Now, I know that you're part of a band,
so I don't know if you want to give them a little
plug, a little shout -out. I know all of our
mothers will probably be dying to hear them.
Yeah, shout -out to my band, Barfai Grande. If
anyone wants to listen to that, go find it. Check
it out. It's pretty cool. Up next, we have...
Michelle, we've also played in a few games together.
You played a... I think the first game I played
with you, you played a dwarf cleric who was extremely
xenophobic against goblins and loved violence.
Then we played Shadowrun. You played a dwarf
again who was... an alcoholic and looking for
a good time. And tonight you're playing a, what
are you playing tonight? I'm playing an elf damn
fear investigator. So a bloodthirsty dwarf cleric,
a alcoholic dwarf mage, and a blood thirsty vampire
character. Do you? play characters that aren't
entirely based on your own personality or i play
no no no pretty much pretty much just parts of
me nice awesome but you're a big fan of like
horror movies in that genre right like you are
you've done some acting some writing even some
directing right so yeah well in my classes but
yes i've dabbled in all of that Cool. I think
that's a good experience that you bring to the
table. It'll be fun to see how that plays out.
Oh, and my name is Wesley Nixon. I forgot to
start that off. That's my character's name. Last
but not least, Zach, you want to tell us who
you're playing and class, anything like that?
Yeah, I'm playing Taldir, who is the Tui. it
technically is a champion but it's basically
a paladin or paladin light if you will nice and
we played in some games before um as well so
everybody here is kind of familiar with each
other and i think it's gonna be great like that
said do we want to just jump right in or oh yeah
let's do this shit yeah all right Several days
ago, each member of our party joined the caravan
of one Falk Cloudfang, merchant and proprietor
of Cloudfang Consortium, a large and successful
general goods store in the city of Hopes and
Braids, a boomtown on the edge of the Almiran
Desert. For some, this is a journey home. For
others, this is the first chapter of a new adventure.
Regardless of your purpose, or reason for traveling
to the frontier of human civilization, you now
find yourself embroiled in danger much sooner
than you could have anticipated. Let's all go
ahead and roll for initiative. Uh -oh. Uh -oh.
Uh, I am ready when you are, so who wants to
be first? I'll go first. If we're just voting.
I vote against you to not go first. Oh, interesting.
I second, but which one do I second? Initiative
by Public Fiat. What you got, Jack? 19. 19 for
Taldir. Still second fiddle. 20 for Amrys. Oh,
my. Dang. 19, 20 for Amrys. 18 for Taz. 18 for
Taz. Remember where initiative is? Just give
me a second. To find it. Perception? Is that
the one? Yeah. Okay. 14 plus 7. 15, 16, 17, 18,
19, 20, 21. Making me do math. 14, obviously.
7, that's stupid. Uh. Seven times three. All
right. So, we fade back in, and when we do, we
see a bright, hot sun blazing in a cloudless,
near -white sky. We pan down to see the sandy
desert, spotted with sparse vegetation and dotted
by steeps and mesas. Steps? I think it's steps.
Yeah, it is. Steps and mesas, right? Yep. All
right. As we descend, our attention is drawn
toward three wagons racing across the desert
surface, several men on horseback chasing after
them. As we get closer, the sound of shouting
can be heard, muffled by the rhythmic beating
of horse hooves and the turning of wagon wheels.
We settle finally on the face of a thin, elderly
man, hard and sun -leathered. He shouts, and
whips the reins. We pull back slightly to see
a tall, strong -looking man in his middle years
seated beside the driver. Zach, you want to describe
Taladir for us? Yeah, he's a tall, strong -looking
man in his middle years. Nailed it. But yeah,
he's got longish hair that's kind of unkempt.
He's wearing hide armor. He has a hammer on his
belt and a shield on his back. Um, and he's wearing
like a, like a cloth cloak over that, but it's
like kind of frayed and old and like, obviously
in like, like it's old. Like it looks like a
hand -me -down at best. Um, and he's got like
scars kind of everywhere. Um, like a big scar
across his face and his eyes are, uh, uniquely
kind of golden, almost lizard -like looking.
They've got like the diamond or slit pupil, and
they're like a bright yellow. Nice. So we pull
back slightly from there to the second wagon,
which is being driven currently by a middle -aged
dwarf with just this long braided red beard.
They kind of rest on the curve of his belly.
He's similarly kind of like whipping the horses
and seated next to him is Wesley, who we've already
met. And then we pull back to the final wagon
and see two individuals seated on the box of
the wagon. The box of the wagon is the name for
the seat. I didn't know that. I had to look it
up. Box seat. Yeah, I guess so. One is a young
human male with... The hints of youth still about
him. And the other is a goblin who's, I think,
maybe roughly middle -aged. Or a goblin, anyway.
Do you want to start? Just go ahead and describe
Amaris for us. Sure. Amaris is kind of small
in stature. He's about 5 '7". About 17 years
old. Looks a little bit like Michael J. Fox.
Got a little Back to the Future vibe going on
there. Uh, he's dressed in, uh, mostly brown.
He's got, like, a tunic, uh, with a cloak. Um,
carries a bow on him. And some other things that
the cloak does a good job of hiding. Uh, he has
a very poor stubbly beard, but he's trying. Working
it out. I get that. I have a 15 -year -old son.
He's also trying. Looks like you are too. Hey,
hey. Hey. Sammy, you want to go ahead and describe
Taz for us? Yeah, so Taz is about eight years
old. Greenish. Not greenish, green skin. He has
a backpack with all kinds of trinkets, vials
that are hanging off. He has two books that are
strapped. One high to the left of his chest,
one kind of down towards, like, almost holstered.
He has a dagger on him that's made from a tooth
of some kind of animal. It has a little bit of
sap and some other, like, twine wrapped around
it as the handle. He has a mohawk that is unintentional.
The left side of his face is severely burned.
Both his ears are pointy, but his left one has
been burnt completely off to almost a nub. And
the left side of his face, from what you can
see, is pretty tight just from the severe burn.
And yeah, that's Taz. Alright, so for a podcast
that hopes to help people understand how to play
Pathfinder, we are going to start in just legitimately
the worst possible way. Because... We are starting
with a mini game of my own creation, which is
loosely based on the chase rules and the vehicle
rules found in the GM core. So if you listen
to it and you go look them up and think, wow,
they really did that wrong. Just fucking keep
to yourself because it's a different thing. Anyway,
we will start in initiative order. We do have
a map. It is a static map. So, you guys, I'll
put you over here on roll 20, which we are using
for our virtual tabletop. And really, its only
purpose is to give you guys an idea of positioning
and where things are. So, Taldir, you are up
here in the front cart. The second cart, Wesley,
you are there. And then Taz and Amaris, you are
both in the third cart. I kind of imagined that
Amaris was driving for whatever reason. I figured
Taz might be fiddling with something. I don't
know. But who... Which one of you wants to be
driving the cart current? I think it makes more
sense for Taz to drive since I've got range tech.
You good with that? Yeah, sure. I'll be... I'll
do it. Okay, so the way this game functions is
we start at the... Top of the initiative order.
Each of the players goes first. The pursuers
go at the end. They kind of work all at once
to keep it short and hopefully relatively tight.
You have a choice to make several actions, which
I've thrown in the chat for your reference. You
can either attempt to drive the cart, which will
affect your end of turn DC. You can attempt to...
board either another wagon or a horse from one
of the pursuers really anything that you choose
just let me know how you want to run it is i'd
like to be pretty open with these kind of things
you can perform the run over action which in
this instance is essentially like trying to kind
of ram one of the pursuers with your your uh
wagon you can also take control of the wagon
so if you choose to make an attack task you can
do that Uh, but then you will have to take an
action to either take control of the car or the
wagon again. Uh, Amherst will have to take control
of the wagon or it will suffer a penalty to the
end of turn check. Uh, you can also take the
attack, any attack action that is normally available
to you. You can perform at the end of the round.
We will make a check against the adjusted target
DC, which only I know. A success will result
in one point. A critical success will result
in two points. Failure in no points. And a critical
failure, well, let's just find out when it happens.
The chase will end when you either clear all
of the obstacles or all of the pursuers are either
defeated or otherwise prevented from pursuit.
Are there any questions before we get started?
Yeah, you said that the... attackers go after
is that because of the way that they rolled in
initiative or is that how that works in pathfinder
yeah that's a typical uh chase that's part of
the chase rules from pathfinder oh okay cool
yeah so typically the players act first and then
typically pathfinder anticipates that you're
chasing someone rather than them chasing you
but we're uh kind of turning it up a little bit
and now you know and now you know uh who is first
in initiative looks like wesley you are first
you're in the second cart kind of like bumping
along this like desert trail as the dwarf is
like he's just gonna like turn to you and he's
like well fucking do something uh what are you
gonna do we're this right here right correct
yeah yeah we're the I want to take charge. You're
going to take over the car. Yes, that's what
I'd like to do. All right. So you go to rip the
reins out of the hands of the dwarf. Go ahead
and make a flat check. Sorry, you can add your
nature bones to that, not a flat check. Okay,
12. 12 total. Awesome. So you are able to successfully
take control of the vehicle, and that will adjust
your DT. Yeah. All right. Next up, who do we
got? Amaris. Can I get... What do these guys
look like, or gals? Yeah, you kind of see them,
and they're just riding these, like, kind of...
dusty brown, kind of mangy looking horses. They're
covered like head to toe in like kind of a leather
armor. They've got like masks across their face.
Kind of like a desert sort of like cow covering
their head. They look like bands. Well, there
you go. That's enough for me. I will pull the
bow out of my lap and Is there one that looks
like maybe the leader? I mean, it looks like
they're ordering anybody else around. I'll give
you a perception check for free on that. 21.
21. Explicitly, no. They seem to be operating
on a pre -planned pattern. All right. Then I
will take the one that's up to the left of the
middle cart. Okay, go ahead and make that shot.
I forgot to do my things. That's a miss. That's
a 3 plus... Lost it. 3 plus 7 for a 10. 3 plus
7, so it is a miss, but it is not a critical
miss. Go ahead and make an acrobatics check.
I'll throw that dice away. Plus seven for a 17.
Plus seven for a 17. So you stand to take the
shot and you're kind of like wobbling on the
cart because it is really uneven. This is a road
in the... loosest sense of the word it is basically
nature but you are able to keep yourself righted
uh you are totally fine and we will move on to
taldeer so just to be clear on the map we are
the wagons and they are the horses They are the
horses. Okay. So it's not explicitly on one of
the actions that you laid out, but can Taldir
stand up and get in the back of the wagon? Yeah,
for sure. Okay. So he wants to do that. Oh, actually,
wait. I don't know if I can do it. Is readying
an action two actions? Yeah, it is. I believe
so, yeah. Shitballs. Okay, then he won't get
in the back of the wagon. He will draw his shield,
and he'll tell the guy actually driving, he'll
be like, bring us around, get us next to him.
And then he wants to ready an action that when,
assuming this guy follows his... kind of command
or whatever uh as he's passing one of the horses
he wants to try and shield bash him okay cool
so you're gonna ready your action to shield bash
when somebody gets close enough sounds good um
up next we have taz taz go ahead we're surround
like a look i see we're surrounded looks like
there's They're kind of gaining on our little
carriage, right? Mm -hmm. Yeah, I'm just going
to yell fucking yeah! I'm going to try to go
make these horses go faster. All right, make
that drive check. Add your nature bonus. Let
me know what you get. Nature bonus. Where the
hell is it? like roughly in the middle of skills
oh found it 17 total 17 total yeah you're able
to you like whip the horses in there just like
they continue like pulling around you guys are
entering into a slot canyon uh it's relatively
narrow but not like crazy the horses have some
room to maneuver but as you kind of like pull
in we roll the first check OK, so. The bandits
currently flanking Wesley's caravan, one of them
kind of like pulls in a little closer. This one
actually manages to come up. And I'll say he
gets close enough to trigger your reactions.
Okey dokes. I thought a shield bash would. push
them but it doesn't appear that that's the case
so it's just a basically just swinging at them
with my shield if i if i crit it does push them
um but yeah anyways so i shall roll and get a
critical i'm gonna get a critical that's not
a critical but it should be a hit 19. 19 yep
go ahead and roll the damage on that uh six points
of demugas six points of damage all right so
you managed to like bash your shield into this
uh horse or this bandit as it approaches you
you see he's kind of like reaching over to aim
a crossbow at you and you just like lean in and
smash into him and he goes flying the horse like
gets skittish pulls away he falls from the saddle
and just like bounces off of like stones on the
ground as you enter into this canyon uh that
is exactly where he is at so i rolled all their
other checks while you were uh taking that reaction
so this one is gonna make it He's going to try
to come up to the side here and stay on the side.
This one comes up here, and this one makes it
all the way up here. This guy doesn't make any
ground at all. The one that is near you, Wesley,
he's going to take a shot at you with a crossbow.
You're going to get a two -point bonus to your
AC because he's still a little behind. Not quite.
That's a 7 plus 5. That's a 12 to hit? No. 12
does not hit. Okay. This one here is going to
take a shot at... Let me see. Take a shot at...
A 12 to hit? No. I bought new dice for this,
though. I like them. Yeah, keep using them. Keep
rolling them, yeah. Oh, my God. They need to
turn it around. This guy's going to take a shot
at Amorous real quick. Oof, that's going to be
a 19 to hit. No. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah,
that... All right. That's three points of damage
to Amorous as the crossbow bolt just kind of,
like, raises your arm. That is their turn. We
are back to the... Oh! so now we make the end
of the round check so uh anybody who is driving
a wagon right now go ahead roll a d20 and let
me know what your result is are we adding anything
on it or just just roll flat check 18. you can
delete this but uh did everybody make sure they
reset their full their health because i mine
wasn't yes dude we're not noobs here we're professionals
yeah This is a business, Kenny. Jesus. Yeah,
Jesus Christ. You're clocked in right now, dude.
Get it together, man. Those Miller highlights,
man. You worked in the yard all day, sir. I got
a 13 on my check. 13, 8. Mine was 18. 13 and
18, sorry. 13 and 18 uh so that is gonna be both
that's his uh taldeer the cart that you're on
because i'm rolling it with my brand new shitty
dice apparently uh it does like hit a rock and
just the wheel bounces and you hear just like
start to strain the wagon takes five points of
damage uh but is otherwise totally fine right
now uh michelle that was actually a critical
success he was based on your successful drive
check. So that's two points from you, one point
from Taz and Amaris, and we move to the top of
the next round, which I believe means Michelle.
Wesley. Call me Nixon. Just kidding. Call me
Wesley. Only last names. I would like to... Okay,
so my eyes get black. All black. And then I use
Strategic Strike against this dude right here.
To the right of our cart, yeah. Okay. And...
Sorry, my laptop froze. Show yourself. Is he
close enough for me to get with my short sword?
I'll say you can attack his horse. Yes, I'll
do that. Of course you will. Fucking hates animals.
Alright, so with strategic strike... It's an
additional 1d6 damage. Nice. Now, wait, do you
have to... You have to do the... Devise a strategy
first. Yeah, devise a strategy, which is totally
fine. You can. I mean, you do have... So it may
not be clear, but you have your full action economy.
Those are just the actions specific to making,
like, drive movement. Anything you can normally
do, you can do. You have your three actions.
So if you want to devise a stratagem, you totally
can. Okay. Wait, I have to devise a stratagem
in order to use strategic strike? I believe so.
Yeah, you have to devise a stratagem successfully.
And then... Well... What? I mean... I know what
you're saying. Device and strategy technically
isn't a success or failure, right? It just gives
you the D20 result on your next attack roll.
Yeah, but you have to hit with that roll. Right,
yes. And then when you make the strike using
that roll, you can use your strategic strike.
So the only thing that changes is it just takes
two actions. So just roll the D20 and add it.
add whatever you normally add, and then you probably
will have an idea of whether it hits or not.
But what you normally add is different with Devise
a Stratagem because it uses your intelligence
instead of your dex or strength. That's true,
so your intelligence may even be... Oh, you rolled
a nat 20. It doesn't even matter. Nat 20 plus
6. Are you going to take that shot at the horse?
Yes. I want my fangs to come out, my eyes to
be all black. Go ahead and do it. I'm about to
kill this fucking horse. I forgot that goblins
hate horses. Oh, yeah, they do. They're terrified
of them. No, not necessarily. Horses are terrified
of goblins, so they attack us. That's why we
hate them. Goblins got little horse choppers
or whatever, like one of their weapons. Yeah.
I was just reading that right now, and I was
like, oh, shit. And dogs. Yeah. So I got to lean
into that. Yeah. Like, I have the reins, but
I'm, like, trying to choke them at the same time.
Here comes PETA for Taz. Taz just has no problem
driving these horses hard. Like, yeah, you son
of a bitch. PETA needs to go after Pathfinder.
No one's writing this shit. What is happening?
I'm merely an actor. Actor. I am an actuary.
I am but a vessel. My screen went all black.
I got 10. I like that fantasy horses are fantasy
bigoted. That's weird. Did you double all your
dice, Michelle? Double them? No, I only... Why
would I double them? Oh, because of... Because
you created it. Yeah, because you created it.
You did that 20. That's two, three. So 13 total.
13 total. You double the extra d6 you get, too.
Everything. All the dice. Five. 18? Five. 18.
18. See that fast math? And in Pathfinder, correct
me if I'm wrong, you even double your bonus.
Yes, but she won't have a bonus because it's
a dex weapon, not strength. Okay, so 18 total.
As you like lean out with your short sword and
take a swipe at it, you cut this fucking horse's
head off. Like the horse just like samurai style
falls into two pieces, stumbles into the dirt,
sending his rider just like careening into the
wall of the canyon ahead of you. I like to grab
my sword and lick it. Nice. Entirely based on
yourself. Now, I don't normally want to remind
people, but it's the first episode and we're
doing something kind of weird. So you are not
currently in control of the wagon. Are you going
to use your last action to retake control? Or
are you going to let the dwarf try to handle
it? I will give it back to the dwarf. Here you
go, sir. And then... No problem, Lasse! And then
I just like to ready myself for the horse on
the other side. Nice. All right. So, that is
Wesley's turn, and we are on to Taldir, correct?
No, Amherst. Oh, Amherst. Apologies. No worries.
Too many screens. So I'm going to cast Gravity
Weapon. So to cast that, it's somatic. Last one
minute. You build up a gravitational force and
funnel it into your blows, leading to more powerful
attacks with the blade and bow alike. On your
first weapon strike of each round, you gain a
status bonus to damage equal to twice the number
of weapon dice. Damage die. I'm going to cast
that. Nice. And then I'm going to use hunt prey.
Okay. So you designate a single creature as your
prey and focus your attacks against that creature.
You must be able to see or hear the prey. You
gain a plus two circumstance bonus to perception
checks. And where's the good stuff? Ignore the
penalty for making ranged attacks within your
second ranged increment. Where is it? There's
something good here. Hang on. No worries. Alright,
so I did the gravity weapon. I'm not going to
do hunt prey after all. But I will take an attack
at the horse that's right in front of... Or not
the horse, the rider right in front of me. Okay.
See, somebody has a conscious and a moral compass,
so go ahead and make that attack. That's a 15
for a 23. 23 is definitely going to hit. Roll
damage. 22. Sorry, 22. I can do math. That's
a 4 plus 2. Nope. Damn it. Nope. Sorry. Wrong.
Looking at the wrong weapon. That's a D8. We're
so fucking good at this. Got a fucking 8. Eight
on a D8. And then to add the gravity weapon,
I believe it was double the damage die. So you
add two to that? Because I'm only rolling one
die. Oh, right. Double the number of dice you
roll. So yeah, two. All right, so 10 total. 10
total. Yeah, you stand, take the shot. The arrow
goes right through the rider's back. You see
him kind of like lurch up and fall from his horse.
He is also done. Okay. And then with my last
action, I'll take the reins from Taz. Okay. Amorous
takes the reins from Taz. And I'll tell Taz,
I'm like, you're getting that look in your eye
again there, buddy. I'll take those. He's grinding
my teeth. Which works out because it's not Taz's
turn yet. It's Taldir's turn, though. What is
Taldir going to do? Second verse, same as the
first. He's going to tell him to try to get alongside.
Tell the person driving to try and get alongside.
the remaining enemies uh and ready an action
to fucking shield slam them okay ready an action
to shield slam them uh let's go ahead and i'll
start rolling their thing but uh taz i think
that makes it your turn for now all right so
amorous takes the how close are we before we
get into like this i'm assuming it's like getting
narrow right Yeah, I mean, you are, like, going
through this canyon. You can see the other side.
It's relatively consistent. You are probably
about two -thirds of the way at this point. Okay.
All right. So I'm just going to stand up onto
the top of the carriers. I climb my way up. I
don't know how tall it is. If I would need an
action to do that, just, like, make my way up
to get a better shot. Okay. Yeah, go ahead and
make an acrobatics check. Or athletics. I'll
let you roll what's better for you in this circumstance.
Crafting is better, but... Craft a stepstool.
25. 25, you're gold. All right, so get to the
top. And then I will... Yeah, I'm just going
to blight that horse with a... With a firebomb.
Wait. The riderless horse or which one? Yeah,
the horse. Yeah, I'm going after the horse. Fuck
that horse. Hero point. Hero point. Yeah, that
was a one. Oh, that's right. We may revisit it
at some point, but. Remember, we have decided
that we are awarding hero points on natural 20s.
So, Michelle, remember to take yours. Oh, fuck
yeah. Yeah. And? Did we decide that we are not
using them back -to -back or we are allowing
the usage of them back -to -back? I honestly
am okay with that. I don't... think that it changes
the math all that much and i don't think that
because i'm terrible at math and don't know much
about it i feel like it probably does change
the math quite a bit well i don't know like how
many times have we rolled it back to back and
fumbled multiple times in a row yeah i mean i
mean jesus i'm not saying that it's not still
random but like random things repeated consistently
like you know brings up the average I just don't
know in 100 turns if, like, using two on one
round is much different than using one on one
round and one on another round. You know what
I'm saying? Yeah, that's a fair point. Yeah.
Anyway, for now, we'll allow it. If it starts
to feel broken or dumb, we may revisit it. All
right, Tez. So I'm going to change my mind. I'm
not going to. Be mindless. I'll attack the horse
that has a rider, but I'm throwing the bomb at
the horse. You still get to kill a horse. Yeah.
Yeah. Pull out one of my little bombs and a 19
total. I'm assuming that hits. That hits. Roll
that damage. Horse tick. Three points of fire.
one point of splash damage onto the rider and
then persist that persistent yeah as you launch
this uh like vial and you see just when the horse
is like like backs up i'm gonna have the rider
take a check he does manage to stay on the horse
but he's like also screams and he's just like
on fire like fucking fantasy ghost rider uh just
trailing the wagon at this point My last action,
I'll throw it. All right. Remember to take that
negative five. Minus four for him, probably,
because it's... Minus four. Thrown. Multiple
attack penalty. So, 15. 15 total? Yeah. Oh, man.
That is close. Let me double check. That is going
to just miss. Damn. All right. But it hits the
guy, right? Because I was aiming for the horse's
head. The horse hits the dude. It just flies
and like hits the wall of the canyon and lets
out this plume of fire. And he's just like, what
the hell? I think it does splash damage if it's
like within five of their AC still. Oh, really?
I'm like pretty sure like even if you miss as
long as it's like. Yeah, there is splash, but
I'm not sure how splash. Well, basically, it's
like you would take splash damage if it landed
within five feet of you. So if you miss their
AC by like five or less, or I think something
like that, they still take the splash damage.
Yes, that is actually, that is accurate. Zach
is our ringer, so I trust him. But I did look
it up, confirmed the same thing. He does take
the splash damage, actually. So one point of
splatting. One point of splash. When he screams,
what the hell, you see just like a little bit
of flame like lick him, kind of burn off like
part of his hair. All right. Is that your turn,
Taz? I will then jump down back into the box.
Back into the box. All right. Okay. So that is
the end of the round. Everybody who is piloting,
go ahead and roll that check. I think I get to
roll two of them this round. Guys, you are not
going to want me to roll these checks for you.
Two failures. This is my first one. This is a
d20. Just a flat d20. Yep. 12. Okay, so you succeed.
Zach, again, like, or sorry, Taldir, you're kind
of like turning in to avoid the wall of this
canyon. and just like scrape it you hear like
the wood kind of like giving under the uh stone
it takes three more points of damage michelle
similarly like a splinter of wood just flies
off from the siding of this wagon and like scares
a horse who kind of diverts hits a stone jumps
And you can kind of feel that it's starting to
degrade a little bit, but not bad. You only took
two points of damage. Or the wagon only took
two points of damage. And we are back to the
top. Wait, I also take two points of damage?
Sorry, just the wagon. But you did get enough
collective points so that you do, you're kind
of like racing through this. You come out of
the slot canyon into like this clear, Desert
landscape. There's this small drop -off everybody
go ahead and roll an acrobatics check When you
say acrobatics you Like what are you really?
What specifically are we trying to do here? So
you come out of the canyon and there's about
a two foot ridge that drops into soft sand from
the relatively stony floor of the canyon itself.
You are trying to hold on to stay on the wagon
without taking damage. That feels like to me,
like I could make that check to you, like I could
make that check based on my strength. I'm not
even asking for athletics. I'll roll a raw strength
check over acrobatics. No, you know, it makes
sense. You're holding on for dear life. I will
give you whichever you are better at. Are you
riding the bull or are you just clutching the
ocean handle? Okay, so I can use athletics is
what I heard there. Yeah. Oh, I didn't need it
anyways. 27. That's a 12 for me. Amorous. 12.
How much? 13. 13. 25. 25. Okay. So, Amorous and
Wesley. Amorous or Wesley, you would be in front.
So, as your wagon comes off, you, like, jump
and kind of just probably, like, hit the back
of your head. You end up taking... one point
of damage as you are impacted by the beam behind
you. Similarly, Amaris, as you, like, go in,
maybe you get, like, unsteady and actually manage
to just catch yourself, but you put your palm
against the wall of the canyon while it's moving,
and you take three points of damage while you're
riding yourself up each of these wagons. fall
from this small but existent uh drop off you
hear the like creaking strain of the tires and
the wagons slow as they enter the softer sand
uh everybody you see from the sand around you
these black dots begin to emerge and like fill
the air As they become clear, it is an entire
nest of sand hornets. And they begin to buzz
and swirl around you. Everybody go ahead and
make... This one is going to be an acrobatics
check. Okay. But hear me out here. What if? You
can't punch the wasps away. No, but I can run
like hell. Religion, because I'm praying they
don't sting me. This one's a flat acrobatics.
What do you got? 19 for Tez. 19, 20 plus for
you, Amaris? Yeah, 25. 25. Rolling fucking rocks.
18. 19, 17. 23, 18. All right, so everybody actually
passes. I rolled incredibly well on the damage,
but you all only take half, so that's six points
of damage as the wasps, like, move around you,
stinging and attempting to protect their den.
You notice that the individuals following you
have kind of, like, pulled back, and as you kind
of move across this sand, Oh, that's convenient.
So they're slowing down? As you kind of move
across that sand, you are flanked once more by
these riders, although there are only four now.
Different than before, as if this attack has
been coordinated against you. And they begin
to approach, coming from where they were resting
and laying in wait on the side of the Slot Canyon.
You enter. Keep thinking you're saying Slot Canyon,
but also... What is it really supposed to be?
No. Nice. Got him. Sorry, I got distracted by
something on my character sheet. The wasps are
gone now? On your character sheet. Yeah, as you
escape the nest, they remain behind. Their only
real purpose was protecting the nest, which you
inadvertently had landed upon. Gotcha, okay.
So no wasps for new bandits. Right, and as the
bandits begin to flank you, you now... are attempting
to cross a dry riverbed, and you hear, like,
the dwarf from the middle cart shout out, Ordinarily,
we put down planks and make the crossing carefully.
We didn't have time! And from the front, you
just hear, As the old man continues to drive
his wagon. Go ahead. We're back to the top of
the order, and that puts us with Wesley. Okay,
so would I have to do devise a stratagem again?
Yeah, I believe so. Also, for your devise a stratagem,
I looked at your character sheet, it's the same
to hit, regardless of whether you do devise a
stratagem or not, because your intelligence is
the same as your dex. But you do have a flat
plus one to your damage, because you have a plus
one string. And there's some other neat things
about devise a stratagem that come into play,
like if you're successful on it, you can... Do
recall knowledge, which gives everyone a plus
one when they attempt to hit that target. Stuff
like that. Oh, wow. Nice. Yeah, I always like
to imagine when somebody's using devise a strategy.
Have you ever seen that old Sherlock Holmes movie
starring Robert Downey Jr.? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Yeah. Instead of old. Yeah. Kind of how
I always think about it. Yeah, it's got to be,
what, 25 years old at this point? No. Like 2011.
It was made while Zach was alive. Yeah. Yeah,
because Jude Law was in it. Zach died? Came out
after he was born. Came out after he was born.
I like that you said because Jude Law is in it.
I think Jude Law is even older than Robert Downey
Jr. I just feel like Jude Law stopped acting
for a little bit. That's when he was relevant.
Yeah. I am going to use a hero point. That's
right. We're playing a game. Losing that guy.
That dice is in jail. Alright. rdj is older than
jutla can i use another for now we're gonna let
you use as many as you want i know the rule is
one per roll but uh i'd frankly rather you not
have them when you go unconscious anyway so go
ahead i just i'll need to do it because otherwise
it helps a one it's 16 plus Well, it's just...
When I do devise a stratagem, it's my d20 plus...
Plus your to hit, so plus seven for you. Plus
seven. Okay. With your short sword. I assume
you're using your short sword. It's the guy right
next to me. No, I was going to use my bow and
arrow. Perfect. So you'd have to take an action
to... You'd have to take an action to stow or
drop your... Well, you can drop your short sword
as a free action, or you can sheath it for an
action. Then you would have to draw your crossbow.
And then you would have to shoot. So you couldn't
devise a strategy. No, you could if you dropped
your short sword, yeah. Yeah, which would just
be in the wagon, so. Yeah, I'll do that one.
Okay, so you drop the short sword, draw the bow,
line up your aim, and make the shot. That was
what total? 16 plus 7. Plus 6 for your crossbow,
sorry. Plus 6. Either way, that's a hit. Roll
damage. Is it a crit? Not a crit. Not quite.
Oh, 6. 6 total? 6 plus... Yeah, just six. It's
just one D8. Ed, did you roll your... Oh, is
strategic strike its own action? No. No. It's
like yes and no. If you use divisor stratagem,
then when you make the strike, you do it using
strategic strike action. So you could take the
bonus D6, although in this circumstance, you
wouldn't need it. If you haven't figured it out,
these guys have six hit points. So, you do manage
to take... Which one were you shooting at again?
I think all of them should be in your range,
so... This dumb guy right here. Yeah, this guy's
probably the right choice. But yeah, you just,
like, lean over, and to your left, you release
the crossbow bolt, catch him probably just, like,
right under the chin, and you see, like, the
blood stream for a moment before he loses consciousness
and just falls from the saddle. I like to hold
my hand up in the air, just like, victory! I
don't say that, but that's what's my posture.
Yeah. You don't ruin it by saying something lame.
You just do the cool thing. All right. That is
Wesley's turn. Amaris, you are up. You know,
if it worked before, why not do it again? Well,
actually, gravity weapon is still active. Because
it's a spell and it lasts for a minute. So I'm
going to let go of the reins. And I'm going to
take a shot at this guy up to the front right
of me. Okay. And I'm going to let it rip. All
right. Natural 20. For a 20 second. Natural 20.
You fart so hard. Yeah. Did I misunderstand what
let it rip means? Yeah, I got it. Natural 20.
All right. Go ahead and roll your damage. All
however many dice that is. 11 points of damage.
11 points of damage is again. You are just methodically
taking down these raiders. You hear one of them.
One of the two remaining ones. Shout to the other
one. And just say like, this isn't worth it.
The other one's going to just like shout back
like, the boss will be furious if we don't bring
it down. Go ahead. I believe you still have actions.
Anything you want to do? Let me, I'll take the
raids back up. Okay, great. And if that is your
turn, then I believe it is Taldeer's turn. Taldeer,
what are you doing? Nature check to take the
reins, or is that not? Nature check on the drive,
yeah. And that'll lower your target DC at the
end of the round. So we're still moving. We haven't
stopped. Yeah, you're still moving like the horses
are just like pulling and struggling to get you
through the soft sand This is really not towel
deers vibe Not really where he shines Yeah Picked
off no one's gotten close enough to you. I thought
they were gonna like do things to your wagons
try to break them down What kind of things? Are
any of them within 30 feet of me kind of think
you don't tell your wayne right about uh 30 feet
of you uh let's see i'm gonna see what the map
says real quick map says 45 uh i'm gonna give
a well what are you trying to do Just throw a
javelin, if nothing. Otherwise, I'm just going
to delay, really, because me taking the reins
doesn't do anything, and I don't suspect that
they're going to get close enough to melee them.
Yeah, this is not an exact map. It's really just
an approximation to give you guys an idea of
where things are. I'll let you do it, but I'm
going to give them a plus one AC bonus. All right.
Show me. How much money did you get? Yeah, I'll
just... Why'd you slap so much? I'll just hang
out. You sunk into your seat there. I'll just
hang out. Was it a crit? No, no, no. Not succeed
or failure. Just a classic 12. Oh. Classic. It
would have hit if I were in melee. If it weren't
for those pesky kids. I would have had an extra
plus three. Which still would not have gotten
you there right now. But it would have been less
embarrassing. Yeah, you toss the javelin. It
lands in the sand. I imagine it probably just
stands straight up like the American flag on
the moon. This is soft river sand. Carts continue
on. Is there something else you would like to
do in the moment? This really is not Taldir's
space to shine. Yeah, I mean, I suppose I will
ready an action. Like, if they do get close,
I'll shield bash them, even with the map. Like,
because I have two more actions, so I may as
well. But, yeah, otherwise, that's all I got.
Okay, awesome. That is Taldir's turn. Taz. You
are up. All right. How far until that gap? Wait,
the one behind you or what are you talking about?
Did I hear? No. The river? Yeah, the riverbed
that he said we put plank. Oh, right. I would
say you guys are all probably in the riverbed
by now. Oh, okay. So we just fucking went in
there. Okay. Yeah, didn't really have a choice
at this point. Horses are pulling you, but...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not great. I'm going to
grab the reins from Amaris. Whoa! Yeah, I'm going
to just pull hard left and just try to ram this
guy right here. All right. Go ahead and roll
the attack. Add your nature bonus. 14. No, 13.
Sorry. 13. So that is not against the bandits
AC. That is against the horses AC. Which... I'm
trying to go horse. Yeah, horse to horse. No,
no, no. How much? 13. 13. okay that is gonna
hit go ahead and roll the i believe it is a 2d6
all right damn 10 10 total yeah so the horse
attempts to like skirt away from you and as it
does its feet get tripped up in the soft sand
it Tumbles, sending the rider just like head
over heels into the desert. That is a success.
You have eliminated this target. Is there something
else you would like to do? I'm just going to
start laughing. Like, did you see that, Amaris?
I'm going to try to straighten up and then I'm
going to start getting ready. I can't ram another
one from here, right? Like with my last action.
No, I think you'd be too far at this point. You
kind of pulled off that direction. Okay, well,
I'm just going to start making it very clear
that I'm going to ram this other horse. And maybe
that'll make the guy fuck off. Hey, I'm coming
for you next. Yeah, I was like, I just mush it
and just make making a sharp right turn. Like
just, you know, just changing directions. I'm
not stuck in here with you. You're stuck in here
with me. I'm going to kill that fucking horse.
Yeah. All right. We are at the bottom of the
round, so everyone who is currently driving,
I think it's just Taz, go ahead and roll that
check. No one has all. They have drivers. I thought
they were just letting that shit go. Holy shit.
I trust you, horses. We have chauffeurs. Oh,
fuck. No bonuses? No bonuses. three three so
not too bad because you haven't really failed
before so you do end up i imagine like as it's
trying to pull you see the ropes on the uh bridles
kind of like start to pull apart uh as some of
the equipment is straining under the effort required
to pull this wagon through a dry riverbed but
it does stay in order Taldir, your driver actually
is doing a fantastic job the first time ever.
And everything went fine. My two best rolls tonight
are in your favor. I will never play with these
dice again. All right. So you do manage to pull
through the dry riverbed. And as you do... The
last bandit kind of peels away. He doesn't think
it's worth it. He's seen all of his friends die.
He's heard the screams of incinerated men from
inside the canyon. The whatever sound a horse
makes when you cut its head off. And he's just
not having it. He's not feeling it. As I see
him pulling off, I'll be like, yeah, I'll start
flipping him off. But I'm flipping the horse
off, not him. I'm just going to kind of grab
him by the back of the jacket just to make sure
he's not going to fucking fall off because he's
so excited about it. You showed him. Start turning
the cart to chase after him. You're not getting
away from me. That guy's fine. He's just doing
his job. But fuck that horse. Yeah. So as combat
comes to an end, you do travel for a short time
more before the wagon leader kind of turns to
you, Taldir, and he's going to say, It's getting
late. We're going to stop for the night. Check
the gear. Make sure nothing suffered too much
damage. May need to rearrange the weight load
on some of these wagons. ensure that we can get
into town in the morning but hell of a show and
he's gonna kind of uh approach each of you uh
he's just gonna be like i apologize for that
uh miss nixon but i appreciate your aid and help
i undertook on the governor's behalf to deliver
you to hope's embrace and well i hope you won't
Hold the incident against me. Well, I hope you'll
embrace the opportunity to... I don't know where
I was going with that. I was just getting hopes
embraced into the sentence. It sounded like Taddeo
was going to say something cool. I was ready
for it. I thought it was going to be super cool.
Then it just turned out lame. Super duper lame.
All right. Just whisper it into the distance.
I was going to put my thumbs down. Not everybody
knows how to do everything, guys. Somehow that
was lamer than what you didn't say. I'm just
going to be giggling fucking back there. What's
in these fucking carriages that we almost all
died for? It sounds like everybody's kind of
worked up a lot of excitement in the room. I
understand. Harrowing event. No, what's in the
wagon is just a lot of goods. Yeah, just straight
black tar. Damn. There's what? A lot of goods
for the city. There are many things that you
can't make out here. Frankly, Keeping people
alive out here, I doubt it would ever be worth
it, but it seems to have come around. Anyway,
I don't know why they would be after us, except
they're after everybody these days. Well, I'd
like for you all to join me at my campfire, if
you would. this evening. Thanks for heroic efforts.
Are we making camp? Yeah, I want to take some
time to check the horses, check the wagons, make
sure all the equipment's still in good standing,
and then, you know, we'll get back on the road
first light. Should be in town, maybe. Half day
journey. Nice. Right on. Sounds good. We'll join
you for dinner. Or at least I will. Oh, good.
Good. One RSVP. The rest of you wait and seize.
I'll be there. Yeah. Do you have ale? We can
go back and get one of those horses and just
chop it up. I was just thinking that. Great minds
think alike, Wesley. Do you have ale? Yes. I
never travel without it. I have a pretty serious
problem. I get the feeling we're going to show
up to the fire and he's just going to be in a
robe and nothing else, laying on a bearskin rug
lightly, stroking it. I wanted to thank you properly
for saving my life. The rug, come on now. He
didn't invite us over so he could stroke himself
off. It's not Louis C .K. It's just like, now
I have to find a rope. So they spent some time
checking out the equipment, making sure the horses
are healthy. Everything seems to be relatively
good. Night descends, you know, you guys kind
of gather around the fire. And as you're kind
of like passing around, you know, like just these
like boda bags that are full of ale and mead,
some wine. There's like four or five of them
making the circle. It's you, the dwarf from before,
Falk. cloud fang the old man who was driving
the lead wagon and a couple of other people but
uh is there anything that you want to do in that
moment before we move on i mean like what do
we know like well i assume our characters don't
but like what's the Why are we here? Why are
we protecting this wagon? Why are we going to
Hope's Embrace? Yeah, this is an interesting
moment to kind of create some backstory and metanarrative.
I mean, we all heard Wesley's reason for being
here. And Taz... This is where trying to stay
in game gets a little funny. Sammy and I had
discussed he... is currently in the employment
of a Dr. Bertinano from Hope's Embrace, who sent
him along to ensure that the correct supplies
were gathered. Amaris was hired sort of as a
favor and also because, you know, he's been in
town for a little while to protect the caravan
on its journey and to keep his friend Taz safe.
Taldir. We didn't really set something up, but
I know that Taldir is in town because he had
heard some rumors, which piqued his particular
interest. Yeah, okay. I half forgot, half was
not sure if that was... That was the reason we
were on this caravan, like those reasons that
we discussed. So we can edit all of that out
because Taldir would know why he had decided
to join the caravan. Yeah. Although it is, you
know, I think good to backfill some of that,
right? Like you can't always be playing forward.
So sometimes it's nice to insert motivation as
we find it. But other than clarifying, is there
anything that you would like to do? uh we sit
down i'm just gonna start uh make i'm gonna start
crafting some uh some stuff i'm gonna take the
remainder of my bomb as you're kind of working
falk's gonna lean over and just be like we don't
get a lot of goblins this far out uh You are
really close to me. As he says it, I want to
kind of get, like, without saying anything enough,
and pretty subtly, I just kind of want to get,
like, in a defensive, like, kind of like, I don't
like the way he's saying it to him. But, like,
subtly, I'm not trying to start shit. Yeah. I'm
just an old man, so I don't say things the best
way, but no, I've got no problem with goblins.
I know. Some people have their issues or whatever,
but no, I've lived a good life. I went to New
York City once. I know some people. You're one
of the good ones. I'm one of the good ones. I've
got no issue with your kind. Your people? I don't
mean your people. I just mean people like...
What I mean... Would you like some dinner? Also,
what are you working on? It's kind of cool looking.
It's a... I call it a boomstick. Oh. Yeah. Does
it play loud music? No. It's dangerous. It's
what did this to me and I'm going to put it on
my face. Oh. But I got it under control now,
so, yeah. Well, yes. People often say that words
are more dangerous than anything, but in my experience,
weapons. Yeah, it's not true. Weapons really
do make the best weapons. Believe it or not.
Believe it or not. It's fascinating. Fire causes
the most damage, honestly. It's crazy. Yes. Yes.
Of course. Of course. Right. And you, young man,
well, I noticed you're defensive of your friends.
Is this a relative? I can't stop thinking that
Charles is going to go somewhere weirdly sexual
with it. Just something about the way he approaches
the conversation makes me think he's going to
take it to a weird sex place. I couldn't help
but notice your firm body. Well, not now. Yeah,
he's my brother. All right. Very impressive today.
Very good work. Need a shoulder rub. We'll eat
first. I'd like to get really close to the guy.
You said you had ale? Yes, yes. He's going to
take one of the bags from the person sitting
directly next to him. Pull out of it. Give me
that. Hand it to you. Drink as much as you like.
We have plenty. I don't travel without it. Let's
walk away, not even acknowledging anything he
said. I'll just grab it and walk. He's just going
to cough and be like, that blood? You know what?
We'll figure it out when we get home. But no,
what? How do you? How do you two find yourselves
into each other's company? It's an odd pair,
you know? And are you looking for a third? Bit
of an odd couple, if you will. He's been my brother
as long as I can remember. A bit older than...
You know what? That's fine. I don't... Yes, of
course. About that food. Yes, and he calls and
he's going to be like, stew for my companions.
Anyway, at first light, we will get back on the
road. Hopefully, it's the last of the trouble
we'll have with bandits. It's been a terrible
amount of activity out here in the desert. You
know, with wealth comes problems. Am I right?
Yeah, you know, yeah. I kind of shrug like I've
never had that problem. Well, of course, good,
good. He's going to take like one more long pull
from the bag that he's holding and then offer
it to one of the three of you. I'll take it and
then just kind of hang on to it for a second.
Just then pass it on to Taz. That's good, good.
Well, you know what they say. A flagging of me
today makes a growing boy grow. That's an old
saying where I'm from. I'm going to just chug
you. Very sloppily. Slop. Is that a word? Like
just ale coming out, wasting a lot of it. Just
chuping it. Believe it is. Yeah. Taz just chugs
mead from this, again, like, lambskin sack. And
then I'll start eating the sack after it's empty.
Just, like, chewing at the leather, like... You're
a braver man than I am. As night descends and
people begin to settle. Campfire kind of waning.
Taz, you're feeling the mead. Your head's a little
light. You kind of turn. There's a noise, something
in the desert that draws your attention for a
moment. And when you turn back, standing inside
of the fire is the image of a small... goblin
girl wreathed in flames you can see her skin
is beginning to like melt and sag under the heat
she's just kind of looking at you with wide open
indifferent eyes like a bubble begins to form
on the flesh of her arm and then And that's our
show. Join us next week as we roll bravely on.
Good night. Thank you, everybody. Good night,
everybody.