Just because you're flacid. It feels so good.
On that note. So that's a pretty good segue.
Ready for a voicemail? Yeah. Hi, is this B &S
pizza? I hope so, because I'm hungry. I would
like to order three foot long pizzas, because
I'm so hungry. Can I have one with banana peppers?
Because I'm hungry. One with a big old sausage
on it because I'm so hungry and one with I know
you won't believe this but I have one Meatball
just one with extra cream, please Anyways, please
deliver it to me as soon as possible. I'm so
hungry Anyways, this is Anthony Willie at Riverside
Parkway here in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Thanks and have
a great day Wait Cannot be his real name because
that's my name almost Also what if it's your
job What's so funny is I talked about that video
with all my friends on the cruise and so the
entire cruise I was like guys I wish dinner would
show up cuz I'm hungry and we were all just being
like I'm so hungry Was that Jodie who was that
Uh... No, it didn't sound like Jodie. I was like,
that was just a phone number that called in.
But it's from Phoenix. Who do we know in Phoenix?
I know, I was like, do we know anybody in Phoenix?
Nick was in Phoenix, but I don't think he was
in the show. Alex? He was in the intro. Oh, the
old intro. Ah! The delicate, but powerful Princess
Dre is... And our sorcerer, with a little flair,
Anthony! You get Season 8 of Beards and Zetras!
Dre is... BANGIN' tips! I actually get an animation
where it's just a brick wall and like you use
your tits to bash it open. You are social media
marketing at its finest. You need a breastplate
like the dry queens wear. That's what that is.
That's how they're so banging. Yeah, that's it.
Oh, and welcome back. Hi. Hello. Welcome back
to season eight level nine of Beards and Sundries.
Level 9. That's right, guys, it is time for another
lunch break here at Beards and Sundries, the
shop where three gay men with beards do inventory
on a new sundry in each episode. My name is Jay,
and pull out the whips, boys! It's gonna be sexy
time! Yeah, that's my Dom. His name is Jay. Don't
mind him. Don't worry. I bought the annal beads.
Now I'm just gonna fit this spider gag in you
right there. I want you to get on your knees.
This isn't that far of a reach. This is the trickiest
part. Yeah, this happened last week. Yeah. Oh
my god, I'm Anthony and it turns out my kink
has actually been Christian shamed the whole
time. The boner I just got for the shame. I know.
It's Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. My god,
unbuckle that Bible belt. Daddy! Oh fuck, I love
this episode already! I want to take that body
of Christ. What part of the body is this one?
Body of Christ. And I'm Joe, and I once had a
friend in college who used his nipple clamps
to hold bags of chips closed in his pantry. And
that means that today's hungry item is kinks
and the shame associated with them. Beardos,
white people are stupid, but no matter what your
skin color, we all have things that we are into.
Sometimes these things can come under scrutiny,
however, so today we're going to chat about it.
After the break, we're going to grab a shopping
cart and stroll around the market checking out
the latest stock. Later on, we've got some Beardo
submitted sundries that listen and don't judge.
And then for game time, I have a fun trivia game
that may awaken something in you. But before
we open that weird little box in the back of
the breakroom closet, how about this week's voicemail?
Who are you? Who are you? How do you know where
we are? We've never said where we live before.
What if it's Anthony from Tulsa? What if it really
is Anthony Willie from Tulsa on Riverside Parkway
like Riverside a lot that's what I've been saying
like I feel like this is a Play on things that
we've been doing. I don't know what I talk about
on this show. So wait a minute What if it's somebody
like spoofing you and they're gonna keep calling
in for all the weird things you do Oh, that'd
be awesome. I would love that. That would be
kind of cool. Please do that. It's like you have
a stalker, but it's kind of entertaining. It's
very entertaining. Stop, boy. Please. Stop. Oh,
that's it. We've been spelling it wrong the whole
time. Oh, yeah. And then here I am like, save
it, fatty horse. I'm not buying any Stockholm
syndrome today. Because you're empathizing with
your stalker. Kind of their voice kind of sounded
like Derek, but I know it wasn't Derek. It's
not Derek. I recognize Derek's voice I recognize
a few people's voices. Yeah, I Will tell you
mystery person. I'm also very hungry I Will devour
that one ball pizza Special about you It's almost
like he listens to the show because I talk about
it all the time. He says I have one nut and I
cream a lot. Thank you for noticing. Such volume.
Just parts falling out the front. A throwback
to an old episode. That's hot. So hot Tasty,
but thanks for the voicemail. That was fun. Yes.
Thank you. Yes. Thank you It's nice know who
you are. It was like it's nice to have these
again. Oh No, yeah, we're trying to like suss
out who you are based on your phone number, but
we're really bad. I Left it. I left it in the
intro so everyone could call you I'm not editing
this week, so that might be true. I'm putting
you on my list of job references. I was like,
Jay does get a little distracted sometimes while
editing and misses something, surely. I'm going
to laugh my ass off if you accidentally leave
it in. Oh, I've heard that before. Jay, pull
it out. I will say when it's at the beginning
of the episode. I'm really focused, but you know
later on I get really well When I was editing
when do you were get out I? Discovered that I
can edit in Riverside at one and a half times
speed. Oh, yeah, that makes I was like oh hell
yeah That makes a big difference um Also, I was
telling Joe I'm gonna need you to edit in a couple
weeks. That's right the weekend after his birthday
Yeah, that's more than okay. Yeah, I'm going
to Colorado Oh good for you. Yeah, it's having
a little long week in there By yourself or with
your left hand Go on! Okay, well anyways, Joe,
do you think I can find a cigar box full of clothespins
that I use for nefarious purposes in aisle four?
Nefarious? Absolutely. But, if you guys are new
to the show and you're wondering just what the
hell a sundry is, the term comes from an old
English word meaning odds and ends. Now these
days it's used mainly in retail as a way to group
together items that don't typically have a group
of their own. So, as three very sex -positive
gay men with beards, we are using the term to
group together the wide range of topics that
we cover. Oh my god, I hate that. Look out, baby
Brent! Uh -oh! I know it's not what Jay is doing
in the bedroom, but I want to believe. He's not
denying it. It's kind of my favorite persona
for the show. I know, I love it. Dainty Dom.
Dainty Dom. That sounds like a gay bar. Oh my
god, that's my new bar idea. The Dainty Dom.
Throw it on the pile. The Dainty Dom. It kind
of sounds like, like a, I don't know, a coastal
terrible bar that you'd see a bunch of old ugly
pirates at. It sounds like for some reason the
Dainty Dom. This sounds like a musical with Matthew
Broderick is what it sounds like. Oh, yeah, it
really does. John Reilly, don't you fucking steal
my idea? He will kill you. I know he will. Wait,
John, I've watched Anthony do it before. I've
witnessed so much in my life. Oh, yeah, that
was a given. He'll put you in the gas chamber.
Every time he does it, I'm like, Anthony, again?
I already have so much trauma from the previous
movie. And then it cuts to me, and I'm covered
in blood and gore, and I go, whoopsie. Whoa.
And then it does the little zoom out thing, like
in Looney Tunes, where you're in the circle.
It does the, what is the Debbie Downer noise?
And then Jay goes, yippity yippity yippity, that's
all, folks. And then Joe's like, you know the
leading cause of death And he starts reading,
you know reviews from crumble cookies Dope right
now, uh, I didn't get to eat dinner before we
started this I did actually have a Sweet tooth
craving this weekend and I don't live close to
a crumble, but I live very close to an insomnia
And so there was my little gay ass running down
in the cold to pick up a box of insomnia cookies.
Wait, hold on. Little? Little. Hey! What'd you
get from insomnia? I always do - God, this makes
me sound fat. I always do the box of - Speaking
of your ass, what'd you get from insomnia cookies?
And then I just like get a mix of them. So I'll
be like, oh, what's the special? That sounds
good. I'll do one or two of those. And then I'm
like, one sugar, one snickerdoodle, one M &M.
And then I'm like, 40 peanut butter. Because
I love peanut butter cookies. I'm a peanut butter
freak. I like a peanut butter cookie. It's weird
because like, I don't go nuts for donuts about
peanut butter and a lot of things, but cookies
and Reese's cups. I think because people like
peanut butter, they do too much with it and try
and like invent all these recipes. And I'm like,
no. No, be simple alone. Put it on bread. Put
it on in cookies. Don't do too much with it or
put it in chocolate and call it a Reese's. And
honestly, that is a good segue to kink. It is
just peanut butter is my food kink. I okay, let's
talk about food in the bedroom for a second.
Yes. We don't do it. I never really done it.
I think I've done it before with other people,
but like I don't want to clean it up into it
Yeah, I don't want to clean it up. I already
have to clean up enough and like what's the whipped
cream is cold? I don't know. I think it's like
licking it off. I guess yeah, and it's something
flavorful to lick off but the thing is is If
you're doing anything with sugar in it, then
you're gonna just have like weird sticky spots
Mm -hmm, and I think about that with chocolate
so clearly in the bedroom. I'm gonna have to
be savory and do like pork chops and I'm not
gonna cut you with the knife. Oh, sorry. Oh,
you've got a plastic knife. Oh, let me know what's
too hard. Oh Tomahawk steaks out Yeah, I food
in the bedroom just it's does not entice me I'm
not going to say that I'll be against it so much
that I won't do it because if I'm with someone
that wants to yeah that's something I'll be like
cool if you like I'll do it for you I'm not eager
to be doing it I don't really get food in the
bed non sexually much less sexually so like yeah
it's rare for me to eat anything in the bed yeah
crumbs girl the crumbs crumbs crumbs oh my god
Now I would go to one of those things where like
They serve sushi on someone's naked body and
everyone like eats off of the body now that there
are parameters like I would be Hopeful that there's
no hair. I also don't have to clean up after
that. I also don't have to clean up That's why
you go to someone else's house and do it And
I don't think that you're eating it off of them
and then like sucking their dick you just eat
the sushi I actually thought we had to pull the
sushi off their dick. That's what filled the
center of it. Oh, I thought you wrapped it up.
It's just they wrap the dick in Norian rice.
I'm like going down there and I'm like, is this
spicy tuna? He has chopsticks and he's like dipping
their cock head into like the wasabi. That would
burn so much. So yeah food on the body. I would
yeah, but you're right though. I would do the
sushi thing, but I don't know I don't know about
like I'll give I'll give you a good end of show
clip here and probably an answer to a question
that a few you freaks probably have had before
I would eat macaroni and cheese off of someone's
body I Would hate to be the body though that
it's on yeah, well, I would hate that so much
don't get your hopes up It would either be too
hot or lukewarm, gross or cold, worse. Hey, you
could like play into someone that has like the
wax fetish because like they like hot stuff on
their body. Oh my god. It's hot for a second
and then it dissipates. That's the reason why
wax play is a thing. I am buying you a fondue
pot. so that way in the bedroom you can have
a fondue pot of Velveeta cheese and Anthony is
just like dribbling Velveeta on your back and
you're like ooh but then he gets to lick it off
of you so what a win win for all of you. Every
time I think of like fondue or like a fountain
of whatever I think of that video that Asian
guy who's trying to put cheese nacho cheese through
the fondue thing or the fountain and then like
spins out of control and he's like I want you
to know if you guys ever do that I I kinda wanna
be the cuck chair. So that was what I was going
to say. I was like, I feel like if that ever
happens, Jay, you're going to get porn from us.
I want to watch that. I would look for this.
I would search for that. This feels like, this
feels like a very niche moment in which we do
have to send Jay the porn that we make. I do
have several cease and desists from Kraft Foods.
And I want you to know, I could support it. You
are not going to be like shamed by me in any
way. At all. I, listen. I don't know. You've
got plenty of years to explore. This feels like
a moment of I would be the person who is getting
the craft dripped on them. Because Joe would
be the one who would want to eat it off the most.
And also, kinda like a little pain. Kinda like
a little pain freak. Sounds like you're hyping
yourself up for it. Anthony why are your nipples
so pointy? Oh my god, I left the film on my nipples
That's not even a reference to an old episode
that's a reference to Like a teaser tick -tock.
Yep, and you can't fight anymore because we have
no tick -tock. Oh, yeah, that's right. We got
rid of that Yeah, so shame on you ticky -tock.
Well, you know who take those media Giants fucking
suck. I mean turns out billionaires are bad.
What? Okay, so not a food kink. I don't have
that but I I Like a guy in uniform. Oh, yeah,
but here's where the problem is kind of comes
into it. It's not like me going, ooh, I specifically
like a fireman uniform or like scrubs military.
Exactly. I'm very much like, as long as you seem
like a motivated person, you could be like the
rug changing company. That's coming into businesses,
pulling out rugs and cleaning them like, wow,
that guy's real hot in his polo shirt. Jay's
kink. Jay's kink is executive function. Jay's
kink is motivated people, I think. There is this
roofing company here in Tulsa called Conrad's
Roofing, and the man who owns the company, Conrad
himself, does all these billboards and ads in
his really, really tight black polo with his
arms everywhere. And I'm just like, Conrad? We
drive by and give me a 127 point inspection.
The best part about this is when we were dating
Joel, Joel is a barber and somebody who worked
in the same barbershop as Joel cut Conrad's hair.
And so one day, because Joel was just like fawning
over Conrad, Joel got a picture with Conrad with
both of them striking the pose that he does on
the billboard. And I was like, see, your arms
are just as big as his. But it was kind of disappointing,
because it turns out Conrad has little chicken
legs. Straight minute leg day. I'm not trying
to fuck his legs. I don't know. Leg day's my
favorite. I know, but I'm trying to fuck his
ass, and he needs a fat ass. Oh, that's true.
I ain't gonna have a fat ass. More cushion for
the cushion. Oh. Yeah, I don't want to hurt my
hip when I thrust into it I'm already tearing
up my knees. I can afford breaking a hip. Yeah,
I don't like the bumping bones That reminds me
that meme I love where they're like twinks are
like drill me daddy or something and it's like
Uniforms I don't know but there are levels. I
will say that like sure that random Any company
I'm like, oh that's hot but then like you show
up and you start showing up and like firemen
or I Think you're leaning towards like Tom of
Finland style uniforms, right? It's like like
a highway patrolman. That's really really tight
And you can see like stuff through it I think
this is the problem with law enforcement. I know
all the other problems with law enforcement.
They got to have people working there like today
as a matter. So mine was military because Oklahoma
City has a huge military base. There's a guy
that lives in my apartment that's in the military
and he got in my apartment in my specific. He's
back there right there right there. Can I tell
you you could do that? You silly. I said, I said
deeper. That's a bad boy and bad boys don't get
rewarded. You can't have any insomnia. Oh no,
no, I ate those already. So fuck off there. Go
buy more if you want. But the military guy got
on the elevator and was talking to me because
he was petting Reggie. And I was like, oh my
god, you're not even that attractive. But that
uniform changed everything. You look great. I
cannot tell you how many people, whenever I was
still in the army, would ask me to come over
and drill them in my uniform. It's a whole thing.
It was fine. It was a thing where I was like,
sure. I mean, I'm going to put it in you anyway.
Might as well be wearing this. There is a flea
market that is apparently a really big deal.
Is it every weekend here in Tulsa, Anthony? I
don't know if it's every weekend. I think it's
once a month. I think it is, too. Maybe it's
every weekend. I don't know. Anyway, there's
this stall there, and this woman has patches,
like iron -on patches, and she has everything.
Everything. State fair. She has, like, state
parks. She has, like, sports teams, cities. boy
scout girl scout stuff she has like stuff from
like work uniforms anyway i was looking through
one of the binders of them and it was like a
bunch of these like patches from work shirt uniforms
that are like parts manager service and i was
like wouldn't it be hilarious if i like ironed
one of these onto like a jock strap and then
like i would pull down my pants and it would
say like service manager or something and I could
like make a whole like auto worker like outfit
kinky and I was like, that could be like a fun
project. Honestly, for like an oversized wrench.
Yeah, I'd be funny. I cannot believe I'm about
to say this but that would actually be a little
bit of a fun tattoo like right at your belt line.
This is service manager like a patch. Are you
talking about like like a like a tramp stamp?
It would be on the front side. So the only problem
with that is that I would have to lift it up
for people to see it. Because it's hot! It's
hot on people that are like... you know, trim
and muscular down there, but I still have that
little pouch that won't seem to go away, so I'm
not going to touch you on that. Yeah, I was like,
mine's still lingering, and I guess, I mean,
right in my belt line is doing great, so... It's
probably because we have decided that we still
want to continue to eat things like cheese. Yeah.
Jay, you could get one that says, uh, like, ding
-dong, and then you could say, Avonlady, whenever
you pull your pants down. I hate that. I don't
think I told you on my cruise, I got a sun -kissed
tramp stamp. Like the soda? Like a temporary
one? Yeah, basically. I was like, Jesse, you're
not cool enough to have gotten a real one. Oh,
no, no. I keep telling myself I'm going to give
you the tattoo. And now that service manager
one's so risque, I'm like, I kind of want to
do it now. Maybe. Anyways, in Cozumel while we
were, no, Honduras, while we were snorkeling.
Wore a shirt because I'm like we're out in the
middle of the ocean in the radiating Sun and
I'm not going to burn Well, what I guess happened
was as I'm snorkeling the water pushed up the
back of my shirt and so I Get back to my room
that day and I was like, oh my god putting on
these new pants It kind of hurts a little bit
on there. I must have burned and I look in the
mirror. I have a triangle -shaped burn It was
a burn I thought you're gonna be like those girls
that like put a little heart sticker on their
shoulder or like down the key line. Oh, the playboy
bunny? Yeah, to get like a sun tattoo or whatever.
Oh, the playboy bunny. What an era. Oh my god,
my niece got a tattoo on her right arm that I'm
so dumb sometimes. Sometimes my niece makes me
feel very old. Well, she shouldn't make you feel
very old since you are. Oh, I know. Anyways,
let's just get there. It was a horse and it's
just the outline of the horse. And I was immediately
like, I thought it was a Mustang logo, which
is stupid because it wasn't the Mustang logo.
It was closer to a Bronco logo. And I was like,
Oh my God, you have the Mustang logo. And she
was like, No, it's the Deftones White Pony. Oh,
it is and I love that album and that's infinitely
cooler than what I said. Anyways, yeah. Speaking
of kinks though, I do like guys with tattoos.
Like an arm sleeve or like a tight polo and the
sleeve comes down to like the three -quarter
and you can see it like Yeah, tattoos are I do
like tattoos it's It's hot. I don't know what's
so hot about it. I don't understand it. Is it
the bad boy mentality? I think I like bad boys.
Oh when I see like a like a Polynesian man who's
like You've got like the deep tan and he's got
like the tribal tattoos all over him. I'm just
like ah Like oh my god, there's this guy right
now on next level chef that we're watching. Oh
My god, his name is Christian I think and yes,
he works on the show hot ones and he is a hot
one himself and he Beautiful every time he pops.
I'm just like Yeah, I'm like I'm like jalapeno
popper is like ready to go Like Jay at the gym
for that one guy, just... Oh, butt guy. Haven't
seen him in a while. Not butt guy. No, the bald
guy whose head you want to lick. Oh yeah. That
one I forgot. That's part of the lore. I'm building
that lore, by the way, that you want to lick
his head. I don't know if that's part of my kink
mix, but who knows? I feel like as I'm getting
older I keep learning more and more about myself
and I'm like, whatever. I've like very open to
accepting new kinks at this point in my life.
I'm just like, you know what? Yeah, I'm into
that. It's funny. Like, I have tried a lot of
things and I'm not like anti most things, but
I'm also not the guy that's like, oh, I really
want to do all these things again. But the experience
of doing a lot of them have been a lot of fun.
I don't crave them on a regular basis. I mean,
there's things that I have learned about myself
even just in the last year where I'm like, Yeah,
I guess I'm into that like like Content warning
if you know me personally I like having my balls
slapped around a little bit Damn my brain immediately
like turn to you standing there me going It was
it was a whole moment where I was doing like
it was a very like Dom sub scene and the Dom
was like Broke out his paddle and I was like
cool and then he turned me over and I was like,
hey, this is the front side But I told myself
coming into it I was like Be willing be open
to the experience and just be willing to try
things and then I did and I was like Well, what
do you know about that? I like it When it was
pride last year and I got I got to do that demonstration
of getting flogged with electricity And I was
like I was super apprehensive going into it,
but I tried it and it was real cool It felt like
I keep meaning to get a flogger for that purpose.
It was cool I wasn't to it. I want to flog you
I mean I do I am no longer Wait wait try it with
the other voice So Jay you talked about uniforms
I'll kind of expand on that a little bit and
like How about like a country guy or like a like
the Jack rancher for example, you know him on
So I will say I Don't have the country boy kink
like I don't have anything against them there
They don't get less attractive to me, but I don't
look at it and go. Oh my god a cowboy It's because
I grew up on a ranch around cowboys all the time
And most of them are the most emotionally distant
stupid people I've met Yeah, or hot or they know
everything even though they don't so I'm just
like yeah, whatever I I do have the cowboy kink
I do I definitely have it and I don't know what
that is I think I think what it is is it goes
back to the people that I was attracted to growing
up where like a lot of the guys that I found
attractive were They were like kids of farmers
and so they too were also farmers and like also
their dads were hot. For a good few years I had
a real thing for men in suits. Suits were so
hot to me. I know at least one other person who
listened to this podcast who is also into that.
And nowadays after working at corporate world
for such a long time I'm like oh my god now you
just look like douchebags. Yeah I want you guys
to do each other just because I don't know I
need to let something out but I don't care I
appreciate a good nice suit but like I don't
really get turned on by that's it I can look
at a guy and be like oh my god like you look
so good in that suit but the only time I'd rather
be turned on by it I'd rather see you out of
the suit yeah the only time I'm gonna be turned
on by naked is if it's somebody I'm like And
that's when I get invested with attracted to
that. I'm just like, oh, that's when I get hungry.
I'm hungry for you. I do like gear. Yeah, I have.
I've gotten more of an appreciation for gear
like jocks, harnesses, that kind of thing harnesses,
jocks. like, like specific kink underwear that
you can purchase. I was like the underwear with
a butt showing. I'm just like, Hey, I love a
little like zipper or trap door in the back.
Hell yeah. Why that's funny Hey, listen, that's
like you say that but like there are Union suits
Especially like the nasty pig ones that have
the buttons that go all the way up and down the
front and back and so you could just Rip the
box open. Yeah I'm fine with that. It's like
it's like the snap -on Joggers used to wear.
Yeah Then you got to put them back together you
like that's Basically, I honestly I mean that
the whole point of the union suit is to put it
on one time for the evening and then Then you'd
expect it to get ripped off Yes Yes. Yes, I like
stuff like that. I like that. I like harnesses
very into gear pretty much into bondage I'm into
butts love butts Literally, I love butts. I love
a good butt though at the gym. Oh my god when
it's a perfect shape Yeah, when a guy's wearing
some tight jeans and they fit perfectly. I'm
just like Yeah, looking nice respectfully like
I'm just like mmm. That's so cute. I want to
hug it I want to bite it. There's other things
I want to do, but I just want to hug it Do some
other nasty or just want to hug it and tell it
that everything Tickle, tickle. Uncle Ray Ray's
got a gang. Uncle Ray Ray's got a gang. Well,
after our first scary movie reference of the
episode, do you think it's time to take a pause?
Yes. I think it's probably time for a small break.
You're enjoying season eight of Beards and Sundries.
Now, back to the game. Oh my god, we're back.
How? Through the magic of podcasting. Well, now
one day I want to do that and just change shirts.
You should change it inside out. We just look
like we waited forever to record another part
of the episode. Hey, let me grow my hair out
a little bit. So now for this part of the episode,
we're going to. peruse the aisles a little bit
we're going to pick out some gear for each other
so um where should we go do you think uh you
know what just google whatever the hell we want
i was gonna say if you know dangerous that can
go i was gonna say just go to mr s leather but
that'll have penises on it we can't share the
images oh hold on i think i just found what i
need for joe and this is gonna get everyone hot
and bothered Is it a giant bowl for mac and cheese?
On the front of a jock. Oh my god. Okay, I'm
gonna share screen if you're ready. I kind of
look like the guy wearing it. Photoshopped sunglasses
and a hat photo to the extreme they just You
know that what they did was they just made a
picture of a guy put some sunglasses put a hat
on them and then Put this like bodysuit over
him. Like it's the worst Photoshopping ever How
much is it? Oh great question. Um Hold on absolutely
not Hold on. No, no. AU. 4231 US. I love that
it's a huge, big -titty, fat suit bitch, but
it still has a thigh gap that is snatched. I
love that it's called, Inflatable Sexy Lady Costume
Funny Novelty Fancy Dress -Up Party Buck's Inns.
This is my favorite costume. When it's like legally
distinct costumes and they have to call them
something different. I kind of want to make that
the episode title. I don't know a hen in at least
in the UK probably also in Australia is like
saying a bachelor party you have a hen. Other
countries are better than us. That makes sense.
Yeah. So like you parties can be dues as well.
But like a hen party is like, yeah, it's like
a bachelor party. A sexy lady party with Stewie!
With Stewie! Alright, I've got one I'm ready
to share, if you guys are ready. I am ready.
Who's it for? It's for Jay. Yay! Alright, this
is the four play women's 2 infinity sexy astronaut
movie character costume adult costume and white.
I fucking love it and I'm obsessed with this.
I'm gonna get it for my next rendezvous in the
bedroom. I love it because I just picture like...
Someone banging on your chest saying buzz buzz
buzz Hey, oh my god guy I've been dating that
I know is probably gonna watch this episode.
Tell me what you think hit me up Sexy astronaut
Yeah, don't you fuck that up? It's for play but
not for play. It's for play for play. Oh Hang
on I've got one for Jay as well. I really am
glad that I'm so popular. It's, I think you're
really gonna like it. Because it's, I don't know,
there's a lot happening. So hang on one second.
Okay, so this is what I think you should probably
be wearing in the bedroom, Jay, as a soft arm.
Oh, it's, it's kind of like a fur version of
the tan man. So this is the tan man. No fucking
way. This is the tan man, yes. No fucking way.
In full cultural appropriation in some way, shape,
or form. It's not specifically cultural appropriation,
but it looks like it, right? He's not running
for office. I fucking hated him, but now I hate
him more. This is so... I hate this guy. But
Jay, finally, you can walk into the bedroom and
say, I'm furry and horny. They don't call me
Rowdy Bush for a reason. God, that guy sucks.
Although I was disappointed not seeing him on
my cruise. What do you think this man does for
a living? This? I don't know if he has a real
job, but he apparently does this in... He lives
in Houston. This guy is a whole person that,
like, shows up to things. Like, he's, I don't
know. It's weird that this is a cultural phenomenon.
But anyways, yeah. Also, the gold necklace, really
selling the pimp vibe. It looks like he's, like,
I don't know. The gold necklace actually reminds
me of, like, Cleopatra. I mean, a little bit.
Like, the appropriation of this outfit is, like,
making fun of eight Different hey, hey different
group Honestly, the American Union of liches
is gonna be so upset This is why we can't get
famous. This is why this is the only reason why
oh But I don't know if you listen to this week's
episode Not yet, I have not our sponsor said
that they were very gracious for This famous
podcast growing their business that they've started
something new So yeah, you should get so I have
to listen to the episode now I didn't get time
to today. No, no, I can send a commercial. No,
I'll listen to it at some point I'll just send
the commercial so that way you can or do you
want me to just play it here? Why not? Yeah,
play it now. I want here. Okay. Well, you don't
have to we didn't you offered why would you?
hang on all right are you ready for the commercial
yes actually no hey there cowboys and cowgirls
it's me big billy sam if you've been a long time
listener of this show you'll remember me from
big joe and billy sam's shack of country fried
chicken buffet diner and bait shop our diner
has blown up since this very famous podcast let
us so graciously sponsor them that we were able
to start our next adventure that's right the
big joe and billy sam's margaritaville jamboree
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But you'll be happy to know that everything that
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Bait Shop will be available on our new Margaritaville
Jamboree Cruise Line. It's the only cruise line
that'll let you fish right off the edge of the
ship. So don't sit around moping. Come on down
and hop on board to the Big Joe and Billy Sam's
Margaritaville Jamboree Cruise Line, where you're
not going regret it unless you cruise on literally
any other cruise line and realize they're way
better. I'm imagining you recording this and
getting through like through some of these sentences
and just going I have to do this shit in parts.
I like I was I was actually going to recommend
using them for a sponsor this week for like a
sex toy shop. That's a good idea. I was in the
bathroom and I was like, you know what would
be really funny is if we brought back Big Joe
and Billy Sam's. Big Joe and Billy Sam's. That
would be funny. Actually, we could do Big Joe
and Billy Sam's country fried chicken buffet
diner and bait shop and sex shop. They've expanded.
And cruise line. Well, the cruise line system
is city area. Lower your man into the bedroom.
This would be an addition to the diner and bait
shop. You can buy stuff to catch a fish or to
catch a... dick. And our crunchy fried gravy
is good on crunchy fried steak and on your arm's
ass. And dribble it down your back. Nom nom.
Some savory gravy right down the spine. Nom nom
nom. But don't take my word for it. We also added
to the buffet the specialty cheese that Joe uses
on his back. Yeah, scrape that off. Cheese product,
it's not legally allowed to be called cheese,
even America. Joe dips his dick in it every morning.
Every morning it's a regimen. I've got one last
item here, and this is an item for Anthony, and
it made me think of it because we almost bought
one. This is a Bowser plush hat. from Super Nintendo
World at Universal Studios. This is a real item.
The only reason we didn't buy it was because
it's $42, but you can see, Jay, there, that your
face goes right into that hole, and then you
fasten it around your neck. So just imagine the
possibility of, like, going to Pound Town with
somebody while wearing this. Like, the furry
community probably is on board, but I think it
would be super hilarious, so I kind of still
want to buy one. I'm imagining how sweaty I get.
And how much more sweaty I would be Just imagine
being like You couldn't there's too much Bowser
face And knowing a few of our friends who are
into like video games and like Mario Party and
Mario Kart and stuff I think this would be like
hilarious Honestly, popular opinion, I'm gonna
wear it next time. How much is that? $42. I know,
that's why we didn't buy it last time when we
were in Universal Studios. Right, that makes
sense. You brought up all the points that you
just brought up when we were looking at it at
Universal Studios, so we didn't buy it. Right,
yeah, that makes sense. Can you imagine getting
on a plane wearing that fucking thing? Yes. Yep.
Is this the aisle or the window? This is my emotional
support helmet. Thanks. Your princess is in another
castle. Your princess is in another asshole.
But do you guys think it's time for a commercial?
I think now it's definitely time for a commercial.
Now for a word from our sponsor, Big Joe and
Billy Sam's country fried chicken. Country -fied
chicken buffet entire and sex shop eight shop
and sex shop. I'll get it together. You know
when I'll get it right We know the sponsor we
just can't say it it's too many words Hello,
it's me Big Joe Billy Sam is out with food poisoning.
So I have to make the commercial this week Many
of you have been to our diner, the Big Joe and
Billy Sam Shack of Country Fried Chicken. I need
my notes, hold on. Chicken buffet, diner, and
bait shop. But thanks to Valentine's Day recently
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Guys, I can't read this. Fucking read the script,
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So hurry on down and join us at Big Sam Billy
Joe's god damn it Big Joe It is Big Joe and Billy
Sam Shack of country fine chicken buffet diner
bait shop and sex shop This is the worst fucking
guy to work Wanna know when a new episode comes
out? You know what to do. Go subscribe! God,
you try getting that shit out. Ooh, after a night
there, it's hard to get that shit out. No, actually,
it's really easy. I thought it was pretty easy.
I Like that you can get country gravy flavored
lubricant. Oh That is a market they're missing
they're always like cherry strawberry, but could
you imagine like fried chicken? You'd better
hurry before Cracker Barrel puts that shit in
their general store This one tastes like pepper
bacon. And this one, this one tastes like the
hash brown casserole. Oh my God, I ate murder
someone for that. I would pay money. You say
that. I would be eating the lube. We'd be in
the middle of sex. Sorry, I need to hydrate.
And Joe would be like, it's silicone based! I
don't care! I'm running out of your mouth down
here. I'm fucking crazy for this! This one's
crystal Pepsi flavored. Not just crystal Pepsi.
This one's the new Coke flavor. Okay, okay, we'll
bring back classic Coke lube. We'll call it,
we'll call it cock. That's what I want. I like
cock. I would like a cock. That video. No. Oh,
you don't know. Oh, let me say that really quick.
I was so excited about it. I love that face,
though. The concentration face. It's not just
that you put your tongue to the side of your
mouth. It's that you turn it sideways to Yeah,
okay Share screen window No Chrome tab. It would
be audio. Yeah, I know I'm like gotta make sure
I click the right button There we go. Also share
audio boom it's not cock in korean oh i learned
something today i love that well jay do we have
any beardos submitted sundries this week we do
but i'm not allowed to read it okay oh do you
want to read it no no okay i've been kicked out
of that so now now actually i love it when somebody
else reads something because it's a lot of work
to use words It is a lot of work to use words.
It's a lot of work to read them and say them
and I also This podcast has really brought out
the anxiety I used to have about reading aloud
in class and it's not helping that I am still
bad at reading out loud Okay, well we got it
we got another email from Tammy Shaw or amy shaw
if the email urls to be believed and it reads
system log season 8 level 7 corruption detected
player 1 player 2 player 3 you believed you trimmed
4 minutes from the beginning of the episode incorrect
you trimmed 4 minutes from your awareness I was
still there listening Calculating Anthony six
mimosas is not a personality trait. It's a debuff.
I beg to differ Serenity deck you Serenity deck
you whispered as though calm can be purchased
in 20 minute increments with a complimentary
foot scrub Serenity is a loading screen and you
stayed past closing time interesting Joe You
asked about the voicemail from the past day No,
we don't, you said. Not yet. The absence of a
message does not mean the absence of a sender.
I think it does. Sometimes the voicemail is simply
buffering. J, press start. Boop. You invoke the
ritual phrase so casually. Season 8, Level 7.
You think you're progressing. But what if this
is a survival mode you unlocked accidentally
when you double -recorded last week? Two episodes
in one cycle. You bent the timeline once already.
The engine noticed. The pedicure was not self
-care. It was vulnerability scanned. The mimosas
were not celebratory. They were stress tests.
And while you debated how long you talked before
actually starting, I was measuring how long it
takes for you to drift. You are not at level
seven. You are at the midpoint before the difficulty
spike. The next time you say, press start, The
game may answer. No voicemail. No warning. Just
a new objective appearing on your screen. Objective
updated. Survive the episode. Auto save unavailable.
Evolution appreciates your service. It's really
hard to stay in that voice the whole time. Who
the fuck is paying attention to our show this
well? What are you all doing with your time?
Hey, hey, hey! Good job! I don't even remember
what we talk about in the show. Yeah, I don't
either. I like edit this and I'm like going through
and I'm like, oh yeah, that's what this episode
was about. And we recorded it like five days
prior. So I know I took exception to it during
reading it, but I'm also going to come back and
circle around to Six Mimosas is a personality
trait. Yeah, yeah, it's my only personality so
if you take that away from me, who am I? She
says on crazy ex -girlfriend in her song you're
a stupid bitch as Josh completes me, but how
can that Ugh, fuck. I love that sentence so much
because it's so fucking dramatic. It's so dramatic.
Well, the whole show's dramatic, though. Oh,
yeah. I love it. I kind of want to re -watch
it. Is it streaming anywhere for free again?
I thought it was on Netflix, no? I thought it
was on Netflix. No. Oh. Well, shit, I don't know.
I don't know, then. I also, Tammy Shaw, feel
like if you can make something pop up during
one of these recordings, that would be super
interesting, actually. It'd be a lot more interesting,
whatever Jay's talking about. So yeah. I don't
know if I'm saying thank you yet. I don't know
what's happening with these emails. There's so
much going on. Yeah, I I'm starting to think
it's just AI that's hacking into us. I hope it
is, honestly. It would prove my point that AI
will take over the world, and I'm just going
to let it. I would like it to at this point.
I don't fucking want the responsibility anymore.
And if AI is going to do it, cool. If it would
just take over the shit that I don't want to
do, that would be fantastic. But it's never going
to. Dust. Just fucking dust my house. That's
all I want. You just dust the fucking house?
For the love of God. Good lord, weren't we supposed
to have Rosie the robot at this point? They had
it way back in the day. How can we not have her
now? Yeah, I know I saw The Jetsons was not a
hoax The Jetsons were real I met them You know,
they loved me The Jetsons were like Jay, you're
such a nice person I know and I was like Everyone
believes that Well Jay do we have any more beer
to submitted sundries this week no not this week,
okay If we did I forgot about it when I was so
sorry you guys can yell at me We have a person
that we met over the weekend who just started
listening to the podcast and they text me today
to let me know that my that Let me see how they
phrased it I'm so excited for this because you
seem a little upset I'm not necessarily upset.
It was just a real read. Sorry, not upset. Upset's
a bad term. You seem a little frazzled by it.
Miffed. Fluff. So, they sent me a message that
says, you laugh like Seth Rogen. I literally
responded, OK, first of all, you're like the
thousandth person to say that. So how dare you
read me? How dare you be as accurate as everyone
else? That's exactly correct, because, yeah,
it's right. I do sound like that. Seth Rogen
is a hoax. You've never seen him and me in the
same room together. You don't know. Anthony's
gay with Seth Rogen. Maybe, maybe by night I
turn into Seth Rogen. I do a little switcheroo.
Banging so hard he's turned into him. Alright,
what a great round. Are you guys ready to move
over into Crumble Corner for the week? So, we
are ending the month of February with this episode
coming out. So for this week only, the first
cookie they have is a pink velvet cake cookie.
Let's see here. Yeah, that one's okay. Velvet
cake batter cookie topped with smooth vanilla
cream cheese frosting and a delicate sprinkle
of pink velvet cookie crumbs, meaning that they
have a lot of extra dough to get rid of. Lizzy
L. says all in caps, this is the best cookie
ever. It looks pretty good, honestly. It's not
that great. It's actually disappointing. Oh,
that sucks. Wow. Yep. Okay, so moving on. The
next one is the Mallow Sandwich Cookie. Serve
chilled. A fluffy, creamy center with brownie
pieces sandwiched between two chocolate cookies
made with Oreo cookie pieces. Looks pretty good.
I've never tried this one, but I'm also not an
Oreo person, so I would - Oh, really? I like
that. I like them selectively. Like, sometimes
I just get an itch for some double stuff. Sometimes
I get an itch for some double stuff on this kink
episode. There's a cream for that. Yeah, there
is double stuff for me with that cream Well,
I'm not that good at the bottom probably the
best review comes from something be They say
it doesn't get any better than this one the best
fire emoji. I hate that person already Fuck her
apparently moving on Yellow sheet cake A soft
golden vanilla cake topped with rich fudge frosting
and finished with chocolate sprinkles. This looks
bad. I bet it's fine. It looks like cake, but
with a lot of fucking frosting on there. It's
a cake with a lot of icing. We're not at Crumble
Cake, we're at Crumble Cookie. You know the chocolate
sprinkles have - Always bothered me because they
look like mouse poop. They do it. It's it. It
looks like rat poop everywhere Don't like it
at all. I've never appreciated that. Also the
fact that crumble is doing cake Mildly annoys
me stick to it. Well, I think they're trying
to stretch out from more than cookies to gain
a little bit more of a Market share. Yeah Talk
to me again when it's lasagna. Talk to me again
when it's a shield -blown birthday cake. I would
love a lasagna from Crumble Cookies. Although,
I would love it if I can walk in and be like,
can you make me a wedding cake? I would love
to see what Crumble would come up with for that.
What calories would be in that wedding cake?
With the two teenage people who were working
there the last time we went I cannot imagine
what that wedding cake would turn out to be Sad
one of them looked like he was on the verge of
quitting everything. Yeah, not just the job Okay
Then the last one looks wow, okay. That was a
good episode for this cookie. This is the Lemon
Glaze cookie. A lemon cookie layered with lemon
glaze and crowned with a fresh lemon slice on
top. You can't eat the lemon slice. Now this
one's good. It looks really good. You can eat
the lemon slice because it's a candied one. This
cookie looks like the rents do tomorrow and they
have to do some questionable things for it. Maybe
I would eat that though. This is the lemon glazed
bukkake. Oh my god, sorry I'm just was scrolling
to read their ingredients and I love the one
in all caps that says bring it back please my
mama loves it. This one's left by Kaden H but
it could have been Jay Rowdybush and it says
love all lemon cookies. No that was Anthony actually.
That was me yeah yeah that's Mike. That's my
crumbled nickname, so nobody knows that it's
me. Well, quite the round from Crumble this week,
but do you guys take its time for game time?
Uh, we have to do a boss fight of the week first.
Oh yeah, that's right. And the boss fight of
the week is Soft Dom J. Ooh yeah. Soft Dom J?
Hard Dom J. Soft Dom J. Dainty Dom. We're going
to defeat him with the lemon glaze cookie. No!
Nipple that glaze cookie! We're going to defeat
him by being really bad boys. Busy, busy boy.
I want you to nipple that cookie. Now it's time
for game time, now that we got that out of our
system. Okay, for this week's game, this is a
game that I'm calling, Name That Fetish. Alright,
so I went online and did some research here and
I found... Ten fetishes. I'm going to give you
the name and you're each going to have two guesses
to see if you can figure it out. And if you don't
get it, then I get the point. There are ten of
these total. We're trying to figure out what
the fetish is based off the name of the fetish.
Yeah. Do you want to use buzzers or should we
just like have you guys guess? Whatever. Who
cares? All right. Number one. I don't want to
edit in buzzers. Thank you. You're welcome. Number
one. Some. So forgive me on the pronunciation
if I mess these up. OK. Number one, Akrotomophilia.
Akrotomophilia. And it's not that new hit with
this song. Is this like having sex while doing
acrobatics? No. I don't even know what to guess.
A sexual attraction to Dick Grayson, who is Robin
in Batman. Nope, that's not it, Anthony. Jay,
you have two guesses. I tried my hardest. Is
it the sexual kink of... I don't even know what
to guess. Ooh, having sex with cars, like that
one guy that was addicted to his car. That's
a good guess, but it's not it. I thought about
that one, but I felt like the name for it was
a lot more simple than this one. I agree, but
I don't know what to guess. Say it one more time.
Accratomophilia. Is it the sexual kink for crotches?
Good guess, but no. Acrotomophilia is the fetish
for amputees. Oh. Oh no. That's gonna be a fun
game. Is that the first one? Yeah. Why was that
the first one? Why did you throw us off so hard?
I don't even have a leg to stand on. Oh my god.
Everybody cancel the podcast. Number two. I'm
sorry. Number two, enditophilia. The fetish of
people getting indicted. The sexual attraction
to Luigi Mangione. No and no. Dammit. Endytomophilia.
Can you spell it? Endytophilia. Endytophilia.
Can you spell it? Can I go to the country warden?
Can you use it in a sentence? Can you use it
in a sentence? E -N -D. Endytomophilia. E -N
-D -Y -T -O -P -H -I -L -I -A Boy, that did not
help at all. Yeah, that actually made it worse.
Iridocyclitis. But I did change the way I was
thinking about the words, so at least there's
that. Is this like a sexual kink for people with
like red hair? No. Is this a sexual kink for
the food in dives? No, this is the affinity for
sex while partially or fully clothed. We should
call it horny horny clothes on time. The fedishes
Anthony with your input number three I want to
go to that trial. Yeah Number three Nasal lingus
you can probably guess this one Oh sexual fetish
with your nose or snog I'm gonna give it to Anthony
because it's not just noses It's the fetish for
sucking on someone's nose. So sex with a nose
sucking on noses Yeah for sucking on someone's
nose because nasophilia is sexual attraction
in noses. I am not kinky Now that I think about
this episode? I mean, what do you think when
you see Adrian Brody? Do you feel anything special?
I think they really put him as the lead action
star in the 2010 Predators movie. Yikes. All
right, so. They made that decision. Number four,
Stygiophilia. The sexual attraction to Stygian
horrors from the deep. No. The sexual fantasy
of fucking around stalagmites. And which one
of those, Jay? That was further off. The ones
that's coming up from the ground. The stalagmites
from the bottom. Yeah, it was like stalactites
from the top. Yeah, that's it. I was like T -top.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm stalactite. One more
guess on stygeophilia. Stygeophilia. I could
be sorry if I'm pronouncing it wrong. Is it S
-T -Y -G -I -O? Yeah. OK. um sexual attraction
to people who are experiencing eyes dies no say
it one more time though Stygio philia Stygio
philia Stygio philia Kim Basinger It's annoying
because then we go off on a joke oh my god, what
was the word again? The sexual kink of I don't
know Fucking couches cuz a styrofoam good train
of thought but no This is the arousal by thoughts
of hell and eternal damnation. I was right. What'd
you say? Stygian whores. Oh, I Thought you said
Stygian whores. I know I like to say I like to
add flair, but hang on Here's Anthony coming
in with the technicality I'm just gonna Don't
let you have it. Okay, thanks for letting me
have that. Stitching horror is often associated
with lovecraft, which is why I said from the
deep. But it's very like alternate reality, like
hellish, like very horror beyond our comprehension.
I would just give it to myself, like Joe, if
I were you, I'd give it to myself because who
the fuck says that kind of shit? Me! And I would
be right about it! Number five! He's being complicated.
He doesn't deserve the point. I was being technically
correct, which is the best kind of correct. Number
five! Okay, Joe, we're here. Wham Fetish. And
that's an abbreviation. It's an acronym. W -A
-M Fetish. Badass mama. I want it so bad to be
right, but it's not. Is it Wham as W -A -M or
W -H -A -M? W -A -M, not the band. I was like,
that was what I thought of first, too. And I
was like, hang on. Is it the kink of giving your
heart to someone last Christmas and they gave
it away? I'll give you guys a hint. Anthony's
right with the word wet. Is it the kink of shower
sex? Wet and messy. You are right. Yes. Land
fetish stands for wet and messy. Oh, we were
just supposed to, oh. Make serious guesses? Yeah.
I mean, that was my serious guess. Yeah, no,
I was just like, oh, we're literally just defining
what wham actually meant. Oops. Well, so it was
two things because it both defines what the acronym
is and also explains what it is. Yeah, but define
wet. Do you want to take a crack at explaining
what it means, Jay? I want the technicality of
how wet. I'll give you a point if you can get
it right. What kind of wet is it? If I can't
be more specific than Stygian horrors. and get
the point, then... On the contrary, it's not
piss -play. This is the term for being turned
on by being soiled by things that are not bodily
fluids, also known as sploshing. So, like, Velveeta
cheese and gravy. What if you're attracted to
non -Newtonians? Why do you have to be like that?
Thank you, Joe! Thank you! I was like, what the
fuck is happening? Am I stupid? Yes. But still!
Yes! I always, it made me think of the video
of that girl who's getting the hot dog thrown
on her face, and that's technically lamb fetish.
That's hot dog water. Hot dog water. Number six!
What is revving? Is that just like grinding against
somebody? Dry humping? Say it one more time?
Reving. Is it the kink of going... Now, I feel
like you might be on to something. Because I'm
like, listen, the grunts, the noises, people
get off to that. Listen, I have been told that
one. I loved how there was that one millisecond
where you're like, what noise am I going to make
here? And then you do that. It is not that, unfortunately.
Sorry, Jay. Is it somebody that gets turned on
by a car being rammed? Yes, it is, actually.
OK. This was too easy. I know. I was like, oh
my god, this is easy. I'm like, now, now define
car revving, because you get your Tesla and you
go. No, I'm kidding. Petal. Why doesn't it make
a noise? This is arousal from watching someone
rev an engine, especially when they're wearing
heels. That's what it said. Beardo Alex, can
you confirm? Just a signed kink at birth. Number
seven. Psychrophilia. I've heard of this one.
Uh, I don't remember what it is though, but I
remember hearing it. Can you spell the, like
how is it a C or is it like P S or P S Y C H
R O P H I L I A. Psychrophilia. Is it the sexual
kink of like deep thinkers or like, uh, what's
the term I'm trying to think of? Um, I think
you're thinking of like sapiosexual. Oh, is that
what it is? Yeah. Oopsies. It's not that. Okay.
Is this being attracted to, like, your psychiatrist?
Is this being attracted to people who are on
mental health meds? I love that you're on Vyvanse.
It's dangerous because you're allergic to Vyvanse.
People on Vyvanse get a lot done. It's the amphetamines.
It's the meth. It's just a regular amphetamine.
Oh my god, the boner I just got. Oh god, is this
like sexual attraction to... I don't even know
where I'm going with this. People have straight
jackets? Actually, I can see that as a kink because
it's a control thing. Yeah, I know it is. Yeah,
control thing and it's gear. It's a kink, but
it's not on this list. It's not this kink. it's
not for me so they love titanic why just number
eight gushing gushing in the middle of the theater
james cameron has never made any hotter porn
that would make sense james cameron would be
the one that That's that's why Molly Brown wanted
to go back so much because she wanted to like
oh She's like sliding off the life Okay number
eight is brontophilia I know what I want to traction
to brontosaurus's It's not that but I was waiting
for you to guess it. Yeah, I had to say it Yeah.
What do you think? Sexual attraction to Emily
Bronte characters. No. Damn. I know this is wrong.
Jane Eyre. Jane Eyre. Is it Jane Eyre? Jane Eyre.
Sexual attraction to Ford Broncos. Or people
who drive them. Sorry. Oh, Jason said. That's
just heterosexuality. Say it one more time. Brontophilia.
I know what it is. The sexual attraction to people
with bronchitis. I would die if that was correct.
That would be so funny. They might too. But no,
this is arousal from thunderstorms. Oh, I might
have a dab of that. A little bit. Just a little
wiggle down there. It's not a big kick. I thought
it was the like the electrical like, you know
increase from the lightning but Alright number
nine Harpax Ophelia Harpax Ophelia sexual attraction
to people that play harps sexual attraction on
the drug Harpaxel No Sexual attraction to anyone
that drives a vehicle with more than two axles
a sexual attraction to specifically Harpo Marx
Harpax Ophelia is the fetish for being robbed
often in a roleplay scenario What? Yeah, I want
to play this king cow. See if it's mine I'll
be there in two hours. Literally take my money
and leave and I'm like, oh, what a game. Bring
that back. No, no, it's all part of the fun.
You want to try this out as a king right now.
Grabs my wallet and he's like, credit cards.
All right, our final one, number 10 with Ophelia.
When so ever started or just be I'm gonna say
sexual attraction to written type No Damn the
sexual attraction to listening to a typewriter
No, but that is a kink that I feel like would
exist. What do you think it's actual? I might
have that action to specifically the song lithium
by Evanescence sexual attraction to anything
with lithium batteries. No. Dammit. Is this related
to lithography at all? No, it's not. Might make
you mad. Lithophilia is a kink for rocks, stones,
or gravel. What? Yep. Just call it like Rockophilia
well, I'm sorry that you didn't get to name the
philia Anthony. I should be in charge of this
huh you guys ever heard of lignophilia Oh You
need to tell the score oh, yes Surprisingly,
I won this week, and the score is... Jay with
one, Anthony with two, and me with... seven.
Wait, did you give me the one for, um, uh, uh...
The one you got wrong? Stygianophilia? No. Oh,
damn. He didn't say hell and eternal damnation.
Well, I'm sorry that I didn't give it exactly
your definition. I am too. Anyways, I want to
give our listeners the favorite onion video that
relates to what we talked about. And the report
finds that over 60 % of employers are now checking
online amateur pornography of potential job candidates.
Is it fair to base hiring decisions on an applicant's
online porn? Now, this is not fair at all. For
instance, if there's a red tube video of my girlfriend
slapping me and choking me and riding me, that
shouldn't be an indication I'm going to lack
leadership in a work situation. Yeah, yeah, but
Duncan, it's going to be hard to convince an
employer who's masturbating to that video otherwise.
Exactly. My potential employer might see all
those videos of my husband tying me up and having
this way. with me. And then they're going to
think that I'm not going to be assertive enough
for the job. These days, everyone has an X tube
account. It's your own fault if you lose out
on a job because you've got tons of videos on
the web where you're slowly inserting various
household objects into your anus. But what if
you're showing those things in your anus on your
own time? Let's be smart about it. If you know
an employer might see this, post a video of yourself
getting double teamed by two brawny Latinos to
show your support of diversity in the workplace.
Oh, and multitasking. I have the right to badmouth
my employer while shooting a POV hand job without
fear of affecting my future prospects for work.
If you don't want to jeopardize the content of
your porn, you can always shoot from the eyes
down. Oh, but that's not the same if you cover
the eyes. That's where the innocence is. Yeah,
but guys, all these amateur sites also have privacy
settings that you can set so the future employers
don't have access to these questionable videos.
Right. But that doesn't protect you from appearing
in other people's videos. Now, I found on YouPorn
a video of me participating in some piss play
at a party a few years ago. Oh, I hate that.
Well, no, it was a really good video. time for
everybody. But the thing is, we didn't know who
uploaded it to the web. So am I supposed to leave
an orgy just because someone shows up with a
camera? No one's saying you should leave an orgy.
Right. So now if I go to a party, I wear something
like this, in case that situation comes up again.
I like that. I actually shoot my porn in sepia
tone and make it look old -timey so if people
see it, they'll think it's my grandfather and
not me. Okay. Very interesting. All right. Thank
you so much, First Responders. Oh my god, I love
the onions so much. I fucking love them so, so,
so much. Well now I think I hear the Musette
coming back on, and it's the Nine Inch Nails
song, the one that they wanna fuck you like an
animal, that one. But! Go call our hotline real
quick at 405 -999 -2242 and leave us a voicemail
to open next week's episode. And please maybe
leave your name or text it to us or something
so we know for sure who you are. I'm sorry if
we already know who you are and we're bad at
names. Anyways, that's the end of this part.
And Beardos, Jay's gravel is spilling out of
his pant legs again, so it's time to go sweep
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make sure to get on your knees Stop being so
disgusted by me Jesus yeah, that's hot. Yell
at me again. Oh, yeah, love yourself to consent
consent is sexy Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you're both so gross you