1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,120
CZ Studio and Radio Verte presents The Wild Wind by Corey Zimmerman.

2
00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:27,320
Chapter 19.

3
00:00:35,120 --> 00:01:03,120
A manual bookbinder.

4
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:10,840
A hard worker. He worked much harder than the other grave diggers. Alone he could dig six,

5
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:17,280
seven, eight graves a day. And when the others took a break, Book kept on digging. To Book,

6
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:21,040
a break was nothing more than an opportunity for his nerves to return.

7
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:26,520
Hey Book, come take lunch. We ain't never gonna see the end of these holes anyhow,

8
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:32,920
said Hank. Book kept digging. Come on Book, come have a sandwich, said Charlie.

9
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,040
And with a sigh, Book finally dropped his shovel.

10
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:42,040
The diggers always ate lunch under a large twisted tree on the edge of the ravine by

11
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:47,120
a small stone bluff covered in carvings. The primitive art of grave diggers of the

12
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:53,240
recent past. Hank, a round man, pointed up at the tree with a full mouth of ham sandwich.

13
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:59,080
This tree right here? This is the hanging tree. I know three of the Dunhung themselves right here.

14
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:05,520
Charlie, tall and slender, mid-twenties, his red hair swooped out from under his sweat-stained

15
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,960
cap. Said to Hank, that ain't true. Where do you hear that?

16
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:15,320
Book arched his long neck back to look at the tree. Just last summer, old Johnny Dickens'

17
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:19,600
wife left him for another man, his own brother. And Dunh broke all the chairs in the house,

18
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:24,200
his own brother raising his boy and all. Well, then he got word that he was hitched.

19
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:30,120
Then he wound up here with us. Imagine that. Everyone listened attentively, except Rich.

20
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:34,320
Rich was annoyed. He was always annoyed. And he sat off at a distance,

21
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,360
consumed in a cigarette and a cup of coffee he had just poured from his thermos.

22
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:43,400
Rich was the self-imposed boss of the crew, and some actually wondered if he was a patient or

23
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:49,000
an employee of the Hilltop. No one really knew, but they did know he was the grumpy son of a bitch.

24
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:54,840
Hank continued, Well, one day he took a rope, tied it to this here branch, and that morning

25
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:59,600
we found him dead as a dough now. Yep, eyes popped out and everything. Next thing we knew,

26
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,680
he was digging his hole. That poor old bastard was in the ground by sundown.

27
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,720
Hank looked over at Rich. Cup of coffee?

28
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,480
Bring your own damn coffee. Rich barked.

29
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:16,400
You grumpy bastard, said Hank. Then a week later, well, Timmy Rogers went

30
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:20,800
to school with him, lost a leg on the track or something. Well, he spent some time at the

31
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:26,000
poor house. Now he showed up just in time to take Dickens advice. We dug his hole too.

32
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:30,080
Right over yonder, Hank nodded to the right. Charlie then said,

33
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,560
You said three, Hank, and Rich threw his cigarette down and said,

34
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:49,120
Alright y'all, story time is over. Staring at the sun, staring at nothing,

35
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:55,200
talking to the sun, talking to no one, walking in circles, marching in place,

36
00:03:55,200 --> 00:04:02,480
spinning around, skipping, hopping, tiptoeing, hollering, whispering, knocking, rocking,

37
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:07,760
sitting in silence, shaking the head, shaking the hands, slapping the face,

38
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:12,800
pulling the hair, sticking the tongue, shaking the finger, clapping the hands,

39
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:18,480
hugging the self, singing to the self, crying, lying, laughing, and lying in the grass.

40
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:27,000
All things I learned growing up on the hilltop. As I sit here before my typewriter, my hands shake,

41
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:34,920
my heart speeding disturbingly rapid. I feel weak, lightheaded, and I panic. I slide against

42
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:42,520
the wall and down the stairs and out the house, fighting vertigo every step of the way. Outside,

43
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:48,280
I collapse to the ground where I gasp for air, my chest heaving as I cling onto the grass with

44
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:54,840
my fists. I lie on my back and let the sun calm me, and as it slowly warms my nerves and joints,

45
00:04:54,840 --> 00:05:00,680
long frayed and knotted with time, I worry my heart might seize up like an old ford sent out

46
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:07,240
to pasture to rot and rust back into the earth. But the rich soil below provides me peace,

47
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:15,080
a trick Dr. Zola once taught me long ago, and I grow calm. After some time, I return to my desk

48
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:20,620
with steady knees. I stretch out my clawed and aching hands and press a dreadful key,

49
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:32,160
one of the 26 which have come to haunt me. The Rose Garden was where I first met Book

50
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:41,320
and Fanny in the eighth year of the Century of the Devil. Book was an odd fellow, but gentle

51
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:51,400
and kind. I liked him an awful lot. But it was Fanny I fell in love with. Her dreamy eyes,

52
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:57,800
she was as beautiful as the breeze. She was breathtaking, cunning like a fox. I begged

53
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:06,280
her to teach me all her tricks. We would lie in the grass and bat her eyes like butterfly wings,

54
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:12,320
and once I fell to the ground laughing in pain as I threw out my hip, trying to swing it in that

55
00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:19,280
way that makes the boys go wild as she would say. We'd laugh the days away, oh how I loved her so.

56
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:24,520
She showed me how to keep my ankles slim as we held her feet in the air, and she said,

57
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:29,720
you must lay upon the floor and rest your feet on the foot of your bed every morning as you dream

58
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:36,720
of love. Fanny also taught me to wash my face with buttermilk and I almost gagged watching her gutted

59
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:47,200
chicken. But we devoured the heart together for the sake of beauty. We were friends. At night we

60
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:52,860
would sneak out to moonbathe, and I'd listen to her wild adventures hoping to live half the life

61
00:06:52,860 --> 00:07:00,600
she had. She once told me she'd stolen a cow and rode it all the way from the Ozarks to Iowa,

62
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:08,640
but in all honesty I never knew what to believe, but I chose to believe it all. However, looking

63
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:13,920
back I suppose, Fanny could have gotten anyone or anything to think or do just about anything

64
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:23,080
she desired, and that made me all the more vulnerable. She was the first to tell me I was

65
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:28,920
lovely, insisting I eat plenty of your sweet potatoes Sam. They're good for the rosy cheeks,

66
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:33,840
she would say, those the boys adore. Or you can always slap yourself across the face,

67
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:40,600
whichever you prefer, and again we would laugh. I began not only to walk like her,

68
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:45,800
but dress like her, showing a little leg, talking like her, a little attitude stirred

69
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:51,240
with flattery. I pushed out my backside, arching my back as far as I could, a bit painful,

70
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:59,160
yet I did not mind. For beauty was pain, she would say. You always gotta be on the make,

71
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:05,400
especially while smelling the roses, and never forget to peek ever so slightly, ever so sexful

72
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:11,760
over the shoulder, and bat your lashes like I showed you, not once, but twice, not three

73
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:17,000
times. As you do not want to come off too loosey, and right when you catch his eye,

74
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:24,000
look away, and when you walk away, remember that sway. Keep him yearning for more, you gotta get

75
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:37,040
them hooked, hooked like a fish, that's how you get him to kill for you. On Saturdays,

76
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:42,080
as the patients stirred about freely in a beautiful dance, to music born of the most

77
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:48,240
absurd note, the three of us would go on a quest, Fanny once suggesting we shall rotate one apple

78
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:53,520
from every dining hall upon the hilltop to the next. And Book was so intense on blending in,

79
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:59,160
he would appear as though he were invading Poland as we seized the first apple, and then placing it

80
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:04,040
in the fruit bowl of the next dining hall at the expense of another identical red apple,

81
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:09,880
I could hardly keep from laughing, as Book's stiff spine protruded his head upward to a degree he

82
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:16,520
had no less than a half dozen double chins. And Fanny believed floating about like a butterfly

83
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:22,320
might make her presence more inconspicuous. It was, after all, an asylum, I suppose.

84
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:29,800
After a fool-hearted yet successful odyssey, Fanny decided to up the ante, and we made our

85
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:35,400
way for the General Hospital. Her goal was to mix up all the patients' files, which hung from a hook

86
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:40,440
at the end of each bed. Although I worried a man might wrongly have his appendix removed,

87
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:44,840
I felt so bright and alive until Book's demeanor shook me to the core.

88
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:53,720
As he grasped onto the footboard of an old sickly man's bed, they had caught eyes,

89
00:09:53,720 --> 00:10:00,720
but neither said a word, as neither could. Yet the old man's eyes glistened in a silent,

90
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:11,760
almost vacant fear. The sight was deep, painful, and exotic, until Fanny pulled Book away by the

91
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:18,960
arm, somehow whitewashing his mind with affection, an old dirty trick though lovely indeed. And I

92
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:25,960
never knew what had become of the potential Frankenstein Fanny may have created. We carried

93
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:31,960
on, between here and there, wherever we happened to be or might have gone, and we began tossing

94
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:37,800
the apple back and forth, higher and higher each time, until Book fumbled it about, and it fell to

95
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:45,280
the ground, splitting in two. Fanny picked up a half, exposing an inchworm, tiny, green,

96
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:51,400
and curious. It reminded me of a little old man, hard of sight, as it squinted its invisible eyes,

97
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:57,360
as it felt blindly confused. Fanny held it to her eye and stared at it close up,

98
00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:02,500
then plucking it out of the space where seeds grow. She leaned back her head and dropped it

99
00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:08,200
into her mouth, and Book practically had a seizure, until Fanny itched her ear and pulled

100
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:14,480
him out of its canal, whispering, Hey there, buddy. And I laughed until I might vomit. It

101
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:18,560
was the climax of the day after all, and I cannot remember much more.

102
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:35,520
I adored a boy, or rather a man. I did all I could that I might be seen. I once swallowed

103
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:43,080
a four-leaf clover with him on my mind. Love times four. The next day, he called me over and

104
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:50,000
handed me an ace of hearts, and my heart dropped. I batted my eyelashes, looking back but once,

105
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:56,400
and swung my hips as I walked away, those eyes staring at me from behind those windswept bangs,

106
00:11:56,400 --> 00:12:03,600
through the rosebushes, sheers in hand, wiping the sweat from his brow, for he was indeed a man.

107
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:11,040
I lied to myself. I was a woman, I said. My heart beat, yet in the chest of a child. Nonetheless,

108
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,680
my lips were itching for a kiss.

109
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:21,200
Mama had finished my new yellow dress on the new moon, yet having grown a few inches since she had

110
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:27,560
begun, the hem was rather short upon my thigh. It was no matter, though. I wanted to be wanted.

111
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:33,840
I wanted to be seen. I wanted so badly to be kissed, as Pa's dusty mouth had forgotten me

112
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:40,120
long ago. Now here was this beautiful man, with all eyes upon me, as I lingered about the garden,

113
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,120
in my fresh yellow dress.

114
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:49,160
I put the ace of hearts under my pillow that night, and the next afternoon he handed me a red rose,

115
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:56,200
one he had trimmed just for me, or so he said, and again as I walked away for the graveyard elm.

116
00:12:56,200 --> 00:13:03,720
My handkerchief upon my right shoulder, I turned back but once. Our eyes met, and I thought I might

117
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:11,080
faint. I giggled, I pretended to hide behind the elm, but out of nowhere his fingers snuck up on me,

118
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:18,120
and were running down the back of my neck, goose pimples down my arm. I gasped as he curled around

119
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:25,240
the tree. With a finger on my lip, my belly became afloat with butterflies, suddenly so overcome

120
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:31,480
with the most thrilling sickness. His hand clenched onto mine, his warm body pressed into mine,

121
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:38,200
the rough bark dug into my back. But it had not bothered me so, as he slowly placed his mouth upon

122
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:43,480
my quivering lips. I worried they may be chapped, as I had no time to moisten them with my tongue.

123
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:51,880
Yet he did not seem to mind. I was stunned, in ecstasy, ecstatic. Yet nerves abound as his

124
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:58,600
fingers walked up my thigh. A blinding white light came over me, and a sensation in the sweetest spot.

125
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:03,720
He pushed me harder and harder into the bark of the tree, and as it edged further into the bones

126
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:10,760
of my back, his other hand tightly around my neck, and I could hardly breathe. My pleasure had

127
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:16,920
quickly turned to fear, and I pulled away but just an inch. Just enough to see his blue eyes had

128
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:26,040
turned as black as coal. Old Scratch! He squished my twisted lips into his own, as he slivered his

129
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:34,040
split tongue down my throat, and rammed his cold crooked finger inside me. I gasped, I froze,

130
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:43,720
solid as ice, eyes widened, thighs clenched. My stomach turned in revolt, and I vomited at his feet

131
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:52,920
on his yellow boots. As he jumped back, I slipped from his grip, I wailed in terror, in humiliation.

132
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,920
My heart shattered.

133
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:06,040
Buck always worked late, long after everyone else called it quits for the day. He was knee-deep

134
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:10,520
along the ravine's edge, in a half-dug grave as the sun had begun to set.

135
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:18,840
And then he heard what sounded like a tiny giggle coming from behind the graveyard elm a ways off.

136
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:27,960
The wild one backhanded me and called me a silly, stupid bitch. He became clear to me.

137
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:37,880
He loved his boots more than me, and as I shouted and wailed, a loud clank, the likes of sheet steel,

138
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:47,120
crushing skulls, and the sound of his

139
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:58,440
breath, I opened my eyes, I touched my face, and saw blood on my fingers, and saw Buck with a shovel.

140
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:06,840
The word rung rang in my ears like the toll of a bell, as if it had been shouted a dozen times,

141
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:14,440
yet all at once. Run, Sarah, run! But I froze as I saw the wild one lying, squirming, bleeding,

142
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:22,920
and moaning at my feet. His whimper, that of a boy, a lost little boy, lost in a grown man's body,

143
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:30,040
brought to a whimper, the defeat of such a tiny girl. Run, Sarah, get out of here! And I slipped

144
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:36,280
from the grip of my own mind, fanny shaking me awake to this nightmare I ran and ran, too afraid

145
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:42,600
to look back, for I saw only a dark tunnel before me. I was scared and confused, though certainly not

146
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:49,080
as confused as he must have been, dying at Foxy's feet. You see, what that rat failed to see beyond

147
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:56,280
his windswept bangs was that Fanny was no fox at all, for she was a wild one.

148
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:06,200
My feet carrying me across the hilltop, down Paul's Row all the way home, where I kicked over every

149
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:13,000
chair to prevent the marriage of which I regretted praying for. I shattered my mirror, and Jojo dove

150
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:19,160
under the bed, and Sammy rushed in to see what might be the matter. And when you saw my tears,

151
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:25,080
you opened your arms. I wanted nothing more than to collapse into them, yet I knew you would ask,

152
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:31,800
so I pushed you away, and I ran to the barn. I hid in the loft and turned my dress inside out,

153
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:37,960
and fell to the hay in tears. Midnight became distressed and meowed about, slithering his silky

154
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:43,480
black fur upon my thigh, of which I could not stand. I kicked him off the loft and he scurried away.

155
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,640
As Rowan Beauty dug into the earth with rage, I cried.

156
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:54,520
Sam, you came out with a bowl of your sweet potatoes sprinkled with brown sugar.

157
00:17:54,520 --> 00:18:01,000
Your worrisome gaze upon me as you stood upon the ladder. I refused to look up. After some time,

158
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:07,960
you let me be, and the sweet potatoes went uneaten. I threw the dish from the loft and it

159
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:13,080
shattered, startling Rowan Beauty once more. He stomped the shards and I then noticed my

160
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:17,320
handkerchief was gone. I must have dropped it at the roots of the elm.

161
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:24,360
I stayed in the loft until dark. Lying awake through the night, Mama Nor-Paw never came

162
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:31,080
looking for me. But I sensed you, Sam, sitting on the porch well past any reasonable hour.

163
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:37,240
And when I dozed off, I awoke to my own scream as my hair was tangled with rats.

164
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:44,440
Convinced I'd give birth to the spawn of old Scratch himself, I snuck into the kitchen through

165
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:51,400
the back door, a hex I knew. But I was desperate for a half pint of vinegar and six tablespoons

166
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:59,720
of salt. I returned to the barn and gathered nine rusty nails. I could see a tear in Rowan

167
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:05,320
Beauty's eye as he continued to dig at the ground. And as he blew, I picked up a shard

168
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:11,560
and slid open my thigh, for I was a wretched thing. As the blood oozed down my leg,

169
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:17,960
in midnight returned to the scent, a stream of words pillaged my mind. And I questioned God,

170
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:24,760
do you need the devil desperately? And before these keys as I searched for words,

171
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:30,680
what type of potent God would allow such a rat to crawl up my leg? But a rat God,

172
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:37,800
a God with a twin soul, a second mind. And again I asked, what type of God must this be?

173
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:44,120
If not one we know, one who sits by a window on the hilltop, muttering profanities with his

174
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:50,680
hand down his pants. And praising the virgin nurse as she delivers your round of morning pills,

175
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:57,880
red ones round, which realign your thoughtful mind. Can good and evil exist in one? I ask you,

176
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:04,760
God, mustn't one only spend a long afternoon in the day room to reveal that truth? Now I need you,

177
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:11,960
God, just as Satan needs you, for you are nothing but God to the horned one. Silence.

178
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:16,280
Silence. Only silence.

179
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:23,560
Fine then, you shall have this day, this day to crawl up a young virgin's leg,

180
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:30,120
for I bring darkness to your night. And you shine the brightness on his day. You can have this hour

181
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:34,600
when you both agree, without you there is no me.

182
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,400
And as I picked up a shard and slit open my thigh, I wrote a sweet poem in blood.

183
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,200
The words dug in my flesh.

184
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:55,480
This hilltop rising from the banks of the currents of time, I bow to one knee only

185
00:20:55,480 --> 00:21:01,640
and surrender to the wild wind. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick in knee and

186
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:10,920
my eye, blind me to the light of day. Stallion of the wind, I need you and you need me.

187
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:34,280
Thus there is one thing we can agree, without you there is no me.

188
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,160
Silence.

189
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:53,720
For nine days I slept in the loft, and mom and norpaw ever noticed. It's Sam you kept watch over

190
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:59,000
me. And when finally baby birds seemed none too frightened, I came out with my fingers crossed

191
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:07,400
for nine long months. And I never saw that rat again. The rose bushes were not trimmed that

192
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:14,200
following day, after he had taken that second step in the grave. Over the following weeks,

193
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:20,440
Book watched the mound of dirt gradually settle, in tiny blades at brilliant green grass in search

194
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:27,800
of sun and the light of day, leaving dark secrets amongst the roots, until he could be sure the wild

195
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:35,720
one was another of the long lost and forgotten, eaten by the worms, nameless. And only then

196
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:39,720
did Book turn and walk away.