WEBVTT 00:00:00.010 --> 00:00:02.750 The inspired insights podcast is for informational 00:00:02.750 --> 00:00:05.070 and entertainment purposes only and should not 00:00:05.070 --> 00:00:07.570 be considered health advice. This podcast is 00:00:07.570 --> 00:00:09.630 not intended to replace professional medical 00:00:09.630 --> 00:00:12.529 advice. Please note that this podcast may contain 00:00:12.529 --> 00:00:14.970 discussions on sensitive topics such as mental 00:00:14.970 --> 00:00:17.550 illness, suicide, and substance use. If you are 00:00:17.550 --> 00:00:19.969 experiencing a behavior health crisis or need 00:00:19.969 --> 00:00:23.109 support, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis 00:00:23.109 --> 00:00:29.050 Lifeline by calling 988 or visiting www .988lifeline 00:00:29.050 --> 00:00:58.119 .org. Welcome back, everybody, to the Inspired 00:00:58.119 --> 00:01:01.780 Insights podcast. I'm Soren Pearson. This is 00:01:01.780 --> 00:01:05.000 Chris McLaughlin. And today we have a lovely 00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:06.819 guest. Would you like to introduce yourself? 00:01:07.260 --> 00:01:10.439 Lovely. Thank you. Lovely. My name is Suzanne 00:01:10.439 --> 00:01:13.920 Carver. I am a writer and an authenticity coach, 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:17.180 and I coach people how to reclaim their truest 00:01:17.180 --> 00:01:20.019 selves and cultivate the courage to live as that 00:01:20.019 --> 00:01:22.799 in this world and really know their own unique 00:01:22.799 --> 00:01:27.409 brilliance. I have been excited about this episode 00:01:27.409 --> 00:01:30.870 since we ran into each other recently. And I'm 00:01:30.870 --> 00:01:32.769 just going to say right up front, Soren, you 00:01:32.769 --> 00:01:36.010 know this. We have another Swifty at the table. 00:01:36.430 --> 00:01:40.609 And so there may be some more quotes today, some 00:01:40.609 --> 00:01:44.629 stories. Just be ready. Be prepared. Yeah. I 00:01:44.629 --> 00:01:47.150 need to put my guards up now. Yeah. I just need 00:01:47.150 --> 00:01:50.030 to. I'm preparing. I'm preparing. It begins. 00:01:50.129 --> 00:01:53.909 And it begins. It begins. Soren, first of all, 00:01:53.950 --> 00:02:00.819 how should we fit? My week has been overall good. 00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:04.359 We're looking in a positive direction, but it's 00:02:04.359 --> 00:02:07.459 been a lot. Good. You know, I keep thinking and 00:02:07.459 --> 00:02:12.500 Derek keeps saying, Soren's going to be leaving 00:02:12.500 --> 00:02:15.479 soon. And every month that passes, like it's 00:02:15.479 --> 00:02:19.240 essentially spring -ish. Yeah. You've got a couple 00:02:19.240 --> 00:02:22.199 more months of high school career left. Not even 00:02:22.199 --> 00:02:24.560 because... All of my classes right now, I'm taking 00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:28.460 five AP classes. And after tests are done, it's 00:02:28.460 --> 00:02:31.580 over. Early May. Yeah, early May. And I just 00:02:31.580 --> 00:02:33.460 will be sitting in classes that are essentially 00:02:33.460 --> 00:02:35.599 study halls. I did not realize that. For a month. 00:02:36.479 --> 00:02:41.719 Wow. It's right around the corner. Yeah. We'll 00:02:41.719 --> 00:02:43.719 unpack that at a later time. I have a lot of 00:02:43.719 --> 00:02:46.319 thoughts on it, too. But inspired insight for 00:02:46.319 --> 00:02:51.319 the week. Kick us off. My inspired insight is 00:02:51.319 --> 00:02:56.590 about... I think especially, and this is for 00:02:56.590 --> 00:02:59.770 all my teenagers out there, but it applies to 00:02:59.770 --> 00:03:03.759 adults as well. Oftentimes we lose ourselves 00:03:03.759 --> 00:03:07.400 in relationships. We feel like we need to constantly 00:03:07.400 --> 00:03:10.599 be around the person, whether it be our significant 00:03:10.599 --> 00:03:15.460 other or best friend and rely on them for everything. 00:03:15.819 --> 00:03:18.979 Right. Like I have friends who have dealt with 00:03:18.979 --> 00:03:22.860 significant others that are incapable of existing 00:03:22.860 --> 00:03:25.340 without interacting with them constantly. Yeah. 00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:29.620 And I think it's important to recognize when 00:03:29.620 --> 00:03:33.659 relationships are. consuming us um and that's 00:03:33.659 --> 00:03:36.580 part of sort of like defining our identity as 00:03:36.580 --> 00:03:40.460 individuals yeah um yeah so yeah my inspired 00:03:40.460 --> 00:03:44.259 insight is sometimes uh i know that it's amazing 00:03:44.259 --> 00:03:46.680 to hang out with others and social connections 00:03:46.680 --> 00:03:48.800 are fantastic and we should be spending time 00:03:48.800 --> 00:03:52.360 with others but Know when enough is enough and 00:03:52.360 --> 00:03:56.439 know when your identity is starting to be dissolved 00:03:56.439 --> 00:04:00.180 into an amalgam with another person. Yeah. Because 00:04:00.180 --> 00:04:02.219 that gets to a point where it's really unhealthy. 00:04:02.580 --> 00:04:05.479 Yeah. Slip that slope too. Yeah, slip very slowly. 00:04:05.979 --> 00:04:08.759 It's happening. Yes, it's happening. Yeah. Until 00:04:08.759 --> 00:04:12.620 you're in the gaping chasm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:04:12.919 --> 00:04:16.819 That's great insight. Yeah. I've been thinking. 00:04:17.370 --> 00:04:19.750 based on some things going on in my world right 00:04:19.750 --> 00:04:23.009 now um you know we often use that expression 00:04:23.009 --> 00:04:26.449 like just rip the band -aid off and and i'm i 00:04:26.449 --> 00:04:31.290 i pride myself on being a much more planful methodical 00:04:31.290 --> 00:04:36.209 organized i don't like a ton of surprises i don't 00:04:36.209 --> 00:04:42.300 like a ton of chaos and um This has been a week 00:04:42.300 --> 00:04:48.779 of some forced chaos in my world that I, the 00:04:48.779 --> 00:04:52.220 beginning of the week, held on to a lot of resentment 00:04:52.220 --> 00:04:55.519 and anger about, like, how dare you do this to 00:04:55.519 --> 00:05:02.959 me or to us in a professional capacity. And with 00:05:02.959 --> 00:05:07.079 every passing day this week, I've been more like... 00:05:07.939 --> 00:05:10.420 grateful thinking of other themes soren and i 00:05:10.420 --> 00:05:13.100 talk about all the time like gratitude i have 00:05:13.100 --> 00:05:17.899 been finding gratitude in having that band -aid 00:05:17.899 --> 00:05:22.839 ripped for me and watching as the dust of the 00:05:22.839 --> 00:05:26.939 week has settled realizing they did me a favor 00:05:26.939 --> 00:05:30.779 like yeah by ripping the band -aid off on something 00:05:30.779 --> 00:05:34.029 that i was planning to pull the corners around 00:05:34.029 --> 00:05:36.689 for another month and a half or so by having 00:05:36.689 --> 00:05:40.730 the Band -Aid ripped off, liberation and freedom 00:05:40.730 --> 00:05:46.170 and breathing lighter already. And so, yeah, 00:05:46.230 --> 00:05:51.350 I guess my insight is really thinking about our 00:05:51.350 --> 00:05:54.430 perspective can change, similar to other things 00:05:54.430 --> 00:05:56.509 you and I talk about all the time, that something 00:05:56.509 --> 00:06:00.649 that initially felt done to me now feels done 00:06:00.649 --> 00:06:05.680 for me. I love that. Yeah. How about you, Suzanne? 00:06:05.720 --> 00:06:07.800 I love it to hear our guests' inspired insights. 00:06:08.199 --> 00:06:11.259 Well, it's so interesting that you said that 00:06:11.259 --> 00:06:15.660 because our topic today is if we talk about story, 00:06:15.720 --> 00:06:18.180 that is you're changing the story. We change 00:06:18.180 --> 00:06:21.120 the story. It's our power. It's our voice. And 00:06:21.120 --> 00:06:23.120 I think that's my favorite thing about story. 00:06:23.300 --> 00:06:26.660 My inspired insight is about being limitless. 00:06:26.740 --> 00:06:30.360 Just that idea that I am truly only limited by. 00:06:31.100 --> 00:06:34.579 what I'm willing to believe about myself. And 00:06:34.579 --> 00:06:37.540 so the more I'm willing to believe is possible 00:06:37.540 --> 00:06:41.579 for me, either for me to be or to have or to 00:06:41.579 --> 00:06:46.120 express, that's the container that I'm in. Yeah, 00:06:46.120 --> 00:06:50.379 really. Those walls can always be expanded. Yeah. 00:06:50.480 --> 00:06:55.029 And so... In that way, I and all of us are essentially 00:06:55.029 --> 00:06:58.230 limitless. Yeah. I think that's so empowering. 00:06:58.470 --> 00:07:01.290 I think that is a really beautiful idea. And 00:07:01.290 --> 00:07:05.089 as I've said in previous episodes, we... quite 00:07:05.089 --> 00:07:07.550 literally define the world around us through 00:07:07.550 --> 00:07:10.629 our perspective. Exactly. There is no means through 00:07:10.629 --> 00:07:13.389 which we filter reality other than our own perspective. 00:07:13.629 --> 00:07:16.750 Yeah. And by having unlimited capabilities to 00:07:16.750 --> 00:07:19.170 change that, we have unlimited capabilities to 00:07:19.170 --> 00:07:22.050 change the world around us. And how powerful 00:07:22.050 --> 00:07:25.839 is that? And in my work, I use story to do exactly. 00:07:25.860 --> 00:07:30.699 Yeah. Let's dig into what you do because I don't 00:07:30.699 --> 00:07:32.759 think I'd heard you introduce yourself as an 00:07:32.759 --> 00:07:36.040 authenticity coach before. So tell us everything. 00:07:36.259 --> 00:07:38.399 I love it. It's something I've been doing for 00:07:38.399 --> 00:07:40.939 a long time in my regular life and I've decided 00:07:40.939 --> 00:07:43.819 to actually do it as a job. Yeah. Get into a 00:07:43.819 --> 00:07:46.959 business and a work for myself. Yeah. To own 00:07:46.959 --> 00:07:50.399 the gifts that I was given. And sometimes that's 00:07:50.399 --> 00:07:53.029 really scary. Sometimes I'm like. Do I really 00:07:53.029 --> 00:07:55.069 have the right to be doing this and calling myself 00:07:55.069 --> 00:07:59.009 this? And I think, how dare I? And I think, well, 00:07:59.029 --> 00:08:01.009 how dare I not do that? Why would I waste my 00:08:01.009 --> 00:08:04.790 gifts? Right. For this reason. Right. I have 00:08:04.790 --> 00:08:07.389 these gifts. I don't have your gifts. I don't 00:08:07.389 --> 00:08:10.310 have your gifts and vice versa, maybe. And so 00:08:10.310 --> 00:08:13.490 I'm not going to squander them. Yeah. So I work 00:08:13.490 --> 00:08:15.529 predominantly with women, but not only with women, 00:08:15.610 --> 00:08:22.029 to help them express and own. their truest versions 00:08:22.029 --> 00:08:24.250 of themselves. And I do it in lots of different 00:08:24.250 --> 00:08:27.009 ways. One -on -one coaching. I teach workshops. 00:08:27.709 --> 00:08:31.490 I have all kinds of... I'm launching a three 00:08:31.490 --> 00:08:33.710 -month coaching program right now for consistency 00:08:33.710 --> 00:08:36.710 so we can work on this together. And so much 00:08:36.710 --> 00:08:42.470 of authenticity is about taking down the walls 00:08:42.470 --> 00:08:45.830 that... that have formed around us. Either we've 00:08:45.830 --> 00:08:48.830 put them there, society's put them there, familial, 00:08:48.950 --> 00:08:52.149 it could be anything. But usually we have some 00:08:52.149 --> 00:08:57.289 participation in helping construct them. And 00:08:57.289 --> 00:09:00.669 then they become so embedded in us. Oh, I'm using 00:09:00.669 --> 00:09:02.590 my hands. I'm not supposed to. No, talk away. 00:09:02.710 --> 00:09:06.370 Yeah. That we feel like they are, in fact. permanent 00:09:06.370 --> 00:09:09.690 real things and they are constructs yeah and 00:09:09.690 --> 00:09:14.070 so i i use story both as a writer i'm i am a 00:09:14.070 --> 00:09:16.889 blogger and a fiction writer um and then i also 00:09:16.889 --> 00:09:21.029 teach how to change your story through um a workshop 00:09:21.029 --> 00:09:24.149 to teach a tool called scripting where we actually 00:09:24.149 --> 00:09:26.490 take an active role in the narrative that we 00:09:26.490 --> 00:09:29.710 have of ourselves and our lives and you know 00:09:29.710 --> 00:09:31.750 the interesting part about it is that people 00:09:31.750 --> 00:09:34.850 are like I'm really just lying to myself. Like, 00:09:34.870 --> 00:09:37.250 can I really write that into being? And the truth 00:09:37.250 --> 00:09:40.250 is, you absolutely can. Yeah. You absolutely 00:09:40.250 --> 00:09:43.009 can. And the resistance is really, really normal. 00:09:43.110 --> 00:09:45.370 So I teach people how to work within that. Yeah. 00:09:45.470 --> 00:09:47.909 So that they can expand their own containers 00:09:47.909 --> 00:09:50.409 and change their stories and change how they 00:09:50.409 --> 00:09:53.230 are showing up in the world, which changes your 00:09:53.230 --> 00:09:56.029 entire life. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. 00:09:56.090 --> 00:10:00.519 I find that so. interesting because i feel like 00:10:00.519 --> 00:10:04.340 in western society we have this idea of concrete 00:10:04.340 --> 00:10:07.940 identity and we create a brand about ourselves 00:10:07.940 --> 00:10:10.779 and we create ideas around ourselves that then 00:10:10.779 --> 00:10:13.379 manifest in concrete things and like i see this 00:10:13.379 --> 00:10:16.600 in gender roles which i hate i'm an active proponent 00:10:16.600 --> 00:10:19.039 for the deconstruction of gender roles as a societal 00:10:19.039 --> 00:10:22.639 construct but um there we have a bunch of rigid 00:10:22.639 --> 00:10:25.440 ideas around our behaviors and then we'll say 00:10:25.440 --> 00:10:28.539 things about ourselves and then We'll feel like 00:10:28.539 --> 00:10:30.179 those things that we've said about ourselves 00:10:30.179 --> 00:10:32.179 are rules that we've made for ourselves. Yeah. 00:10:32.200 --> 00:10:34.139 Right. Or that someone's made for us. Yeah. We 00:10:34.139 --> 00:10:38.159 have to adhere. Precisely. Precisely. And I think 00:10:38.159 --> 00:10:41.279 part of defining ourselves is recognizing how 00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:44.940 fluid we are. Right. Right. Like people want 00:10:44.940 --> 00:10:49.350 concrete things to identify with. I think when 00:10:49.350 --> 00:10:52.210 you identify with something concrete, you're 00:10:52.210 --> 00:10:54.309 obscuring yourself because we as individuals 00:10:54.309 --> 00:10:58.190 are not concrete. We're fluid and we need to 00:10:58.190 --> 00:11:02.330 view ourselves as much more amorphous and abstract 00:11:02.330 --> 00:11:05.990 in order to truly hit at the meat of who we are 00:11:05.990 --> 00:11:08.950 and who we want to be and who we will be. And 00:11:08.950 --> 00:11:11.009 that doesn't necessarily have to be a concept 00:11:11.009 --> 00:11:14.190 or an idea. It can just be a feeling too, right? 00:11:14.409 --> 00:11:18.440 Like it's very... abstract and fluid and as you 00:11:18.440 --> 00:11:20.559 said constantly changing and we can define it 00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:24.820 yeah yeah yeah he's creating our lives by these 00:11:24.820 --> 00:11:27.740 constructs and i just i i don't think that people 00:11:27.740 --> 00:11:30.379 think of them as optional yeah changeable right 00:11:30.379 --> 00:11:33.399 and so to insert that moment over and over again 00:11:33.399 --> 00:11:38.779 of power of empowerment of choice is It's so 00:11:38.779 --> 00:11:42.759 life -changing. Yeah. In a lot of my work, especially 00:11:42.759 --> 00:11:45.799 in the diversity, equity, inclusion, I do a lot 00:11:45.799 --> 00:11:49.360 of consulting in that. And we talk all the time 00:11:49.360 --> 00:11:52.820 about minority stress and internalized oppression, 00:11:53.080 --> 00:11:55.740 whether that's internalized homophobia, internalized 00:11:55.740 --> 00:11:58.539 transphobia, internalized racism, all of it. 00:11:58.580 --> 00:12:02.700 White supremacy. And as you're talking, Suzanne, 00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:06.240 I'm thinking of... that process by which we as 00:12:06.240 --> 00:12:09.600 humans unfortunately go through when we adopt 00:12:09.600 --> 00:12:15.500 the narrative that's been told about us or who 00:12:15.500 --> 00:12:18.600 we are or who we're supposed to be. And so much 00:12:18.600 --> 00:12:21.940 of your work really in the lens that I'm approaching 00:12:21.940 --> 00:12:25.940 it through is about knocking down those walls, 00:12:26.080 --> 00:12:29.039 toning down that inner saboteur. We talk about 00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:31.899 RuPaul here a lot too, that inner saboteur's 00:12:31.899 --> 00:12:34.379 voice that's telling you, You're not good enough. 00:12:34.440 --> 00:12:35.919 You're not smart enough. You're not attractive 00:12:35.919 --> 00:12:38.000 enough. You're not funny enough. People aren't 00:12:38.000 --> 00:12:40.259 going to like you. Imposter syndrome is that 00:12:40.259 --> 00:12:43.360 voice? Yeah. And I wrestle with that every day. 00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:46.580 Yeah. And I think we all do. And for me, it's 00:12:46.580 --> 00:12:49.639 not about knocking the voice off our shoulder. 00:12:49.720 --> 00:12:52.379 It's about learning control on the volume. And 00:12:52.379 --> 00:12:55.220 for me, strengthening the other voice. Turning 00:12:55.220 --> 00:12:57.899 up the other. Yeah. The truth is we are always 00:12:57.899 --> 00:13:00.580 creating our lives. We're either creating it 00:13:00.580 --> 00:13:03.419 through fear and limitation or we can choose 00:13:03.419 --> 00:13:06.820 to pivot and create it through expansiveness, 00:13:06.940 --> 00:13:11.419 authenticity, limitlessness, possibility. It's 00:13:11.419 --> 00:13:13.460 just a choice I don't think most people feel 00:13:13.460 --> 00:13:16.639 like they have. So some of it's always everything 00:13:16.639 --> 00:13:18.840 I teach starts with awareness. You just have 00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:21.000 to become aware of what the messaging is, what 00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:24.600 the voice is, what the programming is. Socialization 00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:28.120 is not a bad thing. It teaches us to not burp 00:13:28.120 --> 00:13:31.240 at dinner and be nice to people, not shove people 00:13:31.240 --> 00:13:33.500 over and things like that. There are places for 00:13:33.500 --> 00:13:36.570 it, but there's so much that's... programmed 00:13:36.570 --> 00:13:40.470 in that we are so it's so subconscious yeah yeah 00:13:40.470 --> 00:13:43.090 we just think it's the truth and yeah yeah it's 00:13:43.090 --> 00:13:46.330 not well i think about your piece around um the 00:13:46.330 --> 00:13:48.750 gender role piece soren that you know i was doing 00:13:48.750 --> 00:13:52.500 a training this week talking about developmental 00:13:52.500 --> 00:13:57.340 stages of how we acquire the understanding of 00:13:57.340 --> 00:14:01.399 gender. And the research is super clear. Kids 00:14:01.399 --> 00:14:05.179 as young as two are starting to move their understanding 00:14:05.179 --> 00:14:08.899 of gender away from biology and more towards 00:14:08.899 --> 00:14:12.100 roles. So this is a girl of color, this is a 00:14:12.100 --> 00:14:14.960 boy color. And by the time a kid turns three 00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:17.820 -ish, three and a half -ish, They've already 00:14:17.820 --> 00:14:20.820 started to identify their gender beyond their 00:14:20.820 --> 00:14:25.019 biology as two. I think that dynamic between 00:14:25.019 --> 00:14:29.659 like cultural abstractions, like the conceptual 00:14:29.659 --> 00:14:32.919 boxes that we draw around things and the material 00:14:32.919 --> 00:14:38.019 reality of situations is a divide that we see 00:14:38.019 --> 00:14:40.779 a lot, especially in the political sphere. Right. 00:14:40.860 --> 00:14:43.100 Like you guys say that you're going to mention 00:14:43.100 --> 00:14:45.340 Taylor Swift a lot. I'll talk about my Taylor 00:14:45.340 --> 00:14:51.759 Swift, Karl Marx. I'll do the K hard hands for 00:14:51.759 --> 00:14:57.429 Karl. And he talks a lot about or rather uses 00:14:57.429 --> 00:15:02.190 this idea of or rather this tool of dialectical 00:15:02.190 --> 00:15:06.029 analysis. And it is analyzing situations through 00:15:06.029 --> 00:15:09.429 interactions rather than groupings. It's not 00:15:09.429 --> 00:15:12.350 about categorization. It's about an understanding 00:15:12.350 --> 00:15:16.490 of literal material dynamics and how they interact 00:15:16.490 --> 00:15:20.090 with each other in a very organic manner. Right. 00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:23.320 And I think that's kind of the divide between 00:15:23.320 --> 00:15:26.559 the left and the right. The left is focused on 00:15:26.559 --> 00:15:30.820 material realities and dynamics that result in 00:15:30.820 --> 00:15:33.659 concrete things, whereas the right, I think, 00:15:33.659 --> 00:15:37.340 is focused a lot more on the maintenance of ideas 00:15:37.340 --> 00:15:40.639 and the maintenance of arbitrary cultural principles. 00:15:42.539 --> 00:15:45.960 And I think it's really important to try to abstract 00:15:45.960 --> 00:15:50.600 the cultural principles around yourself and examine 00:15:50.600 --> 00:15:53.039 what they're actually doing and whether they're 00:15:53.039 --> 00:15:55.440 grounded in reality. And who is it serving? Yeah, 00:15:55.500 --> 00:16:00.179 precisely. And is it bringing me joy and freedom 00:16:00.179 --> 00:16:03.899 and liberation? Or is it... continuing to oppress 00:16:03.899 --> 00:16:06.000 me and keep me down. Which I, by the way, think 00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:09.600 that joy and joy, freedom and liberty are the 00:16:09.600 --> 00:16:12.100 most subversive things we could ever be. They're 00:16:12.100 --> 00:16:15.259 our deepest activism. Yeah. Yeah. Right. By choosing 00:16:15.259 --> 00:16:19.840 joy. Yeah. Than a, you know, a petition. 100%. 00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:22.659 It's the energy with which we embody and put 00:16:22.659 --> 00:16:24.860 into the world and our energy really matters. 00:16:25.080 --> 00:16:28.320 And I am, I have to believe, or I guess I'm imagining 00:16:28.320 --> 00:16:31.950 that in your work, Suzanne, Part of what you're 00:16:31.950 --> 00:16:35.830 doing is challenging your clients to reconnect 00:16:35.830 --> 00:16:40.250 with some of that resistance, reconnecting with 00:16:40.250 --> 00:16:45.250 what may be used to spark. Yes, because I would 00:16:45.250 --> 00:16:47.669 be you'd be hard pressed to find someone who 00:16:47.669 --> 00:16:50.049 hasn't found some part of themselves that they 00:16:50.049 --> 00:16:53.269 needed to tuck away for safety for either because 00:16:53.269 --> 00:16:55.870 it was rejected or it interfered with belonging 00:16:55.870 --> 00:17:00.039 or it was criticized or made fun of or. Just 00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:04.740 unwanted. I would say we probably most of us 00:17:04.740 --> 00:17:08.039 have parts to reclaim. It takes a lot to coax 00:17:08.039 --> 00:17:10.059 those out of hiding. I think the first step is 00:17:10.059 --> 00:17:12.119 to experience them within yourself and be like, 00:17:12.180 --> 00:17:14.539 oh, yeah, there's that. Yeah, I remember that. 00:17:14.720 --> 00:17:17.279 And then to take it on the road, so to speak. 00:17:17.460 --> 00:17:20.500 Yeah. That's where it's most powerful is when 00:17:20.500 --> 00:17:24.180 you embody it to the point where you are living 00:17:24.180 --> 00:17:27.940 it. unapologetically and then I think all the 00:17:27.940 --> 00:17:30.680 circumstances of your life then shift to bring 00:17:30.680 --> 00:17:36.420 what matches that you yeah that's been my absolute 00:17:36.420 --> 00:17:39.359 direct experience yeah some of the things I long 00:17:39.359 --> 00:17:41.759 long wished for in my life and wanted to create 00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:45.000 I just I don't think there was enough of me online 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:49.089 to call them to be able to yeah they're all showing 00:17:49.089 --> 00:17:52.049 up. Yeah. And I'm like, wow. Well, and something 00:17:52.049 --> 00:17:54.789 else that Soren and I often bring up, because 00:17:54.789 --> 00:17:57.250 I think it's part of the human experience, and 00:17:57.250 --> 00:18:00.710 it's just, it's also something we don't, unfortunately, 00:18:00.769 --> 00:18:03.970 we don't talk as openly about, is the role that 00:18:03.970 --> 00:18:10.029 something like trauma or oppression, which is 00:18:10.029 --> 00:18:13.450 a form of trauma, does to us to keep those pieces 00:18:13.450 --> 00:18:18.089 down. And when... Sometimes it takes other people 00:18:18.089 --> 00:18:21.490 giving us permission first before we write that 00:18:21.490 --> 00:18:24.369 permission slip to ourself. Yeah. And I think 00:18:24.369 --> 00:18:27.349 about as a clinical social worker, these are 00:18:27.349 --> 00:18:29.269 conversations I have with people all the time. 00:18:30.049 --> 00:18:32.650 What's fascinating, Suzanne, about what you do 00:18:32.650 --> 00:18:35.410 is you take the conversation one step further 00:18:35.410 --> 00:18:39.329 and you document it in a narrative, in a story. 00:18:40.029 --> 00:18:42.589 Well, for me. Trauma is one of my favorite things 00:18:42.589 --> 00:18:44.049 to talk about, which, you know, is kind of probably 00:18:44.049 --> 00:18:46.170 weird to most people. You're in good company. 00:18:46.230 --> 00:18:50.450 It has absolutely defined entire parts of my 00:18:50.450 --> 00:18:54.549 life. In its occurrence, in its healing, in its 00:18:54.549 --> 00:18:58.589 recovery, and then in actually integration. Yes. 00:18:59.210 --> 00:19:04.190 And so there was so much pain for so long. I 00:19:04.190 --> 00:19:09.190 saw trauma, specifically my trauma, which it's 00:19:09.190 --> 00:19:10.750 always a little weird for me to call it mine. 00:19:11.309 --> 00:19:13.650 Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know another word for 00:19:13.650 --> 00:19:16.130 it. I've tried on a few and I don't mean the 00:19:16.130 --> 00:19:19.670 behaviors were mine, but the wounds were. Yeah. 00:19:19.690 --> 00:19:21.910 So I actually find it empowering to say that. 00:19:21.990 --> 00:19:25.990 My drama was to me a massive liability. It was 00:19:25.990 --> 00:19:28.650 the thing that it wasn't like a secret. It just 00:19:28.650 --> 00:19:30.950 was the thing that I was dragging around with 00:19:30.950 --> 00:19:33.390 me that kept interfering with everything I wanted, 00:19:33.470 --> 00:19:35.309 interfered with my relationships, interfered 00:19:35.309 --> 00:19:37.529 with my self -concept, with my body, with my 00:19:37.529 --> 00:19:40.890 dreams. Anything and everything, it touched everything. 00:19:41.029 --> 00:19:47.250 And I at some point decided that I was going 00:19:47.250 --> 00:19:50.990 to figure out how to use its best parts and change 00:19:50.990 --> 00:19:54.470 the story about its impact, its role in my life. 00:19:54.589 --> 00:19:58.410 And I was going to own it. And so that's where 00:19:58.410 --> 00:20:02.029 I began was to start rewriting that story as 00:20:02.029 --> 00:20:04.980 understanding that. Well, I would never wish 00:20:04.980 --> 00:20:06.940 that upon anyone and I would certainly not wish 00:20:06.940 --> 00:20:08.680 it upon myself. I would not want to go through 00:20:08.680 --> 00:20:10.940 it again. And I don't think it's an ideal way 00:20:10.940 --> 00:20:14.180 to start your life. I wouldn't actually change 00:20:14.180 --> 00:20:16.720 that either. A hundred percent. Because it's 00:20:16.720 --> 00:20:19.500 made me who I am and it's given me gifts to help 00:20:19.500 --> 00:20:24.640 other people reclaim parts. And in my opinion, 00:20:24.740 --> 00:20:29.519 trauma is completely not, I can't think of the 00:20:29.519 --> 00:20:33.099 word. You cannot have authenticity and trauma 00:20:33.099 --> 00:20:35.660 exist in the same space because trauma requires 00:20:35.660 --> 00:20:40.380 you to compartmentalize everything. Safety is 00:20:40.380 --> 00:20:43.079 the only thing that matters. Yeah. And so until 00:20:43.079 --> 00:20:47.359 that can start to decrease its energy and presence 00:20:47.359 --> 00:20:50.180 in your everyday life, you can't possibly bring 00:20:50.180 --> 00:20:53.259 your authentic self. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. 00:20:53.500 --> 00:20:57.460 Changing the story around. The trauma and its 00:20:57.460 --> 00:21:00.779 impact and its power, like taking its power and 00:21:00.779 --> 00:21:04.839 turning it on for me. 100%. Has been the thing 00:21:04.839 --> 00:21:08.180 that has actually allowed me to then. begin to 00:21:08.180 --> 00:21:10.500 call parts of myself home. And I don't mean to 00:21:10.500 --> 00:21:13.720 become parts, new parts. I mean, emerge these 00:21:13.720 --> 00:21:15.880 parts that are inside and hidden. That's right. 00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:19.380 The visual I often think about when I think about 00:21:19.380 --> 00:21:22.799 trauma and what healing looks like, however people 00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:26.980 define that, is it's moving the trauma from what 00:21:26.980 --> 00:21:30.400 was a ball in a chain, dragging us down an anchor, 00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:33.200 and turning it into a hot air balloon that we 00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:37.559 can soar. And it's not... For me, the goal isn't 00:21:37.559 --> 00:21:40.059 to remove it, to forget about it, to pretend 00:21:40.059 --> 00:21:41.920 it wasn't there. Which you couldn't do. Which 00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:43.759 you couldn't do. How many of us have tried? Right. 00:21:43.839 --> 00:21:46.180 We've all tried. Right. And there's a thousand 00:21:46.180 --> 00:21:50.099 not -so -great coping strategies that are there 00:21:50.099 --> 00:21:53.380 to try to serve that purpose. But if you shift 00:21:53.380 --> 00:21:56.920 the anchor to a balloon... It's still there. 00:21:56.920 --> 00:21:58.880 It's still with you. It's still attached to you. 00:21:58.920 --> 00:22:02.180 We still are being carried in some level by it. 00:22:02.200 --> 00:22:05.099 But instead of sinking like the stone, we're 00:22:05.099 --> 00:22:08.539 soaring. This is what I call emotional alchemy. 00:22:08.619 --> 00:22:12.180 This is what I bring to my work. It's so deeply 00:22:12.180 --> 00:22:14.079 important to me. Every time I think to myself, 00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:16.220 can I really do this work with people? I think, 00:22:16.240 --> 00:22:20.339 yes, not because I'm perfect or completely 100 00:22:20.339 --> 00:22:23.380 % healed, just because I learned how to do it. 00:22:23.789 --> 00:22:26.390 On myself. And I can teach people how to do it. 00:22:26.430 --> 00:22:29.329 You can alchemize something like trauma into 00:22:29.329 --> 00:22:33.470 power. I mean, I can't think of a better gift 00:22:33.470 --> 00:22:36.970 to give myself. I often view my recovery process 00:22:36.970 --> 00:22:41.549 not as me removing myself from my trauma, but 00:22:41.549 --> 00:22:44.940 imbuing myself. with that trauma, weaving it 00:22:44.940 --> 00:22:48.359 into who I am, right? Because trauma is a very 00:22:48.359 --> 00:22:52.119 rigid thing. It has a lot of structure and it 00:22:52.119 --> 00:22:54.460 has a lot of force to it, as you've mentioned. 00:22:54.640 --> 00:22:58.140 And that force can either create a cage for us 00:22:58.140 --> 00:23:01.380 or, as you said, we can use alchemy to weave 00:23:01.380 --> 00:23:06.440 it into our skeleton and help it let us, let 00:23:06.440 --> 00:23:10.359 it help us. run right let it help us reinforce 00:23:10.359 --> 00:23:12.920 our bones so that we can stand taller and stronger 00:23:12.920 --> 00:23:15.779 with it yeah i'm thinking like wolverine whatever 00:23:15.779 --> 00:23:23.680 that thing is adamantium comic book nerds it's 00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:27.900 in it's literally changing how it shows up around 00:23:27.900 --> 00:23:31.900 us and it's like mining it for its gifts taking 00:23:31.900 --> 00:23:35.480 the minerals and elements from it that can strengthen. 00:23:35.480 --> 00:23:38.019 Because the truth is, and this is, I think, one 00:23:38.019 --> 00:23:40.119 of the most important approaches that I have 00:23:40.119 --> 00:23:44.400 found to trauma healing is that trauma, by definition, 00:23:44.400 --> 00:23:47.039 means a loss of agency. And it might be agency 00:23:47.039 --> 00:23:50.680 over your body, your life, but at its deepest 00:23:50.680 --> 00:23:54.180 level, it's your agency over yourself. And something 00:23:54.180 --> 00:23:56.339 is done or taken from you that you did not have 00:23:56.339 --> 00:23:59.000 a choice about. That's kind of how I define trauma. 00:23:59.240 --> 00:24:01.019 I should write that down because I never actually 00:24:01.019 --> 00:24:06.019 said that. It'll be recorded. And so reclaiming 00:24:06.019 --> 00:24:10.940 that by changing the story of it and taking from 00:24:10.940 --> 00:24:15.539 it what serves you is just, to me, the most beautiful 00:24:15.539 --> 00:24:19.940 flip that you could do for ourselves. Yeah. And 00:24:19.940 --> 00:24:24.960 my best friend, Brene Brown, my second best friend, 00:24:25.119 --> 00:24:27.920 sorry, Taylor. Brene talks about this all the 00:24:27.920 --> 00:24:32.210 time, right? And talks about some of the... gifts 00:24:32.210 --> 00:24:35.789 that trauma take from us to your earlier point 00:24:35.789 --> 00:24:38.369 authenticity the ability to be vulnerable the 00:24:38.369 --> 00:24:41.750 ability to trust the ability to connect and and 00:24:41.750 --> 00:24:45.690 and leverage the relationships around us and 00:24:45.690 --> 00:24:48.450 so much of what you do is about giving those 00:24:48.450 --> 00:24:51.089 things back yes which is why this is what I was 00:24:51.089 --> 00:24:52.490 trying to say when I got distracted by my own 00:24:52.490 --> 00:24:57.079 definition is that If we approach that with gentleness 00:24:57.079 --> 00:25:01.099 and softness and really deep gratitude for the 00:25:01.099 --> 00:25:04.579 creative ways that we've survived, to really 00:25:04.579 --> 00:25:06.920 touch those parts of ourselves and say, wow, 00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:10.240 you were so smart to figure out how to shut down 00:25:10.240 --> 00:25:12.920 like that or freeze like that or how to put up 00:25:12.920 --> 00:25:15.359 those exact walls that you needed. Because I 00:25:15.359 --> 00:25:18.819 think that for me, the only thing we're damaging 00:25:18.819 --> 00:25:22.079 than the trauma was what I then did to myself. 00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:25.619 A hundred percent. To myself. To tell the things 00:25:25.619 --> 00:25:29.380 I said and told myself about myself in what then 00:25:29.380 --> 00:25:32.500 I how I became like that I was too guarded or 00:25:32.500 --> 00:25:35.039 I was too needy or I was or I was manipulative 00:25:35.039 --> 00:25:38.440 or all the all the maladaptive ways that I that 00:25:38.440 --> 00:25:42.079 I learned to be. I judged them horribly and then 00:25:42.079 --> 00:25:45.339 I rejected and shamed myself. And that was as 00:25:45.339 --> 00:25:49.160 damaging if not more than the original crimes. 00:25:49.680 --> 00:25:53.650 And so. In my work and in my own soul, I approach 00:25:53.650 --> 00:25:57.269 that with so much compassion. And I think in 00:25:57.269 --> 00:25:59.329 that way, instead of like taking a hammer and 00:25:59.329 --> 00:26:03.309 trying to just break off these coping maladaptive 00:26:03.309 --> 00:26:06.589 things, we just like hold them like little tiny 00:26:06.589 --> 00:26:09.470 baby chicks and say, thank you. Thank you for 00:26:09.470 --> 00:26:13.230 doing that. That was so smart. And now I don't 00:26:13.230 --> 00:26:15.869 actually need that anymore. And I'm ready to 00:26:15.869 --> 00:26:18.589 let it go. And I, in my experience and I'm watching 00:26:18.589 --> 00:26:21.480 other people. they can just kind of melt away 00:26:21.480 --> 00:26:24.019 instead of being yanked. Because the last thing 00:26:24.019 --> 00:26:26.480 we need is something done to us. We don't need 00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:29.039 someone telling us, you know, this is the way 00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:31.140 it's going to be. You have to get rid of these 00:26:31.140 --> 00:26:33.680 things. Right. It's just more loss of agency. 00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:35.819 Right. That's more traumatic. It's more shame. 00:26:35.960 --> 00:26:38.819 That's right. And I don't think anybody is capable. 00:26:39.470 --> 00:26:41.549 except for yourself, from pulling those things 00:26:41.549 --> 00:26:44.069 away from you. It's so true. They can stop allowing 00:26:44.069 --> 00:26:47.369 you to behave in those ways, but those things 00:26:47.369 --> 00:26:50.210 are still a part of you. It's still your thought 00:26:50.210 --> 00:26:53.029 process and you're still defined by those maladaptive 00:26:53.029 --> 00:26:56.490 behaviors if you don't do the investigative work 00:26:56.490 --> 00:27:00.130 to identify, examine, and dissolve them yourself. 00:27:00.679 --> 00:27:03.859 Right. Another loss of agency, as you were saying. 00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:07.200 Yeah. Well, and that's the piece, again, is none 00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:09.440 of this is my original thought. This is all Brene, 00:27:09.460 --> 00:27:13.039 but talking of the role that shame. Sometimes 00:27:13.039 --> 00:27:18.920 I just call her B. That is the piece that trauma 00:27:18.920 --> 00:27:22.289 does and does so well is it infuses shame. Oh, 00:27:22.369 --> 00:27:25.710 shame is it. And so they go hand in hand. So 00:27:25.710 --> 00:27:28.990 I almost envision this as like two anchors. And 00:27:28.990 --> 00:27:33.470 in order to release the trauma anchored to alchemize 00:27:33.470 --> 00:27:36.190 it to the balloon, we've got to clip the shame. 00:27:36.329 --> 00:27:38.529 Yeah. One of the things I'm super passionate 00:27:38.529 --> 00:27:43.730 about is body love. Just returning to owning 00:27:43.730 --> 00:27:46.369 your body, enjoying your body, loving you. That's 00:27:46.369 --> 00:27:48.390 another thing that depending on the type of trauma 00:27:48.390 --> 00:27:51.730 that's often stolen. And it was for me. Some 00:27:51.730 --> 00:27:53.829 of my maladaptive behaviors were things like 00:27:53.829 --> 00:27:56.930 disordered eating and body image issues and all 00:27:56.930 --> 00:27:59.289 the whole spectrum. If you can imagine the spectrum, 00:27:59.390 --> 00:28:03.430 I moved around every angle of it. And I used 00:28:03.430 --> 00:28:07.829 to just try to manage it with behavior or guidelines 00:28:07.829 --> 00:28:13.509 or programs or any of that. And it really, even 00:28:13.509 --> 00:28:16.309 if I could adhere to those and be successful, 00:28:16.589 --> 00:28:20.150 it never felt authentic or good. I never felt. 00:28:20.380 --> 00:28:22.759 I never felt trusting. I never felt like I could 00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:26.759 trust my body. And so a few years ago, I started 00:28:26.759 --> 00:28:29.700 that very scary process of becoming intuitive 00:28:29.700 --> 00:28:32.880 with my own body and turning to it and its signals 00:28:32.880 --> 00:28:37.319 and its cues and learning how to trust it. And 00:28:37.319 --> 00:28:39.940 I found the same exact thing, that being able 00:28:39.940 --> 00:28:42.960 to approach myself and say, you know, there's 00:28:42.960 --> 00:28:45.539 a really good reason that you either overeat 00:28:45.539 --> 00:28:47.819 or undereat. Why don't we just get curious about 00:28:47.819 --> 00:28:51.039 what serves? Instead of just trying to make myself 00:28:51.039 --> 00:28:53.740 not do it through X, Y or Z program. That's right. 00:28:53.980 --> 00:28:56.619 Which would always backfire, by the way. And 00:28:56.619 --> 00:29:00.000 so when I started doing that and actually like 00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:03.740 actually celebrating that I had been wise enough 00:29:03.740 --> 00:29:05.920 to come up with this. Food is very available 00:29:05.920 --> 00:29:08.539 for a child. Alcohol, not so much. But food. 00:29:08.720 --> 00:29:11.380 Yeah. So that was really creative on my part. 00:29:11.480 --> 00:29:14.789 Yeah. And so when I started. honoring it it's 00:29:14.789 --> 00:29:18.309 just over time it just lost its appeal yeah and 00:29:18.309 --> 00:29:21.029 then it's not a fight anymore well and you both 00:29:21.029 --> 00:29:23.390 and i've i know soren and i've talked about this 00:29:23.390 --> 00:29:26.490 too the ability to have gratitude and to choose 00:29:26.490 --> 00:29:30.390 gratitude for what it served you when you needed 00:29:30.390 --> 00:29:33.369 it most part of the story gratitude is its own 00:29:33.369 --> 00:29:37.109 story you can tell that is 100 it's the easiest 00:29:37.109 --> 00:29:40.079 story i think we could pivot on like if if you're 00:29:40.079 --> 00:29:42.099 going down a story you don't want gratitude is 00:29:42.099 --> 00:29:45.380 probably the easiest entry point 100 i think 00:29:45.380 --> 00:29:48.819 it's very much an overarching theme of every 00:29:48.819 --> 00:29:52.460 happy life and even in our saddest moments we 00:29:52.460 --> 00:29:55.559 are getting so much out of that experience right 00:29:55.559 --> 00:30:00.099 like i think my experience with trauma has defined 00:30:00.099 --> 00:30:05.019 me it is me but it's not my fault it's my problem 00:30:05.019 --> 00:30:08.089 to deal with But it's not an issue that I created. 00:30:08.190 --> 00:30:12.130 Right. And you've because I've heard you talk 00:30:12.130 --> 00:30:17.190 about this. It is you because you no longer wear 00:30:17.190 --> 00:30:21.130 it. It's it's woven within who you choose to 00:30:21.130 --> 00:30:26.930 be. And now you are its controller. It doesn't 00:30:26.930 --> 00:30:31.180 control you. You trauma. Yeah. Yeah. I think 00:30:31.180 --> 00:30:33.299 what has like kind of astonished me about this 00:30:33.299 --> 00:30:36.640 conversation so far is just how similar your 00:30:36.640 --> 00:30:39.420 approach to recovery has been to mine. Like we 00:30:39.420 --> 00:30:42.839 recorded an episode before this and you're saying 00:30:42.839 --> 00:30:45.589 like. Pretty much paraphrased kind of exactly 00:30:45.589 --> 00:30:48.049 what I was saying. Yeah. And I think that speaks 00:30:48.049 --> 00:30:52.289 to the universality of human experience and how 00:30:52.289 --> 00:30:56.289 viable these coping tools are for everybody in 00:30:56.289 --> 00:30:58.789 these situations because everybody needs to love 00:30:58.789 --> 00:31:01.210 themselves. Yes. Everybody who has been affected 00:31:01.210 --> 00:31:03.670 by trauma will carry that with them for the rest 00:31:03.670 --> 00:31:06.650 of their life. And let that not be a burden, 00:31:06.750 --> 00:31:09.710 but rather a tool in our toolbox. Yeah. Whether 00:31:09.710 --> 00:31:12.369 you have big T trauma or little t trauma. Yeah. 00:31:12.470 --> 00:31:15.960 It's. we're all humans living and we all have 00:31:15.960 --> 00:31:19.519 scars. Yeah. Sometimes we have stars around our 00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:24.140 scars. We draw them. And I, you know, I often 00:31:24.140 --> 00:31:27.380 say or find myself saying to the people I'm working 00:31:27.380 --> 00:31:31.259 with, I don't get to decide whether your trauma 00:31:31.259 --> 00:31:35.779 is capitalized or not, right? Like, like grief, 00:31:36.019 --> 00:31:40.220 I haven't found a whole lot of value in defining 00:31:40.220 --> 00:31:44.700 having this trauma scale. And so for some folks, 00:31:44.859 --> 00:31:48.420 what might feel like it can roll off my shoulders 00:31:48.420 --> 00:31:51.460 will rattle them to their core and vice versa, 00:31:51.579 --> 00:31:54.779 just like with grief. And so what I have found 00:31:54.779 --> 00:31:58.619 to be really important is what you were, well, 00:31:58.640 --> 00:32:01.259 what you're both saying about how you make trauma 00:32:01.259 --> 00:32:06.890 your bitch and how you harness it. And you bridle 00:32:06.890 --> 00:32:09.910 it and you whatever these horse analogies are 00:32:09.910 --> 00:32:12.710 I'm thinking of, but I'm like that crop thing. 00:32:12.950 --> 00:32:17.390 Yeah. Like you are taking that trauma for a ride 00:32:17.390 --> 00:32:22.769 and deciding trauma is no longer reloading here. 00:32:23.009 --> 00:32:26.029 Exactly. And I think what you were pointing out 00:32:26.029 --> 00:32:29.950 with the need that some people feel to characterize 00:32:29.950 --> 00:32:32.930 like big T trauma, little t trauma and how that 00:32:32.930 --> 00:32:35.880 isn't important and how. Really, what matters 00:32:35.880 --> 00:32:39.380 is how it is interacting with you, your reaction 00:32:39.380 --> 00:32:42.220 to that, your response. It's not about what happened. 00:32:42.259 --> 00:32:45.059 It's about what is occurring as a result of it 00:32:45.059 --> 00:32:48.380 and mitigating that. Right, right. Which, again, 00:32:48.519 --> 00:32:51.599 speaks to my boy, Karl Marx, and dialectical 00:32:51.599 --> 00:32:55.960 analysis. It's about interaction. My boy. Your 00:32:55.960 --> 00:32:59.619 bestie. My baby little man. Karl, yeah. But, 00:32:59.720 --> 00:33:03.809 yeah. So, Susan, I want to know. What have you 00:33:03.809 --> 00:33:06.490 seen? Like, so you have these conversations with 00:33:06.490 --> 00:33:09.190 the people you're working with. Then walk me 00:33:09.190 --> 00:33:12.269 through what happens when you put it on paper. 00:33:12.630 --> 00:33:15.910 And what, because you are, we're telling stories, 00:33:15.990 --> 00:33:18.750 but you're literally behind the keyboard, right? 00:33:18.970 --> 00:33:22.289 Yeah. So I. Tortured poet style. Yes, really. 00:33:22.509 --> 00:33:24.750 And I don't use an old fashioned typewriter. 00:33:24.809 --> 00:33:27.829 I usually use a keyboard. I think with my fingers. 00:33:27.829 --> 00:33:33.440 Yeah. So I'll. My experience with scripting is 00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:36.299 we're always scripting. We're always telling 00:33:36.299 --> 00:33:39.099 a story about ourselves, our lives. And so I 00:33:39.099 --> 00:33:40.960 teach people how to do that on purpose, how to 00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:42.559 do it in the direction that they want. And it's 00:33:42.559 --> 00:33:45.680 basically a first person, present tense narrative 00:33:45.680 --> 00:33:48.559 of how you want something to be and as if you're 00:33:48.559 --> 00:33:53.029 living it now. And I script. four to five times 00:33:53.029 --> 00:33:54.630 a week I have a document on my computer just 00:33:54.630 --> 00:33:56.529 keep it minimized so I can easily grab oh wow 00:33:56.529 --> 00:33:59.690 I script if I'm really stuck in work and I feel 00:33:59.690 --> 00:34:02.630 blocked or I something happens and I feel like 00:34:02.630 --> 00:34:05.029 I'm not thinking about that the way I want to 00:34:05.029 --> 00:34:06.730 I'm telling the story I don't want to do and 00:34:06.730 --> 00:34:09.510 when I kind of pivot and sometimes it's a paragraph 00:34:09.510 --> 00:34:12.230 sometimes it's two pages if I get really geared 00:34:12.230 --> 00:34:14.190 up it's a way to kind of daydream and imagine 00:34:14.750 --> 00:34:16.949 Like the limitlessness that I might want, or 00:34:16.949 --> 00:34:19.369 it might just be, I'm coming to do this podcast 00:34:19.369 --> 00:34:21.710 and I really like to feel comfortable in my own 00:34:21.710 --> 00:34:24.170 skin. I'm not writing about what you're going 00:34:24.170 --> 00:34:27.050 to do or what you're going to say or how it's 00:34:27.050 --> 00:34:29.769 all going to be. I'm writing about myself, how 00:34:29.769 --> 00:34:32.110 I'm going to be, how I'm going to show up, because 00:34:32.110 --> 00:34:34.150 that truly is the only thing that I have any 00:34:34.150 --> 00:34:37.849 say over. And I find that. It's really like rehearsing 00:34:37.849 --> 00:34:41.090 for your life. Yeah. I go back and forth. You're 00:34:41.090 --> 00:34:45.570 talking. I'm hearing rehearsal and manifestation. 00:34:45.989 --> 00:34:48.469 Absolutely. I tell people it's like a vision 00:34:48.469 --> 00:34:51.210 board with words. Yeah. It could be about a long 00:34:51.210 --> 00:34:54.489 -range plan. I'm getting ready to publish my 00:34:54.489 --> 00:34:56.030 first novel. I can't wait. This is something 00:34:56.030 --> 00:34:58.429 I scripted about for years. Yeah. I used to do 00:34:58.429 --> 00:35:01.500 these long scripts about... Being in, you know, 00:35:01.500 --> 00:35:04.360 in a book cellars in New York City and looking 00:35:04.360 --> 00:35:06.480 at the people. I mean, the smell of the book, 00:35:06.519 --> 00:35:09.840 the whole details. And then after a while, the 00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:11.659 details didn't feel fun to me anymore. I just 00:35:11.659 --> 00:35:13.360 felt like I'm never going to get there. Right. 00:35:13.760 --> 00:35:17.280 This is the dreams making me feel bad. And so 00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:20.079 I started scripting more about what it was like 00:35:20.079 --> 00:35:23.280 to own my voice in the world and to have my voice 00:35:23.280 --> 00:35:26.519 matter. So much about how people were responding 00:35:26.519 --> 00:35:29.960 to me, but how, how like grounded I was in being 00:35:29.960 --> 00:35:33.800 able to speak my full truth without abandon. 00:35:34.179 --> 00:35:36.800 Yeah. And then I started doing that more and 00:35:36.800 --> 00:35:38.960 more and more and more doors open and more opportunities 00:35:38.960 --> 00:35:42.159 came and, and now I'm publishing my book. And 00:35:42.159 --> 00:35:44.079 I just think. Oh, congratulations. Thank you. 00:35:44.199 --> 00:35:47.019 I think that's no accident. Like I couldn't go 00:35:47.019 --> 00:35:50.420 from. Over Here in Doubt, all the way to bestselling 00:35:50.420 --> 00:35:53.019 author. Like I did to build myself there. And 00:35:53.019 --> 00:35:55.760 I did that through scripting part. I did it with 00:35:55.760 --> 00:35:58.420 other things as well to expand my self -worth 00:35:58.420 --> 00:36:01.139 and my self -belief and all those things. But 00:36:01.139 --> 00:36:03.519 scripting has also helped me write new beliefs 00:36:03.519 --> 00:36:07.460 into being. Like body trust and like owning my 00:36:07.460 --> 00:36:10.460 voice, staying safe in the world. Authenticity, 00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:14.199 like belonging. I love Renee Brown's work on 00:36:14.199 --> 00:36:17.469 belonging. 100%. I realized that part of my huge 00:36:17.469 --> 00:36:19.530 block around being authentic was I was afraid 00:36:19.530 --> 00:36:22.889 I just would not fit. Yeah. And as my core wounds, 00:36:23.050 --> 00:36:25.849 that I wouldn't fit anywhere. Well. I was myself. 00:36:25.969 --> 00:36:28.030 And belonging is one of my absolute favorite 00:36:28.030 --> 00:36:31.849 topics as well. Because for me, I don't want 00:36:31.849 --> 00:36:34.690 to just fit in. I don't want to have to chameleon 00:36:34.690 --> 00:36:38.670 a part of myself or my full self to fit in, to 00:36:38.670 --> 00:36:42.949 be in this mold, to look like you, to sound like 00:36:42.949 --> 00:36:49.059 you, to act like you. To belong is to embrace 00:36:49.059 --> 00:36:53.760 full authenticity and acceptance of 100 % of 00:36:53.760 --> 00:36:56.579 me and 100 % of the people I'm with. All the 00:36:56.579 --> 00:36:57.860 shiny parts and the not shiny parts. That's right. 00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:00.280 All of it. Right. Our anchors and our balloons. 00:37:00.460 --> 00:37:03.500 Yes. Like, to embrace all of it, that's what 00:37:03.500 --> 00:37:07.119 belonging means to me. For me, too. It's always 00:37:07.119 --> 00:37:10.159 here first. Yeah. And I think that when I first 00:37:10.159 --> 00:37:14.619 realized that or read that, I was like, no. I 00:37:14.619 --> 00:37:16.739 don't want that answer. I really wanted something 00:37:16.739 --> 00:37:19.420 slightly more convenient than that. Right. It's 00:37:19.420 --> 00:37:22.260 so true. It is foundationally been true for me. 00:37:22.360 --> 00:37:24.699 But when I created it there, I started to belong 00:37:24.699 --> 00:37:27.800 to all kinds of spaces that were beyond my imaginings. 00:37:27.800 --> 00:37:31.179 Yeah. Well, through this process, we build community. 00:37:31.320 --> 00:37:33.860 And Brene talks about community all the time. 00:37:33.960 --> 00:37:37.940 And so in this process of scripting and reclaiming 00:37:37.940 --> 00:37:40.320 and manifesting and alchemizing, I'm making up 00:37:40.320 --> 00:37:43.440 words now. No, they're all good ones. You find. 00:37:44.199 --> 00:37:46.880 community because you're retouching that part 00:37:46.880 --> 00:37:49.539 of yourself yeah that was an idea that being 00:37:49.539 --> 00:37:52.760 authentic being who you actually are not who 00:37:52.760 --> 00:37:54.460 you think you should be or who the world told 00:37:54.460 --> 00:37:57.699 you to be is truly the greatest thing you could 00:37:57.699 --> 00:38:00.340 ever be and that people are naturally drawn yeah 00:38:00.340 --> 00:38:03.099 yeah not that that's our goal but but it's just 00:38:03.099 --> 00:38:06.139 it's the it is the reality of the situation yes 00:38:06.699 --> 00:38:09.760 And I think it's interesting that you say, oh, 00:38:09.820 --> 00:38:12.159 it doesn't seem convenient, that the answer is 00:38:12.159 --> 00:38:14.800 that you cannot feel like you're fitting in unless 00:38:14.800 --> 00:38:18.400 you feel like you fit in your skin. Right. When 00:38:18.400 --> 00:38:22.829 the reality is. Who we are is the closest thing 00:38:22.829 --> 00:38:25.710 to us, right? Our skin is literally the most 00:38:25.710 --> 00:38:30.090 convenient thing to access, right? And yet I 00:38:30.090 --> 00:38:32.429 feel like we have a tendency to view ourselves 00:38:32.429 --> 00:38:36.409 as so distant because we create these ideas about 00:38:36.409 --> 00:38:39.690 ourselves that aren't us, right? And that abstract 00:38:39.690 --> 00:38:43.090 our actual identity. And it's about getting back 00:38:43.090 --> 00:38:47.230 to... who we actually are. And that's the only 00:38:47.230 --> 00:38:50.769 way we can feel like we fit in. And I feel like 00:38:50.769 --> 00:38:55.550 in almost any situation, I've yet to find a situation 00:38:55.550 --> 00:38:59.809 in which I feel super uncomfortable because I'm 00:38:59.809 --> 00:39:02.130 fine with how I'm behaving and I'm fine with 00:39:02.130 --> 00:39:05.389 how I'm feeling about the situation. I am okay 00:39:05.389 --> 00:39:07.710 with how I'm acting. And if the people around 00:39:07.710 --> 00:39:10.510 me aren't okay with that, Fine. It's still fitting 00:39:10.510 --> 00:39:14.230 me anyway. Yeah, precisely. I never feel uncomfortable. 00:39:14.510 --> 00:39:16.909 I never feel othered because I'm not othering 00:39:16.909 --> 00:39:20.610 myself. Right. Well, you, Soren, are perhaps 00:39:20.610 --> 00:39:24.389 one of the most authentic humans I've ever met. 00:39:24.630 --> 00:39:27.909 And we were talking when Suzanne arrived that 00:39:27.909 --> 00:39:32.050 to the outside, that looks like confidence. It 00:39:32.050 --> 00:39:35.809 looks like swagger. But to you on the inside, 00:39:36.030 --> 00:39:39.889 it's being you. Yeah. Being me. Truly, I don't 00:39:39.889 --> 00:39:42.670 even notice it. Like, I feel like confidence, 00:39:42.769 --> 00:39:46.670 a lot of people view as performative. And for 00:39:46.670 --> 00:39:49.630 me, it is not because confidence is not about 00:39:49.630 --> 00:39:53.949 other people. It's not about appearing like competent 00:39:53.949 --> 00:39:56.710 and like, you know, what's going on. It's about 00:39:56.710 --> 00:40:00.030 knowing who you are and what's going on inside 00:40:00.030 --> 00:40:03.570 of you and then acting. in a manner consistent 00:40:03.570 --> 00:40:07.869 with that. Yeah. Right. Like it for me, confidence 00:40:07.869 --> 00:40:10.869 is not something that I'm trying to do. It is 00:40:10.869 --> 00:40:13.789 something that is. It's a result of. Yeah. Result 00:40:13.789 --> 00:40:17.050 of. It's a result of me doing what I want to 00:40:17.050 --> 00:40:19.750 do. Right. This is something that I am definitely 00:40:19.750 --> 00:40:22.409 building for myself. It's it's newer for me than 00:40:22.409 --> 00:40:25.130 it is for you. I think that most people who know 00:40:25.130 --> 00:40:27.309 me or interact with me think of me as very confident. 00:40:27.329 --> 00:40:31.090 And I to a certain degree that is accurate. But. 00:40:31.840 --> 00:40:34.820 There were so many hidden parts of not feeling 00:40:34.820 --> 00:40:40.039 worthy. And I found that I'm pretty transparent 00:40:40.039 --> 00:40:42.179 about this, that actually I'm scared a lot of 00:40:42.179 --> 00:40:45.300 the time. But I've just learned how to be braver 00:40:45.300 --> 00:40:49.019 because being true to who I am and expressing 00:40:49.019 --> 00:40:51.119 that in the world has become the most important 00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:53.739 thing to me. So I'm willing to be uncomfortable 00:40:53.739 --> 00:40:57.500 and scared. Because that is the only way that 00:40:57.500 --> 00:40:59.079 I get to belong to myself. And there's actually 00:40:59.079 --> 00:41:00.659 no one else I want to belong to. That's right. 00:41:01.159 --> 00:41:04.500 The most important community we can have is that 00:41:04.500 --> 00:41:07.619 with ourself. Yeah. Yeah. Can we also get t -shirts 00:41:07.619 --> 00:41:11.159 that's the most convenient thing you have? Yeah. 00:41:11.420 --> 00:41:13.480 Yeah. We'll go back. Here's the word convenient 00:41:13.480 --> 00:41:17.559 and turned it. We'll go pull that quote. Suzanne, 00:41:17.639 --> 00:41:19.639 I just have to say, as we kind of get wrapping 00:41:19.639 --> 00:41:24.349 up. Watching your face as you talk about what 00:41:24.349 --> 00:41:30.289 you do is bringing me joy. Yeah. You have a shine 00:41:30.289 --> 00:41:34.489 around you as you describe what you do. Thank 00:41:34.489 --> 00:41:37.929 you. It's beautiful. Look, I'm like, look, beautiful. 00:41:38.550 --> 00:41:43.849 It takes a lot of guts for me to let myself shine 00:41:43.849 --> 00:41:46.829 this much because it's very natural for me. And 00:41:46.829 --> 00:41:49.690 I have a lot of negative messaging about it. 00:41:50.889 --> 00:41:53.449 Sometimes I've done a lot of shrinking in my 00:41:53.449 --> 00:41:57.530 life and I'm just, I'm just not willing to anymore. 00:41:57.610 --> 00:42:00.250 Even if shining makes other people feel things 00:42:00.250 --> 00:42:04.309 that are uncomfortable. We talk a lot about not 00:42:04.309 --> 00:42:06.869 dulling shine. We talk a lot about tall poppies. 00:42:06.949 --> 00:42:09.849 There's literal tall poppies behind us as a reminder 00:42:09.849 --> 00:42:13.510 of that. Like we're not, we. collectively and 00:42:13.510 --> 00:42:16.730 hopefully our listeners are getting to that place 00:42:16.730 --> 00:42:19.929 with us where we make a decision that nobody 00:42:19.929 --> 00:42:23.050 gets to cut us down yeah and we don't cut like 00:42:23.050 --> 00:42:25.369 it's still deeply healing for me to hear you 00:42:25.369 --> 00:42:28.849 say to me i like to be next to your yeah like 00:42:28.849 --> 00:42:32.349 you're making me uncomfortable oh my gosh yeah 00:42:32.349 --> 00:42:36.110 no shine brighter and i think 10 times out of 00:42:36.110 --> 00:42:39.880 10 for me Basking in the sunlight of others is 00:42:39.880 --> 00:42:43.539 so much warmer than feeling like my eyes hurt 00:42:43.539 --> 00:42:46.880 because of it. Yeah. Right? And part of being 00:42:46.880 --> 00:42:49.000 willing to bask in the sunlight of others is 00:42:49.000 --> 00:42:51.300 letting yourself glow a little too. I was thinking 00:42:51.300 --> 00:42:54.559 that. If you don't feel worthy, then I think 00:42:54.559 --> 00:42:57.440 other people's glow can make you feel jealous. 00:42:57.699 --> 00:43:00.539 Yeah, yeah. You want to turn them down. It can 00:43:00.539 --> 00:43:02.760 make you feel othered even more because someone's 00:43:02.760 --> 00:43:05.900 behaving different than you in a way that is... 00:43:06.280 --> 00:43:09.539 normal to them, right? And when someone is behaving 00:43:09.539 --> 00:43:11.980 different than you and it is viewed as normal, 00:43:12.059 --> 00:43:14.480 then you feel abnormal. Right. And I think part 00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:19.139 of this episode's message is you are normal. 00:43:19.380 --> 00:43:22.400 Not in that you are socially homogenous, but 00:43:22.400 --> 00:43:24.940 what's going on with you is normal. It is correct. 00:43:25.239 --> 00:43:28.340 It is right. That's right. And a part of healing 00:43:28.340 --> 00:43:31.860 and sadly part of the narrative about healing 00:43:31.860 --> 00:43:37.219 is that As we grow more confident and we cast 00:43:37.219 --> 00:43:39.920 bigger shadows because we're learning, we're 00:43:39.920 --> 00:43:42.099 relearning, we're unlearning all those things, 00:43:42.280 --> 00:43:46.219 it makes others nervous. And what's interpreted 00:43:46.219 --> 00:43:51.659 as swagger or cockiness really is about finding 00:43:51.659 --> 00:43:54.699 that community with myself and being comfortable 00:43:54.699 --> 00:43:57.659 allowing the shine. And it's really only other 00:43:57.659 --> 00:44:00.320 people's shadows that make that uncomfortable. 00:44:00.760 --> 00:44:04.230 But I am a big believer both like... in energetic 00:44:04.230 --> 00:44:06.570 terms and even in things like epigenetics that 00:44:06.570 --> 00:44:11.409 that our own healing us being our truest most 00:44:11.409 --> 00:44:15.250 authentic selves is the greatest impact we could 00:44:15.250 --> 00:44:18.650 have on any on any situation on anyone like people 00:44:18.650 --> 00:44:22.250 seeing that and knowing that is it in and of 00:44:22.250 --> 00:44:25.070 itself can be healing to see what that's an option 00:44:25.070 --> 00:44:27.590 to see what that looks to give the others permission 00:44:27.590 --> 00:44:31.800 yeah to Follow along. Yes. Come with us. That's 00:44:31.800 --> 00:44:33.739 right. An exclusive club. That's right. Yeah. 00:44:34.000 --> 00:44:36.500 This poppy garden is one of my favorite places 00:44:36.500 --> 00:44:39.260 to be now. So you just keep growing bigger and 00:44:39.260 --> 00:44:43.000 bigger. Real. Thank you. Thank you. Truly, truly, 00:44:43.059 --> 00:44:45.920 truly. Thank you for being here. My pleasure. 00:44:46.159 --> 00:44:49.860 Oh, good episodes. I've been Chris McGlawin. 00:44:49.980 --> 00:44:52.219 I've been Torn Peterson. Thank you, Suzanne. 00:44:53.099 --> 00:44:56.000 And we'll see y 'all next time on Inspired Insights 00:44:56.000 --> 00:45:16.840 Podcast. Bye. Thanks for listening. to learn 00:45:16.840 --> 00:45:19.840 more. Copyright 2025. All rights reserved.