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The episode you're about to listen to contains conversations about suicide and self-harm.

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If you're experiencing a crisis, please dial 988 or connect with The Trevor Project at

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text 678-678 or toll free at 1-866-488-7386.

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Soren, we are officially in the second half of season one of the Inspired Insights podcast.

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Hooray!

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I have to say, I just, when I think about this experience of doing this with you, I

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just smile.

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What our listeners might not know is that we've talked about this for about two years.

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That's true.

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Yeah, yeah.

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And we're really, we're starting to hit our stride now.

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We're hitting our stride.

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So for today's episode, we wanted to really talk about some of the unique differences

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of our experiences with mental health and wellness from your experience as the receiver

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of mental health services and my experiences as the deliverer, the deliverer of mental

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health services.

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Yeah.

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I think that this will be a super interesting parallel because I think that providers and

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patients are frustrated right now with the system that we have to address mental health

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crisis.

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And I think by only through a cooperation of caretakers and those that are being cared

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for can we create like a better industry to treat some of these issues.

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So why don't you start it off?

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Well, I'm thinking about part of what makes you you is your openness today, maybe not

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so much in the past, but your openness today of sharing your experience.

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Yeah, yeah.

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And I know I've leaned on you a lot the last year to help with some projects I was involved

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with and you've got some projects coming up where you and even your mom are going to be

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in a position of influence to share your experiences from a child and parent perspective on what

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it felt like, what worked, what didn't work when you were experiencing your times of crisis.

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Yeah.

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I totally agree.

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My mother and I have talked a lot about what we wish would have happened and what we think

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was really helpful when interacting with the mental health industry.

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And obviously, by the time I was going to the ER and going to inpatient stuff like that,

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I was already in the weeds of it.

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And I like I don't feel like the treatment that I received was tailored or effective.

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Yeah, right.

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You're very open about that.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Yeah.

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So by way of a little bit of background for our listeners and viewers who might not know

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what the behavioral health system of our state or country looks like, what I will share is

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that, generally speaking, right, wrong, or indifferent, when an individual of any age

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is experiencing an acute crisis at risk of harming themselves or somebody else, the general

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solution is get to your local emergency department.

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There are certainly areas of our country where they have maybe access to a behavioral health

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ER or emergency room or emergency department.

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Those are few and far between.

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And so in our state here in Maine and across the country, any given day, there are four

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year olds to 40 year olds to 80 year olds sitting in an emergency department next to

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accident victims next to people who are actively in an overdose situation waiting for something

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in terms of an intervention.

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I was like, when I went to the, well, I went to the ER on numerous occasions, but when

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I went to the ER for the second time after attempting, but like, not really, it was mostly

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just a very serious set of lacerations and strong mental health difficulties.

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I was put in a glass box, monitored.

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Literally.

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And I sat there doing nothing with no active therapy, well-being treated like an alien,

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like a prisoner that couldn't be trusted at all with anything for three days until I even

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heard word of where I was going to be going for inpatient.

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And my inpatient experience, I felt much the same.

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I didn't feel like it.

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I was attempting, they were attempting to help me, although they were.

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I felt like I was being put into a prison because I'd misbehaved.

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Yeah.

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It felt punitive.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And I think it's safe to say in the behavioral health community and with my colleagues, universally

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we would share that the emergency room, the emergency department is the absolute worst

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place to put an individual of any age who's in an acute crisis, in an acute behavioral

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health crisis.

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We all agree.

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The providers that work at the emergency departments would agree.

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It is not conducive to healing.

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It's not therapeutic.

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And yet for decades, that's the only solution we've had.

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Well it's just like the norm.

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It's ingrained itself, not as like a solution, but a constant.

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It's like the go between, between treatment.

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Especially for like, the emergency room is the reaction to acute situations.

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And for acute situations, you need immediate response.

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But now we have a backup in the mental health system that I experienced firsthand where

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we have like tens of patients, at least in Bangor, like a very quite small town, tens

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of patients like from youth.

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Like I had a seven year old across me in the hallway, across from me in the hallway, to

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like elderly patients just sitting in an emergency room for days.

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Who are physically healthy, but are meeting criteria for a higher level of care that prevents

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them from being able to go home safely.

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And there's no place else to go.

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So when you say you were there for three days, like I just want to hit pause on that.

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And for our folks listening, imagine spending three days without a drop of privacy, multiple

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changes of shift, working with multiple provider of every type with nothing to do.

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Well, what it did was when I first admitted into the emergency room, I had just gone through

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a very extreme experience.

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Like it was a breaking point for me.

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I was like, I can't do this anymore.

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I need something to happen.

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And I was very willing and open.

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And I've talked to my mother about this.

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I was very willing and open to receive treatment.

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You finally were at a point where I was ready to do something and I didn't want to do something

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previously.

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And then I sat in the emergency room for a day.

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I sat with open, oozing wounds for seven hours sitting in a bed.

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And then I sat for another day and I started to get fatigued and I didn't want to be in

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there anymore.

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Because they had given me antipsychotics so I was feeling like brain dead and like nothing

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was happening.

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And then by like day two, I was like, I just want to leave here.

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Like I am so done with whatever this is.

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I'll do anything to leave here.

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And then my mom and my parents were like, you have to go to inpatient.

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And everybody who had evaled me said I had to go to inpatient.

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But I was like, Jesus Christ, no.

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And it got to the point where I was stuck in with a pink slip.

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Which would mean going to the hospital against your will.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Going to inpatient against my will.

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Because I had been like sitting in a glass chamber watching other people in a mental

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health crisis around me.

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Like it was hellish, I'd say.

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And it made me so averse to treatment.

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I was like, oh, if this is what treatment looks like, I want nothing to do with it.

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Yeah.

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Well, we often use the term behavioral health crisis.

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Like we've said it already in this episode that our country is in a behavioral health

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crisis.

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I think when people hear that, they think we're only talking about the behavioral health

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needs.

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Like how many people need services.

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When I say that our country has a behavioral health crisis, I'm as much talking about the

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demand for services as I am the absence of effective interventions, effective levels

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of care that are going to meet the patient, the client, the person experiencing the struggle,

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where they need to be met.

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Yeah.

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I think like what's something specific to like mental illness is, or rather mental health

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crises, is that it is so tailored to the individual.

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In order to help someone, you need a very like niche situation specific to them.

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And it needs to be like a community connection thing.

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Yeah.

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Whereas like the clinical setting, at least that I engaged with right now, there was no

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connection.

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Yeah.

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There was no engagement.

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And it didn't feel individualized.

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It felt emotionless.

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It felt like I was already feeling like a number and I was going to end my life and

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just be a number.

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And I was feeling very like nihilistic.

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And then I entered the emergency room and I was shown in real life that I was just a

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number.

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Yeah.

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Oh, that breaks my heart.

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I was so empty.

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Yeah.

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It breaks my heart and I know it's so common.

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Like it's a shared...

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It's such a shared experience of people of any age.

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You ask anybody who's been to an emergency department due to a behavioral health crisis,

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nobody raves about like any part of that experience.

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I would love to see the day that someone is like, oh my goodness, my experience in the

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emergency department.

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Yeah.

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Beautiful.

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And I'm just going to throw this out there and you're welcome to bat it right back at

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me.

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For some, maybe not you, but for some as truly awful as that experience, as punitive as that

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experience felt, I wonder if for some they stayed alive.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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If the only thing, if the only benefit that came from that is they're alive today.

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Like I don't necessarily, I'm not going to say that we can't do better because we have

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to do better than what we are doing today, now.

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And if the end result of that experience is that person is still here today, there's a

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part of me going like, all right, I'll take it.

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In the absence of anything else, it could be worse.

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I agree.

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I agree.

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And I know people and I've met other youth that have been in such a, like I was in such

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a high level of crisis that if I hadn't been in the emergency room, yeah, I probably would

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have attempted again within like two to three days.

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Yeah.

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That's so insightful of you though to be able to say that now.

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Yeah.

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Well, like I understand the value of that and I understand that like, yes, sometimes

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we just need to put people in a stasis chamber, but like you can be productive with it.

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Yeah.

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Humane.

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Yeah.

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And I think often what I have seen, and I'm curious if you would agree, what I have often

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seen is in times of crisis, behavioral health, especially crisis, we seem to lose the humanity

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of the folks that we're working with.

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And I think that's kind of what you were saying when you were saying you felt reduced to a

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number.

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Yeah.

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Your humanity was removed and you were literally the patient bracelet number.

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Yeah.

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I was.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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This is just my data.

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Yeah.

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I, you know, I, um, for folks that have not been in that experience, I, you know, I don't

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wish it on anyone.

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And as you were referencing in the absence of another thing, if that is, if that is the

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best and only solution we have today, oh, I'm, I'm cautious to not get too much.

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Yeah.

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Well, there's like, there's a fine line between burning a system down and changing and rebuilding

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a system.

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Right.

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And like, I feel like our entire health field right now has gotten so necessarily corrupted,

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corrupted, but like bloated and inefficient.

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And it is not serving patients.

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Yeah.

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So if we attempt to augment that, then it might disrupt the system and that's like,

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people will die if the system is disrupted.

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True.

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Right.

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And it creates even more inefficiencies.

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True.

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True.

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So it's really, it's a very tenuous situation between trying to change something that is

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essential so that we can make it better and save more lives and trying to avoid ending

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more lives today as we change it.

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Yeah.

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And we don't have like a maintenance break for a hospital.

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You just can't.

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Right.

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Because there are, there is no pause.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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That's, yeah, that's super insightful.

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You know, and as a provider, I for decades have, have sat with families in tears describing

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their emergency room experience, which sounds very similar to the experience you just described.

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And I've sat with them in that, in that pain.

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And I've then heard for some, the ability to say, but my kid is still here.

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Yeah.

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So I, I agree with you.

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I love how you said that, that some systems might need a burn down, but some systems we

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can't afford to burn.

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How do we change the foundation?

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How do we change and redo the scaffolding around the building while it's still actively

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doing what it's doing?

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I don't know the answer to that.

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Well, I don't, I don't even feel like I'm qualified to speak on that because I'm not

249
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,480
a mental health professional.

250
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:24,320
I just have my own experience and like the experience of my friends.

251
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,320
Yes.

252
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:35,000
And I think world, according to Chris, the more we listen to folks who have the lived

253
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:40,840
experience, the more we allow folks who have experienced our care to help inform how we

254
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,440
do things differently or maybe better.

255
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:44,440
Yeah.

256
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:45,440
How powerful is that?

257
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:52,120
Like, I think healthcare, traditionally speaking has been a system where we have silenced the

258
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:59,960
voices, the perspectives of the end user of the service because we are too busy valuing

259
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:06,760
the education and the advanced degrees of the people who are delivering the service.

260
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:07,760
Yeah.

261
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:14,280
I think we've got to get exactly what this podcast episode is intending to do.

262
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:21,720
Your experience, my experience, your parents experience at the same table to talk about

263
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,320
how do we do this better?

264
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:24,320
Yeah.

265
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:30,320
Well, we need to create like a round table of patient and providers so that we can cooperate

266
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,400
to create a better system.

267
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,400
Yeah.

268
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:37,960
And be willing, speaking from the provider perspective, be willing to hear feedback,

269
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:47,640
be willing to hear, be open to hearing that what you did kept me alive and there's value

270
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,120
obviously there.

271
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:50,380
Yeah.

272
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:54,200
And I don't feel like I was seen as a human while I was there.

273
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,200
Yeah.

274
00:17:55,200 --> 00:18:04,680
Well, like I remember thinking like I was to some extent traumatized and reinvigorated

275
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,360
in my like self-destructive ways.

276
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:08,360
Through that experience.

277
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:09,360
Through that experience.

278
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:10,360
Oh wow.

279
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:17,880
Because like, especially in my inpatient stay, the person like managing the floor that I

280
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:23,400
was on, I don't mean to like, well, she pulled out the DSM-5 and told me that I had multiple

281
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,640
personality disorders.

282
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:25,640
Yeah.

283
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:28,480
Like she was like, Oh, doesn't this sound familiar?

284
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,480
Oh yeah.

285
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:30,480
Sorry.

286
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,040
I just said a silly voice, but anyway.

287
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,320
And then she gave me a model to behave like.

288
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,520
She told me that I was an awful person.

289
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:39,520
Wow.

290
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:43,360
Not like directly, but she was like, Oh, you're exhibiting these antisocial behaviors.

291
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,360
Yeah.

292
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,360
So you felt.

293
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:48,240
So I felt like I was being told like I'm an awful person.

294
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,720
And then I was like, okay, I guess I'll do that then.

295
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:51,720
Right.

296
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,640
Cause I was given a model to behave like.

297
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,760
And like through my entire inpatient stay, I was having sharps.

298
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:01,000
I hurt myself on the floor.

299
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:09,280
I like three days before my release, I gave them a pile of sharps that I just held on

300
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,840
my person the entire time.

301
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,440
Cause I was accumulating them.

302
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:13,440
I had sprues.

303
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,280
I had like backs of pens, like a metal bit.

304
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:23,600
But I, one, once I was in the unit, at first I was willing to engage with it, but then

305
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:31,200
it felt like I was playing a game between people who hated me and like myself attempting

306
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,920
to survive in like a unit.

307
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:40,160
And I think a lot of that was to my like resistance that had been harbored in the, that had been

308
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:45,520
created by the emergency department.

309
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:53,680
But also like, it was just such a toxic situation for me because it reaffirmed all of my distaste

310
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,280
for mental health treatment.

311
00:19:55,280 --> 00:20:04,600
I had purposefully gone off of therapy like the summer before because I felt like I was

312
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:08,800
better than my therapist and they weren't doing anything, which was to some extent my

313
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,360
fault because I wasn't opening up.

314
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:18,440
And I was being intentionally manipulative because I thought it was amusing.

315
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:24,960
But like, A, I refused to engage with the mental health field, but when I tried to,

316
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:32,120
I was rejected or I felt rejected, which then made me not want to engage with it even more.

317
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:42,000
And then when I like the three, two months after I went to inpatient, I like opened my

318
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:47,360
wrists one morning before school and I went to the unit.

319
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:51,800
I had to get like 46 stitches.

320
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:57,400
And then the discussion was, so you have to go back to inpatient, but I was like, have

321
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,960
you checked the notes from my last inpatient stay?

322
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,320
And they didn't send me back because it was so unproductive.

323
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:09,920
And then later that month, another really intense experience happened.

324
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:15,920
And the question was, are you going to like residential or not?

325
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:16,920
And that was a breaking point for me.

326
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,840
And that was like sort of the catalyst to my transition.

327
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:29,320
The idea of needing to go to a place for nine months, a year, a year plus for a level of

328
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,520
intense treatment.

329
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,200
Would you say there was a wake up call moment there for you?

330
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:40,520
Actually, I haven't thought about it like this before, but like my fear of receiving

331
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:46,560
treatment in a clinical setting made me realize that I needed to treat myself.

332
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:47,560
Right.

333
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:54,480
Like the catalyst for my transition was being afraid of going to be treated in a clinical

334
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:55,480
setting.

335
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,480
Yeah.

336
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:57,480
Which is, that's crazy.

337
00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:05,640
I feel like, cause maybe this is unique to me, but I was so fearful and resistant to

338
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:10,240
treatment in a clinical setting that I realized that I needed to change myself.

339
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,240
Yeah.

340
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,240
Yeah.

341
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,880
Which is, I feel like that's crazy.

342
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:27,800
The fact that I was so distasteful of treatment in like a hospital setting that I like changed

343
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,320
my own mental health situation on my own.

344
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:31,320
Yeah.

345
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,700
Well, it speaks, yeah, it's powerful for sure.

346
00:22:34,700 --> 00:22:42,800
It speaks to me though about really our responsibility as providers to do exactly what you've referenced.

347
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:50,840
Treat their treatment, treat the patient, the client as an active participant who has

348
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:58,160
voice and choice in the process and engage with caregivers and families in a way that

349
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:03,000
the individual, especially a young person feels services and support wrapped around

350
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:08,800
them instead of that it's a boxing match and whoever swings hardest is going to win.

351
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:09,800
Yeah.

352
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,040
Except both people are losing.

353
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,040
Right?

354
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,040
Yeah.

355
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,240
Cause nobody wins literally like in those situations.

356
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:16,240
Yeah.

357
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,720
I mean, you have a powerful story.

358
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:26,000
You have had the experience of the last several years, I think to process through your story

359
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:31,840
as you've referenced your relationship with your parents and members of your family is

360
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:40,840
so open to be able to now talk about anything together and share the story for our listeners

361
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:46,040
that are hearing your story and maybe thinking like, wow, Sorin is so cavalier talking about

362
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,120
these horrendous things.

363
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:52,200
I want our listeners to know that you and your family have lived this.

364
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:53,200
Yeah.

365
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,760
You've talked about it a lot.

366
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:56,760
Yeah.

367
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:03,720
And your ability to relate to your story where it is now is not you dismissing the seriousness

368
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,920
of where you were.

369
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,360
It comes with extensive treatment.

370
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:09,360
Yeah.

371
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:10,360
Yeah.

372
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:18,440
And that has been aligned and medications that you've been able to now use in a way

373
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:24,960
that has been helpful and now come off to not necessarily need those medications.

374
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,280
You and your family have been there, done that.

375
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:28,280
Yeah.

376
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:35,520
And so how you're talking about it now, it comes from a lot of conversations.

377
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:36,520
Yeah.

378
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:37,520
Yeah.

379
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:45,000
And my discussion of this is not dismissing it as you said, but it is a result of the

380
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:52,720
amount of effort and time that I've put into dissecting my past, understanding my emotions,

381
00:24:52,720 --> 00:25:00,920
communicating with my family to attempt to unwind the negative trauma that has been experienced

382
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:07,400
around those things so that I can dissect them and discuss them in an open forum and

383
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:13,960
attempt to use my experience to inform others.

384
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,600
It's been a long journey to get to the place where I am.

385
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:24,040
And I think my personality to some extent is uniquely suited to talking about things

386
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:29,840
like this because I, just as a human being, are not squeamish to talk about anything.

387
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:30,840
Yeah.

388
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:31,840
That's right.

389
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:32,840
Yeah.

390
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:33,840
That's right.

391
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:34,840
Yeah.

392
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,920
You're the way you're certainly wired in a way that makes this more comfortable.

393
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:38,920
Yeah.

394
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:46,560
But you also said a little bit ago, something I want to come back to readiness, readiness

395
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:53,920
to move in a different direction, recognition that the way that you, the path you were on

396
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,840
was not going to end well.

397
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:56,840
Yeah.

398
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:03,840
So other people might have different motivations for moving in a different direction or change,

399
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,920
however you want to talk about it.

400
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:11,680
The key though is persistence and patience.

401
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:19,000
And from my provider viewpoint, when I'm working with an individual, it's hanging in there

402
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:24,800
for as long as is needed for that individual to get to a place where they're ready to make

403
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:25,800
a difference.

404
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:26,800
Yeah.

405
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:36,480
And I think before I developed emotionally and got out of that space, I didn't know that

406
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:37,480
I could change.

407
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:38,480
Yeah.

408
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:43,800
I had no... I thought that that would be a constant because for my entire conscious

409
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:49,800
life I had been essentially in active crisis or suppressing active crisis.

410
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:50,800
Yeah.

411
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:58,840
And you had this part of your internal narrative was that you weren't deserving of a different

412
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:00,680
life.

413
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:05,040
You weren't worthy of it being any other way.

414
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:13,480
Well, I did this thing where I would hate my personality and then instead of attempting

415
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:19,420
to A, understand my personality better or do something, I would come up with an image

416
00:27:19,420 --> 00:27:24,200
of an evil person and then I'd behave like that so that I could hate myself more.

417
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:31,080
And then other people around me would have this taste for me.

418
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:36,640
And then it would be an excuse to crawl more into myself and socially isolate more.

419
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:37,640
Yeah.

420
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,640
It's the classic self-fulfilling process.

421
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:40,640
Yeah.

422
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:41,640
Yeah.

423
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:45,720
And I was resigned to that.

424
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:54,520
I was like, it felt almost liberating to know that my set path was to die young and have

425
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,040
a miserable life.

426
00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:04,760
Instead of like, as we were talking about fear of the unknown earlier, feeling like

427
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,760
the future was an uncertainty.

428
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:07,760
Yeah.

429
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:08,760
Right?

430
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:09,760
Yeah.

431
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:10,760
Right.

432
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:11,760
Right.

433
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:12,760
Right.

434
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:13,760
Right.

435
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:22,200
So I think it's a great privilege to have done the things that have been done to you

436
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:30,200
and the things that you've done and be at this place where you're able and willing to

437
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:35,480
talk about it in hopes that it might inspire somebody else who's gone through some tough

438
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:36,480
times.

439
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:42,440
And I know you are quite passionate about working to inform the system.

440
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:43,440
Yeah.

441
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:50,280
And not just around your identity as a queer youth, but your identity as a young person,

442
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:56,880
your identity as a young person from rural Maine, all the identities that you bring to

443
00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:04,120
this, you are so motivated to try to make it better for somebody else.

444
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:13,840
I think like I'm a reformist at heart and like by seeing the, my like immense change

445
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:23,240
against in my mind, insurmountable odds has showed me that there is a positive on the

446
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:24,800
other side of everything.

447
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:31,760
And just by putting in effort and trying, we can change everything around us and ourselves

448
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:33,200
for the better.

449
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:40,680
We just need to make a concerted effort, make intelligent commentary and go for it.

450
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:47,860
Nothing is forever and we will always be in a state of flux and we need to leverage that

451
00:29:47,860 --> 00:29:49,920
flux to make a positive change.

452
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:50,920
Yeah.

453
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:51,920
Yeah.

454
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:56,680
Except that, you know, take this journey that we are all on as humans, recognizing that

455
00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:01,200
the paths aren't always as clearly laid out or as smooth sailing as we'd like for them

456
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:02,360
to be.

457
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:08,480
And so how do we as humans, as resilient humans, how do we adjust to the different paths ahead

458
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:09,480
of us?

459
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:10,480
How do we bring support?

460
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:14,880
How do we ask for help checking in with one another when needed?

461
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:19,600
And just what I love when you say we're all in this together.

462
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:20,600
Yeah.

463
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:21,600
Like that is so true.

464
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,640
We're all in this together.

465
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:24,640
And yet it's so cliche.

466
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,160
Like when I said that I laughed at it.

467
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,160
I love it.

468
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,160
Yeah.

469
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:33,360
And so it resonates with me in it though too, because again, as we've talked about in the

470
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,800
past, the idea of community.

471
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:36,800
Yeah.

472
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:45,600
And when we can move outside of ourselves for just long enough to recognize that I'm

473
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,040
not the only one struggling.

474
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:54,560
Other people have experienced similar things to what I'm experienced or what I did experience.

475
00:30:54,560 --> 00:31:00,200
And if I can build community with some of those other shared experiences, I'm building

476
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,160
strength and I'm building resiliency.

477
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:03,160
Yeah.

478
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:08,080
Humans are social animals and our experiences are universal.

479
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:17,720
And we like, I feel like modern culture encourages isolation and we need to resist that and change

480
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:23,960
the things around us to start working together and being together.

481
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:27,720
We need to become one.

482
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,800
And on that note, I just want to say thank you.

483
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:38,160
I want to say, truly, I appreciate your willingness and your openness to have some of these tough

484
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:47,720
conversations and say, share some pretty painful and tough things from your past in hopes that

485
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:51,920
it's creating a clearer path for somebody else who might be listening.

486
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:52,920
So thank you.

487
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:53,920
Yeah.

488
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:58,760
And I would love to thank you because I really, really want to make a positive change in the

489
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:00,400
world around me.

490
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:06,480
And by you allowing me to use your platform to some extent to attempt to spread my message

491
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:12,040
and have a voice, you have created something that's been super productive for me.

492
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,960
And you've given me hope that maybe I can positively impact others.

493
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:16,960
Yeah.

494
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:22,520
Well, and what you don't realize is this is your platform, my friend.

495
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:23,760
This is your platform.

496
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:24,760
You'll get there.

497
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:25,760
You'll get there.

498
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:31,520
So this brings us to the end of episode six of the Inspired Insights podcast.

499
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:32,920
Thank you, Sorin.

500
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:36,240
Thank you, listeners, for hanging in with us.

501
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I want to remind folks that there are a lot of resources out there.

502
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:46,320
If you are feeling like you are struggling, please get help.

503
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:53,480
9-8-8 is a wonderful national resource for both crisis support as well as just talking

504
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,680
to somebody else.

505
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,000
Find your community, get help.

506
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,680
There are better days ahead and we're here for you.

507
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:02,680
So thank you.

508
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,080
Reach outwards rather than crawling inwards.

509
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:06,080
Yeah, perfect.

510
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:07,520
I am Chris McGlallen.

511
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:08,960
I'm Sorin Peterson.

512
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,600
Thank you so much and we'll see you next time.

513
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:11,600
See ya.

514
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:17,320
The Inspired Insights podcast has been brought to you by Inspired Consulting Group, LLC.

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00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:19,880
Edited and produced by Amanda Seidel.

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00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:21,880
Music by Derek Herter.

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00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:22,880
Copyright 2020.

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00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:23,880
All rights reserved.

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00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:53,160
For more, all rights reserved.