WEBVTT

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This is Lightly Used with Adam and Karen. Welcome

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to episode 35 of Lightly Used with me, your sultry

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songstress of happy birthdays, Karen, and your

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grumpy, curmudgeonly old man of Adam across from

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me. I don't sing. No, he doesn't. I don't. Well,

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actually, that is a lie. I have heard you sing.

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Can't sing, won't sing. But it's usually in a

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very private environment, like in the car. Yeah,

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and then it's really quiet, kind of under my

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breath. Anyway, we've survived Christmas and

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New Year. Just. Just. By the time this comes

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out, this will be old hat, but... When we're

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recording on the 3rd, it's still technically

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Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Happy 2026 to

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you. Indeed. I hope the first few days, and by

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the time you hear this, the first few weeks have

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gone swimmingly. And if they haven't, that you've

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at least got a great anecdote to get a free beer

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out of. At the very least. At the very least.

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Make it worth it. How was your Christmas bit?

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My... Phrasing. Encapsulating the new year. The

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global experience of Christmas and New Year 2025

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into 2026 have been mostly lovely. Thank you

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very much. I've spent some time with some lovely

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people. Saw my mum, saw my dad, saw my sister

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Ruth and my nephew Ewan. Also saw my nephew Harry,

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his girlfriend Courtney and their little boy

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Cole, who is just the most adorable, cute little

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nom -nom -nommage with the curliest little gorgeous

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head of hair you've ever seen. He's amazing.

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The drive -in was the drive -in and I always

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struggle with it. But I've had a couple of days

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where I've not slept during the night and slept

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during the day and I slept last night. So I feel

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like I've finally made it past New Year. for

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my body to have like 24 hours to realise it's

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got to go back to work. Getting back to your

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circadian rhythms or whatnot. Middle -aged woman,

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we don't have circadian rhythms. But yes, attempting

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to. Although the GP did do me a script for some

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Zopiclone yesterday, so I will hopefully have

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some lovely sleep next week. Oh, hopefully that'll

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help. Yeah, fingers crossed. How were your festivities,

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my love? Begrudgingly had to do stuff. I would

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have just like the two weeks off to myself and

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just do absolutely nothing. That would be my

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Christmas. But no, I had to see family and see

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friends and have social obligations. As far as

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it goes, it was very pleasant. Excellent. What

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about babysitting? I was going to get to that.

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Well, it's part of the Christmas experience.

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Because you were doing it while I was enjoying

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my Christmas. You were being the responsible

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adult. That's mostly your story that... Do you

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want me to say? Yeah, yeah, it's yours. Or have

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I taken you off rhythm now? It's your story.

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Okay, so, in November, I found a kitten. Jackson

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and I went to go and have a look at the kitten.

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Jackson... When you say found, it wasn't just

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in the street. Oh, yeah, no, no, it was on the

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interweb. We went to go and have a look at the

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kitten. And as I turned around to show the kitten

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to Jackson, Jackson handed the money over to

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the lady. And I was like, oh, I've got a kitten

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now. Okay. So we shoved her in the bag. Cat bag.

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It's a cat backpack for clarity. Not a carrier

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bag. Not a carrier bag. No, it wasn't like a

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bag for life. It is a literal backpack with stuff

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in there for the cat. Shoved the cat in the bag,

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went to the car. And then I was like, oh, I need

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to stop off at a cash point on the way home because

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I only had a certain amount of money on me. It

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wasn't quite enough for the kitten. And Jackson's

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like, no, no, happy Christmas. And I was like,

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what? He's like, yeah, happy Christmas. I'm like,

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no, you can't do that. He's like, but I just

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did and I can. So happy Christmas. So I tried

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not to cry all the way on the drive home. And

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I've completely fallen in love with this kitten.

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It took me a few days to name her. She's called

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Winter. That's her formal name, but we tend to

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call her Winnie. She's black and she is insane.

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Yeah, I've met her now. Yeah, I mean, you came

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round like twice after I'd got her and you hadn't

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seen her. So the first time you saw her was when

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I was like, oh, by the way, Adam, I'm going away.

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Can you babysit for me and make sure my big cat

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doesn't eat my little cat? But yeah, it was just

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after Christmas I did catch it for you. I managed

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to lure her out with a pipe cleaner on a ribbon

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string. She's obsessed with those pipe cleaners.

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After she was comfy enough to sort of come close

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to my hands when I was playing with the ribbon.

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I ended up stealthily stroking her a little bit.

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A few cheeky purrs that were quite loud. Right,

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you're obviously enjoying having a fuss, but

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you're also quite wary about having a stranger

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be touching you. Yeah. So I kind of tricked her

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into giving a few strokes at her, skittering

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away. But after a while, she let me fuss her

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after a while. And the next day I was watching

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telly. I hadn't realised she'd crawled onto the

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sofa next to me. Yeah. I was just watching TV

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and looked across. Oh, I was actually looking

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around the room. I haven't seen her for a while.

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It's a tiny, tiny little black ball of fluff.

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That hides everywhere. You can't see her. If

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she's not in plain sight, she's in a dark spot.

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Also, my eyesight is shit. So I'm just looking

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around going, can I see a pair of eyes? Just

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peeking back out at me. Well, something caught

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the reflection so I can see some eyes shine.

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No, just look next to her on the sofa. Oh, there

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you are. Hello, when did you get there? How long

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have you been there for? So cute. So yeah, I

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got some belly tickles out of her. She tickled

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your belly? Yeah, yeah, I just laid there. You

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laid there. Pulled my jumper up. Showed some

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nipples. Oh, nice. But yeah, we're friends now.

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Yeah, she's ever so cute. Anyway, sorry, I hijacked

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your Christmas stuff. That's enough of that cat

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nonsense. Tell me why she let me give her belly

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rubs until she fell asleep. So definitely friends.

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Yeah, she's very cute. She's very cute. She's

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still a bit unsure about fusses, especially if

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she's wide awake. She prefers it if she's sleepy.

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But I wake up with her on the bed all the time

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if I'm trying to sleep or I am asleep. I wake

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up, she's there. So she likes company, but she's

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not the most tactile of animals yet. She will

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give in. She has to. It's still a little bit

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wary, but once you've started giving her a fuss,

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she expects more of a fuss then. Oh, and Jackson

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isn't sure if she's a he, a she or a he -she.

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So watch this space. I'll get a vet to confirm.

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Winnie could turn into a Winston. Or can you

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just wait a bit longer and see how she pees?

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Is there a difference between like dogs? I've

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never seen a male cat cock its leg to have a

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wee. But that's not to say it doesn't happen.

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Again, not a pet owner, clearly. Clearly. Anyway,

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moving on. My Christmas thing, I was going to

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start with giving Who Takes the Socks Off podcast

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an apology and an explanation for messing up

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their Christmas show plans. So, days before...

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Simon would ask, can they give me a ring to contribute

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something to the show? Just a couple of minutes,

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phone call, and that'll be it. On the day of

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recording, I'll have a quick shower. I can do

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that. 8 o 'clock, 9 o 'clock, 10 o 'clock. You'd

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been called. I thought, oh, it's got to 10 o

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'clock. The recording must have gone on a bit.

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10 o 'clock. They don't need me. They've got

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what they needed from the show from you. I'll

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go make a cup of tea. So I went downstairs, made

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a cup of tea, carried on with the evening. About

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an hour later, I looked at my phone. Oh, hang

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on, that hasn't been in my pocket this whole

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time. It's just been on the sofa. Missed call

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at six minutes past ten. Literally as soon as

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the kettle was on, that's when the phone went

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upstairs in the completely other end of the house.

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So sorry about that. Yeah, I would have taken

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the call if you'd made it. Sorry, Simon, but

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it's your fault you didn't ring me early enough

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in the evening to get me on your Christmas show.

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I mean, also, if you listen back, when they call

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you earlier on the evening, they say, yeah, we're

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calling Adam next. And then they ring Rob. Six

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to eight people later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Showing

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off how many friends they've got. I know. Popular

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motherfuckers. It was lovely to hear Nina and

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Bon's voices, though. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they were

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great. Yeah, they were really funny. And they

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gave much more value than I could ever have possibly

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given. To answer your questions, your speculations,

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yes, I was, but I'd gone to make tea. That's

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the reason I didn't answer the phone. And I would

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have chosen vomit. I'm surprised anyone chose

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to shit themselves. I mean, the arguments for

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and against both vomiting and sharting were,

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you know, they were valid. Everyone's opinions

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were correct. Also, I should say, This is all

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related to the Who Takes the Socks Off Christmas

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special. It will make sense if you hear their

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show. Link will be in the description. Without

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context, it's a bit confusing. And a video version

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will be coming. Well, I don't know. By the time

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this show goes out, production schedules... Hopefully

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by the end of January, it'll be on YouTube. Also,

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days after recording last episode, that was on

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Monday the 15th of December, I got a meal deal

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in Tesco and had a completely quick look. Through

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the Hot Wheels. Of course. I was looking to see

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if there was a Hot Wheels monster truck. There's

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a unicorn one. And there's also one which is

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like a school bus, but it's done with like donut

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wheels and stuff like that. Very cool. I can't

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remember what the name of it are. So those are

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the two I was looking for for my two nieces.

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This is after I'd been looking for myself and

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decided, no, I didn't fancy any cars. So I'm

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in my work clothes, overalls, high -vis jacket,

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crouching down on the floor, tap on my shoulder.

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Turn around, look up. My brain processing is

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trying to work out, do I know you? Yeah. I'm

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not really taking in what you're saying, so it's

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taking me a second to process what you've said

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to me. Yeah. Don't know him at all. Complete

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stranger. Taps me on the shoulder. You're too

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old to be buying toys. 15th of December, just

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before Christmas. Also, yeah, I know I'm too

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old to be buying toys. Also, what the fuck's

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it got to do with you? The one time I wasn't

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looking to buy them for myself as well. I know,

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yeah. That time I was legitimately looking for

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my nieces. Typical. I did tell him, I've got

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a niece. I don't think he believed me. He walked

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off chuckling to himself. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I bet

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that made his day. Also, what did he want in

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his wildest dreams? How did he want this interaction

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to go? Oh, you're right. Should I either follow

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him home and look through his life and say, I

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need to get some tips for how I lead my life.

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You're right. Or come round my house. You need

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to go through every goddamn single thing I own.

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Make sure it's age appropriate. Not too old for

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me. Not too young for me. How old do you think

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I am? You need to get exactly the right age for

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me. I don't want to disappoint you, strange old

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man, who's come and bothered me, tapped me on

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the shoulder. Yeah, I'm buying a... My son died

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a year ago, and he loved Hot Wheels, and I just

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want to put something on his grave. That was

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a possibility how that conversation could have

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gone. No, it's so true. It's so true. And again,

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how did... You're too old. Fuck you. You can't

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be buying commemorative toys for your dead son.

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What's it to... You don't know why I'm buying

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things. Isn't it so annoying that you think of

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the best retorts after the event? No, I just...

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I've got a niece. But also, in my mind, I was

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baffled with... Why is this interaction even

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happening? Yeah, why did you need to insert yourself

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into my life? You haven't got a bag, a basket

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or a trolley with you. He was wandering. I thought,

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go and find your wife. Go and find your wife.

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She's probably in the clothes section. Yeah,

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can you help her get something from a shelf or

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something? Be useful. Fuck off. Initially, I

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thought he was going to be asking me for help

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because he thought I worked in the shop with

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my hobbies. I've had that and I've been shopping

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before. I've done my work clothes. It's, oh,

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excuse me, where do I find? Oh, oh, sorry. But

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yeah, I really want to know how he wanted that

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interaction to go. When he walked up, I've got

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a good one here. I'm going to tell that man he's

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too old to buy. Oh, this is a good one. Oh, I

00:12:43.299 --> 00:12:46.740
can't wait. I've got a theory that he's a treasure

00:12:46.740 --> 00:12:50.919
hunter. And he knows how awkward single men are

00:12:50.919 --> 00:12:54.919
going through boxes of Hot Wheels. So he's used

00:12:54.919 --> 00:12:57.139
a tactic that someone else has used on him before

00:12:57.139 --> 00:12:59.620
and done like the whole tap, tap on your shoulder.

00:12:59.720 --> 00:13:03.279
Oh, mate, come on, grow up a bit. Do you need

00:13:03.279 --> 00:13:05.299
help getting up? Then the person who's looking

00:13:05.299 --> 00:13:07.519
through the cars goes, oh, I feel a bit awkward

00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:10.120
now. So they piss off. And then it's like a lurker

00:13:10.120 --> 00:13:13.840
in a casino. They watch and wait. Until they,

00:13:13.879 --> 00:13:15.879
you know, someone has put enough money in the

00:13:15.879 --> 00:13:17.600
machine and fucked off. And then they come in,

00:13:17.639 --> 00:13:19.539
put a quarter in and win a jackpot. It's that

00:13:19.539 --> 00:13:23.759
sort of thing. Scratch cards. If I see someone

00:13:23.759 --> 00:13:25.559
buying a couple of scratch cards ahead of me,

00:13:25.679 --> 00:13:29.779
I'll go, I'll have one of those as well. I don't

00:13:29.779 --> 00:13:31.720
usually buy scratch cards where someone's bought

00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:34.129
a few. You never know if you get the odd one.

00:13:34.429 --> 00:13:36.230
I'll try and play the odds. But that's what I

00:13:36.230 --> 00:13:38.049
reckon. I reckon he was just trying to get you

00:13:38.049 --> 00:13:39.850
away from the Hot Wheels so he could just do

00:13:39.850 --> 00:13:42.070
a loop around and come back and look through

00:13:42.070 --> 00:13:43.789
on his own. I wasn't looking through the single

00:13:43.789 --> 00:13:45.990
ones. He could have done that. Oh, well, fuck

00:13:45.990 --> 00:13:47.850
it, then I don't know. Yeah, in Hot Wheels monster

00:13:47.850 --> 00:13:53.110
trucks. No idea how he hoped that would go. Oh,

00:13:53.129 --> 00:13:55.330
well, at least you didn't punch him. Still, Ben,

00:13:55.389 --> 00:13:57.690
also, I was just surprised at this interaction

00:13:57.690 --> 00:14:00.659
with a complete stranger. Just go about your

00:14:00.659 --> 00:14:02.779
day. People shop in the shop and also it's two

00:14:02.779 --> 00:14:04.820
weeks before Christmas. Someone's going to be

00:14:04.820 --> 00:14:07.500
looking at toys. Maybe he was the real life Grinch.

00:14:07.539 --> 00:14:09.620
Were you in Asda? Was it the Asda Grinch? No,

00:14:09.639 --> 00:14:13.820
it was Tesco. Oh, never mind then. I mean, also,

00:14:13.899 --> 00:14:17.840
I have added like five cars to the wall. I wasn't

00:14:17.840 --> 00:14:22.220
going to make any comments. I wasn't, and I'm

00:14:22.220 --> 00:14:24.740
not even looking in the direction of the main

00:14:24.740 --> 00:14:27.320
display, and I can still see several Hot Wheels

00:14:27.320 --> 00:14:30.519
in my direct line of sight. So you know how I

00:14:30.519 --> 00:14:33.259
said it was impressive last episode? It's becoming

00:14:33.259 --> 00:14:36.659
an issue now. When does impressive become engorged?

00:14:40.740 --> 00:14:42.500
It's when you start getting paid for it, I think.

00:14:44.840 --> 00:14:48.259
That'll be why I'm poor. But yeah, just a few

00:14:48.259 --> 00:14:50.159
months ago, I hadn't even heard of Treasure Hunts.

00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:52.139
I've got several of them, including duplicates

00:14:52.139 --> 00:14:54.639
that were instead a couple from the table. And

00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:56.860
even better than Treasure Hunt, I found an error

00:14:56.860 --> 00:14:59.480
card, which is a mismatching card to the backing

00:14:59.480 --> 00:15:01.460
cardboard. Yeah, you showed that to me earlier.

00:15:01.460 --> 00:15:03.000
That was a fun one. It's actually really cool.

00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:05.399
I'm quite impressed. I've never noticed any like

00:15:05.399 --> 00:15:07.779
that in the shop. So now you've given me another

00:15:07.779 --> 00:15:09.519
reason to go back and look in the boxes. I'm

00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:11.059
a bit annoyed. Only looking for the fuck ups.

00:15:11.179 --> 00:15:12.519
They're the more fun ones to find. Just look

00:15:12.519 --> 00:15:16.019
for the fuck ups. Also, since we recorded the

00:15:16.019 --> 00:15:18.919
last episode, again, this is just before Christmas.

00:15:19.559 --> 00:15:21.899
So it's been three weeks since we recorded. And

00:15:21.899 --> 00:15:24.899
again, the first incident in Tesco happened on

00:15:24.899 --> 00:15:28.460
the 15th. This was on the 22nd of December. I

00:15:28.460 --> 00:15:31.539
was on the work aid course for first. First aid

00:15:31.539 --> 00:15:35.519
course for work. A work aid course for first.

00:15:36.159 --> 00:15:38.639
First Cymru, the bus people, you don't work for

00:15:38.639 --> 00:15:43.139
them. A first aid at work course. Right. Or general

00:15:43.139 --> 00:15:45.360
first aid course for people in the workplace.

00:15:45.720 --> 00:15:48.659
Yeah. There are four of us on it. And you know

00:15:48.659 --> 00:15:50.879
how there's usually, there's always one. Yeah.

00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:53.919
There was one. It wasn't me. For a change. For

00:15:53.919 --> 00:15:58.100
a change. Now, I had a grumble about the length

00:15:58.100 --> 00:16:00.919
of the course, finding out, oh, shit, the Monday

00:16:00.919 --> 00:16:02.679
before Christmas break that most other companies

00:16:02.679 --> 00:16:04.820
have already broken up. Yeah. I've got to go

00:16:04.820 --> 00:16:07.039
in. It's nine till five. Look, it turns out nine

00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:10.200
till four. Oh, it's not too bad, but come on.

00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:12.019
I'm sure this is just going to take a couple

00:16:12.019 --> 00:16:13.759
of hours. We can condense it a little bit, right?

00:16:13.799 --> 00:16:16.259
Ah, well. Skip to the end. You can't do much

00:16:16.259 --> 00:16:19.100
about it. That's the time of the course. When

00:16:19.100 --> 00:16:21.500
we signed in, someone had already signed their

00:16:21.500 --> 00:16:25.159
name, their time. Car registration and signature

00:16:25.159 --> 00:16:27.559
where my colleagues' details were printed on

00:16:27.559 --> 00:16:30.299
the form. Right. So not in the space next to

00:16:30.299 --> 00:16:32.700
the guy's name. Instant nobbed. So just first,

00:16:32.820 --> 00:16:35.019
oh yeah, first signing, I'm just going to sign

00:16:35.019 --> 00:16:37.179
the first box here. I'm not going to read, oh,

00:16:37.200 --> 00:16:39.899
that's not my name. Also, he hadn't got a pen.

00:16:40.039 --> 00:16:41.960
That's one of the things we were given at the

00:16:41.960 --> 00:16:44.779
desk was, here we go, sign in here, here's the

00:16:44.779 --> 00:16:47.179
pen. Yeah. Somehow he signed in the wrong box

00:16:47.179 --> 00:16:50.179
and didn't have a pen. Oh my God. So just as

00:16:50.179 --> 00:16:51.960
the course was starting, he was asking the lady

00:16:51.960 --> 00:16:55.659
taking it for a pen. Marvellous. Yeah. Also,

00:16:55.700 --> 00:16:58.340
he complained several times loudly to both of

00:16:58.340 --> 00:17:00.720
myself and my colleague. And then the fourth

00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:02.539
guy that came in the course complained again.

00:17:02.600 --> 00:17:04.740
So he knew that this guy wasn't happy that it's

00:17:04.740 --> 00:17:07.000
a long day's course. And I should have said,

00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:10.019
no, I shouldn't have done this. Yeah, I had a

00:17:10.019 --> 00:17:12.539
grumble before getting in. We're here. You're

00:17:12.539 --> 00:17:14.480
here now. Just get over it. Get it done. The

00:17:14.480 --> 00:17:16.099
more you grumble during the time, the longer

00:17:16.099 --> 00:17:18.559
it's going to bloody take. I felt I had the decency

00:17:18.559 --> 00:17:20.900
to get all my gripes about this is an all day

00:17:20.900 --> 00:17:23.509
course out the way. Before getting there. Yeah.

00:17:24.150 --> 00:17:26.029
This is what we signed up to. Very constructive.

00:17:26.750 --> 00:17:30.690
Also made his politics very well known. Oh, he's

00:17:30.690 --> 00:17:33.650
one of those flag people, is he? Had every opportunity

00:17:33.650 --> 00:17:37.269
all the way throughout it, despite it being nothing

00:17:37.269 --> 00:17:39.789
to do with the course. So somehow he'd bring

00:17:39.789 --> 00:17:42.829
it up. And then for the resuscitation section

00:17:42.829 --> 00:17:44.890
of it, we had to be filmed so the instructor

00:17:44.890 --> 00:17:47.029
could show that, yep, I've shown the correct

00:17:47.029 --> 00:17:50.519
technique. And so being filmed, we have to sign

00:17:50.519 --> 00:17:53.039
a release for GDPR, say this is the data will

00:17:53.039 --> 00:17:56.259
be kept in compliance, blah, blah, blah. Oh,

00:17:56.299 --> 00:17:58.380
we're also woke now. We have to sign these forms,

00:17:58.500 --> 00:18:03.759
is it? Is that what we've come to? I bit my tongue.

00:18:03.819 --> 00:18:06.619
I really wanted to ask him, how is data protection

00:18:06.619 --> 00:18:10.500
laws woke? I'd love to hear him explain that

00:18:10.500 --> 00:18:14.450
one. Yeah, he's really, this gentleman is very

00:18:14.450 --> 00:18:16.890
lucky I was not on this course with him. Oh,

00:18:16.890 --> 00:18:19.049
yeah, especially this next bit. Towards the end

00:18:19.049 --> 00:18:20.769
of the course, then, we were shown how to use

00:18:20.769 --> 00:18:25.630
trauma kits to pack wounds. This guy pipes up.

00:18:26.289 --> 00:18:29.170
What if they've got AIDS? And the instructor's

00:18:29.170 --> 00:18:30.890
getting cheesed off at this point, then, saying,

00:18:30.950 --> 00:18:33.589
well, you've got gloves, and how would you know?

00:18:34.219 --> 00:18:36.859
And then he starts making up some objections

00:18:36.859 --> 00:18:39.559
like, oh, well, if you know the person is gay,

00:18:39.759 --> 00:18:41.819
the instructor points out, look, there's many

00:18:41.819 --> 00:18:45.200
ways you can get a blood -borne infection. I

00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:48.019
should have told him to shut the fuck up. I might

00:18:48.019 --> 00:18:49.519
have to do something. I don't know how much of

00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:51.779
the course I've got to work with you on. Yeah.

00:18:52.519 --> 00:18:54.480
Okay, all right. So imagine this guy, he's got

00:18:54.480 --> 00:18:57.779
the most purest, best, most donatable blood in

00:18:57.779 --> 00:19:01.920
the world. How do we use this kit? Yeah. That's

00:19:01.920 --> 00:19:05.759
what the course is for. We're being taught, the

00:19:05.759 --> 00:19:07.359
instructor's saying, look, what you do outside

00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:10.079
the course, how you apply that knowledge, that's

00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:12.740
on your conscience. I'm teaching you how to correctly

00:19:12.740 --> 00:19:16.140
use these in these scenarios. Yeah. Shut the

00:19:16.140 --> 00:19:17.660
fuck up and let's go on with the course, especially

00:19:17.660 --> 00:19:19.259
as you're complaining how long the course is.

00:19:19.500 --> 00:19:24.119
Fucking idiot. Oh, dear. It genuinely amazes

00:19:24.119 --> 00:19:27.140
me that people like that still exist in this

00:19:27.140 --> 00:19:29.970
day and age. Like, it's... I was going to say

00:19:29.970 --> 00:19:37.809
2025. It is 2026. You know, there are so many

00:19:37.809 --> 00:19:42.990
medications available for people with blood -borne

00:19:42.990 --> 00:19:45.730
viruses. However, they have contracted it. It

00:19:45.730 --> 00:19:48.130
could be through birth. It could be through a

00:19:48.130 --> 00:19:52.710
blood transfusion from the 80s. I mean... There

00:19:52.710 --> 00:19:55.009
are many ways in which you can contract a virus.

00:19:55.109 --> 00:19:58.089
Your sexual preferences and habits are not the

00:19:58.089 --> 00:20:00.950
only way that that happens. And another point,

00:20:01.009 --> 00:20:03.170
if someone is bleeding out in front of you, they're

00:20:03.170 --> 00:20:05.809
probably not that conscious, so you're not going

00:20:05.809 --> 00:20:08.309
to be able to establish. The example he gave

00:20:08.309 --> 00:20:10.970
was, if it was a no, I guess, I don't know, if

00:20:10.970 --> 00:20:13.630
that makes it even worse, is that, so it's someone

00:20:13.630 --> 00:20:17.329
you know you're willing to let die. Anyway, yeah,

00:20:17.549 --> 00:20:22.240
I... Oh, I refuse to allow my blood pressure

00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:25.799
to go up over such a small and pathetic individual

00:20:25.799 --> 00:20:30.180
whom I hope had... I hope he never has to apply

00:20:30.180 --> 00:20:32.640
any of this knowledge to anyone at all. Yeah,

00:20:32.700 --> 00:20:34.700
me too. And annoyingly, there was a multiple

00:20:34.700 --> 00:20:37.339
choice test at the very, very end. And we each

00:20:37.339 --> 00:20:39.940
got a different set of questions. He finished

00:20:39.940 --> 00:20:43.220
first of all the four of us. He got all 15 right.

00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:44.980
Of course he did. And the reason I know this

00:20:44.980 --> 00:20:48.529
is because... Oh, it's brilliant. Oh, 15, they're

00:20:48.529 --> 00:20:51.089
right. Oh, oh, that's excellent. Oh, I didn't

00:20:51.089 --> 00:20:53.150
think I'd... Oh, brilliant. Oh, thank you very

00:20:53.150 --> 00:20:55.890
much. Just get the fuck out. The rest of us are

00:20:55.890 --> 00:21:00.410
doing our fucking... Oh, God. Oh, thank God.

00:21:00.630 --> 00:21:02.250
There we go. Right, then, have a good Christmas,

00:21:02.309 --> 00:21:05.809
everyone. See you. Take care. Horrid man. What

00:21:05.809 --> 00:21:08.690
a fucking cock. Really horrible human being.

00:21:08.809 --> 00:21:10.910
Somehow he made that first aid course about it.

00:21:10.990 --> 00:21:12.849
He was the center of attention of it. I know

00:21:12.849 --> 00:21:15.630
some people who are always. You fucking prick.

00:21:15.809 --> 00:21:18.089
Yeah. Anyway, let's get off this topic because

00:21:18.089 --> 00:21:20.910
I can feel myself getting mad and I don't want

00:21:20.910 --> 00:21:31.910
to rant and do a Karen on Mike. It's been a little

00:21:31.910 --> 00:21:35.690
while, but it's time to return. The Manifest

00:21:35.690 --> 00:21:39.009
Trials and Tribulations of Johnny Turnip from

00:21:39.009 --> 00:21:46.410
the Abergavenny Chronicle by Tim Butters. Abergavenny

00:21:46.410 --> 00:21:49.250
Man claims he met a real -life witch at the Green

00:21:49.250 --> 00:21:53.109
Man Festival. Ace! And Abergavenny Man claims

00:21:53.109 --> 00:21:55.990
he was shocked beyond belief to have met a real

00:21:55.990 --> 00:21:57.869
-life witch who could cast spells and everything

00:21:57.869 --> 00:22:01.339
at this year's Green Man Festival. Me and the

00:22:01.339 --> 00:22:03.039
boys only went because we were given free tickets,

00:22:03.240 --> 00:22:05.720
explained semi -professional paranormal investigator

00:22:05.720 --> 00:22:08.859
Johnny Turnip. Apart from the Jesus and Mary

00:22:08.859 --> 00:22:10.839
Chang, I hadn't heard any of the bands playing

00:22:10.839 --> 00:22:14.220
and I wasn't fussed. But, as it turns out, we

00:22:14.220 --> 00:22:15.900
had a great laugh and got to meet Jenny Benny,

00:22:16.059 --> 00:22:17.819
who opened her eyes to the fact that not all

00:22:17.819 --> 00:22:21.900
women with power are satanic. Turnip told the

00:22:21.900 --> 00:22:23.960
Chronicle that after receiving a mysterious invite

00:22:23.960 --> 00:22:26.119
in the post containing three tickets to the Green

00:22:26.119 --> 00:22:29.609
Man signed from a gentleman admirer. He got on

00:22:29.609 --> 00:22:32.170
the blower to Puerto Rico Paul and Big Tony and

00:22:32.170 --> 00:22:34.029
arranged to meet them at Abergavenny train station

00:22:34.029 --> 00:22:35.990
and catch the shuttle bus to the festival site.

00:22:36.869 --> 00:22:39.029
Our green man experience didn't get off to the

00:22:39.029 --> 00:22:41.089
best start because Torn and Paul have no idea

00:22:41.089 --> 00:22:42.789
how to dress for the big occasion, confessed

00:22:42.789 --> 00:22:46.589
Turnip. Obviously as a local style icon, I always

00:22:46.589 --> 00:22:48.529
have to set the tone. People expect me to look

00:22:48.529 --> 00:22:51.670
sharp and I don't like to disappoint. So in keeping

00:22:51.670 --> 00:22:53.700
with the theme... I was rocking an all -in -one

00:22:53.700 --> 00:22:56.200
green Adidas tracksuit, the canary yellow Fila

00:22:56.200 --> 00:22:59.119
bucket hat, and some box -fresh white Nike Airs.

00:22:59.119 --> 00:23:01.640
Oh, champion. Because I didn't want to look out

00:23:01.640 --> 00:23:03.400
of place, I was also wearing some big wooden

00:23:03.400 --> 00:23:05.039
bees around my neck I'd borrowed from a charity

00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:09.200
shop. Borrowed from a charity shop. Turnip added.

00:23:09.759 --> 00:23:11.480
I was necking some cans before the bus turned

00:23:11.480 --> 00:23:13.480
up and regaling the festival -goers in the queue

00:23:13.480 --> 00:23:15.480
about the one time in the 90s when Puerto Rico

00:23:15.480 --> 00:23:17.519
Paul and Big Tony locked me in a portable toilet,

00:23:17.700 --> 00:23:20.299
kicking it over, then tried setting on fire to

00:23:20.299 --> 00:23:22.720
it at the wedding festival, just before the Stone

00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:25.740
Roses took the stage. But, to be honest, they

00:23:25.740 --> 00:23:28.779
all seemed a bit too uptight and bipolar to really

00:23:28.779 --> 00:23:31.420
get into the fun side of the story. So before

00:23:31.420 --> 00:23:33.579
I could shout, stick to your socials, you miserable

00:23:33.579 --> 00:23:36.700
bastards. This is real life. Big Tony and Puerto

00:23:36.700 --> 00:23:38.880
Rico Paul turned up and, not for the first time

00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:41.099
in my life, I'm lamented I was cursed with mates

00:23:41.099 --> 00:23:44.519
who had no sense of style. Turnip told the Chronicle,

00:23:44.680 --> 00:23:46.720
Puerto Rico Paul had come dressed as if he was

00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:49.019
doing one of his Simon Le Bon tribute acts. He

00:23:49.019 --> 00:23:50.859
was wearing a white suit with the sleeves of

00:23:50.859 --> 00:23:52.420
the jacket rolled up and the hem of the trousers

00:23:52.420 --> 00:23:54.920
cut high above the ankle. To make matters worse,

00:23:55.160 --> 00:23:57.240
he was wearing a pink t -shirt and loafers with

00:23:57.240 --> 00:24:00.480
no socks. But that wasn't the worst of it. He

00:24:00.480 --> 00:24:02.039
was also wearing a white sweatband on his head

00:24:02.039 --> 00:24:03.859
that drew far too much attention to his thinning

00:24:03.859 --> 00:24:07.299
peroxide feather cut. Jesus Christ, Paul, I cried.

00:24:07.539 --> 00:24:09.059
You look like you've just got off the Duran Duran

00:24:09.059 --> 00:24:12.039
boat. To which he sneered, said the man in a

00:24:12.039 --> 00:24:15.619
green tracksuit. Yet, he was big Tony who'd really

00:24:15.619 --> 00:24:17.539
pushed the boat out into the high seas of fashion

00:24:17.539 --> 00:24:20.480
hell. He'd come dressed as the Hulk. I'm not

00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:22.400
talking about one of those lame fancy dress costumes

00:24:22.400 --> 00:24:25.400
you can buy. He'd made a real effort. He'd painted

00:24:25.400 --> 00:24:27.720
himself green from head to toe and wore nothing

00:24:27.720 --> 00:24:30.079
but a floppy Beatles wig and some cut -off purple

00:24:30.079 --> 00:24:35.240
cords. Christ alive, Torn, I said. What's got

00:24:35.240 --> 00:24:38.680
into you? It's a green man, he said, all confused.

00:24:39.880 --> 00:24:41.559
Paul told me it was like the Porthcawl Elvis

00:24:41.559 --> 00:24:44.259
Festival, but instead of dressing up as the king,

00:24:44.359 --> 00:24:47.740
they dress up as the Hulk. A bit like Comic -Con,

00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:51.700
he said, hopefully. I turned to Paul, who'd been

00:24:51.700 --> 00:24:53.359
snickering into his fag and it became crystal

00:24:53.359 --> 00:24:56.730
clear. I swam, Paul. You've made our mate look

00:24:56.730 --> 00:24:58.309
like a massive bell -in in front of this bunch

00:24:58.309 --> 00:25:00.789
of losers! I said, throwing my arm wide and encompassing

00:25:00.789 --> 00:25:03.089
the mixed gaggle of millennial and Gen Z onlookers

00:25:03.089 --> 00:25:06.210
who were trying not to laugh. Turnip added, Before

00:25:06.210 --> 00:25:08.109
we could get into a full -blown three -way fistfight,

00:25:08.269 --> 00:25:10.710
the coach turned up. I just sighed and said,

00:25:10.869 --> 00:25:12.650
Well, there's nothing we can do about it now.

00:25:12.910 --> 00:25:15.910
Let's just get tanked up and have a laugh. Sounds

00:25:15.910 --> 00:25:18.470
like a plan. As we barged away to the back of

00:25:18.470 --> 00:25:20.210
the coach and started swinging our cans, the

00:25:20.210 --> 00:25:21.829
mood lightened and carried away with a spirit

00:25:21.829 --> 00:25:24.269
of less conformist times gone by. Puerto Rico

00:25:24.269 --> 00:25:27.180
Paul lit up a fag. Almost instantly, the other

00:25:27.180 --> 00:25:28.839
passengers on the coach started doing this weird

00:25:28.839 --> 00:25:30.900
forced coffin thing and looking at us like they

00:25:30.900 --> 00:25:33.099
were small and wounded animals caught in a trap

00:25:33.099 --> 00:25:36.339
and we were farm boys with big guns. The driver,

00:25:36.460 --> 00:25:38.099
who looked a bit like Hulk Hogan during his fat

00:25:38.099 --> 00:25:40.140
period, was now giving us a stink eye in the

00:25:40.140 --> 00:25:43.279
rear view and shouted, Put it out now, son! You

00:25:43.279 --> 00:25:46.000
know the rules on smoking. But fancying getting

00:25:46.000 --> 00:25:48.140
into it with the bus driver, who, in my experience,

00:25:48.319 --> 00:25:50.519
are usually a bad -tempered lot and just waiting

00:25:50.519 --> 00:25:53.400
for a scrap, Paul stubbed it out, held up his

00:25:53.400 --> 00:25:55.750
hands and shouted back, Whatever happened to

00:25:55.750 --> 00:25:57.950
rock and roll? To which someone on the coach

00:25:57.950 --> 00:26:00.369
jeered, you left it alone with your Oasis CDs

00:26:00.369 --> 00:26:03.769
and Liam Gallagher wig, grandad. It's got all

00:26:03.769 --> 00:26:06.150
the young 'uns laughing. And in the face of such

00:26:06.150 --> 00:26:08.210
a put -down, there's nothing really you can say

00:26:08.210 --> 00:26:10.089
to make things better except bow out gracefully.

00:26:10.849 --> 00:26:12.910
Try to come back with a witty reply, you'll just

00:26:12.910 --> 00:26:15.789
look like an even bigger dickhead. To make matters

00:26:15.789 --> 00:26:18.109
worse, Big Tony thought it was funny to say to

00:26:18.109 --> 00:26:20.750
Paul in his best nasal mankwine, you've got to

00:26:20.750 --> 00:26:23.930
roll with it, arced. Fuck it, I can't do it.

00:26:25.689 --> 00:26:27.970
Lost for words, Paul hung his head like a beaten

00:26:27.970 --> 00:26:31.069
dog, and we all sat in miserable silence. Until

00:26:31.069 --> 00:26:32.970
the fourth can, when the mood lightened again,

00:26:33.130 --> 00:26:35.410
and Tom played one of his Spotify playlists to

00:26:35.410 --> 00:26:38.369
his portable speaker. The trouble is, Big Tony's

00:26:38.369 --> 00:26:41.190
taste in music is that of a builder. It's music

00:26:41.190 --> 00:26:43.349
to dig ditches, lay bricks, and eat fried egg

00:26:43.349 --> 00:26:45.349
sandwiches, and drink stewed and sugary tea to.

00:26:45.950 --> 00:26:47.990
And when the opening of Dennis Waterman's I Could

00:26:47.990 --> 00:26:50.410
Be So Good For You blared out, I quickly grabbed

00:26:50.410 --> 00:26:53.099
his phone and put it on shuffle. I didn't think

00:26:53.099 --> 00:26:55.539
we'd come across as less cool, but I studied

00:26:55.539 --> 00:26:58.500
Big Tone's playlist. I realised there was a long

00:26:58.500 --> 00:27:01.619
way left to fall. Moving quickly through songs

00:27:01.619 --> 00:27:05.180
by Dire Straits, Queen, Elton John, Meatloaf,

00:27:05.339 --> 00:27:09.119
Bon Jovi and, horrifically, Annie Lennox. I finally

00:27:09.119 --> 00:27:11.759
settled on Guitar Town by Steve Earle. It was

00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:13.619
a good drinking song and that's what we needed

00:27:13.619 --> 00:27:16.259
right now. As we all sang along and threw our

00:27:16.259 --> 00:27:18.180
empties down the front of the courts like cowboys

00:27:18.180 --> 00:27:20.480
without horses or hats, the bus pulled into the

00:27:20.480 --> 00:27:23.410
festival site. And that's when I first saw the

00:27:23.410 --> 00:27:31.089
witch. I'm going to apologise in advance. The

00:27:31.089 --> 00:27:33.690
rest of this episode might be truncated in that

00:27:33.690 --> 00:27:36.589
this might be the final segment because I've

00:27:36.589 --> 00:27:39.089
spilled water all over the desk. Karen's done

00:27:39.089 --> 00:27:41.670
a massive job of cleaning this up better than

00:27:41.670 --> 00:27:43.509
I was running around panicking, cursing myself.

00:27:44.230 --> 00:27:46.789
Karen did most of the work of drying. I don't

00:27:46.789 --> 00:27:48.990
think that's true. But, yeah, there's been a

00:27:48.990 --> 00:27:51.089
bit of a spillage. At least it's only water.

00:27:51.210 --> 00:27:53.630
In the deluxe studio. I'm going to get you a

00:27:53.630 --> 00:27:57.970
sippy cup. I cannot be trusted, so no. No liquids

00:27:57.970 --> 00:28:00.690
for Adam. Right, so tight in the box. Let's crack

00:28:00.690 --> 00:28:02.910
on with it. It was just my side of things. We

00:28:02.910 --> 00:28:05.470
don't need the song. It's okay. Oh, no. People

00:28:05.470 --> 00:28:11.609
might miss it. There's tight in the box, tight

00:28:11.609 --> 00:28:13.609
in the box, tight in the box, tight in the box,

00:28:13.710 --> 00:28:15.369
tight in the box, tight in the box, tight in

00:28:15.369 --> 00:28:19.220
the box. Tie in the box. Super fast one. There

00:28:19.220 --> 00:28:21.240
you go. That was purely for my pleasure, but

00:28:21.240 --> 00:28:23.660
I'm glad it made you laugh. Right, I've got two

00:28:23.660 --> 00:28:28.440
items. I also have two items. Oh, I wasn't sure

00:28:28.440 --> 00:28:29.880
if you had anything with you. I didn't see the

00:28:29.880 --> 00:28:32.359
tat box. They don't count, but they'll fit into

00:28:32.359 --> 00:28:36.519
this segment, so it's fine. We'll crack on. So

00:28:36.519 --> 00:28:38.519
we've decided this year we're going to try and

00:28:38.519 --> 00:28:42.539
have a donation item. Yes. Because, honestly,

00:28:42.720 --> 00:28:45.799
my house is full of shit. Mine too. So we need

00:28:45.799 --> 00:28:48.039
to get rid of some things. So the first item

00:28:48.039 --> 00:28:50.519
I'll be bringing out is the thing I will be donating

00:28:50.519 --> 00:28:54.000
to a charity shop. Excellent. Do I need to have

00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:56.619
my eyes closed? I suppose I do, really. I still

00:28:56.619 --> 00:28:58.480
need to guess. Oh, I've just touched the wires

00:28:58.480 --> 00:29:00.180
at the bottom of my mic then. Sorry about that.

00:29:00.780 --> 00:29:03.180
Sit more forward. I'll put this in the bag as

00:29:03.180 --> 00:29:08.140
well. Oh, it's not another Mr. Blobby. I'm terrified

00:29:08.140 --> 00:29:10.259
of things in plastic bags. It's coming out of

00:29:10.259 --> 00:29:11.960
the bag. It was just so I could put it in my

00:29:11.960 --> 00:29:20.140
tat box. Okay. Russell, Russell, Russell. Shuffle,

00:29:20.200 --> 00:29:23.440
shuffle. He's bringing his tortoise out of hibernation.

00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:25.740
It's very much on your side of the desk. So it's

00:29:25.740 --> 00:29:31.240
in the dry part. It's clothing. Yes. It has a

00:29:31.240 --> 00:29:36.559
belt. Is it a pair of jeans? Not jeans. Hang

00:29:36.559 --> 00:29:42.200
on. There we go. Some further investigation there.

00:29:42.460 --> 00:29:46.599
That feels like jeans. Oh, no. Not jeans. Is

00:29:46.599 --> 00:29:49.140
this your suit? Yes. This is your black suit?

00:29:49.380 --> 00:29:54.609
Not black. It's green, but yes. Oh. I've never

00:29:54.609 --> 00:29:56.690
seen this one. Is this why you're donating it?

00:29:57.069 --> 00:29:58.710
Oh, I thought you might have seen the jacket

00:29:58.710 --> 00:30:01.690
only because this is the one I got with my friend

00:30:01.690 --> 00:30:04.309
Gavin who I haven't quite got on the pod yet

00:30:04.309 --> 00:30:06.009
but we're working on it. We're working on it.

00:30:06.190 --> 00:30:09.450
This is from Cancer Research. I think the sticker's

00:30:09.450 --> 00:30:13.019
still in the top there. Yes, Cancer Research

00:30:13.019 --> 00:30:15.579
Wales. They got this in Port Talbot. It was £4

00:30:15.579 --> 00:30:18.279
.50. Is this the one with the right -sized jacket

00:30:18.279 --> 00:30:19.759
and the wrong -sized trousers or the other way

00:30:19.759 --> 00:30:22.579
around? Yes, exactly that. Check the size on

00:30:22.579 --> 00:30:24.799
the jacket in the one of the pockets. Sorry,

00:30:25.160 --> 00:30:27.519
I put a... I buttoned that together. Sorry, it's

00:30:27.519 --> 00:30:31.319
inside. Stop faffing, let me play. Oh, chest

00:30:31.319 --> 00:30:37.319
40. Waist 32. Wow. That's an oddly proportioned

00:30:37.319 --> 00:30:39.299
person, right? That was someone that... Did their

00:30:39.299 --> 00:30:41.740
arms and their shoulders and didn't do a leg

00:30:41.740 --> 00:30:47.420
day. So I tried the jacket on. Fits fine. I didn't

00:30:47.420 --> 00:30:49.380
bother checking the trousers. I just assumed

00:30:49.380 --> 00:30:53.420
they'd be proportional. No. And I've got no real

00:30:53.420 --> 00:30:56.819
use for the jacket. Just a nice, reasonable quality

00:30:56.819 --> 00:31:00.279
green jacket. It's a double -breasted style with

00:31:00.279 --> 00:31:01.940
three buttons on each side, which is a little

00:31:01.940 --> 00:31:03.940
bit old -fashioned. It's not the most current

00:31:03.940 --> 00:31:07.390
style, double -breasted. No. I mean, it's a lovely

00:31:07.390 --> 00:31:11.210
quality suit. It's nice fabric. It feels hardy.

00:31:11.269 --> 00:31:13.269
But I thought, yeah, it was a nice fabric, nice

00:31:13.269 --> 00:31:16.230
colour green. But odd shape, odd size trousers

00:31:16.230 --> 00:31:18.650
compared to jacket. I thought, oh, I might have

00:31:18.650 --> 00:31:21.029
tried at least wearing it once as a suit for

00:31:21.029 --> 00:31:24.150
£4 .50. Have you tried the trousers on? I can't

00:31:24.150 --> 00:31:27.470
put them on. Why? They don't fit anywhere in

00:31:27.470 --> 00:31:32.289
the pants area. Can you get them past your knees?

00:31:33.039 --> 00:31:37.559
Just about. But yeah, where the pant legs end,

00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:40.259
that's about where the trousers stop reaching.

00:31:40.619 --> 00:31:43.160
Fair enough. I imagine that was a few inches

00:31:43.160 --> 00:31:48.680
ago, though. It's an obscene band. No trousers

00:31:48.680 --> 00:31:51.420
and no pants. It's sort of just a little bit

00:31:51.420 --> 00:31:54.980
of thigh showing. Sexy. Kinky boots. So these

00:31:54.980 --> 00:31:57.779
can go back to the charity shop. Very nice. That's

00:31:57.779 --> 00:32:02.589
a good quality donation. Oh, the jacket. Pull

00:32:02.589 --> 00:32:05.849
your hood up. Button's still done up at the bottom.

00:32:05.970 --> 00:32:09.109
Oh, yeah. He's trying to put it on like a cape,

00:32:09.230 --> 00:32:12.769
but it's buttoned up. That jacket's two sizes

00:32:12.769 --> 00:32:16.970
too big for you. Barely buttons up. No, I'm looking

00:32:16.970 --> 00:32:19.509
at where the shoulder seams are. See where the

00:32:19.509 --> 00:32:21.650
end of the shoulders are? Yeah. That's dropped.

00:32:21.829 --> 00:32:24.589
They should be up here. Oh, yeah, actually. So

00:32:24.589 --> 00:32:26.769
you've got, that's two sizes too big. You could

00:32:26.769 --> 00:32:30.529
probably get away with a 36, 38 jacket. Yeah.

00:32:31.599 --> 00:32:34.500
The trousers are impossibly tiny. Oh, well, bye

00:32:34.500 --> 00:32:36.180
-bye, lovely olive green suit. It's a very V

00:32:36.180 --> 00:32:41.539
-sized old man that wore this. Again, does his

00:32:41.539 --> 00:32:44.180
chest and arms, doesn't do his legs. Well, you

00:32:44.180 --> 00:32:46.059
shouldn't get things out for me to manhandle

00:32:46.059 --> 00:32:49.940
if you want them to be folded afterwards. He

00:32:49.940 --> 00:32:52.880
says, throwing it back on the sofa. I don't have

00:32:52.880 --> 00:32:56.019
time to fold it. You do. You can press pause

00:32:56.019 --> 00:32:57.519
whenever you want. No one will know that it's

00:32:57.519 --> 00:33:01.470
been done. Yeah, they will. Okay. Second item.

00:33:02.069 --> 00:33:05.089
Okay. This is a keeper. This is a genuine tat.

00:33:05.210 --> 00:33:07.329
This is what I was going to try and include as

00:33:07.329 --> 00:33:13.329
my tat item on the Christmas episode. Ah. Slowly

00:33:13.329 --> 00:33:18.210
bring your hands together. Oh, I feel a corner

00:33:18.210 --> 00:33:21.630
of something. Oh, it's not a corner. It's a pointy

00:33:21.630 --> 00:33:28.170
finger. Oh, it's Buddy Jesus. Yes, it's Buddy

00:33:28.170 --> 00:33:31.750
Christ from Dogma. Can totally tell by the thumbs

00:33:31.750 --> 00:33:35.390
up pose. The wink and the gun. That's the one.

00:33:35.769 --> 00:33:39.049
Cha -ching. Hi, Jesus. I really wanted to squeeze

00:33:39.049 --> 00:33:41.009
this into the Christmas episode last year because

00:33:41.009 --> 00:33:44.589
2025 is the 25th anniversary of the home release

00:33:44.589 --> 00:33:48.170
of Dogma. Such a good film. One of Kevin Smith's

00:33:48.170 --> 00:33:53.119
best films, to be fair. I hard, hard agree. You

00:33:53.119 --> 00:33:57.460
haven't seen Tusk, even. Oh, dear me. Modern

00:33:57.460 --> 00:33:59.779
Bee Movie, I think, is the most charitable way

00:33:59.779 --> 00:34:05.079
to describe it. The Passion Project. For years,

00:34:05.420 --> 00:34:08.340
apparently, Dogma was unavailable as a home release,

00:34:08.460 --> 00:34:10.239
not available on streaming in certain places.

00:34:10.659 --> 00:34:12.920
But a couple of years back, Kevin Smith got the

00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:14.659
rights to his film back. So, yeah, I got this

00:34:14.659 --> 00:34:18.039
around about 2005, by the Christ. And he's been

00:34:18.039 --> 00:34:20.280
in a couple of cars and mostly on the shelf.

00:34:22.230 --> 00:34:25.090
It's like the Fonz Christ. Buddy Christ. I love

00:34:25.090 --> 00:34:27.730
Buddy Christ. He's awesome. Yeah. The figurehead

00:34:27.730 --> 00:34:32.250
of Catholicism. Wow. Cardinal Glick. Amazing.

00:34:32.730 --> 00:34:34.829
Right. What have I got to guess? Oh, yeah. I

00:34:34.829 --> 00:34:36.889
have to reach over because I've got a wet patch

00:34:36.889 --> 00:34:40.349
in front. Well, let's change for you to get the

00:34:40.349 --> 00:34:45.329
wet patch. A second. Right. Sorry. I'm just undipping

00:34:45.329 --> 00:34:52.170
my bag. So the first one. This is a Christmas

00:34:52.170 --> 00:34:55.389
present from my mother. Oh, thank you very much.

00:34:55.409 --> 00:34:57.449
So it may or may not be tat, but you're getting

00:34:57.449 --> 00:35:00.010
it in the tat in the box section. Okay. It's

00:35:00.010 --> 00:35:02.150
on the table in front of you. It's wrapped. You

00:35:02.150 --> 00:35:06.710
can open your eyes. Oh, it's box shaped. It's

00:35:06.710 --> 00:35:12.190
a low rise box. Yes. It's not as deep as a Maltese's

00:35:12.190 --> 00:35:15.510
box. There's a star shaped little label attached

00:35:15.510 --> 00:35:17.170
to it. Can you read what it says with your eyes

00:35:17.170 --> 00:35:22.469
closed? No, I can barely make out there's writing

00:35:22.469 --> 00:35:24.070
on there. There might not even be any writing

00:35:24.070 --> 00:35:25.630
on there. I've not checked, but she wrote on

00:35:25.630 --> 00:35:28.010
mine. I'm turning it around. Can you see if there's

00:35:28.010 --> 00:35:30.769
writing on there? Yes. I think there's a small

00:35:30.769 --> 00:35:33.170
indentation. I can feel as if it's been written

00:35:33.170 --> 00:35:36.190
in biro. She's put Merry Christmas, Adam, Karen's

00:35:36.190 --> 00:35:40.190
mum. Thank you very, very much. I would not have

00:35:40.190 --> 00:35:45.710
guessed what the writing was. All right. Oh,

00:35:45.889 --> 00:35:47.829
I thought that might have got me some purchase.

00:35:48.130 --> 00:35:49.789
That's just the label. You need to turn it over

00:35:49.789 --> 00:35:51.889
if you want to. Oh, no, you've found an end bit.

00:35:52.030 --> 00:35:55.590
Have you? Yes. I found a gap. I lost it immediately.

00:35:56.989 --> 00:35:59.769
Mum's pretty good at wrapping paper. Yeah. I

00:35:59.769 --> 00:36:01.889
don't know how that bit I've ripped off. Yeah,

00:36:01.949 --> 00:36:03.849
that's just where the sellotape was stuck for

00:36:03.849 --> 00:36:06.309
the label. You need to turn the whole thing over.

00:36:06.349 --> 00:36:10.269
That's better. All right. He's found some purchase.

00:36:15.959 --> 00:36:18.760
I genuinely don't know what this is, so it is...

00:36:18.760 --> 00:36:26.559
Oh, okay. It's cellophane wrapped. Yeah, it's

00:36:26.559 --> 00:36:28.539
joined. I feel I've got it the right way up.

00:36:29.039 --> 00:36:33.079
Yeah, that is the top slash lid. All right, I'm

00:36:33.079 --> 00:36:34.659
just going to give it a quick shake. I'm just

00:36:34.659 --> 00:36:39.199
going to take my headphones off. All right, it

00:36:39.199 --> 00:36:42.880
feels like there might be one, maybe two items

00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:48.440
in there at most, In one piece. Okay. Any guesses

00:36:48.440 --> 00:36:50.699
on the content? No ideas. There's cellophane

00:36:50.699 --> 00:36:52.719
wrapping around it and then what feels like a

00:36:52.719 --> 00:36:54.900
plastic box. I'm guessing from your reaction

00:36:54.900 --> 00:36:57.659
it's a see -through plastic box. It's a see -through

00:36:57.659 --> 00:37:00.460
plastic cellophane. It's not a see -through plastic

00:37:00.460 --> 00:37:04.539
box. Oh. I've got no idea what's in the box underneath.

00:37:04.679 --> 00:37:06.679
I'll try opening the cellophane and see if there's

00:37:06.679 --> 00:37:08.840
any texture on here that might give it away.

00:37:09.500 --> 00:37:12.159
I don't think there will be. No. I can't feel

00:37:12.159 --> 00:37:20.750
anything. Right. It's a properly boxed up box.

00:37:20.969 --> 00:37:28.309
Oh, the lid is coming off. Oh, a sniff. That's

00:37:28.309 --> 00:37:31.150
an interesting tactic, giving it a sniff. What

00:37:31.150 --> 00:37:35.150
are you getting? Oddly, sort of new car smell.

00:37:35.829 --> 00:37:40.969
Okay. Hang on, hang on. It could just be the

00:37:40.969 --> 00:37:44.369
box. Oh, do you know what weirdly? There is some

00:37:44.369 --> 00:37:46.769
definite new car smell going on in there. There

00:37:46.769 --> 00:37:50.329
you go. But no, that does not help at all, then.

00:37:50.349 --> 00:37:52.070
And it's got nothing to do with cars, as far

00:37:52.070 --> 00:37:55.650
as I can tell. Okay, there's a booklet on the

00:37:55.650 --> 00:38:00.150
top. Yes. Well, I have regretted taking all the

00:38:00.150 --> 00:38:02.230
cellophane off. Was it something I would have

00:38:02.230 --> 00:38:04.190
liked to have collected? No, everything else

00:38:04.190 --> 00:38:07.230
inside is also cellophane. Thank you for not

00:38:07.230 --> 00:38:10.190
going... No, no, no! What are you doing? Don't

00:38:10.190 --> 00:38:13.190
spill the contents everywhere. So there's a little

00:38:13.190 --> 00:38:18.690
booklet. Oh, right. There are several items inside.

00:38:19.650 --> 00:38:24.650
So there's like a cardboard tray with three sections

00:38:24.650 --> 00:38:26.489
and the three sections have got different things

00:38:26.489 --> 00:38:28.550
in. Oh. And that's what you're pulling on at

00:38:28.550 --> 00:38:35.849
the moment. Okay. This is a one thing. Correct.

00:38:36.090 --> 00:38:41.969
Sort of. Collectively, it is one thing. Well,

00:38:42.110 --> 00:38:44.469
there is some give in it. I don't want to...

00:38:44.469 --> 00:38:52.630
Is it a deck of cards? Correct. And is this also

00:38:52.630 --> 00:38:57.190
a deck of cards? Correct. I can't guess if they're

00:38:57.190 --> 00:39:01.389
to do with any particular game. They are to do

00:39:01.389 --> 00:39:04.349
with a particular game. I've never heard of this

00:39:04.349 --> 00:39:08.019
game, so you may not guess what it is. So the

00:39:08.019 --> 00:39:09.679
fact that you've established that it's a game

00:39:09.679 --> 00:39:11.900
and there's cards is probably as close as you're

00:39:11.900 --> 00:39:14.139
going to get to an answer. Cards in Cellophane

00:39:14.139 --> 00:39:16.260
is all I can guess. They're two different decks.

00:39:16.360 --> 00:39:20.139
And I don't want to play a 104 card pick -up

00:39:20.139 --> 00:39:22.280
because it's two decks a card. Can I open my

00:39:22.280 --> 00:39:24.320
eyes? You can open your eyes. They seem quite

00:39:24.320 --> 00:39:26.019
chunky decks. I don't know if it's just because

00:39:26.019 --> 00:39:27.559
of the size of the cards. I think there might

00:39:27.559 --> 00:39:29.739
be more than 52 cards in the deck. They're not

00:39:29.739 --> 00:39:32.719
a standard four -suit deck. That's what I was

00:39:32.719 --> 00:39:34.619
wondering, if there was a particular game. No,

00:39:34.619 --> 00:39:37.719
it's a particular game. Oh, no, I don't know

00:39:37.719 --> 00:39:40.460
what this is. It's called Sky Joe. Yeah, Sky

00:39:40.460 --> 00:39:44.039
Joe. From the look of the box and the look of

00:39:44.039 --> 00:39:46.239
the cards, it makes me think a little bit of

00:39:46.239 --> 00:39:49.699
Uno. Possibly looking at the design of the cards

00:39:49.699 --> 00:39:53.519
on the instruction and the scorecard. So there's

00:39:53.519 --> 00:39:57.119
150 playing cards. So there's five minus two

00:39:57.119 --> 00:40:02.179
cards, 15 zero cards. And 10 minus 1, 1, 2, 3,

00:40:02.239 --> 00:40:04.699
4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, blah, blah, blah,

00:40:04.699 --> 00:40:08.880
blah, blah. And an evaluation block. Oh, we have

00:40:08.880 --> 00:40:10.480
to give that a go. Thank you very, very much.

00:40:10.579 --> 00:40:13.780
Yeah. Oh, hang on. Do you want it in English,

00:40:14.079 --> 00:40:19.980
Dutch, French? Ha ha. Right, I'll just read the

00:40:19.980 --> 00:40:23.800
game idea and the target. So Sky Joe, game idea

00:40:23.800 --> 00:40:27.079
and game target. The game Sky Joe runs over multiple

00:40:27.079 --> 00:40:29.800
rounds and ends as soon as a player has reached

00:40:29.800 --> 00:40:32.860
100 points or more. The player with the least

00:40:32.860 --> 00:40:35.860
points wins the game. Therefore, the goal of

00:40:35.860 --> 00:40:38.000
the game is to get rid of as many high cards

00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:40.360
as possible. Oh, hence some of these cards got

00:40:40.360 --> 00:40:43.440
minus numbers on them. Yeah. So it may well work

00:40:43.440 --> 00:40:45.280
a bit like Uno, but a bit more sophisticated

00:40:45.280 --> 00:40:48.309
as well. There's some really good... in here

00:40:48.309 --> 00:40:50.829
to sort of give you examples of how to use the

00:40:50.829 --> 00:40:53.329
cards. So we'll have a thorough read through

00:40:53.329 --> 00:40:55.150
and we'll give that a go. Oh, yeah, definitely.

00:40:55.190 --> 00:40:57.170
Thank you very much. Yeah, cheers, Mum. That's

00:40:57.170 --> 00:40:59.289
entertainment for us both. Thank you very much.

00:40:59.329 --> 00:41:02.730
That's awesome. Merry Christmas. All right. And

00:41:02.730 --> 00:41:09.469
my second item is a donation of a sort. So once

00:41:09.469 --> 00:41:15.130
again, close your eyes, good sir. Clear the table.

00:41:15.210 --> 00:41:20.010
Okie dokie. Hang on. In between your hands. Oh,

00:41:20.010 --> 00:41:22.670
that sounded quite sizable when you wafted it

00:41:22.670 --> 00:41:32.750
down. Did it? It's clothes. Correct. I folded

00:41:32.750 --> 00:41:34.909
it in a really daft way as well to make it harder

00:41:34.909 --> 00:41:36.630
to figure out what it is. There's a print of

00:41:36.630 --> 00:41:38.329
some kind on there I can feel with my thumb.

00:41:42.829 --> 00:41:44.869
You're making it very hard to identify one piece

00:41:44.869 --> 00:41:46.730
of clothing. Also, I'm trying to kind of not...

00:41:46.730 --> 00:41:49.190
Not the microphones. And also not get it too

00:41:49.190 --> 00:41:50.889
much in the wet on the table. Oh, I don't care

00:41:50.889 --> 00:41:53.590
if you get it wet. Right, I've got a sleeve.

00:41:54.010 --> 00:41:56.269
Yeah. Oh, there's a hood, right? It's a hoodie.

00:41:56.530 --> 00:42:01.510
Correct. It's a hoodie. Correct. I don't think

00:42:01.510 --> 00:42:03.449
I can get much closer than the head. Open your

00:42:03.449 --> 00:42:06.860
eyes. Merry Christmas. Oh, thank you very, very

00:42:06.860 --> 00:42:11.860
much. It's the helmet. It is. I was going to

00:42:11.860 --> 00:42:13.760
have this as my donation one, but I thought that's

00:42:13.760 --> 00:42:14.980
too obvious. You know I'm going to get rid of

00:42:14.980 --> 00:42:17.159
this now. Oh, you can't donate that. That has

00:42:17.159 --> 00:42:20.320
got to go in a rag bin. Is there any pets homes?

00:42:21.420 --> 00:42:23.280
I wouldn't even give that to the cats as a bed.

00:42:23.380 --> 00:42:26.980
Actually, that's a lie. I would make a bed for

00:42:26.980 --> 00:42:28.300
the cats out of that and they would love it.

00:42:28.849 --> 00:42:30.969
Well, there we go. That's where my hoodie's going.

00:42:31.090 --> 00:42:33.289
Yeah, right. Or like a big cushion cover, like

00:42:33.289 --> 00:42:36.070
a comfort cushion cover. Yeah, actually, Winnie

00:42:36.070 --> 00:42:38.289
could fit in the hood easily. Yeah, I wish you

00:42:38.289 --> 00:42:41.110
would sit in the hood of my hoodies. Whisper

00:42:41.110 --> 00:42:43.130
used to sit in my hood. Well, you could stitch

00:42:43.130 --> 00:42:45.210
this around the front and you could... Yeah,

00:42:45.269 --> 00:42:48.670
reverse hoodie. Double -decker. Follow -through

00:42:48.670 --> 00:42:50.429
pocket at the front. Kiara is not going to fit

00:42:50.429 --> 00:42:52.989
in the pocket. Winnie can go in there and you've

00:42:52.989 --> 00:42:55.250
got the pouch then. Winnie could be a double

00:42:55.250 --> 00:42:58.639
-decker. That's so funny. Oh, thank you very,

00:42:58.699 --> 00:43:00.159
very much for my Christmas present. You're welcome.

00:43:00.260 --> 00:43:09.619
That was Tat in the Box. Gift and donate. I'm

00:43:09.619 --> 00:43:12.340
probably going to regret this. What? What have

00:43:12.340 --> 00:43:14.940
you done? Bibliotech segment. Oh, are we doing

00:43:14.940 --> 00:43:17.260
it, are we? Yeah, my throat is knackered enough.

00:43:17.320 --> 00:43:19.599
I'm doing Johnny Turner. Just don't do any accents.

00:43:19.679 --> 00:43:25.590
You'll be fine. Oh, no. Have you... Deliberately

00:43:25.590 --> 00:43:27.170
picked something that you'll be torturing yourself

00:43:27.170 --> 00:43:30.630
with. Yeah. I didn't know I'd get a bad throat

00:43:30.630 --> 00:43:32.849
from doing the second feature of the show. Oops.

00:43:33.510 --> 00:43:36.269
Yeah, the whole point of Bibliotek this time

00:43:36.269 --> 00:43:40.070
is I've got to do a voice of some sort. It's

00:43:40.070 --> 00:43:43.429
a time waste of letters. Oh, right, okay. It's

00:43:43.429 --> 00:43:45.289
a bunch of correspondence, so I'll be reading

00:43:45.289 --> 00:43:49.190
stuff out. I expect everything to be in the voice

00:43:49.190 --> 00:43:52.550
of Hyacinth Bouquet. Where are you taking me

00:43:52.550 --> 00:43:56.250
then? Take me on a trip down... Time wasters

00:43:56.250 --> 00:44:01.269
letter lanes. Pretty much. The name says it all,

00:44:01.309 --> 00:44:05.590
really. Robin Cooper, he was the co -writer and

00:44:05.590 --> 00:44:08.250
co -host of the first series of Look Around You

00:44:08.250 --> 00:44:12.309
with Peter Serafinowicz, the spoof. Open University

00:44:12.309 --> 00:44:15.530
series. Yes, yes. He's written to organisations

00:44:15.530 --> 00:44:19.849
just to waste their time. And he's collected

00:44:19.849 --> 00:44:22.989
letters. Are these the ones he sent and then

00:44:22.989 --> 00:44:25.989
the responses he's had? Very Joe Lycett. I've

00:44:25.989 --> 00:44:30.110
kept these to just brief correspondence. Some

00:44:30.110 --> 00:44:32.650
of them go on for pages and pages and pages and

00:44:32.650 --> 00:44:35.510
pages, back and forth between some of them. So

00:44:35.510 --> 00:44:38.389
these are just one or two before end of correspondence.

00:44:38.690 --> 00:44:42.989
Make me laugh. This is to Martin Westwood, the

00:44:42.989 --> 00:44:47.289
chief executive of Madame Tussauds. Poof. Dear

00:44:47.289 --> 00:44:50.400
Martin. I understand your museum does waxworks

00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:54.000
of people, like dignitaries and so forth. I may

00:44:54.000 --> 00:44:56.420
not be a dignitary myself, but I am dignified.

00:44:56.920 --> 00:45:00.260
Here's the proof. One, I always get out of bed

00:45:00.260 --> 00:45:03.500
before 10am. Two, I never raise my voice at women.

00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:06.940
Three, I have never punished an animal with a

00:45:06.940 --> 00:45:10.440
stick. Would you do a waxwork of me? It's probably

00:45:10.440 --> 00:45:12.219
more qualified than most people who are in there.

00:45:12.659 --> 00:45:14.420
I've been told I look like the Roman Emperor

00:45:14.420 --> 00:45:17.980
Augustus. Stick me in a toga and bingo. No one

00:45:17.980 --> 00:45:20.139
would know the difference. It'll be our secret.

00:45:20.659 --> 00:45:22.760
Please inform me of the date and time of my modelling

00:45:22.760 --> 00:45:27.900
session. Yours sincerely, Robin Cooper. Brilliant.

00:45:28.340 --> 00:45:32.780
That was dated the 1st of July, 1999. He got

00:45:32.780 --> 00:45:35.920
a reply dated the 2nd of July. Oh, excellent.

00:45:36.139 --> 00:45:41.099
They're on it. Dear Mr Cooper. Thank you for

00:45:41.099 --> 00:45:43.699
your letter of 1st of July regarding the possibility

00:45:43.699 --> 00:45:46.920
of Madame Tussauds producing a wax portrait of

00:45:46.920 --> 00:45:49.719
yourself. We do get a significant number of letters

00:45:49.719 --> 00:45:52.840
of this nature every year. Whilst I appreciate

00:45:52.840 --> 00:45:55.440
your generous offer to sit for a portrait, unfortunately

00:45:55.440 --> 00:45:57.820
Madame Tussauds only has a very limited number

00:45:57.820 --> 00:45:59.639
of portraits that can be added to the exhibition

00:45:59.639 --> 00:46:02.579
in any one year. We spend a considerable amount

00:46:02.579 --> 00:46:04.260
of time and effort selecting the personalities

00:46:04.260 --> 00:46:07.400
who will be approached. For example... This year,

00:46:07.480 --> 00:46:09.920
we're including the Countess of Wessex, David

00:46:09.920 --> 00:46:13.860
Jason, Tim Hedman, and Billy Connolly. The focus

00:46:13.860 --> 00:46:15.940
of Madame Tussauds' exhibitions is on individuals

00:46:15.940 --> 00:46:18.099
who have earned a place in the public eye for

00:46:18.099 --> 00:46:20.400
a variety of reasons. We're not in the position

00:46:20.400 --> 00:46:22.239
to offer a sitting to anyone other than those

00:46:22.239 --> 00:46:24.360
who have gained widespread recognition both in

00:46:24.360 --> 00:46:27.239
this country and even internationally. I know

00:46:27.239 --> 00:46:29.440
this will be a disappointment to you, but I hope

00:46:29.440 --> 00:46:31.659
you will appreciate our difficulties. Certainly,

00:46:31.800 --> 00:46:33.639
the research which we undertake with our visitors

00:46:33.639 --> 00:46:36.260
indicates that, in the main, We feature the personalities

00:46:36.260 --> 00:46:39.260
that our visitors hope to see. Kind regards,

00:46:39.579 --> 00:46:43.920
Martin Westwood, General Manager. Brilliant.

00:46:44.239 --> 00:46:48.119
This next letter, dated the 22nd of July, 1999,

00:46:48.500 --> 00:46:52.280
is to Mike Ring of the British Egg Association.

00:46:55.239 --> 00:46:59.519
Okay. Dear Mr. Mike Ring, my spirit guide, Mr.

00:46:59.800 --> 00:47:02.500
Crisp. A yellow ant is convinced that Hollywood

00:47:02.500 --> 00:47:05.219
actor Tom Selleck is the honorary chairman of

00:47:05.219 --> 00:47:08.079
the British Egg Association. I scoffed at this

00:47:08.079 --> 00:47:12.579
suggestion, but Mr Crisp is Adam Ant. He's also

00:47:12.579 --> 00:47:14.579
assured me that several of his co -worker ants

00:47:14.579 --> 00:47:16.719
have seen Mr Selleck's face printed on various

00:47:16.719 --> 00:47:20.139
egg cartons. Is this true? Can I phone the son

00:47:20.139 --> 00:47:23.599
if it is? Please write back to me ASAP. Yours

00:47:23.599 --> 00:47:30.389
sincerely, Robin Cooper. He got a reply dated

00:47:30.389 --> 00:47:34.690
the 23rd of August, 1999. Slightly more tardy

00:47:34.690 --> 00:47:36.550
than the last one. The British Egg Association

00:47:36.550 --> 00:47:38.590
got lots of letters to get through, clearly.

00:47:38.690 --> 00:47:42.690
Clearly. Dear Mr. Robin Cooper, thank you for

00:47:42.690 --> 00:47:46.769
your letter of 22nd of July, 1999. For your information,

00:47:46.969 --> 00:47:50.110
the chairman of the BEA is Mr. Andrew Jorrit.

00:47:50.630 --> 00:47:52.889
I've also enclosed one of our leaflets for you.

00:47:53.170 --> 00:47:59.219
Not a famous face in sight. That's boring. Louisa

00:47:59.219 --> 00:48:02.679
Platt, Association Secretary. And I also should

00:48:02.679 --> 00:48:04.179
have read who it was from before doing the voice.

00:48:05.340 --> 00:48:08.599
Oh, yeah. There he is, our posh gentleman, posh

00:48:08.599 --> 00:48:12.760
gentleman. Oh, fuck, I am, in fact, a posh lady

00:48:12.760 --> 00:48:16.619
with a low tone. Yeah, I would have worked better

00:48:16.619 --> 00:48:21.860
for the next one. Just Cooper. I'll try and make

00:48:21.860 --> 00:48:25.059
up the difference in that case. This one's going

00:48:25.059 --> 00:48:27.780
to be super high -pitched. Pinch your nose the

00:48:27.780 --> 00:48:30.440
whole way through. This is dated the 25th of

00:48:30.440 --> 00:48:34.880
August, 1999, to Mr. Jeremy Collinson, the Miniaturist's

00:48:34.880 --> 00:48:40.960
Trade Association. Okay. Dear Mr. Collins, a

00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:43.780
friend of mine, I cannot divulge his or her name

00:48:43.780 --> 00:48:47.139
for fear of reprisals, mentioned to me your association,

00:48:47.559 --> 00:48:51.320
the Miniaturist's Trade Association. Apparently

00:48:51.320 --> 00:48:55.039
and correct me if I brackets or he slash she

00:48:55.039 --> 00:48:59.880
am is brackets wrong You represent manufacturers

00:48:59.880 --> 00:49:03.099
of dolls dolls houses and associated miniatures

00:49:03.099 --> 00:49:06.159
Well, I've been designing dolls houses since

00:49:06.159 --> 00:49:10.400
the year dot in brackets 1989 And they are really

00:49:10.400 --> 00:49:12.900
very good. I work chiefly in paper and chicken

00:49:12.900 --> 00:49:15.179
bone weaving the two materials together into

00:49:15.179 --> 00:49:17.989
lattice like structures The doll's houses are

00:49:17.989 --> 00:49:20.210
then assembled by children who are paid approximately

00:49:20.210 --> 00:49:23.590
40 pence per hour. Can I send you some of my

00:49:23.590 --> 00:49:26.170
sketches? I would really like to become a full

00:49:26.170 --> 00:49:28.329
-fledged member of your association. I promise

00:49:28.329 --> 00:49:32.369
I'll behave. Many, many thanks. Anticipate your

00:49:32.369 --> 00:49:35.730
response with gusto. Yours sincerely, Robin Cooper.

00:49:36.010 --> 00:49:43.269
Jesus Christ. You got a reply on the 1st of September,

00:49:43.550 --> 00:49:48.579
1999. Reasonable. Dear Mr. Cooper, thank you

00:49:48.579 --> 00:49:51.719
for your inquiry about MINTA, the Miniaturist

00:49:51.719 --> 00:49:56.039
Trade Association. As the UK's only trade association

00:49:56.039 --> 00:49:58.719
developed entirely... Don't know where the voice

00:49:58.719 --> 00:50:02.079
is going. As the UK's only trade association

00:50:02.079 --> 00:50:05.500
devoted entirely to miniaturists, we currently

00:50:05.500 --> 00:50:08.199
have a membership of around 120 craftspeople

00:50:08.199 --> 00:50:11.000
and organisations drawn from all disciplines

00:50:11.000 --> 00:50:14.940
of the industry. Membership of the MinTA is open

00:50:14.940 --> 00:50:17.480
to all who are active on a commercial basis in

00:50:17.480 --> 00:50:19.699
the miniatures business, subject to the approval

00:50:19.699 --> 00:50:22.500
of the National Committee. I enclose some information

00:50:22.500 --> 00:50:25.780
about MinTA and a membership application form.

00:50:26.179 --> 00:50:29.219
However, I have to advise you, I do not think

00:50:29.219 --> 00:50:30.880
the committee would countenance approving your

00:50:30.880 --> 00:50:33.019
membership for an organisation employing child

00:50:33.019 --> 00:50:43.639
labour. Yours sincerely, Jeremy Collins. Brilliant.

00:50:48.480 --> 00:50:58.099
Well done. And this one's from about halfway

00:50:58.099 --> 00:51:02.179
through the book. To Ernesto Spinelli, the Society

00:51:02.179 --> 00:51:06.219
of Existential Analysis. Ooh. 15th of December,

00:51:06.440 --> 00:51:11.219
1999. Dear Mr. Spinelli, why did I choose to

00:51:11.219 --> 00:51:14.230
write this letter? Just sincerely, Robin Cooper.

00:51:15.570 --> 00:51:18.590
Did he get a reply? On the 10th of January, 2020.

00:51:19.550 --> 00:51:24.789
Dear Robin Cooper, quote, you are not the doer,

00:51:24.789 --> 00:51:30.969
end quote. Gautama Buddha. By the way, hot letter.

00:51:32.519 --> 00:51:35.159
Yours sincerely, Professor Ernesto Spinelli.

00:51:35.880 --> 00:51:40.880
Brilliant. Fantastic. That's a really cool book.

00:51:41.039 --> 00:51:43.659
I'm pretty sure, yeah, Robin Cooper is the pen

00:51:43.659 --> 00:51:45.980
name. I think his real name is Robert Popper,

00:51:46.039 --> 00:51:47.940
the actual author. But sorry, I forgot when I

00:51:47.940 --> 00:51:50.659
was introducing it. He adopted the pen name Robin

00:51:50.659 --> 00:51:53.300
Cooper to write these letters and waste everybody's

00:51:53.300 --> 00:51:55.179
time. Yeah, so it's got to have a pen name for

00:51:55.179 --> 00:51:56.619
stuff like that. You don't want to get into actual

00:51:56.619 --> 00:51:58.800
trouble. I'm pretty sure there was a follow -up

00:51:58.800 --> 00:52:01.679
to this as well. Maybe a year or two later. Probably

00:52:01.679 --> 00:52:03.880
available in many charity shops now, if you get

00:52:03.880 --> 00:52:08.119
it. Especially Oxfam bookshops. Yeah. It's probably

00:52:08.119 --> 00:52:10.000
going to be priced a pound, and it's definitely

00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:13.320
worth it. Yeah, 100%. That was great. The Time

00:52:13.320 --> 00:52:16.079
Waste Letters by Robin Cooper. This episode's

00:52:16.079 --> 00:52:24.820
bibliotek. Thank you very much for listening

00:52:24.820 --> 00:52:27.039
once again. I've got to say goodbye. I've got

00:52:27.039 --> 00:52:29.840
to say goodbye to my festive facial hair. I know,

00:52:29.880 --> 00:52:31.619
you've been growing a beautiful beard over the

00:52:31.619 --> 00:52:36.860
last couple of weeks. Oh, beardy rubbish. That's

00:52:36.860 --> 00:52:41.840
some excellent ASMR. Just clip that and send

00:52:41.840 --> 00:52:45.219
it to me. I'll use it for your ringtone. Farewell

00:52:45.219 --> 00:52:47.719
to the festive facial hair and goodbye to the

00:52:47.719 --> 00:52:50.880
two -week tash. Time to go have a shave to go

00:52:50.880 --> 00:52:53.440
back to work. It is quite the tash at the moment.

00:52:55.069 --> 00:52:56.969
I've not enjoyed having this at all. It's been

00:52:56.969 --> 00:53:01.269
getting in the way of my lips. Just a couple

00:53:01.269 --> 00:53:03.349
of ends. Why do you think women trim their fanny

00:53:03.349 --> 00:53:11.230
hairs? Constantly having to get a napkin to get

00:53:11.230 --> 00:53:13.130
rid of any... I know, it's such a ball ache.

00:53:14.389 --> 00:53:18.769
Just trying the ends. Constantly lapping away

00:53:18.769 --> 00:53:24.070
at it. Hey, who started the comparison? I'm sorry,

00:53:24.130 --> 00:53:26.349
my brain went to a cat with milk. I don't know

00:53:26.349 --> 00:53:30.489
why. I was already on a different train of thought.

00:53:31.630 --> 00:53:34.909
Still pussy related, but, you know, tangentially.

00:53:35.950 --> 00:53:39.170
photos of everything we've talked about we'll

00:53:39.170 --> 00:53:42.309
give it on the website apart from pussy oh no

00:53:42.309 --> 00:53:44.530
we could have some pussy photos on there actually

00:53:44.530 --> 00:53:46.469
I'll send you one of you've got a couple of photos

00:53:46.469 --> 00:53:48.650
of Winnie yeah yeah alright look out for the

00:53:48.650 --> 00:53:50.809
pussy shots Karen's kitty cat will be on the

00:53:50.809 --> 00:53:56.889
website lightlyused .co .uk and we are part of

00:53:56.889 --> 00:53:59.929
the studio channel 84 network check out our fellow

00:53:59.929 --> 00:54:02.670
network shows there's the variety show with TJ

00:54:02.670 --> 00:54:06.300
and Rob the untitled sci -fi show with Rob and

00:54:06.300 --> 00:54:09.079
TJ. They've also started doing some gaming streams

00:54:09.079 --> 00:54:11.519
as well. So check out Tom and Rob in the studio

00:54:11.519 --> 00:54:14.460
on YouTube and Who Takes the Socks Off, who've

00:54:14.460 --> 00:54:17.400
just had their Christmas special. And there will

00:54:17.400 --> 00:54:20.199
be a link to their video version of that on the

00:54:20.199 --> 00:54:22.179
blog when that comes out as well. Yes, they will.

00:54:22.420 --> 00:54:25.239
Because you were in that. I was very briefly

00:54:25.239 --> 00:54:27.639
in it directly after my work's Christmas party.

00:54:28.000 --> 00:54:31.760
Not just you're in it, but everyone else from

00:54:31.760 --> 00:54:34.699
Channel 84 except me. Because I didn't realise

00:54:34.699 --> 00:54:36.539
I'd missed a call till an hour later. It's fine.

00:54:37.360 --> 00:54:40.159
It's fine. Simon hasn't been calling you a cop

00:54:40.159 --> 00:54:42.159
behind your back or anything. I was expecting

00:54:42.159 --> 00:54:44.539
it in the episode, I'll be honest. Yeah, I thought

00:54:44.539 --> 00:54:46.039
you were going to get some real shit for not

00:54:46.039 --> 00:54:47.659
picking up the phone, but no, they just totally

00:54:47.659 --> 00:54:50.420
let you get away with it. Yeah, yeah. Then again,

00:54:50.599 --> 00:54:53.360
for all I know, the thing was slagging out of

00:54:53.360 --> 00:54:59.659
it. That's into a file of its own. He promised.

00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.239
We asked him plenty of time in advance. He said

00:55:03.239 --> 00:55:07.840
yes. Yeah. Motherfucker let us down. Find all

00:55:07.840 --> 00:55:15.199
our shows and links. Thanks for listening. Welcome

00:55:15.199 --> 00:55:18.679
to 2026. Try to keep yourselves as sane as you

00:55:18.679 --> 00:55:22.400
possibly can. Avoid getting into debt. Have a

00:55:22.400 --> 00:55:24.360
glass of wine on a Friday and don't feel bad

00:55:24.360 --> 00:55:27.159
about it if that's what you're into. I'm not

00:55:27.159 --> 00:55:31.079
the boss of you. Do what you like. Fair. Adam

00:55:31.079 --> 00:55:34.900
and Karen have been lightly used. Visit lightlyused

00:55:34.900 --> 00:55:38.800
.co .uk for more. To get in touch, email pod

00:55:38.800 --> 00:56:01.179
at lightlyused .co .uk. Certainly. The research

00:56:01.179 --> 00:56:15.559
with Wookie... Certainly. Fucking hell. This

00:56:15.559 --> 00:56:19.320
was a Studio Channel 84 network show. To find

00:56:19.320 --> 00:56:23.860
more, head over to channel84 .co .uk now.