This is Lightly Used with Adam and Karen. Hello
and welcome to The Karen Show. I'm pretty much
here just for this. That's all you're probably
getting out of me today. Right, over to you.
Hello everybody. Welcome to Lightly Used with
me, Karen, and the lovely gentleman opposite
me. Hello. Adam. Yeah, that was it. I've got
a name. Last episode, we were both very sleepy.
And this episode, there is a continuing theme
where we are both equally, if not more, very
sleepy for different reasons. Neither of us are
sleeping particularly well at the moment. So
bear with us. It's middle age. You know, anyone
over 40 knows what I'm talking about. Anyway,
it's episode 22. Oh, yeah, we're getting through
them. I know, yeah. I actually wrote it down
as 21 on Thursday when I was writing some notes
and then I had to correct myself. Yes, coming
up on the show, we have a slight change in schedule.
Sorry again, this is all me. It's not, it's fine.
So we're having a... Little break from Johnny
Turnip, only for one episode. Printers and things
not working. Sorry, yeah. A combination of being
too busy and then not being able to do anything
in the office either. Yeah, weather -related
incidents. Life has gotten in the way, well,
and truly, the last two weeks. Sorry. Yeah, it
has. So, yeah, we'll be having a break from Johnny
Turnip and we're going to do reviews that amuse?
Question mark? I am going to go through my Amazon
history and pull up some of my personal reviews
that I think are quite witty. And you can tell
me whether you think I'm funny and I'm not funny
or whether you think I'm funny and it's justified.
We will also be playing a new game, Dumb Criminals.
Oh, yes. Part one. Yes, I think we did two rounds
of that. Yeah, I think so. I think two. Yeah.
So part one of that. Tat in the box. And it's
my turn for Bibliotat. Oh, we also have to say
thank you very, very much to Tom for the stylophone
last episode. Let's see how much... Adam's been
practising. Yeah, I've no musical inclination
at all, so it's just trying to remember a sequence
of numbers and how long I have to press the sequence
of numbers. Oh, okay. So, yeah. Not off to a
great start. Well, if it was guess the tune,
I've no idea. Even when I do do it, you'll still
be lucky. One more time. No. What was it? It
was meant to be Call Me from Blondie. Oh. Yeah,
believe it or not, I'd been practising that.
Well, I mean, I wouldn't. Believe it. That's
understandable. Oh, dear. Before we move on,
quickly, I would like to say thank you to Lexi
for inviting me out on her birthday. Last Thursday,
we went to the Elysium Gallery in Swansea to
watch the Fess Hall. comedy live um fest hole
is not something that i was aware of but lexi
knows of the guy from when he was doing beta
3 uh it's like reddit before reddit was reddit
um and he gets anonymous quotes from people to
put online that are witty and funny and he had
a whole section about people having weird fetishes
over conservative politicians. And I found that
equally disturbing and funny. But he is on Twitter
and Blue Sky and all those things as Fesshole,
F -E -S -S -H -O -L -E. If you're interested
in random comedy, I've... followed him on both
platforms from us anyway it was really funny
and i had a great time and some rando dude sent
me a message on facebook the other day so i took
a screenshot of it sorry i'm just going to try
and make sure i've not deleted the phone not
deleted the photo here it is so random guy replies
to a post of mine from the 23rd of may 2016 his
name is john v mayor and he is dressed like the
most republican soldier you've ever seen in your
life and john writes Pardon me for writing on
your timeline, but I must tell you that you always
share excellent posts. I've been checking your
profile to see your lovely posts and fine pictures.
I'll be happy if you become my friend. I don't
want to be rude by sending you a friend request
without your permission, so I decided to leave
a comment here. If you don't mind, can you kindly
send me a friend request? I'll be grateful to
be your friend. Thanks! Seems legit. Totally
legit. Karen replies. hi john wow you really
have stalked your way through my profile and
timeline to pick out a random post from 2016
to comment on that shows some serious commitment
to your cause of which i can only imagine is
bot related spam if you wrote like a real human
i might you might get more takers but me and
my excellent posts and fine pictures are quite
all right without you also if you're not a bot
you're almost definitely a republican and i am
not your target audience unless you're in a signal
chat talking about bombing my house i'm not interested
funnily enough i have not had a reply so yeah
that's been my last two weeks not all eventful
stuff shall we move on i was wondering how badly
that reference will age but it'll probably carry
on and be very very relevant still in years to
come one can only hope sadly Right then, in place
of Johnny Tenip and Lightly Used News, we have
Reviews That Amuse? And this time, because it's
a very short, thought -out idea, we're going
through a couple of my Amazon reviews. I enjoy
writing reviews for things. I am one of these
people that... thinks that a funny review is
always good to have for a product whether it's
positive or negative if you can get a sense of
humor across then it's worth it so the first
review i'm going to read out is for cheeky panda
bamboo toilet paper this is not an advert we
are not sponsored this is reviews based on things
that i buy regularly from that great big jungle
that the guy who owns it doesn't pay taxes for
but for toilet paper Does want to sponsor a podcast
called Lightly Used. You are more than welcome.
Oh my God, yeah. Don't know how well it would
do for your image, but it would help us out a
lot. If it's recycled paper, toilet paper, we'd
be perfect. Pod at lightlyused .co .uk for any
business inquiries. Yeah, please. Not you, Art.
Yeah, God no. Please no more Art. Anyway. he
did seem contrite i might give him another go
not for a while though he needs to learn his
lesson oh dear so i've given this toilet paper
five stars and the title of my review is happy
butt and i left this review on the 6th of february
this year um I like butt stuff. I love big butts
again. No, better not do that. This is now the
only loo roll I'll buy. I love it so much that
I've learned to hate all others, especially scented
ones. Yuck. Note for Adam. Do I buy scented toilet
paper? Yeah, you do buy scented toilet paper.
Do I? Yeah, some of them. I don't know if you
do it deliberately, but some of them have definitely
got a smell to them. Right, this seems quite
cheap. And there's lots in the pack. even though
the price changes regularly there's usually some
sort of discount on them but i don't care if
i have to pay full price it's eco -friendly comes
in fully recyclable packaging it's durable to
the level you need not the level you hope for
as a lady i've discovered five squares is the
perfect amount of sheets to get a nice dry clean
feeling down below my gusset has never been so
happy i'm not gonna No, moving on. 11 people
have found this review helpful. Thank you, those
11 people. Did they test out the ratio or rationing
of the squares? Oh, dear. Here's a one -star
review. This is for a cat -donut -bed -donut
-dog -bed -puppy -dot -dot -dot. What? I know.
One star. Minuscule! Exclamation mark. Review
left on the 27th of November 2024. Didn't say
puppy in the Titans. Yeah, but, you know, give
me a second. I have literally nothing else to
say. This may be my error, but I assumed this
would be big enough for a standard -sized cat.
Turns out it would be better for a guinea pig.
That's that one. Oh, how many people have found
that helpful? No one. I think they put dimensions
or something in the description for something.
So people know, because, yeah, people have got
different sized cats and dogs. Okay, so I'll
do one more. This is Jeff Dadd's Six Pieces Microphone
Covers Foam. Five -star review. Title, Great
Muff. Left on the 13th of September 2024. This
is like my Amazon is just like a history of my
podcast related purchases now. It's quite funny.
That and cat stuff. Great price. Good size muffler.
Will fit a standard mic. Bit like putting a condom
on, but less slippery. Lol. They do exactly what
you need them to, blocking weird external noises
you don't really want your mic to pick up. However,
I would not really advise using these outside
on a windy day. You need something a bit more
weather resistant. However, I record indoors
and these are great. Love the colours, love the
price, great performance. Would buy again if
needed. Don't even find it useful? No. No one's,
no, no one's... Clicked on that one. How many
people have found my things useful? Hang on.
Oh, there's a one -star review there. Oh, that's
for that shitty microphone arm I bought. Oh,
yeah. I mean, I'm not the most liked, reviewed
person on Amazon. But, you know. Oh, hang on.
Not an influencer yet. What the fuck was this
for? Sorry. It doesn't even say what it's for.
There's a five -star review from me on the 22nd
of April 2021. It says, comfort at last. Bye
-bye hemorrhoids. Maybe you found a Yeeshlet
donut pillow after all. I don't even know what
that was for. I titled it Perfect Poops. Oh,
my God. I'm useful. I'm so useful. Definitely
an amusing review. Oh, it amused me. Anyway,
that's enough of my bullshit. Let's move on.
It's time for... Can you guess what it is? Can
you guess what it is? No, it's time... It's time
for... Tat in the box, tat in the box. Tat in
the box, tat in the box. Tat in the box, tat
in the box. Tat in the box. Tat in the box. And
it's my turn to guess first. It is indeed. Close
thine eyes. Okay, eyes are closed. Hold out thine
paws. They're helded out. Are they helded firmly?
Well, placed on the table. I will say this is
a breakable object. However, unless you throw
it, I think we'll be okay. I haven't done that
yet to any objects. And it is wrapped in bubble
wrap. Oh, okay. And I also think you'll know
what it is almost immediately once you've unwrapped
it. Okay. Enjoy. Oh, I've held my hands out roughly
the right side. Yeah. Okay, there's a... You
can take the bubble wrap off of it. Or are you
trying to figure it out before you... Yeah, yeah,
I was trying to figure out the shape. Oh, this
isn't going to be easy to unwrap with my eyes
closed. Oh, actually, it might be. It's one long
piece. Oh, yes, I've worked out exactly what
it is. Already? Rob sent you the foot. He did.
I finally guessed an object. Ladies, gentlemen,
and everyone in between, he literally guessed
it whilst touching the rim of the ankle. I just
wanted to get the right way around and it made
sense. And the hollow sound. Do you want to tell
everybody why this is funny? No, it's your story.
Okay, so last. winter um for the network uh for
the studio channel 84 network who takes the socks
off organized a bit of a competition between
all of our podcasts and we did a taskmaster style
extended episode which is on youtube in video
and audio format and personally i think it's
hilarious and one of the challenges was like
The prize task challenge, so the first challenge
you get in Taskmaster, everybody has to bring
in an item related to a certain sort of thing,
like something that makes you sad, your earliest
memory, the first place you had sex. Anyway,
our challenge was to find something sock related
for who takes the socks off. I found a really
scabby pop sock in the YMCA and then bought a
pair of Welly socks as a backup because I lost
the pop sock. Adam brought a very high brow considered
item with him, which was a corner of the Guinness
Book of Records. And who takes the socks off
used to have world record corner. So it. was
a very funny cerebral take on a sock -related
item. Tom brought a game. I'll be honest, I thought
I was being lazy. And Rob brought his foot. It
is a vase that is probably, what, a size 10?
Size 11? What size feet are you? 11. You reckon
it's an 11? Oh, no, you asked what size feet
I am. Oh, what size you are. Oh, I would say
a 12, yeah. So it's a good size 12, flat -footed
foot. Adam is now trying to slip it into his
slipper. No, it doesn't quite, no. A bit too
broad. Yeah, it's a bit too girthy for the slipper.
Also, why is it green? I don't know. Avocado
bathroom green from the 70s. The official colour
is olive, and the reason I know this is because
I actually found them online. so this is the
aruba foot vase in olive by when i can find them
nordl yes nordl of denmark so nordl of denmark
were established in 1995 they're a family -run
business specializing in danish dinner danish
design inspired homewares Personally, I think
they're quite pricey, but they've got a very
good outlet section. And I found this vase in
the outlet section. Now, Rob paid £4 .99 for
this from the Children's Society. And the vase
itself, when not in the outlet section, retails
for, would you like to guess in euros, how much
you think this is? Ooh. Euros. Yeah. I'm trying
to remember the conversion rate. 30? 42 euros
and 42 cents. Yeah, no, it is an expensive foot.
I thought it was going to be a bit pricier than
I expected. I thought I'll go for 30. I honestly
was genuinely shocked. But as I say, it's in
the outlet section at the moment for the low,
low price of 8 euros, 48. So Rob paid just under
the outlet price, I would say, upon conversion.
My other question about it, at Nordle, you think
there would be sort of, No way, but I guess being
Denmark, they couldn't call it danel. That might
have sounded unpleasant. Or it could translate
into something even more unpleasant. Might not
attract the buyers they're after. If the right
person was here, they'd come up with a great
Danel joke, but I just can't. I was going to
leave it at the name. That's as far as I thought
through. I'm not that funny. So I am hoping to
get the motivation together to start an InstaFoot
account for this vase, where it will be featured
wearing different types of sock, tight, legging,
stocking. I might paint the nails if I feel like
it. I might get a bit saucy and jazz it up a
little bit. We'll see. Try test area first to
make sure the nail varnish removal can be...
That's true. I'll try it on the bottom, on the
glaze surface on the bottom. Jazz it up a little
bit for variety. That's really clever thinking.
So yeah, I would like to say thank you very much
to Rob for delivering this lovely foot to me
when I saw you three weekends ago now. I tried
that. Does it make a good didgeridoo noise? It
makes a good fart. I don't know how to play didgeridoo.
Neither do I. I should have said that before
making that horrible noise into it. I assume
that's how it's played. At least it was kind
of off mic. Anyway, thank you Rob for the foot
and thank you also very much for the cheap show
coffee stain pin badge. Oh yes. That was randomly
found in your Nana's sewing box. No one knows
where this badge has come from. We don't know
how long Rob's Nana had it for. So yeah, it's
a mystery. I did say to Rob, I might have to
give this to Adam because I could feel a bit
guilty if I keep hold of it. And Rob was like,
don't you fucking dare. They're absolutely right
to make you jealous of it. And it's a present
to you. Yeah. So it is pinned to my bag strap
and goes with me wherever I take my bag. So thank
you, Rob. Even though you wouldn't know that
cheap. But no, well, that's a really odd present.
Good find, though. Yeah, it's awesome. Bizarre.
I think it's brilliant. I absolutely love it.
I wonder how long it had been in the shop as
well before Rob finally came along and went,
I'm the man for that. Yeah. I have a specific
reason for that purchase. And as soon as Rob
pulled his foot out on the show when we were
recording, I was like, I need to win because
I want that foot. But if Rob hadn't been the
one to buy it, what would have been anybody else's
reason? He specifically had this for who takes
the socks off sock -related Christmas special
item. I don't know, maybe someone who was redesigning
their home in Danish -inspired ways? Got a ceramic
Hulk fetish? I mean, I don't... Or they've got
some ceramic green knees, they're just collecting
the set. Maybe. Oh, it could be. Shins. Yeah,
similar to paint by numbers, but build by parts.
Yeah, it's one of those files that you collect
to your parts. Like the first magazine is £1
.99 and the next 7 ,000 magazines are a tenner
each. Yeah, it's one of those. And I will say,
before we move on to Adam's item, I'm not sure
if this foot shape is a reflection on Danish
feet, but very broad toed. Very broad. Yes. Anyway.
Right, your turn. Get your shit out, love. Have
you assumed the position? I am very assumed.
Eyes closed, hands out. That's the one. Oh. You
made that sound really heavy. Oh. Another item
for you to instantly guess. Oh, my goodness me.
This just keeps going and going and going. Is
it a windscreen wiper? No. Is it one of those
strips you put on cars to stop you giving electric
shocks? Yes. When you open doors? But I can only
take your first answer, so. That's not fair.
How many guesses do you get? Well, I can guess
as many times as I like until I decide which
one I want the answer to be. What, until you
get to the right one? I was giving myself another
50 -50 option in the hope that I would actually
get a 50 -50 option right for a change. So, just
because you're an arsehole, I'm going to say
it's a windscreen wiper, even though I know it's
one of those fucking grounding strips, you miserable
tosser. Oh, you'd be wrong to say that. Really?
Yes. Oh, well, it feels like a grounding strip
or something like that. Anyway, I don't know
what it is. Something car related? I told you
you were right and you could open your eyes.
Oh, right. Okay. You're absolutely right. It
was this. Oh, yeah. Anti -static strip. There
we are. This was... I was going to put this on
the car, but I'm trying to get rid of the car.
I've got a 20 -year -old old man Mercedes, and
this is the perfect old man accessory for it.
It really is. But sadly, I'm looking to get shot
and replace it with Tapmobile 2. Yay! Come on,
Tapmobile 2. Anyone selling a small -sized van
like a Caddy? Preferably not older than 2020.
Yeah. Have a limited budget. Give us a shout.
I mean, you never know. Someone might listen
to this and go, ah! Now, I never know if someone
might listen to this. Yeah, that's a good point.
Hey, so this is Adam from a completely different
point in time. I'm just editing the podcast and
it turns out the dumb criminals game that we
played. Yeah, we were picking characters to play
it and the recording just completely cut out.
And the part two makes no sense because it picks
up from most of the way through the game. So,
yeah, no Johnny Turnip for this episode. And
no gameplay this episode. Bit of a shambles,
really, isn't it? Sorry. Welcome to the Bibliotheque
section of the podcast. Today is my turn to present
a book. And I have brought 300 Tiny Tales by
Pernell. I paid £5 for this in the YMCA in Lethley.
The original price was £4 .95. Hmm. I think I
may have been slightly ripped off. And it was
printed in 1979. It is a... Oh, inflation. Yeah,
inflation. It's a Karen classic. Very few words,
lots of pictures. And I've just picked out three
tales. I've put tabs in here. Let's see if I...
That farty noise was my chair. Doesn't explain
the smell, though. Shh! I just hit the mic, sorry.
It's a big book. I've highlighted this one because
I don't really get it. There's a lot of things
in this book I don't really get. It may come
back for the future because there's some odd...
Odd stuff in here. So, Tommy's Tongue Twisters.
Apple pie for tea today, said Tommy and Susie's
mummy. Pick a peppermint pie for Percy Picton's
papa, laughed Tommy, who loved tongue twisters.
A sailor went to see what he could see with a
tin of mixed biscuits. That's not a tongue twister.
Chuckled his sister, who also liked tongue twisters.
A mummy, who was not to be outdone, said, Mr
Snips wife's knife wants a wipe. That one is
a tongue twister. Try that again. Mr Snips wife's
knife wants a wipe. There we go, that's better.
Tommy took a deep breath. Great Grimes gets a
great guilt. Gig whip. Sarah in a silk shawl
shovels snow slowly. Mary, no, Mary, Mary married
Morris Marks. The Leith police dismisseth us.
That's not a tongue twister. Nine nimble noblemen
nimbly nibbling nuts. That one is a tongue twister,
he said swiftly. That's enough, Tommy, said Mummy.
Eat your apple pie now. But first, did you take
your bath this morning? No, Mummy, laughed Tommy.
Why? Did you lose one? Hilarious. Ha, ha, ha,
tumbleweed. This book, that's kind of a good
example of the shit that's in this thing. Right.
It's gentle humour. It's very gentle. It's for
kids, what can we say? It's for kids from 1979.
Was this one The Postman? Yeah, it was the postman.
A letter a day keeps the postman away. Brock
Badger, the postman, said, Hey, there's a letter
for you every day. Please write to your friend.
Say this practice must end or I'm giving my job
up in May. The letters continued. So one day
in May, Brock Badger went home to play Ludo each
day. And we haven't seen him since. He could
have just got a different route. Yeah. Also,
a letter a day keeps posting away. No, he's bringing
you letters every day. You're making him go every
day. I guess he doesn't want to do as much work
as he's being made to do. And where's he living
again? Post on Sundays. This one I thought was
a bit grim. So you can let me know. Two Ms? I
mean, it could be. It could easily have been
taken from something like that. They did write
most of them. They did. So this is Totty Toddler.
Oh dear, Grandma is getting so forgetful these
days. That is what Totty Toddler often heard
her mother say. So when Grandma's birthday arrived,
Totty thought she would make sure that her grandma
did not forget. She put on her best hat and taking
a box of chocolates and a basket of flowers,
she set out with Twiddle Nose, her pet rabbit.
Grandma was pleased. Thank you, Totty, she said.
I'm sure if you hadn't reminded me, I would have
forgotten it was my birthday. At least that is
what she said. But perhaps she only said it to
please Totty. What do you think? I think that's
kind of macabre. Oh, I was expecting it to be
boiling the rabbit or something. No, but it's
like a very soft, weird way to introduce children
to old people getting dementia. and forgetting
their shit and saying things to please other
people to show that they haven't forgotten the
stuff they've forgotten. I just don't celebrate
my birthday. Yeah, I'm the only one that remembers
your birthday because I'm awkward to make a thing
of it. It's just another day. I'm not a child.
It's not important. This book, it's got to be
100 pages long. If not more. Yeah, they're not.
Oh, it's weird they're not numbered. The Black
Princess Father. Oh, there are. Oh, 152. Ah,
157 to the end of the index. Yeah, there we are.
The Zoo Zebra. Zorina and the Hawk. Wish Upon
a Star. Willy and the Wagtail. Anyway, that's
my book. It is very tatty. The paper sleeve is
still on the hardcover, but it has been ripped
and folded up at the back. The colours are really
nice. They're still vivid. Yeah, they are still
really vivid. The colours are great. The illustrations
are super weird and of the time. Someone who
was probably on drugs designed them. I don't
think I'm going to donate this to my youngest
niece and nephew. I think I'll just keep this
for... Cameron needs an emergency book. Let's
find some more weird shit in the 300 Tiny Tales.
Seems to be a safe one to dip into. oh thank
you very very much for listening uh if there's
a gap between now and episode 23 it's just that
life has got in the way and i haven't had the
chance to do a goddamn thing about getting anything
together for an episode so apologies very much
in advance hopefully normal service will be resumed
but it's just in case i've got to say that's
fine i don't know what shit's coming up i've
got to say thank you We have to say thank you
to Who Takes the Socks Off. We do. I was happy
to leave the show in your capable hands this
episode. Because I've proven concept. Proven
your hosting chops. Well, I've proven my hosting
chops for other people's podcasts, not my own.
Oh, you know what you're doing here. So yes,
thank you to Simon and Ross and Bon Allen and
Nina Buckley. They were awesome. Bon, Nina and
myself took over Who Takes the Socks Off episode
51 to discuss why people think women aren't funny
and funny women in comedy. And it was really
good fun. We all had a laugh. The setup is great.
There's a little bit of an acting section at
the beginning, which we all laughed heartily
at. Hopefully Ross has listened now because he
jumped off the call whilst we were recording
because he didn't want to have anything spoiled
for him. So yeah, thank you so much for having
me. It was great. I'll come back any time you
want a female takeover. Just, you know, kick
Jeebus up the bum and I'll replace him every
now and then if you feel like it, Simon. But
I do charge. The first one's free. We're part
of the Studio Channel 84 network. Who takes the
socks off? One of our fellow shows were their
spin -off minisode series, Socks On or Off. Usually
a panel show type episode, but more of a discussion
this last time. And it was still a good listening
with you and the ladies as well. Yeah, fair enough.
Nino did laugh a little bit too hard at you at
one point. Ah, yeah, but like I said, I think
that was because we both have a deep understanding
of what it's like to go through two marriages
and two divorces and be on the other side of
it in our 40s. Yeah, it was when the laugh came
back. yeah she must have gone this is really
funny and then died off a bit and gone oh my
god I remember this this is really funny because
it's related to that but anyway yes brilliant
because you got married twice there's one laugh
for each yeah yeah that's probably fair thank
you very much to Tom as well for the present
stylophone and the very fancy present hopefully
we'll put it to use I don't know if I meant to
be mentioning it but thank you very very much
you can say whatever you want oh swanky a F.
Let me just say that. They're very swanky. Thank
you very much. And you can listen to the Variety
Show. He does the Untitled Sci -Fi Show with
Rob. And Rob does the Variety Show with Tom.
Oh, that's channel84 .co .uk every other Monday.
And Who Takes Socks Off is a monthly podcast.
And we're at likelyused .co .uk. But all of us
all together, channel84 .co .uk is where you
can find us all. Thanks for listening. I'll try
and be more awake for the next episode. Ah, no
one's going to hold it against you. And I'll
try and make sure the next episode's on time.
Thanks for listening to The Karen Show. Adam
and Karen have been lightly used. Visit lightlyused
.co .uk for more. To get in touch, email pod
at lightlyused .co .uk. Get back on topic. My
eyes are closed. My hands are spread. I pulled
a funny face in that almost made me open an eye.
This was a Studio Channel 84 network show. To
find more, head over to channel84 .co .uk now.