This is Lightly Used with Adam and Karen
How long ago did Tom end that dream analysing feature?
Dr Demento?
Dr Therapy...
Brain?
What was his name?
Orgasmatron?
Dr Mesmerific?
There was something like that.
But yeah, I never remember any of my dreams which is why I couldn't send anything.
I finally did!
Yay!
It was a week before last, I wrote it down. That's how rare it was, I remember a dream.
And it doesn't help, I don't remember any of the details leading up to it, but I dreamt some of my friends from comprehensive school.
Whether we were comprehensive school age in the dream or adults now, I don't remember.
But we were in a situation where at least one of them, my second cousin, I'm not going to name him, pulled out a gun.
And I can't remember if it was carjacking someone or just holding them up at gunpoint, which was the first I was aware that...
Oh, what's going on here?
Well, I don't have a gun. I definitely remember that much from the dream.
I don't remember if anyone else did either.
But remembering, I don't want to be part of this.
And the only thing I could think to disguise myself was to put my hoodie up and take my glasses off.
Because that's not how I normally look.
The reverse clock hand.
Gunning disguise.
And then there was one of those weird dream scene missing.
Remember meeting a crime boss and saying, this isn't for me.
And I wanted out. And being told, no.
I was getting a bit angry and upset and shouting that I didn't want to do it.
And that's what woke me up.
No memory.
What laid up to it.
No memory why we're organised or disorganised criminals.
What we were doing. What the goal was.
Or why we were doing it. But Dr Mesmeration, if you can help me.
Dr Phantasm.
Was it Dr Phantasm?
It kind of takes the fun out of it if we forget it right at the end.
I think you're right.
Damn. Maybe. Sorry. Ruin that.
It just came to me like a lightning bolt.
Doctor, doctor, give me the news.
I'm not going to follow the rest of the lyrics.
We're friends and all that.
Well, from my highly educated dream perspective.
I would say that you are feeling a lack of control in your life.
Like crime life.
Or your choices.
And you feel like you need to be doing something.
But there are barriers in the way stopping you.
You can't get too into it.
Stealing their feet.
Actually no, they discontinued the...
Fine, yeah.
We were alright.
We're doing occasional dream analysis now.
Suck it.
You dropped it. We picked it up.
Yeah.
Welcome to Lightly Eased.
It's episode 17.
I'm Adam.
And I'm Karen.
We've got to start with corrections from last episode.
As always.
Bit of a self correction, the first one.
Last episode you said you're not sure if you believe in ghosts.
After your seance evening.
I can't believe I didn't ask.
Did you take a jam jar with you?
After all the fuss I've made about this is how you're going to find out if there's a ghost.
You might need to go back.
I need to go back.
Need to take a jam jar with you.
I do need to take a jam jar.
We need to find it.
You can't write ghosts off entirely yet.
You've got to go back to the seance with a jam jar.
Do you want to come with me?
No, no, no, it's alright.
Okay.
I think Jackson seemed to get more out of it.
We did have a really good time in fairness.
And also Jackson couldn't look out if the guy does have a button this time.
True.
I'll pay for you to go.
That's no problem.
Yeah, yeah, it'll be the mission for the show.
Oh okay, if we're putting it on the show budget.
You can go on my dime.
It's investigative research.
We need to know.
I promise I will find a selection of jam jars in different sizes and I will take them with me.
And we'll see if there's any level of success.
And bring it back.
Yeah.
Arthur's getting on the case with getting us a sponsor so...
If Arthur gets a sponsorship that pays for me to go to seance, who's regularly for science,
then maybe I'll relent and let us have a sponsor.
Well my instruction to him was the sponsor has to be relevant to the show so...
Good luck.
You never know.
I don't know what he gets up to in that room.
Also we played crisscross quiz wrong.
We did question it at the time.
Yes.
When I was putting photos on the blog for episode 16,
I took a photo before we played the game of the rules inside the cover.
We even read through them.
Yeah, you did read through them.
It was more of a skim.
I thought a lot of it will be intuitive.
No, we played it wrong.
Our way was a lot quicker and a lot more efficient.
I am adamant.
Our way...
You're adamant.
Stand and deliver.
I had an ex whose mum wasn't in the video for stand and deliver.
No way!
Could have been Prince Charming.
One of the two videos.
That's pretty cool.
Rewarding incorrect answers to the other player?
No.
No marks should have been awarded.
And also you spin the pointer after each game.
You were absolutely right about that.
But I think our way of playing was a lot more efficient instead of spinning the wheel and setting a different number each time.
We definitely wouldn't have got through the number of questions that we did if we'd played it correctly.
And always easier to keep track of which cards we're using.
Instead of, oh, we have to take the card out because you spun a different number.
We're just keeping them on the same one and...
Yeah, likely use rules.
Yeah.
Big correction.
Barbwires Rotwiler was called Camille.
Oh!
But even bigger, I watched a behind the scenes video on YouTube a couple of days ago.
I was trying to find out, is there the video on YouTube?
I can just put a link in the blog.
You have to pay for it.
Oh, boo.
Somebody hasn't bootlegged it.
But yeah, there was a behind the scenes video looking at...
I've skimmed through it just looking for motorbike bits.
Pam did do at least some of motorcycle stunts.
Maybe that could be why fish tailing quietly.
Maybe.
But she did do certainly some shooting and fighting.
Oh.
And the scene at the start, the wet striptease that you were making fun of going, oh, it's very gratuitous.
That was her idea.
Oh, well, you know, fair play to her.
Apparently it was based on a nightmare she had where she was getting sprayed with champagne whilst doing a nasty dance.
And the director said, I'm under pressure.
This kind of sex up and put more...
Skin in it.
Yeah, you've got an idea for the intro.
Yeah, we'll throw out mine.
We'll use yours.
Well, he must have been onto a winner, surely.
Because the film did so well.
Yeah, it did, right?
The box office and everything.
They didn't have enough money to promote that and Mystery Science Theatre 3000 the movie.
Which is why both of them end up doing badly.
Also, Mystery Science Theatre 3000 the movie.
Many people are going to be going to see that.
Very niche.
I'm not sure as well whether Camille the Rottweiler was called Camille after Red Dwarf did the Casablanca episode
five years earlier.
I'm not sure whether that was somebody on the staff that might have liked Red Dwarf.
Yeah, maybe.
I couldn't find a definitive answer.
Oh, did you have a correction to that?
Not a correction, but my pipe.
Oh, the Royal...
Royal Antediluvian Society of Buffalos or whatever they were.
I did look up what antediluvian meant.
It's either ancient or humorously archaic.
I think pre-biblical is the definitive literal meaning or it can be used knowingly to be,
yeah, yeah, we're deliberately out of touch.
So I looked up the meaning of the word antediluvian.
I thought your thing was going to be about the pipe.
No.
And why the horns are the other way round.
It's fine. It's so funny.
So what I have discovered through my own Googling is that in English it tends to mean extremely
old fashioned, so like archaic and like, you know, my granny's got antediluvian fashion
sense or whatever.
But more commonly it is known as the period of time chronicled in the Bible between the
fall of man and the Genesis flood.
So there we are.
That's what antediluvian means.
Well, if this doesn't bode well because we've got no likely used news today, so I thought
we'll take a breather between Johnny Turnip's story arcs.
I might do another turnip tales between them just to sum it up.
But to fill in the turnip shape hole that we're taking, return to Karen's factitious
corner.
And I thought I'll look up some facts.
I don't know how much overlap there's going to be then.
Do you want to go first or second?
Well, we'll come to that in a second.
I'll just say what we've got coming up.
Take a breather then we'll argue between ourselves off there.
Who goes first?
Sounds good.
We'll flip a coin or something.
Thumb war.
No, thumb war.
That'll take too long.
I'll go right handed.
I'll use my off hand.
We're also going to be trying to guess each other's mystery items by feel alone in Tat
in the Box.
We're picking up where we left off.
We're finally finishing the crystal maze.
Thank you Jackson.
We're coming back.
We love you Jackson.
Thank you so much for putting up with us and finishing the game.
Well for the link to his body modification studio Rose Cottage in the blog.
Thank you for coming back and finishing after so much time.
We are so grateful.
It's going to be a double dose this episode because I forgot to set a timer and we played
through a whole zone before we realised, oh, it should have been ten minutes on the clock.
Yeah, but to be fair I am technically Games Master and I should have reminded you.
I'm in charge of the timer.
Tomato, tomato.
There's plenty of blame to go around.
Yeah, none of it is on Jackson.
And it's your choice of book to end the show in Bibliotech this episode.
Yes it is.
So you're going to be so happy with it.
Right, let's find out who goes first.
Let's fight over it.
Come here you.
No, I chickened out of a fun war.
I'm happy to admit that.
I've got strong thumbs.
My psychic hands would have crushed you.
Because you've got KFC, Karen's fictitious corner, I thought I wanted to jump in on this.
So I've got AFH, Adam's fact hall.
So I've researched some St Valentine's Day facts.
So see if there's any overlap.
You can stop me at any time.
The story of the brutal murder of seven men.
I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking.
Carry on.
That's absolutely fine.
That saved me trying to read names out.
Go for it, you're fine.
I don't know.
I really was hoping you would stop me.
I wrote it all up just in case.
I was hoping I would get stopped very early on.
That killed me.
Yep, we don't need to know about the St Valentine's Day massacre.
Yeah we do. Go for it.
That's my one fact I've researched quite thoroughly.
I have not researched this fact.
Go for it.
It's all from the Mob Museum website.
Cool.
It's in, I believe, Las Vegas, the National Museum of Law Enforcement and Crime.
Nice.
That's mobmuseum.com.
The story of the brutal murder of seven men in Chicago Garage in 1929 goes back to 1920.
Big Jim Colesimo and his, again, apologies for pronunciations.
I really should have played the phonetic of these if I didn't have time.
Big Jim Colesimo and his business partner Johnny Torrio ran over a hundred brothels in Chicago.
Torrio wanted to bootleg during Prohibition.
Big Jim didn't.
Torrio reached out to Jim's allies, the Jenner brothers and Joe Aiello.
He then called a friend and associate in New York, Frankie Yale, who just sent in one of his employees who was running from a New York murder charge, Al Capone.
Torrio was also furious at Big Jim on a personal level.
Jim had just divorced his wife, who was Torrio's aunt, and married an actress and singer.
On May 11th, 1920, the Yale came to Chicago to visit.
Jim was murdered.
Torrio was now in charge of the gang with Al Capone as his second-in-command.
And the main mob organisation in Chicago at that time was run by Dino Banyan of the Northsiders.
He and Torrio owned a number of drinking and gambling establishments, but their business partnership eroded when Torrio forgave a $30,000 gambling debt incurred by one of the Jenner brothers.
That's the same Jenners who were encroaching on O'Banyan's territory.
O'Banyan, in turn, sold Torrio a brewery, which just happened to be raided on the day of the sale.
Torrio was sentenced to nine months in jail.
I've got to.
But before serving a sentence, Torrio asked Frankie Yale to come back to Chicago to visit again.
On the morning of November 10th, 1924, O'Banyan was murdered inside of his flower shop business.
Jaime Weiss took over the Northside gang.
Capone had been trying to control the Union Sicilica.
I think I pronounced that right.
Union?
It's Italian.
Oh, OK, sorry. My bad.
His handpicked president was gunned down in 1925, and the subsequent president and his brother were also gunned down.
Jesus.
After a lot of violent retaliations back and forth between the gangs,
Jaime Weiss was gunned down outside the same flower shop as O'Banyan in October 11th 1926.
Karma.
In November 1927, Joe Aiello felt pedon the presidency of the Union Sicilica.
Capone had other ideas and made that perfectly clear when the Aiello brothers Robert and Frank were gunned down.
On the 1st of July, 1928, Frankie Yale, who had formed an alliance with Aiello, was visited by several of Capone's men in New York.
Yale didn't survive.
A week later, Joe Aiello and Bugs Moran paid a visit to the Union Sicilica president, Antonio the Scourge Lombardo.
A few shots later, the office of the president was again vacant.
Oh.
Which brings us to February 14th, 1929.
Key members of the Northside gang were scheduled to meet at the SMC Carthage Company garage.
There was a traitor in the ranks and Moran wanted to discuss strategies with his men, but Moran was running late due to a haircut.
Which saved his life.
Wow.
While he was approaching the garage that morning, he saw a police car.
Fake police car as it turns out.
Parked outside and he scarpered.
He had no way of knowing that inside, his men were being massacred by four gunmen, disguised as police.
Going in there and the pretence of arresting them, lining up against the wall, gunning them all down.
Holy hell.
It's widely believed that Capone orchestrated the massacre, but still an unsolved crime.
Bit from the Mob Museum, most of that story.
That's really cool.
It's a load of specific dates of retaliations between them telling a lot more of the story, but definitely it's worth checking out.
Oh, I did not know that story.
Thank you for the education.
That's my one Valentine's Day fact.
Any overlap?
No overlap.
You'll be pleased to know.
I didn't need to stop you.
I'm so glad I did at the start though, because that was fucking hilarious.
I had to read the rest of it because you're joking.
As we live in Wales, I did a little bit of Welsh Valentine's Day research.
Wales does have their own patron saint of love and also animals.
Not sure why she gets both.
No sheep jokes, please.
Meh.
I said no.
Bloody seistanks.
However, in Wales, our specific Valentine's Day is not celebrated on the 14th of February.
It is celebrated on the 25th of January.
And the day...
So late for both.
Yeah, we are very late for both.
Well, and we're recording on the 15th of February, so we probably should have done this last episode.
But anyway, we like to be late for stuff.
That's just how we are.
Apologies in advance for any pronunciation butchery.
English tongue, Welsh words.
They're going to do a better job of me.
They don't always mix.
So, Valentine's Day, 25th of January in Wales is cent...
St. Dwynwen's Day? Dwynwen's Day?
Dwynwen. D-W-Y-N-W-E-N. Dwynwen?
I'm laying the side down, Panty dear.
St. Dwynwen's Day? We're going with Dwynwen, right? St. Dwynwen's Day.
She was a fourth century Welsh princess, one of 24 daughters, and believed to have been the most beautiful of all.
She lived in Bannabryn Caenog, which is the Brecon Beacons National Park.
And she was unlucky in love and eventually became a nun.
She fell in love with a local lad called Maelon, but she was subject to an arranged marriage via her father to somebody else.
Being told by her father that she had been betrothed to somebody and that Maelon was not going to be her husband,
she fled to the woods and cried and prayed to God and asked to be... asked to forget about Maelon.
Now, God took this and turned Maelon into a block of ice.
I do... I do love mythical tales.
God turned Maelon into a block of ice.
This obviously upset Dwynwen, but God gave Dwynwen three wishes because she'd prayed so hard and was so devout.
So for her three wishes, she asked for Maelon to be thawed, defrosted, to help true lovers,
and then she wanted to never fall in love herself.
In gratitude for having these wishes granted, Dwynwen became a nun and set up a convent on Anglesey.
Her name means she who leads a blessed life, or blessed life, depending on how you put the enunciation on the word.
And as I've said already, she's also the patron saint of animals.
The one article I did read suggested maybe you could pray to Dwynwen before you took your pets to the vets,
but they also suggested that there were no guarantees that the praying would do any better than taking your animal to the vets.
There was a disclaimer there for safety reasons.
And in Wales we celebrate our Valentine's Day very similarly to the way everybody else does.
We exchange gifts and cards if we feel like it.
We take time out for ourselves.
We share meals with people that we love, or we cook ourselves our favourite meal,
take long walks on the beach and be romantic with oneself,
carving love spoons if you're so inclined,
and of course lots and lots of cwtches.
Which doesn't translate directly into English, but it's a very special kind of hug, but not a sexual one.
Not a sexy hug. It's a deep and meaningful safe space hug.
Also, kuch dance star covered under the stairs.
Oh, cool.
And I also looked up how romantic the Romans were,
and how they celebrated Valentine's Day.
So between 13th and 15th of February, Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia.
Men sacrificed a goat and a dog, and then whipped women with the pelts.
I don't know if they ate the goat and the dog, but it wasn't specified.
Were the women willing to be part of this, or randomly chosen?
50-50.
The women would line up to be hit, believing that it made them fertile,
and then there would be a matchmaking lottery, where everyone would put their car keys into a big bowl,
and then the men would pick the car, or the women would pick the car keys out for the men,
or however that kind of swinging thing worked.
Chariot keys.
And you would be coupled up for those three days.
However...
When were doctors invented?
I don't know.
However, I will say that potentially not all the ladies were happy with the matches that they were eventually forced to take,
because you had to take whoever's car key you picked.
That dems the rules.
That's a society you're in.
So there was a degree of forced arrangement, but I'm not going to go any further than that.
So yeah, the Romans were pretty sick on Valentine's.
Love sick, puppy sick, dog sick, dead goat and dog sick.
They were gross.
Happy Valentine's!
Hooray!
I'm so glad we personally don't bother celebrating.
No.
Jackson asked me what we were up to yesterday, and I was like, Adam is in his house, I'm in my house,
and we're watching YouTube together but apart.
And he was like, meh, that sounds alright.
Yeah.
Just like standard normal evening, really.
No shit's given about the special day.
No, it's just corporate fucking mongering for people's money, isn't it?
Yeah, fuck the men.
Fuck the big companies, fuck you card companies and Interflora and fucking Teddy Bear Build-A-Bear workshop wankers.
Yeah, I can't answer your hallmark.
Yeah, you money grabbing thieving toerags.
Happy fucking Valentine's to you.
It is time for Tat in the Box, Tat in the Box.
Tat in the Box, Tat in the Box, Tat in the Box, Tat in the Box, Tat in the Box.
Thanks Adam.
You're like, you're clapped away from the microphone, so I'm like sat at this really stupid angle where my face is to the microphone,
and my shoulders and everything else is literally twisted away, and you're like clapping right in the fucking mic.
Like, what?
I didn't know you were in the sense of false indistinctivity.
It says me right for stopping you early.
I was probably clapping a bit too loudly.
Anyway, sorry, it's my turn to guess first.
Yeah, it is. You get to touch up my stuff first. Hang on. Let me grab it for you. Your eyes closed.
Yes, and my hens are out.
Excellent. Let's see if I can pick it up. Oh, there's hot cross buns in my box.
Oh!
Right.
Treat her later.
It's going to be cold.
Cold cross buns.
Feel it.
Oh! It's...
Not a bowl. It's a cookie jar of some sort.
And...
I can't feel what the writing is on there.
This is an embossed rectangle with writing in there.
It's got a wooden lid with a rubber stop around it.
It's a bit big to do.
Do your Bane impression.
Another one line.
Oh!
Fucking hell!
There is the bun right here with my eyes closed.
Are you OK?
No. I have teeth on the fucking thing.
I wonder who wears the mask.
Safe and sound, Batman.
Are you OK?
Yeah.
Are you sure?
I think it's glass.
Incorrect.
It's going to be ceramic then.
I've got no idea what's embossed on the front.
Do you want to open your eyes?
Oh, biscuits! I was trying to see if it said C for cookies.
This is a bit long!
I mean, I nearly said when you were like,
oh, it feels like a cookie jar.
I nearly stopped you straight away.
Why did I stick my face in it anyway?
I'm just like an idiot.
They're asking me to be hurt.
So...
I'm an absolute cock.
This is my Foster's Pottery of Cornwall.
Biscuit...
barrel?
Yeah, yeah.
Biscuit barrel?
Do you think barrel's the right word?
I think it deserves the word barrel.
It's a bit girthy.
It is quite sizeable.
I mean...
That's about, I'd say,
six to eight inches across.
It's a girthy girl.
I might have a...
Are you actually going to measure it?
Measure from the arsehole!
Watch the Socks Christmas Special on YouTube.
Channel84.co.uk for the link.
Or to one of our previous blogs.
Oh dear.
Here we are.
He's got his...
It's between his legs.
He's got his tape measure out.
Sorry, ruler.
It is six inches.
Very nice.
That was a good guess.
So you can reverse park without any trouble then?
Yes.
That's exactly the face I was looking for.
So I bought this, I think...
I bought it in Barnardo's, internationally,
and it was about a tenner.
It is typical Foster's Brown Honeycomb glazing style.
So it is a, I suppose, a mahogany brown base
with a white over the top
that creates bubbles and gaps that looks like honeycomb,
hence why it's called honeycomb.
It is a nice, interesting finish.
It is.
Now, the reason I bought this,
and the reason that I like it,
is because when we were little,
we used to eat soup a lot,
and we had these Brown Foster soup bowls.
Then through moving house a million times,
growing up, things getting broken,
just getting old, worn out, lost, or whatever,
these soup bowls have vanished.
I don't know if any of us have got
any of the original soup bowls anymore.
They wore out.
Yeah, a couple of years ago,
my sister spotted one of the soup bowls in a charity shop
and bought it, and me and my mum were like,
oh my god, we need to find ourselves soup bowls.
So since then, we've been collecting random bits of Foster's,
and I've managed to pick up two soup bowls,
but the only other bit of Foster's I own is the biscuit barrel.
The pottery itself, Foster's Pottery,
was founded by the Foster's brothers in the late 1950s,
and they were originally based in Redruth,
but apparently there's a petrol station now
on the grounds of the old factory,
because they no longer produce anywheres.
They were actually really difficult to find out any facts about,
so this is going to be a bit thin on the ground, I'm afraid.
At its height, the company employed around 50 people.
They were renowned for their distinctive brown honeycomb glaze,
which is what this one is,
but they did venture out into other colours later on,
but using the same honeycomb style.
So the base colours tended to be different,
so blues and greens.
The types of things they made were kitchenwares and homewares,
so you see lots of these things in charity shops.
There's often coffee and tea sets with bits and pieces missing.
They made jugs, canisters and containers like the biscuit barrel,
randomly a selection of collectible seal ornaments.
There was the fish gurgle,
which is a fish that's kind of upside down,
so its tail is at the top,
and its body sweeps down to the base,
and then its head comes back up on itself,
and its mouth is open wide.
Like a U-shape or an S-shape?
Like an S.
And then people would put posies and things in there,
like a little posy jar,
and they also made glug glug jugs,
but I don't actually know what those are.
So I'm going to have to find out, I think,
because they sound like fun.
Maybe you wouldn't research that at work,
just be in the safe space from the sound of it.
No, to be fair, any research that I do do on my work laptop,
that I do do on my work laptop,
is done very much during break time,
and the search terms I choose to use are carefully selected
for that specific reason.
The biscuit barrel is classic 1970s fosters.
Online they're selling between 15 and 35 pounds.
So even though I was kind of bitter about spending a tenner on that,
I didn't do too badly for my money, really, by comparison.
But just because someone says it's £35 online doesn't mean it's going to sell for it.
You've got a lot of pottery for the money as well.
That's true, and it does still have its original wooden lid
with the rubber bung as you said,
and that in itself is quite unusual.
The rubber tends to perish and snap,
or the lids just get lost.
That's going to be the first bit to get... yeah.
And whilst biscuits don't live in it,
I have used it as a flower vase on more than one occasion.
It does look good.
Yeah, cheers.
Very striking piece.
Thank you. That's my thing.
A hardy, hardy piece of houseware.
Cheers, love.
Right, put that safely away.
Okie doke, are you ready?
Hang on, sleeves rolled up.
Eyes closed.
Eyes are closed, hands are cold.
I'll probably put that the wrong way for you.
It's got a strap on it that felt like you were putting a wiggly worm or something in my hand.
That freaked me out momentarily.
Not like, not blobby freaked me out, but freaked me out.
Oh right, ok.
You go instantly.
Is it switched on?
No.
Ah, well anyway.
Just in case.
Just in case I shouted down it.
It is a megaphone.
I can switch it on if you want.
Yeah, go on.
You can open your eyes.
Oh right.
There you go.
Hello, hello, hello.
What's going on here then?
Lesby Avenue.
That's very cool.
Right, where did this come from Adam?
I've got no idea.
Oh really?
I cannot remember how long I've had it.
I believe it was from...
Tonight I tell you my
tonight I'm getting some
so sorry, but it's from you.
So you stole it?
Yeah.
You tea leaf.
Yeah, it's a plastic chrome megaphone.
Yeah, it's more of a toy one than an actual one, isn't it?
Well it works as a megaphone.
Surprisingly good actually.
Got two turntables and a microphone.
I thought you were going to say where it's at then.
No, sorry.
There's a destination a little off the road from the habitations and the towns we know.
The place we saw the lights turn low, the jigsaw jams and the get fresh flow.
Pulling out gys and jamboree handouts, two turntables and the microphone.
That was the only other one that comes to mind.
That was this defining feature.
That fella was in a crappy megaphone.
Brilliant.
Well I love it.
I think it's great.
Megaphone song suggestions on an email.
pod at lightlyused.co.uk
The subject line.
Errr.
How do you spell letters after you?
I'd really like to see your handwriting versions of her.
I'll get it.
Yeah.
Well ladies, gentlemen and all of those in between that identify with other letters.
After much anticipation we are returning to the Crystal Maze.
We said it would happen.
We did.
It's happening.
It's happening for a long time.
Jackson is with us.
Welcome back.
Yay.
We finally leave the town.
Sorry, it's all my fault.
I think it's pretty much equal parts.
We've all been busy.
We're all over 40.
We get knackered after 5pm.
What more can you expect?
Right, so where did we get up to last time?
Okay, so as a recap.
The story so far.
Yeah.
Previously on Lightly Used.
You're so professional.
You two have played the Aztec and the Industrial Zone.
Adam is team A.
Jackson is team B.
Adam gets to pick the next zone and play the first game.
Jackson has two crystals from the first half of the game.
And Adam has one crystal from the first half of the game.
Which two zones have we got remaining?
We have got Medieval and Futuristic.
Green and blue.
Futuristic is my favourite.
Can I go Futuristic level please?
Of course you can.
Dun dun dun dun dun.
Pick a game.
Can I have a skill game please?
I'm going to regret that.
Do I read this right now?
Yeah, you can read that out if you want.
You're going to hate this one.
I knew I was.
Immediately.
I should have gone for mystery.
It's definitely going to have you leaving the room.
Well, don't think we need to leave the room for this one.
Not this one.
Yeah, we're going to take photos of this.
Build the cube using all seven pieces.
Ready for some clattering.
I should have seen how it was arranged in the box.
You only have a timer with you.
Yes, so what you will need.
Futuristic skill game cube puzzle pieces.
Timer and a crystal.
Pick up the futuristic skill card game from the board.
Place it in front of the player so they can see the game instructions.
Then start the timer.
The player must make a perfect cube shape using all the pieces to win the crystal.
There are many different ways to make the cube into seven pieces.
No, out of seven pieces.
I will not find any of them.
It does not hold much time.
Also, if they said there's one way that would make me feel better.
There's many ways.
You sons of bitches.
It's going to be difficult not to be able to do this.
Are we ready?
No, I'll never be ready.
I'm going to turn the timer anyway.
Humiliation cube.
Three, two, one, go.
3D Tetris.
I'm optimistically getting the bag of crystals out.
I wouldn't.
How big was the cube?
It's three by three.
How does this one fit in?
My spatial awareness is for shit.
This is where we find out if you've got ADHD brain or autism brain.
No, I've got neither brain.
You're about 30 seconds in.
I'm like a scarecrow.
How big was the cube?
It's three by three.
I need four.
Can I make it bigger?
No, you can't make it flatter because then it's not a cube.
Why not?
Because it needs to be a cube.
No, it's not still.
Can I put it in the box?
No.
It came in the box.
Because then I can't see what it's doing.
I'm happy with that rule.
It's going to be difficult.
No, my brain isn't the right type.
You've got about 50 seconds.
It's a two minute timer.
Are there any more pieces?
No, and that's definitely three by three.
It's three squares by three squares, not three pieces by three pieces.
I can't do it.
My brain doesn't work that way.
It's only working two dimensions.
That's not what I thought.
Desperate to make that cube bigger than this.
It's the only way it'll work.
It's a rectangle, damn it.
The box is a TARDIS.
About 20 seconds.
If you were trying to build a house, you'd be perfect.
There we go.
It stands up.
You need to take a photo of that.
Are you giving up at this point?
I'm not going to go any further along in 20 seconds.
I definitely very optimistically took the crystals out of the box.
Time is up.
That is a masterpiece.
It is beautiful.
A piece of modern art.
It would definitely be worth £2.50.
I don't have to do.
You should resin it.
Can you show me how it should be done?
I can try.
Your time is up.
Don't touch anything.
Time starts now.
Watch your bossy bitch.
I had to do by the same rules.
Cuteness aggression.
She saw it came out the box.
I didn't.
I tipped it upside down and didn't look.
I'll do the bar.
Two, three.
Now I need to use...
That's about a third of the time gone.
Thanks.
Hmm.
Let's try that bit.
One, two, three.
This is going extremely well.
No, that's wrong.
That's incorrect.
It's not going as well as you think it's going to.
Compared to mine, yours is actually a square-ish shape.
How much time have I got left?
About half.
Come on, game master.
It would help if the egg timer didn't have a covered bottom
so I could see exactly how much time has gone.
Just like a scale on the side.
Come on, game master.
Do that.
I'm going to do the egg.
Come on, game master.
Guessing about 15 seconds.
I'm not going to do it.
Many ways.
I know. It does say there are many ways.
Is it lying?
I hope there's a diagram.
How are we going to get this back in the box?
We got it in and out of the box before.
It's the time pressure.
I'm going to do the egg timer.
Oh, you're there.
No.
You've got a long piece left.
Well, that was silly.
I've been up wrong, jeez.
It's almost.
Maybe 10 seconds.
Turns out my 15 estimate was way off.
There's more sand in there than you think.
Maybe it's a three-minute timer.
The last bit's gone.
That went right.
I've dismantled it.
That last bit of sand went quick.
Far beyond what I put it together.
I think that's a fail on my part.
I forgot to take a photo of that.
Jackson, do you want to go and put it in the box?
It's impossible.
It can't be.
I don't know.
I've got the wrong piece left.
I know.
I've got a timer.
You might end up showing us all that.
I don't.
Although if you complete it, you don't get a crystal.
I say ready.
No one ever gets a crystal.
No one's ever ready.
Is there a diagram on the back of the Yacht Card?
There's a couple of ways on here.
It shows you how to do it.
Oh, there we do have one in the box.
Oh!
Go further along than I did.
Within seconds.
Very close then.
Oh!
Is Jackson going to smash it?
Oh, no.
I think it needs a couple of the longer L-shaped Tetris blocks.
There's a lot of the 2x1 bits.
Then another bit that's sticking out the other side because it's three-dimensional.
It is hard.
I'm sure that when we played this at school, it was a bit of a struggle.
I think it's a bit of a struggle.
It is hard. I'm sure that when we played this at Christmas, we made it look much simpler than this.
About half the time gone.
Keep going through the same...
Oh, those are even different colours in the manual.
The manual doesn't show you the right colours.
Jess will be making you some extra, extra brain work.
About 45 seconds left.
Left? Gone?
No, 45 seconds left.
Better judge of this sand or sugar timer than me.
I wonder if it is sand or sugar.
It doesn't say whether it's a sand timer.
It's definitely not egg.
Maybe it's bicarbonate soda.
20 seconds.
It was looking really good right at the start.
I think you're getting to the same sort of place.
We're not doing anything.
Oh, time's just gone.
We're shamed.
We all failed.
None of us get a crystal.
I definitely don't want to do physical.
I've got no brain for a manual.
And the mysteries are quite manual.
I'll go for mystery.
Mystery? Okie dokie.
What does it say on your card?
It says...
Solve two or the three riddles to win the crystal.
No conferring at all.
Well, I've got no one in my team, so...
No one's shouting through the hole.
Ok, what you will need.
The futuristic mystery game riddle cards, which are in my hand.
And the crystal.
There is no timer.
Choose three riddle cards at random.
Pick up the futuristic mystery game cards so the player can see in front of them with the instructions.
Game.
Read the first riddle out loud to the player, but do not place the card in front of them or let them see the riddle text.
There is no time limit on this one, but you can hurry the player up if they take too long.
Once the player has given their answer, confirm whether they gave the correct answer before moving on to the next riddle.
The player must answer two of the three riddles correctly to win a crystal.
The answers are given for the first two riddles. There is no need to play the third.
So...
Riddle me this, Mr Jackson.
Covered in numbers.
I'm a clever machine.
I figure things out, if you know what I mean.
What am I?
That could be some things.
It could be some things.
No, nothing.
There are specifics.
No, it's a riddle. Would you like to hear it again?
There's a specific thing there.
Yeah, please.
Ok.
Covered in numbers.
I'm a clever machine.
I figure things out, if you know what I mean.
What am I?
A calculator.
Yes, correct.
Yeah, I guess a calculator or a till book.
Yeah, to be fair, I probably would have given it to you for a till book.
It's just a calculator anyway.
Ok.
Riddle number two.
I'm famous for force and I'm famous for motion.
What led me to think of my fabulous notion?
It was when an apple fell onto my head, though it helped that I was well educated.
Who am I?
Oh, so the name of the person.
Isaac Newton.
Yes, congratulations.
You won two of the three riddles.
My brain works.
That gets you a crystal.
Thank you for being easy on me.
There's a lovely crystal for you.
It wasn't deliberately easy.
Yeah, cool.
Right, Adam, what would you like to play next?
A physical and a mental.
Mental?
No way Adam was going to choose a physical.
If I could be bothered to say my boot off, I'd throw it.
It's the size of my legs.
Who throws a shoe, honestly?
Oh, sorry.
Oh, no, it's one of these ones.
Complete all the colored circuits to win the crystal.
It is a good one.
That's fun.
Right, there's your circuit board.
Don't start flapping with it yet.
You turned it over the wrong way, didn't you?
Yeah, I think so.
OK, futuristic mental game, what you will need, the futuristic mental game base,
12 futuristic mental game circuit pieces, a timer and a crystal.
I want a bloody timer one.
The player has to complete the puzzle so that all colored wires form unbroken circuits to win the crystal.
And then it says hints and tips.
I should decide whether to help the player or not.
Oh, that's a no.
OK, are you ready?
Can you read me through it once more?
Oh, my God.
Put the tiles in the circuit so all of the colored lines form unbroken circuits.
So it's red there and red there.
And then a red line around there, blue, blue, yellow, green, up and down the garden.
Man's playing to excellent.
I was just checking there's nothing that said I can't turn all these cards over before.
So that's cool, right?
Ready?
Three, two, one, go.
So.
Not a good start.
He's picked up one piece, people.
He's placed it on the board and it looks to be in the correct place.
So I need a.
Come on, we need like 10 or four racing cards.
Eleven to go.
I don't watch racing.
Yeah, yeah.
You want what? You want me to be like, like.
Yeah, yeah.
And then he's putting the second piece on the tile board and he's looking a little confused.
Now we just don't know what to do with ourselves and he's got another corner in place.
Well done, Adam. He's going for it.
He's cracking on that's three, maybe three.
No, that's still just two in place and I need to breathe in because I breathe out too long.
Too long. I've run out of voice.
Oh, my God.
Peasery is in the correct place.
He's picked up number four. He's going for number four.
I can't keep this up. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize I'm not.
Sorry.
You didn't realize how annoying it would be.
In my defense, I didn't realize how off putting it would be.
You're halfway through.
Come on, you've got an easy one.
I haven't.
This is the crystal maze equivalent of what in the shapes and yours.
Yeah, I'm going to look at which shape I've got.
About 30 seconds left.
Seven in place, five to go.
Need to speed up about 20 seconds.
Oh, he's getting close, folks.
He's getting close.
Ten seconds.
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Fair play.
You've got nine in place.
To me, without looking too hard, they look to be in the correct places.
But dim crystal, I'm afraid.
That's a long game again.
Sorry.
Right, okay.
Physical.
Do you want to read your card?
Probably not.
Oh, God, it says jumps.
That's all I saw when it said jumps.
I don't want any jumps.
200 what?
Which one?
Recite the four times table up to 200 while continuously doing star jumps.
What you will need.
What time table?
The four times table.
Four?
Yeah, recite the four times table.
Why the four?
Because it goes up to 200, presumably.
So does ten.
Space, timer, crystal.
Preparation.
You're going to do your star jumps.
You've got the game card.
In order to win the crystal.
My card doesn't say four.
What does it say?
Recite the times table up to 200.
I thought I could pick.
Oh, no, it literally says recite the four times table.
And then it's got all the answers here.
So I know if you're wrong.
Do I have a timer?
Yep.
You've got to do it to a timer.
I've got massive boots on.
The neighbours are going to be.
Well, listen, Mr. Downstairs has been the noisiest bastard in the world since he moved in three weeks ago.
So he can ask for his own medicine.
Right.
So in order to win the crystal, the player must recite the four times table from four to 200.
Whilst continuously doing star jumps.
Ready?
Three, two, one, go.
Four, eight, twelve, sixteen, twenty, twenty four, twenty eight, thirty two, thirty six, forty, forty four, forty eight, fifty two, fifty six, sixty.
Sixty.
Sixty four, sixty eight.
It's very destructive doing that.
Seventy two, seventy six, eighty, eighty four, eighty eight, ninety two.
My jewellery's fallen off and everything.
Oh no.
Found it.
Catch my jewellery.
Sorry, I have to intermittent.
Where do you have to?
Ninety two.
Ninety two, ninety six.
One hundred and ninety, yeah, one hundred.
One hundred and four.
One hundred and eight.
He's had star jumping.
One hundred and twelve, one hundred and sixteen, one hundred and twenty, one hundred and forty, one hundred and sixty, twenty eight, one hundred and seventy three, one hundred and forty, one hundred and forty, one hundred and forty, one hundred and twelve, one hundred and sixty, one hundred and fifteen, one hundred and sixty, one hundred and fifty two, one hundred and fifty six, one hundred and fifty five, oh, oh, yeah, one hundred and fifty six, one hundred and sixty six, 100 two, six hundred four, seven, two hundred, eight 10兩, five, invalid.
God.
Ugh.
172, 176, 180, 180, 184, 188, 192, 196, 200.
Hey, with a good 30 seconds left, Jackson wins another crystal.
Well done.
I earned that one.
That's a good day.
Christ Almighty, I've never seen you do that much exercise.
Yes, not that you're not an exercise.
Then you just, if you do it, you do it privately.
I'd rather exercise more than not.
Right.
What's that?
I think that's it for this round again.
Oh, yeah, we get to work.
We probably should have cut this in half as it is.
That's true.
We probably should have.
So should we just call it quits on that zone?
And then we will move on to medieval zone.
It's the final segment of the show and it's your choice of book this episode in Bibliotat.
Yes, it is my choice.
And you'll be so pleased to know that it's valentine's related.
That's an old book as well.
Just just turned my head and looked.
It is a very old book and it's wrapped in what is either acid free or grease proof paper.
Oh, I was trying to work out what it was.
And I've never actually taken it off to look at the cover,
but the cover of the book itself is like a mole skin.
Oh, that is nice.
And I think it might be like a natural mole skin rather than a manufactured synthetic one.
This book is called Poems of Passion and it is by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
And she was around between November 1850 and October 1919.
She started writing poetry at the age of eight
and her first poem was published when she was 13.
Those were the days.
Nobody likes to show off.
Yeah, isn't it?
Poems of Passion is a collection of her works and was first published in May 1883.
There's a note on the inside of the front cover of this book from 1915.
It's written in pencil and I've been able to figure out what one line says
and it says, I know of two bright eyes,
but like I said, I can't figure out the rest.
It's so minuscule, squeeze into a corner.
So I think this may have been gifted from one person to another as a token of love.
So I haven't read any of these poems before.
Oh, can I see the...
Yeah.
So the outside of the book, like I said, is Moleskine.
It's like, what sort of colour would you say that is?
Like a mulberry?
Like almost purple?
Yeah, it could be a little bit sun damaged as well
because it's slightly lighter on the spine.
Yeah.
On the inside it is quite a lot deeper.
Yeah.
But no, it's a lovely, it's a lovely, lovely thing.
What does it say?
Is it from...
Tiny writing.
Easter 1915.
It's very neat handwriting.
It is beautiful handwriting,
back when people knew how to have good penmanship.
I've always had a bit of a thing for old books
and especially ones that have personalized inscriptions in them.
But it doesn't really matter to me what the content of the book is.
It's like feeling part of its history, you know?
Shall I read a poem?
Oh, yes.
Okay.
Do you want to tell me where to stop?
Stop.
Okay.
We are reading Art and Heart.
Arthur.
Oh.
With synchronicities.
How old is he?
God knows.
He's eternal.
He's omnipotent.
Omnipotent.
Though critics may bow to art, and I am its own true lover,
it is not art but heart which wins the wide world over.
Though smooth be the heartless prayer,
no ear in heaven will mind it,
and the finest phrase falls dead if there is no feeling behind it.
Though perfect the player's touch,
little if any he sways us,
unless we feel his harp throb through the music that he plays us.
Though the poet may spend his life in skillfully rounding a measure,
unless he writes from full warm heart, he gives us little pleasure.
So it is not the speech which tells,
but the impulse which goes with the saying,
and it is not the words of the prayer,
but the yearning back for the praying.
It is not the artist's skill which into our soul comes stealing,
with a joy that is almost pain,
but it is the player's feeling.
And it is not the poet's song,
though sweeter than sweet bells chiming,
which thrills us through and through,
but the heart which beats under the rhyming,
and therefore I say again that it is not art but heart
which wins the world wide over.
So that is Ella Wheeler-Wilcox.
How old was she when she wrote that?
Erm, I don't know, the poem isn't dated.
Erm, probably in her 50s maybe.
Even if it was when she was 13, still better than I can remember.
Well, it's better than anything I'll ever crack out as well.
So yeah, there we are.
Erm, Happy Valentine's poem related things.
At once was a man from Nantucket.
Thank you very much for listening.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you to all four of you.
Four? As many as that.
Oh actually, our last episode got 40 views on YouTube.
I think that's because I shared it with everyone at work.
I forgot to say at the very start of the episode,
hello to Karen's friends from work.
Thank you for listening to the last episode.
Thank you.
Also at the start of the episode, I was going to mention this is our last episode from this room.
Ah, right, I'm so glad you finished that sentence.
Yes, we are moving vertically and slightly horizontally into a new dedicated, likely used space.
The deluxe studio, which formerly known as my office.
But in fairness, you've worked really hard to turn it into a studio and it is looking lovely.
A couple of charity shops possibly noticed boards that finally got flat on the wall.
Yeah, you know why that was so difficult to do.
Only took 17,000 yards of sealant and a mop propped in the right direction.
And two chairs wedged against the bottom for a couple of days.
Yeah, I can't wait to record that. I've got to go.
Hopefully it's not too echoey in there. I've done my best.
On the money I'm willing to spend into doing it.
I've got the big mouse mat for the table.
And the rug.
Yeah, that's true.
My futon I've put down there.
Yeah, and your new shelves.
That's right, yes. Three shelves.
It's been an investment. You've done really well. I'm proud of you.
And that wasn't sarcasm.
No, I'm just wondering if next episode will sound echoey as fuck and we have to come back up here.
Yeah.
So if next episode sounds distinctly different, you'll know why.
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Yes.
Oh I was expecting the catchphrase from you.
My catchphrase then?
Oh yeah, do the catchphrase.
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